Sad Slob Mitt Romney Just Deliberately Messing With Our Heads Now

by Doktor Zoom

Look at Mr. Cool DisguiseHey, remember that Mitt Romney guy? Yeah, us neither, really, but apparently he was expecting to be president, since it was his birthright or something? And now, he’s just wandering around in a sad daze, with only his hundreds of millions of dollars for company. Poor dude. So like any US American who’s feeling a little down, he went shopping. And, apparently because he is something of a masochist, he went to CostCo, inviting mocking comparisons to Old Handsome Joe Biden, who recently pushed a cart around at the very same discount warehouse chain for the good of the economy.

The Atlantic’s Alexander Abad-Santos notes the contrast between

the symmetry and perfect, Tetris-like precision fit that Biden’s cart is sporting and the undulating cauldron of entropy on the left topped by generic paper towels

And much more to the point: “that hat.” (It is an asshat wearing a hat!)

Needless to say, the Wonkette Secret Chatcave was ringing with mirthy schadenfreude:

“But the Costco CEO spoke at the DNC! Shouldn’t Mitt go to Sam’s Club?”

“He’s all like, you won’t see ME locking myself in the bedroom and crying all over Thanksgiving! Nope, I’m a man with offices to be at and Costcos to look weird in!”

“Costco is his version of Corey Booker’s living off food stamps. The poor man just wants to connect.”

“Is that Ann behind him? She looks like she is on Laura Bush style buckets of Valium and Luudes.”

“Remember how Ann was worried about Mitt’s mental health if he got elected?”

And so, we turn the snarkage over to You, the Wonkettariat: What’s the next Joe Biden Signature Move we can expect Mitt to incompetently copy? Will Mitt decide to buy a bitchen muscle car, but end up honoring his dad by getting a 1979 AMX (or maybe a Gremlin GT)? Or maybe he’ll pose with a biker chick, only her old man will punch his lights out?

[AtlanticWire]

 
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{ 344 comments }

BaldarTFlagass December 4, 2012 at 3:56 pm

"That's some bad hat, Harry."

actor212 December 4, 2012 at 4:05 pm

HOUSE LIBEL!

BaldarTFlagass December 4, 2012 at 4:43 pm

House? WTF? That's from "Jaws," amigo.

actor212 December 4, 2012 at 4:55 pm

You've never watched the end credits for House?

Come here a minute December 4, 2012 at 5:15 pm

And here's the original, as long as we're at it.

BaldarTFlagass December 4, 2012 at 6:36 pm

Nope. I really don't watch any television at all, though I have heard that's a good show.

miss_grundy December 4, 2012 at 4:23 pm

The way he's wearing that cap it looks like a jockey's hat. Did he park Rafalca in the parking lot? Why is he at a Costco anyway? Doesn't he know that his kind is supposed to patronize Sam's Club with its unhappy employees who don't have health care? If he's trying to pass himself off as a RINO, he can forget about it. And he can go and hang with the forty-seven percenters at Walmart.

StillGoinGreen December 4, 2012 at 4:28 pm

You would think with a couple hundred super sized, he could afford a proper cover for the HUMONGOUS MEELON!!

tessiee December 5, 2012 at 12:39 am

Costco actually does stock hats in size Humungous; it's just that you have to buy a package of 8 of them all duct taped together.

Mittaplasia December 4, 2012 at 3:56 pm

He just got a job at the Marriott; maybe this pic was taken on Casual Friday.

AlaskaGrrl December 4, 2012 at 4:50 pm

Maybe doing the Costco run IS his job at Marriott. "Hey Mitt, we're out of paper towels for the break room…."

starfanglednut December 4, 2012 at 5:25 pm

WTF is wrong with that guy? He's 64 and fabulously wealthy. why doesn't he retire and travel around the world. you wouldn't catch me sitting in a fucking Marriot boardroom if I were that rich. Jeez.

BadKitty904 December 4, 2012 at 5:48 pm

I think he feels a need to be needed. The pity is, he isn't.

Come here a minute December 4, 2012 at 8:50 pm

Do not need. Do. Not. Want.

CrunchyKnee December 4, 2012 at 3:57 pm

He got that extra-large package of Cock bros paper towels, tho.

Sharkey December 4, 2012 at 4:07 pm

Look closely, there's only one: Towel.

CrunchyKnee December 4, 2012 at 4:12 pm

The proper size no doubt.

jqheywood December 4, 2012 at 4:48 pm

PAPER TOWEL LIBELS!!!?!

Nay, those are the wonderful Kirkland Costco house brand paper towels.

Biel_ze_Bubba December 4, 2012 at 5:01 pm

And they're all the right size.

Geminisunmars December 4, 2012 at 5:48 pm

They are about as absorbent as Bush's brain.

tbogg December 4, 2012 at 3:57 pm

Mitt appears to be going to great lengths to avoid hat head. Also Ann.

rickmaci December 4, 2012 at 4:37 pm

He's waiting for the hair coloring to grow out. When he finally takes off his hats in a month or so, we will see he is totally gray and has been sporting a dye job.

actor212 December 4, 2012 at 4:41 pm

We already saw that when he auditioned for that job at the local Gas N Gulp.

fitley December 4, 2012 at 5:55 pm

If he pulled that hat down anymore it would totally crush his pompador.

LionHeartSoyDog December 5, 2012 at 1:50 am

Dingleberry does not know how to wear a "baseball cap" and not grimace.
Grim Ass being the lovely #1 bride.

Lot_49 December 4, 2012 at 3:57 pm

Costco is pure evil, masked with "cheap" prices.

Doktor Zoom December 4, 2012 at 4:14 pm

Oh, I dunno about that. They pay a living wage, have decent benefits, and are immeasuarbly better than Walmart for workers: http://www.slate.com/articles/business/moneybox/2

And see also: http://i-sight.com/employee-relations/employee-re

actor212 December 4, 2012 at 4:17 pm

And all the non-union laborers in right-to-work states are paid at the prevailing union wages of other stores.

ETA: Also, too…

In 2010, Mercy for Animals conducted an undercover investigation at Buckeye Veal Farm, a veal supplier to Costco.[53] Immediately following the investigative release, Costco adopted a policy against purchasing veal from producers that use the crate-and-chain production method.[54] The case prompted Ohio decision-makers to vote in favor of a veal crate phase-out in the state.[55]

In 2012, Mercy for Animals conducted an undercover investigation at a pork supplier to Costco, Walmart, Safeway, Kroger, and Kmart.[56] Before the public release of the investigation, Costco announced they would begin requiring their pork suppliers to phase out gestation crates.[57] [58]

StillGoinGreen December 4, 2012 at 4:48 pm

Which state(s) made it illegal to film inside a processing plant without owner permission?

emmelemm December 4, 2012 at 4:55 pm

One of the Midwestern ones… thinking Ohio?

HempDogbane December 4, 2012 at 9:41 pm

The pork supplier was Christenson Farms, headquartered in MN. The founder and CEO, Bob Christenson, dropped dead while hunting last month. He was in his 50s.

Chow Yun Flat December 4, 2012 at 10:45 pm

I was hoping he had turned to shit and the pigs ate him.

Lot_49 December 4, 2012 at 4:25 pm

All that notwithstanding, what's evil about Costco is the manipulative tactics (erratic availability, giant shopping barges, fee-for-membership, jam-packed parking lots, shrink-wrapping things into larger packaging) they use to force people to buy more than they need because they don't know when it will be available again, it's so much goddamn trouble to get in and out of the store, and holy crap THIS IS SO CHEAP!

All big-time retailers manipulate their customers. Costco just does it too brazenly. And if you shop at the same store for a few years you can watch the employees get fatter and fatter….

actor212 December 4, 2012 at 4:29 pm

But you know that going in, when you have to buy the membership. I mean, it's hardly a bait and switch tactic. I shop there when I need to stock up on staples like paper towel and toilet paper, coffee, stuff like that, and their prices are consistently lower than any supermarket.

And for big families, it's a huge blessing to be able to buy one pork tenderloin or package of chicken parts and know it will feel all six people. Plus, people pool their funds and shop for multiple families at a time on one membership.

About the only place I've seen cheaper is on Amazon, but really, who wants to order a case of 48 rolls of paper towel?

Lot_49 December 4, 2012 at 4:32 pm

All true! My distaste is purely personal. Nobody has to shop there.

StillGoinGreen December 4, 2012 at 4:33 pm

Where do you shop? I LOVES ME SOME FAT CHICKS!!

Lot_49 December 4, 2012 at 4:37 pm

At Price Club Number 1, of course.

Trinket December 4, 2012 at 6:19 pm

And if you shop at the same store for a few years you can watch the employees get fatter and fatter….

That happens at every store, doesn't it? I sort of thought it was because the employees get older as the years go by. Besides, there are worse things in the world than being fat. Some people are mean, for example. Or union-busters. Or Wall Street bankers.

tessiee December 4, 2012 at 8:31 pm

Or not having a job that lasts for a year or two.

MaxUdargo December 4, 2012 at 9:19 pm

They're Nazis, actually.

I used to work for an egg company. We got the contract to supply Costco in northern California. But we had to meet with them and discuss a few things. Basically, they sat us down in a room and explained to us that we were not only going to be responsible for delivering eggs to them, but we were going to have to track the egg inventory at each of their stores and maintain their inventory levels. So we had to train our truck drivers to go into the Costco and take an inventory every time they made a delivery. Then the truck driver brought the count back to our customer service department and they had to write up the order for the next shipment based on the driver's inventory. I had to write a program to track shipments and inventory levels for each store so we could project usage and maintain adequate, but not excessive, levels. They had a strict spoils policy and of course we paid for all the "spoils" (out-of-date eggs).

By the end of the meeting, they were all cackling maniacally and shoving dildos up our asses. We just sobbed and waited for it to end. What were we going to do? It was a huge account.

And, also, I once tried to shop there and they asked me for my "papers." I guess you have to have a membership card or something. They have thugs who enforce this, and they dragged me out of the store and threw me to the sidewalk. I begged them and showed them my money, but they only laughed. They didn't want my money. I wasn't the right kind of person.

Fucking Nazis.

UW8316154 December 4, 2012 at 9:50 pm

Do you know who *else* was a Na……uh…heh. Never mind.

Lascauxcaveman December 5, 2012 at 2:42 am

LOL, those jackbooted Costco Nazi enforcer thugs. The one at my local store is about 4'10" and 65 years old. I'm pretty sure her granddaughter and my kid went to the same Lutheran pre-school, back in the day.

I should ask her about that, next time she throws me to the pavement and boot-stomps my neck for getting out my membership card too slowly.

shastakoala December 4, 2012 at 7:07 pm

Where buying in bulk is what? Our God given right!

Doktor Zoom December 4, 2012 at 11:21 pm

Welcome to the monkey house!

shastakoala December 4, 2012 at 11:47 pm

Thanks Ponyboy . . . Soda, Two-Bit and the gang say . . . Hey!

not that Dewey December 5, 2012 at 12:56 am

All Hail the RAMJAC Corporation!

miss_grundy December 4, 2012 at 4:26 pm

They also carry yummy kettle popcorn which is the most addictive thing, evah! And if you're hungry, nothing beats the samples. You can sample yourself lunch. Does Sam's Club do that?

Lot_49 December 4, 2012 at 4:28 pm

Probably not! And their wine selection probably isn't nearly as good as Costco's!

BigSkullF*ckingDog December 4, 2012 at 4:34 pm

Meh. If you don't need it or you can't use it, don't buy it. I don't think evil means what you think it means.

Lascauxcaveman December 4, 2012 at 5:33 pm

Seriously. If you want to say consumerism is evil, then we're all guilty to some degree. Costco is the most benign multinational business you'll ever find. It's the customers (myself included) who are evil.

BadKitty904 December 4, 2012 at 5:52 pm

My brother says Cosco is the "good one," Walmart is the "bad one." But I don't go to either, sooo…

LionHeartSoyDog December 5, 2012 at 1:57 am

I don't buy crap.
Therefore, i don't shop much in Murka, 'cept for groceries and gasoline.

BaldarTFlagass December 4, 2012 at 3:58 pm

Maybe he can send out some form letters to pedophiles.

skmind December 4, 2012 at 3:58 pm

Smart!

Costco does have that strict 30 day return policy. Returning the supplies he got for his rally attenders to donate to him for Sandy shows how fiscally responsible he is.

ROMNEY RYAN 2016!

GhostBuggy December 4, 2012 at 4:02 pm

"Mr. Romney, what would you like me to get for you to donate to hurricane victims?"

"Eh, just grab an assload of paper towels. There are puddles in their vestibules or something, right?"

smokefilledroommate December 4, 2012 at 3:59 pm

He's just like me !! Shit, why didn't I vote for him?

actor212 December 4, 2012 at 4:04 pm

You don't buy beer by the case at Costco, either?

rickmaci December 4, 2012 at 4:52 pm

Only a case?

actor212 December 4, 2012 at 4:59 pm

That's all that fits on my bike handlebars.

starfanglednut December 4, 2012 at 5:23 pm

Haha, just get one of those kid trailers, and fill it with beer instead.

rickmaci December 4, 2012 at 6:21 pm

That's why G_d made cargo shorts with such big pockets.

StillGoinGreen December 4, 2012 at 4:39 pm

Nope, no mondo pack of the Charmin – they have the help clean the mutton off the mittens. Else they don't shit – you pick.

BadKitty904 December 4, 2012 at 5:53 pm

Did he was s'posed to do this traditional schtick BEFORE the election?

Jukesgrrl December 5, 2012 at 12:36 am

Ann claimed Mitt bought his white shirts at Costco. I guess when you're that rich you just wear one and then throw it away. Or donate it to poor Mormons for a tax break at Brooks Brothers prices. But I don't see any white shirts in that cart. He must plan on being unemployed for awhile.

GhostBuggy December 4, 2012 at 3:59 pm

Woah, check out Mitt splurging on that high-falutin' brand of paper towel, Towel.

actor212 December 4, 2012 at 4:04 pm

In fairness, only the help uses paper towels, so he can afford to be stingy

Doktor Zoom December 4, 2012 at 4:50 pm

See, an ordinary person spend his life avoiding tense situations. Romneyman spends his life getting into tense situations. Let's go get a drink!

(Interior: Otto and Bud Ann and Mitt in a store

BudMitt sets 2 six packs of "drink" down on the counter.)

glasspusher December 4, 2012 at 5:17 pm

I bet a can of "food" would taste good with that. No need to put it on a plate, Dok.

Beowoof December 4, 2012 at 7:02 pm

A can of Kirkland something Food. No wait that is for the poor old people.

Limeylizzie December 5, 2012 at 2:09 pm

I have no idea why that made me laugh so insanely, but it just did , my friend.

GhostBuggy December 5, 2012 at 3:07 pm

Aw, thanks.

weejee December 4, 2012 at 3:59 pm

And an Elmer Fudd hat, not a stylish Wonkette chapeau.

PopeEdgardo December 4, 2012 at 5:30 pm

Let's all chip in and buy him one. I bet it'll cheer him up no end.

usuhname December 6, 2012 at 6:41 am

that was totally going to be my suggestion

RadioBitchFace December 4, 2012 at 4:00 pm

Those "quiet rooms" are getting to him.

Texan_Bulldog December 4, 2012 at 4:00 pm

I guess Mitt needs all those paper towels to mop up their sad, sad tears.

glasspusher December 4, 2012 at 5:18 pm

Beat me by an hour. Damn this day job!

…and yet they still stay strong, even when wet, unlike the Romneys!

Mittaplasia December 4, 2012 at 9:13 pm

I doubt that Ann has ever been "wet".

starfanglednut December 4, 2012 at 5:27 pm

Ann's just cold cryin' into a bucket these days.

fitley December 4, 2012 at 5:57 pm

And baby vomit from the bad Boston Market microwave turkey.

iburl December 4, 2012 at 4:00 pm

Maybe he will copy Biden and start plagiarizing or have a son serve in the military. Ha ha, just kidding, American Jesus has to keep them safe for each of their failed 12 year runs for president.

natl_[redacted]_cmdr December 4, 2012 at 4:52 pm

Ha, one of the Romney boys in the military? Oh, that's rich.

fitley December 4, 2012 at 5:59 pm

Why doesn't Mitt adopt a child to send into the Army? He could adopt him one week shy of his 18th birthday and then off he goes to Afghanistan.

Jukesgrrl December 5, 2012 at 12:41 am

I think that tradition was started by One L and Marcus. Marcus guarantees that his donations don't have teh ghey.

Mittaplasia December 4, 2012 at 4:00 pm

You can tell Mittens never bagged groceries or even packed a suitcase in his life. Meanwhile, Ann stands in the background, occasionally goosing him with a cattle prod.

Jukesgrrl December 5, 2012 at 12:42 am

Yes, manly men are usually proud of their ability to fit half of Costco in one cart.

NYNYNYjr December 5, 2012 at 3:10 pm

I think this is him shopping and wearing at baseball hat for the first time ever.

PeaceWithHonor December 4, 2012 at 4:00 pm

Tip to Mittens: Tacky everyman photo ops usually come before the election is decided.

Close_Read December 4, 2012 at 5:37 pm

He clearly craves the attention. Otherwise he'd have Consuelo hit Costco. He probably rushes home to check Twitter to see how quickly the pics went viral.

Next he'll show up at a miniature golf course.

Jukesgrrl December 5, 2012 at 12:44 am

Have I told you lately how much I love your name and personal description?

James Michael Curley December 5, 2012 at 6:10 am

Emma Peel. Leather. Zippers. That is all.

actor212 December 4, 2012 at 4:01 pm

Mitt will go to a biker bar and have one of the chicks sit on his lap.

However, he will have been sadly mishandled by his staff and end up at some twee coffeeshop in Cambridge with some rotund chick in spandex crushing his man-bits, talking about deraileurs and fixies.

Nothingisamiss December 4, 2012 at 8:51 pm

Don't put these images in my head.

Now.

Who's wearing spandex? And speak slowly…

HempDogbane December 4, 2012 at 9:46 pm

Brb, have to go clean up.

starfanglednut December 4, 2012 at 9:58 pm

Fuckin' Cambridge hipsters with their fixies. Grrrrrr….

imissopus December 4, 2012 at 4:01 pm

Posing for a new line of Wonkette mugs? No, probably not that.

natl_[redacted]_cmdr December 4, 2012 at 4:53 pm

This photo should go on a Wonket mug. It would go well with a big ol' cuppa schadenfreude.

Close_Read December 4, 2012 at 6:00 pm

Nah, Becca is trying to SELL mugs.

Some Mitten schadenfreude would fly off the shelves, though.

ProgressiveInga December 4, 2012 at 4:01 pm

"Losing the Presidency was a Big F*cking Deal!"

fartknocker December 4, 2012 at 4:01 pm

The towels are for Mittens and Ann to wipe up the tears of sadness. Or maybe it's to clean up after Rafalca when he take a shit on his new horse elevator.

LesBontemps December 4, 2012 at 4:01 pm

Reduced to buying generic paper towels. SEE WHAT YOU HAVE DONE!

RedneckMuslin December 4, 2012 at 4:20 pm

He needs Bounty towels- The quicker dicker picker upper.

Cleopatriot December 4, 2012 at 6:31 pm

Yes, I built that.

usuhname December 6, 2012 at 6:43 am

thats not the Americuh Mitt knows, that aint even Mexico

SayItWithWookies December 4, 2012 at 4:02 pm

Hey Mitt — the clues are in aisle 12.

BadKitty904 December 4, 2012 at 5:55 pm

*applauds*

starfanglednut December 4, 2012 at 9:58 pm

Indeed.

actor212 December 4, 2012 at 4:02 pm

Ann is all like "I'm staying ten paces behind him because I don't want to be caught *dead* not paying bust out retail"

SorosBot December 4, 2012 at 4:02 pm

Did he pick up some hardware stuff?

Esteev December 4, 2012 at 4:07 pm

He also got a few groceries from the grocery store.

jello_mold December 4, 2012 at 4:15 pm

He's building a nightstand.

ProgressiveInga December 4, 2012 at 4:03 pm

“Is that Ann behind him? She looks like she is on Laura Bush style buckets of Valium and Luudes.”

Ann is powerless over the poors and her life has become unmanageable.

actor212 December 4, 2012 at 4:11 pm

"But Mitt! You promised I'd have an entire nation of poor children to boss around like that Michelle bitch!"

BadKitty904 December 4, 2012 at 5:57 pm

"Begone! You have no power here." *Munchkin titters*

tessiee December 5, 2012 at 12:32 am

I'm glad I was sitting down when I read this, or I would have fainted from the sheer awesomeness of it.

Esteev December 4, 2012 at 4:06 pm

Photos of Mitt winning an election.

AHAHHAHAHAHAHAHHAHHAHAHHAH

*passes out* *regains consciousness*

AHAHHAHAHAHAHAHHAHHAHAHHAH

Sharkey December 4, 2012 at 4:09 pm
HouseOfTheBlueLights December 4, 2012 at 4:46 pm

Wow, Mitt looks totally hawt with a beard!

Geminisunmars December 4, 2012 at 5:57 pm

I woulda voted for that.

Sharkey December 4, 2012 at 9:31 pm

With votes?

Geminisunmars December 4, 2012 at 9:45 pm

With machetes.

tessiee December 5, 2012 at 12:33 am

The only way that article could possibly have been better is if it had also included Hobo Paul Ryan yelling at passing cars.

johnnymeatworth December 4, 2012 at 4:11 pm

I can only hope he's going to wrap his Xmas presents with the toilet paper and use the holiday paper to wipe his ass….

ChillBill December 4, 2012 at 4:23 pm

My guess is that Ann will make him wipe Rafalca's.

tessiee December 5, 2012 at 12:34 am

Oh yea, right, like Mitt wipes his own ass!
That's what he has People for.

ElPinche December 4, 2012 at 4:12 pm

Why isn't the help shopping for them? Once again, Mittens hates the mescans.

Veritas78 December 4, 2012 at 4:30 pm

So that Mitt can have the fun of firing the checkout clerk after his order has been rung up.

jello_mold December 4, 2012 at 4:13 pm

Lying liar lies, steals ideas and credit; water is wet.

Antispandex December 4, 2012 at 4:14 pm

Those aren't even real things! Who ever heard of a comically gianormous package of something called "Towel"? And yes, the hat is…not Presidential…at all.

actor212 December 4, 2012 at 4:15 pm

Joe Biden goes to Costco. He buys a flat screen TV, books, looks like an appliance. He buys presents and gifts for people.

Mitt Romney goes to Costco. He buys paper towel (sic), fruit juice, wrapping paper, and I think those are napkins under the box. He buys supplies for the help.

natl_[redacted]_cmdr December 4, 2012 at 4:15 pm

And I thought I had run out of schadenfreude. Nope! Guess not!

jello_mold December 4, 2012 at 4:17 pm

Help yourself! More than enough for everyone!!!!! It's like the loaves and the fishes!

Nothingisamiss December 4, 2012 at 8:52 pm

Yes.

DemmeFatale December 4, 2012 at 4:24 pm

It just doesn't end, does it?
Thanks for the gift that keeps on giving, Mitt!

HRH_Maddie December 4, 2012 at 4:36 pm

Turns out I also had a Costco supply of schadenfeude.

natl_[redacted]_cmdr December 4, 2012 at 4:41 pm

Bulk schadenfreude at discount prices!

Geminisunmars December 4, 2012 at 5:59 pm

47% off!!

hagajim December 4, 2012 at 4:15 pm

I'm sure he's just stocking up his LaJolla home for the apocolypse. You know the Mormons has to keep a year supply of stuff on hand for disasters and all. Mitt just moved back to Cali once the car elevator got finished so he's just cold stocking his supplies as Moroni declared he should.

sullivanst December 4, 2012 at 4:26 pm

Apparently they haven't actually started the remodel, so no car elevator yet. Lobbyist must still be busy, though.

Jukesgrrl December 5, 2012 at 12:49 am

Hasn't it been raining for days in California? Must really be helping Egg's depression.

carlgt1 December 4, 2012 at 4:16 pm

This will make you sad – if Mitt converted his $250 million into gold, at $1700 per ounce, that would be 92 shopping carts each filled with 100 pounds of gold he has to slavishly push around….

BadKitty904 December 4, 2012 at 5:59 pm

I think he should have to drag 'em around on a chain, like Jacob Marley's ghost…

yyyaz December 4, 2012 at 9:59 pm

Just in the interest of the veracity that our Wonkette is so justly famous for, it's even worse. Gold is measured in Troy ounces, ergo, at 12 ozs. to the pound, El Borgero would need 122.5 shopping carts. One weeps at his burden.

carlgt1 December 5, 2012 at 4:46 pm

thanks for the correction, the full monty is: $250 million * 0.0685714286 troy ounces / pound (avoirdupois) / US$1693.65 per troy ounce as I write this / = 10,121.84 pounds (avoirdupois) of gold gold gold so yeah about 100 shopping carts should do it to cart it away to the car elevator…..

CrunchyKnee December 4, 2012 at 4:16 pm

What we can't see from Willard's photo are the several blahs pushing the shopping cart for him. While handsome Joe is cold pushing his loaded cart as if it were the light frilly under-garments of a biker chick.

Monsieur_Grumpe December 4, 2012 at 4:17 pm

I hope he has a cart with a wobbly and squeaky wheel.

SuspectedDemocrat December 4, 2012 at 4:24 pm

"Why do homeless people always get the good shopping carts?"

LesBontemps December 4, 2012 at 4:39 pm

They took the first 47%.

elviouslyqueer December 4, 2012 at 4:43 pm

I want him to get stuck behind a lardass with two full carts who contests the price of every. single. item., waits until everything is tallied up before digging around in her faux Marc Jacobs feedbag for her "pocketbook," and then proceeds to write a check.

BadKitty904 December 4, 2012 at 6:00 pm

Don't forget the "coop-ins."

Monsieur_Grumpe December 4, 2012 at 10:39 pm

I love the ones that pay in cash and they haul out their coin purse so they count out 99 cents in pennies.

tessiee December 5, 2012 at 12:35 am

"I hope he has a cart with a wobbly and squeaky wheel."

But enough about Ann.
*ba dum tish*

ChillBill December 4, 2012 at 4:17 pm

That's not enough towels to wipe Ann's tears.

gullywompr December 4, 2012 at 4:17 pm

Next he'll grow his hair long like LBJ did after becoming a civilian again.

ProgressiveInga December 4, 2012 at 4:18 pm

I'm concerned about Ann. That's an Isadora Duncan-like scarf she is sporting there. Mitt's not driving a convertible roadster these days, is he?

rickmaci December 4, 2012 at 4:40 pm

Audi SUV, I believe.

Close_Read December 4, 2012 at 5:05 pm

Yes, I love how she dresses to the nines to go to Costco. Always the queen, eh, Egg?

Veritas78 December 4, 2012 at 5:06 pm

They don't call him the Boston Strangler for nothing.

SorosBot December 4, 2012 at 4:18 pm

Did Mitt get the White Kasuls, cedar cheese, stuf for spaggeti and cakes we like?

emmelemm December 4, 2012 at 4:31 pm

Never gets old. (no snark)

SorosBot December 4, 2012 at 4:40 pm
Jukesgrrl December 5, 2012 at 12:59 am

Mine, too. Someone should make it into an art poster.

Veritas78 December 4, 2012 at 5:07 pm

Yes, but I'm fairly sure he didn't get cigs for you and me.

ManchuCandidate December 4, 2012 at 4:18 pm

I think Mitt should go to a biker bar and hit on the ladies for pretend votes.

Disassembly December 4, 2012 at 4:18 pm

Maybe he'll plagiarize from Robert Kennedy. Too soon?

sullivanst December 4, 2012 at 4:24 pm

Wouldn't it have to be David Cameron?

SayItWithWookies December 4, 2012 at 4:28 pm

They shot David Cameron?!

sullivanst December 4, 2012 at 4:39 pm

No, that was just a dream.

(OHJB's plagiarism scandal involved a Neil Kinnock speech; Cameron isn't perfectly analogous because he's PM not Leader of the Opposition, more's the pity, but I figured the right/left alignment was likely more significant.)

commiegirl99 December 4, 2012 at 4:19 pm

Hey guys, did our servers just get really fast? Aaron at Advomatic says our servers are gonna get really fast. Did they? Huh? Did they? Huh?

CrunchyKnee December 4, 2012 at 4:25 pm

There was a mild disruption in the space time continuum, then things started flowing smoothly. So, either your servers are rocking or the DMT I ate for lunch just kicked in. Either way, I has a happy.

ProgressiveInga December 4, 2012 at 4:26 pm

If I tell you that you have the fastest servers ever do I get an iPhone?

Pragmatist2 December 4, 2012 at 4:26 pm

What are they serving?

BigSkullF*ckingDog December 4, 2012 at 4:32 pm

I just saw some comments from NEXT WEEK!

actor212 December 4, 2012 at 4:36 pm

I still can't believe the Mayan apocalypse ACTUALLY FOREWHEN HAPPPENEDA!

Disassembly December 4, 2012 at 4:58 pm

Did you find out what happens with the physical cliff?

SorosBot December 4, 2012 at 4:36 pm

It isn't loading slow at least.

gullywompr December 4, 2012 at 4:40 pm

It's decent. Make sure they are careful with the caching, we need up-to-the second comments here. Right now, performance indeed looks better than earlier today.

natl_[redacted]_cmdr December 4, 2012 at 4:42 pm

Faster than they were about an hour ago. But there are too many comments!!11!!

NYNYNYjr December 5, 2012 at 3:14 pm

too many comments. Erase some.

Jus_Wonderin December 4, 2012 at 4:43 pm

Oh fuck yes. I got whiplash from opening this posting. I thought it was our company network and all the lazy, loosers piddling on the Intertubez that were slowing down my Wonkette "work".

TootsStansbury December 4, 2012 at 4:45 pm

I have this neat blue phone thing!

kittensdontlie December 4, 2012 at 4:49 pm

Those are some crack servers.

Sharkey December 4, 2012 at 4:59 pm

There's only so fast you can go with a 300 baud modem.

actor212 December 4, 2012 at 5:05 pm

I tell kids these days, "When we got the Internet, we had to connect with a "SKREEEEEEEEESKREEEEESCRATCHHHHHHHHHHHHH" sound"…

emmelemm December 4, 2012 at 5:11 pm

Do you actually go full-out in emulating the noise, for maximum annoyance?

actor212 December 4, 2012 at 5:19 pm

Yea, altho I had trouble remembering the "WONNNNNNNNKBRAP" noise in the middle.

natl_[redacted]_cmdr December 4, 2012 at 5:11 pm
tessiee December 5, 2012 at 12:36 am

There should be a Futurama episode where they consult an ancient oracle and it makes that connecting to AOL sound.

James Michael Curley December 5, 2012 at 6:32 am

I used a modem connect signal for a ring tone on my smartass phone for a few weeks. People in the office hated it. But I liked the irritated look of people on the bus because I long ago over dosed on loud cell phones and their equally loud users. (And I have severe hearing impairment.)

viennawoods13 December 5, 2012 at 6:56 am

I hadn't even thought of this sound in years. And then not an hour after reading this, I was watching some Craig Ferguson on the youtoobs, and he imitated this very sound.

Chet Kincaid_ December 4, 2012 at 5:38 pm

There are still times when it takes 3 minutes for a page to refresh.

Close_Read December 4, 2012 at 5:43 pm

Things do seem faster. Maybe the new server folks finally stopped trying to divide by zero.

BadKitty904 December 4, 2012 at 6:04 pm

I think they can now make the Kessel run in less than 12 parsecs!

Sharkey December 4, 2012 at 10:11 pm

But can they run a 4 minute mile, is the question.

VodkaGoGo December 4, 2012 at 8:09 pm

It still doesn't load right on my phone. Not that I'm complaining, I miss being able to comment while I'm out and about which is when most of these posts go up.

Jukesgrrl December 5, 2012 at 1:02 am

For their next magic trick, do you think they could get the "Go to Comment" link to actually go to comment? Can I have that for Christmas, Ma? Huh? Huh??

BaldarTFlagass December 5, 2012 at 9:10 am

No. You'll put your eye out.

gullywompr December 5, 2012 at 12:58 pm

Babe, my advice is to really grill your hosting service over this whole Varnish cache thing. It doesn't matter how fast your site is if nobody can get to it and click on the ad thingies.

LIT_Fag December 5, 2012 at 1:56 pm

Must have been my email to the tips line yesterday that did it. Quote:

For the last 3 days, I can't get Wonkette on Safari on the iPhone. Keeps trying to go to that damn touch.wonkette.com site which apparently no longer exists.

What do I do? Or what can your IT guys do?
I am heading to IN Saturday. Please, dear Wonk powers-that-be, do not let me be trapped at my moms for 5 days and only dial up and no way to get my Wonkette fix!

Thank you for your urgent assistance. Also. Too.

Best regards
LIT Fag

Update: thank the babby Jesus! It works!

actor212 December 4, 2012 at 4:20 pm

Define "fast".

I've already bought it three drinks and not even a wank!

jqheywood December 4, 2012 at 4:58 pm

Well-played, sir, well-played…

BadKitty904 December 4, 2012 at 6:02 pm

*you weirdo* ;0)

DrunkIrishman December 4, 2012 at 4:22 pm

This version of Mitt Romney does not quite understand the dynamics of wearing a baseball cap. It's foreign to him. The Hat Chip needs updating. To him, wearing a baseball cap makes about as much sense as wearing a porcupine. So, I give him some leeway on this one.

But if this continues through the next upgrade … well, heads will roll.

Jus_Wonderin December 4, 2012 at 4:53 pm

I doubt any hat can contain that hair helmet, much less the gargantuan ego below it.

GeorgiaBurning December 4, 2012 at 4:23 pm

Next step- working on the one-year supply of houses

sullivanst December 4, 2012 at 4:24 pm

The wife walking six paces behind? CREEPING SHARIAH!

actor212 December 4, 2012 at 4:32 pm

I think her name is Ann and I don't think she's quite creeping. More slinking.

BadKitty904 December 4, 2012 at 6:04 pm

More like "creepy".

James Michael Curley December 5, 2012 at 6:55 am

CREEPING SHARIAH was the "B" side of The Knack's Single.

SuspectedDemocrat December 4, 2012 at 4:24 pm

I'd go for the AMX. Or maybe a Ford Maverick with a 302 and mag wheels. That'd be sweet.

HempDogbane December 4, 2012 at 9:53 pm

Pacer would be true to the family legacy. And kewl !

elviouslyqueer December 4, 2012 at 4:25 pm

Ann looks like she's about to gag from the stench of dead common.

actor212 December 4, 2012 at 4:39 pm

"You people perspire?"

tessiee December 5, 2012 at 12:38 am

How they ever get warm enough to, is a mystery.
But you know Those People — they never miss a chance to smell bad.
It must have something to do with that dreadful inexpensive clothing they insist upon wearing.

Jus_Wonderin December 4, 2012 at 5:46 pm

"QUIT BREATHING MY AIR!!!"

Pragmatist2 December 4, 2012 at 4:25 pm

Man this pisses me off! The other day there is a story where he order Thanksgiving dinner from Boston Market and now Costco. He's like a guy who wins $200,000,000 in the lottery and announces he will put new siding on his house.It's just an enormous waste of being rich.

actor212 December 4, 2012 at 4:38 pm

Well, you know, hookers and coke are sort of off the table…

Jukesgrrl December 5, 2012 at 1:04 am

She knows how to spend money, though. The clothes aren't attractive, but they're expensive. And those horses don't pay their own vet bills.

BigSkullF*ckingDog December 4, 2012 at 4:27 pm

Mitt and Ann thought a store that required a membership would be a bit less pedestrian. Bet they won't make that mistake again.

Toomush_Infer December 4, 2012 at 4:27 pm

I just want to see the look on Egg's face when he says: "It's a big fucking deal…."

Disassembly December 4, 2012 at 5:04 pm

Nah, he'll probably lose his nerve halfway, say fudging, then tell Cratchit that, bad news, he's gotta work Christmas again.

DahBoner December 4, 2012 at 4:27 pm

That hat!

Obama's Drones: Target Acquired. Disengage! Target Has Absolutely No Value Possible Decoy

ttommyunger December 4, 2012 at 4:28 pm

At the risk of seeming redundant: Mitt who? C'mon Wonkette, let's hear about some relevant power-players on the Right……….Oh right, crickets.

Ruhe December 4, 2012 at 4:29 pm

Why? That's all I can say. Why? I've been around people with crazy wealth on occasion and there's something truly pathetic about seeing people with money shop cost-consciously the way you and I would. What's the point of being rich if you're still going to sweat details like the cost of paper towels?

Trinket December 4, 2012 at 6:24 pm

No shit. Plus, I would totally hire someone to go buy the paper towels. Not to mention the rest of the household stuff. And a driver. God, I hate driving.

Now, see, if *I* were rich, I *would* be a job creator. And I'd pay all my employees six-figure salaries and pay for their health insurance, too.

rocktonsam December 4, 2012 at 4:32 pm

thats funny, I saw Paul Ryan buying a jockstrap he CAN carry ,at the Janesville Mall, yuk.

VeraSevera December 5, 2012 at 4:19 pm

I'll give you $20 if you can get your hands on that jockstrap. $50 if it's been used.

Chet Kincaid_ December 4, 2012 at 4:33 pm

"paper plates, dixie cups, wrapping paper, V8 juice drinks, pretzel snacks, Bisquick and bottled water"

Wow, this is going to be the best Romney Estate Domestic Staff Christmas Party ever!!

natl_[redacted]_cmdr December 4, 2012 at 5:33 pm

paper plates, dixie cups

He doesn't want the help to get their sticky fingers all over the real plates and cups.

BadKitty904 December 4, 2012 at 6:06 pm

What, no mayo???

Biel_ze_Bubba December 5, 2012 at 12:29 am

He bought a 750-oz jar at Costco last week. They're only half-way through it.

rickmaci December 4, 2012 at 4:33 pm

OMG. Creepin old hairy white guy in shorts showing pencil legs, just peeking out between the bars of that cart. Man, when the gods strike a man down for his hubris, they really don't fuk around, do they?

CrunchyKnee December 4, 2012 at 4:37 pm

Yikes, he is wearing shorts. It's like dude just gave the fuck up.

Jus_Wonderin December 4, 2012 at 5:53 pm

The only way it could be worse (better) is if he was wearing black kneehigh socks and dress shoes. There is a phase for this. Uh. Hmmm. Oh. "Lacks self awareness". Maybe?

BadKitty904 December 4, 2012 at 6:08 pm

I'm tellin' y'all, he's just a step away from goin' full Dick-Nixon and buyin' a metal detector…

tessiee December 5, 2012 at 12:42 am

And then using it on the beach while wearing a suit and tie with polished wing tip oxfords.

CrunchyKnee December 4, 2012 at 4:34 pm

Is that a NASA hat on Willard's pointed dome? Ahhhhh, so many jokes, so little time.

Kolob.

TootsStansbury December 4, 2012 at 4:59 pm

Perhaps it says "MASA".

FakaktaSouth December 4, 2012 at 4:37 pm

Shopping at CostCo is the first time Mitt has ever supported union workers who make a living wage. Take his money folks, he owes you.

Jus_Wonderin December 4, 2012 at 4:41 pm

Okay, so you are going to leave this to me? Is this one of those past/future postings???

DerrickWildcat December 4, 2012 at 4:43 pm

Probably got blisters pushing that cart around.

NinjaCat_Baba December 4, 2012 at 4:43 pm

Mittens, "Need to stock up on my trip to Kolob to weather the pending 2012 Mayan Apocaylpse."

Poindexter718 December 4, 2012 at 4:45 pm

Mitt's buying in bulk for all the sisterwives now that he's got no need to hide it.

Also, that's called TV anchorman hat.

rickmaci December 4, 2012 at 4:45 pm

The edited photo does not really give you a full sense of the weird that was happening here.

elviouslyqueer December 4, 2012 at 4:54 pm

Oh man, that is delicious. And lookit Ann trying to be so clever by stashing her case o'Kotex underneath the industrial-sized box of Club crackers.

BigSkullF*ckingDog December 4, 2012 at 4:58 pm

I think those are adult diapers.

Doktor Zoom December 4, 2012 at 4:55 pm

HATS SIMPLY DO NOT GO ON HEADS THAT WAY!!!!!

BadKitty904 December 4, 2012 at 6:09 pm

Well, not "human" heads, anyways…

emmelemm December 4, 2012 at 4:56 pm

Her scarf is so blazingly pink. Ah am blinded.

elviouslyqueer December 4, 2012 at 4:59 pm

I'm not going to judge, because I have one exactly like that.

But then again, I'm GAY, also, too.

emmelemm December 4, 2012 at 5:00 pm

I'll allow it.

Jus_Wonderin December 4, 2012 at 5:57 pm

Well, of course you can sport that and look fabulous. I do have a "Polo" nearly that bright. I am going to wear it to Jury Duty next week.

Close_Read December 4, 2012 at 5:49 pm

Both of them, their attire says "KEEP AWAY, PEASANTS."

BadKitty904 December 4, 2012 at 6:10 pm

This has GOT to be a sign, I tells ya!

Of what, tho, I dunno, other than a sad, desperate plea for attention…

BlueStateLibel December 4, 2012 at 8:08 pm

Holy shit, that is all.

kittensdontlie December 4, 2012 at 4:46 pm

Breaker breaker 10-40…I'm flying solo on the left-coast heading for a toll booth with my green stamps. I got too many eggs in my basket and my other half has gotta get home to pop some beans.

tessiee December 5, 2012 at 12:43 am

That means something about teh buttsechs, right?

JackDempsey1 December 4, 2012 at 4:52 pm

I want to see him use one of those self-scanning check-out things.

The fascinating confrontation of machine-vs-machine is the principle reason that the "Transformers" franchise is recognized as a masterpiece.

Jus_Wonderin December 4, 2012 at 5:58 pm

"Could I go first, I just have one item?"

BadKitty904 December 4, 2012 at 6:11 pm

He'd put his eye out.

elviouslyqueer December 4, 2012 at 4:52 pm

You mean this, obvs.

Jus_Wonderin December 4, 2012 at 5:05 pm

But, they'd have to shrink it "Fantastic Voyage" style for it to fit. Can water get that hot?

natl_[redacted]_cmdr December 4, 2012 at 4:55 pm

Maybe Mitt thinks they sell electoral college votes at CostCo.

OneYieldRegular December 4, 2012 at 4:57 pm

I had an incredibly strange dream just last night – I'm not making this up – in which Mitt Romney had cut all ties with everyone. He was out wandering America's dusty backroads wearing a sarape and hat just like Clint Eastwood in "A Fistful of Dollars" and giving sermons to the air. No one was paying him much attention.

tessiee December 4, 2012 at 6:19 pm

*background music*
Oooee ooee ooh… womp womp wahhhh…
And why not, Clint Eastwood's last appearance was giving a sermon to a chair.

rickmaci December 5, 2012 at 12:26 am

That wasn't a dream. That was the Romney Michigan campaign.

voodooeconomics December 4, 2012 at 4:59 pm

Mitt drives the truck…he bought that hat in Tennessee at a Pilot Fuel center.

not that Dewey December 4, 2012 at 5:00 pm

Oh — he's still alive? Well god bless his soul.

deanbooth December 4, 2012 at 5:03 pm

Dead man walkin'!

Biel_ze_Bubba December 4, 2012 at 5:05 pm

Why is he wearing a baseball cap at all, if he's gonna wear it way the fuck up on top of his head like that? It looks like one of those silly equestrian skull buckets that you wear while dancing with your horse.

deanbooth December 4, 2012 at 5:13 pm

The hat will fit again as soon as the head swelling goes down.

BadKitty904 December 4, 2012 at 6:12 pm

Maybe his hair was cold?

not that Dewey December 4, 2012 at 5:05 pm

Was Boston Market all out of toilet paper?

Disassembly December 4, 2012 at 5:06 pm

Who let the slobs out?

tessiee December 4, 2012 at 6:19 pm

Oh, that was me.
Sorry.

fuflans December 4, 2012 at 5:06 pm

he built that.

natl_[redacted]_cmdr December 4, 2012 at 5:31 pm

It's about time he built something.

Sharkey December 4, 2012 at 5:12 pm

"I saved 47% by shopping at Costco!"

I'm Mitt Romney and I approved this message.

GregComlish December 4, 2012 at 5:29 pm

First Boston Market then Costco? What the fuck is going on? Why isn't he having his servants take care of all this? Shouldn't he be hiding in the Cayman Islands?

not that Dewey December 4, 2012 at 5:30 pm

Is it really windy inside the Costco? Why is he gritting his teeth like that?

BadKitty904 December 4, 2012 at 6:13 pm

Rigor mortis, presumably…

Biel_ze_Bubba December 5, 2012 at 12:35 am

Assume servo stuck.

not that Dewey December 5, 2012 at 12:51 am

"Ann! Stop this crazy thing!"

Slim_Pickins December 4, 2012 at 5:31 pm

Their domestic staff must have quit in mass.

BadKitty904 December 4, 2012 at 6:14 pm

Perhaps Bamz freed them!

Slim_Pickins December 4, 2012 at 7:57 pm

Bamz freed the Messicans? When?

MilwaukeeKent December 4, 2012 at 9:49 pm

Likely in Mass., also the staff in Cali at LaJolla and the staff in N.H…

natl_[redacted]_cmdr December 4, 2012 at 5:35 pm

Mitt Romney is a waste of a rich man.

emmelemm December 4, 2012 at 5:53 pm

"Don't drink don't smoke what do ya do? …"

tessiee December 5, 2012 at 12:45 am

There was an old "Sylvia" cartoon about a man with low expectations trying to make a deal with the Devil:
Man: I'd like a a house.
Devil: WHAT?? You can have wealth! Power! You can buy your own house! You can buy ten houses!
Man: Also, it should have an attached carport.

kakotechnia December 4, 2012 at 5:36 pm

Mitt's going to accidentally be on mic calling something a "big fudgin' deal."

Close_Read December 4, 2012 at 5:40 pm

Someone should let Egg know that they don't sell $1000 T-shirts here.

tessiee December 4, 2012 at 6:20 pm

Whatever t-shirts they sell at Costco are bound to look better than that eagle-bedecked horror show she thought it was a good idea to wear.

cletar December 4, 2012 at 5:47 pm

He needs that giant hogshead of paper towels to wipe up HIS UNENDING SAD TEARS.

Poor bastard is just this close to getting a presidential loser intervention from Mike Dukakis and Walter Mondale.

poperatzo December 4, 2012 at 5:49 pm

I actually had a Gremlin GT when I was in grad school. Man, that car sucked so bad…

cletar December 4, 2012 at 5:51 pm

I'm frankly surprised he's getting all those towels. I thought he would just cry into a silver Tiffany tear-bucket, like Newt.

Jus_Wonderin December 4, 2012 at 6:01 pm

Where is the CostCo checker that would be running after them saying "Sir. Sir. You dropped this bolt and circuit board".

fitley December 4, 2012 at 6:02 pm

I wonder if 47%ers ask for his autograph on a unemployment check pay stub?

GoodDogThor December 4, 2012 at 6:11 pm

Not Rmoney… that's Warren Beatty prep'ing for his fish-out-of-water buddy comedy "Post Election Mitt goes to Peoria" or "How I learned to relax and stop worrying about the country…".

tessiee December 4, 2012 at 6:21 pm

What, did Bruce Campbell want too much money to take the part of Mitt?

elfgoldsackring December 4, 2012 at 6:12 pm

Anyone pointed out he's driving an Audi? That's not very 'Murkan.
http://ll-media.tmz.com/2012/12/04/mitt-romney-co

bearperney December 4, 2012 at 7:51 pm

Audi. How freakin' mormon is that? Dude with his money ought to settle for nothing less than an Aston Martin Volante, 510 hp, zero to 60 in 4.3 seconds. Of course, this is the guy who rides on the back of his wife's jet ski, so, meh!

Kid_Charlemagne December 4, 2012 at 6:13 pm

Pardon me, do you have a 55 gallon drum of Grey Poupon?

BlueStateLibel December 4, 2012 at 6:20 pm

That is seriously BAD on so many levels …wearing baseball cap and a weird one at that, generic paper towels, Egg Romney ten feet behind wearing designer duds to go to Costco. The rich are different, yes, they're really weird (see "Grey Gardens," Edith Wharton, etc.).

La_Cieca December 4, 2012 at 6:29 pm

Not judging here, but nobody needs that many paper towels unless fisting is on the agenda.

Secluded Compound December 4, 2012 at 6:32 pm

It would be awesome if that was a super-mega-rack of Keystone that was under Ol' Joe's cart.

HarryButtle December 4, 2012 at 6:36 pm

Look at that hat! Jeez, do you get a free bowl of soup with that hat? Looks good on Mitt, though…[rolls eyes]

BartStarrland December 4, 2012 at 7:45 pm

Ann must've been something before electricity

bearperney December 4, 2012 at 7:36 pm

Hey! Ann's cart has a big plastic jar of those square peanut butter filled pretzel things!
We've got them too, salty crunchy on the outside with dried up peanut butter on the inside… Yum!

barto December 4, 2012 at 7:53 pm

At least those paper towels are the right size.

C_R_Eature December 4, 2012 at 7:54 pm

In that outfit, I can see Mitt in Garth's AMC pacer.

Jennyjen798 December 4, 2012 at 8:41 pm

It's a TRAP! (Of course he's fucking with our heads!) This is a guy who would do or say anything to get elected. He's "slumming" with us poors so he'll have plenty of middle class cred for his next White House run.

Duhs! He ran a campaign about as well as a high school class president election and still got 47% of the vote. I'm sure his perma employed campaign advisors are telling him, next time we've gotta be more "real." Next time, it's in the bag! Next stop…Taco Bell for a dorito taco supreme and large mountain dew! Anne will cut it with a fork, I imagine.

cybermoe December 4, 2012 at 8:50 pm

Tagg punched the Costco cashier in the face. OK, he wanted too.

Troglodeity December 4, 2012 at 9:17 pm

And then Ann and Mitt sat down on those greasy Costco plastic chairs and had matching $1.50 Hotdog and Coke combo specials.

SaintRond December 4, 2012 at 9:24 pm

Nice to see that super rich people are just like the rest of us — pathetic.

Dashboard Buddha December 4, 2012 at 9:30 pm

Mitt's picture: I don't care where he spends his post defeat pity party as long as the picture describing thus is not a finger-licking Palin-esque pool side crotch shot.

Sharkey December 4, 2012 at 9:42 pm

As far as I can tell, this Mittstory was started by TMZ, which tells me something.

Terry December 4, 2012 at 10:54 pm

So…Mitt the job creator, Mitt the bazillionaire won't create a job or two within his own household?

BZ1 December 5, 2012 at 12:36 am

Poor Mitt had to find work at some hotel.

tessiee December 5, 2012 at 12:41 am

Ass hat wearing ass hat.

malsperanza December 5, 2012 at 2:10 am

Poor Mitt. Isn't it time to let him and Ann alone? Hey, stop it! Private life is hard. And, you know, it’s an important thing that the Romneys are doing right now and it is time for all Americans to realize how significant this pre-Christmas sale is and how lucky we are to have someone with Mitt’s qualifications and experience and know-how to be able to have the opportunity to go shopping.

You You want to try it? Get in the ring. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kHmvkRoEowc

gurukalehuru December 5, 2012 at 2:24 am

Ann: No, dumbass, I said you should buy Costco. Not AT Costco.

Negropolis December 5, 2012 at 2:28 am

Mitt is transitioning to that creepy, old Jackson Nicholson stage.

redarmyzombie December 5, 2012 at 2:40 am

Say, is it just me, or does Willard there look like he just came ashore from the SS Date Rape?

awwalk56 December 5, 2012 at 4:00 am

Notice in the cart the queen ann sized tissues for monarchy sized crying jags.

MrDorkbutt December 5, 2012 at 8:48 am

Yikes. With the hat and glasses it would appear his next stop would be to the playground to try and touch children.

gullywompr December 5, 2012 at 1:46 pm

Well, I imagine they are nice folks who care about people, no doubt they are doing their best. Try to take it easy on your liver during the process.

Limeylizzie December 5, 2012 at 2:15 pm

OT Tamron Hall is looking so sexy today, dark nude dress, excellent statement necklace and she has some luminous skin product on her sweet, caramel shoulders, oh and she just showed a really pretty dark coral manicure. Hey I could bend her over the Costco cart as Mitt wheeled us around the store and Anne could use those "Towel" towels to mop up. Am I a lesbian?

Roger_of_Arabia December 5, 2012 at 2:25 pm

Maybe Mitt will copy Biden by getting Ann and the kids killed in a car accident since Ryan opened the door to that discussion in the debate.

DahBoner December 5, 2012 at 2:42 pm

With that stupid hat, Mitch is stealing my schtick

I've learned that when you dress like a cowboy/trucker, everyone thinks you're STUPID, which creates low expectations, so everytime I say or do something AVERAGE then they think I'm a GENIUS…

Lazy Media December 5, 2012 at 3:46 pm

Mittens, if asked to buy a classic muscle car, would probably buy a Mustang II. "It's 2.0, so it must be better, right?"

VeraSevera December 5, 2012 at 4:18 pm

While speaking at a rally, Ann holds out her thumb and forefinger only to realize that she has inadvertently made a reference to the size of Mittens' gizmo. Everyone giggles nervously.

valthemus December 5, 2012 at 7:34 pm

Is that a "Fuck you, peasants!" Hermés scarf Ann Toinette Romney is wearing?

Doesn't Mitt have henchmen valets and footmen to do that kind of thing for him? Has "Downton Abbey" been lying to us about what rich people are like?

lulzmonger December 6, 2012 at 3:39 am

Just leaving this here for teh Doktor.

actor212 December 4, 2012 at 4:35 pm

Well, you mention that all retailers engage in this kind of manipulation, which is true. After all, it's a competitive market out there, and unfortunately, just giving good quality products at consistently low prices isn't going to cut it in this world anymore. You have to draw customers in to see those prices and so some sleight of hand will be involved.

So if everything else is equal, I kinda like shopping at a place that treats their employees with dignity.

sullivanst December 4, 2012 at 4:45 pm

It's certainly the case that BJs indulges in every single manipulative practice enumerated here, but also indulges in union busting practices that would warm the heart of any Walton.

Jus_Wonderin December 4, 2012 at 5:45 pm

Poor Mom. She has dial-up (even after retiring with full benefits from the Bell System). That sound is the only way she knows she is connected. As an aside I have suggested I would get HughesNet installed and pay the bill and she says "No, this is just fine for me. That would be an extravagance. I can make this do just fine."

Depression era thinking. Maybe that is why she didn't have to work the rest of her life like I fuckin' will have to do.

BaldarTFlagass December 4, 2012 at 6:37 pm

Of all the cool lines in that movie, that one is right up there for me, don't know why.

C_R_Eature December 4, 2012 at 7:32 pm

I recognized it instantaneously. It's It's a good one. As are these:

"Ah hahahahahahaha they're gonna die."

"They're in the Yahhd, Naht too Faaah from the Caaah."

And The One Line That Everyone Remembers.

starfanglednut December 4, 2012 at 9:55 pm

Imma say….. HITLER!

tessiee December 5, 2012 at 12:31 am

Mel Gibson?

tessiee December 5, 2012 at 12:31 am

Prescott Bush?

LionHeartSoyDog December 5, 2012 at 1:55 am

Very Much, Prescott Bush.

Doktor Zoom December 5, 2012 at 2:32 am

Poo tee weet?

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