In the wake of that football player shooting his girlfriend and also an entire human history of widespread violence against women,Fox’s Dana Perino has an innovative solution to end the abuse! Did you know that probably a majority of the time, women who are beaten consciously make a decision to be with the right nut at the right time in the right Applebee’s parking lot?
Given that violence against women occurs at alarming rates all over the world (according to a U.N study that’s way too long but has some slick graphs), it’s about time someone finally figured out an effective way to slow down this malicious universal parasite. For a closer look at how Dana articulates her argument, review this exchange with her Fox Co-Hosts:
PERINO: I think it skirts the issue that women are victims of violence all the time –
CO-HOST: They should have guns!
PERINO: Well, maybe, or make better decisions.
If you listen really carefully you can hear Greg Gutfeld’s erection explode as he exclaims with glee, “They should have guns!” He points out that guns help “even the score” between the weak and the powerful, which totally doesn’t sound like the musings of a disturbed high school shooter or anything – but who cares, Dana has already made her point! It won’t help women to carry guns because everyone should be carrying guns. An abused woman’s attacker will have a gun too. Their 4 year old might barrel roll out of her room and turn the thing into a Mexican shootout. Having a gun is a given, silly Greg Gutfeld.
Women need to make better choices. Since abusive males never masquerade as “totally normal, chill dudes,” women simply need to stop implicating themselves with skull tatted gas station attendants who run meth on the side. Say it with us three times: I choose not to be beat. I choose not to be beat. I choose not to be beat. Problem solved, ladies.