MERRY CHRISTMAS MOOCHERS  9:01 am December 7, 2012

Don’t Go Galt This Christmas! Give The Gift That Keeps on Giving

by snipy

you know what i got for christmas?Whether you’re of the Judeo-Christian persuasion or one of those exotic religions, you’re probably required to give gifts to people some time in the next month.  We here at Wonkette understand that this is patently unfair. Why should you have to sacrifice any portion of your earnings to, for example, the lazy marxist teachers in your life? If you can’t avoid giving them gifts because they’re something stupid like family, consider giving them the gift to end all gifts, the gift that ensures that that you’ll never have to buy them gifts ever again, because they will be empowered straight out of the moocher class: Atlas Shrugged II, not quite yet on DVD.

Who wouldn’t thrill, Christmas/Hanukkah/Kwanzaa/Whatever morning, to unwrap a brand new copy of this fine film? Too bad, looters! No one gets to have the thrill of holding this masterpiece in their hands until February 19, 2013. Instead, you will hand your friends and relatives this very fine piece of paper that lets them know the greatest story ever told will be forthcoming. What? Well, of COURSE you have to print the gift certificate yourself. This isn’t a charity or Soviet Russia you collectivist slobs.

Brother-in-law not much of a movie watcher? Never fear. There are a wealth of other gifts you can give to teach the true meaning of Objectivism. Consider a stylish dollar-sign lapel pin that isn’t douche-y AT ALL. No? How about a handsome cap honoring one of the fictional companies in the book/movie/marketing juggernaut? For the lady in your life, make sure to pick up the laughably expensive anodized aluminum bracelet. You are for SURE getting lucky after she opens that treasure.

If you just cannot wait until February to share the good news of Ayn Rand with your friends and loved ones, consider taking them to see ASII when it is still in the theater. It will no doubt be much more thrilling on the big screen. If you live in movie-going metropolises (metropoli??) like Prince George, Utah, or Las Cruces, New Mexico, you are in luck! The rest of you will just have to repurpose an Advent calendar and count down the days until February.

 
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Hola wonkerados.

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{ 134 comments }

weejee December 7, 2012 at 9:03 am

Needz moar Atlas Shagged.

MLHencken December 7, 2012 at 9:14 am

Or Atlas Humped.

johnnyzhivago December 7, 2012 at 9:05 am

Correction to Ad Running on Homepage:

Five signs you'll get Alzheimers:

You watch Fox n' Friends every morning
You watch Bill O Reilly every night
You watch Shawn Hannity and listen to him on the radio
You use a VHS VCR to tape Glenn Beck but you forget to watch it every night
You watch Fox n' Friends every morning

BadKitty904 December 7, 2012 at 9:14 am

You vote Republican. Repeatedly.

MLHencken December 7, 2012 at 9:15 am

Is it just me, or has our Wonket's page rendering gone into the shitter?

eggsacklywright December 7, 2012 at 9:36 am

Wonket is rendering unto me what is mine. I am completely normal.

Vecchiojohn December 7, 2012 at 9:37 am

I thought these were 5 signs you have Alzheimers.

Lizzietish81 December 7, 2012 at 9:38 am

You filibuster your own bills

HistoriCat December 7, 2012 at 10:17 am

Speaking of ads – why do I not get the Russian brides ad? Why does Wonkette hate me so?

Barbara_ December 7, 2012 at 9:05 am

Las Cruces, NM? Isn't that where Sara Benincasa is from? Save me some Junior Mints, I'm on my way!

Terry December 7, 2012 at 9:12 am

…and isn't N.M. full of brown folks and hippies? What's that movie doing still playing there? Trying to draw viewers from El Paso (which is also full of brown people, in addition to True Americans)?

weejee December 7, 2012 at 9:16 am

Maybe they should move the movie over to Los Alamos, not too far, and get really bombed. Readings from the Bhagavad Gita in 3, 2, 1…

memzilla December 7, 2012 at 9:36 am

Lo, I have become the destroyer of studio profits.

weejee December 7, 2012 at 11:32 am

Sweet mem, a Robert Oppenheimerphile.

BaldarTFlagass December 7, 2012 at 9:48 am

The cool thing is that to get from El Paso to Las Cruces, you have to drive by 20 miles of cattle feedlots there on I-10. Even if you hermetically seal your head in Saran Wrap there is no escaping the smell of the shit. Kind of an apt metaphor, considering the source material from which the movie is derived.

BerkeleyBear December 7, 2012 at 11:05 am

Depends on the part of the state. I got stuck going to a particularly nasty part of the state for years for family reasons, and it was a nearly 100 percent white trash community surrounded by reservations and BLM land, where browns and hippies would not have been welcomed.

bikerlaureate December 7, 2012 at 12:44 pm

I got a tattoo in Las Cruces.

It was before the blahunist seized control of the country.

missannthropethefirst December 7, 2012 at 9:48 am

Hey, it's where I live! And, that is the discount theater. Tickets are $3 a movie. However, on the theater's obviously commie website, they're claiming it's not playing!

Boojum December 7, 2012 at 9:05 am

These people make me want to go Galt hunting.

Terry December 7, 2012 at 9:12 am

They tend to be fat and lazy. No sport to the hunting at all.

Lizzietish81 December 7, 2012 at 9:14 am

You're doing it wrong. You trap them on a jungle island and let them live off the land for about a month, then the strongest will have devoured the weak and it will be all Lord of the Flies and THEN you go in and hunt them down.

Terry December 7, 2012 at 9:25 am

Video cameras all over the island, sell the footage as a reality show, too.

Guppy December 7, 2012 at 9:30 am

Just like high school!

FNMA December 7, 2012 at 9:32 am

Yeah, but by then, they'd be all tough and stringy. Bitter too. But they started out that way…

elviouslyqueer December 7, 2012 at 9:32 am

With votes!

SnarkOff December 7, 2012 at 9:07 am

Santa, why do you hate freedom?

Lizzietish81 December 7, 2012 at 9:46 am

Do you think its a coincidence that Santa wears red?

He's a pinko commie.

eggsacklywright December 7, 2012 at 9:53 am

Satan's anagram.

MosesInvests December 7, 2012 at 11:36 am

"Santa Claus wears a red suit, he's a Communist.
Has a beard and long hair, must be a pacifist.
What's in that pipe he's smoking?"
-Arlo Guthrie, "The Paws of Sandy Claws"

malsperanza December 7, 2012 at 1:33 pm

You can't fool me: there ain't no such thing as a Sanity Clause.
~KarlChico Marx

SnarkOff December 7, 2012 at 9:08 am

Shouldn't the sequel to Atlas Shrugged be called Atlas Shrugged Again?

RadioBitchFace December 7, 2012 at 9:12 am

Randy.

weejee December 7, 2012 at 9:13 am

Not sure how Randians count, ordinal or cardinal-wise. Maybe Ayn, swine, dry, fear…

bobbert December 7, 2012 at 1:19 pm

Oh, ausgezeichnet.

BadKitty904 December 7, 2012 at 9:14 am

Atlas Shrugged 2: Electric Boogaloo

BaldarTFlagass December 7, 2012 at 9:14 am

"Atlas Said 'Meh'."

eggsacklywright December 7, 2012 at 9:38 am

Atlas Shrugged 2: The Embiggening

Lizzietish81 December 7, 2012 at 9:41 am

Atlas Shrugged II: This Time its Personal!

MacRaith December 7, 2012 at 9:49 am

Atlas Shrugged, episode II: Attack of the Clowns
Atlas Shrugged and the Temple of Dumb
Atlas Shruggederer

Loch_Nessosaur December 7, 2012 at 9:08 am

26 bucks for the Official Atlas Shrugged Part II 20th Century Motor Cap which looks like it's been through the garbage disposal.

BaldarTFlagass December 7, 2012 at 9:09 am

Re: Gift suggestions. My friends and family will get nothing, and like it.

BadKitty904 December 7, 2012 at 9:16 am

Ebenezer, is that you? ;0)

Vecchiojohn December 7, 2012 at 9:40 am

Do you give them the 20 minute lecture on self-reliance for free or do you charge for it?

PugglesRule December 7, 2012 at 9:47 am

Mine too (or neither, or… whatever). Do you work for Scott Walker too?

eggsacklywright December 7, 2012 at 9:54 am

May I have some more coal please sir.

bikerlaureate December 7, 2012 at 12:45 pm

Good for you! Charity only hobbles their resolve.

All gifts you buy should be for you.

Mahousu December 7, 2012 at 9:09 am

Here's a gift they'll appreciate more. No, not the poster, but what it advertises:
http://www.rubylane.com/item/554337-OT-1159/David

Lizzietish81 December 7, 2012 at 9:10 am

the most awkward after sex conversation I have had was when the couple I had just done the nasty with revealed they were big Ayn Rand fans

BadKitty904 December 7, 2012 at 9:17 am

"Dang, is that the time? Gotta go!"

Tio_Doidinho December 7, 2012 at 9:29 am

You're forgiven, my child. Now say 100 Hail Marys, reread "The Shock Doctrine" and vow never to sleep with an Objectivist again.

freakishlywrong December 7, 2012 at 9:41 am

Objectivist (s).

SnarkOff December 7, 2012 at 9:37 am

I *hate* it when that happens.

Goonemeritus December 7, 2012 at 9:49 am

I’m guessing they’re mostly focused on achieving their own orgasm, amirite?

HistoriCat December 7, 2012 at 10:21 am

Ten minutes of sex and four hours lecturing you about how shouldn't rely on anyone else to get you off.

deanbooth December 7, 2012 at 9:11 am

Is there sales tax? Forget it!

CrunchyKnee December 7, 2012 at 9:12 am

All I can say is kill whitey. Votes, blah blah blah.

PugglesRule December 7, 2012 at 9:48 am

"Regular" votes or "blah" votes? There is a difference, because blah!

freakishlywrong December 7, 2012 at 9:12 am

I was going to go all Wonkateer wall to wall this x-mas. It'll infuriate my wingnut fambly. It's the gift that keeps on giving!

sullivanst December 7, 2012 at 9:18 am

Yes indeed, why on earth is the Wonkette not pushing its own wares, at all, ever, they've never done that in the least ;)

Also too, Pandagon has some natty T-shirts that any guy would love…

TootsStansbury December 7, 2012 at 9:25 am

We can swap Old Handsome Joe mugs?

Vecchiojohn December 7, 2012 at 9:44 am

Good idea. Thrown in a Woody Guthrie CD and a subscription to The Nation and you have the true spirit of X-mas.

Ruhe December 7, 2012 at 9:14 am

Very disappointing. The "personalized DVD" option just gets you a copy with your name printed on it…so, like, if your brother tries to bogart it you'll be able to show it to your mom and she'll know (finally) what an evil bastard he is. I was hoping that "personalized" meant you could buy an edition wherein your own face was digitally pasted onto one of the characters for the entire film a la Mark Leyner.

BadKitty904 December 7, 2012 at 9:19 am

Also, how is it you know my brother?

Ruhe December 7, 2012 at 9:28 am

It's every sibling. The desire to be proven righteous in the eyes of your parents and subsequently to see you sibs banished from the home is probably the root of all religion and consequently of all evil.

deanbooth December 7, 2012 at 9:21 am

Or all characters, like Being John Malcovich.

mavenmaven December 7, 2012 at 9:14 am

For most of this film's target audience it needs to be released on VHS.

weejee December 7, 2012 at 9:21 am

Not Super 8 mm?

ManchuCandidate December 7, 2012 at 9:37 am

Beta.

memzilla December 7, 2012 at 9:38 am

Cuneiform.

PugglesRule December 7, 2012 at 9:49 am

On papyrus.

Loch_Nessosaur December 7, 2012 at 9:16 am

From the reviews for the Official Atlas Shrugged Rearden Metal Bracelet

I will wear it everyday
Posted by Anna on 12/03/2012

Although a little disappointed in the quality at first, I now Love it and will wear it everyday as a sign of my commitment.

PT Barnum now rolling in grave for being born too soon.

Also, English teachers cry:

excellent!!!!
Posted by julia malone on 12/04/2012

Nice too wear. Excellent in style. Light weight,and cool looking. Better than I imaged. I love it.

freakishlywrong December 7, 2012 at 9:20 am

At least we'll know whom to point, laugh at, and utterly avoid though. AmIrite?

bikerlaureate December 7, 2012 at 12:47 pm

That's using your noggin.

Even better than a Romney/Ryan bumper sticker, which fairly screams "give me a wide berth"…

Lizzietish81 December 7, 2012 at 9:22 am

Aw, takes me back to my days of ad writing, when probably the same brain cases thought they were being clever by dictating an ad that contained sentences made up entirely of random nouns, adjectives and verbs with no particular order.

TootsStansbury December 7, 2012 at 9:27 am

Poor Anna. She's a lunatic.

fuflans December 7, 2012 at 9:37 am

that is seriously the ugliest goddamn thing i've ever seen.

MLHencken December 7, 2012 at 9:18 am

The perfect gift for the Ayn Randian in your life:

"I spent the money on myself, because on you it would only be wasted."

PugglesRule December 7, 2012 at 9:50 am

Have we checked photos to see how many the zombie-eyed granny starver is wearing?

NinjaCat_Baba December 7, 2012 at 9:18 am

It's even a great gift for your favorite dog who like to play catch with a frisbee by using this DVD. It's durable for a while but your dog will like it. Yet, only if your dog can handle the toxic chemicals from the Atlas 'Failed' Shrugged Part Puke DVD that was likely made in China.

Lizzietish81 December 7, 2012 at 9:20 am

So…is this deliverable by the US Postal Service?

freakishlywrong December 7, 2012 at 9:21 am

Love this bracelet, bought for my neice, who is a fanatic for Atlas; thinking of buying one for myself. High quality, very cool and the anti-looter statement makes life worth living!
Her "neice", (really wingtards?) is probably about fiddy years old. And "anti-looter" means she's on SSI and Medicare.

BadKitty904 December 7, 2012 at 9:38 am

I must say, labeling these bozos with bracelets, et al., *would* make it easier to avoid them…

HistoriCat December 7, 2012 at 10:25 am

So we've got the camp in Idaho, ID bracelets … we are well on the way to having FEMA camps without the trouble or expense of the government having to do anything!

Goonemeritus December 7, 2012 at 9:22 am

I never understood why it takes so many words to justify greed. When my son was less than two years of age he would simply scream “MINE”.

BadKitty904 December 7, 2012 at 9:39 am

Because publishers won't pay you a fat advance fee for a one-word novel?

bikerlaureate December 7, 2012 at 12:47 pm

We outgrow that level of candor.

BigSkullF*ckingDog December 7, 2012 at 9:27 am

This will work out well as my new years resolution is to piss off and/or alienate all of my family and friends.

Lizzietish81 December 7, 2012 at 9:30 am

There are cheaper ways to do that.

My aunt managed to piss everyone in the family off by making Heifer Fund donations in their names for Christmas in lieu of gifts.

Righteous indignation and someone in Africa got a goat.

BadKitty904 December 7, 2012 at 9:39 am

That's the funniest thing I've heard so far to day. BWAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHA!

Vecchiojohn December 7, 2012 at 9:48 am

Sounds like your aunt got a few goats too.

BaldarTFlagass December 7, 2012 at 9:51 am

Is your aunt single?

Lizzietish81 December 7, 2012 at 9:57 am

No, though she was at the time.

My mom was actually pretty happy about it, she thought it was great, and then was annoyed by her mother and other sister's reaction.

I give to Heifer Fund for my sister on mother's day.

TootsStansbury December 7, 2012 at 9:28 am

I kind of want the dollar sign pin. Does that make me a bad person?

TheGyrus December 7, 2012 at 9:50 am

Yes. Even if you just want it ironically.

TootsStansbury December 7, 2012 at 9:53 am

Damnit.

kittensdontlie December 7, 2012 at 10:36 am

Are you trying to get the Editrix to spank you for Christmas??

HistoriCat December 7, 2012 at 12:04 pm

If you take and post pics it's the gift that keeps on giving.

Lizzietish81 December 7, 2012 at 9:28 am

That was Cain's motivation

Joshua Norton December 7, 2012 at 9:30 am

Give The Gift That Keeps on Giving

Like something in a nice STD perhaps?

ManchuCandidate December 7, 2012 at 9:38 am

Ayn Rand is intellectual Herpes. It's mostly benign but the stigma is a stain on your social life.

eggsacklywright December 7, 2012 at 9:49 am

Donate to the American Canker Society.

Guppy December 7, 2012 at 9:32 am

The movie is playing in Prince George? Orange line?

fuflans December 7, 2012 at 9:33 am

my perfect galt holiday gift arrived with the arrest of the wingnut baldwin for tax-dodging.

BadKitty904 December 7, 2012 at 9:41 am

"Vera, that boy's not right."

ManchuCandidate December 7, 2012 at 9:35 am

I'd rather send people my poop in a box then make them suffer watching Atlas Snored Part 2.

BaldarTFlagass December 7, 2012 at 9:52 am

I'd probably rather receive that than have to watch that movie.

Ruhe December 7, 2012 at 9:37 am

Giving this DVD as a gift…altruism, enlightened self-interest or just plain-old dickishness. Let he who hath never given a mix tape/cd cast the first stone.

fuflans December 7, 2012 at 9:38 am

consider taking them to see ASII

i read that as ASCII and it's about as relevant.

PugglesRule December 7, 2012 at 9:51 am

ASCII would actually be more readable.

not that Dewey December 7, 2012 at 9:40 am

Smoke up, Johnny!

BaldarTFlagass December 7, 2012 at 9:44 am

I'm just about out of beer coasters, so maybe I'll buy a couple dozen of these DVDs.

ManchuCandidate December 7, 2012 at 9:58 am

Or used as Clay pigeons for skeet shooting.

TootsStansbury December 7, 2012 at 9:45 am

Those comments on that crap; I still can't believe I share a planet with people who think like that.

missannthropethefirst December 7, 2012 at 9:45 am

Oh goody! This is playing in my town. At the second run, discount theater. Take that, Galt!

DahBoner December 7, 2012 at 10:27 am

One Dolla, You Holla.

TheGyrus December 7, 2012 at 9:46 am

Gift giving is for looters.

BaldarTFlagass December 7, 2012 at 10:00 am

Gift receiving is for Obama voters.

GoodDogThor December 7, 2012 at 9:52 am

We all know the sequel is never as good as the original (Atlas Continues to Shrug?). But, in this case they both suck balls.

GeorgiaBurning December 7, 2012 at 10:48 am

Jay and Silent Bob would agree

BaldarTFlagass December 7, 2012 at 9:54 am

I think I'm going to forgo all the Xmas brouhaha this year, and just go ahead and put my eye out.

One_who_wanders December 7, 2012 at 10:06 am

But it is not real Rearden metal. . . .

glamourdammerung December 7, 2012 at 10:26 am

Having Randroids "go Galt" (minus the suicide by cop and spree shooting method most use) would be the bestest Christmas ever.

Low_Budget_Dave December 8, 2012 at 7:20 am

The book has made me more religious. Every time I read about how Greg Mankiw will stop working and stop creating 'job' if he has to pay one more penny in tax, I pray to God to make it happen.

DahBoner December 7, 2012 at 10:26 am

Oddly enough, in the so-called 'Free Market' of Google Shopping, there is not a single gift set of AYN RAND DILDOS to be had.

DISAPPOINTED!

Redgyal December 7, 2012 at 10:29 am

Atlas shrugged is the Jan Brady bible. People spend their lives telling themselves that only they do the work while others get undeserved attention.

TribecaMike December 7, 2012 at 11:28 am

Bit o' trivia — According to imdb, Atlas Shrugged II: The Strike (pro-union agit-prop?) had a budget of $10,000,000 "(estimated)" and has grossed just $3,333,823.

Pres.Beeblebrox December 7, 2012 at 11:29 am

Looks like the film has a problem with the idea of "profit", according to IMDB.

Budget:
$10,000,000 (estimated)
Opening Weekend:
$1,746,025 (USA) (14 October 2012) (1012 Screens)
Gross:
$3,333,823 (USA) (23 November 2012)

TribecaMike December 7, 2012 at 11:37 am

Just goes to show how out of touch Hollywood is. The kids want to see light sabers and dancing penguins, not railroad deregulation.

bikerlaureate December 7, 2012 at 12:48 pm

Darn liberal capitalists.

Biff December 7, 2012 at 11:52 am

Shall we shrug now, or shall we shrug later?

Meh.

Joey_Blau December 7, 2012 at 12:13 pm

and it says.. "Happy Holidays" !!! gosh darn Christ hating atheists!!

ttommyunger December 7, 2012 at 12:30 pm

Only giving amazon.com gift cards(through Wonkette, of course). Never expire, something for everybody, no shipping/handling charges. FIXED!

TribecaMike December 7, 2012 at 1:25 pm

Needz moar Ewoks.

BZ1 December 7, 2012 at 4:10 pm

Makes a good Xmas present, oh wait, Rand didn't believe in religious events.

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