Mitch McConnellFrankly, we are surprised it took this long — three years and ten and a half or so months into Barack Obama’s Purple Reign — for Senate Minority Leader and King of All He Surveys Mitch McConnell to become so demented that he is now forced to filibuster his own bills. This man, he is just not very good at his job, right? How ever has he managed to last this long opposite streetcorner brawler Harry Reid?

Senate Minority Leader Mitch McConnell (R-KY) wanted to prove on Thursday that Democrats don’t have the votes to weaken Congress’ authority on the debt limit. Instead they called his bluff, and he ended up filibustering his own bill. […]

McConnell brought up the legislation Thursday morning. Senate Majority Leader Harry Reid (D-NV) initially objected, seemingly proving the Republican leader’s point that it cannot pass the Senate. But then Reid ran it by his members and, in the afternoon, agreed to hold that same vote. This time it was McConnell who objected. […]

McConnell claimed he never agreed to hold a simple majority vote on the bill.

“What we’re talking about here is a perpetual debt ceiling grant in effect to the president. Matters of this level of controversy always require 60 votes,” the GOP leader said.

Jesus Christ. But what’s this? Harry Reid let him get away with that shit?

“Senator McConnell’s filibuster prevented us from having this vote today,” he said in a statement, “but I will continue to seek an agreement to hold an up-or-down vote on his proposal to avoid another debt ceiling debacle.”

Put on your boxing gloves, Harry. Of votes.


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  • OzoneTom

    Comity sounds Socialist.

    • nounverb911

      And funny.

    • Isn't comity what you sit on to poop?

      • nounverb911

        That's a comodity.

        • And if you just fart, comedy?

          • *poot*

            Um, until the smell drifts up….

    • Negropolis

      Of course it does. Commie is right in there name.

  • "DO IT AND THE TURTLE GETS IT! Do what he sez! Do what he sez!!!"

  • nounverb911

    According to McConnell, it's still all Obama's fault.

    • CommieLibunatic

      According to CommieLibunatic, McConnell should be slapped with a half-thawed mackerel.

      • An Asexual Ungulate

        Made of votes.

        • CommieLibunatic

          Votes made of rotting, mostly non-lethal fish.

  • Respitetini

    Boy, do I wish this Senate would just find its collective stones long enough to blow the Fillibuster into tiny little pieces.

    • Joey_Blau

      heh heh.. you said "blow"

    • viennawoods13

      Not this Senate… the new one. January.

    • Tommmcatt_Again

      Doesn't that have to happen in the house? As a rule change, I mean. The senate could pass legislation, I suppose, but then the idiot squad would have a chance to torpedo it.

      I could be wrong, but I think that's how it goes.

      • shelwood46

        The filibuster is a Senate only thing. No such thing as a House filibuster.

      • jqheywood

        Nope. Each house adopts its own rules by itself.

    • Negropolis

      It's happening in the next session.

      BTW, I'm not for getting rid of it, entirely, but I'm for making them work for one. You want to filibuster? Well, you actually have to do it. I know; what a novel idea.

  • Lizzietish81

    This is a sign of senility right?

    • Did you see any onions on his belt?

    • He's a Reaganite at heart.

    • Tommmcatt_Again

      Honey, the entire Republican Party is showing the telltale signs right now…

  • I_P

    Comity gold I tell ya!

    • bobloblawlawblg

      and there is clearly no sanity clause.

  • See? Now we know the real reason why deMint quit: McConnell started horning in on his auto-filibustering franchise!

    • glasspusher

      How about a plan for him to be a self-resigning minority leader?

      • And then self-deporting?

        • glasspusher

          Works for me.

  • Barbara_

    The turtle waxed on……

    • James Michael Curley

      and wacks off.

    • Barrelhse

      ( OT_ Seen Lizzie?)

  • SorosBot

    Why does Mitch keep hitting himself?

    • Maybe he's tired on hitting on other men?

  • BadKitty904

    On the far-away island of Sala-ma-Sond,
    Reigned ol' Mitch McConnell,
    And some sheeple he conned…

  • Baconzgood



  • nounverb911

    Too bad Congress doesn't paid by the piece (of legislation they pass).

    • glasspusher

      We could still close the deficit if they paid by the piece…of rentboy…

  • OneYieldRegular

    McConnell then pouted and went home, where he spent the remainder of the day locked in the bathroom reading the phone book out loud.

  • Lucidamente1

    This is the legislative equivalent of auto-erotic asphyxiation.

    • Botlrokit


    • SnarkOff

      Perhaps fittingly, I at first read the headline as "Filibustering His Own Balls."

      • HistoriCat

        Assumes facts not in evidence.

        • Negropolis

          But, those are the best kind of facts.

    • EatsBabyDingos

      This was in Kung Fu. I swear. Ask David Carradine on the Ouija Board.

  • SmutBoffin

    OK, look, Libunatics. It's very simple.Mitch McConnell is from the future, a time when humans have been altered by G-d to look like turtles because evolution is a lie. In order to save the turtle-people of the future, McConnell came back in time to the present day to filibuster EVERYTHANG.

    Otherwise the Senate will make gay marriage mandatory and the human-turtle hybrids (who will begin breeding in that gated 13-year-old gun-nut Partiot paradise any day now) will never be born.

    • the human-turtle hybrids […] will never be born.

      But I want!

      • SmutBoffin

        As you can probably tell from McConnell's behavior, human-turtle hybrids don't make good pets.

        • Damn. I was sort of looking forward to winning another hundred yard dash.

        • SorosBot

          But they make great ninjas!

    • emmelemm


      Apropos of nothing, this looks like a portmanteau of "party" and "idiot", which could prove useful and applicable in a number of situations.

      • natl_[redacted]_cmdr

        Being a "party idiot" is different than being the idiot at the party, right?

    • natl_[redacted]_cmdr

      Seems legit.

    • Negropolis

      Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles libel!

  • BaldarTFlagass

    Like those vote-frauding Republican guys on election day, he was just doing it to prove that it could be done.

  • glasspusher

    Since he failed in his #1 job over the last 4 years, why doesn't he continue to fail at goals he sets? He's on a roll…

  • Baconzgood

    In russia your own bill filibusters you.

  • He was for it while he was against it.

    • WIN!

    • CthuNHu

      Much like, say, extramarital homosexualisticalish dalliances?

  • Monsieur_Grumpe

    Circle jerk or circle of jerks?

    • ProgressiveInga

      Republicans are now officially and henceforth to be known as the Pud-Pulling Party.

    • CrunchyKnee

      They do have the world up their ass.

    • BaldarTFlagass

      Pivot man.

    • Negropolis


  • ProgressiveInga

    Filibuster!?? I just met her!

    • gullywompr

      I've never filibustered a woman. It's usually the other way around.

    • Liquor? I haven't even kissed her.

    • An_Outhouse

      you brought her, you …

  • Oblios_Cap

    Yurtle got pawned!

    • chicken_thief


  • Monsieur_Grumpe

    It's like a 2 year old having a tantrum only not as much fun.

    • emmelemm

      Also, we're apparently not allowed to put him in a time-out. Or lock him in the closet.

      • widestanceromance

        We can still turn him over onto his back, right? He will right himself, eventually, but the struggle is priceless.

        • emmelemm

          I like the way you think.

        • Biff

          Or we could set him up on a fencepost.

    • CindynEncinitas

      Can we please just leave him in the supermarket and dare the cops to find our house?

  • Disassembly

    Looks like Reid MAY have done the same thing last year.

    • Wasn't that one of those cases where he voted against it so he could retain the right to bring it up for a vote again? That at least has some sense to it.

      • Disassembly

        Not sure. I hope someone can explain how that situation was substantively different. I prefer it when us guys keep the hypocrisy to a minimum.

        • It looks like in that instance that Reid just delayed the vote on his bill rather than filibustering it, which would've meant voting against it. McConnell was just being melodramatic in calling it a filibuster.

          • Disassembly

            Thank you. My faith in the Senate leadership is restored.

      • Negropolis

        Yep. Not the same thing.

    • glasspusher

      Commie Moonie paper…

      • Disassembly

        Run by lunatics.

        • Negropolis

          Which is probably why you should have ignored it…

          You confuse me, sometimes.

  • gullywompr

    It's filibusters all the way down.

  • OneDollarJuana

    So McConnell was for the bill before he was against it? Sounds like a flip-flopper to me!

  • CrunchyKnee

    Old turtle yells at sky!

  • Callyson

    Harry Reid let him get away with that shit?

    Maybe Harry Reid's idea is to keep McConnell's idiocy in the news cycle for a bit, and then sweep in like a hero and whip his ass (with votes!) another day. Or so I hope.

  • Botlrokit

    Just curious: how many of you googled "comity" like I did?

    • gullywompr


    • BoatOfVelociraptors

      Me and myself agreed it would be hilarious.

  • Steverino247

    Why doesn't Reid actually make that ass stand there for days doing useless shit? All you have to do with Reid is say, "I object" and Reid says, "Okay. Sorry." and the game continues. Fuck that! Make that asshole actually spend time blocking his own bill until he quits, then hold the fucking vote. Get some balls, asshole.

    • Wile E. Quixote

      No kidding. I wish that the Senate hadn't watered down the filibuster and you had to stand there and bloviate for hours and hours and hours like Strom Thurmond did when he was filibustering all of those anti-lynching bills. Watching McConnell stand on the Senate floor and having to read the phone book to filibuster his own bill would have been priceless.

  • Aridzona

    Who needs The Daily Show when you've got the US Senate?

    • C-SPAN could change it's name to The Daily Show Network and not spend a dime on programming more than it already does.

  • SexySmurf

    This is good news for Ashley Judd.

    • CrunchyKnee

      That would be hi-larry-us if she ran. The wingnuts in KY seem to love Yurtle unconditionally, but they also loves them some Judds, especially Ashley, with her UK Wildcats basketball support and nice butt, and what not.

    • SorosBot

      The former ensign who dated Wesley Crusher would certainly be a big improvement over the obstructionist filibustering turtle.

      • Botlrokit

        You mean Wesley Crusher?

    • Negropolis

      You know, the first time I heard her name brought up I laughed because it just seems too ridiculous, and then I remembered who the two senators are from Kentucky. Ashley has a heart bigger than a lion's, and, hell, if Hollywood wants a seat in Kentucky (and that would be awesome all by its damned self), I say more power to them. It's not as if we have anything to lose. Kentucky has realigned at the federal level is still nominally Democratic at the state level, so it's not like even a serious elected Dem has a real chance, so let's shoot for the stars.

  • Goddamn, can't Congress just fucking work?

    • Botlrokit

      Support goes up, support goes down. Never any miscommunication.

  • Baconzgood

    The floor reconizes the Senator from D'oh.

  • Is filibuster anything like Glenn Beck's Philly Bluster?

    • The 'killing streets' around Independence fucking Hall? Jesus, I'd love to drop his pasty white ass in Tioga or Fairhill and tell him to find his way home.

    • Negropolis

      Here I was thinking we were talking about Philly Buster, the newest Triple Crown winner.

  • Say, is that Lindsey Graham that Yertle McConnell is standing on top of?

  • natl_[redacted]_cmdr

    "Whatever it is, I'm against it. Even if it's something I did."

    • BoatOfVelociraptors

      Even if I said I really meant it, I'm against it!

  • elviouslyqueer

    Poor Yertle looks like he in dire need of a Metamucil enema.

  • HRH_Maddie

    All that's missing is a case of Acme brand TNT.

  • BaldarTFlagass

    This guy makes Mayor Quimby look like Niccolo Machiavelli.

    • Where does that place Mayor Adam West?

      • Lascauxcaveman

        Somewhere in Rhode Island, I think.

        • BoatOfVelociraptors

          Thumbing kitties at The Clam.

  • Beware the wrath of the ninja!

  • smellypossum

    You mean to tell me that once you get through the jowly mashed-potato-stuffed pie-hole sound he makes when trying to eee-nun-see-ate that he's just yammering?

    No kidding: I hastily turn off NPR whenever they put a Yertle McConnell sound clip on the air.

    • widestanceromance

      I really hate his tone, as he sounds like he's scolding a teen found smoking cigarettes, no matter what he's talking about or who he's talking to.

  • docterry6973

    I think that Bernie Sanders should block every bill in the Senate, every bill, unless it advances the cause of socialism and includes a ten million dollar block grant to Vermont. Maybe if absolutely nothing can happen, the Senate will reform this nonsense.

    • Guppy

      includes a ten million dollar block grant to Vermont

      With a statutory obligation that it be spent on liquor and loose women?

      • docterry6973

        I'm in!

  • natl_[redacted]_cmdr

    Congress! How does it fucking work?

    for fuck's sake.

  • not that Dewey

    The World's Greatest Defibrillative Body

  • BornInATrailer

    As the last of Kentucky's ancient gay sea turtles.. of course he has to "filibuster" himself.

  • BigSkullF*ckingDog

    Editrix? I think its spelled COMEDY.

  • calliecallie

    Does this stuff sometimes feel like it's from a Marx Brothers movie? I can see Groucho as Mitch McConnell, filibustering his own bill, with Harpo (Lindsey Graham) tooting the horn from behind to try and get his attention.

    Or maybe the Three Stooges. But then Mitch'd have to get hit over the head with a podium or something. Actually, not a bad idea…with votes.

    • Yes.

    • HouseOfTheBlueLights

      We are living inside The Onion. You can't make this stuff up.

  • Baconzgood


    • BoatOfVelociraptors

      I object to this herpness. I demand derp!

  • HouseOfTheBlueLights

    I get all shivery when they go all procedural on each other.

    • Negropolis

      Well, I get all shivy.

  • GOP will eat itself.

  • BZ1

    Mitch, no chin McConnell, looks even more flustered now than usual

  • christianmuslin

    I think we are in for some terrific tap dancing by Barry O on the heads of the House and Senate Republicans over these next four years, tap shoes with cleats! SNL may have to air twice a week just to keep up.

  • I can't believe these asshats get paid. By us.

  • Dudleydidwrong

    Mitch McConnell, R from K-Y. I'll bet he needs a lot of that stuff just to get into his shell.

  • Barrelhse

    "Tragedy tomorrow,
    Comity TONIGHT!"

  • decentcitizen

    You know who had a bad idea? Mitch McConnell! Who's the only person who can save Mitch McConnell from Mitch McConnell? That's right – Mitch McConnell.

    • BoatOfVelociraptors

      You are stone cold Mitchin.

  • Negropolis

    or so months into Barack Obama’s Purple Reign

    That was brilliant, Trix. It could also be a new Ben & Jerry's flavor. Now, I'm going to have that song stuck in my head all night…things could definitely be worse.

  • Negropolis

    Would the gentleturle from the Commonwealth please provide an explanation for this?

  • ttommyunger

    I have kin in Kentucky in the Halls of Power and I'm told Yertle is amazingly frail and cannot walk without assistance. This leaves me (and McConnell's hot asian wife) hoping that Breitbart is fluffing a pillow and making a bed of coals for the Senator as I tap this out.

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