dismissed with prejudice

Birther Lawyer Orly Taitz Does Not Seem To Be Very Good At ‘Law’

Orly Taitz, Esq. Well, it has happened AGAIN! Some treason-loving judge has decided that an Orly Taitz Lawsuit Special did not seem to have any basis in “law” or “evidence,” and would not let the realtor/dentist/lawyer/X-Files Fluke-Man compel Occidental College to release President Afrika Bambaataa’s college records even though Ms. Taitz explained to Occidental’s general counsel that if he did not comply,

“Your opposition will constitute Obstruction of Justice, Aiding and Abetting in the elections fraud in forgery and treason in allowing a foreign citizen to usurp the U.S. Presidency with an aid of forged IDs and usurp the civil rights of the U.S. citizens,” she wrote. “At any rate your opposition and your attempt of intimidation and your allegiance or lack of allegiance to the United States of America is duly noted. Just make sure not to forget to bring with you Mr. Obama’s application, registration, and financial aid application.”

So the judge, a fellow from noted Communist and anti-American hub Orange County, California, was all like, “yeah, this is not a compelling argument,” and (this quote is real) “You should know that evidence is not stuff printed from the internet.”

Then Orly Taitz explained that the judge hated America and losing a lawsuit no different from Nazi Germany in the ’30s.

Taitz had a different point of view. “The judge did not give a damn about this country,” she wrote on her blog in response to the ruling.

“Sadly he is not any different from all the other judges. I am yet to see one single judge who gives a damn about this nation. I feel like I am in Nazi Germany in the 1930s.”

sex on a stick

That sounds about right! Then another lawyer, who’d been involved in the case on behalf of Occidental, went on the radio and called Orly Taitz a rhesus monkey. Also also, Fraulein Doktor Taitz has to give Occidental $4,000 smackeroos.


About the author

Rebecca is the editor and publisher of Wonkette. She is the author of Commie Girl in the O.C., a collection of her OC Weekly columns, and the former editor of LA CityBeat. Go visit her Commie Girl Collective, and follow her on the Twitter!

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  1. mrpuma2u

    Since she is livng the Nazi Germany dream, she can hope that Jesse Owen's performance in the '36 Olympics will lift her spirits.

    1. Antispandex

      This is the kind of hyperbole that the political right is so adept at. Literally everything that upsets them is as bad as the worst tragedy of the twentieth century. My gosh, what would our Oily do if those FEMA camps weren't just a figment of her imagination?

      1. emmelemm

        Slightly on-topic, I got about 20-30 spam emails this weekend about FEMA buying 10,000 plastic coffins, and aren't I scared?

  2. viennawoods13

    She better get back to work at the dentist office if she's gonna pay back Occidental. Maybe Mitt needs some work on his bicuspids.

  3. Severen13

    Wwwaaaahhh!! Everyone is so mmeeaaaannnn to poor little her!! Orly Taits is going to tell her mommy on you!! Wwwaaahhh!!

    1. BadKitty904

      "Here at Acme Correspondence Law School, we'll show you how! Hi, my name is Troy McClure. You may remember me from such films as 'Buck Henderson, Union Buster' and 'Hitler Doesn't Live Here Any More'…"

  4. MacRaith

    How dare that judge treasonously uphold the law and the Constitution! There's nothing more un-American than that!

    1. Geminisunmars

      My husband really was. He would like to say to Orly "I knew Nazi Germany. This country is no Nazi Germany. You, however, would have fit in quite well."

  5. BaldarTFlagass

    "I feel like I am in Nazi Germany in the 1930s."

    You know who else felt like they were in Nazi Germany in the 1930s?

      1. sewollef

        I haz my pedantist head on this morning, sorry:

        360,000 members, 5.3 million supporters* [Federal election result of 1932].

        *How many of those can you get under your bed?

  6. Oblios_Cap

    “I would like to take credit for a spectacular job preparing
    papers and going down to the Orange County Superior Court and arguing this case
    and getting sanctions, but I honestly believe a rhesus monkey could have beaten
    Ms. Taitz and got a sanction award based on the awful lack of merit to the
    subpoena itself…”

    That's gotta leave a mark.

    It's Deja Vu all over again in some of these articles. It's like we keep repeating the same comments from days ago!

  7. Callyson

    The judge soundly rejected Taitz’s argument, decreeing that basic legal requirements were not met and ordered her to pay $4,000 in sanctions to compensate the college for time and resources spent dealing with the matter.

    The judge went on to say "I would have demanded more money, but it's only fair to give you a discount for the considerable lulz your actions have given the college…"

  8. One_who_wanders

    "Persistent birther" I like that. It has a nice ring and is a nice short hand for delusional individual who in a kinder world would be institutionalized to prevent themselves from hurting themselves on hard things like reality.

  9. Oblios_Cap

    If Orly had any self-awareness, she would disappear from the public eye in shame. Just like Palin should.

      1. sullivanst

        She can't keep her head even when nobody around her is either losing theirs or blaming it on her, but she does trust herself when all men doubt her.

  10. Goonemeritus

    She might do better if she rebranded her website as a conservative buttseks friendly analog to the Wonkette. I feel she has taken her present avenue of performance art about as far as it can realistically go.

    1. PubOption

      She wouldn't be the first dentist to do unnecessary work for the money. She is probably the first to spend the money making a fool of herself in court.

    1. One_who_wanders

      I see a horrible idea for a new reality show on Fox: The lawyer from California , the sheriff from Arizona, candy flossed haired money many from NYC – "The Unstoppables"

    2. prommie

      hey, pssst, don't tell anyone, but I has done some lawyering for Trump. Its dirty fucking business, man, I quit practicing after that.

        1. prommie

          Just can't man. Sanctity of the confessional and all that. I can say there is nothing spectacularly Dr. Evil-ish or anything, in fact, banal, the banality of his two-bit grubbing and welshing is what got me. Of course, you know who else was called banal . . .

      1. boskolives

        I share the pain, I shook his hand once on a tv show and I still can't get my hand to feel clean no matter how many times I scrub it with a wire brush and lye.

  11. BaldarTFlagass

    "he is not any different from all the other judges."

    Or, uh, maybe it's you that's the problem.

          1. FakaktaSouth

            I wanted Fox for my own self – and I liked all of the shows except the one where all of those people were multi-generational inbred and kept that one "kid-thing" under the bed. My fave was when the guy who could tell you how you were going to die was on and he said something to Fox about "auto-erotic asphyxiation" and Fox was all "Why why why, um, why would you say that to ME?" It was great.

  12. ManchuCandidate

    Orly Taintz, jackass of all trades, masturbator of none.

    If her skillz as a dentist and real estate agent are as gud as her lawya ones then it would explain a great deal (like why she's all three.) She's probably the one dentist who makes the cravity creeps look good.

  13. SexySmurf

    “You should know that evidence is not stuff printed from the internet.”

    That quote is from the landmark case Wikipedia v. Every Paper I Wrote in High School.

  14. spends2much

    So "stuff printed off the Internet" isn't valid in a court of law… has anyone checked to see if Orly downloaded her diploma from the web and printed it up on a dot matrix printer?

  15. Poindexter718

    Holy feck!
    If Dr. Taitz Esq.'s dental crafstmanship is of piece with her legal wordsmanship, her patients must all look like Shane MacGowan.

  16. prommie

    You know, now that I think back, before they would admit me to the Bar, they did a character check and criminal background check, but no sanity test or sanity check at all.

    But even this does not explain how Old Oily Taint got admitted, because there was still the bar exam itself, which was really hard and required some actual knowledge of the law and legal principles and the ability to make coherent arguments.

    1. BaldarTFlagass

      Maybe it was multiple-choice on those Scan-tron sheets, back before they realized how badly that was going to fuck things up.

    2. FakaktaSouth

      Not to be a dick or anything, but the fact that there isn't a sanity test for lawyers ain't exactly blowing my mind. And mayhaps Ms. Taitz got her test done before Photo IDs or any kind of photos at all. Who knows who could have helped that shit happen. I'm choosing not to believe she is smarter than I am.

    3. PopeEdgardo

      Yeah. I guess some people are good at taking tests, and being batshit doesn't necessarily hamper the ability to learn certain things. If I had a few thousand bucks to throw around it would be fun to see how hard it is to get a JD online from Taft Law School.

  17. GlowneyHouse

    I, for one, welcome the Afrika Bambaata Presidency. Maybe John Lydon can be his Press Secretary.

    1. drbill0620

      By Tundra Grifter – do you mean "Todd, dinner's ready – we're havin' moose chili. Come 'n get it!!!"

  18. WABishop

    Forgive me if this has been asked and answered, but do the birthers ever question whether Ann Dunham was an American citizen? Because if she was, isn't this all moot?

    1. sullivanst

      No, the law in 1961 was that for a child born overseas to be an automatic ("natural born") citizen, both parents had to be US citizens. It's not moot, just desperate and wrong.

      1. Negropolis

        So, the changes in the law didn't apply retroactively? So, these kids of one American parent and one foreign parent had to apply for citizenship to become Americans?

        1. sullivanst

          For citizenship purposes, you're right, it was made retroactive. As to whether that includes natural-born status for Presidential eligibility, that's never been tested, and very likely never will be tested. I'd personally say the fact that Congress has basically said that anyone born 1952-1986 under the tests implemented in 1986 was retroactively a citizen at birth makes them a natural-born* citizen for the Presidential test, but the Supreme Court sometimes hands down decisions that to my untrained opinion are plainly in error.

          Turns out it's soooooo nearly moot, if Ann had been just 116 days older when Barack was born, he'd have automatically been a citizen wherever the birth took place (the test from 1952 to 1986 required the US citizen parent to have lived in the US for at least 10 years, 5 of them after that parent's 14th birthday; Ann had lived her entire life to the time of Barack's birth within the US – the family didn't move to Hawaii until after statehood – but she was just short of her 19th birthday)

          * there are only two types of citizen – naturalized, and natural-born. Birthers would vigorously dispute this but only because they're idiots, if I really cared I'd dig up the Supreme Court precedent that said more or less exactly what I did, I think it's in Wong Kim Ark

  19. PopeEdgardo

    "Sadly he is not any different from all the other judges."

    A sane person might draw a certain conclusion from the fact that all the judges won't entertain her nonsense.

  20. smellypossum

    Birthers: making stuff up and insisting someone prove them wrong. Throw in some cognitive dissonance. Shake well. Serve.

    Suggestion: How 'bout Ms.Taint proves the negative that she isn't the X-Files Fluke Man in drag.

    (The fluke-man episode was almost as creepy and the inbreeding episode… yeesh.)

  21. MiniMencken

    Well, at least she doesn't feel like she is in Nazi Germany in the 1970s. Thems was some rough times, believe you me.

  22. owhatever

    A day without Oily Titz is a good day, no matter what else happens. Unless Bill O'Reilly's vagina gets infested by fire ants, in which case it would become a VERY good day.

  23. prommie

    Its something beyond simple intellectual shortcomings, when someone has such obvious a lack of basic social skills. You don't have to know the law, you don't have to know much, to know not to insult and threaten the fucking judge, for example. I mean, my fucking dog, who probably has an IQ of what, 18, my dog, knows enough to kiss my ass, because I am the source of the kibble. My dog, in otherr words, has better social skills than Oily here. Now the suddenly shocking "R-Word" is truly the only appropriate term for people like this, fucktarded social fucking retards. Or, to use the interchangeable, technical terms, Objectivists, Rand-tards, or "Libertarians."

    1. emmelemm

      Dogs are much, much, much smarter than we give them credit for. They get US to do what they want. Nuff said.

  24. Steverino247

    The difference between Attorney Taitz and a rhesus monkey: When a rhesus monkey throws shit at you, it sticks.

  25. Antispandex

    As everyone here knows, I very rarely engage in ad hominem attacks, but that is one ugly woman. Not that it makes her arguments any less appealing. They are ugly and stupid on their own.

  26. JustPixelz

    "I feel like I am in Nazi Germany in the 1930s."

    Orly: If you really want to feel like a Russian Jew in Nazi Germany, we could put you in a gas chamber*. Because that's what the real Nazis did. Fuck you for comparing the United States of America with Hitler's Germany. From Wikipedia: "Taitz has also said that she lost relatives in the Holocaust….". You dishonor them.
    * obligatory "with votes" disambiguation

    1. emmelemm

      Boy, I maintain a studied ambivalence or agnosticism, if you will, about the existence of ghosts. (Never seen one, don't really think they exist but willing to be proven wrong.)

      But that, that right there, provides pretty damning evidence that there are NO GHOSTS, because if there were, Orly's progenitors would be smacking the ever-loving shit out of her right now.

  27. Cognitive Dissident

    "Orly Taitz"… hahahahaha.

    just as there are theormodynamic formulae that explain how many kilos of rotten compost one needs to render bio-diesel fuel to power a dump truck… that could be used to haul such compost…

    some day some wiseacre will nail down the exact analogous equation that describes X many words out of Orly Taitz's pie hole it takes to produce Y many comment responses on Wonkette's website.

  28. docterry6973

    If she were actually in 1930's Nazi Germany she might find that her lawsuits would get a very different response from the government.

  29. randcoolcatdaddy

    "I feel like I am in Nazi Germany in the 1930s.”

    I felt the same way when I woke up in the leather dungeon last weekend. It was all the jodhpurs and kinky boots I guess.

  30. oenspiek

    We've all heard the old saw: Orly to bed, and Orly to rise, puts one in Nazi Germany, in the 1930s.

  31. glesslib

    Is all the capitalization in the middle of sentences and poor grammar actually real? If so, I need to ask the next question. Was it typed, or did she submit her suit to the judge in crayon? Is this the best the right can come up with anymore? Sem- literates?

  32. ttommyunger

    "I feel like I am in Nazi Germany in the 1930s.” In her dreams. She would not only fit right in, she would rise to the top, and she fucking well knows it.

  33. lulzmonger

    Anyone else notice how Mop-Headed Lady just suddenly switched over from birth certificate to college transcripts without so much as blinking? Safe to say if those transcripts get released, her next target will be medical records, or shopping receipts, or maybe tailor's measurements – FOR LIBERTY. She's crazy like a fox … with a severe brain injury.


  34. personalrob

    I told Orly again and again: go after Obama's dental records, because in Kenya they don't keep dental records. So when she can't find them, it would prove he was Kenyan.

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