loves the smell of napalm in the morning

Michigan Rep Would Like To Stone Cold Crack Union Skulls For Jobs, Freedom

Michigan Rep. Dave AgemaUnion members and their allies converged on the state Capitol in Lansing today to protest the passage of Michigan’s new Right to Work law. It’s kind of a big deal.

Right to Work, or “Freedom to Work” as its been rebranded, means “more and better jobs” according to Sinclair Lewis-character-turned-Governor Rick Snyder. Think of all the jobs created because thousands of people are hanging around Lansing to protest. Probably, some of them will buy coffee or cigarettes or hot dogs or whatever those swarthy labor thugs like. Also, since Michigan is your new Wisconsin, a lot of national media types will be in town to cover this mess. They’ll rent cars, book hotel rooms, expense trips to the bars. All of which creates jobs. More and better jobs!

And that’s before we even talk about police overtime for crowd control. The police will spend their Right to Work protest overtime money in the community and it will recirculate through the local economy.

This is the part of Right to Work that soft-focus sex God Dave Agema likes the most. Wonketteers probably remember Agema, a state rep. and Republican National Committeeman, from the time he skipped a budget vote to hunt Russian (communist?) sheep or the time he opposed a program to literally clothe orphans, or the time he said Barack Obama was a secret Muslim.

Anyway, Agema was so thrilled to see today’s Right to Work protests and not just because all this activity will create more and better jobs but also because he just loves to see American citizens getting their skulls cracked by the cops.

Simply put, Dave Agema is a fascist cocksucker. Apologies to those of you who sometimes insert a human phallus into your mouth for fun or profit. You don’t deserve to be compared to Dave Agema but, you know, it’s an expression. [Facebook]

About the author

Jeff Wattrick is someone whose unsolicited submissions accidentally get published on Wonkette. He also writes for Deadline Detroit, which is this thing on the internet about the Motor City.

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  1. sewollef

    Holy shit, that photograph is the scariest thing I've seen all day.

    By the way, was this twinkie in the Antigonid Army by any chance?

    1. PopeEdgardo

      Since this asshat is nostalgic for combat, maybe we should make his life complete by _______ at him with live __________.

  2. PuckStopsHere

    Protesters, according to the late reports I'm seeing, have surrounded the (ironically named) Romney Building where Snyder's office is located. I hope they burn the motherfucker down. And not with votes.

  3. bikerlaureate

    And lo, Jesus did look upon the poorz being cruelly treated by the soldiers and did sayest, "I'm rather enjoying this."

  4. SorosBot

    And you know who else liked to see police beating peaceful union protestors –

    – ah, fuck this, it's no fun when they actually are acting like you-know-who.

  5. zippy_w_pinhead

    I'm thinking his wife is actually the fascist cocksucker- or at least she was before they got married…

  6. Preferred Customer

    Michigan used to have a tourist slogan that went "Yes! M!ch!gan! The Feeling's Forever." If that doesn't evoke herpes, I don't know what does.

    1. bikerlaureate

      "Say Yes! To Michigan" is more to your (icky) point, and doesn't come off like a Myspace user trying to be l33t.

  7. BadKitty904

    I believe the US taxpayers being clubbed and maced are citizens (and voters) of your state, Mr. Agema. And you're OK with that? You're "enjoying" it?

    1. SorosBot

      Yes; that is how these supreme authoritarian creeps work, the enjoy seeing people suffer, especially when they cause it.

    2. Spider-Jerk

      Damn right he is. Those union-supporting crowds are against "better jobs" for business profits.

      This is America– in Bux we trust, all others **** off and die!

  8. Callyson

    a fascist cocksucker. Apologies to those of you who sometimes insert a human phallus into your mouth for fun or profit.

    S'ok, some of us may chomp on the man meat on occasion, but none of us Wonketteers are fascists.

    OTOH, I have an irate Lindsey Graham on line one for you…

  9. hagajim

    There's one more state I will never move to. The number keeps shrinking and unfortunately a lot of them are in warmer climes. Guess retirement in South America awaits. I only hope these dickholes have shoved to far that the backlash takes them out for a long, long time.

    1. Toomush_Infer

      Hey! There's a lot of us here who love this fucking state – just not Rick Snyder and the Fascist Brigade he's riding on…..

  10. BigSkullF*ckingDog

    It's just the horses and the "billy clubs" that are reminding him of his days in the military. Those were some hot and steamy nights in basic training camp.

  11. flipdraw

    Frustrating, yes, and callous. We are still reaping the benefits bestowed on us by the 2010 elections.

  12. freakishlywrong

    Create financial crisis?
    Destroy unions?
    Use your police force to tamp down dissension?
    Bingo. Sieg Hiel, bitches.

    1. GhostBuggy

      Yeah, but this is still Michigan, and there's still a Hoffa running the unions. I doubt there will be blood in the streets like in the 30s, but I don't see this just drying up and blowing away, like the Republicans are hoping it will.

          1. Toomush_Infer

            I used to think so, too, until I had a long conversation with someone who shared a jail cell with him…apparently, he lived in a modest house with his family and chastised other union bosses for living the high life and skimming from the union – it's still not clear who did him in…

      1. Negropolis


        We've got real "union thugs", here. This isn't going away like it did in other states. The UAW ain't what it used to be, but it'll still cut a bitch if they overstep.

  13. Shypixel

    I had a great, snarky comment, but I am too distracted by the adorable little belly up in the top right corner.




    (Really, it isn't as creepy as it sounds, I promise…)

    1. CommieLibunatic

      A little broad of range, don't you think? I'd settle for a laser-guided surface-penetrating fuel-air Recall.

    1. BadKitty904

      Dang. And only one's a female.

      I mean, scope the corn-fed princess on the right! "The Belle of the Frat"…

  14. Lot_49

    Yes, being in the military is all about macing and pushing back crowds of your fellow citizens exercising their First Amendment rights of speech and assembly. That's how I remember it anyway.

  15. Joshua Norton

    Right to Work, or “Freedom to Work” as its been rebranded, means “more and better jobs”

    Maybe if you're a Chinese slave laborer churning out Nikes for .75 a day. In this country, not so much.

    If unions don't hold management's feet to the fire then it's nothing but a race to the bottom. Or as I call it, "The Walmarting of America".

    1. SorosBot

      How they fuck can they get away with the "better" anyway? Jobs lower payer and worse benefits are the exact opposite of better. The more jobs thing is bullshit too, but not quite so obviously so.

      1. bikerlaureate

        A job that costs the corporation less is obviously a better job.

        I'm going to chalk this one up to your certain someone being out of the country.

      1. TootsStansbury

        I was imagining the diving-board sound effect. At the thought of cops busting heads. Disgusting.

  16. CrunchyKnee

    Someone needs to take dude up into duh U.P., eh, and leave him in a snowpile, with or without votes.

  17. SayItWithWookies

    I fell [sic] like I'm back in the military…

    Uh — this asshole was in the Air Force during Vietnam — so I have no idea why this reminds him of that, unless he was awfully fond of watching ARVN grunts shoot peace protesters from the window of his country club in Saigon.

  18. BlueStateLibel

    As history has shown. it's not really that great a sign when the para-military on horseback has to push back citizens protesting their government, but let this asswad figure it out himself.

  19. editor

    i actually quite enjoy it when olds type really horrible stuff on the internets. it's like they think no one will see it. they are wrong. because now, multitudes know the exact extent of agema's fascist cocksuckeritude. this can only be good.

  20. Baconzgood

    Did he really fucking say he enjoys people getting maced? Holy shit. Some one should mace him (with votes) so he can experience how pleasent the sensation is. Baconz was maced by his sister "as a joke" and I ssure you it ain't a barrel of monkeys.

  21. natl_[redacted]_cmdr

    If he misses the military so much he should re-up. If he's too old for the US military, I'm sure there's a militia somewhere in Somalia that would take him. For a while, anyway.

      1. Negropolis

        We also have a "mainstream" one.

        Honestly, this is one of the most bi-polar states. I meanb, we were also one of the first in the world to outlaw capital punishment.

    1. Rotundo_

      In cases like this I usually go creative with epithets like "Puss-Glazed Sack of Monkey Shit!" or something like that. In this case, since he is Republican, the fascist and the asshole are redundant and generally recognized as universal characteristics of the organization.

  22. el_donaldo

    Hi, I'm David Agema: I like 70s soft rock, long walks on the beach, Trader Vics, women who wear twin sets and know how to treat their man, and knee-capping strikers.

  23. BaldarTFlagass

    Where the fuck did he serve in the military? Chilean Army under Pinochet? Greece under the Regime of the Colonels?

    1. CommieLibunatic

      I heard a few comments up that he was in the Air Force, so naturally he likes seeing brutality from a good, high-altitude vantage point.

  24. Chet Kincaid_

    But Dave Agema has the luxuriant silver mane and big-haired blond wife of a football coach at a nationally ranked program! Surely these trappings give him the wisdom to rule benevolently! Who is in the casket his wife is leaning on, also?

  25. JustPixelz

    All the riot police are the right height.

    Right to Work, or “Freedom to Work” as its been rebranded… Also "Tax the Rich" or "Freedom to Share" as it's been rebranded.

    With votes. Really! This is another aftershock of 2010 when Demoncrats stayed home because Obamacare wasn't single-payer enough. And TP'ers took over everywhere.

    1. Isyaignert

      The Republicon union busters always exclude the police unions because they need them to do their pepper spraying of democracy.

      1. Rotundo_

        Scott Walker is warming up for the second act now that the repugs have taken back the senate in Wisconsin. They should be coming up for the shiv to the back any time now.

    2. doloras

      Note that in the last Greek election, more than 50% of the Athens police voted for the fascist Golden Dawn party. You don't riot on your brother man, with whom you share a common opinion of the brown commie fag scum who ruin everything.

  26. JustPixelz

    "I fell [sic] like I'm back in the military- I'm rather enjoying this. Brings back memories"

    From Agema's Wikipedia entry — which he wrote himself:

    He served as a fighter pilot in the United States Air Force during the Vietnam War.

    I'm sure it's fun to fly a jet and blow shit up, but he sees these protests as warfare with his fellow citizens.

  27. Beowoof

    Looks like a typical country club douche bag who has to hire thugs to go out and do his fighting for him. Folks like this never see the revolution coming and as they're waving goodbye to Madam Defarge they wonder what happened.

  28. red_kira

    I am almost threw up listening to that heartless sockcucker Joe Scarborough talking about this today. All, "well, people should be GLAD Corporate Amerikkka is handing out shitty $14 an hour jobs rather than sending them overseas! You wanna work, don't you?"

    Piece of shite.

    I've protested outside that building. Almost wish I lived in MI now, so I could do it again. (ALMOST.)

  29. Isyaignert

    "…Also, “tax certainty” is usually a euphemism for “not paying any taxes,” but you probably already knew that."

    Boy howdy! 30 of the biggest corporations like Boeing, Chevron, Pepsi, DuPont, et. al., paid ZERO TAXES and/or got a REFUND. The rules have got to change, but until we get the money and the corporate whores out of Congress, the fleecing will continue.

  30. calliecallie

    I have never been a fan of Michigan's too-severe term limits. But Dave Agema is making them look pretty good to me right now.

  31. hillarysleftone

    you know, this fucking guy's bio says he was a pilot in his "time in the military" so I'm having a hard time figuring out where he was dealing with crowds of anything, storming anything, unless it was crowds of obnoxious fellow fighter jocks storming the bar at the officers club for happy hour. Although who knows, maybe his "fighter pilot" duty was stateside like W's….bio says he "bravely enlisted during the height of the Viet Nam war"but doesn't say where he was deployed. Then maybe he DID see some hippies storming something, ineffectual as our storming usually was.

    Then this hypocritical mother fucker was a pilot for American Airlines for 20 years, nicely segue-ing his taxpayer-provided skill set into lucrative private employment, at a time when I'm pretty sure that meant he was perforce in the pilot's union and benefited numerous times from collective bargaining and strikes etc, though in my experience the fucking pilots never hesitated to cross a picket line when it was a flight attendant or bag-handlers or cabin service employees or ticket agents union initiating the action, selfish entitled bastards. Oh and you know he always bitched about having to pay dues for that socialist union that was funneling them into the Democratic Party…I've sat in bars next to enough of these assholes to know the rap, believe me.

    Sorry I can't find anything the least bit snarky to say about this smug self-satisfied shit eater. What a great Christian he is!

  32. glamourdammerung

    He must be referring to his "service" in a different military since ours has not used a cavalry charge (even though the last one was against our own citizens) since before WWII.

    Or maybe he is referring to deleting the comment in a moment of fear that he might find someone wanting to take him up on his big talk.

  33. bikerlaureate

    From Sociopath Dave's website…

    12/9/11 – Agema Legislation Sent to Gov. Snyder

    A recent bill passed by the House that prohibits public employers from providing healthcare benefits to unmarried live-in couples (including same-sex partners), has been sent to Gov. Snyder for consideration.

  34. Negropolis

    Dave Agema is our best representation of the kind of nutjobs elected to state legislatures in the South and the Plains. And, yes, even one is too many. It would not at all be inappropriate to call this guy a Fascist.

  35. Negropolis

    After his time in the military, he flew planes for American Airlines. That terrifies me more than anything else, that a guy of his mental instability could be in charge of the safety of so many lives at one time.

    BTW, he graduated from Calvin College. Look it up. The Calvinists on that side of the state are a special kind of crazy, not quite as spicy as Southern Baptists, but just as destructive and even more strange. The Christian Reformed Church (The Dutch Mafia) are a trip.

    1. bikerlaureate

      It's enjoyable when people get pushed around or hurt.

      I wanna know which CRC he attends.
      Then again he's elected by the same paragons of virtue that wanted a "cult member" over a Christian in the Oval Office…

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