JOURNAMALISM  1:30 pm December 10, 2012

Fourteen-Year-Old Actor Wants Buxom Pretty Sit-Com Lady To Be President, Is Idiot

by Rebecca Schoenkopf

We have nothing against Sofia Vergara. She is quite fetching! She is very funny, without being fat, ugly, or Jewish, fuck you Christopher Hitchens! But we feel like maybe she is not the first person you would think of to be president of the United States, despite this Washington Examiner story, reproduced here in total:

At 14, Rico Rodriguez isn’t even old enough to vote, but he knows exactly which of his “Modern Family” castmates he’d like to see enter the political fray. “It would be awesome to have Sofia [Vergara] in office,” Rodriguez told Yeas & Nays when he was in town last week for the National Tree Lighting. “And then I could visit her all the time in the White House and I could probably have my own room in the White House,” the young actor, who plays Manny, continued. He also knew what a big deal it would be. “That first latin woman — who’s a girl,” he pointed out. “So, you know, my week off, I’m just going to go hang with Sofia in the White House, no biggie,” he concluded.

Rico Rodriguez, you are a fucking idiot.

Sofia Vergara was born in Colombia. That is even more foreign than Hawaii, believe it or not! Rodriguez, go take a civics class please. You are in high school presumably. Or else tell your on-set tutor to teach you something so you don’t go embarrassing yourself by saying stupid shit to the Washington Examiner.

What was reporter Nikki Schwab’s reaction to our pointing out, via the Twit, how weird it is that a 14-year-old actor does not even know the constitutional requirements for the presidency?

“Haha that’s a good point.”

Everybody go kill yourself now.

[WashEx]

 

Hola wonkerados.

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{ 155 comments }

BaldarTFlagass December 10, 2012 at 1:31 pm

You live way too close to Hollywood, Rebecca.

IncenseDebate December 10, 2012 at 1:32 pm

I for one would like to spend time in her oval office.

SexySmurf December 10, 2012 at 1:38 pm

I'd like to stuff her ballot box. With votes.

(I nicknamed my penis "votes").

SwanSwanH December 10, 2012 at 1:32 pm

Dumb-phy.

nounverb911 December 10, 2012 at 1:32 pm

I see the Yankees next third baseman is sticking his foot in his mouth already.

elviouslyqueer December 10, 2012 at 1:33 pm

I believe I gave more shits to our local sewer system as part of my morning constitutional than I do about Darling Nikki's little puff piece.

Cleopatriot December 10, 2012 at 1:33 pm

I think it's kind of sweet, he wants his fake Mommy to be President.

skmind December 10, 2012 at 1:34 pm

Vote for Rico?

Geminisunmars December 10, 2012 at 1:40 pm

Sauve.

nedbeaumontjr December 10, 2012 at 2:37 pm

Mother of mercy, can this be the end for Rico?

nounverb911 December 10, 2012 at 1:34 pm

Wait! Does this mean that Cuban born Marco Rubio can run in 2016?

Esteev December 10, 2012 at 1:42 pm

He is a pretty good actor.

BadKitty904 December 10, 2012 at 1:42 pm

Hey, if the Panamanian, Juan McCain – born in Coco Solo in 1887 – can run for prez, why not the Comb-over Kid?

BaldarTFlagass December 10, 2012 at 1:34 pm

Little known fun fact: drop the final "-ra" and her last name becomes "Verga," which means "dick" in SoTex Spanish.

PubOption December 10, 2012 at 2:21 pm

Is that how the name of the blue pill was derived?

Lizzietish81 December 10, 2012 at 1:35 pm

This was just an interview? Whatever happened to the tree question?

BadKitty904 December 10, 2012 at 1:43 pm

Ditto, "favorite color"?

smokefilledroommate December 10, 2012 at 1:35 pm

If it's not Sofia, then I'd like Santa to be President, Rodriguez continued.

iburl December 10, 2012 at 2:27 pm

He won the election with gifts!

SayItWithWookies December 10, 2012 at 1:36 pm

Sofia Vergara was born in Colombia. That is even more foreign than Hawaii, believe it or not!

But Venezuela's practically US America, right? I mean, they have a commie dictator too. I'm only asking on behalf of my campaign to draft Shakira.

Negropolis December 11, 2012 at 2:35 am

She is completely trustworthy; her hips don't lie. That's the kind of quality you want in a president.

TheGyrus December 10, 2012 at 1:36 pm

I knew the constitutional requirements for being President when I was 14, but I also got a lot of wedgies.

Botlrokit December 10, 2012 at 1:36 pm

Fuck that Sofia Whatzername nonsense… is this person Team Barack or Team Mitt?

Pragmatist2 December 10, 2012 at 1:36 pm

Modern family member as President? Ed O'Neill – hands down. No contest.

SorosBot December 10, 2012 at 1:43 pm

Al Bundy as president, really? <toilet flushes; loud laughter from the audience>

But hey, he did get four touchdowns in one game…

Estproph December 10, 2012 at 1:36 pm

When does a 14 year old boy know anything anyway? Like just about all 14 year old boys, he wants her to be president because he thinks about it and rubs himself with a sock.

BaldarTFlagass December 10, 2012 at 1:41 pm

"She's president of my penis!!"

Oblios_Cap December 10, 2012 at 1:42 pm

Does that make her a dick-tator?

Gratuitous World December 10, 2012 at 1:37 pm

a little harsh on the kid + a little too laudatory of the woman (very funny?).
guessing 50% of adult population is clueless on Const. requirement too.

BaldarTFlagass December 10, 2012 at 1:39 pm

"guessing 50% of adult population is clueless on Const. requirement too. "

Especially when it comes to the current WH occupant.

Disassembly December 10, 2012 at 1:46 pm

True but those people aren't on teevee. We should be able to expect more from actors on hit ABC comedies.

larrykat December 10, 2012 at 5:56 pm

After all the Obama Kenya bullshit, I would think everyone in the country, even fetuses, would know at least the this native-born requirement.

mrblifil December 10, 2012 at 1:37 pm

Sofia Vergara is to funny what Phyllis Diller is to tit-fucking.

SheriffRoscoe December 10, 2012 at 1:44 pm

Oh but that accent! I chuckle whenever I hear non-native speakers mispronounce things.

fatbob54 December 10, 2012 at 3:04 pm

Ok, but only if Charo can be Vice President.

fatbob54 December 10, 2012 at 3:04 pm

Every boy's secret fantasy? Right? Anybody? Oh crap…

BadKitty904 December 10, 2012 at 1:37 pm

"Mother of Mercy, is this the end of Rico?!"

greengeekgirl December 10, 2012 at 1:37 pm

Geez, really, calling out an eighth- or ninth-grader who is an actor, and therefore might be a wee bit behind on some of his subjects, for not knowing details of what makes someone eligible for the presidency? Just FYI, some of us didn't have a civics class until high school; I didn't have a class that covered the constitution as more than a vague idea until I was 15 or 16. Considering the kid probably hasn't set foot in a real school in ages, who knows when he's taking what classes?

And to call him a "fucking idiot"? HE IS A KID. You said some fucking stupid things when you were 14, too. We all did.

Disassembly December 10, 2012 at 1:43 pm

When I was 14 I was voting for Clinton, then working in his Justice Department.

GhostBuggy December 10, 2012 at 1:51 pm

When I was 14, I was Brian! And so was my wife!

Giveusabob December 10, 2012 at 1:59 pm

Agreed Wonkette has no business picking on a 14yr-old. This is sad. Plenty of adults out there desperately in need of mockery.

That said, I voted for Mondale in 2nd grade.

larrykat December 10, 2012 at 6:01 pm

Bullshit. There are 14 year-olds who commit crimes who are charged as adults. He is a sentient young adult. His skull has hardened from it's birthing softness. What he said makes him a fucking idiot.

GregComlish December 10, 2012 at 7:31 pm

Yeah but who gives a fuck? What are we going to go around blogging every dipshit remark by every teenager? Who the fuck is this kid? And let's get to the heart of it: his moronic endorsement is entirely insincere. It is not in any way materially different from saying "God I want to fuck that hot Latin ass" which, according to the comments, is the same vibe that 90% of Wonketteers are getting. (Greg Comlish included). Let's give our horny teenage dipshits a break, eh?

Guppy December 10, 2012 at 6:08 pm
RedneckMuslin December 10, 2012 at 1:38 pm

"Sofia Vergara was born in Colombia. That is even more foreign than Hawaii, believe it or not!"

But less foreign than Kenya.

chicken_thief December 10, 2012 at 1:54 pm

Plus she has tits. Therefore is perfectly capable of cleaning up and making sammiches in the WH, stuff the mamically endowed of our species can handle.

Lizzietish81 December 10, 2012 at 1:38 pm

Lies! When I was 14 I was rooting for Clinton.

BaldarTFlagass December 10, 2012 at 1:43 pm

When I was 14, my dad had been calling me a fucking idiot for at least 10 years. I'm almost at the 50 year anniversary of my being called a fucking idiot by him.

Geminisunmars December 10, 2012 at 1:45 pm

I thought my name was "Dumbshit" for the first 14 years of my life.

Disassembly December 10, 2012 at 1:48 pm

I thought my name was Bill Cosby.

GhostBuggy December 10, 2012 at 1:50 pm

Well done.

mrblifil December 10, 2012 at 1:49 pm

Spoken (written) like a real fucking idiot.

Lizzietish81 December 10, 2012 at 1:53 pm

My mom used to call my brother a "son of a bitch", then she would get really pissed when we pounced on this in agreement.

Chichikovovich December 10, 2012 at 6:20 pm

Yeah, my dad too. But in his defence, I was a fucking idiot.

Disassembly December 10, 2012 at 1:40 pm

It's refreshing to see a popular blog call any child a fucking idiot. That's some tough love.

CrunchyKnee December 10, 2012 at 1:43 pm

All children are fucking idiots, so I guess it is rather redundant.

GhostBuggy December 10, 2012 at 1:52 pm

Especially a renowned mommyblog such as this one.

CrunchyKnee December 10, 2012 at 1:41 pm

Please for to be letting me know why this matters in the scheme of anything? I haz a dumb.

BaldarTFlagass December 10, 2012 at 1:42 pm

I think it's called "slow news day." Glacially slow. Tectonically slow.

Toomush_Infer December 10, 2012 at 2:52 pm

The whole day has become known as an "era"….and we're only 2/3 through this ice age….

Oblios_Cap December 10, 2012 at 1:44 pm

regular dumb or TeaTard dumb?

Gratuitous World December 10, 2012 at 1:41 pm

well an add'l 25% now know the requirement but also think hawaii is in africa.

noodlesalad December 10, 2012 at 1:41 pm

He's still more informed than the majority of Republican lawmakers.

RedneckMuslin December 10, 2012 at 1:42 pm

14 year old boy and tits. Understand now?

mrblifil December 10, 2012 at 1:47 pm

In that case you'da thought the kid would be getting behind Gingrich.

Lizzietish81 December 10, 2012 at 1:54 pm

HEYO!

Biff December 10, 2012 at 1:58 pm

Calypso has tits?

Toomush_Infer December 10, 2012 at 2:52 pm

Newt…they're known as "his nibs"…

Pragmatist2 December 10, 2012 at 2:07 pm

"Blah, blah, blah, TITS, blah, blah, blah" is I think the 14 year old boy translation of your statement.

DocChaos December 10, 2012 at 1:42 pm

14 year old boy thinks with penis, fantasizes about hot milf action with lady president and is unconcerned about constitutional requirements for office while fapping to fantasy. This belongs in the water wet category.

Besides what hetero male of any age wouldn't want to visit Sophia Vergara in the oval office.*

* didn't see that Incense Debate beat me to the most obvious of puns.

SorosBot December 10, 2012 at 1:53 pm

But that's his mom! OK it's his fake TV mom, not his real one, but still ick.

Lizzietish81 December 10, 2012 at 1:57 pm

Oh come on, Greg Brady was banging his TV mom.

Oblios_Cap December 10, 2012 at 1:44 pm

I guess I need to watch "Modern Family" sometime. Does Sofia parade around nekkid a lot?

gullywompr December 10, 2012 at 1:51 pm

Will this do?

Oblios_Cap December 10, 2012 at 1:57 pm

Quite nicely, thank you.

Limeylizzie December 10, 2012 at 4:45 pm

Those are real ones, amazing! I feel a bit sorry for that hirsute little lesbian doing the massage.

emmelemm December 10, 2012 at 6:01 pm

They're real, and they're spectacular!

gullywompr December 10, 2012 at 1:44 pm

Cuchi-cuchi!

elSurfeador December 10, 2012 at 1:45 pm

I think you're making a mountain out of a molehill on…..oh never mind.

SorosBot December 10, 2012 at 1:45 pm

It would be refreshing to have a President us straight menfolk (and lesbians) could fap to, after all you men-liking people have been spoiled with Barack.

gullywompr December 10, 2012 at 1:48 pm

Elect a women, for men's rights!

el_donaldo December 10, 2012 at 1:46 pm

If ludicrous sexual fantasies are now valid political commentary, then I need to find a journalist to explain about Loretta Sanchez, a tub of Crisco, flamingo lawn ornaments, jelly donuts, and riding crops.

SorosBot December 10, 2012 at 1:46 pm

On the one hand, we already had an actor as President once and that turned out horribly; on the other, he was a total moron which is not true of all actors.

edgydrifter December 10, 2012 at 1:47 pm

But how will Vergara's campaign affect Bieber's chances for the nomination?

christianmuslin December 10, 2012 at 1:48 pm

We have fantasy baseball and fantasy football, both for adults, why can't the kid have fantasy politics, for teens? After all the kid may be greasing his wheels for when he turns 18 and wants to star with his fake mommy in sit-com porn, for realz not fantasy.

BaldarTFlagass December 10, 2012 at 1:55 pm

I can't imagine that he wants to wait till 18. At 14 he's probably just one giant hormone.

ffredpalakon December 10, 2012 at 2:27 pm

He's a 14 year old boy and he works with Sofia Vegara. I'm pretty sure he's greasing his wheels every hour of every day.

Mumbletypeg December 10, 2012 at 1:48 pm

But if I go kill myself now I won't live to see 12.12.12.
My last experience of repeating numbers in a calendar date would be 11.11.11 and on that day last year I was *still* waiting for the fun to begin!

Geminisunmars December 10, 2012 at 1:53 pm

Wait just a little bit longer, to 12.21.12, and you won't have to kill yourself anyway.

Biff December 10, 2012 at 2:01 pm

As Geminisunmars pointed out before me, some idiot transposed the 2nd set of digits.

SayItWithWookies December 10, 2012 at 2:07 pm

Hey, but the fun began shortly thereafter.

Anyway, if we just patiently wait for Jesus to return we'll be able to experience the ultimate odometer reset of 1.1.1, which is much more legitimate since the last 12 is really 2012. I'm told it's going to happen any day now, which is why my rapture insurance business is really taking off.

Monsieur_Grumpe December 10, 2012 at 1:50 pm

He's voting with his penis.

BadKitty904 December 10, 2012 at 1:56 pm

Def. thinkin' with the wrong head…which, as his age, is pretty standard.

Biff December 10, 2012 at 2:02 pm

When do we grow out of that? I'm asking for my little friend…

ttommyunger December 10, 2012 at 1:50 pm

Can. Not. Tap. And. Fap.

Respitetini December 10, 2012 at 1:50 pm

14 year-old boy. Sophia Vergara. Come on, now, what did you expect?

Lionel[redacted]Esq December 10, 2012 at 1:50 pm

Good to see that the Washington Examiner continues to be a leader in political reporting.

commiegirl99 December 10, 2012 at 1:51 pm

Jesus, who the fuck have I been letting into the comments? Earnest bullshit goes to Jezebel, please.

sundaytrucker December 10, 2012 at 1:55 pm

Wasn't Earnest Bullshit the guy that hung out with Verne?

Lionel[redacted]Esq December 10, 2012 at 2:01 pm

I thought Earnest Bullshit stared in McHale's Navy.

larrykat December 10, 2012 at 6:03 pm

I think that was actually Ernest T. Bullshit.

DocChaos December 10, 2012 at 11:14 pm

I think he was the guy that did the Nancy comic strip.

Disassembly December 10, 2012 at 1:56 pm

BTW, you may want to omit that last line from your article or you'll never get a radio show in Australia.

Gratuitous World December 10, 2012 at 1:56 pm

i mean, if the kid was fucking an elected official, I think your expectations would be more reasonable.

SheriffRoscoe December 10, 2012 at 1:58 pm

People have mistaken The Onion for real news, too. It's funny because it's almost always a conservative.

Lizzietish81 December 10, 2012 at 1:58 pm

Hey, you can't prove the Abortionplex doesn't exist!

Blueb4sinrise December 10, 2012 at 1:58 pm

That was the best Jim Varney movie.

SexySmurf December 10, 2012 at 2:00 pm

I guess there goes my hope of Wonkette hiring an entertainment editor. I come here to read posts like this not posts about the Fiscal Cliff or shit like that.

But then again, I voted for Roseanne Barr so what do I know.

Chet Kincaid_ December 10, 2012 at 2:16 pm

Huh? You're the one who said "no kids."

commiegirl99 December 10, 2012 at 2:23 pm

I don't remember saying that, but if I did, I certainly didn't mean to apply it to kids saying or doing stupid shit (OR THE WASHINGTON EXAMINER PRINTING IT, which was kind of my whole point, which I thought was clear but obviously wasn't). I meant, like calling them ugly and bullshit like that.

kingofmeh December 10, 2012 at 3:01 pm

if it makes you feel better, she corrected the story so it now points out the continued existence of the US constitution.

fatbob54 December 10, 2012 at 3:09 pm

Ok, I still feel bad about that.

Tommmcatt_Again December 10, 2012 at 3:52 pm

Does this mean I can go back to calling Megan McCain zaftig? Because I liove synonyms for "fat and slutty" and feel I never have a good place to use them.

Disassembly December 10, 2012 at 5:45 pm

Dora the Explorer is ugly and bullshit.

gullywompr December 10, 2012 at 2:24 pm

Ohhhh, we're supposed to be dishing on Nikki Schwab, aren't we? I get it now.

HistoriCat December 10, 2012 at 2:53 pm

If I could find an appropriate picture I would so change my screen name to Earnest Bullshit.

FeloniousMonk December 10, 2012 at 4:06 pm

That saves me some effort. I was trying desperately to find a way of saying "why are you picking on the kid instead of the idiot reporter" without it coming out as earnest bullshit. I can stop now. On the other hand, I have to go work on my reading comprehension.

Tundra Grifter December 10, 2012 at 1:54 pm

Is this the end of Rico?

We can only hope.

Tundra Grifter December 10, 2012 at 1:55 pm

"“That first latin woman — who’s a girl,” he pointed out."

Is there something those other "Latin women" haven't been telling us?

gullywompr December 10, 2012 at 2:00 pm

Maybe he's been to Thailand.

Tundra Grifter December 10, 2012 at 2:12 pm

Or San Francisco's Tenderloin. Some of those ladies really are women!

BigSkullF*ckingDog December 10, 2012 at 1:56 pm

I'm sure Obama can doctor up her birth certificate. I hear he's good at that.

MacRaith December 10, 2012 at 1:56 pm

Suppose you were a fourteen-year-old boy. And suppose you were an idiot. But I repeat myself.

Beetagger December 10, 2012 at 1:56 pm

I'm sorry, is this TMZ?

Disassembly December 10, 2012 at 2:02 pm

Earnest bullshit!

rmontcal23 December 10, 2012 at 1:56 pm

I am happy that Wonkette has finally embraced the continued calls for "TITS or GTFO".

gullywompr December 10, 2012 at 1:57 pm

Speaking as a former 14 year old boy, I think this kid is a fucking genius.

DCBloom December 10, 2012 at 1:57 pm

That kid seems pretty smart to me. My guess is that he said that tongue-in-cheek.
Sorry Editrix, I'll work on the snark

Geminisunmars December 10, 2012 at 1:58 pm

I'd vote for Sofia over any of the potential candidates the repubs put forward this year. That is what Rico actually meant.

Doktor Zoom December 10, 2012 at 1:58 pm

One thing's for sure: the kid's no Jake Lloyd.

chicken_thief December 10, 2012 at 2:00 pm

Not to be a Debbie Downer, but slow news day or what? The dip shittiest news is the thoughts of a 14 yr old? Come on, surely Gohmert, Palin, Gov Snyder or someone in the GOP released a statement about something today.

BadKitty904 December 10, 2012 at 2:27 pm

Truly. Some Republican, some where, said something stupid in front of a microphone/camera, surely. Why should today be any different than the other 364 in the year?

Biel_ze_Bubba December 10, 2012 at 10:15 pm

And it was surely stupider than this.

Baconzgood December 10, 2012 at 2:01 pm

I find this easy to masterbate to.

RadioBitchFace December 10, 2012 at 2:01 pm

Yeah, a Columbian in the White House. Marching Powder For Everybody!

Biff December 10, 2012 at 2:05 pm

That Al Bundy gets all the hot chicks!

proudgrampa December 10, 2012 at 2:13 pm

I voted for Barry Goldwater in 1964 (I was 13). What does that make me?

Biel_ze_Bubba December 10, 2012 at 10:14 pm

Older.

proudgrampa December 10, 2012 at 2:15 pm

And for the record, we could do worse than Sofia Vergara. Mmmmmm. Casabas.

ffredpalakon December 10, 2012 at 2:31 pm

I look forward to a political debate between Rico Rodriguez and Angus T. Jones. Maybe it could be one of those intellectual round tables they have at that Aspen Ideas Festival.

Maman December 10, 2012 at 2:32 pm

If you can't be dumb when you are 14 when can you?

Aridzona December 10, 2012 at 11:12 pm

When you're 65 and your name's Mitt Romney.

dcjdjay December 10, 2012 at 2:41 pm

He was joking, Rebecca. Get a sense of humor for Christ's sake.

DahBoner December 10, 2012 at 2:46 pm

Que Verga.

HistoriCat December 10, 2012 at 2:55 pm

I refuse to take a position until Orly Taitz weighs in on this.

ShreditorsDesk December 10, 2012 at 3:33 pm

Is one of these things not like the others?

Tommmcatt_Again December 10, 2012 at 3:41 pm

DON'T BE MEAN TO RICO!!!!!! He and his mother and sister (who is a Dianey Channel star of some kind) were absolutely lovely to my little nieces when they recognized the actors at Disneyland. Gave autographs and hugs, even chatted with them for a little while. This is a HUGE deal for seven-year-olds.

Besides, being 14, Rico probably thinks about his friend Sophia in lots of places and various ways, two or three times a day! More if he can get some privacy!

Besides, which cast member on the show makes a better choice? Ed O'Neil? Who would be awesome as President, but simply doesn't have the accoutrements to stuck out in a 14 year old's mind…

axonneuron December 10, 2012 at 3:47 pm

by saying "have Sofia in office" he obviously meant something else. C'mon, Nikki, get a brain.

jesus_vs_gojira December 10, 2012 at 5:04 pm

I get it! That was a really dumb answer to an important political issue, "which cast member of Modern Family should run for President?" It's like he didn't take the question seriously. Kids these days.

Biel_ze_Bubba December 10, 2012 at 10:10 pm

Sadly, and as much as I would like to, I am not holding anything against Sofia Vergara either.

Nostrildamus December 10, 2012 at 10:47 pm

If she married Bo, then could she be president?

Aridzona December 10, 2012 at 11:11 pm

I like it when commiegirl gets puss damp and her panties all in a wad. Has to be a good post when that happens, right?

BZ1 December 10, 2012 at 11:48 pm

Is Colombia about as far away as Kenya?

redarmyzombie December 11, 2012 at 2:10 am

Assuming for a moment Vergara COULD be president, does that mean we could get more of that sweet Colombian blow?

Negropolis December 11, 2012 at 2:31 am

I am so confused.

If that was snark, it was very well disguised. I see absolutely nothing bad about this cool, little guy (and truly, he is) musing about the woman he works with becoming president, and particularly that he knows the requirements for the office.

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