important programming announcements

Please Enjoy This Picture of Kitties

Fuck you, kitties, think you're so cuteYour Wonkette switched servers this weekend, a holiday weekend, so all kinks could be ironed out before business today. Oh wait, what’s that? Your Wonkette was supposed to switch servers this weekend, but then the programmer disappeared for two days because it was a religious holiday, and nobody could find him, but then the server-migrating guys were all, oh no problem, it will be done super early Monday morning, but then at 9 Eastern they were all “oh by super-early we mean by noon”? OK THAT IS GOOD TO KNOW.

What that means for you, of course, is that there will be no posting until we switch servers, because they will all just disappear anyway. What that ALSO means for you is that any comments you wrote since 10:40 a.m. on Friday or Saturday (we forget which, do not make us find that email right now) will disappear, and you will be sad. WE DO NOT WANT TO HEAR ABOUT IT. Just be sad on your own time! In the meantime, may we recommend buying a goddamn hat, for your bean? Or you could masturbate to this sexy picture of our son. What do we care? We do not care. He is of age. Or you could do some shopping through Amazon, that link over to the right. Just click in that box and then buy something. It’s cool. Don’t mind us, we will just be refreshing our email, in a rage.

[Sodahead]

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About the author

Rebecca is the editor and publisher of Wonkette. She is the author of Commie Girl in the O.C., a collection of her OC Weekly columns, and the former editor of LA CityBeat. Go visit her Commie Girl Collective, and follow her on the Twitter!

View all articles by Rebecca Schoenkopf

Hola wonkerados.

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Also, if you are a new commenter, your comment may never appear. This is probably because we hate you.

257 comments

  1. mrblifil

    Nice pussies. In the meanwhile please copy the following into your Facebook statuses forthwith:

    "The shit that I post here is my shit, yo. All intellectual content including photos, status updates, messages and/or "sexts" are the property of whoever has access to my user password. This copyrighted material is the property of the National Football League. Any rebroadcast or reproduction without the consent of the NFL is strictly prohibited. If any recreation, dramatic re-enactment, joke-stealing or plagiarism of this property results in an erection lasting more than 4 hours, the immediate attention of a medical professional is strongly advised. Exactly how a medical professional is expected to deal with an erection lasting more than 4 hours is unclear at present, though one suspects few major insurance plans are likely to cover the required ministrations, nor should it be safe to assume The Hippocratic Oath affords much protection. 4-hour plagiarism erections should also be generally considered to constitute grounds for immediate de-friending with extreme prejudice, though management's decisions in such matters will be handled on a case by case basis. After all this is not Hitler's Germany."

    You're welcome.

    1. mustangsavvy

      "If any…..plagiarism of this property results in an erection lasting more than 4 hours, the immediate attention of a medical professional is strongly advised."

      I would bloody think so. Especially since I'm a girl. Ba dum bum! Thank you, that's my dumb joke of the day! I'll be back later with more =)

    1. sewollef

      I'm jiggy wid that.

      I think I know what I just said, but I'm not 100% sure, OK. Don't sue if I said something bad.

      1. JustPixelz

        True. And unlike Christmas' ostensible celebration of unselfishness gift-giving, Black Friday is full frontal greed.

    1. Terry

      No, it was Friday and Saturday that were the holidays. Worshiping the Gods of Capitalism.

      That said, most of my Christmas shopping is done. Booooyah!

    1. sewollef

      Well, I can tell you they aren't kosher. Unless there's a rabbi butcher-type person handy in Wonkette Towers [I have no clue what they're called, alright].

    2. eggsacklywright

      Quatre cinq. Just duct-tape 'em to a stick to make a handy toilet bowl brush.

      I sometimes have terrible visions.

  2. memzilla

    Your Wonkette switched servers this weekend, a holiday weekend, so all kinks could be ironed out before business today.

    Didn't work. I'm still here.

  3. Mumbletypeg

    religious holiday

    Just wait'll you see what negligent schematics they got planned for ya come Super Bowl SUNDAY, Trix!

    (j/k… srsly hope the issues get resolved sooner than later)

  4. teebob2000

    Fuck the hats — I want the Kitten with a Whip crewneck tee!!

    Well, I guess technically I want what INSIDE the Kitten with a Whip crewneck tee…

      1. Barbara_

        Yeah, 132 with my clothes on. remember, I am tall and can get away with the extra curves without looking chunky.

        Wait, is that what you meant?

    1. Ground Zero Mostel

      Obviously that theory is being espoused by people who have no clue about the kitty-love. Our big boy has an enormous "emotional" vocabulary, is tuned into us, and is just as demonstrative as (gasp) a dog.

      1. BerkeleyBear

        None of which would really be a contra-indicator for Asperger's (assuming it had anything to do with cats, which I personally don't buy). Both autistic and Asperger's sufferers can have deep emotional attachments to their close family members and particularly the folks on the Asperger's end of the spectrum develop coping mechanisms. In fact, one of the big reasons people have a hard time accepting a diagnosis is because, unlike a kid with autism, there isn't a glaring social deficit like a speech delay or complete standoffishness. It is much subtler, and as a result can actually be a lot harder to deal with in the long term.

    2. BerkeleyBear

      Having a more than passing familiarity with the Autism Spectrum, I'd never put cats on it. Those fuckers know exactly what they want and can be intentionally cruel. They are generally sociopathic if anything. Asperger's folks are just fucking socially clueless – myself included. Hence the compulsion to speak seriously about joky videos.

      Now dogs, they are definitely all damaged. But in that "aren't they precious" television telethon way, not the "I have no fucking clue what is wrong with you but you creep me out" effect folks on the Spectrum have on others (again, including me).

  5. sudsmckenzie

    Since this will all disappear anyways, I have something I've been meaning to get off my chest.

    I shot JR.

  6. boskolives

    Oh yes, there's really no better way to start on the week than to jump up at the crack of noon. Or was that jump up and try to score some crack to start the week? Meh…

  7. Hera Sent Me

    Somehow the fact this post will soon vanish gives it a certain piquancy. It's a metaphor, for how we are all but walking shadows, fated to strut and fret during our mere hour upon the stage, only to be heard no more.

    Man, I have got to get laid soon.

  8. sbj1964

    If these comments are going to be deleted than I will take this time to confess to the Kennedy assassination,The Roswell alien cover-up,and crying during an episode of Golden Girls.

  9. BaldarTFlagass

    So, how will I know that the server has switched? Funky old style webpage? P-ness reset to 0? Kortney returns?

  10. BadKitty904

    Miss Becca, your son looks like a very nice guy. :0)

    If he decides to play on our team, let me know. I've got a bud – Jamie – who'd be on him like a bee on honey. Jamie's a good egg, employed, smart, funny, no addictions, no jail record, and his family lives on the other side of the continent. Such a deal, no?

  11. Barbara_

    I just spent a fortune at the Amazon.com link through Wonkette for Cyber Monday. Is there a link to porn? I need to wind down now.

    1. JustPixelz

      I see your avatar is posing in bathroom sinks for Wonkette now. What's her story: "I was young and needed the money?"

      1. BaldarTFlagass

        I read a biography of the Kinks a few months back and was somewhat surprised to find out that both Davies boys are notorious cheap bastards, i.e. leave their friends to pay the bar bill and such. Really?

        1. actor212

          I hadn't heard that but it wouldn't surprise me. Rock musicians of that era can be notoriously stingy. McCartney has been rumoured to have once toured for almost a year and never paid his band members.

  12. TootsStansbury

    My comment will disappear? What a shame; I'll make sure I point out later how witty and insightful it was.

      1. Monsieur_Grumpe

        My cat (Aldous Huxley) hogs the shower and is always first in. Unlike myself, the cold water doesn’t bother him. I have learned to dodge the droplets when he finally leaves and shakes the excess water off. Damn cat.

        1. actor212

          Mine walks through the shower, then nestles in between the shower curtain and liner to watch.

          I'd be concerned if he wasn't such a sweet cat, but I did see him hastily close down a web browser one morning that I think was at uglyuglybagsofmostlywater.com…

          1. Lot_49

            It's Paula Poundstone who imagines your cat saying, "How can you do that?"

            My cat sits out in the rain, fur glistening with raindrops.

  13. CivicHoliday

    I can haz existential crisis? This comment shall soon cease to exist…so thus do I go into the dark as well?

    1. asterixaverni

      When I heard that on NPR this morning, I started wondering if god does, afterall, exist. I got over that and went back to being a heathen. But, also, too, it made me love Canada even more than ever before.

      1. proudgrampa

        Yeah, but in another article I read about the Grey Cup halftime, nobody seems to know who Gordon LIghtfoot is, who performed also.

        AREYOU FREAKIN' KIDDING ME??? HOW COULD ANY SELF-RESPECTING CANADIAN NOT KNOW WHO GORDON LIGHTFOOT IS???

        Sorry. Just shocked, is all.

  14. weejee

    I has already bought my hat, thanks. We are in our nine 11½ month rainy season and I must protect my pate. Does your IT department also handle the shipping?

    1. commiegirl99

      No, all teh shipping and wrapping and posting and other such is done by ME! It is probably my favorite part of the day.

        1. glasspusher

          Now that you mention it, only indirectly. I worked with an Australian guy who had a Brazilian wife. He only did vegetarian lunches, to recover from the meat onslaught at home.

          I've been trying to get away from meat, myself. Puts me in a food coma too easily anymore. Sushi is another story entirely, though.

        2. Spurning Beer

          Wow. I didn't know this place was a franchise. The missus and I took a visiting Wonkettier there for dinner when she was in town for a job interview last year. The food was pretty good, but I noticed there were no gauchas, only gauchos.

    1. eggsacklywright

      Is the token a little green thing with a picture of a duck on it?
      EDIT: sorry for the obscurity. This will only make sense if you grew up in Seattle in the 60's and listened to KJR.

  15. Yellerdawg

    This is great! It's like posting into a void. Like running up the AMEX the day before 12/21 when the lights all go out. I can say anything, only I can't think because of this damned hangover. It takes two days of drinking to get ready for my in-laws to come over and two more to get past it. (Really helps if you can't really remember what goes on between the showing up and the leaving.)

    1. commiegirl99

      He put his first (late) mom on his chest, and I think didn't want to hurt my feelings, so he put my name too.

  16. Mumbletypeg

    If y'all's comments are about to get vaporized or "disappeared" or whatnot that posted since 10:40 on Saturday ("Caturday") and you're thinking it'd be nice to retain access to any or all super special ones, go turn on yer intensedebate-email-notification setting and I'll run a quick marathon replying to everyone's between Fri-Sat. (there were maybe 3 stories posted, total?) — then you'll see your kewl Words To Live By forever entombed in your email … for-EVAH~

    1. HistoriCat

      Wow – that's a lot of replying. Your dedication to the cause will earn you a commendation after the Wonkette revolution.

    2. BaldarTFlagass

      So, a big "fuck you" to Omar Khayyam?

      “The Moving Finger writes; and, having writ,
      Moves on: nor all thy Hilarity nor Snark
      Shall lure it back to Delete or Edit half a Line,
      Nor all thy Tears wash out a forbidden t rig-Word of it.”

  17. DixvilleCrotch

    I thought you outsourced most of the programming to IntenseDebate.

    BTW is it just me thinking this: if someone created a commenting system where the p-ness formula was actually obvious, they'd make gazillions? ("Fucking p-ness, how does it work?")

  18. Mojopo

    I would like to purchase a Wonkette app. Please can you make us an app? I will use good money – swear to God.

          1. Mojopo

            I don't want an e-mail app. I want a Wonkette app.

            EDIT – Swear to God, this is like walking into my neighborhood diner. "I'd like a Reuben." They're out of corned beef. "How about a tuna melt instead?" I do not care for melted tunas!

  19. glasspusher

    Glasspusher's law of IT: if you're smart enough to be good at IT, you are smart enough to be good at other things. If all you know is IT, you're an idiot.

  20. Jus_Wonderin

    I don't get why it should be so hard to change a server. I mean, at El Chico last Saturday my server changed from Jaunita to Juan in little under 15 minutes.

    1. boskolives

      "changed from Jaunita to Juan" sounds like the story line for the Chas bio-pic, but doing so in under 15 minutes might qualify this as an event for the olympics.

  21. Steverino247

    Your IT guys are either counter-revolutionaries or suicide troops left behind when the rest of their unit evacuated during the War on Christmas (Hiroo Onoda libel, of course).

    1. kittensdontlie

      I've looked at clouds from both sides now
      From up and down, and still somehow
      It's cloud illusions I recall
      I really don't know clouds at all.

  22. Chet Kincaid_

    OK, at 11:55 am sharp, everyone strip down to their Wonkette T-shirts and panties and head to the middle of Wonkette square for the countdown. I will bring a taser in case I need to rescue any ladies from actor212's unwanted attentions!

  23. mustangsavvy

    Aww cute kitties are cute. And this is what I am like when facing a comment deleting crisis – lame.

Comments are closed.