Dennis Prager Channels Elephant Man, Is Shamed By Body, Not An Animal

  eve ruined it for everyone (again)

never fear. this outfit is still OK in SFSometimes there are slow news days here at yr Wonkette. People are dumb enough, but not funny, or funny enough, but fail to be dumb. Dennis Prager, however, always always comes correct. Whether it is his awesomely casual racism where he explains how black and brown peoples will not read the New York Times, his appeal to young people where he tells young people they are stupid, his thoughtful theorem that the poor are poor because they’re lazy, or his amazing online university where classes are only five minutes long, Dennis Prager is an endless font of dumb. Today he is mad SO MAD about nekkid people.

The reasons to oppose public nudity emanate from this Judeo-Christian list of separations.

When human beings walk around with their genitals uncovered, they are behaving in a manner indistinguishable from animals. A major difference between humans and animals is clothing; clothing separates us from — and in the biblical view, elevates us above — the animal kingdom.

If you, like any rational person, are wondering why the hell Prager is blathering on about this, you can blame San Francisco for banning the nakeds:

[Mayor] Lee is expected to sign the legislation, which exempts nudity at private beaches, private property and permitted special events — such as Bay to Breakers or the Folsom Street Fair — and doesn’t apply to children under 5 years old. Violators would be fined $100 for the first offense and $200 for the second in a 12-month period. Convictions under the proposed law wouldn’t result in a sex offense, but a third offense could bring a $500 fine or a misdemeanor.

Nudists have already sued the city over the ban; if it’s signed by Lee, a judge will consider whether to block the law at a hearing scheduled for Jan. 17.

Children can still be naked! Bears and leather boys at Folsom can still be naked! Only regular people cannot be naked! How did San Francisco take this news, you ask? DO YOU REALLY NEED TO ASK?

 …several attendees shed their threads in protest.

The half-dozen naked agitators shouted at members of the Board of Supervisors and were quickly seized by sheriff’s deputies armed with large blankets.

As they were hustled out of the chamber, two of the saggy-bummed nudists, one wearing only rainbow knee socks and another sporting thigh-high black nylons, shouted “Body freedom!” and “Shame on you!”

Please never ever change San Francisco. Though, to be honest, if yr Wonkette were to go nekkid, it would not include nylons, because WTF.

[Prager]

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226 comments

  1. Lot_49

    Is it still all right between consenting adults in the privacy of the bedroom, or is SF like Texas now?

    1. Yellerdawg

      In Texas, you're just required to keep your boots and hat on. The rest can be covered by an artfully arranged blanket.

  2. One_who_wanders

    All the things wrong in the world and this guy is peeved by public nudity? Get a fscking life.

    1. bikerlaureate

      People making their own choices is a cause of all the things wrong in the world. Appropriate attire is yet another thing the godless libs are rebelling against.

      1. CindynEncinitas

        That's why I refuse to go to Black's Beach. If I wanted to see that, I'd get my old job back at the old folks' home.

      1. Jennyjen798

        Totally! I'm going to let my fun bags, which should be about stomach/knee length by then, just flap around in the sun. Awww I'm so happy for my future saggy titties. So carefree, not a worry in the world!

    1. VodkaGoGo

      Don't knock it until you've tried it, burning hot grease play can open up a whole new world to you.

  3. BaldarTFlagass

    Unrelated, but I just figured out I passed 15,000 comments this morning. Now I'm gonna go take my clothes off!

      1. BaldarTFlagass

        You'd think after all that time I would have chosen my wording a little more carefully, huh?

    1. VodkaGoGo

      Man, I haven't even hit 1000 yet, you guys make me feel lazy. We need some redistribution of comment histories here for those less fortunate commenters. "Gifts", if you will.

  4. PuckStopsHere

    This nudity thing would be ok if they just remember to keep the lights turned off like normal people.

  5. Baconzgood

    Playing the air guitar, using dishes, yelling in traffic. These are the things that seperate us from beasts. Nothing more nothing less.

    1. glasspusher

      Well, Jimi Hendrix occasionally played his guitar with his dick, so I'd say, most of the time…

  6. MiniMencken

    I grew up in San Francisco. The number of days in any given year when it was warm enough to go naked outdoors could usually be counted on the fingers of a catcher's mitt.

  7. MiniMencken

    I grew up in San Francisco. The number of days in any given year when it was warm enough to comfortably go naked outdoors could usually be counted on the fingers of a catcher's mitt.

    1. glasspusher

      No shit. Things I tell my friends back east:

      1. It's usually warmer here on January 1 than July 1

      2. August and October are switched, compared to the weather in NYC (still no thunderstorms or humidity, though)

    2. mrpuma2u

      Good point. No probs with being naked out of doors, but I am a fair weather nudist. Below 65? Fuggitabowdit.

  8. Oblios_Cap

    major difference between humans and animals is clothing; clothing separates us from — and in the biblical view, elevates us above — the animal kingdom.

    Probably one of the best arguements for not wearing clothes. Because we are animals, fuckknuckle!

  9. Oblios_Cap

    major difference between humans and animals is clothing; clothing separates us from — and in the biblical view, elevates us above — the animal kingdom.

    Probably one of the best arguements for not wearing clothes. Because we are animals, fuckknuckle!

  10. BaldarTFlagass

    "clothing separates us from — and in the biblical view, elevates us above — the animal kingdom."

    Well, maybe it's clothing for you, dude. It sure ain't "the ability to use reason and logic."

    1. CommieLibunatic

      I'd cite tool usage and self-awareness, nevermind that it's the opinion of a filthy atheist, or that we'd have to include chimps and crows.

  11. Terry

    "When human beings walk around with their genitals uncovered, they are behaving in a manner indistinguishable from animals."

    His health club locker room must be….uh…interesting.

  12. FakaktaSouth

    I do hope they specified 5 years old physically and not by reasoning power, because the last thing I need is to see a bunch of naked teatards running around in just a tri-cornered hat.

    1. glasspusher

      Nuke: I had a dream…I was playing damn nekkid…

      Crash: I know, I have that dream all the time…

  13. hagajim

    Regular people should never be naked, not because of any religious thang, but because they are unsightly.

    1. red_kira

      Hence that pejorative "saggy bummed" snark in the article. Man that was mean! We know we look crappy nekkid!

  14. MacRaith

    Conservatives: "We need less government intrusion into – HEY, LOOK, A NEKKID WOMAN! ARREST THAT SLUT!"

      1. CindynEncinitas

        Yes, but get outta the way! You're standing in front of the teevee and the Victoria's Secret fashion show is on!

  15. SorosBot

    "clothing separates us from — and in the biblical view, elevates us above — the animal kingdom."

    Um, no, what separates us from the animal kingdom is absolutely nothing, idiot, because humans are a part of the animal kingdom. Or what, do you think humans are plants? Fungi? God what a moron.

    1. sarjo

      Nonpossible. God loves dogs best already, therefore non-elevatable. Simple. Unless she wears those little vinyl doggy go-go boots–then yes, elevated.

      1. HistoriCat

        Rick Santorum suddenly stopped what he was doing and stared off into the distance for several minutes.

    2. Botlrokit

      Side note: a very young-at-heart friend recently added a new phrase to my "Youthful Mens' Quotations" journal, which includes phrases like "it's never too late to have a happy childhood." His addition?

      "If there are no dogs in heaven, then when I die I want to go where they went."

      1. emmelemm

        Snark all the way off:

        I may be an atheist or agnostic at best, so I don't believe in (people) heaven, but I know for a fact that all dogs are going there.

        1. bobbert

          You remember the Twilight Zone or Outer Limits (I forget) with the little kid and his dog wandering around the metaphorical woodsy lane (spoiler, dead), trying to figure out which entrance is the right one.

      2. BigSkullF*ckingDog

        I became agnostic at the age of 10 when my Sunday school teacher told me that my dog and cat were not going to heaven with me because they didn't have souls. Fuck that shit.

        1. Botlrokit

          I gave up on The Jesus completely when a) science, and b) a totally closeted gay friend died of self-inflicted lead poisoning. I got so fucking mad at g-d, and then realized "either he better not exist, or I will totally pwn Him for torturing that poor, beautiful person for no. God. Damn. Reason. At all."

  16. Joshua Norton

    I have to switch from my bus to the Castro Station Muni underground right across from where all this takes place. Believe me, there's nothing hubba-hubba about a bunch of old pot-bellied exhibitionists with their junk hanging out. It's more like what you'd expect to see if Steven King wrote porn.

      1. Joshua Norton

        Dude. 8 Market is loooong gone. F Line vintage trolley cars took over that route. Which, coincidently, leaves from the Plaza where all the "nudists" hang out.

        I switch from the 37 Corbett to take the Metro to Embarcadero.

  17. Botlrokit

    No, it points out that you're not helping things. Do you let it ride in your lap in the car, too?

    1. Gayer_Than_Thou

      There must be a "stand your ground" joke to be made here, but I can't quite come up with it.

    1. DemmeFatale

      OT, but my old poodle gal wears a sweater, (for a little bit of extra warmth), and I am constantly surprised to find small children the most fascinated to see an animal wearing clothes. It's as if they relate to the silly(?) demands of big people.

  18. Oblios_Cap

    I thought only Magic Mormon Underwear would elevate you in the eyes of the lord. Those and maybe some platform shoes.

  19. deanbooth

    "behaving in a manner indistinguishable from animals"

    I saw a youtube the other day of a chimp using a frog as a fleshlight. This puts termites on a stick to shame!

  20. Joshua Norton

    When human beings walk around with their genitals uncovered, they are behaving in a manner indistinguishable from animals.

    Step 1: Cut a hole in the box……

  21. DerrickWildcat

    "For every course viewed you will earn one credit. These credits can be applied towards acquiring a Prager University degree.
    By sharing videos you will become eligible to enter contests and to earn cash and other prizes."
    YAY!

    "We don't have enough courses yet to offer a degree, but we will get there soon. However, you'll get credit (see above) for the courses you do take. When we're ready to offer our degrees, you'll be in the first graduating class!"
    BOOOOOOO!

  22. iburl

    " A major difference between humans and animals is clothing; clothing separates us from — and in the biblical view, elevates us above — the animal kingdom."

    Well, God created humans to live naked in the garden of Eden. It was only after Eve's sin that God decided to shame us into wearing clothes. Not sure how that translates to clothing "elevating" us above animals.

    1. Toomush_Infer

      Because the animals didn't get to put on trousers for being smarty pants…. also, they were very starched, so we had to stand up on our hind legs…

  23. mavenmaven

    Funny thing is, Prager was smart once (a long long time ago). Then he pulled a Gingrich with several divorces, and now he's totally full-on wingnut lunatic AM radio host. Its a shame, really.

    1. CindynEncinitas

      Well then it's high time he became the newest savior of the Repugs. They've gone through every wingnut they had and they're needing to restock. Fish or cut bait, Prager! Sign up and start campaigning! Weeeeeeeee!

  24. Goonemeritus

    “A major difference between humans and animals is clothing; clothing separates us from — and in the biblical view, elevates us above — the animal kingdom.”

    As MAWG I am even uncomfortable being naked alone in the shower but my hobby of dressing my dogs up as famous political leaders from history still violates this rule.

  25. OneYieldRegular

    Dennis Prager has clearly never even been to San Francisco, or he would have recognized that in fact most of the city's animals wear clothing: cute little doggy sweaters, studded leather collars, mittens on paws. If I ever care enough to join in a protest around this issue (not likely), it's going to be to call for nudity for animals, not outlaw it for people.

      1. NDeeeZ

        …and it sure wasn't the US Calvary's Quartermaster, despite what faux Indian Ward Churchhill would have you believe…

  26. Antispandex

    "A major difference between humans and animals is clothing;"

    Of course his very astute and erudite opinion lacks an explanation of why cultures that develope in temperate climates often use little, or no, clothing. They are dependent (generally) on some religion or social custom to tell them they are wrong to be naked. Having said that, I would DEMAND, if I were King, that Mr. Prager wear clothes. As a matter of fact, I would have a long list of folks who would have to "cover that shit up", as my little girls say. And NO, they did not learn to talk like that from me!

    1. Blueb4sinrise

      …cultures that develope in temperate climates often use little, or no, clothing.

      Well, THEM.

  27. Biff

    Let me get this straight-to avoid nekkidity, we make clothing friom the hair, fur or skin of animals, to separate us from the animals? OK, just checking.

  28. corthylio

    So homo sapiens is officially divorced from the rest of the animal kingdom? I guess the animals are relieved to be rid of us…

  29. Disassembly

    You know what else is uniquely human? Transvestism. I look forward to Prager's new drag queen look.

  30. smellypossum

    From asshat's website: "Leftism seeks to undo most of the values that are distinct to Judeo-Christian religions. That is why the left has always been so anti-religious and especially anti-Christian."

    This is exactly why the left seeks to, for example, provide health insurance to the Poors. Because we hate them and are anti-jeebus.

    I remember from Sunday school that the jeebus fellow was always riding around in his limosine throwing buckets of urine on lepers and ridiculing them for being moochers.

  31. Jeri 2.0

    When human beings can contort themselves and lick their own genitals, Mr. Prager, then and only then will we be indistinguishable from other animals. We'll also be too busy to ever leave our homes again, but that's a whole nother thing.

  32. Secluded Compound

    It's amazing to me that he closes with "there's no secular reason to ban public nudity."

    Obviously, a secular reason such as "I don't want that dude's right to show his balls to override my right to not have my eyes see his balls" is a pretty good secular argument. But I forgot, we leftists all are all about nudity all of the time because were degenerate.

    Also, Stardust.

  33. Eve8Apples

    It's stories like this that make me wish we could move the nation's capital to San Francisco for just a few months out of the year. San Francisco residents know how to put on a protest.

  34. Eve8Apples

    "A major difference between humans and animals is clothing; clothing separates us from — and in the biblical view, elevates us above — the animal kingdom."

    Clothing elevates us above the animal kingdom? When was the last time you saw a sheep, pony, giraffe, hippopotamus, etc walking around in rainbow knee high socks or thigh high black nylon stockings, huh? Animals have more fashion sense than we do.

  35. Troglodeity

    Clothing is what makes us human? Coming soon: the Denis Prager Unborn Fetus Clothing Collection.

  36. poorgradstudent

    A hyper-liberal-progressive-whatever acquaintance of mine supported the San Francisco ban because he (or maybe hir) had compared being "forced" to look at nekkid people to being sexually assaulted, which I found so stupid and offensive (especially to me, a human who knows other humans who were actual victims of actual rape) my brain shut down before I could process the "argument."

    Dennis is…well, he still doesn't quite compare to that, but he comes close, which makes me feel…better, maybe?

  37. gingerland62

    My wonderful hometown! I've always said if you grow up in SF nothing is "shocking" and differences aren't scary. But naked old dudes still give me the willies.(no pun intended?)

  38. cousinitt

    Look Dennis, you can put a suit on a freaking chimpanzee and put him in a Vaudeville show holding a lit stogie and dancing the jig. Clothes don't make the man. It's not like you could take said chimp and make him a Senator from the state of Redneckistan and no one would notice, right?

    Oh, what? Really?

  39. Lazy Media

    On the one hand, freedom. On the other hand, few nudists look good without their clothes on. So, let's compromise that you can be naked in public, but you can't complain when everyone makes rude personal remarks. Sort of like smoking in permitted smoking zones in California.

    Oh, and put a towel where you sit, because seriously, buttjuice.

    1. jello_mold

      there was a "compromise" of requiring the naked guys to put towels down, which they totally ignored. there's some analogy there to the house of reps but that's for some far more clever wonketteer than I to make.

  40. Close_Read

    This guy had a local show in LA years ago. I heard him once explaining how mankind was superior to nature, like monkeys and fruit trees and hurricanes. His reasoning was something-something-God and: because. It was all so obvious to him and his callers. I guess I'm really dumb.

  41. jello_mold

    If people such as our editrix comprised the naked guys, there prolly wouldn't have been much of a problem. However, they were decidedly not and they were ugly in more ways than one. (As Joshua Norton said, think porn written by Stephen King….thank JN for your ruined fapping!)

    It was the public masturbation, also, too.

    I started taking different routes through the 'stro and it was fucking inconvenient – and what was the exhibitionist argument? Don't look! You have to look in order to know where not to look – ugh too late. Porn by Stephen King.

    No one wanted to be unwilling participants in some trolls' public sex. And to say the naked guys are as a rule entitled oblivious aging white guys might be redundant. As far as I could tell, no one could get the police to enforce the laws that are already on the books; certainly no SFPD officer wanted to be the one put up on youtube arresting some pathetic lardtub with a cockring. So the charmingly nicknamed board of stupidvisors decides to write a law which is possibly unconstitutional.

    Praeger sounds like the guy the naked guys think they're talking to – they're all about body shame – the whole lot of them. The rest of us don't care to be shopping for eye bleach.

    vent/over

  42. GregComlish

    Yeah, it's our clothing that separates us from animals. It certainly isn't our intellect. Not around Dennis Prager at any rate.

  43. ttommyunger

    If there's one thing Dennis likes better than keeping his turtle-head of a peen his little secret, it is the sound of his own voice.

  44. bobbert

    This is why I only go into the City in the summer, when it's freezing.*

    *Not intended to be a factual statement, except for the freezing part.

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