knock us over with a feather

The Fairy Tale Crumbles: Tarp Palin Divorcing That Chick He Knocked Up

A love that burned too hot to lastWoe be this day, for the fairy tale romantic love of Sarah Palin’s eldest princeling son and his once-preggers bride have filed to dissolve their holiest shotgun union.

For reasons unknown, the TMZ post that broke this BREAKING NEWS does not mention Tarp Palin’s alleged juvenile pranks, his purported Oxi-ness, or the amount of time the couple were married before birthing former half-term governor Sarah Palin’s second (acknowledged) grandchild. (Three months.) It does, however, say this:

Track is an Army reservist and served time in Iraq. He’s a commercial fisherman and plans to go back to college.

We have never seen people plan to go back to college so much as Palin spawn and their beloveds. Really, honestly, there’s community colleges everywhere. You don’t have to get in, you just go sign up.

Anyway, mazel tov, you crazy kids. Go forth and be total assholes probably.

[TMZ]

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Rebecca is the editor and publisher of Wonkette. She is the author of Commie Girl in the O.C., a collection of her OC Weekly columns, and the former editor of LA CityBeat. Go visit her Commie Girl Collective, and follow her on the Twitter!

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  • http://gratuity.wordpress.com/ Gratuitous World

    Will he retain visitation rights in order to ensure the child knows all its gay slurs?

    • corthylio

      I wonder if Palin spawn even need to be taught discrimination, or if this is innate behavior?

      • http://wonkette.com/ starfanglednut

        They are homozygous for the trait.

        • CivicHoliday

          homozygous recessive, one would hope. otherwise that shit is going to start spreading through the populous like wildfire

      • Negropolis

        Baby, they are born this way.

    • DaveJ

      Well you know Gratuitous World, maybe if our good Wasilla families had role models to look up like they do in Chicago, with Bill Ayers and Saul Alinsky pallin' around with us and teaching our young people to look down upon great role models that we've got here in the great state of Alaska, it wouldn't be so hard, too.

      • Sparky McGruff

        Also, too. They have a great appreciation of all forms of role models, when Putin rears his ugly head. All of 'em, Katie.

      • greenloner

        I see from a later comment of yours that you've stumbled into the wrong neighborhood here. I'm sure you'd be happier reading some other blog and commenting with people who think like you.

        • viennawoods13

          pssst…there's such a thing known as parody.

  • mavenmaven

    Now he can make good money lecturing about abstinence!

    • memzilla

      With guns! For Freedom!

    • ibwilliamsi

      Abstinence is for GIRLS, silly! Wait, that makes Track an advocate for teh gayz. He can't be both… Maybe he'll get into a small massage therapy business, like his dad.

    • Terry

      Or better money selling oxy, if he doesn't use up all his product.

  • Not_So_Much

    That clan is stone cold killing the whole fambly values thing!

    • http://simplyleftbehind.blogspot.com/ actor212

      For Palins, babbies are like Alaskan king crabs. They just leave another Trapp out and voila, more!

  • http://www.wonkette.com Lionel[redacted]Esq

    Why should he take his wedding vows any more seriously than Sarah took her pledge to serve her term in office as governor?

    • SorosBot

      He learned to quit from watching his mom.

      • glasspusher

        I don't know if quitting can be taught…

        • ChapterUndVerse

          Seems like an aptitude thing, really.

    • mormos

      Who knew half-assing it was genetic?

    • bikerlaureate

      Oaths are so libtard.

      • BaldarTFlagass

        Unless it's a Grover Norquist Oath.

        • bikerlaureate

          That's not affirmative. It's a "Noath" in oath's clothing.

    • Terry

      Recall that Track is the reason his parents had to get married, so he was just carrying on a family tradition.

  • http://www.wonkette.com Lionel[redacted]Esq

    One families loss is another meth lab's gain.

  • http://www.wonkette.com Lionel[redacted]Esq

    This is clearly the result of all the gay marriage we have here in Washington now.

    • finallyhappy

      I think that is correct- 4 states passing marriage equality is destroying straight marriages- left and right(Myaim Bialik for the left and Track for the far right)

    • emmelemm

      Obviously.

      • http://www.wonkette.com Lionel[redacted]Esq

        I don't know, em, but if these two crazy kids can't make it, what chance do we have? I mean, I haven't even knocked you up yet.

        • emmelemm

          BITE YER TONGUE.

          • glasspusher

            Get a room, you two!

          • HistoriCat

            Kinky …

        • BigSkullF*ckingDog

          You two better start thinking about what name brand you want to name your kids after. Dyson? Honda? Les Shwab has a nice ring to it.

          • emmelemm

            Nah, something classy like Perrier or Cartier.

            PS I'm old… any kids I might have at this point would probably be r*t@rd-d, so we could just name them T-r_i*g II.

          • BigSkullF*ckingDog

            I've decided it will be named Jordache.

          • emmelemm

            Eh, I like it.

          • glasspusher

            It's in the genes.

          • emmelemm

            Nicely played.

          • http://whateveritisimagainstit.blogspot.com trampndirtdown

            Not Guess?

          • http://www.wonkette.com Lionel[redacted]Esq

            What are you implying?

          • YasserArraFeck

            When you're not sure who the father is, what else are you going to call the kid? (apart from "Oops", "Who the fuck are you?" etc)

    • docterry6973

      And do teh geyz care about the marriages they are destroying? No they do not.

    • kittensdontlie

      Once straights see how grandly the gays marry, they realize how pathetic their marriages are,…or it might be the marijuana cigarettes.

  • ShiftyParadigm

    It occurs to me that the Palins "plan" to go to college in much the same way people "plan" what to do with their lottery winnings.

    • kittensdontlie

      They also handle family "planning" the same way.

      • Tundra Grifter

        They plan to plan – and life happens in the meantime.

        • glasspusher

          All part of the plan!

    • ChickTract_Fil_A

      Yeah. and I plan to get back on diet and exercise on Jan01.

      • glasspusher

        Exercise works best when you're hungover as fuck (so I've heard)

        • HistoriCat

          Plus if you're vomiting it's not bulimia.

    • CivicHoliday

      Plan: education. Reality: hookers and blow

  • Lucidamente1

    The cause endures, the hope still lives, and the grift shall never die.

    • Tommy1733

      We shall grift them on the beaches.

      • YasserArraFeck

        "Nevah, in the field of human endeavor, has so much been grifted from so many, by so few"
        Sing it, Winston.
        On a slightly related note – watched The Kings Speech last night – my upper lip is still stiff.

  • DaveJ

    Well that's very funny, Rebecca, you and the folks here at the Wonkette and the rest of the drive by media seem to delight in spreading all sorts of stories and allegations about people like Track who for fighting in this country's military and I want to especially salute those military families who know for if we provide freedom and liberty for people throughout this country, also.

    • SorosBot

      T

    • #tcot

      Well said, $arah! That is you, isn't it?

      • DaveJ

        Well I'm sure you'd like that #tcot, and I know that your name is about a hashtag or whatever it is called on the Twitter, but my goodness folks out here in Nebraska and every other flyover country state in this great nation of America aren't always on Twitter and don't have the same information that you there on the internet seem to know about and I'm so very proud of everyone here who has taken the time to protect and honor this country, and to do it with flags flying and waving and patriotism being the best gift they could ever receive. All of 'em, #tcot.

        • bikerlaureate

          That went down smooth. Mmmmmmm.

        • VodkaGoGo

          I need a cigarette now…

        • Toomush_Infer

          No intertubes in Nebraska? Pity, we have 'em up here in the tip of the Mitt…

        • Tio_Doidinho

          You're quite fluent in Idiot Hillbilly Grifter, I see. Where did you study?

      • memzilla

        Golf clap on misusing the #tcot hashtog, also too.

      • http://www.wonkette.com Lionel[redacted]Esq

        I thought it was Lou.

    • emmelemm

      Should have ended "also, too."

      • BigSkullF*ckingDog

        The "my goodness!" was a nice touch though.

        • http://wonkette.com/ starfanglednut

          It was a parody, right? I haz a confused.

    • AncienReggie

      SkoalRebel?

      You're going to need to try breaking that out into two or more sentences if you really want to hurt my feelings.

    • SuspectedDemocrat

      You can tell the libunatics are afraid of this young power couple, it upsets the cultural elite the way this entire family of hard ass workers danced their way into America's heart.

    • Tequila Mockingbird

      Yeah, if this is how the offspring of a good Christian pro-gun mother like Sarah Palin wind up, I can’t even imagine what a mess draft-dodging Bill and Hillary must have made of their child. I forget, what was her name, again? Chelsea? Isn’t she living in a trailer or something, trying to break a heroin addiction?

      • http://yunoletmehavecoolwebnameblogspot.blogspot.com/ Jennyjen798

        With 5 children, all with different daddies. Also. Too.

        • Vecchiojohn

          I hear she weighs 400 pounds and "warshes herself with a rag on a stick."

        • Veritas78

          Who knew that Alaska was so blah?

        • Terry

          …and getting a check from the government.

      • #tcot

        I just saw her working the phone bank for the 121212concert.org Sandy relief, which everyone should be watching and donating money to…

        • glasspusher

          Right after I get my paycheck on 12/14, Biff. How do you like the new tag?

          Strange, I'm from NJ and my only relative left there is my sister Sandy. Her power was out for 10 days but other than that…

          • #tcot

            #tcot has run it's course, I shall return to Biff tomorrow. I've got one good friend in Edison NJ; haven't heard from her at all. Probably not storm-related, though.

          • glasspusher

            Huh. My sister's in Dunellen, not far from there. We grew up in Piscataway.As long as you have the Joe Cool and Woodstock avatar, it's all good.kkkk

          • Redgyal

            Brazilians again?

    • docterry6973

      Authentic Alaskan gibberish.

      Maybe Track loves America too much. I understand that can be hell on a marriage.

      • glasspusher

        Nothing a few whore diamonds can't fix…with the new mistress.

    • Barrelhse

      Pico and Alvarado are still out on patrol.

      • glasspusher

        NO RESPONSE!

      • FraAnima

        I want you to get out there and k-k-k-k…..

        • glasspusher

          I ain't goin' up Pork Chop Hill. Pigs ain't kosher.

    • Negropolis

      Bitch, you better redneckognize!

  • noodlesalad

    It's not a divorce, he's just resigning from husbanding to concentrate on saving our Americuh.

  • memzilla

    What could be more Jeebus-y than dumping your baby momma two weeks before The Holiday Which Must Not Be Named?

    Now this is the real War On Christmas.

  • corthylio

    If you use a shotgun to get married, what sort of weaponry is used for the divorce?

    • DaveJ

      I'm pretty sure it involves a snow machine and a helicopter.

    • oenspiek

      Traditionally, a woodchipper is involved, at that stage.

      • corthylio

        Fargo libel!

    • WhatTheHeck

      The bride usually uses a can of whup-ass

    • memzilla

      Fragmentation grenade.

      • rickmaci

        Very well played.

    • http://www.marionstein.net Caradeloca

      Trash can grate?

    • TootsStansbury

      So that's where the phrase 'nuclear family' comes from!

    • LibertyLover

      An cast-iron frying pan?

    • Steverino247

      Usually sexual or substance abuse allegations…

    • Negropolis

      Family court.

    • LakeLucilleLoon

      Dog poop, on the shoes.

    • eggsacklywright

      I used a trebuchet. Worked rill good.

  • SorosBot

    Who could have expected a couple that gets married in their early 20s because of a pregnancy might not last? Besides everybody, that is.

    • http://www.wonkette.com Lionel[redacted]Esq

      If only they had been gay, they might have had a chance.

      • Fare la Volpe

        That was an awkward convo to have with the parents, I tell you what.

        Hallmark really doesn't make enough "We're Having a Butt Baby!" cards.

        • http://whateveritisimagainstit.blogspot.com trampndirtdown

          Snort!

  • http://rightthinkingamerican.blogspot.com johnnyzhivago

    It's sad we have the Obamas in the White House with their boring upper middle class lifestyle instead of true American Royalty like the Palins.

    • corthylio

      Yes, it is heartbreaking.

    • finallyhappy

      Because Snowbilly's family (extended- I include Levi and whoever he is doing) has real family values-none of this stay married, keep studying, keep working crap

    • rickmaci

      They will doubtless send those girls to college. Ivy League no doubt. The infamy. Dead Breitbart weeps.

    • ChickTract_Fil_A

      I mean really, who looks more like Rob & Laura Petrie? The First Family or Mook&Sarah?

      • http://loljazzcatz.blogspot.com/2012/06/introducing-bad-note-millstones-of-jazz.html Chet Kincaid_

        I saw Barry skip around a hassock on the way to the podium at a press conference once!

    • docterry6973

      Those Obammer girls will never make it. You know how those people are.

    • LetUsBray

      American Royalty, or American Aristocrats?

      • http://rightthinkingamerican.blogspot.com johnnyzhivago

        Gilbert Gotfried version?

        • FeloniousMonk

          Sarah Silverman is prettier. And better at tossing salad.

      • LakeLucilleLoon

        Royalty. Inbred but with no papers.

    • bikerlaureate

      "True Americans" would've been sufficient.

      • Negropolis

        Real Americans, more like it.

        • glasspusher

          Real Pro – Americans = amateurs.

    • Tio_Doidinho

      One thing I'll give the Socialist Marxist Kenyan in the WH, dude has got one conventional, normal functional family.

      Perhaps the House can use that as grounds for impeachment.

  • rickmaci

    One child, one marriage, one year to divorce. Sounds like most of the marriages over at the trailer park down the highway from where I grew up.

    • DaveJ

      In fairness, he should be commended for not having knocked anyone ELSE up in that one year. That's a rare feat among the Wasilla cognoscenti.

      • glasspusher

        If three Palins can divorce three times in three years, how long would it take one Palin to divorce once?

        • bobbert

          Is this electrochemistry?

          • glasspusher

            Life usually boils down to electrochemistry or buttsechs. Since he got this girl pregnant, it couldn't be the latter, so…

        • shelwood46

          I was told there would be no math.

          • BaldarTFlagass

            And a word problem to boot.

          • glasspusher

            If we were honest about every course description, nobody would sign up for anything.

      • Toomush_Infer

        Remains to be seen…

      • YasserArraFeck

        That we know of. I imagine fatherless babbies drop like rain up in them there Wasilla trailer parks.

    • OneYieldRegular

      One less bell jar to answer.

    • fitley

      Who's going to get custody of their child " Lugnut".

  • orygoon

    That's two. Next!

  • Hammiepants

    So you can bloviate about "family values", you just aren't good at PRACTICING "family values".

    • rickmaci

      Very Christiany.

    • Tundra Grifter

      They say "Family Values" but they don't say "what" value.

      Obviously, there are high values and low values. The Palin Brand is a remarkably low value – at any price.

      • Negropolis

        Truly, the Palins are the Walmart of families. Everyday low values. Always.

        • gullywompr

          My God, it's full of win!

        • http://whateveritisimagainstit.blogspot.com trampndirtdown

          So are you saying Trapperkeeper is rolling back brides?

      • HistoriCat

        Or what family – Manson, Addams, Corleone?

  • coolhandnuke

    Who gets custody of the meth lab?

    • glasspusher

      Is that the name of their dog?

    • Tio_Doidinho

      All of them, Katie!

  • http://www.wonkette.com Lionel[redacted]Esq

    Maybe we should start a charity to ship condoms to Wassillia. Or at least Plan B.

    • emmelemm

      Wassail Wassillia!

    • AlterNewt

      We could at least plan to start a charity.

      • http://www.wonkette.com Lionel[redacted]Esq

        And then quit when we get it about half way done?

        • AlterNewt

          Seems poetic.

        • CthuNHu

          After the "collecting lots of munniez for the precious neediez" part, but before the "sending the precious munniez out to the moochers" part.

        • glasspusher

          How dare you! No Palin ever pulls out, let alone a veteran like Track!

          • HistoriCat

            They never cut and run!

        • Toomush_Infer

          Just after the money comes in…oops, sorry, CthuNHu…yours was better, anyway..

        • YasserArraFeck

          1 – Quit right between the "Raise money" part and the "Give out the money" part
          2 – Head for the hill with suitcase full of small bills
          3 – hookers, blow, blackouts, etc etc
          4 – "Dear Friends, Ah have sinned. Good People, please send what you can to the address at the bottom of your screen, so Ah may atone for my weakness, in Jesus' name, Amen"
          5 – Repeat as necessary

    • bikerlaureate

      Are you talking about some kind of self-installing condom or self-ingesting pill?

      Because otherwise, uh… no.

      • CthuNHu

        That's how mini-robots really wind up wiping out humanity.

  • http://lostintarnation.blogspot.com/ SayItWithWookies

    So much for their dream of being unhappy together forever.

    • Lascauxcaveman

      She should have married that dreamy hunk of manmeat Levi, instead.

      [/checks to make sure Levi isn't any closer to her in relation than 1st cousin.]

      • BaldarTFlagass

        "[/checks to make sure Levi isn't any closer to her in relation than 1st cousin.]"

        Like they care.

    • docterry6973

      Together or apart, I fear that they have years of unhappiness ahead of them.

  • hagajim

    I wonder if the kids can't stay married because they are all insufferable assholes like their mommy….nah.

  • SorosBot

    It's sad for his ex, because with what family could a woman named Britta seem to have a normal name other than the Palins?

    • BaldarTFlagass

      Don't feel bad, I think she's heir to the water filter fortune.

    • http://www.wonkette.com ManchuCandidate

      Britta Perry's family?

    • Veritas78

      In some circles, it's good luck to name a child after the first thing you see upon learning of your parenthood. I go by 'Cuffs.

      • Toomush_Infer

        So that's why my dad always called me Two Dogs Fucking….

        • YasserArraFeck

          Future father-in-law's knuckles?

  • Secluded Compound

    Holy hell, I hope she runs in 2016.

  • http://www.vinoverve.com Maman

    Well, have a premie does put a strain on a new marriage.

    • finallyhappy

      Medical science miracle- born at 3 months and yet the same size as most 9 month babies!!!

    • MissTaken

      It's amazing how many first children are preemies. Especially in the Palin clan.

      • http://loljazzcatz.blogspot.com/2012/06/introducing-bad-note-millstones-of-jazz.html Chet Kincaid_

        All of them, Katie! (My God, that's the first time I've stooped that low.)

        • Steverino247

          Welcome to the bottom, my friend! LOL

          • glasspusher

            One of us! One of us!

      • shelwood46

        I had a friend whose parents swore up and down they never had premarital sex. Their anniversary: August 1. His birthdate, same year: August 10. Medical miracle!

    • AlterNewt

      They named it Premie?

      • http://www.wonkette.com Lionel[redacted]Esq

        Yes, but mostly because he couldn't pull out in time.

  • JustPixelz

    I'm sure the Palins will engage in some deep introspection about their values, the changing nature of families, and how they can overcome this set back. Then blame the media, ACORN, Santa Claus and skewed poles.

  • Troglodeity

    Fast Track.

    • bikerlaureate

      Furiously applauding you.

      Hit it and quit it.

    • http://zvibleindmeis.tumblr.com/ Spurning Beer

      If you read the Oxy link in the post, you'll learn that Track's middle name is "Mark."

  • Texan_Bulldog

    Can't wait to read her tell-all book, "My Life with the World's Craziest Harpie Mother-in-Law".

    When does Snowbilly ask for privacy for her family to get through this emotional time? Oh, wait, look who I'm talking about.

  • http://www.wonkette.com smokefilledroommate

    Trick got caught in a Trarg Trap. But maybe the Trarg trigged Trick!
    Goddamn, I hate those friggin' names.

    • corthylio

      I blame the meth.

      Oh, and Obama, of course.

      • not that Dewey

        "Meth is hard"

        -Caribou Barbie

    • Guppy

      I'm waiting for one named "Tarp."

      • corthylio

        I'm waiting for Triscuit. Or Brisket. If someone has twins, they could use both.

      • Fukui-sanYesOta

        or "derp"

        • AlterNewt

          or DARPA.

          • http://www.wonkette.com smokefilledroommate

            never TARDIS, though.. perhaps unintentionally.

    • docterry6973

      No snark, I think that their fondness for unique names is their most charming quality.

      • FeloniousMonk

        They pick names that make you think "how is that poor child going to make it through kindergarten?" You're right, it is their most charming quality.

        • http://www.wonkette.com smokefilledroommate

          Wasilla kindergarten is making your way through the day without shitting your pants and eating it.

    • http://wonkette.com/ Sharkey

      Jack Steuf approves of this comment!

  • christianmuslin

    Ladies and Gentlemen, I think we have found the perfect weather spokesperson for the Shreveport television station..He is perfect for their .media market of Louisiana, East Texas and Arkansas and his hairstyle conforms to their hlgh standards. Can he point and read NOAA weather forecasts?

    • Jerri

      That depends. Do you want him to point and read at the same time?

  • http://www.notfrisco.com/colmatales/norton/proclaim.html#declaration Joshua Norton

    So the kid was 6 months premature and weighed like 12 pounds. Hey, it could happen.

    • Wile E. Quixote

      Hey, I was born six months after my parents were married and weighed almost eight pounds. It's a good thing that I was so premature because there's no way my mother, who was all of 5'2" tall and 100 pounds would have been able to carry me to term.

      • http://whateveritisimagainstit.blogspot.com trampndirtdown

        I threw my parents a 50th anniversary party a few years ago, and was standing next to my brother, who had turned 51 the day before. I said " Hey wait a second if you're 51…." and he said " Nice catch moron, that only took you 40 years too figure out?"

        • bobbert

          Ha. Congrats to your folks, and it was easy for your bro to figger out.

  • OneYieldRegular

    I suspect that if this family ever left Alaska the glaciers would come back.

    • http://wonkette.com/ starfanglednut

      Yeah, all the methane they produce is melting them.

  • kittensdontlie

    TMZ needs to jazz up their headlines a la Daily Caller style, for example:

    Sarah Palin's Son Twig Twat Twack (Headed) Hurdles for Divorce Court

    • corthylio

      Palins' Dissolution-ment: No Track Suit Needed!

      • http://zvibleindmeis.tumblr.com/ Spurning Beer

        PALIN D-I-L: PREGNANT AGAIN? I'M NOT KEEPING TRACK!

  • http://rightthinkingamerican.blogspot.com johnnyzhivago

    Looks like a candidate for a regular on Truck Stop Crack Hoes on the Weather Channel.

  • SuspectedDemocrat

    This certainly sets up Track for a shot at the 2016 Republican nomination.

    • http://rightthinkingamerican.blogspot.com johnnyzhivago

      I don't know about that, but he's certainly Congress material.

    • http://wonkette.com/ weejee

      Wouldn't that be 2024, since he has to be 35? Or is it you have to have an IQ of 35 to be Prez and Shrub just cleared the bar?

      • BaldarTFlagass

        No he didn't, but the Supreme Court gave him a waiver.

    • karen503

      Or an invite to Dancing with the Stars.

  • kyeshinka

    Sarah Palin should die of gonorrhea and rot in hell.

    • http://wonkette.com/ weejee

      / slow clap

      • Barrelhse

        That's the worst kind.

    • http://loljazzcatz.blogspot.com/2012/06/introducing-bad-note-millstones-of-jazz.html Chet Kincaid_

      Why don't you spend that on somebody who committed genocide or atrocities or something? In this precious season, you could thank her for her part in Obama's '08 victory.

    • Negropolis

      That doesn't even make any sense.

  • Tequila Mockingbird

    Where were you on the day love died?

    • #tcot

      12/12/12, nevar forget!

    • FeloniousMonk

      In my Chevy on the Levi.

  • Barbara_

    He was married 18 months to his high school sweetheart? Wow, the marriage lasted longer than any of the Palin clan lasted in high school.

    • glasspusher

      It's what's long and hard on a Palin.

  • Tequila Mockingbird

    Is Britta going to return the engagement NuvaRing®?

    • YasserArraFeck

      If she's read the directions, she would've known that it wouldn't work when worn on your finger, but then, reading and all that fancy stuff isn't really big in 'Laska.

  • chascates

    The worst person I know
    Mother-in-law
    Now she worries me so
    Mother-in-law

    If she would leave us alone
    We'd have a happy home
    Sent from down below
    Mother-in-law, ha ha ha
    Mother-in-law, ha ha

    Satan should be her name
    Mother-in-law (she's a mother)
    (A mother-in-law)

    • Guppy

      She thinks her advice
      Is the Constitution
      But if she would leave
      That should be the solution

      And never come back no more

  • Biel_ze_Bubba

    She's had more luck getting the Palins out of her life than the rest of the country.

  • rocktonsam

    once again, Walnuts gift to the world keeps on giving.

  • coolhandnuke

    Didn't the Feds fork over mega billions to TARP back in 2007. It sounds good in theory, yet I don't think you can throw money at or cure a Troubled Asshat Republican Progeny.

  • http://wonkette.com/ weejee

    The blatherskite does not fall far from its family tree.

    • emmelemm

      Blatherskite is a word that needs to be used more often.

      • http://wonkette.com/ weejee

        Particularly in this age of political word salads.

    • ChickTract_Fil_A

      The trailer doesn't fall far from the park.

  • corthylio

    Crikey- is that the wedding photo? They must have saved a bundle on the florist bill.

    I reckon they spent it all on ammo for the shotgun. And the helicopter…

  • dadanarchistmk2

    "We have never seen people plan to go back to college so much as Palin spawn and their beloveds. Really, honestly, there’s community colleges everywhere. You don’t have to get in, you just go sign up."

    The university (a real, accredited, brick n' mortar) I teach at offers numerous online courses toward the B.A. in a number of fields, so they could still sit on their couch/snowmobile/moose and drink Keystone Light/paint-thinner/Fermented Wolf Jizz while snorting Crank/Oxy/Powdered Seal Taint, with their idiot spawn crawling around like lemurs, and still be working to a degree.

    I'll even send them the information.

    • Fukui-sanYesOta

      The key mistake you've made is assuming that these shitty semi-sentient shaven apes actually want to learn something. Oh gosh, no – far easier to claim to want to learn since that might half-scam you into a reality TV show or some grifting bullshit like that. Actual knowledge or education? That's for weird people.

      • dadanarchistmk2

        Just calling their bluff.

      • Naked_Bunny

        That didn't stop their mom from putting in a little effort, dammit!

        • http://whateveritisimagainstit.blogspot.com trampndirtdown

          Rawr! like the new avatar.

      • glasspusher

        Exactly. Watching and enjoying The History Channel != ability to get a degree in history.

    • Guppy

      And the completion rate is what, 12%?

      • dadanarchistmk2

        Much higher, actually, because it's a real university and not a diploma mill. We actually graduate slightly better than the institution as a whole, but they do take longer.

        • glasspusher

          Awesome.

    • BlueStateLibel

      "idiot spawn crawling around like lemurs" – I'm going to have to remember that description next time I visit the family.

    • Steverino247

      "Fermented Wolf Jizz" and "Powdered Seal Taint"

      Now, there's two products you don't hear much about…

      • emmelemm

        It's a dessert topping, and a floor wax!

        • glasspusher

          I see it shimmering in the distance…

      • dadanarchistmk2

        You can buy both by the oz. under the second off-ramp to the Bridge to Nowhere.

  • Blunderthing

    Well, you can't shake the snowbilly grifter tree and expect a community-college-going-boy named after an all purpose outdoor covering to fall out. Oh wait. Yes you can.

  • Guppy

    I hope she's not currently working as an Alaska State Trooper…

  • dadanarchistmk2

    Track could go to college, dropout, and sue for $75,000 when he objects to being taught in either Sociology or Biology that your sister's secret shame-baby is your nephew, not your brother.

    (Sully libel!)

  • memzilla

    Completely O/T, but Elizabeth Warren has been appointed to the Senate Banking Committee by Harry Reid.

    MUWAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAAA….

    Who wants to bet me that bank stocks will fall by 5% on tomorrow's open?

    • Fukui-sanYesOta

      super. awesome.

      I love that woman.

      • memzilla

        Is that the sound of a slavering watchdog I hear?

        • glasspusher

          Thanks for the link. Loved the comments. One of my favorites was:

          The path of the righteous man is beset on all sides by the inequities of the selfish and the tyranny of evil men.

      • glasspusher

        Really. Bank stocks may fall, but something of mine is rising…

    • http://inappropriatejobpostings.blogspot.com/ fuflans

      and you know what, if they hadn't been such short-sighted dicks, she would have been a bureaucrat for likely 2 to 4 years.

      now she's a senator from MA, a true blue FDR libtard and she's never going away.

      • http://whateveritisimagainstit.blogspot.com trampndirtdown

        ^ This!

      • Negropolis

        EXACTLY.

  • TootsStansbury

    Sheeeeit. I had to work all day and miss all the goodness on my Wonkette and I'm stuck with a Palin post? So who gets custody of l'il Tweeker?

    • Blueb4sinrise

      Wrote a song fer ya…………………….

      A Day in the Wonkette

      The day began with Taylor
      'bout Bamz the tokin prez
      He's a Marxist, needs a teleprompter
      and a Muslin in a fez

      All I get is a Palin post, Palin post.
      Grifters on the loose
      All I get is a Palin post, Palin post
      blowjobs for a moose.

      Kris then told of vouchers
      and the poorz who need them sent
      A 'speriment in Minnesota
      Buy a pill or pay the rent.

      All I get ………..etc

      The boss told of a weatheratrix
      short hair and mocha hue
      fired for a facebook post
      sensible and true.

      All I get ………..etc.

      Rich called up a monster
      not Nessie, Gojira or Grendel
      From the website Daily Caller
      The horror of Bobby Jindal

      All I get ………..etc

      The bright spot of the day
      was weed and Jimmy Carter
      Everyone torched a ……uh….
      uh……uh……..something…..fergit the rest
      doesn't rhyme either
      HAHAHAHAHAHAAAAAAAA

      All I get ………..etc

      Then there was a crashing set
      and shoes flying through the air
      Romney Advisor and Fiscal Cliff
      and no one even cared.

      All I get ………..etc

      Dok dove into metaphors
      Incoherent obfuscation
      You know 'em, you hate 'em
      The Heritage Foundation

      All I get ………..etc

      Snipy grossed us out
      With Senatorial 3-Way
      Senile, Crazy and Asshole
      None of them are gay.
      Really!!

      All I get ………..etc

      Felony Assault is a topic
      often stifling snark
      Fucker should die-in-a-fyre
      Who's got the spark?

      All I get ………..etc

      Taylor returns to inform
      that academic requirements are passe
      Don't have to listen to problems
      if the subject is gaii

      All I get ………..etc

      Jeff told of a Detroit pundit
      and the smoke that he was blowin
      non-opinion, false equivalency, feigning neutrality
      the poor man's Richard Cohen

      • emmelemm

        Well done!

        • Blueb4sinrise

          thanks. Wish I had counted how many posts there were first, though.

      • http://facethesuncastnoshadow.wordpress.com/ Mumbletypeg

        fapfapfapfapfapfap
        #winning

    • Veritas78

      I am so wicha, Toots. I personally work all day, sixteen tons, deeper in debt, company store, same ol', same ol', and when I gits home, Wonkette done took all de funny, as "they" say.

      Might I suggest that we chaps form something akin to a "union!" Might we wear placards and such? With slogans such as "Hold your bon mots, comrades! We've a commute home to make!" It is a bother to fit one's Wonkettiasma in between a day at the hedge fund and sherry with the lads, in whatever mode of deshabille they might be.

      Rest assured, your "l'il Tweeker" is safe with me!—if you catch my drift and I think you do. Martini?

      • http://whateveritisimagainstit.blogspot.com trampndirtdown

        Where do I send my dues?

      • RadioBitchFace

        This is a "Right to Snark" state!

    • TootsStansbury

      I don't usually post until I am fully coffeed up but the replies to my yawp are so full of teh awesomes. I'm out on my porch drinking coffee and laughing my head off!

  • Naked_Bunny

    This must be the fault of those Washington State ghays somehow!

    • Wile E. Quixote

      I know, and isn't it just fabulous?

  • BaldarTFlagass

    Did anyone bring up the opening scene of Idiocracy yet? Just wondering.

  • BlueStateLibel

    Well, with a mother-in-law like that…

  • GortRay

    Track and his brothers Trudge and Turd are starting up a new meth lab in Wasilla and there ain't no gurls allowed!

  • cousinitt

    Fractured Fairy Tale. http://youtu.be/xXC66yMe3ao

    "Meanwhile, Mercede Johnston, younger sister of Bristol Palin's baby daddy, Levi Johnston, recently joined the family businesses: posing nude and trashing the Palins.

    After Levi paved the way in Playgirl, demurely keeping his naughty bits to himself, Mercede has stripped for Playboy. The four-page photo spread, due Friday, is reportedly accompanied by an interview in which the 19-year-old calls Bristol a "sociopath" and alleges her brother and his future ex-fiancée planned to have a baby and were in fact "trying to conceive for months."

    • docterry6973

      I wish I weren't an atheist, so I could pray that God will make all these people just go away and live their sad, sorry lives in silence.

    • BarackMyWorld

      Gah…didn't Playboy used to have standards???

      • Tundra Grifter

        "A four page spread" – two of them will probably be her caboose.

  • dadanarchistmk2

    On a somewhat (but classier) related topic, have I missed the Wonkette reporting that Dubya is gonna be a grand pappy? [Until Cheney shoots in the face and harvests its organs?]

    • docterry6973

      Is she married? Just curious.

      • Negropolis

        Yes.

  • Walkinwiddaking

    "You can actually see my grandchild from Alaska".

    No shit.

  • BarackMyWorld

    Remind me again how awesome and superior people from small towns are, someone, please.

    • poorgradstudent

      I used to work for a small town newspaper for about three years. In those years among the staff of about eleven people, there were two having an affair with each other, one who was having an affair with someone outside the office, one who had an affair with someone outside the office which resulted in a pregnancy and was embezzling ad revenue and got off easy because the boss has a weird and apparently unrequited crush on her, and one who was an alcoholic and drug addict who stole petty cash from the front register to buy beer and brag about it.

      But for the most part they were really nice people, which is more than I can say for the Palins.

    • VodkaGoGo

      "Salt of the earth types. You know, morons."

  • anniegetyerfun

    You have to take tests to get into my local community colleges. That's why I never take classes there – I know I'd be thrown back to remedial math.

    • Barrelhse

      Does the local CC have a short bus?

  • BigSkullF*ckingDog

    Obvs their marriage was undermined by all of those total fags in the next closest state getting married last Sunday. Way to go Washington!

  • Limeylizzie

    Oh noooooooooooooooo! That is so sad and you are being mean , all of you, these are religious people, good Christians, well except for Mama Palin and she is just a downright, filthy, lying, cheating, ignorant, addlepated cunt.

    • Tundra Grifter

      2L!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

      You were missed! How the heck are ya? Welcome back and all that! The party just hasn't been the same since you left.

      Everything else is pretty much the same, of course.

      • Limeylizzie

        Oh I have been around, just been really busy, how the hell are you?

        • http://whateveritisimagainstit.blogspot.com trampndirtdown

          Did you get a gig? crossing fingers.

        • Tundra Grifter

          Peachy – thanx for asking. Busy jumping the snark here on Wonkette.

          Pickin' cotton, raisin' Hell, and bailin' hay. The usual.

  • docterry6973

    Dang it, I was rooting for those two crazy kids to make it.

    • Tundra Grifter

      "I'm no good at being noble, but it doesn't take much to see that the problems of three little people don't amount to a hill of beans in this crazy world. Someday you'll understand that. "

  • Barrelhse

    It goes to show you never can tell.

    • gullywompr

      C'est la vie.

    • FeloniousMonk

      "My ding-a-ling" was more dignified than this lot.

    • Tundra Grifter

      Maybe you can't tell, but you can always suspect.

  • BTWBFDIMHO

    They are all Methodists now.

  • ProgressiveInga

    Chin up, Trog. Grandma always said "there's a lid for every pot". Keep looking.

    • http://zvibleindmeis.tumblr.com/ Spurning Beer

      I got a lid of pot from my grandma, too.

      • gullywompr

        My parents found my weed when I was a teen, and of course had to be responsible and confiscate it. I later found out they never actually disposed of it, except maybe in the sense that they consumed it.

        Then I had teens of my own, and what can I say, history repeats itself. Goddamn that chronic shit is strong.

        • http://whateveritisimagainstit.blogspot.com trampndirtdown

          Try the diesel.

        • Biff

          My experience ended differently. My sister found mine, gave it to my brother to verify, and he gave it to my mother who in turn gave it to Officer Stadanko who gave me a ride to juvenile hall forever, the end.

          • HistoriCat

            Well, thank goodness. You might have ended up jumping from a building or listening to that heathen rock and roll music or … or taking up with a fallen woman!

          • Biff

            The story is a lot more convoluted than that, since dear old mother once sent me away for a spell to the Lagunitas compound of Big Brother and the Holding Company to experience gawd-knows-what at their somewhat more experienced hands, and later in life when she was dying of cancer she started smoking dope herself, but that's all fodder for another post, some other time…

  • BTWBFDIMHO

    Thanksgiving's dinner was beyond the limit for Britta, when her mother-in-law cut the turkey's head with a guillotine while comparing Obama with Roberspierre.

    • HistoriCat

      SP probably thinks Robespierre is a large piece of furniture.

  • http://www.wonkette.com ManchuCandidate

    I'm sure Track is playing "Getting Rid of Britta." on an endless loop.
    "She's a no good B!"
    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zCXzuYyym2Y

  • dennis1943

    Even the miniister's daughter has had enough…………

  • ProgressiveInga

    What, no live-blogging the Sandy 121212 concert? Wake up, sheeple! You're missing aging rock stars with their surgically-augmented teeth trying to look relevant while doing something honorable.

    • Barrelhse

      Gotta love the lip "syncing".

  • cousinitt

    Track is free; moose are nervous.

  • SheriffRoscoe

    It's the Palin mantra: "Until something better comes along, do we part."

  • decentcitizen

    "Til death do us par…aw, fuck it!

  • TRDMC

    Blame teh gheys…obviously.

  • glasspusher

    Way to kill the spontaneity of going to college, Track.

  • glasspusher

    Wow, I have something in common with the Palins? I, too am planning on going back to college in the spring…only it'll be to teach graduate electrochemistry…

    • BadKitty904

      Showboater… ;0)

      • glasspusher

        Just like the Palins, it's a cry for help.

        • BadKitty904

          Joshing aside, *congrats*, Prof!

          • glasspusher

            Thanks. I'm just an adjunct. My mom loves the bragging rights, though. I tell my classes the first day: I'm pretty informal, but I'll fail you just the same!

          • BadKitty904

            "My son, the genius!"

          • http://whateveritisimagainstit.blogspot.com trampndirtdown

            Any extra credit for being "a nice drunk" and being a good tipper?

          • glasspusher

            Always! That's the only extra credit I allow any more.

  • Steverino247

    This is good news for John McCain (She's a blonde).

  • Negropolis

    If these two kids can't make it, what hope is there for us?! I just don't know what to believe, anymore. That said, this can't come as a complete surprise. Palin's are famous for quitting things halfway through, except fucking.

  • Aquarianne17

    Sarah, why should anyone listen to your drivel? Your children, Toenail and Liverpool, don't even listen.

  • BadKitty904

    OT: Head's up, Teabaggers!

    Census: White Population Will Lose Majority in U.S. by 2043 http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2012/12/12/census-hispanic...?

    • gullywompr

      Not to worry – gerrymandering will keep them in the virtual majority forever.

  • VodkaGoGo

    I wonder how they'll split the double-wide in the settlement.

    • Blueb4sinrise

      Vegas is on it

      hacksaw 3-1
      chainsaw 5 -1
      axe 7-1
      oxy torch 10-1
      butane torch , finish with axe 2-1

      • HistoriCat

        What are the odds for "chaining one half to the truck and pulling it away"?

    • Biff

      One winter without shoveling the roof should take care of it.

  • gingerland62

    I'm not saying he's a cheating wife beater, but he's been known to pal around with a couple of them.

  • Negropolis

    This is good news for Honey Boo Boo. I mean, she's practically an old maid in Georgia.

  • JackObin

    Track? Is that a biblical name? Or perhaps a community college dropout's mind at work.

  • VodkaGoGo

    Damn, tried to make a t r i g joke and got shut down cold. The punchline was "Nothing, he's [redacted]."

  • http://howtosavetheworld.ca/ BZ1

    Britta, run, run now, run far away.

    • Negropolis

      That's going to be hard with a husband whose name is Track.

  • http://inappropriatejobpostings.blogspot.com/ fuflans

    obama's fault.

  • Schmegeg

    Terp's daughter is named Kyla Grace, which is actually kind of nice. How do we explain that?

  • LibertyLover

    Aw shucks, and they had such a promising start, too.

  • bobbert

    Tell you the truth, this gives me kinda sad. I don't know if either or both of these kids is a reactionary asshole, and that's kind of important — it means they've mostly kept their mouths shut, unlike GrannyTwat.

    As sorosbot pointed out, it's not surprising for a pregnancy-assisted post-teen marriage to fail, but it's still sad.

    • Negropolis

      You don't want to see a marriage break up with a child involved, for sure, but Track has his own issues, which have been documented, and he sounds like he has quite a bit more growing up to do and a purpose to find. What's sad is that they both decided to bring a child into all of this.

      You know, maybe I'm judgemental on this issue, but I think society would be better off if immature 20-somethings without stable employement we're bringing pregnancies to term. They often think babies are stabilizing forces that bring couples closer. Well, they simply aren't if you aren't stable, yourself. In fact, they can excerbate issues with couples, and then the children are harmed in more ways than one. I've seen this happen far too often.

  • dopper0189

    I know the GOP wants to be the big tent party, but isn't naming your kid "Tarp" taking that a little too literally?

  • ttommyunger

    Trying to give a fuck……trying………trying……….FAIL!

  • not that Dewey

    Attention, Wonketteers who use WordPress accounts to login to intensedebate and/or don't use Gravatard for yer Avatard (I can't tell which): your avatar pics all look like that weird green mosaicky thing, and your user profiles lead to dead links. At first I thought it was a one- or two-off glitch, but it seems to be a pattern. Hopefully it's just a glitch and I'm being alarmist for no reason. Because the alternative is that some peoples' entire comment histories are gone.

    Another piece of the puzzle: some users have "intensedebate/people/blahblahblah" and others have "intensedebate/profiles/blahblahblah". It seems to affect the latter.

    -or-

    I'm sane, everyone else is crazy.

  • BaldarTFlagass

    Does anyone else get this earworm when they read this post?

    ♫ Soy un perdedor
    I'm a loser baby, so why don't you kill me? ♪
    (I'm a driver, I'm a winner; things are gonna change, I can feel it.)

  • LibrarianX

    My plans? To be an astronaut.

  • BaldarTFlagass

    "He’s a commercial fisherman and plans to go back to college."

    Well, we can certainly use more commercial fishermen who have associate's degrees.

    • Tundra Grifter

      About that plan there is certainly something fishy.

  • DahBoner

    Tarp Palin

    What's he trying to coverup?

    She got stuck on his brother Ductape?

  • http://intensedebate.com/people/mrblifil mrblifil

    I plan to not give a shit about any of them for the duration of my brief span on Earth.

  • bearperney

    My wife and I traveled up from Missouri to tour Alaska a couple of years ago. Beautiful country up there, but, we were both amazed at how the people there were virtually identical to the people in our neighbor state to the south (Arkansas). I mean right down to old major appliances and dead cars laying around the property and etc. Uncanny!

  • sundaytrucker

    Is Alaska the Inuit word for trailer park?

  • NinjaCat_Baba

    He will fit in, just right, at clown college. Track will continue the aPAuLIN family tradition as Publicity assClowns.

  • mustangsavvy

    OMG I never saw this coming =( =( =(
    What a terrible never expected surprise for my Thursday morning!
    Are you gonna tell me next that Britney and K-Fed are getting a divorce too?!?! That will end my world.
    *rends garments* *gnashes teeth*

  • taylormattd

    Oh come on.

    Is this the ret**ded one?

  • TribecaMike

    "served time in Iraq" is a funny, yet apt, way to put it.

  • OldRedneck

    So — any word on who gets the single-wide?

  • OldRedneck

    I sense a reality show in the making.