when i am an old lady i shall wear purple

Obama Terrorist-Fist-Jabs Innocent Old Lady

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Then he cannibaled her and ate her heart to absorb her powerWill the outrages never stop?

Screw you, old lady who met Jay Z. Annie Glenn, is married to A ASTRONAUT (Mike Dexter John Glenn) (who is apparently still alive, great job, John Glenn!), is the coolest old lady in the world.


About the author

Rebecca is the editor and publisher of Wonkette. She is the author of Commie Girl in the O.C., a collection of her OC Weekly columns, and the former editor of LA CityBeat. Go visit her Commie Girl Collective, and follow her on the Twitter!

View all articles by Rebecca Schoenkopf


Hey there, Wonkeputians! Shypixel here to remind you to remember our Commenting Rules For Radicals, Enjoy!

  • Barbara_

    Ladies from the Blue Hair States are in the house!

  • HRH_Maddie

    Why is that black man assaulting that sweet old lady????

    • http://twitter.com/iburl iburl

      Is that a New Black Panther?

    • bikerlaureate

      Death Panels are Here!

      • HRH_Maddie

        Hand selecting old ladies to put to death seems like an inefficient way to do a death panel, but ok. I trust ya, Barry.

        • bikerlaureate

          We haven't seen his college transcripts. He could be a dolt. Or a sinister mastermind who's adroitly ruining this country.

          • sewollef


            Now there's a word that could never, never, never….. be applied to a republican. Ever.

          • bikerlaureate

            They exclude women, non-Christians and people of color from their concept of "Real American" with a reflexive smoothness that comes from long practice…

          • http://twitter.com/iburl iburl

            Unless a Romney or Palin named one of their spawn that.

        • Lascauxcaveman

          Hand selecting old ladies to put to death seems like an inefficient way to do a death panel

          This is probably just a ceremonial thing; like the pardoning of the national turkey a few days before Thanksgiving.

          Only the opposite.

        • http://wonkette.com Lionel[redacted]Esq

          Its all right, because he pardons one for Christmas and/or Ramadan.

  • HateMachine

    When will space exploration and subway rides with Jay Z finally be safe from the terrorisms?

  • http://lostintarnation.blogspot.com/ SayItWithWookies

    "Now let's go fuck some shit up."

    • TootsStansbury

      Hahahahaha! Win.

  • Terry

    Obviously, she's Bill Ayers in disguise

    • http://wonkette.com Lionel[redacted]Esq

      Not Frances Fox Piven?

  • HRH_Maddie

    That looks more like a celebratory post-homerun handshake than a terrorist fist jab. Did that ladies walk-off homerun put them in the playoffs?

  • http://wonkette.com smokefilledroommate

    Barry, Can You Hear Me? I LOVE YOU!!

  • BaldarTFlagass

    They've been practicing!

  • SuspectedDemocrat

    OMG, not the dreaded terrorist elbow thrust!

    • a_pink_poodle

      Followed by the TERRORIST THUMBS UP!

      Expect Communist Atheist Fascist Sharia Law in the next month.

  • http://gratuity.wordpress.com/ Gratuitous World

    Dear Wonkette, Please stop it with the Homeland spoilers.

  • BaldarTFlagass

    I bet she can speak "jive," too.

    • StillGoinGreen

      You beat me to it! I was gonna quote Mrs. Cleaver, but now it would be the plagerisms!

  • Mondo_Cane

    so – is that the new US flag in the background? – I like it –

    • HarryButtle

      Nice! (actually, it's the Ohio flag)

      • Oblios_Cap

        She's the Anti-Boehner.

    • StillGoinGreen

      That is the Ohio flag. The "O" is for Ohio, and the stars represent each time the State Attorney General has successfully stifled a progressive from attaining any office at the state or national level.

      • Callyson

        Crap…I take it there is no hope for the amazing Nina Turner? I know her from her appearances on The Ed Show–she is amazing and I would love to see her in the US Senate some day.

        What? I can dream, can't I?

        • Biel_ze_Bubba

          I'm glad she ditched Ike, all those years ago.

          • StillGoinGreen

            No, No, No. That's Tina Nurner!

          • Biel_ze_Bubba

            Which one sang BushNuts City Limits?

      • http://wonkette.com Lionel[redacted]Esq

        Little known fact: The 50 stars on the American flag represent each playmate that Abraham Lincoln slept with.

        Source: FOX & Friends.

    • PubOption

      Looks like the Japanese have invaded, and on Pearl Harbor Day, too.

    • malsperanza

      Now that Puerto Rico is going to join us, we do have to redo the flag, unless we can secede the fuck out of Texas. With that in mind, here are some options (courtesy of Something Awful, which has a lot more):
      http://www.jellocaust.com/rico.jpg http://i.imgur.com/1Ta2W.png http://i.imgur.com/VM3c6.gif http://i.imgur.com/fR5Ta.jpg http://i.imgur.com/daXCQ.jpg

      or front: http://i.imgur.com/xIvrS.png and back: http://i.imgur.com/xoVev.png

      • PubOption

        I like the version with the little Puerto Rican flag worked into the top of the current flag.

  • elviouslyqueer

    Barry is obviously reacting to her statement that she would, indeed, cut a bitch for him.

    • BadKitty904

      As would I, as would I… (grr-*OWL*)

  • HRH_Maddie

    Old white ladies are having the best week ever!

    • finallyhappy

      We try to have the best week every week!

  • http://wonkette.com ManchuCandidate

    Faux Newz; "Secret Service Goons force Old WHITE Lady to Fist Jab with Terrorist Preznit against her will."

    • BaldarTFlagass

      Plus, she was a blonde in her younger days.

  • http://simplyleftbehind.blogspot.com/ actor212

    That Annie Glenn is badass for a white broad.

  • http://wonkette.com/ Sharkey

    Uhhh, I thought you were only supposed to do that with your wife.

  • BadKitty904

    I would expect nothing less than interstellar coolness from the wife of John Glenn.

    • rickmaci

      There are no wall flower wimps in astronaut wiving.

  • BaldarTFlagass

    The little old lady from Cuyahoga
    (Go granny, go granny, go granny, go)
    Has a pretty little flowerbed of white gardenias
    (Go granny, go granny, go granny, go)
    But parked in a rickety old garage
    Is a brand-new, shiny red, super-stock Dodge

    • Lascauxcaveman

      Great. Not only do I now have an earworm, I'm going to be fretting all day to come up with a flower that rhymes with "Cuyahoga."


  • HRH_Maddie

    This Chanel ad is way better than Brad Pitt's.

    • BadKitty904


    • http://inappropriatejobpostings.blogspot.com/ fuflans

      right. she's some lovely elegant shit. hope to look like that when i get old(er).

  • Jus_Wonderin

    Oh fuck, Mom got out again.

  • http://facethesuncastnoshadow.wordpress.com/ Mumbletypeg

    In The Right Stuff — as if there wasn't enough eye candy via Sam shepard, Ed Harris etc. for me to stay otherwise preoccupied with – – Ms. Glenn was portrayed quite effectively I thought by Zooey Deschanel's real-life mom, had the stammer and grace-under-fire mien down perfectly IMO.

    And that is all; I have no snark for this one.

    • commiegirl99

      DO NOT get me started on Sam Shepard.


      • BadKitty904

        The Uber-Daddy!

      • http://facethesuncastnoshadow.wordpress.com/ Mumbletypeg

        He, like Ed Harris, has aged well — irresistibly so.

      • http://wonkette.com Lionel[redacted]Esq

        Sam Shepard, Sam Elliott, and Peter Coyote. Why haven't they all done a movie together so you women can get your older guy crush out of the way?

  • smellypossum

    No snark:

    4 more years, bitches!

    • HRH_Maddie

      I don't know, that lady doesn't seem like she's got 4 more years…

      • JustPixelz

        born in 1920, but google up her pix from her youth. hubba hubba is what i'm sayin'.

        • Secluded Compound

          She kind of had that innocent nerd thing going on. I like.

      • Negropolis

        FSM willing, she'll have many more than that.

  • elviouslyqueer

    "Okay, one more time, grandma. It's just a jump to the left, and then a step to the right. Put your hands on your hips, and bring your knees in tight."

    • Monsieur_Grumpe

      I hope they stop before the pelvic thrust.

      • Oblios_Cap

        It's always good to see a RHPS reference in the comments.

      • johnnymeatworth

        So it won't drive them in-say-yay-yay-yay-yay-yane….

  • http://jdsmithwriter.blogspot.com Smitros

    Really, how much terror could she have gotten on her?

  • Severen13

    All grandmas should be that awesome.

  • HarryButtle

    I'd hit that.

    (with fistbumps)

  • TootsStansbury

    This is so much better than the silk wood shower I was about to undergo for having read this morning's posts.

  • BadKitty904

    I swear to God, this President does the best photo-ops I can ever remember seeing.

    • rickmaci

      With the second term issue resolved, I get the feeling we are seeing the emergence of a very unburdened Obama, one is not going to hesitate to jump in and stir things up a bit. I hope.

      • BadKitty904

        From your mouth to God's ear. There are plenty of legislative asses well overdue for a kicking.

        • CindynEncinitas

          Even Ann Coulter is starting to make sense. Thus begins the countdown to Armageddon.

  • http://wonkette.com ChillBill

    I'd totally go back in time and hit it.

  • ttommyunger

    BARACK H. OBAMA: Cool dude or the coolest dude – evah?

    • BadKitty904

      IKR? Compare this guy with Dubya. Smoove vs. smug.

      • ttommyunger

        Human vs. Simian.

  • Oblios_Cap

    She knows Jive!

    Looks like one those rare relatives that makes the holidays easier to abide.

  • BornInATrailer

    Mr. Glenn's expression in the thumbs up pic is fairly awesome.

    • WhatTheHeck

      He's over the moon.

  • DahBoner

    Meanwhile, John Boener cries out:


    • Biel_ze_Bubba

      Where's a fucking torpedo when you need one?

      • miss_grundy

        Where's Richard Parker from "The Life of Pi" when you need him?

  • johnnymeatworth

    Dana Perino would say she WANTED to get bumped.

  • Disassembly

    From the picture it appears as though he's new to the thumbs-up gesture and Sen. Glenn finds that hilarious.

  • el_donaldo

    OMG! Fist-bumping!! No Subway sandwiches for you!!

  • TaggWatchesYou

    Careful Annie. As man-folk, once he's done building this rapport, he's going to want to kill you.

  • calliecallie

    Wait. didn't this guy cut NASA? Is this old astronaut lady some kind of muslin traitor?

  • BadKitty904

    You just *know* she's got a flask of Jack Daniels in that purse.

  • JustPixelz

    Then she asked if he's MF'in' Ice-T.

    Now Obama's going after the white retiree vote by speaking their body language.

    And if Romney had won, she'd be curtseying while he bowed.

  • DixvilleCrotch

    That reminds me… whatever became of the Montauk Monster? After his fist-jab at the convention he has been out of the news.

    • CindynEncinitas

      He's hanging out in La Jolla. Prolly just gritting his teeth until polo season. He has been spotted around town.

  • http://wonkette.com/ FlownOver

    First he does the LL&P with Nichelle Nichols, and now this. He sure likes doin' the hand jive with space-related wimmen.

  • Biel_ze_Bubba

    Teabaggers announce boycott of space program. Learn the details (only) on Faux News!

  • James Michael Curley

    Ms. Glenn has courageously played her role as wife of a national hero for over half a century and has done so despite having a horrible speech impediment. She deserves a medal of freedom or something like that.

    • Goonemeritus

      And it should be noted that that is no small role, there are almost zero degrees of freedom when it came to appropriate behavior. I would personally have an easier time being married to an infamous ax murder than one of our nation’s most famous astronauts.

    • DustyBowlBlues

      Shit. I forgot that from the movie. I was going to claim that I'm the coolest old lady in the world, but she takes the cake. I was, well, sometimes am a stutter and it's terribly embarrassing. I want this lady to be my friend. We can wear purple together.

      • Biff

        Speaking of bumping wimmins, we gotta get your P back up there!

      • James Michael Curley

        You can be the coolest old lady in the Wonkette world and that can be as big as you want it to be.

  • Fare la Volpe

    Something tells me when Annie Glenn showed up to the White House and the President said they were gonna "do bumps" together, this isn't what she had in mind…

    *nostril snort*

  • Esteev

    Word up, homes!

  • knuck1es

    Where the black presidents at?

  • Aridzona

    Muslim Brotherhood secret handshake revealed.

  • http://wonkette.com Lionel[redacted]Esq

    Dear God, Allen West was right, there are Communist everywhere!

  • TribecaMike

    These Masonic beer summits are getting out of hand. (That is Henry Louis Gates on the right, isn't it?)

  • http://wonkette.com Lionel[redacted]Esq

    I assume Ms. Glen just had to get by Obama so she can do the nasty with Hansom Joe Biden?

    • CindynEncinitas

      That little slut!

  • BlueStateLibel

    New royal British heir on the way…president using strange sign language with little old lady …the prophecy is coming true!

  • wakkumph

    "Have you ever seen such cruelty?"

  • TribecaMike

    "Check out the Gemini capsules on that broad!"

  • kingofmeh

    at least he didn't hold a door open for her.

  • DustyBowlBlues

    I've nothing much to say about the story itself, but the small print over the headline give me the chance to comment on something that really hacks me off.

    I wear fucking purple now, if I want. Yes, I'm about to qualify for Medicare and I wear purple and I wore it when I was younger if I fucking wanted to. I had to sit through a campfire event where the birthday girl was 50 and a bunch of women came to send prayers to the Moon Goddess, or something. I also had to bring a bead representing wisdom (wtf? I'm a United Methodist, not a goddam Druid) for the crone bracelet. The 50 yr birthday girl read this poem. I think the whole gd thing was about menopause or something. It took a few hours. I love the friend deeply (well, loved, she's dead) and would go through any of this shit for her but really–

    I figured I'd celebrated menopause enough so when I hit that rocky road, I went to the doctor and said if you don't give me estrogen to take, I'm going to plunge a butcher knife through my husband's heart then do myself. (See commie hippies? Knives kill too. Did I mention we don't own a gun?) He granted my wish.

    The meds together with the fact I'd done the Moon Goddess thing to the full extent it's doable. The End.

    Sweet Jesus, I take it all back. It's sprinkling here in the Dust Bowl! Water, from the sky. Hurray.

    • Goonemeritus

      There is nothing wrong with being old unless you make the fruitless comparison to what it was like to be young. As to wearing purple, I remember a year or two back I was sitting at an airport gate when a striking couple in their mid-60’s sat down near me. The woman was conventionally beautiful save for the fact that she had dyed her hair a bright purple. As a New Yorker I have been trained to never look at people but for this couple I made an exception. They just couldn’t have been cooler or looked happier. When I got up to board my flight I started humming the Gogol Bordello song “Start Wearing Purple” and I rewarded with nice smiles. Anyway, congratulations on the rain and not stabbing your husband.

    • Biff

      My sister gave herself a similar party when she hit 60. I didn't get all the menopause humor, being an estrogen-deprived American, especially considering she'd had a hysterectomy some 25 years prior.

    • finallyhappy

      Yes to Hormones!!! I do not have the endless nightly sweats anymore. I did not do any ceremony for my 50th(but will be glad to celebrate my 60th next year with wonketteers) or do anything to announce menopause to anyone except my various physicians.

  • elgin_pelican

    Your move, Betty White.

  • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com Weedlord BonerHitler

    BeccaLou, dood, it's WOMAN, dood.

    But yeah, she is one hot and cool old lady woman type person.

  • http://howtosavetheworld.ca/ BZ1

    I really like Annie, she has overcome a debilitating stammer which was dramatized in "The Right Stuff."

  • lulzmonger

    "This is for kicking that rich equity-debt-pimping dickhead's ass … & this is for making his skeevy Marie Antoinette Wannabe wife cry."

    "Mission fully the fuck Accomplished, ma'am."