Moving On

Charlie Crist With New Party After Two Years Single

That's right, Editrix had to hold her jaw on with her handCharlie Crist used the Twitter to announce he’s switching his political affiliation to Democrat late last week, but you were probably just fine even if you forgot to take your heart meds because the news was about as surprising as, well, Charlie Crist announcing he’s a Democrat.

Crist, a former wax figurine of Steve Martin at Madame Tussauds London, entered politics after a stray bolt of lightning animated him, charring his edges and rendering him incapable of portraying Steve Martin in wax. His time as Governor of Florida was littered with distinct clues predicting his recent defection, like his radical leftist position on the amount of poison people should pump in the air and that time he visited the Florida NAACP.

Recently, Crist has been a teensy bit more obvious about his “strictly platonic” lovefest with the Democratic party, not only speaking at the Democratic National Convention in Charlotte but openly cavorting with heathens in attendance who definitely don’t look like they’re trying really hard to hold their face together (pictured above). And just look at how much he loves the Obama pizza guy that gives those wicked hugs! Still, the Florida GOP isn’t happy about Crist’s triumph over his fear of “official labels”; after Crist’s announcement, the state party shot back with this character attack:

“Charlie Crist has the ability to meld into any character — from ‘Chain Gang Charlie’ to sympathetic ‘Man of the People’ — there is seemingly no role that he can’t play…”

And this!

“The truth is that this self-professed, Ronald-Reagan Republican only abandoned his pro-life, pro-gun, conservative principles in 2010 after he realized that Republicans didn’t want to send him to Washington D.C. as a senator, especially after he proved he couldn’t do the job as governor.”

So, take that, Charlie. Yeah, sure, you guys broke up in 2010 and it hurt at the time, but Florida Republicans want you to know they are SO OVER you. They don’t care who you’re with now. (By the way, is he still with that lady he got engaged to so he could be John McCain’s VP? There is simply no way we can ever know.)

[Salon/Miami Herald]

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        1. Tundra Grifter

          You mean I've been wrong all these years?

          I thought that's what people ment when they said "You're dating yourself."

          1. viennawoods13

            I told a work colleague of mine (NOT a friend) that he is "autosexual". He actually thought that was probably correct.

          2. Negropolis

            We have autosexuals here in Michigan. Human-automobile sex and marriage is still outlawed, but hell if that stops them from trying.

          1. Lascauxcaveman

            I've actually been to Paradise, MT, on a motorcycle trip out to Flathead Lake.

            Now, Paradise is nice enough little hamlet, and close to Flathead Lake, but I'd have to say Flathead Lake is closer to paradise than Paradise is.

    1. sullivanst

      That was also the trip where she got Newell to switch teams to "now a… what is it now?… oh, NY Observer columnist"

          1. sullivanst

            Good grief Betsy Rothstein seems totes catty, in a way that suggests to me the possibility of raging jealousy. Also, she quite clearly has a severe lack of reading comprehension, which makes one wonder how she apparently got a job writing about what other people have written.

          2. Weedlord BonerHitler

            I was going to say, "Sully, my good fellow, you slime the charming young lady," but having finally read through her dreck to the end I suspect you're right. Although she did uncat a bit later on, din't she?

          3. sullivanst

            Maybe at the very very end when she uses a fairly neutral tone to basically call Our Beccs a liar and a drunk, that was less catty than the rest of it, but that came immediately after the paragraph where she said that Trix should be sent on a remedial writing course. Reowr!

            Note to Betsy: Just because you don't understand, doesn't mean it doesn't make sense.

          4. Weedlord BonerHitler

            Oh, that was sheer twaddle. I think she was trying to be oh-so-very-very, and failing miserably, but that's just an opinion. In the event, she is not worthy to polish BeccaLou's tootsies, not even with her tongue a la Dick Morris and his ladies of a different profession.

            And yes, you're quite right. She should've kept her gob shut and not revealed her inability to understand BeccaLou's Best, the dolt.

  1. OneDollarJuana

    Charlise Christ is about as Democrat as the two Washington State Dems who are caucusing with the Republican party. FOAD, Charlie. With votes.

      1. BigSkullF*ckingDog

        Those guys need to be done Washington style.*

        *Sodomized with a geoduck and then thrown naked from the top of the Space Needle.

        … with votes?

          1. Lascauxcaveman

            Jeesz, those two dicks. Don't their D constituents know they're never supposed to vote for guys with two first names? One from the only exclusively 1%er enclave in the state, and the other from the inbred Ozarks on the Olympic Peninsula. Fuck 'em.

      1. sullivanst

        True fact: the camera was in perfect focus, it was the acid Trix was tripping out on made the picture blurry.

  2. Lot_49

    One quality more important than sexual or party affiliation, career advancement or accumulated net worth, always seems to emerge in people like Crist: the desire to be talked about.

    And if the goobernor of NJ crosses over, we can start chanting: Chris Christie/Crist 2016!

      1. Callyson

        I got curious–from Wiki:

        After leaving Congress, Foley entered the real estate business in Palm Beach, Florida. He also came out publicly, and as of 2007 was in a relationship with a Palm Beach dermatologist, Layne Nisenbaum. On September 22, 2009, Foley debuted as host in his own radio show, "Foley on Politics," on Seaview AM 960 in North Palm Beach, Florida.

        So in other words, he did the same thing every other Republican does upon leaving office.

  3. edgydrifter

    Charlie looked at Miss Lindsey and he looked at the Log Cabin Republicans, and he finally decided that life is too short to be self-loathing.

  4. BaldarTFlagass

    "Florida Republicans want you to know they are SO OVER you."

    Yeah, that guy they got now is quite an improvement. At least for the beaten-wife-syndrome wing of the party.

      1. Guppy

        I'm picturing him and Boehner squaring off with orange-tinted chakras, Dragonball Z-style.

        (There's your homoeroticism!)

  5. SorosBot

    And here I thought Charlie was a bipartisan; but I guess that was just a phase while he was not quite ready to out himself and admit he was a full-on closet Democrat.

  6. SayItWithWookies

    I think the last straw was when Mitt Romney showed up to the Telemundo debate with the obviously gratuitous spray-tan — as a legitimate Tangelo-American, Charlie just couldn't handle the pandering.

  7. Callyson

    “Charlie Crist has the ability to meld into any character — from ‘Chain Gang Charlie’ to sympathetic ‘Man of the People’ — there is seemingly no role that he can’t play…”

    Hmmm, who does that remind me of? Didn't some guy just like that run for President or something?

  8. TootsStansbury

    OT and I know I am way late to the party, but ladies, if we are wearing the Wonkette panties and get in an accident, the EMTs will laff so hard they might drop us!

    1. shelwood46

      Yeah, and don't delude yourself into thinking they are too mature to talk about that stuff. It would come up at their holiday party every year until the end of time.

  9. Dr. Matt

    He's still joining the Democrat Party even though OBummer is taxing his addiction to tanning beds?! Wowzer!

  10. BarackMyWorld

    Wow…Rebecca looks thrilled as fuck to be posing with the former governor….what's the bad man got on you, fearless leader?

    1. TootsStansbury

      I think at that point she thought she was meeting a giant purple rabbit in a Batman suit. Who was speaking French and smelled llike d minor.

  11. christianmuslin

    Boner will cry now that Dems have their own shade of orange.

    Does this mean both Cuomo and Crist will be on the cold fried chicken circuit for the presidential election in 2016?

    Hilary, you must run. Crist cannot be both vice-president and First Lady.

    1. sullivanst

      Oh grief. If Cuomo's the nominee, I'll go bankrupt when the credit cards I use to buy scotch come due.

    1. el_donaldo

      Once you've gone the out-'bagging the 'baggers route, it's pretty hard to come around to the other side.

  12. Goonemeritus

    Welcome Charlie you’ll love being a Democrat. We are so big tent that none of my precinct bosses has ever given me shit about my “I Like Ike” Button.

  13. VodkaGoGo

    Enough about Charlie Crist, tell me more about this device the power companies don't want me to know about?

  14. OneYieldRegular

    Thanks to the Florida GOP, I'm unlikely ever again to use the name "Ronald-Reagan" without hyphenating it.

  15. sewollef

    "Image 20120905_235542"

    Is that all you got for us Taylor…. particular with that lovely lady in the photograph?

  16. Botlrokit

    Now he should convince Lindsey Graham to come out and switch sides, and quit his stupid little pantomime.

    1. BadKitty904

      I think Miss Lindsey would be happier coming out, but I'm not certain we necessarily want her on our side…

  17. bitchincamaro2

    Who among us, has not "…littered with distinct clues predicting his recent defecation…"?

    I ax you!

  18. Jukesgrrl

    You can learn to play a lot of parts spending a lifetime in the costume closet.

    As for the former governor's current marital status, all ya gotta do is Google "Charlie Crist's wedding," Mr. or Ms. Taylor Huffman. When you wait until age 52 to be wed (the first marriage that lasted less than a year doesn't count apparently), you do it quite formally, so there are lots of pix, including nice ones of the protesters outside. Apparently teh gheys take offense when you have a lavish wedding after telling them they aren't allowed. Teh blahs also gathered to shout and I suspect they had more than one reason.

  19. BlueStateLibel

    I see his pastime is sneaking up on people in parking garages and startling the crap out of them.

  20. Negropolis

    I still can't figure out if his moves through the political spectrum are more cynical or more pragmatic, but he doesn't seem harmful, so I welcome him warily, but welcome, nonetheless.

  21. Stevola

    Crist and the GOOP: They will never, ever, get back together.

    There sure are a lot of Taylors around here lately.

  22. ttommyunger

    Seeing that pix proves he's got teh ghey; otherwise that left hand would be groping 'Becca's fine ass.

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