GOP Needs To Focus On Education, Says Man Whose State Textbooks Say Loch Ness Monster Is Real

  leading from behind

Pictured: A student who asked what was so bad about evolution.Lousiana Gov. Bobby Jindal gave a speech yesterday outlining his version of what the GOP needs to do differently in order to be less like the GOP. Startlingly, there is a way to make fun of it.

His prescription: Education! We need to fix education! Which sounds like a great idea, until you take into account that the guy saying it took a prolific, probably unconstitutional dump on his state’s education system, and that members of the party he is saying it to have come out vigorously against evolution, teachers’ bargaining rights, embryology, knowledge-based college admission guidelines, the age of the Earth, student loan programs, and the entire skill of critical thinking. It’s like proposing salad reform be embraced by velociraptors: It might help the raptors look better, but they just aren’t built for it.

The story of Jindal’s speech is brought to us by the charming folks of the Daily Caller:

“I believe we’ve got an economic and a moral imperative to provide school choice and a quality education to every child, every student in America. In that case, many lives will be transformed, many futures will be realized, and the results for all our country will be real and lasting.”

Well, that’s nice. There are more hollow, nonspecific platitudes, mixed in with how important the middle class is, which he says as his party gleefully steps on it.

 
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Jindal, for his part, has been paving the way for education reform in his state, where education has been reformed to the point it does not even really look like education anymore. From Reuters:

Louisiana is embarking on the nation’s boldest experiment in privatizing public education, with the state preparing to shift tens of millions in tax dollars out of the public schools to pay private industry, businesses owners and church pastors to educate children…

Top schools…have just a handful of slots open [to students with vouchers]. The Dunham School in Baton Rouge, for instance, has said it will accept just four voucher students, all kindergartners. The school willing to accept the most voucher students — 314 — is New Living Word in Ruston, which has… no library. Students spend most of the day watching TVs in bare-bones classrooms. Each lesson consists of an instructional DVD that intersperses Biblical verses with subjects such chemistry or composition.

QUICK. PUT THIS GUY IN CHARGE OF THE EDUCATION PLANS.

Hey, at least Louisiana is saving money, right? Possibly — they haven’t bothered to check.

Other Louisiana “schools,” as we have told you before, are teaching students not only that the Loch Ness Monster is real, but that it disproves evolution. Aaaand, not only has Jindal gifted the state’s education system to religion, but he has gifted it only to his (new) religion: Christian “schools” had no problem getting certified to get that sweet taxpayer funding, but when Muslim schools tried to join the voucher program, politicians done soiled their Jesus britches.

Education reform, however, fits with the new “fix the GOP” narrative that has developed since the American electorate reminded the GOP it was broken: Take the issues making the party look out of touch and ignorant, pretend to fix them, and hope nobody notices nothing’s changed.

[Daily Caller]

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137 comments

    1. JustPixelz

      His parents are. He was born in USA. OR WAS HE?!?! Let's review the GO-Pee citizen test:

      skin = not white

      That proves he ain't 'Merican enough to be POTUS. Stop this before it starts Orly.

      1. Beowoof

        He is the proverbial anchor baby. I understand his Mom was five months pregnant when she arrived. I am surprised the republicans haven't tried to send him back home.

    2. jtinks

      He's actually a sleeper agent working to destroy the American education system so that his fatherland will have an advantage in the 21st-century (where India is firmly located, Louisiana, not so much).

  1. hagajim

    "In that case, many lives will be transformed…"

    If Bobby and his drooling brethren have their way indeed many lives will be transformed, and none of them for the better. The Koch's need drooling idiots who they can pay shit wages to in order to line their pockets even better. And that, seems to be the sole goal of the GOP.

  2. Pat_Pending

    I will be good I will be good I will be good I will be good I will be good I will be good I will be god I will be god I will be… GOD I will be… GOD I will be… GOD I AM GOD I AM GOD I AM GOD I. AM. GOD. TIME FOR SMITING."

  3. sullivanst

    “I believe we’ve got an economic and a moral imperative to provide school choice and a quality education to every child, every student in America. In that case, many lives will be transformed, many futures will be realized, and the results for all our country will be real and lasting.”

    Well all of this is probably true, because nowhere does he say his proposal would actually improve anything. Many lives would be transformed for the worse, many sucky futures would be realized and the results for all our country would be long lasting, real malaise.

      1. sullivanst

        Nessie lessons for all!

        Yeah, I knew exactly what he meant by "school choice": "We choose to leave poorz and particularly black kids behind"

      1. SayItWithWookies

        I don't think the American people are getting smarter, but the Republican core has definitely given ignorance a big, sloppy wet kiss over the past few election cycles, and anyone who doesn't follow them down the fundy-creationist-misogynist-imperialist-science-denial primrose path faces expulsion as a RINO.

        I remember when affable lunkhead Dick Lugar — who notably could find most of the world's countries on a map — used to be the Old Guard and one of the serious policy guys. Now who do they have in terms of foreign relations? Condi?

        Your point is valid — but the level of rubeness that allowed Dubya to get elected is just too worldly for the current GOP, and they're determined to find a base in the intellectual rubble that remains rather than rebuilding themselves.

  4. ProgressiveInga

    "Students spend most of the day watching TVs in bare-bones classrooms."

    I believe the Oompa-Loompas said it best:
    What do you get when you watch TV?
    A kink in your neck and an IQ of three.

    Keep it competitive, LA

    1. FraAnima

      "Special Ed" classrooms are a hemispherical cage ringed with steel spikes. No television, except for the one in the skybox for the corporate sponsors.

      2 go in, one comes out.

  5. noodlesalad

    The Daily Caller continued "how are we losing to Singapore? That's not even a real place, right? It's like Constantinople or Timbuktu. Wait, what?"

  6. Goonemeritus

    If you love what the GOP did for the Economy and Foreign Policy why wouldn’t you give them a shot reforming education.

    1. noodlesalad

      Look, 47% of the class is going to be below average, right? That's just statistics. So fuck those kids. We don't even need to worry about them. They aren't going to take responsibility for those grades.

  7. BadKitty904

    Having destroyed what was left of Louisiana's education system, Goober-ji now wants to destroy what's left of the rest of the nation's schools? Good "thinking".

      1. BadKitty904

        LOL I'm your standard-issue, lame lil' college goon (tho I certainly appreciate the very kind thought!)…

  8. actor212

    Each lesson consists of an instructional DVD that intersperses Biblical verses with subjects such chemistry or composition.

    For the Physics final, I have a suggestion:

    "And the LORD spake, saying, "First shalt thou take out the Holy Pin, then shalt thou count to three, no more, no less. Three shall be the number thou shalt count, and the number of the counting shall be three. Four shalt thou not count, neither count thou two, excepting that thou then proceed to three. Five is right out. Once the number three, being the third number, be reached, then lobbest thou thy Holy Hand Grenade of Antioch towards thy foe, who being naughty in My sight, shall snuff it."

    1. Jukesgrrl

      Those kids might have been taught to believe in the Loch Ness monster, but I'll bet they still don't know where Loch Ness is, or how to spell it.

  9. Steverino247

    Obviously, this is an attempt to rid LA of the cruel influence of teacher's unions. The politicians don't care who gets the public's money, so long as teacher's unions won't be able to fund their opponents' campaigns. R's do best where education does least.

    1. SorosBot

      Plus they get to fuck over the already-underpaid teachers; fucking over workers, even professional ones, is always a big goal of the Republicans.

  10. Ruhe

    Soon to be known as the "Great Southern Concavity", the unified third world economies of Alabama, Mississippi and Louisiana will provide American manufacturers the opportunity to develop their own state-side maquiladora zone. Why should those Chinese commie factory owners be getting all the dough anyway?

    1. Chet Kincaid_

      Apple's Chinese slave-drivers are gearing up to set up operations over here. However, Tim Cook claims the main thing driving Apple outsourcing is the goddamned stupidity of the American workforce:

      Cook told NBC that the main reason Apple outsourced much of its manufacturing was "not so much about price — it's about the skills."

      "Over time, there are skills that are associated with manufacturing that have left the U.S.," Cook said in an interview on NBC's "Rock Center With Brian Williams," which aired Thursday night. "Not necessarily people, but the education system stopped producing them."

      Thanks, Louisiana, for thwarting any chance of your state joining the First World!
      http://articles.latimes.com/2012/dec/07/business/

      http://www.pcmag.com/article2/0,2817,2412981,00.a

  11. corthylio

    “I believe we’ve got an economic and a moral imperative to provide school choice and a quality education to every child, every student in America."

    Louisiana can't even get their own kids edumacated- do we really trust them to provide a quality education to every child, every student in America?

  12. weejee

    Asshat Bobby Gindul did the exorcisms in a previous life earlier in his career, so should we be really surprised by this? The lamestream thinks of him as a moderate, but compared to who? Perhaps fellow Replug Louisianian David Duke?

  13. Ducksworthy

    Do you know what a diet of salad greens does to the digestive system of a velociraptor? It isn't pretty.

  14. Ruhe

    Would John Galt want to build Galt Gulch in Louisiana? I think not. And Jesus? The only way he's headed to Louisiana is angry and with a big stick in his hand.

  15. Pragmatist2

    Bobby – Repeat after me: "There is no such thing as a free education."
    To focus on education you have to start with teachers. Teachers live in houses and eat food. To get good ones you have to pay them well. You might tell your citizens to move to Massachusetts.

  16. Botlrokit

    [...] New Living Word in Ruston, [...] has no library. Students spend most of the day watching TVs in bare-bones classrooms. Each lesson consists of an instructional DVD that intersperses Biblical verses with subjects such chemistry or composition.

    All you're doing is teaching your children to absorb their liturgy from a television, and making sows like John Hagee and Benny Hinn more powerful.

    1. finallyhappy

      this is really scary-that people think that is education and it might get any kind of gov't funding

  17. CrunchyKnee

    Louisiana education system:

    1. Deny science.
    2. Exorcisms!!!!!11!
    3. Yell at blahs on the teevee device.
    4. Privatize.
    5. Watch as Alabama actually overtakes your state in # of high school/college graduates.
    6. USA! USA ! USA!

  18. SorosBot

    Hey, the Governor's policies may destroy Louisiana's education system, but see he says that it's supposed to improve education, so we have to take that at face value and accept that he is pro-education, because he says so, evidence be damned; that's how our modern, faith-based media works.

  19. BadKitty904

    "Everyone said I was daft to build a profit-based education system in a swamp, but I built in all the same, just to show 'em."

  20. Shypixel

    When they went after southern democrats, we laughed, because we were not southern democrats.

    When they went after state legislatures, we laughed, because we were not state legislatures.

    Now they are going after the schoolhouse, and again, we laugh, because we… are not schoolhouses?

    OK, it's a horrid mangling of a phrase, but you get my point, and it isn't funny…

  21. gullywompr

    Vouchers are, plain and simple, the new segregation. The GOP simply can't let go of "starve the beast" or the Southern Strategy. It will be their doom, and good riddance to them.

  22. DixvilleCrotch

    Adam + Steve emerged from the Big Bang 6000 years ago. That's what I learnt in skool there, though it's all a bit fuzzy now in middle age…

  23. Lucidamente1

    Instead of monitoring wingnuts in Louisiana, what Congress should be monitoring is the eruption of wingnuts everywhere in the country.

    1. corthylio

      Something tells me that when those schools get repossessed, it won't be with the spirit of critical thinking…

  24. Guppy

    Top schools…have just a handful of slots open [to students with vouchers]. The Dunham School in Baton Rouge, for instance, has said it will accept just four voucher students, all kindergartners.

    I didn't realize "school choice" meant the schools were the ones making the choices.

  25. Beowoof

    So the kids are sitting around watching Davy and Goliath DVDs. Spartacus for history, might open some eyes.

  26. BigSkullF*ckingDog

    "Educating 99% of the population makes about as much sense as educating the cow that my ribeye steak comes from."

    Said some rich guy somewhere, maybe Mitt Romney.

  27. BoatOfVelociraptors

    Hey, I can make a good salad. It just might contain a healthy dose of chicken and bacon to cover up those crunchy vegetables. Also cilantro. Velociraptors hate to devour their prey whole without a tasty garnish.

  28. frrolfe

    i has serious confusdz here. i was always led to believe that indian persons idolised education above all else. viz: the number of indians who do seriously well at maths. is gov jindal trying to infiltrate a secret maths baby cadre of asians into LA by moronising the natives? just axing.

  29. cousinitt

    Listen, this entire pile of crap likely would not be possible had Katrina not happened. These "people" used a NATURAL DISASTER to foist their privatization plans upon the unsuspecting and traumatized populace that remained in NOLA. The Jindalis now think their system is working because they are all latter-day Horace Manns or John Freaking Deweys. You have no idea how much I hate these people. They think they are working but the demographics have changed and because they are using school models more akin to boot camp than a humane educational environment.

    Did I mention how much I hate these people?

  30. sundaytrucker

    The loch ness monster may work in the bible' s favor, but clearly big foot proves evolution beyond a shadow of a doubt.

  31. Lizzietish81

    So really, by "reform' education, he means teach the children the proscribed rhetoric, keep them ignorant so they grow up to be good little Republicans.

    Well we're screwed, we all know how much the Democrats depend on Louisiana!

  32. ChrisM2011

    " Each lesson consists of an instructional DVD that intersperses Biblical verses with subjects such chemistry or composition."

    Provided by Neil Bush's educational software company, I'm sure.

  33. littlebigdaddy

    "Last week, Japanese scientists explaced… placed explosive detonators at the bottom of Lake Loch Ness to blow Nessie out of the water. Sir Cort Godfrey of the Nessie Alliance summoned the help of Scotland's local wizards to cast a protective spell over the lake and its local residents and all those who seek for the peaceful existence of our underwater ally." This report would get an A I guess….

  34. MrDorkbutt

    It's not like it matters. All of this kids are going to end up in Louisiana's other fantastic privatized institution: Prison.

  35. christianmuslin

    See, if that weather lady had been been giving weather forecasts using bible verses then no one would have complained about her hair.

  36. decentcitizen

    The important thing is that these "reforms" crippled the teacher's unions. The unfortunate thing is that they are crippling children to accomplish this. This is what they really mean when they say, "think of the children!"

  37. bikerlaureate

    Steve Benen is on fire today…

    For Jindal, poor and disadvantaged kids should have the same educational opportunities as kids from wealthy families. Fine. There's ample evidence that vouchers don't work, but let's stick to the larger principle. The next question is pretty straightforward: can poor and disadvantaged kids have same access to quality health care as kids from wealthy families? How about the same access to safe and affordable housing? How about nutrition? And transportation? And political influence?

  38. owhatever

    Children, you are hopelessly ignorant and good luck with life if you're not big enough to play football.

  39. ttommyunger

    Yup, if by "school choice" you mean segregated education. "Glittering Generalities" like this are right out of Barry Goldwater's first best-seller: "The Conscience of a Conservative". I wonder how long they had to focus-group to come up with "School Choice"?

Comments are closed.