Well well well! It looks like Tucker Carlson’s Daily Caller will be okay even in the face of star cub reporter Matthew Boyle leaving the DC’s black-thug beat for Breitbart! In fact, they are so okay that this will probably be All Daily Caller Day, because fuck if they aren’t a pile of good time crazy! Where shall we begin? How about with “Joe Biden Loves Child Rapists,” since we already went and wrote the headline?
Let us see what SHOCKING thing stupid idiot Joe Biden has done now!
There he goes again.
Vice President Joe Biden, fresh from a re-election campaign that featured gaffes and goofs galore, made what might be the more cringe-inducing blunder of the year on Nov. 19, sending a congratulatory letter to a Republican state Senate candidate who withdrew from his race in October.
Worse, Delaware’s Eric Bodenweiser didn’t just have a change of heart: He was indicted on 113 felony counts related to accusations he raped a boy 39 times between 1987 and 1990 — beginning when the victim, now in his 30s, was 13 years old.
The only thing shocking about this story so far is that the Daily Caller didn’t put a “D” after Eric Bodenweiser’s name. But let’s keep going?
The News Journal reproduced Biden’s cheerful letter to the accused pedophile in his home state.
“I encourage you to reflect on the extraordinary moment we’re living in … The President and I remain confident that with your help, America’s best days lie ahead,” Biden wrote.
After Bodenweiser withdrew his candidacy, citing “personal reasons,” former Georgetown, Del. Mayor Brian Pettyjohn launched a write-in campaign — which he won with 59.8 percent of the vote.
So. Okay! Someone in Joe Biden’s office messed up a list of electeds before putting it before Stupid Old Joe Biden’s autopen, and Daily Caller Executive Editor David Martosko then did some Internet research to find out what had transpired on the Secretary of State’s website so he could reach 500 words, because “Someone in Joe Biden’s office messed up a list of electeds before putting it before Stupid Old Joe Biden’s autopen” really isn’t long enough for a post.
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Tucker seems to be using Biden's autopen to write posts for his site.
I think it's more JanusNode than autopen
You know, I thought that 600 word story that just said "Joe Biden" was a little odd too.
Now every mornin' just before breakfast
I don't want no coffee or tea
Just me and Eric Bodenweiser
That's all I ever need
George Thorogood libel!
There is a very very contrite intern in Biden's office today.
None 切腹?
I would like to be the intern who needs to be punished by Handsome Joe, please.
Joe might be one of the few politicians who'd have old broads as interns in his office. I'm going to apply.
Me too, I would be like a child bride to him.
I am about his age but, alas, not nearly as hot as Jill.
Someone give Tucker a bigger trash can for his morning sickness.
Duct tape and a small poked hole could work too.
It could just be as simple as Biden wanting to rub it in Bodenheiser's face.
His losing, I mean. Not his penis. Which I'm told is large.
Autopenis?
Wha?
I prefer Viagra, frankly.
But Joe is a traditionalist, so not a splint? Some
Popsicle sticksyardsticks and some duct tape?No wonder you send SPAM to our editrix.
Hey hey now! That seduction technique has worked in the past. All I need is to get some roofies in her…
The penis mightier than the sword.
To be fair, Joe's a Catholic.
Indifference to child rape does seem to be a tenet of their faith, if the pope is to be believed.
Out of fairness, if Mittens was elected and Paulina Ryan did that would the Wonkette jump on it. HMMMM?
Yes, but the story wouldn't be "look what stupid thing Paul Ryan did" it would be "betting pool on which Ryan office intern gets fired this afternoon".
Sure. But we would still report it as if it were important.
Remember Romney's "President-Elect" website?
Wonkette editors would be too busy trying to talk everyone off that tall building's window sill in such a scenario.
True. True.
When you name yourself "The Daily Caller", you invite various stalker comparisons.
Bodenweiser, the beer of kinks.
I certainly hope that this wasn't done by accident. I mean, cool!
Biden pens letter to Dick Cheney congratulating him on re-election, and reanimation.
"Vice President Joe Biden, fresh from a victorious re-election campaign that featured victory galore"
There, Tucker Carlson, I fixed it for you. Would you like some victorious Joe Biden with that?
The Daily Caller Formula:
[Right Wing Talking Points / Autopen] (plus) [Word Salad Spinner x Distort-O-Matic] (plus) Bow Tie = Daily Caller
"he raped a boy 39 times between 1987 and 1990"
Good old Republican work ethic.
I don't know, that seems kind of lazy (read: democrat) to me. That's an average of once a month, and you know what sort of person only works once a month and thinks it's ok?
An ethnic. That's who.
And of course, said "work" consists of waiting on line for that sweet sweet welfare check.
Hey, standing in line is hard when you're pregnant with a welfare baby and stoned on your medical marijuana paid for by Obamacare.
But at least you can talk to your boyfriend on that free cell phone.
This is a ten foot pole. They are located in California. I am not touching them.
You didn't ride that!
yes, the big part of this story is that a form letter got sent by Biden's office. Not that it was YET ANOTHER REPUBLICAN PEDOPHILE.
The story is always the odder of the two events. At this point even a bad fortune teller could predict more republican pedophiles.
I thought the Republicans added "Rape Celebration" to their platform?
I think they were working a "Rape Celebration" dance at last report.
Oh, Fucker. Even for you, this is lame.
Who cares? Joe still kicked Paul Ryan in his stupid mush-faced, curl-loving ass and showed PresO how debates should be done. I will forgive his willingness to accidentally be nice to a Republitard.
Hey you, YAY! Fucking Yay!
Yes, yay. Just, yay all fucking day. Finally.
Yes! Handsome Joe cannot have too many panties thrown at him in gratitude for beating Paul Ryan's hand with a shoe like Nicholson in "The Departed."
Never too many panties for Joe. And oh, I have not seen The Departed…but I should I think. Of course I also JUST saw half of Chinatown so maybe I will go on a Nicholson kick.
You gotta finish Chinatown.
I KNOW! SOMEone keeps my attention too occupied. I can't ever watch more than half a movie these days.
And The Last Detail, the first appearance of the ubiquitous ever since Randy Quaid. God that guy is in a fuck-ton of movies. HE might be the luckiest man alive.
Speaking of crazy guys. And The Last Detail is on my netflix streaming I just haven't gotten to it yet.
You should definitely see "The Departed." It's ingeniously constructed and contains some of the best scenery-chewing of the New Millenium.
When it comes to scenery-chewing, you can't go wrong with Pacino! He's like a fucking beaver, he can gnaw through a small tree in minutes! I bet there was nothing left to throw away of the set of Scent of a Woman! Hooo-Ah!
Who's Paul Ryan? Did he molest children too?
It's OK to be nice to Republitards, once they're safely out of office, and indicted!
"How about with 'Joe Biden Loves Child Rapists,' since we already went and wrote the headline?"
I would have gone with "Joe Biden's Middle is About to Weigh a Ton."
If any Tucker story isn't about Jon Stewart making him cry, I find it very difficult to masturbate to it.
Other letters sent from Biden's office:
Note to Titanic captain on successful crossing.
Letter to Anthony Weiner asking for Twitter tips.
E-card to Ted Kaczynski
Birthday card for Breitbart.
Oh man, if I were VP I'd spend all my free time sending snarky sarcastic letters like that.
"Dear Edward Smith,
I am something of an amateur sailor, and I am giving thought to a transatlantic crossing early next year. I was hoping that you, an experienced and distinguished sailor with an impeccable safety record, could offer me some tips for navigating the early spring waters of the Atlantic.
Yours,
Joe Biden"
"Dear Miss Earhart…"
Congratulations on completing your flight training, Mohamed Atta!
Damn. That one's so good, I'm jealous!
Maybe he can send Tucker a letter congratulating him on his ascension to the very top of TV punditry. Great show, Tuck!
Congratulation card sent to Egg Romney on being the new First Lady.
Sweet Jesus. The utterance: "E-card to Ted Kazcynski" might be my favorite turn of phrase this decade. It is almost as decadent as the consumption of an ortolan by a French nihilist.
For centuries, a rite of passage for French gourmets has been the eating of the Ortolan. These tiny birds—captured alive, force-fed, then drowned in Armagnac—were roasted whole and eaten that way, bones and all, while the diner draped his head with a linen napkin to preserve the precious aromas and, some believe, to hide from God.
Maybe Bodenweiser can have that letter framed and then hang it on his cell wall, to look at while he is getting his Daily Dose from "Tiny."
Ya know, I don't think I would have heard about this Republican boy fucker had it not been for this story. And this is bad news for Biden how?
I love the smell of gaffes and goofs galore in the morning. Smells like… victory.
Has Joe been hanging out with GOPers again?
Oh no! I disagree! A job creator works about that hard at creating jobs!
Fine mistakes can happen but what about Joe’s note to Pol-Pot praising his commitment to education?
Or Hitler's baking expertise?
Yeah, everyone always talks about the bad, crazy Hitler, but what about the Hitler who loved nothing more than the smell of his own freshly-baked blueberry muffins? No one ever wants to talk about that Hitler.
I once got a "Happy Holidays and we look forward to a wonderful new year together" letter from a company that laid me off the day before Thanksgiving. BFD.
It's going to be a long (but funny) four years with these tools.
"fresh from a re-election campaign that featured gaffes and goofs galore"
No it didn't. Get a clue and learn what a gaffe is; hint: it's not saying something that can be taken out-of-context to sound bad.
Now, in fairness, he didn't say Biden or Obama made the gaffes and goofs…
I saw this same story on another website and one of the comments was something like "He only opens his mouth to change feet!" …derp.
Forgettable inconsequential shit, how does it work?
Not a blah in sight, Tucker. You're losing it, son.
Not only that, but Joe is a notorious homo sapien, and his sister is a known thespian!
I feel like I should be more concerned with this story than the GOP's concerted effort to ruin the finances of the country.
Silly Joe! America doesn't need "help" raping children.
Republicans are already doing a mighty fine job of that!
//zing
I like the recycling of Old Alzheimer Ronnie's "There You Go Again" line to Carter, spoken in response to Carter making a perfectly true and accurate statement. But everyone loved old Ronnie because he was so sincere. He really was so so sincere, even when fucking spouting the most amazing incredible lies (no arms for hostages, my campaign didn't bribe the Iranians to keep the hostages in bondage till after the election so I would win, the Contras are Freedom Fighters like our revolutionary forefathers, etc etc) he was sincere, because he was a fucking brain-damaged addled old coot who was literally truly mentally incompetent and he beleived any old shit that his handlers or his "Mommie" or her astrologer told him, and he repeated it all glady and happily and sincerely.
Who the heck is John Rocker and why should I care?
Really – no kidding – I didn't know who this 'man' is. Thank heaven for the Google.
Ain't that America? We celebrate fucking "Forrest Gump" as reflective of our national character.
I actually thought Gump was some sophisticated psy-ops specifically designed to get people to worship the Stupid (in contrast to very smart president Clinton at the time) and thus prepare the Nation for the Ultimate Triumph of the Stupid, the W Bush election.
Well hell, I love shrimp, Alabama football and Dr Pepper, but that's not what makes me the reprobate I am. I was just born that way.
You are an outcast unclean! A reprobate and lost in the eyes of the lord!
Mahalo, you say that like it's a bad thing.
I have received via the USPS not one but two (2) "autographed" photos of George W. Bush and Laura during the run-up to the recent reassertion of sanity in the electorate — despite being a Yellow Dog Democrat and having an outstanding fine at the local public library. Would Carlson's people care to interview me about this?
I have to hand it to them, these fuckers don't miss a trick. Imagine the manpower that must go into scrutinizing every single iota of data coming from the Dems. Imagine the Bucks invested in that effort. Now imagine that amount of money going to a worthy cause- like public education or healthcare…. Sorry, but my day is not looking so good, either.
Gaffes and goofs galore kinda sums up a political campaign from the right, just sayin'.
…and trains!
Michelle Obama invited me to lunch even though I was once caught smoking weed during gym class.
…this will probably be All Daily Caller Day,
More frightening words have never before been typed on the Internet.
Cue the FoxNews "This is worse than Watergate" meme in 3…2…1…
i think we could do with less coverage of 'the daily caller'.
but maybe that's just me.
Like there's ever been a campaign free of "goofs and gaffes galore." I seem to recall a recent Presidential contender wondering aloud why he couldn't roll the windows down on a jet, for example. Same feller went on to declare that Iran was landlocked–during a debate about foreign policy. Can't remember the name. Think he was a poor man.
But hey, good on Caller for calling attention to yet another of the GOP's "family values" rapists for the sake of some petty snark about Biden. Sure, it's a BIT tacky exploiting a horrible crime for the sake of pointing and giggling at someone, but there are dittoheads to feed out there! And I'm certain anyone reading about this will remember the gaffe long after they've forgotten about the child-rape. Right?
Y'know, Wonkette should do a mug with that picture of Biden on it.
To be fair, if the "reporters" at the Daily Caller are holed up in their mom's basement writing copy at least they aren't out on the streets scaring little children and dogs.
And eat my junk food paid for with food stamps.
Huh, I was under the impression you watched most movies in 10-minute segments.
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