WE'RE ON A ROAD TO NOWHERE  3:30 pm November 23, 2012

Meet Alaska’s Airport And Harbor To Nowhere

by Wonkette Jr.

Future's so brightWhat are you thankful for this holiday weekend? The re-election of the Muslin in the White House? That Ol’ Handsome Joe Biden is still driving his bitchin’ Camaro up and down Pennsylvania Avenue? That drunk Uncle Fred is behind bars awaiting trial on a DUI? Hookers and coke?

The people of Akutan, Alaska, have much to be thankful for. Oh so very much. About $100 million reasons to be thankful! Or sort of not thankful, and annoyed! Either way!

This is the Akutan airport:

Akutan, 766 miles southwest of Anchorage, has a year-round population of 75. But more than 1,000 seasonal employees work at the Trident Seafood fish-processing plant, described as the largest such facility in North America.

For years, air service was provided by PenAir (ed. note: heh!). The small Alaska airline used a World War II-era Grumman Goose, an amphibious aircraft, to land in the harbor and taxi up a ramp on the shore of the town. The age and operational costs of that airplane led officials to start planning a new land airport in 1999.

The steep terrain on volcanic Akutan presented obstacles. So authorities looked to uninhabited Akun Island, six miles away.

The airport cost $75.5 million dollars. To access it, suckers passengers had to board a hovercraft — we are not sure if it was full of eels — and take a $100 ride to the new airport.

Did we mention the hovercraft has failed epically in other Alaskan waters? The hovercraft has failed epically in other Alaskan waters.

The airport opened September 1, 2012. It closed November 4, 2012! About the only good news that can be said about the whole debacle is that there have been no plane crashes. Not even a mØØse bite.

But an airport to nowhere, that could happen to anyone. How about a harbor to nowhere as well?

Over the last two years, Knik Construction has converted what was once a flat stretch of tundra at the end of Akutan Bay into a full-size boat harbor.

“We’ve excavated almost a million cubic yards of material,” says project manager Craig Bauld.

For now, the harbor is mostly just a big hole in the ground. While the construction team has finished its work, there’s still no electricity, no running water, and no floats. There’s also no road from the village, which is two miles away, so the only way to access the boat harbor is by boat. That means the harbor is cut off from the village’s grocery store, post office and fuel dock. Steve Boardman is head of the Army Corps of Engineers’ civil projects division. He says the transportation situation is unusual.

This harbor to nowhere that will service the town that can’t even get its mail any longer for a plant that won’t be able to get rid of all the fish that are stinking up its shelves cost $29 million and was built on spec: “If you dig it, they will come,” if you will. Dig it?

But where did that money come from?

the griftiest
You might recall a big brouhaha over a program that President Obama signed that provided…and we at Wonkette Central want to make sure we get the language correct…grift money to shut critics up a stimulus to the economy by funding shovel-ready projects as well as education, energy assistance and other social services.

You know, for the kids!

The money for this harbor was approved in early 2009 by the then-governor of Alaska, who decided that the need for an unnecessary harbor for a town smaller than your local subdivision was huge enough to betray principles of not accepting stimulus funds, but that education was much lower down the list.

We salute you, Grifter-In-Chief!

[ADN / KUCB]

 

Hola wonkerados.

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{ 182 comments }

SorosBot November 23, 2012 at 3:33 pm

Why did you make us see that horrible face again?

Wile E. Quixote November 23, 2012 at 3:36 pm

She looks like she's deciding whether or not she should swallow or spit in that picture.

GeorgiaBurning November 23, 2012 at 3:45 pm

the picture is shovel-ready, too

Veritas78 November 23, 2012 at 3:59 pm

I wanna splash votes in it… again.

viennawoods13 November 23, 2012 at 4:54 pm

it's an old picture…she actually has flesh on her bones.

Living in Joy November 24, 2012 at 9:49 am

You know, it's actually sad to watching her slide slowly into irrelevancy. Kind of Norma Desmond style. As she gets skinnier, her skin will sag. She will look older. She will need plastic surgery but if she's not grifting, then where will the money come from? It's an endless circle. Bristol is not going to cough any money to help her mother because she has to save it for herself. Working in a doctor's office is going to cut it for her anymore. I may even get nostalgic watching the Palin family drift off into the sunset. Just kidding. Couldn't happen to nicer people.

miss_grundy November 23, 2012 at 5:49 pm

So how much money did she make in the deal? I mean, she had to get something out of it? She's not a grifter for nothing.

Living in Joy November 24, 2012 at 9:50 am

I was thinking the same thing. There is always a payoff for Sarah.

oenspiek November 23, 2012 at 5:54 pm

Indeed. If she'd had any talent, that face could have made her a living in horror films.

JohnnyQuick November 23, 2012 at 6:17 pm

After avoiding Her Grifterness on the teevee this past cycle, she's really starting to seem just like a bad dream I had years ago.

"A weird-talking half-term governor from Alaska? Who can't name one book or newspaper she's ever read? No, no one like that would ever run for vice-president, unless their last name was Bush. GO BACK TO SLEEP."

ManchuCandidate November 23, 2012 at 3:39 pm

The only difference between the harbor to nowhere and Sarah is that the harbor still has a chance to be useful.

Spurning Beer November 23, 2012 at 8:49 pm

The difference is lipstick. Well, lipstick and tattooed lip liner.

drbill0620 November 23, 2012 at 10:15 pm

A disingenuous, moose bagging, back stabbing slut…

Sparky November 23, 2012 at 10:53 pm

And what they have in common is a bunch of sailors coming in & out, and a decidedly fishy smell.

rickmaci November 25, 2012 at 1:20 pm

Just thinking out loud here, but why not get some multiplier effect from the stimulus and give them some money to fill in the hole and demo the airport?

Wile E. Quixote November 23, 2012 at 3:41 pm

Yeah, but if they'd spent that money on education instead of on digging a big hole in the ground the people they educated would have ended up leaving Alaska for someplace that isn't a frozen shithole full of right-wing fucktards and voting for Democrats.

NorthStarSpanx November 24, 2012 at 10:03 am

To be fair, being a CEO of a State of which she was, is hard guys. She probably did it in the last five minutes of one of the 20 hour work-weeks she co-parented with the First Dude.

BaldarTFlagass November 23, 2012 at 3:42 pm

They're just looking ahead. With global warming, that place will be like Cancun or Mallorca 20 years hence.

christianmuslin November 23, 2012 at 3:53 pm

Or under water!

BaldarTFlagass November 23, 2012 at 5:50 pm

Scuba diving paradise!

Negropolis November 23, 2012 at 11:17 pm

Yes, just like Cancun and Mallorca.

sbj1964 November 23, 2012 at 3:43 pm

I would so do that.She is like if Field&Stream had a Centerfold Pin up girl.

M. Bouffant November 23, 2012 at 3:46 pm

She'd look great pinned up (or down) somewhere, alright.

Veritas78 November 23, 2012 at 4:02 pm

Where do we pin the surveyors' marks?

SayItWithWookies November 23, 2012 at 5:57 pm

I believe you've got that magazine confused with Fraud & Screech.

rickmaci November 25, 2012 at 1:14 pm

You mean Bondage Life don't you?

Dudleydidwrong November 23, 2012 at 3:48 pm

Unused, not-needed muddy hole = LouSarah or this harbor?

drbill0620 November 23, 2012 at 10:13 pm

Well – the harbor might prove useful yet –

Sarah Lou/Lou Sarah – a different story

SnarkOff November 23, 2012 at 3:50 pm

Hey, Sarah, that's a nice pair of boondoggles you've got there.

StealthMuslin November 23, 2012 at 3:51 pm

Barry: "What's yore dirt doin' in my hole, Sarah?"

gullywompr November 23, 2012 at 3:54 pm

If there's one thing you libtards are afraid of, it's a strong conservative woman. Let's see how hard you laugh after Palin becomes president in 2016.

sbj1964 November 23, 2012 at 4:00 pm

Yes that would make good science fiction if you set it in a weird alternate universe where stupid people rule the world.Wait that's was real life.OMG!

OzoneTom November 23, 2012 at 4:50 pm

I heard that "Iron Sky" didn't do that well.

Needz moar skewing!

dennis1943 November 23, 2012 at 5:07 pm

I am laughing so hard now,I probably won't make it to 2016……….

HempDogbane November 23, 2012 at 6:28 pm

Coming soon: "If there's one thing you libtards are afraid of, it's a strong conservative Latina."

Jennyjen798 November 24, 2012 at 8:32 am

I'm actually afraid of those. Take a Governor Grifter and turn up the insanity x 10.

mavenmaven November 23, 2012 at 3:57 pm

Now the Russians have a place to land during the invasion Sarah can see from her house!

rmjagg November 23, 2012 at 5:10 pm

hope they land on her face and plant a flag there …

Grokenstein November 23, 2012 at 3:59 pm

Never thought I'd say this, but: the obscure Monty Python references don't work at all. Author, edit thyself.

M. Bouffant November 23, 2012 at 4:06 pm

?

Grokenstein November 23, 2012 at 4:36 pm

1. "a hovercraft — we are not sure if it was full of eels"

"My hovercraft is full of eels."
–From the "Dirty Hungarian Phrasebook" sketch.

2. "Not even a mØØse bite."

"A Møøse once bit my sister …"
–The opening titles subtitles from "Monty Python and the Holy Grail."

M. Bouffant November 23, 2012 at 4:47 pm

Yes, I get the references. My point was, why are you complaining?

Grokenstein November 23, 2012 at 6:51 pm

Because they have no point and make no sense here. It's distractionary "hipster dropping references" and just bad writing. As bad as responding with a question mark and expecting anyone to know exactly what you mean.

Of course, those who shriek and flail their arms when they actually "get" a reference might see things differently…

shelwood46 November 23, 2012 at 5:04 pm

Please delete these jokes I get? Ok.

greenloner November 26, 2012 at 8:08 am

But, but, but . . . "my hovercraft is full of eels" is one of the best lines of all time, a classic. Wonketteers just wanna have fun.

steamynachos November 23, 2012 at 4:02 pm

I've flown PenAir. Let's just say they earn the nickname "When Air?" on a daily er, bi-weekly basis.

aklibtard November 23, 2012 at 8:28 pm

PenAir is one of the nice ones. There are a few local carriers around AK that are downright scary to get on. I remember the plane I flew into and out of Galena on literally had duct tape over parts of it. The logistics of just about everything up here can be somewhat, um, challenging.

christianmuslin November 23, 2012 at 4:08 pm

How do these two great construction projects tie into that equally great third project known as the bridge to nowhere?
Perhaps they could call all of it Sarahville and invite Marriott to consider a 400 room convention hotel for the GOP's planning meetings for the 2016 presidential election since this engineering tripple wonder correctly depicts today's GOP and where it is going-nowhere!

NorthStarSpanx November 24, 2012 at 10:09 am

Make Nowhere your favorite convention destination!

Callyson November 23, 2012 at 4:11 pm

Your fiscally conservative Republicans at work…

/ROTFLMAO
/FFS

docterry6973 November 23, 2012 at 4:14 pm

For Pete's sale. who's in charge up there? Oh.

DrunkIrishman November 23, 2012 at 4:15 pm

In that photo, it looks like she's trying to zip up her coat but doesn't know how … which I suspect is reality. "Todd, mah cot needs sahm zippin'!"

FeloniousMonk November 23, 2012 at 5:44 pm

Aargh, don't do that. If I have to think about the mating calls of Alaskan animals, I'd rather think of the caribou. Or the wolverine. Or the tundra shrew … oh, wait.

Pragmatist2 November 23, 2012 at 4:20 pm

Thatw oman in the picture looks just like Tina Fey – except stupid.

bibliotequetress November 23, 2012 at 4:28 pm

HOVERCRAFT! How could anything with a hovercraft be a bad idea?

smokefilledroommate November 23, 2012 at 4:33 pm

When it becomes a hovercraft to nowhere.

DixvilleCrotch November 23, 2012 at 4:49 pm

I for one enjoy a good hover, even if it's aimless.

Boojum November 25, 2012 at 9:50 am

Hoovercraft.

FeloniousMonk November 23, 2012 at 6:26 pm

Have you ever been on a hovercraft? I have, across the English Channel. You can feel every tiny wavelet. My girlfriend lost her lunch; luckily for me, I hadn't eaten. If God had meant us to ride on a cushion of air, we would all be Johnny Fartpants.

bibliotequetress November 23, 2012 at 7:50 pm

So, FeloniousMonk, from this I can assume that god intended a significant number of my former guy roommates to ride the waves on Hovercrafts? I did not realize it was divine grace rather than a side effect of an unfortunate yet regular blend of Pabst and Burger King.

Well, it does make one understand how the "Jesus walking on the water" story might have come about.

smokefilledroommate November 23, 2012 at 4:33 pm

Shouldn't Alaska officially be called "The Nowhere State"?

not that Dewey November 23, 2012 at 5:06 pm

Motto: "Making all our Nowhere Plans, for Nobody"

bobbert November 25, 2012 at 2:22 pm

"The Great White Nowhere".

Radiotherapy November 23, 2012 at 4:35 pm

It's an old surveyor site.

AlterNewt November 23, 2012 at 4:39 pm

She'll always be with us, for hasn't Juh-heesus told us that it is better to grift than to recede?

DixvilleCrotch November 23, 2012 at 4:40 pm

They need a spaceport to nowhere (like they're building in NM) and they'll be complete.

not that Dewey November 23, 2012 at 5:02 pm

Spaceports are, by definition, "to nowhere".

NorthStarSpanx November 24, 2012 at 10:11 am

How about a docking station for the Ark that will be launched from Kentucky?

not that Dewey November 24, 2012 at 10:45 am

Or for Wyoming's fleet of aircraft carriers.

e_z November 23, 2012 at 4:46 pm

Sarah has a future to nowhere.

bibliotequetress November 23, 2012 at 4:47 pm

All fitting in thematically with Sarah's Career to Nowhere.

natl_[redacted]_cmdr November 23, 2012 at 4:58 pm

Dear Alaska,

Your request for secession has been approved. Good luck.

Sincerely,
America.

aklibtard November 23, 2012 at 8:32 pm

There's a political party up here that is dedicated to just that. The Alaska Independence Party is relatively large actually. They have their own state convention and everything. I think the only positive of secession would be that it would mean all the assholes from Texas that work up here would have to get work visas and couldn't stay.

NorthStarSpanx November 24, 2012 at 10:12 am

aklibtard, you know all the members are made up of these oil workers.

Jukesgrrl November 24, 2012 at 11:07 pm

Tawd Palin was a card-carrying member until it got too embarrassing for his Gov. Wife.

Biel_ze_Bubba November 25, 2012 at 12:31 pm

This promises at least one unusual result: I would actually be interested in hearing from Sarah Palin, the day she really can see Russians from her back porch.

Mittaplasia November 24, 2012 at 4:13 pm

…and no dual citizenship either, suckers!

ChillBill November 23, 2012 at 4:58 pm

"The airport opened September 1, 2012. It closed November 4, 2012!"

If I'm not mistaken, that airport lasted longer than "Sarah Palin's Alaska."

Negropolis November 23, 2012 at 11:25 pm

Hey-O!

Biel_ze_Bubba November 25, 2012 at 12:31 pm

In Alaska, even the infrastructure quits.

Jus_Wonderin November 23, 2012 at 5:06 pm

"Well, we have all this money. What are we going to do with it? Oh, I know………."

natl_[redacted]_cmdr November 23, 2012 at 5:11 pm

Years ago a teenage girl who was obviously coached by her mother called in to the Randi Rhodes show:

Whiny girl: "Sarah Palin inspires me to speak my miiiind."

Randi Rhodes: "So speak it."

[pause. muffled voices] Girl: "Well…"

RR: "How does she inspire you?"

[pause, muffled voices] Girl: "She just does!"

RR: "You have no mind! If you need Sarah Palin to *inspire* you then you have no mind!"

Good times. [Warning, conversation paraphrased from cloudy memory, not meant as a factual statement etc.]

AlterNewt November 24, 2012 at 10:05 pm

You're pretty close. It was painful. And hilarious

/edit Here it is:
http://www.randirhodes.com/pages/rrnews.html?feed

Troubledog November 23, 2012 at 5:12 pm

A mØØse once bit my sister. No realli.

Tundra Grifter November 23, 2012 at 7:30 pm

That popular survial guide (bright yellow cover) had advice for how to avoid a raindeer attack.

I thought that was pretty silly until I saw the video of the female reporter attacked by a raindeer.

Bet she wished she'd read that book!

pdiddycornchips November 23, 2012 at 8:33 pm

She was Karving her initials on the møøse
with the sharpened end of an interspace tøøthbrush given
her by Svenge – her brother-in-law – an Oslo dentist and
star of many Norwegian møvies: "The Høt Hands of an Oslo
Dentist", "Fillings of Passion", "The Huge Mølars of Horst
Nordfink".

kittensdontlie November 24, 2012 at 1:30 pm

MØØse have schizoidal tendencies.

LibrarianX November 23, 2012 at 5:21 pm

This was the cornerstone of Palin's Alaskan Crystal Meth Express.

Barrelhse November 23, 2012 at 5:22 pm

Twat.

Toomush_Infer November 23, 2012 at 5:24 pm

OT: Yesterday, 60 degrees, sunny – today, hell's white vengeance is upon us here in the troll-land of Northern Michigan….if it's like this here, how much of Alaska is under the ice as I write?….I'll bet 75 persons is a high estimate….

larrykat November 23, 2012 at 7:03 pm

Same here in mid-Wisco. But we didn't have snow, just merely fucking cold and hurricane winds.

Negropolis November 23, 2012 at 11:26 pm

A lot of Alaska is actually quite dry, from what I hear.

But, yeah, I saw pictures off people out at the beach in southwest Michigan, yesterday.

fartknocker November 23, 2012 at 5:33 pm

It needs to be stated whenever possible: Fuck you John McCain for releasing this stupid twat on the lower 48.

The Tundratwat brought us the TeaTards, 4 years of terrible spelling, stupid policies that did nothing, Rick Perry believing he was a great leader, more snark, and the re-election of President Obama. It's always nice to see a goat fucker like McCain get fucked. Maybe him and Libermann can team up for 2016.

weejee November 23, 2012 at 5:42 pm

I don't know fk. Don't you find that Moran is actually sort of special? BTW, can we still say special?

malsperanza November 23, 2012 at 7:28 pm

I'm really looking forward to McCain and Lieberman teaming up on the late-night half-hour infomercial for Viagra.

Boojum November 25, 2012 at 10:12 am

Or in a granny porn threesome.

cletar November 23, 2012 at 5:34 pm

Goddamn, that John McCain is a hell of a judge of character.

LibrarianX November 23, 2012 at 10:51 pm

Yes – why does John McCain hate America?

Biff November 23, 2012 at 5:43 pm

Smells fishy.

$arah, not the salmon.

Barrelhse November 23, 2012 at 6:35 pm

Salmon chanted evening….

Spurning Beer November 23, 2012 at 9:02 pm

By Salmon Dave….

PsycWench November 23, 2012 at 5:43 pm

Well, teachers get all this union pay or something and also they have leftover construction paper that they can burn instead of wood or coal. Plus they probably all get some Target gift cards for Christmas or something.

Mittens Howell, III November 23, 2012 at 5:44 pm

Sarah Palin. 2016. Please.

bibliotequetress November 23, 2012 at 7:45 pm

Could we be so lucky? Could we?

weejee November 23, 2012 at 5:46 pm

A word salad from Lou Sarah cleans the mind almost as well as laying your head sideways on the counter and then pouring Liquid Plumber™ into your ear.

Barrelhse November 23, 2012 at 6:37 pm

Kids- don't try this with the molten lead.

LibrarianX November 23, 2012 at 10:50 pm

She leaves me with something like an acid hangover.

glasspusher November 24, 2012 at 10:56 am

Sure, it'll clean you out, but it'll leave you feeling hollow inside.

AlaskaGrrl November 23, 2012 at 5:48 pm

Well, to be fair, there is a real need for a harbor and for an airport. Not just for the 75 residents, but for the cannery workers. This area is part of the Bristol Bay salmon fishery. It is the largest wild salmon fishery in the world providing upwards of half of the commercially caught salmon. That cannery isn't there by chance and the people who live in that village are descendants of the peoples that first populated the islands, eight plus thousand years ago.

Yeah, a pity that this worthy project was screwed up by Palin. One should look to see what connections there are between Knik Construction and Sarah, but be that as it may, if you eat salmon or care about the health of the oceans, you need to support these people.

Respitetini November 23, 2012 at 6:56 pm

Hey now, no reason for that kind of reasoned, thoughtful post. This is the Internet!

kittensdontlie November 24, 2012 at 1:22 pm

The Internet's Alaskan Pipeline was a bad idea from the start.

AlaskaGrrl November 23, 2012 at 11:17 pm

Yeah, hate to be boring with all that "fact" stuff, but these are friends and neighbors.

actor212 November 24, 2012 at 4:00 pm

But weren't those folks, you know, getting their mail in and their fish out before the airport and harbor?

AlaskaGrrl November 24, 2012 at 4:23 pm

The air carrier, PenAir, flew a seaplane, but they quit using it (WWII vintage aircraft) and have since quit servicing that part of the Peninsula with the exception of Dutch Harbor. Other, smaller air services have stepped in to replace PenAir, but none have a seaplane.

The cannery used tenders to ferry product to a barge anchored off shore. It works, but isn't optimal.

Jukesgrrl November 24, 2012 at 11:13 pm

Wouldn't it have been cheaper to buy the town a couple of seaplanes instead of a $75 million airport for other types of planes? You could have just pretended to dig them out of the ground and we could have called them "shovel-ready" seaplanes. I would guess "not optimal" beats "doesn't work at all."

Negropolis November 23, 2012 at 11:28 pm

Yeah, it's not that the project isn't needed – in a state where the only in-and-out can be by air or sea, even very small communities need outsized transportation – but that it was very obviously and horribly botched, which I think was the purpose of the post. But, it's always good to get further background on this type of thing.

HouseOfTheBlueLights November 23, 2012 at 5:50 pm

The federal government is at fault here, for forcing the good people of Alaska to accept this money (actual argument made by wingnut friend on FB). (Also? Means test Alaska, please, which is rolling in extra oil money. For now. Also.)

SigDeFlyinMonky November 23, 2012 at 6:00 pm

Got that space shuttle port to nowhere at Vandenberg!

kittensdontlie November 24, 2012 at 1:46 pm

But Point Sal State Beach was the best damn park anywhere.

rocktonsam November 23, 2012 at 6:06 pm

"I can see nowhere from nowhere"

SayItWithWookies November 23, 2012 at 6:08 pm

I don't understand the problem — if the harbor and the airport aren't useful where they are, why doesn't Alaska just move them somewhere else? These are the kind of commonsense solutions America needs right now! SayItWithWookies 2016 — We may not know where we're going, but we're making good time.

pdiddycornchips November 23, 2012 at 8:43 pm

They can put everything on the hovercraft! Brilliant!

snowpointsecret November 23, 2012 at 6:12 pm

We have a harbor in Sarah Palin's brain?

… Okay maybe a little too mean.

kittensdontlie November 24, 2012 at 1:39 pm

The harbormaster has declared it a no-brainwave zone.

rocktonsam November 23, 2012 at 6:30 pm

I bet teh crazy sex with this one is wicked crazy..

larrykat November 23, 2012 at 7:04 pm

Probably way too twitchy and flinchy.

sullivanst November 23, 2012 at 6:32 pm

All of a sudden, that bridge doesn't sound so stupid now, does it?

ProgressiveInga November 23, 2012 at 8:14 pm

Ad selling one slightly used harbor on eBay in 3…2….1….

BZ1 November 23, 2012 at 8:47 pm

But does the airport have a road?

ttommyunger November 23, 2012 at 9:40 pm

Oh well, there's still the Highway to Nowhere: it's called the Alaskan Highway.

LibrarianX November 23, 2012 at 10:37 pm

Has Lou Sarah put on weight?

Walkinwiddaking November 24, 2012 at 4:36 pm

Does that mean Bristol is pregnant?

Jukesgrrl November 24, 2012 at 11:15 pm

No, she's still bone-thin amid rumors that her latest grift is an exercise program.

Biel_ze_Bubba November 23, 2012 at 10:43 pm

"The age and operational costs of that airplane led officials to start planning a new land airport in 1999."

When you notice that your airplane getting old and expensive to maintain, wouldn't you conclude that the solution is a new airplane, not a new fucking airport? Just asking, because we all know how Mooselini is all against gubbmint waste of taxpayers' money.

DahBoner November 24, 2012 at 12:19 pm

You obviously did'nt take that class at Moosejaw U, called "How to bilk, scam andcheat The Gum'mint by building totally unnessary Airports, roads and bridges 101"

AlaskaGrrl November 24, 2012 at 4:16 pm

They didn't have an airport. The plane, a Grumman Goose, is a seaplane. It landed in the ocean and skiffs ferried the passengers, mail, freight, etc. to the shore.

Boojum November 25, 2012 at 10:17 am

So, buy a new and better seaplane!

DahBoner November 23, 2012 at 11:13 pm

A cool million PER PERSON for the airport.

I assume they paid in pelts…

kittensdontlie November 24, 2012 at 1:34 pm

Assume pelt payola.

actor212 November 24, 2012 at 4:01 pm

WHAT IF THEY HAVE BRAZILIANS? HUH? HADNT THOUGHT OF THAT, HAD YOU????

Boojum November 25, 2012 at 10:18 am

Kkkkkkkk

Negropolis November 23, 2012 at 11:14 pm

I can tolerate a single picture of Ms. Failin' per post, but two? No way. This is too much. I know it's a part of our history, but I just can't abide in this.

Sarah Palin: You Built That! Truly, the Governor from Nowhere to Nowhere.

What better than building a hole in the ground to represnt the former governor?

NorthStarSpanx November 24, 2012 at 10:18 am

Oh, I'm thinking AGIA and Mat-Maid are enough boondoggle for Sarah, the ones she truly built.

actor212 November 25, 2012 at 6:47 am

Say, in that second picture…isn't she wearing that $1500 dress the RNC paid for?

James Michael Curley November 24, 2012 at 4:21 am

" a town smaller than your local subdivision " with a population smaller than that of a car on the "D" Train.

Steverino247 November 24, 2012 at 10:02 am

And an IQ smaller than a Lionel train.

DinDCW4 November 24, 2012 at 7:24 am

Just because she was one of those fucking bitches in high school is no reason to hold onto it… Wait… It is OK??? Well then, fuck her. Just fuck her.

Noah_Hegemon November 24, 2012 at 10:09 am

Maybe they can move the bridge over to the airport, then they can use the hovercraft to get to the harbor. Sarah may not be finished with this.

DahBoner November 24, 2012 at 12:15 pm

Designer Vagina

A little off the top? Just a trim?

Walkinwiddaking November 24, 2012 at 4:23 pm

If you build it they will come. If you bilk them the U.S. Taxpayer will pay.

mosjef November 24, 2012 at 7:22 pm

This just in. Palin announces candidacy for 2013 Presidential election.

TribecaMike November 24, 2012 at 8:22 pm

Bit o' trivia — The Grumman Goose was first commissioned by 1%er Edward Roland Noel Harriman, of the New York Harrimans (harruummpphh!), who's nickname was Bunny. All the 1%ers were called Bunny back then.

fishwharf November 24, 2012 at 8:25 pm

I'm jealous of Todd.

YasserArraFeck November 25, 2012 at 12:04 am

The harbor might get an influx of seamen one day – now that Snowbilly is starting to look like the Crypt Keeper's younger sister, I see very little chance of semen in her future.

Oh, and Eww!

not that Dewey November 25, 2012 at 12:13 am

It's a conundrum for any low-population-density state, and the fact that there's a certain minimum cost for any kind of public works infrastructure item. I live in such a state, and we're struggling with a commuter rail right now. It costs as much as any commuter rail system costs, and only serves a few thousand people, so everyone thinks it's a boondoggle. But it's important that we have a train. What to do?

I feel for these poor Alaska schmucks and their modern infrastructure requirements. Should they all just live in caves and ride dogs?

NorthStarSpanx November 25, 2012 at 9:47 am

ntD – you should read the lovely comments "Alaskans" make against any Rural story in the papers. Nasty, vile and hostile that any community off-the-grid has the gall to exist. State largess paid for their infrastructure and makes their lifestyle affordable, but god forbid investments be made toward rural capital projects b/c it serves such a small population. If we never made it to the cities to buy up all the goods and use all the services, I'd like to see how useless we actually are to the State.

Boojum November 25, 2012 at 10:09 am

So, use what works and is appropriate for a small population, even if it would be considered luxury elsewhere. A regular seaplane route, plus an as needed daily flight. Local transportation that is disconnected from the rest of the world (free electric cars?), so no need for ferry service for cars. Think small!

Biel_ze_Bubba November 25, 2012 at 10:24 am

Why is it "important" that a few thousand people have a train?

Low-density states do not, in fact, "need" trains, airports, and other expensive infrastructure. Politicians and civic boosters are suckers for developers' pie-in-the sky projections of economic growth "fueled by" these projects; they're blind to the reality that the local economy will never be able to justify the project.

not that Dewey November 25, 2012 at 11:02 am

Highways and sewer systems will never pay for themselves, so why bother?

Imagine a remote, but reasonably well-populated Indian reservation, 60 miles away from a city where there are jobs, and whose residents mostly do not own cars. Or, imagine a college town 90 miles away from an airport, with nothing in between. A train could conceivably be useful in these cases. It would appear to be a "boondoggle" from the point of view of economic growth, or to the teabaggers who think they shouldn't have to pay for it. Just as many childless homeowners don't think their property taxes should subsidize schools for people who have children.

I didn't really want to have the City Mouse/Country Mouse argument. I've lived in Chicago and in this place, and they both have infrastructure requirements.

Biel_ze_Bubba November 25, 2012 at 12:26 pm

A bus is a reasonable public service — sewers, water, utilities, schools are likewise reasonable services. Only the hardest of hard-core GOPpers oppose that sort of spending.

Boondoggles are black holes for (usually Federal) tax dollars, designed to benefit their politically connected developers. A train to an indian reservation (typically with a promised casino, projected to bring hundreds of thousands of tourists to Dry Gulch, ND) is a boondoggle, as is the six-milion-dollar state-of-the-art train terminal at the edge of the reservation.

Every state has its share of pork, but Alaska license plates should bear the slogan "The Boondoggle State."

not that Dewey November 25, 2012 at 1:45 pm

There's likely a solution intermediate to "$6M unused train depot" and "not having sewers", and that's probably what we're both advocating.

Beach_Bubba_Tex November 25, 2012 at 10:02 am

I think the picture just winked at me.

southernboyman November 26, 2012 at 10:50 am

Holes, nothing but holes in AK…

M. Bouffant November 23, 2012 at 8:03 pm

It's Wonkette, not the Noo Yawk Review of Books.

Boojum November 25, 2012 at 9:47 am

It behooves every man to remember that the work of the critic is of altogether secondary importance, and that, in the end, progress is accomplished by the man who does things.

Theodore Roosevelt

Grokenstein November 23, 2012 at 9:13 pm

So, zero standards. Got it.
Now I'm wondering why you even bothered typing the question mark.

M. Bouffant November 23, 2012 at 9:42 pm

What. Ever.

FeloniousMonk November 23, 2012 at 9:56 pm

Nope. No standards at all. Nobody even bothers to point out that "distractionary" isn't a word. Not even those who realize that sometimes "?" is all the response that's called for.

Negropolis November 23, 2012 at 11:20 pm

And, I'm wondering why you are hanging around if this is so offensive to your most tender comedic sensibilities?

Here are your courtesy pearls for clutching and salts for smelling. Now, go over and sit back on that fainting couch and think of Wonkette, you WATB…

imissopus November 24, 2012 at 1:09 am

Meh, fuck off.

natl_[redacted]_cmdr November 24, 2012 at 1:13 am

!

Grokenstein November 24, 2012 at 11:04 am

And yet "distractionary" is in common usage, somehow.

Grokenstein November 24, 2012 at 11:02 am

Wow, I sure know how to set off the shitheads, don't I? Exploding into whole strings of boilerplate insults straight out of 4chan…

Grokenstein November 24, 2012 at 11:05 am

Suppose I don't, Internet Tough Guy?

Negropolis November 24, 2012 at 10:59 pm

Troll, behind me. I didn't once call you a "shithead" and you're the one going to complain about "boilerplate insults"? Rich.

Stay klassy; don't ever change. You wouldn't if you could, bless your heart.

actor212 November 25, 2012 at 6:45 am

This. Sea planes seem to work really nicely in other parts of the Alaskan coastline and you could, you know, land near the town and avoid a $100 eeless hovercraft ride.

Biel_ze_Bubba November 25, 2012 at 9:41 am

I saw it on the internet, so it must be real.

Biel_ze_Bubba November 25, 2012 at 9:41 am

?

Boojum November 25, 2012 at 9:48 am

.

imissopus November 25, 2012 at 1:15 pm

kkkkkkk

bobbert November 25, 2012 at 2:21 pm

T

Biel_ze_Bubba November 25, 2012 at 8:13 pm

Yep. I think we can agree that "new airplane" was the rational alternative to "$75,000,000 airport serviced by a hovercraft that costs more to run than the old seaplane."

Then again, we aren't Alaskan politicians.

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