THE LOVE THAT DARE NOT SPEAK ITS NAME  3:20 pm December 12, 2012

When One Senator Loves Two Other Senators Very Much: The Lindsey Graham Story

by snipy

Guess what? It is a new day, so it is time to talk about Lindsey Graham again. We will get to write about this until the end of time, apparently. This poses a problem for yr Wonkette because there are only so many old-timey gay ads we can use in stories about him. Fortunately, there is no dearth of pictures of Lindsey Graham looking fetchingly butch so we’re OK for a while. (Lowly not-editor’s note: isn’t that picture terrifying at that size???) The Senate’s most macho closeted Southerner went on Piers Morgan last night to talk about gay marriage, along with grumpy old men (and unrequited love interests of Lindsey Graham) John McCain and Joe Lieberman, because why not? We’ve watched all painful five minutes of this Huey, Dewey and Louie show so you don’t have to. Thank us later.

First Lindsey shares his thoughts about just how nice the gays can be:

You can be funny and charming and kind and be in love with someone of the same sex.

That is true! You can be funny and charming and kind and Southern and mildly old-man dapper and still be in love with someone of the same sex. Yes you can, Lindsey! Then things get a little weird and jesus-y and self-loathing though:

A lot of this is religious. In my state, we’re not going to change the traditional definition of marriage and I would support the traditional definition of marriage not out of hate but if I believe I think that it is just best for society.

Oh Lindsey. After that we get some mumbo jumbo from Walnuts and Droopy about states rights, and then Lindsey gets to the heart of what he really wants:

Lindsey: If it is based on love, can three people love each other?

Morgan: Can three people love each other? Why would you need three people?

Lindsey: Well, is it possible for three people to genuinely love each other and want to share their lives together?

Morgan: Of course it is.

Whereupon Lindsey flung himself across both John McCain and Joe Lieberman singing “I’ve got two lovers, and I ain’t ashamed/Two lovers and I love ‘em both the same.” OK, that part didn’t really happen BUT IT COULD HAVE.

So gays are nice, three people can love each other…pretty much settled, amirite? Everyone should get gay marryin’. Not so fast, says Lindsey:

“Can — can I suggest this? Slavery was outlawed by a Constitutional amendment. Go watch “Lincoln,” a great movie. The people decided. The question for us is who should decide these things? Should it be a handful of judges or should it be the people themselves? And I come out on the side of the people themselves. Different people will look at it differently. But slavery was outlawed by a Constitutional amendment. If you want to propose a Constitutional amendment legalizing same-sex marriage and it passes, that’s the law of the land.

Yes! Genius Plan! Let’s have another War Between the States, from which our national psyche will never really recover, and then after that we’ll pass a gay marriage amendment handily! First comes Antietam, then gay marriage. Coastal elites and homosexuals (REDUNDANT) start sharpening your scythes because none of you blue-state people have guns.

[ThinkProgress]

 

Hola wonkerados.

To improve site performance, we did a thing. It could be up to three minutes before your comment appears. DON'T KEEP RETRYING, OKAY?

Also, if you are a new commenter, your comment may never appear. This is probably because we hate you.

{ 182 comments }

1stNewtontheMoon December 12, 2012 at 3:23 pm

see, one dude loving two other dudes. not gay at all.

emmelemm December 12, 2012 at 3:41 pm

Lemon Party.

ETA: Teach me to read down a little before commenting.

actor212 December 12, 2012 at 3:23 pm

Lindsey Graham still ponders "How babby born?" cuz he's never had sex with a lady.

Unless you count Mitch McConnell.

glasspusher December 12, 2012 at 3:36 pm

I hear Mitch does it real slow…

chicken_thief December 12, 2012 at 3:48 pm

But somehow always comes in first.

glasspusher December 12, 2012 at 3:51 pm

That's just hare-say.

rmjagg December 12, 2012 at 4:01 pm

lady turtles don't count

drbill0620 December 12, 2012 at 7:07 pm

I assume in the coupling of Mitch and Lindsey – that Lindsey takes the "traditional marriage" role of bottom? Correct??

Negropolis December 13, 2012 at 1:30 am

Wrong. That be bestiality.

BornInATrailer December 13, 2012 at 12:09 pm

When Mitch talks about shrinkage he says "It's like a scared me!"

SorosBot December 12, 2012 at 3:24 pm

And if basic human rights were up to "the people themselves" instead of "a handful of unelected judges", then interracial marriages would also still be illegal throughout much of the South, dick.

Botlrokit December 12, 2012 at 3:33 pm

and the Bibble would be in schools. And just like An Occurrence At Owl Creek or Romeo & Juliet, it also won't be properly understood by its dumbass water-headed readers.

Botlrokit December 12, 2012 at 3:24 pm

Slavery was outlawed by a Constitutional amendment. Go watch “Lincoln,” a great movie.

The movie about presidential term limits was way better, though.

glasspusher December 12, 2012 at 3:39 pm

Rilly. Trust me, if the Supremes were a bunch of Scalias, we'd have new amendments every month.

nounverb911 December 12, 2012 at 3:24 pm

Is Santorum for or against man on turtle sex?

actor212 December 12, 2012 at 3:26 pm

Santorum follows wherever any man sits.

noodlesalad December 12, 2012 at 3:29 pm

So long as no hybrids result. He is anti-Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle.

Lizzietish81 December 12, 2012 at 3:24 pm

Aw this is a religious thing? Well then I guess its a good thing we don't live in a Theocracy isn't it? Cause then I might have to give a shit.

mormos December 12, 2012 at 3:52 pm

million upfists.

actor212 December 12, 2012 at 3:25 pm

Slavery was outlawed by a Constitutional amendment. Go watch “Lincoln,” a great movie. The people decided.

Um, no. It was first outlawed by the Emancipation Proclamation, but Lindsey, I can understand how you missed that point in American history class, what with kneeling under the teacher's desk….

Guppy December 12, 2012 at 5:32 pm

Only in states in open rebellion, which meant there were still slaves to free in Maryland and Delaware, and in Missouri and Kentucky on every other day.

rickmaci December 12, 2012 at 5:58 pm

Really not Miss Lindzee's fault. My friends from all states east of the Mississippi and south of 40 degrees N. tell me they were taught every last fucking lyric ever written for the tune "Dixie" but the War of Southern Insurrection, not so much.

bikerlaureate December 12, 2012 at 6:13 pm

It would be asking too much for someone from that region who, y'know, wants to get involved with the legislative process – and who now has paid staffers to do his research for him – to further his own education. Unless it somehow served some entirely different purpose to spout inaccuracies, like a national disgrace…

FeloniousMonk December 12, 2012 at 7:03 pm

Oh, they know about the war, but it's the War of Northern Aggression.

The first year I spent in the US was as a graduate student at UT Austin. My office mate was a most agreeable chap, and smart enough to be working on a PhD in mathematics. One evening, for reasons I don't remember, he started talking about the War of Northern Aggression, and I'm pretty sure there was no irony at all in his use of the term. Showed me photos of the burning of Atlanta. Afterwards we went out to find fresh doughnuts*.

Thirty-five years on, and here I am living in Louisiana. Have I learnt nothing?

*Damn you, whatever spellchecking demon is operating here, I will not use "donuts".

rickmaci December 12, 2012 at 8:22 pm

LOL "donuts".

TavariousChinaSmith December 12, 2012 at 3:25 pm

Yes, Lindsey, a popular vote on human rights is really the only way. Can you also remember when the blacks foolishly but democratically voted themselves into slavery in the first place? Oh, history: who can figure it out?

noodlesalad December 12, 2012 at 3:30 pm

Historical causality goes in, subsequent events come out, it's a mystery.

ManchuCandidate December 12, 2012 at 3:26 pm

When a man loves some men, he can't keep his mind on nothing else…

Crank_Tango December 12, 2012 at 3:27 pm

Bizarre love triangle: kosher ham biscuits and mavericks.

noodlesalad December 12, 2012 at 3:32 pm

kosher walnut biscuits?

Botlrokit December 12, 2012 at 3:34 pm

Looks like the Lemon Party convention.

BadKitty904 December 12, 2012 at 3:37 pm

*applauds*

gullywompr December 12, 2012 at 3:41 pm

*cringes*

BigSkullF*ckingDog December 12, 2012 at 4:31 pm

Pukes

BaldarTFlagass December 12, 2012 at 3:42 pm

What does James Garner have to do with all this?

BadKitty904 December 12, 2012 at 3:45 pm

He's doing a guest shot as "Ronald Reagan".

SexySmurf December 12, 2012 at 3:27 pm

I see what he did there; Miss Lindsey just compared gay people not being allowed to get married to slavery. I wonder how he got so good at sneaking around?

actor212 December 12, 2012 at 3:28 pm

He practices in his closet.

#tcot December 12, 2012 at 3:41 pm

I think Scalia taught him that…

actor212 December 12, 2012 at 3:27 pm

Wow. I mean, that whole exchange between Piers Morgan and Lindsey Graham sounded a lot like a guy sitting with his dad, about to come out to his family (who sort of knew it anyway but were too polite to scare the little feller.)

"Dad, if I was gay, you'd still love me, right?"

noodlesalad December 12, 2012 at 3:27 pm

The people decided to get rid of slavery! The white, male, landholding people of the north states, during war and the temporary secession of the southern states! The people decided, I tells ya! And then blacks were equal forever the end.

Geminisunmars December 12, 2012 at 4:34 pm

The peeps are always right. Or they used to be, before they were allowed to have vjayjays or pigmentation. Or their zip code begin with a 2 or 3.

SmutBoffin December 12, 2012 at 3:28 pm

I ate some chicken sandwiches. Therefore, gays cannot get married.

Checkmate, homosexualists!

BornInATrailer December 12, 2012 at 3:30 pm

Too bad it wasn't still Larry King. That would have made for one star-studded lemon party.

prommie December 12, 2012 at 3:30 pm

Well, I guess its an apt analogy, like slavery, gay marriage is a "peculiar institution." But, so is straight marriage, so I don't see what point he proves.

BadKitty904 December 12, 2012 at 3:38 pm

Right. So, if "the people decided" to keep slavery, it'd then be all OK?

SoBeach December 12, 2012 at 3:45 pm

You bet. We are endowed by the voters with certain inalienable rights.

FakaktaSouth December 12, 2012 at 3:39 pm

Well yeah, if by peculiar you mean ridiculous, a pain in the ass to get out of, and/or will eventually kill you.

gullywompr December 12, 2012 at 3:44 pm

Amen sister, but you left out soul-crushing.

prommie December 12, 2012 at 3:51 pm

If you are Chris Christie's wife, it will crush more than your soul!

prommie December 12, 2012 at 3:49 pm

I were just using the term the slave-owners themselves preferred. It always struck me as peculiar, that they called it their "peculiar institution." According to the questionable information my box produced after I finger-punched it (wiki): "(Our) peculiar institution" was a euphemism for slavery and the economic ramifications of it in the American South. The meaning of "peculiar" in this expression is "one's own", that is, referring to something distinctive to or characteristic of a particular place or people. The proper use of the expression is always as a possessive, e.g., "our peculiar institution" or "the South's peculiar institution". It was in popular use during the first half of the 19th century, especially in legislative bodies, as the word slavery was deemed "improper," and was actually banned in certain areas.

FakaktaSouth December 12, 2012 at 3:52 pm

Dude, trust me, I get the reference. I'm just saying we had the good sense to outlaw slavery, but somehow marriage is still just hanging around.

prommie December 12, 2012 at 4:00 pm

What you mean "we," Kemosabe? BTW, aint this cool, Quenton Tarantino has now done given slave-owners the same treatment he gave the Nazis in Inglourious Basterds, and my are the descendants of the slave-owners just stomping their little feet in rage!

prommie December 12, 2012 at 3:51 pm

In fairness, I should also note that New Jersey also has its own peculiar institution, "our thing," or, in the original, "cosa nostra."

Negropolis December 13, 2012 at 1:35 am

Hey, if I had to choose between the Klan and the Mafia, it's not even a choice. Plus, the Mafia has better food.

Lizzietish81 December 12, 2012 at 3:30 pm

"Why would you need three people? "

True, sometimes the third person does get in the way.

BornInATrailer December 12, 2012 at 3:36 pm

How creepy would it have been if Droopy suddenly woke up and answered "How else are you going to do a spit-roast?"

Caradeloca December 12, 2012 at 3:39 pm

Not if you're doing it right.

gullywompr December 12, 2012 at 3:44 pm

I'd like to subscribe to your newsletter.

Lizzietish81 December 12, 2012 at 3:47 pm

I agree, which is why there needs to be more practice.

actor212 December 12, 2012 at 3:50 pm

So, Brooklyn, huh?

Lizzietish81 December 13, 2012 at 7:32 am

You're not an Ayn Rand fan right?

actor212 December 12, 2012 at 3:42 pm

Not if she's videotaping.

prommie December 12, 2012 at 4:01 pm

Somebody has to keep hold of the goat's tether.

vulpes82 December 12, 2012 at 4:02 pm

Someone's always left out/jealous/less attractive.

Geminisunmars December 12, 2012 at 4:38 pm

/a voyeur.

vulpes82 December 12, 2012 at 4:41 pm

Yeah, that works. I'm talking about active participants, though.

Negropolis December 13, 2012 at 1:35 am

Because then you could start a church? It's in the Bible!

SoBeach December 12, 2012 at 3:31 pm

Slavery was outlawed by a Constitutional amendment.

As long as you pretend there was no such thing as the emancipation proclamation, sure.

So yeah, let's have a presidential decree legalizing same sex marriage. The rest of the country can get around to a constitutional amendment in due time.

chicken_thief December 12, 2012 at 3:44 pm

He kinda smoothes over the part where half the men in the south were killed and a shit load of the property burned.

Geminisunmars December 12, 2012 at 4:39 pm

That is one way the people spoke.

ProgressiveInga December 12, 2012 at 3:31 pm

"Let’s have another War Between the States, from which our national psyche will never really recover…

I live in Atlanta, should I 'up' my fire insurance?

BornInATrailer December 12, 2012 at 3:40 pm

Actually, this Sherman's March is probably more likely to result in some dudes putting up better windows treatments and some gals rebuilding your deck.

BaldarTFlagass December 12, 2012 at 3:31 pm

OT, the 65-year-old right-wing Foxtard real estate guy that I talked to on Election Day who went off on Obama golfing 110 times and dropped N-bombs and predicted a Romney landslide and all that just called and apologized. And he's got my 5 grand, too. Merry Holidays!!!

ProgressiveInga December 12, 2012 at 3:35 pm

Sounds like a 9th Step. In my experience, they usually come after the holidays. Congrats!

BadKitty904 December 12, 2012 at 3:40 pm

Ha!

emmelemm December 12, 2012 at 3:45 pm

Time out, time out. Did you actually bet a dude $5,000 on the Presidential election? And he's PAYING UP?

Score one for Republican personal responsibility. (One vs. eleventy billion personal responsibility fails, that is.)

BlueStateLibel December 12, 2012 at 3:52 pm

If he did, does this mean BaldarTFlagass is actually Mitt Romney?

BaldarTFlagass December 12, 2012 at 3:57 pm

Sorry, I can see how you might take that away from my post, but actually he bought some property from me and the 5K is the final payment. No way he could stiff me, because I still hold the title and I let him put a bunch of his stuff in the barn, including an old corvette, which would become mine if he tried to fuck me over.

littlebigdaddy December 12, 2012 at 3:32 pm

"So gays are nice, three people can love each other…" Video to follow? Please God no!

HistoriCat December 12, 2012 at 4:25 pm

Do we get to pick the three people in question?

BornInATrailer December 12, 2012 at 3:32 pm

I feel really bad for whatever poor janitorial services person had to clean that green room.

#tcot December 12, 2012 at 3:44 pm

It's only green on the outside, red on the inside…

BaldarTFlagass December 12, 2012 at 3:32 pm

With these three in one room together, I just bet the walls are dripping with pheromones and testosterone.

#tcot December 12, 2012 at 3:45 pm
emmelemm December 12, 2012 at 3:45 pm

Well, they're dripping with something.

gullywompr December 12, 2012 at 3:47 pm

Let's see, can I resist taking the bait on this setup? Nah…

That's not pheromones and testosterone.

I'm so ashamed…

BaldarTFlagass December 12, 2012 at 3:58 pm

Some times I hit softballs, some times I just lob them.

rmjagg December 12, 2012 at 4:07 pm

pheromones and estrogen , what with lindsey in the mix …

gullywompr December 12, 2012 at 3:33 pm

The fuck you mean "who gets to decide"? Each person, you repressed asshole, that's who!

BadKitty904 December 12, 2012 at 3:40 pm

What is this, a free country or something?!

gullywompr December 12, 2012 at 3:50 pm

Lindz is all "Who do you want to decide, a few judges or the people?" To me "the people" is just a larger number of judges, and the entire case ought to be thrown out of court anyway – (no probable cause).

BadKitty904 December 12, 2012 at 3:54 pm

To me, it goes back a bit further to the whole "all men are created equal"/"unalienable rights" thing. Now, where did I see that, again?

Nostrildamus December 12, 2012 at 3:35 pm

“I’ve got two lovers, and I ain’t ashamed/Two lovers and I love ‘em both the same.”

No way, Lindsey! McCain rocks leather chaps, a WW1 aviator helmet and a diaper, while Joe's your Cleveland Steamer kind of guy.

These distinctions matter, people!

Spurning Beer December 12, 2012 at 3:35 pm

Lindsey is correct. Human rights are God-given. In other words, they should be the product of popularity contests, or "elections." The majority should make decisions about what rights the minorities should have.

chicken_thief December 12, 2012 at 3:40 pm

So the womenz are back to full time sammich making?!

Spurning Beer December 12, 2012 at 3:46 pm

Joe, John, and Lindsey may be making a "sandwich" themselves, if you know what I mean, *wink*.

drbill0620 December 12, 2012 at 7:13 pm

Well, they certainly make a cute couple. No, wait – they make a cute triple or something like that.

Makes me wonder what would happen if they fell in love with their dog??

BadKitty904 December 12, 2012 at 3:50 pm

I dunno – I, personally, hold certain truths to be self-evident…like all men being created equal, that they are endowed by their Creator with certain unalienable Rights, and that among these are Life, Liberty, and the pursuit of Happiness.

Rebootably_Joe December 12, 2012 at 3:36 pm

We will get to write about this until the end of time, apparently. This poses a problem for yr Wonkette because there are only so many old-timey gay ads we can use in stories about him.

If I may make a suggestion, you could always follow in Doktor Zoom's footsteps, and pick an annoying fandom whose image macros you will use for stock images in a pinch. MLP is already taken, may I suggest Homestuck or Hetalia?

BornInATrailer December 12, 2012 at 3:48 pm

I vote Venture Bros.

actor212 December 12, 2012 at 3:51 pm

Or Aqua Teen Hunger Force.

BornInATrailer December 12, 2012 at 3:54 pm

Good point. He did say annoying.

Negropolis December 13, 2012 at 1:39 am

Or the Ambiguously Gay Duo.

Guppy December 12, 2012 at 5:34 pm

Could always go full furry.

christianmuslin December 12, 2012 at 3:37 pm

That's right, have these decisions by constitutional amendment not by the judiciary. Since states can't count votes the decision would be made by the Supreme Court anyway.

Mumbletypeg December 12, 2012 at 3:37 pm

Lowly not-editor’s note: isn’t that picture terrifying at that size

Know who *else's* image continued haunting a terrified viewer audience?

Spurning Beer December 12, 2012 at 3:42 pm

Brian Williams?

SayItWithWookies December 12, 2012 at 3:47 pm

Campbell Brown?

Mumbletypeg December 12, 2012 at 3:53 pm

You knew I still have nightmares about her man-hands!

BornInATrailer December 12, 2012 at 3:49 pm

goatse?

BadKitty904 December 12, 2012 at 3:51 pm

Joe McCarthy?

Rebootably_Joe December 12, 2012 at 3:51 pm

This is a great YKWE for John McCain.

actor212 December 12, 2012 at 3:52 pm

Samara?

sullivanst December 12, 2012 at 3:56 pm

Josh Romney?

HistoriCat December 12, 2012 at 4:28 pm

That pic of Brietbart humping Riley?

not that Dewey December 12, 2012 at 6:11 pm

The dude from Eraserhead?

bikerlaureate December 12, 2012 at 6:18 pm

The Great and Powerful Wizard of Oz ?

smokefilledroommate December 12, 2012 at 6:29 pm

That strange chauffeur in Burnt Offerings.

La_Cieca December 12, 2012 at 9:27 pm

The dead boy in Three Men and a Baby?

Negropolis December 13, 2012 at 1:40 am

Larry King? Baba Wawa?

glasspusher December 12, 2012 at 3:37 pm

Can we have a "hooray" for the fact that Vinegar Joe will be out of the senate soon? Then Miz Lindsey will only have one senator friend to love.

sullivanst December 12, 2012 at 3:55 pm

Hoo-fucking-RAY!

southernboyman December 12, 2012 at 3:37 pm

I can just see Miss Lindsey in a top hat, spats, and a cane…singing about 3 ways…

BadKitty904 December 12, 2012 at 3:51 pm

I'd SO rather not see that, dude…

rmjagg December 12, 2012 at 4:08 pm

the liza minelli of the senate

BaldarTFlagass December 12, 2012 at 3:37 pm

Hey, it works for American Idol.

SoBeach December 12, 2012 at 3:38 pm

If you want to propose a Constitutional amendment legalizing same-sex marriage and it passes, that’s the law of the land.

Yeah. YEAH! Because the preamble to the Declaration of Independence wasn't clear.

bikerlaureate December 12, 2012 at 6:19 pm

Oh, sure, let's just ignore how nuanced the definition of "people" can be…

BaldarTFlagass December 12, 2012 at 3:39 pm

Hey Lindsey: Go watch Django. Fuck you.

chicken_thief December 12, 2012 at 3:39 pm

"Different people will look at it differently."

Correct-o-mundo, Miss Lindsay! I look at *it* intently, sometimes with binoculars. You usually look at it while tied up and with a nut sack across your face.

rmjagg December 12, 2012 at 4:10 pm

with a ball gag made of jockstraps

kyeshinka December 12, 2012 at 3:40 pm

Ol' Joe may be a lover, but he ain't no dancer.
Boozy boo boo booooo.

Ruhe December 12, 2012 at 3:41 pm

"Can three people love each other?"…?!?!? And the implication is that if you permit same sex marriage the next thing you'll have is various forms of polygamy? I won't bother to contest the logic there but I'm just curious as to how this new meme has replaced the old, more vulgar argument that same sex marriage opens the door for everything from Man/boy love to state sanctioned bestiality. "Can a man love his dog, Piers?"

mormos December 12, 2012 at 3:42 pm

"Can three people love each other?"
"of course they can"

I wish someone would tell that to my girlfriend…

gullywompr December 12, 2012 at 8:14 pm

I did. She didn't mention it?

BadKitty904 December 12, 2012 at 3:42 pm

So. Graham, McCain, and Liberman were all on the same show, at the same time. And the set fell on some Rmoney minion on a *different* show???

DAM-mit!

Spurning Beer December 12, 2012 at 3:52 pm

Isn't there some sort of national security policy to keep those three from being in the same public place at the same time, lest a disaster of some sort render us douchebagless?

Jus_Wonderin December 12, 2012 at 3:42 pm

Lindsey is like Uncle Arthur but lacking the biting wit and intelligence. To cast a spell he wriggles his nose, like Samantha.

BornInATrailer December 12, 2012 at 3:45 pm

Do you think back in the congressional offices, Joe and John keep a leather-clad Lindsey locked up in a steamer trunk?

Lizzietish81 December 12, 2012 at 3:45 pm

Of course the whole Religious question does bring up the problem of what the Bible actually says about Marriage, luckily we have Betty Bowers to tell us…
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OFkeKKszXTw

Spurning Beer December 12, 2012 at 3:53 pm

Proper biblical marriages were always between one man, one or more women, and possibly a pillar of salt.

Guppy December 12, 2012 at 5:40 pm

Hey now, Sarah was only Abraham's half-sister! Totally doesn't count!

drbill0620 December 12, 2012 at 7:26 pm

That Miss Betty is really something – puts all those holy roller jeebus lovers in their place.

Can't wait to see her video on abortion!!

glasspusher December 12, 2012 at 3:47 pm

Oh, and Lindsey, polygamy is typically practiced by one man and several women, something you would know nothing about.

owhatever December 12, 2012 at 3:49 pm

Now Lindsey has this vision of a threesome stuck in his mind and he can't get rid of the thought. If John would agree, he just knows Joe would go for it. Maybe as a surprise Christmas gift, with leather and silk.

SayItWithWookies December 12, 2012 at 3:52 pm

“Can — can I suggest this? Slavery was outlawed by a Constitutional amendment. Go watch “Lincoln,” a great movie. The people decided.

Uh — the only reason the 13th, 14th and 15th Amendments passed was because ten states were forced to vote for them because they lost the damn war. Besides, if it's a religious issue as he says, then the state has no right to keep a church from conducting gay marriages, does it?

sullivanst December 12, 2012 at 3:53 pm

Fortunately, there is no dearth of pictures of Lindsey Graham looking fetchingly butch so we’re OK for a while. (Lowly not-editor’s note: isn’t that picture terrifying at that size???)

Is it just me, or does Miss Lindsay's grin in that pic say "I've fucked more guys in my life than these three fine looking young women will in theirs… combined"?

Rebootably_Joe December 12, 2012 at 3:53 pm

You guys all misunderstand; Miss Lindsey was just asking for a friend.

Guppy December 12, 2012 at 5:44 pm

When a man loves himself very, very much, he runs for president!

emmelemm December 12, 2012 at 3:54 pm

What is my religion is based around enslaving other people? WHAT THEN?

SayItWithWookies December 12, 2012 at 4:11 pm

It depends — if you're enslaving blacks, women or some other minority, you can probably find a state (cough cough Texas) where the authorities look the other way. But if you're thinking of enslaving people with affordable healthcare then get your damn commie self to whatever civilized nation your ancestors came from.

emmelemm December 12, 2012 at 4:14 pm

If only Finland would have me. (And I spoke Finnish.)

LesBontemps December 12, 2012 at 3:57 pm

(Lowly not-editor’s note: isn’t that picture terrifying at that size???)

Miss North Cackalacky damn near poked my eye out.

moseszd December 12, 2012 at 3:58 pm

Actually, yes, I have a gun. I have no bullets, though. And I should probably take it to the gunsmith for a good cleaning and check-up because it hasn't been out of its case since 1983, when I got out of the military.

SayItWithWookies December 12, 2012 at 3:59 pm

The most confusing part about a Graham-McCain-Lieberman match made in heaven is figuring out which one gets to be the bitch. But I'd better let them work that out amongst themselves before I think about it for one more second and develop some sort of reflexive flinch.

On the bright side, Meghan Has Three Daddies would make a great children's book title.

sati_demise December 12, 2012 at 4:13 pm

McCain is ALWAYS the bitch. I thought everyone knew!

Dashboard Buddha December 12, 2012 at 4:02 pm

" fetchingly butch"

That smile so much says, "your breasts have no power here, girls".

DahBoner December 12, 2012 at 4:03 pm

Wait! I thought there was no more TWINKIES…

BadKitty904 December 12, 2012 at 4:04 pm

While it sometimes has a voluntary, religious "gloss," marriage is, in fact, a legal contract. Period. Marriage licenses are issued by the State, not by the Church.

The right to enter into this contract, like any other right of an American citizen, is *NOT* "faith-based" or subject to the dictates of any religion.

sati_demise December 12, 2012 at 4:12 pm

"The question for us is who should decide these things? Should it be a handful of judges or should it be the people themselves?"

Looks like little Linsey has a secret crush on Albert Gore.

HarryButtle December 12, 2012 at 4:29 pm

A plane crashing into the set of the Piers Morgan Show during this interview would have gone a long way toward convincing me that there is, in fact, a God.

Wile E. Quixote December 12, 2012 at 4:33 pm

A plane crashing into the set of the Piers Morgan Show during *any* of his rimjobs "interviews", would go a long way towards convincing me that there is, in fact, a God.

Wile E. Quixote December 12, 2012 at 4:31 pm

I caught that interview when I was at the gym last night and once again I wondered why anyone thinks that CNN is liberal given their hiring of Erick Erickson and Piers Morgan's giving rimjobs to conservatives.

Lionel[redacted]Esq December 12, 2012 at 4:35 pm

You have to admit, a Gay Civil War would be just fabulous! I'm sure the uniforms would be much better than before, and who would want to miss out on the battle between an old Carolinian queer and a muscle boy from San Francisco.

Cleopatriot December 12, 2012 at 6:03 pm

Let's vote on Lindsey Graham's rights! With votes!

rickmaci December 12, 2012 at 6:20 pm

"Well, is it possible for three people to genuinely love each other and want to share their lives together?"

Wait a minute, I cant believe the Mormons are now OK with polygamous gay marriage!!

smokefilledroommate December 12, 2012 at 6:23 pm

Wow, a lemon party with hambiscuits and some kind of altar or something.. Hawt!

Walkinwiddaking December 12, 2012 at 7:55 pm

"Morgan: Can three people love each other? Why would you need three people?

Lindsey: Well, is it possible for three people to genuinely love each other and want to share their lives together?

Morgan: Of course it is."

WTF. Over.

DemonicRage December 12, 2012 at 8:15 pm

Why should these three people have the right to stomp on the fingers of loving couples trying to sign a marriage license? Look at them! The wattles on Jomentum's chins. The weird puffed out chipmunk cheeks of the Palin Enabler. Miss Lindsey's sad, drooping flesh on both sides of his lips. What an unappealing trio of losers!

La_Cieca December 12, 2012 at 9:29 pm

This is the worst game of Fuck, Marry, Kill ever.

BZ1 December 12, 2012 at 10:59 pm

"Go watch 'Lincoln,'?? was Missy Lindsay on a publicity tour for the film?

Negropolis December 13, 2012 at 1:19 am

all painful five minutes of this Huey, Dewey and Louie show

You have besmirched the good name of these ducklings.

BTW, let them keep thinking we don't have guns. If Detroiters and Yoopers have nothing else in common it is guns.

Negropolis December 13, 2012 at 1:24 am

Did he catch on spontaneously combust after he said these things? Because if he didn't, there is no god.

Can — can I suggest this? Slavery was outlawed by a Constitutional amendment. Go watch “Lincoln,” a great movie. The people decided.

The people did decide…after the bloodiest war in American history.

Smithboy December 13, 2012 at 6:54 am

Joe Lieberman's poodle seems a bit uncomfortable talking about homosexuals, you know how pure Republicans are. He and Lieberman are more in their comfort zone talking about killing Muslims and defending Israel from the might Palestinian army and their rock throwers.

ttommyunger December 13, 2012 at 7:26 am

Not shown during this tete a tete: both Piers' and Miss Lindsey's massive boners.

rebeccavegas December 13, 2012 at 10:09 am

Traditional Judeo-Christian marriage is polygamous, though.

FakaktaSouth December 12, 2012 at 4:04 pm

Um, kiss my ass, I am an American my dear – and that would be what we outlawed that shit. Course, I ain't stomping my feet over nothing – and oh yes, I'm a descendent of the evilest of the evil on my Mama's side – Quentin can't make em look bad enough.

sullivanst December 12, 2012 at 4:04 pm

and my are the descendants of the slave-owners just stomping their little feet in rage!

How white is that?
– not Jamie Foxx

Botlrokit December 12, 2012 at 4:36 pm

DON'T HATE GAY LOVE

edit: Who am I talking to?! Sheesh.

BigSkullF*ckingDog December 12, 2012 at 4:51 pm

I don't hate gay love. I hate geriatric love and I will not apologize. At least not for another 30 years or so.

Boojum December 12, 2012 at 8:18 pm

I want to hear more about outlawing marriage.

Comments on this entry are closed.

Previous post:

Next post: