E Plebnista

WND Had A Most Cunning Plan To Stop Obama With Constitution, Except For One Tiny Detail: The Constitution

WorldNet Daily? More like WorldNut FAILY!Judson Phillips, founder of Tea Party Nation and a guy who just loves the Constitution of the United States so much that he wakes up every morning with patriojizz all over his 2nd-amendment footie pajamas, published a brilliant plan the other day that had the potential to actually save America from the tragedy of national suicide represented by the reelection of gay black crack addict Barack Hussein Obama. And the best part about it? The plan invoked a Top Secret Loophole in the Constitution itself to save the Constitution! How neat is that? And it would have worked, too, if it weren’t for that darn Constitution.

Still, you have to admit he is one earnest little teabagger:

We have one last, final chance to save America. We have one last, final chance to stop Barack Obama. One final chance.

So if you believe in the Constitution Fairy, clap your hands!!!

Actually, here is the real plan: First, Phillips reminds us that although we’ve all voted, what really counts is the Electoral College, that 18th-century relic that Donald Trump thinks is phony and lame. So if we can just keep the Electoral College from assembling in December, we can stop Socialist Christmas from coming!

Here’s how it will go down. See if you can spot the teensy problem in Judson Phillips’s analysis. (Also, sorry for the longish blockquote, but since WND has pulled the story from its main page and even its on-site search, we aren’t sure how long even the direct link will remain):

The 12th Amendment of the Constitution as well as Article II of the Constitution govern the Electoral College.

According to the 12th Amendment, for the Electoral College to be able to select the president, it must have a quorum of two-thirds of the states voting. If enough states refuse to participate, the Electoral College will not have a quorum. If the Electoral College does not have a quorum or otherwise cannot vote or decide, then the responsibility for selecting the president and vice president devolves to the Congress.

The House of Representatives selects the president and the Senate selects the vice president.

Since the Republicans hold a majority in the House, presumably they would vote for Mitt Romney, and the Democrats in the Senate would vote for Joe Biden for vice president.

Can this work?

Sure it can….

Mitt Romney carried 24 states. We need to have conservative activists from all over the nation contact the electors, the Republican Party and the secretary of state in all of these states and tell them not to participate in the Electoral College when it meets on Dec. 17.

If we can get 17 of those states (just over one-third) to refuse to participate, the Electoral College will have no quorum. Then, as the Constitution directs, the election goes to the House of Representatives.

It’s so crazy it just might work! Phillips closes by calling on everyone everywhere to spread this idea and to “contact the electors, party officials and secretaries of state from every red state and insist that they refuse to participate in the Electoral College.” We can only imagine how much fun those officials have been having taking calls from people telling them to boycott the Electoral College so it won’t have a quorum and then the House can Save America!

Phillips’s call to action ran on November 19. It now carries this note at the top, which explains why WND has semi-disappeared the piece:

Editor’s note, Nov. 20, 2012:

Since this column was posted it has been discovered that the premise presented about the Electoral College and the Constitution is in error. According to the 12th Amendment, a two-thirds quorum is required in the House of Representatives, not the Electoral College.

In other words, the Constitution does not actually contain a means for losers to just throw out the results of an election they didn’t like. Not even to Save America.

Perhaps if they built a large wooden badger…


Check out Wonkette on Facebook and Twitter, and, if you really really REALLY love the Constitution and / or Star Trek, Doktor Zoom is on Twitter too.

About the author

Doktor Zoom Is the pseudonym of Marty Kelley, who lives in Boise, Idaho. He acquired his nym from a fan of Silver-Age comics after being differently punctual to too many meetings. He is not a medical doctor, although he has a real PhD (in Rhetoric and Composition).

View all articles by Doktor Zoom
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    1. hagajim

      How come I keep having Wile E. Coyote flashbacks every time once of these dipshits opens their mouth. Curse you Acme Constitution.

  1. Tommmcatt_Again

    The hyperbole and drama from the right exceeds that of the most persnickety drag queen. I'll miss them when they finally go.

    Not really, but you know what I mean.

    1. chicken_thief

      Persnickety drag queen – I like that!!!

      Personally I've begun to look forward to the self induced hissy fits the Taggers throw at every perceived attack to the American Way. I even encourage them when possible.

      For clarity: "Every perceived attack on the American Way" = anything Hussein says or does.

    1. 1stNewtontheMoon

      has there ever been a time when the baggers dispensed with the reading of the Constitution altogether and just pretended to know what was in it and how it was to be interpreted?*

      *not counting clarence or ginny thomas.

    2. thatsitfortheother1

      Funny how all the people who couldn't pass 8th grade civics are now constitutional scholars. Just ask them.

    3. Biff

      Which is really sad, considering they read it into the minutes of every wingnut meeting ever held, then, now, or in the future.

  2. BadKitty904

    The Teatards do, indeed, have "one last, final chance to save America" – it's called "emigration"…

      1. Defeatably_Joe

        Well, technically the correct answer was Jar-Jar Binks, Galactic History's Greatest Monster, and the Hindenburg to Palpatine's you-know-who, but I'm willing to award partial credit.

  3. BaldarTFlagass

    I bet Judson Phillips' dick is bright red and sore as hell from all the fapping he must have done over this.

  4. One_Man_Band

    Even so, crazies calling to urge Republicans not to participate in the democratic process can't be all bad, right?

  5. BaldarTFlagass

    "We have one last, final chance to save America. We have one last, final chance to stop Barack Obama. One final chance."

    Since he said it three times, I am just gobsmacked that his wish didn't come true.

    1. memzilla

      He forgot that he had to click the Bill of Rights and the Federalist Papers together three times while saying it.

      1. Living in Joy

        Maybe he loaned out his sparkly red slippers to someone (the unskewed guy? – he looks pretty lonely) or maybe some of the "patriojizz" accidently ended up in them. Either way, I'm pretty sure he has to wear the slippers.

  6. memzilla

    Ah, the Tea Party: room-temperature IQs, boiling mad with rage, and steeping in their own venomous bile.

    1. kittensdontlie

      Crud Phillips has overlooked the easiest way to sway votes at the Electoral gathering: free beer and strippers.

    1. Bezoar

      Ya think they'll try to send a killer robot back in time to make sure Barry's mom doesn't make it with that Kenyan dude?

  7. Blendergoathead

    Ah, this will make a fine Thanksgiving topic around the family table, 1/3 of who happen to be teabaggers. Good times!

    1. memzilla

      Start the conversation with "So! How 'bout that election, huh?" and they'll be so busy bloviating and sputtering, you'll have plenty of time to snarf up as much food as you want.

      1. Lizzietish81

        No, get a padded mail package and add address labels so the return address is the white house and when they ask what it is say "Oh, its the iphone I got for voting for Obama, I'm expecting the Porche next week"

    1. CthuNHu

      You're only saying that because it makes no mention of a deity and was written by people who overthrew the reigning imperial political order and engaged in unprecedented social engineering based on untested high-falutin' academic humanist political theories.

  8. NorthStarSpanx

    That dear little man. Furrowing his brow, scratching his head, pacing the floors, up all night for days on end to find a solution to the mongoloidization of our nation with our first blah president.


    The answer was in the constitution all along, and imagining himself to be a heroic Nick Cage, authoring that famous email to patriots the very way to take back our country in a way that will be regaled to our children's children* in plays much like George Washington chopping down that cherry tree.

    *Except not in schools, school's won't exist by then. Only Bob Jones Elementary Biblical Constitution SchoolsTM.

  9. Lot_49

    There's still the "faithless elector" gambit. If you can figure out who the hell these electors are, and get their phone numbers or email addresses, maybe you can call or text them enough information to persuade some of those pledged to Barry to switch their votes to Lord Mittens! Or Rand Paul!

    It could happen! On Saturn, maybe!

    1. Roger_of_Arabia

      At first I thought kidnapping their children or grandchildren would work, but imagine this scenario: The RNC locates the unstable ex-lovers of 64 Obama electors (you know the kind who always seem to email you years after you told them to fuck off and that you never want to see them again), who then call the electors (crying) threatening to (falsely) tell the electors' spouses that they have been fucking them the whole time, and if that doesn't work they will kill themselves right there on the statehouse steps on election day if they they don't vote for Romney.

  10. BadKitty904

    Based on the popular vote, "America" seems to be pretty OK with having a rational, statesman-like, black president.

    So, who, exactly, do these bozos think they are speaking for? Who is this "we"?

    1. CthuNHu

      "We" is everbody, numbnuts, everbody! Me, and Cletus, and Tiny, and Buford, and Bubba, and Jamal.

      Wait, Jamal's not down with this?

      Gonna be an awkward Thanksgiving.

  11. Goonemeritus

    Fat bitter old white guys just need to focus on breeding to get their numbers up. I do however think the epidemic of erectile dysfunction in the non-Italian part of this community might hamper this plan.

    1. LibertyLover

      Donald Trump has certainly played his part… having a child with each of his wives except the last one…

      Mitt Romney produced 5 strapping young un's.

      Sadly, Rush Limbaugh has not been pulling his weight.

      Perhaps the rich elite should get younger wives and procreate….

      1. boskolives

        Sorry to inform you but Rush Limbaugh has been pulling his weight, sadly you just can't recreate using those cute dark cabana boys as your sperm receptacle no matter how much Viagra you consume. Not that he's given up trying, yet.

      2. ChessieNefercat

        Rush Limbaugh pulls his weight every time he heaves his ass out of his gigantic chair and lumbers over to the refrigerator.

    2. Rosie_Scenario

      Donald Trump does have a child with latest wife — a son named Baron. A large, but shallow gene pool.

  12. boskolives

    They were right! In just two weeks since Obama stole the election our country has gone in the crapper. I look out the window and I can see America in flames.
    Why it's like….. wait a minute, crap, that's the barbeque.
    Never mind.

  13. StillGoinGreen

    Tomorrow, I will spend my Thursday here in the Lone Star state, surrounded by my teabag, fundie, racist relatives. They will inevitably tell us how Barack HUSSEIN Obama HUSSEIN stole the election and how America is dying. They will also be the same aunts/uncles/cousins that I drove to the PP clinic in the 80's to "take care of that little problem" or to the south side of Fort Worth to "pick up some party favors". They will forget this, until I announce it loudly enough for everyone to know it is time to go home… then Thanksgiving will come to a close for another year – thankfully.

    1. freakishlywrong

      Why go through it all? Jeeeze. Make reservations and take yerself outta that sitch. I'm sorry, it's sounds awful.

      1. StillGoinGreen

        What, and miss "The Hillbilly Ho Show 2012"??!! I am always amazed by the fact that the only people NOT either receiving Gubbmint help or eligible for it are the only two people (families – mine and my bestie cousin, Mark) who stand up for it. That, and the fact that Mark ALWAYS brings the Makers Mark. Besides, my Mom has stage III lung/breast cancer and probably won't get too many more of these, so I will soldier on until she is gone – I probably will never see these foks again after she passes.

  14. LesBontemps

    So dropping out of the college won't actually advance your plan? I wish someone had told me that 35 years ago.

  15. SorosBot

    Why don't they just build a wormhole to actually go to that alternate reality they think they've been living in where Romney was somehow winning, global warming isn't real and the Earth is on 6000 years old?

    1. AngryBlakGuy

      ..errrrr, because that would require the use of "actual science" as opposed to "Bible science". It would be like when they were first experimenting with transporter technology on Star Trek; huge piles of gelatinous blobs, that are screaming to be put out of their misery. Now that I think about it, he'll yeah!!!

      1. BaldarTFlagass

        "Solid food hurts. So like a fly, Brundlefly breaks down solids with a corrosive enzyme, playfully called "vomit drop". He regurgitates on his food, it liquifies, and then he sucks it back up. Ready for a demonstration, kids? Here goes… "

        1. AngryBlakGuy

          …all kidding aside, they should deport these ass-clowns to a wasteland shyt-hole(pronounced TEXAS) where they can practice the use of republican science(pronounced MAGIC) and no one with common sense will get hurt. Do they not realize that the same technology that runs their SUV's or that processes their crude oil(pronounced Jesus Jizz) is the the same science that proves the earth is a tad bit older than 10,000 years old!!!

  16. BaldarTFlagass

    To be fair, the guy has been reading a lot of Harry Turtledove lately and he got his real and fantasy Constitutions mixed up.

  17. AngryBlakGuy

    …if you can't win it, steal it! And when I say steal it I'm talking about "triple homicide home invasion" type shyt!

  18. iburl

    These pay-triots would see a real revolution if the popular and electoral votes were overturned by a body with a 17% approval rating to insert a man that the GOP has just spent two weeks bitching about. They should do it the old fashioned way, let the supreme court make some shit up to install Romney.

  19. PsycWench

    I wonder if these people realize that Obama was elected in a democratic process involving voting and everything.

    1. LesBontemps

      Massive voter fraud, obvs. Didn't you see that New Black Panther holding the door for intimidating voters?

    2. Doktor Zoom

      Only a fool would believe the election wasn't stolen. Patriots simply need to find a way to steal it back. You know, like one of those Loony Tunes chases.

    3. ChessieNefercat

      But it was not democratic. They let *those* people vote when everyone knows only *real* Americans should be able to vote.

    4. valthemus

      Since no *real* American would vote for a Kenyan commie liar liar dirty liar type guy, obviously votes for Obama can't possibly count. Ipso facto ergo prima facia, Obama can not be our president. Q.E.D.

    1. oenspiek

      We've always known that the Kenyan Usurper has a time machine; how else could he have covered up his real birthplace?

    1. shelwood46

      If this were possible, it would have been done in pretty much every presidential election ever where the losing candidate was of the party that held the House.

  20. Oblios_Cap

    If only there were a way that Rmoney's head could be transplanted onto Obama's body – keeping Obama's head, too – then we could realize our dream of having Zaphod Beeblebrox as our president!

    1. ericthefredd

      You _did_ read about how well that worked out on a Galactic scale, right?

      It does bring up a good question though. If the President stole Air Force One, where would he fly it?

  21. PsycWench

    After reading these posts, I am thankful that I will be spending Thanksgiving with just my husband and two kids, all of whom are liberal atheists who have no problem having baby back ribs instead of turkey.

    1. Yellerdawg

      Snippet of actual conversation with my sister, post-election. She lives in one of the whitest white-bread communities I've ever seen in Colorado:

      "We are doing a lot of work on the house. We were going to get all new windows, but I told (hubby) we need to wait. You know there's going to be riots and unrest, and they would probably all be broken out."

      Me-(open mouthed, incredulous look)

      "Well, you know it's coming!"

    2. HouseOfTheBlueLights

      I'll see your liberal atheists and add actual members of the Communist party. Who came to the U.S., made a bundle on the stock market, and then moved back to their communist homelands, where they live like kings. America!

  22. LibertyLover

    …Perhaps if they built a large wooden badger…

    Don't be silly, large wooden badgers don't give a sh*t.

  23. chicken_thief

    I'm shocked that WND took the post down and issued a correction. Like their followers actually give a rats ass about *facts*.

    *Sorry for the lack of snark. I'll try to add some later.*

    1. BadKitty904

      Truly. When WND thinks your stuff is too crazy-ass to remain posted AND issues a correction, you're *really* off the edge of the maps…

      1. Tundra Grifter

        You beat me to it. When Wing Nutz' Daily is The Voice of Reason, we're beyond the fringe.

        At least fringe is teathered at one end.

    1. glasspusher

      Victoria Jackson? Formerly of SNL? Another hottie ditz I can't fantasize about, or want to, because clearly she's proven to be way more of a ditz than she should be…

    2. BaldarTFlagass

      I like how the F/A-18 Hornet multi-role fighter jets keep launching out of the cruise ship at the top. I spent time on an aircraft carrier when I was in the navy, and those people on that cruise ship are not going to like all that fucking noise.

    3. pdiddycornchips

      Can you imagine sitting down to a buffet dinner next to Joe miller, Victoria Jackson and Jerome Corsi ? They better hide the silverware.

  24. BigSkullF*ckingDog

    Yes, but doesn't it say somewhere in the constitution that the president has to be white? DOESN'T IT????!

    1. LibertyLover

      No, but according to the Constitution, a Blah President counts as only 3/5ths of a President, doesn't he? Shouldn't we get a refund on the other 2/5ths?

  25. Monsieur_Grumpe

    Oooooooh and he was soooooooo close.

    Even the WND commenters are calling him an idiot. That is pretty friggin low on the Moran Scale.

  26. Estproph

    "…and if that plan fails, then whenever HUSSEIN Obummer passes another one of his commandments – I mean "laws" – then we'll all just stick our fingers in our ears and yell "LALALALALALALALAICANTHEARYOULALALALALALALA!" so that we never know what the new laws are! And if that doesn't work, then we'll all hold our breath until Obummer is forced to step down!"

  27. CheeseNPear

    Tea Party Man : Great Scott! I just realized how we can foil the dastardly plot of our dusky adversary to be lawfully elected as our president!

    Tea Boy : What's that, Tea Party Man?

    TPMan : We only need to convince a little over one third of the electors to do nothing useful!

    TB : Egads! Do nothing useful! But that is the Tea Party Extremist's greatest skill!

    TPMan : Exactly! There's not a moment to lose! Quick, Tea-Boy, to the Tea-Cycles!

    TB : . . . You mean our Hoverounds?

    TPMan : . . . Yes. . . our Hoverounds.

  28. Defeatably_Joe

    Hearing everyone "look forward" to dinner with their wingnut families tomorrow, I am suddenly super-grateful that my grandparents are actually quite decently liberal, watch MSNBC but also think Joe Scarborough is a cock, and generally okay, except for that one small thing where they're a wee bit super-racist.

  29. Redhead

    But but… but my minister and my Repugnicant legislator told me that if I don't like something, it must be either illegal or not real, and I KNOW they would never lie to me…

  30. ttommyunger

    "Well then, armed insurrection! Yeah, that's the ticket! Armed insurrection! Hold on, somebody's at the door."

  31. ChessieNefercat

    Ever since the election I have this calliope sound coming out of my computer speakers whenever I am reading something that involves republican/teabagger/sore losers and their grave analysis (snort) of wha hoppen? and OMGZ the Kenyan is still here! and how do we convince all the people we've insulted that really they would love us if we could just get our message out?

    Is anyone else experiencing the same thing?

  32. Biff

    You know what pisses me off? When I had an actual job and stuff, my immediate supervisor was able to read WND on our gummint-issued 'puter, but my wonkeet was websensed.

    THAT pissed me off.

  33. shelwood46

    I was told by an arrogant little fuck that that passage just meant that rich people had to give up their wealth at death. Presumably by giving it to their spouse and children. Yeah, that makes sense.

  34. valthemus

    "… a guy who just loves the Constitution of the United States so much that he wakes up every morning with patriojizz all over his 2nd-amendment footie pajamas…"

    What kind of faustian deal do I have to make to be able to string together words like that?

  35. pdiddycornchips

    Why don't they stick their fingers in their ears and stoop around while crying at the top of their lungs?
    That's what my two year old does when she doesn't get her way and it's oddly effective.

  36. Roger_of_Arabia

    Maybe if the RNC can prove a coach of the electoral college football team is a child raping sicko they can use that to their advantage.

  37. Gayer_Than_Thou

    There's a whole bunch of other amendments to the Constitution that nobody ever reads that might be useful. What about the 17th? Or the 3rd? I'm just brainstorming here, but you get the idea: pick a random part of the Constitution and run with it.

  38. glamourdammerung

    So they are advocating a coup d'état. Which is fine with me as long as they get some drone strikes for their effort.

    Sometimes the Tree of Liberty has to be watered with the blood of fools and traitors.

  39. decentcitizen

    But you see, that's just a technicality! That's what the Constitution is called when it leads to an outcome some folks disagree with. (as in "he got off on a technicality).

  40. rickmaci

    Faith based constitutional interpretation. The Constitution is the inspired work of God and God told me what it says so I don't actually need to read any of them wurdz!!

  41. ericthefredd

    Just for the record, I love my wingnut extended family and happily dine with them. I just find a quick exit at the earliest possible moment.
    It does help that I'm not actually a liberal (or a conservative). I just happen to love my country more than politics, so I vote for liberals and avoid discussing politics with my family.

  42. littlebigdaddy

    It is as cunning as a fox what used to be Professor of Cunning at Oxford University but has moved on and is now working for the U.N. at the High Commission of International Cunning Planning.

  43. Baba_NinjaCat12

    If that brillant plan didn't work, Phillips can always fall back on the good ole 2nd Amendment Remedy. Only if he gets past Secret Service and avoid his butt being sent to GITMO. It could….

  44. NYNYNYjr

    In case we're voting: I don't mind occasional pictures of anime, but fuck these neo-my little pony things, whatever they are. They suck. They're stupid. I don't like seeing them. Fuck them.

  45. GregComlish

    This happens to me all the time. At first I am looking really hard for the misunderstood ambiguity or the overlooked detail. I always believe that the information I am receiving is correct, but not complete. Then I discover the missing piece of information is actually just that right-wing dipshits make shit up all the time.

  46. NothingMissing

    Ah, give him a break. You know the Tea Partiers never bother reading past the Second Amendment.

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