TAYLOR SWIFT-BOATING  3:59 pm December 10, 2012

Daily Caller On Important Policy Question Of Our Day: Why Is Taylor Swift So Slutty?

by Rich Abdill

She was fully clothed when she started listening to "Speak Now."You’ve heard of Taylor Swift, right? She’s that young, pop-country musician who’s made, like, 70 gagillion dollars singing simple songs about love and loss and the teardrops on her guitar. She’s not breaking any new ground musically, sure, but turns out singing about the trials of love in a way that appeals to teenage girls is insanely lucrative. She just wants a nice boy, gosh.

But Tucker Carlson’s Daily Caller cannot help but ask the important political questions: Why she such a ho?

“Wow, Taylor Swift Really Gets Around,” proclaims the headline, before it explains to us that this 22-year-old woman has dated at least SEVEN. PEOPLE.

For a woman-child who paints a picture of innocence in all her A-line dresses, high necklines, blonde bangs and saccharine-sweet lyrics, Swift really gets around.

Hear that, women who do not wear high necklines? Yours is not the picture of innocence. Yours — especially since you also do not have blonde bangs — is the picture of guilt. Sex guilt.

Ms. Swift, you see, is the subject of new rumors:

Swift, 22, reportedly fell very swiftly (get it?) into the arms of One Direction’s Harry Styles, 18

First of all: Did you, indeed, get it? It is a play on her name, which is also an adjective. Past the jovial wordplay, however, we are forced to confront a strange and ominous truth: The woman who has made a career off of “saccharine-sweet lyrics” about relationships with men, occasionally, maybe, has relationships with men.

And they are gross, whorish relationships too. Just LOOK what she was doing a few years ago:

Then there was the Jake Gyllenhaal photo-ops of 2010, when Swift and the older actor were seen holding hands a lot and drinking coffee.

Oh, heavens. Holding hands?! Clearly this woman is teaching our daughters to be prostitutes. (Do we have daughters? Yes, rhetorical ones, with purities unimpugned by penises.) Taylor Swift is not only swift, she is FAST! (Get it?)

And she is being Taylor SWIFT-BOATED! (Get it?)

Swift’s latest hit, “We Are Never Ever Getting Back Together” is allegedly about Gyllenhaal, because apparently he did not want to simply “hit it and quit it” (as the kids say) and kept trying to get back together with her even though he didn’t like her lousy music. (Again, can you really blame the guy?)

It is not really clear what the author is talking about here, but it seems she has never actually heard the phrase “hit it and quit it” in real life, and that she has somehow come to the conclusion that it means staying broken up with someone. Because she is just talking from her bum (as the kids say).

The conclusions are clear, Teen Hookers Who Still Don’t Get It, so pay attention: Taylor Swift ACTS like a good girl, but she has a boyfriend sometimes, so, clearly, she is not.

And once you’re done marveling at a young, single woman’s sluttitude, you can click over to another of the author’s recent moral parables: Prohibition was bad, here are pictures of naked women. And don’t forget, ladies: Real modesty is looking like Taylor Swift, but never talking to boys, who will devalue your sweet, lily-white soul. And make you want to play the ukulele.
[Daily Caller]

 
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{ 201 comments }

nounverb911 December 10, 2012 at 4:00 pm

A beard is a terrible thing to waste?

actor212 December 10, 2012 at 4:12 pm

They scratch, too. Also.

BigSkullF*ckingDog December 10, 2012 at 4:01 pm

Harry Styles? That is not a real person. You guys can't fool me.

actor212 December 10, 2012 at 4:13 pm

His stage name is Dick Fashions

StillGoinGreen December 10, 2012 at 4:38 pm

YES IT IS!! He is the cousin to the McGrowan brothers, Phil and Pat. Or is is Pat and Phil?

Goonemeritus December 10, 2012 at 4:02 pm

Tucker is just pissed that not only does she have a love life but she can buy and sell him with the money she made off ringtones last month.

Jukesgrrl December 10, 2012 at 4:16 pm

Put a Ring Tone on It

BaldarTFlagass December 10, 2012 at 4:26 pm

I imagine the hit counter on her website shows in one day what Daily Caller gets in an entire election year.

Nibbler of Niblonia December 10, 2012 at 5:00 pm

Hey, leave her alone (don't leave her alone). Tyler is a very good (not very good) writer and she completely deserves to have a forum (cesspool) in which to peddle her one-trick writing style. Everyone (no one) is an "editor" these days!

nounverb911 December 10, 2012 at 4:02 pm

Didn't I see Tucker on TV yesterday waiting in line to get married in Seattle?

actor212 December 10, 2012 at 4:32 pm

Yes. He and his bowtie are now happily vacationing in Maine.

MosesInvests December 10, 2012 at 9:24 pm

Not that there's anything wrong with that.

Negropolis December 11, 2012 at 12:36 am

No, they don't allow marriages with animals just yet.

Antispandex December 10, 2012 at 4:03 pm

She really gets around? Well, she hasn't got around here…damnit. But seriously, is old Tucker suggesting that sex is only for the mens? I have a couple of friends who would be OK with that, but personally I say, slut it up ladies, I'm here for you!

Jukesgrrl December 10, 2012 at 4:17 pm

No, he's saying sex isn't for him.

BadKitty904 December 10, 2012 at 4:24 pm

And understandably so.

snowpointsecret December 10, 2012 at 4:03 pm

It seems like they also had plastic surgery in the '50s from that picture.

nounverb911 December 10, 2012 at 4:09 pm

The "Inflato-bra" looks over inflated.

memzilla December 10, 2012 at 4:14 pm

It was simply an allegory to the Missile Gap. We thought we were losing the race to produce Inter Continental Bazoomic Missiles.

BaldarTFlagass December 10, 2012 at 4:18 pm

And Cadillac Bumper Bullets (aka "Dagmars").

memzilla December 10, 2012 at 4:31 pm
actor212 December 10, 2012 at 4:36 pm

Maybe she has a case of hives from the 45 she's holding?

gullywompr December 10, 2012 at 4:40 pm

This is why Photoshop was invented.

snowpointsecret December 10, 2012 at 4:04 pm

All these easy targets to go after and they pick Taylor Swift of all people, who doesn't fit the complaint at all? Did they just pick names out of a hat?

Geminisunmars December 10, 2012 at 4:14 pm

They decided it was her turn.

actor212 December 10, 2012 at 4:31 pm

Like me, I'm thinking they confused her for Taylor Dane, altho you'd think an asshat named Taylor Bigler could keep her Taylors apart…

Redgyal December 10, 2012 at 10:19 pm

Or Tay Tay (as the kids say) is a secret fan of Barry O and they just found out.

Chet Kincaid_ December 10, 2012 at 4:04 pm

Uh, Rich: no name check of SNIPY for covering Camille Paglia's bloviating about Taylor just 2 days ago?

larrykat December 10, 2012 at 5:47 pm

I loved that Paglia piece – such unabashed bitchiness… trashes Swift and Perry but kinda likes Rhianna?? WTF A great, befuddling piece of writing by a real screwball! Whats not to love?

Negropolis December 11, 2012 at 12:38 am

This is an outrage! I mean, it's not like multiple Wonkette editors have ever written their own take on the same issue or a similar issue in the same day.

Blunderthing December 10, 2012 at 4:04 pm

These gasping beasts hunger for four chord miseries where women pine for love in the light of a fading moon as vampires play.

Biff December 10, 2012 at 4:18 pm

Three chords, unless the last one is flat…

DaniloTifoso December 10, 2012 at 4:05 pm

yeah…wake me when the sex tape comes out…

yawn

An Asexual Ungulate December 10, 2012 at 4:05 pm

Now I understand Tucker Carlson's dark secret. He's actually traveling backward in time.

It makes sense, first the bow tie and extreme conservatism, now the apparent insistence that holding hands before marriage makes someone a filthy pigslutwhore…

I for one look forward to his reaching an age where he feels lace cravattes are a good fashion choice and inadvertently outs himself as a reverse time traveler.

Jukesgrrl December 10, 2012 at 4:19 pm

He's been hanging out with that quarterback from Kansas State who couldn't kiss his woman until he was married to her?

bikerlaureate December 10, 2012 at 5:15 pm

When he reaches an age before cable news programs, we'll all be better off.

Barbara_ December 10, 2012 at 4:05 pm

Tucker has never heard of Courtney Love, I take it.
What's the worst thing Taylor Swift has ever done? There was that one time that she bit the head off a chocolate Easter Bunny and tossed the body into the crowd.

Callyson December 10, 2012 at 4:18 pm

Or of Madonna.

And if he ever listens to Lady Gaga he'll have a coronary.

(Rushing to iTunes to order her complete selection…)

StillGoinGreen December 10, 2012 at 4:59 pm

I heard from Selena who heard from Miley who heard from Demi that she doesn't wash her hands after she pees! EEEWWW!!

Barbara_ December 10, 2012 at 5:30 pm

I dunno, StillGoingGreen. Tucker makes her sound so skanky that maybe she should wash her hands before she pees too.

Botlrokit December 10, 2012 at 4:05 pm

Taylor Bigler, you have a call on line one. It's Camille Paglia. She wants to meet for lunch, and to hate-fuck you…

sullivanst December 11, 2012 at 8:51 am

Given what she gets paid to do, Bigler's far more of a whore than her namesake.

bumfug December 10, 2012 at 4:05 pm

Taylor Swift is merely the tool Tucker uses to get back at all the women (literally, ALL women) who made fun of his ridiculous bow tie.

ttommyunger December 10, 2012 at 4:24 pm

And tiny flaccid peen.

SigDeFlyinMonky December 10, 2012 at 5:00 pm

Why must everyone laugh at my mighty sword?

Crank_Tango December 10, 2012 at 4:07 pm

I blame the teachers' unions! I blame the public schools! She was homeschooled?

I blame Nobama!

BaldarTFlagass December 10, 2012 at 4:07 pm

Guess Tucker got shot down in flames when he asked Taylor out.

Hammiepants December 10, 2012 at 4:07 pm

I bet Tucker Carlson still thinks girls have cooties.

nounverb911 December 10, 2012 at 4:09 pm

I bet his mother thinks Tucker has cooties.

Callyson December 10, 2012 at 4:21 pm

I'll bet Tucker has cooties.

bikerlaureate December 10, 2012 at 5:17 pm

I'll bet cooties have Tuckers.

axonneuron December 10, 2012 at 4:07 pm

Good God, who cares? Tucker, get a life.

JustPixelz December 10, 2012 at 4:07 pm

Tits or GTFU! oh wait … never mind.

memzilla December 10, 2012 at 4:08 pm

First off, "Tucker," no one whose first name is one letter away from describing a sex performer should criticize anyone for their sex performing.

MiniMencken December 10, 2012 at 4:08 pm

I blame the whole Swiftian media pig-pile on Camille Paglia's Humbertian musings about this ange gauche, this girleen of our collective teen dreams. Totes.

Tommmcatt_Again December 10, 2012 at 4:08 pm

Sour grapes much, Tucker? What has Jake got that you don't have, anyway? Besides talent, looks, and fashion sense, I mean.

I'm sure she'd date you if you just asked, Mr. Important and Powerful. She could pick you up on her unicorn and fly to to Cotton Candy Mountain, where you could show her your bow tie collection and she would call you "hot".

All you have to do is believe, Tucker. No need for all this bitterness!

actor212 December 10, 2012 at 4:42 pm

What has Jake got that you don't have, anyway? Besides talent, looks, and fashion sense, I mean.

A penis?

kingofmeh December 10, 2012 at 4:08 pm

let's play "guess the demographic" here. the target audience for the article must believe that dating 7 or more men makes you slutty; that taylor swift's relative level of "promiscuity" ranks more than a 3 on a scale of 1 to 10 in the greater world of popular music and culture; does not understand popular jargon like "hit it and quit it"; and likes simple puns on people's names.

this piece was clearly rejected by PARADE magazine and the monthly AARP newsletter before finding a home at the Daily Caller.

Jukesgrrl December 10, 2012 at 4:23 pm

The Reader's Digest would have taken an essay on why Taylor Swift is Tucker's Most Memorable Person, which is probably closer to the truth than the tripe he published in his rag.

Geminisunmars December 10, 2012 at 4:09 pm

"That was too quick," said Tom swiftly.

beer4prez December 10, 2012 at 4:09 pm

Didn't Gawker just have this exact same article? People need to stop writing stupid shit about Taylor Swift, because I'm suppose to make fun of her, not defend her.

deanbooth December 10, 2012 at 7:37 pm

My thought, too. I wouldn't pay any attention to articles about Swift (or Kate M. etc.), except that I read anything by Caity Weaver.

Badonkadonkette December 10, 2012 at 4:09 pm

Did she get knocked up in high school? No? Then she's not a real slut. Bristol Palin – there's a slut.

Chet Kincaid_ December 10, 2012 at 4:09 pm

That's precious. They're trying to snark!

CthuNHu December 11, 2012 at 11:23 pm

The comments are doing it a bit better:

Who does this strumpet think she is? What makes a 22 year-old single woman think she has the right to date seven different "victims" over 2 years? That's preposterous! Doesn't she know she has to get Tucker Carlson's blessings before she drinks coffee with a man? She should marry the first guy who buys her a mochaccino, just as Jesus commanded.

Obviously someone from this neck of the woods…

BaldarTFlagass December 10, 2012 at 4:09 pm

She's really pining away for kd lang.

JustPixelz December 10, 2012 at 4:11 pm

Carlson also hates the way those liberals in the Taliban treat their female vessels.

actor212 December 10, 2012 at 4:11 pm

I don't know the answer to the question, but I'm volunteering to study up.

kittensdontlie December 10, 2012 at 4:11 pm

holding hands a lot and drinking coffee

Our Mormon betters already taught us this, that coffee is a gateway to depravity.

drbill0620 December 10, 2012 at 5:45 pm

Holding hands? Coffee?

Both lead to dancing, I'm told……

Negropolis December 11, 2012 at 12:41 am

LOL! I was just thinking the same thing. Dancing!

memzilla December 10, 2012 at 4:12 pm

Daily Caller might as well have titled this article:

"Tucker Carlson Never 'Got Any' From Teenage Girls When He Was In High School, Still Spends $2000/week For Therapy."

Jukesgrrl December 10, 2012 at 4:25 pm

I don't think it was girls.

memzilla December 10, 2012 at 4:39 pm

Exactly.

Lascauxcaveman December 10, 2012 at 5:08 pm

I hear he spends a lot of time hanging out with Ross Douchehat, drinking Bud Lite and talking about not getting laid.

MosesInvests December 10, 2012 at 9:31 pm

I didn't 'get any' from teenage girls when *I* was in high school, but it didn't prompt me to write misogynistic crap.

Doktor Zoom December 10, 2012 at 4:12 pm

Kids today and their crazy jazz!

actor212 December 10, 2012 at 4:17 pm

Kids today and their crazy jizz!

FTFY

Negropolis December 11, 2012 at 12:42 am

And their phonographs! I tells ya', they are an invention of the devil. They will be the end of us, I swear.

Stevola December 11, 2012 at 1:37 am

Those wax cylinders are pure evil

Negropolis December 11, 2012 at 2:56 am

Truly, it is a mainline connection between our world and the infernal one ruled by the great fiend below us.

elviouslyqueer December 10, 2012 at 4:12 pm

In conclusion: Not only does Taylor Swift get around, she is now responsible for the downfall of one of the greatest bands to have ever come out of the United Kingdom. (If you know what One Direction sings, please, tell us in the comments below. We have no idea.)

Wow. Going to catty to snarky to puerile to moronic in 1.3 seconds. Impressive.

Jukesgrrl December 10, 2012 at 4:26 pm

They're white boys channeling R. Kelly.

elviouslyqueer December 10, 2012 at 4:44 pm

Yup. But I bet R. Kelly never sold his lifesize ass for 29 bucks either.

Jus_Wonderin December 10, 2012 at 4:47 pm

I might have to get one of those. Anybody got some Pinking Shears I could borrow?

SorosBot December 10, 2012 at 4:52 pm

They like to pee on underage girls too?

BaldarTFlagass December 10, 2012 at 4:38 pm

Wait, she's Yoko Ono too? Yikes!

Negropolis December 11, 2012 at 12:45 am

You see, a One Direction is a species of lesbian-teenage boy hybrids related to the ubiquitous Justine Beaver…

BaldarTFlagass December 10, 2012 at 4:13 pm

"For a woman-child who paints a picture of innocence in all her A-line dresses, high necklines, blonde bangs and saccharine-sweet lyrics, Swift really gets around."

If they really want to examine hypocrisy, the Daily Caller should maybe look into Ayn Rand's use of medicare and social security. That would be a rich vein to mine…

actor212 December 10, 2012 at 4:13 pm

Oh, heavens. Holding hands?!

If you know a better way to exchange complex protein chains, I'd like to hear about it.

dr2chase December 10, 2012 at 6:18 pm

It involves Christmas trees and wreaths, but yeah, there is a better way.

Disassembly December 10, 2012 at 4:14 pm

I didn't get "it." Please explain with an analogy that incorporates Thomas Jefferson, Barack Obama, property and slavery.

memzilla December 10, 2012 at 4:20 pm

Just as slaves who were the property of Thomas Jefferson may have been the forebears of Michelle, the wife of President Obama, so Taylor Swift may have become the mother of the suppurating pile of jealosy to which Tucker Carlson is a slave.

(it makes just as much sense as the article did)

Lot_49 December 10, 2012 at 4:14 pm

They didn't say these kinds of things about Grace Slick. Just sayin…

actor212 December 10, 2012 at 4:44 pm

I had to laugh when, as this story popped up in my browser, I was listening to Cherry Bomb

LakeLucilleLoon December 10, 2012 at 10:06 pm

Nooo, wasn't Grace Slick always just the same age that we are….oh, never mind…I'll have to say more now, wasn't Grace Slick the same age my Mother always was, but just so much cooler? (but also not the one that fed me Pop Tarts and paid for anything and everything that I ever asked her to, even now, when I'm 46 and she's 66) Ok, My Mother is not as cool as Grace Slick, but she's somehow stayed married to my Dad for nearly 50 years and not killed him. In closing, I guess I'm glad the my Mother is NOT Grace Slick, she's just June Cleaver and there's nothing wrong with that. (although the Jezebel people might say that she's not empowered enough, I love my Mom and she does have her own portfolio that's worth more than my Dad's…) Sorry, when I chime in I always say too much.

Joshua Norton December 10, 2012 at 4:15 pm

Swift and the older actor were seen holding hands a lot and drinking coffee.

♪ Tell me more, tell me more, did she act like a whore?
Tell me more, tell me more, was he trying to score?

Uh-huh uh-huh uh-huh uh-huh ♫

Stevola December 11, 2012 at 1:43 am

"We got crazy, all night and day"
"We got crazy, drinking latte"

Biff December 10, 2012 at 4:15 pm

Say, you know who else played the ukelele?

BaldarTFlagass December 10, 2012 at 4:16 pm

I got this.

Don Ho.

Get it? Ho?

snowpointsecret December 10, 2012 at 4:17 pm

Queen Liluokalani?

BaldarTFlagass December 10, 2012 at 4:23 pm

Jimi Hendrix?

memzilla December 10, 2012 at 4:24 pm

The son of Kim Jong Il, Menta Lee Il?

viennawoods13 December 10, 2012 at 4:37 pm

Tiny Tim as he tip-toed through the tulips?

Biff December 10, 2012 at 4:43 pm

That's who I was fishing for. Would also have accepted Bruddah Iz.

DahBoner December 10, 2012 at 4:44 pm

Soul Patch?

actor212 December 10, 2012 at 4:46 pm

George Formby, Jr., the most famous ukulele player in Wigan, Mancs?

Biff December 10, 2012 at 6:03 pm

And all the rest of those crazy Brits!

SorosBot December 10, 2012 at 4:53 pm

The Gooch from Scrubs?

MosesInvests December 10, 2012 at 9:37 pm

Who is now half of Garfunkel and Oates.

Fred_Wertham_Jr December 10, 2012 at 5:02 pm

Zooey Hitler?

Lascauxcaveman December 10, 2012 at 5:11 pm

Arthur Godfrey.

He was godlike.

Lascauxcaveman December 10, 2012 at 5:12 pm

Oh and Rudy Valee, too.

Negropolis December 11, 2012 at 12:47 am

Israel Kamakawiwo'ole?

Biff December 11, 2012 at 1:23 am

Duly noted, with linky up there^^^^

Callyson December 10, 2012 at 4:16 pm

Jealous much, Fucker Snarlson?

christianmuslin December 10, 2012 at 4:16 pm

There's another Taylor Swift hit song in here somewhere.

DCBloom December 10, 2012 at 4:29 pm

Think she already did…. How's that song go?
Why you gotta be so mean?

Negropolis December 11, 2012 at 12:48 am

How's that song go?

Like all of the other ones.

Geminisunmars December 10, 2012 at 4:31 pm

Is this like that pony-birthday present joke/story?

Lascauxcaveman December 10, 2012 at 5:13 pm

"Tucker is a Creepy Douchebag;" it's one of her lesser-known numbers.

ManchuCandidate December 10, 2012 at 4:17 pm

This is what the Daily Caller should be doing. I want to know if they are on Team Angie or Team Jen.

CrunchyKnee December 10, 2012 at 4:18 pm

I am not familiar with this Swift lady's musical offerings, but I do know that Tucker Carlson is a douche nozzle ass wipe.

BarackMyWorld December 10, 2012 at 4:18 pm

Just seven? Unless her songs are entirely fictional, every song she has ever recorded has been about some guy who dumped her.

Dumb kid just needs to give up for a while and just enjoy her money. Or at least stop dating male celebrities. Or quit whining about her love life in public while simultaneously using it as a money making enterprise.

dr2chase December 10, 2012 at 6:46 pm

1. Collect lovers
2. Whine in public
3. ???
4. Profit!!!!!

(Not the Gnomes: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GcIM4ztwgp8 )

Lionel[redacted]Esq December 10, 2012 at 4:18 pm

Wait. em's been holding my hand. Is that how women infect you? I'm unclean! I'm unclean!!!

emmelemm December 10, 2012 at 5:26 pm

Oh, quit crying and get a bottle of Purell or something.

Lionel[redacted]Esq December 10, 2012 at 7:48 pm

That's your solution to everything.

emmelemm December 10, 2012 at 8:09 pm

Windex works too.

MosesInvests December 10, 2012 at 9:39 pm

Are you Greek?

natl_[redacted]_cmdr December 10, 2012 at 7:27 pm

You're only unclean if you were drinking coffee while holding hands. And only if you spilled some coffee on you.

Doktor Zoom December 10, 2012 at 4:19 pm

These guys aren't very SWIFT (get it?)

actor212 December 10, 2012 at 4:29 pm

Well, they have to TAYLOR (get it?) their stories to their audience.

Who don't get it. Ever.

SexySmurf December 10, 2012 at 4:19 pm

Jesus Fucking Christ, she's 22; she should be out fucking around!

To be serious for a moment, the media just got off (get it?) David Petraeus' penis and now it's all up in (get it again?) Taylor Swift's vagina. They need to shut up; what goes on between consenting adults in private is no one's business.

gullywompr December 10, 2012 at 5:29 pm

And her music's not all that bad – even some grown men listen to it.

SexySmurf December 10, 2012 at 5:34 pm

Yeah, I heard that somewhere. I wouldn't know about that personally.

Stop looking at me.

Biff December 11, 2012 at 1:25 am

Wait–Petraeus is all up in Swift's vajayjay? I gotta get me a copy of US to keep up with all this shit!

Chet Kincaid_ December 10, 2012 at 4:19 pm

Tucker doesn't personally write everything on Daily Caller, this stellar article is by a fresh-faced bitch named Taylor Bigler, their "Entertainment Editor." For some reason, Tucker feels the need to cover the Celeb Frivolity beat for the Ladiez:
http://dailycaller.com/author/taylor-bigler/
WARNING: As a bonus, and if Wonkette's weren't annoying enough, if you click that link you will get 3, count 'em 3 auto-playing-with-audio videos from Ad Choices on one page!!

gullywompr December 10, 2012 at 5:31 pm

Hey now, Ad Choices took me to a pretty cool Real Social Dynamics pages yesterday. Hellooooo ladies….

LibrarianX December 10, 2012 at 4:20 pm

If you feel the need to talk about Taylor Swift, at least criticize her unbearably mundane music.

snowpointsecret December 10, 2012 at 4:21 pm

Collin Klein libel!

fuflans December 10, 2012 at 4:23 pm

are you guys getting some kind of kickback for covering the daily caller?

i sure hope so.

le petit mort December 10, 2012 at 4:24 pm

"Hey Taylor, I'm a let you finish, but this column by Tucker Carlson got to be the worst of all time!"

Geminisunmars December 10, 2012 at 4:34 pm

Oh, drat, you beat me, and did it better.

(ETA: I'm dying a little.)

SorosBot December 10, 2012 at 4:24 pm

So wait, in the Daily Caller's world of romance, are we only supposed to ever date one person in our entire lives?

HistoriCat December 10, 2012 at 4:59 pm

That's still one more person than most of the Daily Caller staff.

MissTaken December 10, 2012 at 4:24 pm

Tucker really could use a SWIFT kick in the ass. Get it?!

docterry6973 December 10, 2012 at 9:57 pm

I see what you did there.

TootsStansbury December 10, 2012 at 4:26 pm

DDoes Tucker know how babby is formed?

Jukesgrrl December 10, 2012 at 4:28 pm

Taylor Swift doesn't wear A-line dresses. Tucker really IS a fashion disaster, among many other kinds of misfortune.

snowpointsecret December 10, 2012 at 4:28 pm

If he hates Taylor Swift for holding hands with a guy, what would he think of Katy Perry kissing a girl—and liking it?

Biff December 10, 2012 at 4:30 pm

Doesn't Tucker holding hands with guys make him a slut?

gullywompr December 10, 2012 at 4:36 pm

That's different.

rickmaci December 10, 2012 at 4:28 pm

Call me when the issue is a sex video of Ms. Swift or at the very least pictures of her with lots of side boob. Otherwise…ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ.

weejee December 10, 2012 at 4:29 pm

Prohibition was bad, here are pictures of naked women.

They missed one. Isn't that Tucker's sister-in-law?

BigSkullF*ckingDog December 10, 2012 at 4:34 pm

I've been to weddings like that. They are the best kind.

Guppy December 10, 2012 at 6:50 pm

His pregnant mother, no doubt.

BaldarTFlagass December 10, 2012 at 4:29 pm

Between this, Jamie Foxx, and hot actress that should be president, I think I got stuck on USWeekly's website or somethin' today.

ttommyunger December 10, 2012 at 4:29 pm

Tucker needs a good blow job but we all know that aint gonna happen even though Grover Norquist has his hand in the air waving madly.

Jus_Wonderin December 10, 2012 at 4:54 pm

Grover Norquist << Just his name…sounds like his mouth is full.

ttommyunger December 10, 2012 at 4:58 pm

Fee sure!Sent from the Field, not in Garrison.

Geminisunmars December 10, 2012 at 4:29 pm

So —- what does Kanye have to say about all this?

RadioBitchFace December 10, 2012 at 4:30 pm

ZOMG, wait until she gets the taste of dark meat.

MissTaken December 10, 2012 at 4:30 pm

I forget, has Taylor Swift been photographed with no panties on like a good little slut? Inquiring minds want to know!

docterry6973 December 10, 2012 at 4:31 pm

I never understood why any woman wants to have a man around, considering how we behave. And what we smell like.

viennawoods13 December 10, 2012 at 4:41 pm

Men: Can't live with them, can't do most positions without them.

MissTaken December 10, 2012 at 4:43 pm

True, but you are good for grabbing things off the top shelf for us.

Chet Kincaid_ December 10, 2012 at 4:47 pm

Wash that man right out of your hair! http://www.walmart.com/ip/17215636?adid=222222222

Jus_Wonderin December 10, 2012 at 4:56 pm

Oh, I was using that thing wrong. Maybe that is why I am divorced.

SayItWithWookies December 10, 2012 at 4:31 pm

I can't wait for Taylor Bigler's next bombshell expose, "Ann Murray, Metaphor-Abusing Socialist Whore."

Jus_Wonderin December 10, 2012 at 4:56 pm

"We'll be shadows in the moonlight……………."

Biff December 10, 2012 at 4:31 pm

…as Tucker dreamily writes Tucker Swift in his PeeChee folder…

MissTaken December 10, 2012 at 4:34 pm

Tucker Swift sounds like when a guy tucks his peen between his legs to look more girlish.

SorosBot December 10, 2012 at 4:48 pm

So wait, are you saying that Tucker is "Buffalo Bill" from The Silence of the Lambs? That wouldn't be all that surprising actually.

gullywompr December 10, 2012 at 4:34 pm

Nice 45's.

Antispandex December 10, 2012 at 4:35 pm

BTW, and maybe a little off topic, but you would sell more t-shirts with a braless model…just sayin'.

Chet Kincaid_ December 10, 2012 at 4:35 pm

In slight fairness to Daily Caller: they model themselves after Huffington Post, so they have all kinds of "departments" besides Political Outrage, such as Entertainment, Sports, Tech, Education and something called Guns and Gear. So it's not like this is their big right wing issue of the day, or even written by one of their policy nutjobs.

DahBoner December 10, 2012 at 4:40 pm

Well!

That will be the last time I ever drop off my shirts to have the buttons sewn back on with her…

Chet Kincaid_ December 10, 2012 at 4:42 pm

This recently-discovered photo of his mother cavorting pants-less with race-music platters proves that Berry Gordy was Obama's father!!1!1

MissTaken December 10, 2012 at 4:45 pm

Not when your peen is as teenie-weenie as Tucker's.

gullywompr December 10, 2012 at 6:22 pm

They come in different sizes?

Eve8Apples December 10, 2012 at 4:48 pm

In an average year, Taylor Swift spends more on bikini waxes than Tucker Carlson earns working for the Daily Caller. I can see why Tucker is so jealous.

Jus_Wonderin December 10, 2012 at 4:58 pm

He wants a bikini wax??

bikerlaureate December 10, 2012 at 5:24 pm

I've never understood why they don't just switch to swimwear that's made out of something that is washable. My board shorts get wax on 'em, but they don't need to be waxed…

ChrisM2011 December 10, 2012 at 4:53 pm

I'm surprised it wasn't a Gawker article. Now those guys are obsessed with the little lady.

kyeshinka December 10, 2012 at 4:57 pm

I'll bet Carlson got all Tucker-ed out writing this. What…ho ho..huh huh. Tuckered out. I am HILARIOUS!!!!

Beach_Bubba_Tex December 10, 2012 at 5:06 pm

So how DO you remove a photoshopped halter top on 1950s porn? A friend wants to know.

gullywompr December 10, 2012 at 6:21 pm

Control shift X.

HobbesEvilTwin December 10, 2012 at 5:16 pm

Charlie Pierce's name for Politico is Tiger Beat on the Potomac.

The jokes have become reality.

DeathOfIrony December 10, 2012 at 5:27 pm

Like Thomas Jefferson, Tucker Carlson is now busy just cold pulling stuff out of his taint. And putting it on the web. TJ had to do it free-hand. He was from the greatest generation.

proudgrampa December 10, 2012 at 6:25 pm

Tucker and Taylor sound like they were made for each other.

HarryButtle December 10, 2012 at 6:47 pm

Jeebus. I have a 12 year old daughter. I know celebs aren't supposed to be role models, but they are. So, I want my daughter to grow up just like:

A. Taylor Swift
B. Rhianna
C. Lady Gaga
D. Katy Perry
E. Ke$ha

etc, etc, etc. I think you can see where this is going.

Negropolis December 11, 2012 at 12:53 am

I hope those are ranked in order, because I'm pretty sure Ke$ha sleeps in a garbage can.

An_Outhouse December 10, 2012 at 8:47 pm

taylor swift? she's the one who wears a bow tie, right?

Steverino247 December 10, 2012 at 10:45 pm

This is going to sound weird, but that picture of the young lady with the records? Probably what my mother looked like just before I was conceived.

Negropolis December 11, 2012 at 12:22 am

There is not a word These Wonkettes can write that will make me respect Taylor Swift more either as a musician or person. To attempt to slut shame her is entirely inappropriate and wrong, but I feel no sympathy for any other type of criticism she gets, because she largely deserves it as far as I'm concerned.

BZ1 December 11, 2012 at 12:25 am

Taylor (Bigler) is like all claws and hissing…

lulzmonger December 11, 2012 at 12:44 am

Subtext = Taylor Bigler is out of batteries.

red_kira December 11, 2012 at 12:28 pm

Jake Gyllenhaal. Yes, I would hit that.

Noah_Hegemon December 11, 2012 at 2:35 pm

Tucker Carlson is still alive? Alas, but sans relevancy.

carlosmuecke December 11, 2012 at 7:11 pm

HEY! Who photoshopped that phony top on the gal so we can't see her bazooms! NO FAIR!

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