Still Watters Run Derp

How Long Before Fox News Ambush Guy Who Donated To Obama Hits Unemployment Line?

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Awwwww, JesssseeeeeeeJesse Watters, the Fox News correspondent who made a name for himself as Bill O’Reilly’s ambush interview guy, has some ‘splaining to do. Politico’s Dylan Byers reports that a Federal Elections Commission filing shows Watters donated $500 to the Obama campaign in late September. Which kind of seems at odds with his recent on-air opinion that Obama voters are “zombies” who would mindlessly support their Dear Leader “as long as there was Obamacare, gay marriage and abortion on demand.” (Then again, he’s also a guy who — assuming he was involved in producing this idiotic video clip — thinks using “record scratch” sound effects is a hilariously comedic way to suggest that someone is terribly wrongheaded. Skee-RATCH???)

So here is the proverbial what-was-he-smoking gun, with Watters’ employer plainly identified as “News Corp”:

exciting FEC form

An enterprising camera crew might be able to stake out Mr. Watters’ home or office to ask him what the deal is, here — maybe it’s just one of those ironic hipster donations the kids are so into these days, after all. Or maybe the real story is that some demonic librul stoled Watters’ identity to create trouble for him. Or maybe his conservative brain got et? We are certain that, if he is still employed by Fox News by the end of the day, he will have a sufficiently glib explanation. Or maybe he’ll just admt he’s a secret librul, get gay-married at an abortion clinic, and start smoking ganja with Kal Penn! (record-scratch sound effect)

Anyone attempting to ambush him should of course, be aware that he is likely to lecture them on how it should be done.

[Politico / MediaMatters]

About the author

Doktor Zoom Is the pseudonym of Marty Kelley, who lives in Boise, Idaho. He acquired his nym from a fan of Silver-Age comics after being differently punctual to too many meetings. He is not a medical doctor, although he has a real PhD (in Rhetoric and Composition).

View all articles by Doktor Zoom

Comments

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  • Terry

    So, O'Reilly's show really is the same as Colbert's? All a fake for fun, ratings, and profits?

    • HRH_Maddie

      Mind: blown.

    • Lot_49

      Shhh!

    • An Asexual Ungulate

      But he's doing it wrong. The key is to be a smarmy uber-conservative douchebag on TV, then go out of character and back to normal in your personal life.

      While I appreciate his dedication to living in character 24/7, I feel like those around him might appreciate it if he'd dial back the constant method acting.

      • SavageDrummer

        Billo is a dude, playin' a dude… disguised as another dude! He doesn't break character until after the DVD commentary…

    • Tundra Grifter

      Except, of course, Bull O'Really? has no sense of humor.

    • JustPixelz

      Most people watch Colbert's show while using their elliptical trainer or while eating Greek salad. O''Reilly's audience watches from a Hoveround while eating cheez fries.

    • Callyson

      All the fake, none of the fun…

    • gullywompr

      It's life imitating the art that imitates it.

  • Lot_49

    Maybe General, uh, CIA Director, uh, Fox-financed Republican presidential candidate, uh, 47-percenter David Petreus could interview Watters. He's looking for a job these days, ideally one with extensive travel.

  • hagajim

    Ooops! Bet he never thought that Bill'O would see that.

  • BadKitty904

    Conspiracy!

  • Jeff E. Guy

    Isn't Watters voting in his economic interest? A black guy in the White House is good for ratings at Fox….

    • freakishlywrong

      Damn work. Beat me to it. They thrive when there's a (D) to demonize.

    • HRH_Maddie

      We call that "job security"

  • Schmannnity

    Those who fail to live by the script shall die by the script.

  • EatsBabyDingos

    Well, crap, it's not like he gave it to Herman Cain.

  • KennyFuckingPowers

    And I thought my job was a bitch. Giving O'Reilly and FOX head for a
    paycheck, now that really fucking sucks the swamp donkey. I myself
    also'd pay $500 to create some distances and such.

  • memzilla

    Jessie Watters' sense of ethical behavior is like the joke about ARVN rifles in Full Metal Jacket: only dropped once and never been used.

  • Schmannnity

    If Newscorp had only hacked into his phone and computer, all this unpleasantness could have been prevented.

  • HRH_Maddie

    The gheys obviously got to him and made him an Obama supporter.

    • BadKitty904

      I blame the Chinese.

      • HRH_Maddie

        The *gay* Chinese.

      • SorosBot

        It was the reverse vampires.

    • bikerlaureate

      There's an interesting script, there, just waiting to be written.

      • HRH_Maddie

        Interesting enough to get an Ohio English teacher fired, I bet.

  • http://twitter.com/iburl iburl

    I'm sure there must be some logical explanation, like President nObama used an Orbital Sharia Mind Control Laser to make him donate this money in his sleep. Should have been wearing his tin-foil night cap.

  • LibrarianX

    It was ACORN. Duh.

  • EnnuiThereYet?

    I prefer to use my 'ahooga' horn to indicate disdain.

  • RadioBitchFace

    You know who else was duplicitous?

    • kyeshinka

      Tom Wilkinson?

    • kittensdontlie

      an Oreo Cookie?

    • jodyleek

      Yentl?

    • YouFail4eva

      Rick Snyder and the Michigan Republicans?

    • BaldarTFlagass

      Lucrezia Borgia?

    • Geminisunmars

      Doublemint Twins?

    • bikerlaureate

      Those pretty twins who sold Wrigley's gum?

      • RadioBitchFace

        You and Geminisunmars?

        • bikerlaureate

          DANG IT.

          One minute too late. "Foiled" again.

    • not that Dewey

      The Xerox company?

      • RadioBitchFace

        Oh, Brother!

        • not that Dewey

          Don't be such a b dick.

          • RadioBitchFace

            Oh, You're Sharp! You're Real Sharp.

          • not that Dewey

            Ikon not think of a pun to top that one.

          • RadioBitchFace

            Ditto, that's the spirit.

  • MiniMencken

    He was hoping a donation of that size would garner him an invite to the inaugural balls, where he could ambush-interview gay Muslim satanists dancing with Maoist drag welfare queens. But you knew that, Doktor Zoom.

  • Lascauxcaveman

    LOL, that guy actually donated more to the Obama campaign than I did in 2012 and 2008 combined.

    Wotta hypocrite. Guess a guy's gotta make a living somehow.

  • FakaktaSouth

    I think this just goes to prove the idea that no one wants PresO in office like the people who make money off of hating him. If people aren't sitting around being racist-ly mad and blamey at PresO would ANY of these fuckers – Rush, Sean, BillO, any of them, have people who were constantly jacked up and needing their madness justified quite as hard? I don't think ANYONE wanted PresO elected more than Rush Limbaugh, I really don't. It's so much better for ratings. As for this guy, he's probably just a dick for money but even he knew he didn't want Mitt to run a damn thing.

    • Schmannnity

      You're forgetting the War on Christmas, the War on Religion, the War on the Constitution, The War on Terror, the War on Marriage, the War on Traditional Values, the War on White Men, the War on Capitalism, the War on Job Creators, and the overhyped Daily Outrage.

      • FakaktaSouth

        But with Mitt as the Head Mormon in Charge, what would have happened? All of that "THE KENYAN MUSLIM SOCIALIST IS DOING THIS AT THE HIGHEST LEVEL" shit goes out the window. It's way funner and so much easier to be the opposition party than just trying to explain to people every single day why it's good that King Mitt is taking all their tiny remnants of Social Security away.

  • Pragmatist2

    They will keep him. Fox gives bonus points for hypocrisy.

    • bikerlaureate

      It buttresses the fair-and-balanced deception. And it got 'em more ink today.

  • Baconzgood

    Not that Fox or Bill-9 crares, but is it legal to fire someone over a political donation?

    • HistoriCat

      There's always something you can get fired for. I'm sure someone sent him a personal email to his work address or he crossed in front or Roger Ailes sometime or some other bullshit rule that no one cares about until they're trying to fire your ass.

      • Doktor Zoom

        His kid might shoplift some shoes from a K-Mart. Then he'll be in BIG trouble.

    • gullywompr

      Nah. I think you gotta write a novel or something.

    • Callyson

      IIRC, someone at MSNBC got into trouble for donating to someone–apparently, there was a clause in his contract forbidding him from doing so. (I think it was Scarborough and maybe Olbermann too.)

      Watch, now FOX will put a clause into new contracts requiring employees to give to the GOP. I'm surprised they don't already have one…

      • bikerlaureate

        It'll be interesting to find out. You would expect some limits on the conduct of those who could end up on the air, from these fearmongers.
        Since they're not an objective news joint, I guess they have the right to drafts whatever contracts they want – just as the "talent" has the right to refuse to sign 'em.

  • Antispandex

    Hedging his bets? I don't know, maybe he was trying to buy access to the campaign…naw, 500 bucks wouldn't buy much. Closet liburl? I don't know, maybe he should be staked out, called out, exposed for the hypocrite he is…Oh, wait, this guy isn't a black man is he? Never mind, what was I thinking? Fox News, right.

    • Biel_ze_Bubba

      He prolly got a Christmas holiday card from the White House.

  • memzilla

    Bill O'Rly's ambush guy donating to Obama? “It's a travesty of a mockery of a sham of a mockery of a travesty of two mockeries of a sham.”

    • Lascauxcaveman

      Or just a puzzle, wrapped within an enigma, wrapped within a mindfuck.

  • http://wonkette.com ManchuCandidate

    Oh sillies. There is a perfectly plausible explanation for that. It wasn't the Conservatard Jesse Watters. You see he was fooling around with his XBox 360 and caused a hole in the space time continuum which linked our universe to an evil liebrul universe so the "good" Jesse was transported to the evil liebrul universe (or Universe X) while the goatee wearing Jesse was transported here. During that time, the evil Jesse donated to Barack Obamer while good Jesse was stunned at the Universe X's US Amercia's 1%ers paying high taxes, single payer health care, lack of religion and focus on education. Suddenly the Xbox 360 did an electronic burp and good Jesse was thrown back into this universe while evil Jesse was sent back to his devil's universe. And that is why Jesse Watters donated $500 to Barry Obarmer.

    • HistoriCat

      Applying Occam's razor I see.

    • fatbob54

      That explains the short-lived goatee he was sporting.

  • SorosBot

    What's next, finding out that there's no such thing as the War on Christmas but Fox just made it up?

  • Baconzgood

    He onlyu donated to prove that people can donate to The CREP.

    • Biel_ze_Bubba

      The old "testing the system" excuse. "If Obama took money from me, there's no telling who else he took money from!"

  • Blueb4sinrise

    He probably got an email from Eva Longoria.

  • Beowoof

    Well I for one would like to welcome him to the light. Quit selling what is left of your soul to Bill O'Reily for 30 pieces of silver.

  • BaldarTFlagass

    It was a social experiment, like when that white guy dyed his skin and wrote a bestselling book about it. It's not too creative, but Watters' book is going to be called Dem Like Me.

  • zippy_w_pinhead

    maybe he just wanted his free Obamaphone…

  • BaldarTFlagass

    There's a raise and stock options in his future!

  • BaldarTFlagass

    It's okay. He used Breitbart's Ghost's Russian credit card to make his donation.

  • KobayashiMaru

    The only "ambush" I've ever watched without wanting to shield my eyes from the awkwardness is when Fox tried to hit Bill Moyers. It's kind of a thing of beauty, the way he handled it.
    http://youtu.be/iLHlg3wpKVE

    • Callyson

      "When is Bill going to come and talk to us about his sex scandal?"

      Love it!

    • Geminisunmars

      Bill Moyers/Stephen Colbert 2016!

    • bikerlaureate

      Wow.
      Thank you.
      That was impeccable.

      Moyers knows full well that short sound bites are the norm, and he didn't yield an inch!

      I need a cigarette now, brb

  • Tundra Grifter

    Chances are his defense will be he made the donation in order to attend a campaign event were he could ambush interview somebody.

    Of course, that would probably mean it was a Fox corporation donation laundered by Jesse.

    Indeed, Muddy Watters.

    • Blueb4sinrise

      LIBEL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

    • Biel_ze_Bubba

      He was hoping to win that lunch with Obama.

    • SigDeFlyinMonky

      I went down to the crossroads….

  • pdiddycornchips

    Rubbing your records with a little soap and a loufa fixes those nasty scratches.

  • Dr. Matt

    BREAKING NEWS: The New Black Panthers (while wearing scary berets) forced Jesse Watters to donate to OBummer….at knife point!

    • BaldarTFlagass

      Then they carved a backwards "B" on his cheek.

    • http://lostintarnation.blogspot.com/ SayItWithWookies

      The New Black Panthers have a knife now? Arms race! Or race arms, whichever.

      • Dr. Matt

        Well, it wasn't exactly a knife per se; it was a little foil cutting blade on a wine cork screw.

        • BaldarTFlagass

          I'd heard it was one of those emery files that swings out of a toenail clipper.

        • bikerlaureate

          I think they're still more subtle than that. All they had to do to force the lowlife from Fox News to do their bidding was open the door… and give him that "donate-to-Obama-or-get-corkscrew-shanked" glare.

  • lefty74

    Everyone, and I mean everyone, on the FOX payroll can just eat shit and move to GlenGlenBeckieBeckieStanStan.

    This world would be much better off.

  • Toomush_Infer

    Spin, spin, spin….do you think those Faux assholes get callouses from spinning all day?…

    • BadKitty904

      What else have they got to do? Report news?

  • freakishlywrong

    We don't want Jesse Waters. Can we throw him back?

  • JustPixelz

    Naturally we'll find someone at Fux News donating money to Obama. But O'Reilly, Hannity and the rest don't need to bother … everything they said and did on the air contributed to the Romney campaign.

    • Geminisunmars

      I thought that everything they said and did ultimately contributed to the Obama campaign. (Some) people are finally seeing the light.

  • BigSkullF*ckingDog

    Weird. It's almost like people on TV just say whatever they get paid to say.

  • memzilla

    This comment was deleted for making a reference to the International Alliance of Stage and Theater Employees, and how Watters' being a member of same would probably make Faux News think twice about firing him, for fear of union reprisal.

    And yet, suitably re-worded and without referencing the abbreviation, it got through. Interesting.

    • Geminisunmars

      IATSE forever!

  • http://lostintarnation.blogspot.com/ SayItWithWookies

    Wow, he doesn't think he owes his employer an obligation to subsume his entire morality to their corporate ethos? I've gotta show this to my dad.

    • memzilla

      Or better yet, we could throw a party!

      • http://lostintarnation.blogspot.com/ SayItWithWookies

        Especially charming is that Lenin looks like George Jefferson.

  • dadanarchistmk2

    Ratfucking gone awry, phaps?

  • Crank_Tango

    I thought that was the dude who taught Heisenburg how to cook meth, yo.

  • BigSkullF*ckingDog

    I would like to know more about producing free electricity using a box that looks a lot like Uncle Rico's time machine.

  • owhatever

    But the point is that Obama TOOK the money that Watters would have otherwise donated to the Salvation Army and Red Cross for Hurricane Sandy relief. Jesse now has video proof that the callous Kenyan Democrap accepts money although America is hurting. Good job, Jesse! The spin stops over there somewhere.

    • SigDeFlyinMonky

      This is the Nose Pin Zone, 'cause its worse than being downwind from a rendering plant.

    • fatbob54

      I almost laughed out loud, but you're too close to a possible truth here…

  • gullywompr

    By the way, Ed Asner is not backing down from his "piss on you" comments – http://www.rawstory.com/rs/2012/12/10/ed-asner-fo….

    • DCBloom

      It is impossible for me to love him more. I wish he were my grandpa.

      • BaldarTFlagass

        Today we are all Ed Asner's grandkids.

  • http://wonkette.com ChillBill

    News Corp also donated $5,000,000 to the Romney campaign. What part of "Fair and Balanced" don't you libtards understand?

  • barto

    DONOR FRAUD!!11!1

  • Exhausted66

    How long before Guy At Work Who Can't Stop Looking at Wonkette Panites picture hits unemployment line?

  • http://rightthinkingamerican.blogspot.com johnnyzhivago

    I wouldn't be surprised for 10 seconds if Rupert himself donated to Obama. Fox News is a total fraud, with the exception of Roger Ailes it's just a money making operation that would be 100% behind the Green Party if there was a good business model for it.

  • Guppy

    An Obama presidency is job security at Fox News. By giving the Teahadis something to scream about, Barry is the ultimate job creator over at the Murdoch empire.

    It's like Jon Stewart rooting for Bush, only moreso.

  • BaldarTFlagass

    When you say "record-scratch," do you mean like the stylus is being dragged across the radius of the record making a horrible sound, or the record is being moved back and forth with the stylus still in the groove to create the not-quite-as-horrible-but-close wikka-wikka-wikka sound, like in that Two Turntables and a Microphone song by Beck?

    • Guppy

      It's the Twenty-First Century: a "stylus" is something used with a touchscreen.

      • bikerlaureate

        A record is part of a database.

        Why do the oldz keep making up weird meanings for words?

        • BaldarTFlagass

          Goddam, you'd think I'd at least get credit for referencing Beck!

          • not that Dewey

            Get off your lawn.

          • bikerlaureate

            What does the dude from Tequila Mockingbird have to do with anything?

  • Goonemeritus

    I have mostly worked for CEO’s that were way to the right of me. After a long day of crushing labor and tearing the heads of kittens donating to the ACLU & Move On made me feel a little better.

  • decentcitizen

    When you consider how much he donated to strippers last year, it's not so much.

  • BaldarTFlagass

    Am I the only one here that thought Lucille Ball and her TV shows were about as funny as an iron lung? God I could not stand that woman.

    • bikerlaureate

      You mean the Westinghouse Iron Lung Variety Hour with Terry O'Thomas, right?

      Yeah, that sucked.

  • southernboyman

    Oh goody, a new conspiracy because this can't be true. I'm sure Col. Mustard wrote the check in study with a rope.

  • DahBoner

    If only we could harvest all the hot air from FoxNews, then North America could be a tropical paradise right now…

  • ttommyunger

    A tool and his money is soon parted.

  • http://wonkette.com/ outragedcitizen

    Meh! As usual a Faux Nudes person is a hypocrite only difference this time he's apparently a good kind of hypocrite.

  • mosaickmind

    Proof that Faux news commentators are all about money and teleprompters. Reading comprehension not required.

  • politics_nerd

    Everyone knows that the Fox News suits are absolutely ecstatic that Obama won re-election. A Romney win would have been a death sentence for their ratings, and Obama's win is nothing but a continuing money shower for them.

  • Bartleby64

    Jesse,
    Integrity, you're doing it wrong.

  • http://howtosavetheworld.ca/ BZ1

    How to spell hypocrite: W-a-t-t-e-r-s

  • Nostrildamus

    It was an ironic donation.