don't forget the black helicopters

Rick Santorum Will Fit In Fine At WND: Barack Obama Is Trying To Murder My Baby

Gutter DrunkHello, neighbor, have you heard the Good News? Smegma-spittled Rick Santorum has taken an exclusive writing gig with WND, the estimable journal of conservative thought that advocates executing journalists to protect the First Amendment. And in his very first column, Herr Doktor Santorum shows us the exact line one must travel to get from “crazy bitch” to “WND.”

Oh, Rick Santorum starts out reasonably enough while explaining that we must never sign the UN Convention on the Rights of Persons With Disabilities. He engages with the actual arguments put forth by proponents of the treaty, instead of declaring that Barack Obama gay-married Islam. I mean, he is still pretty much lying in all his answers to those arguments, but he is engaging just the same! (It is a very low bar that conservative “thinkers” must clear.)

But then Rick Santorum flies a little off the track when Rick Santorum claims that Barack Obama would personally murder Rick Santorum’s daughter, Bella, who is profoundly disabled, because Death Panels.

In the case of our 4-year-old daughter, Bella, who has Trisomy 18, a condition that the medical literature says is “incompatible with life,” would her “best interest” be that she be allowed to die? Some would undoubtedly say so.

So if the state, and not Karen and I, would have the final word on what is in the best interest of a child like Bella, what chance would a parent have to get appropriate care in the days of increasingly government-funded medical care?

Rick Santorum makes an excellent point: having government-funded medical care — like Rick Santorum — is the surest way to let Barack Obama sneak into your baby’s room and strangle her with his big blah hands.

UPDATE: Oh yeah, we forgot. The GOP in the Senate killed the treaty today, because “sovereignty.” Times that a UN proposal has destroyed American sovereignty: 0. Times that wingnuts have claimed a UN proposal would do so: infinity plus 1.

[WND]

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Rebecca is the editor and publisher of Wonkette. She is the author of Commie Girl in the O.C., a collection of her OC Weekly columns, and the former editor of LA CityBeat. Go visit her Commie Girl Collective, and follow her on the Twitter!

View all articles by Rebecca Schoenkopf

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122 comments

  1. actor212

    Wow. That's the most concise writing Our Lady of the Magic Dolphins has ever done, but Trix, how did you get her to write here? Is she "Wonkette Jr"?

  2. edgydrifter

    I'm not putting my tongue anywhere on Dame Peggington. I don't think you could find a spot on her that doesn't taste like olive brine, Chanel No5 and Mentholatum.

    1. sewollef

      Particularly as the date stamp of your post is four days ago. And the story was only posted yesterday.

      So yes, Damascus was a bad idea, but time travel in your iTime Machine® is super cool. Thanks Steve…. oh, and thanks Mr Wells.

  3. Chet Kincaid_

    Wow, if you really want to trip, go into your Mac System Preferences, fire up Text-to-Speech, put on some headphones and enjoy! I'm using the "Vicki" System Voice.

  4. Ansnarkist

    You may be thinking Ulysses by Joyce. I got too frustrated after the first 200 pages and gave up but as I understand, if I had toughed it out, I would have been rewarded with a chapter long run-on by the wife of the main character who is not Stephen Daedalus (the name slips my mind) .

    That's not to say that Garcia Marquez didn't do something similar. He was very much influenced by Joyce.

    Now let's all debate the authorship of Shakespeare! I believe Shakespeare was in fact an infinite numbers of monkeys on typewriters.

  5. nounverb911

    I read on the internet that Santorum had Gabriel stuffed and gave it to his daughter to play with.

    (What's with the four day old comments here?)

    1. PubOption

      This article, or something very close to it, was posted on Wonkville recently. Is the new system trying to transfer comments along with posted articles, but somehow transferring comments from another article?

      1. gullywompr

        When you copy from one server to another, you'll sometimes find that the database ID's you thought were unique are in fact already in use. Most DBAs know this, but think they will get away with it this time…

  6. SorosBot

    "So if the state, and not Karen and I, would have the final word"

    Hey idiot, under the pre-ACA health care status quo, it was not "Karen and I" who had the final word on the best interests of a child patient, it was for-profit insurance companies. Moron.

      1. SorosBot

        It almost makes one suspect that the conservative objections to the ACA are in fact completely made up lies.

        But we should give Rick Santorum some credit; he is probably not a liar, because being a profoundly stupid man, he probably actually believe the utterly insane bullshit that spews out of his mouth.

  7. BaldarTFlagass

    "not Karen and I, would have the final word on what is in the best interest of a child like Bella,"

    You're going to raise your kids as lunatic Christians, so how good is your judgment anyway, Rick?

    1. Spurning Beer

      No, no, no. If you are in that position, you simply cancel your coverage and apply to another insurer to take on you, your rag-tag brood, including your million-dollar invalid child with a new family policy. Companies can compete for your business!

  8. Jus_Wonderin

    Ah. So. I hope Ricky never loses his current coverage. Oh wait, if he does Obamacare will ensure his daughter is covered with her pre-existing medical issue.

    Ass!

        1. Jus_Wonderin

          The problem for me now is that I have to return here everyday for the rest of my life to make a new post with a new "days old" number. Why do I always make so much work for myself. My cross to bear, I suppose.

    1. BigSkullF*ckingDog

      I fucking hate my four day ago self. That bitch wasted an entire weekend and now I have to put up Xmas lights.

      1. BaldarTFlagass

        Really. I had nothing to do the whole weekend and was going to set up and fill my new bookcase. What did I do? Sat around and got stoned and drunk and watched college and pro football and Spurs vs Grizz all weekend. What a waste.

      2. sullivanst

        Well, at least it gave you the opportunity to learn a lesson from me:

        Before putting the lights up on the roof, test them. You don't want to have to go back up there to find the dead bulb that's causing half a string to go dark.

    2. SorosBot

      It's just a jump to the left; and then a step to the ri-i-i-ight; you put your hands on your hips, and pull your knees in ti-i-ight…

    3. FakaktaSouth

      I kind of dig when a post comes up and I already commented. I really am that lazy sometimes. I can't even be bothered to do the thing I do to distract myself from doing the other shit I am not doing.

  9. Goonemeritus

    Rick we’re cool with your daughter, we wish her all the health and happiness in the world, it’s you we want to punch in the face.

  10. BigSkullF*ckingDog

    You named your kid Bella Santorum? Beautiful Santorum? Good God man, what is wrong with you?

  11. Wile E. Quixote

    Yes, because of course the government will want to kill Rick Santorum's disabled child whereas private health insurance companies are all about spending lots and lots of money to take care of the disabled. Really, they are, Ayn Rand said so in Atlas Shrugged.

  12. BigSkullF*ckingDog

    Hey Rick, trisomy 18 may be incompatible with life but it is still a hell of a lot better than whatever the fuck is wrong with you.

  13. prommie

    "Some would undoutedly say so." Weaseliest weaseling in the history of weaseldom. Really, this is double-weasel weaseling. Fucking Newspeak. Orwell award nominee.

    1. FakaktaSouth

      Ya know, some would undoubtedly say all KINDS of things. I, for example, will say all kinds of things that I bet Rick here would NEVER say. Sometimes smart, nice, funny, important, nasty things. But things. This shit here? What he is doing? This is fucking nonsense.

  14. Tommy1733

    Why are the comments not aligned with the correct story? I am reading these on the page about Rick Santorum at WND.

  15. BaldarTFlagass

    "what chance would a parent have to get appropriate care in the days of increasingly government-funded medical care?"

    I'll go with "a hell of a lot better chance than if some bottom-line-obsessed insurance company drone gets to make the decision" ???

    1. BadKitty904

      I mean, I know Santorum isn't real bright and has made a political career parroting the lines fed him by his corporate owners, but I'm genuinely surprised even he would be so foolish as to ask that question, publicly and in print.

  16. ttommyunger

    Five fucking gazillion comments and I'm the first to tap: "Rick who?" Unbelievable! OT: finally watched the new video ad all the way through. Confirms my belief that my plan is better: avoid these dollar-magnets and the dweebs that patronize them; continue to buy in bulk whatever is on sale, drink it black in the privacy of my own hovel and refer to it lovingly and accurately as "gut lube".

      1. ttommyunger

        Ah, but those who know me well would say you are but half-right, my good man!Sent from the Field, not in Garrison.

  17. mavenmaven

    The NY Times already did a nice snark job on this already, and their Lawrence Downes sounds he posts on Wonkette:

    We could provide you with a link to Mr. Santorum’s full argument on WorldNetDaily, which is tucked among ads warning about FEMA concentration camps. But your time is worth more than that.

    1. BadKitty904

      Say, when are those death camps in Wyoming opening up, anyways? The election was a month ago! I've got my jackboots all polished and everything!

  18. SayItWithWookies

    The most offensive provision is found in Section 7 of the treaty dealing specifically with children with disabilities. That section reads:

    “In all actions concerning children with disabilities, the best interests of the child shall be a primary consideration.”

    Aha — so Rick opposes this treaty — even though it basically sets the same standards that the US has — because he might want to someday beat his disabled child without the government's interferece? That's what I'm gathering from this statement. Yep — Rick Santorum wants the right to beat his Miracle Baby. Thanks for clearing that up, Rick.

    1. finette_

      True story: there is also a UN Convention on the Rights of the Child, and the US and Somalia are the only countries on Earth that have not ratified it. Partly because of SOVEREIGNTY blah blah, but also because when it was introduced we did not want to give up the option to execute children. Of course there are a lot of countries that have ratified it but still have less-than-stellar rights records for children and/or all humans, but one would think we could at least make the gesture. (The Supreme Court put a stop to executions of minors a few years ago, those party poopers.)

      So, to recap. Reaffirming rights that children in the US pretty much already have: NONONONONO. Inventing new rights for zygotes: SURE!

  19. fuflans

    So if the state, and not Karen and I, would have the final word on what is in the best interest of a child like Bella

    might not be so bad rick. i'm pretty glad it's the state and not you and karen that have the final word on regulating my hoohaw.

  20. actor212

    In the case of our 4-year-old daughter, Bella, who has Trisomy 18, a condition that the medical literature says is “incompatible with life,” would her “best interest” be that she be allowed to die?

    I dunno, Rick. Let's ask your HMO how many millions they'd be willing to put up for her…

  21. BaldarTFlagass

    OT but word just came down that all of us DoD employees now have to take another Ethics training class, because Petraeus. That's just fucking great.

  22. poorgradstudent

    I for one am pleased that Santorum found a job that matches his skill set other than "Creating a hellish theocracy."

  23. FakaktaSouth

    what chance would a parent have to get appropriate care in the days of increasingly government-funded medical care?

    well, some people might actually be able to AFFORD IT, dick.

  24. Ground Zero Mostel

    Just looked up trisomy 18 and got a sad, but Santorum's argument is pure b.s. A relative of mine works for New York State as a lawyer defending the rights of mentally impaired people. His work has included going into court when parents of disabled children wanted to withhold lifesaving surgeries — specifically when parents of young man with Down's syndrome needed heart surgery because of a defect.

  25. An_Outhouse

    I wondered how 300 comments appeared in the last 15 minutes or so.

    SERVER, get your ass down here! You have some 'splainin' to do!

  26. An_Outhouse

    The UN treaty would require other countries to enact policies similar to our ADA. Not that Santorum cares about truth, he cares about whoever is paying him to lie.

  27. sullivanst

    Real reason the GOP killed the treaty: it's absolutely ingrained in them, it's a central tenet of their faith, that they, and by extension the US, should not have to play by the same rules as everyone else. This is the core of their understanding of the phrase "American exceptionalism", for example.

    1. prommie

      Also plus, black helicopters and FEMA camps, its all to do with UN Treaties. Remember, Senate ratification of the UN arms control treaty would nullify the Second Amendment. I heard this straight from noted Constitutional Scholar and uni-browed fucktard Sean Hannity.

  28. Redgyal

    UPDATE: Oh yeah, we forgot. The GOP in the Senate killed the treaty today, because “sovereignty.” Times that a UN proposal has destroyed American sovereignty: 0. Times that wingnuts have claimed a UN proposal would do so: infinity plus 1.

    If only the UN treaty said something about it being okay to wipe out entire cultures and ethnic groups THEN it would create American sovereignty.

  29. Biel_ze_Bubba

    What chance would a parent have to get appropriate care in the days of increasingly government-funded medical care?

    For lots of people, a much greater chance. What an asshole.

  30. sewollef

    Well, I was actually forced to read the bible and became a really good student in religious studies at high school.

    I've been an atheist since I was 11 years-old.

    Of course, religion is bullshit. All religion.

    To NOT sign the disability treaty — and justify it with religion and 'UN interference' as your reasons — after pretty much all the western world and most of the third world signed and ratified it, is despicable.

    The United States should be treated like the decrepit old pariah it's rapidly becoming.

Comments are closed.