merry christmas moochers

Don’t Go Galt This Christmas! Give The Gift That Keeps on Giving

you know what i got for christmas?Whether you’re of the Judeo-Christian persuasion or one of those exotic religions, you’re probably required to give gifts to people some time in the next month.  We here at Wonkette understand that this is patently unfair. Why should you have to sacrifice any portion of your earnings to, for example, the lazy marxist teachers in your life? If you can’t avoid giving them gifts because they’re something stupid like family, consider giving them the gift to end all gifts, the gift that ensures that that you’ll never have to buy them gifts ever again, because they will be empowered straight out of the moocher class: Atlas Shrugged II, not quite yet on DVD.

Who wouldn’t thrill, Christmas/Hanukkah/Kwanzaa/Whatever morning, to unwrap a brand new copy of this fine film? Too bad, looters! No one gets to have the thrill of holding this masterpiece in their hands until February 19, 2013. Instead, you will hand your friends and relatives this very fine piece of paper that lets them know the greatest story ever told will be forthcoming. What? Well, of COURSE you have to print the gift certificate yourself. This isn’t a charity or Soviet Russia you collectivist slobs.

Brother-in-law not much of a movie watcher? Never fear. There are a wealth of other gifts you can give to teach the true meaning of Objectivism. Consider a stylish dollar-sign lapel pin that isn’t douche-y AT ALL. No? How about a handsome cap honoring one of the fictional companies in the book/movie/marketing juggernaut? For the lady in your life, make sure to pick up the laughably expensive anodized aluminum bracelet. You are for SURE getting lucky after she opens that treasure.

If you just cannot wait until February to share the good news of Ayn Rand with your friends and loved ones, consider taking them to see ASII when it is still in the theater. It will no doubt be much more thrilling on the big screen. If you live in movie-going metropolises (metropoli??) like Prince George, Utah, or Las Cruces, New Mexico, you are in luck! The rest of you will just have to repurpose an Advent calendar and count down the days until February.

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  1. johnnyzhivago

    Correction to Ad Running on Homepage:

    Five signs you'll get Alzheimers:

    You watch Fox n' Friends every morning
    You watch Bill O Reilly every night
    You watch Shawn Hannity and listen to him on the radio
    You use a VHS VCR to tape Glenn Beck but you forget to watch it every night
    You watch Fox n' Friends every morning

  2. Barbara_

    Las Cruces, NM? Isn't that where Sara Benincasa is from? Save me some Junior Mints, I'm on my way!

    1. Terry

      …and isn't N.M. full of brown folks and hippies? What's that movie doing still playing there? Trying to draw viewers from El Paso (which is also full of brown people, in addition to True Americans)?

      1. weejee

        Maybe they should move the movie over to Los Alamos, not too far, and get really bombed. Readings from the Bhagavad Gita in 3, 2, 1…

      2. BaldarTFlagass

        The cool thing is that to get from El Paso to Las Cruces, you have to drive by 20 miles of cattle feedlots there on I-10. Even if you hermetically seal your head in Saran Wrap there is no escaping the smell of the shit. Kind of an apt metaphor, considering the source material from which the movie is derived.

      3. BerkeleyBear

        Depends on the part of the state. I got stuck going to a particularly nasty part of the state for years for family reasons, and it was a nearly 100 percent white trash community surrounded by reservations and BLM land, where browns and hippies would not have been welcomed.

    2. missannthropethefirst

      Hey, it's where I live! And, that is the discount theater. Tickets are $3 a movie. However, on the theater's obviously commie website, they're claiming it's not playing!

      1. Lizzietish81

        You're doing it wrong. You trap them on a jungle island and let them live off the land for about a month, then the strongest will have devoured the weak and it will be all Lord of the Flies and THEN you go in and hunt them down.

    1. MosesInvests

      "Santa Claus wears a red suit, he's a Communist.
      Has a beard and long hair, must be a pacifist.
      What's in that pipe he's smoking?"
      -Arlo Guthrie, "The Paws of Sandy Claws"

    1. MacRaith

      Atlas Shrugged, episode II: Attack of the Clowns
      Atlas Shrugged and the Temple of Dumb
      Atlas Shruggederer

  3. Loch_Nessosaur

    26 bucks for the Official Atlas Shrugged Part II 20th Century Motor Cap which looks like it's been through the garbage disposal.

  4. Lizzietish81

    the most awkward after sex conversation I have had was when the couple I had just done the nasty with revealed they were big Ayn Rand fans

    1. Tio_Doidinho

      You're forgiven, my child. Now say 100 Hail Marys, reread "The Shock Doctrine" and vow never to sleep with an Objectivist again.

      1. HistoriCat

        Ten minutes of sex and four hours lecturing you about how shouldn't rely on anyone else to get you off.

  5. freakishlywrong

    I was going to go all Wonkateer wall to wall this x-mas. It'll infuriate my wingnut fambly. It's the gift that keeps on giving!

    1. sullivanst

      Yes indeed, why on earth is the Wonkette not pushing its own wares, at all, ever, they've never done that in the least ;)

      Also too, Pandagon has some natty T-shirts that any guy would love…

    2. Vecchiojohn

      Good idea. Thrown in a Woody Guthrie CD and a subscription to The Nation and you have the true spirit of X-mas.

  6. Ruhe

    Very disappointing. The "personalized DVD" option just gets you a copy with your name printed on it…so, like, if your brother tries to bogart it you'll be able to show it to your mom and she'll know (finally) what an evil bastard he is. I was hoping that "personalized" meant you could buy an edition wherein your own face was digitally pasted onto one of the characters for the entire film a la Mark Leyner.

      1. Ruhe

        It's every sibling. The desire to be proven righteous in the eyes of your parents and subsequently to see you sibs banished from the home is probably the root of all religion and consequently of all evil.

  7. Loch_Nessosaur

    From the reviews for the Official Atlas Shrugged Rearden Metal Bracelet

    I will wear it everyday
    Posted by Anna on 12/03/2012

    Although a little disappointed in the quality at first, I now Love it and will wear it everyday as a sign of my commitment.

    PT Barnum now rolling in grave for being born too soon.

    Also, English teachers cry:

    Posted by julia malone on 12/04/2012

    Nice too wear. Excellent in style. Light weight,and cool looking. Better than I imaged. I love it.

      1. bikerlaureate

        That's using your noggin.

        Even better than a Romney/Ryan bumper sticker, which fairly screams "give me a wide berth"…

    1. Lizzietish81

      Aw, takes me back to my days of ad writing, when probably the same brain cases thought they were being clever by dictating an ad that contained sentences made up entirely of random nouns, adjectives and verbs with no particular order.

  8. NinjaCat_Baba

    It's even a great gift for your favorite dog who like to play catch with a frisbee by using this DVD. It's durable for a while but your dog will like it. Yet, only if your dog can handle the toxic chemicals from the Atlas 'Failed' Shrugged Part Puke DVD that was likely made in China.

  9. freakishlywrong

    Love this bracelet, bought for my neice, who is a fanatic for Atlas; thinking of buying one for myself. High quality, very cool and the anti-looter statement makes life worth living!
    Her "neice", (really wingtards?) is probably about fiddy years old. And "anti-looter" means she's on SSI and Medicare.

    1. BadKitty904

      I must say, labeling these bozos with bracelets, et al., *would* make it easier to avoid them…

      1. HistoriCat

        So we've got the camp in Idaho, ID bracelets … we are well on the way to having FEMA camps without the trouble or expense of the government having to do anything!

  10. Goonemeritus

    I never understood why it takes so many words to justify greed. When my son was less than two years of age he would simply scream “MINE”.

  11. BigSkullF*ckingDog

    This will work out well as my new years resolution is to piss off and/or alienate all of my family and friends.

    1. Lizzietish81

      There are cheaper ways to do that.

      My aunt managed to piss everyone in the family off by making Heifer Fund donations in their names for Christmas in lieu of gifts.

      Righteous indignation and someone in Africa got a goat.

        1. Lizzietish81

          No, though she was at the time.

          My mom was actually pretty happy about it, she thought it was great, and then was annoyed by her mother and other sister's reaction.

          I give to Heifer Fund for my sister on mother's day.

  12. Ruhe

    Giving this DVD as a gift…altruism, enlightened self-interest or just plain-old dickishness. Let he who hath never given a mix tape/cd cast the first stone.

  13. TootsStansbury

    Those comments on that crap; I still can't believe I share a planet with people who think like that.

  14. missannthropethefirst

    Oh goody! This is playing in my town. At the second run, discount theater. Take that, Galt!

  15. GoodDogThor

    We all know the sequel is never as good as the original (Atlas Continues to Shrug?). But, in this case they both suck balls.

  16. BaldarTFlagass

    I think I'm going to forgo all the Xmas brouhaha this year, and just go ahead and put my eye out.

  17. glamourdammerung

    Having Randroids "go Galt" (minus the suicide by cop and spree shooting method most use) would be the bestest Christmas ever.

    1. Low_Budget_Dave

      The book has made me more religious. Every time I read about how Greg Mankiw will stop working and stop creating 'job' if he has to pay one more penny in tax, I pray to God to make it happen.

  18. DahBoner

    Oddly enough, in the so-called 'Free Market' of Google Shopping, there is not a single gift set of AYN RAND DILDOS to be had.


  19. Redgyal

    Atlas shrugged is the Jan Brady bible. People spend their lives telling themselves that only they do the work while others get undeserved attention.

  20. TribecaMike

    Bit o' trivia — According to imdb, Atlas Shrugged II: The Strike (pro-union agit-prop?) had a budget of $10,000,000 "(estimated)" and has grossed just $3,333,823.

  21. Pres.Beeblebrox

    Looks like the film has a problem with the idea of "profit", according to IMDB.

    $10,000,000 (estimated)
    Opening Weekend:
    $1,746,025 (USA) (14 October 2012) (1012 Screens)
    $3,333,823 (USA) (23 November 2012)

    1. TribecaMike

      Just goes to show how out of touch Hollywood is. The kids want to see light sabers and dancing penguins, not railroad deregulation.

  22. ttommyunger

    Only giving gift cards(through Wonkette, of course). Never expire, something for everybody, no shipping/handling charges. FIXED!

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