Have any of our Wonkette readers ever been to a Foreign Country? Haha, oh my heck, no, of course not! All Godjesus-worshipping Americans know that all other countries are full of squalor and general brown-ness and should only be visited for the purposes of converting their heathen denizens to the one true religion of American Christianity, which involves going to the local Chick-Fil-A and stuffing as many chicken nuggets in your gaping maw hole as you can and then diving face first into a tub of soft serve frozen yogurt because God Hates Homos, or something like that, don’t know, haven’t been paying attention in church. It’s the weirdest Eucharist ever.
But once in a while, a group of wingnuts will make an exception and travel off to an exotic land together (DEFINITELY without hired man hookers), and that happened just recently when luminaries from the various Junior Anti-Butt-Sex Leagues of the US of A traveled together to a scary, exotic place called “Spain” in order to basically stand at podiums and spout the same garbled homophobic bullshit they spout in the United States. Jeremy Hooper reported on their voyage back in May, but the videos are just now becoming available, and at least one of them is highly worthy of our attention. Behold, Brian Brown, of the National Organization for Marriage, as he takes the podium, opens his mouth and immediately begins speaking to the assembled Spanish wingnuts as if he is trying to do his best impression of Madonna, if Madonna was speaking to a group of Spanish people as if they were a deaf, blind and differently abled ESL class:
“I am American which mean I am rebel like you are rebel! I lean way forward and make words verrrrrrry slowly and make big eyes so to explain to you the assembled Mexicans how we hate la homosexualista in United States! I am very excited to be in your foreign land, even though I obviously think you are probably el retard! Now I do mariachi dance in your native language so you understand!”
No, seriously, here is how he talks in the United States, so you can see that your Wonkette is not kidding:
Really, we only wrote this post to make fun of Brian Brown for funz. Visit Good-As-You for more magical wingnut videos from the mythical, savage land of España, including a seminar on some sort of Final Solution to the homosexual menace, led by that Richard Cohen guy, who cured himself of the gay by beatin’ the everlovin’ fuck out of a pillow with a tennis racket and calling it “mommy,” and also by cuddling with dudes while maybe not having a boner the whole time. “It’s just a semi, bro. No homo,” is a thing he probably says a lot, in “therapy.” [Good As You]