SOUNDS LEGIT  10:05 am December 4, 2012

Ailes: Respected Non-Partisan News Organization ‘Fox’ Did Not Make Hot Monkey Sex On David Petraeus

by Rebecca Schoenkopf

what a nice looking old manSometimes, we like to lie around and wonder stuff. Like, “What is it like being human pile of mildewed old sandwiches Roger Ailes?” Is it fun? We bet it is fun. You can send people to the dungeon; you can order the cutting off of miscreants’ hands. You get to hang out with Shep! It is probably all good. But what happens if someone betrays you by leaking a tape of some peon (she’s not an employee; they pay her less than $75 large, as if anyone could even survive on such “money”!) being a go-between for you and Greatest American Hero Gen. David Petraeus, telling him to run for president against the Kenyan Impostor, yo, and you’ll be his campaign manager, and Murdoch will bankroll it, and the rest of the people at Fox will be “his in-house.” Why, that almost sounds like Fox News would take a side in a political campaign. That can’t be right.

And it is not right, according to Roger Ailes! Never happened! Oh, there is a tape? Okay, so it happened, but the lady was wrong! He did not (privately, with no one else in the room because he is “paranoid”) send her to deliver messages to David Petraeus that if he ran against the Interloper they would bankroll it and run it and be his “in-house.” Okay, so he did. But it was “a joke,” and that lady — Kathleen T. McFarland, “a Fox News national security analyst and former national security and Pentagon aide in three Republican administrations” — is a idiot!

Ailes added, “It sounds like she thought she was on a secret mission in the Reagan administration. . . . She was way out of line. . . . It’s someone’s fantasy to make me a kingmaker. It’s not my job.” He said that McFarland was not an employee of Fox but a contributor paid less than $75,000 a year.

We will hold a moment for your sad cries of defeat.

Then Roger Ailes blew Petraeus a whole bunch, on his penis, with his droopy old mouth, and then Brett Baier stepped into the article to claim that Fox would never be against Obama’s war just because it is Obama’s war, why, that wouldn’t be fair and balanced a’tall.

So what we are saying is the hot monkey sex between Roger Ailes and David Petraeus and Brett Baier and some loser chick who doesn’t even make $75 thousand a year from them and is obviously crazy in her noggin is probably worse than anything Paula Broadwell could have come up with, the end.

[WaPo]

 

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{ 191 comments }

SnarkOff December 4, 2012 at 10:07 am

I don't even get out of bed for $75K a year.

chicken_thief November 28, 2012 at 10:37 am

A little off topic, but if she was a he but still has the same partner that she/he had when she/he was a he, does that make the partner, still a she (?) a lezbo?

Inquiring minds and all that….

actor212 December 4, 2012 at 10:22 am

So you're a hooker?

thatsitfortheother1 December 4, 2012 at 10:26 am

You say that like it's a bad thing.

actor212 December 4, 2012 at 10:32 am

No no! I was about to make an offer…

YouFail4eva December 4, 2012 at 10:48 am

So what you are saying though is that you have a price. Interesting…

Allmighty_Manos December 4, 2012 at 10:09 am

No monkeys, no sex and definitely not hot. FAIL

Barbara_ December 4, 2012 at 10:09 am

"Then Roger Ailes blew Petraeus a whole bunch, on his penis, with his droopy old mouth…."

Ailes then slowly jerked Petraeus off into his "World"s Best Boss" cup and then tossed it back and gargled it for Murdoch's amusement.

thatsitfortheother1 December 4, 2012 at 10:14 am

Ug.

Jus_Wonderin December 4, 2012 at 10:48 am

LOL

StillGoinGreen December 4, 2012 at 10:48 am

This literally turned my stomach when I read it. I feel so weak and snarkless now. You have sullied me deeply, until the next thread.

BigSkullF*ckingDog December 4, 2012 at 10:55 am

Dammit Barb, I'm trying to eat breakfast.

BoatOfVelociraptors December 4, 2012 at 12:17 pm

It's when Murdoch walks in with his flamboyant Australian accent that the fanfic goes off the rails. Crikey!

JustPixelz December 4, 2012 at 12:04 pm

I assume they were re-enacting Dubya blowing Cheney to be acting preznit for eight long deadly years.

BoatOfVelociraptors December 4, 2012 at 12:21 pm

And THAT'S when Murdoch put "another one on the barbie".

An_Outhouse December 4, 2012 at 1:00 pm

That wasn't necessary.

eggsacklywright December 4, 2012 at 10:09 am

My name is Rupert, and I would like to purchase one of your generals, please.

ChillBill November 28, 2012 at 10:16 am

Remember when Ann Coulter used to be a Kicker for the Miami Dolphins?

YouFail4eva December 4, 2012 at 10:49 am

Isn't he in trouble for this in like, England, or something? Is it just me? It may be just me.

Come here a minute December 4, 2012 at 10:10 am

The most reasonable thing about Ailes' story is that that a Fox News contributor is an idiot.

Mittaplasia December 4, 2012 at 11:47 am

They call 'em "News Contributors"? Don't they already have an imagineering department?

Biel_ze_Bubba December 4, 2012 at 10:47 pm

I have something to "contribute" — who do I talk to about the $75,000?

freakishlywrong December 4, 2012 at 10:10 am

Jabba the propagandist.

Oblios_Cap December 4, 2012 at 11:26 am

Baron Harkonnen

Sharkey December 4, 2012 at 10:10 am

You left out Sandra Fluke.

freakishlywrong December 4, 2012 at 10:13 am

And BENGHAZI!!!!11

actor212 December 4, 2012 at 10:33 am

She has standards.

CrunchyKnee December 4, 2012 at 10:10 am

You had me at "pile of mildewed old sandwiches", but then Reagan had secret missions? Whaa?

eggsacklywright December 4, 2012 at 10:12 am

e-missions, that is.

glasspusher December 4, 2012 at 10:12 am

Oh, Ms. Broadwell, you little monkey woman, you…you wore green so you could hide…I don't blame you, YOU'RE A TRAMP

thatsitfortheother1 December 4, 2012 at 10:18 am

Yeah, you're lean, mean, and I bet you're not too far in between are ya. How'd you like to wrap your spikes around my…

eggsacklywright December 4, 2012 at 10:40 am

She's a flea-bit peanut monkey and all her friends are junkies.

freakishlywrong December 4, 2012 at 10:12 am

This boil on America's ass that is Fox "News" has got to go.

deanbooth December 4, 2012 at 10:23 am

As driftglass says, we cannot remain long half Fox and half free.

SpiderCrab December 4, 2012 at 10:12 am

I hope he dies soon–killed by votes.

CrunchyKnee December 4, 2012 at 10:13 am

Or a ham sandwich.

thatsitfortheother1 December 4, 2012 at 10:19 am

Nicely mildewed.

eggsacklywright December 4, 2012 at 10:17 am

Or maybe a drone pretzel?

glasspusher December 4, 2012 at 10:18 am

Dies in a landslide? Could be taken more than one way…

FakaktaSouth December 4, 2012 at 10:12 am

It would take less than 75K for me to betray Roger Ailes and his plot to screw Mitt out of having taken his turn at the Republican Nomination so that Petraeus' actual wild monkey sex with every woman he ever accidentally talked to took him down in the middle of the election. But that's just me.

freakishlywrong December 4, 2012 at 10:16 am

Now, with even more schadenfreude!

thatsitfortheother1 December 4, 2012 at 10:20 am

The Great White Hope for 2016. Bwahahaha.

Esteev December 4, 2012 at 11:10 am

The Great White Hump?

prommie December 4, 2012 at 10:57 am

I would withhold judgment on the wild hot monkey sex until all the facts are in. He is such a tiny little man. Well, ok, maybe like, very very small monkey monkey sex. Richard Pryor used to tell this story about his pet monkey humping him in the ear, he said it felt like a wet Q-tip sliding in and out of his ear.

emmelemm December 4, 2012 at 1:25 pm

I'm sorry, what? Is that for real?

Chet Kincaid_ December 4, 2012 at 12:38 pm

If this Kathleen McFarland had showed Patraeus a little bicep and forehead and challenged him to a 10k, she could have gotten him to run for dogcatcher. Would have picked up a scary email stalker, though.

ManchuCandidate December 4, 2012 at 10:13 am

As always, should you or any of my intermediaries be caught telling the truth or something that makes me look like a partisan dick, Faux Newz will disavow any knowledge of your actions. This email will self-destruct in five seconds. Good luck, David.

ChillBill December 4, 2012 at 10:13 am

Megyn Kelly also makes $75K…per BJ.

actor212 December 4, 2012 at 10:22 am

Half a lip. You'll have to share. O'Reilly pays well.

thatsitfortheother1 December 4, 2012 at 10:28 am

He pays REALLY well if you drag him to court.

actor212 December 4, 2012 at 10:33 am

But then you have to put up with his loofa.

eggsacklywright December 4, 2012 at 10:41 am

But afterwards, he'll falafel.

BoatOfVelociraptors December 4, 2012 at 12:26 pm

A lawsuit is always better when plaintiff is crying.

Chet Kincaid_ December 4, 2012 at 10:25 am

You only get a desultory, clothed handie from Megyn for that little. However, Gretchen Carlson will give you a full 20 minutes of frowny, frumpy coitus.

thatsitfortheother1 December 4, 2012 at 10:32 am

Greta Van Susteren will pay you.

actor212 December 4, 2012 at 10:34 am

How much?

No, really! She looks like a transgendered tennis pro, so I'm betting she has a firm grip.

ChillBill December 4, 2012 at 10:36 am

Martina Navratilova libel!

thatsitfortheother1 December 4, 2012 at 10:39 am

On all but reality.

metamarcisf December 4, 2012 at 10:15 am

If only the General had listened to Roger Ailes. He'd be president now and never would have gotten mixed up with a closet case like Paula Broadwell. And Jill Kelley. And their lawyers. And would-be vice president, Hank, Jr.

Mittaplasia December 4, 2012 at 11:50 am

And the would-be Secretary of Defense, Ted Nugent….aaaarrgh!

Rotundo_ December 4, 2012 at 5:08 pm

Imagine the sheer joy of the Joint Chiefs of Staff having to report to Secretary Poopy Pants Draft Dodging Asshole for their marching orders. Has anyone ever been fragged in the Pentagon?

Estproph December 4, 2012 at 10:16 am

All he needs in that pic is a white Nehru jacket, and he'd be a perfect gay Karl Blofeld.

thatsitfortheother1 December 4, 2012 at 10:24 am

The tartan tie already suggests Fatbastard.

Chet Kincaid_ December 4, 2012 at 11:10 am

Have you seen Blofeld's spring clothing line? Oh wait.

Could be a fun game: Bond Villain or Fashion Designer?

kittensdontlie December 4, 2012 at 10:16 am

“Rupert’s after me as well,” Petraeus told McFarland.

The General's penis is definitely not standard army-issue.

glasspusher December 4, 2012 at 10:17 am

Bonobos are smarter and have the sexytime better than those troglodytes at Fox.

actor212 December 4, 2012 at 10:20 am

That's an insult to the noble bonobo. Banana slugs are….

glasspusher December 4, 2012 at 11:34 am

Pond scum provide a useful service. Therefore…

BoatOfVelociraptors December 4, 2012 at 12:28 pm

And you shall know them by the trail of their slime.

johnnyzhivago December 4, 2012 at 10:17 am

Ailes is launching a counter offensive in the "War on Ignorance"

Spurning Beer November 28, 2012 at 10:24 am

New Hampshia is just full of enigmata. How did an ultra-conservative newspaper get the name the "Union Leader?"

PennyDreadful December 4, 2012 at 12:18 pm

War on war?

Biel_ze_Bubba December 4, 2012 at 10:55 pm

Talk about being out-gunned by the opponent…

eggsacklywright December 4, 2012 at 10:18 am

Ms. McFarland is plausibly deniable. Cheap, too.

actor212 December 4, 2012 at 10:19 am

$75,000 a year to be a "contributor"?

Slave owners!

BaldarTFlagass December 4, 2012 at 10:19 am

Well, it worked for them back in 1952.

rickmaci December 4, 2012 at 12:03 pm

But not in '48.

actor212 December 4, 2012 at 10:21 am

Then Roger Ailes blew Petraeus a whole bunch, on his penis, with his droopy old mouth

OK, Trix? I really didn't need that image today, as I am hungover badly.

BaldarTFlagass December 4, 2012 at 10:23 am

"run for president against the Kenyan Impostor, yo, and you’ll be his campaign manager, and Murdoch will bankroll it, and the rest of the people at Fox will be “his in-house.”

…and we can fix up the old barn and build a stage and put on a talent show and use the proceeds to help Farmer Brown make his mortgage payment to that old meany banker so the bank can't take the farm!!! Gee, it'll be swell!!!

actor212 December 4, 2012 at 10:31 am

Nick! Heath! Jared! There's a fire in the barn!

fuflans December 4, 2012 at 11:29 am

i was in that play.

BadKitty904 December 4, 2012 at 10:25 am

Somewhere in hell, Josef Goebbels is laughing…

thatsitfortheother1 December 4, 2012 at 10:26 am

How did these pus bombs manage to take over our country?

eggsacklywright December 4, 2012 at 10:32 am

They managed to buy enough politicians to enable the Unfairness Act. News-speak is the law of the land.

actor212 December 4, 2012 at 10:32 am

We took our eye off the ball, while they kept theirs on theirs.

BoatOfVelociraptors December 4, 2012 at 12:31 pm

So Fox News is 'ballin?

Blueb4sinrise December 4, 2012 at 10:37 am

see:
Barnum, P.T.
Mencken, H.L.

BadKitty904 December 4, 2012 at 10:38 am

Per my bf, radical Republicans seized power back in the 1860s, due to the leadership vacuum caused by Lincoln's assassination. Radical Republicans seized power again in the 2000s, due to the leadership vacuum caused by Bush's election.

Mumbletypeg December 4, 2012 at 10:27 am

Somewhere a short-fingered fraud circus is missing its most cretinous vulgarian.

AncienReggie December 4, 2012 at 11:13 am

FTW.

C_R_Eature December 4, 2012 at 6:58 pm

I saw this earlier and I'm going with my first impression:

This Comment Deserves the Most High threadwinning Gold Medallion of Snarkatude.
So say I.

Also (of course) A Worthly Wokette Cephalopod.

Yummy shrimps.

GhostBuggy December 4, 2012 at 10:28 am

I used to have this job working with ex-cons, and every single one of them sounded just like Ailes. "What? It was a joke! Also, too, that broad's a crazy lying bitch!"

thatsitfortheother1 December 4, 2012 at 10:35 am

The only difference between Ailes and them is a court date.

BadKitty904 December 4, 2012 at 10:39 am

Total Denial of Personal Responsibility.

BaldarTFlagass December 4, 2012 at 10:28 am

Though I do like the sound of "President Penetraetus"

DaniloTifoso November 28, 2012 at 10:32 am

Looks like she did resign….
http://www.ontopmag.com/article.aspx?id=13668&amp

Now I haz a transgender sad.

BadKitty904 December 4, 2012 at 10:40 am

Or the more commonly used "General Betrayus"

Chet Kincaid_ December 4, 2012 at 12:52 pm

Move On, is that you?

BoatOfVelociraptors December 4, 2012 at 12:33 pm

Who would he hire as "chief of staff"?

schvitzatura December 4, 2012 at 10:29 am

More whore diamonds, less "she said/'it' said" hoohaa…

McFarland and her lady bits attempted a run for the Senate seat held by Her Highness Dowager Sec'y of 'Murica "Bill's Hill" Clintonia, but was primaried cockblocked by Yonkerian douche-mayor John Spencer (not Jon Spencer of the Blues Explosion thingee).

Not_Mother December 4, 2012 at 10:32 am

Needz moar USURPER. Usurper usurper usurper!!11! Also, too.

mrblifil December 4, 2012 at 10:32 am

Aren't Jabba's slaves always dressed in green?

PubOption December 4, 2012 at 10:32 am

The headline fits, the rest of the article is off-topic, but still interesting. http://www.haaretz.com/opinion/the-affable-face-o

sewollef December 4, 2012 at 10:32 am

Damn that Roger Ailes… he's got a head like a meat & potato pie. And filled with the same garbage. Also.

thatsitfortheother1 December 4, 2012 at 10:46 am

Porkie telling porkie.

proudgrampa December 4, 2012 at 10:53 am

Meat and potato libel!

eggsacklywright December 4, 2012 at 11:00 am

Like a Sheppard's Smithy-pie.

emmelemm December 4, 2012 at 1:26 pm

He is one ugly motherfucker.

Rotundo_ December 4, 2012 at 5:14 pm

Only on the outside, it gets worse on the inside.

Goonemeritus December 4, 2012 at 10:32 am

Don’t all media outlets seek out candidates to promote and finance. I have always suspected that the Wonkette is the real power behind Sarah Palin’s political ambitions.

Mumbletypeg December 4, 2012 at 10:44 am

Wonkette is the real power behind Sarah Palin’s

I believe she lurks and even comments here!

YouFail4eva December 4, 2012 at 10:52 am

I don't believe it. Why? Cause the comments would have to be a whole lot stupider to be hers. Not once has anybody said "All of them, Katie."

Or "Also. Too."

Oh, wait…

actor212 December 4, 2012 at 10:56 am

BLOOD LIBEL!

Too. Also.

Mumbletypeg December 4, 2012 at 11:06 am

TRIG RETARD TRIG RETARD see the prohibition has been lifted. Skullfucking has passed its off-limits status as well — if I must peruse on these pages the suggestion Jesus f*cking my mother or baboons raping babiesI can deal out some retard disembowelment jokes too….

BLOOD LIBEL! Too. Also.

…So can we put to rest the "With Votes" meme finally, there is no need to cloak the vehemence of our venom. Honestly.

YouFail4eva December 4, 2012 at 11:12 am

I found you Sarah! You killed my boner! Prepare to stop grifting!

lulzmonger December 4, 2012 at 3:10 pm

You betcha!

thatsitfortheother1 December 4, 2012 at 10:34 am

You still get hangovers? Dilettante.

actor212 December 4, 2012 at 10:35 am

I'm out of practice. I had to take a month off from drinking for a liver issue.

eggsacklywright December 4, 2012 at 10:43 am

A whole month? Jesus, what a horrifying thought.

actor212 December 4, 2012 at 10:43 am

I tell you, the last 729 hours were the worst!

thatsitfortheother1 December 4, 2012 at 10:43 am

Funny. Yet not funny.

BaldarTFlagass December 4, 2012 at 10:50 am

Liver issue, huh? The other night I got up in the middle of the night to take a piss, and my liver was already in the bathroom throwing up in the toilet. I'm considering calling my physician, if that happens again.

actor212 December 4, 2012 at 10:54 am

Mine was found lying by the side of the road in a pool of its own urine, muttering "Why doesh he do theshe thingsh to *hic* me?"

BoatOfVelociraptors December 4, 2012 at 12:30 pm

Mine is studying Russian as a second language.

Pat_Pending December 4, 2012 at 10:38 pm

My liver has calluses.

BaldarTFlagass December 4, 2012 at 10:35 am

$75K per year? Shee-it, you can make more than that just on the welfare and food stamps and unemployment and free cell phones. What a chump.

MosesInvests December 4, 2012 at 10:39 am

Ho, ho, ho. Bring me Petraeus-and the Wookie.

hollyrocks209 December 4, 2012 at 10:40 am

The single most disturbing thing about the WaPo article is the final quote from Ailes, where he says he doesn't want to leave Fox; all he wants to do is attend his twelve-year-old son's basketball games.

The idea of someone being inseminated by Roger Ailes is too horrible to contemplate, and all apologies to the twelve-year-old.

BadKitty904 December 4, 2012 at 10:44 am

Given Ailes' age/personal appearance, I'm sure it had to be done artificially…unless the kid's adopted.

BaldarTFlagass December 4, 2012 at 10:44 am

Relax, I'm sure Roger didn't actually have "sex" 12 years and 9 months ago. He probably just jerked off in a turkey baster and had some poor third world refugee woman provided by Dick Cheney act as surrogate mother, after which she was thrown from a helicopter outside of Kandahar.

thatsitfortheother1 December 4, 2012 at 10:53 am

The normal Republican procedure?

Rotundo_ December 4, 2012 at 5:18 pm

They probably went with the same method they use on elephants: Electrical stimulation of the anus until ejaculation and extraction of the semen. Roger probably took at least two or three sizable jolts to the keister to get enough to create "Mini-He". The disposable refugee part sounds about right though. The heart probably went to Cheney.

YouFail4eva December 4, 2012 at 10:57 am

Good god. You mean he's bred another one? I thought all right wing bloviators were like Rush: Talk about sex all the time without ever getting any. Even after four marriages.

Rotundo_ December 4, 2012 at 5:20 pm

Rusty gets plenty of action. Not with the wife, but I am sure there are many Dominican cabana boys that have felt that wet Q-Tip in their ears and other orifices.

starfanglednut December 4, 2012 at 10:42 am

OT, but is anyone else having trouble getting teh wonkette to work on ipad?

zippy_w_pinhead December 4, 2012 at 11:45 am

the mobile site is DOA, no smartphone and no iPad unless you manually go to the desktop site rather than touch.wonkette

BoatOfVelociraptors December 4, 2012 at 12:40 pm

?onswipe_redirect=never is your friend. When you load your wonkette, use wonkette.com/?onswipe_redirect=never

emmelemm December 4, 2012 at 1:30 pm

Forgive mine ignorance: is that true for both Appley i-Devices and Android-based gadgetry?

zippy_w_pinhead December 4, 2012 at 10:12 pm

It's working on my iPad, my Droid not so much. M.wonkette is still DOA, too
Edit- typo on my part, Droid works too

thatsitfortheother1 December 4, 2012 at 10:42 am

That clan would be from the Furth of Pustulence, would it not?

BaldarTFlagass December 4, 2012 at 10:50 am

There can be only one. Thank fookin' Christ.

eggsacklywright December 4, 2012 at 10:56 am

Aye, not far from Corryvreckan, the Fox whirlpool of death.

eggsacklywright December 4, 2012 at 10:45 am

So it appears that all our Wonkets is repaired?

BaldarTFlagass December 4, 2012 at 10:47 am

Don't jinx it!!!

eggsacklywright December 4, 2012 at 11:02 am

This comment has been moved to yesterday.

bikerlaureate December 4, 2012 at 5:52 pm

Was it moved 4 days ago, or today?

BadKitty904 December 4, 2012 at 10:47 am

OT: Well, THIS should be interesting – The Schoolmarm vs. Wall Street

Senator-Elect Warren Tapped to Serve on Banking Committee, Sources Say <a href="http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2012/12/04/elizabeth-warre…” target=”_blank”>www.huffingtonpost.com/2012/12/04/elizabeth-warre…

Veritas78 December 4, 2012 at 9:32 pm

The banksters called in all their chits to prevent this, according to NPR, but they didn't have any, having thrown in with Romney and Stapledick Scottie.

prommie December 4, 2012 at 10:50 am

All candidates should wear patches, like Nascar drivers, to show who their corporate sponsors are! I for one am just glad that the Goldman-Sachs candidate beat the Mormon Church/Exxon-Mobil candidate in this last election.

proudgrampa December 4, 2012 at 10:58 am

Great idea, actually.

"This candidate brought to you by Miller High Life, the Champagne of Bottled Beers!"

prommie December 4, 2012 at 11:01 am

Westinghouse Thermonuclear Warheads!

NorbertsRevenge December 4, 2012 at 10:52 am

Now that I have thought of it, I can't stop picturing Ailes flying around Fox News HQ like Baron Harkonnen, barking orders, cackling, and farting.

BadKitty904 December 4, 2012 at 11:00 am
Sharkey December 4, 2012 at 11:00 am

They don't call him Snorty Spice for nothin'.

DahBoner December 4, 2012 at 10:56 am

Stupid fat people can lose weight, but….

Blueb4sinrise December 4, 2012 at 10:57 am

This comment removed as SPAM

YouFail4eva December 4, 2012 at 11:13 am

But I love Spam! Why would you do this? Why do you hate 'Murka Blueb4? If that is your real name!

SuspectedDemocrat December 4, 2012 at 11:28 am

"Can I have the spam spam snark comments and spam without the spam?"

"Blech!"

ttommyunger December 4, 2012 at 10:58 am

Sadly, there will always be a place for Fox, Ailes and Murdoch in American "Journalism". Reliable studies have shown that in any given population, ten per cent or so are clinically and provably neurotic. In a Nation of 300 Million souls, that's a lot of viewership. within this sorry lot, all the great human drives: Fear of loss, hope of gain, sexual gratification, hunger, etc. are at play. With it's "Crisis" mentality, leggy blondes and simplistic sound-biting, Fox & Co. continues to strike a chord with millions of thought-impaired citizens on a daily basis. In short, we have found the enemy, and it is us (Pogo).

YouFail4eva December 4, 2012 at 11:14 am

Actually the real number is closer to 21% who actively and frequently watch Fox News. Still, if it's only 1 in 5, that still gives us room to work.

ttommyunger December 4, 2012 at 11:24 am

I was being “conservative” with my reporting of ten per cent. I frankly believe the real number is much closer to twenty.

lulzmonger December 4, 2012 at 3:18 pm

The bulk of FOX's focus in terms of programming is (& always has been) on flashy graphics & exciting bumper music – they literally give zero fucks about what their talking heads are actually saying beyond propping up the usual right-wing narrative, because they know that most of the audience is in a constant hypnotic stupor due to all the content-free whiz-bang bullshit … & that's the way they like it.

The first rich bastard who put on a 24/7 Random Flashing Lights & Jingling Keys Network with an intermittent laugh-track will give Murdoch a real run for his money. No joke.

ttommyunger December 4, 2012 at 6:10 pm

Would need some side-boob and shooting guns, fer shits & giggles.

FakaktaSouth December 4, 2012 at 10:59 am

Great, now Q-tips will remind me of monkey junk forever.

prommie December 4, 2012 at 11:05 am

I have had to bear that cross since about 1977. Its an image that never goes away.

prommie December 4, 2012 at 11:07 am

And anyone who has to hang that many fucking medals on his chest, well, its hard to believe thats not some kind of compensating for some lack in something hanging somewhere else.

bearperney December 4, 2012 at 11:48 am

Agreed, the chest display bothers me too. I'm a vet. (Army draftee). My Dad was regular Army and could have worn a chestful of ribbons, but, he, like Eisenhour, wore only three ribbons: National Defense (everyone who serves gets one), WWII service and Bronze Star w/V (for Valor).

Esteev December 4, 2012 at 10:59 am

Who believes audio-video recordings anyway? I mean, Romney was taped saying the opposite of what he had said in previous tapings lots of times.

Beanball December 4, 2012 at 11:00 am

Well, this just confirms what my inside sources tell me the real skinny is, namely the plot by the bad Illuminati (rogue CIA agents) in cahoots with Foreign Elements setting up Petraeus to run for president being foiled by rogue elements of the FBI (the good Illuminati) in cahoots with patriotic (but rogue) military operatives sending Paula Broadwell (a seriously actual Lt Col officer of Military Intelligence USA) off to foil the Petraeus-for-president plot in a classic honey trap.

In short, an early Xmas present for America Land of the Free (but bought and paid for by icky foreigners anyway) Press.

prommie December 4, 2012 at 11:08 am

Gag, ack, barf!

MiniMencken December 4, 2012 at 11:41 am

Nice alternate narrative, mon ami.

Biel_ze_Bubba December 4, 2012 at 11:58 pm

I'd like to subscribe to your newsletter — as soon as I figure out who's behind it.

mavenmaven December 4, 2012 at 11:04 am

All Ailes really needed to do was send some well toned woman from the local gym to recruit Petraeus, and he would have thrown his hat in the ring. And his shoes, shirt, pants, undies…

greenloner December 4, 2012 at 12:58 pm

I read of someone somewhere saying that Petraeus always surrounded himself with "hard-bodied brunettes." (I have upfisted your comment. Excellent joke!)

Chet Kincaid_ December 4, 2012 at 11:13 am

Ailes is looking mighty Hitchcockean up there. Ratings would be spectacular if they faked Megyn being attacked in the shower by the New Black Panthers.

Rotundo_ December 4, 2012 at 5:28 pm

And for his next oeuvre, he can have Steve Doocey get trapped in the Faux Men's room. The Turds, in Technicolor (Technicolor yawn that is).

One_who_wanders December 4, 2012 at 11:22 am

I find this IMPOSSIBLE to masturbate to.

jolpaj December 4, 2012 at 11:24 am

I sort of feel like Fox News could be kind of a fucking joke.

SuspectedDemocrat December 4, 2012 at 11:24 am

she thought she was on a secret mission in the Reagan administration

Did Roger Ailes send along a shipment of missiles? Was she stopping in Tehran on the way?

gullywompr December 4, 2012 at 11:33 am

that lady — Kathleen T. McFarland, “a Fox News national security analyst and former national security and Pentagon aide in three Republican administrations” — is a idiot!

An idiot. (grammarblog…)

BoatOfVelociraptors December 4, 2012 at 12:46 pm

I dunno. A / an confusion seems a bit more syntaxy to me. The utterances and whatnot. An error of codification as opposed to a semantic situation. Just sayin.

Mittaplasia December 4, 2012 at 11:37 am

But…but…don't you have to actually wait until you're elected to something before you start cheating? I haz a confused.

MiniMencken December 4, 2012 at 11:39 am

As noted writer of right-wing fan fiction Eric Blair noted some years ago, "At 50, every man has the face he deserves."

zippy_w_pinhead December 4, 2012 at 11:49 am

What sort of monkeys are we talking about here? The cute little dressed up ones like Lancelot Link and Mata Hairi or those nasty violent ones in Rise of the Planet of the Apes? This makes all the difference in the fapability of this story…

BZ1 December 4, 2012 at 12:18 pm

Why do you have a picture of Jabba the Hutt?

owhatever December 4, 2012 at 12:53 pm

Did anyone at Fox think to ask the General Boner about whether this happened? Or anyone on the Tampa socialite circuit?

sullivanst December 4, 2012 at 1:54 pm

I read the headline as "ALIENS:", which would work if it were singular.

lulzmonger December 4, 2012 at 3:21 pm

FOX would never EVER get involved with exercising political influence on the national scene!

Newt Gingrich, Sarah Palin & Mike Huckabee said so!

joobajooba December 4, 2012 at 3:29 pm

I see the Post story was written by cub reporter Bob "Flowerpots" Woodward. So is Ailes calling the young man a liar?

actor212 December 4, 2012 at 10:45 am

Serious story: my friend's opthamologist is Renee Richards. Swears by her, says she's a really good doctor and really generous with her time.

actor212 December 4, 2012 at 10:45 am

Well played, sir. Very well played.

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