america es broked

Loyal Opposition Mitch McConnell Now Filibustering His Own Bills, For Comity, And Freedom

Mitch McConnellFrankly, we are surprised it took this long — three years and ten and a half or so months into Barack Obama’s Purple Reign — for Senate Minority Leader and King of All He Surveys Mitch McConnell to become so demented that he is now forced to filibuster his own bills. This man, he is just not very good at his job, right? How ever has he managed to last this long opposite streetcorner brawler Harry Reid?

Senate Minority Leader Mitch McConnell (R-KY) wanted to prove on Thursday that Democrats don’t have the votes to weaken Congress’ authority on the debt limit. Instead they called his bluff, and he ended up filibustering his own bill. […]

McConnell brought up the legislation Thursday morning. Senate Majority Leader Harry Reid (D-NV) initially objected, seemingly proving the Republican leader’s point that it cannot pass the Senate. But then Reid ran it by his members and, in the afternoon, agreed to hold that same vote. This time it was McConnell who objected. […]

McConnell claimed he never agreed to hold a simple majority vote on the bill.

“What we’re talking about here is a perpetual debt ceiling grant in effect to the president. Matters of this level of controversy always require 60 votes,” the GOP leader said.

Jesus Christ. But what’s this? Harry Reid let him get away with that shit?

“Senator McConnell’s filibuster prevented us from having this vote today,” he said in a statement, “but I will continue to seek an agreement to hold an up-or-down vote on his proposal to avoid another debt ceiling debacle.”

Put on your boxing gloves, Harry. Of votes.


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  1. Respitetini

    Boy, do I wish this Senate would just find its collective stones long enough to blow the Fillibuster into tiny little pieces.

    1. Tommmcatt_Again

      Doesn't that have to happen in the house? As a rule change, I mean. The senate could pass legislation, I suppose, but then the idiot squad would have a chance to torpedo it.

      I could be wrong, but I think that's how it goes.

    2. Negropolis

      It's happening in the next session.

      BTW, I'm not for getting rid of it, entirely, but I'm for making them work for one. You want to filibuster? Well, you actually have to do it. I know; what a novel idea.

  2. BadKitty904

    On the far-away island of Sala-ma-Sond,
    Reigned ol' Mitch McConnell,
    And some sheeple he conned…

  3. OneYieldRegular

    McConnell then pouted and went home, where he spent the remainder of the day locked in the bathroom reading the phone book out loud.

  4. SmutBoffin

    OK, look, Libunatics. It's very simple.Mitch McConnell is from the future, a time when humans have been altered by G-d to look like turtles because evolution is a lie. In order to save the turtle-people of the future, McConnell came back in time to the present day to filibuster EVERYTHANG.

    Otherwise the Senate will make gay marriage mandatory and the human-turtle hybrids (who will begin breeding in that gated 13-year-old gun-nut Partiot paradise any day now) will never be born.

    1. emmelemm


      Apropos of nothing, this looks like a portmanteau of "party" and "idiot", which could prove useful and applicable in a number of situations.

  5. BaldarTFlagass

    Like those vote-frauding Republican guys on election day, he was just doing it to prove that it could be done.

  6. glasspusher

    Since he failed in his #1 job over the last 4 years, why doesn't he continue to fail at goals he sets? He's on a roll…

      1. widestanceromance

        We can still turn him over onto his back, right? He will right himself, eventually, but the struggle is priceless.

      1. Disassembly

        Not sure. I hope someone can explain how that situation was substantively different. I prefer it when us guys keep the hypocrisy to a minimum.

        1. SayItWithWookies

          It looks like in that instance that Reid just delayed the vote on his bill rather than filibustering it, which would've meant voting against it. McConnell was just being melodramatic in calling it a filibuster.

  7. Callyson

    Harry Reid let him get away with that shit?

    Maybe Harry Reid's idea is to keep McConnell's idiocy in the news cycle for a bit, and then sweep in like a hero and whip his ass (with votes!) another day. Or so I hope.

  8. Steverino247

    Why doesn't Reid actually make that ass stand there for days doing useless shit? All you have to do with Reid is say, "I object" and Reid says, "Okay. Sorry." and the game continues. Fuck that! Make that asshole actually spend time blocking his own bill until he quits, then hold the fucking vote. Get some balls, asshole.

    1. Wile E. Quixote

      No kidding. I wish that the Senate hadn't watered down the filibuster and you had to stand there and bloviate for hours and hours and hours like Strom Thurmond did when he was filibustering all of those anti-lynching bills. Watching McConnell stand on the Senate floor and having to read the phone book to filibuster his own bill would have been priceless.

    1. CrunchyKnee

      That would be hi-larry-us if she ran. The wingnuts in KY seem to love Yurtle unconditionally, but they also loves them some Judds, especially Ashley, with her UK Wildcats basketball support and nice butt, and what not.

    2. SorosBot

      The former ensign who dated Wesley Crusher would certainly be a big improvement over the obstructionist filibustering turtle.

    3. Negropolis

      You know, the first time I heard her name brought up I laughed because it just seems too ridiculous, and then I remembered who the two senators are from Kentucky. Ashley has a heart bigger than a lion's, and, hell, if Hollywood wants a seat in Kentucky (and that would be awesome all by its damned self), I say more power to them. It's not as if we have anything to lose. Kentucky has realigned at the federal level is still nominally Democratic at the state level, so it's not like even a serious elected Dem has a real chance, so let's shoot for the stars.

  9. smellypossum

    You mean to tell me that once you get through the jowly mashed-potato-stuffed pie-hole sound he makes when trying to eee-nun-see-ate that he's just yammering?

    No kidding: I hastily turn off NPR whenever they put a Yertle McConnell sound clip on the air.

    1. widestanceromance

      I really hate his tone, as he sounds like he's scolding a teen found smoking cigarettes, no matter what he's talking about or who he's talking to.

  10. docterry6973

    I think that Bernie Sanders should block every bill in the Senate, every bill, unless it advances the cause of socialism and includes a ten million dollar block grant to Vermont. Maybe if absolutely nothing can happen, the Senate will reform this nonsense.

    1. Guppy

      includes a ten million dollar block grant to Vermont

      With a statutory obligation that it be spent on liquor and loose women?

  11. BornInATrailer

    As the last of Kentucky's ancient gay sea turtles.. of course he has to "filibuster" himself.

  12. calliecallie

    Does this stuff sometimes feel like it's from a Marx Brothers movie? I can see Groucho as Mitch McConnell, filibustering his own bill, with Harpo (Lindsey Graham) tooting the horn from behind to try and get his attention.

    Or maybe the Three Stooges. But then Mitch'd have to get hit over the head with a podium or something. Actually, not a bad idea…with votes.

  13. christianmuslin

    I think we are in for some terrific tap dancing by Barry O on the heads of the House and Senate Republicans over these next four years, tap shoes with cleats! SNL may have to air twice a week just to keep up.

  14. Dudleydidwrong

    Mitch McConnell, R from K-Y. I'll bet he needs a lot of that stuff just to get into his shell.

  15. decentcitizen

    You know who had a bad idea? Mitch McConnell! Who's the only person who can save Mitch McConnell from Mitch McConnell? That's right – Mitch McConnell.

  16. Negropolis

    or so months into Barack Obama’s Purple Reign

    That was brilliant, Trix. It could also be a new Ben & Jerry's flavor. Now, I'm going to have that song stuck in my head all night…things could definitely be worse.

  17. ttommyunger

    I have kin in Kentucky in the Halls of Power and I'm told Yertle is amazingly frail and cannot walk without assistance. This leaves me (and McConnell's hot asian wife) hoping that Breitbart is fluffing a pillow and making a bed of coals for the Senator as I tap this out.

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