Still Watters Run Derp

How Long Before Fox News Ambush Guy Who Donated To Obama Hits Unemployment Line?

Awwwww, JesssseeeeeeeJesse Watters, the Fox News correspondent who made a name for himself as Bill O’Reilly’s ambush interview guy, has some ‘splaining to do. Politico’s Dylan Byers reports that a Federal Elections Commission filing shows Watters donated $500 to the Obama campaign in late September. Which kind of seems at odds with his recent on-air opinion that Obama voters are “zombies” who would mindlessly support their Dear Leader “as long as there was Obamacare, gay marriage and abortion on demand.” (Then again, he’s also a guy who — assuming he was involved in producing this idiotic video clip — thinks using “record scratch” sound effects is a hilariously comedic way to suggest that someone is terribly wrongheaded. Skee-RATCH???)

So here is the proverbial what-was-he-smoking gun, with Watters’ employer plainly identified as “News Corp”:

exciting FEC form

An enterprising camera crew might be able to stake out Mr. Watters’ home or office to ask him what the deal is, here — maybe it’s just one of those ironic hipster donations the kids are so into these days, after all. Or maybe the real story is that some demonic librul stoled Watters’ identity to create trouble for him. Or maybe his conservative brain got et? We are certain that, if he is still employed by Fox News by the end of the day, he will have a sufficiently glib explanation. Or maybe he’ll just admt he’s a secret librul, get gay-married at an abortion clinic, and start smoking ganja with Kal Penn! (record-scratch sound effect)

Anyone attempting to ambush him should of course, be aware that he is likely to lecture them on how it should be done.

[Politico / MediaMatters]

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About the author

Doktor Zoom Is the pseudonym of Marty Kelley, who lives in Boise, Idaho. He acquired his nym from a fan of Silver-Age comics after being differently punctual to too many meetings. He is not a medical doctor, although he has a real PhD (in Rhetoric and Composition).

View all articles by Doktor Zoom

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134 comments

    1. An Asexual Ungulate

      But he's doing it wrong. The key is to be a smarmy uber-conservative douchebag on TV, then go out of character and back to normal in your personal life.

      While I appreciate his dedication to living in character 24/7, I feel like those around him might appreciate it if he'd dial back the constant method acting.

      1. SavageDrummer

        Billo is a dude, playin' a dude… disguised as another dude! He doesn't break character until after the DVD commentary…

    2. JustPixelz

      Most people watch Colbert's show while using their elliptical trainer or while eating Greek salad. O''Reilly's audience watches from a Hoveround while eating cheez fries.

  1. Lot_49

    Maybe General, uh, CIA Director, uh, Fox-financed Republican presidential candidate, uh, 47-percenter David Petreus could interview Watters. He's looking for a job these days, ideally one with extensive travel.

  2. Jeff E. Guy

    Isn't Watters voting in his economic interest? A black guy in the White House is good for ratings at Fox….

  3. KennyFuckingPowers

    And I thought my job was a bitch. Giving O'Reilly and FOX head for a
    paycheck, now that really fucking sucks the swamp donkey. I myself
    also'd pay $500 to create some distances and such.

  4. memzilla

    Jessie Watters' sense of ethical behavior is like the joke about ARVN rifles in Full Metal Jacket: only dropped once and never been used.

  5. Schmannnity

    If Newscorp had only hacked into his phone and computer, all this unpleasantness could have been prevented.

  6. iburl

    I'm sure there must be some logical explanation, like President nObama used an Orbital Sharia Mind Control Laser to make him donate this money in his sleep. Should have been wearing his tin-foil night cap.

  7. MiniMencken

    He was hoping a donation of that size would garner him an invite to the inaugural balls, where he could ambush-interview gay Muslim satanists dancing with Maoist drag welfare queens. But you knew that, Doktor Zoom.

  8. Lascauxcaveman

    LOL, that guy actually donated more to the Obama campaign than I did in 2012 and 2008 combined.

    Wotta hypocrite. Guess a guy's gotta make a living somehow.

  9. FakaktaSouth

    I think this just goes to prove the idea that no one wants PresO in office like the people who make money off of hating him. If people aren't sitting around being racist-ly mad and blamey at PresO would ANY of these fuckers – Rush, Sean, BillO, any of them, have people who were constantly jacked up and needing their madness justified quite as hard? I don't think ANYONE wanted PresO elected more than Rush Limbaugh, I really don't. It's so much better for ratings. As for this guy, he's probably just a dick for money but even he knew he didn't want Mitt to run a damn thing.

    1. Schmannnity

      You're forgetting the War on Christmas, the War on Religion, the War on the Constitution, The War on Terror, the War on Marriage, the War on Traditional Values, the War on White Men, the War on Capitalism, the War on Job Creators, and the overhyped Daily Outrage.

      1. FakaktaSouth

        But with Mitt as the Head Mormon in Charge, what would have happened? All of that "THE KENYAN MUSLIM SOCIALIST IS DOING THIS AT THE HIGHEST LEVEL" shit goes out the window. It's way funner and so much easier to be the opposition party than just trying to explain to people every single day why it's good that King Mitt is taking all their tiny remnants of Social Security away.

    1. HistoriCat

      There's always something you can get fired for. I'm sure someone sent him a personal email to his work address or he crossed in front or Roger Ailes sometime or some other bullshit rule that no one cares about until they're trying to fire your ass.

    2. Callyson

      IIRC, someone at MSNBC got into trouble for donating to someone–apparently, there was a clause in his contract forbidding him from doing so. (I think it was Scarborough and maybe Olbermann too.)

      Watch, now FOX will put a clause into new contracts requiring employees to give to the GOP. I'm surprised they don't already have one…

      1. bikerlaureate

        It'll be interesting to find out. You would expect some limits on the conduct of those who could end up on the air, from these fearmongers.
        Since they're not an objective news joint, I guess they have the right to drafts whatever contracts they want – just as the "talent" has the right to refuse to sign 'em.

  10. Antispandex

    Hedging his bets? I don't know, maybe he was trying to buy access to the campaign…naw, 500 bucks wouldn't buy much. Closet liburl? I don't know, maybe he should be staked out, called out, exposed for the hypocrite he is…Oh, wait, this guy isn't a black man is he? Never mind, what was I thinking? Fox News, right.

  11. memzilla

    Bill O'Rly's ambush guy donating to Obama? “It's a travesty of a mockery of a sham of a mockery of a travesty of two mockeries of a sham.”

  12. ManchuCandidate

    Oh sillies. There is a perfectly plausible explanation for that. It wasn't the Conservatard Jesse Watters. You see he was fooling around with his XBox 360 and caused a hole in the space time continuum which linked our universe to an evil liebrul universe so the "good" Jesse was transported to the evil liebrul universe (or Universe X) while the goatee wearing Jesse was transported here. During that time, the evil Jesse donated to Barack Obamer while good Jesse was stunned at the Universe X's US Amercia's 1%ers paying high taxes, single payer health care, lack of religion and focus on education. Suddenly the Xbox 360 did an electronic burp and good Jesse was thrown back into this universe while evil Jesse was sent back to his devil's universe. And that is why Jesse Watters donated $500 to Barry Obarmer.

    1. Biel_ze_Bubba

      The old "testing the system" excuse. "If Obama took money from me, there's no telling who else he took money from!"

  13. Beowoof

    Well I for one would like to welcome him to the light. Quit selling what is left of your soul to Bill O'Reily for 30 pieces of silver.

  14. BaldarTFlagass

    It was a social experiment, like when that white guy dyed his skin and wrote a bestselling book about it. It's not too creative, but Watters' book is going to be called Dem Like Me.

    1. bikerlaureate

      Wow.
      Thank you.
      That was impeccable.

      Moyers knows full well that short sound bites are the norm, and he didn't yield an inch!

      I need a cigarette now, brb

  15. Tundra Grifter

    Chances are his defense will be he made the donation in order to attend a campaign event were he could ambush interview somebody.

    Of course, that would probably mean it was a Fox corporation donation laundered by Jesse.

    Indeed, Muddy Watters.

  16. Dr. Matt

    BREAKING NEWS: The New Black Panthers (while wearing scary berets) forced Jesse Watters to donate to OBummer….at knife point!

        1. bikerlaureate

          I think they're still more subtle than that. All they had to do to force the lowlife from Fox News to do their bidding was open the door… and give him that "donate-to-Obama-or-get-corkscrew-shanked" glare.

  17. lefty74

    Everyone, and I mean everyone, on the FOX payroll can just eat shit and move to GlenGlenBeckieBeckieStanStan.

    This world would be much better off.

  18. JustPixelz

    Naturally we'll find someone at Fux News donating money to Obama. But O'Reilly, Hannity and the rest don't need to bother … everything they said and did on the air contributed to the Romney campaign.

    1. Geminisunmars

      I thought that everything they said and did ultimately contributed to the Obama campaign. (Some) people are finally seeing the light.

  19. memzilla

    This comment was deleted for making a reference to the International Alliance of Stage and Theater Employees, and how Watters' being a member of same would probably make Faux News think twice about firing him, for fear of union reprisal.

    And yet, suitably re-worded and without referencing the abbreviation, it got through. Interesting.

  20. BigSkullF*ckingDog

    I would like to know more about producing free electricity using a box that looks a lot like Uncle Rico's time machine.

  21. owhatever

    But the point is that Obama TOOK the money that Watters would have otherwise donated to the Salvation Army and Red Cross for Hurricane Sandy relief. Jesse now has video proof that the callous Kenyan Democrap accepts money although America is hurting. Good job, Jesse! The spin stops over there somewhere.

  22. Exhausted66

    How long before Guy At Work Who Can't Stop Looking at Wonkette Panites picture hits unemployment line?

  23. johnnyzhivago

    I wouldn't be surprised for 10 seconds if Rupert himself donated to Obama. Fox News is a total fraud, with the exception of Roger Ailes it's just a money making operation that would be 100% behind the Green Party if there was a good business model for it.

  24. Guppy

    An Obama presidency is job security at Fox News. By giving the Teahadis something to scream about, Barry is the ultimate job creator over at the Murdoch empire.

    It's like Jon Stewart rooting for Bush, only moreso.

  25. BaldarTFlagass

    When you say "record-scratch," do you mean like the stylus is being dragged across the radius of the record making a horrible sound, or the record is being moved back and forth with the stylus still in the groove to create the not-quite-as-horrible-but-close wikka-wikka-wikka sound, like in that Two Turntables and a Microphone song by Beck?

  26. Goonemeritus

    I have mostly worked for CEO’s that were way to the right of me. After a long day of crushing labor and tearing the heads of kittens donating to the ACLU & Move On made me feel a little better.

  27. BaldarTFlagass

    Am I the only one here that thought Lucille Ball and her TV shows were about as funny as an iron lung? God I could not stand that woman.

  28. southernboyman

    Oh goody, a new conspiracy because this can't be true. I'm sure Col. Mustard wrote the check in study with a rope.

  29. DahBoner

    If only we could harvest all the hot air from FoxNews, then North America could be a tropical paradise right now…

  30. mosaickmind

    Proof that Faux news commentators are all about money and teleprompters. Reading comprehension not required.

  31. politics_nerd

    Everyone knows that the Fox News suits are absolutely ecstatic that Obama won re-election. A Romney win would have been a death sentence for their ratings, and Obama's win is nothing but a continuing money shower for them.

Comments are closed.