The first time we came across the work of cub reporter Matthew Boyle, he was calling for Minority Report precogs to watch over the DC Metro (Tube?) and possibly secretly installing Nannycams in Foggy Bottom Starbucks restrooms. But our rising star went on to make quite a name for himself, reporting the shit out of stories like “Michelle Obama Was Black At Harvard,” “Barack Obama Is A New Black Panther,” “WHAT, The DNC Is Registering Black People To Vote???” and the unexpected twist in his oeuvre (because it was not about black people) “Hey Look, This Jew Is A Communist.” And now our little Matthew is all growed up and leaving Tucker Carlson’s Daily Caller (did he get fired, or hired away? There is simply no way to ever know) for the big leagues of Ghost Andrew Breitbart’s Boo-Riffic Night-Time Halloween Haunt.
It’s not that Ghost Andrew Breitbart was a slouch in the Obama Hugs Black Guy stories — they did, after all, produce the masterpiece “Obama Hugs Black Guy.” But they simply couldn’t meet the breadth and depth of the Daily Caller’s BLACK BLACK BLACK BLACKITY BLACK HE’S BLACK Y’ALL journalisms. And obviously, that had to change.
We wish Matthew Boyle all the luck in the world reporting his next masterpiece, “Sasha and Malia Obama: Knocked Up By Thugs?”
And if you a current or lapsed Klan member you may want to apply over at Tucker Carlson’s Daily Caller before MediaBistro gets the listing and John Derbyshire beats you to it.
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Ricks can't prove that he never didn't do something that he would never do anyway. Probably.
“Joe Scarborough wants everyone to make $250,000 per year. “
Public sector workers will be delighted to hear this.
Eww, more ooze from a Matthew "Lanced" Boil piece.
"Boyle"… I wonder… is that a Blah Irish name?
Suspicious. Very suspicious…
No Irish need apply.
It wasn't that long ago, Matt.
More like Brown Irish, in that other Irishmen think he's shite.
Hey Actor, Oy’ll be having a Black Oyrish please.
I love the smell of Guinness and whisky in the morning.
O'Bamaugh is an Blah Irish name. I don't know what the hell Boyle is outside of something you lance.
Boyle is a town in county Roscommon, Ireland.
I'm sure it is.
I'd have thought one would pursue Rick Santorum as a feature celebrity blahgger.
He may not be 'intrepid' but he's certainly been misintrepided often enough.
He would have wanted actual money.
Chipmunk here literally works for peanuts.
Apparently WIng Nut Daily locked Santorum up to an "exclusive" deal. Exclusively what, beyond batshit crazy, I have no idea.
Rick is all tied up at the World Net Daily for his “columns”.
Pursuing Santorum is not a good idea.
Remember, it means you're behind him.
Somebody poured cold molasses on our innertubes.
Damn right. I was so besides myself with impatience and not waitingness, that I went and made myself a cup of tea only to come back and it hadn't finished loading yet.
Is this what happens when you get a boil on your neck?
It's slower than mole's asses in January, sure enough.
But boy can that Boyle woman sing.
Could be Matt wearing a dress?
Well, have YOU ever seen them in the same room? It would be irresponsible not to speculate!
Sources say…
So do some people.
Y'know, I've now read that on the Internet in at least three different places…
"I dreamed a dream of times gone by
A time when niggras knew their places…."
Matthew Boyle, everyone.
Golly, does he ever got soul!
If only we had some black Wonkeratti who could weigh in on this…
I was black as recently as 50,000 years ago. Does that count?
Well, can you or can't you catch a cab in Manhattan?
Call for Negropolis on line 3…
and/or angry blak guy
*sigh* I remember when I got my boot camp haircut.
Something Full Metal Jackety about his picture. These skinheads are really letting themselves go.
I wonder if Mitt Romney gave him that haircut? Egg says Mitt is very giving…
He looks like he borrowed his big brother's suit.
I will grudgingly give him one very tiny point for not wearing a bow tie.
Now, if he could just learn to properly tie the one he *is* wearing, presumably borrowed from his Dad…
Too bad about the color, but dad had mom tied up with the dark blue one.
What's George Zimmerman doing calling out minorities like this? Not helping your case mon.
Stand on the Browns law
Sorry, Wonketeers, but the First and Second Amendment guarantees that brave keyboard soldiers like Boyle get to be a raycist and stupid as they want and STAND THEIR UNTENABLE INTELLECTUAL GROUNDS forever and ever and you can't say anything nasty about them or suggest that they are handicapped upstairs because that is hatred (of white people, natch) and impeding of their freedumb.
Yep, he has the right to be raycist and stupid and the internet is here now to create a near-permanent record of what he's saying so that he can embarrass his family for generations.
And, ideally, destroy any hope of ever holding public office.
Erick son of Erick curses you for reminding him of that.
There's a whole self-help industry waiting to happen for the descendants of these morans.
Ya know, now *there's* an interesting bidness opportunity!!!
"The first step, Matt, is admitting you're an ignorant, bigoted dickhead."
- Hi, my name's Matt, and I'm an ignorant, bigoted dickhead.
- Hi, Matt.
Children of Ignorant, Bigoted Dickheads has more growth potential. Less denial in the next generation…
If Darwin was correct, there won't be any future generations as this floater in the shallow end of the gene pool will fap itself into history.
So if you fap too much, you'll fade away? I really kind of need to know. For a friend.
Tell your friend that tube socks will not bear children, no matter how much lubricant you, I mean, he uses.
You sound like a real wingnut except spelling, grammar and lack of ALL CAPS.
Glad someone's out there keeping the world safe for rich white dudes. Also glad the Wingnutterati hires people fluent in Jive.
Of course they would have people fluent in jive. Even the most brainwashed libtard would have to acknowledge that our communist leader got his start community organizing in the CB4 neighborhood.
Well, thank Mormon Jesus Matthew's got FOUR MORE YEARS notice all the blackness there is, cause BlackBarry ain't going a damn place. Suck it and like it, I know I will.
I don't mean to sound racist…BUT! if we clean up the blah community (i.e. throw in jail, repatriate back to where ever they're from), it'll take care of–oh, 99% of the country's problems, right?
And now I have to take a shower/acid bath after getting my head in a Daily Caller mind space.
Don't forget changing the Social Security retirement age to the average life expectancy of a black man. It will solve all of our deficit probs ever ever ever.
"…. the average life expectancy of a black man, PLUS ONE YEAR."
/ fixed
Then the next step will be repatriating the white folks back to where ever they're from, right? Right?
Wait, so you jumped off the Titanic onto the Lusitania? Bless his stupid, hydrocephalic head.
Yo, Boyle, Easter Island called, they want their bighead back.
TODD & THE MONSTERS LIBEL!
You could drill three holes* in the back of that head and probably bowl at least a 220 game.
*with votes
I call bullshit. That's a gutterball waiting to happen if I've ever seen one.
Go for the 1-3 pocket. You know it's gonna hook to the right.
♪♫ Sailing, Sailing, over the bounders main
for many a stormy wind shall blow when
JackBoyle comes home again.♫♪CWA = Chigger With Assholitude.
Win-esque.
So. Who's the chipmunk?
Well, he's not wearing glasses so he can't be Simon…
ALVIN!!!!! LIBEL
I'm thinking more Theodore, in that he doesn't even have Alvin's sense of adventure and is just a fucking moron.
Ah Theodore, the Pete Best of the Chipmunks.
Fucks dead Breitbarts.
No no no, we lurv dead Andy Breitbarts! (They're the best kind.)
The dream of every racist fish is to swim in a bigger racist pond.
In the words of that late great American Rodney King."Can'ts we alls just gets along."
I think Popeye said that. He was the one who had problems with plurals.
Boyle will be revealed as a closeted Black Person in 10…9…8…7…
I'd be curious to see Mr. Boyle's word association test.
He has a very punchable face.
With votes/ a roll of quarters.
Or as they say in Germany, backpfeifengesicht
Or as they say in Israel, PaDa"M.
L'chaim y'all (to those in South Israel)
Race baiter joins circle jerk.
race masturbator?
But our rising star went on to make quite a name for himself,
reporting the shit out ofshitting out stories like “Michelle Obama Was Black At Harvard…FIFY
In Matty's defense, Obama is black and Matt needs a paycheck.
Seems to me this fellow learned a great deal about race from Linda McMahon:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DQh4gYVXn0Q
Hey, man, Pimpin' ain't easy!
Is this the same "Boyle" that was on Rush's ass, the one that kept him out of the war? That might explain the smell that surrounds him.
Another refreshing point of view! Like a brand new cup of tea!
Something about that face is just unfinished. Like, he wasn't done gestating, he looks like one of those half-human things you see on the signs held up by anti-abortion protesters; or like maybe if Rick Santorum's dead baby had lived.
DYNASTY LIBEL!
Pigman from Seinfeld Libel!
I heard he sleeps in a jar.
Obama is black?
My 96-yo granddad recently told my mom that he was not aware until recently that our president was a black man.
For years as a middle school, radio-listening dweeb I thought Steely Dan's singer was a black man. By the time I actually laid eyes on one of their album covers in the store — I was beside myself, not to learn I had their race completely wrong, but that such amazing music could come from such hideous men (I had a lot left to learn — I owe much today to hideousness of all kinds)~
He never saw him in daylight?
I don't see it. He's so well-spoken.
And clean.
Isn't O'Bama an Irish name?
“Black Irish” When the Spanish Armada was defeated ….
I think he might be some kind of Spanish…
“Black Irish” When the Spanish Armada was defeated ….
He is "halfrican," according to noted ethnologist Rush Limbaugh.
Ethnologist: n., bloated, self infatuated, dispenser of nonsense.
If only we had known this before the election!
Damn radio. When’s that TitieVEE thing they’s talkin’ ‘bout startin’?
Talk about these people being racist, and they knee-jerk deny it. How the hell does he not know that he is racist?
He doesn't know? You sure about that?
Actually, no, I'm not sure. Just going by the amount these self-righteous jackholes on the right get so offended by being called racist. I'd be happier if they just owned up to it.
They're not racist; you're the racist!
Yup, someone who wasn't racist wouldn't be so hypersensitive to every little racial slur.
Racist cabbage patch kid is racist.
Are his pressure and volume constant?
Thats his law. PV must be C.
Pity his temperature keeps rising…
I've got to admit, Mika is almost as easy to fap to as those cartoon girls in those posters
Toricelli, too. Also.
Plus.
Heisenberg called from his grave and asked if you're certain about that.
He certainly isn't much of a credit to his race.
But a debit to humanity.
Give him a pint of ethylene glycol and the pressure will stay below the point of vaporization.
A JELLY DONUT?! ARE YOU ALLOWED TO HAVE FOOD IN THE NEWSROOM, PRIVATE BOYLE?
Dude should learn how to wear a tie before he gets his picture taken.
In fairness, his kind only wear ties to funerals, weddings and court dates, so….
I don't see an American flag lapel pin, either!
Commie Bastard.
In Ghostly Andy's Scary-Not-Merry Haunted House of Horror, you don't want to know what they dress up as to jump out of the darkness to scare you.
(It's black people. Occasionally a woman seeking contraception, but mostly black people.)
Don't forget the homos!
And the wimmenz! Frightening stuff, that.
Wow — it seems like just yesterday li'l Trig was getting a spit-comb in his sister's lap and now look at him all grown up.
Ooo, you're going to be in so much trouble when mom finds out.
Which is why I always say, if you can't say something nice about someone, say it during a server migration so the editrix will be too busy to notice.
Today, we are all racists — reverse or otherwise.
Is a reverse racist like a reverse cowgirl?
I think you may be on to something.
Or into something?
Why do I have a feeling that blowhole has Aryan Nation prison tats under that terrible fitting shirt?
Those weren't be choice. His husband made him get them.
Lindsay likes tattoos, too?
Tucker Carlson is especially proud of the tat he put on Boyle's ass that reads "Tucker's Bottom Bitch – Insert Here".
If babyface Boyle finds the topic of THUGGY too menacing… I'd like to see him take on the Huggy element…
Mr. Boyle could probably use a good strong editorial pimp hand to focus his efforts. And by the looks of his authorial labors, he's good at doing the same dirty job over and over again.
Racist goes to work for Big Racist..
Was never aware of his existence before and will now go back to that state.
Alt alt-text: "If elected student body president, I will…"
"remove all non-whites from the school"..
OK, we've looked at Zardoz-head up there at the top of the page quite long enough, thanks. Dok, you got any ponies?
5 seconds was "quite long enough" for me, I'd fap for unicorns at this point.
Sorry- I've gotta disagree- even this is better than those damned ponies.
"green energy boondoggles"
That's my favorite breakfast cereal!
WHEATIES LIBEL!
OT: I am officially pleased about the new server. Now I can log in at work without always getting Lying lies of Paul Ryan from August!!
"Lying lies of Paul Ryan" is redundant, the same as saying "An asshole in a pickup truck", or "A Conservative Republican".
It's not a "Tube".
Also too, no Starbucks in Foggy Bottom.
Precogs? That's classified…
Looks like Baby Huey on a bad day.
Chubby No-neck says "Where my biscuits?"…
Awesome alt text!
Looks more like a cub scout than a cub reporter…
Apropos of nothing, it's probably not good if the targeted ads one is seeing include Underberg by the case?
Auto Editor Sees All. All Hail Auto Editor.
Assume Boyle burst.
Did he have head lice? Is that why his hair is cut off?
I was skimming his "Hi my name is Matthew and I'll be your investigative reporter today" intro over at Dead Breitbart and man, forget the content, he is just a shitty writer. Also, he is only 25, for fuck's sake. I didn't know anything when I was 25 either. This will be fun.
Oh, the one entitled "I’m enlisting to fight in Andrew Breitbart’s war." I'd be more impressed if the little fuck would enlist in the Army, oh and let me point out that by the time I was little Matthew's age I had been in for eight years.
Which Teletubby was he? Dipsy? Laa-Laa?
He's a funny little imp.
Matthew is in fact, a boil.
It is obviously a fact: there is no bottom to the Right-Wing Barrel.
Then it's definitely true!
I read it on the Internet too, also. It must be true!
See? Now it's been confirmed!
This Internet stuff is easy.
Oh, here's an enormous opportunity! Because everyone thinks their parents are ignorant dickheads at least once in their life. Usually when they're around 15 or 16.
So, what I'm getting from this is, "stay away from argyle." Done and done!
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