E Plebnista

WND Had A Most Cunning Plan To Stop Obama With Constitution, Except For One Tiny Detail: The Constitution

WorldNet Daily? More like WorldNut FAILY!Judson Phillips, founder of Tea Party Nation and a guy who just loves the Constitution of the United States so much that he wakes up every morning with patriojizz all over his 2nd-amendment footie pajamas, published a brilliant plan the other day that had the potential to actually save America from the tragedy of national suicide represented by the reelection of gay black crack addict Barack Hussein Obama. And the best part about it? The plan invoked a Top Secret Loophole in the Constitution itself to save the Constitution! How neat is that? And it would have worked, too, if it weren’t for that darn Constitution.

Still, you have to admit he is one earnest little teabagger:

We have one last, final chance to save America. We have one last, final chance to stop Barack Obama. One final chance.

So if you believe in the Constitution Fairy, clap your hands!!!

Actually, here is the real plan: First, Phillips reminds us that although we’ve all voted, what really counts is the Electoral College, that 18th-century relic that Donald Trump thinks is phony and lame. So if we can just keep the Electoral College from assembling in December, we can stop Socialist Christmas from coming!

Here’s how it will go down. See if you can spot the teensy problem in Judson Phillips’s analysis. (Also, sorry for the longish blockquote, but since WND has pulled the story from its main page and even its on-site search, we aren’t sure how long even the direct link will remain):

The 12th Amendment of the Constitution as well as Article II of the Constitution govern the Electoral College.

According to the 12th Amendment, for the Electoral College to be able to select the president, it must have a quorum of two-thirds of the states voting. If enough states refuse to participate, the Electoral College will not have a quorum. If the Electoral College does not have a quorum or otherwise cannot vote or decide, then the responsibility for selecting the president and vice president devolves to the Congress.

The House of Representatives selects the president and the Senate selects the vice president.

Since the Republicans hold a majority in the House, presumably they would vote for Mitt Romney, and the Democrats in the Senate would vote for Joe Biden for vice president.

Can this work?

Sure it can….

Mitt Romney carried 24 states. We need to have conservative activists from all over the nation contact the electors, the Republican Party and the secretary of state in all of these states and tell them not to participate in the Electoral College when it meets on Dec. 17.

If we can get 17 of those states (just over one-third) to refuse to participate, the Electoral College will have no quorum. Then, as the Constitution directs, the election goes to the House of Representatives.

It’s so crazy it just might work! Phillips closes by calling on everyone everywhere to spread this idea and to “contact the electors, party officials and secretaries of state from every red state and insist that they refuse to participate in the Electoral College.” We can only imagine how much fun those officials have been having taking calls from people telling them to boycott the Electoral College so it won’t have a quorum and then the House can Save America!

Phillips’s call to action ran on November 19. It now carries this note at the top, which explains why WND has semi-disappeared the piece:

Editor’s note, Nov. 20, 2012:

Since this column was posted it has been discovered that the premise presented about the Electoral College and the Constitution is in error. According to the 12th Amendment, a two-thirds quorum is required in the House of Representatives, not the Electoral College.

In other words, the Constitution does not actually contain a means for losers to just throw out the results of an election they didn’t like. Not even to Save America.

Perhaps if they built a large wooden badger…

[WND]

Check out Wonkette on Facebook and Twitter, and, if you really really REALLY love the Constitution and / or Star Trek, Doktor Zoom is on Twitter too.

About the author

Doktor Zoom Is the pseudonym of Marty Kelley, who lives in Boise, Idaho. He acquired his nym from a fan of Silver-Age comics after being differently punctual to too many meetings. He is not a medical doctor, although he has a real PhD (in Rhetoric and Composition).

View all articles by Doktor Zoom
What Others Are Reading

Comments

Hey there, Wonkeputians! Shypixel here with a few helpful links to ease your transition to Disqus - Claiming Old Accounts - Claiming Your ID Comments - Turning off Disqus Notifications. And, as always, remember our Commenting Rules For Radicals, Enjoy!

  • Loch_Nessosaur

    Curses, foiled again.

    • Terry

      Too bad the Constitution fetishists don't actually have a working knowledge of the document, huh?

    • hagajim

      How come I keep having Wile E. Coyote flashbacks every time once of these dipshits opens their mouth. Curse you Acme Constitution.

  • 1stNewtontheMoon

    This Thanksgiving I'm thankful for the Constitution.

  • http://facethesuncastnoshadow.wordpress.com/ Mumbletypeg

    Those patriotic TeaPartiers! Re-enacting that time when their namesakes went and dumped the Constitution into the Boston Harbor. Wait, what?

  • BaldarTFlagass

    Stupid fucks say what?

    • thatsitfortheother1

      Stupid is a step up for those fucks.

    • fishwharf

      They may be stupid, but they're not dumb.

  • asterixaverni

    God Bless the Constitution! It saved us, one and all!

  • Tommmcatt_Again

    The hyperbole and drama from the right exceeds that of the most persnickety drag queen. I'll miss them when they finally go.

    Not really, but you know what I mean.

    • chicken_thief

      Persnickety drag queen – I like that!!!

      Personally I've begun to look forward to the self induced hissy fits the Taggers throw at every perceived attack to the American Way. I even encourage them when possible.

      For clarity: "Every perceived attack on the American Way" = anything Hussein says or does.

  • http://www.wonkette.com ChillBill

    This would make it the first time that a Teabagger misread the Constitution.

    • 1stNewtontheMoon

      has there ever been a time when the baggers dispensed with the reading of the Constitution altogether and just pretended to know what was in it and how it was to be interpreted?*

      *not counting clarence or ginny thomas.

      • chicken_thief

        Shouldn't the question include a "not"?!

        • sewollef

          I believe it should. As in Teabaggers do NOT have a fucking clue about that which they speak.

    • http://www.boskolives.wordpress.com boskolives

      You go out on a limb when you assume that they can read.

    • thatsitfortheother1

      Funny how all the people who couldn't pass 8th grade civics are now constitutional scholars. Just ask them.

      • http://www.boskolives.wordpress.com boskolives

        Maybe they didn't pass 8th grade civics because it would look bad for them to jump a grade ahead of their parents?

    • CapeClod

      This Constitution you are talking about. I do not think you know what it means.

    • Biff

      Which is really sad, considering they read it into the minutes of every wingnut meeting ever held, then, now, or in the future.

    • drbill0620

      Teabaggers can read??

  • BadKitty904

    The Teatards do, indeed, have "one last, final chance to save America" – it's called "emigration"…

    • thatsitfortheother1

      Or immolation.

      • Mondo_Cane

        …with votes….

        • thatsitfortheother1

          But of course…

    • http://www.marionstein.net Ground Zero Mostel

      Do you mean self-deportation?
      But who the hell would take them?

    • Bezoar

      But I think they already saved America, through mass suicide, with votes.

    • http://twitter.com/iburl iburl

      I heard Chile is nice for tax evaders.

    • Steverino247

      Rhodesia's out, I'm sorry to say.

  • Fukui-sanYesOta

    Uh, isn't this sedition?

    • BadKitty904

      Presumably, their next move will be to fire on Fort Sumter…

      • HistoriCat

        Paging General Sherman …

        • Biff

          Damn him and his restraint.

    • SpiderCrab

      No, it's post-modernism.

      • James Michael Curley

        Yes Dada.

        • SigDeFlyinMonky

          The Austrian Sezession?

      • eggsacklywright

        Stupid Descending a Staircase.

        • Gleem McShineys

          Ceci n'est pas une crétin

    • thatsitfortheother1

      Most of their big ideas are.

    • Yellerdawg

      Well, yes…but there's always the insanity defense, and they're a shoe-in for that.

      • Biff

        TWINKIES!!!

    • Tommy1733

      No, this is a deeply American principle.

    • CthuNHu

      Mr. Phillips, are you trying to sedite me?

  • Dildeaux

    The failure of this brilliant idea proves a conspiracy at the highest levels of our gummit.

    • drbill0620

      The gays and Obama conspired to do it.

  • http://dismalpseudoscientist.wordpress.com Defeatably_Joe

    You know who else wanted to suspend the Constitution and throw out the results of elections they didn't like, to Save the Country?

    • BadKitty904

      Karl Rove?

    • memzilla

      Charles Colson?

    • BaldarTFlagass

      Ferdinand and Imelda Marcos?

    • Loch_Nessosaur

      Justice Antonin Scalia?

    • http://www.wonkette.com ChillBill

      The Supreme Court, Bush v Gore.

    • Lizzietish81

      Timothy McVeigh?

    • http://facethesuncastnoshadow.wordpress.com/ Mumbletypeg

      Randle McMurphy?

    • AngryBlakGuy

      …is this a trick question?

    • chicken_thief

      That Putin fucker?

    • LibertyLover

      John Wilkes Booth?

    • http://whateveritisimagainstit.blogspot.com trampndirtdown

      Allen West?

    • Lizzietish81

      Emperor Palpatine?

      • http://dismalpseudoscientist.wordpress.com Defeatably_Joe

        Well, technically the correct answer was Jar-Jar Binks, Galactic History's Greatest Monster, and the Hindenburg to Palpatine's you-know-who, but I'm willing to award partial credit.

    • SigDeFlyinMonky

      Oliver Cromwell?

    • Roger_of_Arabia

      Joe Paterno?

      • http://dismalpseudoscientist.wordpress.com Defeatably_Joe

        No, I said eLections.

        • Roger_of_Arabia

          I thought this was a college question. Joe Paterno is always the answer to college questions.

    • http://crasstalk.com/ TheGrandInquisitor

      Angela Landsbury?

    • redarmyzombie

      Senator McCarthy?

  • BaldarTFlagass

    I bet Judson Phillips' dick is bright red and sore as hell from all the fapping he must have done over this.

    • LesBontemps

      And now he cries bitter, bitter tears.

    • thatsitfortheother1

      Judson with your dick so bright,
      Won't you guide my sleigh tonight…

      Too soon?

      • drbill0620

        Poor limp-dicked piece of crud – will need to do double Viagra til the next election.

    • Lizzietish81

      Oh so that's why he misread the constitution.

      Should clean it off next time.

  • One_Man_Band

    Even so, crazies calling to urge Republicans not to participate in the democratic process can't be all bad, right?

  • Lizzietish81

    DAMN YOU FOUNDING FATHERS!!!!!

  • BaldarTFlagass

    "We have one last, final chance to save America. We have one last, final chance to stop Barack Obama. One final chance."

    Since he said it three times, I am just gobsmacked that his wish didn't come true.

    • memzilla

      He forgot that he had to click the Bill of Rights and the Federalist Papers together three times while saying it.

      • http://www.boskolives.wordpress.com boskolives

        He had his fingers crossed, so it was meaningless, like most everything else he's ever said in his meager life, also.

      • Living in Joy

        Maybe he loaned out his sparkly red slippers to someone (the unskewed guy? – he looks pretty lonely) or maybe some of the "patriojizz" accidently ended up in them. Either way, I'm pretty sure he has to wear the slippers.

    • http://wonkette.com NorbertsRevenge

      Say, that gives me a swell idea. If all patriots said "we divorce you" three times to Soetoro, he would have to obey his religion, right?

    • eggsacklywright

      Betelgeuse, etc.

    • Lizzietish81

      One final time…that's what the makers of Final Fantasy keep saying..

    • ChessieNefercat

      Sadly, I suspect he may be gobsmacked that his wish didn't come true also. Sigh.

    • SigDeFlyinMonky

      Couldn't summon enough fairies with the clap.

  • memzilla

    Ah, the Tea Party: room-temperature IQs, boiling mad with rage, and steeping in their own venomous bile.

    • kittensdontlie

      Crud Phillips has overlooked the easiest way to sway votes at the Electoral gathering: free beer and strippers.

      • HouseOfTheBlueLights

        "room temperature IQ" ftw.

    • MegPasadena

      RT-IQs. Are they in Celsius or Fahrenheit?

      • memzilla

        °Kelvin. Everything else sounds furrin.

        • MegPasadena

          But you do know RT is about 300 in Kelvin?
          Maybe they are too smart for us to understand.

  • StealthMuslin

    Okay, next plan: Time Machine!

    • Bezoar

      Ya think they'll try to send a killer robot back in time to make sure Barry's mom doesn't make it with that Kenyan dude?

      • http://dismalpseudoscientist.wordpress.com Defeatably_Joe

        Wait, does that mean that Kyle Reese was Obama's REAL father, all along, and ghostwrote his biography?

        • HistoriCat

          That's silly – everyone knows Malcom X is Obama's real father.

          • http://dismalpseudoscientist.wordpress.com Defeatably_Joe

            So Malcom X was actually a time-travelling freedom fighter from the future?!

            That… that actually kinda works.

          • HistoriCat

            That's right – connect the dots and it all comes together.

  • mavenmaven

    This plan was brought to WND by special delivery from Acme Rocket Powered Products, Fairfield, NJ.

  • Blendergoathead

    Ah, this will make a fine Thanksgiving topic around the family table, 1/3 of who happen to be teabaggers. Good times!

    • memzilla

      Start the conversation with "So! How 'bout that election, huh?" and they'll be so busy bloviating and sputtering, you'll have plenty of time to snarf up as much food as you want.

      • Lizzietish81

        No, get a padded mail package and add address labels so the return address is the white house and when they ask what it is say "Oh, its the iphone I got for voting for Obama, I'm expecting the Porche next week"

    • Mondo_Cane

      just tell them you're 'sooooo glad the Christian won!!'

      • http://www.boskolives.wordpress.com boskolives

        Winner!!!

        • thatsitfortheother1

          Yup.

    • http://Wonkette.com DemmeFatale

      Godspeed, goat.

  • Allmighty_Manos

    Guess it's time to pull out the sharks with lazer beams on their heads

  • Negropolis

    And, he'd have gotten away with it, too, if it wasn't for your damned kids.

  • http://www.flickr.com/photos/30500320@N06/ DerrickWildcat

    Can't Conservapedia rewrite the Constitution to take out all of the Liberal Bias?

  • http://www.wonkette.com ChillBill

    The Constitution has a well-known Liberal bias.

    • Tommy1733

      True fact.

    • CthuNHu

      You're only saying that because it makes no mention of a deity and was written by people who overthrew the reigning imperial political order and engaged in unprecedented social engineering based on untested high-falutin' academic humanist political theories.

  • NorthStarSpanx

    That dear little man. Furrowing his brow, scratching his head, pacing the floors, up all night for days on end to find a solution to the mongoloidization of our nation with our first blah president.

    Eureka!

    The answer was in the constitution all along, and imagining himself to be a heroic Nick Cage, authoring that famous email to patriots the very way to take back our country in a way that will be regaled to our children's children* in plays much like George Washington chopping down that cherry tree.

    *Except not in schools, school's won't exist by then. Only Bob Jones Elementary Biblical Constitution SchoolsTM.

  • BaldarTFlagass

    That would have been a very cunning stunt indeed!!

    • Oblios_Cap

      By a running cunt?

      • Vecchiojohn

        Or a stunning runt?

    • Tundra Grifter

      What's the difference between a chorus line and a group of jesters?

  • Lot_49

    There's still the "faithless elector" gambit. If you can figure out who the hell these electors are, and get their phone numbers or email addresses, maybe you can call or text them enough information to persuade some of those pledged to Barry to switch their votes to Lord Mittens! Or Rand Paul!

    It could happen! On Saturn, maybe!

    • Roger_of_Arabia

      At first I thought kidnapping their children or grandchildren would work, but imagine this scenario: The RNC locates the unstable ex-lovers of 64 Obama electors (you know the kind who always seem to email you years after you told them to fuck off and that you never want to see them again), who then call the electors (crying) threatening to (falsely) tell the electors' spouses that they have been fucking them the whole time, and if that doesn't work they will kill themselves right there on the statehouse steps on election day if they they don't vote for Romney.

      • Lot_49

        Can't see any reason why this wouldn't be a complete success.

  • BadKitty904

    Based on the popular vote, "America" seems to be pretty OK with having a rational, statesman-like, black president.

    So, who, exactly, do these bozos think they are speaking for? Who is this "we"?

    • Bezoar

      Don't forget calm, competent, and effective. And, bonus, good taste.

    • thatsitfortheother1

      Rednex.

      • BadKitty904

        Guess it sux for them to be a minority, eh? Who'da thunk it?

    • ChessieNefercat

      Who is this we, you ask? Mostly the voices in their heads, I would imagine.

    • MosesInvests

      "We"=Real Umurkuns (White, male, straight, Christian).

    • CthuNHu

      "We" is everbody, numbnuts, everbody! Me, and Cletus, and Tiny, and Buford, and Bubba, and Jamal.

      Wait, Jamal's not down with this?

      Gonna be an awkward Thanksgiving.

  • http://dismalpseudoscientist.wordpress.com Defeatably_Joe

    This would be that "Constitutional Conservatism" I keep on hearing so much about, right?

  • Goonemeritus

    Fat bitter old white guys just need to focus on breeding to get their numbers up. I do however think the epidemic of erectile dysfunction in the non-Italian part of this community might hamper this plan.

    • LibertyLover

      Donald Trump has certainly played his part… having a child with each of his wives except the last one…

      Mitt Romney produced 5 strapping young un's.

      Sadly, Rush Limbaugh has not been pulling his weight.

      Perhaps the rich elite should get younger wives and procreate….

      • http://www.boskolives.wordpress.com boskolives

        Sorry to inform you but Rush Limbaugh has been pulling his weight, sadly you just can't recreate using those cute dark cabana boys as your sperm receptacle no matter how much Viagra you consume. Not that he's given up trying, yet.

      • HistoriCat

        The majority of them can't get younger wives, which is one of the reasons they are bitter.

      • ChessieNefercat

        Rush Limbaugh pulls his weight every time he heaves his ass out of his gigantic chair and lumbers over to the refrigerator.

    • Rosie_Scenario

      Donald Trump does have a child with latest wife — a son named Baron. A large, but shallow gene pool.

  • http://www.boskolives.wordpress.com boskolives

    They were right! In just two weeks since Obama stole the election our country has gone in the crapper. I look out the window and I can see America in flames.
    Why it's like….. wait a minute, crap, that's the barbeque.
    Never mind.

    • HouseOfTheBlueLights

      Better run to Wal-Mart for your 10% discount fire extinguisher.

  • natl_[redacted]_cmdr

    Mean Girl Ponies!

  • StillGoinGreen

    Tomorrow, I will spend my Thursday here in the Lone Star state, surrounded by my teabag, fundie, racist relatives. They will inevitably tell us how Barack HUSSEIN Obama HUSSEIN stole the election and how America is dying. They will also be the same aunts/uncles/cousins that I drove to the PP clinic in the 80's to "take care of that little problem" or to the south side of Fort Worth to "pick up some party favors". They will forget this, until I announce it loudly enough for everyone to know it is time to go home… then Thanksgiving will come to a close for another year – thankfully.

    • freakishlywrong

      Why go through it all? Jeeeze. Make reservations and take yerself outta that sitch. I'm sorry, it's sounds awful.

      • StillGoinGreen

        What, and miss "The Hillbilly Ho Show 2012"??!! I am always amazed by the fact that the only people NOT either receiving Gubbmint help or eligible for it are the only two people (families – mine and my bestie cousin, Mark) who stand up for it. That, and the fact that Mark ALWAYS brings the Makers Mark. Besides, my Mom has stage III lung/breast cancer and probably won't get too many more of these, so I will soldier on until she is gone – I probably will never see these foks again after she passes.

    • Roger_of_Arabia

      It's not a real family holiday until someone tearfully yells "I hate you and I always have!"

    • http://inappropriatejobpostings.blogspot.com/ fuflans

      may you be back in austin soon.

  • LesBontemps

    So dropping out of the college won't actually advance your plan? I wish someone had told me that 35 years ago.

  • SorosBot

    Why don't they just build a wormhole to actually go to that alternate reality they think they've been living in where Romney was somehow winning, global warming isn't real and the Earth is on 6000 years old?

    • AngryBlakGuy

      ..errrrr, because that would require the use of "actual science" as opposed to "Bible science". It would be like when they were first experimenting with transporter technology on Star Trek; huge piles of gelatinous blobs, that are screaming to be put out of their misery. Now that I think about it, he'll yeah!!!

      • BaldarTFlagass

        "Solid food hurts. So like a fly, Brundlefly breaks down solids with a corrosive enzyme, playfully called "vomit drop". He regurgitates on his food, it liquifies, and then he sucks it back up. Ready for a demonstration, kids? Here goes… "

        • AngryBlakGuy

          …all kidding aside, they should deport these ass-clowns to a wasteland shyt-hole(pronounced TEXAS) where they can practice the use of republican science(pronounced MAGIC) and no one with common sense will get hurt. Do they not realize that the same technology that runs their SUV's or that processes their crude oil(pronounced Jesus Jizz) is the the same science that proves the earth is a tad bit older than 10,000 years old!!!

          • HistoriCat

            You can lead a religious zealot to reality but you can't make them think.

          • BaldarTFlagass

            They think Johnson Space Center is a movie studio.

  • BaldarTFlagass

    To be fair, the guy has been reading a lot of Harry Turtledove lately and he got his real and fantasy Constitutions mixed up.

    • CapeClod

      He didn't notice that aliens didn't invade while WWII was happening? That would be kinda hard to miss.

  • AngryBlakGuy

    …if you can't win it, steal it! And when I say steal it I'm talking about "triple homicide home invasion" type shyt!

  • http://twitter.com/iburl iburl

    These pay-triots would see a real revolution if the popular and electoral votes were overturned by a body with a 17% approval rating to insert a man that the GOP has just spent two weeks bitching about. They should do it the old fashioned way, let the supreme court make some shit up to install Romney.

  • BadKitty904

    Also, nice shout-out, Dok, in the top header, to OldStarTrek! :0)
    http://gallery.wimetal.org/d/1210-1/I-see-what-yo

  • PsycWench

    I wonder if these people realize that Obama was elected in a democratic process involving voting and everything.

    • BadKitty904

      But…but…that CAN'T be! THEIR candidate didn't win!!!

    • LesBontemps

      Massive voter fraud, obvs. Didn't you see that New Black Panther holding the door for intimidating voters?

    • http://twitter.com/iburl iburl

      I think you may overestimate their appreciation for democracies where women and minorities have voting rights.

    • Doktor Zoom

      Only a fool would believe the election wasn't stolen. Patriots simply need to find a way to steal it back. You know, like one of those Loony Tunes chases.

    • ChessieNefercat

      But it was not democratic. They let *those* people vote when everyone knows only *real* Americans should be able to vote.

    • HouseOfTheBlueLights

      Except here in America everybody loses and the votes don't count.

    • http://sciencekick.blogspot.com valthemus

      Since no *real* American would vote for a Kenyan commie liar liar dirty liar type guy, obviously votes for Obama can't possibly count. Ipso facto ergo prima facia, Obama can not be our president. Q.E.D.

  • Aridzona

    Sharia law demands a Quran of electors!

    • http://twitter.com/iburl iburl

      All in favor say "ai-ai-ai-ai-ai-ai-ai-ai!!"

    • irishdave3

      I think that would be Sarah Yee Haw Law…

  • HobbesEvilTwin

    Somehow, someway, this "glitch" in the Constamatution is Obama's fault.

    • BadKitty904

      And is related to Benghazi.

      • chicken_thief

        It has Susan Rice's fingerprints all over it!!!!

    • oenspiek

      We've always known that the Kenyan Usurper has a time machine; how else could he have covered up his real birthplace?

  • smellyal8tr

    If this were possible, Dems would have done it in 2000 (and done it without telling everyone).

    • shelwood46

      If this were possible, it would have been done in pretty much every presidential election ever where the losing candidate was of the party that held the House.

  • randcoolcatdaddy

    This trick only works when Jefferson Davis is on the ticket.

  • CrunchyKnee

    2nd amendment footie pajamas and Hoverounds for all!!!

    • http://www.boskolives.wordpress.com boskolives

      Still waiting for the promised 2010 Reacharound.

  • Oblios_Cap

    If only there were a way that Rmoney's head could be transplanted onto Obama's body – keeping Obama's head, too – then we could realize our dream of having Zaphod Beeblebrox as our president!

    • ericthefredd

      You _did_ read about how well that worked out on a Galactic scale, right?

      It does bring up a good question though. If the President stole Air Force One, where would he fly it?

  • PsycWench

    After reading these posts, I am thankful that I will be spending Thanksgiving with just my husband and two kids, all of whom are liberal atheists who have no problem having baby back ribs instead of turkey.

    • BadKitty904

      What are you, some kinda radical?

      Wait. You said "ribs"? mmm…

    • chicken_thief

      We just add bacon to *modernize* the turkey.

    • Yellerdawg

      Snippet of actual conversation with my sister, post-election. She lives in one of the whitest white-bread communities I've ever seen in Colorado:

      "We are doing a lot of work on the house. We were going to get all new windows, but I told (hubby) we need to wait. You know there's going to be riots and unrest, and they would probably all be broken out."

      Me-(open mouthed, incredulous look)

      "Well, you know it's coming!"

      • Steverino247

        To complete her thought, she plans to have the insurance company cover the replacement windows.

    • HouseOfTheBlueLights

      I'll see your liberal atheists and add actual members of the Communist party. Who came to the U.S., made a bundle on the stock market, and then moved back to their communist homelands, where they live like kings. America!

  • James Michael Curley

    Dok, I love the Constitution. But it still reads best in the original Klingon.

    • MonkeyBiz

      Doesn't everything?

  • LibertyLover

    …Perhaps if they built a large wooden badger…

    Don't be silly, large wooden badgers don't give a sh*t.

    • Oblios_Cap

      Now, honey badgers are a different matter.

  • chicken_thief

    I'm shocked that WND took the post down and issued a correction. Like their followers actually give a rats ass about *facts*.

    *Sorry for the lack of snark. I'll try to add some later.*

    • BadKitty904

      Truly. When WND thinks your stuff is too crazy-ass to remain posted AND issues a correction, you're *really* off the edge of the maps…

      • MosesInvests

        "Here there be monsters."

      • Tundra Grifter

        You beat me to it. When Wing Nutz' Daily is The Voice of Reason, we're beyond the fringe.

        At least fringe is teathered at one end.

  • http://howtosavetheworld.ca/ BZ1

    Check this out: http://www.teapartyatsea.com/ Imagine a modern-day "Ship of fools".

    • BigSkullF*ckingDog

      They should be careful. Glaciers have a liberal bias.

      • BaldarTFlagass

        Hey, captain, steer the ship a little closer to the face of that glacier!! http://idealab.talkingpointsmemo.com/2012/02/anta

        • Nostrildamus

          A new Libertarian paradise?

      • http://dismalpseudoscientist.wordpress.com Defeatably_Joe

        That's why they're melting because of global warming! THEY'RE IN ON THE FIX!!! ::dons tinfoil::

    • glasspusher

      Victoria Jackson? Formerly of SNL? Another hottie ditz I can't fantasize about, or want to, because clearly she's proven to be way more of a ditz than she should be…

    • BaldarTFlagass

      I like how the F/A-18 Hornet multi-role fighter jets keep launching out of the cruise ship at the top. I spent time on an aircraft carrier when I was in the navy, and those people on that cruise ship are not going to like all that fucking noise.

    • TribecaMike

      Sponsored by Swiss America Trading Corporation ("Buy Gold!"), of course.

    • Steverino247

      DIPSHITS RIGHT AHEAD!!!

    • pdiddycornchips

      Can you imagine sitting down to a buffet dinner next to Joe miller, Victoria Jackson and Jerome Corsi ? They better hide the silverware.

  • Pragmatist2

    "Stupid is as stupid does"

  • BigSkullF*ckingDog

    Yes, but doesn't it say somewhere in the constitution that the president has to be white? DOESN'T IT????!

    • LibertyLover

      No, but according to the Constitution, a Blah President counts as only 3/5ths of a President, doesn't he? Shouldn't we get a refund on the other 2/5ths?

      • HistoriCat

        But PBO is half white, so you have to carry through the arithmetic on the fractions.

    • Pragmatist2

      Actually it says "White, Male, Christian and not Gay." I thinks it's in the Bill of Rights.

    • HouseOfTheBlueLights

      Um, actually, yes it does. They had to pass several amendments to get around that. AWKward.

  • Monsieur_Grumpe

    Oooooooh and he was soooooooo close.

    Even the WND commenters are calling him an idiot. That is pretty friggin low on the Moran Scale.

  • Estproph

    "…and if that plan fails, then whenever HUSSEIN Obummer passes another one of his commandments – I mean "laws" – then we'll all just stick our fingers in our ears and yell "LALALALALALALALAICANTHEARYOULALALALALALALA!" so that we never know what the new laws are! And if that doesn't work, then we'll all hold our breath until Obummer is forced to step down!"

  • Vecchiojohn

    Wait a minute. Does the moon have enough electoral votes to pout Romney over the top?

    • LibertyLover

      Silly. We don't have those moon colonies yet. Newt Gingrich was in charge of that.

    • Lizzietish81

      Yes, but it voted for Newt Gingrich.

  • Mahousu

    But you repeat yourself.

  • BigSkullF*ckingDog

    This Thanksgiving I am thankful that there are no republicans or teatards in my family.

  • Mahousu

    Plan B: get a Constitutional Sheriff to arrest all those Obama electors before they can vote.

  • CheeseNPear

    Tea Party Man : Great Scott! I just realized how we can foil the dastardly plot of our dusky adversary to be lawfully elected as our president!

    Tea Boy : What's that, Tea Party Man?

    TPMan : We only need to convince a little over one third of the electors to do nothing useful!

    TB : Egads! Do nothing useful! But that is the Tea Party Extremist's greatest skill!

    TPMan : Exactly! There's not a moment to lose! Quick, Tea-Boy, to the Tea-Cycles!

    TB : . . . You mean our Hoverounds?

    TPMan : . . . Yes. . . our Hoverounds.

    • HistoriCat

      I really do not want to see those two in tights.

  • http://dismalpseudoscientist.wordpress.com Defeatably_Joe

    Hearing everyone "look forward" to dinner with their wingnut families tomorrow, I am suddenly super-grateful that my grandparents are actually quite decently liberal, watch MSNBC but also think Joe Scarborough is a cock, and generally okay, except for that one small thing where they're a wee bit super-racist.

  • CapeClod

    Oh well, back to Glenn Beck's drawing board.

  • Redhead

    But but… but my minister and my Repugnicant legislator told me that if I don't like something, it must be either illegal or not real, and I KNOW they would never lie to me…

  • Pragmatist2

    Just wait until these guys find out that slavery has been abolished!

  • ttommyunger

    "Well then, armed insurrection! Yeah, that's the ticket! Armed insurrection! Hold on, somebody's at the door."

    • TribecaMike

      Quick, flush the bong, man!

      • ttommyunger

        Haard to flush an AR15 and 2,000 round of ammo, though.

  • ChessieNefercat

    Ever since the election I have this calliope sound coming out of my computer speakers whenever I am reading something that involves republican/teabagger/sore losers and their grave analysis (snort) of wha hoppen? and OMGZ the Kenyan is still here! and how do we convince all the people we've insulted that really they would love us if we could just get our message out?

    Is anyone else experiencing the same thing?

  • Pithaughn

    So they have given up on prayer?

  • TribecaMike

    So which house chooses the soup du jour?

  • smitallica

    Jesus Christ, Teatards. The horrible black man won. Again. Fucking deal with it.

  • mosjef

    Plan B: hold breath until demands are met. Plan C: repeatedly crap in own pants.

  • Biff

    You know what pisses me off? When I had an actual job and stuff, my immediate supervisor was able to read WND on our gummint-issued 'puter, but my wonkeet was websensed.

    THAT pissed me off.

  • Biff

    Another fuckin' electoral college drop-out, I see…

  • Barrelhse

    Can I stop clapping now?

  • shelwood46

    I was told by an arrogant little fuck that that passage just meant that rich people had to give up their wealth at death. Presumably by giving it to their spouse and children. Yeah, that makes sense.

    • Gayer_Than_Thou

      But not, apparently, through the Death Tax, which is unChristian and ungodly.

  • http://sciencekick.blogspot.com valthemus

    "… a guy who just loves the Constitution of the United States so much that he wakes up every morning with patriojizz all over his 2nd-amendment footie pajamas…"

    What kind of faustian deal do I have to make to be able to string together words like that?

  • pdiddycornchips

    Why don't they stick their fingers in their ears and stoop around while crying at the top of their lungs?
    That's what my two year old does when she doesn't get her way and it's oddly effective.

  • MonkeyBiz

    And they would have gotten away with it too, if not for those long-dead meddling Founding Fathers!

  • Roger_of_Arabia

    Maybe if the RNC can prove a coach of the electoral college football team is a child raping sicko they can use that to their advantage.

  • Gayer_Than_Thou

    There's a whole bunch of other amendments to the Constitution that nobody ever reads that might be useful. What about the 17th? Or the 3rd? I'm just brainstorming here, but you get the idea: pick a random part of the Constitution and run with it.

  • glamourdammerung

    So they are advocating a coup d'état. Which is fine with me as long as they get some drone strikes for their effort.

    Sometimes the Tree of Liberty has to be watered with the blood of fools and traitors.

  • Troglodeity

    I just don't understand how WND could put out something factually inaccurate.

  • decentcitizen

    But you see, that's just a technicality! That's what the Constitution is called when it leads to an outcome some folks disagree with. (as in "he got off on a technicality).

  • JustPixelz

    The Constitution. How does it work?

  • rickmaci

    Faith based constitutional interpretation. The Constitution is the inspired work of God and God told me what it says so I don't actually need to read any of them wurdz!!

  • ericthefredd

    Just for the record, I love my wingnut extended family and happily dine with them. I just find a quick exit at the earliest possible moment.
    It does help that I'm not actually a liberal (or a conservative). I just happen to love my country more than politics, so I vote for liberals and avoid discussing politics with my family.

  • littlebigdaddy

    It is as cunning as a fox what used to be Professor of Cunning at Oxford University but has moved on and is now working for the U.N. at the High Commission of International Cunning Planning.

  • Baba_NinjaCat12

    If that brillant plan didn't work, Phillips can always fall back on the good ole 2nd Amendment Remedy. Only if he gets past Secret Service and avoid his butt being sent to GITMO. It could….
    NEVER MIND!!!

  • NYNYNYjr

    In case we're voting: I don't mind occasional pictures of anime, but fuck these neo-my little pony things, whatever they are. They suck. They're stupid. I don't like seeing them. Fuck them.

  • GregComlish

    This happens to me all the time. At first I am looking really hard for the misunderstood ambiguity or the overlooked detail. I always believe that the information I am receiving is correct, but not complete. Then I discover the missing piece of information is actually just that right-wing dipshits make shit up all the time.

  • NothingMissing

    Ah, give him a break. You know the Tea Partiers never bother reading past the Second Amendment.