boehnersobs Look at President Obama, prancing around, putting forth “unserious” proposals to keep us from falling off the so-called “fiscal cliff.” What—did he win an election or something? Because that’s what he’s acting like, and John Boehner wants him to TAKE IT DOWN A NOTCH MR PRESIDENT SIR, and propose something that’s more like what the GOP would propose if they were going to bother to propose something, which they haven’t. John Boehner so SO MAD he cried and reminisced about when he used to get to hang out at children’s gyms he wrote a letter about it patiently explaining to the president why he is wrong.
Dear Mr. President, he begins, we gerrymandered congressional districts so that we could get a majority in the House and if that doesn’t mean Americans want us to personalize privatize Medicare and Social Security, I don’t know what does. Because “regrettably,”

your proposal contains little in the way of common ground. The proposal calls for $1.6 trillion in tax revenue…[and] four times as much revenue as spending cuts, in stark contrast to the “balanced approach” on which you campaigned…We cannot in good conscience agree to this approach, which is neither balanced nor realistic. If we were going to take your Administration’s proposal at face value, we would counter with House-passed Budget Resolution. It assumes an overhaul of our tax code with revenue remaining at historically normal levels proposes structural forms to preserve and protect the Nation’s entitlement programs…

In other words: HOW DARE YOU DO WHAT YOU SAY YOU WERE GOING TO DO. Also, you are not savaging our nation’s poor and elderly nearly enough. Here, look at this plan we drafted yesterday, it forces everyone to retire later, raises the age of Medicare eligibility, pushes care for Poors onto the states, takes food away from Poors’ kids. Also it doesn’t raise taxes on people like Mitt Romney (or coincidentally, John Boehner) that’s how you know it’s Serious.

Sadly, however, this proposal was not Serious enough, and now the Right is telling them it abandons their Core Principles. Is the joke on John Boehner?

No, as usual, it’s probably on us, but as of yet we don’t know how.


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  • MonkeyMotion

    Not sure what'll be served, but let's hope someone's videotaping, cuz Mitt's sure to say something incredibly stupid. And Republicans need reminding why their loser lost.

    • SuspectedDemocrat

      Boehner is offering a lot more revenue than Obama proposed, bringing tax receipts up to 21% GDP. This is a big fucking deal.

    • One_who_wanders

      This is when that vein in my forehead pops outs. Back in the mid-1970's my father, a middle manager, was taxed at a higher marginal rate than the highest paid trader in the US is now.

  • Dr_Zoidberg

    A class of water, no ice.

    • emmelemm

      "And you can't refuse!"

    • not that Dewey

      John Boehner: I'm your Speaker, Barry, and I was stepped over!
      Barry Soetero: That's the way the Electorate wanted it.
      John Boehner: It ain't the way I wanted it! I can handle things! I'm smart! Not like everybody says… like dumb… I'm smart and I want respect!

  • I would ask the IRS to whip up something special with Mitt's tax returns.

  • nounverb911

    Boner looks pale in that photo, is he becoming white again?

    • Knowing that Obama, he'll be sure to provide gift bags for Mitt and Ann.

      • BaldarTFlagass

        He should get some Coppertone QT. Maybe his medical insurance will pick up the tab.

    • Behold a pale whore.

      • emmelemm

        So, the end is near? Sounds about right.

    • BeefHardcake

      I wonder what the floor of the tub looks like when that dude gets done showering.

    • Nostrildamus

      As the season changes, Boehners shed their brilliant Fall colors of orange and gold for a coat of Winter white. Another one of nature's miracles! Keep watch next Spring to see that white replaced by a lush green.

      And I do mean lush.

  • poorgradstudent

    I still have to remind myself every morning that I live in a country where "raising revenues through taxation on those who can afford it the most in a time of economic crisis" is an extremely controversial proposition.

    • hagajim

      So is global warming, and apparently offering equal access to people with disabilities – despite the Santorum bounce squish.

      • vulpes82

        Even a lot of crazies are starting to admit global warming's real, but now it's that people have anything to do with it and we can't do anything about it, so why try, keep pumping out coal smoke.

    • noodlesalad

      Shit, "helping sick people" is a controversial position in the US.

  • WVUer21

    He's taking his sulking to South Beach, his local spray tan facility.

  • SnarkOff

    For some reason, whenever I look at a photo of Boehner, I am reminded that nothing rhymes with "orange."

    • BaldarTFlagass

      or "vagina"

      • emmelemm


        • BaldarTFlagass

          Only if you are a poet hailing from Saskatchewan.

          • Jus_Wonderin

            Saskatchewan. Is that word allowed here?

      • MrDorkbutt


        You are welcome.

        • Toomush_Infer

          Nothing could be finer….

      • GregComlish

        Carolina is a solid rhyme, although it's hard use that one in a flattering way.

        "The fragrant scent of your vagina / smells as sweet as South Carolina"

        • MrDorkbutt

          I am going to create an entirely new account so that I can like your comment a second time.

        • The musty lure of your va-jacky
          Smells as sweet as Cacky-Lacky

      • Geminisunmars

        Well, there is that old standard "Nothing could be fina than to be in your vagina, in the mo-o-or-ning."

        • Damn you, Geminisunmars

          • Geminisunmars

            You're welcome, gurukalehuru.

      • Nothing could be finer than my honey's sweet vagina in the moooooooooooorning

        Sounds like a rhyme to me

    • mrpuma2u

      or douche nozzle

    • An_Outhouse

      John Prine rhymed 'door hinge' with orange. Try it with an accent. It works.

      • Limeylizzie

        My minge?

      • Oblios_Cap

        My sisters a nun
        hot dog bun

    • But there are oh, so many words that rhyme with Boehner, like loner, and stoner, and moaner and groaner, and Kroner, and, of course, let us not forget, orange skin toner.

      • DeathOfIrony

        and boner


  • Tundra Grifter

    Last Friday night, Mark Shields pointed out the Democrats' total votes for House seats exceeded the Republicans'.

    Why would we expect the GNoPee to listen to the Voice Of The American People?

    • JustPixelz

      Obama could serve day old donuts but call them "day one" donuts. No Romney meal would be complete without unskewed pot skewers. And may I suggest a "you built that" salad bar. Also serve healthy dessert with just 47% the calories of usual.

  • edgydrifter

    It's a weird kind of criminal who weeps publicly because he isn't allowed to steal everything from everyone all the time.

    • But his dreams, they aren't as empty as his conscience seems to be!

      • SuspectedDemocrat

        ♪♫ If I weep please give me a tissue, before I get streaks on my spray tan ♪♫

  • our tax code with revenue remaining at historically normal levels

    / faints on keyboard

    • e_z

      History is written by the winners.

      So Boehner, shut the fuck up.

    • Esteev

      I want to upfist this 1.6 trillion times.

    • NellCote71

      Thanks for that graph, I think.

  • They could really use that photo in medical school textbooks to show how the effects of chronic alcohol abuse can be read from one's face.

    • He's vying to replace Joe Lieberman as Congressional Droopy Dog.

    • prommie

      I had a bialy for breakfast. "Bialystock," thats funny.

  • hagajim

    I tell you what, these fuckers just don't get it. Every voter in every GOP state needs to get on the horn and tell these fucks to start acting like adults and do their goddamn job!

  • BaldarTFlagass

    "Who died and made you president, anyway?"

    • Terry

      Vigorously raising my hand.

    • Jus_Wonderin

      Atleast a majority of people that were promised stuff.

    • Esteev

      The Romney campaign?

  • John Boehner Outraged That Obama Is Acting Like He Won An Election

    After all, Romney won 100% of the votes from people who voted for him. What more do you people need to know? You should all be acting like HE won!!!11!1

  • vulpes82

    Boehner doesn't have control of his tear ducts, let alone of his caucus. Seriously, he's probably one of the most ineffective and powerless Speakers in modern history. I mean, he has that twit Cantor Machiavelli-ing around him! Pelosi would have pistol-whipped that puke away on her first day.

    • MrDorkbutt

      I hate Eric Cantor. I would like to see Eric Cantor shot with a cannon.

      • vulpes82

        With votes.

      • Toomush_Infer

        How about "from" a cannon…

        • MrDorkbutt

          No. No, I think with. Right in the face.

  • Callyson

    Raise taxes on working and middle class Americans by letting the payroll tax cuts expire–check.

    Keep tax cuts for the rich–check.

    Yep, that's the Republican proposal alright…


    • NellCote71

      Work until you die. Check.

      At least that takes care of the Medicare problem. If people have to continue working into their 80s, they won't be such a drain on Medicare. Problem solved.

  • Even the Buddhists are acting up:

    taking over the country, they are

    • emmelemm

      Uma Thurman's father! Also, a wise man.

  • All they need to do is delete the specifics and boom! it's a form letter for future use.

    • Blueb4sinrise


    • Esteev
  • MrDorkbutt

    I assume every time a Republican says anything about "loopholes" that they really just want to have gay sex.

    • NellCote71

      Probably code for the boyfriends to meet them in Stall 6.

    • Loopholes and Poopholes: A Republican Primer

  • noodlesalad

    Knock knock!
    Who's there?
    Orange who?
    Orange you glad we have this idiot in charge of the house?

  • BaldarTFlagass

    I never noticed before how close together that guy's eyes are. He's practically a cyclops.

  • It's time to pronounce Boehner's name the way he prefers: Bainer.

  • elviouslyqueer

    We cannot in good conscience agree to this approach

    Oh please, Boehner. You haven't had a good conscience since you were a little Oompa-Loompa fetus festering inside your mother's prolapsed uterus.

    • BaldarTFlagass

      It's easy when you don't have a conscience!!

  • Poor House Republicans — they all voted for a plan that was gonna raise taxes and now they can't do anything about it. Boo hoo — and Grover Norquist is gonna be mad.

    Well Boehner — if it's any consolation, I didn't notice a fucking difference when Dubya lowered my taxes by ever-so-little, so I really won't give a fuck when they're raised again. Then again I'm not one of your rich friends, so maybe that's no consolation at all. Have fun campaigning for another term against a Democrat and some Tea Party no-taxes shill who's gonna call you a big-government liberal.

  • SmutBoffin

    For some reason I imagine that there is a muttering old Capitol janitor who follows Johnny Boner around mopping up all the tears and booze-sweat he leaves in his wake.

    • Or maybe a service pooch.

    • MrDorkbutt

      Booze-sweat is the worst. Stings those eyes like a mother fucker. That is why he had to stop doing P90X with Paul Ryan.

    • One_who_wanders

      If they don't it takes the finish right off the marble.

      • viennawoods13

        Not to mention the orange stain it leaves.

    • prommie

      I need to get one of those tear and booze-sweat moppers. Is there a Swiffer version?

  • sundaytrucker

    Dear Mr. President, Following thru on your campaign promises makes the rest of us look bad. Love John.

    • SmutBoffin

      EVERYTHING Barry does makes them look bad: elections, basketball, brawny-armed-wife-having, killin' stuff, etc.

      • NellCote71

        Singing. Smiling. Being alive.

  • Keeping promises: just another service of the Muslin Empire.

  • SuspectedDemocrat

    …we would counter with House-passed Budget Resolution. It assumes an overhaul of our tax code with revenue remaining at historically normal levels

    What does he think "historically normal levels" are?

    • NellCote71

      Oh, say between 1875 and 1910.

    • Veritas78

      That was the squishy phrase that jumped out at me.

      He throws crap like that around all the time. Someone on his staff is convinced that no one will notice, and Boehner's too dumb to object.

  • asterixaverni

    As boner responds to pressure (as in he is easily bullied), if he were twitbombed he might cave.

  • "Your alcoholic and nicotine tasting tears sustain me."
    -Barry, you kno, the PREZNIT

  • kittensdontlie

    Johnny cried the day the R-circus came to town
    Cause he didn't want charades just passing by him.
    So he painted on a smile and took up with some clown(Shrub)
    While he danced without a net upon the wire.
    I don't know a lot about him, cause you'll see
    Baby is an awful not like me.
    Don't cry out loud,
    Just keep it inside
    Learn how to hide your feelings
    Fly high and proud
    And if you should fall
    Remember you almost had it all.

    • pdiddycornchips

      Also, too….

      "Sunny came home with a list of names
      She didn't believe in transcendence
      It's time for a few small repairs she said
      Sunny came home with a vengeance"

  • Here, look at this plan we drafted yesterday, it forces everyone to retire later, raises the age of Medicare eligibility

    Considering how the Republicans have gutted my 401(k) with two recessions over the past twelve years AND spending like drunk sailors in a Turkish whorehouse, I oddly don't have a problem with these, since I'll be working until I'm dead anyway.

    • SuspectedDemocrat

      Heck, who wouldn't mind paying for private medical insurance for the ages between 62 and 70? I'm sure insurance companies are falling all over themselves to offer reasonably priced health plans for this very lucrative demographic!

      The best part of this plan is, the next time Medicare and/or Social Security are in trouble, we can simply raise the eligibility age again!

      • Oh, see, I figured to be dead by 60…that was my estate plan.

  • FakaktaSouth

    "The proposal calls for $1.6 trillion in tax revenue…[and] four times as much revenue as spending cuts"

    How can anyone in good conscience work for the people by whom they were elected? Look at him, all trying to actually fix the problem Republicans pretend to care about when they want old people to starve.

    • prommie

      Ya know, when what you do is cut the tax rates on the rich, and then make up the difference by using the Social Security Insurance (thats right mother fuckers, SSI) fund payments made by working people, there is a way to explain this that makes it a little easier to understand.

      Motherfucking cocksuckers has done stole our pension fund. Its the Wall Street Romney Vulture Capitalist Way, writ large, see, the Rich seized power (The Reagan Revolution), raided the workers pension fund, and gave themselves all giant fucking bonuses (cut their taxes by huge amounts) while they closed down the factories and laid off the now-pensionless workers.

      Yep. Its just a bust-out hostile takeover. Steal the pension money, fire everyone, and run.

  • Not even the fee for the gaming license, Dreamsicle.

  • Goonemeritus

    Maybe John Boehner wouldn’t be in this position if he cut the deal that was on the table last year. Of course last year Republicans were convinced the electorate was with them and Obama was sure to lose the election. To put this in a language he can understand, Your Party gambled and they lost now eat you bag of lightly salted rat dicks and STFU.

    • Veritas78

      Plus, it was his party that voted for the fiscal-cliff/sequester idea in the first place, which must gall them to the core. Meanwhile, Barry's thinking "I can work with that" while saying "Please proceed, Mr. Speaker."

  • Mittaplasia

    In every picture, he looks swacked/stewed to the gills/zozzled/polluted/plastered and very close to good old-fashioned commode-hugging DRUNK!

    • Jus_Wonderin

      Whenever I look at him, I am reminded to flush.

    • he was just thrown out of his own family's bar.

    • sati_demise

      he either drinks whiskey sours or martinis

      or vodka straight out of the bottle. not sure.

      • NellCote71

        He looks like a scotch-on-the-rocks drinker to me. Also, orange-colored, sort of.

  • Monsieur_Grumpe

    Maybe I’m part lemming but I’m feeling like going over a cliff! Who’s with me?

  • The Secret Service suspected the letter was some kind of chemical attack, but analysis showed that it was merely coated with Stetson, Old Grand-Dad, Newport ash, and diabetic tears.

  • PsycWench

    Glad to see Barry showing spine. That is all. Keep that spine stiff, baby.

  • SuspectedDemocrat

    If Boehner is offering tax rates at "historically normal levels" I say we take it.

    • NO way, Jose. He's not talking about rates, he's talking about revenues, so like closing loopholes that benefit the middle class, like mortgage interest deductions and state income taxes.

      • Esteev

        But are they job creators?

      • SuspectedDemocrat

        Oh, so those historic times when the government collected revenue from the 90% top income tax bracket? He wants to collect the same amount of money, but from the poor this time.

  • The Boehner proposal = help the wealthy, make everyone else pay for it. Just like every GOP economic idea since Reagan.

    The rational way to respond: "Get your lame ass out of here and come back with something that works."

    • NellCote71

      The 1980s called. They want their tax plan back.

  • Nopantsmcgee

    It's like a movie, you win the Presidency avoiding all sorts of horrible consequences a loss would bring, then as you stand, panting and relieved over your victory this new Orange Leader pops up behind you and threatens everything all over again. And Will Smith is in it.

    • Jus_Wonderin

      Ah, the President should coopt an alien short-distance fighter and then fly it inside the Boehner mothership to deliver a programming virus?

    • pdiddycornchips

      Well, Will Smith always kills the bad guy and gets the girl.

  • Esteev

    I fucking hate Orange Julius.

  • The duck is not only lame, it has a bug up its ass.

  • An_Outhouse

    Why won't those mean Democraps propose something the Republicans can use to run ads against them with in 2014? Its not fair.

  • BigSkullF*ckingDog

    But republicans were ahead in some of the poles, which means they have a mandate!

    • Oblios_Cap

      Maybe in the South Pole.

    • Nostrildamus

      Most republicans should have their heads on poles.

  • scionkirk

    I would like to remind you people that the only thing Obama did, the ONLY thing, is get more more votes than Mitt Romney. The Republicans are too noble to stoop to that level to win elections.

  • sullivanst

    I think I must have teleported to an alternative reality in my sleep a while back, because when I grew up, "serious" wasn't defined as "unnecessarily painful, especially to the least well off in society", but apparently it is now.

  • Troglodeity

    Obama's response to Boehner should be (with apologies to WW2 Bastogne General Anthony McAuliffe): "Truck Nutz!"

  • sullivanst

    I'm totally coming around to the idea that we should just drive off the cliff and have a whole new discussion about tax cuts in the new year. Because the tax rates Obama wants will be a huge tax cut once the expiration kicks in Jan 1st. Even the fucking morons still loyal to that muppet Norquist will be able to vote for our plan, as it wouldn't raise anyone's taxes.

    • Biel_ze_Bubba

      "We refuse to discuss seat belts, because freedumbs!"

      [Commence free fall]

      OK, so let's talk about parachutes, shall we?

    • Veritas78

      Aren't you glad you have a President who figured this out last spring?

      I figure around January 20th, when most of us have gotten a paycheck or two with the new numbers, and we know it's because the Republicans insisted on protecting their hyper-rich owners, things will happen swiftly. It's what Boehner and McConnell know is barreling at them while they're on vacation.

  • pdiddycornchips

    Republicans are just throwing a tantrum,. At the end of the day, they know they have to agree to raise rates for the rich and negotiate long term deficit reduction next year. If they don't we go off the cliff, Dems pass a bill in January that restores the tax cuts for 98% of the country and the other sequestered spending cuts. Pelosi forces a vote using the discharge petition. There are probably enough votes in the House right now for a bill like that to pass but come January, there will be a shit load more. If survival is an instinct these guys possess, they will cut a deal before the 31st of December.

    • NellCote71

      The survival instinct is largely based on reality, which seems to have escaped the GOP. Of course, they don't believe in evolution either, so buh-bye.

  • Left_Leftie

    This is serious.

  • ttommyunger

    "How dare you not agree to take our plan so that we can renege on it at the last moment as we've done so may times in the past?" Could it be that Charlie Brown has finally figured out that Lucy has no intention of holding the football for him, come rain, mud, shit or blood?

  • kingcocrazy

    Several decades ago, I worked for a small daily newspaper. The publisher was a total tool and the only reason he had the job because he was married to sister of the publishing group's owner. (Surprise, also an asshole). Anyway, tool No. 1 was a mean drunk who wore white shoes and white belts and lost his job not because he was an incompetent drunk but because he also like to beat on his wife/boss's sister. For some reason Boehner reminds me of this guy.

  • Obama won the election??? Get out!

    • emmelemm

      That's not what FOX told me!!!1!!

  • smitallica

    Orange Juliuseless

  • VeraSevera

    Hold my hand Thelma, we're goin' over the cliff!

  • Biel_ze_Bubba

    "your proposal contains little in the way of common ground."

    And whose fault is that, dickhead?

    • NellCote71

      Does "common ground" equal that "base" they keep nattering about?

  • Severen13

    Boner haz a sad. =(

  • teapartynyc2011

    I think the tea party has taken over the GAO because they too are talking primarily about cuts — in fact, even including the expiration of the tax cuts enacted in 2001 and 2003, the Government Accountability Office warned in a report Monday that if cuts are not made to mandatory spending — including Social Security and Medicare — there will be a fundamental gap between spending and revenue as more baby boomers retire.

    “Significant actions to change the long-term fiscal path must be taken,” the GAO warned."

    See: There's barely any mention of any tax-based solution and absolutely no mention of the $800 billion we could raise over 10 years from tax hikes on those making over $250K as a solution to our “unsustainable long-term fiscal path.” No mention, I'm guessing because they know $800 billion worth of savings over 10 years runs the federal government for, what, about 8-10 days? It short, it's no solution at all.

  • awwalk56

    They cry that Obama isn't a leader. They cry when Obama leads and then call him a dictator. boner cries because he want's his dick in a tater.

  • Thunderclees

    In Ireland, conservative politicians try not to violate their Corr Principles.

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