Daily Caller: Why Does Old Handsome Joe Biden Love Child Rapists?

Smokin' JoeWell well well! It looks like Tucker Carlson’s Daily Caller will be okay even in the face of star cub reporter Matthew Boyle leaving the DC’s black-thug beat for Breitbart! In fact, they are so okay that this will probably be All Daily Caller Day, because fuck if they aren’t a pile of good time crazy! Where shall we begin? How about with “Joe Biden Loves Child Rapists,” since we already went and wrote the headline?

Let us see what SHOCKING thing stupid idiot Joe Biden has done now!

There he goes again.

Vice President Joe Biden, fresh from a re-election campaign that featured gaffes and goofs galore, made what might be the more cringe-inducing blunder of the year on Nov. 19, sending a congratulatory letter to a Republican state Senate candidate who withdrew from his race in October.

Worse, Delaware’s Eric Bodenweiser didn’t just have a change of heart: He was indicted on 113 felony counts related to accusations he raped a boy 39 times between 1987 and 1990 — beginning when the victim, now in his 30s, was 13 years old.

The only thing shocking about this story so far is that the Daily Caller didn’t put a “D” after Eric Bodenweiser’s name. But let’s keep going?

The News Journal reproduced Biden’s cheerful letter to the accused pedophile in his home state.

“I encourage you to reflect on the extraordinary moment we’re living in … The President and I remain confident that with your help, America’s best days lie ahead,” Biden wrote.

After Bodenweiser withdrew his candidacy, citing “personal reasons,” former Georgetown, Del. Mayor Brian Pettyjohn launched a write-in campaign — which he won with 59.8 percent of the vote.

So. Okay! Someone in Joe Biden’s office messed up a list of electeds before putting it before Stupid Old Joe Biden’s autopen, and Daily Caller Executive Editor David Martosko then did some Internet research to find out what had transpired on the Secretary of State’s website so he could reach 500 words, because “Someone in Joe Biden’s office messed up a list of electeds before putting it before Stupid Old Joe Biden’s autopen” really isn’t long enough for a post.


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      1. Terry

        Joe might be one of the few politicians who'd have old broads as interns in his office. I'm going to apply.

    1. BoatOfVelociraptors

      Indifference to child rape does seem to be a tenet of their faith, if the pope is to be believed.

  1. Redgyal

    Out of fairness, if Mittens was elected and Paulina Ryan did that would the Wonkette jump on it. HMMMM?

    1. An Asexual Ungulate

      Yes, but the story wouldn't be "look what stupid thing Paul Ryan did" it would be "betting pool on which Ryan office intern gets fired this afternoon".

    2. BlueStateLibel

      Wonkette editors would be too busy trying to talk everyone off that tall building's window sill in such a scenario.

  2. MacRaith

    "Vice President Joe Biden, fresh from a victorious re-election campaign that featured victory galore"

    There, Tucker Carlson, I fixed it for you. Would you like some victorious Joe Biden with that?

  3. memzilla

    The Daily Caller Formula:

    [Right Wing Talking Points / Autopen] (plus) [Word Salad Spinner x Distort-O-Matic] (plus) Bow Tie = Daily Caller

    1. An Asexual Ungulate

      I don't know, that seems kind of lazy (read: democrat) to me. That's an average of once a month, and you know what sort of person only works once a month and thinks it's ok?

      An ethnic. That's who.

        1. An Asexual Ungulate

          Hey, standing in line is hard when you're pregnant with a welfare baby and stoned on your medical marijuana paid for by Obamacare.

  4. mavenmaven

    yes, the big part of this story is that a form letter got sent by Biden's office. Not that it was YET ANOTHER REPUBLICAN PEDOPHILE.

    1. An Asexual Ungulate

      The story is always the odder of the two events. At this point even a bad fortune teller could predict more republican pedophiles.

  5. FakaktaSouth

    Who cares? Joe still kicked Paul Ryan in his stupid mush-faced, curl-loving ass and showed PresO how debates should be done. I will forgive his willingness to accidentally be nice to a Republitard.

      1. FakaktaSouth

        Never too many panties for Joe. And oh, I have not seen The Departed…but I should I think. Of course I also JUST saw half of Chinatown so maybe I will go on a Nicholson kick.

          1. FakaktaSouth

            I KNOW! SOMEone keeps my attention too occupied. I can't ever watch more than half a movie these days.

        1. prommie

          And The Last Detail, the first appearance of the ubiquitous ever since Randy Quaid. God that guy is in a fuck-ton of movies. HE might be the luckiest man alive.

          1. FakaktaSouth

            Speaking of crazy guys. And The Last Detail is on my netflix streaming I just haven't gotten to it yet.

          1. prommie

            When it comes to scenery-chewing, you can't go wrong with Pacino! He's like a fucking beaver, he can gnaw through a small tree in minutes! I bet there was nothing left to throw away of the set of Scent of a Woman! Hooo-Ah!

  6. SnarkOff

    "How about with 'Joe Biden Loves Child Rapists,' since we already went and wrote the headline?"

    I would have gone with "Joe Biden's Middle is About to Weigh a Ton."

  7. Not_So_Much

    If any Tucker story isn't about Jon Stewart making him cry, I find it very difficult to masturbate to it.

  8. actor212

    Other letters sent from Biden's office:

    Note to Titanic captain on successful crossing.

    Letter to Anthony Weiner asking for Twitter tips.

    E-card to Ted Kaczynski

    1. An Asexual Ungulate

      Oh man, if I were VP I'd spend all my free time sending snarky sarcastic letters like that.

      "Dear Edward Smith,

      I am something of an amateur sailor, and I am giving thought to a transatlantic crossing early next year. I was hoping that you, an experienced and distinguished sailor with an impeccable safety record, could offer me some tips for navigating the early spring waters of the Atlantic.

      Joe Biden"

    2. BaldarTFlagass

      Maybe he can send Tucker a letter congratulating him on his ascension to the very top of TV punditry. Great show, Tuck!

    3. BoatOfVelociraptors

      Sweet Jesus. The utterance: "E-card to Ted Kazcynski" might be my favorite turn of phrase this decade. It is almost as decadent as the consumption of an ortolan by a French nihilist.

      For centuries, a rite of passage for French gourmets has been the eating of the Ortolan. These tiny birds—captured alive, force-fed, then drowned in Armagnac—were roasted whole and eaten that way, bones and all, while the diner draped his head with a linen napkin to preserve the precious aromas and, some believe, to hide from God.

  9. BaldarTFlagass

    Maybe Bodenweiser can have that letter framed and then hang it on his cell wall, to look at while he is getting his Daily Dose from "Tiny."

  10. gullywompr

    Ya know, I don't think I would have heard about this Republican boy fucker had it not been for this story. And this is bad news for Biden how?

  11. Goonemeritus

    Fine mistakes can happen but what about Joe’s note to Pol-Pot praising his commitment to education?

      1. imissopus

        Yeah, everyone always talks about the bad, crazy Hitler, but what about the Hitler who loved nothing more than the smell of his own freshly-baked blueberry muffins? No one ever wants to talk about that Hitler.

  12. SoBeach

    I once got a "Happy Holidays and we look forward to a wonderful new year together" letter from a company that laid me off the day before Thanksgiving. BFD.

    It's going to be a long (but funny) four years with these tools.

  13. SorosBot

    "fresh from a re-election campaign that featured gaffes and goofs galore"

    No it didn't. Get a clue and learn what a gaffe is; hint: it's not saying something that can be taken out-of-context to sound bad.

  14. Esteev

    I feel like I should be more concerned with this story than the GOP's concerted effort to ruin the finances of the country.

  15. DahBoner

    Silly Joe! America doesn't need "help" raping children.

    Republicans are already doing a mighty fine job of that!


  16. prommie

    I like the recycling of Old Alzheimer Ronnie's "There You Go Again" line to Carter, spoken in response to Carter making a perfectly true and accurate statement. But everyone loved old Ronnie because he was so sincere. He really was so so sincere, even when fucking spouting the most amazing incredible lies (no arms for hostages, my campaign didn't bribe the Iranians to keep the hostages in bondage till after the election so I would win, the Contras are Freedom Fighters like our revolutionary forefathers, etc etc) he was sincere, because he was a fucking brain-damaged addled old coot who was literally truly mentally incompetent and he beleived any old shit that his handlers or his "Mommie" or her astrologer told him, and he repeated it all glady and happily and sincerely.

    1. jamsie25

      Who the heck is John Rocker and why should I care?

      Really – no kidding – I didn't know who this 'man' is. Thank heaven for the Google.

      1. prommie

        I actually thought Gump was some sophisticated psy-ops specifically designed to get people to worship the Stupid (in contrast to very smart president Clinton at the time) and thus prepare the Nation for the Ultimate Triumph of the Stupid, the W Bush election.

      2. FakaktaSouth

        Well hell, I love shrimp, Alabama football and Dr Pepper, but that's not what makes me the reprobate I am. I was just born that way.

  17. MiniMencken

    I have received via the USPS not one but two (2) "autographed" photos of George W. Bush and Laura during the run-up to the recent reassertion of sanity in the electorate — despite being a Yellow Dog Democrat and having an outstanding fine at the local public library. Would Carlson's people care to interview me about this?

  18. ttommyunger

    I have to hand it to them, these fuckers don't miss a trick. Imagine the manpower that must go into scrutinizing every single iota of data coming from the Dems. Imagine the Bucks invested in that effort. Now imagine that amount of money going to a worthy cause- like public education or healthcare…. Sorry, but my day is not looking so good, either.

  19. Grokenstein

    Like there's ever been a campaign free of "goofs and gaffes galore." I seem to recall a recent Presidential contender wondering aloud why he couldn't roll the windows down on a jet, for example. Same feller went on to declare that Iran was landlocked–during a debate about foreign policy. Can't remember the name. Think he was a poor man.

    But hey, good on Caller for calling attention to yet another of the GOP's "family values" rapists for the sake of some petty snark about Biden. Sure, it's a BIT tacky exploiting a horrible crime for the sake of pointing and giggling at someone, but there are dittoheads to feed out there! And I'm certain anyone reading about this will remember the gaffe long after they've forgotten about the child-rape. Right?

  20. Living in Joy

    To be fair, if the "reporters" at the Daily Caller are holed up in their mom's basement writing copy at least they aren't out on the streets scaring little children and dogs.

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