Live, Work And Play In New Development For You And All Your Idaho Militia Friends!

  going galt

Tea Party "Activists"Any second now there will be zombies and tidal waves and brown people climbing up on your roof and eating your virgin daughter’s brains. What should you do? Where should you go? Why not live out these trying times in a castle in Idaho, surrounded by a loving community of like-minded Patriots? The only rules are that you must prove that you can shoot a gun once a year every year after you turn 13. Oh, and you can’t be “a Liberal.” That’s about it — there’s a preamble about respecting other people, and a mention about submitting to arbitration panels, and roughly 10 rules that have to do with when and under what circumstances you must fire a gun. These rules are written in the Patriot Agreement, which is CLEARLY a supplement to, not a substitute for, the Constitution they love so very very much. It is basically the greatest HOA ever!

Patriots: The following represents a voluntary set of conditions to which every single resident who accepts a residence in the Citadel must agree, in writing.  This is a voluntary agreement.  The Citadel is a martial endeavor, and is not the best housing solution for everyone.

Preamble: We the People come together in this covenant of our free will and do pledge our lives, our fortunes and our sacred honor to defend one another and Jefferson’s Rightful Liberty, defined as unobstructed action according to our will within limits drawn around us by the equal rights of others.  We further affirm our intent to abide all Constitutional laws of the United States of America and the State of Idaho.

Also, Liberals are forbidden, so keep that in mind. But! There will be a Firearms Museum! And shops! And a Church! That’s not so bad, is it? REAL AMERICA.

The Citadel will have between 3,500 and 5,000 households within the walls, with a single gate permitting access. The Citadel is not to be a closed society, instead a refuge for genuine Patriots who wish to live without neighbors who are Liberals and Establishment political ideologues, open for tourists who will be welcomed into our town to visit our planned Firearms Museum, shop in our Town Center, stay in a B&B or hotel while vacationing and exploring the wonderful skiing, hunting and fishing opportunities in the area, and many other attractions we will offer.

 
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If you are a patriotic American who believes in Jefferson’s Rightful Liberty, who believes in the Constitution as written, who believes in the Declaration of Independence, and who wishes to live in a beautiful, secure mountain town that bans Liberals from living among us, consider exploring the Citadel as we evolve and build. If you need to escape your suburban life and the vulnerabilities your family faces, consider the Citadel.

You guys in? You just have to believe in a literal interpretation of the Constitution and not be a liberal, no big deal. You have to love America so very very much. So much that you expect it to totally go to hell within a decade or so because its very institutions can’t handle the pressures of a 21st century world.  Also you have to be cool with living in a giant walled community that’s kind of like a castle with a moat — but without a foundation–filled with armed 13-year olds. Nothing could possibly go wrong, amiright?

[III Citadel]

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About the author

Kris E. Benson writes about politics for Wonkette and is pursuing a doctorate in philosophy. This will come in handy for when they finally open that philosophy factory in the next town over. @Kris_E_Benson

View all articles by Kris E. Benson

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439 comments

    1. EatsBabyDingos

      My sister would like to join. She will be driving a Plymouth Satellite, faster than the speed of light. But that's because she has been living on Planet Claire.

      1. StillGoinGreen

        I would like to thank my mother and father, my beautiful wife and children, NOW, GO TO BED!, my agent, Jose Con Limon, and all the little people who have helped me snark throughout the years… you know who you are. This Wonkee is for YOU!!

    1. BadKitty904

      On the other hand, *nothing* so clearly and concretely illustrates the Teabagger mind-set.

      "Live free and fear"

    2. FNMA

      Maybe they'll have guard towers and razor wire atop the wall. And helpful people to put hot sauce on their balls.

      1. StillGoinGreen

        I didn't comment on that last story because I sometimes fancy a little rubdown of the berries with a deep heating rub… I've said too much, haven't I?

        *gets coat and finds his own way out*

        1. UW8316154

          Wait, wait! Let me go with you!

          / scurries after GoinGreen /

          Now, what kind of berries did you have in mind?

    3. StillGoinGreen

      If David Koresh had just written a preamble, we could have avoided the cookout and all those pesky little aftershocks.

    4. Whollyholeyholy

      Texas suburbs are loaded with "get the government out of my life" types residing somewhere that an HOA can dictate the color of the linings of their window-dressings. Always baffled me.

      1. StillGoinGreen

        Here in Texas, they can foreclose on your home if you don't pay your dues. Really, no shit!

          1. StillGoinGreen

            Burbs west of Dallas. You'll know me if you ever pass through, I'm "that guy that voted for the democrats" in my community. I think there was even a write-up in the Citizen.

          2. Redgyal

            Well at least you can get nice water there. Not like the city to the south with all those bars and liberals.

    5. mormos

      Right? A bunch of radical gun nuts hole themselves up in a walled compound called "the citadel;" yeah I'm sure this will end fine.

    6. pdiddycornchips

      I am in favor of the wingnuts moving into walled encampments surrounded by armed guards. It's so much easier than ferreting them out of urban hellholes;

    7. ButthurtWingers2012

      Now you're getting it….nothing says liberty like a strict interpretation of the constitution with no dissent tolerated. I love the 'no lib-rals' part of it…nothing says liberty like living in a vacuum and forcefully preventing people with alternate ideals from expressing their opinion…reminds me a lot of Maoist China, especially during the Cultural Revolution. Did you all know that the guy who effectively ended Maoism in all its grandiose stupidity was exiled twice for failing to be Communist enough? Deng Xiaoping. Purged. Twice. I wonder how wingnuttsville will handle it if anyone ever argues that maybe the consti-matution was written as a living document to be adaptable to society…purging time!

  1. Oblios_Cap

    open for tourists who will be welcomed into our town to visit our planned Firearms Museum, shop in our Town Center, stay in a B&B or hotel while vacationing and exploring the wonderful skiing, hunting and fishing opportunities in the area, and many other attractions we will offer.

    I'm sure these Real 'Mericans will exclude Liberals and their money, so as to remain true to all Constitutional laws of the United States of America and the State of Idaho.

    I wonder who decides if law is Constitutional?

      1. elviouslyqueer

        So Christianity is a philosophy and not a religion, eh? Fine. Then let's see those motherfucking "philosophical places of deep thinking and ponderation" start paying their motherfucking taxes.

      1. CommieLibunatic

        Just once, I'd like to see these dopes try and go about their days lugging around hand-fulls of shiny, heavy discs as money. If you thought a pocket full of change was bad…

        1. sullivanst

          It'd be mildly entertaining to attempt to pay for a week's stay at their four star hotel entirely in pennies. "Wait there a minute, I'll just back up my truck. It's a semi."

    1. ButthurtWingers2012

      Oblios…it's obvious isn't it? I mean okay, this might be a bit roundabout but I'm not the first one to notice the similarity between wingnuts and Stalin and Mao. In fact, when researching authoritarianism Professor Altemeyer noticed a odd occurance between right wing authoritarians and kissing up to established (read legitimate) power. What he found is these guys would be perfectly at home with Stalin's USSR and Mao's China…they'd be the ones who launched the coup as the establishment fell or who emphatically purged people during the Cultural Revolution…all we're seeing here is just them enacting this very same campaign but being hamstrung by stupidity and lack of self awareness…they think bullshit like this is protecting liberty haha…..

  2. hagajim

    First it was the white supremacists, now its the assholes. My poor former home state just can't catch a break. Oh, and there are about 9 liberals in the entire state so this should not be a problem.

    1. SorosBot

      Now I strongly suspect that many of these assholes are the white supremacists, so they're nothing new there.

      1. Negropolis

        Yep, that's how it was in Michigan. We had our own personal Idaho called Livingston County, home to the local klan. When they became less popular, they simply transformed into the "survivalists" and tea party that know inhabits the county. They didn't go anywhere; they just got a new brand.

      2. ButthurtWingers2012

        Oh hell YES they are…there's no coincidence between this selection of sites and the old neo-nazi enclaves in Coer D'Alene (I lived in Boise for 3 years…spaghetti help me). I'll be willing to BET if this stupid assed site ever gets built (it won't be for a simple reason: right wing shitheads often have TERRIBLE credit so they won't be able to get financing) they'll discriminate the hell out of any seriously confused brown or black person who tries to move in (not that anyone will…people of color aren't stupid hence why they don't vote Republican)…this is the ultimate attempt of white flight…bunch of hillbillies…

          1. hagajim

            You can add another from that neck of the woods…not to you sexytime tally, but my Dad lives there and he's a lib…and old too.

          1. ButthurtWingers2012

            No way…that's the car name? But I always thought it was a 1978 Falcon Interceptor Special (yes I do love "Road Warrior")…still, that's a pretty awesome nickname. I'd so totally infiltrate that den of stupid if I could drive the Roadwarrior car…it would be totally worth it. Especially if you could like, talk over a loudspeaker outside their idiot camp "just walk away….and I will spare your lives"…"just walk away, from the horror"…literally, too…that place is going to suck harder than two porn starlets in a suck-start competition.

    1. actor212

      I wonder what the building code for the castle will be?

      Obligatory:

      "Everyone said I was daft to build a castle on a swamp, but I built in all the same, just to show them. It sank into the swamp. So I built a second one. That sank into the swamp. So I built a third. That burned down, fell over, then sank into the swamp. But the fourth one stayed up. And that's what you're going to get, Lad, the strongest castle in all of England. "

  3. bikerlaureate

    We further affirm our intent to abide all Constitutional laws of the United States of America and the State of Idaho.

    Except that pesky Fair Housing Act, it would seem.

    -

    Also, how cool that "patriotic American" and "Liberal" are nonintersecting sets.

    1. Mahousu

      They're only abiding by "Constitutional laws." "Fair housing" sounds socialist, so there's no way that makes the cut.

      Yeah, Reitman v. Mulkey might say otherwise, but then the Supreme Court is pretty unConstitutional, too. Especially that 1960's version.

    1. VaWyo

      It's sad too because I remember getting those stickers in cereal boxes as a kid during the bicentennial. Those teabaggers ruin everything.

  4. Goonemeritus

    "The Citadel will have between 3,500 and 5,000 households within the walls, with a single gate permitting access".

    So we only have one gate to weld shut to relieve our country of 3500-5000 crazy households?

    1. VodkaGoGo

      So we only have one gate to weld shut to relieve our country of 3500-5000 crazy households assholes?

      Fixed.

    2. VaWyo

      I guess they will all die when a fire breaks out due to no regulations on electrical wiring, natural gas or weapons arsenals. There won't be a fire station either because that's socialist and many firefighters unionize. It will be so tragic.

    3. keliel

      I realize there's a lot of snark, but there is the potential for serious conflagration caused by one angry Patriot. Not to mention the potential for child/spousal abuse

    1. GlowneyHouse

      Ballard would be perfect… Neighborhoods full of fast gas guzzling cars and no commie traffic lights or stop signs to tell a God-fearin' American how to drive. He'd be in carnage glee.

  5. Callyson

    The Citadel will have between 3,500 and 5,000 households within the walls, with a single gate permitting access.

    So the wingnuts will sit in traffic every time they go home. Makes perfect sense…

    1. BadKitty904

      Waiting for hours, within sight of the compound's gates, tastefully inscribed with "Meine Ehre heißt Treue"…

  6. BaldarTFlagass

    So, who's going to provide the sewer, roads, and other infrastructure? Lemme guess—matching federal funds.

    1. Terry

      Open sewer lines leading out into a lake used both for drinking water and their hoped for tourism. Welcome to the Third World, Patriots. Roads are for wussies who don't have 4wd SUV's.

    2. Spider-Jerk

      On the blog link, they are insisting that

      "We plan to provide our own infrastructure and [sewer and water*] services. We don't believe in stealing from others to pay for what will benefit us, which is what taxes amount to. We will pay our taxes, though, so the county should end up way ahead financially. "

      *In the end they will most likely combine them anyway.

  7. Callyson

    live in a beautiful, secure mountain town that bans Liberals from living among us

    You know what other beautiful, secure mountain town banned liberals?

    1. StillGoinGreen

      Plano, TX… minus the beautiful… and the mountains (unless you allow us to count the boob jobs at the local "Twin Peaks" or "Tilted Kilt").

  8. SorosBot

    Yes, please, assholes, go Galt to your Idaho compound and stop inflicting your insanity on the rest of us.

    1. asterixaverni

      And guns. Make sure they take all the guns with them.

      Will they allow for teh secessionist to move in, or are they too librul?

      1. SorosBot

        They'll have all their guns, the meth labs, and private security and emergency responders; that sounds like a great recipe for disaster.

  9. BadKitty904

    I'm surprised they chose a location so conveniently close to the FEMA death camps next door in Wyoming…

    1. JustPixelz

      According to "Friend of Liberty" there are several FEMA camps in Idaho. Obviously this "Citadel" thing is an Obama trick to get TP'ers to self-deport so as to concentrate themselves in one place. Then shut the one door and — oopsies — they're all gone but forgotten.

      1. schvitzatura

        Better for the teatards to go Galt in an urban environment, then; kind of like MOVE did with great vigor in Cobbs Creek, Philly, PA on May 13, 1985…you see what I did there, right?

  10. kingcocrazy

    Need a mortgage? Move on, pilgrim. You can't trust those Jew bankers. Cash on the barrelhead, pardner. And by "cash," I mean gold or diamonds. Federal Reserve notes are part of the plot against our freedom!

    1. BadKitty904

      You've not heard of our very own, new town of Ave Maria, Florida, which "offers Catholic and Christian based real estate, financial and complete homeowner services"?

      1. SorosBot

        Somehow that doesn't seem to be exactly legal…
        http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Fair_Housing_Act

        "The 1968 act expanded on previous acts and prohibited discrimination concerning the sale, rental, and financing of housing based on race, religion, national origin, and since 1974, gender; since 1988, the act protects people with disabilities and families with children."

      2. Guppy

        complete homeowner services

        Performed by Mexican Catholics treated in a very unCatholic manner, no doubt.

      3. GunToting[Redacted]

        Christian-based real estate? I'm trying to picture this, but having no luck whatsoever.

          1. GunToting[Redacted]

            Yeah… I was trying to incorporate transubstantiation or something similar. Hot and cold running wine? I got nothin'.

      4. Biel_ze_Bubba

        Catholic and Christian based real estate, financial and complete homeowner services … and a Cathofundie law school.
        "Community-controlled" cable programming (and a ban on rooftop antennas) would not surprise me. It's like North Korea, with the added misery of religion.

  11. T3rbo

    Totally confused, is gay marriage OK in a Jeffersonian Democracy? Will they let gays move in as long as they are conservative and can shoot a gun and perform the other Festivus shows of strength? Do you need to be able to do a hog call before they let you into their Utopia? I need more details…

    1. VaWyo

      Not sure about gay marriage. But we do know that interracial sex was ok in a Jeffersonian Democracy. As was slavery.

  12. Lazy Media

    How do they define "Liberal?" Because I own guns and serve in the military, but I DEFINITELY want to be excluded.

          1. T3rbo

            you may be our inside man/woman on this one…practice littering, in case it comes up. We need you inside of the Vodka distillery…

    1. BadKitty904

      Snark off: As a citizen, I'd like to personally thank you for serving in our armed forces! :0)

  13. CHUDster_Arthur

    Those low-angle shots reveal the multiple chins and ponderous guts of true warriors.

    Also, not so much talk about Jefferson's atheism here. Shocking.

      1. BaldarTFlagass

        Well, poor Tom Jefferson
        He loved the little maid out back
        Midnight creepin' out to the servant's shack
        Kept a secret under the bed
        Wrapped in a burlap sack

        Well, I drove all day and night
        Out to Jericho Citadel
        But in my second mind
        I knew it was time to go
        Yeah, and I still get nervous every time
        That bugle blows

  14. actor212

    So if I show up and enter for the interview, during which I pull out an arsenal and start cleaning the guns, and they ask "Are you a pooftah liberal?" and I point my weapon (with votes!) at them, you really think they're going to ban me?

    1. CommieLibunatic

      I'd love to see them squirm in conflict as a LIEbrul cleans and services an anti-materiel rifle.

      1. schvitzatura

        The furniture on this one is pretty much a tree trunk; kinda like a 3-line rifle, Model 1891 Mosin Nagant, on crystal meth…

    1. GunToting[Redacted]

      Well, the NRA already has the market on fleecing the rubes (see the billion or so "OBAMMERZZZ is CUMMIN fer yer GUNZZZZ" emails), so the Board of Realtors is likely to want a piece of that pie.

  15. 4TheTurnstiles

    They'll still have to go in to Moscow (that's Idaho's Berkeley, dontcha know) to get smoked salmon jerky at the food co-op and the only decent pizza before you get to Walla Walla. Which means, of course, SOCIALISMz.

    srsly, the Palouse is a great place and they don't need this shit

  16. T3rbo

    "The folks in the Citadel will wear clothes" THAT'S NOT IN THE FUCKING CONSTITUTION, STOP TREADING ON ME!!!!

    1. Cicada

      Nah. Bioshock's scenario requires a community that understands and embraces science. These folks are more likely to end up in a wasteland dystopia where the streets are littered with empty Big Mac wrappers and gangs of obese people roam the streets with guns mounted on their Hovarounds.

    2. BadKitty904

      I keep picturing the mad, creepy-ass preacher, in "Poltergeist II," luring his followers into a cavern, then sealing it shut, to "save them" from the Apocalypse…

      "God is iiiiiin His holy Teeem-PLE, earthly thooooughts be silent NOW…"

    3. Spider-Jerk

      For that to happen, wouldn't they have to have working infrastructure of some kind first?

      Although I suppose if Bioshock had been set on some best-forgotten stretch of land somewhere in the middle of nowhere, it could just have easily have worked as a fiefdom built on corrugated scrap and repurposed freightcars.

  17. gullywompr

    Why not? They've been living in an ideological cul-de-sac of their own making for years, about time they built a physical one.

    1. Spider-Jerk

      A corral would be a much more stable structure to live in than whatever these nuts end up building, especially in a region where snow collects like crazy over the winter.

  18. mbobier

    I'm sure they will give their 13-year-olds a beautiful ceremony wherein the child in question recites a Bible verse about the sacred nature of firearms (that shouldn't take long, since there aren't any), takes a swig of Mountain Dew, blasts a shotgun at the sky, and says, "Today I am a Wingnut."

    1. T3rbo

      Very close-the temple will be an Applebee's with all of the teevees turned to NASCAR. And there is no bible verse-the new man (like they will let women do this!) will just recite a poem he wrote about niggers and spit as far as he can. It will be during the Daytona 500, right before it starts

  19. widestanceromance

    Government-funded Rascals are confiscated at the gate, too, right? They are nothing more than dependency carts, after all.

    I'd love to see a place in America where freedom-loving fat-asses crawl along the ground happy to do so.

  20. BigSkullF*ckingDog

    I'll be taking bets on how long it takes before one really big meth-lab explosion and the resulting fire/chemical fallout kills most of the inhabitants.

    1. BigSkullF*ckingDog

      And sorry, no, the tax payer funded fire department will not be on its way. Now get the fuck off of our tax payer funded 911.

  21. qwerty42

    Well, this should turn out well. Why do I think the only one who will come out ahead in this is the person(s) who sell the real estate? And the rest will be in their stalag camp wondering why visitors are so few?

    1. Oblios_Cap

      It's being "sponsored" by a arms seller (III Citadel Arms), and everybody in town agrees to carry a handgun at all times and have an AR-15, ammo, & a year's worth of vittles stored away. It's more than just the real estate agent getting rich.

      1. qwerty42

        So the whole thing is just a scam to feed off a bunch of poor paranoids. I feel they are being taken advantage of but I cannot imagine the'd take my word for it. I should make a comment about about 47% or something, but it just seems sad.

      2. SuspectedDemocrat

        The best part, they're all planning to work for the arms industry.

        AnonymousDecember 5, 2012 9:16 AM
        How do the residents plan to earn money?

        Miss VioletDecember 5, 2012 10:34 AM
        III Arms will provide initial jobs, then as people move and open businesses other jobs will become available, just like in any community

        1. BaldarTFlagass

          "The best part, they're all planning to work for the arms industry."

          Once they get a government contract, they'll be In Like Flynn.

  22. cousinitt

    This is so genius, they'll never suspect. Obama will give their project federal funding, and invite all the loons and wingers, er, patriots, from all parts to settle in "Citadel". Because Freedom. Idaho secedes from the USA. And before you can say whud?, we'll pull the switch and the electronic dog fence goes up around Citadel. Puerto Rico becomes the new 50th state.

  23. GoodDogThor

    "…do pledge our lives, our fortunes and our sacred honor to defend one another…"

    Sounds Communist!

  24. Wadisay

    The town meetings will be hysterical, where they try to figure out what Thomas Jefferson would do about buring tires in your front yard.

    1. T3rbo

      Yeah, EVERYONE wearing the same stupid fucking faux 18th century garb, tripping over the thees and thous, demanding it is their right to smoke indoors during the meeting, brandishing sniper rifles. The same misquotes repeated thousands of times in a row (THOSE WHO SACRIFICE LIBERTY FOR FREEDOM DESERVE NONE OF THAT SHIT!), and the same grievances about pitbulls killing livestock over and over and over

  25. Goonemeritus

    ‘You folks need to consider weather as they get a good portion of snow for 4-5 months. Not sure how much they plow either”

    This was one of the comments on a proposed Idaho location. Worrying about the lack of public services doesn’t seem very libertarian.

  26. Poindexter718

    When their utopian walled city turns into the living hell it surely will be and the Idaho National Guard is forced to airlift in food, President Hillary Clinton will begin the reconciliation process with a speech in Boise declaring her solidarity with the Citadel residents that will include the memorable line "Ich bin ein shit-eating grinner."

  27. MaxUdargo

    Fuck "living in a right-wing bubble." Bubbles are flimsy and transparent. Let's go live in a fucking right-wing citadel! We will never concede to reality!

  28. elviouslyqueer

    OH man, the Entrepreneurs and Businesses page is comedy GOLD. They apparently plan on including within their walls a Beer Brewery and a Vodka Distillery (enjoy your dealings with Idaho's ABC, motherfuckers), a Medical Center (presumably one that doesn't trade in Obamacare), and a "Bank" (trading in hard metals along the Lakota Model). And I'm sure the proposed grocery store, farmer's market, 4-star or better hotel, and local branch of Cabela's will be thrilled to accept your hard metals and wampum in lieu of cash.

    1. Oblios_Cap

      You gotta admire their Mormom-like belief in something so stupid most people would laugh them out of town.

    2. vulpes82

      A bunch of drunken gun-wielders in some desolate (but I'm sure very beautiful) stretch of Idaho? WHAT COULD GO WRONG?!!!

    3. malsperanza

      You laugh, but it sounds adorable to me. I'm picturing Portmerion, but with more visible gun turrets.

      Everyone in town will leverage their home for cash; the bank will invest in shady 2nd mortgages and go bust. And then Walmart, Costco, and Ikea will move in to a huge empty tract just outside the walls, drain all the business from main street, and bankrupt the mom 'n pop shops selling Galt T shirts and coffee mugs. Also: Galt BBQ aprons. Will this town have any, youknow, jobs or industries? Because those will outsource to China.

      That's when the Elders of Galtville will vote to pull up stakes, load up the SUVs, and head for the Donner Pass, aiming to cross into California before winter sets in.

    1. T3rbo

      I am sure they have a "No nigger/mestizo/asian allowed past the firearm museum" policy, just like the CONSTITUTION used to

  29. kittensdontlie

    I remain hopeful that this community will consider a site closer to the Yellowstone Supervolcano which is nearer S.E. Idaho, just because…

  30. HarryButtle

    Wait…what happens if somebody's kid starts showing Librul tendencies? Does the whole family have to move out, or do they just ship the kid off to live with his relatives in San Francisco or Europe?

  31. WhatTheHeck

    But…but..Jefferson was a liberal – when it came to the sexing of the wimmins. I bet he upheld his constitution repeatedly.

  32. Dashboard Buddha

    unobstructed action according to our will

    Do what thou wilt shall be the whole of the law*

    *Certain restrictions apply.

  33. Poindexter718

    BTW: Is that Victoria Jackson b/t the two wigged dudes in the picture?
    She's looking better these days; lost some weight.

  34. Terry

    "…open for tourists who will be welcomed into our town to visit our planned Firearms Museum, shop in our Town Center, stay in a B&B or hotel while vacationing and exploring the wonderful skiing, hunting and fishing opportunities in the area, and many other attractions we will offer."

    The chances of that are slim to none and slim just left town.

  35. VodkaGoGo

    So it's like Galts Gulch lite? Wall themselves off from society only leave a gate so as to continue to enjoy the benefits of the society they shun, like when junior inevitably shoots his dick off they'll take him to a hospitol outside the walls? Hmmm I want to say more about this but all I can really do is continue to paraphrase the article because, FUCK, it really is that simple.

    I should have just stuck with my gut reaction which goes something like "FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU AAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!

    1. Jukesgrrl

      1,025,232 Arizona voters cast their ballot for President Obama in November. So … not even close. Besides, even in Flagstaff our Januaries don't resemble Moscow's.

    1. BigSkullF*ckingDog

      Just like porn, skip forward to the good part. You know, the inevitable stand off with the feds when the government tries to shut down the distillery for elevated levels of methanol in their products and the whole community goes apeshit.

  36. drewehartnyc

    Actually if you read the comment threads, they don't sound that bad – they are okay with teh gays and will allow gay couples, follow laws, plan on building a Vodka distillery and two beer breweries. Doesn't sound that bad, for only the price of stating your respect of Jeffersonian principles – hopefully without the whole slavery thing.

  37. Ruhe

    Is there a sociological/mathematical formula that predicts the rate at which such a self-selecting purified population will nonetheless begin to break into factions?

      1. Blueb4sinrise

        Originally I was wondering how high the walls will be. If there's a wildfire in the area, they'd better be plenty high, and don't be callin the USFS to save their asses as sometimes happens in these rural developments.

  38. mustangsavvy

    Yipee! Where do I sign up to commit…er…I mean register….no wait, that's not right either….er….to enroll (!) my wingnut relatives in this city of light & liberty where gun shooting is mandatory and there is *literally* only one way out??

  39. Whale Chowder

    How long do you suppose it'll be before it's an abandoned ghost town with tumbleweeds blowing through the streets?

  40. BornInATrailer

    In a planning snafu, this new compound is right next door to the Charles Worley fenced in area where they store the homos until they die out.

    At least it'll make for a wacky sitcom.

  41. Nopantsmcgee

    It's kinda been an American Dream of mine to get all the paranoid schizophrenics in one place. Yay, for Idaho.

        1. sullivanst

          I see I'm not the only one that found the parallels striking. I was surprised not to see mention of Triangle in the media coverage of Bangladesh, although I didn't really see much of it.

  42. MrDorkbutt

    I like the "3,500 and 5,000 households within the walls, with a single gate permitting access". They are one carelessly managed Marlboro Light away from turning Idaho into a blue state.

  43. mavenmaven

    I think this is great. FEMA should help build more places like this where "patriots" can live in isolated locked areas. Keep them "concentrated" in their little self imposed "camps".

  44. MrDorkbutt

    How do I prove I am not a liberal? Do I have to show them the image of Nancy Reagan's face I had tattoo'd on my scrotum?

    1. elfgoldsackring

      "See, if I pull the skin taut: young Nancy. And release it again for old Nancy. Old Nancy, young Nancy, old…

    2. Wile E. Quixote

      That's not enough for these patriots, you have to show them an image of Ronald Reagan's scrotum that you had tattooed on your face, but I've heard that they'll also let in that guy who had the Romney/Ryan logo tattooed on the side of his head.

  45. Monsieur_Grumpe

    Come on Wingnutzs! You gotta admit that life without us Libtards would be really boring. What would you have to be outraged about anyway? The garbage being picked up late? Your wife forgetting the Cheez Whiz again? Kids flunking the Home Scooled Spellin™ test for the 15th time?

  46. Guppy

    If there's anything Teabaggers hate more than the IRS, it's the HOA.

    I'm going to grab some popcorn and watch, from a minimum safe distance, with #14 welder's glass.

  47. Juicy_Stalin

    "As long as your structure is not anchored into the ground (portable, like a shed) you don't need to tell anyone, anything. If your structure is anchored with a foundation, permits and codes from the 2007 BOCA are the governing rules."

    I can't wait until these idiots start building McMansions with no foundations in order to get around building codes. Can you imagine the gunfights that will ensue when Clem's 6 room house on a hill literally slides into his neighbors yard.

    "But Gee, I built my house out of 26 sheds, how come it dont work good? DAMNED PROPERTY CODES!"

    1. FeloniousMonk

      Good luck on getting their Committee for Patriotic Safety, or whatever they call it, to understand that distinction. Liberal, socialist, Marxist-Leninist, Maoist, Spartacist … they don 't know what it is, but they know they're agin it. Tell them you're an anarcho-Trotskyist and all they'll hear is "I am a bad person."

      Four years of hearing Obama described as a socialist, with not many people breaking out in helpless laughter (thank you, Wonketeers), has worn me down. I hope I can get through another four without beating somebody over the head with a dictionary.

  48. rickmaci

    Is it just me? The Shitadel sounds like a really crappy place to live. Lots of rules: you must do this, you can't do that. Don't think Jefferson would like the place; too aggressively autocratic and authoritarian, not really very democratic.

  49. UW8316154

    Those castle walls look mighty short. I mean, they only come up to the patriot's thighs. Maybe they got the scale wrong, like the stage set in Spinal Tap?

  50. VaWyo

    From the Patriot Agreement – Eight: All Patriots shall agree to remain armed with a loaded sidearm whenever visiting the Citadel Town Center,

    I sense a problem with this rule when combined with the rule that states the agreement may only be changed with unanimous consent.

  51. Pap Finn

    A medieval walled town for anti-Enlightenment savages. Perfect.

    Is it OK for me to want to see that place hammered into rubble and burned down to glowing coals by the BATF? I mean, is that normal?

    1. SuspectedDemocrat

      It's okay because everyone will be required to carry a loaded firearm while swimming in the pool. For security.

  52. GortRay

    With all those teabaggers gathered in one place and shooting guns for freedumb they can thin their own herd themselves. Sounds like win-win to me.

  53. Biel_ze_Bubba

    "We further affirm our intent to abide all Constitutional laws of the United States…"

    Can't miss the only adjective in the sentence, and the handy-dandy back door it provides.

  54. SuspectedDemocrat

    "All Patriots shall agree to remain armed with a loaded sidearm whenever visiting the Citadel Town Center"

    Their swim team is not going to the finals this year.

  55. smokefilledroommate

    Our community is not for everyone. But if you think you and your family would like to live among real Patriots and to be prepared for an America when the SHTF, consider the Citadel.

    Ha! Love that last part. Think of the Citadel for housing in this pre-shit hits the fan era.
    So markedly professional.

  56. ttommyunger

    Idaho, the largest outdoor crapper ever. Hotter than the hinges of Hell half the time; the other half is so snow-covered you have to climb a tree to take a shit. Scenery that makes a Moonscape look lush and the cherry on top: locked in with a bunch of paranoid wing-nuts 24-7. So long as that offer from Beezlebub is still good, I think I'll pass; you know, the one about being in Hell with a broken back.

  57. VicariousMe

    I only have one question will the menfolk get their own personal Sally? I'm asking for a friend.

  58. Jennyjen798

    Oh man so much fail in this. Where to even begin…It's just so overwhelming! And oddly enough, this whole story reminds me more of Animal Farm than anything else. "All animals are created equal, but some animals are more equal than others!" Oh the irony that they don't have the awareness to recognize it ! HA! Myopia FTW!

  59. Juicy_Stalin

    I read through that entire website and.. jesus christ.. it has to be a satire.
    1) CASTLE WALLS
    2) ONE property owner (the plan is that somebody owns all the land and only has 30 year leases for tracts, that the leasees will have to improve with their own funds)
    3) The residents have to pay tribute
    4) One person makes the rules and can decide arbitrarily whatever they want is law and can expel you from the community. (No mention of jails or public executions yet)
    5) Every household must offer one able bodied person over the age of 13 to serve in their militia.

    These people aren't talking about creating a wingnut enclave, they are talking about creating a literal fiefdom out of the middle ages

  60. GeneralLerong

    Are these people unaware of drones?

    Although, come to think of it, a nice BC siege would be fun to watch, complete with the skulls of the defenders decorating the smoking remains of the citadel after the siege engines got to work.

  61. fishskicanoe

    I guess Bill O'Reilly was right. The white conservative American is imbued a strong, strong work ethic. Here they are building their very own FEMA concentration camp without the use of Uncle Sam's money. Right on, brothers.

  62. Negropolis

    You know who else had an end-of-days compound in rural Idaho?

    BTW, in my city they call this a co-op, except that they don't have guns and they have tons of urban chickens.

  63. Negropolis

    If you are a patriotic American who believes in Jefferson’s Rightful Liberty, who believes in the Constitution as written, who believes in the Declaration of Independence, and who wishes to live in a beautiful, secure mountain town that bans Liberals from living among us, consider exploring the Citadel as we evolve and build.

    Wait, didn't he just describe Idaho? I know, I know "Boise libel!" Whatever. lol

    This is a remake of Walking Dead. Been there, done that.

  64. dopper0189

    The fort I built when I was 6 was so much cooler! I used 4 chairs and 2 blankets so I built it on the cheep unlike these bozos!!!

  65. myykuul

    Benewah County (named after a Coeur d'Alene tribe chief – akin to naming a subdivision after the forest developers leveled to build the subdivision) had approx 12 people per square mile in the 2000 Census. So the plan is to enclose 3000 to 5000 households on roughly 4.5 square miles (not including the thriving business district and myriad shooting ranges)? They'll be eating each other in under a year.

  66. Jerri

    Oh, how I wish it were possible to pull up a nice recliner in front of this proposed compound's location, crack a couple-three beers and watch these all-stars try to make this happen all on their own.

    Do any of you guys know how to play Yakety Sax?

  67. outragedcitizen

    How about we build a Liberal compound with two gates, the rear one butting, (pun intended) up against the one gate into their compound so they have to pass among the unwashed liberals every time they wanted to leave their island of assholery.

  68. dcjdjay

    First sign of forest fires, drought, floods, earthquakes or a meteor from Xenu, and these "patriots" will demand disaster relief $$$ from us liberals and Eastern establishment types.

  69. Spider-Jerk

    A 3,500-5,000- person building complex/"castle" built without any foundations? Even without the gun-nuttery and the part where everyone who moves there has to sign away a bunch of their rights, this is going to be amazing.

  70. LIT_Fag

    I see a new marketing opportunity for the very desolate Hot Springs Village.

    And who will the un-hispanic version of Erik Estrada be to advertise for the Citadel?

  71. notanncoulter

    some questions for the application they seem to have missed:
    1. How many rolls of tin foil do you currently have on hand?
    2. What would you consider to be an ample supply of said foil?
    3. Should we look into bulk purchases?

  72. wolvenwood13

    Should I even bother to ask if the homos are allowed? How about the blahs, are they allowed in? No? So much for the Constitution's equal rights for all.

  73. shastakoala

    I have lived in Idaho my entire life and have yet to meet any militia or neos . . . oops, gotta go now, it's my night to walk the perimeter!

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