Can We Make A Stupider Headline About Kate Middleton’s Pregnancy Than The Daily Caller’s? Let’s Try!

  stupid editor tricks

This person has a job writing headlines, and you don't.Daily Caller entertainment editor Taylor Bigler, as if that is even a name, is there anything going on in the world today that you might like to weigh in on? Oh, we guess you did right there, up above, in that screenshot. “Kate’s middle is gonna weigh a ton: Duchess of Cambridge is pregnant.” Can we make a stupider headline than this? Probably not, right? We can but try.

  • Matey Katie.
  • The Princess Has a Scone in Her Lorry.
  • Will.i.Man Enough To Knock Up Some Chick.

Nope. Couldn’t do it. Couldn’t make a headline as stupid as the Daily Caller’s. We apologize for letting you down.

[DailyCaller]

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Rebecca is the editor and publisher of Wonkette. She is the author of Commie Girl in the O.C., a collection of her OC Weekly columns, and the former editor of LA CityBeat. Go visit her Commie Girl Collective, and follow her on the Twitter!

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340 comments

    1. Maman

      According to my husband (born and raised in Queens Village, NY), "You can take the boy out of Queens but you can't take the Queen out of the boy".

    1. BoatOfVelociraptors

      The wayan brothers production company? The CEO of bear sterns? Charlie sheen's publicity agent? The bastard in charge of the online ad distribution for the daily show?

  1. mrpuma2u

    The Daily Callers nuts are gonna swell a ton after the rest of the world repeatedly kicks them (with votes and snark)

  2. BaldarTFlagass

    Willie stands and Willie falls
    Willie hangs his head behind gray factory walls
    Well she's a nice girl, but a bad girl's better
    Me and Willie just can't help come when she calls
    Now she's kissing Willie, my best friend Willie

    1. StillGoinGreen

      Kate kissed Willie and Willie kissed Kate
      Willie got his willie behind Kate's gate
      Willie thought "Gee, Ain't Kate Great!!??"
      Till the News spreads the news that Kate's late!
      Now all them crooked teeth, standing await
      To see who will be their "Leader-in-wait"

      1. Dashboard Buddha

        Sweet Jesus…there are a few JT songs I'm meh about, but I never ran into one that I actively disliked, until now. And the video doesn't help.

        1. BaldarTFlagass

          At least that song wasn't on the album that won them the Best Hard Rock/Metal performance. That was very funny.

  3. Callyson

    So, Google, do you have any fun facts about Taylor Bigler? Something along the lines of MRAs being mad at her? You do?

    Taylor Bigler, Entertainment Editor of The Daily Caller has written an article about the sexual mutilation and abuse of a man at the hands of his ex-girlfriend. In writing this article, Ms. Bigler somehow found this man's horrific injuries which may have caused permanent damage and the crime committed against him by his ex-girlfriend to be a humorous and positive event. If the genders were reversed and a man ripped the breast from a woman's body, would Ms. Bigler have made comments such as "As if this story isn't already good enough…." Good enough? So Ms. Bigler finds some good out of this poor man's sexual mutilation…
    We ask that Taylor Bigler resign from The Daily Caller or be fired by them. Nothing short of Ms. Bigler's resignation or firing will suffice.

    http://www.change.org/petitions/the-daily-caller-

    1. sullivanst

      You don't really have to be an MRA to object to an article that can quite accurately be summarized as "Hahaha, felony domestic violence is hilarious!"

      1. Callyson

        True dat–my amusement has more to do with the fact that the Daily Holler is the focus of the MRAs' wrath than Bigler's tasteless (at best) commentary.

    2. boskolives

      If Taylor Bigler doesn't resign or get fired from The Daily Caller, I'll cancel my subscription, except that I don't have one, but I'm almost pissed (in the English sense) off enough to subscribe and then cancel it. Thereforth, etc, also.

    3. Fuck Toad

      I am pretty sure you have to test positive for psychopathy to get a job at the Daily Caller. Everything over there that isn't "OH NO BLACKITY-BLACKS RUN AND HIDE" is "LOL poor people dying". That and Jim Treacher's inferiority complex, which is large enough to be visible from space.

    4. usernameguy

      I bit the bullet and went to the Daily Caller to see the article. It's every bit as grotesque and offensive as it sound.

      However, when I saw he went to Ball Memorial Hospital, I couldn't help myself.

    1. StillGoinGreen

      Sorry, not only not dumber, but probably already in print in SEVERAL mags throughout Londonshireshire.

    2. sullivanst

      Yeah, that'd probably go down like a lead balloon over the pond, what with the much-loved Queen Mum having been dead for 10 years.

      1. Jukesgrrl

        Yes, Americans don't seem to understand that being the oldest female royal doesn't automatically make one the Queen Mother. I've seen that mistake in publications that certainly should know better. Copy editors must not exist anymore.

        1. sullivanst

          It's not like "mother of the current Monarch" is that difficult of a concept, and while the part about having once been Queen Consort is a little more involved, it doesn't really come up that often as most of the time the monarch's mum will have been Queen.

  4. mavenmaven

    Would only have been interesting if Prince Charles was responsible. Or if anyone knocked up Camilla.

      1. Beowoof

        I was wondering about English bestiality laws at the thought of Camilla being knocked up. Oh shit and a Kevin Smith flashback, about inter-species erotica.

    1. tessiee

      "Dukeling"

      In 18 years, to be a Business major from New Jersey.*

      *Anyone who gets that wins a chicken biscuit.

  5. iburl

    CAN WE MAKE A STUPIDER HEADLINE ABOUT KATE MIDDLETON’S PREGNANCY THAN THE DAILY CALLER’S? LET’S TRY!:

    "Princess and the penis: Socialist slut gets pregnant"

    "Socialism takes another victim: New royal baby doomed to slavery under Obamacare"

    That was pretty challenging.

    1. sewollef

      Obamacare?

      How so…? We Brits have our own universal healthcare, it's called Socialism Hell you Yankee lovers of Freedoms. There is no way any self-respecting American would want freedom from healthcare debt.

      Am I right?

  6. el_donaldo

    Another Inbred Twat To Drain England's Wealth and Resources with Pointless Pageantry while Drawing Up Much of the World's Internet Bandwith to No Good End.

    Sigh, I can't do funny. Angry, yes.

  7. Jerri

    They don't have a lot of experience with the ladies over at the Daily Caller, do they?

    That time your cousin touched your doodle on a dare doesn't count, Tuck.

        1. Jerri

          He's the good looking one*, yes.

          I assume they all have some kind of spotted wiener issue, because inbreeding and/or sex diseases.

          *of the pair.

          1. Fuck Toad

            The British royal family has had a condition known as "bucktoothed willy" for several generations.

          2. sewollef

            Well, it probably goes back as far as Henry IV [1367-1413], who was the first King of the House of Plantagenets.

            He, along with his uncle Edmond fought for the throne in the first War of the Roses. The Plantagenets sired the Tudor Kings [and Queen]…. from which the House of Windsor [aka current royal family] came from.

            Got that?

          3. viennawoods13

            The first Plantagenet King was Henry II. The Tudors replaced the Plantagenet kings when Henry VII beat Richard III in 1485.
            Henry IV was the first King of the House of Lancaster. The Tudors were of that branch of the Plantagenet family, albeit through an illegitimate line.

          4. sewollef

            You're right. My mistake.

            Except I was coming from the position of a native-born Lancastrian…. so technically he was MY first Plantagenet king, and consequently I owe my allegiance to he of the pox-marked face. Oh, and the bucked teeth, duh.

            ps. I'm not a bastard really.

          5. viennawoods13

            You damn native-born Lancastrians…. I know one who likes to give me a hard time about Richard III. The White Rose forever!!
            I was always under the impression that the real pock-marked face, etc etc one was his grandson Henry VI, also insane, all courtesy of the DNA from the French royal family, courtesy of his mom Katherine.
            ps I won't hold Bosworth Field against you personally.

          6. sewollef

            Indeed, and he waited 400 years before falling to a smaller army. The last English king to die on the battlefield, and killed by a 'commoner' no less.

            The shame. I don't know how you can hold your head up in public….

            btw, our football teams are better too.

  8. fuflans

    kate middleton's belly can't come close to the size of tucker's ego.

    anyone know how he took the election? i myself refuse to visit those places.

    1. JustPixelz

      On those places, Romney won. Because…

      Obama rigged the vote
      Republicans won* the House, which is all that matters
      Romney's ideas won.
      Obama is black.
      _________________________________
      * not with votes. Dems got more votes than Reps.

    2. Fuck Toad

      Judging by his occasional appearances at the AV Club, he just quickly switched from "ha ha ha Obama's going to lose, cry liberals, cry" to "ha ha ha Obama's going to be impeached for Benghazi".

      He posted some hilariously butthurt shit on Twitter, though.

  9. widestanceromance

    Classy rags like HuffPo had a screaming "Preggers" headline earlier today, but I scrolled away really fast, because I wanted to know the Top 10 Tips He's Cheating.

    When my life sucks so bad I need to get help from HuffPo, I'll just beg for the first shovelful of earth to be dumped on my face, because it will be well and truly over then.

  10. SexySmurf

    Slightly OT. Why doesn't Wonkette have an entertainment editor. We missed out on three good stories: Bieber dressed like a hillbilly during his meeting with the President of Canada, Billo calling Psy a Communist plot and Florida denying Christian Slater the right to vote.

      1. Jukesgrrl

        Not to mention his intimation that Psy is from North Korea and his declaration that his dance "looks just like the Pony." Seriously. He said Pony.

  11. Redgyal

    I have one. 'Dying institution gets reason to hang on another year. World releases collective yawn"

  12. BadKitty904

    I'm not so arrogant that I believe that I can deliberately trump the Daily Caller's innate dumbassery, but here's what just popped to mind:

    Will – Pill = Kate Being "Late"

  13. TribecaMike

    London bookmakers are currently laying odds at five kabillion to one that the baby will not be named Schlomo VII.

  14. NYNYNYjr

    Royal Seamen Conduct Most Successful Naval Manouever SInce Battle of Trafalger: Princess Preggers.

    Kate: Taers Somefin Royal in me Tum, an' it 'ornt jus' ta Chivas!

    I think I did pretty good.

  15. GregComlish

    Kate "Mega-ton's" Hefty Debut: Preggo Princess Packs Pounds during Fetal-Fomented Feeding Frenzy.

  16. finallyhappy

    And I admit that I went on the walking tour of the Royal Wedding when I was in London last year- several months before the wedding.

  17. GregComlish

    LONDON (AP) With a new child on the way, Prince William has reached new heights of pimpin', but he may soon have to acknowledge that his wife is blimpin'.

  18. Rotundo_

    High, Hard, and inside! Wills knocks one out of the park and knocks up Kate! Prince had two balls prior to the perfect pitch.

      1. boskolives

        Any color hair is o.k., just as long as the Colt has a coat that matches the Stud, it's the British Royal Equine way, as established by Camellia.

  19. boskolives

    I really enjoyed Taylor Bigler's work in Boogie Nights, except for the oral in the car, but that seemed to explain how Ms. Lindsay Graham stays in office. With a mouthful of votes, sort of.

    1. Dashboard Buddha

      She died while boarding through a minefield in the English Alps on her snow board rosemud,

  20. TribecaMike

    Sadly, the Duchess' doctors discovered that the fetus had a smidgen of Irish DNA, and so just to be on the safe side ordered that it be drawn and quartered and hanged in a gibbet as a warning to all potential usurpers.

  21. tessiee

    In Social Studies class, we made a pun about George Washington to the effect that he had a WASHING machine and he weighed a TON.
    Of course, we were eight years old at the time…

  22. MozakiBlocks

    I had a co-worker who suffered from Hyperemesis Gravidarum in the early stages of her pregnancy. She said that once in college, she'd drunk 12 White Russians in a row. This was worse than that hangover.

  23. cousinitt

    I say, let's not make up a stupider headline. It's not possible. To even try runs a serious risk of severe mental injury or incapacitation. Really, stupid is like unobtanium–just don't go there.

  24. Lazy Media

    New York Post submission: ROYAL SHOCKER: KATE'S LATE!
    subhed: Another Harry? Royal heir already making mum sick

  25. tessiee

    Impregnating wives is for wife-impregnators.
    William must suck at building bookcases, and manly bold and determined stuff like that.

  26. glasspusher

    "They lived regger pregger, devil yeht!"

    Sorry, poor palindrome on short notice, best I could do…

  27. TootsStansbury

    So if she has a girl, will she have her head chopped off? What a shame, she's quite lovely.

  28. C_R_Eature

    Well, that is a very, very stupid headline from a very, very stupid organization but here goes:

    * Middleton's Missed Menses Makes Minister Merry
    * Prince Willy's Boys can Swim!
    * Kate's Krotch Kradling King?

    Urgh, that's all I've got. This is hurting my Brain.

    I Move that we Henceforth refer to this Organization as the Daily Cruller.

    Oh, and here is your Daily Cephalopod.

  29. GeorgiaBurning

    Shouldn't the Tea Party be upset about all this coverage? Or are they jealous of those costumes?

  30. Dashboard Buddha

    They say that Kate moaned for the bone
    And that Willy couldn't leave her alone
    But all love is good
    When you have royal wood
    And this kid's just steps from the throne.

  31. docterry6973

    I know how this happened because I studied the diagrams. And I must say, it looks dangerous to me.

  32. commiegirl99

    Dudes, you would not even BELIEVE the moderation bucket right now. All you fuckers have ugly-as-shit spam attached to your usernames.

  33. commiegirl99

    Like, I am pretty sure this is not Actor212? "Hello, I enjoy reading all of your article post.

    I wanted to write a little comment to support you."

    1. gullywompr

      Is that so wrong? We thought you might appreciate some love notes on occasion, commiegirl99 (if that is your real name…).

  34. commiegirl99

    Oh, and LOOK WHAT I WROTE ON MY OWN SITE!

    With havin so much written content do you ever run into any issues of plagorism or copyright violation? My site has a lot of unique content I’ve either written myself or outsourced but it appears a lot of it is popping it up all over the web without my agreement. Do you know any solutions to help stop content from being stolen? I’d truly appreciate it.
    return man 2

    1. docterry6973

      I'm a little confused about this because I spent another long day trying to make a profit off our small business., But I guess you wouldn't know about that,

    2. FeloniousMonk

      You have my deepest sympathy. May I respectfully suggest that you resolve to never, ever, write anything about the bloody Windsors again? I, for one, would be in your debt.

      1. BaldarTFlagass

        I prefer to think of them by their original family name of Saxe-Coburg & Gotha. Flows off the tongue more smoothly.

    3. Blueb4sinrise

      kkkkkkkkkkkkkkkk?

      or did the winger trolls figure a way to do that and that's why they kept visiting profiles?

      or maybe you need a new server.

        1. Biel_ze_Bubba

          Soon as they get back from their religious holiday. (They tend to call in, err, "religious", on Mondays.)

          1. Biel_ze_Bubba

            OT trivia, but you know how Eskimos are supposed to have dozens of words for "snow", because they're ass-deep the stuff 24/7? Brazilians have 2,000 words for cachaça. For a similar reason.

    1. kingofmeh

      yes, because it's been at least 3 months since were last endlessly talking about nekkid pictures of this lady?

      1. kittensdontlie

        Let's not get all Emotional here. I am just tryin' to get some of that Sweet ugly-as-shit spam attached to my username.

          1. gullywompr

            I was a junior in high school then. It was awesome. I think.

            I do remember when they put tachometers on the hood like that orange goat in the first frame has. 3 years later, and the gas crisis would kill muscle cars. Until then though, they were badass.

          2. C_R_Eature

            That hood tach was part of a limited performance run called The Judge ( as in "Here Come De Judge") along with ram-air, wing spoiler, wild colors and other high performance stuff I don't remember.

            I had a '70 Goat, blue, without most of those Bells & Whistles. With a factory-stock 400 c.i. engine though it was a total rocket sled.

          3. gullywompr

            I had a 65 Baja Bug, stock motor, 6 volt, worn out, couldn't climb a hill faster than 30 mph, and no fucking heat whatsoever. Loved it.

  35. Negropolis

    Taylor Bigler has got to be from the UK, because that's exactly the kind of stupid, cheeky titles they come up with for their rags. lol Oh, my contribution:

    Where There is a Will, There is a Way.

    1. Negropolis

      Not if The Sun has anything to say about it. I'll give them a week, and they'll add secretly taped sexytime phone calls between the Duke & Duchess on the web edition for good measure.

  36. C_R_Eature

    Oh Ghod, no. The Breittards will be on us like flies. That's what they use on Their Benighted Site.

    There's a way to "verify" commenter accounts to cut the SPAM, but that takes more Nerdity than I have. These server IT folks probably know.

  37. Negropolis

    Will Goes Downtown on Her Abbey

    Assume Midwife Called

    Man U Really Screwed Up

    Duke Scores Batting on Sticky Wicket

  38. fuflans

    since wonkette is under repair i am rewatching daily show election week coverage / karl rove refusing to admit defeat.

    i could re-watch 'shine a light' but i just did that on saturday.

  39. Vecchiojohn

    What would happen if she had twins? Would it be like the Ottoman empire, where they killed the younger one when the old Sultan died?

    1. Mahousu

      Nah, they'd probably just cut his nose off, like the Byzantines.

      The Byzantines did ears sometimes too, but if the kid ends up with Charles' ears …

  40. Vecchiojohn

    Hyperemesis gravidarum = royal ralph? Buckingham barf? Windsor woopsie? Hanoverian heaves? Elizabethan emetic?

  41. Negropolis

    "Something something Spotted Dick something something A Right Proper Rogering in the Fanny something something Bangered and Mashed."

  42. BaldarTFlagass

    "Kate's Middle is Gonna Weigh a Ton"

    Actually, considering their audience, this is pretty good. These are, after all, people who laugh out loud at the jokes on Hee-Haw.

  43. mrblifil

    Wills Missile on Mission to Misses, Jizzes.

    Snob Gobbles Throbbing Knob, Gets Glob

    Will's Wife Gets Meat Knife for Sanctity of Life

    Kate's Git Diddles Clit Engenders Twit

  44. ttommyunger

    Self-Righteous Americans need to wise up when it comes to dissing the Brits over their Royalty fetish. Can you say: Lindsay Lohan, Kardashian, Bieber, Trump? These twats and twerps get gallons of ink and days on end of coverage here if they so much as have a loose bowel movement.

    1. Negropolis

      Yeah, but our taxes don't go to building palaces for and transporting Lindsay Lohan, Kardaish, Bieber, etc…

      1. ttommyunger

        Bad examples, those? How about Franklin Graham and his Daddy? Crieflo Dollar, Jimmy Swaggart, Rick Warren and the host of Bishops and Cardinals all petted and fawned over, given celebrity status all the while enjoying taxpayer subsidies? Sent from the Field, not in Garrison.

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