PASSING THE BATON  12:50 pm December 10, 2012

Ghost Andrew Breitbart Welcomes Moonie ‘Investigative Reporter’ For All Future Racism Debunkings

by Doktor Zoom

Why Does Lauren Faust Still Refuse to Investigate Benghazi?Lest anyone think that the continued twitchings of the Breitbart Empire represent some sort of chant du cygne, the crew at Big Government want you to know that there’s a danse macabre in the old dame yet! That is to say, just as Dick Cheney continues to feed on the souls of the living, Ghost Breitbart is still bringing in new blood. Just last week, they acquired Matthew Boyle for their important “black people are thugs” beat, and now, they’ve scored “investigative journalist” Kerry Picket from the Moonie Times. We’re pretty sure that we won’t accidentally call her “him” anymore!

And just what is it that makes Picket such an investigative ace? Breitbart remnant Tony Lee tells us that she conclusively proved that black legislators are a bunch of race-baiting liars, for one thing!

During the Obamacare protests in 2010, Picket debunked allegations made by prominent members of the Congressional Black Caucus … that Tea Party protestors shouted the N-word at Rep. [John] Lewis. Picket interviewed people who were at the Capitol Hill protests and went to police stations across Washington, D.C. to ask if police officers had heard of such an incident. She discovered there had been no complaints about protestors yelling the N-word, contrary to what mainstream media outlets were reporting at the time.

That, ladies and gentlemen, is how to do an investigation! Nobody went to the police to say “Someone called John Lewis the n-word!” Ergo, the whole story is conclusively debunked! QE muthafuckin’ DEE. In her first scoop for her new zombie overlords, Picket will reveal that an exhaustive search of records from America’s emergency rooms, animal shelters, and massage parlors turned up absolutely no reports of so-called “Global Warming.”

Andrew Breitbart’s legacy is indeed in capable hands.

[BigGovernment]

 
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{ 88 comments }

Maman December 10, 2012 at 12:53 pm

I am thinking about cygne chanting as we speak!

Disassembly December 10, 2012 at 12:53 pm

This is almost as stupid as saying that carbon dioxide is natural so it cannot be a problem. Almost.

Maman December 10, 2012 at 12:55 pm

So is carbon monoxide. Still wouldn't want to be a room full of it.

Lizzietish81 December 10, 2012 at 12:58 pm

You ever hear about the villages in Africa where everyone was dropping dead in the middle of the night?

Tuned out the nearby lake was belching a poisonous gas….carbon dioxide.

MissTaken December 10, 2012 at 12:59 pm

And anthrax. Ouch.

eggsacklywright December 10, 2012 at 1:21 pm

Sillies, it's global warping they should be worried about.

Biff December 10, 2012 at 1:35 pm

And what about ether? It's just fine for teh interwebz, but use it just one time as an aid to mutually-agreed-upon sexytime…

glasspusher December 10, 2012 at 2:18 pm

I used it to knock off some rabbits last spring. Made ether bunnies out of them (ducks).

glasspusher December 10, 2012 at 12:53 pm

So, even with Breitbart dead, his minions continue to grasp at straws, now without his help? Clearly, a lasting legacy…

BaldarTFlagass December 10, 2012 at 12:54 pm

I see an abundance of Pulitzers in their future.

SigDeFlyinMonky December 10, 2012 at 1:12 pm

Having carnal congress with poultry is the only "pullet surprise" that crowd is ever going to see.

LibertyLover December 10, 2012 at 1:28 pm

Certainly a Peabody or two, maybe even a producer-ship for Ms. Picket on the Vaulted Bill O'Reilly show where one can get sexually harassed and get a settlement out of court.

SuspectedDemocrat December 10, 2012 at 4:01 pm

Would you say you see a plethora of Pulitzers?

Shypixel December 10, 2012 at 12:55 pm

I am pretty sure just using the word 'racist' makes anything you say racist.

noodlesalad December 10, 2012 at 1:03 pm

That's racist! Wait, now I'm racist too!

Esteev December 10, 2012 at 1:37 pm

I'm not racists! Oops, I guess I am now!

BaldarTFlagass December 10, 2012 at 12:55 pm

Ever since he died, Breitbart Empire just goes from strength to strength. He must be manipulating events from the great beyond.

RedneckMuslin December 10, 2012 at 1:15 pm

Breitbart is going for Generalisimo Francisco Franco's record for being dead.

HistoriCat December 10, 2012 at 2:33 pm

He's a real life death Hari Seldon!

freakishlywrong December 10, 2012 at 12:55 pm

The wingnuts are truly swirling the rabbithole.

Lizzietish81 December 10, 2012 at 12:56 pm

Wait…so she's a Moonie?

Lizzietish81 December 10, 2012 at 12:57 pm

The tide comes in, the tide goes out, you can't explain it!

Except with science, but that's of the devil.

LesBontemps December 10, 2012 at 12:59 pm

Another day that Breitbart is still dead. ♪♫♪♫♪♫♫♫♪♪♪♫

Secluded Compound December 10, 2012 at 1:00 pm

Picket interviewed people who were at the Capitol Hill protests…

"Tea Partiers aren't racist; I asked the Tea Partiers and they told me it wasn't so."

Esteev December 10, 2012 at 1:37 pm

I'm sold.

4TheTurnstiles December 10, 2012 at 1:00 pm

Kerry, would you like to see my Moonie? It has a crack in it but some folks say it's nice

Callyson December 10, 2012 at 1:00 pm

She discovered there had been no complaints about protestors yelling the N-word, contrary to what mainstream media outlets were reporting at the time.

"Did you hear someone complaining about the use of the N-word?"

"Complaining, no. Practicing, yes…"

SayItWithWookies December 10, 2012 at 1:00 pm

If there's no global warming in massage parlors then they're doing it wrong.

Geminisunmars December 10, 2012 at 1:17 pm

See, it is decadence that is causing it. Moral derpitutde has made the oceans rise.

eggsacklywright December 10, 2012 at 1:40 pm

Happy endings uber alles.

edgydrifter December 10, 2012 at 1:01 pm

On the other hand, she's heard a lot of talk about Obama being a Kenyan Marxist Islamofascist, so that's probably factual.

TootsStansbury December 10, 2012 at 1:01 pm

Ugh. Are we there yet (peak wingnut)?

freakishlywrong December 10, 2012 at 1:11 pm

Oh nowhere near it. We still have a Ruby Ridge meltdown a WACO style tragedy and Federal building tantrum.

TootsStansbury December 10, 2012 at 1:19 pm

I sometimes worry it might even be worse than those things.

Lizzietish81 December 10, 2012 at 1:21 pm

Well thanks to the increase in Obesity it'll be easier to catch the anti government masses before they can get far.

SorosBot December 10, 2012 at 1:23 pm

We've already had quite a few crazed wingnut attacks and murder sprees, just nothing on the scale of Oklahoma City. And now we can't dare call any of them terrorism if the perpetrator is white.

Geminisunmars December 10, 2012 at 1:27 pm

Miss Scarlette says if they are white, then they are Taraists.

SorosBot December 10, 2012 at 1:01 pm

Huh, and here I thought a racist ass calling someone the N-word was not in fact a crime and no one would file a police report about it, and in fact it would be incredibly stupid to think that anyone would do so.

noodlesalad December 10, 2012 at 1:02 pm

Journamalism. How does it work?

Lizzietish81 December 10, 2012 at 1:03 pm

Questions come out, answers come in, you can't explain it!

Esteev December 10, 2012 at 1:39 pm

Questions come out, answers come in, you can't report that!

FTFY!

Callyson December 10, 2012 at 1:02 pm

Picket has also produced news content for Robin Quivers on “The Howard Stern Show” on Sirius satellite radio as well as written copy for MTV Radio.

Wow, her career really went downhill…

One_who_wanders December 10, 2012 at 1:17 pm

From the peak of a molehill to underground.

SorosBot December 10, 2012 at 1:02 pm

"Debunked". You keep using that word. I do not think it means what you think it means.

Geminisunmars December 10, 2012 at 1:18 pm

I debunk every morning. Don't you?

eggsacklywright December 10, 2012 at 1:24 pm

It's like unbedding.

Geminisunmars December 10, 2012 at 1:25 pm

Well, I embed at night, and then debunk in the morning.

Lizzietish81 December 10, 2012 at 1:21 pm

That's when you get out of bed right?

BaldarTFlagass December 10, 2012 at 1:02 pm

In fact, no one at Breitbart even knows what particular word-beginning-with-N a person is referring to when they say or write "N-word."

MissTaken December 10, 2012 at 1:03 pm

and went to police stations across Washington, D.C. to ask if police officers had heard of such an incident. She discovered there had been no complaints about protestors yelling the N-word, contrary to what mainstream media outlets were reporting at the time.

I didn't realize every time someone calls me a bad word (bitch, poopyhead, cracker-ass-cracker) I'm supposed to go to the cops and file a complaint so Breitbart's Ghost can report on it. Thank you Kerry for keeping me so informed!

SorosBot December 10, 2012 at 1:12 pm

Tattle-tale!

Geminisunmars December 10, 2012 at 1:20 pm

If I had to file a complaint every time, I'd have to move into the station.

BigSkullF*ckingDog December 10, 2012 at 1:34 pm

While youre at the station make sure you complain to everyone about how you pay too much in taxes.

MissTaken December 10, 2012 at 1:40 pm

While yelling at the cops that *I* pay their salaries so they need to take me seriously

Lascauxcaveman December 10, 2012 at 1:37 pm

Victimhood. U R doin it RONG.

Oblios_Cap December 10, 2012 at 1:05 pm

I'm surprised that these people can breath and bathe at the same time.

I know that I'm going out on a limb by postulating that they ever wash. Mom's basement probably doesn't have a working bathroom.

TootsStansbury December 10, 2012 at 1:10 pm

I don't think they can breathe while out in the rain.

lulzmonger December 11, 2012 at 1:08 am

Luckily, sponge-on-a-stick drownings are rare.

CrunchyKnee December 10, 2012 at 1:08 pm

So, I guess that I am the racist one because the cunts "logic" made my head explode?

Disassembly December 10, 2012 at 1:16 pm

Now you've gone and done it. The police should be at your place soon to follow up on the inevitable report filed in response to your comment.

Maman December 10, 2012 at 1:09 pm

Fire is good if it heats your house and cooks your dinner, but bad if burns the place down. So confusing.

snowpointsecret December 10, 2012 at 1:10 pm

Debunking Tea Party racism is like debunking gravity. You can claim it but nobody with the capability of rational thought will actually believe you.

sewollef December 10, 2012 at 1:20 pm

Debunking Tea Party christianity is the same, as is debunking Tea Party humanity.

They can claim it, but it sure as shit isn't true and no one with functioning brain cells will believe them.

Lizzietish81 December 10, 2012 at 1:23 pm

Heh, during our days doing clinic escorting, the protesters would sometimes shout about how Evolution was just a theory, and my sister would respond with "so's gravity but you haven't fallen off the planet have you?"

Geminisunmars December 10, 2012 at 1:28 pm

I'd like to see them prove that gravity thingy.

Guppy December 10, 2012 at 1:12 pm

QE muthafuckin’ DEE

I prefer the classier "QEDMF."

Pinkie (Pie) raised!

Schmannnity December 10, 2012 at 1:16 pm

Will Big Government be enlisting more trolls? I'm getting lonely.

StillGoinGreen December 10, 2012 at 1:18 pm

No, they were screaming, "Bigger, Bigger!!", as they would like to see Obamacare cover more of America's fine citizens. Right?

eggsacklywright December 10, 2012 at 1:25 pm

Or maybe "knicker, knicker" since their pants were all twisty.

imissopus December 10, 2012 at 1:19 pm

GAH! VIDEO AD! KILL IT WITH FIRE!

Doktor Zoom December 10, 2012 at 1:43 pm

If it comes up again, could you get the URL and email rebecca@wonkette.com? We really do want to get rid of those.

Boojum December 10, 2012 at 1:22 pm

But what would Newt Gingrich think about it?

Lucidamente1 December 10, 2012 at 1:24 pm

Picket, however, did report that police heard numerous shouts of "motherfucker, I want more iced tea."

GoodDogThor December 10, 2012 at 1:25 pm

Gotta problem with it? Take it up with their new ombudsman, John Rocker.

ttommyunger December 10, 2012 at 1:30 pm

The Derp is strong with this one. I don't believe for a minute she checked with the cops, but if she did, those cops are thinking the same thing I'm thinking: what a dumb cunt.

Lizzietish81 December 10, 2012 at 1:31 pm

She checked their blogger in the paper the day after.

ttommyunger December 10, 2012 at 1:55 pm

No doubt.Sent from the Field, not in Garrison.

BigSkullF*ckingDog December 10, 2012 at 1:31 pm

Exclusive interview: "I never did call him no nigger. I called him a no good fuckin' jungle bunny."

See, no racism.

Oblios_Cap December 10, 2012 at 1:33 pm

It seems that just about anything qualifies as a "hero" or an "empire" these days. Is the dead guy's "empire" actually worth anything?

Esteev December 10, 2012 at 1:33 pm

Big Gov't dot com would find better info if they just paid someone to Google stuff all day.

mrblifil December 10, 2012 at 1:34 pm

Weak sauce. Nobody who works there can be thought worthy of their mission until they have become meth addicts, soiled themselves in public, constructed elaborate hetero backstories to divert attention, and committed themselves to delusion with such Andy Kaufman-like ferocity that their heart's literally explode. At that point I might give a fuck what they have to say, and even then strictly for the lulz.

Mumbletypeg December 10, 2012 at 1:38 pm

You know what other Kerry was not so very…?

GeorgiaMike December 10, 2012 at 1:42 pm

Maybe Breitbart isn't exactly dead, but was sent to the Racist Assholes section of the Phantom Zone. So if he gets out, it's going to be all "The son of Barack will be my slave forever. Kneel before Breitbart."

malsperanza December 10, 2012 at 1:47 pm

Let's play SAT analogies!

Here, I'll start:

Breitbart:Journalism::Ketchup:Vegetable.

Nostrildamus December 10, 2012 at 10:25 pm

Kerry Picket:Big Journalism :: dildo:anus

MadBrahms December 10, 2012 at 1:48 pm

If it's "vettening", should it also be "Racism Debunkening"?

groverjefferson December 10, 2012 at 2:00 pm

UGH. Few things get me angrier than people debating what happened to John Lewis and the CBC that day.

Is it crazy to take the word of a man who was arrested 40+ times and had the crap beaten out of him too many times to count while on the front line of the ugliest parts of the Civil Rights Movement when he says someone did or said something that reminded him of those bad old days? If only because the alternative is accusing one of the most kindly and heroic figures of the US House of opportunistically lying and race-baiting for the sake of an imperfect health care law?

Yup. I'm the crazy one, and have been hustled by John "Race Pimp" Lewis all these years. WALKING WITH THE WIND IS A BOOK OF LIES.

BZ1 December 10, 2012 at 11:43 pm

"without a liberal filter" but with the B*S filter turned up.

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