There is absolutely nothing President Bablack H. Obamblack can do to make the GOP happy. Putting forward the Heritage Foundation’s pro-business healthcare reform? SOCIALISMS. Proposing the Republican answer to climate change (from back when Republicans believed in climate change), “cap and trade”? The greatest takeover of private enterprise by government the WORLD HAS EVER KNOWN. Possibly nominating former GOP Senator Chuck Hagel for Secretary of Defense or another top NatSec position? Well, let’s see what Fox & Friends’ Gretchen Carlson has to say about THAT:

Hagel’s opposition to the 2007 troop surge in Iraq and his accompanying then-Senator Obama on a trip to Afghanistan and Iraq in 2008 means he is “not a typical Republican” and that “could present some obstacles” to his Senate confirmation.

We are so old — HOW OLD ARE WE?! — we are so old that we remember when Chuck Hagel was considered a Conservative Republican as were total RINOs like Orrin Hatch and Bob Bennett or Bill Bennett, whichever one was not the gambling addict/morality scold.

But at any rate, this certainly presents a new bar for confirmation to the Democratic president’s cabinet: The Democrat must not only name Republicans to advise him and run his departments, he must name HOLY SHIT REPUBLICANS, like maybe Ghost Jesse Helms.

We hear Donald Rumsfeld is available.


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  • SorosBot

    Last time I looked, the Democrats controlled the Senate though.

    • HRH_Maddie

      The Senate is now a minority-rules chamber, hadn't you heard?

      • OneDollarJuana

        Until the filibuster rules are changed the minority will control the debate.

        • SorosBot

          It certainly looks like Reid is planning on some manner of filibuster reform, possibly involving requiring someone to actually get up there and really filibuster instead of just stating that they intend to do so. Of course if the GOP filibusters even a non-controversial cabinet appointments then that means their "filibuster everything" strategy has really gotten out of control.

          • glamourdammerung

            The Turtle Queen was filibustering its own bill last week. That should be a pretty clear indication that this "filibuster everything" nonsense is out of hand.

    • hagajim

      Advise and consent, advise and consent….filibuster the Hagel outta him.

  • Also, Hagel was in combat during the Vietnam War and puts US Amercia before GOPers.

    So yeah, not a conservative. chickenhawk.

    • GoodDogThor

      So, good 'swift boat' potential, then.

    • ttommyunger

      Still a sellout. I don't trust the man

  • SnarkOff

    Roger Ailes as Press Secretary. The Koch Bros. as co-heads of the EPA. Hitler for the Department of Health and Human Services. Ralph Reed as Surgeon General.

    • sullivanst

      Hitler's far too liberal on health policy to be acceptable in that office. How could you not know this? Don't you even read Free Republic?

      • True. Rather than let people die of starvation or ill health, he instituted a government solution.

        • Lizzietish81

          Well he WAS driven by empathy.

    • MonkeyMotion

      Sarah Palin – Secretary of Education.

  • Hagel, rhymes with bagel. Why does FOX hates the Joose?

    • ButthurtWingers2012

      That's about as honest as any of the "Obama's an anti-semite" bullshit that's fallen out of the rights ass. Like when they were calling him an anti-semite for wanting to institute Wallstreet reform…because joooz is bankers. Or that he wasn't spending every waking minute in Israel…a standard ZERO GOP presidents have set or been expected to set…they just make me laugh.

  • Hammiepants

    He could cure all cancer from the back of a golden unicorn while passing out Mac-10s and miniature American flags to all and they would still find something to bitch about.

    • sullivanst

      GOVURNMENT TAKOVER OF TEH ARMS INDUHSTRY!!one!1exc!amat1onpo!nt!!

    • Preferred Customer

      Here's how much of a geek (and not a gun nut) I am: I read your comment and thought "Mac 10? Is Apple releasing something new?"

      • NellCote71

        Me, too. It's not?

    • One_who_wanders

      I want that poster. . .

  • freakishlywrong

    Liz Cheney though. The Liz would sail right through. If Fux was doing the confirming.

  • We are so old — HOW OLD ARE WE?! — we are so old that we remember when Chuck Hagel was considered a Conservative Republican

    HAH! *I'm* so old, I remember when Hagel was considered a liberal for wanting to restore funding to the VA when he was in the Reagan White House!

  • The "REAL" REPUBLI-CANS can't hear you Rebecca — they are still busy touching up their photo's from the 2012 Great Skinny-Dippy in Teh Holy Seas to send all of their friends in nice clever clip-art bordered Season's Greetings!

  • CrunchyKnee

    Last years Bamz would capitulate to Fox (Repubs) in 10 seconds. Let's see if he can hold out for at least 30 seconds this next year.

  • HRH_Maddie

    Dick Cheney supports gay marriage. Is he considered "Republican enough"?

    • BigSkullF*ckingDog

      Cheney gets a pass on gay marriage as long as kittens remain his sole source of sustenance.

    • HistoriCat

      "Dick" "Cheney"? No, never heard of him. Served under "George W. Bush"?? Nope – never heard of him either. You must be making these names up!

    • Veritas78

      He IS gay-married. Have you seen a recent photo of Lynne?

  • EatsBabyDingos

    I hear Joe Walsh isn't in jail yet. Yet.

  • freakishlywrong

    This is how they roll. Remember, the Sunday after the President won re-election fucking Gregory asked if Obama would appoint Rombot to some post to help with the "fiscal cliff"? Remember when the librul media was pushing Democrats on to Bush? Me neither.

  • RadioBitchFace

    The obvious choice here: John Bolton.

  • Lucidamente1

    Gretchen doesn't like him because it was Hagel who remarked somewhere that all world-historical events occur twice, but forget to add first as tragedy and then as miserable farce.

    • sewollef

      Wait, I thought is was Marx who said that.

      Trouble is, I can't remember if it was Groucho or Zeppo.

  • hagajim

    Why doesn't Barry just nominate McConnell and Boehner for positions in the cabinet…then these morons could filibuster themselves…oh wait, McConnell has already done that. Never mind.

  • sullivanst

    Being able to work in any capacity with Barack Obama would automatically make any Republican "not a typical" one, but it's kind of a basic requirement of any Cabinet job.

  • EatsBabyDingos

    Ham Biscuits for Secretary of State. Or just secretary under the desk Boehner sits at in the White House. Or Lord Jigglypuff of Pokemon.

  • Goonemeritus

    Considering the continuing Republican move to the right we might best get ahead of this by nominating Francisco Franco who I believe should be conservative enough for at least two more years.

    • gingerland62

      He is still dead.

      • Biff

        Mamie Eisenhower, then?

  • qwerty42

    Well, I'm expecting yet another round of butt-hurt and whining after whatever is done to resolve the financial business so they will be all over themselves with resentment. Of course, having shrewdly banked on old white guys to carry them through, the Republicans should be fine. Just fine.

    • GoodDogThor

      Hold on… old white guy… veteran… def sec…

      This is good news for John McCain!

  • Since Hagel is any kind of Republican he should just GTFO.

  • pinkocommi

    I am nine months pregnant and my husband and I are struggling for a baby name, but I just realized the one name that would ensure my son's success in US politics… Reagan. Of course, I won't go there because I'd have to barf everytime I said the name, but it would be funny to see Republicans'heads explode if they had to decide whether to vote for (hopefully a progressive) named after their savior…. Tempting.

    • Lizzietish81

      Wait a second…Reagan was the name of the girl in the Excorcist…and she puked on everyone…


    • Lascauxcaveman

      the one name that would ensure my son's success in US politics… Reagan.

      Only if your li'l boy Reagan is running for office in a red state. Doesn't work here in Warshington state. Even after nearly $3 million worth of out-of-state money was spent to smear his Dem opponent.

      (And yes, his mother named him after Ronald Reagan.)

    • PubOption

      Reagan is much better than Goneril.

    • rickmaci

      Something tells me a candidate with a mommy named pinkocommi is not going to get very far with the TeaTards, Reagan or no Reagan. (And best wishes to all with the baby birthing.)

  • I suggest Obama should nominate the Dalai Lama first, then when these asshats say he isn't bloody enough, substitute Hagel and then ask them how fucking bloody they need?

  • TootsStansbury

    Let's see…we have a moderate right (most Dems), the John Birch wing or the Republic party (AOTK), what are we missing? A Left? Yes! A Left!

    How did we get into this mess and how do we get out of it?

    • Lizzietish81

      Nixon, its all his fault.

      Granted he would be slapping his forehead over how far its gone. After all, he thought the John Birch Society was too crazy.

    • freakishlywrong

      It's all those liburls parading around our Sunday "News" shows. All those labor representatives..Corporate Media be it's name.

    • TootsStansbury

      Ima gonna rant in this here dead thread. There IS a left, prolly a pretty sizable one. Problem is; we aren't allowed a seat at the grown ups' table and when we dare speak up, we get our mouths washed out with pepper spray. What to do?

  • BaldarTFlagass

    How many bombs could a bomb-Chuck Chuck if a bomb-Chuck could Chuck bombs?

    • sewollef


  • yes, it is a real problem, when a president might nominate a member of the opposition to his cabinet. bipartisanship is just one step on that slippery slope to eh, sharia? well, something bad, anyway. so glad fox is on the case.

  • SexySmurf

    his accompanying then-Senator Obama on a trip to Afghanistan and Iraq in 2008 means he is “not a typical Republican”

    Typical Republicans don't have black friends (unless they say something stupid. Then they have lots of them).

    • gingerland62

      Though I find your photo disturbing-very insightful response!

  • Beowoof

    Oh you know, nowadays to be a real republican you have to be a raving fucking loon, with out enough sense to come in out of the snowstorms we used to have.

  • BaldarTFlagass

    his accompanying then-Senator Obama on a trip to Afghanistan and Iraq in 2008 means he is “not a typical Republican”

    What if he told Obama "go get your fucking shine box" during those trips abroad? Would that make him typically Republican enough?

  • Lascauxcaveman

    The deficit-hawk Republicans are just trying to cut spending. They're afraid Chuck is going to haggle his way to a higher salary.

  • Lizzietish81

    This is like that scene in Zoolander when he thinks he's won the meaningless award and gets up and makes an acceptance speech and everyone just stares at him…except he figured it out in 30 seconds and the Republicans haven't figured it out after a month.

  • Terry

    So, basically, travelling to Afghanistan with Obama has given him cooties.

  • SorosBot

    Why would anyone want to nominate a Republican for Secretary of Defense, though, when Republicans have proven over and over again that they're horrible on national security, while Democrats have a record that includes victory in World War II and getting Osama bin Laden?

    • MissTaken

      Cuz Dems be pussies, duh!

      • SorosBot

        It's true that the Dems haven't invaded another country just for the hell of it since way, way back in the JFK and LBJ administrations, and even then old Ike had to get them started on that one.

    • BigSkullF*ckingDog

      Yes, but Bush said MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!!!!!!!!

  • LibrarianX

    non compos mentis

  • James Michael Curley

    When will someone throw a bucket of water on Gretchen Carlson?

    • Toomush_Infer


    • Lizzietish81

      It would mess up her circuits.

  • edgydrifter

    For the last time, Barry–you won, stop playing patty-cakes with these unthinking anthropomorphic man-sized shambling dicks! Nominate than elfin socialist Kucinich for Sec. Def. and tell Mitch McConnell to blow it out his spew-hole if he doesn't like it! FFS!!

    • mormos

      Hahahaha this for the win!

  • Oblios_Cap

    It's good to see that the GOP learned all of the right lessons form their electoral beatdown.

    • Lizzietish81

      I'm frankly ok with them not learning and continuing to fail.

  • EatsBabyDingos

    But what about the Spanish Inquisition?!?!?!

    • sullivanst

      I'm not expecting it.

    • Lizzietish81

      I don't think they exist.

  • BigSkullF*ckingDog

    Gotta love a democracy in which the MINORITY is allowed to hold the government hostage while they have a poopie pantsed tantrum every time they don't get exactly what they want, even when what they want gets crazier and crazier every year.

  • Allmighty_Manos

    If Obama wants to appoint you to anything, you're not Republican enough. It's the Wingnut Paradox.

  • Oblios_Cap

    If a Farm Bill isn't passed soon, their corporate masters will be greatly displeased. It's like they can't actually do anything and only know the word "no".

    Like a two-year-old.

    • mormos

      two year olds also know the word mine, which, admittedly, republicans are pretty familiar with as well.

  • Schmannnity

    Georg Hegel for Sec. Def.

  • When I hear "typical republican" these days, I usually picture somebody reading aloud from the constitution in their christian dungeon, while in the background the family from The Texas Chainsaw Massacre cooks up some hippie for dinner. So yeah, it's not quite the compliment it used to be.

  • The US military-industrial death complex is the finest in the world and it's just too damn valuable and important to allow some liberal fag to run it.

  • BaldarTFlagass

    I guess they figure that Bamz and Chuck probably shared an airplane on those trips, so Chuck probably was invaded and replicated by Obama's political philosophy, like in John Carpenter's The Thing. Liberalism is more contagious than SARS, Ebola, and AIDS combined.

    • Oblios_Cap

      That's too science-y for them to believe.

  • BZ1

    Hagel served in Viet Nam and is a decorated veteran with two Purple Hearts, not good enough, considering that Kerry was vilified for his war record.

    • Lizzietish81

      Except that McCain was honored for his Vietnam service. Clinton was criticized for not going to Vietnam, while Bush and Romney were given excuses.

      The point? Republicans aren't very consistent on this one.

      • sullivanst

        Nah, they're entirely consistent: IOKIYAR, INOKIYAD (or not R "enough").

  • keepwalkin

    Susan Rice -SoS
    Glenn Rice -SoD

    We don't need no stinkin' Republicans in PBO's cabinet!!

  • Callyson

    This is bad news for Scott Brown. You know he was just itching to claim Kerry's seat.

    As Nelson Muntz said…

  • kittensdontlie

    For confirmation, if a cursory check yields the Mark of the Beast, then Hagel is a RINO.

  • arihaya

    Clearly all Obama need to do is to demonstrate some real leadership by being less obviously blah ..

  • arihaya

    Imagine Republicans' reaction if Obama nominated Jesse fucking Jackson !!

  • sewollef

    Well, that's what Palin said….

  • An_Outhouse

    I would nominate Chuck Hagel as Secertary of Cleaning up After Bo And Licking Christmas Greetings Envelopes.

  • TheGyrus

    This would be Obama's second Republican Secretary of Defense, after Robert Gates. How about nominating a goddamned Democrat?

  • ttommyunger

    Barry absolutely be gracious and generous to the R's, after all, that's the way they roll when they're on top. NOT!

  • GeorgiaBurning

    Nominate Ron Paul for SecDef. That would really turn the Repubs inside out, he wants to cut everything.

  • "means he is “not a typical Republican” " = Does not molest children.

  • dcjdjay

    Gretchen Carlson is evidence that Stanford and other top schools have an affirmative action program for dumb Stepford bimbos in training.

  • Barrelhse

    Gretchen should stick her thumb up her ass to give her head some company.

  • DahBoner


    Just add BATH SALTS…

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