journamalism

Fourteen-Year-Old Actor Wants Buxom Pretty Sit-Com Lady To Be President, Is Idiot

We have nothing against Sofia Vergara. She is quite fetching! She is very funny, without being fat, ugly, or Jewish, fuck you Christopher Hitchens! But we feel like maybe she is not the first person you would think of to be president of the United States, despite this Washington Examiner story, reproduced here in total:

At 14, Rico Rodriguez isn’t even old enough to vote, but he knows exactly which of his “Modern Family” castmates he’d like to see enter the political fray. “It would be awesome to have Sofia [Vergara] in office,” Rodriguez told Yeas & Nays when he was in town last week for the National Tree Lighting. “And then I could visit her all the time in the White House and I could probably have my own room in the White House,” the young actor, who plays Manny, continued. He also knew what a big deal it would be. “That first latin woman — who’s a girl,” he pointed out. “So, you know, my week off, I’m just going to go hang with Sofia in the White House, no biggie,” he concluded.

Rico Rodriguez, you are a fucking idiot.

Sofia Vergara was born in Colombia. That is even more foreign than Hawaii, believe it or not! Rodriguez, go take a civics class please. You are in high school presumably. Or else tell your on-set tutor to teach you something so you don’t go embarrassing yourself by saying stupid shit to the Washington Examiner.

What was reporter Nikki Schwab’s reaction to our pointing out, via the Twit, how weird it is that a 14-year-old actor does not even know the constitutional requirements for the presidency?

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“Haha that’s a good point.”

Everybody go kill yourself now.

[WashEx]

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About the author

Rebecca is the editor and publisher of Wonkette. She is the author of Commie Girl in the O.C., a collection of her OC Weekly columns, and the former editor of LA CityBeat. Go visit her Commie Girl Collective, and follow her on the Twitter!

View all articles by Rebecca Schoenkopf

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155 comments

  1. elviouslyqueer

    I believe I gave more shits to our local sewer system as part of my morning constitutional than I do about Darling Nikki's little puff piece.

    1. BadKitty904

      Hey, if the Panamanian, Juan McCain – born in Coco Solo in 1887 – can run for prez, why not the Comb-over Kid?

  2. BaldarTFlagass

    Little known fun fact: drop the final "-ra" and her last name becomes "Verga," which means "dick" in SoTex Spanish.

  3. SayItWithWookies

    Sofia Vergara was born in Colombia. That is even more foreign than Hawaii, believe it or not!

    But Venezuela's practically US America, right? I mean, they have a commie dictator too. I'm only asking on behalf of my campaign to draft Shakira.

    1. Negropolis

      She is completely trustworthy; her hips don't lie. That's the kind of quality you want in a president.

  4. TheGyrus

    I knew the constitutional requirements for being President when I was 14, but I also got a lot of wedgies.

    1. SorosBot

      Al Bundy as president, really? <toilet flushes; loud laughter from the audience>

      But hey, he did get four touchdowns in one game…

  5. Estproph

    When does a 14 year old boy know anything anyway? Like just about all 14 year old boys, he wants her to be president because he thinks about it and rubs himself with a sock.

    1. BaldarTFlagass

      "guessing 50% of adult population is clueless on Const. requirement too. "

      Especially when it comes to the current WH occupant.

    2. Disassembly

      True but those people aren't on teevee. We should be able to expect more from actors on hit ABC comedies.

    3. larrykat

      After all the Obama Kenya bullshit, I would think everyone in the country, even fetuses, would know at least the this native-born requirement.

  6. greengeekgirl

    Geez, really, calling out an eighth- or ninth-grader who is an actor, and therefore might be a wee bit behind on some of his subjects, for not knowing details of what makes someone eligible for the presidency? Just FYI, some of us didn't have a civics class until high school; I didn't have a class that covered the constitution as more than a vague idea until I was 15 or 16. Considering the kid probably hasn't set foot in a real school in ages, who knows when he's taking what classes?

    And to call him a "fucking idiot"? HE IS A KID. You said some fucking stupid things when you were 14, too. We all did.

    1. Giveusabob

      Agreed Wonkette has no business picking on a 14yr-old. This is sad. Plenty of adults out there desperately in need of mockery.

      That said, I voted for Mondale in 2nd grade.

    2. larrykat

      Bullshit. There are 14 year-olds who commit crimes who are charged as adults. He is a sentient young adult. His skull has hardened from it's birthing softness. What he said makes him a fucking idiot.

      1. GregComlish

        Yeah but who gives a fuck? What are we going to go around blogging every dipshit remark by every teenager? Who the fuck is this kid? And let's get to the heart of it: his moronic endorsement is entirely insincere. It is not in any way materially different from saying "God I want to fuck that hot Latin ass" which, according to the comments, is the same vibe that 90% of Wonketteers are getting. (Greg Comlish included). Let's give our horny teenage dipshits a break, eh?

  7. RedneckMuslin

    "Sofia Vergara was born in Colombia. That is even more foreign than Hawaii, believe it or not!"

    But less foreign than Kenya.

    1. chicken_thief

      Plus she has tits. Therefore is perfectly capable of cleaning up and making sammiches in the WH, stuff the mamically endowed of our species can handle.

    1. BaldarTFlagass

      When I was 14, my dad had been calling me a fucking idiot for at least 10 years. I'm almost at the 50 year anniversary of my being called a fucking idiot by him.

      1. Lizzietish81

        My mom used to call my brother a "son of a bitch", then she would get really pissed when we pounced on this in agreement.

    1. Pragmatist2

      "Blah, blah, blah, TITS, blah, blah, blah" is I think the 14 year old boy translation of your statement.

  8. DocChaos

    14 year old boy thinks with penis, fantasizes about hot milf action with lady president and is unconcerned about constitutional requirements for office while fapping to fantasy. This belongs in the water wet category.

    Besides what hetero male of any age wouldn't want to visit Sophia Vergara in the oval office.*

    * didn't see that Incense Debate beat me to the most obvious of puns.

      1. Limeylizzie

        Those are real ones, amazing! I feel a bit sorry for that hirsute little lesbian doing the massage.

  9. SorosBot

    It would be refreshing to have a President us straight menfolk (and lesbians) could fap to, after all you men-liking people have been spoiled with Barack.

  10. el_donaldo

    If ludicrous sexual fantasies are now valid political commentary, then I need to find a journalist to explain about Loretta Sanchez, a tub of Crisco, flamingo lawn ornaments, jelly donuts, and riding crops.

  11. SorosBot

    On the one hand, we already had an actor as President once and that turned out horribly; on the other, he was a total moron which is not true of all actors.

  12. christianmuslin

    We have fantasy baseball and fantasy football, both for adults, why can't the kid have fantasy politics, for teens? After all the kid may be greasing his wheels for when he turns 18 and wants to star with his fake mommy in sit-com porn, for realz not fantasy.

  13. Mumbletypeg

    But if I go kill myself now I won't live to see 12.12.12.
    My last experience of repeating numbers in a calendar date would be 11.11.11 and on that day last year I was *still* waiting for the fun to begin!

    1. SayItWithWookies

      Hey, but the fun began shortly thereafter.

      Anyway, if we just patiently wait for Jesus to return we'll be able to experience the ultimate odometer reset of 1.1.1, which is much more legitimate since the last 12 is really 2012. I'm told it's going to happen any day now, which is why my rapture insurance business is really taking off.

  14. commiegirl99

    Jesus, who the fuck have I been letting into the comments? Earnest bullshit goes to Jezebel, please.

    1. Disassembly

      BTW, you may want to omit that last line from your article or you'll never get a radio show in Australia.

    2. SheriffRoscoe

      People have mistaken The Onion for real news, too. It's funny because it's almost always a conservative.

    3. SexySmurf

      I guess there goes my hope of Wonkette hiring an entertainment editor. I come here to read posts like this not posts about the Fiscal Cliff or shit like that.

      But then again, I voted for Roseanne Barr so what do I know.

      1. commiegirl99

        I don't remember saying that, but if I did, I certainly didn't mean to apply it to kids saying or doing stupid shit (OR THE WASHINGTON EXAMINER PRINTING IT, which was kind of my whole point, which I thought was clear but obviously wasn't). I meant, like calling them ugly and bullshit like that.

        1. kingofmeh

          if it makes you feel better, she corrected the story so it now points out the continued existence of the US constitution.

        2. Tommmcatt_Again

          Does this mean I can go back to calling Megan McCain zaftig? Because I liove synonyms for "fat and slutty" and feel I never have a good place to use them.

    4. FeloniousMonk

      That saves me some effort. I was trying desperately to find a way of saying "why are you picking on the kid instead of the idiot reporter" without it coming out as earnest bullshit. I can stop now. On the other hand, I have to go work on my reading comprehension.

  15. Tundra Grifter

    "“That first latin woman — who’s a girl,” he pointed out."

    Is there something those other "Latin women" haven't been telling us?

  16. DCBloom

    That kid seems pretty smart to me. My guess is that he said that tongue-in-cheek.
    Sorry Editrix, I'll work on the snark

  17. Geminisunmars

    I'd vote for Sofia over any of the potential candidates the repubs put forward this year. That is what Rico actually meant.

  18. chicken_thief

    Not to be a Debbie Downer, but slow news day or what? The dip shittiest news is the thoughts of a 14 yr old? Come on, surely Gohmert, Palin, Gov Snyder or someone in the GOP released a statement about something today.

    1. BadKitty904

      Truly. Some Republican, some where, said something stupid in front of a microphone/camera, surely. Why should today be any different than the other 364 in the year?

  19. ffredpalakon

    I look forward to a political debate between Rico Rodriguez and Angus T. Jones. Maybe it could be one of those intellectual round tables they have at that Aspen Ideas Festival.

  20. Tommmcatt_Again

    DON'T BE MEAN TO RICO!!!!!! He and his mother and sister (who is a Dianey Channel star of some kind) were absolutely lovely to my little nieces when they recognized the actors at Disneyland. Gave autographs and hugs, even chatted with them for a little while. This is a HUGE deal for seven-year-olds.

    Besides, being 14, Rico probably thinks about his friend Sophia in lots of places and various ways, two or three times a day! More if he can get some privacy!

    Besides, which cast member on the show makes a better choice? Ed O'Neil? Who would be awesome as President, but simply doesn't have the accoutrements to stuck out in a 14 year old's mind…

  21. jesus_vs_gojira

    I get it! That was a really dumb answer to an important political issue, "which cast member of Modern Family should run for President?" It's like he didn't take the question seriously. Kids these days.

  22. Aridzona

    I like it when commiegirl gets puss damp and her panties all in a wad. Has to be a good post when that happens, right?

  23. redarmyzombie

    Assuming for a moment Vergara COULD be president, does that mean we could get more of that sweet Colombian blow?

  24. Negropolis

    I am so confused.

    If that was snark, it was very well disguised. I see absolutely nothing bad about this cool, little guy (and truly, he is) musing about the woman he works with becoming president, and particularly that he knows the requirements for the office.

Comments are closed.