GOING GALT  3:23 pm December 5, 2012

Live, Work And Play In New Development For You And All Your Idaho Militia Friends!

by Kris E. Benson

Tea Party "Activists"Any second now there will be zombies and tidal waves and brown people climbing up on your roof and eating your virgin daughter’s brains. What should you do? Where should you go? Why not live out these trying times in a castle in Idaho, surrounded by a loving community of like-minded Patriots? The only rules are that you must prove that you can shoot a gun once a year every year after you turn 13. Oh, and you can’t be “a Liberal.” That’s about it — there’s a preamble about respecting other people, and a mention about submitting to arbitration panels, and roughly 10 rules that have to do with when and under what circumstances you must fire a gun. These rules are written in the Patriot Agreement, which is CLEARLY a supplement to, not a substitute for, the Constitution they love so very very much. It is basically the greatest HOA ever!

Patriots: The following represents a voluntary set of conditions to which every single resident who accepts a residence in the Citadel must agree, in writing.  This is a voluntary agreement.  The Citadel is a martial endeavor, and is not the best housing solution for everyone.

Preamble: We the People come together in this covenant of our free will and do pledge our lives, our fortunes and our sacred honor to defend one another and Jefferson’s Rightful Liberty, defined as unobstructed action according to our will within limits drawn around us by the equal rights of others.  We further affirm our intent to abide all Constitutional laws of the United States of America and the State of Idaho.

Also, Liberals are forbidden, so keep that in mind. But! There will be a Firearms Museum! And shops! And a Church! That’s not so bad, is it? REAL AMERICA.

The Citadel will have between 3,500 and 5,000 households within the walls, with a single gate permitting access. The Citadel is not to be a closed society, instead a refuge for genuine Patriots who wish to live without neighbors who are Liberals and Establishment political ideologues, open for tourists who will be welcomed into our town to visit our planned Firearms Museum, shop in our Town Center, stay in a B&B or hotel while vacationing and exploring the wonderful skiing, hunting and fishing opportunities in the area, and many other attractions we will offer.

If you are a patriotic American who believes in Jefferson’s Rightful Liberty, who believes in the Constitution as written, who believes in the Declaration of Independence, and who wishes to live in a beautiful, secure mountain town that bans Liberals from living among us, consider exploring the Citadel as we evolve and build. If you need to escape your suburban life and the vulnerabilities your family faces, consider the Citadel.

You guys in? You just have to believe in a literal interpretation of the Constitution and not be a liberal, no big deal. You have to love America so very very much. So much that you expect it to totally go to hell within a decade or so because its very institutions can’t handle the pressures of a 21st century world.  Also you have to be cool with living in a giant walled community that’s kind of like a castle with a moat — but without a foundation–filled with armed 13-year olds. Nothing could possibly go wrong, amiright?

[III Citadel]

 

Hola wonkerados.

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{ 439 comments }

freakishlywrong November 29, 2012 at 11:06 am

I'm afraid to look Dr. Blow in the eyes.

MissTaken November 29, 2012 at 11:39 am

Show me on the doll where the mean doll turned you gay.

Callyson December 5, 2012 at 3:36 pm

I know I'd like to see the superpatriots' signals…

StillGoinGreen December 5, 2012 at 3:24 pm

"You're living in your own private Idaho!!"

Chet Kincaid_ December 5, 2012 at 3:28 pm

Oh goddamn it, and that song has been on my mind all week, too!!

EatsBabyDingos December 5, 2012 at 3:31 pm

My sister would like to join. She will be driving a Plymouth Satellite, faster than the speed of light. But that's because she has been living on Planet Claire.

BaldarTFlagass December 5, 2012 at 3:40 pm

Not a lot of lobsters, rock or otherwise, that far from the ocean.

ProgressiveInga December 5, 2012 at 3:55 pm

But you can roam, if you want to. Roam around the world.

GhostBuggy December 5, 2012 at 4:02 pm

This comment thread has a lot of Good Stuff.

VaWyo December 5, 2012 at 4:26 pm

I'm gonna build a love shack within those walls.

UW8316154 December 5, 2012 at 4:34 pm

Glitter on the mattress!

HouseOfTheBlueLights December 5, 2012 at 4:52 pm

You win the internet today.

StillGoinGreen December 5, 2012 at 5:12 pm

I would like to thank my mother and father, my beautiful wife and children, NOW, GO TO BED!, my agent, Jose Con Limon, and all the little people who have helped me snark throughout the years… you know who you are. This Wonkee is for YOU!!

hagajim December 5, 2012 at 5:23 pm

On the ground like a wild potato.

drbill0620 December 5, 2012 at 10:33 pm

Oh your own private Hell…

Chet Kincaid_ December 5, 2012 at 3:26 pm

Nothing says "liberty" like a giant, armed compound with one fucking gate.

BadKitty904 December 5, 2012 at 3:28 pm

On the other hand, *nothing* so clearly and concretely illustrates the Teabagger mind-set.

"Live free and fear"

actor212 December 5, 2012 at 3:37 pm

"Live caged behind concrete and stone 30 feet high free and fear"

FTFY, for accuracy

FNMA December 5, 2012 at 3:31 pm

Maybe they'll have guard towers and razor wire atop the wall. And helpful people to put hot sauce on their balls.

StillGoinGreen December 5, 2012 at 3:52 pm

I didn't comment on that last story because I sometimes fancy a little rubdown of the berries with a deep heating rub… I've said too much, haven't I?

*gets coat and finds his own way out*

UW8316154 December 5, 2012 at 4:36 pm

Wait, wait! Let me go with you!

/ scurries after GoinGreen /

Now, what kind of berries did you have in mind?

actor212 December 5, 2012 at 3:37 pm

What's the old saying? If you build walls around you, you can end up building them so high you're just keeping yourself in"?

StillGoinGreen December 5, 2012 at 3:37 pm

If David Koresh had just written a preamble, we could have avoided the cookout and all those pesky little aftershocks.

Whollyholeyholy December 5, 2012 at 3:41 pm

Texas suburbs are loaded with "get the government out of my life" types residing somewhere that an HOA can dictate the color of the linings of their window-dressings. Always baffled me.

StillGoinGreen December 5, 2012 at 3:48 pm

Here in Texas, they can foreclose on your home if you don't pay your dues. Really, no shit!

Redgyal December 5, 2012 at 4:04 pm

You must be in the Dallas area.

StillGoinGreen December 5, 2012 at 4:11 pm

Burbs west of Dallas. You'll know me if you ever pass through, I'm "that guy that voted for the democrats" in my community. I think there was even a write-up in the Citizen.

Jukesgrrl December 5, 2012 at 4:11 pm

I heard a report on NPR about a soldier in Iraq who lost his house when his wife had failed to pay the HOA dues while he was away.

Negropolis December 6, 2012 at 12:40 am

But, unions are still the spawn of satan, right?

OneYieldRegular December 5, 2012 at 3:53 pm

Nothing says "visit from the fire marshall" like that either.

mormos December 5, 2012 at 4:09 pm

Right? A bunch of radical gun nuts hole themselves up in a walled compound called "the citadel;" yeah I'm sure this will end fine.

Tangled sin tax December 5, 2012 at 5:20 pm

Bit of epoxy on the front door once they're all inside oughta handle things.

Dimitrios_M December 5, 2012 at 11:15 pm

Wait until they're all filled up and then hammer in the bung.

pdiddycornchips December 5, 2012 at 7:41 pm

I am in favor of the wingnuts moving into walled encampments surrounded by armed guards. It's so much easier than ferreting them out of urban hellholes;

ButthurtWingers2012 December 6, 2012 at 2:22 am

Now you're getting it….nothing says liberty like a strict interpretation of the constitution with no dissent tolerated. I love the 'no lib-rals' part of it…nothing says liberty like living in a vacuum and forcefully preventing people with alternate ideals from expressing their opinion…reminds me a lot of Maoist China, especially during the Cultural Revolution. Did you all know that the guy who effectively ended Maoism in all its grandiose stupidity was exiled twice for failing to be Communist enough? Deng Xiaoping. Purged. Twice. I wonder how wingnuttsville will handle it if anyone ever argues that maybe the consti-matution was written as a living document to be adaptable to society…purging time!

Oblios_Cap December 5, 2012 at 3:26 pm

open for tourists who will be welcomed into our town to visit our planned Firearms Museum, shop in our Town Center, stay in a B&B or hotel while vacationing and exploring the wonderful skiing, hunting and fishing opportunities in the area, and many other attractions we will offer.

I'm sure these Real 'Mericans will exclude Liberals and their money, so as to remain true to all Constitutional laws of the United States of America and the State of Idaho.

I wonder who decides if law is Constitutional?

BadKitty904 December 5, 2012 at 3:29 pm

Wait 'til the first "brown" tourists show up…

elviouslyqueer November 29, 2012 at 11:47 am

So Christianity is a philosophy and not a religion, eh? Fine. Then let's see those motherfucking "philosophical places of deep thinking and ponderation" start paying their motherfucking taxes.

Callyson December 5, 2012 at 3:37 pm

Whoever has the biggest gun, probs.

actor212 December 5, 2012 at 3:47 pm

I wonder who decides if law is Constitutional?

Th' end of mah gun barrel.

BadKitty904 December 5, 2012 at 3:49 pm

God will decide.

Yellerdawg December 5, 2012 at 4:34 pm

Will they accept fiat currency, or only gold?

CommieLibunatic December 5, 2012 at 4:42 pm

Just once, I'd like to see these dopes try and go about their days lugging around hand-fulls of shiny, heavy discs as money. If you thought a pocket full of change was bad…

sullivanst December 5, 2012 at 4:49 pm

It'd be mildly entertaining to attempt to pay for a week's stay at their four star hotel entirely in pennies. "Wait there a minute, I'll just back up my truck. It's a semi."

ButthurtWingers2012 December 6, 2012 at 2:46 am

Oblios…it's obvious isn't it? I mean okay, this might be a bit roundabout but I'm not the first one to notice the similarity between wingnuts and Stalin and Mao. In fact, when researching authoritarianism Professor Altemeyer noticed a odd occurance between right wing authoritarians and kissing up to established (read legitimate) power. What he found is these guys would be perfectly at home with Stalin's USSR and Mao's China…they'd be the ones who launched the coup as the establishment fell or who emphatically purged people during the Cultural Revolution…all we're seeing here is just them enacting this very same campaign but being hamstrung by stupidity and lack of self awareness…they think bullshit like this is protecting liberty haha…..

hagajim December 5, 2012 at 3:26 pm

First it was the white supremacists, now its the assholes. My poor former home state just can't catch a break. Oh, and there are about 9 liberals in the entire state so this should not be a problem.

SorosBot December 5, 2012 at 3:31 pm

Now I strongly suspect that many of these assholes are the white supremacists, so they're nothing new there.

hagajim December 5, 2012 at 5:25 pm

Good point.

Negropolis December 6, 2012 at 12:42 am

Yep, that's how it was in Michigan. We had our own personal Idaho called Livingston County, home to the local klan. When they became less popular, they simply transformed into the "survivalists" and tea party that know inhabits the county. They didn't go anywhere; they just got a new brand.

ButthurtWingers2012 December 6, 2012 at 2:50 am

Oh hell YES they are…there's no coincidence between this selection of sites and the old neo-nazi enclaves in Coer D'Alene (I lived in Boise for 3 years…spaghetti help me). I'll be willing to BET if this stupid assed site ever gets built (it won't be for a simple reason: right wing shitheads often have TERRIBLE credit so they won't be able to get financing) they'll discriminate the hell out of any seriously confused brown or black person who tries to move in (not that anyone will…people of color aren't stupid hence why they don't vote Republican)…this is the ultimate attempt of white flight…bunch of hillbillies…

BaldarTFlagass December 5, 2012 at 3:32 pm

I know one of them! She lives in Idaho Falls!!!

emmelemm December 5, 2012 at 4:10 pm

You know another one! His name is Dok Zoom!

BaldarTFlagass December 5, 2012 at 4:24 pm

I meant in a biblical way.

emmelemm December 5, 2012 at 4:28 pm

Well, I never!

Chet Kincaid_ December 5, 2012 at 4:26 pm

He can live among them at the Citadel, doing undercover journalism!

actor212 December 5, 2012 at 4:36 pm

And drive Vlad the Impala like Mel Gibson in Road Warrior.

SuspectedDemocrat December 5, 2012 at 6:12 pm

Welcome to White Pride-a-ho!

BadKitty904 December 5, 2012 at 3:27 pm

"The Citadel," in Idaho = Jonestown, with a side o' fries.

RedneckMuslin December 5, 2012 at 3:37 pm

Yes, you have to drink the Kool Aid to enter.

StillGoinGreen December 5, 2012 at 4:02 pm

Freedom fries, I presume.

*pukes*

SigDeFlyinMonky December 5, 2012 at 4:08 pm

But there are no jokes about Jonestown… because the punch lines are too long!

BadKitty904 December 5, 2012 at 4:11 pm

Fozzie, is that you?

StillGoinGreen December 5, 2012 at 5:25 pm

♫ ♪BA DUMP – CHI♪ ♫

Negropolis December 6, 2012 at 12:43 am

"Jonestown: Now with less actual socialism!"

jello_mold December 6, 2012 at 9:10 am

Dayyuuum, you nailed it.

BaldarTFlagass December 5, 2012 at 3:27 pm

Gee, sounds like a friendly place!

actor212 December 5, 2012 at 4:24 pm

I wonder what the building code for the castle will be?

Obligatory:

"Everyone said I was daft to build a castle on a swamp, but I built in all the same, just to show them. It sank into the swamp. So I built a second one. That sank into the swamp. So I built a third. That burned down, fell over, then sank into the swamp. But the fourth one stayed up. And that's what you're going to get, Lad, the strongest castle in all of England. "

Stevola December 6, 2012 at 2:25 am

"But I don"t want it!"

Oblios_Cap December 5, 2012 at 3:27 pm

Go for the Super Tuber, stay for the ambiance.

bikerlaureate December 5, 2012 at 3:28 pm

We further affirm our intent to abide all Constitutional laws of the United States of America and the State of Idaho.

Except that pesky Fair Housing Act, it would seem.

-

Also, how cool that "patriotic American" and "Liberal" are nonintersecting sets.

Ground Zero Mostel December 5, 2012 at 4:03 pm

I have a feeling by "constitution" they mean their imaginary version.

Mahousu December 5, 2012 at 4:04 pm

They're only abiding by "Constitutional laws." "Fair housing" sounds socialist, so there's no way that makes the cut.

Yeah, Reitman v. Mulkey might say otherwise, but then the Supreme Court is pretty unConstitutional, too. Especially that 1960's version.

FlownOver December 5, 2012 at 3:28 pm

Weezy, they're after our rightful liberty!

Maman December 5, 2012 at 3:28 pm

Have I ever mentioned that I have a near violent reaction whenever I see the Don't Tread on Me flag?

Disassembly December 5, 2012 at 3:31 pm

You must be a born treader.

VaWyo December 5, 2012 at 4:31 pm

It's sad too because I remember getting those stickers in cereal boxes as a kid during the bicentennial. Those teabaggers ruin everything.

Goonemeritus December 5, 2012 at 3:28 pm

"The Citadel will have between 3,500 and 5,000 households within the walls, with a single gate permitting access".

So we only have one gate to weld shut to relieve our country of 3500-5000 crazy households?

mbobier December 5, 2012 at 3:44 pm

How considerate of them!

SnarkOff December 5, 2012 at 3:45 pm

Even better, the Muslim terrorists now have the perfect bombing target.

OneYieldRegular December 5, 2012 at 3:54 pm

I note they say nothing about permitting exit.

FlownOver December 5, 2012 at 3:59 pm

You can check out any time you like…

VodkaGoGo December 5, 2012 at 4:05 pm

So we only have one gate to weld shut to relieve our country of 3500-5000 crazy households assholes?

Fixed.

VaWyo December 5, 2012 at 4:35 pm

I guess they will all die when a fire breaks out due to no regulations on electrical wiring, natural gas or weapons arsenals. There won't be a fire station either because that's socialist and many firefighters unionize. It will be so tragic.

keliel December 5, 2012 at 5:21 pm

I realize there's a lot of snark, but there is the potential for serious conflagration caused by one angry Patriot. Not to mention the potential for child/spousal abuse

hagajim December 5, 2012 at 5:26 pm

Mormon compound for the win?

bobbert December 5, 2012 at 9:44 pm

Well, they gotta keep a year's supply of food, so….

smokefilledroommate December 5, 2012 at 7:40 pm

Why can't there be a whole City-del made up of an assload of Citadels? It would be nice to have more of them in one place, far away from me.

BaldarTFlagass December 5, 2012 at 3:29 pm

Too bad JG Ballard isn't alive to chronicle this experiment.

actor212 December 5, 2012 at 3:39 pm

Fuck that! This is a perfect Zimbardo experiment!

GlowneyHouse December 5, 2012 at 5:50 pm

Ballard would be perfect… Neighborhoods full of fast gas guzzling cars and no commie traffic lights or stop signs to tell a God-fearin' American how to drive. He'd be in carnage glee.

BigSkullF*ckingDog December 5, 2012 at 3:29 pm

This is a great idea. Let's send all the idiots to Idaho and wall them in!

FNMA December 5, 2012 at 3:34 pm

We're going to need a bigger compound.

gullywompr December 5, 2012 at 4:11 pm

Montana ought to fit them all.

actor212 December 5, 2012 at 3:41 pm

We can call it "Castle B-Ark"!

SuspectedDemocrat December 5, 2012 at 4:38 pm

Surely they wouldn't mind taking the telephone sanitizers along with them?

GunToting[Redacted] December 5, 2012 at 4:43 pm

I'm pretty sure the brochure said something about ample soap mines.

JohnnyQuick December 5, 2012 at 7:07 pm

But now the Democrat party will never win Idaho. We were so close.

trampndirtdown December 5, 2012 at 10:57 pm

Noooooooooo!

Callyson December 5, 2012 at 3:29 pm

The Citadel will have between 3,500 and 5,000 households within the walls, with a single gate permitting access.

So the wingnuts will sit in traffic every time they go home. Makes perfect sense…

Oblios_Cap December 5, 2012 at 3:37 pm

Since they'll all be armed, nothing could possibly go wrong.

SnarkOff December 5, 2012 at 3:48 pm

For freedom!

Oblios_Cap December 5, 2012 at 3:52 pm

Nobody ever gets shot in traffic snarls.

SnarkOff December 5, 2012 at 4:18 pm

An armed society is a polite society.

BadKitty904 December 5, 2012 at 3:52 pm

Waiting for hours, within sight of the compound's gates, tastefully inscribed with "Meine Ehre heißt Treue"…

FlownOver December 5, 2012 at 4:01 pm

Are you sure that isn't "Arbeit Macht Frei"?

Negropolis December 6, 2012 at 12:47 am

Who said anything about leaving the compound…?

BaldarTFlagass December 5, 2012 at 3:29 pm

So, who's going to provide the sewer, roads, and other infrastructure? Lemme guess—matching federal funds.

BadKitty904 December 5, 2012 at 3:32 pm

Conspiracy!

Chet Kincaid_ December 5, 2012 at 3:32 pm

Oops, you didn't build that!

T3rbo December 5, 2012 at 3:38 pm

Uh, John Galt?

Terry December 5, 2012 at 3:56 pm

Open sewer lines leading out into a lake used both for drinking water and their hoped for tourism. Welcome to the Third World, Patriots. Roads are for wussies who don't have 4wd SUV's.

Spider-Jerk December 6, 2012 at 1:32 pm

On the blog link, they are insisting that

"We plan to provide our own infrastructure and [sewer and water*] services. We don't believe in stealing from others to pay for what will benefit us, which is what taxes amount to. We will pay our taxes, though, so the county should end up way ahead financially. "

*In the end they will most likely combine them anyway.

Callyson December 5, 2012 at 3:30 pm

live in a beautiful, secure mountain town that bans Liberals from living among us

You know what other beautiful, secure mountain town banned liberals?

BadKitty904 December 5, 2012 at 3:33 pm

Bertesgarten?

BaldarTFlagass December 5, 2012 at 3:33 pm

Berchtesgaden?

BadKitty904 December 5, 2012 at 3:37 pm

Jinx! You owe me a Coke.

BaldarTFlagass December 5, 2012 at 3:51 pm

"Does spelling count?"

BadKitty904 December 5, 2012 at 3:53 pm

Since I got it wrong, no! Now, where's my Coke, buster?

RedneckMuslin December 5, 2012 at 3:39 pm

Waco?

actor212 December 5, 2012 at 3:42 pm

First Cousinville, Kentucky?

Mumbletypeg December 5, 2012 at 3:45 pm

Fossanova?

FlownOver December 5, 2012 at 4:02 pm

That's who we can blame it on!

DahBoner December 5, 2012 at 3:46 pm

Uh…Boulder?

SorosBot December 5, 2012 at 3:47 pm

South Park?

TheGyrus December 5, 2012 at 3:55 pm

The Capital?

ProgressiveInga December 5, 2012 at 3:59 pm

Park City, UT during the Rmoney Olympics?

StillGoinGreen December 5, 2012 at 4:20 pm

Plano, TX… minus the beautiful… and the mountains (unless you allow us to count the boob jobs at the local "Twin Peaks" or "Tilted Kilt").

BoroPrimorac December 5, 2012 at 7:53 pm

La Paz in the late sixties?

trampndirtdown December 5, 2012 at 10:58 pm

ForfucksSakeville?

nounverb911 December 5, 2012 at 3:30 pm

Will Ida be running the Ho house?

GeorgiaBurning December 5, 2012 at 3:55 pm

That'll be over the border, in Stateline, NV

SigDeFlyinMonky December 5, 2012 at 4:18 pm

Or Jackpot.

SorosBot December 5, 2012 at 3:30 pm

Yes, please, assholes, go Galt to your Idaho compound and stop inflicting your insanity on the rest of us.

BaldarTFlagass December 5, 2012 at 3:34 pm

Hopefully there will be plenty of room for expansion.

BadKitty904 December 5, 2012 at 3:39 pm

I think the usual term is "lebensraum."

asterixaverni December 5, 2012 at 3:43 pm

And guns. Make sure they take all the guns with them.

Will they allow for teh secessionist to move in, or are they too librul?

SorosBot December 5, 2012 at 3:55 pm

They'll have all their guns, the meth labs, and private security and emergency responders; that sounds like a great recipe for disaster.

CrunchyKnee November 29, 2012 at 2:16 pm

Jesus didn't tawk about no gol darned glo-ball worming!!!!!!111!!!!11

FNMA December 5, 2012 at 3:30 pm

Where do I sign up? I've always wanted to live on a compound!

SigDeFlyinMonky December 5, 2012 at 4:21 pm

For your neighbors downwind I hope it's not a sulpher compound.

Dimitrios_M December 5, 2012 at 11:28 pm

Compound or compost?

BadKitty904 December 5, 2012 at 3:30 pm

I'm surprised they chose a location so conveniently close to the FEMA death camps next door in Wyoming…

hagajim December 5, 2012 at 3:32 pm

Yeah, but its north Idaho, so they'd have to go through Montana to get to them.

JustPixelz December 5, 2012 at 4:37 pm

According to "Friend of Liberty" there are several FEMA camps in Idaho. Obviously this "Citadel" thing is an Obama trick to get TP'ers to self-deport so as to concentrate themselves in one place. Then shut the one door and — oopsies — they're all gone but forgotten.

schvitzatura December 6, 2012 at 5:48 am

Better for the teatards to go Galt in an urban environment, then; kind of like MOVE did with great vigor in Cobbs Creek, Philly, PA on May 13, 1985…you see what I did there, right?

Negropolis December 6, 2012 at 12:49 am

Big Sky Country libel!

kingcocrazy December 5, 2012 at 3:30 pm

Need a mortgage? Move on, pilgrim. You can't trust those Jew bankers. Cash on the barrelhead, pardner. And by "cash," I mean gold or diamonds. Federal Reserve notes are part of the plot against our freedom!

HouseOfTheBlueLights December 5, 2012 at 4:56 pm

So I'm guessing they won't take my Ameros either then.

elviouslyqueer December 5, 2012 at 3:31 pm

The folks in the Citadel will wear clothes – I bet the dress shops and clothing stores will like that.

Wait, wait, wait. I thought Lefties were the ones who were all nuh UH you gotta wear clothes because no one wants to see your skanky nekkididity. I'm so confused!

Tommy1733 December 5, 2012 at 4:02 pm

I am guessing most of the Citadel's residents will be Never-Nudes.

BaldarTFlagass December 5, 2012 at 4:13 pm

Which will probably make the place at least slightly more aesthetically sufferable.

trampndirtdown December 5, 2012 at 11:03 pm

The site for the citadel is only about 5 miles from the local nudist camp lol. http://www.sunmeadow.org/

Stevola December 6, 2012 at 2:32 am

Right next to the sewage lagoon. Swim party!

Chet Kincaid_ December 5, 2012 at 3:32 pm

Reagan/Noonington's Shining City On A Hill?

actor212 December 5, 2012 at 3:32 pm

eating your virgin daughter’s brains

If my daughter's still a virgin, then she's an idiot and therefore, not in any danger.

Maman December 5, 2012 at 3:40 pm

Better eating her brains than her puss

actor212 December 5, 2012 at 3:46 pm

Propriety prevents me from speculating on that comparison.

Maman December 5, 2012 at 4:19 pm

Naturally

TootsStansbury December 5, 2012 at 3:32 pm

So just like The Villages or Celebration in Florida.

BadKitty904 December 5, 2012 at 3:45 pm

You've not heard of our very own, new town of Ave Maria, Florida, which "offers Catholic and Christian based real estate, financial and complete homeowner services"?

elviouslyqueer December 5, 2012 at 3:51 pm

Wasn't that built by the dude from Domino's?

BadKitty904 December 5, 2012 at 3:55 pm

Yup. Crazy as a rat in a tin can, too.

SorosBot December 5, 2012 at 3:54 pm

Somehow that doesn't seem to be exactly legal…
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Fair_Housing_Act

"The 1968 act expanded on previous acts and prohibited discrimination concerning the sale, rental, and financing of housing based on race, religion, national origin, and since 1974, gender; since 1988, the act protects people with disabilities and families with children."

Guppy December 5, 2012 at 4:21 pm

complete homeowner services

Performed by Mexican Catholics treated in a very unCatholic manner, no doubt.

GunToting[Redacted] December 5, 2012 at 4:48 pm

Christian-based real estate? I'm trying to picture this, but having no luck whatsoever.

BadKitty904 December 5, 2012 at 4:56 pm

"Holy ground," presumably…

GunToting[Redacted] December 5, 2012 at 5:00 pm

Yeah… I was trying to incorporate transubstantiation or something similar. Hot and cold running wine? I got nothin'.

Stevola December 6, 2012 at 2:34 am

In Fla? Stand your holy ground…

Biel_ze_Bubba December 5, 2012 at 6:02 pm

Catholic and Christian based real estate, financial and complete homeowner services … and a Cathofundie law school.
"Community-controlled" cable programming (and a ban on rooftop antennas) would not surprise me. It's like North Korea, with the added misery of religion.

BadKitty904 December 5, 2012 at 6:30 pm

But the garb of the community's rulers is MUCH more *fabulous*!

emmelemm December 5, 2012 at 6:49 pm

And the weather's so much warmer!

T3rbo December 5, 2012 at 3:32 pm

Totally confused, is gay marriage OK in a Jeffersonian Democracy? Will they let gays move in as long as they are conservative and can shoot a gun and perform the other Festivus shows of strength? Do you need to be able to do a hog call before they let you into their Utopia? I need more details…

VaWyo December 5, 2012 at 4:39 pm

Not sure about gay marriage. But we do know that interracial sex was ok in a Jeffersonian Democracy. As was slavery.

Biel_ze_Bubba December 5, 2012 at 5:57 pm

And the wimmenz don't vote.

Negropolis December 6, 2012 at 12:53 am

Virginian is for Lovings libel!

Dimitrios_M December 5, 2012 at 11:32 pm

Hog calling is only required if you wish to date. (Men, women, or hogs.)

Lazy Media December 5, 2012 at 3:32 pm

How do they define "Liberal?" Because I own guns and serve in the military, but I DEFINITELY want to be excluded.

T3rbo December 5, 2012 at 3:35 pm

anyone who has ever read a book not published by Glenn Beck. No Utopia for you

BadKitty904 December 5, 2012 at 3:46 pm

"Anyone not exactly like us."

T3rbo December 5, 2012 at 3:56 pm

You can spot a liberal by his lack of a gigantic belly, usually

vulpes82 December 5, 2012 at 4:01 pm

*Hides commie-pinko gut*

T3rbo December 5, 2012 at 4:05 pm

you may be our inside man/woman on this one…practice littering, in case it comes up. We need you inside of the Vodka distillery…

BadKitty904 December 5, 2012 at 4:32 pm

Snark off: As a citizen, I'd like to personally thank you for serving in our armed forces! :0)

iburl December 5, 2012 at 3:32 pm

Idaho, the last place in the world anybody wants to invade.

CommieLibunatic December 5, 2012 at 6:05 pm

Worse than Afghanistan, Antarctica, and Mordor?

SuspectedDemocrat December 5, 2012 at 6:27 pm

At least there was a reason to go to Mordor.

CHUDster_Arthur December 5, 2012 at 3:32 pm

Those low-angle shots reveal the multiple chins and ponderous guts of true warriors.

Also, not so much talk about Jefferson's atheism here. Shocking.

DCBloom December 5, 2012 at 4:03 pm

or Sally Hemmings….

BaldarTFlagass December 6, 2012 at 8:31 am

Well, poor Tom Jefferson
He loved the little maid out back
Midnight creepin' out to the servant's shack
Kept a secret under the bed
Wrapped in a burlap sack

Well, I drove all day and night
Out to Jericho Citadel
But in my second mind
I knew it was time to go
Yeah, and I still get nervous every time
That bugle blows

ManchuCandidate December 5, 2012 at 3:33 pm

Good lord, it's "The Shooting Dumb", Zombies for a US Amercia that never existed.

actor212 December 5, 2012 at 3:33 pm

So if I show up and enter for the interview, during which I pull out an arsenal and start cleaning the guns, and they ask "Are you a pooftah liberal?" and I point my weapon (with votes!) at them, you really think they're going to ban me?

CommieLibunatic December 5, 2012 at 6:08 pm

I'd love to see them squirm in conflict as a LIEbrul cleans and services an anti-materiel rifle.

schvitzatura December 6, 2012 at 6:13 am

The furniture on this one is pretty much a tree trunk; kinda like a 3-line rifle, Model 1891 Mosin Nagant, on crystal meth…

CommieLibunatic December 6, 2012 at 12:57 pm

I can already hear a prospective Citadel resident yelling "FUCK YEAH AMERICooh… nevermind."

EatsBabyDingos December 5, 2012 at 3:33 pm

Idaho-You da pimp, I da 'ho.

SmutBoffin December 5, 2012 at 3:34 pm

Jesus. A town that Sarah Palin could be mayor of.

actor212 December 5, 2012 at 3:48 pm

But only for half a term

Oblios_Cap December 5, 2012 at 3:34 pm

Sounds like a scam to sell idiots overpriced land and firearms.

kittensdontlie December 5, 2012 at 3:44 pm

Or an ingenious guvmint plan to self-relocate patriots to a FEMA camp called Citadel.

GunToting[Redacted] December 5, 2012 at 4:51 pm

Well, the NRA already has the market on fleecing the rubes (see the billion or so "OBAMMERZZZ is CUMMIN fer yer GUNZZZZ" emails), so the Board of Realtors is likely to want a piece of that pie.

BoroPrimorac December 5, 2012 at 7:58 pm

Ding-Ding-Ding-Ding!!!!1111!!!

BadKitty904 December 5, 2012 at 3:35 pm

Didn't M. Night Shyamalan do a documentary about this project?

Tommy1733 December 5, 2012 at 4:01 pm

"The Village (Idiots)"

emmelemm December 5, 2012 at 4:21 pm

Well-played. (Both of you.)

Also, I may be the only person who actually liked The Village.

BigSkullF*ckingDog December 5, 2012 at 4:21 pm

Yes, you are.

Negropolis December 6, 2012 at 12:56 am

You better be the only one.

4TheTurnstiles December 5, 2012 at 3:35 pm

They'll still have to go in to Moscow (that's Idaho's Berkeley, dontcha know) to get smoked salmon jerky at the food co-op and the only decent pizza before you get to Walla Walla. Which means, of course, SOCIALISMz.

srsly, the Palouse is a great place and they don't need this shit

T3rbo December 5, 2012 at 3:36 pm

"The folks in the Citadel will wear clothes" THAT'S NOT IN THE FUCKING CONSTITUTION, STOP TREADING ON ME!!!!

poorgradstudent December 5, 2012 at 3:36 pm

Bets are on for how long until the place totally goes all "Bioshock."

Cicada December 5, 2012 at 3:57 pm

Nah. Bioshock's scenario requires a community that understands and embraces science. These folks are more likely to end up in a wasteland dystopia where the streets are littered with empty Big Mac wrappers and gangs of obese people roam the streets with guns mounted on their Hovarounds.

Sharkey December 5, 2012 at 4:26 pm

So, more like the Axiom in "WALL-E". Got it.

BadKitty904 December 5, 2012 at 3:58 pm

I keep picturing the mad, creepy-ass preacher, in "Poltergeist II," luring his followers into a cavern, then sealing it shut, to "save them" from the Apocalypse…

"God is iiiiiin His holy Teeem-PLE, earthly thooooughts be silent NOW…"

FlownOver December 5, 2012 at 4:06 pm

More likely "Biodome," Pauly Shore and all.

CommieLibunatic December 5, 2012 at 6:13 pm

I thought that was more likely to happen in that off-shore shooting gallery-in-potentia, both considerably less spectacular without the plasmids.

Spider-Jerk December 6, 2012 at 6:58 pm

For that to happen, wouldn't they have to have working infrastructure of some kind first?

Although I suppose if Bioshock had been set on some best-forgotten stretch of land somewhere in the middle of nowhere, it could just have easily have worked as a fiefdom built on corrugated scrap and repurposed freightcars.

gullywompr December 5, 2012 at 3:36 pm

Why not? They've been living in an ideological cul-de-sac of their own making for years, about time they built a physical one.

Oblios_Cap December 5, 2012 at 3:36 pm

A vertiable Utopia for the common clay of the West.

You know, morons.

Blunderthing December 5, 2012 at 3:37 pm

I'll bet they have their own private religion as well. Church of the Closet Cases.

Disassembly December 5, 2012 at 3:37 pm

Mount Olympus?

HarryButtle December 5, 2012 at 3:37 pm

So, they're now building their own FEMA camps…for themselves? Win/Win!

TootsStansbury December 5, 2012 at 3:37 pm

Herding them all into basically a corral. I like it.

BadKitty904 December 5, 2012 at 3:59 pm

An apt location for sheeple…

actor212 December 5, 2012 at 4:32 pm

Right down to the fleecings.

BadKitty904 December 5, 2012 at 4:33 pm

To quote my brother: "Stupid is expensive."

Spider-Jerk December 6, 2012 at 7:05 pm

A corral would be a much more stable structure to live in than whatever these nuts end up building, especially in a region where snow collects like crazy over the winter.

Disassembly December 5, 2012 at 3:38 pm

Oh boy, this is the perfect place to open my new slave market franchise!

Estproph December 5, 2012 at 3:38 pm

Can't we force all the stupids to hole up in there?

Schmannnity December 5, 2012 at 3:38 pm

Ruby Ridge is now a gated community.

HobbesEvilTwin December 5, 2012 at 3:40 pm

I will gladly help anyone moving there.

mbobier December 5, 2012 at 3:41 pm

I'm sure they will give their 13-year-olds a beautiful ceremony wherein the child in question recites a Bible verse about the sacred nature of firearms (that shouldn't take long, since there aren't any), takes a swig of Mountain Dew, blasts a shotgun at the sky, and says, "Today I am a Wingnut."

T3rbo December 5, 2012 at 3:59 pm

Very close-the temple will be an Applebee's with all of the teevees turned to NASCAR. And there is no bible verse-the new man (like they will let women do this!) will just recite a poem he wrote about niggers and spit as far as he can. It will be during the Daytona 500, right before it starts

DCBloom December 5, 2012 at 4:05 pm

Sounds a little like my Bat Mitzva

widestanceromance December 5, 2012 at 3:41 pm

Government-funded Rascals are confiscated at the gate, too, right? They are nothing more than dependency carts, after all.

I'd love to see a place in America where freedom-loving fat-asses crawl along the ground happy to do so.

Toomush_Infer December 5, 2012 at 3:41 pm

Koolaid for everybody!!!!!….

Tommy1733 December 6, 2012 at 11:06 am

OH YEAHHHHHHHHHH!!!

BigSkullF*ckingDog December 5, 2012 at 3:41 pm

I'll be taking bets on how long it takes before one really big meth-lab explosion and the resulting fire/chemical fallout kills most of the inhabitants.

BigSkullF*ckingDog December 5, 2012 at 3:44 pm

And sorry, no, the tax payer funded fire department will not be on its way. Now get the fuck off of our tax payer funded 911.

BadKitty904 December 5, 2012 at 4:00 pm

And STAY off our tax-payer-funded roads and bridges!

widestanceromance December 5, 2012 at 4:15 pm

Too long.

qwerty42 December 5, 2012 at 3:42 pm

Well, this should turn out well. Why do I think the only one who will come out ahead in this is the person(s) who sell the real estate? And the rest will be in their stalag camp wondering why visitors are so few?

Oblios_Cap December 5, 2012 at 3:48 pm

It's being "sponsored" by a arms seller (III Citadel Arms), and everybody in town agrees to carry a handgun at all times and have an AR-15, ammo, & a year's worth of vittles stored away. It's more than just the real estate agent getting rich.

qwerty42 December 5, 2012 at 4:16 pm

So the whole thing is just a scam to feed off a bunch of poor paranoids. I feel they are being taken advantage of but I cannot imagine the'd take my word for it. I should make a comment about about 47% or something, but it just seems sad.

Jukesgrrl December 5, 2012 at 4:16 pm

I wondered. As much as I disrespect banks, I couldn't imagine one that would finance this insanity.

emmelemm December 5, 2012 at 4:23 pm

"a year's worth of vittles stored away"

So, there'll be a lot of Mormons, then?

SuspectedDemocrat December 5, 2012 at 7:10 pm

The best part, they're all planning to work for the arms industry.

AnonymousDecember 5, 2012 9:16 AM
How do the residents plan to earn money?

Miss VioletDecember 5, 2012 10:34 AM
III Arms will provide initial jobs, then as people move and open businesses other jobs will become available, just like in any community

BaldarTFlagass December 6, 2012 at 8:21 am

"The best part, they're all planning to work for the arms industry."

Once they get a government contract, they'll be In Like Flynn.

cousinitt December 5, 2012 at 3:43 pm

This is so genius, they'll never suspect. Obama will give their project federal funding, and invite all the loons and wingers, er, patriots, from all parts to settle in "Citadel". Because Freedom. Idaho secedes from the USA. And before you can say whud?, we'll pull the switch and the electronic dog fence goes up around Citadel. Puerto Rico becomes the new 50th state.

DahBoner December 5, 2012 at 3:43 pm

Idaho

You da ho???

HobbesEvilTwin December 5, 2012 at 4:11 pm

really? yawn

DahBoner December 5, 2012 at 5:10 pm

They love that joke in Idaho..

GoodDogThor December 5, 2012 at 3:44 pm

"…do pledge our lives, our fortunes and our sacred honor to defend one another…"

Sounds Communist!

T3rbo December 5, 2012 at 3:48 pm

Yeah, isn't that socialism (or marxism?)

BadKitty904 December 5, 2012 at 4:01 pm

WHAT "sacred honor"?

emmelemm December 5, 2012 at 4:24 pm

I KNOW RIGHT

Wadisay December 5, 2012 at 3:44 pm

The town meetings will be hysterical, where they try to figure out what Thomas Jefferson would do about buring tires in your front yard.

T3rbo December 5, 2012 at 3:51 pm

Yeah, EVERYONE wearing the same stupid fucking faux 18th century garb, tripping over the thees and thous, demanding it is their right to smoke indoors during the meeting, brandishing sniper rifles. The same misquotes repeated thousands of times in a row (THOSE WHO SACRIFICE LIBERTY FOR FREEDOM DESERVE NONE OF THAT SHIT!), and the same grievances about pitbulls killing livestock over and over and over

BadKitty904 December 5, 2012 at 4:02 pm

"What color would Thomas Jefferson have painted his mailbox?"

T3rbo December 5, 2012 at 4:07 pm

He would have consulted the CONSTITUTION and seen that only mauve is allowed, because freedom

Goonemeritus December 5, 2012 at 3:44 pm

‘You folks need to consider weather as they get a good portion of snow for 4-5 months. Not sure how much they plow either”

This was one of the comments on a proposed Idaho location. Worrying about the lack of public services doesn’t seem very libertarian.

emmelemm December 5, 2012 at 4:25 pm

Hale and hearty snow-shoveling for all! Good for your health! Freedom!

Poindexter718 December 5, 2012 at 3:45 pm

When their utopian walled city turns into the living hell it surely will be and the Idaho National Guard is forced to airlift in food, President Hillary Clinton will begin the reconciliation process with a speech in Boise declaring her solidarity with the Citadel residents that will include the memorable line "Ich bin ein shit-eating grinner."

Wadisay December 5, 2012 at 3:45 pm

Just BTW, if anyone has a colony of fireants they want to get rid of, I know the perfect place.

Botlrokit December 5, 2012 at 3:46 pm

Yes, fine… but Idaho?

Nostrildamus December 5, 2012 at 3:46 pm

Someone should fly over the compound and drop FSM literature.

VaWyo December 5, 2012 at 4:41 pm

They'll eat the pamphlet thinking it's flying pasta.

sullivanst December 5, 2012 at 4:44 pm

I wouldn't feel safe in assuming they lack SAMs.

Mumbletypeg December 5, 2012 at 3:47 pm

many other attractions we will offer

Laugh all you want but I'm in. I hear their hot sauce is to die for.

MaxUdargo December 5, 2012 at 3:47 pm

Fuck "living in a right-wing bubble." Bubbles are flimsy and transparent. Let's go live in a fucking right-wing citadel! We will never concede to reality!

GoodDogThor December 5, 2012 at 3:48 pm

We already have that for liberals, its called San Francisco.

BadKitty904 December 5, 2012 at 4:03 pm

But *its* gate is Golden!

FlownOver December 5, 2012 at 4:10 pm

To say nothing of many of its showers.

Negropolis December 6, 2012 at 1:10 am

Yeah, but San Francisco actually allows conservatives in.

elviouslyqueer December 5, 2012 at 3:48 pm

OH man, the Entrepreneurs and Businesses page is comedy GOLD. They apparently plan on including within their walls a Beer Brewery and a Vodka Distillery (enjoy your dealings with Idaho's ABC, motherfuckers), a Medical Center (presumably one that doesn't trade in Obamacare), and a "Bank" (trading in hard metals along the Lakota Model). And I'm sure the proposed grocery store, farmer's market, 4-star or better hotel, and local branch of Cabela's will be thrilled to accept your hard metals and wampum in lieu of cash.

BigSkullF*ckingDog December 5, 2012 at 3:54 pm

Vodka? Sound Communistical.

FeloniousMonk December 5, 2012 at 4:49 pm

They'll just be living off the land — potato vodka.

Oblios_Cap December 5, 2012 at 3:55 pm

You gotta admire their Mormom-like belief in something so stupid most people would laugh them out of town.

vulpes82 December 5, 2012 at 4:04 pm

A bunch of drunken gun-wielders in some desolate (but I'm sure very beautiful) stretch of Idaho? WHAT COULD GO WRONG?!!!

sullivanst December 5, 2012 at 4:46 pm

I can't think of anything.

BadKitty904 December 5, 2012 at 4:20 pm

Meanwhile, in Bartertown…

SigDeFlyinMonky December 5, 2012 at 4:40 pm

How much is that in beaver pelts?

malsperanza December 5, 2012 at 4:55 pm

You laugh, but it sounds adorable to me. I'm picturing Portmerion, but with more visible gun turrets.

Everyone in town will leverage their home for cash; the bank will invest in shady 2nd mortgages and go bust. And then Walmart, Costco, and Ikea will move in to a huge empty tract just outside the walls, drain all the business from main street, and bankrupt the mom 'n pop shops selling Galt T shirts and coffee mugs. Also: Galt BBQ aprons. Will this town have any, youknow, jobs or industries? Because those will outsource to China.

That's when the Elders of Galtville will vote to pull up stakes, load up the SUVs, and head for the Donner Pass, aiming to cross into California before winter sets in.

mrblifil December 5, 2012 at 3:51 pm

A cursory look at the documents doesn't yield much info about anti-discrimination measures…

T3rbo December 5, 2012 at 4:02 pm

I am sure they have a "No nigger/mestizo/asian allowed past the firearm museum" policy, just like the CONSTITUTION used to

kittensdontlie December 5, 2012 at 3:51 pm

I remain hopeful that this community will consider a site closer to the Yellowstone Supervolcano which is nearer S.E. Idaho, just because…

HarryButtle December 5, 2012 at 3:51 pm

Wait…what happens if somebody's kid starts showing Librul tendencies? Does the whole family have to move out, or do they just ship the kid off to live with his relatives in San Francisco or Europe?

Dashboard Buddha December 5, 2012 at 3:54 pm

They turn him into mulch for the plants.

SigDeFlyinMonky December 5, 2012 at 4:42 pm

What about wicker, man?

BadKitty904 December 5, 2012 at 4:04 pm

I'd reckon said kid would be offered up on the town altar…

WhatTheHeck December 5, 2012 at 3:51 pm

But…but..Jefferson was a liberal – when it came to the sexing of the wimmins. I bet he upheld his constitution repeatedly.

Dashboard Buddha December 5, 2012 at 3:52 pm

unobstructed action according to our will

Do what thou wilt shall be the whole of the law*

*Certain restrictions apply.

FlownOver December 5, 2012 at 4:12 pm

Offer not good after curfew in Sectors R or N.

Dashboard Buddha December 5, 2012 at 4:33 pm

They never come up to the hills!

Chet Kincaid_ December 5, 2012 at 4:21 pm

I see they are Aleister Crowley fans.

Poindexter718 December 5, 2012 at 3:53 pm

BTW: Is that Victoria Jackson b/t the two wigged dudes in the picture?
She's looking better these days; lost some weight.

Terry December 5, 2012 at 3:54 pm

"…open for tourists who will be welcomed into our town to visit our planned Firearms Museum, shop in our Town Center, stay in a B&B or hotel while vacationing and exploring the wonderful skiing, hunting and fishing opportunities in the area, and many other attractions we will offer."

The chances of that are slim to none and slim just left town.

DerrickWildcat December 5, 2012 at 3:54 pm

Sounds boring.

SayItWithWookies December 5, 2012 at 3:55 pm

Finally — one place in America that'll be safe from the North Korean invasion.

GeorgiaBurning December 5, 2012 at 4:02 pm

it might as well be North Korea, once the first winter sets in

VodkaGoGo December 5, 2012 at 3:55 pm

So it's like Galts Gulch lite? Wall themselves off from society only leave a gate so as to continue to enjoy the benefits of the society they shun, like when junior inevitably shoots his dick off they'll take him to a hospitol outside the walls? Hmmm I want to say more about this but all I can really do is continue to paraphrase the article because, FUCK, it really is that simple.

I should have just stuck with my gut reaction which goes something like "FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU AAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!

BaldarTFlagass December 5, 2012 at 3:56 pm

They've already started construction!! http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-0RcGKXqXDnk/UC0TnneuXRI

malsperanza December 5, 2012 at 5:00 pm

Minidonka libel.

OneYieldRegular December 5, 2012 at 3:56 pm

It sounds like Arizona.

Jukesgrrl December 5, 2012 at 4:21 pm

1,025,232 Arizona voters cast their ballot for President Obama in November. So … not even close. Besides, even in Flagstaff our Januaries don't resemble Moscow's.

OneYieldRegular December 5, 2012 at 4:24 pm

My apologies. I just spent a week there, so I was feeling ornery.

Baconzgood December 5, 2012 at 3:56 pm

I find this difficult to masterbate to.

BigSkullF*ckingDog December 5, 2012 at 4:09 pm

Just like porn, skip forward to the good part. You know, the inevitable stand off with the feds when the government tries to shut down the distillery for elevated levels of methanol in their products and the whole community goes apeshit.

Loch_Nessosaur December 5, 2012 at 3:57 pm

They can change their license plates from 'Famous Potatoes' to 'Potato Heads'.

BaldarTFlagass December 6, 2012 at 8:31 am

Or "Famous Sieges"

SpiderCrab December 5, 2012 at 3:58 pm

America. Monetizing craziness from before you were born.

drewehartnyc December 5, 2012 at 4:00 pm

Actually if you read the comment threads, they don't sound that bad – they are okay with teh gays and will allow gay couples, follow laws, plan on building a Vodka distillery and two beer breweries. Doesn't sound that bad, for only the price of stating your respect of Jeffersonian principles – hopefully without the whole slavery thing.

BadKitty904 December 5, 2012 at 4:14 pm

While I appreciate being "allowed," I think I'll just stay here in Reality, thanks…

BaldarTFlagass December 5, 2012 at 4:15 pm

What if I cross my fingers behind my back when I make that statement?

Chet Kincaid_ December 5, 2012 at 4:18 pm

But what is their stand on public nudity?

Jukesgrrl December 5, 2012 at 4:22 pm

Feel free to go and check it out. I'll stay home.

Tommy1733 December 5, 2012 at 4:00 pm

This is gonna be the BEST THEME PARK EVER!!!

BaldarTFlagass December 5, 2012 at 4:14 pm

More like a zoo.

Ruhe December 5, 2012 at 4:01 pm

Is there a sociological/mathematical formula that predicts the rate at which such a self-selecting purified population will nonetheless begin to break into factions?

FlownOver December 5, 2012 at 4:17 pm

Yes. The formula is RxFxN, where R = right, F = fucking and N = now.

Blueb4sinrise December 5, 2012 at 4:05 pm

Will there be a building codes?
Will there be a fire department?

T3rbo December 5, 2012 at 4:09 pm

whatever, Marxist…

Blueb4sinrise December 5, 2012 at 4:23 pm

Originally I was wondering how high the walls will be. If there's a wildfire in the area, they'd better be plenty high, and don't be callin the USFS to save their asses as sometimes happens in these rural developments.

FlownOver December 5, 2012 at 4:20 pm

Are there no workhouses?

BadKitty904 December 5, 2012 at 4:05 pm

It will be a regular gulag of fun!

mustangsavvy December 5, 2012 at 4:06 pm

Yipee! Where do I sign up to commit…er…I mean register….no wait, that's not right either….er….to enroll (!) my wingnut relatives in this city of light & liberty where gun shooting is mandatory and there is *literally* only one way out??

CrunchyKnee December 5, 2012 at 4:06 pm

Design their crest. http://iiicitadel.blogspot.com/2012/12/design-tim… – I'm thinking a Hoveround surrounded with flames, sporting a gun rack and TRUCKNUTZ.

Blueb4sinrise December 5, 2012 at 4:17 pm

riff off a comment at alicublog………..
http://2.bp.blogspot.com/_7oRbDpc3iPo/ScN2fx-15wI

BadKitty904 December 5, 2012 at 4:18 pm

I was thinking of something more along this line:
http://gonkbot.deviantart.com/art/Sky-Captain-Uni

Jukesgrrl December 5, 2012 at 4:22 pm

Blingee'd I hope!

actor212 December 5, 2012 at 4:25 pm

Short bus sinister

Whale Chowder December 5, 2012 at 4:07 pm

How long do you suppose it'll be before it's an abandoned ghost town with tumbleweeds blowing through the streets?

BaldarTFlagass December 5, 2012 at 4:25 pm

I'm visualizing the first scene of Last Picture Show.

BornInATrailer December 5, 2012 at 4:07 pm

In a planning snafu, this new compound is right next door to the Charles Worley fenced in area where they store the homos until they die out.

At least it'll make for a wacky sitcom.

Nopantsmcgee December 5, 2012 at 4:09 pm

It's kinda been an American Dream of mine to get all the paranoid schizophrenics in one place. Yay, for Idaho.

mormos December 5, 2012 at 4:09 pm

lol, you think your daughter is a virgin.

Mahousu December 5, 2012 at 4:11 pm

Ai Yai Yai Citadel?

Mojopo December 5, 2012 at 4:11 pm

Only one way in, and one way out. Absolutely nothing can go wrong.

VaWyo December 5, 2012 at 4:43 pm

Yes, that worked out well for the ladies in the Triangle Shirtwaist Factory.

emmelemm December 5, 2012 at 4:45 pm

Or that Bangladeshi factory a hundred years later, give or take…

Mojopo December 5, 2012 at 4:52 pm

…and they're armed. Shhh, no worries. Just fine.

sullivanst December 5, 2012 at 4:54 pm

I see I'm not the only one that found the parallels striking. I was surprised not to see mention of Triangle in the media coverage of Bangladesh, although I didn't really see much of it.

Negropolis December 6, 2012 at 1:14 am

That's what she said.

MrDorkbutt December 5, 2012 at 4:15 pm

I like the "3,500 and 5,000 households within the walls, with a single gate permitting access". They are one carelessly managed Marlboro Light away from turning Idaho into a blue state.

emmelemm December 5, 2012 at 4:30 pm

You mean a blazing yellow and orange state?

mavenmaven December 5, 2012 at 4:15 pm

I think this is great. FEMA should help build more places like this where "patriots" can live in isolated locked areas. Keep them "concentrated" in their little self imposed "camps".

carlgt1 December 5, 2012 at 4:16 pm

It seems like a lot of trouble when you can just secede?

BaldarTFlagass December 5, 2012 at 4:16 pm

Didn't Philip K Dick already write about this kinda shit in The Man In The High Castle?

MrDorkbutt December 5, 2012 at 4:17 pm

How do I prove I am not a liberal? Do I have to show them the image of Nancy Reagan's face I had tattoo'd on my scrotum?

elfgoldsackring December 5, 2012 at 6:06 pm

"See, if I pull the skin taut: young Nancy. And release it again for old Nancy. Old Nancy, young Nancy, old…

Wile E. Quixote December 5, 2012 at 7:53 pm

That's not enough for these patriots, you have to show them an image of Ronald Reagan's scrotum that you had tattooed on your face, but I've heard that they'll also let in that guy who had the Romney/Ryan logo tattooed on the side of his head.

DalePues December 5, 2012 at 4:18 pm

Esto Perpetua.

BaldarTFlagass December 5, 2012 at 4:20 pm

"Eye Eye Eye"

As in "Dubya Dubya Eye Eye Eye"????

Monsieur_Grumpe December 5, 2012 at 4:22 pm

Come on Wingnutzs! You gotta admit that life without us Libtards would be really boring. What would you have to be outraged about anyway? The garbage being picked up late? Your wife forgetting the Cheez Whiz again? Kids flunking the Home Scooled Spellin™ test for the 15th time?

ElPinche December 5, 2012 at 4:24 pm

Pretty soon the funny tri-corner hats will turn into funny pointy sheets.

Guppy December 5, 2012 at 4:25 pm

If there's anything Teabaggers hate more than the IRS, it's the HOA.

I'm going to grab some popcorn and watch, from a minimum safe distance, with #14 welder's glass.

BadKitty904 December 5, 2012 at 4:26 pm

This project certainly promises to be A Triumph of the Will.

christianmuslin December 5, 2012 at 4:27 pm

Will they have doctors and nurses-you know, science?

BaldarTFlagass December 5, 2012 at 4:31 pm

Well, they'll probably have photoshop posters of Obama as a witch doctor.

smellypossum December 5, 2012 at 4:27 pm

A single gate = only one padlock required.*

*On the outside.

Chet Kincaid_ December 5, 2012 at 4:27 pm

"Cover me — I'm makin' a dash for the grocery store!!"

Chet Kincaid_ December 5, 2012 at 4:31 pm

It's like Burning Man for Dick Cheney.

BadKitty904 December 5, 2012 at 4:35 pm

*applauds*

bobbert December 5, 2012 at 10:12 pm

Oh, you read that as Burning Dick Cheney, too?

HogeyeGrex December 5, 2012 at 4:35 pm

"The County has rugged mountains and it has large… tracts of land"

BaldarTFlagass December 5, 2012 at 4:37 pm

Famous Potatoes!!

BadKitty904 December 5, 2012 at 4:39 pm

They're not selling t-shirts yet? Dammit!

Juicy_Stalin December 5, 2012 at 4:42 pm

"As long as your structure is not anchored into the ground (portable, like a shed) you don't need to tell anyone, anything. If your structure is anchored with a foundation, permits and codes from the 2007 BOCA are the governing rules."

I can't wait until these idiots start building McMansions with no foundations in order to get around building codes. Can you imagine the gunfights that will ensue when Clem's 6 room house on a hill literally slides into his neighbors yard.

"But Gee, I built my house out of 26 sheds, how come it dont work good? DAMNED PROPERTY CODES!"

sullivanst December 5, 2012 at 4:42 pm

Liberals are banned, but nothing about socialists. Fuckin' A, me & Bernie are in!

FeloniousMonk December 5, 2012 at 7:19 pm

Good luck on getting their Committee for Patriotic Safety, or whatever they call it, to understand that distinction. Liberal, socialist, Marxist-Leninist, Maoist, Spartacist … they don 't know what it is, but they know they're agin it. Tell them you're an anarcho-Trotskyist and all they'll hear is "I am a bad person."

Four years of hearing Obama described as a socialist, with not many people breaking out in helpless laughter (thank you, Wonketeers), has worn me down. I hope I can get through another four without beating somebody over the head with a dictionary.

sullivanst December 6, 2012 at 11:22 am

Hopefully I just tri set you off, rather than making the point I was snarking on too ambiguous ;)

rickmaci December 5, 2012 at 4:46 pm

Is it just me? The Shitadel sounds like a really crappy place to live. Lots of rules: you must do this, you can't do that. Don't think Jefferson would like the place; too aggressively autocratic and authoritarian, not really very democratic.

fuflans December 5, 2012 at 4:46 pm

i think the key question here is: have the stockpiled the twinkies?

UW8316154 December 5, 2012 at 4:48 pm

Those castle walls look mighty short. I mean, they only come up to the patriot's thighs. Maybe they got the scale wrong, like the stage set in Spinal Tap?

VaWyo December 5, 2012 at 4:50 pm

From the Patriot Agreement – Eight: All Patriots shall agree to remain armed with a loaded sidearm whenever visiting the Citadel Town Center,

I sense a problem with this rule when combined with the rule that states the agreement may only be changed with unanimous consent.

TheGrandInquisitor December 5, 2012 at 4:53 pm

I am sure the ATF won't notice that their annual "community celebration" takes place on April 19th, the day of the OKC bombing. Really fucking patriotic.

Barrelhse December 5, 2012 at 5:08 pm

Nice little citadel you've got there. Be a real shame if it was flammable.

Rufus T. Firefly December 5, 2012 at 5:08 pm

Wasn't this the plot of a Kevin Costner movie?

Tangled sin tax December 5, 2012 at 7:31 pm

AOT,K

arduinohacker December 5, 2012 at 5:18 pm

Did Loretta Switt get free admission?

Pap Finn December 5, 2012 at 5:18 pm

A medieval walled town for anti-Enlightenment savages. Perfect.

Is it OK for me to want to see that place hammered into rubble and burned down to glowing coals by the BATF? I mean, is that normal?

smokefilledroommate December 5, 2012 at 5:31 pm

Waco 2: The Citadel

al2o3cr December 5, 2012 at 5:39 pm

The last paragraph mentions the best part: this will be a walled assembly of 3500 armed wingnuts living in structures built with NO SAFETY REGULATIONS. Anybody want to start a pool – will "shitty electrical work" or "poorly-stored homemade ammunition" be the first disaster?

Also, this: http://isobeldebrujah.files.wordpress.com/2012/10

SuspectedDemocrat December 5, 2012 at 7:02 pm

It's okay because everyone will be required to carry a loaded firearm while swimming in the pool. For security.

natl_[redacted]_cmdr December 5, 2012 at 5:39 pm

*puts on Captain Obvious hat*

I don't think this ends well.

GortRay December 5, 2012 at 5:40 pm

With all those teabaggers gathered in one place and shooting guns for freedumb they can thin their own herd themselves. Sounds like win-win to me.

Biel_ze_Bubba December 5, 2012 at 5:53 pm

"We further affirm our intent to abide all Constitutional laws of the United States…"

Can't miss the only adjective in the sentence, and the handy-dandy back door it provides.

SuspectedDemocrat December 5, 2012 at 6:35 pm

"All Patriots shall agree to remain armed with a loaded sidearm whenever visiting the Citadel Town Center"

Their swim team is not going to the finals this year.

smokefilledroommate December 5, 2012 at 6:38 pm

Our community is not for everyone. But if you think you and your family would like to live among real Patriots and to be prepared for an America when the SHTF, consider the Citadel.

Ha! Love that last part. Think of the Citadel for housing in this pre-shit hits the fan era.
So markedly professional.

AlaskaGrrl December 5, 2012 at 6:50 pm

Can I get the Kool-aid concession?

Shadowmuffin December 5, 2012 at 6:51 pm

If liberals aren't allowed in, can we penny their single gate shut?

ttommyunger December 5, 2012 at 6:58 pm

Idaho, the largest outdoor crapper ever. Hotter than the hinges of Hell half the time; the other half is so snow-covered you have to climb a tree to take a shit. Scenery that makes a Moonscape look lush and the cherry on top: locked in with a bunch of paranoid wing-nuts 24-7. So long as that offer from Beezlebub is still good, I think I'll pass; you know, the one about being in Hell with a broken back.

unclejeems December 5, 2012 at 7:19 pm

I bow to your ability to rant in good English, more or less.

ttommyunger December 5, 2012 at 7:34 pm

Mostly less, but thanks. ;)

unclejeems December 5, 2012 at 7:20 pm

Ah, New Jerusalem on the Salmon River. Good time, my friends, good times.

VicariousMe December 5, 2012 at 7:36 pm

I only have one question will the menfolk get their own personal Sally? I'm asking for a friend.

pdiddycornchips December 5, 2012 at 7:43 pm

Since most Latinos are liberal, who;s gonna mow the lawns?

BaldarTFlagass December 6, 2012 at 8:18 am

Not an issue. How many lawns you ever see in a trailer park?

smokefilledroommate December 5, 2012 at 8:13 pm

Also from their site:

Please prove you're not a spambot:
(type LIBERTY in the box)

Is a static Captcha even effective?

Jennyjen798 December 5, 2012 at 8:45 pm

Oh man so much fail in this. Where to even begin…It's just so overwhelming! And oddly enough, this whole story reminds me more of Animal Farm than anything else. "All animals are created equal, but some animals are more equal than others!" Oh the irony that they don't have the awareness to recognize it ! HA! Myopia FTW!

Juicy_Stalin December 5, 2012 at 8:54 pm

I read through that entire website and.. jesus christ.. it has to be a satire.
1) CASTLE WALLS
2) ONE property owner (the plan is that somebody owns all the land and only has 30 year leases for tracts, that the leasees will have to improve with their own funds)
3) The residents have to pay tribute
4) One person makes the rules and can decide arbitrarily whatever they want is law and can expel you from the community. (No mention of jails or public executions yet)
5) Every household must offer one able bodied person over the age of 13 to serve in their militia.

These people aren't talking about creating a wingnut enclave, they are talking about creating a literal fiefdom out of the middle ages

GeneralLerong December 5, 2012 at 9:32 pm

Are these people unaware of drones?

Although, come to think of it, a nice BC siege would be fun to watch, complete with the skulls of the defenders decorating the smoking remains of the citadel after the siege engines got to work.

dadanarchistmk2 December 5, 2012 at 9:47 pm

I thought the Aryan Nations compound got shut down?

iTuna December 5, 2012 at 10:39 pm

If they rename it Woodbury, I'll move.

fishskicanoe December 6, 2012 at 12:06 am

I guess Bill O'Reilly was right. The white conservative American is imbued a strong, strong work ethic. Here they are building their very own FEMA concentration camp without the use of Uncle Sam's money. Right on, brothers.

Negropolis December 6, 2012 at 12:31 am

You know who else had an end-of-days compound in rural Idaho?

BTW, in my city they call this a co-op, except that they don't have guns and they have tons of urban chickens.

Negropolis December 6, 2012 at 12:34 am

If you are a patriotic American who believes in Jefferson’s Rightful Liberty, who believes in the Constitution as written, who believes in the Declaration of Independence, and who wishes to live in a beautiful, secure mountain town that bans Liberals from living among us, consider exploring the Citadel as we evolve and build.

Wait, didn't he just describe Idaho? I know, I know "Boise libel!" Whatever. lol

This is a remake of Walking Dead. Been there, done that.

Negropolis December 6, 2012 at 12:44 am

Warren Jeffs and Jim Jones called. They want their idea back.

Negropolis December 6, 2012 at 12:58 am

In Socialist America, conservatives FEMA camp you!

dopper0189 December 6, 2012 at 4:58 am

The fort I built when I was 6 was so much cooler! I used 4 chairs and 2 blankets so I built it on the cheep unlike these bozos!!!

schvitzatura December 6, 2012 at 6:32 am

The Citadel Welcome Wagon invites you to visit our community today!

Or maybe more like this?

BZ1 December 6, 2012 at 8:08 am

Somebody has been watching "Red Dawn" and "Revolution"too many times.

bloggingbalkanistan December 6, 2012 at 8:45 am

The only question is the ending, David Koresh style or Jim Jones style?

An_Outhouse December 6, 2012 at 9:00 am

This is the FEMA camp we have been promised, right? That Obama sure is a tricky rabbit.

myykuul December 6, 2012 at 9:25 am

Benewah County (named after a Coeur d'Alene tribe chief – akin to naming a subdivision after the forest developers leveled to build the subdivision) had approx 12 people per square mile in the 2000 Census. So the plan is to enclose 3000 to 5000 households on roughly 4.5 square miles (not including the thriving business district and myriad shooting ranges)? They'll be eating each other in under a year.

Jerri December 6, 2012 at 9:32 am

Oh, how I wish it were possible to pull up a nice recliner in front of this proposed compound's location, crack a couple-three beers and watch these all-stars try to make this happen all on their own.

Do any of you guys know how to play Yakety Sax?

Rebootably_Joe December 6, 2012 at 10:48 am

Live, Work And Play In New Development For You And All Your Idaho Militia Friends!

I believe the word you are looking for is "compound".

outragedcitizen December 6, 2012 at 11:33 am

How about we build a Liberal compound with two gates, the rear one butting, (pun intended) up against the one gate into their compound so they have to pass among the unwashed liberals every time they wanted to leave their island of assholery.

dcjdjay December 6, 2012 at 1:17 pm

First sign of forest fires, drought, floods, earthquakes or a meteor from Xenu, and these "patriots" will demand disaster relief $$$ from us liberals and Eastern establishment types.

Spider-Jerk December 6, 2012 at 1:22 pm

A 3,500-5,000- person building complex/"castle" built without any foundations? Even without the gun-nuttery and the part where everyone who moves there has to sign away a bunch of their rights, this is going to be amazing.

notanncoulter December 6, 2012 at 1:38 pm

Has anyone claimed the tin-foil-hat concession?
If not… DIBS!

Troglodeity December 6, 2012 at 2:03 pm

Welcome to BeneWaaaaaah County!

LIT_Fag December 6, 2012 at 2:03 pm

I see a new marketing opportunity for the very desolate Hot Springs Village.

And who will the un-hispanic version of Erik Estrada be to advertise for the Citadel?

notanncoulter December 6, 2012 at 2:41 pm

some questions for the application they seem to have missed:
1. How many rolls of tin foil do you currently have on hand?
2. What would you consider to be an ample supply of said foil?
3. Should we look into bulk purchases?

elgin_pelican December 6, 2012 at 3:20 pm

I wouldn't tread on her.

wolvenwood13 December 7, 2012 at 6:28 pm

Should I even bother to ask if the homos are allowed? How about the blahs, are they allowed in? No? So much for the Constitution's equal rights for all.

shastakoala December 8, 2012 at 12:54 am

I have lived in Idaho my entire life and have yet to meet any militia or neos . . . oops, gotta go now, it's my night to walk the perimeter!

StillGoinGreen December 5, 2012 at 4:03 pm

Everyone likes that band that nobody likes.

BaldarTFlagass December 5, 2012 at 4:07 pm

Chop chop chop chop chop. Skritt skritt skritt. SNAAAAARFF. That other one's yours…

BadKitty904 December 5, 2012 at 4:10 pm

LOL I'm hyper enuff as it is. I'd explode if I did that stuff.

actor212 December 5, 2012 at 4:11 pm

Dude! Turn out the Strobe Light!

Chet Kincaid_ December 5, 2012 at 4:15 pm

Folks will be linin' up outside just to get down!

BaldarTFlagass December 5, 2012 at 4:31 pm

Whereas, I always…

Yellerdawg December 5, 2012 at 4:33 pm

That was you? I was the other guy, 180 miles south.

Redgyal December 5, 2012 at 5:28 pm

Well at least you can get nice water there. Not like the city to the south with all those bars and liberals.

emmelemm December 5, 2012 at 4:42 pm

Ohmigod, so perfect!!

Chet Kincaid_ December 5, 2012 at 4:42 pm

Donate so Dok can upgrade Vlad with used Stryker vehicle armor!

ButthurtWingers2012 December 6, 2012 at 3:05 am

No way…that's the car name? But I always thought it was a 1978 Falcon Interceptor Special (yes I do love "Road Warrior")…still, that's a pretty awesome nickname. I'd so totally infiltrate that den of stupid if I could drive the Roadwarrior car…it would be totally worth it. Especially if you could like, talk over a loudspeaker outside their idiot camp "just walk away….and I will spare your lives"…"just walk away, from the horror"…literally, too…that place is going to suck harder than two porn starlets in a suck-start competition.

actor212 December 5, 2012 at 4:58 pm

Tin roof rusted!

BadKitty904 December 5, 2012 at 5:13 pm

"Promised land," maybe?

hagajim December 5, 2012 at 5:24 pm

You can add another from that neck of the woods…not to you sexytime tally, but my Dad lives there and he's a lib…and old too.

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