BOW-CHICKA-WOW-WOW  9:15 am December 6, 2012

New York Public Advocate Stone Cold Changing All The Lesbians, One Wife At A Time

by snipy

no longer gay. still completely cray.Today we learned that in NYC, there is something called a “Public Advocate.” This is not a description of a thing, but an actual job, like “truck driver” or “pole dancer.” The public advocate is kind of awesome and we wish we had one:

The job of the Public Advocate is, most fundamentally, that of a watchdog, ensuring that all New Yorkers receive the City services they deserve and have a voice in shaping the policies of their government.

Apparently, if you are THE public advocate, you are able to be a watchdog AND just stone cold go around  changing lesbians into hasbians:

Prior to meeting Mr. [Bill] de Blasio, Ms. [Chirlane] McCray identified as a lesbian and had several long-term relationships with other women. In a seven-page essay she wrote for the September 1979 issue of Essence magazine entitled “I am a Lesbian” she frankly discussed her sexuality and expressed gratitude that she came to terms with her preference for women before marrying a man.

Yesssss. Let us be the first to say (ok, probably like the one-millionth to say) NICE GOING PUBLIC ADVOCATE DUDE YOU ARE A STUD WHAT IS YOUR SECRET. Now, to be fair, Mr. Sex God Public Advocate may have had the path smoothed for him just a little bit here:

Ms. McCray wrote. “Coming to terms with my life as a lesbian has been easier for me than it has been for many. Since I don’t look or dress like the typical bulldagger, I have a choice as to whether my sexual preference is known.”

Oh. We are now much less impressed, Mr. Sorta Hot Public Advocate. Errrebody knows it is WAY harder to change up the typical bulldagger. Jeez. We learned that in kindergarten, right after reading The Giving Tree. Also, the good (?) people at Politicker aren’t as easily impressed as yr Wonkette because they’re busy focusing on the hard-hitting questions:

It is unclear how she transitioned from a self-described lesbian who was confident that she “had always been more attracted to women, both emotionally and physically, than to men” to a political wife in a heterosexual marriage.

Yeah, Politicker. Way to point that out. Everybody knows the old saying: once you go gay, you can never go the other way. We learned THAT in first grade right after reading Where the Wild Things Are.

[Politicker]

 

Hola wonkerados.

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{ 137 comments }

Tundra Grifter November 29, 2012 at 5:26 pm

After an elegant and tasty lunch, President Obama walked Gov. Romney to the door. They shook hands one last time, and then he strode to his waiting towncar and slid into the back seat.

As it pulled around the drive and out from under the portico, Gov. Romney took one brief look back through tear-filled eyes, his heart filled with regret over what looked for a brief, glorious moment like it was to have been his.

Barbara_ December 6, 2012 at 9:18 am

Rebecca and I would like to invite all of you to our gay wedding in Washington today. Gift ideas include 1 oz of weed.

JustPixelz December 6, 2012 at 9:25 am

Catering by Frito-Lay?

FlownOver December 6, 2012 at 9:25 am

I'm designating FlownOver Acres as the Official Washington State Embassy in Baja Nebraska. Smoke 'em if ya got 'em.

We'll get around to the interstate implications of the Gay Marry stuff as soon as the Doritos run out.

An Asexual Ungulate December 6, 2012 at 9:39 am

Everything's better with a bag o' weed.

BadKitty904 December 6, 2012 at 9:45 am

I will bring a tastefully wrapped present of wedding Skittles.

Mumbletypeg December 6, 2012 at 9:46 am

I thought y'all were already married.

jodyleek December 6, 2012 at 9:54 am

Aww, crap! I didn't know you wanted weed. Does that mean I need to return the double ended dildo I already had gift wrapped?

eggsacklywright December 6, 2012 at 9:19 am

I'd turn into a lesbian if I could get into Anne Heche's pants. But I think she's just a part-timer.

Negropolis December 6, 2012 at 9:24 am

Ellen has good taste, huh? Portia de Rossi FTW.

LesBontemps December 6, 2012 at 9:35 am

Talk about a trophy wife.

Lascauxcaveman December 6, 2012 at 12:30 pm

Meh. Bulldagger.

(Of course I don't mean that, but the word 'bulldagger' is just far too good not to use in every possible conversation.)

JustPixelz December 6, 2012 at 9:27 am

Me too! and I'm a non-female so I'd me more of a male lesbian. (yeah, yeah I know it's Robin Williams' bit)

actor212 December 6, 2012 at 9:50 am

Inside me is a lesbian just bursting to get out.

JustPixelz December 6, 2012 at 10:45 am

politically incorrect joke:Two gay guys are sitting on a park bench enjoying the pleasant day when a beautiful woman comes walking along the path. She is absolutely stunning. They can't take their eyes off her as she walk past them and around the bend out of site. One of the guys then turns to the other. “It's times like this I wish I were a lesbian”.

kittensdontlie December 6, 2012 at 10:15 am

I have no use for bulldaggers or golddiggers.

MaxNeanderthal December 6, 2012 at 1:59 pm

She's also a complete fruit loop…

MacRaith December 6, 2012 at 9:20 am

So where are those wild things, anyway? I can never find them, no matter how many times I get sent to my room without supper.

eggsacklywright December 6, 2012 at 9:23 am

Christopher Walken can help with that:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KKNaYlzssbc

FlownOver December 6, 2012 at 9:21 am

The remaining heads of the Greatest Generation™ all asploded at once.

BaldarTFlagass December 6, 2012 at 9:21 am

My three-way sense is tingling.

LabRodent December 6, 2012 at 9:28 am

last time my three-way sense tingled, it took a dose of antibiotics to remove said tingle.

actor212 December 6, 2012 at 9:56 am

Last time mine tingled, I had to change the switch on the lamp and replace the light bulb.

StillGoinGreen December 6, 2012 at 12:20 pm

Are you talking ♀♂♀, or ♂♀♂, or ♂♂♂, or ♀♀♀?

Negropolis December 6, 2012 at 9:23 am

Wow, talk about an odd couple. I'm skimming through the article linked and it gets more confusing as it goes along.

LabRodent December 6, 2012 at 9:24 am

Gay is the new Black.

actor212 December 6, 2012 at 9:58 am

So she's new AND old at the same time!

Esteev December 6, 2012 at 10:17 am

Gay is always in style?

Lizzietish81 December 6, 2012 at 10:25 am

Slimming?

Mumbletypeg December 6, 2012 at 9:26 am

Nice ALT-TEXT, "Snipy"!

LesBontemps December 6, 2012 at 9:27 am

It was the 1970s. Everyone in New York was gay. I've seen the pictures.

BaldarTFlagass December 6, 2012 at 9:30 am

So, straight guy marries lesbian woman? No one got upset that Michele Bachman married a gay man. Fucking double standard.

BadKitty904 December 6, 2012 at 9:47 am

I was gonna say…

MaxNeanderthal December 6, 2012 at 2:01 pm

You was going to say "beard of the year"…?

ChillBill December 6, 2012 at 10:07 am

Is that "the fucking double standard" or "double fucking standard"?

BaldarTFlagass December 6, 2012 at 10:08 am

Yes.

glasspusher December 6, 2012 at 10:38 am

All the young girls love Alice
tender young Alice they say
come over and see me
come over and please me
wait 'til my husband's away

Guppy December 6, 2012 at 10:16 am

She didn't pray away her gay, she just decided she enjoyed having some dick on the side after all.

mavenmaven December 6, 2012 at 9:31 am

Mr Bill De Blasio, formerly Jill. That's why.

PugglesRule December 6, 2012 at 12:48 pm

*sets transdar to stun* No, I don't think so. More likely Ms. McCray was "experimenting". Also she seems pretty dismissive of "stereotypical" lesbians now that she's married to a man. Maybe she hasn't met enough lipstick lesbians to know she's not the only one who wasn't butch.

LesBontemps December 6, 2012 at 9:32 am

I can't believe we are this far down the comment thread and no one has made a "Pubic Advocate" joke yet.

BaldarTFlagass December 6, 2012 at 9:38 am

I thought pubic hair disappeared back during the Bush administration.

eggsacklywright December 6, 2012 at 9:45 am

Coincidence?

BadKitty904 December 6, 2012 at 9:47 am

Check the Supreme Court.

JustPixelz December 6, 2012 at 9:34 am

In most states, a gay man or lesbian needs to marry the opposite sex to get health insurance as spouse and tax benefits, etc. Repubicans are actually proud they make gay/lesbians couples pay higher single tax rates.

CrunchyKnee December 6, 2012 at 9:34 am

Today we are all bulldaggers.

LesBontemps December 6, 2012 at 9:37 am

Why should today be different?

gullywompr December 6, 2012 at 9:34 am

I don't know why Politicker is so skeptical, who among us hasn't tuned a lesbian or two straight, right guys?

BaldarTFlagass December 6, 2012 at 9:39 am

Yeah, that's a hobby of mine.

BadKitty904 December 6, 2012 at 9:48 am

Um, no. I can't say that I have.

Oblios_Cap December 6, 2012 at 9:58 am

From what I've been told, I may have turned some straight chicks gay.

Esteev December 6, 2012 at 10:16 am

I don't know if I have turned any women gay, but they definitely hate men afterwards.

MacRaith December 6, 2012 at 10:16 am

Happens all the time. Ever had two of your ex-girlfriends start dating each other?

glasspusher December 6, 2012 at 10:40 am

I'm cool with that, as long as they let me watch.

Guppy December 6, 2012 at 10:17 am

No, she stayed gay.

HarryButtle December 6, 2012 at 3:06 pm

I did! I did!

OK, actually she's bisexual, but she was living with a flannel-wearing, construction-working bulldagger at the time I seduced her with my manly charms. And 20 years later, we're still happily together! (Got punched in the face by that bulldagger, too.)

gullywompr December 6, 2012 at 4:07 pm

And that's the way we do that.

Mumbletypeg December 6, 2012 at 9:37 am

Meh. "Are you a good witch, or a bad witch?"… Personally I always found the current of attraction more interesting when it reversed in the opposite direction. And no I don't mean Lohan/ Ronson; more like Naomi Watts, Mulholland Drive.

RadioBitchFace December 6, 2012 at 2:34 pm

Wicked!

jello_mold December 6, 2012 at 9:39 am

Isn't every woman presumed to be a lesbian at least once in her life? I've been gay-baited because I was wearing, I guess, the wrong kind of pants.

johnnyzhivago December 6, 2012 at 9:43 am

I thought it was plaid shirts?

jello_mold December 6, 2012 at 9:46 am

The word you're looking for is flannel. Then the 90s showed up and confused everybody.

gullywompr December 6, 2012 at 11:19 am

It's so hard to tell these days.

Terry December 6, 2012 at 9:47 am

When I moved to Texas, I learned that two women dancing together was proof they are lesbians. I had to break the news to my elderly female relatives who polka together at weddings while the elderly men drink beer at the bar.

UW8316154 December 6, 2012 at 10:01 am

And at a private women's college? It's practically de rigour.

finallyhappy December 6, 2012 at 11:21 am

So on the Walking Dead this week(or last week), a guy tells a woman she is a lesbian- she says she isn't but he points to her short hair- because we know short hair is lesbian hair. I once had a hairdresser in the 70's(Paul Bosserman- formerly of Charles the First- DC people- remember him) who cut my hair super short and wanted to dye it purple- he thought I would look like some young (male) rocker he liked. I didn't realize my hair was being cut so short but i said no to the purple. I took the train home that weekend- and my dad couldn't find me on the platform because of the short hair- but he didn't ask if I was gay. So I wasn't gay before or after the haircut

An_Outhouse December 6, 2012 at 9:41 am

Don't keep your secrets to yourself. That dude needs to write a HOWTO book for us.

BadKitty904 December 6, 2012 at 9:45 am

Well, it must be love, 'cause it's SURE not his looks…

actor212 December 6, 2012 at 9:49 am

Her choice was diBlasio or Christine Quinn, who is the most hated woman in NYC.

That would straighten me up if I was a lesbian, I tell you whut.

Negropolis December 6, 2012 at 9:50 am

Christine looks like she'll cut a bitch, and not just with votes, though she's pretty good at doing it with votes, too.

actor212 December 6, 2012 at 10:01 am

Ever since she cut the deal with Bloomberg for a third term while getting access to his fundraising Rolodex, no one has given her much thought as a candidate. I think she gets her lunch stolen in the primary.

I know I'm voting against her for selling out the poor children of the city. She cut healthcare for them and eliminated the oldest public health program in the United States, free dental care for poor kids.

elviouslyqueer December 6, 2012 at 9:47 am

Your move, Lindsey Graham.

actor212 December 6, 2012 at 9:48 am

Di Blasio had it easy.

I did her years ago.

Negropolis December 6, 2012 at 9:48 am

Sounds to me like Ms. McCray found herself a stable, predictable meal ticket, and God as her witness, she'll never go hungry (or gay) again! Bless her heart.

ttommyunger December 7, 2012 at 11:00 am

BINGO!

UW8316154 December 6, 2012 at 9:48 am

This is Seattle: REI, obvs

Lascauxcaveman December 6, 2012 at 12:28 pm

We've got at least one Green Cross clinic here, too. You might check with them.

johnnyzhivago December 6, 2012 at 9:48 am

This is disturbing news, because I was just about to invest several $100K on marketing for my new men's cologne line called "Bulldagger".

ChillBill December 6, 2012 at 9:51 am

Dear Penthouse Letters,

I never thought this would happen to me. While I was a Public Advocate in NYC…

WABishop December 7, 2012 at 7:56 am

… Needless to say, I hope to facilitate that City "service" again soon!
– Anonymous

UW8316154 December 6, 2012 at 9:52 am

Ms. McCray wrote about how she met her first female lover at freshman orientation at Wellesley.

Lesbians at Wellesly? I'm shocked, shocked I tell you. Who would have thunk it?

Negropolis December 6, 2012 at 9:56 am

Lesbians at Wellesly? What is this world coming to? Next, you'll tell me they let whites into Howard. Wait, what? They what now!?

**faints**

PugglesRule December 6, 2012 at 12:51 pm

The only thing less shocking would have been meeting her first lover at Smith?

DahBoner December 6, 2012 at 9:54 am

The First rule of Hasbianism: Stay outta fish markets…

StillGoinGreen December 6, 2012 at 9:54 am

I have to give it to Mr. Blasio for setting his goals higher than most – he was able to flip a black lesbian – that takes some skill for a saggy-balled white guy!

BaldarTFlagass December 6, 2012 at 10:07 am

Kinda like Tom and Helen Willis, on "The Jeffersons"? Well, we don't know about the lesbian part.

mrblifil December 6, 2012 at 9:55 am

The Observer is basically a pamphlet for the NYC real estate industry, who essentially own the city. One suspects that Mr. DiBlasio (who used to be Hillary's campaign manager and then my city councilman at one point) has been found to be unwilling to play ball regarding some kind of transaction or other and now must pay a price. The fact that his wife is also blackety-black-black-BLACK is considered a character flaw too delicious not to exploit.

LesBontemps December 6, 2012 at 10:04 am

Black wife = kinda hot. Lesbian wife = salacious. Black lesbian wife = AVN Award.

Oblios_Cap December 6, 2012 at 9:55 am

Florida's Lt. Governor understands completely. You move, Jennifer Carroll.

TavariousChinaSmith December 6, 2012 at 9:55 am

Let me get this straight (heh heh), she thought she was lesbian but then went and shacked up with a dude. If only there was a name or a label we could apply to people who are attracted to both sexes, maybe with a reference to the number of genders these people like to get with. Dual-philic? Double-horny?

Negropolis December 6, 2012 at 9:58 am

No, she didn't just have some college fling/experiment. She had long-term relationships with women prior to marrying her husband, and publically self-identified herself as a lesbian. She may very well be bisexual; only she really knows, but let's not portray this as some youthful expirementation, because she sure didn't.

TavariousChinaSmith December 6, 2012 at 10:41 am

Never said, implied, or thought that her lesbianism was youthful experimentation. Just looking for that elusive word that might be used to describe people who one way or another are attracted to both sexes. And I certainly attach no stigma to bisexuality (ooh hey, that works).

Guppy December 6, 2012 at 10:19 am

Ehhh… I've known at least one bisexual woman who self-identified as "lesbian" more for the political orientation than anything else.

Lizzietish81 December 6, 2012 at 10:25 am

I sometimes refer to myself as a lesbian just to watch the conservatives go apoplectic.

Guppy December 6, 2012 at 10:44 am

… have we dated?

jello_mold December 6, 2012 at 10:56 am

A dangerous game, no snark.

Rebootably_Joe December 6, 2012 at 10:42 am

On the other hand, I used to date a woman who did -and still does- self-identify as a lesbian because she has been pretty much exclusively interested in women, with one notable exception. I definitely didn't "turn" her, and she definitely wasn't a liar.

I don't think this is actually as super-bizarre as people are making it out to be. Even people who are very close to Kinsey 1's or 7's will sometimes chance upon someone of the non-preferred gender that they're nevertheless intensely attracted to, and might even sleep with; doesn't mean they're wrong to say that they're gay or straight.

jello_mold December 6, 2012 at 10:55 am

Well put.

TavariousChinaSmith December 6, 2012 at 11:35 am

Totally agree, and I'd posit this fluidity is much more common in women than men. In other words, not a big deal all, and for this and many other reasons not what I'd call "newsworthy".

Rebootably_Joe December 6, 2012 at 12:51 pm

Meh, I dunno. There is that stereotype that women trend more towards the middle of the Kinsey scale whereas men trend more towards the extremes, but on the other hand, that ends up becoming a form of social reinforcement that makes it less acceptable for men to adopt a label synonymous with the middle, versus identifying as a gay man who is occasionally attracted to women or a straight man who is occasionally attracted to men.

I honestly think this particular issue, of people who strongly identify with attraction to one gender or the other, but still have some rare exceptions, is common enough among both sexes, though very few people actually admit it, and only a subset of these would consider themselves bisexual, particularly if they don't ever act on said attraction.

actor212 December 6, 2012 at 9:58 am

Snipy, may I be the first (I hope) to say how proud I am that you never once mentioned that McCray is black and diBlasio is not.

Baconzgood December 6, 2012 at 10:00 am

does he get to watch?

C"mon we are all wondering.

ProgressiveInga December 6, 2012 at 10:01 am

This is all Obama's fault.

Negropolis December 6, 2012 at 10:02 am

I thought she was a shoo-in. I guess not. Who is going to beat her?

jello_mold December 6, 2012 at 10:07 am

This story could use a few ponies. Chicks dig ponies.

gullywompr December 6, 2012 at 11:32 am

I can't keep up with all these proclivities…

malsperanza December 6, 2012 at 10:26 am

I am so looking forward to the mayoral race here. De Blasio is running against the City Council Speaker (president), Christine Quinn, who is an out lesbian, and the Comptroller, Bill Thompson, who is black. It's gonna be a festival.

Quinn is the front runner, but I am really really hoping Anthony Wiener and Eliot Spitzer both throw their hats in the ring.

After all, we live in a state whose first governor was that great Parliamentarian George Clinton http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LuyS9M8T03A.

Lizzietish81 December 6, 2012 at 10:27 am

Wow…its almost like human sexuality is more fluid than we think and that love and sexual attraction aren't always the same thing, like we as individuals are more than our assigned gender.

Swampgas_Man December 6, 2012 at 11:34 am

Well, that's just crazy. Everyone knows you receive your gender ID, Official Sexual Orientation packet and Official Political Stance from the SSI office within 7-10 days after birth.

PugglesRule December 6, 2012 at 12:56 pm

+ Eleventy billion.

proudgrampa December 6, 2012 at 10:28 am

Some of my best friends are lesbian.

glasspusher December 6, 2012 at 10:42 am

Don't you have to be famous first, before you can be a Hasbian?

Chet Kincaid_ December 6, 2012 at 10:48 am

Why is Wonkette mocking this?

Oblios_Cap December 6, 2012 at 10:52 am

I guess we're bored.

Chet Kincaid_ December 6, 2012 at 10:55 am

Yeah, I guess. Neither one of these people is a hypocritical homophobe wingnut, so why is it any of our business? We're just chuckling idiotically like the source.

jello_mold December 6, 2012 at 10:57 am

Good question!

TavariousChinaSmith December 6, 2012 at 11:42 am

Yeah, this is kind of a non-story.

commiegirl99 December 6, 2012 at 1:03 pm

I don't see it as mocking anyone except the Politicker story that ran in the first place.

ttommyunger December 7, 2012 at 11:03 am

We Mock, Therefore, We Am!

Mahousu December 6, 2012 at 10:54 am

Science now knows the answer to the immortal question "What happens when the irresistible force of 'once you go black, you never go back' meets the immovable object of 'once you go gay, you're gay to stay*'?"


* That's the way I always heard it back in kindergarten.

Biel_ze_Bubba December 6, 2012 at 11:21 am

Seems to be working for them – more power to 'em.

Rufus T. Firefly December 6, 2012 at 11:31 am

I'm a lesbian trapped in a man's body.

Swampgas_Man December 6, 2012 at 11:37 am

Meh. You never hear about a woman changing a gay man (no comments about Marcus Bachmann until you can back his heteroness w/ solid evidence). As a more-or-less gai guy, I WELCOME a woman trying to change me.

TAKE THE CHALLENGE!

CthuNHu December 6, 2012 at 11:57 pm

Keep walking, ladies. He's been using this line ever since his last girlfriend dumped him.

decentcitizen December 6, 2012 at 11:43 am

And this is newsworthy-Why?

Wile E. Quixote December 6, 2012 at 11:52 am

This is a non-story Snipy. Get your shit together and get us some real meat or we're going to have to enlist your ass in Andrew Breitbart's army and you'll have to share a bunk with Matthew Boyle.

commiegirl99 December 6, 2012 at 1:06 pm

This comment reminds me of the commenter who was furious that I was "making fun of" Barney Frank when I wrote the nicest post in Wonkette history about his wedding.

Lighten up Francis.

Wile E. Quixote December 6, 2012 at 1:32 pm

You "…wrote the nicest post in Wonkette history"? Hey, I once wrote the sanest post on RedState.com, but I don't go around bragging about it because let's face it, it wasn't that hard. This is a non-story, now perhaps if Snipy were a better writer be could have mocked the Politicker for engaging in the same kind of shit that Dok Zoom mocked the Daily Caller for when they lost control of their sphincters and loaded up their Depends over an essay that Susan Rice wrote 26 years ago, and it looks like that's what he was trying to do when he finally got around to mentioning the Politicker at the end of the post.

Wile E. Quixote December 6, 2012 at 12:06 pm

Seriously Snipy, this is a non-story, it blows goats, get your shit together and give us something juicy, such as analysis of supreme Wingnut Jim DeMint resigning from the Senate and taking over the Heritage Foundation.

ttommyunger December 7, 2012 at 11:05 am

H.F.- The Right-Wing Think Tank that has done a lot more tanking and a lot less thinking in recent years. S.C.'s gain.

PugglesRule December 6, 2012 at 1:00 pm

You know what's great? Most of the commenters on the story basically say, "And your point is?

Maybe there is hope for humanity yet.

BZ1 December 6, 2012 at 1:31 pm

Very simply, Bill de Blasio is a lesbian. There, fixed.

Tommmcatt_Again December 6, 2012 at 7:42 pm

Just FYI, you marry a dude and live a basically hetero life you lose the right to use the term "bulldagger". I don't get to use that, even as a huge queen.

UnPlainJane December 7, 2012 at 4:16 am

You retroactively lose the right? She said it in 1979.

Tommmcatt_Again December 7, 2012 at 10:13 am

Yes. Yes you do. Next question, please.

ttommyunger December 7, 2012 at 11:08 am

"Bulldagger"? Really? I'm thinking there are a couple of bars here in Atlanta where use of that term would get one cut, badly.

TavariousChinaSmith December 6, 2012 at 1:46 pm

I'm willing to give it the benefit of the doubt. After all, nobody really knows what's in someone else's head. Sometimes we fail to recognize what's in our own heads. So yes, maybe there are just as many men who are straight or gay with exceptions, or who flex from one orientation to the other, as there are women.

But really we can only judge human behaviour by what people actually act upon and do. And from that point of view (with one big exception) women seem to switch more often than men do. (The one big exception is the cohort of closeted gay men who eventually came out, or those who stay closeted but find some on the side, and I probably shouldn't put that in the past tense as much as I'd like to.)

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