Orly Taitz, Esq. Well, it has happened AGAIN! Some treason-loving judge has decided that an Orly Taitz Lawsuit Special did not seem to have any basis in “law” or “evidence,” and would not let the realtor/dentist/lawyer/X-Files Fluke-Man compel Occidental College to release President Afrika Bambaataa’s college records even though Ms. Taitz explained to Occidental’s general counsel that if he did not comply,

“Your opposition will constitute Obstruction of Justice, Aiding and Abetting in the elections fraud in forgery and treason in allowing a foreign citizen to usurp the U.S. Presidency with an aid of forged IDs and usurp the civil rights of the U.S. citizens,” she wrote. “At any rate your opposition and your attempt of intimidation and your allegiance or lack of allegiance to the United States of America is duly noted. Just make sure not to forget to bring with you Mr. Obama’s application, registration, and financial aid application.”

So the judge, a fellow from noted Communist and anti-American hub Orange County, California, was all like, “yeah, this is not a compelling argument,” and (this quote is real) “You should know that evidence is not stuff printed from the internet.”

Then Orly Taitz explained that the judge hated America and losing a lawsuit no different from Nazi Germany in the ’30s.

Taitz had a different point of view. “The judge did not give a damn about this country,” she wrote on her blog in response to the ruling.

“Sadly he is not any different from all the other judges. I am yet to see one single judge who gives a damn about this nation. I feel like I am in Nazi Germany in the 1930s.”

sex on a stick

That sounds about right! Then another lawyer, who’d been involved in the case on behalf of Occidental, went on the radio and called Orly Taitz a rhesus monkey. Also also, Fraulein Doktor Taitz has to give Occidental $4,000 smackeroos.


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  • mrpuma2u

    Since she is livng the Nazi Germany dream, she can hope that Jesse Owen's performance in the '36 Olympics will lift her spirits.

    • Clearly, she's been forced to shave her head for lice and wear only dingy gray pajamas.

    • Jesse Owen's was a well known Kenyan. Why would that make Orly feel better?

    • Antispandex

      This is the kind of hyperbole that the political right is so adept at. Literally everything that upsets them is as bad as the worst tragedy of the twentieth century. My gosh, what would our Oily do if those FEMA camps weren't just a figment of her imagination?

      • emmelemm

        Slightly on-topic, I got about 20-30 spam emails this weekend about FEMA buying 10,000 plastic coffins, and aren't I scared?

    • drbill0620

      …or lift her skirt. She needs a good…well, you know…

    • Negropolis

      This is SO full of win it's ridiculous.

  • PeaceWithHonor

    I only voted for Obama to get more Orly, anyway.

    • If you had voted for Mitt, I suppose that you'd be getting it Analy about now.

      • HistoriCat

        Oh sure – now you tell me!

    • Sue4466

      Ah, so she must be one of those gifts Obama was handing out.

  • BaldarTFlagass

    I wonder what it's like to have this person work on your teeth.

    • Beowoof

      Did you ever see Marathon Man?

      • BadKitty904

        "Iss it safe?"

        • Tommy1733

          "Is the real birf certificate safe?"

      • malsperanza

        "golf clap"

        It's always a pleasure to see Godwin's Law applied well.

      • sullivanst

        She's very white, and about as angelic as Dr. Szoll.

    • Like Orin Scrivello but with a law degree.

    • rickmaci

      …or your lawsuit.

    • "You need a root canal"

      "But I wear full dentures!"

      • drbill0620

        Drill – baby – drill…

  • viennawoods13

    She better get back to work at the dentist office if she's gonna pay back Occidental. Maybe Mitt needs some work on his bicuspids.

    • keliel

      What dentist office? She's the inspiration for all crazy dentists everywhere.

  • Come here a minute

    "I feel like I am in Nazi Germany in the 1930s.”

    Insofar as life is a cabaret, old chum.

    • One_who_wanders

      And money makes the world go around . . . .

    • Geminisunmars

      Good nacht, krystalls.

    • PubOption

      Tomorrow doesn't belong to her.

  • barto

    Taitz or GTFO!

    • not that Dewey

      Be careful what you wish for.

    • Mahousu

      Leave out the "or."

  • Severen13

    Wwwaaaahhh!! Everyone is so mmeeaaaannnn to poor little her!! Orly Taits is going to tell her mommy on you!! Wwwaaahhh!!

  • DaveJ

    O RLY? (Taint.)

  • noodlesalad

    Laws. How do they work?

    • BadKitty904

      "Here at Acme Correspondence Law School, we'll show you how! Hi, my name is Troy McClure. You may remember me from such films as 'Buck Henderson, Union Buster' and 'Hitler Doesn't Live Here Any More'…"

      • Kid_Charlemagne

        Her business card turns into a sponge when you put it in water.

      • noodlesalad

        Did you go to Hollywood Upstairs Law College, too?

        • Nope, it was the "Close Cover Before Striking" School of Law for me.

    • Negropolis

      Jurisprudence goes in, rulings go out. You can't explain it.

  • Disassembly

    Godwin bless America.

  • Beowoof

    Clarence Darrow has a sad; that this woman ever was able to obtain a license to practice law.

    • BadKitty904

      She needs to practice harder. LOTS harder.

  • MacRaith

    How dare that judge treasonously uphold the law and the Constitution! There's nothing more un-American than that!

  • memzilla

    Wasn't that an old Russ Meyer movie, Orly, She-Wolf of the SS?

    • gullywompr


    • Is that the one where "Rosebud" was a Panzer Tank?

  • Cleopatriot

    This woman has a really insane hobby.

  • gullywompr

    You know who else felt like they were in Nazi Germany in the 1930s?

    • BaldarTFlagass


      • gullywompr

        This town ain't big enough for the two of us, Baldar.

    • Geminisunmars

      My husband really was. He would like to say to Orly "I knew Nazi Germany. This country is no Nazi Germany. You, however, would have fit in quite well."

    • I'm never good at these:

      The Brady Bunch when they were in Hawaii?

  • Hammiepants

    I would be hella pissed if I were a Rhesus monkey.

    • Troglodeity

      Rhesus Monkey Libel!

  • BaldarTFlagass

    "I feel like I am in Nazi Germany in the 1930s."

    You know who else felt like they were in Nazi Germany in the 1930s?

    • DrunkIrishman

      Is it too late to give McCain back to the Viet Cong?

    • memzilla

      300,000 Communist Party members?

      • sewollef

        I haz my pedantist head on this morning, sorry:

        360,000 members, 5.3 million supporters* [Federal election result of 1932].

        *How many of those can you get under your bed?

    • memzilla

      The Duke and Duchess of Windsor?

    • Geminisunmars


    • Mojopo

      Jan Brady

    • Kid_Charlemagne

      That guy who married Sandra Bullock?

    • gullywompr?

      • BaldarTFlagass

        Et tu, Brute?

    • rickmaci

      Prescott Bush?

    • not that Dewey

      Charles Lindbergh?

  • WhatTheHolyHeck

    "You're a fucking idiot" ≠ "Intimidation"

    • sullivanst

      "Show cause" is a little closer.

      • WhatTheHolyHeck

        …to "you're a fucking idiot." Agreed.

  • Callyson

    "I feel like I am in Nazi Germany in the 1930s.”

    First they came for the loony wingnuts…

    • Steverino247

      And I said, "Well, it's about fucking time…"

    • Negropolis

      And I readily pointed them out and gave addresses.

  • Oblios_Cap

    “I would like to take credit for a spectacular job preparing
    papers and going down to the Orange County Superior Court and arguing this case
    and getting sanctions, but I honestly believe a rhesus monkey could have beaten
    Ms. Taitz and got a sanction award based on the awful lack of merit to the
    subpoena itself…”

    That's gotta leave a mark.

    It's Deja Vu all over again in some of these articles. It's like we keep repeating the same comments from days ago!

    • BaldarTFlagass

      My attorney is a Rhesus monkey, and I still walk the streets a free man.

    • BadKitty904

      I suspect rhesus monkeys make better dentists, too.

    • drbill0620

      And the monkey would have been better looking — and smarter…

  • memzilla

    "I feel like I am in Nazi Germany in the 1930s.”

    Very efficient: a self-Godwin-ing wingtard.

  • The laws is a cruel mistress.

    Thank you, Madame Orly. May I have another?

  • So the only real American left — is a Russian?

    • sullivanst

      Moldova libel!

    • Today we are all Taitzians.

  • Wait, what did I say 4 days ago about this?

    • gullywompr

      Dunno. I'd go look, but you know… servers…

  • Just make sure not to forget to bring with you Mr. Obama’s application, registration, and financial aid application.

    Sounds like Orly really wants to work in a registrar's office.

  • Callyson

    The judge soundly rejected Taitz’s argument, decreeing that basic legal requirements were not met and ordered her to pay $4,000 in sanctions to compensate the college for time and resources spent dealing with the matter.

    The judge went on to say "I would have demanded more money, but it's only fair to give you a discount for the considerable lulz your actions have given the college…"

  • One_who_wanders

    "Persistent birther" I like that. It has a nice ring and is a nice short hand for delusional individual who in a kinder world would be institutionalized to prevent themselves from hurting themselves on hard things like reality.

    • emmelemm

      Reality is known to have sharp edges.

  • Oblios_Cap

    If Orly had any self-awareness, she would disappear from the public eye in shame. Just like Palin should.

    • BadKitty904


      • sullivanst

        She can't keep her head even when nobody around her is either losing theirs or blaming it on her, but she does trust herself when all men doubt her.

  • Goonemeritus

    She might do better if she rebranded her website as a conservative buttseks friendly analog to the Wonkette. I feel she has taken her present avenue of performance art about as far as it can realistically go.

    • sullivanst

      First she should run a virus scan over it.

    • eggsacklywright

      I don't think she is familiar with the word realistically. Too many syllables.

      • sewollef

        Five vowels is more than enough for one word, don't you think?

  • I haz confused. Doesn't it cost money to do what she does? Who pays her? And if this scam pays well, are there any open positions?

    • PubOption

      She wouldn't be the first dentist to do unnecessary work for the money. She is probably the first to spend the money making a fool of herself in court.

  • How long has Orly been an attorney for Trump?

    • One_who_wanders

      I see a horrible idea for a new reality show on Fox: The lawyer from California , the sheriff from Arizona, candy flossed haired money many from NYC – "The Unstoppables"

      • Geminisunmars

        With a spinoff: "The Unwantables".

    • PubOption

      She is good at bringing trumped-up charges.

    • prommie

      hey, pssst, don't tell anyone, but I has done some lawyering for Trump. Its dirty fucking business, man, I quit practicing after that.

      • Oh, you can't just drop that one and walk away. Spill!!

        • PopeEdgardo

          No shit. Such as, what does that thing on his head look like at close range?

        • prommie

          Just can't man. Sanctity of the confessional and all that. I can say there is nothing spectacularly Dr. Evil-ish or anything, in fact, banal, the banality of his two-bit grubbing and welshing is what got me. Of course, you know who else was called banal . . .

      • I share the pain, I shook his hand once on a tv show and I still can't get my hand to feel clean no matter how many times I scrub it with a wire brush and lye.

  • BaldarTFlagass

    "he is not any different from all the other judges."

    Or, uh, maybe it's you that's the problem.

  • OK which horror flick did this photo come from… "The Fifteen Minutes that Ate My Brain"?

    • dr_giraud

      Obama 2016

    • BigSkullF*ckingDog

      Thats one of Orly's dental patients.

    • The infamous Fluke Boy from "The X-Files."

      • FakaktaSouth

        OH MY GOSH that episode was set in was in New Jersey too. Of course it was.

        • Were you a Fox/Dana 'Shipper, or were you into the Mythology episodes?

          • FakaktaSouth

            I wanted Fox for my own self – and I liked all of the shows except the one where all of those people were multi-generational inbred and kept that one "kid-thing" under the bed. My fave was when the guy who could tell you how you were going to die was on and he said something to Fox about "auto-erotic asphyxiation" and Fox was all "Why why why, um, why would you say that to ME?" It was great.

          • Ha, that inbred episode, "Home", was the one X-Files that everyone who had never seen the show before tuned in and watched.

          • That's weird, you're right. That's the only episode I ever watched and now I don't remember why I tuned into that one. Something, something, Hive Mind?

    • drbill0620

      No flick – it's her high school graduation photo…

  • Orly Taintz, jackass of all trades, masturbator of none.

    If her skillz as a dentist and real estate agent are as gud as her lawya ones then it would explain a great deal (like why she's all three.) She's probably the one dentist who makes the cravity creeps look good.

  • SexySmurf

    “You should know that evidence is not stuff printed from the internet.”

    That quote is from the landmark case Wikipedia v. Every Paper I Wrote in High School.

  • spends2much

    So "stuff printed off the Internet" isn't valid in a court of law… has anyone checked to see if Orly downloaded her diploma from the web and printed it up on a dot matrix printer?

    • Geminisunmars

      Expertise not in evidence.

  • Poindexter718

    Holy feck!
    If Dr. Taitz Esq.'s dental crafstmanship is of piece with her legal wordsmanship, her patients must all look like Shane MacGowan.

    • BaldarTFlagass

      Or maybe a youthful Keith Richards (he did finally get them fixed, didn't he?)

      • Oblios_Cap

        At least Shane MacGowan had some talent.

  • I bet she has a picture of McCarthy on her nightstand that she didn't build.

  • I found that picture nearly impossible to masturbate to.

  • prommie

    You know, now that I think back, before they would admit me to the Bar, they did a character check and criminal background check, but no sanity test or sanity check at all.

    But even this does not explain how Old Oily Taint got admitted, because there was still the bar exam itself, which was really hard and required some actual knowledge of the law and legal principles and the ability to make coherent arguments.

    • PubOption

      So, to quote the Marx brothers "There ain't no sanity clause".

    • BaldarTFlagass

      Maybe it was multiple-choice on those Scan-tron sheets, back before they realized how badly that was going to fuck things up.

    • sullivanst

      Maybe Charles Lincoln III took the bar for her.

    • FakaktaSouth

      Not to be a dick or anything, but the fact that there isn't a sanity test for lawyers ain't exactly blowing my mind. And mayhaps Ms. Taitz got her test done before Photo IDs or any kind of photos at all. Who knows who could have helped that shit happen. I'm choosing not to believe she is smarter than I am.

      • prommie

        I got offered a good bit of money to take the SATs for someone, once.

      • The main requirements a lawyer wannabe must have:
        1. Pulse
        2. Body temperature above ambient
        3. Funding for law school

    • PopeEdgardo

      Yeah. I guess some people are good at taking tests, and being batshit doesn't necessarily hamper the ability to learn certain things. If I had a few thousand bucks to throw around it would be fun to see how hard it is to get a JD online from Taft Law School.

  • BadKitty904

    Wait, which role did she play in "Judgment at Nuremberg"?

  • *regards 1st photo*

    I think I do like Orly better when she hasn't yet removed her nightcream chemical peel.

  • jolpaj

    I am against that picture.

  • TootsStansbury

    Those pictures. Is it botched up Jesus plus orly equals mummy blow up doll?

  • Estproph

    All this, and a realtor too.

    • sullivanst

      "Would you buy a used house from this woman?"

      • Estproph

        I'm sure she only deals in bunkers and properties named "Eagle's Nest".

        • sullivanst

          I, for one, am disturbed at how much choice that leaves her in my vicinity.

    • Rhesus Monkey kept poaching all of her clients.

  • GlowneyHouse

    I, for one, welcome the Afrika Bambaata Presidency. Maybe John Lydon can be his Press Secretary.

  • HobbesEvilTwin

    I would like to see a word-salad-off between Orly and the Tundra Grifter. Also, too.

    • Stevola

      No salad-tossing between those two, please

    • drbill0620

      By Tundra Grifter – do you mean "Todd, dinner's ready – we're havin' moose chili. Come 'n get it!!!"

  • Forgive me if this has been asked and answered, but do the birthers ever question whether Ann Dunham was an American citizen? Because if she was, isn't this all moot?

    • sullivanst

      No, the law in 1961 was that for a child born overseas to be an automatic ("natural born") citizen, both parents had to be US citizens. It's not moot, just desperate and wrong.

      • Negropolis

        So, the changes in the law didn't apply retroactively? So, these kids of one American parent and one foreign parent had to apply for citizenship to become Americans?

        • sullivanst

          For citizenship purposes, you're right, it was made retroactive. As to whether that includes natural-born status for Presidential eligibility, that's never been tested, and very likely never will be tested. I'd personally say the fact that Congress has basically said that anyone born 1952-1986 under the tests implemented in 1986 was retroactively a citizen at birth makes them a natural-born* citizen for the Presidential test, but the Supreme Court sometimes hands down decisions that to my untrained opinion are plainly in error.

          Turns out it's soooooo nearly moot, if Ann had been just 116 days older when Barack was born, he'd have automatically been a citizen wherever the birth took place (the test from 1952 to 1986 required the US citizen parent to have lived in the US for at least 10 years, 5 of them after that parent's 14th birthday; Ann had lived her entire life to the time of Barack's birth within the US – the family didn't move to Hawaii until after statehood – but she was just short of her 19th birthday)

          * there are only two types of citizen – naturalized, and natural-born. Birthers would vigorously dispute this but only because they're idiots, if I really cared I'd dig up the Supreme Court precedent that said more or less exactly what I did, I think it's in Wong Kim Ark

          • And this is why I love the Wonkette. Thanks.

  • PopeEdgardo

    "Sadly he is not any different from all the other judges."

    A sane person might draw a certain conclusion from the fact that all the judges won't entertain her nonsense.

  • To be fair, she often confuses Nazi Germany in the 1930s with the long-term shelter at the YWCA.

  • eggsacklywright

    Needs moar straight-jacket.

  • smellypossum

    Birthers: making stuff up and insisting someone prove them wrong. Throw in some cognitive dissonance. Shake well. Serve.

    Suggestion: How 'bout Ms.Taint proves the negative that she isn't the X-Files Fluke Man in drag.

    (The fluke-man episode was almost as creepy and the inbreeding episode… yeesh.)

    • sullivanst

      I found Eugene Victor Tooms to be the creepiest "Monster of the Week".

  • Mulder…? Mulder?

  • BaldarTFlagass

    Isn't Obama a Cigarette-Smoking Man?

  • It's always about Orly, never about his brother Analy, like how you read about Jose and never his brother Hose-B. Why is this?

  • MiniMencken

    Well, at least she doesn't feel like she is in Nazi Germany in the 1970s. Thems was some rough times, believe you me.

  • Orly Taitz plays a rusty trombone, no doubt.

  • owhatever

    A day without Oily Titz is a good day, no matter what else happens. Unless Bill O'Reilly's vagina gets infested by fire ants, in which case it would become a VERY good day.

  • not that Dewey

    Which of these photos does she include on her business cards?

  • raygotaway

    Orly Taitz, porn star or bad 60s home perm and bleach victim?

  • prommie

    Its something beyond simple intellectual shortcomings, when someone has such obvious a lack of basic social skills. You don't have to know the law, you don't have to know much, to know not to insult and threaten the fucking judge, for example. I mean, my fucking dog, who probably has an IQ of what, 18, my dog, knows enough to kiss my ass, because I am the source of the kibble. My dog, in otherr words, has better social skills than Oily here. Now the suddenly shocking "R-Word" is truly the only appropriate term for people like this, fucktarded social fucking retards. Or, to use the interchangeable, technical terms, Objectivists, Rand-tards, or "Libertarians."

    • emmelemm

      Dogs are much, much, much smarter than we give them credit for. They get US to do what they want. Nuff said.

  • RadioBitchFace

    I'm trying to think what is worse: a bad dentist or a bad lawyer?…and she's both.

  • DahBoner

    I feel like I am in Nazi Germany in the 1930s

    Now ist da goot time to buy da veal estate???

  • TribecaMike

    U.S.urp! U.S.urp! U.S.urp!

    • sullivanst

      Sheesh, she can't even spell derp right.

  • toughsister

    I'd give anything to see Orly Taitz and Sarah Palin in a lesbian porn scene.

  • stefanbc

    As a Californian I weep at what could have been America's greatest Senator

  • Toomush_Infer

    Taitz….Taitz….where's her birth certificate from?….somewhere like Assholistan?…

  • Steverino247

    The difference between Attorney Taitz and a rhesus monkey: When a rhesus monkey throws shit at you, it sticks.

  • BeefHardcake

    I think she went to the Sarah Palin Word-Salad School of Diction and Grammar.

  • Antispandex

    As everyone here knows, I very rarely engage in ad hominem attacks, but that is one ugly woman. Not that it makes her arguments any less appealing. They are ugly and stupid on their own.

  • JustPixelz

    "I feel like I am in Nazi Germany in the 1930s."

    Orly: If you really want to feel like a Russian Jew in Nazi Germany, we could put you in a gas chamber*. Because that's what the real Nazis did. Fuck you for comparing the United States of America with Hitler's Germany. From Wikipedia: "Taitz has also said that she lost relatives in the Holocaust….". You dishonor them.
    * obligatory "with votes" disambiguation

    • emmelemm

      Boy, I maintain a studied ambivalence or agnosticism, if you will, about the existence of ghosts. (Never seen one, don't really think they exist but willing to be proven wrong.)

      But that, that right there, provides pretty damning evidence that there are NO GHOSTS, because if there were, Orly's progenitors would be smacking the ever-loving shit out of her right now.

  • Barrelhse

    The judge was not impressed, despite all the legal obiter dictum such as "At any rate".

  • BZ1

    Not a fashion critic here, but what is she wearing on her head?

  • "Orly Taitz"… hahahahaha.

    just as there are theormodynamic formulae that explain how many kilos of rotten compost one needs to render bio-diesel fuel to power a dump truck… that could be used to haul such compost…

    some day some wiseacre will nail down the exact analogous equation that describes X many words out of Orly Taitz's pie hole it takes to produce Y many comment responses on Wonkette's website.

    • Nostrildamus

      Orly's not a dump truck you put things on. She's more of a series of tubes.

  • RoadScholar

    Technically, "Frau" Doktor Taitz.

    By the way, GREAT picture of her without the mask and wig.

  • docterry6973

    If she were actually in 1930's Nazi Germany she might find that her lawsuits would get a very different response from the government.

  • AlaskaGrrl

    I think I'll take the bar exam. If this dipwad passed it, how hard could it be?

  • randcoolcatdaddy

    "I feel like I am in Nazi Germany in the 1930s.”

    I felt the same way when I woke up in the leather dungeon last weekend. It was all the jodhpurs and kinky boots I guess.

  • oenspiek

    We've all heard the old saw: Orly to bed, and Orly to rise, puts one in Nazi Germany, in the 1930s.

  • LibrarianX

    Did she get her law degree from an ad in the back of Rolling Stone?

  • glesslib

    Is all the capitalization in the middle of sentences and poor grammar actually real? If so, I need to ask the next question. Was it typed, or did she submit her suit to the judge in crayon? Is this the best the right can come up with anymore? Sem- literates?

  • Negropolis

    What is the world does it take to get disbarred?

  • Negropolis

    Wait, I thought America was like Soviet Russia. Make up your fucking mind, Orly.

  • ttommyunger

    "I feel like I am in Nazi Germany in the 1930s.” In her dreams. She would not only fit right in, she would rise to the top, and she fucking well knows it.

  • lulzmonger

    Anyone else notice how Mop-Headed Lady just suddenly switched over from birth certificate to college transcripts without so much as blinking? Safe to say if those transcripts get released, her next target will be medical records, or shopping receipts, or maybe tailor's measurements – FOR LIBERTY. She's crazy like a fox … with a severe brain injury.


  • personalrob

    I told Orly again and again: go after Obama's dental records, because in Kenya they don't keep dental records. So when she can't find them, it would prove he was Kenyan.

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