IMPORTANT PROGRAMMING ANNOUNCEMENTS  9:47 am November 26, 2012

Please Enjoy This Picture of Kitties

by Rebecca Schoenkopf

Fuck you, kitties, think you're so cuteYour Wonkette switched servers this weekend, a holiday weekend, so all kinks could be ironed out before business today. Oh wait, what’s that? Your Wonkette was supposed to switch servers this weekend, but then the programmer disappeared for two days because it was a religious holiday, and nobody could find him, but then the server-migrating guys were all, oh no problem, it will be done super early Monday morning, but then at 9 Eastern they were all “oh by super-early we mean by noon”? OK THAT IS GOOD TO KNOW.

What that means for you, of course, is that there will be no posting until we switch servers, because they will all just disappear anyway. What that ALSO means for you is that any comments you wrote since 10:40 a.m. on Friday or Saturday (we forget which, do not make us find that email right now) will disappear, and you will be sad. WE DO NOT WANT TO HEAR ABOUT IT. Just be sad on your own time! In the meantime, may we recommend buying a goddamn hat, for your bean? Or you could masturbate to this sexy picture of our son. What do we care? We do not care. He is of age. Or you could do some shopping through Amazon, that link over to the right. Just click in that box and then buy something. It’s cool. Don’t mind us, we will just be refreshing our email, in a rage.

[Sodahead]

 

Hola wonkerados.

To improve site performance, we did a thing. It could be up to three minutes before your comment appears. DON'T KEEP RETRYING, OKAY?

Also, if you are a new commenter, your comment may never appear. This is probably because we hate you.

{ 257 comments }

Giveusabob November 26, 2012 at 9:51 am

Noon is super-early for me. What are you implying?

actor212 November 26, 2012 at 10:19 am

Noon is super late for some of us, but then again, it's still Sunday night for us.

Giveusabob November 26, 2012 at 10:21 am

You mean it's not Sunday any more?

actor212 November 26, 2012 at 10:30 am

Didn't see the sun go down?

I'll have what he's having, please!

BadKitty904 November 26, 2012 at 10:22 am

"Up with the older, fatter birds" as a chum of mine puts it…

Weedlord BonerHitler November 26, 2012 at 12:23 pm

Wouldn't the older birds be *skinnier* anaconda those young'uns got up early and scarfed all the worms?

Or do I have my homilies mixed up?

Weedlord BonerHitler November 26, 2012 at 12:22 pm

Just opened my eyes, me own self.

mrblifil November 26, 2012 at 9:52 am

Nice pussies. In the meanwhile please copy the following into your Facebook statuses forthwith:

"The shit that I post here is my shit, yo. All intellectual content including photos, status updates, messages and/or "sexts" are the property of whoever has access to my user password. This copyrighted material is the property of the National Football League. Any rebroadcast or reproduction without the consent of the NFL is strictly prohibited. If any recreation, dramatic re-enactment, joke-stealing or plagiarism of this property results in an erection lasting more than 4 hours, the immediate attention of a medical professional is strongly advised. Exactly how a medical professional is expected to deal with an erection lasting more than 4 hours is unclear at present, though one suspects few major insurance plans are likely to cover the required ministrations, nor should it be safe to assume The Hippocratic Oath affords much protection. 4-hour plagiarism erections should also be generally considered to constitute grounds for immediate de-friending with extreme prejudice, though management's decisions in such matters will be handled on a case by case basis. After all this is not Hitler's Germany."

You're welcome.

boskolives November 26, 2012 at 10:04 am

Insufficient buttt seks references, rewrite please.

mrblifil November 26, 2012 at 10:32 am

Sigh, by the time I recompose it, the server will have zotted it. What's the purpose of life anyway?

Weedlord BonerHitler November 26, 2012 at 12:24 pm

It's been at least 20 years since anyone used "zotted" in my presence. *sniff* (wipes solitary tear)

mustangsavvy November 26, 2012 at 12:20 pm

"If any…..plagiarism of this property results in an erection lasting more than 4 hours, the immediate attention of a medical professional is strongly advised."

I would bloody think so. Especially since I'm a girl. Ba dum bum! Thank you, that's my dumb joke of the day! I'll be back later with more =)

RedneckMuslin November 26, 2012 at 9:52 am

So what you're saying is, "Drinks are on the house"?

sewollef November 26, 2012 at 10:16 am

I'm jiggy wid that.

I think I know what I just said, but I'm not 100% sure, OK. Don't sue if I said something bad.

thatsitfortheother1 November 26, 2012 at 10:19 am

I'm jigger wid that.

actor212 November 26, 2012 at 10:20 am

Hey no–

Oh. It's OK, it's a "j"…

eggsacklywright November 26, 2012 at 10:23 am

Cheers.

thatsitfortheother1 November 26, 2012 at 10:30 am

Like I've taken the time to actually measure out a shot in the last 30 years…

Weedlord BonerHitler November 26, 2012 at 12:25 pm

But you'll have to climb up there and fetch them yourself, basically, yes.

BaldarTFlagass November 26, 2012 at 9:53 am

Wait, Thanksgiving is a religious holiday? What religion?

Chet Kincaid_ November 26, 2012 at 9:56 am

Reformed Orthodox Eastern Exceptionalism.

BadKitty904 November 26, 2012 at 9:57 am

Bourbonism.

thatsitfortheother1 November 26, 2012 at 10:01 am

Capitalism.

tessiee November 26, 2012 at 10:41 am

Win!

thatsitfortheother1 November 26, 2012 at 10:44 am

Finally! And to think this will be imortalized forever…

WhatTheHeck November 26, 2012 at 11:44 am

I attended services by partaking in a new vacuum cleaner for the hell of it.

Vecchiojohn November 26, 2012 at 10:04 am

Black Friday, sacred to all real Americans.

JustPixelz November 26, 2012 at 10:20 am

True. And unlike Christmas' ostensible celebration of unselfishness gift-giving, Black Friday is full frontal greed.

tessiee November 26, 2012 at 10:41 am

Don't you mean Urban Friday?

Chet Kincaid_ November 26, 2012 at 10:45 am

Only if Cube can get Chris Tucker back! http://www.bet.com/news/celebrities/2012/11/09/ic

eggsacklywright November 26, 2012 at 10:06 am

It's those darned Zoroastrians again.

actor212 November 26, 2012 at 10:21 am

First Church of the Gooey Death and Discount House of Worship

Terry November 26, 2012 at 10:24 am

No, it was Friday and Saturday that were the holidays. Worshiping the Gods of Capitalism.

That said, most of my Christmas shopping is done. Booooyah!

memzilla November 26, 2012 at 11:09 am

Pentecostal Gluttonist.

Radiotherapy November 26, 2012 at 9:53 am

Last!

ttommyunger November 26, 2012 at 9:53 am

I blame Obama!

thatsitfortheother1 November 26, 2012 at 10:04 am

Obama saw that photo and said "Ummm, a snack."

ttommyunger November 26, 2012 at 10:10 am

Will we all be smarter, funnier and snarkier with a new server? I certainly have my hopes up!

BadKitty904 November 26, 2012 at 10:11 am

And cuter! Don't forget cuter!

ttommyunger November 26, 2012 at 10:14 am

That, in my case, would be impossible; have you not noticed my Avatar?

HistoriCat November 26, 2012 at 10:50 am

Not possible!

freakishlywrong November 26, 2012 at 10:11 am

We will run faster and jump higher!

ttommyunger November 26, 2012 at 10:16 am

Being impossibly white (except for the inside) that would be a major miracle. Can't dribble, either.

tessiee November 26, 2012 at 10:43 am

"We will run faster and jump higher!"

That's Keds.

thatsitfortheother1 November 26, 2012 at 10:21 am

Then I've got some work to steal, er, do.

ttommyunger November 26, 2012 at 10:25 am

Rule one: don't get caught. Rule two: don't talk if you do.Sent from the Field, not in Garrison.

johnnyzhivago November 26, 2012 at 9:54 am

I'm pretty sure Sharia Law prohibits cats in sinks, doesn't it?

sewollef November 26, 2012 at 10:19 am

Well, I can tell you they aren't kosher. Unless there's a rabbi butcher-type person handy in Wonkette Towers [I have no clue what they're called, alright].

boskolives November 26, 2012 at 10:31 am

Make that Halal please, eating pussy is an oldtime tref violation.
/fixed

eggsacklywright November 26, 2012 at 10:31 am

Quatre cinq. Just duct-tape 'em to a stick to make a handy toilet bowl brush.

I sometimes have terrible visions.

thatsitfortheother1 November 26, 2012 at 10:33 am

The young ones are good for Venetian blinds as well.

BaldarTFlagass November 26, 2012 at 9:54 am

Wait, so this comment is going to be deleted soon? Pussy retard t ri g!!!

Spurning Beer November 26, 2012 at 10:10 am

Skull f u c k i n g with a rusty chainsaw, without votes! Yee-haw!

thatsitfortheother1 November 26, 2012 at 10:22 am

^^^^^ This is why we need the Patriot Act. ^^^^^

An_Outhouse November 26, 2012 at 11:09 am

RETARD,RETARD,RETARD,RETARD,RETARD, etc.

memzilla November 26, 2012 at 9:54 am

Your Wonkette switched servers this weekend, a holiday weekend, so all kinks could be ironed out before business today.

Didn't work. I'm still here.

boskolives November 26, 2012 at 10:06 am

It doesn't say they will remove anyone, only that they will make us straight. Good luck with that, also, new server.

BadKitty904 November 26, 2012 at 10:12 am

Um. Say what???

boskolives November 26, 2012 at 10:18 am

The bold print says it all, but it does use the escape word "could" so maybe never mind.

BadKitty904 November 26, 2012 at 10:20 am

My bf will *certainly* be relieved to hear that. ;0)

actor212 November 26, 2012 at 10:22 am

DAVE DAVIES LIBEL!

boskolives November 26, 2012 at 10:33 am

Lola says what?

bobbert November 26, 2012 at 11:23 am

Im'ma make you a man.

BadKitty904 November 26, 2012 at 9:55 am

Fucking I.T. …

DixvilleCrotch November 26, 2012 at 10:14 am

…how does it work? Kinkily.

thatsitfortheother1 November 26, 2012 at 10:23 am

Sh1t goes in, kink comes out.

actor212 November 26, 2012 at 10:22 am

I was fucking IT all weekend, but only because I was alone.

BadKitty904 November 26, 2012 at 10:30 am

*looks at Actor*

actor212 November 26, 2012 at 10:41 am

What?

smokefilledroommate November 26, 2012 at 12:22 pm

SCCM of the Earth!

Mumbletypeg November 26, 2012 at 9:55 am

religious holiday

Just wait'll you see what negligent schematics they got planned for ya come Super Bowl SUNDAY, Trix!

(j/k… srsly hope the issues get resolved sooner than later)

teebob2000 November 26, 2012 at 9:55 am

Fuck the hats — I want the Kitten with a Whip crewneck tee!!

Well, I guess technically I want what INSIDE the Kitten with a Whip crewneck tee…

commiegirl99 November 26, 2012 at 10:00 am

Oh yeah, she is lookin' GOOOOOOD, huh? So glamorous!

thatsitfortheother1 November 26, 2012 at 10:35 am

Technically I want what's INSIDE the inside of the Kitten with a Whip crewneck tee…

BadKitty904 November 26, 2012 at 9:56 am

And kitties don't *think* they're cute. Kitties ARE cute.

thatsitfortheother1 November 26, 2012 at 10:03 am

Has Barb weighed in yet?

Barbara_ November 26, 2012 at 11:16 am

Yeah, 132 with my clothes on. remember, I am tall and can get away with the extra curves without looking chunky.

Wait, is that what you meant?

Chet Kincaid_ November 26, 2012 at 11:22 am

Do you think you could defeat Paula Broadwell in battle?

deanbooth November 26, 2012 at 11:21 am

The cute is in us, not the kitties. They are amorphous blobs of gray neumena.

smokefilledroommate November 26, 2012 at 12:25 pm

Where's kittensdontlie?

smellypossum November 26, 2012 at 9:57 am

I thought shaving your kitty was all the rage with the young ladies these days… No?

boskolives November 26, 2012 at 10:08 am

By order of congress all carpet must match the drapes in 2013, expect a baldness outbreak.

eggsacklywright November 26, 2012 at 10:09 am

Something something Burma Shave.

Mumbletypeg November 26, 2012 at 9:59 am

Did anyone else besides me *just* learn this weekend that All Cats have Asperger's Syndrome???

asterixaverni November 26, 2012 at 10:07 am

Nope , this was news to me.

eggsacklywright November 26, 2012 at 10:18 am

That video made me wonder if I have Asperger's.

not that Dewey November 26, 2012 at 10:19 am

Does that mean I need to stop beating them before I put them in the Skinner Box for the weekend?

Ground Zero Mostel November 26, 2012 at 10:30 am

Obviously that theory is being espoused by people who have no clue about the kitty-love. Our big boy has an enormous "emotional" vocabulary, is tuned into us, and is just as demonstrative as (gasp) a dog.

BerkeleyBear November 26, 2012 at 12:13 pm

None of which would really be a contra-indicator for Asperger's (assuming it had anything to do with cats, which I personally don't buy). Both autistic and Asperger's sufferers can have deep emotional attachments to their close family members and particularly the folks on the Asperger's end of the spectrum develop coping mechanisms. In fact, one of the big reasons people have a hard time accepting a diagnosis is because, unlike a kid with autism, there isn't a glaring social deficit like a speech delay or complete standoffishness. It is much subtler, and as a result can actually be a lot harder to deal with in the long term.

BerkeleyBear November 26, 2012 at 12:01 pm

Having a more than passing familiarity with the Autism Spectrum, I'd never put cats on it. Those fuckers know exactly what they want and can be intentionally cruel. They are generally sociopathic if anything. Asperger's folks are just fucking socially clueless – myself included. Hence the compulsion to speak seriously about joky videos.

Now dogs, they are definitely all damaged. But in that "aren't they precious" television telethon way, not the "I have no fucking clue what is wrong with you but you creep me out" effect folks on the Spectrum have on others (again, including me).

asterixaverni November 26, 2012 at 9:59 am

Thank fuck it's not ponies.

boskolives November 26, 2012 at 10:09 am

Oh you just wait, the herd can be heard approaching.

BadKitty904 November 26, 2012 at 10:16 am
sudsmckenzie November 26, 2012 at 10:00 am

Since this will all disappear anyways, I have something I've been meaning to get off my chest.

I shot JR.

thatsitfortheother1 November 26, 2012 at 10:06 am

The Bush years. Just like Pam's dream.

boskolives November 26, 2012 at 10:20 am

A very slow bullet, should have used votes. Too soon?

actor212 November 26, 2012 at 10:23 am

But you did not shoot the Bobby, oh no?

sewollef November 26, 2012 at 10:54 am

That's waaaay too English for this crowd.

starfanglednut November 26, 2012 at 11:10 am

Crikey! Don't be such a bloody wanker. Now hand me my trousers and push the button for the lift. I've got a lorry to catch.

actor212 November 26, 2012 at 11:37 am

Were you knocked up properly this morn, guv?

eggsacklywright November 26, 2012 at 11:29 am

Hey, I had bangers and mash for brekkies.

boskolives November 26, 2012 at 10:03 am

Oh yes, there's really no better way to start on the week than to jump up at the crack of noon. Or was that jump up and try to score some crack to start the week? Meh…

BaldarTFlagass November 26, 2012 at 10:03 am

"Honey, the fucking bathroom sink is clogged again!"

natl_[redacted]_cmdr November 26, 2012 at 10:04 am

Kittyblog?

LibrarianX November 26, 2012 at 10:04 am

Do not use kitties for server migration. They are easily distracted.

freakishlywrong November 26, 2012 at 10:05 am

Is our P safe? (Fapping to "our" son).

Mumbletypeg November 26, 2012 at 10:13 am

♪"She works hard for the p-score / So you better treat it right!" ♫ — Donna Summer

actor212 November 26, 2012 at 10:24 am

I thought it was "p-ness"? Which makes the song much more fun!

Mumbletypeg November 26, 2012 at 10:27 am

"She works haaaard..
…So
ha-a-ard
…p-ness…."

By jove, you're right!

Hera Sent Me November 26, 2012 at 10:07 am

Somehow the fact this post will soon vanish gives it a certain piquancy. It's a metaphor, for how we are all but walking shadows, fated to strut and fret during our mere hour upon the stage, only to be heard no more.

Man, I have got to get laid soon.

HistoriCat November 26, 2012 at 10:55 am

Orgy time?

GregComlish November 26, 2012 at 12:07 pm

I got laid twice yesterday.

boskolives November 26, 2012 at 12:25 pm

I got laid off during the Bush II years, does that count? Before you rush to judge, I did get screwed, in a way, too.

Maman November 26, 2012 at 10:07 am

Oh good. Now I can get in a bath and a nap and not miss anything.

tessiee November 26, 2012 at 10:47 am

"Bath"?
Well, la-di fucking dah, Frenchy!

Chet Kincaid_ November 26, 2012 at 11:10 am

I thought Frenchies were known for infrequent bathing.

sbj1964 November 26, 2012 at 10:07 am

If these comments are going to be deleted than I will take this time to confess to the Kennedy assassination,The Roswell alien cover-up,and crying during an episode of Golden Girls.

kittensdontlie November 26, 2012 at 10:08 am

Your Wonkette was supposed to switch servers this weekend.

Is this code for sexing or something??

BaldarTFlagass November 26, 2012 at 10:09 am

So, how will I know that the server has switched? Funky old style webpage? P-ness reset to 0? Kortney returns?

thatsitfortheother1 November 26, 2012 at 10:37 am

Mmmmmm, Kortney.

actor212 November 26, 2012 at 10:42 am

Giant Macy's Balloon Campbell Brown will sit in judgement of your Cheetos

Oblios_Cap November 26, 2012 at 10:45 am

Kortney "loves" her vegatables.

Wait – Kortney Love? Is that a Kurt Cobain thing?

Chet Kincaid_ November 26, 2012 at 11:17 am

Who wins a cheek-off between Campbell and Founding Editrix Ana Marie Cox?
http://i.i.com.com/cnwk.1d/i/tim//2010/05/19/camp
http://wwwimage.cbsnews.com/images/2006/09/12/ima

Geminisunmars November 26, 2012 at 12:01 pm

Hmmm. Not the most flattering shot of our foundress. Did she have a cheek job or something?

Chet Kincaid_ November 26, 2012 at 12:18 pm

Ken Layne recipes.

BadKitty904 November 26, 2012 at 10:09 am

Miss Becca, your son looks like a very nice guy. :0)

If he decides to play on our team, let me know. I've got a bud – Jamie – who'd be on him like a bee on honey. Jamie's a good egg, employed, smart, funny, no addictions, no jail record, and his family lives on the other side of the continent. Such a deal, no?

Barbara_ November 26, 2012 at 10:10 am

I just spent a fortune at the Amazon.com link through Wonkette for Cyber Monday. Is there a link to porn? I need to wind down now.

JustPixelz November 26, 2012 at 10:27 am

I see your avatar is posing in bathroom sinks for Wonkette now. What's her story: "I was young and needed the money?"

Barbara_ November 26, 2012 at 10:33 am

She was wasted on catnip.

HistoriCat November 26, 2012 at 10:56 am

And here I thought "Hellhole of Sin" was confined to the Sunday post!

thatsitfortheother1 November 26, 2012 at 10:38 am

Now she qualifies for a gubmint job.

eggsacklywright November 26, 2012 at 11:02 am

The laser pointer made me do it.

Steverino247 November 26, 2012 at 11:43 am

Think of Twinkies…

actor212 November 26, 2012 at 10:18 am

Hm. Odd how that's the exact same dream I had this morning, only instead of kittehs, it was me and Editrix and the sink was a hot tub…

Chet Kincaid_ November 26, 2012 at 10:41 am

Chicks love this kind of stuff! Add more details and you're in like Flynn!

BaldarTFlagass November 26, 2012 at 10:45 am

"And then three days later came the urinary tract infection…"

actor212 November 26, 2012 at 11:17 am

QUIT JUDGING!

I thought it was just a leaky eye. It's not my fault it turned out to be conjunctivitis.

not that Dewey November 26, 2012 at 10:20 am

The kinks are tired of waiting for you to iron them out.

actor212 November 26, 2012 at 10:44 am

Hey, we're on a Low Budget here!

BaldarTFlagass November 26, 2012 at 10:50 am

I read a biography of the Kinks a few months back and was somewhat surprised to find out that both Davies boys are notorious cheap bastards, i.e. leave their friends to pay the bar bill and such. Really?

actor212 November 26, 2012 at 11:14 am

I hadn't heard that but it wouldn't surprise me. Rock musicians of that era can be notoriously stingy. McCartney has been rumoured to have once toured for almost a year and never paid his band members.

sewollef November 26, 2012 at 10:58 am

I've been waiting for this…. thank you. One of the best bands evah.

TootsStansbury November 26, 2012 at 10:20 am

My comment will disappear? What a shame; I'll make sure I point out later how witty and insightful it was.

BaldarTFlagass November 26, 2012 at 10:21 am

I know how to get those lazy cats out of the sink!

*reaches over and turns faucet on full blast*

actor212 November 26, 2012 at 10:29 am

Clearly, you've never met my cat, who showers regularly.

Which is more than I can say for most Wonketteers.

Monsieur_Grumpe November 26, 2012 at 10:42 am

My cat (Aldous Huxley) hogs the shower and is always first in. Unlike myself, the cold water doesn’t bother him. I have learned to dodge the droplets when he finally leaves and shakes the excess water off. Damn cat.

actor212 November 26, 2012 at 10:46 am

Mine walks through the shower, then nestles in between the shower curtain and liner to watch.

I'd be concerned if he wasn't such a sweet cat, but I did see him hastily close down a web browser one morning that I think was at uglyuglybagsofmostlywater.com…

Monsieur_Grumpe November 26, 2012 at 11:27 am

I’m fairly certain my name in the cat language translates to Food Dispensing Unit #1.

Lot_49 November 26, 2012 at 11:32 am

It's Paula Poundstone who imagines your cat saying, "How can you do that?"

My cat sits out in the rain, fur glistening with raindrops.

Blueb4sinrise November 26, 2012 at 10:32 am

Hey, no, they're good. No splash when one pees in the sink!!!

thatsitfortheother1 November 26, 2012 at 10:39 am

So the mouth on your av is just sort of self preservation?

FlownOver November 26, 2012 at 10:25 am

But… but… but…

I had found ALL of the weekend comments remarkably easy to fap to! What now?

CivicHoliday November 26, 2012 at 10:26 am

I can haz existential crisis? This comment shall soon cease to exist…so thus do I go into the dark as well?

Chet Kincaid_ November 26, 2012 at 10:30 am

When did this become a Kitty Pic Recipe Card Lit Major Mommy Hookup War Blog?!

Barbara_ November 26, 2012 at 10:35 am

Just wait until we land on the new server. We shall have extreme couponing and hidden object games too.

actor212 November 26, 2012 at 10:47 am

Wait, hookup?

Chet Kincaid_ November 26, 2012 at 10:57 am

Dude, there is so much swappin' goin' on here, the new site background image will be '70s rec room paneling!

actor212 November 26, 2012 at 11:16 am

Bowchicka-what, now?

BZ1 November 26, 2012 at 10:34 am

In real news, Justin Beiber was booed during his performance at the Grey Cup ceremonies in Toronto yesterday.

asterixaverni November 26, 2012 at 10:51 am

When I heard that on NPR this morning, I started wondering if god does, afterall, exist. I got over that and went back to being a heathen. But, also, too, it made me love Canada even more than ever before.

proudgrampa November 26, 2012 at 11:16 am

Yeah, but in another article I read about the Grey Cup halftime, nobody seems to know who Gordon LIghtfoot is, who performed also.

AREYOU FREAKIN' KIDDING ME??? HOW COULD ANY SELF-RESPECTING CANADIAN NOT KNOW WHO GORDON LIGHTFOOT IS???

Sorry. Just shocked, is all.

PubOption November 26, 2012 at 11:31 am

They probably know 'The Wreck of the Edmund Fitzgerald', but don't know who wrote it.
Earworm planted.

not that Dewey November 26, 2012 at 11:32 am

CAREFREE HIGHWAY LIBEL!

eggsacklywright November 26, 2012 at 11:05 am

That is encouraging.

actor212 November 26, 2012 at 11:16 am

What's a Bieber?

eggsacklywright November 26, 2012 at 11:32 am

It's a machine that makes noise when trucks back up.

tessiee November 26, 2012 at 10:36 am

It's a picture of Barb and kittensdontlie.

kittensdontlie November 26, 2012 at 10:55 am

Whatever happens in a bathroom sink, stays in the sink.

Barbara_ November 26, 2012 at 11:09 am

I don't know about you Kitten, but I saw the nail clippers to the left of the sink and I am running.

kittensdontlie November 26, 2012 at 11:37 am

The book on the loo is entitled STALKER, and has me just as worried.

boskolives November 26, 2012 at 10:38 am

You know who else washes their pussy in a sink?

weejee November 26, 2012 at 10:52 am

♪♫ A gin-soaked Dame in Memphis Midtown ♫♪ ??

Lot_49 November 26, 2012 at 10:54 am

"Bidet" is the polite term. It is the cunnilinguist's friend.

boskolives November 26, 2012 at 11:34 am

Always good to hear from cunning linguists, who are people too, my friend.

actor212 November 26, 2012 at 10:55 am

Courtney Love on tour?

eggsacklywright November 26, 2012 at 11:06 am

Linseed Graham?

mrblifil November 26, 2012 at 12:01 pm

The Bangles?

Joey_Blau November 26, 2012 at 10:45 am

I am now very sad. please please listen to me.. about my sadness. very.

weejee November 26, 2012 at 10:50 am

I has already bought my hat, thanks. We are in our nine 11½ month rainy season and I must protect my pate. Does your IT department also handle the shipping?

commiegirl99 November 26, 2012 at 10:52 am

No, all teh shipping and wrapping and posting and other such is done by ME! It is probably my favorite part of the day.

eggsacklywright November 26, 2012 at 11:07 am

Never leave your pate out in the rain.

boskolives November 26, 2012 at 11:39 am

Someone left my pate out in the rain
I don't think that I can take it
'Cause it took so long to bake it
And I'll never take that acid again, oh no

randcoolcatdaddy November 26, 2012 at 10:51 am

Switching servers? Well, that's good news for Mitt Romney!

Chet Kincaid_ November 26, 2012 at 10:52 am

Rather than having conventional servers, I think Wonkette should go with a team of snark-serving Brazillian restaurant gauchos. Just turn your token to the green side when you want more snark. kkkkkk!
http://www.thisweeknews.com/content/graphics/2012

glasspusher November 26, 2012 at 11:13 am

I thought gauchos were Argentinian? Who is the gaucho, amigo?

Chet Kincaid_ November 26, 2012 at 11:36 am

They have gauchos in Brazil, too. Have you not been exposed to the meat orgy of the Brazillian Restaurant Experience?!
http://www.fogodechao.com/menu/dining-experience/

glasspusher November 26, 2012 at 11:46 am

Now that you mention it, only indirectly. I worked with an Australian guy who had a Brazilian wife. He only did vegetarian lunches, to recover from the meat onslaught at home.

I've been trying to get away from meat, myself. Puts me in a food coma too easily anymore. Sushi is another story entirely, though.

Spurning Beer November 26, 2012 at 12:01 pm

Wow. I didn't know this place was a franchise. The missus and I took a visiting Wonkettier there for dinner when she was in town for a job interview last year. The food was pretty good, but I noticed there were no gauchas, only gauchos.

eggsacklywright November 26, 2012 at 11:34 am

Is the token a little green thing with a picture of a duck on it?
EDIT: sorry for the obscurity. This will only make sense if you grew up in Seattle in the 60's and listened to KJR.

Tio_Doidinho November 26, 2012 at 12:06 pm

Really, really salty snark. (but so tasty)

Yellerdawg November 26, 2012 at 10:53 am

This is great! It's like posting into a void. Like running up the AMEX the day before 12/21 when the lights all go out. I can say anything, only I can't think because of this damned hangover. It takes two days of drinking to get ready for my in-laws to come over and two more to get past it. (Really helps if you can't really remember what goes on between the showing up and the leaving.)

TootsStansbury November 26, 2012 at 10:55 am

Y'all get the feeling we've been told to play with – I mean – amongst ourselves?

actor212 November 26, 2012 at 11:41 am

Oh boy! Circlejerks for all! Early Christmas!

proudgrampa November 26, 2012 at 10:55 am

Nice pussies.

Rebecca, your son is a handsome young man. The tat thing is kinda weird, though.

commiegirl99 November 26, 2012 at 12:00 pm

He put his first (late) mom on his chest, and I think didn't want to hurt my feelings, so he put my name too.

Mumbletypeg November 26, 2012 at 10:55 am

If y'all's comments are about to get vaporized or "disappeared" or whatnot that posted since 10:40 on Saturday ("Caturday") and you're thinking it'd be nice to retain access to any or all super special ones, go turn on yer intensedebate-email-notification setting and I'll run a quick marathon replying to everyone's between Fri-Sat. (there were maybe 3 stories posted, total?) — then you'll see your kewl Words To Live By forever entombed in your email … for-EVAH~

HistoriCat November 26, 2012 at 11:37 am

Wow – that's a lot of replying. Your dedication to the cause will earn you a commendation after the Wonkette revolution.

Chet Kincaid_ November 26, 2012 at 11:39 am

Bless your heart.

BaldarTFlagass November 26, 2012 at 11:48 am

So, a big "fuck you" to Omar Khayyam?

“The Moving Finger writes; and, having writ,
Moves on: nor all thy Hilarity nor Snark
Shall lure it back to Delete or Edit half a Line,
Nor all thy Tears wash out a forbidden t rig-Word of it.”

DixvilleCrotch November 26, 2012 at 10:56 am

I thought you outsourced most of the programming to IntenseDebate.

BTW is it just me thinking this: if someone created a commenting system where the p-ness formula was actually obvious, they'd make gazillions? ("Fucking p-ness, how does it work?")

starfanglednut November 26, 2012 at 11:05 am

Thus spake actor.

Mojopo November 26, 2012 at 11:10 am

I would like to purchase a Wonkette app. Please can you make us an app? I will use good money – swear to God.

An_Outhouse November 26, 2012 at 11:11 am

How 'bout a newsletter?

Mojopo November 26, 2012 at 11:24 am

Why would I want more e-mail?

actor212 November 26, 2012 at 11:42 am

There's an app for that!

Mojopo November 26, 2012 at 11:43 am

I don't want an e-mail app. I want a Wonkette app.

EDIT – Swear to God, this is like walking into my neighborhood diner. "I'd like a Reuben." They're out of corned beef. "How about a tuna melt instead?" I do not care for melted tunas!

glasspusher November 26, 2012 at 11:10 am

If you delete my posts, do I not bleed?

actor212 November 26, 2012 at 11:15 am

Only if you get pricked.

boskolives November 26, 2012 at 11:41 am

Once a month, but they have an app for that.

An_Outhouse November 26, 2012 at 11:10 am

"this sexy picture of our son. "

You're Amish?

glasspusher November 26, 2012 at 11:23 am

Glasspusher's law of IT: if you're smart enough to be good at IT, you are smart enough to be good at other things. If all you know is IT, you're an idiot.

BigSkullF*ckingDog November 26, 2012 at 11:25 am

Kitties are scary.

Jus_Wonderin November 26, 2012 at 11:31 am

I don't get why it should be so hard to change a server. I mean, at El Chico last Saturday my server changed from Jaunita to Juan in little under 15 minutes.

PubOption November 26, 2012 at 11:33 am

Why are you dragging that up?

boskolives November 26, 2012 at 11:44 am

"changed from Jaunita to Juan" sounds like the story line for the Chas bio-pic, but doing so in under 15 minutes might qualify this as an event for the olympics.

HistoriCat November 26, 2012 at 11:52 am

If it was a change from Juan to Juanita I would have blamed it on an accident in the kitchen.

boskolives November 26, 2012 at 12:09 pm

Or perhaps you could blame it on the surgery that is often called a Loppitofomee?

Steverino247 November 26, 2012 at 11:49 am

Your IT guys are either counter-revolutionaries or suicide troops left behind when the rest of their unit evacuated during the War on Christmas (Hiroo Onoda libel, of course).

KotBR November 26, 2012 at 11:53 am

Be sad on your own time

Copyright: Bain & Co. Employee Handbook

drewehartnyc November 26, 2012 at 11:54 am

Servers are so 2010. Has teh Wonkette not heard of the cloud? It's a pretty place…

kittensdontlie November 26, 2012 at 11:59 am

I've looked at clouds from both sides now
From up and down, and still somehow
It's cloud illusions I recall
I really don't know clouds at all.

Chet Kincaid_ November 26, 2012 at 11:57 am

OK, at 11:55 am sharp, everyone strip down to their Wonkette T-shirts and panties and head to the middle of Wonkette square for the countdown. I will bring a taser in case I need to rescue any ladies from actor212's unwanted attentions!

Oblios_Cap November 26, 2012 at 11:58 am

11:58 and all's well?

BaldarTFlagass November 26, 2012 at 11:58 am

2 minutes till noon, Eastern! Let's see it!!!!

Misty Malarky November 26, 2012 at 11:59 am
weejee November 26, 2012 at 12:03 pm

Just in time for the Hal-a-daze.

mrblifil November 26, 2012 at 11:59 am

Pretty sure this kind of thing is what the Mayans were talking about.

starfanglednut November 26, 2012 at 11:59 am

Yeah. VW van with black lights and bong or GTFO.

Misty Malarky November 26, 2012 at 12:00 pm

MY GOD! IT'S FULL OF STARS!

Chet Kincaid_ November 26, 2012 at 12:01 pm

Wait, what time zone are we talkin' about?

starfanglednut November 26, 2012 at 12:04 pm

It's 12:04 Eastern. Did this comment survive?

commiegirl99 November 26, 2012 at 12:10 pm

Never Standard Time.

TootsStansbury November 26, 2012 at 12:16 pm

Slacker IT people time.

weejee November 26, 2012 at 12:17 pm

Like teh Wonkette, the space-time continuum is warped.

ChillBill November 26, 2012 at 12:05 pm

This comment will be deleted forever.

boskolives November 26, 2012 at 12:13 pm

Or longer if need be, also.

Oblios_Cap November 26, 2012 at 12:21 pm

Are we in heaven now? It's 12:20.

Weedlord BonerHitler November 26, 2012 at 12:21 pm

BeccaLou, man, you so need some of this JillyBean. (takes a deep drag, passes the spliff)

mustangsavvy November 26, 2012 at 12:23 pm

Aww cute kitties are cute. And this is what I am like when facing a comment deleting crisis – lame.

BadKitty904 November 26, 2012 at 10:19 am

Pish-tush. "Cute" – exterior or interior – is in the eye o' the beholder. :0)

eggsacklywright November 26, 2012 at 10:21 am

Aw, you have a certain je ne sais quoi-fu.

ttommyunger November 26, 2012 at 10:23 am

I'm sure it helps to be legally blind.Sent from the Field, not in Garrison.

boskolives November 26, 2012 at 10:27 am

I thought beauty was in the eye of the beerholder, no?

BadKitty904 November 26, 2012 at 10:23 am

See?!

ttommyunger November 26, 2012 at 10:26 am

Quoi-fu you, too! ;)Sent from the Field, not in Garrison.

Vecchiojohn November 26, 2012 at 10:23 am

When you get to me my age you'll dribble like hell.

ttommyunger November 26, 2012 at 10:26 am

I've taught mine to sniff.Sent from the Field, not in Garrison.

boskolives November 26, 2012 at 10:29 am

What happens in prison stays in prison. Parole too.

ttommyunger November 26, 2012 at 10:31 am

Lets hope so!Sent from the Field, not in Garrison.

actor212 November 26, 2012 at 10:31 am

I count "one Mississippi." That's about right.

By spelling out "M-I-S-S-I-S-S-I-P-P-I"

thatsitfortheother1 November 26, 2012 at 10:43 am

Using a glass is about all the civility I can muster.

Weedlord BonerHitler November 26, 2012 at 12:26 pm

Crooked letter, crooked letter.

actor212 November 26, 2012 at 11:19 am

Why waste the dishwater?

Geminisunmars November 26, 2012 at 11:22 am

You keds get off my lawn!

actor212 November 26, 2012 at 11:41 am

You better take care, if I find you've been creepin' round my back stairs

boskolives November 26, 2012 at 12:24 pm

There's more than one way? Sounds like a butt seks request.

James Michael Curley November 26, 2012 at 12:24 pm

No microbe on earth, or one of my cousins, can stand up to a shot of I.W. Harper Gold Label.

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