Anti-Gay Groups Declare Victory In War On Starbucks

by snipy

for god so loved the world he gave his one and only son the devil's coffeeIf you’re anything like us, and we know you are (yeah, we tried to make that sound better too, but there’s no help for it thanks to the royal “we”), you’ve been wondering how you can best hoard your hard-earned dollars to ensure that companies are punished for liking, or even just tolerating, teh ghey. You have to hate General Mills and give up delicious Cheerios and instead eat those weird Cheerio knockoffs that come in a bag. You can’t use the Google and instead have to use Bing just like the olds do. You have to stop using T-Mobile…OK, that’s actually not so bad. Make sure to reserve your super-duper-wuper-extra hate for JC Penney, though, as they hired AN ACTUAL LESBIAN to do some things:

In an email to subscribers, One Million Moms states, “Since April, JC Penney’s has not aired Ellen DeGeneres in one of their commercials until now. A new JCP ad features Ellen and three elves. JCP has made their choice to offend a huge majority of their customers again. Christians must now vote with their wallets. We have contacted JC Penney’s several times in the past with our concerns, and they will not listen. They have decided to ignore our complaints so we will avoid them at all costs.”

“Vote with your wallets, Christians” is somewhere in First Colossians or the Gospel of Matthew we think. Whatever. You’ll be totes rewarded in heaven for voting with your wallets, people. See? You got your serious hate on by boycotting Starbucks, and after all that hard work, you were rewarded with Starbucks opening a metric fuckton of new stores:

In July, Jonathan Baker, director of the Corporate Fairness Project for NOM claimed their “Dump Starbucks” campaign was partly responsible for a $1.4 billion drop in Starbucks’ stock market value.

We analyzed the data to explain why Baker was so wrong.

And now, today, The New York Times reports, “the world’s biggest coffee company [is] planning to add at least 1,500 cafes in the U.S. over the next five years.”

Oh well. Nothing wrong with declaring victory and going home, whether you’ve just boycotted Starbucks into a yoooge expansion, or boycotted “JCP” into keeping Ellen Degeneres as its spokesbian.

(Also, NOM, you are probably going to have to boycott Mexico too, but we are guessing that will not be that much of a sacrifice for you because we are guessing you’re probably racist too.)

Sometimes the devil tests us. Sometimes the devil makes us have to drink Nescafe, but we do it for the Lord.

[Wisconsin Gazette/The New Civil Rights Movement]

 

Hola wonkerados.

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{ 216 comments }

nounverb911 December 6, 2012 at 11:33 am

Let me know when Charbucks makes coffee that doesn't suck.

Maman December 6, 2012 at 11:36 am

That is a different boycott

eggsacklywright December 6, 2012 at 11:45 am

Couldn't we maybe sometime have a girlcott?

widestanceromance December 6, 2012 at 11:40 am

For realz. I've been boycotting Charbucks since I spit out my first mouthful.

actor212 December 6, 2012 at 11:42 am

*crickets*

WIDTAP December 6, 2012 at 12:18 pm

Hmm. You are probably into that whole Panera Bread hazelnut coffee thing.

Tell me this: When did you first join al Qaeda? When did you first feel disdain for our precious bodily fluids? And by precious bodily fluids I mean a half double decaffeinated half-caf, with a twist of lemon.

actor212 December 6, 2012 at 12:21 pm

What I could never understand about crap like hazelnut coffee and shit like that is, why would you ruin a perfectly good cup of coffee by making it weaker?

See, I drink coffee for fuel. Not taste, fuel. If I could, I'd mainline the shit into my arteries. Anything less than French roast is like dipping a brown crayon in hot water as far as I am concerned.

DCBloom December 6, 2012 at 1:06 pm

When I lived in New Orleans I became addicted to Community coffee. So black, your teeth turn brown after one cup. You would love it.

PugglesRule December 6, 2012 at 12:29 pm

Let me know when Starbucks makes coffee that doesn't suck OR leave my wallet empty.

Oblios_Cap December 6, 2012 at 11:33 am

Who Would Jebus Boycott?

nounverb911 December 6, 2012 at 11:34 am

The republican party?

Maman December 6, 2012 at 11:39 am

The Red Cross?

HistoriCat December 6, 2012 at 5:32 pm

Yeah but that's more personal.

actor212 December 6, 2012 at 11:42 am

Evangelicals?

eggsacklywright December 6, 2012 at 11:44 am

Mall Wart.

BaldarTFlagass December 6, 2012 at 11:49 am

Samson's Club?

noodlesalad December 6, 2012 at 11:50 am

Who wouldn't he boycott? He was a freaking communist who didn't believe in material possessions, which is why he's still cool in my book.

- When Jesus heard this, he said to him, "You still lack one thing. Sell everything you have and give to the poor, and you will have treasure in heaven. Then come, follow me." Luke 18:22

actor212 December 6, 2012 at 12:05 pm

MAHARISH MAHARESH LIBEL!

Tommy1733 December 6, 2012 at 12:26 pm

Where did you come with that kooky religious doctrine?

StillGoinGreen December 6, 2012 at 12:42 pm

And Hannity sayeth unto him, "Fuck off, hippie!"

Lizzietish81 December 6, 2012 at 11:57 am

Places that serve pork, cheeseburgers and shellfish?

Mumbletypeg December 6, 2012 at 12:00 pm

700 Club.

Botlrokit December 6, 2012 at 12:03 pm

Chick-fil-A. They're closed on the wrong Sabbath.

Swampgas_Man December 6, 2012 at 6:57 pm

But wait! The Chick-Filler people proved boycotts are ANTI-Christian, because Bible. So eating at Chik-Fool-A was just one more cross He has to bear.

DaniloTifoso December 6, 2012 at 12:14 pm

AOTK!

Serolf_Divad December 6, 2012 at 12:14 pm

General Dyanmics? Raytheon? Hooters? OK, maybe not Hooters. But the others, yeah, probably.

actor212 December 6, 2012 at 12:21 pm

Just got an idea for a comedy sketch: Jesus in a strip club.

Serolf_Divad December 6, 2012 at 6:10 pm

Does this sketch involve implants miraculously turning into real boobies?

Swampgas_Man December 6, 2012 at 6:58 pm

And lactating wine instead of milk?

Mittaplasia December 6, 2012 at 1:33 pm

All of 'em, Katie!

An_Outhouse December 6, 2012 at 2:13 pm

The money changers?

glesslib December 6, 2012 at 4:15 pm

Cardinal Tim Dolan, NYC. I know that if I were Jesus and I had some jerk like this claiming to be my spokesman, I'd be organizing a boycott with an expiraton date of never.

Lizzietish81 December 7, 2012 at 8:03 am

I would consider converting back to Christianity if Jesus himself came down and smacked that smug son of a bitch upside the head.

Barbara_ December 6, 2012 at 11:34 am

I hate the One Million Moms a latte.

actor212 December 6, 2012 at 11:43 am

Getting the steamed milk is kinda fun, tho.

BornInATrailer December 6, 2012 at 11:44 am

I can't find the words to espresso my hatred of them.

WhatTheHeck December 6, 2012 at 11:52 am

Its ok. They are drinking crappacino as they froth at home.

actor212 December 6, 2012 at 11:55 am

They're have half-caffed answers to the problems that confront us

PugglesRule December 6, 2012 at 12:30 pm

Did someone say frothy?

Barbara_ December 6, 2012 at 12:09 pm

Good one, BornInATrailer!

Chet Kincaid_ December 6, 2012 at 11:51 am

It's impolite to espresso these feelings!

Esteev December 6, 2012 at 11:57 am

I bet they don't like they're coffee Black, either.

PugglesRule December 6, 2012 at 12:30 pm

Or blah, for that matter.

BornInATrailer December 6, 2012 at 4:16 pm

That would be "urban" coffee.

WIDTAP December 6, 2012 at 4:19 pm

"Urban" coffee, so deadly it's delivered in an urn.

glasspusher December 6, 2012 at 11:34 am

As far as I can tell, I've been inadvertently boycotting almost every one of these places a boycott has been started against…I had no idea what a trend setter I was.

Does this mean I have to go to Starbucks because I support teh gheyz? A small price to pay.

BadKitty904 December 6, 2012 at 11:37 am

My family and friends prefer that I don't drink coffee, but Starbux DOES have some mighty tasty lemon cake! So there's that…

gullywompr December 6, 2012 at 11:41 am

You can if it's High Point – it's decaffeinated!

glasspusher December 6, 2012 at 11:42 am

Yeah, seems like you and I are in the same boat, kitty.I tell people that they really, really wouldn't want to see me on coffee, but when I did work within walking distance of a Starbucks I would occasionally pick up a piece of coffee cake.A friend of mine said that caffeine would act as a depressant on me.

PugglesRule December 6, 2012 at 12:31 pm

And you have to buy your clothes and shoes at JCPenney. I bought my winter boots there a few weeks ago. I could just feel Ellen smiling at me.

gullywompr December 6, 2012 at 11:35 am

Why don't they just bury their talents in the ground until the gheypocalypse is over?

BadKitty904 December 6, 2012 at 11:35 am

Guess their "boycott" this past Nov. 6th didn't turn out so well, either…

Oblios_Cap December 6, 2012 at 11:35 am

And now, today, The New York Times reports, “the world’s biggest coffee company [is] planning to add at least 1,500 cafes in the U.S. over the next five years.”

All that coffee should really help our economy rebound according to the "Trickle Down" theories that I've heard.

BaldarTFlagass December 6, 2012 at 11:35 am

Hey gay haters. You know which coffee most of your fellow gay haters love the most? Sanka. And Sanka hates gays. Give that buy-cott hell.

Maman December 6, 2012 at 11:36 am

I should have guessed NOM was why I never stand in a huge line at Starbucks.. gits.

Tundra Grifter December 6, 2012 at 11:37 am

General Mills? Sexting again?

glasspusher December 6, 2012 at 11:37 am

Nice that a Million Moms would hate their ghey kidz. Real nice…

BaldarTFlagass December 6, 2012 at 11:38 am

Weren't these NOM guys off in Spain yesterday? I wonder how they liked them little teeny tiny coffee cups they have over there.

glasspusher December 6, 2012 at 11:44 am

It's not quantity, it quality. Fuck, when I was in Turkey, I found the tea was the same way. You could cut it with scissors! One cup of that and goodbye, jet lag!

BaldarTFlagass December 6, 2012 at 11:52 am

I'm weird about coffee. I rarely drink it here in the states, but feel some kind of obligation to drink espresso when I'm in Italy, and cup o'mud whenever I am in Turkey.

Serolf_Divad December 6, 2012 at 11:57 am

It's not a real espresso if the spoon sinks all the way to the bottom when you accidentally let go while stirring.

glasspusher December 6, 2012 at 12:02 pm

I think it's also real if the spoon dissolves within a few seconds.Kind of like a good milkshake. The straw will rebound when pushed in.

outragedcitizen December 6, 2012 at 11:38 am

Damn, I don't spend money at Starbucks now, never have. Not because I have anything against the Geyz, (I don't), but because the idea of turning a cup of coffee into a hot milk shake makes me want to vomit.

John Birf Society December 6, 2012 at 11:39 am

They also handily won the presidency and the senate. Keep f-n that chicken, NOM.

glasspusher December 6, 2012 at 11:45 am

Rilly- and a majority of Americans voted for Dems in the house of representatives. Those gerrymanders are the right's last firewall.

Wile E. Quixote December 6, 2012 at 11:39 am

Newsflash: Corporate America realizes that right-wing dipshits have no disposable income because they keep sending it to NOM or buying overpriced coins from Goldline, says "eat shit and die Fundies!". Film at 11.

actor212 December 6, 2012 at 11:47 am

Right? I mean, even Rick Warren has had to walk back his Prop 8 support because he saw that his book sales had tanked.

BadKitty904 December 6, 2012 at 12:01 pm

Disney has hosted the annual "Gay Day" Event* (one of the largest gay events on earth) down here at Disney World for years…and it's been boycotted and picketed by Wingnuts for years. Yet Disney seems to keep posting enormous profits each year.

Could be because Disney management is more focused on business and their stockholder's profits than on kowtowing to someone's arbitrary moral agenda.

*Seriously, it's one of the funniest things I've ever been to…

Lizzietish81 December 6, 2012 at 12:05 pm

Fun story about that.

A few years ago a friend of mine was at Gay Days, and at the same time there was some religious group there. Not to protest, they were there as part of a package trip and it was just a coincidence and there was no trouble between the two groups.

So he and his friends get on one of the rollercoasters and the Religious Group is there too, and my friend happens to get one next to him. The Religious Guys still on the platform start praying loudly for a safe trip and my friend chuckles. His seatmate asks him if he doesn't think prayer was a good idea, he's like depends, are you praying for a safe trip or because you happened to sit next to "a flaming fag whose also a witch"

And then the bars came down.

BadKitty904 December 6, 2012 at 12:11 pm

lol As I said, Gay Day is funny as dammit. When I was there, we'd bought – and were wearing – red Gay-Day t-shirts, as is the tradition. We had two (very nice) straight families ask us if we'd pose for photos with them – I guess so they could show the folks back home in Hooterville or where ever…

actor212 December 6, 2012 at 12:23 pm

Needs moar thong.

BaldarTFlagass December 6, 2012 at 12:06 pm

Everybody's fucking Goofy!

LesBontemps December 6, 2012 at 12:16 pm

Not just Minnie? Plus, I didn't know he went both ways.

CrunchyKnee December 6, 2012 at 11:39 am

I hate the haters, but I hate Starbucks. I guess I'll just have to buy some extra nerd fashion slacks at the JCP this week.

actor212 December 6, 2012 at 11:42 am

Their hot cider is actually pretty good, and you don't have to worry about it being really bitter and shitty and handed to you burning hot by some hipster whose fingertips are numb from smoking American Indian cigarettes.

PubOption December 6, 2012 at 11:54 am

Those things! I work with someone who smokes them. Although he has to go outside to smoke, when he comes back in I can smell him from at least 8 feet away.

Lizzietish81 December 6, 2012 at 11:56 am

The iced Green Tea is good (unsweetened)

So good I am willling to wait with the hipsters waiting for their triple caffeinated diet mochiatto soil cafes with real worm shit and only kill one or two of them.

Chet Kincaid_ December 6, 2012 at 12:03 pm

We buy Starbucks beans and brew our own at home. Tastes a lot better than what they brew in the store.

ManchuCandidate December 6, 2012 at 11:40 am

OT/ Deminty quit the senate

Oblios_Cap December 6, 2012 at 11:43 am

What did Miss Lindsey have to say about that?

actor212 December 6, 2012 at 11:46 am

He said he's glad De Mint will have more time to grind his meat deep into Graham's tight little anus spend with his family.

BaldarTFlagass December 6, 2012 at 11:44 am

Unfortunately, he's not resigning, and he's still got 4 years left in office, so this is kinda like NOM's hollow victory over Starbucks.

Edit: Spoke too soon. Buh-bye Asshole!!

gullywompr December 6, 2012 at 11:47 am

Radio said he'll leave before the next Congress is seated, and Nikki Haley will appoint a replacement.

BaldarTFlagass December 6, 2012 at 11:54 am

So, we're likely to get a replacement that's just as bad, or worse. Is my take correct?

Oblios_Cap December 6, 2012 at 11:59 am

Yes

natl_[redacted]_cmdr December 6, 2012 at 12:37 pm

I think Haley could even appoint herself.

HistoriCat December 6, 2012 at 5:37 pm

That worked so well in Illinois …

CrunchyKnee December 6, 2012 at 11:45 am

I didn't even know there was a douchenozzle race going on?

glasspusher December 6, 2012 at 11:48 am

To run the Heritage Foundation. Why live in the present when you can embrace trying to perpetuate the past?

actor212 December 6, 2012 at 11:41 am

The drop in Starbucks was probably more due to people suddenly realizing that $4 for a cup of coffee could feed an entire family for a day on food stamps.

One_who_wanders December 6, 2012 at 11:57 am

Isn't it pretty to think so?

James Michael Curley December 6, 2012 at 11:58 am

The VA has optioned out coffee bars to Starbucks. At many of their facilities. Another element from the Bush Administration we can (sarcastically) be thankful for.

Facing a long rush hour drive home after my last visit to the hospital I gave in and ordered a 'regular'. Even with showing my disabled veteran card the tiny 9 oz cup was $2.30.

In downtown Jersey City, everyday I see people sucking on Starbucks El Grande Mocha Choco Minto with a cream froth, or whatever its called, and think, "That's $5.50 a pop and I know a disabled single mother who has to feed herself and two kids for a whole day on $4.25."

Rich people suck.

actor212 December 6, 2012 at 12:04 pm

I have to laugh a little every morning. There's a coffee vendor whose stand is just outside a Starbucks with the plate glass window.

Every so often, I throw him some business because, you know, small businessman, plus he's Muslim. I can have free coffee in my office and it's actually not bad, but that's just me. So I buy my 16 oz coffee and my blueberry muffin, turn around and point at the lonnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnng line in Starbucks and laugh.

How badly are these assholes snookered by Big Coffee?

This badly

James Michael Curley December 6, 2012 at 12:56 pm

The coffee in my office sucks. ‘Clean the damn pot people!’So I go to one of those little trailer stands and get my everything bagel with cream cheese. I don’t know his nationality but I had to teach him what a ‘schmear’ is so I hope he’s not Muslim and a refugee from the West Bank.

SexySmurf December 6, 2012 at 11:41 am

“the world’s biggest coffee company [is] planning to add at least 1,500 cafes in the U.S. over the next five years.”

Two things: First, they're using the word "cafe" very loosely. Second, you know what we call 1500 Starbucks in Seattle? Three city blocks.

Serolf_Divad December 6, 2012 at 12:07 pm

Don't worry there's plenty of room left for expansion. Word on the street is that Starbucks has inked a deal with Starbucks to open new Starbucks kiosk locations inside their existing cafes. Now you'll be able to enjoy a deliciuos Startbucks (kiosk) beverage while savoring the beverage you ordered at Starbucks cafe.

actor212 December 6, 2012 at 12:24 pm

Will I have to cross the street from Starbucks or can I get the shuttle?

emmelemm December 6, 2012 at 2:23 pm

"It's funny cuz it's true."

ManchuCandidate December 6, 2012 at 11:42 am

Symbolic meaningless victories. Who do you think you are? The UN?

BaldarTFlagass December 6, 2012 at 11:42 am

George Takei laughs across time and space.

Cleopatriot December 6, 2012 at 11:43 am

Those million moms think they're mainstream! It's too funny.

BadKitty904 December 6, 2012 at 11:56 am

I'm betting it's realistically more like "A Couple o' Hundred Moms"…

starfanglednut December 6, 2012 at 4:50 pm

3 moms, and a 10 year old Dell desktop.

Serolf_Divad December 6, 2012 at 12:08 pm

In a nation of 300 million, one million bigotted Teatard moms sounds about right.

Cleopatriot December 6, 2012 at 1:40 pm

I don't know. I bet most of the "Moms" are men.

docterry6973 December 6, 2012 at 11:44 am

There are gay people? When did this start?

SexySmurf December 6, 2012 at 12:00 pm

1969. George McGovern invented them after taking the brown acid at Altamont.

gullywompr December 6, 2012 at 12:02 pm

Wasn't he murdered there?

Serolf_Divad December 6, 2012 at 12:09 pm

In 2008, when Obama was elected, along with everything else that's wrong in the world.

MaxNeanderthal December 6, 2012 at 1:48 pm

I know I've posted it before, but see this link at 1:50- priceless. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kgOiiFv9DZ0

Terry December 6, 2012 at 11:45 am

JC Penney's has made a fairly substantial turnabout. I remember not shopping there in the 80's because the stuff was crappy, then in the 90's because the stuff was crappy AND the owner(s) were donating majorly to conservative causes. Now, they've actually started carrying decent stuff and are owned/run by a board who isn't out to hate people openly. I tried to walk in the store the other day, but found that there is still a line across the entrance like one of those invisible dog fences that I have trouble crossing. I did manage to walk in and look around.

Lizzietish81 December 6, 2012 at 11:59 am

I admit, I shop there. They actually have a pretty decent plus sized department.

Terry December 6, 2012 at 12:13 pm

I was happily surprised. I hadn't been in one in years and I can't even remember what the boycott thing from the 90's was. I'll blame old age for that.

smokefilledroommate December 6, 2012 at 12:43 pm

In the 80's I had to get clothes for some middle school function and my stepmom told me she'd take me to Penney's. We argued for what seemed like forever and I remember being on the verge of tears (!) because I didn't want clothing from Penney's–shopping there was like a step up from KMart; a lot of shitty knockoffs. (We went to Penney's and I looked fine). Thinking back it makes me laugh at how trivial stuff seems so monumental when you're young. (Also, I say to myself–what a spoiled brat! Think if your family couldn't even afford clothes!)

Lizzietish81 December 6, 2012 at 12:45 pm

I got all my clothes from my Grandmother, who would buy clothes at super discount prices, put them in a garbage bag and give them to us.

If it fit, we got them. If we didn't like them, tough shit.

Terry December 6, 2012 at 12:50 pm

Back in those years, most of us spoke with lots of implied capital letters.

MOTHER, you are Ruining My Life!

emmelemm December 6, 2012 at 2:25 pm

Ditto, pretty much exactly.

starfanglednut December 6, 2012 at 4:51 pm

You were in middle school in the 80's?

Christ I'm old.

BadKitty904 December 6, 2012 at 12:05 pm

We get our cotton boxers and tees at Pennys, because SUCK IT, TARGET, ya homophobic bastards…

Lizzietish81 December 6, 2012 at 12:07 pm

Target dropped their anti gay pandering when Lady Gaga held them hostage.

Because she's cool.

Now they have pride tee shirts.

Terry December 6, 2012 at 12:14 pm

Target learned a hard lesson. Certainly, they're free to donate to whomever they like….BUT…their customers are free to disagree with them loudly and take their business elsewhere.

BadKitty904 December 6, 2012 at 12:15 pm

Truly??? I didn't see that on my last issue of the Gay Agenda.

I'm glad to hear it, tho – Target is way handier for us than Penny's.

Lizzietish81 December 6, 2012 at 12:20 pm

This was a while ago…

The headline for this is misleading, but this was about the t shirts
http://articles.nydailynews.com/2012-06-01/news/3

And here's the Lady Gaga bit
http://www.thedailybeast.com/cheats/2011/02/23/ta

Basically she axed them but then offered to give them exclusive selling rights for her album if they dropped the anti gay donations.

LIT_Fag December 6, 2012 at 2:45 pm

First, pics or GTFO!
And B, my partner works at Target and they have domestic partner benefits, including a Target employee discount card for the "spouse".

BadKitty904 December 6, 2012 at 2:56 pm

LOL I doubt the editors would be real keen on that idea…and I'm pretty sure my bf wouldn't.

I *am* happy, tho, to hear what you say about Target coming to their senses. Boycotting them has been kinda inconvenient (if necessary), as there's one right across the river from us..

LIT_Fag December 6, 2012 at 4:31 pm

I will just have to use my imagination then. Oh yeah, I like it, that's it, shake it baby, oh yeah.
Fap fap fap….

GeorgiaBurning December 6, 2012 at 1:22 pm

People tend to hate the store where mom bought their clothes.

noodlesalad December 6, 2012 at 11:46 am

Ellen + 3 elves = hawt.

Pics or GTFO.

LesBontemps December 6, 2012 at 12:27 pm

Just watch the teevee long enough and you'll see 'em.

Swampgas_Man December 6, 2012 at 7:00 pm

I always pictured her as a pixie, myself. It's the hair.

Mumbletypeg December 6, 2012 at 11:46 am

How Come The Devil Gets All The Good Companies

LARRY NORMAN LIBEL!!1!

Chow Yun Flat December 6, 2012 at 11:46 am

A metric fuckton of new stores seems like so many more than just a shitload of new stores.

James Michael Curley December 6, 2012 at 11:47 am

Sometimes the devil says, "You guys are too weird for me, I'm going back to hell."

EatsBabyDingos December 6, 2012 at 11:47 am

All this crappy coffee talk make my bladder madder.

Botlrokit December 6, 2012 at 11:48 am

Might as well hate on Starbucks for being Christmas pussies too, according to the American Family Assholesiation.

Lizzietish81 December 6, 2012 at 11:58 am

where do I sign up to get Christmas pussy?

Botlrokit December 6, 2012 at 12:09 pm

For you, my friend. Merry Christmas!

Lizzietish81 December 6, 2012 at 12:13 pm

Well played sir

bikerlaureate December 6, 2012 at 12:21 pm

Companies that don't use the exact language I want them to make me so mad.

finallyhappy December 6, 2012 at 7:00 pm

Hey, I'm pretty sure VIctoria's Secret had a Christmas special with super skinny models with breast implants being angels. I saw the commercial and told my husband to DVR it and not watch it when I was in the room(since the models frequently look underage and too plasticized to me)

Chow Yun Flat December 6, 2012 at 11:48 am

nom, nom, nom…

smokefilledroommate December 6, 2012 at 12:10 pm

…omm.

ProgressiveInga December 6, 2012 at 11:51 am

On this one, specific issue but for vastly different reasons, I concur with NOM:
★Fourbucks Sucks ★

Lucidamente1 December 6, 2012 at 11:54 am

I hear the coffee at Chick-fil-A is pretty good.

mavenmaven December 6, 2012 at 11:54 am

Want to hear the right wing nightmare apocalypse scenario?
Hoveround hires a gay person.

BaldarTFlagass December 6, 2012 at 12:01 pm

I can just see Charles Nelson Reilly or Paul Lynde on a 30 minute infomercial some fine Saturday afternoon, pushing Rascals. Well, except I think they're both dead.

Lucidamente1 December 6, 2012 at 11:55 am

This is the best news since Bill O'Reilly lifted his boycott of France.

SayItWithWookies December 6, 2012 at 11:56 am

We have contacted JC Penney’s several times in the past with our concerns, and they will not listen. They have decided to ignore our complaints so we will avoid them at all costs.

And JC Penney would be really worried about this — if they sold gingham dresses, whalebone corsets, washboards or butter churns.

BadKitty904 December 6, 2012 at 12:06 pm

JC Penney: "NOM who?"

Lizzietish81 December 6, 2012 at 12:09 pm

Actually I can see the people in the PR department playing these messages on speakerphone for the rest of the office while they crack up.

I mean that's what we did when I worked in a Personal Ads dept.

SayItWithWookies December 6, 2012 at 12:17 pm

Back when snail mail was the usual way of communicating, one of my employers had a folder in their filing cabinet (ask your parents, kids) called simply "Interesting" that was always good for a few minutes' perusal. The KKK flyers were a little creepy but there some good crazy rants in there too.

actor212 December 6, 2012 at 12:29 pm

So that's how my "SWM seeks trumpeter" got on Letterman!

smokefilledroommate December 6, 2012 at 11:58 am

Why not just call yourselves 50,000 moms? One million is kinda pushin' it, there.

Botlrokit December 6, 2012 at 12:01 pm

There would be one million moms, if it weren't for all this damn abortion.

BaldarTFlagass December 6, 2012 at 12:05 pm

And education.

BaldarTFlagass December 6, 2012 at 11:59 am

Seattle Trembles!!!

I'm sure that most of the boycotters never bought any coffee fancier than what you can get down at the Valero or 7-11.

actor212 December 6, 2012 at 12:28 pm

DUNKIN' DONUTS LIBEL!

gullywompr December 6, 2012 at 12:00 pm

Cause marketing is cool I guess, but I'd rather companies focus on the quality of their product. I ain't gonna go to JC Penny's just because they pander to my political beliefs.

Mojopo December 6, 2012 at 12:13 pm

I bet I could find some socks there, or a "I'm just going out for coffee" purse.

gullywompr December 6, 2012 at 12:39 pm
Lizzietish81 December 6, 2012 at 12:00 pm

I will!

PANDER TO ME! PANDER!

gullywompr December 6, 2012 at 12:09 pm

On the other hand, I don't mind getting a coffee at Starbucks on occassion. The quality is better than 7-11, but really I do it because anthropology majors need jobs too, my friend.

starfanglednut December 6, 2012 at 4:56 pm

And relatively speaking, Starbucks is fairly good to their employees. They give benefits for 20 hours.

Mojopo December 6, 2012 at 12:05 pm

Gay Hate is so yesterday. Gay hate reminds us of the girl from school, who is nearly 50 and has the same hair-do as she did in '83. Gay hate has been done, and never well. What are you going to do with that old gay hate, people? It doesn't keep time, it sounds awful and it has no idea how to use a cell phone. It's never coming back. Throw it away.

smokefilledroommate December 6, 2012 at 12:07 pm

Don't they have sammiches to make or something?

Exhausted66 December 6, 2012 at 12:08 pm

I'd boycott NOM, but that seems like a thing the the son of a well connected Republican would do.
Am I right George W. Bush, Dick Cheney, Mitt Romney?

Monsieur_Grumpe December 6, 2012 at 12:09 pm

Boycotting reality is no way to go through life.

HouseOfTheBlueLights December 7, 2012 at 9:52 am

I once purchased one of those little booklets that traces who owns all the brands at the grocery store. Turns out everything is owned by Philip Morris or ADM so you basically can't shop. So I basically stopped shopping (true story, but then I have time to cook)

editor December 6, 2012 at 12:10 pm

"A new JCP ad features Ellen and three elves. JCP has made their choice to offend a huge majority of their customers again."

agreed. elves are pond scum.

Lizzietish81 December 6, 2012 at 12:12 pm

Yeah, no one likes seeing hot chick on elf action.

smokefilledroommate December 6, 2012 at 12:13 pm

Next outrage will be formally directed toward Little People of America.

actor212 December 6, 2012 at 12:17 pm

Boy howdy! I heard from a friend who works at the North Pole who told me the elves do nothing all day, haven't since they unionized and made the trolls do all the toy-building.

They sit around all day, drinking Starbucks and making the same "Elvish has left the building" joke at quitting time…

starfanglednut December 6, 2012 at 4:57 pm

"Elvish has left the building" FTW.

bikerlaureate December 6, 2012 at 12:25 pm

Considering the target demo, I would've expected the elves to look something like this.

Guppy December 6, 2012 at 12:10 pm

But can you at least still openly carry in a Starbucks?

BaldarTFlagass December 6, 2012 at 12:13 pm

You are doomed to failure if you decide to take on the Coffee Achievers!!!

actor212 December 6, 2012 at 12:25 pm

I'm still pissed at Bowie for that sell-out

SuspectedDemocrat December 6, 2012 at 12:27 pm

Wow. The fact that I get this reference makes me think I wasted a lot of my life watching TV in the 80s.

BigSkullF*ckingDog December 6, 2012 at 12:14 pm

Gays all over Washington State started getting marriage licenses last night. Hopefully the wingnuts will boycot us as well.

BadKitty904 December 6, 2012 at 12:17 pm

Good deal, BSFD! Congrats to the homos of WA State on finally being able to exercise the same rights as every other US citizen.

Now maybe now those wingnuts will move to the Citadel, in Idaho…

Pithaughn December 6, 2012 at 12:26 pm

Hi Dog,
We vacationed in Friday harbour this past summer and spent a night in Seattle. What a treat not to encounter hate inspired symbols and bumper stickers every minute like we endure here in Colorado. Now that pot is legal I expect Colorado will continue it's drift to the blue end of the spectrum as well. The native olds are dying off and the the new olds are a lot less red.

James Michael Curley December 6, 2012 at 1:02 pm

How does the political/tolerance spectrum match the old Native/nonNative Colorado wierdnes?

DCBloom December 6, 2012 at 1:28 pm

My sister-in-law lives in Boulder and it's bluer than blue where she is….a sea of dready white kids. I give it a couple more elections for it to become solidly in our column.

Pithaughn December 6, 2012 at 6:00 pm

Agree, although if you get to know some of the government workers for some reason they tend to be fairly conservative.�

DCBloom December 6, 2012 at 7:05 pm

YES! Hubby worked for the Wildlife commission and there were a bunch of those "rugged individual" types.. Weird, you try to explain that the gov't waste they are worried about is their JOB.

BigSkullF*ckingDog December 6, 2012 at 12:17 pm

How does the sexual orentation of the spokesperson for a second rate department store have any affect on anyones life, ever? If this sort of thing has an affect on you, I would suggest that you need to get a life of your own. Also, Ellen has been doing commercials for other companies for years. Why is it just JCP that the wingnuts are upset about?

smokefilledroommate December 6, 2012 at 12:21 pm

It's where they buy their Classy Clothes.

BigSkullF*ckingDog December 6, 2012 at 12:23 pm

Their relaxed fit, elastic waist jeans?

PugglesRule December 6, 2012 at 12:35 pm

They should be boycotting CoverGirl cosmetics too. She's a spokesperson for them as well.

DCBloom December 6, 2012 at 1:29 pm

Really? Those women don't paint their faces…

Ground Zero Mostel December 6, 2012 at 12:28 pm

I really don't see the harm in their just declaring victory and going on to something else. You can't really argue with delusional people who live in an imaginary universe.

Lizzietish81 December 6, 2012 at 12:43 pm

But you can laugh at them

MiniMencken December 6, 2012 at 12:32 pm

They have any Starbucks in Mississippi or Kansas? Keeping fucking that chicken, NOM, NOM, NOM.

BaldarTFlagass December 6, 2012 at 12:40 pm

I think they have Starbuck's at Point Barrow Alaska, and Tierra del Fuego.

natl_[redacted]_cmdr December 6, 2012 at 12:46 pm

I've been boycotting Starbucks for years because I'm against acquiring gut-rot after drinking their beverages.

Severen13 December 6, 2012 at 1:04 pm

I think Jesus would love a grande coffee frappuccino with whipped cream.

GeneralLerong December 6, 2012 at 1:16 pm

On the other hand, Starbucks pays for healthcare for their half-time employees.

Eat Shit, Walmart and Papa Johns

poorgradstudent December 6, 2012 at 1:21 pm

Do they even realize they're just helping all those liberal hippie independent coffee store owners out there?

lulzmonger December 6, 2012 at 1:27 pm

I assume they're also boycotting Canada, where the ghey have been marrying for years.

Man, it would sure suck epic levels of ass to watch the rest of the world grow up & get a ticket on the Reality Train while you carry on your Holy Jihad O' Purity against something that ever-fewer people even give a shit about any more … Seattle's Best & BLENZ have responded by hiring Ricky Martin & K.D. Lang as spokespersons, to no avail.

emmelemm December 6, 2012 at 2:30 pm

And now, Mexico! (Not that they would go to Mexico anyway – too many browns.)

Troglodeity December 6, 2012 at 1:37 pm

Not only did Penney's hire a known lesbian, but it's a well-known secret that "JC" stands for "Just Cunnilingus."

Secret_Pumpkin December 6, 2012 at 1:39 pm

I read this while drinking and eating Starbucks items for lunch.

My daughter ate Cheerios for breakfast and is wearing JC Penney brand baby socks today.

Suck it, wingnuts.

BZ1 December 6, 2012 at 1:44 pm

Not that I needed an excuse never to go to Starbucks.

rmjagg December 6, 2012 at 2:42 pm

it's all smitey-smotey with these stubby little people as they hop from one foot to another …

whatupirondog December 6, 2012 at 3:00 pm

CHRISTIAN POWERS: ACTIVATE!

FORM OF…UM…A GUY WHO DOESN'T…BUY THINGS, I GUESS?

DahBoner December 6, 2012 at 3:45 pm

Dump Mindless Belief Systems Created By Goat Herders Who Thought The Earth Is Flat.

Lizzietish81 December 7, 2012 at 8:06 am

During my sister's high school production of Joseph and the Technicolor Dreamcoat, the director would get increasingly frustrated at the cast's tendency to laugh when it was declared that Jacob and his sons "spent all their days in the field, with sheep"

fuflans December 6, 2012 at 3:53 pm

A new JCP ad features Ellen and three elves. JCP has made their choice to offend a huge majority of their customers again.

hahahahhahaha wingnut! it's not about you!!

jackass.

starfanglednut December 6, 2012 at 5:05 pm

You got it. That's the really funny part. They think absolutely everything is about them. Any time anyone, anywhere, is nice or at least not evil to a gay person, it is a personal insult directed at them. Because everyone is thinking about them, all the time.

FeloniousMonk December 6, 2012 at 6:24 pm

Don't want to patronize Starbucks or J.C. Penney? Trump is calling for a boycott of Glenfiddich. Whose round is it?

HouseOfTheBlueLights December 7, 2012 at 9:48 am

Is it just me, or does "boycott" sound really gay?

ttommyunger December 7, 2012 at 11:25 am

Starbucks: overrated, predictably unremarkable and unimpressive; and those are just the customers.

BadKitty904 December 6, 2012 at 12:24 pm

Thanx!

smokefilledroommate December 6, 2012 at 12:53 pm

Funny how I ended up shopping exclusively at thrift stores later on.

BadKitty904 December 6, 2012 at 4:35 pm

:0O

finallyhappy December 6, 2012 at 6:58 pm

yeah, me too- I felt young when a woman in my exercise class told me she finished college in 1953- the year I was born.

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