AMERICA ES BROKED  3:38 pm December 6, 2012

Loyal Opposition Mitch McConnell Now Filibustering His Own Bills, For Comity, And Freedom

by Rebecca Schoenkopf

Mitch McConnellFrankly, we are surprised it took this long — three years and ten and a half or so months into Barack Obama’s Purple Reign — for Senate Minority Leader and King of All He Surveys Mitch McConnell to become so demented that he is now forced to filibuster his own bills. This man, he is just not very good at his job, right? How ever has he managed to last this long opposite streetcorner brawler Harry Reid?

Senate Minority Leader Mitch McConnell (R-KY) wanted to prove on Thursday that Democrats don’t have the votes to weaken Congress’ authority on the debt limit. Instead they called his bluff, and he ended up filibustering his own bill. [...]

McConnell brought up the legislation Thursday morning. Senate Majority Leader Harry Reid (D-NV) initially objected, seemingly proving the Republican leader’s point that it cannot pass the Senate. But then Reid ran it by his members and, in the afternoon, agreed to hold that same vote. This time it was McConnell who objected. [...]

McConnell claimed he never agreed to hold a simple majority vote on the bill.

“What we’re talking about here is a perpetual debt ceiling grant in effect to the president. Matters of this level of controversy always require 60 votes,” the GOP leader said.

Jesus Christ. But what’s this? Harry Reid let him get away with that shit?

“Senator McConnell’s filibuster prevented us from having this vote today,” he said in a statement, “but I will continue to seek an agreement to hold an up-or-down vote on his proposal to avoid another debt ceiling debacle.”

Put on your boxing gloves, Harry. Of votes.

[TPM]

 
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{ 145 comments }

OzoneTom December 6, 2012 at 3:40 pm

Comity sounds Socialist.

nounverb911 December 6, 2012 at 3:41 pm

And funny.

actor212 December 6, 2012 at 3:45 pm

Isn't comity what you sit on to poop?

nounverb911 December 6, 2012 at 3:46 pm

That's a comodity.

weejee December 6, 2012 at 3:52 pm

And if you just fart, comedy?

actor212 December 6, 2012 at 4:18 pm

*poot*

Um, until the smell drifts up….

Negropolis December 7, 2012 at 12:56 am

Of course it does. Commie is right in there name.

ManchuCandidate December 6, 2012 at 3:41 pm

"DO IT AND THE TURTLE GETS IT! Do what he sez! Do what he sez!!!"

nounverb911 December 6, 2012 at 3:41 pm

According to McConnell, it's still all Obama's fault.

CommieLibunatic December 6, 2012 at 4:35 pm

According to CommieLibunatic, McConnell should be slapped with a half-thawed mackerel.

An Asexual Ungulate December 6, 2012 at 5:10 pm

Made of votes.

CommieLibunatic December 7, 2012 at 1:37 pm

Votes made of rotting, mostly non-lethal fish.

Respitetini December 6, 2012 at 3:41 pm

Boy, do I wish this Senate would just find its collective stones long enough to blow the Fillibuster into tiny little pieces.

Joey_Blau December 6, 2012 at 4:16 pm

heh heh.. you said "blow"

viennawoods13 December 6, 2012 at 4:33 pm

Not this Senate… the new one. January.

Tommmcatt_Again December 6, 2012 at 7:30 pm

Doesn't that have to happen in the house? As a rule change, I mean. The senate could pass legislation, I suppose, but then the idiot squad would have a chance to torpedo it.

I could be wrong, but I think that's how it goes.

shelwood46 December 6, 2012 at 9:21 pm

The filibuster is a Senate only thing. No such thing as a House filibuster.

jqheywood December 6, 2012 at 9:22 pm

Nope. Each house adopts its own rules by itself.

Negropolis December 7, 2012 at 12:59 am

It's happening in the next session.

BTW, I'm not for getting rid of it, entirely, but I'm for making them work for one. You want to filibuster? Well, you actually have to do it. I know; what a novel idea.

Lizzietish81 December 6, 2012 at 3:42 pm

This is a sign of senility right?

actor212 December 6, 2012 at 3:44 pm

Did you see any onions on his belt?

ChillBill December 6, 2012 at 4:02 pm

He's a Reaganite at heart.

Tommmcatt_Again December 6, 2012 at 7:31 pm

Honey, the entire Republican Party is showing the telltale signs right now…

I_P December 6, 2012 at 3:42 pm

Comity gold I tell ya!

bobloblawlawblg December 6, 2012 at 4:41 pm

and there is clearly no sanity clause.

actor212 December 6, 2012 at 3:42 pm

See? Now we know the real reason why deMint quit: McConnell started horning in on his auto-filibustering franchise!

glasspusher December 6, 2012 at 3:48 pm

How about a plan for him to be a self-resigning minority leader?

actor212 December 6, 2012 at 3:49 pm

And then self-deporting?

glasspusher December 6, 2012 at 3:52 pm

Works for me.

Barbara_ December 6, 2012 at 3:42 pm

The turtle waxed on……

James Michael Curley December 6, 2012 at 5:40 pm

and wacks off.

Barrelhse December 6, 2012 at 10:40 pm

( OT_ Seen Lizzie?)

SorosBot December 6, 2012 at 3:43 pm

Why does Mitch keep hitting himself?

ChillBill December 6, 2012 at 4:13 pm

Maybe he's tired on hitting on other men?

BadKitty904 December 6, 2012 at 3:44 pm

On the far-away island of Sala-ma-Sond,
Reigned ol' Mitch McConnell,
And some sheeple he conned…

Baconzgood December 6, 2012 at 3:44 pm

BAAAAAAAAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHHAAHAHAHA…….

HAHHAHHAHAHAHHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHHAHA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

nounverb911 December 6, 2012 at 3:44 pm

Too bad Congress doesn't paid by the piece (of legislation they pass).

glasspusher December 6, 2012 at 4:26 pm

We could still close the deficit if they paid by the piece…of rentboy…

OneYieldRegular December 6, 2012 at 3:45 pm

McConnell then pouted and went home, where he spent the remainder of the day locked in the bathroom reading the phone book out loud.

Lucidamente1 December 6, 2012 at 3:45 pm

This is the legislative equivalent of auto-erotic asphyxiation.

Botlrokit December 6, 2012 at 3:52 pm

WITH VOTES

SnarkOff December 6, 2012 at 4:12 pm

Perhaps fittingly, I at first read the headline as "Filibustering His Own Balls."

HistoriCat December 6, 2012 at 8:15 pm

Assumes facts not in evidence.

Negropolis December 7, 2012 at 1:04 am

But, those are the best kind of facts.

EatsBabyDingos December 6, 2012 at 9:28 pm

This was in Kung Fu. I swear. Ask David Carradine on the Ouija Board.

SmutBoffin December 6, 2012 at 3:46 pm

OK, look, Libunatics. It's very simple.Mitch McConnell is from the future, a time when humans have been altered by G-d to look like turtles because evolution is a lie. In order to save the turtle-people of the future, McConnell came back in time to the present day to filibuster EVERYTHANG.

Otherwise the Senate will make gay marriage mandatory and the human-turtle hybrids (who will begin breeding in that gated 13-year-old gun-nut Partiot paradise any day now) will never be born.

actor212 December 6, 2012 at 3:48 pm

the human-turtle hybrids [...] will never be born.

But I want!

SmutBoffin December 6, 2012 at 3:54 pm

As you can probably tell from McConnell's behavior, human-turtle hybrids don't make good pets.

actor212 December 6, 2012 at 3:57 pm

Damn. I was sort of looking forward to winning another hundred yard dash.

SorosBot December 6, 2012 at 4:07 pm

But they make great ninjas!

emmelemm December 6, 2012 at 4:07 pm

"Partiot"

Apropos of nothing, this looks like a portmanteau of "party" and "idiot", which could prove useful and applicable in a number of situations.

natl_[redacted]_cmdr December 6, 2012 at 4:41 pm

Being a "party idiot" is different than being the idiot at the party, right?

natl_[redacted]_cmdr December 6, 2012 at 4:40 pm

Seems legit.

Negropolis December 7, 2012 at 1:05 am

Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles libel!

BaldarTFlagass December 6, 2012 at 3:46 pm

Like those vote-frauding Republican guys on election day, he was just doing it to prove that it could be done.

glasspusher December 6, 2012 at 3:47 pm

Since he failed in his #1 job over the last 4 years, why doesn't he continue to fail at goals he sets? He's on a roll…

Baconzgood December 6, 2012 at 3:48 pm

In russia your own bill filibusters you.

SayItWithWookies December 6, 2012 at 3:48 pm

He was for it while he was against it.

actor212 December 6, 2012 at 4:17 pm

WIN!

CthuNHu December 6, 2012 at 11:33 pm

Much like, say, extramarital homosexualisticalish dalliances?

Monsieur_Grumpe December 6, 2012 at 3:48 pm

Circle jerk or circle of jerks?

ProgressiveInga December 6, 2012 at 3:52 pm

Republicans are now officially and henceforth to be known as the Pud-Pulling Party.

CrunchyKnee December 6, 2012 at 3:57 pm

They do have the world up their ass.

BaldarTFlagass December 6, 2012 at 4:09 pm

Pivot man.

Negropolis December 7, 2012 at 1:06 am

Yes.

ProgressiveInga December 6, 2012 at 3:48 pm

Filibuster!?? I just met her!

gullywompr December 6, 2012 at 4:13 pm

I've never filibustered a woman. It's usually the other way around.

Rufus T. Firefly December 6, 2012 at 4:29 pm

Liquor? I haven't even kissed her.

An_Outhouse December 6, 2012 at 9:21 pm

you brought her, you …

Oblios_Cap December 6, 2012 at 3:48 pm

Yurtle got pawned!

chicken_thief December 6, 2012 at 4:47 pm

Again…..

Monsieur_Grumpe December 6, 2012 at 3:49 pm

It's like a 2 year old having a tantrum only not as much fun.

emmelemm December 6, 2012 at 4:08 pm

Also, we're apparently not allowed to put him in a time-out. Or lock him in the closet.

widestanceromance December 6, 2012 at 4:18 pm

We can still turn him over onto his back, right? He will right himself, eventually, but the struggle is priceless.

emmelemm December 6, 2012 at 8:51 pm

I like the way you think.

Biff December 6, 2012 at 9:25 pm

Or we could set him up on a fencepost.

CindynEncinitas December 6, 2012 at 7:45 pm

Can we please just leave him in the supermarket and dare the cops to find our house?

Disassembly December 6, 2012 at 3:50 pm

Looks like Reid MAY have done the same thing last year. http://www.washingtontimes.com/blog/inside-politi

SayItWithWookies December 6, 2012 at 3:53 pm

Wasn't that one of those cases where he voted against it so he could retain the right to bring it up for a vote again? That at least has some sense to it.

Disassembly December 6, 2012 at 3:57 pm

Not sure. I hope someone can explain how that situation was substantively different. I prefer it when us guys keep the hypocrisy to a minimum.

SayItWithWookies December 6, 2012 at 4:04 pm

It looks like in that instance that Reid just delayed the vote on his bill rather than filibustering it, which would've meant voting against it. McConnell was just being melodramatic in calling it a filibuster.

Disassembly December 6, 2012 at 4:09 pm

Thank you. My faith in the Senate leadership is restored.

Negropolis December 7, 2012 at 1:08 am

Yep. Not the same thing.

glasspusher December 6, 2012 at 3:53 pm

Commie Moonie paper…

Disassembly December 6, 2012 at 3:57 pm

Run by lunatics.

Negropolis December 7, 2012 at 1:09 am

Which is probably why you should have ignored it…

You confuse me, sometimes.

gullywompr December 6, 2012 at 3:52 pm

It's filibusters all the way down.

OneDollarJuana December 6, 2012 at 3:53 pm

So McConnell was for the bill before he was against it? Sounds like a flip-flopper to me!

CrunchyKnee December 6, 2012 at 3:54 pm

Old turtle yells at sky!

Callyson December 6, 2012 at 3:55 pm

Harry Reid let him get away with that shit?

Maybe Harry Reid's idea is to keep McConnell's idiocy in the news cycle for a bit, and then sweep in like a hero and whip his ass (with votes!) another day. Or so I hope.

Botlrokit December 6, 2012 at 3:55 pm

Just curious: how many of you googled "comity" like I did?

gullywompr December 6, 2012 at 4:13 pm

Guilty.

BoatOfVelociraptors December 7, 2012 at 12:39 am

Me and myself agreed it would be hilarious.

Steverino247 December 6, 2012 at 3:56 pm

Why doesn't Reid actually make that ass stand there for days doing useless shit? All you have to do with Reid is say, "I object" and Reid says, "Okay. Sorry." and the game continues. Fuck that! Make that asshole actually spend time blocking his own bill until he quits, then hold the fucking vote. Get some balls, asshole.

Wile E. Quixote December 6, 2012 at 4:24 pm

No kidding. I wish that the Senate hadn't watered down the filibuster and you had to stand there and bloviate for hours and hours and hours like Strom Thurmond did when he was filibustering all of those anti-lynching bills. Watching McConnell stand on the Senate floor and having to read the phone book to filibuster his own bill would have been priceless.

Aridzona December 6, 2012 at 3:56 pm

Who needs The Daily Show when you've got the US Senate?

actor212 December 6, 2012 at 4:10 pm

C-SPAN could change it's name to The Daily Show Network and not spend a dime on programming more than it already does.

SexySmurf December 6, 2012 at 3:56 pm

This is good news for Ashley Judd.

CrunchyKnee December 6, 2012 at 3:59 pm

That would be hi-larry-us if she ran. The wingnuts in KY seem to love Yurtle unconditionally, but they also loves them some Judds, especially Ashley, with her UK Wildcats basketball support and nice butt, and what not.

SorosBot December 6, 2012 at 4:06 pm

The former ensign who dated Wesley Crusher would certainly be a big improvement over the obstructionist filibustering turtle.

Botlrokit December 6, 2012 at 4:11 pm

You mean Wesley Crusher?

Negropolis December 7, 2012 at 1:14 am

You know, the first time I heard her name brought up I laughed because it just seems too ridiculous, and then I remembered who the two senators are from Kentucky. Ashley has a heart bigger than a lion's, and, hell, if Hollywood wants a seat in Kentucky (and that would be awesome all by its damned self), I say more power to them. It's not as if we have anything to lose. Kentucky has realigned at the federal level is still nominally Democratic at the state level, so it's not like even a serious elected Dem has a real chance, so let's shoot for the stars.

smokefilledroommate December 6, 2012 at 3:57 pm

Goddamn, can't Congress just fucking work?

Botlrokit December 6, 2012 at 4:12 pm

Support goes up, support goes down. Never any miscommunication.

Baconzgood December 6, 2012 at 3:58 pm

The floor reconizes the Senator from D'oh.

weejee December 6, 2012 at 3:58 pm

Is filibuster anything like Glenn Beck's Philly Bluster?

smokefilledroommate December 6, 2012 at 8:25 pm

The 'killing streets' around Independence fucking Hall? Jesus, I'd love to drop his pasty white ass in Tioga or Fairhill and tell him to find his way home.

Negropolis December 7, 2012 at 1:15 am

Here I was thinking we were talking about Philly Buster, the newest Triple Crown winner.

actor212 December 6, 2012 at 3:58 pm

Say, is that Lindsey Graham that Yertle McConnell is standing on top of?

natl_[redacted]_cmdr December 6, 2012 at 4:00 pm

"Whatever it is, I'm against it. Even if it's something I did."

BoatOfVelociraptors December 7, 2012 at 12:42 am

Even if I said I really meant it, I'm against it!

elviouslyqueer December 6, 2012 at 4:00 pm

Poor Yertle looks like he in dire need of a Metamucil enema.

HRH_Maddie December 6, 2012 at 4:04 pm

All that's missing is a case of Acme brand TNT.

BaldarTFlagass December 6, 2012 at 4:05 pm

This guy makes Mayor Quimby look like Niccolo Machiavelli.

Rufus T. Firefly December 6, 2012 at 4:32 pm

Where does that place Mayor Adam West?

Lascauxcaveman December 6, 2012 at 8:19 pm

Somewhere in Rhode Island, I think.

BoatOfVelociraptors December 7, 2012 at 12:43 am

Thumbing kitties at The Clam.

weejee December 6, 2012 at 4:09 pm

Beware the wrath of the ninja!

smellypossum December 6, 2012 at 4:10 pm

You mean to tell me that once you get through the jowly mashed-potato-stuffed pie-hole sound he makes when trying to eee-nun-see-ate that he's just yammering?

No kidding: I hastily turn off NPR whenever they put a Yertle McConnell sound clip on the air.

widestanceromance December 6, 2012 at 4:20 pm

I really hate his tone, as he sounds like he's scolding a teen found smoking cigarettes, no matter what he's talking about or who he's talking to.

docterry6973 December 6, 2012 at 4:17 pm

I think that Bernie Sanders should block every bill in the Senate, every bill, unless it advances the cause of socialism and includes a ten million dollar block grant to Vermont. Maybe if absolutely nothing can happen, the Senate will reform this nonsense.

Guppy December 6, 2012 at 5:00 pm

includes a ten million dollar block grant to Vermont

With a statutory obligation that it be spent on liquor and loose women?

docterry6973 December 6, 2012 at 6:53 pm

I'm in!

natl_[redacted]_cmdr December 6, 2012 at 4:20 pm

Congress! How does it fucking work?

for fuck's sake.

not that Dewey December 6, 2012 at 4:21 pm

The World's Greatest Defibrillative Body

BornInATrailer December 6, 2012 at 4:21 pm

As the last of Kentucky's ancient gay sea turtles.. of course he has to "filibuster" himself.

BigSkullF*ckingDog December 6, 2012 at 4:23 pm

Editrix? I think its spelled COMEDY.

calliecallie December 6, 2012 at 4:24 pm

Does this stuff sometimes feel like it's from a Marx Brothers movie? I can see Groucho as Mitch McConnell, filibustering his own bill, with Harpo (Lindsey Graham) tooting the horn from behind to try and get his attention.

Or maybe the Three Stooges. But then Mitch'd have to get hit over the head with a podium or something. Actually, not a bad idea…with votes.

Rufus T. Firefly December 6, 2012 at 4:32 pm

Yes.

HouseOfTheBlueLights December 6, 2012 at 4:44 pm

We are living inside The Onion. You can't make this stuff up.

Baconzgood December 6, 2012 at 4:24 pm

Derp.

BoatOfVelociraptors December 7, 2012 at 12:47 am

I object to this herpness. I demand derp!

HouseOfTheBlueLights December 6, 2012 at 4:43 pm

I get all shivery when they go all procedural on each other.

Negropolis December 7, 2012 at 1:21 am

Well, I get all shivy.

valthemus December 6, 2012 at 5:34 pm

GOP will eat itself.

BZ1 December 6, 2012 at 6:22 pm

Mitch, no chin McConnell, looks even more flustered now than usual

christianmuslin December 6, 2012 at 7:11 pm

I think we are in for some terrific tap dancing by Barry O on the heads of the House and Senate Republicans over these next four years, tap shoes with cleats! SNL may have to air twice a week just to keep up.

starfanglednut December 6, 2012 at 7:59 pm

I can't believe these asshats get paid. By us.

Dudleydidwrong December 6, 2012 at 9:33 pm

Mitch McConnell, R from K-Y. I'll bet he needs a lot of that stuff just to get into his shell.

Barrelhse December 6, 2012 at 10:14 pm

"Tragedy tomorrow,
Comity TONIGHT!"

decentcitizen December 6, 2012 at 10:30 pm

You know who had a bad idea? Mitch McConnell! Who's the only person who can save Mitch McConnell from Mitch McConnell? That's right – Mitch McConnell.

BoatOfVelociraptors December 7, 2012 at 12:48 am

You are stone cold Mitchin.

Negropolis December 7, 2012 at 12:42 am

or so months into Barack Obama’s Purple Reign

That was brilliant, Trix. It could also be a new Ben & Jerry's flavor. Now, I'm going to have that song stuck in my head all night…things could definitely be worse.

Negropolis December 7, 2012 at 12:46 am

Would the gentleturle from the Commonwealth please provide an explanation for this?

ttommyunger December 7, 2012 at 12:02 pm

I have kin in Kentucky in the Halls of Power and I'm told Yertle is amazingly frail and cannot walk without assistance. This leaves me (and McConnell's hot asian wife) hoping that Breitbart is fluffing a pillow and making a bed of coals for the Senator as I tap this out.

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