STUPID EDITOR TRICKS  4:27 pm December 3, 2012

Can We Make A Stupider Headline About Kate Middleton’s Pregnancy Than The Daily Caller’s? Let’s Try!

by Rebecca Schoenkopf

This person has a job writing headlines, and you don't.Daily Caller entertainment editor Taylor Bigler, as if that is even a name, is there anything going on in the world today that you might like to weigh in on? Oh, we guess you did right there, up above, in that screenshot. “Kate’s middle is gonna weigh a ton: Duchess of Cambridge is pregnant.” Can we make a stupider headline than this? Probably not, right? We can but try.

  • Matey Katie.
  • The Princess Has a Scone in Her Lorry.
  • Will.i.Man Enough To Knock Up Some Chick.

Nope. Couldn’t do it. Couldn’t make a headline as stupid as the Daily Caller’s. We apologize for letting you down.

[DailyCaller]

 
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{ 340 comments }

nounverb911 December 3, 2012 at 4:28 pm

So if it's a boy, it'll grow up to be Queen?

BaldarTFlagass December 3, 2012 at 4:48 pm

Only if the babby has a thick mustache.

tessiee December 3, 2012 at 6:03 pm

Aunt Gertie libel!

Lionel[redacted]Esq December 3, 2012 at 5:02 pm

Freddie Mercury Libel!

sullivanst December 3, 2012 at 5:21 pm

Brian May, John Deacon and Roger Taylor Libel!

TribecaMike December 3, 2012 at 5:36 pm

In Queens, no less.

Maman December 3, 2012 at 9:18 pm

According to my husband (born and raised in Queens Village, NY), "You can take the boy out of Queens but you can't take the Queen out of the boy".

PuckStopsHere December 3, 2012 at 4:30 pm

Can we come up with a stupider institution than the British Monarchy?

hagajim December 3, 2012 at 4:41 pm

Congress?

BadKitty904 December 3, 2012 at 4:53 pm

You beat me to it, dammit.

BaldarTFlagass December 3, 2012 at 4:47 pm

NASCAR?

RadioBitchFace December 3, 2012 at 4:48 pm

Right Wing Radio?

Redgyal December 3, 2012 at 4:53 pm

No.

BadKitty904 December 3, 2012 at 4:54 pm

The Family Research Council.

Rebootably_Joe December 3, 2012 at 4:58 pm

The Daily Caller.

Lionel[redacted]Esq December 3, 2012 at 5:31 pm

Not really an "institution." It just needs to be institutionalized.

StillGoinGreen December 3, 2012 at 5:02 pm

Fox

PopeEdgardo December 3, 2012 at 5:54 pm

The Papacy?

Negropolis December 3, 2012 at 10:37 pm

Americans For Prosperity? The DEA?

VodkaGoGo December 3, 2012 at 11:14 pm

NAMBLA?

BoatOfVelociraptors December 4, 2012 at 4:20 am

The wayan brothers production company? The CEO of bear sterns? Charlie sheen's publicity agent? The bastard in charge of the online ad distribution for the daily show?

MoeDeLawn December 4, 2012 at 9:06 am

Electoral college.

mrpuma2u December 3, 2012 at 4:30 pm

The Daily Callers nuts are gonna swell a ton after the rest of the world repeatedly kicks them (with votes and snark)

Callyson December 3, 2012 at 4:35 pm

Since Taylor Bigler is a woman, that will be an interesting trick…

Jus_Wonderin December 3, 2012 at 4:32 pm

Royal sperm is…quick!

zippy_w_pinhead December 3, 2012 at 4:32 pm

I was going to try my hand at creating a dumb headline, but I was all Tuckered out…

BaldarTFlagass December 3, 2012 at 4:32 pm

They wouldn't be having this little bundle of joy, if buttsechs.

boskolives December 3, 2012 at 5:55 pm

Never doubt the power of the "Royal Sperm™", it moves in mysterious ways.

Beowoof December 3, 2012 at 9:46 pm

I understand that Charles can swallow it by the quart.

BoatOfVelociraptors December 4, 2012 at 4:25 am

Isn't that Catherine the great? I get my c-names mixed up.

Negropolis December 4, 2012 at 5:51 am

I guess we've found out what she was Great at, huh?

nounverb911 December 3, 2012 at 4:33 pm

Tucker's jealous, he's always wanted to be a mother.

Callyson December 3, 2012 at 4:39 pm

Oh, but he is a mother…you know…

Jukesgrrl December 4, 2012 at 12:59 am

You could also make the case that he is a son of a bitch.

Callyson December 3, 2012 at 4:33 pm

The Republican party.

BaldarTFlagass December 3, 2012 at 4:33 pm

Royal Rod Makes for Swelly Belly.

nounverb911 December 3, 2012 at 4:35 pm

Rod Stewart's the father?

BadKitty904 December 3, 2012 at 4:58 pm

EX-cellent entry! Good form, old chap.

Tommy1733 December 3, 2012 at 4:34 pm

How about: "Are You Reading The Daily Caller? Yur Dum"

Come here a minute December 3, 2012 at 4:34 pm

Willy Didn't Wear a Mac

SmutBoffin December 3, 2012 at 4:42 pm

TRAYVON MARTIN IS A UNCOUTH THUG MONSTER AND THERE'S A BABBY IN THE QUEEN-LADY'S ICKY PLACE

Estproph December 3, 2012 at 4:51 pm

Willy Forgot His Wellies

tessiee December 3, 2012 at 6:01 pm

In the pouring rain? Very strange.

glasspusher December 3, 2012 at 6:19 pm

This is Penny Lane, man! Show some respect!

Doktor Zoom December 3, 2012 at 4:35 pm

William Expects to Support Labour

glasspusher December 3, 2012 at 6:19 pm

Win.

starfanglednut December 3, 2012 at 9:10 pm

Utter.

mrblifil December 4, 2012 at 9:18 am

Thanks for breaking the internet. Hope you're satisfied.

Tommy1733 December 4, 2012 at 9:49 am

You are the wing beneath my nuts.

BaldarTFlagass December 3, 2012 at 4:35 pm

I thought he was everyone's father, over there.

Secluded Compound December 3, 2012 at 4:56 pm

British children sprout fully formed from his mullet.

Aridzona December 3, 2012 at 4:37 pm

Puking Princess Prego

BoatOfVelociraptors December 3, 2012 at 5:30 pm

Billy's balls are fruitful, says knocked up Kate!

bobbert December 3, 2012 at 8:33 pm

Get her a jewel-encrusted wastebasket.

BaldarTFlagass December 3, 2012 at 4:37 pm

Willie stands and Willie falls
Willie hangs his head behind gray factory walls
Well she's a nice girl, but a bad girl's better
Me and Willie just can't help come when she calls
Now she's kissing Willie, my best friend Willie

StillGoinGreen December 3, 2012 at 5:13 pm

Kate kissed Willie and Willie kissed Kate
Willie got his willie behind Kate's gate
Willie thought "Gee, Ain't Kate Great!!??"
Till the News spreads the news that Kate's late!
Now all them crooked teeth, standing await
To see who will be their "Leader-in-wait"

Vecchiojohn December 3, 2012 at 11:12 pm

I am nominating you for the next poet laureate.

doloras December 3, 2012 at 7:51 pm

One of J-Tull's lesser efforts, sadly.

Dashboard Buddha December 3, 2012 at 8:29 pm

Sweet Jesus…there are a few JT songs I'm meh about, but I never ran into one that I actively disliked, until now. And the video doesn't help.

BaldarTFlagass December 3, 2012 at 10:08 pm

At least that song wasn't on the album that won them the Best Hard Rock/Metal performance. That was very funny.

Callyson December 3, 2012 at 4:38 pm

So, Google, do you have any fun facts about Taylor Bigler? Something along the lines of MRAs being mad at her? You do?

Taylor Bigler, Entertainment Editor of The Daily Caller has written an article about the sexual mutilation and abuse of a man at the hands of his ex-girlfriend. In writing this article, Ms. Bigler somehow found this man's horrific injuries which may have caused permanent damage and the crime committed against him by his ex-girlfriend to be a humorous and positive event. If the genders were reversed and a man ripped the breast from a woman's body, would Ms. Bigler have made comments such as "As if this story isn't already good enough…." Good enough? So Ms. Bigler finds some good out of this poor man's sexual mutilation…
We ask that Taylor Bigler resign from The Daily Caller or be fired by them. Nothing short of Ms. Bigler's resignation or firing will suffice.

http://www.change.org/petitions/the-daily-caller-

sullivanst December 3, 2012 at 5:29 pm

You don't really have to be an MRA to object to an article that can quite accurately be summarized as "Hahaha, felony domestic violence is hilarious!"

Callyson December 3, 2012 at 5:35 pm

True dat–my amusement has more to do with the fact that the Daily Holler is the focus of the MRAs' wrath than Bigler's tasteless (at best) commentary.

boskolives December 3, 2012 at 5:59 pm

If Taylor Bigler doesn't resign or get fired from The Daily Caller, I'll cancel my subscription, except that I don't have one, but I'm almost pissed (in the English sense) off enough to subscribe and then cancel it. Thereforth, etc, also.

Fuck Toad December 3, 2012 at 7:04 pm

I am pretty sure you have to test positive for psychopathy to get a job at the Daily Caller. Everything over there that isn't "OH NO BLACKITY-BLACKS RUN AND HIDE" is "LOL poor people dying". That and Jim Treacher's inferiority complex, which is large enough to be visible from space.

MisterCanoehead December 5, 2012 at 7:01 am

Blackity-blacks! Don't talk back!

Bezoar December 3, 2012 at 9:36 pm

Is Taylor Bigler related to Dirk Digler?

Jukesgrrl December 4, 2012 at 1:01 am

Just DON'T CALL HER LIZ!!!

Doktor Zoom December 4, 2012 at 1:33 am

Glad to see some people keep up the Traditions.

usernameguy December 4, 2012 at 11:43 am

I bit the bullet and went to the Daily Caller to see the article. It's every bit as grotesque and offensive as it sound.

However, when I saw he went to Ball Memorial Hospital, I couldn't help myself.

BaldarTFlagass December 3, 2012 at 4:39 pm

I bet that Kate's vomit trashcan will be encrusted in jewels.

boskolives December 3, 2012 at 6:02 pm

Then it would match Her Highnesses Vaginal Royal Encrusted Jewels Case, occasional home of the Royal Twig and Berries.

bobbert December 3, 2012 at 8:35 pm

Oh, darn you.

gullywompr December 3, 2012 at 4:39 pm

Pass the Duchess on the left hand side?

Hey, you gotta admit, it is stupider….

actor212 December 3, 2012 at 4:41 pm

From your lips to God's ear.

SmutBoffin December 3, 2012 at 4:40 pm

How about "Obviously not a legitimate rape"?

SmutBoffin December 3, 2012 at 4:43 pm

"Assume monarchy dead"?

Wadisay December 4, 2012 at 10:50 am

Kate's been royally screwed.

hagajim December 3, 2012 at 4:40 pm

How about:

Kate's Middle Done….or even better, Tucker is a Douche.

JerkCade December 3, 2012 at 4:40 pm

Royal Pain Expected, Expecting

Antispandex December 3, 2012 at 4:40 pm

Queen Mum mum on Duchess being a mum.

StillGoinGreen December 3, 2012 at 5:26 pm

Sorry, not only not dumber, but probably already in print in SEVERAL mags throughout Londonshireshire.

sullivanst December 3, 2012 at 5:31 pm

Yeah, that'd probably go down like a lead balloon over the pond, what with the much-loved Queen Mum having been dead for 10 years.

Jukesgrrl December 4, 2012 at 1:03 am

Yes, Americans don't seem to understand that being the oldest female royal doesn't automatically make one the Queen Mother. I've seen that mistake in publications that certainly should know better. Copy editors must not exist anymore.

sullivanst December 4, 2012 at 9:40 am

It's not like "mother of the current Monarch" is that difficult of a concept, and while the part about having once been Queen Consort is a little more involved, it doesn't really come up that often as most of the time the monarch's mum will have been Queen.

mavenmaven December 3, 2012 at 4:41 pm

Would only have been interesting if Prince Charles was responsible. Or if anyone knocked up Camilla.

BadKitty904 December 3, 2012 at 5:02 pm

Or anything.

StillGoinGreen December 3, 2012 at 5:28 pm

Now, I'm having acute morning sickness.

boskolives December 3, 2012 at 6:04 pm

What's so cute about driving the porcelain bus?

Nostrildamus December 3, 2012 at 6:17 pm

Clip-clop, clip-clop.

Beowoof December 3, 2012 at 9:51 pm

I was wondering about English bestiality laws at the thought of Camilla being knocked up. Oh shit and a Kevin Smith flashback, about inter-species erotica.

Negropolis December 3, 2012 at 10:42 pm

Britian is eagerly awaiting the pitter-patter of little hooves on the palace floor.

actor212 December 3, 2012 at 4:41 pm

"Duchess of Cambridge Carrying Dukeling"

tessiee December 3, 2012 at 6:04 pm

Is it an ugly dukeling?

actor212 December 4, 2012 at 9:20 am

Boy howdy, given how the parents look, that would be a tragedy.

tessiee December 3, 2012 at 6:17 pm

"Dukeling"

In 18 years, to be a Business major from New Jersey.*

*Anyone who gets that wins a chicken biscuit.

littlebigdaddy December 3, 2012 at 4:41 pm

Haha, I am going to use the phrase "scone in the lorry" at least daily henceforth.

randcoolcatdaddy December 3, 2012 at 4:41 pm

And speaking of morning sickness and puking in trashcans, how's Romney's day going?

iburl December 3, 2012 at 4:42 pm

CAN WE MAKE A STUPIDER HEADLINE ABOUT KATE MIDDLETON’S PREGNANCY THAN THE DAILY CALLER’S? LET’S TRY!:

"Princess and the penis: Socialist slut gets pregnant"

"Socialism takes another victim: New royal baby doomed to slavery under Obamacare"

That was pretty challenging.

sewollef December 4, 2012 at 7:02 am

Obamacare?

How so…? We Brits have our own universal healthcare, it's called Socialism Hell you Yankee lovers of Freedoms. There is no way any self-respecting American would want freedom from healthcare debt.

Am I right?

iburl December 4, 2012 at 12:43 pm

…CAN WE MAKE A STUPIDER HEADLINE…

el_donaldo December 3, 2012 at 4:42 pm

Another Inbred Twat To Drain England's Wealth and Resources with Pointless Pageantry while Drawing Up Much of the World's Internet Bandwith to No Good End.

Sigh, I can't do funny. Angry, yes.

Jerri December 3, 2012 at 4:43 pm

They don't have a lot of experience with the ladies over at the Daily Caller, do they?

That time your cousin touched your doodle on a dare doesn't count, Tuck.

BaldarTFlagass December 3, 2012 at 4:43 pm

I wonder if she'll be craving Spotted Dick at 2 AM.

Jerri December 3, 2012 at 4:49 pm

Seems she already did.

emmelemm December 3, 2012 at 4:56 pm

Isn't Prince Harry the speckly ginger?

BadKitty904 December 3, 2012 at 5:05 pm

aka, The Ginger Goon (I'm a redhead, so's I can say that without being pigmentist)

Jerri December 3, 2012 at 5:21 pm

He's the good looking one*, yes.

I assume they all have some kind of spotted wiener issue, because inbreeding and/or sex diseases.

*of the pair.

Fuck Toad December 3, 2012 at 7:06 pm

The British royal family has had a condition known as "bucktoothed willy" for several generations.

kingofmeh December 3, 2012 at 4:45 pm

"economists project the number of britons on the dole to rise by one this summer"

HRH_Maddie December 3, 2012 at 4:46 pm

Someone give that man (woman?!) a raise!

ManchuCandidate December 3, 2012 at 4:47 pm

Taylor's pissed at being overshadowed by its brother, porno reporter Dirk Biggler.

ManchuCandidate December 3, 2012 at 4:47 pm

Taylor's pissed at being overshadowed by its brother, porno reporter Dirk Bigler.

SayItWithWookies December 3, 2012 at 4:48 pm

Failure To Abort

HRH_Maddie December 3, 2012 at 4:48 pm

Blimey, that's a terrible headline.

sewollef December 4, 2012 at 7:05 am

No, no…. if you want to sound authentic, you'd say, "Crickey!"

Negropolis December 4, 2012 at 7:34 am

Isn't crikey mostly an Australianism?

actor212 December 4, 2012 at 9:21 am

Wink's as good as a nod to a blind Carlson…

CrunchyKnee December 3, 2012 at 4:48 pm

I do not know about stupider, but I can think of one:

"Who The Fuck Cares?!?!?!!!1111!!"

Fred_Wertham_Jr December 3, 2012 at 4:48 pm

"Obama to Have Royal Family Executed"

FlownOver December 3, 2012 at 4:48 pm

Obviously, no. No, we cannot.

RadioBitchFace December 3, 2012 at 4:49 pm

Another burden on the (upper crust) welfare state.

fuflans December 3, 2012 at 4:50 pm

kate middleton's belly can't come close to the size of tucker's ego.

anyone know how he took the election? i myself refuse to visit those places.

JustPixelz December 3, 2012 at 5:06 pm

On those places, Romney won. Because…

Obama rigged the vote
Republicans won* the House, which is all that matters
Romney's ideas won.
Obama is black.
_________________________________
* not with votes. Dems got more votes than Reps.

Fuck Toad December 3, 2012 at 7:08 pm

Judging by his occasional appearances at the AV Club, he just quickly switched from "ha ha ha Obama's going to lose, cry liberals, cry" to "ha ha ha Obama's going to be impeached for Benghazi".

He posted some hilariously butthurt shit on Twitter, though.

widestanceromance December 3, 2012 at 4:52 pm

Classy rags like HuffPo had a screaming "Preggers" headline earlier today, but I scrolled away really fast, because I wanted to know the Top 10 Tips He's Cheating.

When my life sucks so bad I need to get help from HuffPo, I'll just beg for the first shovelful of earth to be dumped on my face, because it will be well and truly over then.

Barrelhse December 3, 2012 at 9:09 pm
jodyleek December 3, 2012 at 4:53 pm

Puking Preggers Princess Portends Prodigious Piles of Periodical Pablum.

boskolives December 3, 2012 at 6:10 pm

Brit Beauty Births Baby By Being Baffling Banged By Both Buckingham Brothers, Also.

glasspusher December 3, 2012 at 6:24 pm

A lot of alliteration from anxious assholes, publishing pitiful posts!

Estproph December 3, 2012 at 4:55 pm

Princess Pointedly, Publicly Preggers

ManchuCandidate December 3, 2012 at 4:58 pm

Harry and Kate had Pop Pop. Royal created, but no word from Buckingham Palace about releasing sex tape. Kim Kardashian relieved.

savethispatient December 3, 2012 at 5:00 pm

"Kate has little royal inside her, baby."

sudsmckenzie December 3, 2012 at 5:00 pm

Duchess of Stork!

StillGoinGreen December 3, 2012 at 5:34 pm

Yeesh! WE HAVE A WINNAHHH!!

bureaucrap December 3, 2012 at 5:00 pm

Every Sperm is Sacred, but Some Sperm are more Sacred than Others.

SexySmurf December 3, 2012 at 5:00 pm

Slightly OT. Why doesn't Wonkette have an entertainment editor. We missed out on three good stories: Bieber dressed like a hillbilly during his meeting with the President of Canada, Billo calling Psy a Communist plot and Florida denying Christian Slater the right to vote.

Rebootably_Joe December 3, 2012 at 5:02 pm

My favorite part of that BillO thing was how Korean words are just gibberish sounds devoid of meaning, because they're not in English

corthylio December 3, 2012 at 5:53 pm

Gangnam style libel?

Rebootably_Joe December 3, 2012 at 6:33 pm

Yes, it was.

Jukesgrrl December 4, 2012 at 1:08 am

Not to mention his intimation that Psy is from North Korea and his declaration that his dance "looks just like the Pony." Seriously. He said Pony.

actor212 December 3, 2012 at 5:03 pm

WARBLOG!!!!!11!!

Also, merchandise outlet.

emmelemm December 3, 2012 at 6:06 pm

I know right? Can't we also have a Walking Dead chitty-chat club?

VodkaGoGo December 3, 2012 at 8:21 pm

I'd get in on that, too many commenters on i09 skip the article. Also, Nick Denton.

docterry6973 December 3, 2012 at 8:40 pm

Dok Zoom is pretty entertaining. And the Pretty Ponies seem very 'ET' somehow.

Redgyal December 3, 2012 at 5:01 pm

I have one. 'Dying institution gets reason to hang on another year. World releases collective yawn"

zippy_w_pinhead December 3, 2012 at 5:02 pm

Family jewels no longer in the Tower of London, relocated to Middleton

actor212 December 3, 2012 at 5:04 pm

PREGGY LANE: Banker Didn't Wear A Mac In The Pouring Rain

Lionel[redacted]Esq December 3, 2012 at 5:05 pm

Taylor Bigler: What happens when the "What is your Porn Name" game goes horribly wrong.

zippy_w_pinhead December 3, 2012 at 5:12 pm

the illegitimate love spawn of Dirk Diggler and the Hamburglar

corthylio December 3, 2012 at 5:33 pm

It's sad when it's your parent who's always drinking your milkshake…

BoatOfVelociraptors December 3, 2012 at 5:35 pm

Lemon party: the next generation is an image I could do without.

UW8316154 December 3, 2012 at 5:17 pm

Taylor Bigler meets Ian Ironwood.

actor212 December 4, 2012 at 9:23 am

And they lance Matthew's Boyle.

If you know what I mean. And I think you do.

Poindexter718 December 3, 2012 at 5:07 pm

"Heir Apparent Seated in Royal Box"

Lionel[redacted]Esq December 3, 2012 at 5:07 pm

This can't be a Daily Caller story, as nowhere in the story does is wildly speculate at why Obama is not legitimately president or responsible for this mess.

BadKitty904 December 3, 2012 at 5:14 pm

Or how this relates to Benghazi.

NellCote71 December 3, 2012 at 6:12 pm

Or how it affects Sarah Palin.

An_Outhouse December 3, 2012 at 7:11 pm

wait till she birfs a black baby.

TribecaMike December 3, 2012 at 5:07 pm

Nothing says lovin' like a Saxon in the oven.©

Chet Kincaid_ December 3, 2012 at 5:08 pm

Kate Royally Fucked

Poindexter718 December 3, 2012 at 5:12 pm

; Receives a Princely Cum

BadKitty904 December 3, 2012 at 5:15 pm

*applauds*

imissopus December 3, 2012 at 5:36 pm

I posted that on Twitter an hour ago, Editrix re-tweeted it, now it shows up here. The circle of snark life…

Chet Kincaid_ December 3, 2012 at 5:49 pm

I did not see it, but will nevertheless give you the credit!

imissopus December 3, 2012 at 5:52 pm

In that case, let's just go with "Great minds…"

glasspusher December 3, 2012 at 6:26 pm

yes, but fools never disagree?

Biel_ze_Bubba December 3, 2012 at 11:47 pm

Damn … I knew someone would beat me to that one.

JadedPreppy December 3, 2012 at 5:09 pm

Keep Calm and Hurl On.

JustPixelz December 3, 2012 at 5:10 pm

Stupider than Daily Caller, eh?

God knocks up girl. Again!

BadKitty904 December 3, 2012 at 5:10 pm

I'm not so arrogant that I believe that I can deliberately trump the Daily Caller's innate dumbassery, but here's what just popped to mind:

Will – Pill = Kate Being "Late"

emmelemm December 3, 2012 at 5:17 pm

I dunno, that's pretty good. :)

Baconzgood December 3, 2012 at 5:11 pm

KATIE'S KUNT: Middleton's Mid-Wife Mentions 'Fundus Filling'.

deanbooth December 3, 2012 at 5:15 pm

"Baby Soon to Crown"

Chet Kincaid_ December 3, 2012 at 5:25 pm

Stupider, not cleverer!

Negropolis December 3, 2012 at 10:52 pm

ZING!

rickmaci December 3, 2012 at 5:15 pm

"The heir's spare has spare."

TribecaMike December 3, 2012 at 5:19 pm

London bookmakers are currently laying odds at five kabillion to one that the baby will not be named Schlomo VII.

NYNYNYjr December 3, 2012 at 5:20 pm

Royal Seamen Conduct Most Successful Naval Manouever SInce Battle of Trafalger: Princess Preggers.

Kate: Taers Somefin Royal in me Tum, an' it 'ornt jus' ta Chivas!

I think I did pretty good.

PopeEdgardo December 3, 2012 at 6:09 pm

Me too.

Chet Kincaid_ December 3, 2012 at 5:20 pm

She's Done Too Much, Much Too Young
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nxHcx7FO8nI

corthylio December 3, 2012 at 5:41 pm

Keep a generation gap
Try wearing a cap!

TribecaMike December 3, 2012 at 6:08 pm

Gig 'em while they're Young is what I say.

gurukalehuru December 3, 2012 at 5:22 pm

Who is the Bigler Dickler chap?

MosesInvests December 4, 2012 at 1:32 am

He has a wife, you know….

GregComlish December 3, 2012 at 5:23 pm

Kate "Mega-ton's" Hefty Debut: Preggo Princess Packs Pounds during Fetal-Fomented Feeding Frenzy.

DahBoner December 3, 2012 at 5:26 pm

Stupid Sluts.. Blimey….

Chet Kincaid_ December 3, 2012 at 5:28 pm

Assume Maidenhead Dead

imissopus December 3, 2012 at 5:33 pm

Assume virginity vamoosed.

Chet Kincaid_ December 3, 2012 at 5:52 pm

Assume chastity unbelted.

imissopus December 3, 2012 at 8:25 pm

Assume vagina violated. Can't believe it took me almost all afternoon to think of that one.

Vecchiojohn December 3, 2012 at 11:22 pm

Pussy penetrated?
Cunt compromised?
Husband hole inhabited?

finallyhappy December 3, 2012 at 5:28 pm

And I admit that I went on the walking tour of the Royal Wedding when I was in London last year- several months before the wedding.

azeyote December 3, 2012 at 5:28 pm

how bout – who gives a shit

GregComlish December 3, 2012 at 5:29 pm

LONDON (AP) With a new child on the way, Prince William has reached new heights of pimpin', but he may soon have to acknowledge that his wife is blimpin'.

corthylio December 3, 2012 at 5:30 pm

Blimey! Another Royal Limey!

TribecaMike December 3, 2012 at 5:32 pm

The British tabloids have uncovered the fetus creature's real father: http://pixhost.me/avaxhome/a9/8b/001f8ba9.jpeg

Now if they can only find the real mother.

BoatOfVelociraptors December 3, 2012 at 5:33 pm

Married couple has baby, news at 11.

Schmannnity December 3, 2012 at 5:34 pm

Kate to weigh 144 stone!

FeloniousMonk December 3, 2012 at 8:29 pm

*cough* 160 stone. 144 would be gross.

Rotundo_ December 3, 2012 at 5:36 pm

High, Hard, and inside! Wills knocks one out of the park and knocks up Kate! Prince had two balls prior to the perfect pitch.

corthylio December 3, 2012 at 5:50 pm

That's just not cricket!

jqheywood December 3, 2012 at 10:59 pm

'es gone all googley, 'e 'as…

e_z December 3, 2012 at 5:41 pm

Prince Harry is gonna have some 'splaining to do When the kid comes out a Ginger.

BadKitty904 December 3, 2012 at 5:42 pm

Oi!

boskolives December 3, 2012 at 6:24 pm

Any color hair is o.k., just as long as the Colt has a coat that matches the Stud, it's the British Royal Equine way, as established by Camellia.

Native_of_SL_UT December 3, 2012 at 5:41 pm

Sorry Boys, The Duchess Is Pregnant And You Had Nothing To Do With It.

corthylio December 3, 2012 at 5:48 pm

Mind the pap?

boskolives December 3, 2012 at 5:53 pm

I really enjoyed Taylor Bigler's work in Boogie Nights, except for the oral in the car, but that seemed to explain how Ms. Lindsay Graham stays in office. With a mouthful of votes, sort of.

Blueb4sinrise December 3, 2012 at 5:57 pm

Whatever happened to that Princess Diana?

An_Outhouse December 3, 2012 at 7:14 pm

2 soon.

Dashboard Buddha December 3, 2012 at 8:05 pm

She died while boarding through a minefield in the English Alps on her snow board rosemud,

kittensdontlie December 3, 2012 at 8:55 pm

Assume Diana Dead.

TribecaMike December 3, 2012 at 6:03 pm

Sadly, the Duchess' doctors discovered that the fetus had a smidgen of Irish DNA, and so just to be on the safe side ordered that it be drawn and quartered and hanged in a gibbet as a warning to all potential usurpers.

tessiee December 3, 2012 at 6:07 pm

In Social Studies class, we made a pun about George Washington to the effect that he had a WASHING machine and he weighed a TON.
Of course, we were eight years old at the time…

tessiee December 3, 2012 at 6:11 pm

But this comment thread won't be official until LimeyLizzie comments, right?

MozakiBlocks December 3, 2012 at 6:13 pm

I had a co-worker who suffered from Hyperemesis Gravidarum in the early stages of her pregnancy. She said that once in college, she'd drunk 12 White Russians in a row. This was worse than that hangover.

cousinitt December 3, 2012 at 6:15 pm

I say, let's not make up a stupider headline. It's not possible. To even try runs a serious risk of severe mental injury or incapacitation. Really, stupid is like unobtanium–just don't go there.

tessiee December 3, 2012 at 6:28 pm

*Disappointedly crumples up paper with “32 Things Every Man Should Do" written on it*

smokefilledroommate December 3, 2012 at 6:20 pm

He Came in Her Bridge.

Burger King Forgot to Wrap His Whopper.

Lazy Media December 3, 2012 at 6:22 pm

New York Post submission: ROYAL SHOCKER: KATE'S LATE!
subhed: Another Harry? Royal heir already making mum sick

smokefilledroommate December 3, 2012 at 6:26 pm

Harry makes everyone sick.

cousinitt December 3, 2012 at 6:32 pm

You mean the next one will be even Harrier? Can't wait to see his first VTOL!

tessiee December 3, 2012 at 6:23 pm

Impregnating wives is for wife-impregnators.
William must suck at building bookcases, and manly bold and determined stuff like that.

cousinitt December 3, 2012 at 6:34 pm

Well, that and cutting down trees and eating his lunch and pressing wild flowers…

Toomush_Infer December 3, 2012 at 6:26 pm

Middleton's Expanding…..dumbest I can get….

glasspusher December 3, 2012 at 6:32 pm

"They lived regger pregger, devil yeht!"

Sorry, poor palindrome on short notice, best I could do…

TribecaMike December 3, 2012 at 6:44 pm

The People's Protozoa.

TootsStansbury December 3, 2012 at 6:50 pm

So if she has a girl, will she have her head chopped off? What a shame, she's quite lovely.

Aridzona December 3, 2012 at 6:58 pm

Bride's Maidenhead Revisited

BlueStateLibel December 3, 2012 at 7:04 pm

This will make a great mini-series on Showtime 30 years from now.

An_Outhouse December 3, 2012 at 7:09 pm

I wish my mommy had her boobs. yummy!

corthylio December 3, 2012 at 7:13 pm

A Real Double Duchess!

(With apologies to Elvis C.)

TribecaMike December 3, 2012 at 7:13 pm

"Your miscarriage awaits, milady."

Too soon?

C_R_Eature December 3, 2012 at 7:16 pm

Well, that is a very, very stupid headline from a very, very stupid organization but here goes:

* Middleton's Missed Menses Makes Minister Merry
* Prince Willy's Boys can Swim!
* Kate's Krotch Kradling King?

Urgh, that's all I've got. This is hurting my Brain.

I Move that we Henceforth refer to this Organization as the Daily Cruller.

Oh, and here is your Daily Cephalopod.

TootsStansbury December 3, 2012 at 7:17 pm

Kate's Zygote has a Real Coat of arms, that is.

GeorgiaBurning December 3, 2012 at 7:52 pm

Shouldn't the Tea Party be upset about all this coverage? Or are they jealous of those costumes?

BadKitty904 December 3, 2012 at 8:02 pm

Weren't they all going to emigrate to England? Ideally, soon?

Dashboard Buddha December 3, 2012 at 8:09 pm

They say that Kate moaned for the bone
And that Willy couldn't leave her alone
But all love is good
When you have royal wood
And this kid's just steps from the throne.

pdiddycornchips December 3, 2012 at 8:22 pm

If it's a boy, he should marry Blue Ivy and unite our two royal families.

ElPinche December 3, 2012 at 8:30 pm

The draft headline: "HAHA PRINCESS GOT BONED AND MAKE BABY!! SHE GET FAT!!! HILAREYUS!! "

docterry6973 December 3, 2012 at 8:41 pm

I know how this happened because I studied the diagrams. And I must say, it looks dangerous to me.

commiegirl99 December 3, 2012 at 8:43 pm

Dudes, you would not even BELIEVE the moderation bucket right now. All you fuckers have ugly-as-shit spam attached to your usernames.

docterry6973 December 3, 2012 at 8:52 pm

Uh, is that good?

BadKitty904 December 3, 2012 at 9:06 pm

Hey, cool!

smokefilledroommate December 3, 2012 at 10:01 pm

abort!

C_R_Eature December 3, 2012 at 10:21 pm

Is it at least Filthy, Perverted SPAM? Please say yes.

not that Dewey December 3, 2012 at 11:04 pm

the moderation bucket

IT'S "BOOKAY"!

C_R_Eature December 3, 2012 at 11:07 pm

The Bookay Residence if you please!

BigSkullF*ckingDog December 3, 2012 at 11:07 pm

Does this spam make my butt look big?

C_R_Eature December 3, 2012 at 11:30 pm

Hey, RS: I was looking through the ID Blog documentation and found This thing you might want to try.
You need to have Administrative rights to use this, but you probably have those already!

Biel_ze_Bubba December 3, 2012 at 11:59 pm

So that's where all the Vi@gra jokes went to.

kittensdontlie December 4, 2012 at 9:32 am

I hope Kate shows moderation in the use of her bucket. There are too many Royals as it is.

commiegirl99 December 3, 2012 at 8:47 pm

Like, I am pretty sure this is not Actor212? "Hello, I enjoy reading all of your article post.

I wanted to write a little comment to support you."

gullywompr December 3, 2012 at 9:09 pm

Is that so wrong? We thought you might appreciate some love notes on occasion, commiegirl99 (if that is your real name…).

Designer_Rants December 3, 2012 at 11:26 pm

Her real name is Wonkette Jr.

commiegirl99 December 3, 2012 at 8:47 pm

And there are 350 of them.

commiegirl99 December 3, 2012 at 8:50 pm

Oh, and LOOK WHAT I WROTE ON MY OWN SITE!

With havin so much written content do you ever run into any issues of plagorism or copyright violation? My site has a lot of unique content I’ve either written myself or outsourced but it appears a lot of it is popping it up all over the web without my agreement. Do you know any solutions to help stop content from being stolen? I’d truly appreciate it.
return man 2

docterry6973 December 3, 2012 at 8:54 pm

I'm a little confused about this because I spent another long day trying to make a profit off our small business., But I guess you wouldn't know about that,

FeloniousMonk December 3, 2012 at 9:08 pm

You have my deepest sympathy. May I respectfully suggest that you resolve to never, ever, write anything about the bloody Windsors again? I, for one, would be in your debt.

BaldarTFlagass December 4, 2012 at 8:23 am

I prefer to think of them by their original family name of Saxe-Coburg & Gotha. Flows off the tongue more smoothly.

Blueb4sinrise December 3, 2012 at 9:40 pm

kkkkkkkkkkkkkkkk?

or did the winger trolls figure a way to do that and that's why they kept visiting profiles?

or maybe you need a new server.

smokefilledroommate December 3, 2012 at 10:09 pm

Honestly that is weird.. hopefully it doesn't get too bad. I'd probably call those IT fuckers just in case.

Biel_ze_Bubba December 4, 2012 at 12:01 am

Soon as they get back from their religious holiday. (They tend to call in, err, "religious", on Mondays.)

ElPinche December 3, 2012 at 10:28 pm

OMG….those Brazilian trolls FUCKED US.

Designer_Rants December 3, 2012 at 11:28 pm

They seemed so COOL! But then after that second pina colada I don't remember anything until I woke up in the mall food court. Pantsless.

Biel_ze_Bubba December 4, 2012 at 12:03 am

After my seventh mojito, they started leaving me alone. Not sure why.

Designer_Rants December 4, 2012 at 12:08 am

After 7 mojitos, EVERYONE turns Brazilian.

docterry6973 December 3, 2012 at 8:54 pm

I feel this needs to be said.

Nude preggers shots or GTFO.

bobbert December 3, 2012 at 9:02 pm

At least this is identifiably Wonkster.

kingofmeh December 3, 2012 at 9:14 pm

yes, because it's been at least 3 months since were last endlessly talking about nekkid pictures of this lady?

Biel_ze_Bubba December 4, 2012 at 5:24 pm

If we go 24 hours without something about nekkid ladies, we're overdue.

kittensdontlie December 3, 2012 at 9:39 pm

Kate: "I ki-illed da wabbit, I ki-illed da wabbit".

gullywompr December 3, 2012 at 9:43 pm

You can't catch me 'cause the rabbit done died, Yes it did.

kittensdontlie December 3, 2012 at 9:53 pm

Let's not get all Emotional here. I am just tryin' to get some of that Sweet ugly-as-shit spam attached to my username.

gullywompr December 3, 2012 at 10:10 pm
C_R_Eature December 3, 2012 at 10:27 pm

Hey, I sort of, kind of, like remember that!

Beowoof December 3, 2012 at 9:43 pm

As a crass commoner, I can only say, who gives a shite.

cybermoe December 3, 2012 at 9:46 pm

When it reigns it poors.

Slim_Pickins December 3, 2012 at 10:25 pm

An awesome display of incisive wit for sure.

C_R_Eature December 3, 2012 at 10:34 pm

Aw, that's not even Fun. BALLS, as we say here.

SPAM filter's offline, obv's , but I wonder if it's server-wide or just specific to us?

Negropolis December 3, 2012 at 10:35 pm

Taylor Bigler has got to be from the UK, because that's exactly the kind of stupid, cheeky titles they come up with for their rags. lol Oh, my contribution:

Where There is a Will, There is a Way.

mosjef December 3, 2012 at 10:36 pm

Fetus Fone Tapped!

C_R_Eature December 3, 2012 at 10:37 pm

I'm calling Kate's Transvaginal image on the front page on the Daily Mirror in a month.

Negropolis December 4, 2012 at 5:49 am

Not if The Sun has anything to say about it. I'll give them a week, and they'll add secretly taped sexytime phone calls between the Duke & Duchess on the web edition for good measure.

C_R_Eature December 3, 2012 at 10:41 pm

Oh Ghod, no. The Breittards will be on us like flies. That's what they use on Their Benighted Site.

There's a way to "verify" commenter accounts to cut the SPAM, but that takes more Nerdity than I have. These server IT folks probably know.

BigSkullF*ckingDog December 3, 2012 at 11:04 pm

I blame the Portuguese.
Brazilians. Whatever.

C_R_Eature December 3, 2012 at 11:08 pm

Those Fukkkkkkkers.

Negropolis December 3, 2012 at 10:47 pm

Kate Lies Back, Thinks of Englad

C_R_Eature December 3, 2012 at 10:50 pm

England.

There.

Vecchiojohn December 3, 2012 at 11:38 pm

I always think of Englad when I'm being royally fucked. Englad was my first.

Negropolis December 4, 2012 at 12:05 am

I think I've heard of him. I think he was called Englad the Bigger.

Biel_ze_Bubba December 4, 2012 at 12:07 am

I'm sure there was a gland of some sort on her mind.

Negropolis December 3, 2012 at 10:52 pm

Will Goes Downtown on Her Abbey

Assume Midwife Called

Man U Really Screwed Up

Duke Scores Batting on Sticky Wicket

Vecchiojohn December 3, 2012 at 11:29 pm

Game over. You win.

Negropolis December 4, 2012 at 9:33 am

Katie Knocked Up, Becomes Lady in Waiting.

Kate Minds the Buzzcock.

fuflans December 3, 2012 at 10:58 pm

since wonkette is under repair i am rewatching daily show election week coverage / karl rove refusing to admit defeat.

i could re-watch 'shine a light' but i just did that on saturday.

Pat_Pending December 3, 2012 at 11:06 pm

Keep Clam and Carry Spawn…?

(sorry.)

Vecchiojohn December 3, 2012 at 11:31 pm

I wish I'd thought of that. And I'm not sorry.

Designer_Rants December 3, 2012 at 11:24 pm

Kate's Middle got Diddled, Son!

Vecchiojohn December 3, 2012 at 11:47 pm

What would happen if she had twins? Would it be like the Ottoman empire, where they killed the younger one when the old Sultan died?

Mahousu December 4, 2012 at 8:41 am

Nah, they'd probably just cut his nose off, like the Byzantines.

The Byzantines did ears sometimes too, but if the kid ends up with Charles' ears …

thatsitfortheother1 December 4, 2012 at 9:43 am

The Ottoman empire. People with their feet up.

Biel_ze_Bubba December 3, 2012 at 11:56 pm

World Transfixed by Royal Bedding

Vecchiojohn December 4, 2012 at 12:08 am

Hyperemesis gravidarum = royal ralph? Buckingham barf? Windsor woopsie? Hanoverian heaves? Elizabethan emetic?

BZ1 December 4, 2012 at 12:54 am

Royal jelly?

carlgt1 December 4, 2012 at 2:31 am

What sorority did Tucker find Taylor? Kappa Kappa Kappa?

invisichad December 4, 2012 at 5:32 am

"Porked Right in the Royal Pudding"

Negropolis December 4, 2012 at 5:53 am

"Something something Spotted Dick something something A Right Proper Rogering in the Fanny something something Bangered and Mashed."

BaldarTFlagass December 4, 2012 at 8:30 am

"Kate's Middle is Gonna Weigh a Ton"

Actually, considering their audience, this is pretty good. These are, after all, people who laugh out loud at the jokes on Hee-Haw.

mrblifil December 4, 2012 at 9:31 am

Wills Missile on Mission to Misses, Jizzes.

Snob Gobbles Throbbing Knob, Gets Glob

Will's Wife Gets Meat Knife for Sanctity of Life

Kate's Git Diddles Clit Engenders Twit

CalvinsChoice December 4, 2012 at 9:42 am

I suspect this is Bill Clinton's fault.

Negropolis December 4, 2012 at 9:48 am

Kate is way too skinny and far too mentally stable for Bubba's taste. lol

thatsitfortheother1 December 4, 2012 at 9:54 am

Not a lot of experience with ceegarz either, I don't imagine.

thatsitfortheother1 December 4, 2012 at 9:44 am

Bucking ham.

Chet Kincaid_ December 4, 2012 at 9:47 am

OT: Lazy Nobama spent all day yesterday futzing around on Twitter like a common busybody:
http://tpmdc.talkingpointsmemo.com/2012/12/obama-

BadKitty904 December 4, 2012 at 10:06 am

Hey, if it's good enough for the Pope…

thatsitfortheother1 December 4, 2012 at 9:51 am

For contraception they had been using Bucking ham nix.

Mumbletypeg December 4, 2012 at 9:55 am

Holding off on any comment til I hear what FukuiSan_YesOta has to say about this from his native green-and-pleasant land~

smitallica December 4, 2012 at 10:16 am

"In: Breeding!"

ttommyunger December 4, 2012 at 11:11 am

Self-Righteous Americans need to wise up when it comes to dissing the Brits over their Royalty fetish. Can you say: Lindsay Lohan, Kardashian, Bieber, Trump? These twats and twerps get gallons of ink and days on end of coverage here if they so much as have a loose bowel movement.

Negropolis December 4, 2012 at 10:38 pm

Yeah, but our taxes don't go to building palaces for and transporting Lindsay Lohan, Kardaish, Bieber, etc…

ttommyunger December 4, 2012 at 10:47 pm

Bad examples, those? How about Franklin Graham and his Daddy? Crieflo Dollar, Jimmy Swaggart, Rick Warren and the host of Bishops and Cardinals all petted and fawned over, given celebrity status all the while enjoying taxpayer subsidies? Sent from the Field, not in Garrison.

Beowoof December 3, 2012 at 9:53 pm

Isn't that from BJ's by Charles?

sewollef December 4, 2012 at 8:33 am

Well, it probably goes back as far as Henry IV [1367-1413], who was the first King of the House of Plantagenets.

He, along with his uncle Edmond fought for the throne in the first War of the Roses. The Plantagenets sired the Tudor Kings [and Queen]…. from which the House of Windsor [aka current royal family] came from.

Got that?

gullywompr December 3, 2012 at 10:31 pm

I was a junior in high school then. It was awesome. I think.

I do remember when they put tachometers on the hood like that orange goat in the first frame has. 3 years later, and the gas crisis would kill muscle cars. Until then though, they were badass.

C_R_Eature December 3, 2012 at 10:49 pm

That hood tach was part of a limited performance run called The Judge ( as in "Here Come De Judge") along with ram-air, wing spoiler, wild colors and other high performance stuff I don't remember.

I had a '70 Goat, blue, without most of those Bells & Whistles. With a factory-stock 400 c.i. engine though it was a total rocket sled.

gullywompr December 3, 2012 at 10:58 pm

I had a 65 Baja Bug, stock motor, 6 volt, worn out, couldn't climb a hill faster than 30 mph, and no fucking heat whatsoever. Loved it.

C_R_Eature December 3, 2012 at 11:12 pm

Awesome. You, being a Bug Fancier, need to watch This.

gullywompr December 3, 2012 at 11:34 pm

Curves, man. Curves.

Biel_ze_Bubba December 4, 2012 at 12:12 am

Princess pounded?

BoatOfVelociraptors December 4, 2012 at 5:55 am

A seminal history of the royals. Yeah, how long would THAT tome be?

viennawoods13 December 4, 2012 at 8:41 am

The first Plantagenet King was Henry II. The Tudors replaced the Plantagenet kings when Henry VII beat Richard III in 1485.
Henry IV was the first King of the House of Lancaster. The Tudors were of that branch of the Plantagenet family, albeit through an illegitimate line.

sewollef December 4, 2012 at 8:48 am

You're right. My mistake.

Except I was coming from the position of a native-born Lancastrian…. so technically he was MY first Plantagenet king, and consequently I owe my allegiance to he of the pox-marked face. Oh, and the bucked teeth, duh.

ps. I'm not a bastard really.

viennawoods13 December 4, 2012 at 8:55 am

You damn native-born Lancastrians…. I know one who likes to give me a hard time about Richard III. The White Rose forever!!
I was always under the impression that the real pock-marked face, etc etc one was his grandson Henry VI, also insane, all courtesy of the DNA from the French royal family, courtesy of his mom Katherine.
ps I won't hold Bosworth Field against you personally.

Chet Kincaid_ December 4, 2012 at 9:35 am

That's odd, since mojitos are Cuban. Perhaps you were drinking caipirinhas?

sewollef December 4, 2012 at 10:29 am

Indeed, and he waited 400 years before falling to a smaller army. The last English king to die on the battlefield, and killed by a 'commoner' no less.

The shame. I don't know how you can hold your head up in public….

btw, our football teams are better too.

Designer_Rants December 4, 2012 at 11:04 am

I knew someone was going to call me out on not properly researching the nationality of the drink in the subject of my lame joke.
*hangs head, kicks rock*

Biel_ze_Bubba December 4, 2012 at 5:22 pm

OT trivia, but you know how Eskimos are supposed to have dozens of words for "snow", because they're ass-deep the stuff 24/7? Brazilians have 2,000 words for cachaça. For a similar reason.

Chet Kincaid_ December 4, 2012 at 11:52 am

I live for this shit!

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