stop hitting yourself

Fox’s Dana Perino Knows How to Reduce Domestic Violence

In the wake of that football player shooting his  girlfriend and also an entire human history of widespread violence against women,Fox’s Dana Perino has an innovative solution  to end the abuse! Did you know that probably a majority of the time, women who are beaten consciously make a decision to be with the right nut at the right time in the right Applebee’s parking lot?

Given that violence against women occurs at alarming rates all over the world (according to a U.N study that’s way too long but has some slick graphs), it’s about time someone finally figured out an effective way to slow down this malicious universal parasite. For a closer look at how Dana articulates her argument, review this exchange with her Fox Co-Hosts:

PERINO: I think it skirts the issue that women are victims of violence all the time –

CO-HOST: They should have guns!

PERINO: Well, maybe, or make better decisions.

If you listen really carefully you can hear Greg Gutfeld’s erection explode as he exclaims with glee, “They should have guns!” He points out that guns help “even the score” between the weak and the powerful, which totally doesn’t sound like the musings of a disturbed high school shooter or anything – but who cares, Dana has already made her point! It won’t help women to carry guns because everyone should be carrying guns. An abused woman’s attacker will have a gun too. Their 4 year old might barrel roll out of her room and turn the thing into a Mexican shootout. Having a gun is a given, silly Greg Gutfeld.

Women need to make better choices. Since abusive males never masquerade as “totally normal, chill dudes,” women simply need to stop implicating themselves with skull tatted gas station attendants who run meth on the side. Say it with us three times: I choose not to be beat. I choose not to be beat. I choose not to be beat. Problem solved, ladies.


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  1. 1stNewtontheMoon

    Let's see. Two options of the republican mind: Shoot it (guns) or Victim Blaming/Make Better Decisions (personal responsibility). What's the opposite of win-win?

    1. Callyson

      Lose…because stats show that the women who get killed are often the ones who *did* get the fuck out, but who were not adequately protected from their abuser.

      Or lose…google "women in prison for killing their abuser" for the depressing details there.

      Dana Perino can kiss my ass.


    2. ButthurtWingers2012

      Well to be fair Republicans are always telling other people to take personal responsibility with their lives. When something happens to one of them it's obviously the fault of liberals/unions/the government/gun laws/black people/hispanics/women/gheys/black people/hispanics and finally…tax rates. Essentially they are taking the personal responsibility to make CONSTANT excuses for being losers.

  2. gingerland62

    Why can't murdered women make better decisions? Guns don't kill people. women's bad decision-making kills people!

    1. Ruhe

      The implication would be that rather than gun control what we really need is women control…oh wait…now I see where this is heading.

    1. Nostrildamus

      She was the most natural presidential press secretary in history because she didn't need to feign ignorance of the subject at hand.

    2. LionHeartSoyDog

      "Smother that girl in chocolate syrup,
      and strap her on again."

      Why doesn't everyone strap one on?

    3. CommieLibunatic

      What do you expect from the same person who said we didn't have a terror attack on Bush Jr.'s watch? She's a walking Blonde Joke.

    1. Esteev

      I find her irresistible for some reason. But, if something were to happen between us, I hope she would make the sound decision of putting duct tape over her mouth.

      1. YouFail4eva

        yup. There's a montage on Youtube that rapidly cycles through all the Fox News Females, and they all look freaking identical.

  3. ManchuCandidate

    It's like the Cuban Missile Crisis of 1984 when Ronnie Raygun played the role of the abused housewife who burned Fidelity Castrol alive in his bed with a nukular bomb after Castrol slapped Ronnie Raygun around for loving Freedumb.

  4. ttommyunger

    Dana, having the I.Q. of a doorknob, assumes all women have the I. Q. of a doorknob. Not so, Dana, not so; wrong again…….stupidly wrong.

  5. Esteev

    Dana is bad, but Eric Bolling is the biggest douche on the TeeVee. He knows "millions" of people that have been saved by guns? I think I may buy a gun and teach it CPR, I feel like that would be more useful.

    1. Lot_49

      He says millions have had their lives saved by guns, but then pulls back and says millions have had their property saved by guns. If they hadn't cut him off he might have gotten to "Owning a big gun is almost as good as having big dick."

  6. freakishlywrong

    Wasn't this twunt Dubya's mouthpiece? She would know a bad decision when she sees one, I guess.

  7. Lizzietish81

    Yesterday I finally answered my phone and talked to a rep from Amnesty International asking for an extra gift for their work in supporting Violence Against Women acts and mentioned that the US was one of six countries that hadn't passed such a law.

    I said I wasn't surprised.

    Occasionally on the interwebs you run into a man complaining about how women treat every new man like a potential rapist. But then if we don't, if we show trust in a man and that trust is abused, what happens? Well she made a bad choice.

    We keep getting told "don't be a victim" why aren't men being told "don't be a rapist"?

    1. actor212

      Hey now! SOME of us got the hint from our moms when we were first dating!

      Or her dad, who was a cop and would clean his gun while I sat in the living room waiting for her to get ready.

      1. Mittens Howell, III

        Hang on, so you were dating your mom, and while you were waiting for her to get ready your Grampa sat there cleaning his gun?

        This is so fucking weird.

        Why weren't you cleaning your gun as well? It was obviously gun cleaning time. DID YOU NOT HAVE A GUN??

    2. Lot_49

      Men today are just intimidated by that sort of attitude, and that's why society is falling apart. How dare you say men don't have a right to rape any woman they can catch? Don't you understand how religion works?

      1. bikerlaureate

        Men wouldn't be getting hooked up with so many women who end up getting beaten – if the women would simply use their heads, and make better decisions about who they hook up with. Totally up to the wimmins.

        When all you have is punching bags, every fist looks like a fist.

    3. EatFrankRich

      I've been blogging about this shanda in real life and got the word yesterday that Cantor and Uncle Joe have been trying to hammer out a deal, but Cantor won't sign off on the deal, because he wants to take out a clause that would protect Native women from being brutalized by non-Native men. Cantor is denying that this is the case. Just when I thought that I was inured to Cantor's total lying fuckerdom, he does shit like this that leaves me breathless with anger.

  8. SayItWithWookies

    Shit, I watched that clip last night and honestly, Perino's remark was the least offensive one in it. There was also "Guns don't kill nearly as many people as cars, so are we gonna make cars illegal too?" and "I heard about a guy who killed his wife with a baseball bat — so should baseball bats be illegal?" And when the token liberal asked if anyone knew of someone who saved his own life with a gun, the answer was "that happens all the time!" with no actual specific answer.

    That whole exchange was a litany of excuses no parent would put up with from a five-year-old.

    1. PubOption

      The stand-your-ground types will claim they saved their own lives, at the cost of a different person's life.

    1. bikerlaureate

      Aaaaand they'd better perfect asexual reproduction right quick, or else convert those FEMA camps to male harems…

  9. Mumbletypeg

    women who are beaten consciously make a decision to be with the right nut at the right time in the right Applebee’s parking lot?

    But but but if you're a tenured schoolteacher/ coach with a restraining order in place as local law provides, then surely you're at least safe from violent abusive ex's while you're on school grounds??
    Oh, wait

  10. mavenmaven

    I'm not surprised by their regressive views on women, etc, that's old news. I'm surprised that they ran a story about Dave Brubeck, beautiful human being, liberal, who popularized "that black music" on the main screen.

    1. 1stNewtontheMoon

      Yes, but they had to explain in their crawl who this "Dave Brubeck" person was to an audience who had never heard of him.

      1. Lot_49

        Engngngh…Brubeck was better than that. Check out the NYT obit. Pretty sure it says he was a Costco shopper too.

      2. Lot_49

        Couldn't resist sharing this with you:

        To the Editor:
        We mark with deep sadness the death of our friend and inspiration Dave Brubeck (“ Dave Brubeck, 1920-2012; His Music Gave Jazz New Pop,” front page, Dec. 6). We had the great privilege of interviewing him for a documentary series we made on the history of jazz in 2001, and have never forgotten the story he recounted from his boyhood on a California ranch:
        “The first black man that I [ever] saw, my dad took me to see on the Sacramento River in California [a fellow cowboy like Brubeck’s father], and [my dad] said to his friend, ‘Open your shirt for Dave.’ ”
        At this point in our interview, this elegant, compassionate man broke down in front of our camera. “There was a brand on his chest. And my dad said, ‘These things can’t happen.’ That’s why I fought for what I fought for.”
        It’s hard to imagine a world without Dave Brubeck’s generosity, humanity and artistry. But then we still have his music, and listening to it, the pain of his loss eases just a bit.
        KEN BURNS
        New York, Dec. 7, 2012

  11. widestanceromance

    Dana, here's a decision YOU could have made better. Just because your coupon book has a coupon for a 50% off facelift , does not mean you saved anything by having your face trussed-up like a Thanksgiving turkey.

    1. bikerlaureate

      Do you really imagine they have any career option that pays half as much?

      We'd be hard pressed to find a better example of "opportunism". Not someone I'd want to hire, and then turn my back on…

        1. YouFail4eva

          Huh, all I see are complete idiots on Fox News. And that is definitely something I do not need to see twice.

    1. commiegirl99

      The new kid published before he was supposed to, and then tried to cover his tracks by deleting it. NEW KIDS!

  12. FNMA

    If only that woman had decided not to be shot by that football player, everything would have been fine.

    (I thought I posted on this thread, but it seems to have disappeared. Oh well…)

  13. BaldarTFlagass

    If women would just learn martial arts and samurai fighting and stuff, like the Deadly Viper Assassination Squad, they'd be tough enough to survive even a gunshot to the head and then avenge themselves also, like Uma Thurman/Beatrix Kiddo did.

  14. Fare la Volpe

    Perino n.
    1. vulgar slang A woman who betrays other women so the big strong boys will like her. Feminine of quisling.
    Synonyms: twat, twunt, douchecanoe.

    1. bikerlaureate

      And that can be unlearned. But do they? No.
      Yet another bad decision. They can be so infuriating.

  15. christianmuslin

    Cut off his dick and feed it to the dog or into oncoming traffic on the freeway. Better decisions sheeple, better decisions.

  16. Schmegeg

    PERINO: Well, maybe, or make better decisions.

    A sugestion for Dana: Decide to make hot lesbo videos and post them online.

  17. BaldarTFlagass

    Slightly less than half the voters in this country recently showed their inability to "make better decisions."

  18. pinkocommi

    I am so tired of the Republican theory that the best way to fight gun violence is more gun violence. These are the same people who push fundamentalist christianity while ignoring all the many messages of Jesus regarding turning the other cheek and blessed are the peacemakers…. If Jesus were alive today, he would not be a member of the NRA.

    1. Lot_49

      You mean when a loony starts shooting in a dark theater you wouldn't feel safer if the intended victims started shooting back? That's practically un-American.

      1. YouFail4eva

        Yes, because the smartest thing to do if you are in a crowded theater is to just start shooting wildly, and hope you hit the assailant. Collateral damage? Fuck 'em, they should have had guns as well.

      2. T3rbo

        Look, I'm pretty good at playing Halo, and I NEVER have a problem taking out other players when they come at me shooting. Ever. If I was in that movie theater, I probably would have killed him with my survival knife, when he wasn't looking, because Freedom.

      3. SuspectedDemocrat

        In order to take down that shooter, you would need to go into the movie wearing your own body armor, carrying an AR-15 with armor piercing bullets. Wouldn't you feel safer if at least a few of your fellow movie goers did that every time you went to see a movie?

    2. FNMA

      I don't know. Jesus said "Blessed are the peacemakers," and the Colt .45 is also known as The Peacekeeper. Or maybe it was a reference to malt liquor. Something like that.

    3. Ruhe

      Less a theory and more a fantasy. A point I've made on occasion with some of my conservative acquaintances is that if you find yourself in a situation where you are threatened by someone with a gun you are at obvious disadvantage even if you are armed yourself, ie, their gun is already in their hand. These dimwits imagine a fantasy scenario where all gun toting citizens are able to skillfully "throw-down" and out draw their assailants. There should be an episode of "Mythbusters" on this.

    4. T3rbo

      Look, if everyone was a sniper, there would be more awesome gun violence, which is kind of what you want. Imagine if the Aurora theater shooter was taken out by fifteen simultaneous headshots after one of the theater goers threw a stun grenade? Imagine if ALL domestic violence could be resolved by women sneaking up on their significant others using silenced pistols? Imagine cops shooting escaped murderers from helicopters at all hours of the day! This probably would not solve any of our problems, but it would resolve my feelings of inadequacy and shame that I have from childhood. I personally think that surveillance cameras that have (you guessed it) sniper rifles on them would have made columbine AND 9/11 less confusing and hard to process.
      And wasn't jesus like some kind of Semitic ninja master? I seem to recall a story of him throwing ninja stars at the last second to stop a muslim with a suicide vest from blowing up a cafe in Jerusalem…

  19. StillGoinGreen

    Let's say I was bangin' the ever-loving shit out of Dana and she just wouldn't stop spouting off stupid conservative shit. If I hit her in the bush with a shoe, would that be domestic violence or a political statement?

      1. StillGoinGreen

        In answer to your question – yes, yes I do. And why do they keep popping up on my Dropkick Murphys station on I♥Radio? They ain't fucking Irish!

    1. drbill0620

      Well, if you hit her with one of her own stiletto heeled shoes – that would most likely be a political statement…

  20. elviouslyqueer

    Dana, darling. I work in the field of domestic and intimate partner violence. So I feel pretty sure I'm on the right page in calling you an ignorant, odious twatwaffle.

  21. BaldarTFlagass

    Women should have handguns, and they should hold them sideways when they fire them, so it looks cool, like in those Hong Kong movies.

    1. bikerlaureate

      So she's speaking from experience… and yet we snark at her.
      But she stays on the air, so the continued opportunities for snark are assured.

      Wow, she's like the duchess of stupid decisions.

    2. commiegirl99

      My mom was in jail when she was 8 months pregnant with me for failing to appear on a leash-law ticket. The nice jail matron didn't make her have a vag search.

  22. docterry6973

    They should pay attention to how they dress for their man, too. I think Allen West waxed poetic on the subject.

    Also, more sammiches.

  23. T3rbo

    Talk about an empathy deficit-this is how you get to the top levels of the Republican party, by being the most cold reptilian bitch imaginable.
    Poor people should accept the consequences of their actions and starve to death (possibly in old age)
    Women should accept the consequences of their bad choices and be murdered by those they are in relationships with.
    Look, if we started coddling people who make bad decisions, John Galt wouldn't be able to invent his magic motor that saves the world-is that what you want? Jesus wants the cream to rise to the top, also.

    1. Lot_49

      True only if you consider appearing on Fox to be the top levels of the Republican Party. The real leadership is a pure sausage-fest: McConnell, Boehner, Demint, etc.

      1. T3rbo

        Yeah, but she was able to be Patty Hearst-do you think they let anyone go with them and rob the banks? Wait, I mean be press secretary. Freudian slip

    2. bikerlaureate

      There are at least two participants in every murder.

      If a woman's hanging out with a potential murderer – what kind of a smart decision is that?

  24. T3rbo

    This is how you win back the Wymn vote? "Coming up next on Fox News: are Mexicans dangerous vermin that must be exterminated?"

  25. Mittens Howell, III

    I rely heavily on the FOX upskirt network when I'm forming my ideas on women's issues, because I get to think deeply on these things while looking at pretty legs, and maybe knickers.

  26. YouFail4eva

    I don't get it. How does the former spokesperson for the white house, somebody who should understand how to handle public relations, make such brain dead statements. It's almost like they don't care about the "war on women". Oh wait…

  27. sullivanst

    I don't like to use this word, but it's the only reaction I have: Cunt! Cunt cunt cunty cunt cunt. Shut your stupid fucking mouth before the rapey one over there shuts it for you, and you discover what a poor decision you made being in proximity to such people.

  28. Lizzietish81

    Didn't he hold meetings with only a select group of reporters and refused to allow any questions?

      1. SuspectedDemocrat

        Wow. My snark is useless against them. It's like housewives should be carrying a loaded sidearm in a holster at all times, especially around dinner time when family is visiting.

  29. BornInATrailer

    "Say it with us three times: I choose not to be beat. I choose not to be beat. I choose not to be beat."

    I would have gone with "Beatlechoose! Beatlechoose! Beatlechoose!"

  30. a_pink_poodle

    The better decision being that they should go back into the kitchen and give their man the fantasy 50's lifestyle that white conservatives love jacking off to DUUUUUH

  31. lochnessmonster

    Member that lady in FL who shot into the air to scare her abusive boyfriend and she ended up in jail?

  32. drbill0620

    PERINO: I think it skirts the issue that women are victims of violence all the time –

    Serves them right fir always wearing those short skirts ..

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