MITT'S TIME  8:54 am December 3, 2012

Ann And Mitt Romney Adjust To Sad Lonely Life Of Regular Old Centi-Millionaires

by Kris E. Benson

romney, right before his screen saver went onMitt Romney is SO VERY SAD, you guys. All he wanted was to be President. That’s it. He had a dream, just a simple dream, and You People crushed it. So now he spends his days alone, shuffling around in his $1000 bathrobes, talking to secret service personnel that aren’t there. And Ann! This has been ESPECIALLY hard on Ann, who is Above all of this.

Are we bad people because we are kind of happy to learn that Ann Romney spends her days “crying softly,” trying desperately to adjust to a life filled with mansions and Austrian warmbloods instead of political events and secret service motorcades?

By all accounts, the past month has been most difficult on Romney’s wife, Ann, who friends said believed up until the end that ascending to the White House was their destiny. They said she has been crying in private and trying to get back to riding her horses.


Ha! Ha! Ha! So the joke is on You People, who will just have to find a way to live with the fact that you robbed Mitt of his destiny.

And Mitt. Poor, poor Mitt.

Four weeks after losing a presidential election he was convinced he would win, Romney’s rapid retreat into seclusion has been marked by repressed emotions, second-guessing and, perhaps for the first time in the overachiever’s adult life, sustained boredom, according to interviews with more than a dozen of Romney’s closest friends and advisers… Romney hangs around the house, sometimes alone, pecking away at his iPad and e-mailing his CEO buddies who have been swooping in and out of La Jolla to visit.

Oh and that picture of Mitt pumping gas and looking like who did it and ran? Don’t worry, that is not part of the thing where he is bored and confronting the banality of affluence for the first time in his adult life, and mourning the disappearance of a special servant to make peanut butter honey sandwiches. No, he just looks like that all the time, which is kind of worse in a way, and also makes us happy because (as established) we are bad people.

Friends say a snapshot-gone-viral showing a disheveled Romney pumping gas is just how he looks without a suit on his frame or gel in his hair.

Mitt has “friends,” did you know that? And they’re such good “friends” they’re happy to confirm to the Washington Post that yes, Mitt really does look exactly like he looks in that horribly unflattering picture, so that was nice of them. Oh and the Romney Thanksgiving? Since you asked, of all the sons he could have invited to come home for Thanksgiving, Mitt picked the scary one, Josh. Then Mitt and Ann and Josh and Josh’s wife and their four kids all ate dinner in the bedroom of a Spanish villa. Or maybe they all slept in the one bedroom together for some reason, which sounds weird also. Either way, the whole thing sounds weird.

Over Thanksgiving, one of Romney’s five sons, Josh, his wife and their four children packed into a single bedroom at the Spanish-style villa on Dunemere Drive here. One friend said they ordered their turkey dinner from Boston Market, the home-style restaurant chain, because there were too many kids running around the house to bother with cooking a feast.

And: four kids? FOUR kids and they couldn’t bother cooking a dinner? Okay, that’s fine. You don’t have to cook Thanksgiving dinner, and fuck the patriarchy that says you do, Ann! But Boston Market? That’s how you know Ann is really depressed. Anybody else get the feeling she never came out of her master’s suite at all and finally someone was like “we better order some Boston Market”? Are Mormons allowed to pop Mothers Little Helpers?

Anyway, poor Mitt and Ann. Poor, sad, Mitt and Ann, having to nurse their wounds with their hundreds of millions of dollars. And probably pills, we are just guessing.

[Washington Post]

 
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{ 241 comments }

BadKitty904 November 29, 2012 at 9:04 am

Damnyankees…

Mumbletypeg November 29, 2012 at 9:05 am

Feels like Christmas, with the red "ink" hyperlinks back in action. Maybe I will compose a carol about it.

ETA: wow, that's trippy. Now you see red, now you don't — like "disappearing" ink, rather!

Grief_Lessons November 29, 2012 at 9:08 am

Are most of the people you meet intractable idiots with short attention spans and no insight into themselves or the world around them? Me too. Hell, I'm like that most of the time. This is the central weaknes of democracy: the requirement to put human beings in charge.

freakishlywrong November 29, 2012 at 9:13 am

As progressive as the City is, there are parts of New York that could scare Kentucky.

memzilla November 29, 2012 at 9:13 am

The war between Upstate — rural red, mostly — and Downstate (NYC) New York continues unchanged.

Upstate New York's major industry is the Prison Industrial Complex. Downstate supplies the, er, "human capital." Upstate not only benefits economically, but congressionally: prisoners are counted in its census to determine representation in both the State Legislature and the US House of Representatives.

Traditionally, Upstate vetoes any spending which primarily benefits Downstate, with a disproportionate influence thanks to Downstate's "relocated" population.

BaldarTFlagass November 29, 2012 at 9:13 am

So now Wonkette has regional pages, like ESPNBoston and ESPNNewYork?

Chet Kincaid_ November 29, 2012 at 9:49 am

Jesus, there are more double-crosses and double-agents in this story than a John le Carré novel.

Yellerdawg November 29, 2012 at 10:44 am

See? All the sudden Texas isn't looking so bad, right? In Texas, we put our crazy right out front for everyone to see.

Chet Kincaid_ November 29, 2012 at 10:48 am

Cuomo — oh yeah, he was that guy in the '80s that was always thundering about being "the son of immigrants!" and FDR, right? He was going to rub out Reagan, but somebody whispered that he was mobbed up, so he ran away and hid.

calliecallie November 29, 2012 at 4:00 pm

My mom spent years complaining about the NY state legislature…and then I moved her to Michigan. She now readily admits that Albany has got nothing on Detroit (or Lansing).

BZ1 November 30, 2012 at 12:26 am

Who names their kid, "Simcha"?

natl_[redacted]_cmdr December 3, 2012 at 3:59 pm

Tagg Romney?

memzilla December 3, 2012 at 8:59 am

Ze comments, zhey are so… 'ow you say? TIME SHIFTED.

johnnyzhivago December 3, 2012 at 9:01 am

I see kitten photos in our future!

boskolives December 3, 2012 at 9:40 am

You will see ponies and unicorns long before those kittens return.

ManchuCandidate December 3, 2012 at 9:02 am

I blame Inspector Spacetime.

BZ1 December 3, 2012 at 8:59 am

Do we really care about the Rmoneys other than they came awfully close to establishing a new oligarchy. Can you imagine the kids all prepping up for a continuous dynasty of the rich?

miss_grundy December 3, 2012 at 9:52 am

Isn't that what the Bushes want to do? After all, the GOP is now rallying around el amigo, Jeb Bush. Considering how much he messed up Florida, can you imagine what he would do in the Casa Blanca?????

johnnyzhivago December 3, 2012 at 9:00 am

Sheldon Adelson apparently spent $150M to elect Romney – I imagine he even feels worse!

SorosBot November 27, 2012 at 2:59 pm

Oh no my box has shrunk back down!

thatsitfortheother1 December 3, 2012 at 9:04 am

On the other hand, I'm feeling REAL good about the couple hundred bucks I sent Obama's campaign.

vulpes82 December 3, 2012 at 9:07 am

Yeah, that donation money was all worth it. Not only did it help his reelection (and it TOTALLY made the difference, I'm positive! He still emails!), it soothed me during the darkest days of the election. Every time I'd start to have a panic attack, I'd just donate $20 and POOF, I felt better.

thatsitfortheother1 December 3, 2012 at 9:18 am

Same exact experience. And the bastids made it so easy to throw it on the credit card every time I had a run in with some wingnut…

boskolives December 3, 2012 at 9:38 am

$150M is chump change for Sheldon Adelson, it was a meager effort to get America to "change to his choice of chump".

mavenmaven December 3, 2012 at 9:00 am

To me, this part of the story explained everything to me, either a metaphor for his career or they are actually undead:
The former Republican nominee was spotted with his wife, Ann, at a screening of the new "Twilight" movie, "Breaking Dawn — Part 2," in Del Mar, Calif., on Saturday.

boskolives December 3, 2012 at 9:34 am

They should have gone to "Breaking Wind", closer to the future of his political career.

miss_grundy December 3, 2012 at 9:55 am

They should have gone to "Killing Them Softly" so they could relive to good old days of 2008, as Dubya and friends nearly took America over the cliff. The ending is sweet as you watch Bammerz talk about one America….

thatsitfortheother1 December 3, 2012 at 9:02 am

WTF, new server up and limping?

randcoolcatdaddy December 3, 2012 at 9:02 am

Disheveled and crying in private? Yeah, that describes many Republicans I know even when there's not an election.

miss_grundy December 3, 2012 at 9:57 am

He should go out and buy Annie another horsey considering all the money they have. And WTF, they couldn't make Thanksgiving dinner because of four kids whoopin and hollerin? I've been invited to Thanksgiving dinners where you had eight little ones running around and they were still able to roast a turkey and cook sides and bake pies. Damn these rich people are lazy!

johnnyzhivago December 3, 2012 at 9:02 am

Mitt just stands in his car elevator – going up and down – for hours.

Mumbling….

It's pathetic.

greenloner December 3, 2012 at 1:28 pm

You're right. It is pathetic. I even find myself feeling sorry they're so sad. BUT, had they won, the sorrow I'd be feeling now would be so much more profound than theirs because it would be not only for myself but also for every other inhabitant of this country, including even the deluded idiots who voted for him.

They appear to think that because they lived on a shoestring when Mitt was a missionary and then in graduate school, that they understand what it's like not to be rich, thus what it's like to be poor in a country that is rapidly dismantling its safety nets. They understand NOTHING. They are CLUELESS.

BaldarTFlagass December 3, 2012 at 9:05 am

Rosebud.

BaldarTFlagass December 3, 2012 at 9:06 am

What the fuck is going on with these comments? It's driving me mad.

eggsacklywright December 3, 2012 at 9:34 am

Like dropping pebbles into the void.

not that Dewey December 3, 2012 at 9:38 am

Why? Just because some people commented on the story 4 days ago, and we're only just getting to it now? Sounds like our problem, not theirs.

UW8316154 December 3, 2012 at 10:32 am

But Baldar, there is *nothing* wrong with the comment thread. What are you talking about? Are you feeling okay? Can I get you a pepsi?

thatsitfortheother1 December 3, 2012 at 9:06 am

I think they might have won if Ann hadn't worn that fugly fish/bird shirt on the teevee.

Tangled sin tax December 3, 2012 at 11:40 am

You People just don't appreciate fine taste.

ManchuCandidate December 3, 2012 at 9:07 am

Not surprised at all. There was some talk about how he believed his destiny was being the first Mormoni Preznit. The truth is that money and the trappings of wealth don't mean much if your dreams are shattered like the companies Bain ruined.

For once in his life, he can now feel like one of the many workers he outsourced.

miss_grundy December 3, 2012 at 9:59 am

Huzzah! Well said, sir!

Chichikovovich December 3, 2012 at 10:00 am

Or at least, he will if they ask him to build the stage for Obama's inaugural.

BigSkullF*ckingDog December 3, 2012 at 9:08 am

Are those comments really from three days ago? Are these reruns? Is the wonkette in syndication now?

eggsacklywright December 3, 2012 at 9:53 am

All comments now go on the Mobius strip.

CrunchyKnee December 3, 2012 at 9:08 am

IT dude is slacking like a wingnut job creator in the USA.

kittensdontlie December 3, 2012 at 9:08 am

Yes it was his dream, but our nightmare.

UW8316154 December 3, 2012 at 9:09 am

Is it just me or are the comments lost in a space-time continuum on this thread? Am I drunk or still asleep? I can't figure out if this thread is about New York or Mitt Romney’s sad sad wife, weeping softly while lying on a bed of Benjamins….

vulpes82 December 3, 2012 at 9:10 am

What lets you REALLY know the Romneys are really out of it is that, evidently, they let Consuela and Juanita actually have Thanksgiving off! Thus the Boston Market, when Anna and Mrs. Bates realized they didn't actually know how to cook a turkey. ("You put the stuffing WHERE?!")

thatsitfortheother1 December 3, 2012 at 9:21 am

I get my whole year's worth of fisting on Thanksgiving…

Goonemeritus December 3, 2012 at 9:10 am

From someone very familiar with days spent quietly sobbing, I feel compelled to recommend the curative properties of scotch whiskey. Anonymous sex can also be helpful, but whatever else you might do stay away from playing 80’s music over and over.

thatsitfortheother1 December 3, 2012 at 9:23 am

I recommend Laphroaig. Has that toasted taste.

Goonemeritus December 3, 2012 at 9:32 am

I went to a Scotch tasting when I was bored one night on business travel. The representative from Laphroaig explained why that whisky hailing from the wetter/ colder parts of Scotland require more burn time with burning peat fires to dry the grain hence they acquire more of that smoked flavor.

thatsitfortheother1 December 3, 2012 at 9:43 am

Yep. And single malts are actually pretty simple to make, compared to wine or beer. Dry and grind the malt, make watery bread out of it and distill it. Amazing the different flavors that come from the Highlands.

eggsacklywright December 3, 2012 at 9:40 am

Macallan 12 for me. The 18 is too oaky. Love the peaty goodness. Makes me proud to be a Scottish person.

thatsitfortheother1 December 3, 2012 at 9:58 am

Make mine Glenmorangie 10 year neat. For the opposite reason.

eggsacklywright December 3, 2012 at 10:26 am

Well, at least we agree on the neat part. Salud.

sullivanst December 3, 2012 at 11:18 am

I always thought of the taste of Laphroaig as being more like dirt… until my employers left a bottle of the 25 year old inadequately hidden behind an open bar with undertrained staff – it's a whole other thing, and were I as rich as Mitt, that'd be my go-to. Sadly I just can't seem to find a spare $450 for a bottle.

thatsitfortheother1 December 4, 2012 at 7:44 am

Not just dirt, but the dirt that is left behind in a fire ring, with a charred log or two.

On the other hand, if you drink it downwind from such a fire, it tastes like water.

boskolives December 3, 2012 at 9:32 am

Especially that Debbie Boone hit song, and you know which one I mean since there was only one, and now you'll be humming it all day.

Chet Kincaid_ December 3, 2012 at 9:58 am

Ann's depression is not being helped by all the Joy Division and Fun Boy Three.

TavariousChinaSmith December 3, 2012 at 10:35 am

You will never take away my mental image of Egg locking herself in her room, turning up the stereo and repeatedly playing the Go-Go's and Bananarama, and every time Mitt knocks on the door to try to talk to her, she jacks up the volume.

Chet Kincaid_ December 3, 2012 at 11:12 am

Kajagoogoo Libel!!

prommie December 3, 2012 at 10:22 am

Good advice, but too late for me. The Smiths, god help me.

eggsacklywright December 3, 2012 at 10:27 am

Girlfriend's in a coma. Just like Ann.

prommie December 3, 2012 at 11:05 am

How Soon is Now.

edgydrifter December 3, 2012 at 11:50 am

Ah, the litmus of misery. When you play that song as loudly as you can stand and nobody screams at you to turn it the fuck down, you are truly alone in the world.

Joshua Norton December 3, 2012 at 9:11 am

I dunno guys. Remember that everyone thought Nixon went away the first time he ran and lost. He also threw plenty of butt-hurt hissy fits about how we all wouldn't have him to "kick around any more".

Rmoney may still have a chance to cross "Be president" off his bucket list and screw us all over.

Scary thought, I know.

Tangled sin tax December 3, 2012 at 11:55 am

"Tiiiiime is on our side, yes it is". He has (marginally) enough more turns on the Hamster Wheel of Life to run in '16 but I don't think even his loot can buy him back into the nomination that early. After that It's Too Late Baby. Although since I'm the same age he is the Satisfaction will be tempered by the sound of the clods of earth falling onto our caskets.

Chet Kincaid_ December 3, 2012 at 11:59 am

Mark my words: it will never happen. He will never run for office again, and his party now hates his guts. Nixon analogy doesn't count, because Mitt has already run for President twice and lost.

fuflans December 3, 2012 at 5:02 pm

right.

no way republicans are letting him get NEAR the presidency again. and their 'a-list' will be coming off the fence for 2016.

Barrelhse December 3, 2012 at 9:11 am

Kris-is this a record breaker? Two pages of comments in a matter of minutes, most of them about something else!

Chichikovovich December 3, 2012 at 10:04 am

Have you heard anything about the NHL lockout negotiations?

deanbooth December 3, 2012 at 11:48 am

And yet, No Views.

Chow Yun Flat December 3, 2012 at 9:11 am

This is what happens when the IT contract goes to SlackerDudes, Inc.

thatsitfortheother1 December 3, 2012 at 9:27 am

Motto: Bites Big One. Or Zero.

Chow Yun Flat December 3, 2012 at 9:38 am

They think they have all the ones and zeros they need–now it is just getting them in the right order.

thatsitfortheother1 December 3, 2012 at 10:00 am

You'd think getting 95% of them in the right order would work pretty well…

tessiee December 3, 2012 at 9:11 am

"Austrian warmbloods"

You know who ELSE was an Austrian warmblood?

Fare la Volpe December 3, 2012 at 9:14 am

No one.

thatsitfortheother1 December 3, 2012 at 9:24 am

Win. I take it you've been there?

Chichikovovich December 3, 2012 at 9:55 am

Not since Mozart anyway.

Barrelhse December 3, 2012 at 9:14 am

Let's not say "Arnold".

UW8316154 December 3, 2012 at 9:15 am

Otto II?

BaldarTFlagass December 3, 2012 at 9:17 am

The Habsburg Jawlines?

Fare la Volpe December 3, 2012 at 9:35 am
thatsitfortheother1 December 3, 2012 at 9:26 am

Die Österreicher spend their days trying to convince everybody that Bach was Austrian and Hitler was German.

BaldarTFlagass December 3, 2012 at 9:35 am

Kurt Waldheim?

Chow Yun Flat December 3, 2012 at 9:42 am

Archduke Ferdinand?

TavariousChinaSmith December 3, 2012 at 10:21 am

Speaking of which, you know who ELSE was a sore loser?

Jerri December 3, 2012 at 9:13 am

Although the comment mash-up here has me confused and alarmed, the thought of Ann spending her days like some kind of cartoonish soap opera depressive brings me great joy. (I'm kind of a dick that way.)

BaldarTFlagass December 3, 2012 at 9:13 am

So, this is going to become a "Billy Pilgrim blog," e.g. unstuck in time?

Monsieur_Grumpe December 3, 2012 at 9:46 am

?kcuf eht tahW

PubOption December 3, 2012 at 9:13 am

Ann is doing a poor job of working as a mother, if she has to order food from Boston Market.

KobayashiMaru December 3, 2012 at 9:15 am

I'm gonna order some Boson Market and watch the Wonkette comment shitshow. WTF?

BaldarTFlagass December 3, 2012 at 9:34 am

Is that the Boson Market over there by the Large Hadron Collider at the CERN in Switzerland?

thatsitfortheother1 December 3, 2012 at 9:48 am

ISWYDT.

Coulda had one in Waxahatchie, except government.

GregComlish December 3, 2012 at 11:08 am

Conflating bosons with fermions is a major nerd faux pas

tessiee December 3, 2012 at 9:16 am

"Oh and that picture of Mitt pumping gas and looking like who did it and ran? Don’t worry, [...] he just looks like that all the time"

Sorry, not buying it.
I think it went like this:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WJ7FGWcR3UE

boskolives December 3, 2012 at 9:26 am

Before I saw the photo, when I heard that Mitt was seen pumping his own gas it meant he was caught in the act of fap-turbation, master of his own shrinking domain as it were.

thatsitfortheother1 December 3, 2012 at 9:33 am

One must pump the gas when one cannot check the oil.

synykyl December 3, 2012 at 9:16 am

F*** the Romneys and the dancing horse they rode in on.

UW8316154 December 3, 2012 at 9:17 am

Mitt and Ann finally found something that their money can't buy.

thatsitfortheother1 December 3, 2012 at 9:29 am

Taste? Class? Warmth? Personality?

tessiee December 3, 2012 at 9:43 am

Empathy? Ethics? Twinkies?

thatsitfortheother1 December 3, 2012 at 9:49 am

Mmmmm, Twinkies.

boskolives December 3, 2012 at 9:57 am

Please leave Lindsay Graham out of this

Negropolis December 3, 2012 at 9:49 am

All of them, Tessiee.

Chichikovovich December 3, 2012 at 9:51 am

Well, their money could have bought the Presidency, if instead of spending it on TV ads, etc. they had thought to give free stuff to Those People. How expensive could a few food stamp cards to 50.1 % of the population be, anyway?

thatsitfortheother1 December 3, 2012 at 10:04 am

Niccolò Machiavelli, è che si?

BerkeleyBear December 3, 2012 at 11:11 am

Machiavelli would not approve of Romney or GOP pols generally. Not so much because of what they do as how badly they do it.

He'd also want any sort of giveaway like this to be followed by purging the ranks of the opposition, preferably in a montage of death as a sweeping aria played.

BerkeleyBear December 3, 2012 at 11:08 am

But that would be giving people a hand out, not "opportunity". The horror!

Why couldn't they at least have done a big splashy charity giveaway, like city pols like to do around Thanksgiving? It works like a fucking charm, despite being a transparent piece of graft, because people are a bunch of short term interested idiots by and large. Hence the middle classes willingness, all the mockery that ensued notwithstanding, to wait in line to get their share of government cheese when Reagan gave it out in the 80s.

Goonemeritus December 3, 2012 at 9:17 am

Is it time to punch the Wonkette programmer in his junk yet?

eggsacklywright December 3, 2012 at 9:44 am

Like Ash said in the first Alien movie, after he esplodes. "You really don't know what you're dealing with here."

Chichikovovich December 3, 2012 at 9:47 am

I dunno, I see an upside. I could grow to like seeing the "weeping Ann" post every four days or so for the rest of my life. I was already starting to miss it.

thatsitfortheother1 December 3, 2012 at 9:50 am

Not to put too fine a point on it, but I believe we're looking at his junk right now.

eggsacklywright December 3, 2012 at 9:58 am

The angle of the dangle is incorrect.

thatsitfortheother1 December 3, 2012 at 10:05 am

His meat'll be on the street.

cousinitt December 3, 2012 at 9:18 am

Well, since this is Back to the Future Day at Wonkette, sing it Chrissie!

" It is time for you to stop all of your sobbing
Yes it's time for you to stop all of your sobbing oh oh oh
There's one thing you gotta do
To make me still want you
Gotta stop sobbing now
Yeah yeah stop it stop it"

kittensdontlie December 3, 2012 at 9:41 am

I prefer Elton's calming lyrics:
It's sad, it's so sad
It's a sad, sad situation
And it's getting more and more absurd
It's sad, so sad
Why can't we talk it over
Always seems to me
That sorry seems to be the hardest word.

Sorry Mitt…. *crocodile tear*

tessiee December 3, 2012 at 9:18 am

"Romney’s wife, Ann, who friends said believed up until the end that ascending to the White House was their destiny."

Actually, they *both* believed it (love that "ascending", btw), and they believed it up until a couple of minutes *after* the end, which is why Mitt had to have his manservant pull a concession speech out of his ass.

miss_grundy December 3, 2012 at 10:09 am

Because the Inaugural web site had already gone live. Sad, isn't it? Nah….more like what an arrogant dirtbag!

tessiee December 3, 2012 at 9:22 am

"One friend said they ordered their turkey dinner from Boston Market, the home-style restaurant chain, because there were too many kids running around the house to bother with cooking a feast."

Ch'yeah, right, Ann cooks the roast beast herself and totally doesn't make Maria de Luz work on Thanksgiving or anything!

boskolives December 3, 2012 at 9:23 am

In his dreams of being in the White House, Mitt didn't picture himself going into the Oval Office through the servants entrance. Oh, our Bamz is really a sore winner.

tessiee December 3, 2012 at 9:44 am

I suspect that Michelle is, too — if you know what I mean, and I think you do.

boskolives December 3, 2012 at 9:51 am

Yes, Michelle looks like she could cut a bitch, and if there ever was a bitch just crying out to be cut….. With votes, of course.

tessiee December 3, 2012 at 9:24 am

"mourning the disappearance of a special servant to make peanut butter honey sandwiches."

Can't he just steal Elvis' guy?

CrunchyKnee December 3, 2012 at 9:25 am

"IT'Z MITT'S TIME!!!!11!" *

*To be a butt-hurt dumbass douchenozzle. So, "sad."

thatsitfortheother1 December 3, 2012 at 9:52 am

Boz Skaggs libel.

MozakiBlocks December 3, 2012 at 9:29 am

Damn I have a monster hangover this morning (too much nog and not enough egg) and the Wonkette server isn't helping.

eggsacklywright December 3, 2012 at 9:47 am

Kinda the opposite of Mittz. Too much Egg and not enough Nog. Rudolph Wurlitzer would snicker.

actor212 December 3, 2012 at 9:32 am

Wow, this took forever to load! The server boys protesting the lack of buttsechs?

thatsitfortheother1 December 3, 2012 at 10:07 am

Aren't we all really?

prommie December 3, 2012 at 9:35 am

Fuck them both with a rusty old buick. I hope their servants continue to spit in their food as you KNOW they do, I hope they fucking choke on their fucking disappointed fucking entitlement, with no votes, I mean it, a rusty old fucking Buick from the fifties when the bumpers were covered with fucking knobs and random protrusions, fuck them with a giant old car.

eggsacklywright December 3, 2012 at 10:00 am

You are one eloquent fellow.

boskolives December 3, 2012 at 10:01 am

Those random protrusions were called Venti Ports, or some other meaningless sales promotion wordage, and I hope they're rusty too, also.

prommie December 3, 2012 at 10:25 am

Cruise-Matic Ventiports, yes. But I am really more into visualizing the damage that would be done by those strange, jet-fighter inspired bumper decorations, the missile-shaped pointy things and winglets and fins and lights.

boskolives December 3, 2012 at 10:39 am

Ah yes, backing a '59 Caddilac in there with its fins and pointy tail lights rampant,  the only better mental image would be an early '50s Pontiac with its glowing Indian head lighting the way, because you can be sure that it's going to be really, really dark in there.

prommie December 3, 2012 at 11:09 am

Impale them on the Cadillac Ranch.

Chet Kincaid_ December 3, 2012 at 9:37 am

Haha, this confirms every nasty thing we said about Ann.

Chichikovovich December 3, 2012 at 10:02 am

Almost everything. I didn't see any confirmation in that article of her love of bathing in the blood of sacrificed virgins, or her lack of a reflection in a mirror.

eggsacklywright December 3, 2012 at 9:37 am

We have entered the chromastic infundibulum, where comments appear and die simultaneous-like.

bikerlaureate December 3, 2012 at 11:23 am

Could be an attempt at a time-saving way to track two posts at once…

RadioRaheem December 3, 2012 at 9:37 am

Now they can spend all their time in quiet rooms.

vulpes82 December 3, 2012 at 9:42 am

The quiet. The quiet! That's what gets to Mittens… THE QUIET!

not that Dewey December 3, 2012 at 9:49 am

Where the ennuis are just the right height.

RadioRaheem December 3, 2012 at 10:39 am

In the decisionless forest.

BaldarTFlagass December 3, 2012 at 9:38 am

Nelson Muntz says "HA ha."

Terry December 3, 2012 at 9:39 am

"y all accounts, the past month has been most difficult on Romney’s wife, Ann, who friends said believed up until the end that ascending to the White House was their destiny."

This is one of the Republicans' major problems. They all seem to think that God has picked them out to get whatever they want.

Negropolis December 3, 2012 at 9:39 am

These Wonkettes, ISWYDT…gonna get your money's worth out of the raptured posts, eh?

Chet Kincaid_ December 3, 2012 at 9:40 am

Oh come on, who hasn't bought a quality fast food restaurant chain when feeling a little stressed around the holidays?!

Monsieur_Grumpe December 3, 2012 at 9:41 am

Mitt, Mitt, Mitt, if you want to feel better about yourself just give all your money to the poors.

Chet Kincaid_ December 3, 2012 at 9:42 am

Long Day's Journey Into Mittens

thatsitfortheother1 December 3, 2012 at 10:11 am

The Winter of our Discombobulation.

Chichikovovich December 3, 2012 at 10:13 am

Mourning becomes Electr-Ann.

fuflans December 3, 2012 at 5:09 pm

all's well that ends well.

drewehartnyc December 3, 2012 at 9:53 am

Honestly, I think the problem is no pills, no drugs. I do believe he is a good Mormon (whatever that means, no comment), which means he doesn't do pills and drugs, and that is what he really needs – two percocet, an ambien and a few glasses of wine, mixed together or what I like to call, my nightly routine.

boskolives December 3, 2012 at 9:54 am

Comments did not go back to the future, they've gone forward to the past, or what I like to call "three or four days ago".

TootsStansbury December 3, 2012 at 10:00 am

We're through the looking glass sheeples!

TootsStansbury December 3, 2012 at 10:08 am

Oh, and thoughts of sobbing, despondent Romneys dance like sugar plums in my head.

An_Outhouse December 3, 2012 at 10:09 am

Mitt should shave his head, and get some piercings. Maybe buy a Harley with a side car for Egg and LIVE! Woo hoo.

thatsitfortheother1 December 3, 2012 at 10:10 am

Dissappointment makes drinking so much more fun.

And they don't even have that.

Heh.

boskolives December 3, 2012 at 10:31 am

For the Romneys, drinking would make disappointment so much easier to share, and we know that sharing is caring.

Chichikovovich December 3, 2012 at 10:12 am

Boston Market is owned by Sun Capitol of Boca Raton Fla. A co-CEO of that job creation firm is Marc J. Leder, who arranged the cozy, not-as-off-the-record-as-one-might-hope fundraising dinner for the elite at which Romney made his 47% er speech.

Just thought you all might like to know that.

thatsitfortheother1 December 3, 2012 at 10:22 am

Therefore, turkeys.

SuspectedDemocrat December 3, 2012 at 12:14 pm

Did they serve Boston Market at that fundraiser?

Boston Market, or as we like to call it, BM… As in, did they all have their BM together while laughing at the poor?

fuflans December 3, 2012 at 5:06 pm

does this mean i can't get their chicken pot pie anymore?

man that would suck.

PuckStopsHere December 3, 2012 at 6:21 pm

I remain convinced that whoever shot that video saved America from a Romney presidency.

An_Outhouse December 3, 2012 at 10:12 am

Hey its a new Wonkette game. Guess what post these comments belong to. Its like Jeopardy.

Beach_Bubba_Tex December 3, 2012 at 10:29 am

I meant to post my comment here (a phrase that I'll consider using on my headstone)

bikerlaureate December 3, 2012 at 11:22 am

This comment wasn't moved by the user.

Beach_Bubba_Tex December 3, 2012 at 10:25 am

I'll take New York insouciance and "Romneyfreude" for $1000, Alex.

boskolives December 3, 2012 at 10:27 am

When it says that Ann was "trying to get back to riding her horses", is that just a nice way of saying doing both her gardener and the pool cleaner boy?

Beach_Bubba_Tex December 3, 2012 at 10:27 am

My guess is that Ann procures a chimpanzee soon and then starts pressuring Mitt to find a director capable of producing her screenplay of Salome… and get the damn car ready!

eggsacklywright December 3, 2012 at 10:30 am

Dyna-flow hummmmmmm…

LibrarianX December 3, 2012 at 10:32 am

Mitt spent a lot of time telling us why we should vote for him, but did he ever say WHY he wanted to be POTUS?

LibrarianX December 3, 2012 at 10:32 am

Visuals, please. I want a photo of them strolling the beach at San Clemente. Sobbing.

LibrarianX December 3, 2012 at 10:35 am

Don't cry for me Argentina

Come here a minute December 3, 2012 at 10:38 am

Mitt's not bored — he is very busy playing the game where you press all the buttons on your car elevator and race it to the top.

Tangled sin tax December 3, 2012 at 11:07 am

The tardis has put us into a time loop to protect us from the ????? that is about to devour us.

sullivanst December 3, 2012 at 11:09 am

Nope, the schadenfreude still hasn't got old.

GregComlish December 3, 2012 at 11:14 am

Don't the filthy rich have better places to order food from than Boston Market? Was Ann deliberately punishing her family with proliterian food since she had been abandoned by her fickle God? I don't get it.

deanbooth December 3, 2012 at 11:44 am

It was just from habit, of trying to seem like normal people for the last six months.

mayor_quimby December 3, 2012 at 3:28 pm

It's the sign of a truly cheap, uncaring fuck. You mean to tell me he couldn't spring for one of those $150 Whole Foods prepared turkey meals they sell? You have to be a real asshole to server your son and grandkids Boston Market on a special occasion, when you clearly can do better. So, so lame.

Ground Zero Mostel December 3, 2012 at 11:19 am

Sounds like Ann's almost ready for her close-up on either Celebrity Rehab or the Surreal Life.

Disassembly December 3, 2012 at 11:21 am

Don't cry over scrambled eggs.

Chet Kincaid_ December 3, 2012 at 11:26 am

It's obvious what is happening here. Ann is in such a deep tailspin from her megalomania over the prospect of being FLOTUS, that she cannot get it together enough to even supervise the servants creating a suitable Thanksgiving meal, and there's no way Mitt was going to be in charge of that shit, because all his time is consumed shuffling around the house like a car crash victim before the ambulance shows up. All of the kids and their families arrived the night before to discover nothing had been prepared for Thanksgiving. So, (as Chichi's eagle-eye spotted), they called up Mitt's CEO backer who owns Boston Market and had him send some stuff over, and they all ate in Ann's bedroom to make sure she didn't overdose or something.

harumpa December 3, 2012 at 11:39 am

Feeling sad that I shat all over their dreams…

deanbooth December 3, 2012 at 11:40 am

What's Thanksgiving without stuffy?

Isyaignert December 3, 2012 at 11:55 am

Wahhhh!! Karl Rove promised me I'd be queen of Amerikkka but that goshdurn Anonoymous had to go and mess up Karl's computers that were going to steal Ohio for Mitt. It's not fair, it's not fair! Wahhhh!

LesBontemps December 3, 2012 at 11:58 am

Mitt who?

keepwalkin December 3, 2012 at 12:20 pm

395 comments no views

Seems rather unlikely but I'd hate to go out on a limb.

viennawoods13 December 3, 2012 at 1:16 pm

The schadenfreude should wear off eventually, right?

If your schadenfreude lasts longer than 4 weeks, who DO you contact?

Chichikovovich December 3, 2012 at 1:44 pm

I don't know how long it will last. Could be a long time. I still haven't stopped smiling about the mere 2 seats in 1993 that were the last "F* you" from the Canadian people to the recently chased-out Brian Mulroney.

Barrelhse December 3, 2012 at 1:26 pm

It's great to make fun of them, but we're struggling to get by on a couple of hundred million and it's not that easy.

HouseOfTheBlueLights December 3, 2012 at 2:04 pm

The story is about Mitt, but the comments are about the NYS legislature. Is Mitt now running the Great State of New York, or is there a rupture in the space time continuum (aka the Wonkette server)

Eve8Apples December 3, 2012 at 2:09 pm

The day I feel sorry for a couple millionaire aristocrats holed-up in their sprawling beachside La Jolla compound is the day the Pope converts to Mormonism.

mmeetoilenoir December 3, 2012 at 2:15 pm

The Romneys couldn't call a damn caterer to whip up a nice holiday meal for the family? And these people wanted to run the country?! Mitt can't handle a damn turkey, and we were supposed to believe he could handle a 3 AM phone call to the White House? SMDH

BadKitty904 December 3, 2012 at 2:17 pm

I believe my folks know 'im (this is a *small* town)…

It's regularly voted one of the most beautiful towns in America. And its citizens work hard to maintain its title as "Oldest Un-enclosed Asylum in the U.S.".

natl_[redacted]_cmdr December 3, 2012 at 4:12 pm

Ann cries. Mitt tries to comfort her by singing 'America the Beautiful' to her. Ann sobs loudly.

Nostrildamus December 3, 2012 at 4:37 pm

That Boston Market turkey's going to seem pretty fancy compared with next year's Arby's turkey sandwiches and meth.

fuflans December 3, 2012 at 5:14 pm

By all accounts, the past month has been most difficult on Romney’s wife, Ann, who friends said believed up until the end that ascending to the White House was their destiny.

i cannot describe how loathsome i find this woman.

(sorry no snark – just thankful i don't have to live with myself living with egg romney in the white house…)

bearperney December 3, 2012 at 5:24 pm

Sweet, just sweet.

BoroPrimorac December 3, 2012 at 7:43 pm

I have a tooth ache and this made me feel a hell of a lot better. Fuck the Romneys and their photogenic sons.

imissopus December 3, 2012 at 9:02 pm

Now is the winter of Mitt's discontent.

Eve8Apples December 4, 2012 at 10:49 am

Wow… Losing a Presidential election in a landslide and eating a Thanksgiving dinner from Boston Market. Mitt's 4th quarter 2012 really sucked.

ttommyunger December 4, 2012 at 11:46 am

This is a reprint of an article which originally appeared in "Who Gives a Fuck?" Magazine.

dommyluc December 4, 2012 at 12:09 pm

I nearly had to put on a pair of Pampers while reading this God-awfully badly written article because i was laughing so hard at these clueless elites that I nearly soiled myself. I wondered how Philip Rucker managed to type while having Mitt's dick in his mouth at the same time. And Ann Romney's reaction to their "devastating" loss was the comic highlight of my year: I kept waitng for Aunt Pittypat to come bursting through the door, screaming,"Yankees! In Georgia!!"
And cook your own goddamned turkey you lazy fucks.

freakishlywrong November 27, 2012 at 1:13 pm

[T]the Fox News Channel host was named in a sexual harassment lawsuit brimming with lurid details about vibrators, phone sex, threesomes, masturbation, Caribbean shower fantasies, a Thai sex show, falafel, stewardess trysts, vehicular coupling, and Al Franken.

Shit never gets old.

miss_grundy December 3, 2012 at 9:25 am

But that is all of YA fiction right now. And those writers are making money off that stuff and having it turned into movies. Though I do want to see "Warm Bodies". The idea of a zombie in love with a warm blood…..

tessiee December 3, 2012 at 9:34 am

The Lion King?

Vecchiojohn December 3, 2012 at 9:39 am

All right thinking, God fearing Americans hate the Yankees. The are part of the Axis of Evil that includes the Dallas Cowpersons and the LA Goddam Lakers.

bikerlaureate December 3, 2012 at 11:18 am

Raul Castro?

prommie December 3, 2012 at 9:41 am

Mobbed up? I thought he just had skeletons in his closet. Seems like his son doesn't have any of those skeletons. Doesn't have much of any of the talent for speaking or presence or charisma of dad either.

actor212 December 3, 2012 at 9:43 am

The Cat Daddy was in rehab after ODing and given a cat named Benny who had been hit by a car. That cat probably saved his life as he nurtured and rehabbed the cat, while the cat rehabbed him.

I don't think he qualifies as a hipster. He didn't do that ironically.

prommie December 3, 2012 at 9:46 am

Hi, I am Prommie, nice to meet you. I'm fucking smart, I have an attention span and I am deeply insightful about the world, society, and even my own self. Now somebody fucking put me in charge, I know I would do better than this.

prommie December 3, 2012 at 9:47 am

Its the Homeland! Where, Chet, where should we look to find this uber-menschen of whom you speak?

sullivanst December 3, 2012 at 11:12 am

Who else will make sure we have enough room for living?

miss_grundy December 3, 2012 at 9:50 am

Except that the Republicans were able to gerrymander the districts in Michigan so that they now have the majority. And the first thing they decided to do after the elections was to introduce a bill that would give a tax credit to 12 week old fetuses. Obviously, they learned nothing from the presidential election. I'm waiting to hear them speak on "legitimate rape". Besides, Reindeer Man won the election in my congressional district. I can't wait until he starts talking crazy and it is reported right here at Wonkette.

boskolives December 3, 2012 at 9:52 am

My favorite teams are the Detroit Tigers and whoever is playing the Yankees.

Negropolis December 3, 2012 at 9:52 am

I do hope you're right. If we are to elect Republicans, let them entertaining ones.

I also can't wait until Speaker Bolger is indicted for the election fraud he is currently under investigation for, and his caucus who re-elected him flee like the plague.

Vecchiojohn December 3, 2012 at 9:55 am

In Portland, red state country starts east of 82nd Street and runs all the way to Minneapolis.

Chet Kincaid_ December 3, 2012 at 9:56 am

That is 4 Days Ago Chet, Proms, whose comments have been Frankensteined on to this unrelated post. But anyway, howzit goin'?

James Michael Curley December 3, 2012 at 10:32 am

Congressman Brody is still available and his expertise with electronics has moved him up the Presidential succession ladder. I just want to know where was he when Cheney's Pacemaker needed a little boost?

prommie December 3, 2012 at 10:00 am

Its just the war between "civilization" (which literally means "citified") and barbarism. It has always been thus.

Vecchiojohn December 3, 2012 at 10:03 am

Yes yes yes (to quote a well-know Editrix). Republicans go at it with everything they've got while the Dems play Hamlet. Bring back LBJ as Senate leader.

prommie December 3, 2012 at 10:03 am

Funny you mention that, I been trying to get Fakakta to try Tinker Tailor Soldier Spy or The Pefect Spy or one of them. Fucking LeCarre is a genius.

Vecchiojohn December 3, 2012 at 10:11 am

No shit. I even routed for the Orange County California Angels of Anaheim the year they knocked the Yankees out of the playoffs.

Beach_Bubba_Tex December 3, 2012 at 10:23 am

…and in the governor's mansion

All in all, I prefer the cloistered, 1950s, hide weird Aunt Nellie approach.

boskolives December 3, 2012 at 11:14 am

Put it in “D” and floor it, dammit.

Chet Kincaid_ December 3, 2012 at 11:14 am

Senator Joseph Lebensraum? (Oldie but goodie!)

bikerlaureate December 3, 2012 at 11:19 am

Cocoa Beach, here. You?

sullivanst December 3, 2012 at 11:20 am

There's only two ways to drink scotch: neat, and the wrong way.

Well, maybe three, but very few of us have access to ice cubes made with water from the same spring as the whiskey.

Chet Kincaid_ December 3, 2012 at 11:30 am

Anybody with a vowel on the end of his name is a Made Guy.

LetUsBray December 3, 2012 at 11:36 am

When I was a Reedie in the '80s the (wrong kind of) redness started at 39th. So that's progress.

Beowoof December 3, 2012 at 11:39 am

Love it there, particularly sitting out at the end of the pier drinking Michelob Amber Bock on summer evenings.

BadKitty904 December 3, 2012 at 11:48 am

St. Augustine, born'n'bred! "Our nation's Oldest City"

I've been fishing down at Cocoa MANY a time…

nonbeliever7 December 3, 2012 at 11:45 am

Squiggie's?

BadKitty904 December 3, 2012 at 11:49 am

Yeah, buddy!

Secluded Compound December 3, 2012 at 12:43 pm

The $1500 rents stop there now.

HuddledMass December 3, 2012 at 1:30 pm

Oh wow, do you know Les Thomas? He's an architect there – and long-time resident, like historical, descendant-of-the Minorcans, long-time. Beautiful town, great people – I love St Augustine.

Nostrildamus December 3, 2012 at 4:41 pm

Residents of Wonkette's NW corner are cool and wet, but not in the good way.

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