stupid editor tricks

Can We Make A Stupider Headline About Kate Middleton’s Pregnancy Than The Daily Caller’s? Let’s Try!

This person has a job writing headlines, and you don't.Daily Caller entertainment editor Taylor Bigler, as if that is even a name, is there anything going on in the world today that you might like to weigh in on? Oh, we guess you did right there, up above, in that screenshot. “Kate’s middle is gonna weigh a ton: Duchess of Cambridge is pregnant.” Can we make a stupider headline than this? Probably not, right? We can but try.

  • Matey Katie.
  • The Princess Has a Scone in Her Lorry.
  • Will.i.Man Enough To Knock Up Some Chick.

Nope. Couldn’t do it. Couldn’t make a headline as stupid as the Daily Caller’s. We apologize for letting you down.

[DailyCaller]

About the author

Rebecca is the editor and publisher of Wonkette. She is the author of Commie Girl in the O.C., a collection of her OC Weekly columns, and the former editor of LA CityBeat. Go visit her Commie Girl Collective, and follow her on the Twitter!

View all articles by Rebecca Schoenkopf

Comments

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  • nounverb911

    So if it's a boy, it'll grow up to be Queen?

    • BaldarTFlagass

      Only if the babby has a thick mustache.

      • tessiee

        Aunt Gertie libel!

    • http://www.wonkette.com Lionel[redacted]Esq

      Freddie Mercury Libel!

      • sullivanst

        Brian May, John Deacon and Roger Taylor Libel!

    • TribecaMike

      In Queens, no less.

    • http://www.vinoverve.com Maman

      According to my husband (born and raised in Queens Village, NY), "You can take the boy out of Queens but you can't take the Queen out of the boy".

  • PuckStopsHere

    Can we come up with a stupider institution than the British Monarchy?

    • hagajim

      Congress?

      • BadKitty904

        You beat me to it, dammit.

    • BaldarTFlagass

      NASCAR?

    • RadioBitchFace

      Right Wing Radio?

    • Redgyal

      No.

    • BadKitty904

      The Family Research Council.

    • http://dismalpseudoscientist.wordpress.com Rebootably_Joe

      The Daily Caller.

      • http://www.wonkette.com Lionel[redacted]Esq

        Not really an "institution." It just needs to be institutionalized.

    • StillGoinGreen

      Fox

      • PopeEdgardo

        The Papacy?

    • Negropolis

      Americans For Prosperity? The DEA?

    • VodkaGoGo

      NAMBLA?

    • BoatOfVelociraptors

      The wayan brothers production company? The CEO of bear sterns? Charlie sheen's publicity agent? The bastard in charge of the online ad distribution for the daily show?

    • MoeDeLawn

      Electoral college.

  • mrpuma2u

    The Daily Callers nuts are gonna swell a ton after the rest of the world repeatedly kicks them (with votes and snark)

    • Callyson

      Since Taylor Bigler is a woman, that will be an interesting trick…

  • Jus_Wonderin

    Royal sperm is…quick!

  • zippy_w_pinhead

    I was going to try my hand at creating a dumb headline, but I was all Tuckered out…

  • BaldarTFlagass

    They wouldn't be having this little bundle of joy, if buttsechs.

    • http://www.boskolives.wordpress.com boskolives

      Never doubt the power of the "Royal Sperm™", it moves in mysterious ways.

      • Beowoof

        I understand that Charles can swallow it by the quart.

        • BoatOfVelociraptors

          Isn't that Catherine the great? I get my c-names mixed up.

          • Negropolis

            I guess we've found out what she was Great at, huh?

          • BoatOfVelociraptors

            A seminal history of the royals. Yeah, how long would THAT tome be?

  • nounverb911

    Tucker's jealous, he's always wanted to be a mother.

    • Callyson

      Oh, but he is a mother…you know…

      • http://www.southsidejohnny.com/ Jukesgrrl

        You could also make the case that he is a son of a bitch.

  • Callyson

    The Republican party.

  • BaldarTFlagass

    Royal Rod Makes for Swelly Belly.

    • nounverb911

      Rod Stewart's the father?

    • BadKitty904

      EX-cellent entry! Good form, old chap.

  • Tommy1733

    How about: "Are You Reading The Daily Caller? Yur Dum"

  • Come here a minute

    Willy Didn't Wear a Mac

    • SmutBoffin

      TRAYVON MARTIN IS A UNCOUTH THUG MONSTER AND THERE'S A BABBY IN THE QUEEN-LADY'S ICKY PLACE

    • Estproph

      Willy Forgot His Wellies

    • tessiee

      In the pouring rain? Very strange.

      • glasspusher

        This is Penny Lane, man! Show some respect!

  • Doktor Zoom

    William Expects to Support Labour

    • glasspusher

      Win.

      • http://wonkette.com/ starfanglednut

        Utter.

    • http://intensedebate.com/people/mrblifil mrblifil

      Thanks for breaking the internet. Hope you're satisfied.

    • Tommy1733

      You are the wing beneath my nuts.

  • BaldarTFlagass

    I thought he was everyone's father, over there.

    • Secluded Compound

      British children sprout fully formed from his mullet.

  • Aridzona

    Puking Princess Prego

    • BoatOfVelociraptors

      Billy's balls are fruitful, says knocked up Kate!

    • bobbert

      Get her a jewel-encrusted wastebasket.

  • BaldarTFlagass

    Willie stands and Willie falls
    Willie hangs his head behind gray factory walls
    Well she's a nice girl, but a bad girl's better
    Me and Willie just can't help come when she calls
    Now she's kissing Willie, my best friend Willie

    • StillGoinGreen

      Kate kissed Willie and Willie kissed Kate
      Willie got his willie behind Kate's gate
      Willie thought "Gee, Ain't Kate Great!!??"
      Till the News spreads the news that Kate's late!
      Now all them crooked teeth, standing await
      To see who will be their "Leader-in-wait"

      • Vecchiojohn

        I am nominating you for the next poet laureate.

    • http://chaosmarxism.blogspot.com doloras

      One of J-Tull's lesser efforts, sadly.

      • Dashboard Buddha

        Sweet Jesus…there are a few JT songs I'm meh about, but I never ran into one that I actively disliked, until now. And the video doesn't help.

        • BaldarTFlagass

          At least that song wasn't on the album that won them the Best Hard Rock/Metal performance. That was very funny.

  • Callyson

    So, Google, do you have any fun facts about Taylor Bigler? Something along the lines of MRAs being mad at her? You do?

    Taylor Bigler, Entertainment Editor of The Daily Caller has written an article about the sexual mutilation and abuse of a man at the hands of his ex-girlfriend. In writing this article, Ms. Bigler somehow found this man's horrific injuries which may have caused permanent damage and the crime committed against him by his ex-girlfriend to be a humorous and positive event. If the genders were reversed and a man ripped the breast from a woman's body, would Ms. Bigler have made comments such as "As if this story isn't already good enough…." Good enough? So Ms. Bigler finds some good out of this poor man's sexual mutilation…
    We ask that Taylor Bigler resign from The Daily Caller or be fired by them. Nothing short of Ms. Bigler's resignation or firing will suffice.

    http://www.change.org/petitions/the-daily-caller-

    • sullivanst

      You don't really have to be an MRA to object to an article that can quite accurately be summarized as "Hahaha, felony domestic violence is hilarious!"

      • Callyson

        True dat–my amusement has more to do with the fact that the Daily Holler is the focus of the MRAs' wrath than Bigler's tasteless (at best) commentary.

    • http://www.boskolives.wordpress.com boskolives

      If Taylor Bigler doesn't resign or get fired from The Daily Caller, I'll cancel my subscription, except that I don't have one, but I'm almost pissed (in the English sense) off enough to subscribe and then cancel it. Thereforth, etc, also.

    • Fuck Toad

      I am pretty sure you have to test positive for psychopathy to get a job at the Daily Caller. Everything over there that isn't "OH NO BLACKITY-BLACKS RUN AND HIDE" is "LOL poor people dying". That and Jim Treacher's inferiority complex, which is large enough to be visible from space.

      • MisterCanoehead

        Blackity-blacks! Don't talk back!

    • Bezoar

      Is Taylor Bigler related to Dirk Digler?

    • http://www.southsidejohnny.com/ Jukesgrrl

      Just DON'T CALL HER LIZ!!!

      • Doktor Zoom

        Glad to see some people keep up the Traditions.

    • usernameguy

      I bit the bullet and went to the Daily Caller to see the article. It's every bit as grotesque and offensive as it sound.

      However, when I saw he went to Ball Memorial Hospital, I couldn't help myself.

  • BaldarTFlagass

    I bet that Kate's vomit trashcan will be encrusted in jewels.

    • http://www.boskolives.wordpress.com boskolives

      Then it would match Her Highnesses Vaginal Royal Encrusted Jewels Case, occasional home of the Royal Twig and Berries.

    • bobbert

      Oh, darn you.

  • gullywompr

    Pass the Duchess on the left hand side?

    Hey, you gotta admit, it is stupider….

    • http://simplyleftbehind.blogspot.com/ actor212

      From your lips to God's ear.

  • SmutBoffin

    How about "Obviously not a legitimate rape"?

    • SmutBoffin

      "Assume monarchy dead"?

    • Wadisay

      Kate's been royally screwed.

  • hagajim

    How about:

    Kate's Middle Done….or even better, Tucker is a Douche.

  • JerkCade

    Royal Pain Expected, Expecting

  • Antispandex

    Queen Mum mum on Duchess being a mum.

    • StillGoinGreen

      Sorry, not only not dumber, but probably already in print in SEVERAL mags throughout Londonshireshire.

    • sullivanst

      Yeah, that'd probably go down like a lead balloon over the pond, what with the much-loved Queen Mum having been dead for 10 years.

      • http://www.southsidejohnny.com/ Jukesgrrl

        Yes, Americans don't seem to understand that being the oldest female royal doesn't automatically make one the Queen Mother. I've seen that mistake in publications that certainly should know better. Copy editors must not exist anymore.

        • sullivanst

          It's not like "mother of the current Monarch" is that difficult of a concept, and while the part about having once been Queen Consort is a little more involved, it doesn't really come up that often as most of the time the monarch's mum will have been Queen.

  • mavenmaven

    Would only have been interesting if Prince Charles was responsible. Or if anyone knocked up Camilla.

    • BadKitty904

      Or anything.

    • StillGoinGreen

      Now, I'm having acute morning sickness.

      • http://www.boskolives.wordpress.com boskolives

        What's so cute about driving the porcelain bus?

    • Nostrildamus

      Clip-clop, clip-clop.

      • Beowoof

        I was wondering about English bestiality laws at the thought of Camilla being knocked up. Oh shit and a Kevin Smith flashback, about inter-species erotica.

    • Negropolis

      Britian is eagerly awaiting the pitter-patter of little hooves on the palace floor.

  • http://simplyleftbehind.blogspot.com/ actor212

    "Duchess of Cambridge Carrying Dukeling"

    • tessiee

      Is it an ugly dukeling?

      • http://simplyleftbehind.blogspot.com/ actor212

        Boy howdy, given how the parents look, that would be a tragedy.

    • tessiee

      "Dukeling"

      In 18 years, to be a Business major from New Jersey.*

      *Anyone who gets that wins a chicken biscuit.

  • littlebigdaddy

    Haha, I am going to use the phrase "scone in the lorry" at least daily henceforth.

  • randcoolcatdaddy

    And speaking of morning sickness and puking in trashcans, how's Romney's day going?

  • http://twitter.com/iburl iburl

    CAN WE MAKE A STUPIDER HEADLINE ABOUT KATE MIDDLETON’S PREGNANCY THAN THE DAILY CALLER’S? LET’S TRY!:

    "Princess and the penis: Socialist slut gets pregnant"

    "Socialism takes another victim: New royal baby doomed to slavery under Obamacare"

    That was pretty challenging.

    • sewollef

      Obamacare?

      How so…? We Brits have our own universal healthcare, it's called Socialism Hell you Yankee lovers of Freedoms. There is no way any self-respecting American would want freedom from healthcare debt.

      Am I right?

      • http://twitter.com/iburl iburl

        …CAN WE MAKE A STUPIDER HEADLINE…

  • el_donaldo

    Another Inbred Twat To Drain England's Wealth and Resources with Pointless Pageantry while Drawing Up Much of the World's Internet Bandwith to No Good End.

    Sigh, I can't do funny. Angry, yes.

  • Jerri

    They don't have a lot of experience with the ladies over at the Daily Caller, do they?

    That time your cousin touched your doodle on a dare doesn't count, Tuck.

  • BaldarTFlagass

    I wonder if she'll be craving Spotted Dick at 2 AM.

    • Jerri

      Seems she already did.

      • emmelemm

        Isn't Prince Harry the speckly ginger?

        • BadKitty904

          aka, The Ginger Goon (I'm a redhead, so's I can say that without being pigmentist)

        • Jerri

          He's the good looking one*, yes.

          I assume they all have some kind of spotted wiener issue, because inbreeding and/or sex diseases.

          *of the pair.

          • Fuck Toad

            The British royal family has had a condition known as "bucktoothed willy" for several generations.

          • Beowoof

            Isn't that from BJ's by Charles?

          • sewollef

            Well, it probably goes back as far as Henry IV [1367-1413], who was the first King of the House of Plantagenets.

            He, along with his uncle Edmond fought for the throne in the first War of the Roses. The Plantagenets sired the Tudor Kings [and Queen]…. from which the House of Windsor [aka current royal family] came from.

            Got that?

          • viennawoods13

            The first Plantagenet King was Henry II. The Tudors replaced the Plantagenet kings when Henry VII beat Richard III in 1485.
            Henry IV was the first King of the House of Lancaster. The Tudors were of that branch of the Plantagenet family, albeit through an illegitimate line.

          • sewollef

            You're right. My mistake.

            Except I was coming from the position of a native-born Lancastrian…. so technically he was MY first Plantagenet king, and consequently I owe my allegiance to he of the pox-marked face. Oh, and the bucked teeth, duh.

            ps. I'm not a bastard really.

          • viennawoods13

            You damn native-born Lancastrians…. I know one who likes to give me a hard time about Richard III. The White Rose forever!!
            I was always under the impression that the real pock-marked face, etc etc one was his grandson Henry VI, also insane, all courtesy of the DNA from the French royal family, courtesy of his mom Katherine.
            ps I won't hold Bosworth Field against you personally.

          • sewollef

            Indeed, and he waited 400 years before falling to a smaller army. The last English king to die on the battlefield, and killed by a 'commoner' no less.

            The shame. I don't know how you can hold your head up in public….

            btw, our football teams are better too.

  • kingofmeh

    "economists project the number of britons on the dole to rise by one this summer"

  • HRH_Maddie

    Someone give that man (woman?!) a raise!

  • http://www.wonkette.com ManchuCandidate

    Taylor's pissed at being overshadowed by its brother, porno reporter Dirk Biggler.

  • http://www.wonkette.com ManchuCandidate

    Taylor's pissed at being overshadowed by its brother, porno reporter Dirk Bigler.

  • http://lostintarnation.blogspot.com/ SayItWithWookies

    Failure To Abort

  • HRH_Maddie

    Blimey, that's a terrible headline.

    • sewollef

      No, no…. if you want to sound authentic, you'd say, "Crickey!"

      • Negropolis

        Isn't crikey mostly an Australianism?

    • http://simplyleftbehind.blogspot.com/ actor212

      Wink's as good as a nod to a blind Carlson…

  • CrunchyKnee

    I do not know about stupider, but I can think of one:

    "Who The Fuck Cares?!?!?!!!1111!!"

  • http://www.toastcat.com Fred_Wertham_Jr

    "Obama to Have Royal Family Executed"

  • http://www.wonkette.com/ FlownOver

    Obviously, no. No, we cannot.

  • RadioBitchFace

    Another burden on the (upper crust) welfare state.

  • http://inappropriatejobpostings.blogspot.com/ fuflans

    kate middleton's belly can't come close to the size of tucker's ego.

    anyone know how he took the election? i myself refuse to visit those places.

    • JustPixelz

      On those places, Romney won. Because…

      Obama rigged the vote
      Republicans won* the House, which is all that matters
      Romney's ideas won.
      Obama is black.
      _________________________________
      * not with votes. Dems got more votes than Reps.

    • Fuck Toad

      Judging by his occasional appearances at the AV Club, he just quickly switched from "ha ha ha Obama's going to lose, cry liberals, cry" to "ha ha ha Obama's going to be impeached for Benghazi".

      He posted some hilariously butthurt shit on Twitter, though.

  • widestanceromance

    Classy rags like HuffPo had a screaming "Preggers" headline earlier today, but I scrolled away really fast, because I wanted to know the Top 10 Tips He's Cheating.

    When my life sucks so bad I need to get help from HuffPo, I'll just beg for the first shovelful of earth to be dumped on my face, because it will be well and truly over then.

  • jodyleek

    Puking Preggers Princess Portends Prodigious Piles of Periodical Pablum.

    • http://www.boskolives.wordpress.com boskolives

      Brit Beauty Births Baby By Being Baffling Banged By Both Buckingham Brothers, Also.

      • glasspusher

        A lot of alliteration from anxious assholes, publishing pitiful posts!

  • Estproph

    Princess Pointedly, Publicly Preggers

  • http://www.wonkette.com ManchuCandidate

    Harry and Kate had Pop Pop. Royal created, but no word from Buckingham Palace about releasing sex tape. Kim Kardashian relieved.

  • savethispatient

    "Kate has little royal inside her, baby."

  • sudsmckenzie

    Duchess of Stork!

    • StillGoinGreen

      Yeesh! WE HAVE A WINNAHHH!!

  • bureaucrap

    Every Sperm is Sacred, but Some Sperm are more Sacred than Others.

  • SexySmurf

    Slightly OT. Why doesn't Wonkette have an entertainment editor. We missed out on three good stories: Bieber dressed like a hillbilly during his meeting with the President of Canada, Billo calling Psy a Communist plot and Florida denying Christian Slater the right to vote.

    • http://dismalpseudoscientist.wordpress.com Rebootably_Joe

      My favorite part of that BillO thing was how Korean words are just gibberish sounds devoid of meaning, because they're not in English

      • corthylio

        Gangnam style libel?

        • http://dismalpseudoscientist.wordpress.com Rebootably_Joe

          Yes, it was.

      • http://www.southsidejohnny.com/ Jukesgrrl

        Not to mention his intimation that Psy is from North Korea and his declaration that his dance "looks just like the Pony." Seriously. He said Pony.

    • http://simplyleftbehind.blogspot.com/ actor212

      WARBLOG!!!!!11!!

      Also, merchandise outlet.

    • emmelemm

      I know right? Can't we also have a Walking Dead chitty-chat club?

      • VodkaGoGo

        I'd get in on that, too many commenters on i09 skip the article. Also, Nick Denton.

    • docterry6973

      Dok Zoom is pretty entertaining. And the Pretty Ponies seem very 'ET' somehow.

  • Redgyal

    I have one. 'Dying institution gets reason to hang on another year. World releases collective yawn"

  • zippy_w_pinhead

    Family jewels no longer in the Tower of London, relocated to Middleton

  • http://simplyleftbehind.blogspot.com/ actor212

    PREGGY LANE: Banker Didn't Wear A Mac In The Pouring Rain

  • http://www.wonkette.com Lionel[redacted]Esq

    Taylor Bigler: What happens when the "What is your Porn Name" game goes horribly wrong.

    • zippy_w_pinhead

      the illegitimate love spawn of Dirk Diggler and the Hamburglar

      • corthylio

        It's sad when it's your parent who's always drinking your milkshake…

        • BoatOfVelociraptors

          Lemon party: the next generation is an image I could do without.

    • UW8316154

      Taylor Bigler meets Ian Ironwood.

      • http://simplyleftbehind.blogspot.com/ actor212

        And they lance Matthew's Boyle.

        If you know what I mean. And I think you do.

  • Poindexter718

    "Heir Apparent Seated in Royal Box"

  • http://www.wonkette.com Lionel[redacted]Esq

    This can't be a Daily Caller story, as nowhere in the story does is wildly speculate at why Obama is not legitimately president or responsible for this mess.

    • BadKitty904

      Or how this relates to Benghazi.

      • NellCote71

        Or how it affects Sarah Palin.

    • An_Outhouse

      wait till she birfs a black baby.

  • TribecaMike

    Nothing says lovin' like a Saxon in the oven.©

  • http://loljazzcatz.blogspot.com/2012/06/introducing-bad-note-millstones-of-jazz.html Chet Kincaid_

    Kate Royally Fucked

    • Poindexter718

      ; Receives a Princely Cum

    • BadKitty904

      *applauds*

    • http://whatisawatthedevolution.blogspot.com imissopus

      I posted that on Twitter an hour ago, Editrix re-tweeted it, now it shows up here. The circle of snark life…

      • http://loljazzcatz.blogspot.com/2012/06/introducing-bad-note-millstones-of-jazz.html Chet Kincaid_

        I did not see it, but will nevertheless give you the credit!

        • http://whatisawatthedevolution.blogspot.com imissopus

          In that case, let's just go with "Great minds…"

          • glasspusher

            yes, but fools never disagree?

    • Biel_ze_Bubba

      Damn … I knew someone would beat me to that one.

  • JadedPreppy

    Keep Calm and Hurl On.

  • JustPixelz

    Stupider than Daily Caller, eh?

    God knocks up girl. Again!

  • BadKitty904

    I'm not so arrogant that I believe that I can deliberately trump the Daily Caller's innate dumbassery, but here's what just popped to mind:

    Will – Pill = Kate Being "Late"

    • emmelemm

      I dunno, that's pretty good. :)

  • Baconzgood

    KATIE'S KUNT: Middleton's Mid-Wife Mentions 'Fundus Filling'.

  • http://www.facebook.com/pages/Johnny-Appletruth/133951326629923?sk=wall deanbooth

    "Baby Soon to Crown"

    • http://loljazzcatz.blogspot.com/2012/06/introducing-bad-note-millstones-of-jazz.html Chet Kincaid_

      Stupider, not cleverer!

    • Negropolis

      ZING!

  • rickmaci

    "The heir's spare has spare."

  • TribecaMike

    London bookmakers are currently laying odds at five kabillion to one that the baby will not be named Schlomo VII.

  • NYNYNYjr

    Royal Seamen Conduct Most Successful Naval Manouever SInce Battle of Trafalger: Princess Preggers.

    Kate: Taers Somefin Royal in me Tum, an' it 'ornt jus' ta Chivas!

    I think I did pretty good.

    • PopeEdgardo

      Me too.

  • http://loljazzcatz.blogspot.com/2012/06/introducing-bad-note-millstones-of-jazz.html Chet Kincaid_

    She's Done Too Much, Much Too Young
    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nxHcx7FO8nI

    • corthylio

      Keep a generation gap
      Try wearing a cap!

    • TribecaMike

      Gig 'em while they're Young is what I say.

  • http://www.gurukalehuru.wordpress.com gurukalehuru

    Who is the Bigler Dickler chap?

    • MosesInvests

      He has a wife, you know….

  • GregComlish

    Kate "Mega-ton's" Hefty Debut: Preggo Princess Packs Pounds during Fetal-Fomented Feeding Frenzy.

  • DahBoner

    Stupid Sluts.. Blimey….

  • http://loljazzcatz.blogspot.com/2012/06/introducing-bad-note-millstones-of-jazz.html Chet Kincaid_

    Assume Maidenhead Dead

    • http://whatisawatthedevolution.blogspot.com imissopus

      Assume virginity vamoosed.

      • http://loljazzcatz.blogspot.com/2012/06/introducing-bad-note-millstones-of-jazz.html Chet Kincaid_

        Assume chastity unbelted.

        • http://whatisawatthedevolution.blogspot.com imissopus

          Assume vagina violated. Can't believe it took me almost all afternoon to think of that one.

          • Vecchiojohn

            Pussy penetrated?
            Cunt compromised?
            Husband hole inhabited?

          • Biel_ze_Bubba

            Princess pounded?

  • finallyhappy

    And I admit that I went on the walking tour of the Royal Wedding when I was in London last year- several months before the wedding.

  • azeyote

    how bout – who gives a shit

  • GregComlish

    LONDON (AP) With a new child on the way, Prince William has reached new heights of pimpin', but he may soon have to acknowledge that his wife is blimpin'.

  • corthylio

    Blimey! Another Royal Limey!

  • TribecaMike

    The British tabloids have uncovered the fetus creature's real father: http://pixhost.me/avaxhome/a9/8b/001f8ba9.jpeg

    Now if they can only find the real mother.

  • BoatOfVelociraptors

    Married couple has baby, news at 11.

  • Schmannnity

    Kate to weigh 144 stone!

    • FeloniousMonk

      *cough* 160 stone. 144 would be gross.

  • Rotundo_

    High, Hard, and inside! Wills knocks one out of the park and knocks up Kate! Prince had two balls prior to the perfect pitch.

    • corthylio

      That's just not cricket!

      • jqheywood

        'es gone all googley, 'e 'as…

  • e_z

    Prince Harry is gonna have some 'splaining to do When the kid comes out a Ginger.

    • BadKitty904

      Oi!

      • http://www.boskolives.wordpress.com boskolives

        Any color hair is o.k., just as long as the Colt has a coat that matches the Stud, it's the British Royal Equine way, as established by Camellia.

  • Native_of_SL_UT

    Sorry Boys, The Duchess Is Pregnant And You Had Nothing To Do With It.

  • corthylio

    Mind the pap?

  • http://www.boskolives.wordpress.com boskolives

    I really enjoyed Taylor Bigler's work in Boogie Nights, except for the oral in the car, but that seemed to explain how Ms. Lindsay Graham stays in office. With a mouthful of votes, sort of.

  • Blueb4sinrise

    Whatever happened to that Princess Diana?

    • An_Outhouse

      2 soon.

    • Dashboard Buddha

      She died while boarding through a minefield in the English Alps on her snow board rosemud,

    • kittensdontlie

      Assume Diana Dead.

  • TribecaMike

    Sadly, the Duchess' doctors discovered that the fetus had a smidgen of Irish DNA, and so just to be on the safe side ordered that it be drawn and quartered and hanged in a gibbet as a warning to all potential usurpers.

  • tessiee

    In Social Studies class, we made a pun about George Washington to the effect that he had a WASHING machine and he weighed a TON.
    Of course, we were eight years old at the time…

  • tessiee

    But this comment thread won't be official until LimeyLizzie comments, right?

  • MozakiBlocks

    I had a co-worker who suffered from Hyperemesis Gravidarum in the early stages of her pregnancy. She said that once in college, she'd drunk 12 White Russians in a row. This was worse than that hangover.

  • cousinitt

    I say, let's not make up a stupider headline. It's not possible. To even try runs a serious risk of severe mental injury or incapacitation. Really, stupid is like unobtanium–just don't go there.

    • tessiee

      *Disappointedly crumples up paper with “32 Things Every Man Should Do" written on it*

  • http://www.wonkette.com smokefilledroommate

    He Came in Her Bridge.

    Burger King Forgot to Wrap His Whopper.

  • Lazy Media

    New York Post submission: ROYAL SHOCKER: KATE'S LATE!
    subhed: Another Harry? Royal heir already making mum sick

    • http://www.wonkette.com smokefilledroommate

      Harry makes everyone sick.

    • cousinitt

      You mean the next one will be even Harrier? Can't wait to see his first VTOL!

  • tessiee

    Impregnating wives is for wife-impregnators.
    William must suck at building bookcases, and manly bold and determined stuff like that.

    • cousinitt

      Well, that and cutting down trees and eating his lunch and pressing wild flowers…

  • Toomush_Infer

    Middleton's Expanding…..dumbest I can get….

  • glasspusher

    "They lived regger pregger, devil yeht!"

    Sorry, poor palindrome on short notice, best I could do…

  • TribecaMike

    The People's Protozoa.

  • TootsStansbury

    So if she has a girl, will she have her head chopped off? What a shame, she's quite lovely.

  • Aridzona

    Bride's Maidenhead Revisited

  • BlueStateLibel

    This will make a great mini-series on Showtime 30 years from now.

  • An_Outhouse

    I wish my mommy had her boobs. yummy!

  • corthylio

    A Real Double Duchess!

    (With apologies to Elvis C.)

  • TribecaMike

    "Your miscarriage awaits, milady."

    Too soon?

  • http://bln.gs/b/263rcw C_R_Eature

    Well, that is a very, very stupid headline from a very, very stupid organization but here goes:

    * Middleton's Missed Menses Makes Minister Merry
    * Prince Willy's Boys can Swim!
    * Kate's Krotch Kradling King?

    Urgh, that's all I've got. This is hurting my Brain.

    I Move that we Henceforth refer to this Organization as the Daily Cruller.

    Oh, and here is your Daily Cephalopod.

  • TootsStansbury

    Kate's Zygote has a Real Coat of arms, that is.

  • GeorgiaBurning

    Shouldn't the Tea Party be upset about all this coverage? Or are they jealous of those costumes?

    • BadKitty904

      Weren't they all going to emigrate to England? Ideally, soon?

  • Dashboard Buddha

    They say that Kate moaned for the bone
    And that Willy couldn't leave her alone
    But all love is good
    When you have royal wood
    And this kid's just steps from the throne.

  • pdiddycornchips

    If it's a boy, he should marry Blue Ivy and unite our two royal families.

  • ElPinche

    The draft headline: "HAHA PRINCESS GOT BONED AND MAKE BABY!! SHE GET FAT!!! HILAREYUS!! "

  • docterry6973

    I know how this happened because I studied the diagrams. And I must say, it looks dangerous to me.

  • commiegirl99

    Dudes, you would not even BELIEVE the moderation bucket right now. All you fuckers have ugly-as-shit spam attached to your usernames.

    • docterry6973

      Uh, is that good?

    • BadKitty904

      Hey, cool!

    • http://www.wonkette.com smokefilledroommate

      abort!

    • http://bln.gs/b/263rcw C_R_Eature

      Is it at least Filthy, Perverted SPAM? Please say yes.

    • not that Dewey

      the moderation bucket

      IT'S "BOOKAY"!

      • http://bln.gs/b/263rcw C_R_Eature

        The Bookay Residence if you please!

    • BigSkullF*ckingDog

      Does this spam make my butt look big?

    • http://bln.gs/b/263rcw C_R_Eature

      Hey, RS: I was looking through the ID Blog documentation and found This thing you might want to try.
      You need to have Administrative rights to use this, but you probably have those already!

    • Biel_ze_Bubba

      So that's where all the Vi@gra jokes went to.

    • kittensdontlie

      I hope Kate shows moderation in the use of her bucket. There are too many Royals as it is.

  • commiegirl99

    Like, I am pretty sure this is not Actor212? "Hello, I enjoy reading all of your article post.

    I wanted to write a little comment to support you."

    • gullywompr

      Is that so wrong? We thought you might appreciate some love notes on occasion, commiegirl99 (if that is your real name…).

      • http://krisbunda.com/blog/index.php Designer_Rants

        Her real name is Wonkette Jr.

  • commiegirl99

    And there are 350 of them.

  • commiegirl99

    Oh, and LOOK WHAT I WROTE ON MY OWN SITE!

    With havin so much written content do you ever run into any issues of plagorism or copyright violation? My site has a lot of unique content I’ve either written myself or outsourced but it appears a lot of it is popping it up all over the web without my agreement. Do you know any solutions to help stop content from being stolen? I’d truly appreciate it.
    return man 2

    • docterry6973

      I'm a little confused about this because I spent another long day trying to make a profit off our small business., But I guess you wouldn't know about that,

    • FeloniousMonk

      You have my deepest sympathy. May I respectfully suggest that you resolve to never, ever, write anything about the bloody Windsors again? I, for one, would be in your debt.

      • BaldarTFlagass

        I prefer to think of them by their original family name of Saxe-Coburg & Gotha. Flows off the tongue more smoothly.

    • Blueb4sinrise

      kkkkkkkkkkkkkkkk?

      or did the winger trolls figure a way to do that and that's why they kept visiting profiles?

      or maybe you need a new server.

      • http://www.wonkette.com smokefilledroommate

        Honestly that is weird.. hopefully it doesn't get too bad. I'd probably call those IT fuckers just in case.

        • Biel_ze_Bubba

          Soon as they get back from their religious holiday. (They tend to call in, err, "religious", on Mondays.)

    • ElPinche

      OMG….those Brazilian trolls FUCKED US.

      • http://krisbunda.com/blog/index.php Designer_Rants

        They seemed so COOL! But then after that second pina colada I don't remember anything until I woke up in the mall food court. Pantsless.

        • Biel_ze_Bubba

          After my seventh mojito, they started leaving me alone. Not sure why.

          • http://krisbunda.com/blog/index.php Designer_Rants

            After 7 mojitos, EVERYONE turns Brazilian.

          • http://loljazzcatz.blogspot.com/2012/06/introducing-bad-note-millstones-of-jazz.html Chet Kincaid_

            That's odd, since mojitos are Cuban. Perhaps you were drinking caipirinhas?

          • http://krisbunda.com/blog/index.php Designer_Rants

            I knew someone was going to call me out on not properly researching the nationality of the drink in the subject of my lame joke.
            *hangs head, kicks rock*

          • http://loljazzcatz.blogspot.com/2012/06/introducing-bad-note-millstones-of-jazz.html Chet Kincaid_

            I live for this shit!

          • Biel_ze_Bubba

            OT trivia, but you know how Eskimos are supposed to have dozens of words for "snow", because they're ass-deep the stuff 24/7? Brazilians have 2,000 words for cachaça. For a similar reason.

  • docterry6973

    I feel this needs to be said.

    Nude preggers shots or GTFO.

    • bobbert

      At least this is identifiably Wonkster.

    • kingofmeh

      yes, because it's been at least 3 months since were last endlessly talking about nekkid pictures of this lady?

      • Biel_ze_Bubba

        If we go 24 hours without something about nekkid ladies, we're overdue.

  • kittensdontlie

    Kate: "I ki-illed da wabbit, I ki-illed da wabbit".

    • gullywompr

      You can't catch me 'cause the rabbit done died, Yes it did.

      • kittensdontlie

        Let's not get all Emotional here. I am just tryin' to get some of that Sweet ugly-as-shit spam attached to my username.

        • gullywompr
          • http://bln.gs/b/263rcw C_R_Eature

            Hey, I sort of, kind of, like remember that!

          • gullywompr

            I was a junior in high school then. It was awesome. I think.

            I do remember when they put tachometers on the hood like that orange goat in the first frame has. 3 years later, and the gas crisis would kill muscle cars. Until then though, they were badass.

          • http://bln.gs/b/263rcw C_R_Eature

            That hood tach was part of a limited performance run called The Judge ( as in "Here Come De Judge") along with ram-air, wing spoiler, wild colors and other high performance stuff I don't remember.

            I had a '70 Goat, blue, without most of those Bells & Whistles. With a factory-stock 400 c.i. engine though it was a total rocket sled.

          • gullywompr

            I had a 65 Baja Bug, stock motor, 6 volt, worn out, couldn't climb a hill faster than 30 mph, and no fucking heat whatsoever. Loved it.

          • http://bln.gs/b/263rcw C_R_Eature

            Awesome. You, being a Bug Fancier, need to watch This.

          • gullywompr

            Curves, man. Curves.

  • Beowoof

    As a crass commoner, I can only say, who gives a shite.

  • cybermoe

    When it reigns it poors.

  • Slim_Pickins

    An awesome display of incisive wit for sure.

  • http://bln.gs/b/263rcw C_R_Eature

    Aw, that's not even Fun. BALLS, as we say here.

    SPAM filter's offline, obv's , but I wonder if it's server-wide or just specific to us?

  • Negropolis

    Taylor Bigler has got to be from the UK, because that's exactly the kind of stupid, cheeky titles they come up with for their rags. lol Oh, my contribution:

    Where There is a Will, There is a Way.

  • mosjef

    Fetus Fone Tapped!

  • http://bln.gs/b/263rcw C_R_Eature

    I'm calling Kate's Transvaginal image on the front page on the Daily Mirror in a month.

    • Negropolis

      Not if The Sun has anything to say about it. I'll give them a week, and they'll add secretly taped sexytime phone calls between the Duke & Duchess on the web edition for good measure.

  • http://bln.gs/b/263rcw C_R_Eature

    Oh Ghod, no. The Breittards will be on us like flies. That's what they use on Their Benighted Site.

    There's a way to "verify" commenter accounts to cut the SPAM, but that takes more Nerdity than I have. These server IT folks probably know.

    • BigSkullF*ckingDog

      I blame the Portuguese.
      Brazilians. Whatever.

      • http://bln.gs/b/263rcw C_R_Eature

        Those Fukkkkkkkers.

  • Negropolis

    Kate Lies Back, Thinks of Englad

    • http://bln.gs/b/263rcw C_R_Eature

      England.

      There.

      • Vecchiojohn

        I always think of Englad when I'm being royally fucked. Englad was my first.

        • Negropolis

          I think I've heard of him. I think he was called Englad the Bigger.

    • Biel_ze_Bubba

      I'm sure there was a gland of some sort on her mind.

  • Negropolis

    Will Goes Downtown on Her Abbey

    Assume Midwife Called

    Man U Really Screwed Up

    Duke Scores Batting on Sticky Wicket

    • Vecchiojohn

      Game over. You win.

    • Negropolis

      Katie Knocked Up, Becomes Lady in Waiting.

      Kate Minds the Buzzcock.

  • http://inappropriatejobpostings.blogspot.com/ fuflans

    since wonkette is under repair i am rewatching daily show election week coverage / karl rove refusing to admit defeat.

    i could re-watch 'shine a light' but i just did that on saturday.

  • Pat_Pending

    Keep Clam and Carry Spawn…?

    (sorry.)

    • Vecchiojohn

      I wish I'd thought of that. And I'm not sorry.

  • http://krisbunda.com/blog/index.php Designer_Rants

    Kate's Middle got Diddled, Son!

  • Vecchiojohn

    What would happen if she had twins? Would it be like the Ottoman empire, where they killed the younger one when the old Sultan died?

    • Mahousu

      Nah, they'd probably just cut his nose off, like the Byzantines.

      The Byzantines did ears sometimes too, but if the kid ends up with Charles' ears …

    • thatsitfortheother1

      The Ottoman empire. People with their feet up.

  • Biel_ze_Bubba

    World Transfixed by Royal Bedding

  • Vecchiojohn

    Hyperemesis gravidarum = royal ralph? Buckingham barf? Windsor woopsie? Hanoverian heaves? Elizabethan emetic?

  • http://howtosavetheworld.ca/ BZ1

    Royal jelly?

  • carlgt1

    What sorority did Tucker find Taylor? Kappa Kappa Kappa?

  • invisichad

    "Porked Right in the Royal Pudding"

  • Negropolis

    "Something something Spotted Dick something something A Right Proper Rogering in the Fanny something something Bangered and Mashed."

  • BaldarTFlagass

    "Kate's Middle is Gonna Weigh a Ton"

    Actually, considering their audience, this is pretty good. These are, after all, people who laugh out loud at the jokes on Hee-Haw.

  • http://intensedebate.com/people/mrblifil mrblifil

    Wills Missile on Mission to Misses, Jizzes.

    Snob Gobbles Throbbing Knob, Gets Glob

    Will's Wife Gets Meat Knife for Sanctity of Life

    Kate's Git Diddles Clit Engenders Twit

  • CalvinsChoice

    I suspect this is Bill Clinton's fault.

    • Negropolis

      Kate is way too skinny and far too mentally stable for Bubba's taste. lol

      • thatsitfortheother1

        Not a lot of experience with ceegarz either, I don't imagine.

  • thatsitfortheother1

    Bucking ham.

  • http://loljazzcatz.blogspot.com/2012/06/introducing-bad-note-millstones-of-jazz.html Chet Kincaid_

    OT: Lazy Nobama spent all day yesterday futzing around on Twitter like a common busybody:
    http://tpmdc.talkingpointsmemo.com/2012/12/obama-

    • BadKitty904

      Hey, if it's good enough for the Pope…

  • thatsitfortheother1

    For contraception they had been using Bucking ham nix.

  • http://facethesuncastnoshadow.wordpress.com/ Mumbletypeg

    Holding off on any comment til I hear what FukuiSan_YesOta has to say about this from his native green-and-pleasant land~

  • smitallica

    "In: Breeding!"

  • ttommyunger

    Self-Righteous Americans need to wise up when it comes to dissing the Brits over their Royalty fetish. Can you say: Lindsay Lohan, Kardashian, Bieber, Trump? These twats and twerps get gallons of ink and days on end of coverage here if they so much as have a loose bowel movement.

    • Negropolis

      Yeah, but our taxes don't go to building palaces for and transporting Lindsay Lohan, Kardaish, Bieber, etc…

      • ttommyunger

        Bad examples, those? How about Franklin Graham and his Daddy? Crieflo Dollar, Jimmy Swaggart, Rick Warren and the host of Bishops and Cardinals all petted and fawned over, given celebrity status all the while enjoying taxpayer subsidies? Sent from the Field, not in Garrison.