WHEN I AM AN OLD LADY I SHALL WEAR PURPLE  12:20 pm December 7, 2012

Obama Terrorist-Fist-Jabs Innocent Old Lady

by Rebecca Schoenkopf

Then he cannibaled her and ate her heart to absorb her powerWill the outrages never stop?

Screw you, old lady who met Jay Z. Annie Glenn, is married to A ASTRONAUT (Mike Dexter John Glenn) (who is apparently still alive, great job, John Glenn!), is the coolest old lady in the world.

[Flickr]

 

Hola wonkerados.

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{ 120 comments }

Barbara_ December 7, 2012 at 12:22 pm

Ladies from the Blue Hair States are in the house!

HRH_Maddie December 7, 2012 at 12:22 pm

Why is that black man assaulting that sweet old lady????

iburl December 7, 2012 at 12:35 pm

Is that a New Black Panther?

bikerlaureate December 7, 2012 at 12:40 pm

Death Panels are Here!

HRH_Maddie December 7, 2012 at 12:42 pm

Hand selecting old ladies to put to death seems like an inefficient way to do a death panel, but ok. I trust ya, Barry.

bikerlaureate December 7, 2012 at 12:52 pm

We haven't seen his college transcripts. He could be a dolt. Or a sinister mastermind who's adroitly ruining this country.

sewollef December 7, 2012 at 12:54 pm

"Adroitly"

Now there's a word that could never, never, never….. be applied to a republican. Ever.

Lascauxcaveman December 7, 2012 at 12:58 pm

Hand selecting old ladies to put to death seems like an inefficient way to do a death panel

This is probably just a ceremonial thing; like the pardoning of the national turkey a few days before Thanksgiving.

Only the opposite.

Lionel[redacted]Esq December 7, 2012 at 1:22 pm

Its all right, because he pardons one for Christmas and/or Ramadan.

HateMachine December 7, 2012 at 12:23 pm

When will space exploration and subway rides with Jay Z finally be safe from the terrorisms?

SayItWithWookies December 7, 2012 at 12:23 pm

"Now let's go fuck some shit up."

TootsStansbury December 7, 2012 at 12:37 pm

Hahahahaha! Win.

Terry December 7, 2012 at 12:23 pm

Obviously, she's Bill Ayers in disguise

Lionel[redacted]Esq December 7, 2012 at 1:23 pm

Not Frances Fox Piven?

HRH_Maddie December 7, 2012 at 12:23 pm

That looks more like a celebratory post-homerun handshake than a terrorist fist jab. Did that ladies walk-off homerun put them in the playoffs?

smokefilledroommate December 7, 2012 at 12:24 pm

Barry, Can You Hear Me? I LOVE YOU!!

BaldarTFlagass December 7, 2012 at 12:24 pm

They've been practicing!

SuspectedDemocrat December 7, 2012 at 12:24 pm

OMG, not the dreaded terrorist elbow thrust!

a_pink_poodle December 7, 2012 at 12:43 pm

Followed by the TERRORIST THUMBS UP!

Expect Communist Atheist Fascist Sharia Law in the next month.

Gratuitous World December 7, 2012 at 12:25 pm

Dear Wonkette, Please stop it with the Homeland spoilers.

BaldarTFlagass December 7, 2012 at 12:25 pm

I bet she can speak "jive," too.

StillGoinGreen December 7, 2012 at 12:33 pm

You beat me to it! I was gonna quote Mrs. Cleaver, but now it would be the plagerisms!

Mondo_Cane December 7, 2012 at 12:25 pm

so – is that the new US flag in the background? – I like it –

HarryButtle December 7, 2012 at 12:31 pm

Nice! (actually, it's the Ohio flag)

Oblios_Cap December 7, 2012 at 12:40 pm

She's the Anti-Boehner.

StillGoinGreen December 7, 2012 at 12:41 pm

That is the Ohio flag. The "O" is for Ohio, and the stars represent each time the State Attorney General has successfully stifled a progressive from attaining any office at the state or national level.

Callyson December 7, 2012 at 12:46 pm

Crap…I take it there is no hope for the amazing Nina Turner? I know her from her appearances on The Ed Show–she is amazing and I would love to see her in the US Senate some day.

What? I can dream, can't I?

Biel_ze_Bubba December 7, 2012 at 1:04 pm

I'm glad she ditched Ike, all those years ago.

StillGoinGreen December 7, 2012 at 1:10 pm

No, No, No. That's Tina Nurner!

Lionel[redacted]Esq December 7, 2012 at 1:27 pm

Little known fact: The 50 stars on the American flag represent each playmate that Abraham Lincoln slept with.

Source: FOX & Friends.

PubOption December 7, 2012 at 12:43 pm

Looks like the Japanese have invaded, and on Pearl Harbor Day, too.

malsperanza December 7, 2012 at 12:55 pm

Now that Puerto Rico is going to join us, we do have to redo the flag, unless we can secede the fuck out of Texas. With that in mind, here are some options (courtesy of Something Awful, which has a lot more):
http://www.jellocaust.com/rico.jpg http://i.imgur.com/1Ta2W.png http://i.imgur.com/VM3c6.gif http://i.imgur.com/fR5Ta.jpg http://i.imgur.com/daXCQ.jpg

or front: http://i.imgur.com/xIvrS.png and back: http://i.imgur.com/xoVev.png

PubOption December 7, 2012 at 1:01 pm

I like the version with the little Puerto Rican flag worked into the top of the current flag.

elviouslyqueer December 7, 2012 at 12:26 pm

Barry is obviously reacting to her statement that she would, indeed, cut a bitch for him.

BadKitty904 December 7, 2012 at 12:32 pm

As would I, as would I… (grr-*OWL*)

HRH_Maddie December 7, 2012 at 12:26 pm

Old white ladies are having the best week ever!

finallyhappy December 7, 2012 at 8:09 pm

We try to have the best week every week!

ManchuCandidate December 7, 2012 at 12:26 pm

Faux Newz; "Secret Service Goons force Old WHITE Lady to Fist Jab with Terrorist Preznit against her will."

BaldarTFlagass December 7, 2012 at 12:42 pm

Plus, she was a blonde in her younger days.

actor212 December 7, 2012 at 12:27 pm

That Annie Glenn is badass for a white broad.

Sharkey December 7, 2012 at 12:27 pm

Uhhh, I thought you were only supposed to do that with your wife.

BadKitty904 December 7, 2012 at 12:28 pm

I would expect nothing less than interstellar coolness from the wife of John Glenn.

rickmaci December 7, 2012 at 1:50 pm

There are no wall flower wimps in astronaut wiving.

BaldarTFlagass December 7, 2012 at 12:28 pm

The little old lady from Cuyahoga
(Go granny, go granny, go granny, go)
Has a pretty little flowerbed of white gardenias
(Go granny, go granny, go granny, go)
But parked in a rickety old garage
Is a brand-new, shiny red, super-stock Dodge

Lascauxcaveman December 7, 2012 at 1:06 pm

Great. Not only do I now have an earworm, I'm going to be fretting all day to come up with a flower that rhymes with "Cuyahoga."

Jerk.

HRH_Maddie December 7, 2012 at 12:28 pm

This Chanel ad is way better than Brad Pitt's.

BadKitty904 December 7, 2012 at 12:33 pm

WAY.

fuflans December 7, 2012 at 8:29 pm

right. she's some lovely elegant shit. hope to look like that when i get old(er).

Jus_Wonderin December 7, 2012 at 12:28 pm

Oh fuck, Mom got out again.

Mumbletypeg December 7, 2012 at 12:28 pm

In The Right Stuff — as if there wasn't enough eye candy via Sam shepard, Ed Harris etc. for me to stay otherwise preoccupied with – - Ms. Glenn was portrayed quite effectively I thought by Zooey Deschanel's real-life mom, had the stammer and grace-under-fire mien down perfectly IMO.

And that is all; I have no snark for this one.

commiegirl99 December 7, 2012 at 12:34 pm

DO NOT get me started on Sam Shepard.

SAAAAAMMMM SHEPPPPAAAARD.

BadKitty904 December 7, 2012 at 12:35 pm

The Uber-Daddy!

Mumbletypeg December 7, 2012 at 12:36 pm

He, like Ed Harris, has aged well — irresistibly so.

Lionel[redacted]Esq December 7, 2012 at 1:30 pm

Sam Shepard, Sam Elliott, and Peter Coyote. Why haven't they all done a movie together so you women can get your older guy crush out of the way?

smellypossum December 7, 2012 at 12:29 pm

No snark:

4 more years, bitches!

HRH_Maddie December 7, 2012 at 12:30 pm

I don't know, that lady doesn't seem like she's got 4 more years…

JustPixelz December 7, 2012 at 12:46 pm

born in 1920, but google up her pix from her youth. hubba hubba is what i'm sayin'.

Secluded Compound December 7, 2012 at 2:37 pm

She kind of had that innocent nerd thing going on. I like.

Negropolis December 8, 2012 at 11:50 pm

FSM willing, she'll have many more than that.

elviouslyqueer December 7, 2012 at 12:29 pm

"Okay, one more time, grandma. It's just a jump to the left, and then a step to the right. Put your hands on your hips, and bring your knees in tight."

Monsieur_Grumpe December 7, 2012 at 12:33 pm

I hope they stop before the pelvic thrust.

Oblios_Cap December 7, 2012 at 12:38 pm

It's always good to see a RHPS reference in the comments.

johnnymeatworth December 7, 2012 at 1:01 pm

So it won't drive them in-say-yay-yay-yay-yay-yane….

Smitros December 7, 2012 at 12:30 pm

Really, how much terror could she have gotten on her?

Severen13 December 7, 2012 at 12:31 pm

All grandmas should be that awesome.

HarryButtle December 7, 2012 at 12:34 pm

I'd hit that.

(with fistbumps)

TootsStansbury December 7, 2012 at 12:36 pm

This is so much better than the silk wood shower I was about to undergo for having read this morning's posts.

BadKitty904 December 7, 2012 at 12:36 pm

I swear to God, this President does the best photo-ops I can ever remember seeing.

rickmaci December 7, 2012 at 1:59 pm

With the second term issue resolved, I get the feeling we are seeing the emergence of a very unburdened Obama, one is not going to hesitate to jump in and stir things up a bit. I hope.

BadKitty904 December 7, 2012 at 2:07 pm

From your mouth to God's ear. There are plenty of legislative asses well overdue for a kicking.

CindynEncinitas December 7, 2012 at 4:24 pm

Even Ann Coulter is starting to make sense. Thus begins the countdown to Armageddon.

ChillBill December 7, 2012 at 12:37 pm

I'd totally go back in time and hit it.

ttommyunger December 7, 2012 at 12:37 pm

BARACK H. OBAMA: Cool dude or the coolest dude – evah?

BadKitty904 December 7, 2012 at 12:41 pm

IKR? Compare this guy with Dubya. Smoove vs. smug.

ttommyunger December 7, 2012 at 12:46 pm

Human vs. Simian.

Oblios_Cap December 7, 2012 at 12:37 pm

She knows Jive!

Looks like one those rare relatives that makes the holidays easier to abide.

BornInATrailer December 7, 2012 at 12:38 pm

Mr. Glenn's expression in the thumbs up pic is fairly awesome.

WhatTheHeck December 7, 2012 at 12:49 pm

He's over the moon.

DahBoner December 7, 2012 at 12:38 pm

Meanwhile, John Boener cries out:

LOOK AT ME! I'M ON A BOAT…

Biel_ze_Bubba December 7, 2012 at 12:59 pm

Where's a fucking torpedo when you need one?

miss_grundy December 7, 2012 at 2:13 pm

Where's Richard Parker from "The Life of Pi" when you need him?

johnnymeatworth December 7, 2012 at 12:38 pm

Dana Perino would say she WANTED to get bumped.

Disassembly December 7, 2012 at 12:38 pm

From the picture it appears as though he's new to the thumbs-up gesture and Sen. Glenn finds that hilarious.

el_donaldo December 7, 2012 at 12:40 pm

OMG! Fist-bumping!! No Subway sandwiches for you!!

TaggWatchesYou December 7, 2012 at 12:41 pm

Careful Annie. As man-folk, once he's done building this rapport, he's going to want to kill you.

calliecallie December 7, 2012 at 12:43 pm

Wait. didn't this guy cut NASA? Is this old astronaut lady some kind of muslin traitor?

BadKitty904 December 7, 2012 at 12:43 pm

You just *know* she's got a flask of Jack Daniels in that purse.

JustPixelz December 7, 2012 at 12:43 pm

Then she asked if he's MF'in' Ice-T.

Now Obama's going after the white retiree vote by speaking their body language.

And if Romney had won, she'd be curtseying while he bowed.

DixvilleCrotch December 7, 2012 at 12:44 pm

That reminds me… whatever became of the Montauk Monster? After his fist-jab at the convention he has been out of the news.

CindynEncinitas December 7, 2012 at 4:26 pm

He's hanging out in La Jolla. Prolly just gritting his teeth until polo season. He has been spotted around town.

FlownOver December 7, 2012 at 12:55 pm

First he does the LL&P with Nichelle Nichols, and now this. He sure likes doin' the hand jive with space-related wimmen.

Biel_ze_Bubba December 7, 2012 at 12:57 pm

Teabaggers announce boycott of space program. Learn the details (only) on Faux News!

James Michael Curley December 7, 2012 at 12:59 pm

Ms. Glenn has courageously played her role as wife of a national hero for over half a century and has done so despite having a horrible speech impediment. She deserves a medal of freedom or something like that.

Goonemeritus December 7, 2012 at 1:06 pm

And it should be noted that that is no small role, there are almost zero degrees of freedom when it came to appropriate behavior. I would personally have an easier time being married to an infamous ax murder than one of our nation’s most famous astronauts.

DustyBowlBlues December 7, 2012 at 3:00 pm

Shit. I forgot that from the movie. I was going to claim that I'm the coolest old lady in the world, but she takes the cake. I was, well, sometimes am a stutter and it's terribly embarrassing. I want this lady to be my friend. We can wear purple together.

Biff December 7, 2012 at 4:04 pm

Speaking of bumping wimmins, we gotta get your P back up there!

James Michael Curley December 7, 2012 at 5:31 pm

You can be the coolest old lady in the Wonkette world and that can be as big as you want it to be.

Fare la Volpe December 7, 2012 at 12:59 pm

Something tells me when Annie Glenn showed up to the White House and the President said they were gonna "do bumps" together, this isn't what she had in mind…

*nostril snort*

Esteev December 7, 2012 at 1:10 pm

Word up, homes!

knuck1es December 7, 2012 at 1:11 pm

Where the black presidents at?

Aridzona December 7, 2012 at 1:24 pm

Muslim Brotherhood secret handshake revealed.

Lionel[redacted]Esq December 7, 2012 at 1:31 pm

Dear God, Allen West was right, there are Communist everywhere!

TribecaMike December 7, 2012 at 1:32 pm

These Masonic beer summits are getting out of hand. (That is Henry Louis Gates on the right, isn't it?)

Lionel[redacted]Esq December 7, 2012 at 1:32 pm

I assume Ms. Glen just had to get by Obama so she can do the nasty with Hansom Joe Biden?

CindynEncinitas December 7, 2012 at 4:28 pm

That little slut!

BlueStateLibel December 7, 2012 at 1:38 pm

New royal British heir on the way…president using strange sign language with little old lady …the prophecy is coming true!

wakkumph December 7, 2012 at 2:10 pm

"Have you ever seen such cruelty?"

TribecaMike December 7, 2012 at 2:19 pm

"Check out the Gemini capsules on that broad!"

kingofmeh December 7, 2012 at 2:40 pm

at least he didn't hold a door open for her.

DustyBowlBlues December 7, 2012 at 2:44 pm

I've nothing much to say about the story itself, but the small print over the headline give me the chance to comment on something that really hacks me off.

I wear fucking purple now, if I want. Yes, I'm about to qualify for Medicare and I wear purple and I wore it when I was younger if I fucking wanted to. I had to sit through a campfire event where the birthday girl was 50 and a bunch of women came to send prayers to the Moon Goddess, or something. I also had to bring a bead representing wisdom (wtf? I'm a United Methodist, not a goddam Druid) for the crone bracelet. The 50 yr birthday girl read this poem. I think the whole gd thing was about menopause or something. It took a few hours. I love the friend deeply (well, loved, she's dead) and would go through any of this shit for her but really–

I figured I'd celebrated menopause enough so when I hit that rocky road, I went to the doctor and said if you don't give me estrogen to take, I'm going to plunge a butcher knife through my husband's heart then do myself. (See commie hippies? Knives kill too. Did I mention we don't own a gun?) He granted my wish.

The meds together with the fact I'd done the Moon Goddess thing to the full extent it's doable. The End.

Sweet Jesus, I take it all back. It's sprinkling here in the Dust Bowl! Water, from the sky. Hurray.

Goonemeritus December 7, 2012 at 3:18 pm

There is nothing wrong with being old unless you make the fruitless comparison to what it was like to be young. As to wearing purple, I remember a year or two back I was sitting at an airport gate when a striking couple in their mid-60’s sat down near me. The woman was conventionally beautiful save for the fact that she had dyed her hair a bright purple. As a New Yorker I have been trained to never look at people but for this couple I made an exception. They just couldn’t have been cooler or looked happier. When I got up to board my flight I started humming the Gogol Bordello song “Start Wearing Purple” and I rewarded with nice smiles. Anyway, congratulations on the rain and not stabbing your husband.

Biff December 7, 2012 at 4:10 pm

My sister gave herself a similar party when she hit 60. I didn't get all the menopause humor, being an estrogen-deprived American, especially considering she'd had a hysterectomy some 25 years prior.

finallyhappy December 7, 2012 at 8:13 pm

Yes to Hormones!!! I do not have the endless nightly sweats anymore. I did not do any ceremony for my 50th(but will be glad to celebrate my 60th next year with wonketteers) or do anything to announce menopause to anyone except my various physicians.

elgin_pelican December 7, 2012 at 4:00 pm

Your move, Betty White.

Weedlord BonerHitler December 7, 2012 at 4:24 pm

BeccaLou, dood, it's WOMAN, dood.

But yeah, she is one hot and cool old lady woman type person.

BZ1 December 7, 2012 at 4:35 pm

I really like Annie, she has overcome a debilitating stammer which was dramatized in "The Right Stuff."

lulzmonger December 8, 2012 at 1:34 pm

"This is for kicking that rich equity-debt-pimping dickhead's ass … & this is for making his skeevy Marie Antoinette Wannabe wife cry."

"Mission fully the fuck Accomplished, ma'am."

bikerlaureate December 7, 2012 at 1:10 pm

C'mon.
They exclude women, non-Christians and people of color from their concept of "Real American" with a reflexive smoothness that comes from long practice…

iburl December 7, 2012 at 2:45 pm

Unless a Romney or Palin named one of their spawn that.

Biel_ze_Bubba December 7, 2012 at 1:28 pm

Which one sang BushNuts City Limits?

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