IDIOTS  10:45 am November 27, 2012

Richard Cohen Does Not Think James Bond’s Muscles Are Fair To Richard Cohen

by Rebecca Schoenkopf

Who can even tell them apart? Uh oh, you guys. Richard Cohen went to the movies. And Richard Cohen has a bone to pick, with the movies. What happened to suave leading men like Cary Grant and Humphrey Bogart and Richard Cohen, HENGHHH? Why does Daniel Craig get to be “a movie star” just because he makes your Editrix, and your Editrix’s mother, and every woman your Editrix has ever spoken to about Daniel Craig (she has spoken to every woman about Daniel Craig) weak of knee and damp of puss? The Mayan Apocalypse cannot come too soon if this musclebound “Daniel Craig” character is supposed to be our new hotness. What happened to the way things used to be, when women were wives and skinny nerds were le sexy?

The first of many problems with Richard Cohen’s thesis is his lumping in of Cary Grant with Cohenesque old-timey manliness, when Cary Grant is still as relevant today as ever, in his current incarnation (George Clooney).

The second of many problems with Richard Cohen’s thesis is all of it.

This is all very sad news. Every rippling muscle is a book not read, a movie not seen or a conversation not held. That’s why Sean Connery was my kind of Bond. He was 53 when he made his last Bond film, “Never Say Never Again.” Women loved him because he was sophisticated and he could handle a maitre d’ as well as a commie assassin. Western civilization was saved not on account of his pecs but on account of his cleverness and experience.

I know the movie market skews young and kids want action, and I take it as a good thing that Daniel Craig’s Bond is older, world weary, and, in sports lingo, has slowed a step. But he still triumphs physically, not cleverly. He does not woo women; they just come on to him. Still, I have great hope for him. In this movie, Bond’s drink is Macallan Scotch. It’s mine, too. The name is Cohen. Richard Cohen.

A) Of course he ended his column that way. OF COURSE HE DID.

B) Note that aside: “He does not woo women; they just come on to him.” Well, yes. He is Daniel Craig. But in fact there was an atrocious part of Skyfall — SPOILER EVERYONE DIES — and that is when Daniel Craig gets in the hooker’s shower without asking her first, just assumes, and it is sort of rapey and he really could have waited for an invitation, or at least for her to notice he is there. Did you see it? Did it make you a teeny nauseated? Were you kind of mad for a while until you got over it because there were so many bombs you had to pay attention to? US TOO.

Anyway, here is how Richard Cohen woos women: with, like, falafels.

[WaPo]

 
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