Srsly, d00dDrudge Sirens! Illinois Congressman Jesse Jackson Jr. (D-He’s In Congress? Really?) will, after having won reelection despite not campaigning and completely disappearing from public view since June and a raft of past corruption allegations in the Rod Blagojevich scandal (who?), resign his seat in Congress. (Diagram THAT, Sister Mary Louise!)

We actually do feel bad for him, what with the diagnosis of bipolar disorder and depression and all, because those are just sad awful things that truly do suck to have in your life and which we wouldn’t wish on ANYBODY. On the other hand, we do feel compelled to note that before those maladies entered his life, he tended to be at least a fairly notable minor-league asshat who was often to be found on the periphery of scandals. But apart from the Blago, the adultery, and the ham-handed communications fail surrounding his truly unfortunate mental illness, he seemed like such a nice young man.

Needless to say, because it’s frickin’ Chicago, there will be much discussion in coming days about why he waited until after winning reelection (without campaining, as we think we mentioned) to resign. Quite simply, it’s because it’s the afternoon before a major holiday, which is always a fine time for a news dump.

And now we get an exciting special election, which will presumably be an advantage for the Democrats, and which will be decried as “corrupt Chicago thuggery” on Fox News, even though it’s the sort of thing that sleazy electoral machines of all flavors have done since time immemorial and will do forever, because, jesus, it’s party politics, now isn’t it? WE WOULD NEVER WRITE THAT IF HE WERE A DEMOCRAT.

Mostly, we will remember Jesse Jackson Jr. for that time he read “Green Eggs And Ham” on Saturday Night Live:

[Chicago Tribune]

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  • Lascauxcaveman

    Chicago style, it's more than just a pizza.
    And while he's not exactly Gabby Giffords, I hope he does get better.

  • natl_[redacted]_cmdr

    Why'd he quit? Congress has always been a case of the inmates running the asylum.

    • Perhaps he was afraid he would be forced to give in to the temptation to sculpt Mitch McConnell's flabby wattles with his teeth.

      • HistoriCat

        And the downside would be …?

        • Messy. Po-pos. Arrest record. No munnies in it, either.

          • HistoriCat

            You are just NO FUN any more!

          • Geez, man, I'm too OLD for that shit. These days.

            Not telling about previous adventures, neither

  • mbobier

    Oh boy! More thuggery! We Chicagoans never get enough of that!

  • BadKitty904

    Well, at least he didn't dangle a baby over a balcony railing this time…

    • That was Jermaine you doofus, Jermaine Jacksun. With a 'u'

      • BadKitty904

        Well, at least I knew that Andrew and Michael were the white ones…

        • bikerlaureate

          It makes me crazy
          When you act so cool.

      • No, that was Michael. Lots of photos of the incident.

        Or are you taking the piss again?

        • PopeEdgardo

          The piss would be my guess, but it's just a guess.

          • I swear, you never know with these sods. Half the time they're pulling yer leg and tying it in a knot around yer neck …

        • Negropolis

          Come on, now. Everyone knows it was Michael, even a cloistered Greek Orthodox monk. It was utter sarcasm.

          And, BTW, I'm pretty sure it was Randy Jackson, anyway. Which one? You decide!

          • Oh, you know I have next to no ability to read people signals. I used to get ragged on all the time for not being able to tell when people were being serious and when they were taking the piss.

            Happy Thanksgiving, dude. (Hugs you)

      • I see what U are doing, but at least it's Germane to the topic.

  • Goonemeritus

    I trust Rahm isn’t just going to give that shit away, I mean that’s pure gold man!

    • mrpuma2u

      The phrase is "fucking golden" and back room deals are proceeding at a furious pace I assure you.

    • PopeEdgardo

      I think, under the Constitution of Illinois, it's the Governor who gets to sell emplty seats in Congress.

  • Dok, you just became epically elevated in my esteem for reminding me of the existence of this Jesse Jackson classic~

    • kittensdontlie

      Something less classic.

      • Man. What a buzz kill.

        • AlterNewt

          Microphones. How do they work?

  • Jesse Senior may be the intellectual heir of Dr. Seuss, but he is the oratorical father of The Revs. Al Sharpton and Cornel West.

    • Come on, the man didn't invent black preaching!

      • BadKitty904

        For example, listen to *ANY* speech by Dr. King…

      • Egg-zactly. What about Son House who preached in the House of the Rising Son?

      • Doktor Zoom

        Kids these days, I tell ya.

      • Jesse was the first black preacher I ever heard using rhymes and a sing-song cadence like that. Of course he didn't invent parallel structure, call-and-response, or exaggerated prosody that are some of the core elements of black preaching.

        And let the record show that I am elderly.

    • Negropolis

      Reverend Slick-backed Perm libel!

      But, no, really, I loves me some Al Sharpton. I mean, the hair the track suits. Truly, a god among men. But, he shouldn't have lost all that damned weight. His obesity was becoming of a man of his oratorical stature.

  • snowpointsecret

    Advantage for the Democrats.

    You mean, "winning a district they'd never have a chance of losing anyway", right?

    I feel bad for him, being bipolar myself, but I have to say I wish he resigned well before this. He needed to take care of himself before anything else and I don't think staying in Congress was good for either him or the country.

    • BadKitty904

      *hugs Snow* :0)

      • snowpointsecret

        *hugs* Don't worry I'm okay over here.

        • Wut that bad, bad BadKitty said. Glad you're OK, sorry you have to deal with it, lots of hugs.

          • PopeEdgardo

            Me too – been there done that myself.

        • BadKitty904

          Aw, I'm SURE of that. But an extra hug – just in case – never goes amiss… :0)

    • ThundercatHo

      Glad you are ok. My son has the rapid cycling variety, he was diagnosed at a young age and is 25 now.

      • Sorry to hear that. I hope you're all coping OK. It can be devastating.

      • snowpointsecret

        Thanks, I hope things are somewhat under control there too. I know it never gets completely better but every little bit helps.

        • ThundercatHo

          Oh, I'm sure some scars will be opened tomorrow. It's hard to breathe when he's here cuz I never know what will happen next. He's maintaining and has a nice girlfriend now but it's always 2 steps forward and one step back. I love my son and he is good and loyal but oy…….we just keep hoping for forward motion.

          • (Hugs you)

          • Beowoof

            Good luck tomorrow, and for that matter every day. I grew up with a father who was depressed and found whiskey to be his medication of choice. Didn't work well for any of us. I will hope with you for forward motion.

          • BadKitty904

            *hugs TCH, too* :0)

            May tomorrow be a happy, loving day.

    • Beowoof

      I feel for you Snow, I have the depression part and it sucks big time. So I understand a little bit. I feel bad for Jr. too, neither issue is one be trifled with and they can be absolutely debilitating.

  • I'm one of his constituents. I don't give a damn what they do with him, so long as his seat stays Democratic, and frankly, there is no chance in hell that a Republican would ever be elected from this district.

    • Because of all the ofraudo, you mean, right?

      • emmelemm

        I would think it's because, well, blah.

        • Blacks, Mexicans, and a few working class whites who never escaped, all the way down to Kankakee!

        • Well, yeah. Ofraudo is a neologism that means "black people voting".

          • emmelemm

            Point taken.

    • me personally i'm sick of hearing rick kogan call it 'shakespearean'. but then again, i don't have a job.

    • HouseOfTheBlueLights

      Are you guys even allowed to vote? It's awfully, um, "urban" down there on the South Side.

      • You do realize we're talking about Chicago? Cook County? Illinois?

        • HouseOfTheBlueLights

          Ah, right. Vote away! Twice!—

  • AlterNewt

    This doesn't have anything to do with Grover, does it?

    • SorosBot

      Just hope it doesn't have anything to do with Elmo; ugh.

      • AlterNewt

        Thanks. Now I can't edit.

        • And exactly what were Elmo and Grover doing?

          • Negropolis

            I heard they alawys had hands up their asses. Who did those hands belong to?! These are the questions.

        • oh .. for your frustration, this whole comment-train makes me laugh if it's any consolation~

          • AlterNewt

            Sure, but just the same let's never speak of this again.

  • SorosBot

    Pinkie Pie for congress!

    • MissTaken

      It tickles me pink that the final post I see before heading home for a long holiday weekend has pic of Pinkie Pie saying "now get the fuck out". Yay!

      • SorosBot

        Tickle tickle tickle!

  • SorosBot

    Wait, if serious mental illness is a reason to quit Congress, then what the fuck is Michele Bachmann still doing there?

    • BadKitty904

      "The first step is admitting you have a problem…"

    • MissTaken

      A mental illness implies a brain. The brightest minds in science cannot figure out what they fuck she has.

    • CommieDad

      You are confusing mental illness with being bat-shit crazy. The former is a disease, which can be treated with drugs and counseling, the later is a condition caused by severe ambition and lack of morals, for which there is no treatment.

    • PopeEdgardo

      Not to mention the two Senator Certifiables from Oklahoma, Frick and Frack, or whatever the hell their names are.

    • frostbitefalls

      Unfair to seriously mentally ill people!

      • There's your mistake, she's not seriously mentally ill, she's comedically mentally ill, and don't you forget it bucko!

    • Beowoof

      I believe it might be a condition that reflects the folks in her district.

  • Maybe if they let Paul Ryan campaign in JJJ's "urban" district, it can be a pickup for the GOP. Hahahahaha. Ah.

  • flipdraw

    Extraneous to this post, what's the deal with the horses? I kind of love them.

  • bikerlaureate

    Corrupt – unlike holding onto your DA job after proof comes out… that you were lying to everyone you know before the election.


  • mrpuma2u

    Ugh. As an IL resident I am posting with a paper bag over my head. He is not my representative, but still embarrassing to be in the same county.

    • Nobody in all of Cook County political history has embarrassed you as much as Jesse Jr.!

      • Anyone aspiring to the Cook County Top 10 must at least have crazee eyes, crazee hair, or a getaway car full of cold, hard cash driven by a certified member of the Mafia. Rep. Jackson has none of those. Having the sadz on a front porch that has no bodies buried under it doesn't even make the Top 100.

        • Which Cook County politicians have had crazee eyes, crazee hair and a getaway car with cash driven by the Mafia?

      • mrpuma2u

        Touche, but he is just the latest, not so much the greatest elected doofus. I still say that is 3 way between Rostenkoswki, Ryan, and Blago. As a long term Chi-towner you would think I would have a thicker skin for this by now….

    • please. terrifying republicans with our corruption and thuggery is pretty much the main reason i haven't moved to los angeles.

      or well, getting to vote twice.

      me personally, i proudly stand behind my district that has elected (in historical order): rahm emanuel, rod blagojevich, dan rostenkowski and stephen douglas (yes, that one).

      it's easier if you just embrace it.

      • PopeEdgardo

        You only vote twice and you call yourself a Chicagoan? Slacker.

  • Lucidamente1

    Yet another reason not to confirm Susan Rice.

    • AlterNewt


  • Could Jesse Jr. have recovered from his mental health issues, beaten the corruption allegations and served effectively in Congress? The question is moot!

    • BadKitty904

      Now, that's pretty damned funny. Is that a real show???

      • Clearly, it was the model for Sharpton's MSNBC vehicle.

    • Doktor Zoom

      OMG I had totally forgotten that sketch! THANK YOU!

      And watching it today, I suddenly realize that the "shiny red car with a radio" is, of all things, a mid-80's Maserati Quattroporte.

      • That was one of those SNL seasons I apparently missed. I recognized Elaine. Who were the other two?

        • Doktor Zoom

          I haven't the least idea. It was a pretty forgettable cast.

          Also, I am a liar. That's no Quattroporte. That's a Biturbo.

          • I found it on the internets: Mary Gross (who I now vaguely remember) and Gary Kroger, cast member 1982-1985 (who if you showed me a bunch of pictures and said, "Which one wasn't on SNL" I'd pick him.)

  • You knew there was something strange going on when he was featured in a HGTV show last year.

  • mavenmaven

    I hope he got money for the seat, because a seat "is a f****g valuable thing, you just don't give it away for nothing"

    • hillarysleftone

      I was going to say, isn't this where we came in, with a governor mulling over appointing somebody to fill an unexpectedly empty seat? Hilarity ensues…

      • mavenmaven

        Yes, this was Blagojovich's line about that empty seat.

  • Toomush_Infer

    Can Blago campaign from jail?…

  • LibertyLover

    (Diagram THAT, Sister Mary Louise!)

    Dok, Dok, Dok, It's time to get over your treatment at the hands of Sister Mary Louise. You know you were asking for that ruler on the back of the hand for throwing spitballs at John Henry. And you know that if she told you once, she told you a thousand times not to chew gum in her class…

  • docterry6973

    Kind of sad, if reports be true. Depression sucks. Or so I've been told.

    • CommieDad

      yeah. its like nothing matters. like even posting on wonkette is too much fucking work. you dont even want to hit the shift key.

      • You have to hold it.

      • Doktor Zoom

        Whenever I've met someone who made snide comments about antidepressants, I like to point out that I only feel drugged when I'm in the middle of a depressive spell and NOT on my meds.

        • CommieDad

          Very true. SSRIs saved my life (that and going more than an hour without getting high).

    • It sucks. And you survive it until you don't, mostly.

  • His wife, who is an Alderman, could perhaps have taken his seat with solidarity votes from the local Sisters who are mad he cheated with a practically-white blonde latina, but I hear Sandi's being investigated too. Oh, it is sad to ride by their joint political office on the Metra every morning, the lights dimmed behind the giant Jesse & Sandi window decals of their lonely corner building!

  • LibertyLover

    What has this to do with Benghazi again?

    • NellCote71

      It is just another example of Obama's failed presidency.

  • StealthMuslin

    "He brings bi-polar disorder, you bring schizophrenia! That's the Chicago Way!"
    (Also, teabagger special election strategy.)

  • Pragmatist2

    I'm bipolar myself and so half of me wishes him well.

    • Roses are red,
      Violets are blue,
      I'm bi-polar,
      And so am I.

      A Schizophrenic joke from the 1970's or 1980's,
      updated for you, and for you too.

  • LibertyLover

    OT– Shouldn't that ad on the right say "Wonkette Bizarre" instead of "Wonkette Bazaar" ???

    Just sayin'

    • PubOption

      It's certainly bizarre that Rebecca and KBJ have had their heads shaved and necks stretched.

  • this would be more interesting if there was a hooker involved.

    or twins from tampa.

    • NellCote71

      Or all three.

    • AlterNewt

      But different twins.

    • Negropolis

      I know, right? Regular old infidelity is so 1990's.

  • natl_[redacted]_cmdr

    I have Borderline Personality Disorder (amongst other things). When people ask me what that means I tell them it means I'm this close to having a personality.

    • Doktor Zoom

      I thought it meant you only got crazy within a couple hundred miles of Canada or Mexico.

    • Biff

      Also, Oklahoma.

    • UW8316154

      My sister is BPD, and it is a tough one. Our family has struggled with it for decades. Any suggestions are welcome. Peace ~ UW….

      • natl_[redacted]_cmdr

        I wish you and your sister well. It can be a very difficult condition to live through. I'm not qualified to offer advice, but I will tell you that what has helped me is mindfulness meditation, CBT and DBT. Loving, caring, understanding friends and family also helps a lot. Unfortunately, this kind of thing doen't really "heal." But, like a lifelong condition such as diabetes, it can be treated and managed and anyone with it can live a full life. Take care.

  • CalvinsChoice

    This dude wouldn't even get noticed in Louisiana. How much cash did he have in his freezer anyway?

    • And does he prefer Huggies or Pampers?

  • Oh, Dok! What ARE you doing to Wonketz wit da po-neez?

    Don't get any weirder, OK?

    • The Going has gotten Weird, Dok has Turned Pro and Ponies are part of the Program.

      Get with the Program.

      • Not a CREature will stand with me in my time of need.

        This goes into the "Christmans & Birthday Present List" file, you know.

        • Oh, come on over to the Dark Side. You'll like it here.

          OT: I got my copy of Kaikai Aniani yesterday (Sago-coconut pancakes with prawn filling! Flying Fox with prunes and cream sauce! Pawpaw sherbet!) but I can find no Cannibal Recipes. Am I missing something?
          I was looking forward to those.

          • Oh, there weren't any actual *recipes,* CRE, just information on the practice in PNG, and advice on how to cook the meat, once it was properly dressed.

            Note: Long pig is cooked just like pork.

            And NO, I DON'T KNOW THAT FROM PERSONAL EXPERIENCE! I read it in a book (Kaikai Aniani).

          • OK, thanks. That's good to know.

            I still think it's Suspicious that you just happen to know so much about the Practice. There's still the small matter of those missing neighbors, too.

          • I … I just *read* a lot, CRE, honest.

            And they're not *really* missing. In fact,they're a LOT closer to home than anyone realizes.

          • Yeah. Those neighbors are exactly where you saw them last. Uh huh.
            I really want to try that Fruit Bat recipe. There's only a few in my area though, and I'm pretty sure the Zoological park would miss them.
            I do have wood grubs in the back, but not so magnificently large as those ones.

          • I *don't* have a freezer. Well, not that large a freezer.

            Don't be thinning out your local fruit bats, dude, there's more in the tropics anyway. As for the grubs, ew. I'm so not into alternate protein sources. Did I mention the partner has been permanently banned from cooking in my kitchen after mentioning he offered a garlic cicada stir-fry to his nutbag friends on the Sewer Tour? Yeah, that's what he does for fun. I'm sticking to chicken pork beef lamb goose et cetera.

    • Doktor Zoom

      As Spurning Beer said a few weeks back, it's part of Wonkette's Status of Horses agreement.

  • Biff

    Bi-polar. Depression.


  • BZ1

    No snark: too bad.

  • DemonicRage

    I want him to form an accapella group along with Eliot Spitzer and Anthony Weiner. Singing should cheer him up. Too bad that Spitzer is now so reannointed that he is too busy pontificating on every media venue that will print or air his opinions (has no time for musical performance)!

  • Pat_Pending

    what do you read whilst taking a news dump? The paper?

  • mosjef

    If he's bipolar, does he technically have to resign twice?

    • No, but it means that you can legally vote for him twice.
      In Chicago words, same old same old.

  • So, the takeaway theme for this story:

    Democratic House members who suffer from debilitating mental illness take a leave of absence and, when that fails to work, resign.

    Republican House members who suffer from debilitating mental illness stubbornly stay at work and are appointed to the House Committee on Science, Space and Technology .

    I see.

    • Doktor Zoom

      Some people suffer from mental illness, and some apparently enjoy the ride.

  • christianmuslin

    I suspect that @ 47 % of the voting public suffers from bipolar disorder. How could any mentally healthy person support Mittons of Romney, the republican platform and that little naked cherub Macaroni?

  • Negropolis

    They just don't make 'em like they used to, huh?

    While I'm sure his diagnosis was a major contributor to him deciding to leave, it's probably not the top reason. People have served in far worse shape than him. Hell, his own senator, Mark Kirk, is still in there dealing with the after-effects of a stroke.

    It's not his head that has him unsettled, it's all the king's men closing in on him. Classic case of overstaying one's welcome. Sometimes, when you shit and don't get off the pot, you get pushed of.

    • Even Jr.'s own mother was quoted as saying (and I sarcastically paraphrase), "in my day we took our lumps, these kids today can't handle adversity without shitting their Pampers."

      (OK, the exact quote was, “I’m not ashamed to say … he thought he was going to be a senator. He thought he was going to have a chance to run for mayor. And young people don’t bounce back from disappointment like me and my husband.")

  • ttommyunger

    Exhaustion, Bi-Polar, Tri-Polar; all so much bullshit. This is what a coward does when the shit gets heavy and the walls start closing in. Man-up, son and pay the piper; you've had your dance.

    • Negropolis

      You call it a coward move, and I just call it a move to save his constiuents the circus of a trial that would have been if he hadn't resigned. A smart man knows when he's beat.

      • I think ttommy is referring to the sudden diagnosis of Bi-Polar/exhaustion conveniently when word first got out that he was being investigated, not this resignation.

      • ttommyunger

        The resignation is cool. The drama-queen bullshit of hospitalization was just a delaying tactic and a play for sympathy. Takes up a bed, costs us a bundle to no good end. The old man would have rode that bull.Sent from the Field, not in Garrison.

        • Negropolis

          Oh, completely. He dragged out this circus longer than it had to be. I'm just glad he's finally going to quit if that's how he was going to "fight" his troubles.

          • ttommyunger

            Typical of his generation.Sent from the Field, not in Garrison.

  • Walkinwiddaking

    Between the antics of his old man and himself I have zero, zip, zilch sympathy for either of these opportunistic assholes.

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