Bang-Bang! He Shot Me Down

NRA: Despite Living In House Full Of Guns, More Guns Could Have Saved Kasandra Perkins

A weaponized family is a polite familyIn the ritualized aftermath of a high-profile shooting, there are certain things that absolutely must happen. Obviously, it is very important to explain how the victim’s poor choices led to the tragedy, so that We At Home can feel marginally safer and reassured, because we would never make those bad choices. And, of course, there’s the inevitable fairy tale spun by the National Rifle Association: If only the victim had been armed, she wouldn’t have been a victim. So when NFL linebacker Jovan Belcher shot and killed his girlfriend, Kasandra Perkins, last week, the only surprise was that it actually took NRA president Wayne LaPierre several days to come out with his carefully thought-out analysis:

“The one thing missing in that equation is that woman owning a gun so she could have saved her life from that murderer,” LaPierre told USA TODAY Sports on Thursday […]

“Owning guns is a mainstream part of American culture and it’s growing every day. My God, there’s nothing more mainstream in this country than 100 million Americans who own firearms.”

Golly, if only Kassandra Perkins had known the security of firearms ownership! She might still be alive!

There’s only one small problem with that notion. Perkins and Belcher were both avid shooters, and the couple owned as many as eight guns.

The night before the shooting, Belcher exchanged text messages with a former college teammate, joking about how he was ready for any future boyfriends of his 3-month-old daughter:

“Yea man…I got about 8 guns now, from hand Gunz to assault rifles for her little bf’s.”

Ha-ha, he was just kidding about waving a gun at his daughter’s boyfriends, of course. That’s just a wacky exaggeration that he’ll never act on, because the next morning he shot her mom nine times and then shot himself dead.

Belcher was not alone in his enthusiasm for guns, either:

Belcher and Perkins, Brianne York, [a friend of Kasandra Perkins] says, enjoyed going to gun ranges together. Once, when York was at the couple’s house, she noticed a handgun on the kitchen table. “I guess they forgot it was out,” she says. [Devene] Dunson-Rusher, [another one of Perkins’s friends], recalls once seeing a rifle leaning against a chair in the room she called Belcher’s man cave.

It almost sounds as if Wayne LaPierre might be wrong about the miraculous bubble of personal safety that surrounds “a woman owning a gun,” doesn’t it? Clearly, she should have had her gun with her at 6:30 AM, so she could have a shootout with Belcher in front of their infant daughter and Belcher’s mother, who almost certainly would not have been hit by a stray bullet.

Also, if you truly want to be safe, you need to actually carry a gun with you at all times, even at home, as advocated by this not-at-all-paranoid writer, who notes that merely having a gun is not the same as having a gun in your hand:

Oh they have a gun. Most have several. Know how to shoot them too. But they don’t have immediate access to a gun in their home. Which is the same as not having a gun. They all think they’ll be able to run to their gun at the start of a home invasion. That is one seriously dangerously delusion.

You think the bad guys are going to make an appointment? Knock three times? Wait while you prepare for them? Allow you to secure your kids before you get your gun? I wouldn’t bet my life on it. And neither should you.

Obviously, a cold-eyed realist must be armed every waking moment — “A perimeter alarm helps me sleep like a baby (when I do)” — because you never know when a Bad Guy is going to crash through your door and need a face full of lead. Oh, sure, he does close by acknowledging some possible practical issues, but you want to be absolutely safe, don’t you?

There are plenty of “common sense” objections to home carry. It’s unsafe for the kids (definitely not true if you keep your gun on you at all times). I’ll look like a nutcase (who’s coming to dinner?). Etc. And there’s one common sense reason to man (or woman) up and carry a gun in your home: if you need it, there it is.

As John Lennon said before he was shot to death, life is what happens when you’re making other plans. Semper fi baby. Semper fi.

John Lennon was so dumb. It’s just common sense: If we all carried guns at all moments, only bad people would die.

OK, and occasionally children and spouses and delivery people who startle us. But they should have been prepared for a gunfight, right?

[ThinkProgress / Deadspin]

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About the author

Doktor Zoom Is the pseudonym of Marty Kelley, who lives in Boise, Idaho. He acquired his nym from a fan of Silver-Age comics after being differently punctual to too many meetings. He is not a medical doctor, although he has a real PhD (in Rhetoric and Composition).

View all articles by Doktor Zoom
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  1. Grokenstein

    Ah, for the good old days of the Wild West, when everyone was happy, relatively safe, and oh-so-polite!

    1. ttommyunger

      Actually, it was the addition of cheap and readily available whiskey which made those days so incredibly lethal.

      1. Grokenstein

        We certainly don't have anything like that today, so the Bang-Bangs For Everybody program should make America all that much happier, safer, and more polite!

        (Unlike England, or Japan, where the continued availability of spirits has caused the utter collapse of civilized society.)

  2. GregComlish

    Guns can provide the basis for a sensible home protection plan, but not if you're gonna be a slut about it.

      1. GregComlish

        uhhh, I guess I was just making an oblique reference to the victim blaming/ slut shaming that's so prevalent in our media and has been so frequently covered on wonkette. I was trying to synthesize that attitude with people's idiotic defensiveness about guns.

  3. Monsieur_Grumpe

    Jus think of that movie theater shooting at the Batman movie, if everyone had a gun they could have started shooting everyone else, all in the dark. That would have worked out. And then the cops come, with their guns drawn, walking into a dark theater, where everyone has their guns drawn. Yes, that will work out just fine.

    1. LibrarianX

      This also resembles the psychology of our Cold War era mentality of MAD (mutually assured destruction).

      1. MaxNeanderthal

        Ah yes, the Dr. Strangelove school of defence policy- bigger and bigger bombs to throw, and deeper and deeper holes to hide in…

    2. Tundra Grifter

      When Congresswoman Giffords was shot in Phoenix, a gun-carrying citizen rushed to the scene. According to his own account, at the last moment he didn't draw and fire at a civilian brandishing a handgun.

      Which was a good thing, because it wasn't a civilian – it was a plain clothes cop.

      1. CommieLibunatic

        Word. Carrying a gun at all times won't make you John Wayne or Solid Snake, but it's more likely to make you Andrea from The Walking Dead.

    1. Doktor Zoom

      Fixed! Thanks — the error was in the ThinkProgress story, and I don't follow the game of foot-the-ball.

      1. Beowoof

        Really what is more American that football. Violent ground acquisition is such a perfect outlet for our imperialist desires. And they games teaches the kids you can have the land as long as you can knock the people there now out of the way.

        1. Doktor Zoom

          One of the few times I've agreed with George Will:

          “Football combines two of the worst things in American life. It is violence punctuated by committee meetings."

          1. BerkeleyBear

            Fuck George Will and his baseball hagiography shit. Football is a true team sport rooted in the sacrifice of many for the advancement of all, so of course he wouldn't want anything to do with it.

            Of course, I say this having spent four years on the line, wishing like hell just once I'd get to be noticed for something that wasn't a penalty or letting a blitzing linebacker beat me.

          2. Callyson

            Get rid of Thursday Night Football (FFS, players need to rest more than four days before the next game), start using safer helmets, and start suspending players who repeatedly make illegal hits (Ed Reed, I'm talking to you.) These concussions don't *have* to happen, and if the NFL doesn't act soon the quality of the game will suffer even more…

          3. glasspusher

            This is a game, where, at the professional level, players liken it to being in a car crash once a week. If your sport requires you to take more than 4 days to recover from damage inflicted on you by other people, ur doin it rong.Yes, there are other sports that require a long recuperation time- pitchers in baseball, marathon runners, mountain climbing ( I know that one!), but basketball is more physically demanding than football and they only need one day off.I'm talking about the cumulative, subconcussive trauma that they're finding out fucks up football players. Ditto hockey, but that doesn't seem to be a problem at the moment. I think hockey could clean its act up quicker than football, if the NHL starts playing again.Of course, where there's money to be made, no problem! Fans love it, even if it intentionally damages people, sort of like guns.

          4. snowpointsecret

            They're finding this out, but fixing the game is going to have to work from the bottom up in this case. That means teaching kids that play growing up that their helmet is not to be used as a weapon, and to really emphasize that instead of saying it once and then ignoring when they do it wrong.

            And trust me, there's more injuries like that than you think in other sports… I've had a few shots to the head in baseball myself, went to the hospital once. You're never going to completely get rid of risk in sports but I'd rather have those around than have nothing out there for some people to do at all.

          5. glasspusher

            I agree with you- certainly baseball and basketball are not risk free, but ramming into other people isn't one of the core techniques in either sport.Sure, there's being hit by a pitch or ramming the catcher when you're trying to score in baseball, or trying to break up a double play, and flagrant fouls in basketball, but these are not part of every play, and dirty tactics are not tolerated as much as they are in football.In baseball, a lot of times, the runner trying to break up the double play is out even if the fielder doesn't even touch second base, simply to negate the effects of high spikes. I'd like to see football do this. Yeah, right.We'll see…

          6. DemmeFatale

            My dad was 6'9," and Mr. Fatale is built like a steamroller. When we were thinking of having children, we could have produced some serious football players, (I think Mr. Fatale was secretly hoping for this). Good thing we had two gorgeous girls instead. I wince when I watch the games.

            (Even when the Yanks play the Sox, baseball is MUCH gentler than football.)

          7. glasspusher

            There are tall genes in my family, just not in my immediate family. I have a cousin who's 6' 4″, his wife is 6', their daughter is 6' and his two sons are 6' 4″ and 6' 7″. I pity them every time they have to fly coach…Yeah, when the Sox play the Yanks, there's always that potential for a bit of extracurricular contact…Guys like Dustin Pedroia keep my fantasy of maybe fouling off a couple of pitches in the bigs alive.

          8. DemmeFatale

            Speaking of Pedroia…
            One day, on a long car trip, my daughter played the Murder, Screw, Marry game with my husband.
            Being a die-hard Yankees fan, she felt compelled to name 3 Red Sox players.
            Murder: Manny Ramirez
            Screw: Big Papi
            Marry: DUSTIN PEDROIA!!

            To this day, we still refer to Pedroia as "Daddy's husband."

          9. glasspusher

            Nice. I had a friend who was teaching another friend of mine how to throw a curve, when I was in recreational league hardball in my early 20s. Friend #1 made All-State in baseball, had an 85MPH heater and a curve ball that dropped more than two feet. I was the catcher and got to see what the real thing was like. Friend #1 tried out for the yanks out of high school and was told “thanks kid, but no thanks”. I can only imagine what the guys in the bigs throw like.I don't know how well I could catch an 85 MPH pitch these days…

          10. Callyson

            Yeah, except that throughout the season, pretty much all 32 teams get hit with a TNF game. It's not *the* problem by any means, but it's *part* of the problem IMO, especially considering how much bigger and more powerful NFL players have become over the past couple of decades: love a good football game as much as anyone else (we Pittsburgh natives were born that way) but I don't want to see the game self destruct in the name of greed…

  4. salt_bagel

    All Americans should be fully armed and should be discharging a continuous spray bullets ahead of them at all times.

    1. MaxNeanderthal

      They're discharing a continuous spray of something from their hot, bulging weapons, but not bullets I suspect, Toto…

  5. fartknocker

    I wish someone would construct a silencer for LaPierre's pie hole. NRA has become as vapid and sanctimonious as PETA.

      1. HarryButtle

        How did you do that? I've tried, but they won't fucking leave me alone. It's like the Hotel California…except it's in Missouri and nobody has any cocaine.

        1. Biff

          Honestly, they won't let me leave, either. I can take solace in the fact that I'm still costing them money by continuing to send me the Rifleman magazine, and they still waste a godawful amount of postage trying to get me to donate money and/or real estate to them. They already did get me to upgrade to an Endowment Life membership, back in the days before they became nothing more than the fox news arm of the gun industry.

    1. bikerlaureate

      Surely he'll be issuing a correction when he learns that the victim was also an experienced gun owner. That changes the equation completely.

      The one constant on which we can depend is that the bought-and-paid-for "mainstream" media won't go after the NRA on their crass fear-mongering, much less the untrue statements that attempt to use the Second Amendment as a cloak for dangerous "capitalist" manipulation of Federal and local laws.

        1. FeloniousMonk

          I'm no fan of PETA — I'm more in favor of people eating tasty animals — but the article you cite fairly screams with the sound of axes being ground. I'm suspicious of anything that cites the Daily Caller twice, except to point and laugh.

          1. poorgradstudent

            Fair point, but it's not the author himself that's citing the Daily Caller, but Nathan Winograd, and the author does argue that even if Winograd has axes to grind the numbers still speak for themselves.

  6. gullywompr

    Carry at ALL times? Jesus! They're not sex toys! Or maybe I'm just not worldly enough?

    "Oh yeah, draw a bead on me baby! Mmm, just like that…"

      1. gullywompr

        Sorry, I was just thinking about the NRA and Fox News assertion that she should have been a gun user too, when she already was – what would they suggest next? There's not much else, except to suggest that they keep their guns drawn and pointed at each other every second, which most assuredly is the only way to sustain a loving relationship, long term.

    1. Dudleydidwrong

      Gunz aren't sex toys? Then why do they have those looooong barrel-thingies? I always thought they were toys that compensate for lack of a long barrel that usually comes attached to most males.

  7. An_Outhouse

    is there a "writing a blog post 101" guide that suggests ending with some random quote? WTF, John Lennon?

          1. Doktor Zoom

            He gets a pass (on the date, at least), since that was from April 2011.

            I was 18 and in my first semester at college when Lennon died. The local radio station kept playing "While My Guitar Gently Weeps" with a memorial message, and since it fit, I refrained from being the pedantic jerk who'd call them and point out it was a George Harrison tune. (But the thought did occur to me).

    1. ButthurtWingers2012

      Nah it's just the epic assholery of a paranoid wingnut who probably realizes the guy he's quoting was shot and killed by a gun thus making his stupid 'you should haz gun at all timez' blog post all the more odious. The pure crassness of the used quote really ties the post together….it would have been appropriate had he quoted Mark David Chapman instead, "pew, pew, die!" fucking NRA dildoes.

  8. Abernathy

    It's almost as if the NRA only exists to help the gun industry sell as many guns as possible. But that can't be; if they were just a bunch of industry shills, then the media would have no reason to report on what they said all the time, and they would be forced to buy ad space in niche fetish publications instead.

    1. Dr. Nick Riviera

      That would be as dumb ask asking the executives of Hostess if giving the executives of Hostess bonuses was a good business decision

  9. snowpointsecret

    You should be sleeping with your gun under your pillow at all times, loaded and ready to go.

    "Top story on tonight's news: a woman was found dead in her bed with a gunshot wound to the head."

    1. MaxNeanderthal

      Negligent discharges, as they say in the army, don'cha just love 'em- thinning out redneck ranks since the invention of gunpowder.

  10. BaldarTFlagass

    Well, all these idiots owning guns is certainly one way of thinning the herd, it's just too bad if you happen to get in the way as collateral damage.

    1. soeoho

      Somebody has to keep those "Meeks" from inheriting the Earth!
      The 2nd Amendment to the 6th Commandment works for em', but they are having some trouble defining whether their 1st Commandment "worship" may be misplaced with Lords Smith & Wesson.
      At least Barney Fife kept his one bullet in his pocket.

      1. Biff

        "At least Barney Fife kept his one bullet in his pocket."
        So did Olivia Dunham, until she improvised a zipgun and killed a captor with it last night, on "Fringe".

  11. YouFail4eva

    So, the take-home message here is to take your guns home, and then shoot them. At home. Regardless of who else is there.

    Got it.

  12. GemlikeFlame

    Dok, you've uncovered one of the greater shames of my life. I 'm about 99.999% certain those are my nieces. If so, that picture is about 15 years old. They were homeschooled, and the elder two have had a predictably difficult time with adulthood. The eldest was more or less put into an arranged marriage that ended quickly and messily. Their parents are Full Quiver christians, and there are about four more girls in the family and a couple of boys. If they really are my kin, the original source of the picture is probably from the website.

    1. MaxNeanderthal

      Snark off- I really, really hope you're "joking", but I've got a very nasty feeling you aren't…

      1. GemlikeFlame

        Snark fails me on this particular topic. I found a copy of that picture in an old image cache along with a picture of mommy holding what looks like a fully automatic assault rifle. Those are my brother's children, and I heartily wish I were joking.

        Anybody who wants to know why I have a problem with the Christian Coalition and fellow travelers can start with that picture.

        1. gingerland62

          We all have relatives we'd rather not believe are in the same gene poll so..sorry and I understand

          1. GemlikeFlame

            Thank you, Ginger. The saddest part is that I can't do anything about it that doesn't make things worse. Sins of the parents and their siblings visited upon the children, I guess. The 20-somethings I'm working with now have some potential, maybe I can get a competent human being or two out of that bunch.

        2. MaxNeanderthal

          Ah yes, like the christian foster-parents who "looked after" my now happily adopted daughters for 2 years before we rescued them. What adjectives can I use to describe them? How about ignorant, venal, sanctimonious, pompous, uncaring, cold, heartless and really, really, really, unforgivably, stupid. I'll go to my grave a happy man knowing I removed two children from the grasp of a christian. Beyond that, words cannot describe the visceral loathing I have for them and all their works.

          1. GemlikeFlame

            While I am not prepared to say that Christian fundamentalism is worse than any other kind, the assertion that it is somehow better in any specific or general way is objectively and provably false. As my father, Episcopal clergyman and the grandfather of those adorable tykes armed to the teeth depicted in the article, used to say

            "Everybody has to believe in something. I believe I'll have another drink."

      1. thebeatgoeson

        I tried looking at some of those links but had to stop before I started crying. I'm a pediatrician in the inner city in Providence RI. Many of my patients' lives were touched by gun violence and let me tell you, they never get over it.

        1. GemlikeFlame

          There's a saying in the tech industry that goes like this:

          "If the only tool you have is a hammer, all of your problems look like nails."

          NRA wants to promote firearms as the fundamental tool for resolving conflict, that's fine, but they also get to own the resulting problems. Looks to me like they don't. An armed society just selects for superior firepower and nothing else.

    2. fuflans

      Relations are simply a tedious pack of people, who haven’t got the remotest knowledge of how to live, nor the smallest instinct about when to die.

      o. wilde

  13. snowpointsecret

    No snark here, but I do find it amazing that, a day after this tragedy, the Chiefs somehow managed to win their game. They improved to 2-10, meaning a win for this team is already a big deal. At least it's something good the team can focus on.

  14. Native_of_SL_UT

    In my 50 plus years on this earth, I have never once needed a gun, although I suspect that if I would have been carrying one in my hand for most of that time, eventually that gun would have gone off and killed someone, probably me.

    1. kittensdontlie

      Sometimes, people do really stupid things that could justifiably get themselves shot. More than several people owe their life to me because I figured out they were just being really stupid, not malicious..

    2. Swampgas_Man

      It's like driving; if you're drunk, don't drive. If you're bipolar (like me), juuuuusst maybe you shouldn't be around a gun.

  15. dadanarchistmk2

    "It’s just common sense: If we all carried guns at all moments, only bad people would die."

    And this is why, this Christmas season, I am marketing a brand-new line of concealed holsters that you guys can strap behind your pee-pees and you women can stash in your va-jay-jays (no suing me Robert Rodriguez!)…

  16. VodkaGoGo

    And there’s one common sense reason to man (or woman) up and carry a gun in your home: if you need it, there it is.

    What about when you're sleeping? If Katrina Perkins had been sleeping with a gun in her hand, with the safety off (duh), none of this would have happened. This idiot doesn't know what he's talking about and his advice is going to get a lot of people killed.

    1. Monsieur_Grumpe

      I think you just described that 25% of America that will always vote for anything with an R next to their name.

  17. Pithaughn

    Here's my little contribution to the gun control debate, I'm going to give a gift certificate to the target practice range for the company Xmas party gift exchange;1 hour of target practice. Not stated but they will also get some thought provoking discussion about actual shooting incidents I've had the good fortune to survive. Depending on the experience of the "winner", the firearm will be either a Gamo pellet rifle or a Model 94. I don't own any hand guns as that statistically shortens your life.

  18. Native_of_SL_UT

    Herein lies the failed logic of the personal defense crowd. They always look at these situations from the victims point of view and think what could they have done different.

    They ignore the shooters point of view, which is actually based on a very simple principal, How can get off all the rounds I want without giving anyone a chance to shoot back?

    1. bikerlaureate

      The shooter can't get a single round off if the victim is shooting first. Telepathically acting before the shooter can get a bead on 'em…

      Thought-controlled trlgg3rs can't be far off.

  19. johnnyzhivago

    The real problem is that Americans are limited to owning guns! For a true sense of household security every home should be equipped with chemical and nuclear weapons, as well as 24×7 surveillance and attack drones.

  20. EnnuiThereYet?

    Why stop with just owning guns? A true patriot would go full Robocop and have them grafted onto his arms.

    1. kittensdontlie

      I am having a concealable laser-guided missle launcher attached next week. My HMO says it's elective surgery!!

    2. CommieLibunatic

      Dude, no. Have you ever tried to button your shirt with an arm-cannon? Just ask Samus Aran or Megatron (G1, of course).

  21. bikerlaureate

    It’s unsafe for the kids (definitely not true if you keep your gun on you at all times).

    If the safety's on.
    And if the gun isn't "on you" by riding in the waistband of your sweat pants.
    And if you haven't pissed one of your kids off enough to motivate 'em to unsnap the holster…

  22. dadanarchistmk2

    If guns don't kill people, and if owning a gun makes you safer, why do your health and home insurance premiums go up if you keep a gun(s) in your home/trailer/isolated cabin?

    Clearly, America's other god, Mammon, has spoken.

    QED, NRAssholes

    1. Wile E. Quixote

      Where does this happen? I've never heard of anyone having higher premiums because they own a gun.

  23. Serolf_Divad

    If only Kassandra Perkins had been a quicker draw this senseless tragedy might have been avoided! I think we all agree that that's the takeaway from all of this.

  24. natl_[redacted]_cmdr

    A perimeter alarm helps me sleep like a baby (when I do)

    It's good to know there are sleepless, gun-owning paranoid people out there. I feel safer already!

    1. HistoriCat

      sleep like a baby

      He wakes up every few hours, crying and in need of a diaper change? Sounds about right.

  25. proudgrampa

    This is the discussion I have with my gun-toting son all the time. He carries everywhere, even to his place of work. I just hope that he knows what he's doing, because I am afraid that it's gonna end very badly.

      1. proudgrampa

        That's the thing. He works in a freakin' office. Product analysis. Nothing threatening about it at all.

        He claims that other co-workers carry, so why shouldn't he? He would agree with the above assessment that with a gun, he won't be a victim. I'm just afraid he's not going to leave a threatening situation when he should or he's gonna shoot when he shouldn't.

        1. jello_mold

          I don't suppose telling your son he scares the shit out of people (you, random strangers (me)) does anything…that must be terribly difficult to live with.

    1. Biff

      I quit a jerb over that issue one time. A meth-head coworker packed his 9mm, and I got scared enough to start packing my .45 in self defense, before I came to my senses and walked.

      1. Tundra Grifter

        I remember visiting my brother's law practice down in New Orleans.

        He walked over to a secretary's desk, opened a drawer, and said "This is the 'Office Gun.' It's not the only gun in the office, but it is the 'Office Gun.'"

    2. CommieLibunatic

      I'd feel a little weird and dumb taking a Nerf gun to the office. These people live in more of a fantasy world than I do, and I raid in Warcraft regularly.

  26. sullivanst

    If my wife carried at all times, she'd have killed me at least a dozen times by now. She's very easily startled when she's drying her hair.

  27. TaggWatchesYou

    Why, if only we could replace our flimsy, useless, fleshy hands with cold, hard, bullet-spewing metal, we could protect ourselves at all times!

    Only when we are all Robocop can we expect peace in our time.

  28. WABishop

    Gun advocates have a one-dimensional way of thinking that sounds like Grover Norquist on taxes:
    Not enough guns? More guns!
    Too many guns? More guns!

    They're not in favor of abolishing civil society. they just want to shrink it down to the size where they can drown it in the bathtub.

  29. Come here a minute

    Did you hear about the terrible tragedy of Bob Costas, the Sports Man, making ill-advised commentary on the Guns and Their Safety? The gentleman should leave discussion of these Weighty Matters to the fine folks who line their pockets by extolling virtues of firearms.

  30. LibertyLover

    …merely having a gun is not the same as having a gun in your hand…

    I know that I wear my gunz around my neck on a retractable cord so it is ready at all times. Sometimes it gets in the way when I am showering or washing the dishes or when I go to hug someone, but I am always prepared like a Good Eagle Scout would be (if I had been born a boy and went into the boyscouts.)

    It scares the mailman when I go to collect the mail though and every once in awhile I roll over on it awkwardly in my sleep. Nearly shot off my toes once when I sneezed, too, but it's all good.

  31. kittensdontlie

    That other collateral damage of gun ownership:

    "At home, 83 percent of gun-related deaths are the result of a suicide, often by someone other than the gun owner….with 50% of all suicides by firearm"–American Foundation for Suicide Prevention.

    1. PennyDreadful

      Oh, awesome, I knew someone in the other 17%. We were all thankful that his girlfriend's 2-year-old wasn't at home at the time.

  32. LibertyLover

    We womenz could always pre-emptively shoot all the menz that we are involved with just so they don't shoot us first!

    Stand your ground, Ladies!

    1. kittensdontlie

      Word to the Wise: Always carry two guns. One for self-defense, the other for your trial defense(…place extra gun in hand of annoying dead boyfriend).

          1. Dashboard Buddha

            I thought the nightstand was a story about a family laid low by the flue and the devil taking up residence in a piece of their bedroom furniture.

          2. local242thug

            no, no, no. a nightstand is something you make because you're a man. (thank god i get my news from here. i might still be living in my mom's basement.) according to wikipedia (which really does have an entry for "nightstand," as well as "bed" and "bedroom" in case you don't know what those are):

            "Modern nightstands are usually small bedside tables, often with a drawer. They are often used to support items that might be useful during the night, such as a lamp, alarm clock, mobile phone, reading matter, a glass of water, medication, or condoms."

            wow! wikipedia is cool! but the article needs additional citations, dontcha know.

            anyway i don't know about no family living in a chimney flue or no furniture devils. you sure you don't mean poltergeist?

          3. Dashboard Buddha

            Jesus Jumped Up Christ…I really did write "flue" didn't I. Well, that's the last time I post on Wonkette while drinking.

  33. Vecchiojohn

    What we all need is one of those derringer belt buckle guns for those awkward moments when you're using both hands for something other than aiming your Glock in case your family members start looking funny at you.

  34. JustPixelz

    We went to war and spent trillions of dollars in response to 9/11. But every month almost as many Americans are killed by guns from crime, accident, suicide. If Al Quada wants to terrorize us, donating to the NRA is surely more cost effective than hijacking airplanes.

    1. glasspusher

      If you keep clouding the issue with facts, it's going to be hard to follow your train of thought.

  35. Rotundo_

    I wish I had some faint notion of what could be done to keep things like this from happening, If there had been some sensible legislation decades ago that would have slowed the arming of america, it might have slowed things up a bit. How do you deal with this in some way that doesn't become a "War on Drugs" clusterfuck or another crime breeding mess like Prohibition was?

  36. BlueStateLibel

    Just curious, but how would this hypothetical constantly armed person have sex? Or take a shower?

  37. Callyson

    “The one thing missing in that equation is that woman owning a gun so she could have saved her life from that murderer”

    1. No, the one thing missing is the fact that Jovan Belcher was able to shoot and killed his girlfriend, asshole.

    2. I am so sick of this twisted version of victim blaming.

    3. FFS.

    1. jodyleek

      You better not pout, you better not cry
      You better not shout, I'm telling you why
      Santa's going to shoot you in the face!

    2. dadanarchistmk2

      I can't tell if they're celebrating or holding Santa hostage. That big motherfucking gun on the right looks like it could bring down a sleigh and 8 unarmored reindeer.

  38. glasspusher

    "I hate to burst you ego, but this isn't the first time I've had a gun pointed at me"

    Sadly, since I let a friend of mine make a bad decision on where to walk after we had dinner, that's no longer just a movie line to me…but I got out unscathed.

      1. glasspusher

        If I was with one of my old friends, we might have made it a bit more interesting, but the guy I was with was very skittish. There were two of them, one with a gun…I doubt I could have taken them both alone…and that would have been a stupid death if I hadn't been able to pull it off.

    1. FeloniousMonk

      You got your bird gun, your deer gun, your squirrel gun, your gun for pickin off stray cats from offa the porch, your gun for shootin beer cans out in the back forty, your special shotgun for weddings, your trespasser gun, you girlfriend gun… Sheesh. Someone who could ask that question probably uses the same knife for the fish and

    2. Dr. Nick Riviera

      One for each day of the week and two for Tuesdays. What do you want me to use the same gun two days in a row? How tacky!

  39. glesslib

    When you are the shill for the gun manufacturers, you wouldn't be expected to come up with karate classes as a good method of self-protection. No, it's guns, guns, guns when you are selling guns, guns, guns.

  40. John

    Arm yourself at all times! You never know when your boyfriend or husband or girlfriend or wife or son or daughter is just going to start shooting at you! But you'll always outdraw them and shoot them dead, as the Founding Fathers intended!

  41. FeloniousMonk

    You got your bird gun, your deer gun, your squirrel gun, your gun for pickin off stray cats from offa the porch, your gun for shootin beer cans out in the back forty, your special shotgun for weddings, your trespasser gun, your girlfriend gun… Sheesh. Someone who could ask that question probably uses the same knife for the fish and cheese courses.

  42. fishwharf

    To quote the late great Molly Ivins: " I am not anti-gun. I'm pro-knife. Consider the merits of the knife. In the first place, you have to catch up with someone in order to stab him. A general substitution of knives for guns would promote physical fitness. We'd turn into a whole nation of great runners. Plus, knives don't ricochet. And people are seldom killed while cleaning their knives."

  43. Dashboard Buddha

    When guns are outlawed, only the children of outlaws will be killed accidentally by guns.

  44. ElPinche

    Those little fuckers need to watch the military training on gun safety my daddy Clockwork-Oranged-me of Bud Dwyer footage and pictures of "shotgun-mouthwashes." In a blink of an eye, your head can look like it took a meat-pie shit. Give those little inbred rascals to me for a few days, they'd shit their John Cena underroos at the sight of a nerf gun.

  45. MrsConclusion

    "OK, and occasionally children and spouses and delivery people who startle us. But they should have been prepared for a gunfight, right? "

    Right! Plus, they'll have THEIR guns, so they'll kill us first. So they won't be harmed and everything will be okay!

  46. mosjef

    Today, a man got out of his car and his loaded gun went off "accidently" shooting to death his own 7-year-old son. But if I understand this correctly, the kid should have been packing heat. Then he could have shot his father in the back of the head and gone inside to reload.

  47. LibertyLover

    MERCER, Pa. — A man's handgun went off while he was holding it as he got into his truck in the parking lot of a western Pennsylvania gun store Saturday, and the shot killed his 7-year-old son, authorities said.

  48. Negropolis

    There are plenty of “common sense” objections to home carry. It’s unsafe for the kids (definitely not true if you keep your gun on you at all times).

    This gun-carrying, grief-stricken father would beg to differ.

    As John Lennon said before he was shot to death, life is what happens when you’re making other plans. Semper fi baby. Semper fi.


    1. Doktor Zoom

      "Statistics from the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention showed that, on average, one child died every three days in accidental incidents in the United States from 2000 to 2005" — wiki

      One sort of has to wonder what the ratio of crimes prevented to accidental deaths is. Especially considering that a lot of the claims made for crime prevention involve robberies, not assaults…How many thwarted convenience store ripoffs are worth one dead kid?

  49. Negropolis

    I will not feel safe until every man, woman and child is mandated to carry a nuclear weapon on his or her person at ALL TIME. Mutually assurred destruction, baby, it's what's for dinner.

    What scares me about gun culture the most in this country isn't even the sheer amount of guns, though that is worrisome, but that people believe this to be normal. It's not. If you have a society in which the only way you feel safe is if you carry, that should clue you into the fact that the society has a DEEP and inherent problem. Even if you remove stats as a result of illegal guns, America still has a relatively high rate of gun violence.

    I guess what I'm saying is that American needs to chill the fuck out and grow up, already.

    1. Doktor Zoom

      I've never felt safer than when I lived in Japan's second-largest city. Even though the traffic is insane and the trains were crowded, you never worried that some minor argument would end in a shooting.

      1. Negropolis

        It's funny how hog-tied we are in society. We can't even look at someone wrong when they show bad behavior, or we're gunning for a, well, shooting.

  50. Negropolis

    Here, I have a proposal, you all can have as many guns you want – all the guns an obese US American could eat, a veritble and shitty buffet of guns – BUT – and it's a big butt – the government gets a virtual monopoly on the production and selling of munitions. How's that sound?

    1. James Michael Curley

      With what Colt and Smith & Wesson get in gov't contracts and subsidies we should have bought them out a century ago.

      "[Gun nuts] could never have afforded such a revolver if not for the de facto subsidy the federal government provided to Colt by purchasing his revolvers in such great quantities. After the first batch of revolvers proved popular with soldiers, the federal government became one of Colt's biggest customers, providing him with the much-needed capital to improve his production facilities."
      That was in 1847.

  51. Wile E. Quixote

    You know, if JFK had been packing in Dallas he could have defended himself by shooting back at Lee Harvey Oswalt.

  52. petforest

    If you need to carry "cocked and locked" around your spouse, perhaps you need a new one.
    "Is that pistol in your pocket, or are you glad to see me?" Mae West

  53. DixvilleCrotch

    How about a gun in every pocket / on every nightstand, but with rubber bullets only so no one ever dies from them? There, both sides can be happy with this solution.

  54. Spider-Jerk

    If only Kasandra Perkins had had the good sense to have her domicile and furniture built entirely from guns, she would be alive today!

  55. ttommyunger

    This is a fence I can straddle without ripping my knickers too badly. Raised in rural Missouri, I was given my first shotgun at ten, (.410), first rifle at 12 (.22). Bought my first handgun at 15 (.22 Ruger Single-Six). The latter hung in a holster on the wall of my bedroom (loaded) all through high school. I never even imagined taking out on the streets or to school, never entered my mind. Brass knuckles and knives were the weapons of choice in the 50's in San Francisco. First job out of HS (Army) I was given a bigger knife and several guns and it was that way for just about every job thereafter until retirement. I haven't shot every man I probably should have, haven't killed every man I've shot and certainly haven't killed every man who needed killing. I probably own more guns than some small police departments and unless you've seen me in bed or in the shower, you've never seen me unarmed. I joined the NRA as a Life Member in 1956 at 15, paying with my own money. I never dreamed I would be as ashamed of that Membership as I am today; it started out as a good source of current information about firearms, really! I don't particularly like guns, fire them maybe once a year to rotate old ammo, and would be perfectly happy to never see or own one if circumstances would allow. We are in a bad way. It will get better, I think, but it will require a generational time frame, I fear.

  56. ChickTract_Fil_A

    …and you know what else don't kill people? Atom bombs don't kill people. Back to escalation, you hippy freeps…

  57. Yellerdawg

    This weekend I watched an episode of "Doomsday Preppers". I had heard of it before, but this was the first time I caught it. What I noticed immediately was the trance-like state the subjects would go into when they were describing the scenario(s) they were prepping for. They would stare blankly, and recite an amazingly specific and detailed post-apocalyptic world in which they would be king because of the preparations they made. Some of you who might do things like sociological studies should look into that. My theory is that they are so uncomfortable and feel so powerless in the real world that their only hope is for this world to 'end' so that another can start where people will see how superior they really are. I mean, I can see putting some canned goods and water up for the random weather emergency. After all, I grew up on the Gulf Coast. But damn, you can't prepare for every possible scenario.

  58. iburl

    "My God, there’s nothing more mainstream in this country than 100 million Americans who own firearms.”

    Hmm, maybe the 200 million who do not?

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