Charlie Crist used the Twitter to announce he’s switching his political affiliation to Democrat late last week, but you were probably just fine even if you forgot to take your heart meds because the news was about as surprising as, well, Charlie Crist announcing he’s a Democrat.
Crist, a former wax figurine of Steve Martin at Madame Tussauds London, entered politics after a stray bolt of lightning animated him, charring his edges and rendering him incapable of portraying Steve Martin in wax. His time as Governor of Florida was littered with distinct clues predicting his recent defection, like his radical leftist position on the amount of poison people should pump in the air and that time he visited the Florida NAACP.
Recently, Crist has been a teensy bit more obvious about his “strictly platonic” lovefest with the Democratic party, not only speaking at the Democratic National Convention in Charlotte but openly cavorting with heathens in attendance who definitely don’t look like they’re trying really hard to hold their face together (pictured above). And just look at how much he loves the Obama pizza guy that gives those wicked hugs! Still, the Florida GOP isn’t happy about Crist’s triumph over his fear of “official labels”; after Crist’s announcement, the state party shot back with this character attack:
“Charlie Crist has the ability to meld into any character — from ‘Chain Gang Charlie’ to sympathetic ‘Man of the People’ — there is seemingly no role that he can’t play…”
And this!
“The truth is that this self-professed, Ronald-Reagan Republican only abandoned his pro-life, pro-gun, conservative principles in 2010 after he realized that Republicans didn’t want to send him to Washington D.C. as a senator, especially after he proved he couldn’t do the job as governor.”
So, take that, Charlie. Yeah, sure, you guys broke up in 2010 and it hurt at the time, but Florida Republicans want you to know they are SO OVER you. They don’t care who you’re with now. (By the way, is he still with that lady he got engaged to so he could be John McCain’s VP? There is simply no way we can ever know.)
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Does his Facebook relationship status still say "It's complicated"?
"You cannot be in a relationship with yourself."
You can try.
No. My quote is what FB will tell you if you try.
But, in the end, you're going to be doing all the work to keep yourself together.
You mean I've been wrong all these years?
I thought that's what people ment when they said "You're dating yourself."
I told a work colleague of mine (NOT a friend) that he is "autosexual". He actually thought that was probably correct.
I've been to paradise.
But I've never been to me.
Damned Apple Maps…
Hopefully "Me" is nowhere near "Mildura".
Well, Paradise is about KY, not ME.
I've actually been to Paradise, MT, on a motorcycle trip out to Flathead Lake.
Now, Paradise is nice enough little hamlet, and close to Flathead Lake, but I'd have to say Flathead Lake is closer to paradise than Paradise is.
So, you're suggesting that 'Becca got him to switch teams?
That was also the trip where she got Newell to switch teams to "now a… what is it now?… oh, NY Observer columnist"
Just don't ever refer to her as 'Ripped Rebecca' or SHIT WILL GET REAL UP IN HERE.
Is 'Tripped Trix' similarly unsafe?
That one I'm not sure about, you'll have to consult DC Fishbowls archives.
Or just to start hitting from the other side of the plate.
Now that's he a Democrat and all…
She has that effect on a lot of people. Or so I hear.
2014 Florida Governor's Race: Voldemort vs. Bob Barker.
This is almost as surprising a party defection as Arlen Specter's.
Almost.
Charlise Christ is about as Democrat as the two Washington State Dems who are caucusing with the Republican party. FOAD, Charlie. With votes.
I would like to see those guys skullfucked with rusty chainsaws. NOT VOTES.
ETA: Hypothetically.
Those guys need to be done Washington style.*
*Sodomized with a geoduck and then thrown naked from the top of the Space Needle.
… with votes?
Damn, girl! I like the way you think.
Just get Sheldon and Tom to gay marry each other, then they will see the light.
It's legal now!
Jeesz, those two dicks. Don't their D constituents know they're never supposed to vote for guys with two first names? One from the only exclusively 1%er enclave in the state, and the other from the inbred Ozarks on the Olympic Peninsula. Fuck 'em.
Or you could sodomize them with the Space Needle and throw them off a geoduck.
Wut? You *could.*
He's a Democrat with respect to the RPOF.
It's all relative.
Who's that hottie he's hangin' with? Hubba hubba!
Wish I had the chance to make Trix make that face. Charlie Crist is a golden god.
True fact: the camera was in perfect focus, it was the acid Trix was tripping out on made the picture blurry.
Sounds to me like half of y'all have a major crush on BeccaLou. (hides Editrix' photo, zips up pants)
Buncha wankers.
The beard/wife.
That IS a mighty cute pic!
Whoever you are, I have always depended on the kindness of strangers.–Trixy
Charlie Christ Finally Comes Out *As A Democrat* is not how I expected that headline to end.
Me either. Very disappointed.
One quality more important than sexual or party affiliation, career advancement or accumulated net worth, always seems to emerge in people like Crist: the desire to be talked about.
And if the goobernor of NJ crosses over, we can start chanting: Chris Christie/Crist 2016!
Speaking o' which, whatever happened to Mark Foley, anyways?
I got curious–from Wiki:
After leaving Congress, Foley entered the real estate business in Palm Beach, Florida. He also came out publicly, and as of 2007 was in a relationship with a Palm Beach dermatologist, Layne Nisenbaum. On September 22, 2009, Foley debuted as host in his own radio show, "Foley on Politics," on Seaview AM 960 in North Palm Beach, Florida.
So in other words, he did the same thing every other Republican does upon leaving office.
Dr Nisenbaum changed his name from "Lance Fairskin" as it was just too gay.
Shoulda gone with "Lanced Foreskin."
Jeeze GOP. Sour grapes much?
RINO the DINO!
Charlie looked at Miss Lindsey and he looked at the Log Cabin Republicans, and he finally decided that life is too short to be self-loathing.
Plus Dems are *way* cuter.
"Florida Republicans want you to know they are SO OVER you."
Yeah, that guy they got now is quite an improvement. At least for the beaten-wife-syndrome wing of the party.
…Not so fast, ham biscuits.
The Democrat party just a little gayer and a lot more orange.
Only slightly. Boehner is still a registered Republican.
I'm picturing him and Boehner squaring off with orange-tinted chakras, Dragonball Z-style.
(There's your homoeroticism!)
"Democrat" party? Let's not even do that in jest. lol
His neocortex is acting up.
And here I thought Charlie was a bipartisan; but I guess that was just a phase while he was not quite ready to out himself and admit he was a full-on closet Democrat.
I think the last straw was when Mitt Romney showed up to the Telemundo debate with the obviously gratuitous spray-tan — as a legitimate Tangelo-American, Charlie just couldn't handle the pandering.
Well, he certainly is one wild and crazy guy.
So, I guess the Florida GOP must have un-friended him on the facebook.
I bet they didn't send him a Christmas card, EITHER!
Maybe a Holiday Greeting…
Well, this connection between butthurt and Charlie Crist wasn't exactly what I expected.
Ew. I mean, I have no prob with daddies, but…ew.
Wonkette meets the nicest guys next to the PARKING IN REAR signs…
I bet this guy's life is just one partially-unzipped lanyard after another.
Um, is Crist shaking out editrix' hand or trying to feel her up?
Send C.C. a complimentary pair of panties!!!
Manties!
.
“Charlie Crist has the ability to meld into any character — from ‘Chain Gang Charlie’ to sympathetic ‘Man of the People’ — there is seemingly no role that he can’t play…”
Hmmm, who does that remind me of? Didn't some guy just like that run for President or something?
Who *also* had a weird-ass tan…
Total win.
It's Reagan right? Tell me It's Reagan. It's totally Reagan.
Also, too…
Except that with him, there was seemingly no role he could play, convincingly at least.
It's a public statement from Republicans, so every electron is swimming in projection.
I guess his GOP girlfriend just got to psyco for him.
What is this snide-remarks about closeted gays day?
Scalia's closested?
He's still keeping the seat warm for Mehlman. Wait, ew.
In other words, "Tuesday."
Day?
Florida Republicans want you to know they are SO OVER you.
Technical term is "douch-bag remorse".
OT and I know I am way late to the party, but ladies, if we are wearing the Wonkette panties and get in an accident, the EMTs will laff so hard they might drop us!
Yeah, and don't delude yourself into thinking they are too mature to talk about that stuff. It would come up at their holiday party every year until the end of time.
Also, that alt text kills!
Naked… and stoned!!
He's still joining the Democrat Party even though OBummer is taxing his addiction to tanning beds?! Wowzer!
Wow…Rebecca looks thrilled as fuck to be posing with the former governor….what's the bad man got on you, fearless leader?
I think at that point she thought she was meeting a giant purple rabbit in a Batman suit. Who was speaking French and smelled llike d minor.
Fear and Loathing in Fort Lauderdale?
acid.
Boner will cry now that Dems have their own shade of orange.
Does this mean both Cuomo and Crist will be on the cold fried chicken circuit for the presidential election in 2016?
Hilary, you must run. Crist cannot be both vice-president and First Lady.
Oh grief. If Cuomo's the nominee, I'll go bankrupt when the credit cards I use to buy scotch come due.
Boner will cry anyway
So, after the 'baggers go after Miss Lindsey, is he going to come out, as a Democrat, too?
Once you've gone the out-'bagging the 'baggers route, it's pretty hard to come around to the other side.
Welcome Charlie you’ll love being a Democrat. We are so big tent that none of my precinct bosses has ever given me shit about my “I Like Ike” Button.
Enough about Charlie Crist, tell me more about this device the power companies don't want me to know about?
The OFF switch.
Here.
This be witchcraft!!!
Trippy
In the picture, which one is the hot mess again?
Both of them, Katie.
*air kisses Becks*
Thanks to the Florida GOP, I'm unlikely ever again to use the name "Ronald-Reagan" without hyphenating it.
Yay! Now we got our own orange-ish dude!
The daily upkeep is not worth the cost.
He orders neatsfoot oil by the barrel.
"Image 20120905_235542"
Is that all you got for us Taylor…. particular with that lovely lady in the photograph?
Charlie Crist: It gets better.
*applauds*
*bows, scratches badkitty behind ear*
*purrs*
Success!
Where is he taking 'Becca and why does she look like she's about to faint?
Roofies have that effect. Or so I've heard.
It was HOT in Charlotte and he wouldn't share his orange-tinted sun blocker?
So. Much. Orange.
Who invited HER?
Now he should convince Lindsey Graham to come out and switch sides, and quit his stupid little pantomime.
I think Miss Lindsey would be happier coming out, but I'm not certain we necessarily want her on our side…
Who among us, has not "…littered with distinct clues predicting his recent defecation…"?
I ax you!
You can learn to play a lot of parts spending a lifetime in the costume closet.
As for the former governor's current marital status, all ya gotta do is Google "Charlie Crist's wedding," Mr. or Ms. Taylor Huffman. When you wait until age 52 to be wed (the first marriage that lasted less than a year doesn't count apparently), you do it quite formally, so there are lots of pix, including nice ones of the protesters outside. Apparently teh gheys take offense when you have a lavish wedding after telling them they aren't allowed. Teh blahs also gathered to shout and I suspect they had more than one reason.
http://www.tampabay.com/blogs/the-buzz-florida-po…
Charlie has a nice looking beard.
I see his pastime is sneaking up on people in parking garages and startling the crap out of them.
Hi, junkies! There are new posts!
http://wonkette.com/492414/here-is-your-heartwarm…
http://wonkette.com/492433/never-forget-union-thu…
I still can't figure out if his moves through the political spectrum are more cynical or more pragmatic, but he doesn't seem harmful, so I welcome him warily, but welcome, nonetheless.
Apparently the wife is still there, whether it is a cardboard cutout, no one is sure.
Crist and the GOOP: They will never, ever, get back together.
There sure are a lot of Taylors around here lately.
Seeing that pix proves he's got teh ghey; otherwise that left hand would be groping 'Becca's fine ass.
Good grief Betsy Rothstein seems totes catty, in a way that suggests to me the possibility of raging jealousy. Also, she quite clearly has a severe lack of reading comprehension, which makes one wonder how she apparently got a job writing about what other people have written.
Hey, what these people do in the privacy of their own operating rooms is their own business.
I was going to say, "Sully, my good fellow, you slime the charming young lady," but having finally read through her dreck to the end I suspect you're right. Although she did uncat a bit later on, din't she?
Maybe at the very very end when she uses a fairly neutral tone to basically call Our Beccs a liar and a drunk, that was less catty than the rest of it, but that came immediately after the paragraph where she said that Trix should be sent on a remedial writing course. Reowr!
Note to Betsy: Just because you don't understand, doesn't mean it doesn't make sense.
Oh, that was sheer twaddle. I think she was trying to be oh-so-very-very, and failing miserably, but that's just an opinion. In the event, she is not worthy to polish BeccaLou's tootsies, not even with her tongue a la Dick Morris and his ladies of a different profession.
And yes, you're quite right. She should've kept her gob shut and not revealed her inability to understand BeccaLou's Best, the dolt.
We have autosexuals here in Michigan. Human-automobile sex and marriage is still outlawed, but hell if that stops them from trying.
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