Terrified ‘War On Men’ Lady Calls For Truce Because Men Like To Kill Things

  it's called logic why don't you try it?

The hand goes up, the mouth goes shutFirst Suzanne Venker, Phyllis Schlafly’s niece, wrote a very nice “think piece” for Fox News that was only trying to explain to women for their own good that the way they were comporting themselves (like men’s equals) was making men not want to marry them, because they (women) are angry hairy mannish whores. This made men angry, she said, but for some reason she did not tell the men to stop being angry? Only the women? That’s so weird! Then she got flooded with hate mail and backpedaled her little tushie off, saying, Oh no no no, what I meant to say was that HUSBANDS don’t like when WIVES are equal, which sort of eviscerated her claim that men aren’t marrying women anymore because of women’s gross feminism, since there are still husbands, and they are so grossed out. But now Suzanne Venker is pissed, y’all, and she is taking back her backpedaling and saying she was right all along (sort of like that Unskewed Polls guy did), and we should call a truce in the “War on Men” (a war we are conducting, again, by acting like we are “equal”) because men like to kill things. Wait, what?

Lay some science on us, Suzanne Venker!

Here’s what we know: Females, in general, are nurturing and relational beings. They like to gather and nest and take care of people. They like to commiserate with other females – a lot. That’s why girls can talk for hours on end. It’s why more women stay home with their children than men. It’s why the teaching and caregiving professions are still heavily female. Not every single woman in the world falls into this category, but that doesn’t make the generalization any less true.

Males, on the other hand – in general – are loners. They’re content to mill about in their man caves. They like to hunt. They like to build things and kill things. If you don’t have a son, this may sound strange. But again, that doesn’t make it untrue – nor does the fact that not every single man in the world is like this. Men also take pride in caring for their families. They can’t carry babies or nurse them, but they can provide for them. So let them.

We’ll just assume that the reason none of the men in our family likes to build things or kill things is because they are Jews. But that’s besides the point! Let’s instead ask ourselves why men liking “to kill things” is Suzanne Venker’s stated reason that women should be submissive to men, take their names, stay home with the babies, not rub it in Dear Hubby’s face when she has a job that pays all their bills, etc. What is Suzanne Venker trying to say?

 
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Suzanne Venker is trying to say we should submit to our men so they won’t Domestic Violence us to death, obviously, and who could blame them? Make better choices, everyone! Better choices.

[Fox]

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213 comments

          1. Respitetini

            And in 1999 the Yankees ground them into submission with jack-booted federalism. Or Paul O'Neill. I forget.

    1. CommieLibunatic

      Pfff, like that's news. I have a cousin on Facebook who semi-regularly posts from the Onion, thinking they're true until I gently correct them.

  1. memzilla

    But now Suzanne Venker is … taking back her backpedaling and saying she was right all along…

    I didn't know that "Suzanne Venker" was how you translated "Mitt Romney" into Olde High Womanish.

      1. BadKitty904

        Wait 'til the Vaginistas start "standing their ground." Some hubbies are gonna get a lot hotter supper than they'd expected.

  2. kangham

    “We’ll just assume that the reason none of the men in our family likes to build things or kill things is because they are Jews.”

    All-time greatest quote…

  3. Lot_49

    I like to build things, but not kill things, and don't have any sons. Am I bi-sexual, or what? Please explain, Fox lady. Oh, and you'll have to be a bit prettier if you want to be taken seriously. Maybe grow your hair out a bit. It's looking a bit lezzie, just sayin.

    1. sullivanst

      Maybe Fox Lady should also explain how liking to kill things makes men uniquely qualified for office jobs.

  4. Respitetini

    Wow. That whole 20th Century thing we had a few years back was just kinda lost on some people, wasn't it?

  5. el_donaldo

    Rather than expand the war to a two-front campaign and dangerously squander resources, I respectfully ask that we pursue the War on Christmas to its inevitable conclusion first. And once the men become enraged at the loss of their annual tribute of ties, tie accessories, and Old Spice, we may commence the War on Men.

    1. YouFail4eva

      No, no. We've always been at war with both Christmas and Men. Please get your Propaganda straight here!

          1. HistoriCat

            scratch AND LOVE

            Are we talking about soup or kitchen sex here? Because both are sounding really good right about now.

  6. actor212

    Females, in general, are nurturing and relational beings. They like to gather and nest and take care of people.

    They get monthly infections which prevents them from hunting giraffes in fox holes.

    How the giraffe got in the fox hole is beyond me.

  7. iburl

    Men like to "kill things".

    Maybe that's just the men that have to talk to you, Suzanne.

    Also, I can carry a baby, give it a bottle and change it's diapers and, thanks to the miracle of America's Jesus drones, even a female can exterminate an entire village of poors on the other side of the world without even breaking a nail.

      1. Lascauxcaveman

        I done brung up a couple'a baby girls by hand m'self. And they are now two lovely, slightly spoiled young ladies who are in for a hell of a shock when they go out in the world and discover that most men can't cook like their daddy.

  8. Oblios_Cap

    I just stay busy building stuff so that I don't have enough time to go around stone cold killing everybody I see.

    1. JohnyEdge

      After looking at the stuff I've built, my wife prefers me to kill things. Especially ants, roaches and spiders.

    2. HistoriCat

      Maybe you could build stuff which kills people … but then, maybe your building skills are better than mine.

      1. Oblios_Cap

        I've built stuff that may fall on somebody and kill them, but there was no intent to actually hurt them.

    1. el_donaldo

      Seriously. Eagle Forum plus the creep that edits Conservapedia and now this?!

      Epistemic closure as a family affair.

  9. mavenmaven

    I would have thought all the snark about this kind of reactionary thinking was used up in, like, 1972.

    1. YouFail4eva

      God Bless the Internet, where views from the 1500s can be acted upon as if they are relevant to a modern world.

  10. Joshua Norton

    That’s why girls can talk for hours on end. It’s why more women stay home with their children than men.

    Venker forgot to say “always be selling”. And there’s no “I” in team, and when something about a lemon and something about ade.

    Gottsa’ love these goofs who have a cliché ready for every occasion. Shows they're a team player who’ll give 110%.

    1. BadKitty904

      Honestly, I read tripe like that and all I can mentally picture is Aunt Pittypat, from "Gone with the Wind"…

      "Oh dear, oh dear. Where are mah smelling salts? I think I shall faint."

      1. Cleos_Mom

        More like the occasionally-repeated observation in GWTW that "she'll never catch a husband" and the grim and piteous references to spinsterdom.

        1. YouFail4eva

          Yeah, just make sure you're focused, okay? Don't need no women messing up my kitchen after I got done cleaning it.

  11. SexySmurf

    Does she actually get paid real money to just write down what every stand-up comic's been saying for decades? Is her next column going to be about the poor quality of airplane food?

  12. Mittens Howell, III

    I like to build things and kill things, and build things to kill things, and thing kill buildy killers and bill them and kill kill the thing-builders and thingy-thing killy-build and kill 'em and WHERE'sMAFUCKINGSAMMICH!!

    Praise the Lord for making me this way.

      1. Cleos_Mom

        Not quite, but once they get to the first decade of the 1900s they'll be technically past the Victorian era.

  13. SayItWithWookies

    You begin by accepting that men and women are different. Equal, but different. This means you’ll have to reject feminist dogma since feminism has taught you that equality means sameness…

    If the ultimate goal is lasting love, women are going to have to become comfortable with sacrifice and capitulation. Because those are the underpinnings of a long-term marriage – for both sexes.

    Suzanne Venker — master of logic, everbody!

    1. bobbert

      I'm a man, but I've considered myself a feminist (Basic tenet: "Women are human beings") for some years now. I can't recall ever being taught that "equality means sameness". Venker has willfully confused feminism with the Handicapper General.

  14. Aridzona

    Once gay marriage really takes off, you won't have to worry about women marrying men or men marrying women. Problem solved, or at least mitigated.

  15. Mumbletypeg

    girls can talk for hours on end. It’s why more women stay home with their children

    Causal/ correlative distinction FAIL. Please go soak yourself in a warm tub with bath salts, and maybe these voices in your head that talk nonsense for hours on end, will stop.

  16. elviouslyqueer

    Here’s what we know: Females, in general, are nurturing and relational beings. They like to gather and nest and take care of people. They like to commiserate with other females – a lot.

    Suzanne, I suggest you quit yammering to your fellow vagina-owners, get your relational ass back in the kitchen, and nurture me up a goddamn sammich.

  17. Toomush_Infer

    I don't like her going off and having thoughts and broadcasting them on Fucks TB – she should just go sit around with her girl friends and discuss this….Fucks TB is for Men Only – No Grrlz Alowed…

  18. Lizzietish81

    Its so weird that women didn't vote for the Republicans when they clearly have our best interests at heart isn't it?

    1. bikerlaureate

      If you'd just sacrifice and capitulate, you'd be happier.

      Or at least the menfolk around you would be…

  19. widestanceromance

    She could have avoided all this controversy by just making a GODDAMN SANDWICH.

    Also, her face is lethal is to all forms of eros.

  20. kittensdontlie

    Man is at his best when the thing he built is composed of that which he has killed.–Confusecious

  21. ManchuCandidate

    It would be a hell of a lot easier to just tell everyone, "Don't be an asshole to those around you."

    Problem is that assholes like Suzanne dingus seem to take pride in it.

    1. bikerlaureate

      But men are latent killers, so it's the White Woman's Burden to work extra hard at appeasement.
      Suzanne says It's just science.

  22. Dr_Zoidberg

    Oh screw you, you bimbo. I love to kill things – admittedly, only in video games, but still! I am one awesome zombie hunter.

    1. CommieLibunatic

      Word. But strangely enough, I have a lot of difficulty watching The Walking Dead. Violent enough to enjoy the bloodbath, but too sensitive to watch; fuckin' men, how do they work?

  23. Abernathy

    Funny how all the ladies who are most convinced ladies should spend their whole lives at home being quiet happen to spend their lives on public speaking tours.

  24. Botlrokit

    Many years ago, your Botlrokit went squirrel hunting. And when I winged one with a 22, I was told to pick it up by its tail and sling its head against a tree to finish it off.

    I have never been hunting since, and I still think about that squirrel.

    Fuck you, lady.

    1. BaldarTFlagass

      When I was about 14, I got pissed at the sparrows that were eating the fruit on one of our apricot trees. I shot one with a bb gun, but didn't kill it, just nicked it and shot its beak off.

      Same deal.

      1. StillGoinGreen

        I had to get a series of PEP vaccinations because I received a bite from a raccoon that I trapped in my mom's garage and was letting go. At that time, I wished I was a little more killy than I am.

  25. Baconzgood

    The time she took to write this would have been better spent making me a sandwich then slobbing my knob.

  26. Kid_Charlemagne

    Frankly, I'm impressed that she was able to condense every Tim Allen standup routine into one column.

    1. Botlrokit

      Oh, he was a comedian? I thought I was watching some avant garde interpretation of Homo Habilis struggling with vocalization.

  27. Terry

    "Males, on the other hand – in general – are loners. They’re content to mill about in their man caves. They like to hunt. They like to build things and kill things. If you don’t have a son, this may sound strange. "

    Oddly enough, most of the males I know (and knew growing up) tend to do their manly things like hunting and building in groups. When alone, they tend more toward sitting in front of the tv or computer.

    1. bikerlaureate

      You're forgetting how the professional sports industry failed, because men – in general – can't be content loners in a stadium full of people. Or how motorcycle clubs faded away.
      Those were more barbaric times.

    2. Spider-Jerk

      Yes, but then they are hunting and killing boners (and maybe some video game monsters), so it still counts.

  28. PopeEdgardo

    Nah, everyone knows that girls aren't good at thinking. Plus, at most conservative think tanks killing people is mostly what gets thought about.

  29. edgydrifter

    I like to build sexable meat puppets out of the things I kill–it covers all the manly passions in one efficient package.

  30. Monsieur_Grumpe

    Surrender to your femininity?
    Men like to kill stuff?
    This women’s brain is stuck in cliché mode. She needs a reboot.

  31. larrykat

    Let me paraphrase for her: "Just because these things I say aren't true doesn't make them any less true." Fucking dunce.

  32. sullivanst

    It's always funny to see people who reject the theory of evolution peddling in the most transparently bogus forms of the crappy pseudoscience known as "evolutionary psychology".

    It's also funny to see women like Phuckface Shlafly and her idiot niece here make careers out of telling women not to have careers.

    Just, not funny ha-ha.

          1. sullivanst

            Evolution is indeed fact, but that does not imply that evolutionary psychology is. It's also a plainly false choice to say that anyone who does not believe in evolutionary psychology believes in tabula rasa. Far too much of evolutionary psychology is rooted in the myth of intent; far too much of it seeks to justify the shitty things we do to each other; it's also plainly impossible that evolution can explain the way humans have adapted psychologically to industrialized urban life, much less the information age. If evolution was the primary explanation for our behavioral patterns, a profound shift in cultural attitudes about sex occurring on a timescale of years or decades simply wouldn't make any sense at all.

            Glad I could clear up your confusion, including about whether or not I was confused.

          2. DahBoner

            The idea that the brain didn't evolve just like the body, oddly enough was the dominant paradigm in Psychology. Now it's widely accepted our SUBCONSCOIUS brain activity is a result of evolution.

            According to research involving fMRI scans, the difference between brain activity "at rest" was only 1% less than when intensely focusing on solving a problem.

            Our SUBCONSCIOUS mind, which we're not consciously aware of is designed by evolution–within seconds–to help us decide…

            Will it eat us? Can we eat it? Will it have sex with me?

            Modern day urban-industrial single women prefer guys who are average or above average weight?

            Why?

            Because on the African savana if they saw a skinny guy, they would think: bad hunter. A chubby guy, good hunter.

            You can't prove "intent", but there are quite clever explanations for why people's "instinctual" behaviors have not changed, well back beyond our pre-human ancestors.

            Could cultural changes result from epigenetic changes? I'm just asking. Your genes can change as a result of when your grandmother or grandfather starved to death, for example…

          3. sullivanst

            Modern day urban-industrial single women prefer guys who are average or above average weight? Why? Because on the African savana if they saw a skinny guy, they would think: bad hunter. A chubby guy, good hunter.

            Strange, because the people paid to exploit female attraction for financial gain by producing, say, CK commercials appear to be rather at odds with your conclusion about who's more attractive. Of course, if I were into evopsych, I could quite easily flip this entirely around and say “Ah, but the skinnier guy can run faster and is therefore likely to be the one that has children who can get away when a lion attacks”. Oh look, I just used this supposed “science” to justify entirely contradictory conclusions. That is why it's bullshit.

            You can't prove “intent”

            Evolution has no intent, period.

            there are quite clever explanations for why people's “instinctual” behaviors have not changed, well back beyond our pre-human ancestors.

            Just because they're “clever” doesn't mean they're “scientific”, also too, you'd be well served to learn the difference between behavioral genetics and evolutionary psychology. The latter is far too prone to making up “clever explanations” which lack testability.

            Your genes can change as a result of when your grandmother or grandfather starved to death, for example…

            Good grief, on its surface this statement appears to exhibit about as profound a lack of understanding of genetics as I've ever encountered from someone who seemingly believes in it. Please please please tell me you mean only to imply that your grandparents' death had some effect over their child's choice of mate. Also, please please please tell me that you understand that such micro choices still take multiple (and I mean way more than two) generations to result in macro-detectable shifts in species makeup, and that the phenotypic effect of such a shift is not necessarily predictable since individual genes express themselves in multiple ways.

          4. DahBoner

            That is why it's bullshit.

            False. Many theories in Evolutionary Psychology have been verified experimentally. Look it up Bubba.

            Anyone that says Science is bullshit is just a Pseudoscientist Intentionally Ignorant Academic trying to protect their own dysfunctional world view.

            Period.

          5. sullivanst

            Yeah OK, I only have a masters in Physics, clearly I have no clue at all what science is. Also, clearly Richard Lewontin is an idiot with no clue about anything scientific at all, especially in the field of evolution. Steven Rose? Unscientific moron! Leon Kamin? Clearly knows nothing of psychology. Knuckledraggers all of them!

            Oh BTW, I had a really excellent information theory lecturer at college. The human genome consists of about 3 billion base pairs, worth about 6 billion bits of information, much of which is not brain-related. The human brain, on the other hand, consists of about 100 billion neurons each with on average about 7,000 synaptic connections to other neurons for a total of about 350 trillion synapses. At a conservative estimate, it'd take at least 20 bits to describe a synapse, depending on how many neurons are close enough by to form a synaptic connection, and how much resolution would be required to accurately represent the strength of the connection, so that's about 7 quadrillion bits of information in the human brain. You feel like writing a compression algorithm capable of 1 million to one compression? I'm sure there'd be a lot of interest in it, especially from the ghost of Claude Shannon.

            ETA: Of course, it gets even better, since there are not two bits of information per base-pair, there are 4 1/2 bits of information per codon (3 base pairs), reducing the information content of the genome to about 4.5 billion bits. Not that that's significant in relation to the six orders of magnitude difference already expressed.

            ETA: Also, this, and this.

  33. Nick

    Well, sure, I guess there sort of is a "War on (Wo)Men" going on, and if you count up the casualty list men are way ahead, but most of us call that "murder rates", find it depressing, and think it should stop.

  34. VA_Dreaming

    Once again, the person who chooses to batter, berate, belittle, or otherwise abuse their partner is the one making the bad decision. Gender is irrelevant, the abuser is wrong.

  35. DixvilleCrotch

    I thought men just watched football. That is neither building nor killing, but just absorbing (photons).

  36. malsperanza

    Also, too, I am guessing that "the teaching and caregiving professions are still heavily female" in part because people are nervous hiring men to take care of children and vulnerable sick and old people due to that whole pedophilia and rapey thing they sometimes do.

    Just totes guessing about that, nothing to do with the time when my mom ran a licensed daycare center and hired a male person (who was wonderful, BTW) and a whole lot of parents complained that it wasn't safe.

    I dunno, maybe that "males are loners who like to kill things" thing is not the best PR approach to civil society? Not that Fox would know about civil society, which is socialist.

  37. Redhead

    "Males, on the other hand – in general – are loners. They’re content to mill about in their man caves. They like to hunt. They like to build things and kill things."

    Is she talking about US men or brown/Muslin/taliban-ish men? Isn't this usually the wingnut argument about why Middle Eastern/Muslin countries are so bad – the way they treat their women?

  38. ttommyunger

    OT : Is there some nepotism going on at the Wonkette? I see some familial resemblance between that handsome young future "Felon of the year" Winner T shirt model and our dear Edititrix. Do not have enough snark to comment about anyone kin to Phyllis Shoo-Fly.

    1. commiegirl99

      He is so terrible. I am so mad at him right now (and forever? I'm told he might be okay by the time he's 28 or so). The least he can do is let mama pimp out his sexy mug to sell some goddamn T-shirts.

      1. ttommyunger

        Twenty Eight? Hahahahahahaha! You'll be biting your nails and fretting well into your eighties. I know my mom was.Sent from the Field, not in Garrison.

  39. DahBoner

    They can't carry babies

    Really?

    Then how come most Wingtard men look like they're gonna drop a 75 pound baby anyday now???

  40. Yellerdawg

    Odd. I'm a man-type and I've been known to swerve to avoid hitting fuzzy caterpillars crossing the road.

  41. Nostrildamus

    Why do so many miserable creatures emanate from Schlafly hoo-hahs? Are there spiders in there, or something?

  42. poorgradstudent

    So, sort-of-spawn of Schafly, you seem a bit troubled by the fact that you desperately want to make sweeping generalizations of women and men, but you have to reconcile that with the fact that it's not true in every case.

    That's why we have the helpful concept of gender being a "social construct." Look it up and while you're at it make me some spaghetti (hey, if you sincerely believe that women have to care for men, I might as well take advantage, especially since my own pasta dishes turn out to be rather mediocre).

  43. valthemus

    Venker dresses like a Jezebel! She plainly wears lipstick and skimpy dresses that bare her knees for all the men to see! To the stockades with that filthy whore!! (We can dunk her later to see if she's a witch.)

  44. Spider-Jerk

    Unless Venker's been living in a hole her entire life, even she knows she's full of shit. This is just more jockeying for blogger bux from well-stocked Conservative Wackaloon coffers.

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