journamalism

Fourteen-Year-Old Actor Wants Buxom Pretty Sit-Com Lady To Be President, Is Idiot

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We have nothing against Sofia Vergara. She is quite fetching! She is very funny, without being fat, ugly, or Jewish, fuck you Christopher Hitchens! But we feel like maybe she is not the first person you would think of to be president of the United States, despite this Washington Examiner story, reproduced here in total:

At 14, Rico Rodriguez isn’t even old enough to vote, but he knows exactly which of his “Modern Family” castmates he’d like to see enter the political fray. “It would be awesome to have Sofia [Vergara] in office,” Rodriguez told Yeas & Nays when he was in town last week for the National Tree Lighting. “And then I could visit her all the time in the White House and I could probably have my own room in the White House,” the young actor, who plays Manny, continued. He also knew what a big deal it would be. “That first latin woman — who’s a girl,” he pointed out. “So, you know, my week off, I’m just going to go hang with Sofia in the White House, no biggie,” he concluded.

Rico Rodriguez, you are a fucking idiot.

Sofia Vergara was born in Colombia. That is even more foreign than Hawaii, believe it or not! Rodriguez, go take a civics class please. You are in high school presumably. Or else tell your on-set tutor to teach you something so you don’t go embarrassing yourself by saying stupid shit to the Washington Examiner.

What was reporter Nikki Schwab’s reaction to our pointing out, via the Twit, how weird it is that a 14-year-old actor does not even know the constitutional requirements for the presidency?

“Haha that’s a good point.”

Everybody go kill yourself now.

[WashEx]

About the author

Rebecca is the editor and publisher of Wonkette. She is the author of Commie Girl in the O.C., a collection of her OC Weekly columns, and the former editor of LA CityBeat. Go visit her Commie Girl Collective, and follow her on the Twitter!

View all articles by Rebecca Schoenkopf

Comments

Hey there, Wonkeputians! Shypixel here to remind you to remember our Commenting Rules For Radicals, Enjoy!

  • BaldarTFlagass

    You live way too close to Hollywood, Rebecca.

  • IncenseDebate

    I for one would like to spend time in her oval office.

    • SexySmurf

      I'd like to stuff her ballot box. With votes.

      (I nicknamed my penis "votes").

  • SwanSwanH

    Dumb-phy.

  • nounverb911

    I see the Yankees next third baseman is sticking his foot in his mouth already.

  • elviouslyqueer

    I believe I gave more shits to our local sewer system as part of my morning constitutional than I do about Darling Nikki's little puff piece.

  • Cleopatriot

    I think it's kind of sweet, he wants his fake Mommy to be President.

  • http://www.themindisaterriblething.com skmind

    Vote for Rico?

    • Geminisunmars

      Sauve.

      • nedbeaumontjr

        Mother of mercy, can this be the end for Rico?

  • nounverb911

    Wait! Does this mean that Cuban born Marco Rubio can run in 2016?

    • Esteev

      He is a pretty good actor.

    • BadKitty904

      Hey, if the Panamanian, Juan McCain – born in Coco Solo in 1887 – can run for prez, why not the Comb-over Kid?

  • BaldarTFlagass

    Little known fun fact: drop the final "-ra" and her last name becomes "Verga," which means "dick" in SoTex Spanish.

    • PubOption

      Is that how the name of the blue pill was derived?

  • Lizzietish81

    This was just an interview? Whatever happened to the tree question?

    • BadKitty904

      Ditto, "favorite color"?

  • http://wonkette.com smokefilledroommate

    If it's not Sofia, then I'd like Santa to be President, Rodriguez continued.

    • http://twitter.com/iburl iburl

      He won the election with gifts!

  • http://lostintarnation.blogspot.com/ SayItWithWookies

    Sofia Vergara was born in Colombia. That is even more foreign than Hawaii, believe it or not!

    But Venezuela's practically US America, right? I mean, they have a commie dictator too. I'm only asking on behalf of my campaign to draft Shakira.

    • Negropolis

      She is completely trustworthy; her hips don't lie. That's the kind of quality you want in a president.

  • TheGyrus

    I knew the constitutional requirements for being President when I was 14, but I also got a lot of wedgies.

  • Botlrokit

    Fuck that Sofia Whatzername nonsense… is this person Team Barack or Team Mitt?

  • Pragmatist2

    Modern family member as President? Ed O'Neill – hands down. No contest.

    • SorosBot

      Al Bundy as president, really? <toilet flushes; loud laughter from the audience>

      But hey, he did get four touchdowns in one game…

  • Estproph

    When does a 14 year old boy know anything anyway? Like just about all 14 year old boys, he wants her to be president because he thinks about it and rubs himself with a sock.

    • BaldarTFlagass

      "She's president of my penis!!"

      • Oblios_Cap

        Does that make her a dick-tator?

  • http://gratuity.wordpress.com/ Gratuitous World

    a little harsh on the kid + a little too laudatory of the woman (very funny?).
    guessing 50% of adult population is clueless on Const. requirement too.

    • BaldarTFlagass

      "guessing 50% of adult population is clueless on Const. requirement too. "

      Especially when it comes to the current WH occupant.

    • Disassembly

      True but those people aren't on teevee. We should be able to expect more from actors on hit ABC comedies.

    • larrykat

      After all the Obama Kenya bullshit, I would think everyone in the country, even fetuses, would know at least the this native-born requirement.

  • http://intensedebate.com/people/mrblifil mrblifil

    Sofia Vergara is to funny what Phyllis Diller is to tit-fucking.

    • SheriffRoscoe

      Oh but that accent! I chuckle whenever I hear non-native speakers mispronounce things.

      • fatbob54

        Ok, but only if Charo can be Vice President.

    • fatbob54

      Every boy's secret fantasy? Right? Anybody? Oh crap…

  • BadKitty904

    "Mother of Mercy, is this the end of Rico?!"

  • greengeekgirl

    Geez, really, calling out an eighth- or ninth-grader who is an actor, and therefore might be a wee bit behind on some of his subjects, for not knowing details of what makes someone eligible for the presidency? Just FYI, some of us didn't have a civics class until high school; I didn't have a class that covered the constitution as more than a vague idea until I was 15 or 16. Considering the kid probably hasn't set foot in a real school in ages, who knows when he's taking what classes?

    And to call him a "fucking idiot"? HE IS A KID. You said some fucking stupid things when you were 14, too. We all did.

    • Disassembly

      When I was 14 I was voting for Clinton, then working in his Justice Department.

    • GhostBuggy

      When I was 14, I was Brian! And so was my wife!

    • Giveusabob

      Agreed Wonkette has no business picking on a 14yr-old. This is sad. Plenty of adults out there desperately in need of mockery.

      That said, I voted for Mondale in 2nd grade.

    • larrykat

      Bullshit. There are 14 year-olds who commit crimes who are charged as adults. He is a sentient young adult. His skull has hardened from it's birthing softness. What he said makes him a fucking idiot.

      • GregComlish

        Yeah but who gives a fuck? What are we going to go around blogging every dipshit remark by every teenager? Who the fuck is this kid? And let's get to the heart of it: his moronic endorsement is entirely insincere. It is not in any way materially different from saying "God I want to fuck that hot Latin ass" which, according to the comments, is the same vibe that 90% of Wonketteers are getting. (Greg Comlish included). Let's give our horny teenage dipshits a break, eh?

    • Guppy
  • RedneckMuslin

    "Sofia Vergara was born in Colombia. That is even more foreign than Hawaii, believe it or not!"

    But less foreign than Kenya.

    • chicken_thief

      Plus she has tits. Therefore is perfectly capable of cleaning up and making sammiches in the WH, stuff the mamically endowed of our species can handle.

  • Lizzietish81

    Lies! When I was 14 I was rooting for Clinton.

    • BaldarTFlagass

      When I was 14, my dad had been calling me a fucking idiot for at least 10 years. I'm almost at the 50 year anniversary of my being called a fucking idiot by him.

      • Geminisunmars

        I thought my name was "Dumbshit" for the first 14 years of my life.

        • Disassembly

          I thought my name was Bill Cosby.

          • GhostBuggy

            Well done.

      • http://intensedebate.com/people/mrblifil mrblifil

        Spoken (written) like a real fucking idiot.

      • Lizzietish81

        My mom used to call my brother a "son of a bitch", then she would get really pissed when we pounced on this in agreement.

      • Chichikovovich

        Yeah, my dad too. But in his defence, I was a fucking idiot.

  • Disassembly

    It's refreshing to see a popular blog call any child a fucking idiot. That's some tough love.

    • CrunchyKnee

      All children are fucking idiots, so I guess it is rather redundant.

    • GhostBuggy

      Especially a renowned mommyblog such as this one.

  • CrunchyKnee

    Please for to be letting me know why this matters in the scheme of anything? I haz a dumb.

    • BaldarTFlagass

      I think it's called "slow news day." Glacially slow. Tectonically slow.

      • Toomush_Infer

        The whole day has become known as an "era"….and we're only 2/3 through this ice age….

    • Oblios_Cap

      regular dumb or TeaTard dumb?

  • http://gratuity.wordpress.com/ Gratuitous World

    well an add'l 25% now know the requirement but also think hawaii is in africa.

  • noodlesalad

    He's still more informed than the majority of Republican lawmakers.

  • RedneckMuslin

    14 year old boy and tits. Understand now?

    • http://intensedebate.com/people/mrblifil mrblifil

      In that case you'da thought the kid would be getting behind Gingrich.

      • Lizzietish81

        HEYO!

      • Biff

        Calypso has tits?

        • Toomush_Infer

          Newt…they're known as "his nibs"…

    • Pragmatist2

      "Blah, blah, blah, TITS, blah, blah, blah" is I think the 14 year old boy translation of your statement.

  • DocChaos

    14 year old boy thinks with penis, fantasizes about hot milf action with lady president and is unconcerned about constitutional requirements for office while fapping to fantasy. This belongs in the water wet category.

    Besides what hetero male of any age wouldn't want to visit Sophia Vergara in the oval office.*

    * didn't see that Incense Debate beat me to the most obvious of puns.

    • SorosBot

      But that's his mom! OK it's his fake TV mom, not his real one, but still ick.

      • Lizzietish81

        Oh come on, Greg Brady was banging his TV mom.

  • Oblios_Cap

    I guess I need to watch "Modern Family" sometime. Does Sofia parade around nekkid a lot?

    • gullywompr

      Will this do?

      • Oblios_Cap

        Quite nicely, thank you.

      • Limeylizzie

        Those are real ones, amazing! I feel a bit sorry for that hirsute little lesbian doing the massage.

        • emmelemm

          They're real, and they're spectacular!

  • gullywompr

    Cuchi-cuchi!

  • elSurfeador

    I think you're making a mountain out of a molehill on…..oh never mind.

  • SorosBot

    It would be refreshing to have a President us straight menfolk (and lesbians) could fap to, after all you men-liking people have been spoiled with Barack.

    • gullywompr

      Elect a women, for men's rights!

  • el_donaldo

    If ludicrous sexual fantasies are now valid political commentary, then I need to find a journalist to explain about Loretta Sanchez, a tub of Crisco, flamingo lawn ornaments, jelly donuts, and riding crops.

  • SorosBot

    On the one hand, we already had an actor as President once and that turned out horribly; on the other, he was a total moron which is not true of all actors.

  • edgydrifter

    But how will Vergara's campaign affect Bieber's chances for the nomination?

  • christianmuslin

    We have fantasy baseball and fantasy football, both for adults, why can't the kid have fantasy politics, for teens? After all the kid may be greasing his wheels for when he turns 18 and wants to star with his fake mommy in sit-com porn, for realz not fantasy.

    • BaldarTFlagass

      I can't imagine that he wants to wait till 18. At 14 he's probably just one giant hormone.

    • http://italkyoubored.wordpress.com/ ffredpalakon

      He's a 14 year old boy and he works with Sofia Vegara. I'm pretty sure he's greasing his wheels every hour of every day.

  • http://facethesuncastnoshadow.wordpress.com/ Mumbletypeg

    But if I go kill myself now I won't live to see 12.12.12.
    My last experience of repeating numbers in a calendar date would be 11.11.11 and on that day last year I was *still* waiting for the fun to begin!

    • Geminisunmars

      Wait just a little bit longer, to 12.21.12, and you won't have to kill yourself anyway.

    • Biff

      As Geminisunmars pointed out before me, some idiot transposed the 2nd set of digits.

    • http://lostintarnation.blogspot.com/ SayItWithWookies

      Hey, but the fun began shortly thereafter.

      Anyway, if we just patiently wait for Jesus to return we'll be able to experience the ultimate odometer reset of 1.1.1, which is much more legitimate since the last 12 is really 2012. I'm told it's going to happen any day now, which is why my rapture insurance business is really taking off.

  • Monsieur_Grumpe

    He's voting with his penis.

    • BadKitty904

      Def. thinkin' with the wrong head…which, as his age, is pretty standard.

      • Biff

        When do we grow out of that? I'm asking for my little friend…

  • ttommyunger

    Can. Not. Tap. And. Fap.

  • Respitetini

    14 year-old boy. Sophia Vergara. Come on, now, what did you expect?

  • http://wonkette.com Lionel[redacted]Esq

    Good to see that the Washington Examiner continues to be a leader in political reporting.

  • commiegirl99

    Jesus, who the fuck have I been letting into the comments? Earnest bullshit goes to Jezebel, please.

    • sundaytrucker

      Wasn't Earnest Bullshit the guy that hung out with Verne?

      • http://wonkette.com Lionel[redacted]Esq

        I thought Earnest Bullshit stared in McHale's Navy.

        • larrykat

          I think that was actually Ernest T. Bullshit.

      • DocChaos

        I think he was the guy that did the Nancy comic strip.

    • Disassembly

      BTW, you may want to omit that last line from your article or you'll never get a radio show in Australia.

    • http://gratuity.wordpress.com/ Gratuitous World

      i mean, if the kid was fucking an elected official, I think your expectations would be more reasonable.

    • SheriffRoscoe

      People have mistaken The Onion for real news, too. It's funny because it's almost always a conservative.

      • Lizzietish81

        Hey, you can't prove the Abortionplex doesn't exist!

    • Blueb4sinrise

      That was the best Jim Varney movie.

    • SexySmurf

      I guess there goes my hope of Wonkette hiring an entertainment editor. I come here to read posts like this not posts about the Fiscal Cliff or shit like that.

      But then again, I voted for Roseanne Barr so what do I know.

    • http://loljazzcatz.blogspot.com/2012/06/introducing-bad-note-millstones-of-jazz.html Chet Kincaid_

      Huh? You're the one who said "no kids."

      • commiegirl99

        I don't remember saying that, but if I did, I certainly didn't mean to apply it to kids saying or doing stupid shit (OR THE WASHINGTON EXAMINER PRINTING IT, which was kind of my whole point, which I thought was clear but obviously wasn't). I meant, like calling them ugly and bullshit like that.

        • kingofmeh

          if it makes you feel better, she corrected the story so it now points out the continued existence of the US constitution.

        • fatbob54

          Ok, I still feel bad about that.

        • Tommmcatt_Again

          Does this mean I can go back to calling Megan McCain zaftig? Because I liove synonyms for "fat and slutty" and feel I never have a good place to use them.

        • Disassembly

          Dora the Explorer is ugly and bullshit.

    • gullywompr

      Ohhhh, we're supposed to be dishing on Nikki Schwab, aren't we? I get it now.

    • HistoriCat

      If I could find an appropriate picture I would so change my screen name to Earnest Bullshit.

    • FeloniousMonk

      That saves me some effort. I was trying desperately to find a way of saying "why are you picking on the kid instead of the idiot reporter" without it coming out as earnest bullshit. I can stop now. On the other hand, I have to go work on my reading comprehension.

  • Tundra Grifter

    Is this the end of Rico?

    We can only hope.

  • Tundra Grifter

    "“That first latin woman — who’s a girl,” he pointed out."

    Is there something those other "Latin women" haven't been telling us?

    • gullywompr

      Maybe he's been to Thailand.

      • Tundra Grifter

        Or San Francisco's Tenderloin. Some of those ladies really are women!

  • BigSkullF*ckingDog

    I'm sure Obama can doctor up her birth certificate. I hear he's good at that.

  • MacRaith

    Suppose you were a fourteen-year-old boy. And suppose you were an idiot. But I repeat myself.

  • Beetagger

    I'm sorry, is this TMZ?

    • Disassembly

      Earnest bullshit!

  • rmontcal23

    I am happy that Wonkette has finally embraced the continued calls for "TITS or GTFO".

  • gullywompr

    Speaking as a former 14 year old boy, I think this kid is a fucking genius.

  • DCBloom

    That kid seems pretty smart to me. My guess is that he said that tongue-in-cheek.
    Sorry Editrix, I'll work on the snark

  • Geminisunmars

    I'd vote for Sofia over any of the potential candidates the repubs put forward this year. That is what Rico actually meant.

  • Doktor Zoom

    One thing's for sure: the kid's no Jake Lloyd.

  • chicken_thief

    Not to be a Debbie Downer, but slow news day or what? The dip shittiest news is the thoughts of a 14 yr old? Come on, surely Gohmert, Palin, Gov Snyder or someone in the GOP released a statement about something today.

    • BadKitty904

      Truly. Some Republican, some where, said something stupid in front of a microphone/camera, surely. Why should today be any different than the other 364 in the year?

      • Biel_ze_Bubba

        And it was surely stupider than this.

  • Baconzgood

    I find this easy to masterbate to.

  • RadioBitchFace

    Yeah, a Columbian in the White House. Marching Powder For Everybody!

  • Biff

    That Al Bundy gets all the hot chicks!

  • proudgrampa

    I voted for Barry Goldwater in 1964 (I was 13). What does that make me?

    • Biel_ze_Bubba

      Older.

  • proudgrampa

    And for the record, we could do worse than Sofia Vergara. Mmmmmm. Casabas.

  • http://italkyoubored.wordpress.com/ ffredpalakon

    I look forward to a political debate between Rico Rodriguez and Angus T. Jones. Maybe it could be one of those intellectual round tables they have at that Aspen Ideas Festival.

  • http://www.vinoverve.com Maman

    If you can't be dumb when you are 14 when can you?

    • Aridzona

      When you're 65 and your name's Mitt Romney.

  • dcjdjay

    He was joking, Rebecca. Get a sense of humor for Christ's sake.

  • DahBoner

    Que Verga.

  • HistoriCat

    I refuse to take a position until Orly Taitz weighs in on this.

  • ShreditorsDesk

    Is one of these things not like the others?

  • Tommmcatt_Again

    DON'T BE MEAN TO RICO!!!!!! He and his mother and sister (who is a Dianey Channel star of some kind) were absolutely lovely to my little nieces when they recognized the actors at Disneyland. Gave autographs and hugs, even chatted with them for a little while. This is a HUGE deal for seven-year-olds.

    Besides, being 14, Rico probably thinks about his friend Sophia in lots of places and various ways, two or three times a day! More if he can get some privacy!

    Besides, which cast member on the show makes a better choice? Ed O'Neil? Who would be awesome as President, but simply doesn't have the accoutrements to stuck out in a 14 year old's mind…

  • axonneuron

    by saying "have Sofia in office" he obviously meant something else. C'mon, Nikki, get a brain.

  • jesus_vs_gojira

    I get it! That was a really dumb answer to an important political issue, "which cast member of Modern Family should run for President?" It's like he didn't take the question seriously. Kids these days.

  • Biel_ze_Bubba

    Sadly, and as much as I would like to, I am not holding anything against Sofia Vergara either.

  • Nostrildamus

    If she married Bo, then could she be president?

  • Aridzona

    I like it when commiegirl gets puss damp and her panties all in a wad. Has to be a good post when that happens, right?

  • http://howtosavetheworld.ca/ BZ1

    Is Colombia about as far away as Kenya?

  • redarmyzombie

    Assuming for a moment Vergara COULD be president, does that mean we could get more of that sweet Colombian blow?

  • Negropolis

    I am so confused.

    If that was snark, it was very well disguised. I see absolutely nothing bad about this cool, little guy (and truly, he is) musing about the woman he works with becoming president, and particularly that he knows the requirements for the office.