NOBODY LEFT BUT PEDO-PRIESTS  11:00 am November 21, 2012

Priest Booted For Failing To Be As Terrible As Pope

by snipy

Here's your goddamn alt-textHappy Day-Before-Thanksgiving, Wonkette fans. Have you been making your list of what you are thankful for? We at Wonkette are deeply thankful that we haven’t had to write about something awful the Catholic Church has done in, oh, minutes!  GAH. Catholic Church please stop being horrible long enough for last week’s awfulness to roll off the Wonkette front page. What has the Church managed to do this time? Did they let someone die instead of giving them necessary reproductive health care? Did they let yet another of their priests get rape-y with a young person? Did they weigh in on how the ladiez may make a babby? YES, YES, and OF COURSE YES. But those are PAST horrible things. Today brings us a whole new, more nuanced horrible thing: throwing out a priest for having the temerity (YES WE SAID TEMERITY. DEAL) to believe that perhaps ladies could be priests too:

A long-running struggle between Catholic authorities and the Rev. Roy Bourgeois over his support for ordaining women has ended with Bourgeois’ dismissal from the priesthood and his religious order, the Maryknoll Fathers and Brothers.

A statement from Maryknoll on Monday (Nov. 19) confirmed that the Vatican’s office for orthodoxy, the Congregation for the Doctrine of the Faith, laicized Bourgeois last month.

The move stems from Bourgeois’ participation in an August 2008 ordination rite in Lexington, Ky., for Janice Sevre-Duszynska. The ceremony was not recognized by the Vatican and took place under the auspices of a group called Roman Catholic Womanpriests, which rejects the church teaching on the all-male priesthood.

Well, duh. Of course the Catholic Church needs to throw out the dude who served faithfully for 45 years and was a peace activist. He’s definitely the real threat to the sanctity of the Holy Roman Order. Well, him, nuns who are even remotely feminist, and teh gheyz that just want to stay in the church. Not threats? Pedophile priests and ex-Hitler Youth.

Oh, and before we forget: This is what the Catholic Church gives you when they toss you out after 45 years of service:

Mr. Bourgeois freely chose his views and actions, and all the members of the Maryknoll Society are saddened at the failure of reconciliation. With this parting, the Maryknoll Society warmly thanks Roy Bourgeois for his service to mission and all members wish him well in his personal life. In the spirit of equity and charity, Maryknoll will assist Mr. Bourgeois with this transition.

We’ll make you leave, presumably, the only thing you ever loved! But we’ll totally assist you with a transition because we are equitable and charitable to everyone except nuns, gays, young boys, women who want contraception, priests who believe women are equal, and…you get the picture.

[National Catholic Reporter Online/Washington Post]

 

Hola wonkerados.

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{ 213 comments }

MittsHairHelmet November 21, 2012 at 11:02 am

Pope: "Witness the power of the dark side of the force!"

MaxNeanderthal November 21, 2012 at 11:06 am

Damn! Beat me to it. Any resemblance between his Heiliness and Emperor Palpatine, is of course, entirely co-incidental…

boskolives November 21, 2012 at 11:20 am

In the photo, Emperor Palpatine clearly demonstrates the weakness in the force by being unable to draw the microphone over to him.

actor212 November 21, 2012 at 11:28 am

UNNNNNNNNLIMITED PEDOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!

BadKitty904 November 21, 2012 at 11:37 am

OK, I see Palpatine, but where's Mace Windu?

actor212 November 21, 2012 at 11:41 am

You just missed him, he just dropped by

Lascauxcaveman November 21, 2012 at 11:47 am

Meh. Of all the reasons I had for leaving the Catholic church, the "NO GURLS ALOWED" sign on the door of the priests clubhouse wasn't even in the top ten.

AngryBlakGuy November 21, 2012 at 11:54 am

…meh, my caption would have been "Booooooobies!!!!"

Nostrildamus November 21, 2012 at 1:08 pm

I am your Daddy!

CommieLibunatic November 21, 2012 at 1:18 pm

I was gonna say someone should Photoshop in some Force lightning.

Joshua Norton November 21, 2012 at 11:04 am

Well, there always the Episcopalians.

Lizzietish81 November 21, 2012 at 11:10 am

Remember like ten years ago when the United Church of Christ had a commercial about how "some" churches turn people away, but the UCC accepts everyone, and the Catholic Church pitched a fit about how they were being targeted?

Good times.

BadKitty904 November 21, 2012 at 11:39 am

My family refers to them as "soft-shell Catholics"…

sullivanst November 21, 2012 at 11:52 am
WhatTheHolyHeck November 21, 2012 at 12:22 pm

And jerbs. Real paying jerbs. Priests are allowed to make money and live lavishly and never have to worry about vows of poverty or lives of public service like those commie nuns.

Sharkey November 21, 2012 at 11:04 am

Alt-text: BRAAAAAAAAAINS

(Srsly Snipy get with the program.)

LesBontemps November 21, 2012 at 11:21 am

I know, right? We're paying for that alt-text, dammit!

Alt-alt-text: Abra Cadabra!

Maman November 21, 2012 at 11:21 am

I would suggest as Alt-text: No one expects the Spanish Inquisition!

Biel_ze_Bubba November 21, 2012 at 11:42 am

Actually, in this case, the Inquisition should have been expected.

ttommyunger November 21, 2012 at 11:05 am

speech bubble over Pedobear's head: "Teh straights are always after the ta-tas! The ta-tas, yet; what a waste of skin!"

MaxNeanderthal November 21, 2012 at 11:17 am

"Vee haf vays of tuning in your nipples…!"

ttommyunger November 21, 2012 at 11:36 am

…..if they are on a young boy.

BaldarTFlagass November 21, 2012 at 11:05 am

I'm thankful that my parents raised me without any religion.

Or should I say, "Thank God my parents raised me without any religion?"

boskolives November 21, 2012 at 11:14 am

Or, I thank the FSM for making me noodlicious.

Defeatably_Joe November 21, 2012 at 11:18 am

I think you should thank the entire Trinity: FSM, the Invisible Pink Unicorn, and the Celestial Teapot.

Lot_49 November 21, 2012 at 11:36 am

Santa and his elfin disciples decry your apostasy!

boskolives November 21, 2012 at 11:40 am

"Praise be and a big Amen to all".
Alternate Santa dialogue, to be used only on Thanksgiving.

PsycWench November 21, 2012 at 11:30 am

For realz. My daughter is being raised without religious training and I was a little concerned at first that she might fall for some evangelist nonsense. It turns out that when a person has made it to 14 without believing in God, it is very hard to persuade her otherwise.

BaldarTFlagass November 21, 2012 at 11:37 am

Exactly. My dad hated being dragged to church as a kid and swore I would not have to put up with that, although he always said I could attend any church I wanted to, and I did on occasion when friends would invite me. But then I discovered at age 7 or 8 that there was no Santa, Tooth Fairy, Easter Bunny, or Great Pumpkin (my folks played along with Xmas, Easter, etc just so I wouldn't feel left out), I made the giant leap of logic that if those were bullshit, then the whole God thing was probably bullshit too. I figured out that God is just Santa, for adults, but it's not just toys under the trees they want, it's immortality. Just bullshit, and I've never looked back.

gullywompr November 21, 2012 at 11:43 am

God is just Santa for adults = win.

widestanceromance November 21, 2012 at 11:48 am

Yes! Also the more serious game of 'wait 'til your father gets home' with no expiration date. Everybody's waitin' and behavin' because when "He" gets home, there will be hell to pay.

BaldarTFlagass November 21, 2012 at 11:54 am

1970s bumper sticker:
"Jesus is coming, and boy is he pissed."
alt:
"Jesus is coming. Everybody look busy!"

HistoriCat November 21, 2012 at 12:13 pm

there was no Santa, Tooth Fairy, Easter Bunny, or Great Pumpkin

Wait – what?

LibertyLover November 21, 2012 at 3:09 pm

Wait. What? There isn't a Santa Claus? No Tooth Fariy? No Easter Bunny? Then who's been sneaking into my house and giving me "presents" in the middle of the night?
Oh crap. It must be those sexy demons…I am so doomed.

Biel_ze_Bubba November 21, 2012 at 11:50 am

Hmmm…. I'd put the upper limit at maybe 21 or 22.

The Moonies recruited most of their victims on college campuses. I had an interesting afternoon with them, back in the day … but being a grad student, and in my 20s, I had little difficulty in figuring out that they were loons. There were a couple of undergrads there, who seemed a whole lot more credulous. When I left, they stayed, and I always wondered what happened to them.

glasspusher November 21, 2012 at 11:51 am

This is good. We're raising my son the same way. A friend of mine said, though, "He won't have anything to leave".

Despite not following any religion, theological and logical discussions abound at our place. When you were raised a Catholic, your sister is a christian fundamentalist and mom still goes to mass 7 days a week, discussion of such is probably a good vaccine.

Tangled sin tax November 21, 2012 at 11:57 am

When we told my mom that our first daughter wasn't going to be forced to go to church she asked in a stricken voice, "Aren't you going to give her ANY moral upbringing!?".

Mumbletypeg November 21, 2012 at 11:05 am

This is good news for the Catholic "outreach" types who said the mission of the church, re: saving the sinners/ converting the heathen etc., was to "work itself out of a job." I feel "Grandstanding my institution's viability out of available, eligible priests" is close enough. And can't come soon enough.

Lot_49 November 21, 2012 at 11:37 am

Whatever happened to sheltering the homeless and feeding the hungry?

Lascauxcaveman November 21, 2012 at 12:01 pm

Pope John Paul II, as he approached his dotage famously said (and I'm paraphrasing) "If cranking down the screws and reversing the Vatican II modernization of the Catholic Church means we're going to have a smaller, purer church, then so be it."

He's turning out to be fairly prophetic, that one.

Clancy_Pants November 21, 2012 at 11:05 am

Betcha didn't think you'd be using "laicized" in a sentence when you crawled out of bed this morning? But on the up side!

MOG2410 November 21, 2012 at 11:10 am

You beat me to it, although I think I was "laicized" a couple of times when I was younger.

weejee November 21, 2012 at 11:21 am

BTW MOG2410, does your name have anything to do with one of these?

Lot_49 November 21, 2012 at 11:39 am

A gift to all true believers in ash-framed motoring and lovers of fine writing.

MOG2410 November 21, 2012 at 12:28 pm

Nope, but wish it did!!!

weejee November 21, 2012 at 11:10 am

But shouldn't it be spelled laysized?

CrunchyKnee November 21, 2012 at 11:05 am

He can always get a jerb at Walmart.

nounverb911 November 21, 2012 at 11:10 am

Especially after they fire all of their striking workers on Friday.

BaldarTFlagass November 21, 2012 at 11:11 am

He'll get a 10% discount on those communion wafers he likes.

Beowoof November 21, 2012 at 11:20 am

Still paying retail for the wine?

widestanceromance November 21, 2012 at 11:49 am

Worst Greeter EVAR!

AngryBlakGuy November 21, 2012 at 11:55 am

…door greeter?

HarryButtle November 21, 2012 at 12:44 pm

He's already used to working holidays!

smokefilledroommate November 21, 2012 at 1:11 pm

He can sit in a chair and cast spells on people like he's doing in the pic.

NorthStarSpanx November 21, 2012 at 11:07 am

I (having learned a new word) look forward to the laicizing of the Executive, Legislative and Judicial branches in the 21st Century.

BadKitty904 November 21, 2012 at 11:42 am

From your mouth to God's ear…

gullywompr November 21, 2012 at 11:45 am

I could go for a little defrocking myself also too.

NorthStarSpanx November 21, 2012 at 3:38 pm

Some anonymous commenter on an even more obscure blog said that Patreus was really churchy and tried to Christianize all the enlistees and promote the fundies. So, I forgot to add laicizing the Military?

BaldarTFlagass November 21, 2012 at 11:07 am

Next on CNBC: Catholic Church to Merge With Walmart.

Lizzietish81 November 21, 2012 at 11:08 am

New Era of Darkness Promised!

HRH_Maddie November 21, 2012 at 11:21 am

I believe the business community calls that "synergy."

widestanceromance November 21, 2012 at 11:53 am

Leveraging redemption as an actionable business model, so we are all on the same page going forward.

eggsacklywright November 21, 2012 at 11:41 am

Young boys imported fresh from China. Ten percent off.

Lascauxcaveman November 21, 2012 at 12:14 pm

Oh, c'mon. They're not *that* evil.

PopeEdgardo November 21, 2012 at 12:20 pm

The church, or Walmart?

Lascauxcaveman November 21, 2012 at 2:15 pm

Made you think, didn't I?

PopeEdgardo November 21, 2012 at 2:19 pm

Which is more than a few dozen teachers and professors were able to do.

HRH_Maddie November 21, 2012 at 11:07 am

The Catholic church being an evil asshole is newsworthy?

Lizzietish81 November 21, 2012 at 11:07 am

Allow a woman to have an abortion to save her life? Get excommunicated.
Help the poor instead of crusading against gays adn birth control? Get censored by the church
Serve for forty years, working for peace and suggest that ladies can be priests too? Goodbye.
Molest small boys? We'll just move you to a different church, consider it a fresh start.

boskolives November 21, 2012 at 11:15 am

And remember, fresh boyz, too.

Beowoof November 21, 2012 at 11:22 am

Well there should be Christian charity some place, are you saying that we shouldn't forgive Father Fondle for his indiscretions. Hrumpf. He confessed, said two Hail Mary's and two Our Father's what more do you want.

boskolives November 21, 2012 at 11:43 am

For starts, perhaps for him to return that $10.00 he took out of the donation box when no one except god was watching?

Kopite74011 November 23, 2012 at 8:29 pm

"Molest small boys? We'll just move you to a different church, consider it a fresh start."

Holy Mother Church's cover-up and response to its pedophilia problem reminds me of one of my favorite quotes from The Wire :

"You'd rather live in shit than let the world see you work a shovel."

That just completely nails their attitude– they'd rather ruin the lives of who knows how many people and ignore the problem than give anyone even the slightest impression that they don't operate with supreme confidence and absolute moral certainty, no matter how awful and wrongheaded that certainty is.

(cf. the whole Galileo kerfuffle)

BaldarTFlagass November 21, 2012 at 11:09 am

I hope Mr. Bourgeois did a big-ass burnout in the parking lot after he got the shiv.

glasspusher November 21, 2012 at 11:57 am

Classic. Bonus points if he did it with the Popemobile.

Goonemeritus November 21, 2012 at 11:10 am

As a Catholic I will be reading up on ways to impeach Popes over the long weekend.

Lizzietish81 November 21, 2012 at 11:12 am

He's actually not in good shape politically speaking. The whole butler thing? Its part of a whole big issue where priests were moved to remote locations because they brought up the fact that the Pope has surrounded himself with his own club. Meanwhile the Old Italian contingent is working to undermine him so that power can be returned to them. Essentially a bunch of old men fighting over power.

BaldarTFlagass November 21, 2012 at 11:17 am

Things didn't work out so well for the Italians the last time they let a bunch of Germans into their country, I'll tell ya that much.

boskolives November 21, 2012 at 11:25 am

Is it true that Italian kids learn to speak enough German in the first grade so they will know how to say "Excuse me sir, it seems that your Panzer tank is blocking our driveway"?

PopeEdgardo November 21, 2012 at 12:23 pm

And "Say there, Father, I don't think you're supposed to put that thing in my asshole."

Lot_49 November 21, 2012 at 11:40 am

Isn't most of human history "a bunch of old men fighting over power"?

gullywompr November 21, 2012 at 11:48 am

Mostly it's the young men that do the actual fighting.

Lot_49 November 21, 2012 at 11:51 am

True! Somebody's got to fight for cheap gas.

Lizzietish81 November 21, 2012 at 11:49 am

especially the Catholic Church's history.

When John Paul died there was a lot of talk about a pope being selected from South America or Africa, including Desmond Tutu (I think that's his name) who is super progressive (and has been censored by the church a couple of times himself)

Instead they chose another old European guy. Not really surprising, but a wasted opportunity to be relevant again.

boskolives November 21, 2012 at 12:54 pm

Wouldn't it be easier just to type Republican instead of "a bunch of old men fighting over power", except of course you'd have to make it "white men".

BaldarTFlagass November 21, 2012 at 11:14 am

Something something Electoral College of Cardinals something quorum.

MaxNeanderthal November 21, 2012 at 11:20 am

Something something Praesidium of the Supreme Soviet, something send them to Siberia….

HistoriCat November 21, 2012 at 11:36 am

Isn't it the Coptic Christians who chose their leader by having a kid pull a name out of a bag holding all the candidates? Sounds much more rational than the Catholic approach.

Beowoof November 21, 2012 at 11:23 am

See Godfather III (only the last 15 minutes) for the best way to deal with Rome.

Oblios_Cap November 21, 2012 at 11:11 am

From the Maryknoll website:

What We Do

We foster self-worth and dignity among marginalized peoples everywhere.

Except for those in their own order, apparently.

actor212 November 21, 2012 at 11:40 am

Ironically, the Maryknoll in NYC has one of the highest proportions of lesbians studying there.

Or maybe I'm thinking of Marymount College.

Which makes more sense, just based on the name alone.

Oblios_Cap November 21, 2012 at 11:57 am

Marylick U.?

Maman November 21, 2012 at 11:46 am

Maryknoll sisters are pretty bad-ass… they were the ones murdered by the Sandinistas in El Salvador in the 80s.

Lascauxcaveman November 21, 2012 at 2:26 pm

If they were really badass, they would have been returning fire. The the pope wouldn't have liked it, because that liberation theology stuff is so unseemly.

VodkaGoGo November 21, 2012 at 11:12 am

The move stems from Bourgeois’ participation in an August 2008 ordination rite in Lexington, Ky., for Janice Sevre-Duszynska. The ceremony was not recognized by the Vatican and took place under the auspices of a group called Roman Catholic Womanpriests, which rejects the church teaching on the all-male priesthood.

Serious question, why bother being Catholic at that point?

Maman November 21, 2012 at 11:19 am

We have living grandmothers and mothers?

Beowoof November 21, 2012 at 11:23 am

Bingo, Booze and Boys.

Lizzietish81 November 21, 2012 at 11:24 am

Free wine

HistoriCat November 21, 2012 at 11:37 am

The benefits package?

BadKitty904 November 21, 2012 at 11:44 am

The fabulous dresses?

LesBontemps November 21, 2012 at 11:50 am

Yeah, and they come with wacky hats.

nounverb911 November 21, 2012 at 11:12 am

If Bourgeois had been a pedophile he would have gotten a promotion.

boskolives November 21, 2012 at 11:12 am

That photo brings music to my heart, it goes something like:

♬ ♪ I put a spell on you, cause you're mine…… ♬ ♪

My apologies to Screamin' Jay Hawkins…..

gullywompr November 21, 2012 at 11:24 am

I like Screamin' Jay's outfit much better.

Oblios_Cap November 21, 2012 at 11:12 am

That's what he gets for not joining the Templars!

A priest named "Bourgeois". How quaint.

Joshua Norton November 21, 2012 at 11:12 am

the Congregation for the Doctrine of the Faith, laicized Bourgeois last month.

Is that church-speak for "burned at the stake"? Which is how they normally prefer to handle so-called heretics.

Monsieur_Grumpe November 21, 2012 at 11:14 am

Alt text suggestion.

"HONK HONK!

Blueb4sinrise November 21, 2012 at 11:19 am

Punchline to old joke:
"..and she's-a gotta hava biga tits!"

gullywompr November 21, 2012 at 11:25 am

God those Cheech and Chong albums were funny.

MissTaken November 21, 2012 at 11:15 am

On this day before Thanksgiving I give thanks that I'm not Catholic.

gullywompr November 21, 2012 at 11:27 am

But you're not opposed to the school uniforms, I hope?

Oops, looks like I'm another dude that Sorosbot will be keeping an eye on…

Lot_49 November 21, 2012 at 11:42 am

Oddly, the unis don't have the desired pedophilic/erotic effect on non-Catholics—not this one, anyway.

gullywompr November 21, 2012 at 11:49 am

Nun's habits, maybe?

Lot_49 November 21, 2012 at 11:53 am

Burkas! So hawtt!

MosesInvests November 21, 2012 at 11:57 am

I remember that at the Catholic hs in my home town, some of the girls wore the same skirts as seniors that they got when they started 7th grade. Yowza.
Plaid skirts that fit correctly, not such a big turn-on.

glasspusher November 21, 2012 at 12:02 pm

At this rate, he's going to have to have eyes like a housefly…

BaldarTFlagass November 21, 2012 at 11:16 am

The pope's hair. It's so fluffy white, like a bunny rabbit. Easter rabbit?

Mumbletypeg November 21, 2012 at 11:18 am

I know folks' hair that does something similar, not from the heat, but from teh stupidity.

HarryButtle November 21, 2012 at 12:52 pm

That's no ordinary rabbit. That's the most foul, cruel, and bad-tempered rodent you ever set eyes on. That rabbit's got a vicious streak a mile wide! It's a killer! I'm warning you! He's got huge, sharp…he can leap about…LOOK AT THE BONES!

Nostrildamus November 21, 2012 at 1:11 pm

PEDOBUNNY

Come here a minute November 21, 2012 at 11:17 am

Excuse me if I don't feel sorry for an old guy who wanted to keep a job but not keep doing his job, even if it is an asshole job. It's about the same as a telemarketer that wants to quit bugging people at home, but still be a telemarketer.

Terry November 21, 2012 at 11:18 am

Of course, this Pope is going after the Maryknolls. These orders (there are both men's and women's) are involved with fighting poverty and building schools…you know, for everyone not just the children of the rich. Father Bourgeous has also been critical of US policies in Latin America and he founded a group called School of the Americas Watch which does stuff like protests the training of military officers from Latin American countries by the U.S. military.

No, the Church can't have priests and nuns to work to help people.

BadKitty904 November 21, 2012 at 11:46 am

Folks have gone to the stake for less…

Maman November 21, 2012 at 11:19 am

Vatican’s office for orthodoxy, the Congregation for the Doctrine of the Faith the office formerly known as "The Inquisition" (true, btw)

BadKitty904 November 21, 2012 at 11:49 am

aka, "The Holy Office." As far as I know, the only trial by the Inquisition in what's now the continental US took place here in Florida in the 1680s.

A local soldier was accused of blasphemy, tried, convicted, basically told to "cut it out," fined, and sent back to his garrison. Contrary to popular myth, most Inquisition trials did not end in auto-da-fes.

Maman November 21, 2012 at 12:55 pm

True enough, but that didn't help Jeanne d'Arc, or anyone who believed that the earth travelled around the sun who were threatened by the Inquisition all the time.

SayItWithWookies November 21, 2012 at 11:20 am

The Catholic Church hasn't done anything useful since employing Michelangelo — and even that creation of art was just incidental to the Pope's own self-glorification, and lasting masterpieces were really just the side benefit. But really, if an institution hasn't been anything but a burden to social progress, morals and philosophy for five hundred years, it should be closed and its assets liquidated.

boskolives November 21, 2012 at 12:44 pm

I thought they had him lay on his back on the scaffolding so the pope could get a clear look at his ass.

fuflans November 21, 2012 at 10:13 pm

yeah but julian is my tots fav pope.

well except for that chick one whose name i forget as i am (technically) an anglican.

SayItWithWookies November 22, 2012 at 12:01 am
freakishlywrong November 21, 2012 at 11:20 am

I stopped being a member of that cult waaaay before I realized they didn't want me in the first place.

larrykat November 21, 2012 at 12:27 pm

I was 8 (and in Catholic school) when the whole religious thing started smelling like bullshit to me.

elviouslyqueer November 21, 2012 at 11:21 am

Yet another photo caption: "This is the proper way to fondle altar boybutts."

Blueb4sinrise November 21, 2012 at 11:22 am

well, 'Maryknoll', whaddaya 'spect.

Joshua Norton November 21, 2012 at 11:23 am

Nobody expects the Congregation for the Doctrine of the Faith!

/Monty Python snark

actor212 November 21, 2012 at 11:24 am

We should just chalk this up to the Discreet Charm of the Bourgeouis.

What? I can't be the only one who saw that flick!

SayItWithWookies November 21, 2012 at 11:30 am

You might be the only one who saw it all the way through. I remember soldiers marching into a dinner party and it was so disjointed that I either forgot the rest or fell asleep.

actor212 November 21, 2012 at 11:37 am

You might have missed my subtler joke then about the bishop in gardener's clothing.

SayItWithWookies November 21, 2012 at 11:42 am

Definitely missed it — but hey, at least I saw the movie, even if, like Fellini's Satyricon, I couldn't tell you a damn thing about what happened in it.

BadKitty904 November 21, 2012 at 11:51 am

Same here. Saw it, but sure as hell didn't understand it.

Biel_ze_Bubba November 21, 2012 at 11:40 am

Only us oldz remember it, dimly. Got a chuckle out of the website listing Buñuel's one "goof": a glitch in the film's "continuity".

actor212 November 21, 2012 at 11:42 am

How could they tell?

boskolives November 21, 2012 at 12:59 pm

1 glitch equals +/- 90 U.S. minutes

edgydrifter November 21, 2012 at 11:25 am

He's had the collar ripped off after four decades of doing his best to make the world a better place. Hopefully a few ladies (or fellas) will throw some attaboy trim his direction. I think he's earned it.

actor212 November 21, 2012 at 11:25 am

alt-text: "Nipple! Nipple! FLY!"

BaldarTFlagass November 21, 2012 at 11:31 am

cheech and chong's first album, The Pope Live at the Vatican (weak memory on this one):
"Yes, I will make love to the girl. But she must be blind, so she can not see who does this to her. She must be deaf, so she cannot hear me doing it. She must be mute, so she can tell no one I did this. And she must have the great-a big-a tits!"

PopeEdgardo November 21, 2012 at 12:33 pm

Cuz that's-a whadilike

kittensdontlie November 21, 2012 at 11:33 am

With their monthly infections, the clergy, like the trenches of war, is just not the best place for women.

Biel_ze_Bubba November 21, 2012 at 11:35 am

Any outfit that needs an "Office for Othodoxy" is doomed.

edgydrifter November 21, 2012 at 11:38 am

At my company, it's called "Human Resources."

VodkaGoGo November 21, 2012 at 11:50 am

So how much longer can Fox News last?

MacRaith November 21, 2012 at 11:38 am

Even when I was a practicing Catholic I said that I'd leave the Church if Cardinal Ratzinger ever became Pope. By the time it actually happened, it was a moot point, because I was already gone. But I remained Catholic far longer than I otherwise might have largely because of a handful of truly dedicated priests and nuns who appear to have actually read their Bibles and taken to heart the message that Jesus preached. Of course, these are the very people the Church is now trying to get rid of.

eggsacklywright November 21, 2012 at 11:39 am

Poop dresses funny. Pedo cult. That's all I got.

MissTaken November 21, 2012 at 11:40 am

It's all you need.

mavenmaven November 21, 2012 at 11:42 am

Frank Parlato and the Niagra Falls Reporter is fully supportive of this papal move.

actor212 November 21, 2012 at 11:45 am

That's because it came from a Papal Bull and not some Papal Cow.

deanbooth November 21, 2012 at 11:44 am

When I was a young Catholic boy (that phrase should help Wonkette in the Google), I joined the Maryknoll Fathers Future Priest Club. I think I had visions of building Tarzan-like elevators, with monkey butlers. A priest even came to dinner to talk about it. Luckily, my dad talked me out of it.

BaldarTFlagass November 21, 2012 at 11:52 am

Hell, I almost joined Demolay when I was around 12 because I thought we would be going out and blowing shit up (the demo part). One meeting and Wheet! like a rat out of an aqueduct.

StealthMuslin November 21, 2012 at 11:45 am

You know the great thing about today's Catholic Church?
Me neither.

johnnyzhivago November 21, 2012 at 11:45 am

This was bounced around between the Office for Orthodoxy and the Office for Just Plain Fuckwad Decisions for months!

BigSkullF*ckingDog November 21, 2012 at 11:47 am

Women can't be priests because of that one time when that lady ate an apple or something because the snake told her too after God had said not to and then she put fig leaves over her nips and bumped uglies with a guy. Or something like that.

smellyal8tr November 21, 2012 at 12:07 pm

And of course, Jesus Christ had nothing to say about women, or to women nor did he spend any time with women (at least not that Catholics are willing to admit). I don't think Jesus weeps for this church; I think he's probably just stopped caring.

Oblios_Cap November 21, 2012 at 1:10 pm

Fucking Peter and Paul.

CommieLibunatic November 21, 2012 at 1:35 pm

These days, Jesus would be pretty unwelcome to most of the organizations that claim to worship him.

Remember that time in Poland when that plane crashed with a bunch of government VIPs, including their president, all of whom died? There was a big memorial with a cross set up by the Catholic population in Warsaw, and they defended it pretty angrily when the time of national mourning ended.

It was said during that time that even if Jesus had come for the cross, everyone would just sneer, like "WTF are you doing here, you Jew? Get outta here!"

boskolives November 21, 2012 at 1:40 pm

I think it's pretty safe to say a cross is the last thing Jesus would be wanting to see again, like forever, too.

BigSkullF*ckingDog November 21, 2012 at 11:48 am

Women can't be priests because they hardly ever molest children.

DixvilleCrotch November 21, 2012 at 11:53 am

I wonder which spell he is casting there…

larrykat November 21, 2012 at 12:25 pm

Probably the altar boy trancification.

PopeEdgardo November 21, 2012 at 12:36 pm

Probably the same one Obama used to get me to vote for him.

CommieLibunatic November 21, 2012 at 1:36 pm

Force Lightning.

Tsunami Ali November 21, 2012 at 11:53 am

Hi, Hurricane Ali here. If no one else has beseeched the editrix or editrices (sp?) to please reprint the Ken Layne's cranberry thing, or maybe even a new Wonkette Thanksgiving recipe? Even a cocktail recipe! Please?

This has been Hurricane Ali. Thank you and good day.

BadKitty904 November 21, 2012 at 11:58 am

Those were reposted yesterday. If you scroll down a tad, you'll see 'em.

Happy Thanksgiving, Ali!

Mojopo November 21, 2012 at 12:00 pm

It's still available – I'm going to try it too. http://wonkette.com/490325/put-some-food-on-your-

VodkaGoGo November 21, 2012 at 12:03 pm

She'll have that done yesterday! No really, yesterday.

HistoriCat November 21, 2012 at 12:27 pm

Your time machine needs re-calibrating. As BadKitty said, it was posted yesterday. Just watch out for the two year old comments on the other recipe posts.

BigSkullF*ckingDog November 21, 2012 at 11:54 am

The pope looks like he's grabbing an invisible pair of boobs.

larrykat November 21, 2012 at 12:26 pm

But they are probably Mary's boobs, so it's OK.

BigSkullF*ckingDog November 21, 2012 at 11:56 am

Which is worse, Walmart or the catholic church? I can't decide.

MissTaken November 21, 2012 at 12:00 pm

Tough call! I'm gonna go with the Catholic Church because of the pedophilia. Walmart seems to keep their assfucking to those old enough to legally work there. Damn child labor laws!

VodkaGoGo November 21, 2012 at 12:01 pm

Well, the Catholic church has a 2000 year head start at being awful so they're the odds on favorite. Walmart's not going down without a fight though.

BigSkullF*ckingDog November 21, 2012 at 12:04 pm

I know. I feel like the catholic church is becoming more and more irrelevant while Walmart still has a lot of potential for future evil. Like when they enslave all of mankind and feed us nothing but Soylent Green and cedar cheese.

VodkaGoGo November 21, 2012 at 12:09 pm

Ceder cheese is people!

Lizzietish81 November 21, 2012 at 12:02 pm

Walmart hasn't been at the center of wars, massacres and political murder…

yet

VodkaGoGo November 21, 2012 at 12:09 pm

I don't know enough about China to dispute this but I feel like it's wrong.

SayItWithWookies November 21, 2012 at 12:02 pm

Walmart isn't doctrinally bound to do stupid, harmful things, so that makes them at least capable of change. The Catholic Church, on the other hand, hasn't budged as an institution since Vatican II, which brought them into the late 19th century — and only then on petty matters such as the use of Latin and whether one ate meat on Fridays.

smellyal8tr November 21, 2012 at 12:04 pm

Well, I don't know of too many folks (outside of my parents) who worship Wal Mart. Catholics 1- Ozark Millionaires 0

Lizzietish81 November 21, 2012 at 11:57 am

Well then who the hell am I thinking of?

PopeEdgardo November 21, 2012 at 12:26 pm

Augustine?

Lot_49 November 21, 2012 at 1:17 pm

Idi Amin Dada?

Serolf_Divad November 21, 2012 at 11:59 am

I can so picture Benedict standing before a statue of the Virgin Mary, with a frightened young seminarian under his arm explaining: "Beautiful are the breasts that portude, but a little…"

BadKitty904 November 21, 2012 at 12:00 pm

Ew.

Aridzona November 21, 2012 at 12:02 pm

Weren't the Maryknoll Fathers and Brothers a popular folk group in the '60s?

smellyal8tr November 21, 2012 at 12:04 pm

Dr Thompson had it best: Christianity is too fragile a proposition to be left in the hands of Christians…especially pros.

docterry6973 November 21, 2012 at 12:10 pm

What, the pope didn't condemn him to roast in the fires of Hell forever? Pussy.

GeneralLerong November 21, 2012 at 12:10 pm

Well, that's one way of screwing an employee out of a pension, I guess.

The job possibilities for a 65-year-old defrocked priest must be just fabulous. Let's hope he's not planning on getting cancer or needing hip surgery or something.

Hey, I have an idea – let's tax church property and turn the moolah over to Affordable Care Act coffers!

MinAgain November 21, 2012 at 12:20 pm

"Get the frock out, dude."

elgin_pelican November 21, 2012 at 12:23 pm

He was only kicked out "in the SPIRIT of equity and charity." In real life he was told to piss up a rope.

Schmegeg November 21, 2012 at 12:23 pm

Let him open a small general store and have an affinity for conservative talk radio. With a name like that, he should have never entered the priesthood.

An WTF is Benedict doing in that photo, a screentest for Emperor Palpatine?

proudgrampa November 21, 2012 at 12:59 pm

I just do not understand why Catholics want to be Catholics.

Nostrildamus November 21, 2012 at 1:12 pm

Another cum eunuch!

LibrarianX November 21, 2012 at 1:15 pm

Benedict is looking a little witchy in this photo. Is he summoning his Prada slippers?

docterry6973 November 21, 2012 at 1:20 pm

The Holy Father looks a little creepy in that photo, but it is foolish to judge a religious leader based on his appearance and not on his policies. Which are also creepy.

MLite November 21, 2012 at 2:06 pm

To me, Das Pope's stance, hands, and evil smile say to me: "If you will not be turned, you will be destroyed! Young fool. Only now at the end do you understand. Your feeble skills are no match for the power of the dark side. You have paid the price for your lack of vision. Now, young Skywalker, you will die."

Only in Das Pope's case, Skywalker is much younger and an altar boy.

mbobier November 21, 2012 at 3:12 pm

Given the that Congregation for the Doctrine of the Faith is the office previously known as the Inquisition, Rev. Bourgeois should consider himself fortunate he wasn't burned at the stake in addition to being defrocked.

CalvinsChoice November 21, 2012 at 4:08 pm

I hope I get laicized this weekend.

sundaytrucker November 21, 2012 at 4:34 pm

Now who will say mass for the six catholics that still go to church?

glasspusher November 21, 2012 at 5:10 pm

That picture doesn't look very "Buddy Christ"-like to me…

BZ1 November 21, 2012 at 5:36 pm

Laicized? Can the RCs not come up with a more obscure term for castration?

cybermoe November 21, 2012 at 6:54 pm

Look its Mary Magdalene!

spareme November 21, 2012 at 11:31 pm

So glad I read this article. Now I have a brand new reason why to not show up at chirch for the next 50 years.

widestanceromance November 21, 2012 at 11:58 am

I've always been partial to 'Jesus is coming, so get a towel [for Christ's sake].'

boskolives November 21, 2012 at 12:51 pm

You forgot to add "without lubricant" to the end of the sentence.

CommieLibunatic November 21, 2012 at 1:25 pm

Word! What are they even wearing under those things? Are they even wearing anything at all?

(spoiler: T-shirt and blue jeans, just like the rest of us)

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