DON'T FORGET THE BLACK HELICOPTERS  1:13 pm December 4, 2012

Rick Santorum Will Fit In Fine At WND: Barack Obama Is Trying To Murder My Baby

by Rebecca Schoenkopf

Gutter DrunkHello, neighbor, have you heard the Good News? Smegma-spittled Rick Santorum has taken an exclusive writing gig with WND, the estimable journal of conservative thought that advocates executing journalists to protect the First Amendment. And in his very first column, Herr Doktor Santorum shows us the exact line one must travel to get from “crazy bitch” to “WND.”

Oh, Rick Santorum starts out reasonably enough while explaining that we must never sign the UN Convention on the Rights of Persons With Disabilities. He engages with the actual arguments put forth by proponents of the treaty, instead of declaring that Barack Obama gay-married Islam. I mean, he is still pretty much lying in all his answers to those arguments, but he is engaging just the same! (It is a very low bar that conservative “thinkers” must clear.)

But then Rick Santorum flies a little off the track when Rick Santorum claims that Barack Obama would personally murder Rick Santorum’s daughter, Bella, who is profoundly disabled, because Death Panels.

In the case of our 4-year-old daughter, Bella, who has Trisomy 18, a condition that the medical literature says is “incompatible with life,” would her “best interest” be that she be allowed to die? Some would undoubtedly say so.

So if the state, and not Karen and I, would have the final word on what is in the best interest of a child like Bella, what chance would a parent have to get appropriate care in the days of increasingly government-funded medical care?

Rick Santorum makes an excellent point: having government-funded medical care — like Rick Santorum — is the surest way to let Barack Obama sneak into your baby’s room and strangle her with his big blah hands.

UPDATE: Oh yeah, we forgot. The GOP in the Senate killed the treaty today, because “sovereignty.” Times that a UN proposal has destroyed American sovereignty: 0. Times that wingnuts have claimed a UN proposal would do so: infinity plus 1.

[WND]

 

Hola wonkerados.

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Also, if you are a new commenter, your comment may never appear. This is probably because we hate you.

{ 122 comments }

actor212 November 30, 2012 at 12:22 pm

Wow. That's the most concise writing Our Lady of the Magic Dolphins has ever done, but Trix, how did you get her to write here? Is she "Wonkette Jr"?

actor212 December 4, 2012 at 1:58 pm

Again mit der old t'read?

nounverb911 November 30, 2012 at 12:25 pm

Is that a record for run-on sentences?

Ground Zero Mostel November 30, 2012 at 12:26 pm

I couldn't actually get through that post, but I will tell people I did and quote from it in future.

QuibblingPotato November 30, 2012 at 12:29 pm

Kate Bush or Peggy Noonan? I can't even tell the difference anymore.

actor212 November 30, 2012 at 12:29 pm

I need to print this out and compare to Hugh Walpole.

I'll be at the cheese shop, Walpoling, if anyone needs me.

edgydrifter November 30, 2012 at 12:30 pm

I'm not putting my tongue anywhere on Dame Peggington. I don't think you could find a spot on her that doesn't taste like olive brine, Chanel No5 and Mentholatum.

Sharkey November 30, 2012 at 12:34 pm

Is anybody else's internet acting weird today?

sewollef December 5, 2012 at 9:00 am

Particularly as the date stamp of your post is four days ago. And the story was only posted yesterday.

So yes, Damascus was a bad idea, but time travel in your iTime Machine® is super cool. Thanks Steve…. oh, and thanks Mr Wells.

SorosBot November 30, 2012 at 12:37 pm

My brain hurts.

NinjaCat_Baba November 30, 2012 at 12:48 pm

Blah, Blah, Blah.

Chet Kincaid_ November 30, 2012 at 1:02 pm

Wow, if you really want to trip, go into your Mac System Preferences, fire up Text-to-Speech, put on some headphones and enjoy! I'm using the "Vicki" System Voice.

BaldarTFlagass December 4, 2012 at 1:55 pm

Ooh! Ooh! Cool!

Wait, what does any of that mean?

Chet Kincaid_ December 4, 2012 at 2:03 pm

I was advising folks to have their computers read the Editrix's mega-long Joyce/Noonington post to them.

Ansnarkist November 30, 2012 at 8:07 pm

You may be thinking Ulysses by Joyce. I got too frustrated after the first 200 pages and gave up but as I understand, if I had toughed it out, I would have been rewarded with a chapter long run-on by the wife of the main character who is not Stephen Daedalus (the name slips my mind) .

That's not to say that Garcia Marquez didn't do something similar. He was very much influenced by Joyce.

Now let's all debate the authorship of Shakespeare! I believe Shakespeare was in fact an infinite numbers of monkeys on typewriters.

nounverb911 December 4, 2012 at 1:16 pm

I read on the internet that Santorum had Gabriel stuffed and gave it to his daughter to play with.

(What's with the four day old comments here?)

PubOption December 4, 2012 at 1:23 pm

This article, or something very close to it, was posted on Wonkville recently. Is the new system trying to transfer comments along with posted articles, but somehow transferring comments from another article?

gullywompr December 4, 2012 at 1:29 pm

When you copy from one server to another, you'll sometimes find that the database ID's you thought were unique are in fact already in use. Most DBAs know this, but think they will get away with it this time…

gullywompr December 4, 2012 at 1:21 pm

My God, it's full of servers…

nounverb911 December 4, 2012 at 1:24 pm

Wimbledon?

SorosBot December 4, 2012 at 1:22 pm

218 comments on a ten minute old post; yeah I think the comments are acting goofy again.

BaldarTFlagass December 4, 2012 at 1:30 pm

We're all just getting really good at this.

smokefilledroommate December 4, 2012 at 1:51 pm

It's a dead giveaway when the first comment is from 4 days ago..

Lionel[redacted]Esq December 4, 2012 at 7:46 pm

I just assumed I wasn't a good enough commenter to be invited to the early screening of all Wonkette posts.

Estproph December 4, 2012 at 1:24 pm

Wonkette article mashup! Gleeks have taken over the comments!

SorosBot December 4, 2012 at 1:26 pm

"So if the state, and not Karen and I, would have the final word"

Hey idiot, under the pre-ACA health care status quo, it was not "Karen and I" who had the final word on the best interests of a child patient, it was for-profit insurance companies. Moron.

Chet Kincaid_ December 4, 2012 at 1:30 pm

I know! Why have the "great conservative thinkers" never addressed this issue?

BadKitty904 December 4, 2012 at 1:32 pm

Because there aren't any?

Chet Kincaid_ December 4, 2012 at 1:47 pm

Don't sass your elders. Here's $5 for your birthday.

BadKitty904 December 4, 2012 at 1:53 pm

Woo-hoo! Skittles for everybody!

Thanks, Uncle Chet, you're the bestest! ;0)

SorosBot December 4, 2012 at 1:40 pm

It almost makes one suspect that the conservative objections to the ACA are in fact completely made up lies.

But we should give Rick Santorum some credit; he is probably not a liar, because being a profoundly stupid man, he probably actually believe the utterly insane bullshit that spews out of his mouth.

BadKitty904 December 4, 2012 at 2:01 pm

The line between credulous and cretinous is thin, indeed.

BaldarTFlagass December 4, 2012 at 1:27 pm

"not Karen and I, would have the final word on what is in the best interest of a child like Bella,"

You're going to raise your kids as lunatic Christians, so how good is your judgment anyway, Rick?

Blueb4sinrise December 4, 2012 at 1:27 pm

the fuck what?

LesBontemps December 4, 2012 at 1:45 pm

the fuckwit.

Chet Kincaid_ December 4, 2012 at 1:28 pm

But if an insurance company says the kid should die, that's OK.

Spurning Beer December 4, 2012 at 1:36 pm

No, no, no. If you are in that position, you simply cancel your coverage and apply to another insurer to take on you, your rag-tag brood, including your million-dollar invalid child with a new family policy. Companies can compete for your business!

BaldarTFlagass December 4, 2012 at 1:54 pm

Better be ready for a bitch-slap from the Invisible Hand.

Jus_Wonderin December 4, 2012 at 1:28 pm

Ah. So. I hope Ricky never loses his current coverage. Oh wait, if he does Obamacare will ensure his daughter is covered with her pre-existing medical issue.

Ass!

Chet Kincaid_ December 4, 2012 at 1:28 pm

Oh fuck, it's the 4 Days Ago People again.

BaldarTFlagass December 4, 2012 at 1:29 pm

I hate those bastards. They take up all the good snark.

not that Dewey December 4, 2012 at 1:30 pm

That was like the whole 5th season of Lost, wasn't it?

Sharkey December 4, 2012 at 1:30 pm

We've always been here.

Jus_Wonderin December 4, 2012 at 1:30 pm

"I see 4 day old people."

Chet Kincaid_ December 4, 2012 at 1:32 pm

Best!

Jus_Wonderin December 4, 2012 at 2:05 pm

The problem for me now is that I have to return here everyday for the rest of my life to make a new post with a new "days old" number. Why do I always make so much work for myself. My cross to bear, I suppose.

BaldarTFlagass November 28, 2012 at 1:02 pm

Bologna and Velveeta on Wonder Bread.

BadKitty904 December 4, 2012 at 1:33 pm

Is there a rogue Time Lord at work here?

BigSkullF*ckingDog December 4, 2012 at 1:39 pm

I fucking hate my four day ago self. That bitch wasted an entire weekend and now I have to put up Xmas lights.

Chet Kincaid_ December 4, 2012 at 1:45 pm

I know! I've grown as a person since then, but will anybody give me credit for it?!

BaldarTFlagass December 4, 2012 at 1:47 pm

Really. I had nothing to do the whole weekend and was going to set up and fill my new bookcase. What did I do? Sat around and got stoned and drunk and watched college and pro football and Spurs vs Grizz all weekend. What a waste.

sullivanst December 4, 2012 at 2:41 pm

Well, at least it gave you the opportunity to learn a lesson from me:

Before putting the lights up on the roof, test them. You don't want to have to go back up there to find the dead bulb that's causing half a string to go dark.

SorosBot December 4, 2012 at 1:43 pm

It's just a jump to the left; and then a step to the ri-i-i-ight; you put your hands on your hips, and pull your knees in ti-i-ight…

BadKitty904 December 4, 2012 at 1:56 pm

But what about that pelvic thrust?

sullivanst December 4, 2012 at 2:41 pm

It really drives you insane.

fuflans December 4, 2012 at 1:43 pm

four days ago was full of promise and hope.

now it's jan brewer and rick santorum.

FakaktaSouth December 4, 2012 at 2:08 pm

I kind of dig when a post comes up and I already commented. I really am that lazy sometimes. I can't even be bothered to do the thing I do to distract myself from doing the other shit I am not doing.

TootsStansbury December 4, 2012 at 1:28 pm

Well ir kind of works. James Joyce; whimsical, poetic nonsense. Rick Santorum; nonsense.

Goonemeritus December 4, 2012 at 1:29 pm

Rick we’re cool with your daughter, we wish her all the health and happiness in the world, it’s you we want to punch in the face.

BigSkullF*ckingDog December 4, 2012 at 1:29 pm

You named your kid Bella Santorum? Beautiful Santorum? Good God man, what is wrong with you?

Spurning Beer December 4, 2012 at 1:38 pm

The most beautiful Santorum of them all!

(I think the middle name is Diarrhea.)

Wile E. Quixote December 4, 2012 at 1:30 pm

Yes, because of course the government will want to kill Rick Santorum's disabled child whereas private health insurance companies are all about spending lots and lots of money to take care of the disabled. Really, they are, Ayn Rand said so in Atlas Shrugged.

Sharkey December 4, 2012 at 1:30 pm

Ummmm, this is … interesting.

ManchuCandidate December 4, 2012 at 1:31 pm

Keeping with the time shifting theme.. Santorum is like the Daleks and just won't go away. Just keeps yelling "Abortionate! Abortionate!"

Jus_Wonderin December 4, 2012 at 1:31 pm

"God is great. God is good." Hmmmmmmmm.

Spurning Beer December 4, 2012 at 1:38 pm

Allahu Akhbar!

BigSkullF*ckingDog December 4, 2012 at 1:31 pm

Hey Rick, trisomy 18 may be incompatible with life but it is still a hell of a lot better than whatever the fuck is wrong with you.

prommie December 4, 2012 at 1:32 pm

"Some would undoutedly say so." Weaseliest weaseling in the history of weaseldom. Really, this is double-weasel weaseling. Fucking Newspeak. Orwell award nominee.

FakaktaSouth December 4, 2012 at 2:04 pm

Ya know, some would undoubtedly say all KINDS of things. I, for example, will say all kinds of things that I bet Rick here would NEVER say. Sometimes smart, nice, funny, important, nasty things. But things. This shit here? What he is doing? This is fucking nonsense.

prommie December 4, 2012 at 2:58 pm

Fuck, just wait long enough and I will undoutedly say pretty much anything.

sullivanst December 4, 2012 at 3:36 pm

It is said that Santorum probably deserves skullfucking.

Tommy1733 December 4, 2012 at 1:33 pm

Why are the comments not aligned with the correct story? I am reading these on the page about Rick Santorum at WND.

Chet Kincaid_ December 4, 2012 at 1:34 pm

It's been happening randomly for several days. Server migration cock-ups.

Tommy1733 December 4, 2012 at 1:43 pm

Cock-ups? Does not sound like they are focused on their work…

deanbooth December 4, 2012 at 2:06 pm

Our comments are showing up at WND?!

BaldarTFlagass December 4, 2012 at 1:33 pm

"what chance would a parent have to get appropriate care in the days of increasingly government-funded medical care?"

I'll go with "a hell of a lot better chance than if some bottom-line-obsessed insurance company drone gets to make the decision" ???

BadKitty904 December 4, 2012 at 1:37 pm

I mean, I know Santorum isn't real bright and has made a political career parroting the lines fed him by his corporate owners, but I'm genuinely surprised even he would be so foolish as to ask that question, publicly and in print.

LesBontemps December 4, 2012 at 1:52 pm

Yeah, but it's a step up from "man-on-dog."

metamarcisf December 4, 2012 at 1:35 pm

Wha the fuck is wrong with the comments section?

MacRaith December 4, 2012 at 1:40 pm

The UN would have put the comments out of their misery by now, if not for Rick Santorum.

ttommyunger December 4, 2012 at 1:39 pm

Five fucking gazillion comments and I'm the first to tap: "Rick who?" Unbelievable! OT: finally watched the new video ad all the way through. Confirms my belief that my plan is better: avoid these dollar-magnets and the dweebs that patronize them; continue to buy in bulk whatever is on sale, drink it black in the privacy of my own hovel and refer to it lovingly and accurately as "gut lube".

prommie December 4, 2012 at 2:59 pm

Genius. No surprise at all that noone else had the wit, sir.

ttommyunger December 4, 2012 at 3:04 pm

Ah, but those who know me well would say you are but half-right, my good man!Sent from the Field, not in Garrison.

mavenmaven December 4, 2012 at 1:42 pm

The NY Times already did a nice snark job on this already, and their Lawrence Downes sounds he posts on Wonkette:

We could provide you with a link to Mr. Santorum’s full argument on WorldNetDaily, which is tucked among ads warning about FEMA concentration camps. But your time is worth more than that.

BadKitty904 December 4, 2012 at 1:46 pm

Say, when are those death camps in Wyoming opening up, anyways? The election was a month ago! I've got my jackboots all polished and everything!

SayItWithWookies December 4, 2012 at 1:43 pm

The most offensive provision is found in Section 7 of the treaty dealing specifically with children with disabilities. That section reads:

“In all actions concerning children with disabilities, the best interests of the child shall be a primary consideration.”

Aha — so Rick opposes this treaty — even though it basically sets the same standards that the US has — because he might want to someday beat his disabled child without the government's interferece? That's what I'm gathering from this statement. Yep — Rick Santorum wants the right to beat his Miracle Baby. Thanks for clearing that up, Rick.

finette_ December 4, 2012 at 3:44 pm

True story: there is also a UN Convention on the Rights of the Child, and the US and Somalia are the only countries on Earth that have not ratified it. Partly because of SOVEREIGNTY blah blah, but also because when it was introduced we did not want to give up the option to execute children. Of course there are a lot of countries that have ratified it but still have less-than-stellar rights records for children and/or all humans, but one would think we could at least make the gesture. (The Supreme Court put a stop to executions of minors a few years ago, those party poopers.)

So, to recap. Reaffirming rights that children in the US pretty much already have: NONONONONO. Inventing new rights for zygotes: SURE!

kittensdontlie December 4, 2012 at 1:46 pm

If I change a comment from the past, will that alter my future comments…or life??

BadKitty904 December 4, 2012 at 1:58 pm

Just don't step on any butterflies.

kittensdontlie December 4, 2012 at 9:53 pm

I learned that lesson with Superstorm Sandy.

LesBontemps December 4, 2012 at 2:00 pm

Ony if your comment killed Hitler.

fuflans December 4, 2012 at 1:47 pm

So if the state, and not Karen and I, would have the final word on what is in the best interest of a child like Bella

might not be so bad rick. i'm pretty glad it's the state and not you and karen that have the final word on regulating my hoohaw.

Chet Kincaid_ December 4, 2012 at 1:51 pm

Do you really want Pat Quinn looking into your hoohaw?

actor212 December 4, 2012 at 1:57 pm

In the case of our 4-year-old daughter, Bella, who has Trisomy 18, a condition that the medical literature says is “incompatible with life,” would her “best interest” be that she be allowed to die?

I dunno, Rick. Let's ask your HMO how many millions they'd be willing to put up for her…

BaldarTFlagass December 4, 2012 at 1:58 pm

OT but word just came down that all of us DoD employees now have to take another Ethics training class, because Petraeus. That's just fucking great.

HistoriCat December 5, 2012 at 11:40 am

He does the grind and you have to do the time.

deanbooth December 4, 2012 at 2:04 pm

Rick should be more worried about himself than his daughter.

poorgradstudent December 4, 2012 at 2:09 pm

I for one am pleased that Santorum found a job that matches his skill set other than "Creating a hellish theocracy."

deanbooth December 4, 2012 at 2:09 pm

KKKKKKKKKK!

FakaktaSouth December 4, 2012 at 2:13 pm

what chance would a parent have to get appropriate care in the days of increasingly government-funded medical care?

well, some people might actually be able to AFFORD IT, dick.

sundaytrucker December 4, 2012 at 2:17 pm

What color crayon to they require editorials be written in?

Ground Zero Mostel December 4, 2012 at 2:17 pm

Just looked up trisomy 18 and got a sad, but Santorum's argument is pure b.s. A relative of mine works for New York State as a lawyer defending the rights of mentally impaired people. His work has included going into court when parents of disabled children wanted to withhold lifesaving surgeries — specifically when parents of young man with Down's syndrome needed heart surgery because of a defect.

sullivanst December 4, 2012 at 2:39 pm

Some say Santorum's a weasel.

UW8316154 December 4, 2012 at 3:21 pm

He certainly hasn't denied it.

An_Outhouse December 4, 2012 at 2:37 pm

I wondered how 300 comments appeared in the last 15 minutes or so.

SERVER, get your ass down here! You have some 'splainin' to do!

An_Outhouse December 4, 2012 at 2:38 pm

The UN treaty would require other countries to enact policies similar to our ADA. Not that Santorum cares about truth, he cares about whoever is paying him to lie.

sullivanst December 4, 2012 at 2:46 pm

Treaties. How do they work? Wingnuts do not know.

sullivanst December 4, 2012 at 2:48 pm

Real reason the GOP killed the treaty: it's absolutely ingrained in them, it's a central tenet of their faith, that they, and by extension the US, should not have to play by the same rules as everyone else. This is the core of their understanding of the phrase "American exceptionalism", for example.

prommie December 4, 2012 at 3:02 pm

Also plus, black helicopters and FEMA camps, its all to do with UN Treaties. Remember, Senate ratification of the UN arms control treaty would nullify the Second Amendment. I heard this straight from noted Constitutional Scholar and uni-browed fucktard Sean Hannity.

Redgyal December 4, 2012 at 3:07 pm

UPDATE: Oh yeah, we forgot. The GOP in the Senate killed the treaty today, because “sovereignty.” Times that a UN proposal has destroyed American sovereignty: 0. Times that wingnuts have claimed a UN proposal would do so: infinity plus 1.

If only the UN treaty said something about it being okay to wipe out entire cultures and ethnic groups THEN it would create American sovereignty.

Biel_ze_Bubba December 4, 2012 at 3:46 pm

What chance would a parent have to get appropriate care in the days of increasingly government-funded medical care?

For lots of people, a much greater chance. What an asshole.

ChickTract_Fil_A December 5, 2012 at 1:32 am

Today, Bob Dole resembles the Indian in the old pollution prevention commercial.

FNMA November 30, 2012 at 12:33 pm

Why do I feel the urge for a Xanax with a vodka chaser right now?

JohnnyQuick November 30, 2012 at 11:48 pm

Peggington is a drunk(er) Joyce.

NDeeeZ December 4, 2012 at 1:24 pm

Yessir?

Chet Kincaid_ December 4, 2012 at 1:33 pm

Chet, that is so 4 Days Ago!

prommie December 4, 2012 at 1:35 pm

And the burnt latex smell of a girdle thats gone through the laundry.

Chet Kincaid_ December 4, 2012 at 1:38 pm

Haha, made ya reply!

prommie December 4, 2012 at 1:41 pm

Fucking time warp again!

FakaktaSouth December 4, 2012 at 2:11 pm

Hey look, this one is still applicable here!

SorosBot December 4, 2012 at 2:58 pm

Hell, now it looks like I was talking about the comments.

sewollef December 5, 2012 at 8:45 am

Well, I was actually forced to read the bible and became a really good student in religious studies at high school.

I've been an atheist since I was 11 years-old.

Of course, religion is bullshit. All religion.

To NOT sign the disability treaty — and justify it with religion and 'UN interference' as your reasons — after pretty much all the western world and most of the third world signed and ratified it, is despicable.

The United States should be treated like the decrepit old pariah it's rapidly becoming.

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