nobody left but pedo-priests

Priest Booted For Failing To Be As Terrible As Pope

Here's your goddamn alt-textHappy Day-Before-Thanksgiving, Wonkette fans. Have you been making your list of what you are thankful for? We at Wonkette are deeply thankful that we haven’t had to write about something awful the Catholic Church has done in, oh, minutes!  GAH. Catholic Church please stop being horrible long enough for last week’s awfulness to roll off the Wonkette front page. What has the Church managed to do this time? Did they let someone die instead of giving them necessary reproductive health care? Did they let yet another of their priests get rape-y with a young person? Did they weigh in on how the ladiez may make a babby? YES, YES, and OF COURSE YES. But those are PAST horrible things. Today brings us a whole new, more nuanced horrible thing: throwing out a priest for having the temerity (YES WE SAID TEMERITY. DEAL) to believe that perhaps ladies could be priests too:

A long-running struggle between Catholic authorities and the Rev. Roy Bourgeois over his support for ordaining women has ended with Bourgeois’ dismissal from the priesthood and his religious order, the Maryknoll Fathers and Brothers.

A statement from Maryknoll on Monday (Nov. 19) confirmed that the Vatican’s office for orthodoxy, the Congregation for the Doctrine of the Faith, laicized Bourgeois last month.

The move stems from Bourgeois’ participation in an August 2008 ordination rite in Lexington, Ky., for Janice Sevre-Duszynska. The ceremony was not recognized by the Vatican and took place under the auspices of a group called Roman Catholic Womanpriests, which rejects the church teaching on the all-male priesthood.

Well, duh. Of course the Catholic Church needs to throw out the dude who served faithfully for 45 years and was a peace activist. He’s definitely the real threat to the sanctity of the Holy Roman Order. Well, him, nuns who are even remotely feminist, and teh gheyz that just want to stay in the church. Not threats? Pedophile priests and ex-Hitler Youth.

Oh, and before we forget: This is what the Catholic Church gives you when they toss you out after 45 years of service:

Mr. Bourgeois freely chose his views and actions, and all the members of the Maryknoll Society are saddened at the failure of reconciliation. With this parting, the Maryknoll Society warmly thanks Roy Bourgeois for his service to mission and all members wish him well in his personal life. In the spirit of equity and charity, Maryknoll will assist Mr. Bourgeois with this transition.

We’ll make you leave, presumably, the only thing you ever loved! But we’ll totally assist you with a transition because we are equitable and charitable to everyone except nuns, gays, young boys, women who want contraception, priests who believe women are equal, and…you get the picture.

[National Catholic Reporter Online/Washington Post]

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    1. MaxNeanderthal

      Damn! Beat me to it. Any resemblance between his Heiliness and Emperor Palpatine, is of course, entirely co-incidental…

    2. Lascauxcaveman

      Meh. Of all the reasons I had for leaving the Catholic church, the "NO GURLS ALOWED" sign on the door of the priests clubhouse wasn't even in the top ten.

    1. Lizzietish81

      Remember like ten years ago when the United Church of Christ had a commercial about how "some" churches turn people away, but the UCC accepts everyone, and the Catholic Church pitched a fit about how they were being targeted?

      Good times.

    2. WhatTheHolyHeck

      And jerbs. Real paying jerbs. Priests are allowed to make money and live lavishly and never have to worry about vows of poverty or lives of public service like those commie nuns.

  1. ttommyunger

    speech bubble over Pedobear's head: "Teh straights are always after the ta-tas! The ta-tas, yet; what a waste of skin!"

  2. BaldarTFlagass

    I'm thankful that my parents raised me without any religion.

    Or should I say, "Thank God my parents raised me without any religion?"

    1. PsycWench

      For realz. My daughter is being raised without religious training and I was a little concerned at first that she might fall for some evangelist nonsense. It turns out that when a person has made it to 14 without believing in God, it is very hard to persuade her otherwise.

      1. BaldarTFlagass

        Exactly. My dad hated being dragged to church as a kid and swore I would not have to put up with that, although he always said I could attend any church I wanted to, and I did on occasion when friends would invite me. But then I discovered at age 7 or 8 that there was no Santa, Tooth Fairy, Easter Bunny, or Great Pumpkin (my folks played along with Xmas, Easter, etc just so I wouldn't feel left out), I made the giant leap of logic that if those were bullshit, then the whole God thing was probably bullshit too. I figured out that God is just Santa, for adults, but it's not just toys under the trees they want, it's immortality. Just bullshit, and I've never looked back.

        1. widestanceromance

          Yes! Also the more serious game of 'wait 'til your father gets home' with no expiration date. Everybody's waitin' and behavin' because when "He" gets home, there will be hell to pay.

          1. BaldarTFlagass

            1970s bumper sticker:
            "Jesus is coming, and boy is he pissed."
            "Jesus is coming. Everybody look busy!"

        2. LibertyLover

          Wait. What? There isn't a Santa Claus? No Tooth Fariy? No Easter Bunny? Then who's been sneaking into my house and giving me "presents" in the middle of the night?
          Oh crap. It must be those sexy demons…I am so doomed.

      2. Biel_ze_Bubba

        Hmmm…. I'd put the upper limit at maybe 21 or 22.

        The Moonies recruited most of their victims on college campuses. I had an interesting afternoon with them, back in the day … but being a grad student, and in my 20s, I had little difficulty in figuring out that they were loons. There were a couple of undergrads there, who seemed a whole lot more credulous. When I left, they stayed, and I always wondered what happened to them.

      3. glasspusher

        This is good. We're raising my son the same way. A friend of mine said, though, "He won't have anything to leave".

        Despite not following any religion, theological and logical discussions abound at our place. When you were raised a Catholic, your sister is a christian fundamentalist and mom still goes to mass 7 days a week, discussion of such is probably a good vaccine.

  3. Mumbletypeg

    This is good news for the Catholic "outreach" types who said the mission of the church, re: saving the sinners/ converting the heathen etc., was to "work itself out of a job." I feel "Grandstanding my institution's viability out of available, eligible priests" is close enough. And can't come soon enough.

    1. Lascauxcaveman

      Pope John Paul II, as he approached his dotage famously said (and I'm paraphrasing) "If cranking down the screws and reversing the Vatican II modernization of the Catholic Church means we're going to have a smaller, purer church, then so be it."

      He's turning out to be fairly prophetic, that one.

  4. NorthStarSpanx

    I (having learned a new word) look forward to the laicizing of the Executive, Legislative and Judicial branches in the 21st Century.

      1. NorthStarSpanx

        Some anonymous commenter on an even more obscure blog said that Patreus was really churchy and tried to Christianize all the enlistees and promote the fundies. So, I forgot to add laicizing the Military?

      1. widestanceromance

        Leveraging redemption as an actionable business model, so we are all on the same page going forward.

  5. Lizzietish81

    Allow a woman to have an abortion to save her life? Get excommunicated.
    Help the poor instead of crusading against gays adn birth control? Get censored by the church
    Serve for forty years, working for peace and suggest that ladies can be priests too? Goodbye.
    Molest small boys? We'll just move you to a different church, consider it a fresh start.

    1. Beowoof

      Well there should be Christian charity some place, are you saying that we shouldn't forgive Father Fondle for his indiscretions. Hrumpf. He confessed, said two Hail Mary's and two Our Father's what more do you want.

    2. Kopite74011

      "Molest small boys? We'll just move you to a different church, consider it a fresh start."

      Holy Mother Church's cover-up and response to its pedophilia problem reminds me of one of my favorite quotes from The Wire :

      "You'd rather live in shit than let the world see you work a shovel."

      That just completely nails their attitude– they'd rather ruin the lives of who knows how many people and ignore the problem than give anyone even the slightest impression that they don't operate with supreme confidence and absolute moral certainty, no matter how awful and wrongheaded that certainty is.

      (cf. the whole Galileo kerfuffle)

    1. Lizzietish81

      He's actually not in good shape politically speaking. The whole butler thing? Its part of a whole big issue where priests were moved to remote locations because they brought up the fact that the Pope has surrounded himself with his own club. Meanwhile the Old Italian contingent is working to undermine him so that power can be returned to them. Essentially a bunch of old men fighting over power.

      1. BaldarTFlagass

        Things didn't work out so well for the Italians the last time they let a bunch of Germans into their country, I'll tell ya that much.

        1. boskolives

          Is it true that Italian kids learn to speak enough German in the first grade so they will know how to say "Excuse me sir, it seems that your Panzer tank is blocking our driveway"?

        1. Lizzietish81

          especially the Catholic Church's history.

          When John Paul died there was a lot of talk about a pope being selected from South America or Africa, including Desmond Tutu (I think that's his name) who is super progressive (and has been censored by the church a couple of times himself)

          Instead they chose another old European guy. Not really surprising, but a wasted opportunity to be relevant again.

      1. HistoriCat

        Isn't it the Coptic Christians who chose their leader by having a kid pull a name out of a bag holding all the candidates? Sounds much more rational than the Catholic approach.

  6. Oblios_Cap

    From the Maryknoll website:

    What We Do

    We foster self-worth and dignity among marginalized peoples everywhere.

    Except for those in their own order, apparently.

    1. actor212

      Ironically, the Maryknoll in NYC has one of the highest proportions of lesbians studying there.

      Or maybe I'm thinking of Marymount College.

      Which makes more sense, just based on the name alone.

      1. Lascauxcaveman

        If they were really badass, they would have been returning fire. The the pope wouldn't have liked it, because that liberation theology stuff is so unseemly.

  7. VodkaGoGo

    The move stems from Bourgeois’ participation in an August 2008 ordination rite in Lexington, Ky., for Janice Sevre-Duszynska. The ceremony was not recognized by the Vatican and took place under the auspices of a group called Roman Catholic Womanpriests, which rejects the church teaching on the all-male priesthood.

    Serious question, why bother being Catholic at that point?

  8. boskolives

    That photo brings music to my heart, it goes something like:

    ♬ ♪ I put a spell on you, cause you're mine…… ♬ ♪

    My apologies to Screamin' Jay Hawkins…..

  9. Joshua Norton

    the Congregation for the Doctrine of the Faith, laicized Bourgeois last month.

    Is that church-speak for "burned at the stake"? Which is how they normally prefer to handle so-called heretics.

    1. gullywompr

      But you're not opposed to the school uniforms, I hope?

      Oops, looks like I'm another dude that Sorosbot will be keeping an eye on…

          1. CommieLibunatic

            Word! What are they even wearing under those things? Are they even wearing anything at all?

            (spoiler: T-shirt and blue jeans, just like the rest of us)

        1. MosesInvests

          I remember that at the Catholic hs in my home town, some of the girls wore the same skirts as seniors that they got when they started 7th grade. Yowza.
          Plaid skirts that fit correctly, not such a big turn-on.

    1. HarryButtle

      That's no ordinary rabbit. That's the most foul, cruel, and bad-tempered rodent you ever set eyes on. That rabbit's got a vicious streak a mile wide! It's a killer! I'm warning you! He's got huge, sharp…he can leap about…LOOK AT THE BONES!

  10. Come here a minute

    Excuse me if I don't feel sorry for an old guy who wanted to keep a job but not keep doing his job, even if it is an asshole job. It's about the same as a telemarketer that wants to quit bugging people at home, but still be a telemarketer.

  11. Terry

    Of course, this Pope is going after the Maryknolls. These orders (there are both men's and women's) are involved with fighting poverty and building schools…you know, for everyone not just the children of the rich. Father Bourgeous has also been critical of US policies in Latin America and he founded a group called School of the Americas Watch which does stuff like protests the training of military officers from Latin American countries by the U.S. military.

    No, the Church can't have priests and nuns to work to help people.

  12. Maman

    Vatican’s office for orthodoxy, the Congregation for the Doctrine of the Faith the office formerly known as "The Inquisition" (true, btw)

    1. BadKitty904

      aka, "The Holy Office." As far as I know, the only trial by the Inquisition in what's now the continental US took place here in Florida in the 1680s.

      A local soldier was accused of blasphemy, tried, convicted, basically told to "cut it out," fined, and sent back to his garrison. Contrary to popular myth, most Inquisition trials did not end in auto-da-fes.

      1. Maman

        True enough, but that didn't help Jeanne d'Arc, or anyone who believed that the earth travelled around the sun who were threatened by the Inquisition all the time.

  13. SayItWithWookies

    The Catholic Church hasn't done anything useful since employing Michelangelo — and even that creation of art was just incidental to the Pope's own self-glorification, and lasting masterpieces were really just the side benefit. But really, if an institution hasn't been anything but a burden to social progress, morals and philosophy for five hundred years, it should be closed and its assets liquidated.

  14. freakishlywrong

    I stopped being a member of that cult waaaay before I realized they didn't want me in the first place.

    1. SayItWithWookies

      You might be the only one who saw it all the way through. I remember soldiers marching into a dinner party and it was so disjointed that I either forgot the rest or fell asleep.

    2. Biel_ze_Bubba

      Only us oldz remember it, dimly. Got a chuckle out of the website listing Buñuel's one "goof": a glitch in the film's "continuity".

  15. edgydrifter

    He's had the collar ripped off after four decades of doing his best to make the world a better place. Hopefully a few ladies (or fellas) will throw some attaboy trim his direction. I think he's earned it.

  16. BaldarTFlagass

    cheech and chong's first album, The Pope Live at the Vatican (weak memory on this one):
    "Yes, I will make love to the girl. But she must be blind, so she can not see who does this to her. She must be deaf, so she cannot hear me doing it. She must be mute, so she can tell no one I did this. And she must have the great-a big-a tits!"

  17. kittensdontlie

    With their monthly infections, the clergy, like the trenches of war, is just not the best place for women.

  18. MacRaith

    Even when I was a practicing Catholic I said that I'd leave the Church if Cardinal Ratzinger ever became Pope. By the time it actually happened, it was a moot point, because I was already gone. But I remained Catholic far longer than I otherwise might have largely because of a handful of truly dedicated priests and nuns who appear to have actually read their Bibles and taken to heart the message that Jesus preached. Of course, these are the very people the Church is now trying to get rid of.

  19. deanbooth

    When I was a young Catholic boy (that phrase should help Wonkette in the Google), I joined the Maryknoll Fathers Future Priest Club. I think I had visions of building Tarzan-like elevators, with monkey butlers. A priest even came to dinner to talk about it. Luckily, my dad talked me out of it.

    1. BaldarTFlagass

      Hell, I almost joined Demolay when I was around 12 because I thought we would be going out and blowing shit up (the demo part). One meeting and Wheet! like a rat out of an aqueduct.

  20. BigSkullF*ckingDog

    Women can't be priests because of that one time when that lady ate an apple or something because the snake told her too after God had said not to and then she put fig leaves over her nips and bumped uglies with a guy. Or something like that.

    1. smellyal8tr

      And of course, Jesus Christ had nothing to say about women, or to women nor did he spend any time with women (at least not that Catholics are willing to admit). I don't think Jesus weeps for this church; I think he's probably just stopped caring.

      1. CommieLibunatic

        These days, Jesus would be pretty unwelcome to most of the organizations that claim to worship him.

        Remember that time in Poland when that plane crashed with a bunch of government VIPs, including their president, all of whom died? There was a big memorial with a cross set up by the Catholic population in Warsaw, and they defended it pretty angrily when the time of national mourning ended.

        It was said during that time that even if Jesus had come for the cross, everyone would just sneer, like "WTF are you doing here, you Jew? Get outta here!"

  21. Tsunami Ali

    Hi, Hurricane Ali here. If no one else has beseeched the editrix or editrices (sp?) to please reprint the Ken Layne's cranberry thing, or maybe even a new Wonkette Thanksgiving recipe? Even a cocktail recipe! Please?

    This has been Hurricane Ali. Thank you and good day.

    1. HistoriCat

      Your time machine needs re-calibrating. As BadKitty said, it was posted yesterday. Just watch out for the two year old comments on the other recipe posts.

    1. MissTaken

      Tough call! I'm gonna go with the Catholic Church because of the pedophilia. Walmart seems to keep their assfucking to those old enough to legally work there. Damn child labor laws!

    2. VodkaGoGo

      Well, the Catholic church has a 2000 year head start at being awful so they're the odds on favorite. Walmart's not going down without a fight though.

      1. BigSkullF*ckingDog

        I know. I feel like the catholic church is becoming more and more irrelevant while Walmart still has a lot of potential for future evil. Like when they enslave all of mankind and feed us nothing but Soylent Green and cedar cheese.

    3. SayItWithWookies

      Walmart isn't doctrinally bound to do stupid, harmful things, so that makes them at least capable of change. The Catholic Church, on the other hand, hasn't budged as an institution since Vatican II, which brought them into the late 19th century — and only then on petty matters such as the use of Latin and whether one ate meat on Fridays.

    4. smellyal8tr

      Well, I don't know of too many folks (outside of my parents) who worship Wal Mart. Catholics 1- Ozark Millionaires 0

  22. Serolf_Divad

    I can so picture Benedict standing before a statue of the Virgin Mary, with a frightened young seminarian under his arm explaining: "Beautiful are the breasts that portude, but a little…"

  23. smellyal8tr

    Dr Thompson had it best: Christianity is too fragile a proposition to be left in the hands of Christians…especially pros.

  24. GeneralLerong

    Well, that's one way of screwing an employee out of a pension, I guess.

    The job possibilities for a 65-year-old defrocked priest must be just fabulous. Let's hope he's not planning on getting cancer or needing hip surgery or something.

    Hey, I have an idea – let's tax church property and turn the moolah over to Affordable Care Act coffers!

  25. elgin_pelican

    He was only kicked out "in the SPIRIT of equity and charity." In real life he was told to piss up a rope.

  26. Schmegeg

    Let him open a small general store and have an affinity for conservative talk radio. With a name like that, he should have never entered the priesthood.

    An WTF is Benedict doing in that photo, a screentest for Emperor Palpatine?

  27. docterry6973

    The Holy Father looks a little creepy in that photo, but it is foolish to judge a religious leader based on his appearance and not on his policies. Which are also creepy.

  28. MLite

    To me, Das Pope's stance, hands, and evil smile say to me: "If you will not be turned, you will be destroyed! Young fool. Only now at the end do you understand. Your feeble skills are no match for the power of the dark side. You have paid the price for your lack of vision. Now, young Skywalker, you will die."

    Only in Das Pope's case, Skywalker is much younger and an altar boy.

  29. mbobier

    Given the that Congregation for the Doctrine of the Faith is the office previously known as the Inquisition, Rev. Bourgeois should consider himself fortunate he wasn't burned at the stake in addition to being defrocked.

  30. spareme

    So glad I read this article. Now I have a brand new reason why to not show up at chirch for the next 50 years.

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