Maybe you’re on the fence when it comes to Marijuana legalization – you tried it at a Cranberries concert in the ’90s and didn’t understand all the fuss, but you’re worried your commute to work will be cluttered with one too many drum circles. Perhaps you hate the stuff, but you’re like, sooo anti-Fed you’d rather see states individually address the issue. Whatever silly reason you have for not wholeheartedly throwing your money and support behind the War on Drugs, former Texas (and current Texas Eagle Forum president) GOP Chair Cathie Adams will bring you to your senses with her watertight argument against Marijuana legalization: if you do drugs, you may not be able to memorize lengthy speeches while juggling the most intense workload of any professional in the country!

Speaking before a Grassroots America We the People “Call to Action” meeting, Adams highlighted what we can all expect should laws prohibiting drugs continue to soften:

…if we legalize it, will we empty out our jails and will we be safe for ever more? No. I’m telling you, Barack Hussein Obama has got to have a teleprompter because he fried his brain on drugs.

If we legalize drugs, more and more Americans may require teleprompters to make televised speeches to millions of people after attending nonstop meetings with foreign leaders and military strategists. Beyond needing a teleprompter to sort out his drug-addled brain, Barack Hussein Obama wants you to hit rock bottom so you’ll need a teleprompter too!

I don’t know why we’re not calling him what he is as a Marxist. It’s as if, when the wall fell that communism died; it didn’t. Today, it is green on the outside and red on the inside. It is as red as ever and Barack Obama is implementing his green agenda, which is Marxism, and that is exactly why our economy is hurting as badly as it is and why twenty three million people are still out of work.

That’s right – despite Obama’s Department of Justice and its aggressive and often unprecedented contributions to the War on Drugs, the President has a secret “green agenda” that promotes lax drug policies with the hope that the Feds can one day constantly stream Marxist propaganda to its vulnerable, drug scrambled citizens via government-issue teleprompter.

Suck on that, Colorado.

[Right Wing Watch]

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  • Barbara_

    George W didn't need a teleprompter. He had Cheney's hand up his ass to make his mouth move.

    • Dashboard Buddha

      And that was not the soft option, either.

    • local242thug

      dubya had them devise that stupid flip-book for his speeches, because he got cross-eyed and hypnotized and stopped talking every time he saw words moving up a screen.

      and it was so subtle! you almost couldn't see him turning the pages as he broke for applause lines!

      now that guy</> was a masterful speechifier. no drugs in that noggin. no sir.

    • Vecchiojohn

      All that cocaine and booze might explain why W couldn't tell Iran from Iraq.

  • Beetagger

    My own mother repeated this story to me last night. She is now buried in the backyard.

  • BadKitty904

    This is the "respect for the office of the President" we heard so much about from the Neo-cons during Chimpy/Cheney's Reign of Error?

  • Rayn_And

    What?….sorry….Wasn't listening….a little trouble paying attention.

    • Guppy

      The mouth panties still distracting you?

  • BaldarTFlagass

    Oh wow man.

  • mavenmaven

    Smoke enough reefer and you can become president? Hey, Mitt, over here!

    • BadKitty904

      That WOULD explain some of Rmoney's statements…

      • noodlesalad

        The trees are just…perfect, man. Like, the same height, like they knew how high to grow. Ha, I said high and grow in the same sentence!

        • SuspectedDemocrat

          And everything's so GREEN!

  • Kid_Charlemagne

    Little know fact, but Barry Bamz also blew his mind out in a car.

    • James Michael Curley

      He didn't notice that the light had changed.

      • NDeeeZ

        The crowds of people turned, well… out and voted for him a second time.
        With ACTUAL votes.

  • Botlrokit

    Her writing skills are similar to that of pretty people.

  • skoalrebel

    Y'know, I've always found that drugs bring out the best in me. [spit!] But that's because I'm a true American, and not some kind of Kenyan Mooselimb. [spit!] After a hard day's work in the meth lab, I like to sit back and enjoy a little moonshine and a bit of oxycontin. [spit!] In the fine tradition of the Founders, I believe in no niggers, no homos, and no taxes on alcohol.

    • Redgyal

      Strange how the war on drugs isn't as tough on those drugs. Full disclaimer, I personally don't approve of any drug use at all. But hipocracy is sometimes as bad.

    • Vecchiojohn

      I'm glad that the children were here today to hear this fine example of authentic frontier gibberish.

    • CindynEncinitas

      "…where white lightnin's still the biggest thrill of all." Is it a thrill because it's ILLEGAL, Okies? Whose brains are scrambled now?

  • Loch_Nessosaur

    I prefer a side of ham with my marijuana eggs.

    • James Michael Curley

      "Psychedelic Eggs and Ham."
      Dr. Suess changed the title because 'Psychedelic' had more than two syllables.

      • Dashboard Buddha

        I do not like you Cathie Wingnut
        I do not like you on a bus
        I do not like you when you fuss
        I do not like you when you "think"
        Twits like you drive me to drink.

        • Vecchiojohn

          We've found America's next poet laureate!

  • James Michael Curley

    Is this Cathie Adams from that family down the street with the tall, spooky looking butler?

    • Tundra Grifter

      Do do do do, [finger snap] [finger snap]

      Do do do do, [finger snap] [finger snap]

    • MosesInvests

      You rang, Mrs. Addams?

    • Cathie isn't from *that* Adams family… and yet she manages to be both creepy and kooky.

  • BaldarTFlagass

    Reading that word salad second blockquote paragraph of hers, I would say she could have used a keyboard-prompter.

    • James Michael Curley

      Or a little less of the maui-wowie.

    • Dashboard Buddha

      keyboard prompter…or at least adult supervision.

  • noodlesalad

    Doctors smoke it
    Nurses smoke it
    Presidents smoke it
    Even the wingnuts too

    Legalize it – don't criticize it

    • Esteev


  • freakishlywrong

    Jesusfuck. The Marxist shit again. Blow smoke out yer ass, lady.

    • NDeeeZ

      Jesusfuck. Prompter shit again!

    • bikerlaureate

      Elmira Gantry knows her audience.

  • lingin

    Someone's on drugs and it ain't the president.

    • Or alternatively, should be.

    • Esteev

      That's not my bong.

  • BigSkullF*ckingDog

    So pot makes you a commie? I'm confused. Where the fuck is my teleprompter?

    • I can offer a second data point! I totally smoked pot in college, and then five years after I graduated, plutocratic douchebags and the mainstreaming of hard-right rhetoric turned me into a socialist! If that's not an obvious case of cause and effect, I have no idea what is.

  • memzilla

    Looks like somebody's car elevator doesn't go all the way to the top floor.

  • That is totally unfair! I mean, Republicans' Lord and Savior, Ronald Reagan used teleprompters while he was in office, and it's not as though that whole time, he was hiding some sort of neurodegenerative disorder that would have called into question his fitness to-

    Oh, um, nevermind.

    • jodyleek

      That teleprompter was not there to help Ronny Raygun remember what to say, no. It was to remind him not to be too awesome!

    • bikerlaureate

      Relevant yet again.

      Is Cathie too ignorant to make an argument that doesn't ignore the past fifty years – or is it simply an unprincipled lust for power?

  • BaldarTFlagass

    Someone obviously "intercepted" her ability to think clearly and sensibly.

  • BigSkullF*ckingDog

    Drugs make you a Kenyan muslin socialist.

  • Estproph

    So, is Obama going to get on top of a skyscraper and jump off because he thinks he can fly, just like at the end of Reefer Madness? Or maybe drive too fast and run over someone? Or shoot someone at a party?

    • James Michael Curley

      Bamz will just toke up, sit down at a piano do some of that devil inspired jazz.

    • zippy_w_pinhead

      Art Linkletter libel!1!

  • Jump right from drug policy to the President is a Marxist–true wingnuttery.

    • freakishlywrong

      Well, she is a "Texas Eagle Forum president and a Grassroots America We the People “Call to Action” person. Really?

  • BaldarTFlagass

    His brain may be fried, but his mind is honey-roasted.

  • Loch_Nessosaur

    It's 4:20 – Do you know where your president is?

    • ZombieForceD

      I see what you did there.

  • Botlrokit

    I was so offended I wanted to go up and just smack his face.

    Go ahead! We won't mind. Secret Service will pwn you so hard.

    • finallyhappy

      hey, he was being uppitty- when a black man glares at a white man in Texas- he can be shot legally by anyone

    • HistoriCat

      Oh – I would pay to see that beatdown!

  • Monsieur_Grumpe

    Where’s my free teleprompter?

    • jodyleek

      There's an app for that on your Obamaphone, dude.

  • Terry

    A related aside: I heard an item on NPR yesterday about the Colorado governor signing the document that makes personal use of pot legal in the state. The people there to celebrate where exactly the people you don't want to show up on the TV or radio. Duuuuuude……this is soooo cooool…'s legal now…..I'm sooooo baked………

    I never smoked pot not so much because my parents told me not to (they did) but because it seemed so stupid. The folks I knew who smoked would end up sitting around watching cartoons or some such thing and wasting a whole day or evening giggling. I had no desire to spend hours in a stinking basement eating junk food.

    • noodlesalad

      I hear ya, but I'd still feel safer in that crowd than in a crowd that was drunk. My guess is nobody was assaulted afterwards.

      • BadKitty904

        Plus fewer assault rifles.

      • Terry

        True. They tend to lack energy until the run out of pot or junk food, then are on a bit of a mission.

        I don't think pot is necessarily addictive, unless you are prone to addiction, but has made some people waste a good bit of time sometimes years.

        • noodlesalad

          True, Terry, but in that respect it's no different from video games, television or our beloved Wonket.

          • finallyhappy

            what- is this the internet?

    • James Michael Curley

      Some of us would toke up and fire up the motorcycle and do 80 mph down Boulevard of the Allies with renewed confidence we could make the turn into the Civic Arena in time for the concert.

    • ZombieForceD

      "I had no desire to spend hours in a stinking basement eating junk food." But that's a requirement for employment at NRO.

    • Guppy

      The folks I knew who smoked would end up sitting around watching cartoons or some such thing

      Wait… that requires pot?

      Also too: does this explain Dok's Brony proclivities?

  • JustPixelz

    "…fried his brain on drugs."

    Please proceed Ms Adams.

    He also fried bin Laden's brain … with votes bullets.

    Wingers have fried their brains on Kochaine.

    • PubOption

      Numerous wingnut politicians have Kochaine running around in their pockets.

    • BadKitty904

      AND kicked your candidate's ass. So, your point is….?

  • BigSkullF*ckingDog

    Cathie Adams looks like someone who never got the chance to do drugs because her peer group was busy shunning her for being such an awful person.

  • Anyone calling Obama a Marxist shows complete ignorance of Marx. And, most likely, everything else.

    • finallyhappy

      I have heard that the President is a Marxist- and is especially fond of Harpo

    • TheGyrus

      People calling Obama a Marxist must really piss off actual Marxists.

      • It certainly does. An actual Marxist wouldn't be all with the drones or the market-based health insurance scheme or the keeping Bradley Manning in jail.

  • Dr_Zoidberg

    Is she on drugs? Because none of that made any sense, especially that 'green on the outside, red on the inside' shit.

    • LesBontemps

      It's a watermelon metaphor, because those people.

      • James Michael Curley

        Beat me to it. Champs!

  • Texan_Bulldog

    For Texas ladies, it's not the drugs that damage their brains. It's the Aqua Net haze from the 70s.

  • BaldarTFlagass

    Speaking of marijuana, you holding?

  • AlterNewt

    What's she talking about, man?

  • not that Dewey

    Everyone knows that the Soviet Union was one giant bong party, start to finish. Those dudes were high ALL THE TIME. Just ask Alexandr Solzhenitsyn.

    • James Michael Curley

      That's why One Day in the Life of Ivan Denisovich took so long.

      • not that Dewey

        Seriously — 172 pages to describe one day? His mind must have been elsewhere.

        • Esteev

          Musta been some quality shit, man.

        • James Michael Curley

          It’s 210 in the original Russian, a copy of which I found at Dom Knigi in 1984 but was not allowed to purchase as I was almost out of rubles and black market exchanges were extremely dangerous those days.

  • It is as red as ever and Barack Obama is implementing his green agenda

    So Barry's Santa Claus?

    • Rosie_Scenario

      Yup, giving all those "gifts" to the voters so that he could get elected. Per GOP, Mittens, also. too.

    • zippy_w_pinhead

      that explains all those Obamaphones…

  • BaldarTFlagass

    Behind every good man there is a woman, and that woman was Michelle Obama, man, and everyday Barack would come home, she would have a big fat bowl waiting for him, man, when he come in the door, man, she was a hip, hip, hip lady, man.

  • Cathie Adams is also the president of Texas Abstinence Club.

    • BadKitty904

      As well as the Texas Temperance Union, fighting the pernicious influence of the Demon Rum.

    • James Michael Curley

      Let's hope its the Texas Absinthe Club and encourage heavy use.

    • pepperpat

      Thank [diety] for that!

  • Stevola

    "I don’t know why we’re not calling him what he is as a Marxist. "

    She's right, no one has ever called President Obama a Marxist before.

    • BadKitty904

      Certainly no one who knows what the term "Marxist" actually means.

  • / snark

    About an eighth of the prison population is there for pot violations. Over $1B per year for this freakin' misguided nonsense.

    / snark on

    There were three Conservetards, chillin' and sharing a doobie when…

    • Esteev

      Did you say "eighth"?

  • "Dude, where is my teleprompter?"

    • CindynEncinitas

      And where has Prommie been?

  • Mahousu

    Today, it is green on the outside and red on the inside.

    Jeez, more watermelon jokes.

  • christianmuslin

    Teleprompters, according to the nytimes, have been in use for some time Ms Cunt Eagle. In fact, president Dwight Eisenhower was the first US president to use one. He used it for a State of the Union speech. Are we then to take as fact that Ike blew out his brains on drugs while having sex with his biographer when he was stationed in Europe?

  • EatsBabyDingos

    I am now going to go fire up the six footer and put on "A Concert for Bangledesh" and jam on some Ravi. Now he jams with George again.

    • LesBontemps

      All things must pass, dude. Speaking of which, pass that spliff, bro.

  • Barack Hussein Obama glared at Mitt Romney in that last debate, I was so offended I wanted to go up and just smack his face.

    Possible replacements for redacted phrase:

    a) have him ravish me
    b) lynch him

  • Botlrokit

    You know what's really offensive to me? Knowing Bush couldn't read his teleprompter.

    • BadKitty904

      Maybe if they'd've put "My Pet Goat" on it…

  • BadKitty904

    Bless her heart.

  • BaldarTFlagass

    I've said it before and will probably do so again, but Obama really really needs to grow him out a big ol' Anger-Fro. That would freak these people's shit out.

    • CleverSobriquet

      and start peppering his speaches with the liberal use of "muthafuckkas".

  • Hey man, Barrack's not here…

  • LesBontemps

    Marxist? That word does not mean what you think it means. I think the word you are looking for is "nigger."

    • glamourdammerung

      "Marxist", like "socialist" apparently does not mean anything more than something Republicans were told to dislike by Fox, hate radio, and bad email forwards in between whining about how everyone else does not "think for themselves".

  • BornInATrailer

    I thought the talking point was 24 million people out of work?

    Oh, right.

  • Esteev

    I wonder if at the end of Obama's second term if he will remove his mask to reveal that he is indeed Marx.

    • finallyhappy

      Chico, Harpo, Groucho or….Zeppo?

      • Esteev

        Who cares? You just know it's gonna be a hoot either way!

      • HistoriCat

        As long as it's not Richard.

    • Pat_Pending

      Hopefully Gummo.

    • kakotechnia

      Better, Engels.

  • Tio_Doidinho

    So…all those wind turbines are just drug toys?

    • LesBontemps

      Windmills are from Holland, man. And that's where Amsterdam is. Also European socialisms. Connect the dotz!!!!!

      • James Michael Curley

        Don't forget the maryjewwanna cafes.

  • qwerty42

    The child-like "logic" and "facts" she brings to her case are … uh, like those of all the other silly old fools we hear from on what currently parades itself as "conservative" commentary. I guess we can expect another 4 years of this nonsense.

    • HistoriCat

      It's never getting any better dude – sorry.

  • HistoriCat

    Canadian Socializm!!

    • viennawoods13

      We're all in this together- gotta be socialist.

  • kyeshinka

    Of course Obama's stoned. How else are you supposed to watch the Santa Clause movies with your kids?

  • kakotechnia

    Marijuana will also increase our interception skills, making football so entertaining that we'll never see the New World Order coming.

  • LibertyLover

    I haz hunger for about ah… 1000 tacos, Dude!

  • smellypossum

    I'm in Colorado, where as of Monday (at 4:20) we get a 25% discount on bongs AND teleprompters. Cheetos too.

    So, fuck all y'all!

  • DahBoner

    I think the bigger lesson is that if YOU DON'T DO DRUGS you will wind up like that guy who DIDN'T BECOME PRESIDENT, you know that LOSER old what's his name…

  • pepperpat

    So communism is just like Christmas? Awesome.

  • Tundra Grifter

    When I read a wing nutz' piece like this, I always think of "The Chief" – Robert Parrish.

    When he was busted for weed he was the oldest player in the N damn BA.

    PS: Wing Nutz Lady – When you quote (r)Money you overstate the number of unemployed persons in the US of A by something over 90%.

  • DahBoner

    Anyone else know what's green on the outside and red on the inside???

    • #tcot

      That one alien chick from Star Trek?

  • Amanwithnoplan

    O Please why are not the death panels real. I would so sign her up immediately.

  • Hmmm, do I want to be more like Obama or Romney… hmmmm….

  • sullivanst

    Who knew Mitt Romney (who?) spent his whole youth stoned out of his freakin' mind.

  • Guys, they're never going to stop. Did we stop after the 2004 election?

    • not that Dewey

      You're right. Let's just make fun of 14-year-olds from now on.

  • I can't believe any conservative is still making teleprompter comments. Perhaps Cathie is still in denial and didn't notice Romney used a teleprompter on election night when he gave his hastily-written "I lost 'cause I'm a big fucking loser" speech.

  • zippy_w_pinhead

    No wonder the wingnuts are always so angry- they got their asses handed to them by a stoner whose brains are fried. I'd be a little pissed if Jeff Spicoli bested me too…

  • GoodDogThor

    haha, that graphic. I used to have it on a t-shirt. I would wear it to parties where many would indulge, and then we'd all go to Denny's.

  • GoodDogThor

    Clarification: Drugs = just the bad ones. Not like Zoloft, methadone, Bud-Dry, Mexi-Coke, &c

    Related: Is Boehner on Restatis? Cuz his tear production is definitely not normal…

  • GoodDogThor

    OT for Editrix: another autoplay ad, this time for our buddies at the Wall Street Journal:

  • CindynEncinitas

    The most disciplined capitalists I knew in college were the Deadheads. They sold weed and some damned fine blow, never gave you a break on the price, and never fronted anything. And they all went to law school after they graduated. To a man.

  • lochnessmonster

    That explains Romney, Ryan and Rubios problems cuz THEY ALL use TelePrompTers!

  • BZ1

    Just one look at Cathie Adams, the wild-eyed crazy, puts her delusions in perspective.

  • ttommyunger

    Marxist? Is that all they got? Really? Jesus, that's weak. I know the 'Tards and the bigots will buy it, but then they'd believe Bammers is a fucking Martian if Rush Lamebough said it.

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