Lindsey Graham: Macho Man of the Senate

  hot hot man-on-man fiscal cliff action

like we were gonna have better alt-text than "i robbed the rainbow to make you gay."When you think big, tough, macho senators, isn’t Lindsey Graham really the first one that comes to mind? We’ve had many occasions to cover his manliness. Hell, we even did a children’s treasury of Lindsey’s butchest moments. That’s why we are sure it comes as no surprise that Lindsey visited Fox News to call for bold, throbbing action on fiscaldebtcliffceilingarmageddeon:

In February or March you have to raise the debt ceiling. And I can tell you this, there is a hardening on the Republican side. We’re not going to raise the debt ceiling. We’re not going to let Obama borrow any more money or any American Congress borrow any more money until we fix this country from becoming Greece. That requires significant entitlement reform to save Social Security from bankruptcy and Medicare from bankruptcy. Social Security is going bankrupt in about 20, 25 years. Medicare is going bankrupt in 15 or 20 years.

But then Senator Rainbow Flag sort of simmers himself into a rolling boil of hysteria, shouting at a president who is not there.

Yes, we will play that game, Mr. President, because it’s not a game. The game you’re playing is small ball. You’re talking about raising rates on the top 2% that would run the government for 11 days. You just got reelected. How about doing something big that is not liberal? How about doing something big that really is bipartisan? Every big idea he has is a liberal idea that drowns us in debt. How about manning up here, Mr. President and use your mandate to bring this country together to stop us from becoming Greece.

Oh dear god where to even begin?! We will leave aside the assertion that Obama was reelected to “not be a liberal,” because we have been blinded with the cognitive dissonance. We will look instead to Senator Village People’s syntax. There is a “hardening” on the Republican side? Obama – the dude who took out Osama Bin Laden – needs to “man up”? “Manning up” to “use your mandate”? It is like the least sexy come-on spam email ever. Truly, this Fox appearance has outstripped our ability to snark. Either Lindsey Graham is straight-up trolling the internet now, or he’s an amazingly realistic performance art piece. You choose.

[ThinkProgress]

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170 comments

  1. freakishlywrong

    First of all, Miz Pittypat, anyone who cites the U.S of America "becoming Greece" is to be ignored out of either pity for being so twatwaffling stupid, or because you're lying through your teeth. And you know that.

    1. Negropolis

      Yep. When I hear the offensive comparisons to Greece – and their offensive because they are so ridiculously outrageous and off the mark – my hearing shuts off. I mean, they really think we're that stupid.

    2. FlownOver

      From Love and Death:

      "All those Greeks were homosexuals. Boy, they must have had some wild parties. I bet they all took a house together on Crete for the summer."

      Need we say more?

    1. Tundra Grifter

      You beat me to it!

      "And I can tell you this, there is a hardening on the Republican side." Why? Did a Senate page just show up?

      1. thatsitfortheother1

        Miss Lindsey is afraid of turning in to Greece. However, he wouldn't mind turning in to Tom Foley .

  2. Pragmatist2

    "How about manning up here, Mr. President and use your mandate to bring this country together to stop us from becoming Greece."
    Greece= subsidized by central government + hostility to foreigners + ignorant citizens + arrogance about imagined past glory.
    Hey, that's Mississippi!

  3. BigSkullF*ckingDog

    I don't know how I am to be expected to make a comment, inteligent or otherwise, with those panties staring at me. I think they are trying to talk to me.

  4. freakishlywrong

    We’re not going to raise the debt ceiling.
    Start withholding Federal monies, (even SS checks), from any district or state who's representative is this snivelingly ignorant.

  5. EatsBabyDingos

    I'm working in development on a hot new tv show called "Buttman and Throbbin." I have cast Miss Lindsey, but cannot decide which role s/he should play.

  6. actor212

    Either Lindsey Graham is straight-up trolling the internet now, or he’s an amazingly realistic performance art piece.

    He's waxing poetic on how hard he works to keep well-oiled the tools of government, too.

      1. thatsitfortheother1

        OT (from yesterday). It was the Paramount in Seattle, summer of 1972. I found their gig list on the Google today.

  7. Texan_Bulldog

    I read that he's trying to be aggressive because he's afraid of a primary challenge from the Tea-tards. Watching Ham Biscuits try to be tough is like watching my two male dogs hump each other: amusing, embarrassing (when we have company) and very unproductive.

  8. FakaktaSouth

    Do you think MsLindsey knows that we already borrowed this money (for this guy's fucking wars and such) and that PresO is trying to pay it back? I mean, the way he talks, you'd think he was fucking lying and trying to confuse people on purpose to push an absurd agenda in the face of his party's dying ethos. Hm, I should ponder this, I am not crazy enough yet.

    1. HistoriCat

      Really – this is what it comes down to. The debt ceiling is a farce. Congress passes the budget – if they don't like the amount of debt, they should change the fucking budget. It's an absurd little dance and it's way past time that it was brought to a close.

      1. Chet Kincaid_

        We will keep dancing as long as Republicans control the House, so line up your dancing shoes. Trying to change this by bully pulpit is a lot harder than having the votes.

    2. Boojum

      Smoke meth laced with PCP and anti-freeze, then put a live mouse in your anal cavity. You will start to approach Tea Party madness.

  9. christianmuslin

    Greece has beautiful gods and godesses; we have hoverounds. Greece has great fresh food; we have frozen fried food.
    Need I worry we are becoming like Greece? I think not.

    1. Tundra Grifter

      Not to mention all those beautiful islands, with picturesque homes overlooking secluded bays of azure water.

      Zorba libel!

  10. freakishlywrong

    That pantie image, though haunting, is waaaaaaaaaaaay to big guys. Needs serious re-sizing. (can't load page).

  11. calliecallie

    I think this is absolutely screaming for an analysis by that guy who decodes the hidden meaning behind what you're saying…

    …small ball….How about doing something big….How about doing something big….big idea…drowns us…manning up…mandate…stop us from becoming Greece.

    Lindsay is not playing around here. He wants it and he wants it big. He wants a "man date" that includes a golden shower, but stops short of going Greek with the buttsecks.

      1. eggsacklywright

        He will bend his ear then. I shall whisper. Heavenly labials in a world of gutturals. It will undo him.

        Wallace Stevens

  12. Joshua Norton

    Every big idea he has is a liberal idea that drowns us in debt.

    Eeeesh! Drama Queen much?

    Ever notice how the Rs always think they can state something as a fact and it just instantly becomes true? Reality totally escapes them.

  13. Ruhe

    What with the success of the Susan Rice Long Con, Lindsey is now convinced that he's Henry Gondorff. This latest "play" is just one of many long cons he has working. The trick is to figure out what he really wants…and no, "Obama's dick" is not an acceptable answer.

      1. Ruhe

        You're right, of course. And with the whole thing apparently being revealed I'm sure that takes Kerry off the list. No doubt though, Graham and McCain still think they're players.

    1. Tundra Grifter

      Ms. Lindsey – "The Entertainer."

      PS: Have you read the autobiography of Yellow Kid Weil? Fascinating…

        1. Tundra Grifter

          Highly recommended. Must have been the source for much of the plot.

          I learned how to give away Michigan swamp land and make money doing it. When I lived in Chicago, each year on his birthday the Yellow Kid would be interviewed by the local newspaper. The amount of money he stole grew each time…

  14. UW8316154

    I'm distracted by the ads today – which mouth is scarier, the growling panties or the Man Cheats Credit Score guy?

    1. Toomush_Infer

      Oh, there's just no way to make "panties" not delicious….what a word! Typing the y just makes it squirrellier….

  15. freakishlywrong

    Republicans ARE aware that their constituents are, or will be, receiving "entitlements", right?

    1. glasspusher

      Indeed. Maybe he's worried about us becoming Greece because it'll ruin his chance to be in a Turkish prison?

  16. NellCote71

    Yes, we will play that game, Mr. President, because it’s not a game. The game you’re playing is small ball.

    WTF? Did Sarah Palin wander onto the set?

  17. randcoolcatdaddy

    "How about manning up here, Mr. President and use your mandate to bring this country together to stop us from becoming Greece."

    How about getting the rich and corporations to pay their fair share of taxes to stop us from becoming pre-revolutionary France?

  18. el_donaldo

    Lindsay is going to get primaried. So he's thinking to himself, They can do all they want, but this time someone else is going to be the bottom.

  19. lefty74

    What is it about Lindsey that makes some of the most politically correct minds on the web go all 8th grade on his gayness?

      1. Ruhe

        It may be true. But he's probably smart enough to know that if he gave up on the self-hating there would be plenty of people in his own party ready to pick up that load and do the hating for him, see for instance Scalia's rational plea for the right to remain a homophobe.

  20. MonkeyMotion

    Oh my, Lindsey is soooo sexy when he's angry.

    Get your whip and chaps, big boy — Mitchy's waiting!

  21. LibertyLover

    I don't think that Lindsey Graham is a performance piece or would begin to know how to troll the Interweb tubes.. I think he is just a hypocrite.

  22. gullywompr

    The GOP has nothing but backfire in their future until the midterms. This is going to be the worst Congress ever for them, and because of that , it ain't gonna be that great for the rest of us either.

  23. ProgressiveInga

    Internalized homophobia manifests itself in various ways. This video will be used as a case study in basic human sexuality classes for years to come.

  24. BadKitty904

    If the Repugs are so keen on "entitlement reform," howzabout starting with the repeal of Congressional salaries and benefits? They could, I dunno…maybe lead by example?

  25. RadioBitchFace

    You’re talking about raising rates on the top 2% that would run the government for 11 days.

    These fucks. Where do they even get this calculation? It is, of course, a flat out lie. Why do you think they protest so much? Maybe because it's actually worth trillions to to the rich?

    1. thatsitfortheother1

      …raising rates on the top 2% that would run the government for 11 days.

      Damn good start, I'd say.

    2. Wile E. Quixote

      You’re talking about raising rates on the top 2% that would run the government for 11 days.

      Well shit, if that's the case then how much do we have to raise rates on the rich to run the government the entire year? Obviously Obama isn't asking for enough.

  26. OneYieldRegular

    When the language becomes this double-edged, the therapist can usually just sit back and wait for the inevitable dawning of insight in his or her client and then, once the soft crying is over, can hand over a box of tissues, gently smile, and say, "Congratulations. Now why don't you celebrate by logging on to Mandate to find some company for the evening?"

  27. Mojopo

    Misrepresenting the purpose of the debt ceiling isn't as stupid as you think it is. Miss Lindsey is hoping this will get his naked bottom spanked by Pres. Obama. After – a soothing application of baby oil on his throbbing, tender behindola.

  28. rickmaci

    The only thing missing from that Freudian steam of consciousness is a reference to somebody growing a pair, something Lindzee desperately needs.

  29. Beetagger

    This article reminds me that it's the season for 'Lil Smokies. I love those miniature sausages on sticks. I used to get them at my Grammy's too.

  30. BZ1

    Missy Lindsay does go on, pray tell, how does the good 'ol USA become Greece again, when some of their problems were in not reducing salaries and bureaucracy,and the failure to move current governmental spending from non-growth sectors (e.g. military) into growth stimulating sectors (thank you Wikipedia)?

  31. An_Outhouse

    Sexual tension is not an attractive attribute for an aging Senator from a state that marries its cousins.

  32. Steverino247

    I miss the old meaning of "gay" sometimes…

    I won't miss the GOP-meaning (Closeted head cases hating themselves and everybody else) when it goes away.

    And may we please see the other side of the Dentalpanties? We like ass, too.

  33. elviouslyqueer

    I realize I'm late to this thread, but HOLY SHIT ON A CRACKER I need that advert sign in the WORST goddamn way.

    1. Wile E. Quixote

      No kidding, that is a brilliant find and I hope to see it illustrating more stories at Wonkette.

  34. DocChaos

    Seems social security and medicare have been 15 -20 years away from bankruptcy for at least 30 years, never quite getting there, while the Republicans have been morally and ideologically bankrupt for at least as long and yet they never quite disappear.

  35. sullivanst

    So, thinking about violating the full faith and credit makes Lindsay Graham get hard and start fantasizing about Obama showing him what a real man he is?

    Oh Lindsay sweetheart, don't you ever change. You're just fabulous as you are.

  36. rickmaci

    Until today, when I read this diatribe, I really didn't understand what the hell the Republicans were trying to pull on this tax and debt ceiling deal, but now I see what they are up to is a quid pro quo of false equivalencies. They are sending a message that if the Dems put an increased burden on the main GOTeaP money sources with an increased tax, they will insist the Dems put a hurt on their middle class voting constituency by cutting "entitlements." "If you make us cut our wrists, we will make you cut your throat." Simple as that.

  37. Slim_Pickins

    The Messicans ruined Greece and we're next! GREECE! GREECE! GREECE! I CAN'T HEAR YOU. GREECE! GREECE! GREECE! GREECE! GREECE! GREECE! GREECE! GREECE! GREECE! GREECE! GREECE! GREECE! GREECE! GREECE! GREECE!

  38. SorosBot

    Dude, Greece is all fucked up because of the EU-enforced austerity, because they were forced to severely cut government spending. Stop saying that you want "to stop us from becoming Greece" when you're advocating for the exact same fucking policies that fucked Greece up in the US!

    1. fuflans

      greece is also financially fucked up b/c finances were part of an unspoken social contract to help it overcome a history of fascism, military dictatorship and coups.

      oh, and greece hasn't been the world's reserve currency since like 250 BC.

      fucking asshats.

  39. zippy_w_pinhead

    There should be a rule that any Senator or Representative that states that Obama is borrowing more money or will be spending out of control should lose their job on the spot for being so fucking stupid as to not understand that all federal spending originates in Congress and that the debt ceiling is being lifted to pay for PREVIOUS spending

  40. Wile E. Quixote

    You'd think that a guy like Lindsey would want America to become more like Greece, where manly men like him could adopt proteges like Marco Rubio and teach them the arts of manly manliness, and buttsechs.

  41. Tommmcatt_Again

    Our Side:

    Sally Field
    Brad Pitt
    Ed Asner
    Ben Afflick
    Margret Cho

    Their Side:

    Lindsay Lohan
    Stephen Baldwin
    Fred Thompson
    Chuck Norris
    Dennis Miller

    …. once again, if Liberalism is evil,I'm going to hell – because you know they have a heck of a band, so to speak.

  42. DemonicRage

    There is something mysteriously taunting and hidden behind the imagery in the line, "The game you're playing is small ball," spoken to The President. Graham must be out of his mind to sign his name to such pathetic drivel.

  43. fuflans

    please add that marketing masterpiece to the wonkette catalog with the santorums.

    it's so fabulous i would like to use as my holiday card.

  44. joeyblau

    Obama has small balls!!! Linsey says so!

    and… wtf is up with that ad? oh.. is that when gay was a word that meant happy and carefree instead of buttsex?

Comments are closed.