will rogers quote here

Wingnuts Have Super Great Idea For House Speakership: Why Not Try Anarchy?

I'm not a member of any organized party. I'm a Republican.Some stupid bunch of idiots has a super smart and great idea. See, they are mad at John Boehner because he kicked a few of their idiot poobahs off a bunch of important committees, mostly because they kept answering roll call votes with “Hey John Boehner, I fucked your mom last night.” But the wingnuts think it is because those members are conservative, so communist Chinee John Boehner purged them like some orange-Starburst-flavored Mao. Now? John Boehner is Louis XVI, and they are The Terror.

American Majority Action (AMA) is launching a #FireBoehner campaign. If 16 members of the Republican Party abstain from voting for Boehner as speaker in January, he will be one vote shy of the 218 necessary to confirm his speakership.

“Speaker Boehner has been an abysmal failure as speaker, and his latest purge is the nail in the coffin for conservatives,” said Ned Ryun, president and CEO of AMA. “Boehner has never won a negation [sic] battle with the White House or Senate — and he’s been nothing short of an embarrassing spokesman for the conservative movement. It’s time for him to go.”

The AMA’s brilliant plan includes 16 red badges of courage voting “present” so John Boehner does not meet the 218-vote threshold he needs to be elected Speaker. (We looked it up, and surprisingly, they are correct that the Speaker needs a majority of the whole House.) So then he will be deposed. Who will replace him? Probably nobody!

Ron Meyer, press secretary for AMA, said that the group likes Rep. Jim Jordan of Ohio, the outgoing chairman of the conservative Republican Study Committee, to replace Boehner, though he noted that “there aren’t enough votes to elect someone new — yet.”

But removing him from the speakership, Myer said, is “doable for sure.”

Cool, so they will just not have anyone as Speaker of the House, second in line for the presidency. We are sure not having any leader at all will work out as well for them as it did for those nice boys with whom Piggy was such good friends.

Alternately, they could become Greens.


About the author

Rebecca is the editor and publisher of Wonkette. She is the author of Commie Girl in the O.C., a collection of her OC Weekly columns, and the former editor of LA CityBeat. Go visit her Commie Girl Collective, and follow her on the Twitter!

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        1. WhatTheHolyHeck

          You're really going to expend your commenting energy on using the word "lunatic" instead of tackling the problems that genuinely affect all Wonketeers, like overused memes and rat dicks?

      1. karlamarx

        i looked up "trebuchet". nice.
        the commenters are so damn smart on this website.
        (and very funny, also, too.)

  1. mrpuma2u

    Comrade Boehner/Beria must be sent to a evangelical re-educational gulag. Long live the dictatorship of the wing-nut-tariat!!!

  2. lulzmonger


    Always had the GOP pegged as more nihilists than anarchists … but when in Rome, do as the Visigoths do.

    1. HogeyeGrex

      I don't know. A party that has as it's one true core organizing principle that "government=bad" sounds like the definition of anarchy to me.

  3. Hammiepants

    The most surprising aspect of this story isn't that Wingtards eat their young, but that they actually knew something about the procedures of the House. Kudos?

    1. SorosBot

      Nah, the wingnuts don't eat their young, because they don't have any young to eat; that's how they can label someone in their late 40s a "young gun". But they do eat their shriveled up olds like the Boner here.

    1. jqheywood

      It could be like the Cubs in the 60s, with a "College of Speakers" 'cause we all know how well that, or anything else since 1908, worked for them. Not that I'm bitter or anything.

    2. elgin_pelican

      "They were given the choice of becoming kings or the kings' messengers. As it is with children, they all wanted to be messengers." -Franz Kafka

      1. DemonicRage

        Aside from moments when he is actively pushing ham biscuits into his mouth, Lindsey is so obviously a bottom, always. Who has failed to notice this?

  4. HRH_Maddie

    Is anyone else a little concerned that those in government seem to have the least idea how government actually works?

    1. Lizzietish81

      Hey, if the election was before blacks and women were allowed to vote, they would have totally have gotten the majority.

  5. gullywompr

    Cool, so they will just not have anyone as Speaker of the House, second in line for the presidency.

    Uh, third in line for the presidency, actually….

    Old Handsome Joe Libel!

    1. elviouslyqueer

      True story, also: a dear, genetically-female BFF of mine's husband's sister did the whole gender reassignment thing and his now his brother. Coincidentally, "his" partner was a boy who also underwent gender reassignment and is now a female. However, both of them reject the notion of "gender" and prefer to instead affix themselves with the label of "X."

      Explaining this to other folks usually works better with a flowchart and a fifth of Devil's Food vodka, but it makes my family reunions look positively lame by comparison.

    2. YouFail4eva

      Damn it, I wanted to be the one to be all "OH SNAP, YOU GOT YOUR FACTS WRONG, YOU COMMIE" but now I can't.

      I haz a sad :(

    3. calliecallie

      the operative phrase here is "in line." OHJ is first in line, Boehner second. Barry Bamz is not in line, he's already Prez. Despite the wingnuts.

      1. gullywompr

        By gum, you are correct.

        I offer a complete and utter retraction. The imputation was totally without basis in fact, and was in no way fair comment, and was motivated purely by malice, and I deeply regret any distress that my comments may have caused you, or your family, and I hereby undertake not to repeat any such slander at any time in the future.

        1. Disassembly

          Apologizing for a momentary slip? I'm beginning to this that this might be one of them liberal web logs.

          1. Disassembly

            Sure. It might be fun to gently whisper "you lie" in the president's ear during the State of the Union.

    4. BaldarTFlagass

      Ooh, let's talk semantics!
      Obama is president, Biden is first in line, Speaker is second in line? did I get that right?

    5. commiegirl99

      I actually had a little conversation with myself wondering whether to put him as second or third. But I went with CallieCallie's reasoning.

      1. James Michael Curley


        The interesting thing is if there is no speaker of the House then President pro temp of the Senate becomes President.

        President Dan 'Surfs Up Dudes!' Inouye sound fine to me.

        1. SorosBot

          I certainly hope it never has to reach the President pro temp of the Senate, since thanks to the practice of giving the position to the majority party's Senator with the most seniority, it's always someone ridiculously old.

          1. James Michael Curley

            Senator Dan Inouye says he will run for a tenth term in 2016. He will be 92 years old.

    1. Lizzietish81

      Like a bloated red giant about to die and shrink into a dim white dwarf.

      Been watching a lot of astronomy specials.

    1. Lascauxcaveman

      BTW, did anyone else have the problem of clicking on their Wonkette bookmark and have it take them to something called "Twitter?" Mine was like that for about ten minutes just now.

    1. DCBloom

      Oh hell no! She is the bane of my existence. I actually live in her district and have to endure seeing "Foxx Country" bumper stickers every time I go out.

  6. SayItWithWookies

    Oh, of course — opposing everything has worked out so well for the Republicans against President Obama that they're now going to try it on themselves — this would be fun if the most likely outcome wasn't the ascendency of warthog-faced corporate whore Eric Cantor. Nevertheless, I'll try to enjoy it.

  7. iburl

    Oompa Loompa doompadee doo
    I've got another puzzle for you
    Oompa Loompa doompadee dee
    If you are wise you will listen to me
    Who do you blame when your leader's a prat
    Teary and Orange like a pepper-sprayed cat?
    Blaming Obama is stupid and lame
    You know exactly who's to blame:
    Tobacco and the Liquor Lobbies
    Oompa Loompa doompadee dah
    If you're not Republican then you will go far
    You will live in happiness too
    Like the Oompa Loompa doompadee do

    1. Lascauxcaveman

      I hope these guys are successful in wrecking the Republican majority. How awesome would it be to have a communist parliamentary coalition type of government with three or four parties like all the cool kids up there in Canada?

      Old-style Republicans could go back to being the fiscally conservative and socially liberal party they used to be, the Dems could go back to being the fiscally liberal and socially liberal party they used to be, and the religious nutters could go back to being the mostly ignored 12 or 16% like they used to be.

  8. ThundercatHo

    You just know that shit weasel, Cantor, is behind this. I hope we get to see the video of JB beating the snot right out of him.

    1. vulpes82

      From relief, I'd have to think, at this point. Seriously, why bother at this point? Step down and go get plastered.

  9. TaggWatchesYou

    “Boehner has never won a negation [sic] battle with the White House or Senate

    Au contraire! I think Boehner has successfully negated his value in every battle to date.

    1. OneYieldRegular

      Indeed – I can think of no one who has been better than Boehner at putting the "no" in "The Party of No."

  10. northernbassist

    “Boehner has never won a negation [sic] battle with the White House or Senate…"'Bout time these clowns admitted that their preferred method of governing is sticking their fingers in their ears and screaming, "No! NO! No!"

  11. Lizzietish81

    Aw, the Schadenfreude keeps coming back….

    Let's see who is on the sacrificial pit as the Republicans eat themselves so far….

    The Honorable Boner, Grover Norquist, Karl Rove, Mittens, Scott Brown, the Tea Party, Akin and the rest of his Rape Apologist Posse…

  12. Oblios_Cap

    Fire Boner is what those poor NC inmates get after rubbing hot suace on their genitalia.

    It's almost funny to watch the GOP tactics of the last 5 decades explode in their face. They cultivated these idiots and now they're reaping the whirlwind. And damaging the

    1. BadKitty904

      They've repeatedly and clearly demonstrated that they are no remotely concerned about the welfare of the Republic. Their sole loyalty is to the Republican Party and their sole goal is increasing its power.

      1. NellCote71

        They are not even loyal to the Republican Party. No past presidents at the convention. Or presidential or v-presidential candidates. On the other hand, the Democrats trot out every single one of ours. Except Al Gore, but we did pay moving tribute to Ted Kennedy.

  13. Botlrokit

    Myer said, is “doable for sure.”

    "Doable" should never be spoken in front of camera, never, ever.

      1. BaldarTFlagass

        I'm reading "The Agony and the Ecstasy" and one of the characters comments several times upon the "mattressability" of various and sundry females. This in 1488 Florence.

  14. BigSkullF*ckingDog

    Overheard at the first American Majority Action meeting.

    "Hey guys, I have a great idea. Let's put the word majority in the name of our organization so that we will always be able to get our way. Because democracy."

    1. bikerlaureate

      Whenever you find yourself on the side of the majority, it is time to pause and reflect.

      – Mark Twain

  15. EatsBabyDingos

    How about an inflated Trojan for Speaker. We could call it "Hologram Boner." It will be more substantive than anything the real Boner has done since third grade.

    1. Wile E. Quixote

      Rogers is also famous for saying "I never met a man I didn't like, except for those goat-fucking Republicans."

      1. BaldarTFlagass

        So weird that guy was from Oklahoma. Of course, you can't explain The Flaming Lips, either.

  16. Botlrokit

    HAHAHAHA WHATEVER… if you really think they're going to fire Old Orange, I've got a castle I want to sell you in Idaho.



    1. BadKitty904

      Such impatience. Given the current state of America's infrastructure, I'm sure the bridge would've fallen down on its own accord soon enough.

    2. Wile E. Quixote

      I'd be a lot more impressed if the terrorists that the FBI was arresting weren't getting their explosives from the FBI.

      1. Steverino247

        If they got the explosives someplace else, we'd be picking up bridge pieces, though, so there's that to consider. These assholes were looking for trouble and got it.

  17. SorosBot

    "he’s been nothing short of an embarrassing spokesman for the conservative movement."

    Boehner's been a perfectly acceptable spokesman for the conservative movement, crazies; it's that everyone is rejecting the message, not the messenger. It's like, if he was trying to sell shit sandwiches and no one was buying, would you blame him for being a bad salesman, or the fact that no one wants to eat shit? But yet eating shit is much more pleasant than right-wing policies.

    1. mrblifil

      Except he's the color of an Oompa-Loompa and cries a lot too, in a weird psycho way that suggests some bizarre rape-ritual trauma practiced on him in his youth. That part is a little embarrassing. Oh and his tiny penis too.

  18. ProgressiveInga

    You guys are forgetting the most important question here:
    How will this affect $arah Palin?

    (Hey, The Bitch is Back just hit my playlist as I typed her name. True story.)

    1. viennawoods13

      That happens to you, also, too? Other day I was cleaning up my office with my son's dog underfoot while listening to Dennis Leary on The Daily Show, and he and Jon were going on about bowel movements. Really. I turn around and son of a bitch if dog hadn't just taken a dump in the middle of my office.

    1. BaldarTFlagass

      So they're kinda like a less-fun (fun-less?) version of that band of Vikings featured on those credit card ads. "What's in your tanning booth?"

  19. MonkeyMotion

    I'm not one for "action" movies per se, but watching the rats scurry on the sinking GOP ship is pretty entertaining. Bon voyage, y'all!

  20. Baconzgood

    This is funny. Like a psyic I said that if the GOP got in bed with the tea party the tea baggers would hi-jack the party and burn it to the ground.

  21. OneYieldRegular

    I love Barry's expression in that photo. You just know he's thinking, "Christ, he's blubbering again, and right into my ear! What is wrong with that guy?"

  22. BerkeleyBear

    The real question would be if Nancy, on her own or by ceding nominal leadership to someone perceived as more moderate, could entice 17 GOPiggies into seeing the writing on the wall and switching to a coalition with Dems. Probably too much of a reach, but that would be hi-fucking-larious and likely presage the end of the GOP a la the Whigs splintering to death in the 1850s.

    1. Wile E. Quixote

      If that happened I would end up in the hospital for simultaneously laughing myself sick while fapping myself raw.

  23. PopeEdgardo

    Has anyone bothered to tell these mouth breathers that the red badge of courage was a bullet hole?

    1. Wile E. Quixote

      I don't think they'd understand. Conservatives are pretty weak when it comes to metaphor-fu, as evidence Ned Ryun wrote:

      “Speaker Boehner has been an abysmal failure as speaker, and his latest purge is the nail in the coffin for conservatives,” said Ned Ryun, president and CEO of AMA

      "…the nail in the coffin for conservatives"? Does this mean that they're dead yet? Which nail in the coffin is it Ned? I mean if the coffin is only held together with one nail then it's probably not very strong and you could break out and go shambling around the earth eating everyone's brains. If it's the "final nail in the coffin" and there are a whole bunch of other nails holding the coffin together then it's going to be a little harder for you to break out and devour the brains of the living.

      1. SuspectedDemocrat

        Oh sure, if you're going to trope out that tired old canard, that's just the height of insincere incredulity. Also. Too.

        1. Wile E. Quixote

          "tired old canard"? I'll have you know that my canards aren't tired and old, they're young and vigorous. Indeed I have even heard them described as "turgid, veiny and purple-headed".

  24. Eve8Apples

    I can't wait for Barry's State of the Union address in January. Now that he doesn't have to face re-election ever again, he can stroll up to the podium, look at Boehner wiping tears from his eyes, chuckle, hold his head high and look at the audience of Republican House members and say "What the fuck is wrong with you crazy motherfuckers?"

  25. Toomush_Infer

    No, this works for the teabaggers – having no one in charge of the House suits them fine – then, it's all the Democrats fault, 'cause….Squirrel!!!!….

  26. Antispandex

    So they want to get rid of him, but don't have enough votes to elect someone new? What will happen then? Bachmann?

  27. Wile E. Quixote

    “Speaker Boehner has been an abysmal failure as speaker, and his latest purge is the nail in the coffin for conservatives,” said Ned Ryun, president and CEO of AMA. “Boehner has never won a negation [sic] battle with the White House or Senate — and he’s been nothing short of an embarrassing spokesman for the conservative movement. It’s time for him to go.”

    Remember, conservatism can never fail, it can only be failed.

    1. bikerlaureate

      Thank Goodness the party of fiscal conservatism – the one that loves our great land – still controls the House of Representatives.

  28. bobloblawlawblg

    "Boehner has never won a negation [sic] battle with the White House or Senate"

    I disagree with the [sic] here. Seems fine as is.

  29. Wile E. Quixote

    American Majority Action (AMA) is launching a #FireBoehner campaign.

    As an aside can you imagine how incredibly fucking stupid and vacuous
    American history would have been if Twitter had been invented 250 years
    earlier? We would have learned about #ThreeFifthsCompromise, #WilmotProviso,
    #GadsdenPurchase, #MissouriCompromise, etc, etc, etc.

  30. bobloblawlawblg

    "Boehner has never won a negation [sic] battle with the White House or Senate"

    I disagree with the [sic] here. Seems fine to me as is.

  31. Dashboard Buddha

    I think that Boehner is a teary-eyed douchbag, but in this case, the enemy of my enemy is my friend.

  32. christianmuslin

    Need to look at my US Constitution, I'm not just out of high school, but it may be that the Speaker of the House is not required to be a Member of Congress. If so, it just might be Sarah Palin that these idiots want over Boehner.

  33. Negropolis

    Somewhere in the capitol, Nancy is smiling and stroking her gavel, which is purring, waiting to be wielded with the vegence, again…

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