MORAL TURPITUDE WATCH  3:40 pm November 20, 2012

Niagara Falls Newspaper Owner Simply Does Not Care For Snarling Feminism Like ‘Snow White’

by Rich Abdill

OW MY BALLSDo you frequently find yourself longing for a simpler, quieter time? A time with less argument, less dissent? A time where pesky things like “women” were not all walking around, being humans?

Niagara Falls Reporter editor Frank Parlato is! He’s tired of women trying to be men, goddammit, with their having jobs, and not cooking things, and if a movie critic wants to review movies that challenge that, well, he’s gotta find another damn paper, because this paper is for real men.

Roger Ebert let the critic in question, Michael Calleri, go on for like 20 or 30,000 words about the whole ordeal, but this is the Internet, where that kind of thing is Frowned Upon. The email from Parlato to Calleri is the part that will make you want to face-punch a cute animal, for all the ridiculous misogyny, so that’s the part we are bringing to you on this, a day in the 21st century. We know, we know, the m-word is a big red flag for some liberal anthropology major whinefest, but this one is not made up and you should read it if you’re having a good day and would like it ruined immediately.

Here are the highlights. Words are entirely Parlato’s:

i have a deep moral objection to publishing reviews of films that offend me.

OK, we are already off to a bad start.

snow white and the huntsman is such a film. when my boys were young i would never have allowed them to go to such a film for i believe it would injure their developing manhood. if i would not let my own sons see it, why would i want to publish anything about it?

BECAUSE THAT IS YOUR JOB, NEWSPAPER MAN. Also, just wanted to take a second to point out the phrase “developing manhood.” What is going to stunt these poor delicate boy-manhoods?

snow white and the huntsman is trash. moral garbage. a lot of fuzzy feminist thinking and pandering to creepy hollywood mores produced by metrosexual imbeciles.

Ahhhh! Metrosexuals! Protect the developing manhoods!

I don’t want to publish reviews of films where women are alpha and men are beta.

where women are heroes and villains and men are just lesser versions or shadows of females.

i believe in manliness.

Just take a second to absorb that, then take another second to take your wallet out from between your teeth and let your jaw unclench. Thaaat’s it. Relax. There’s still more. Just move past the idea that believing in this brand of “manliness” also appears to mean believing in the subservience of women.

OK. Actually, you may want to bite down on that wallet again:

with all the publications in the world who glorify what i find offensive, it should not be hard for you to publish your reviews with any number of these.

they seem to like critiques from an artistic standpoint without a word about the moral turpitude seeping into the consciousness of young people who go to watch such things as snow white and get indoctrinated to the hollywood agenda of glorifying degenerate power women and promoting as natural the weakling, hyena -like men, cum eunuchs.

Hollywood! Egad! They want our boys to be girls and our girls to be humans! Who will stop them?

FRANK PARLATO, THAT’S WHO.

If you care to write reviews where men act like good strong men and have a heroic inspiring influence on young people to build up their character (if there are such movies being made) i will be glad to publish these.

i am not interested in supporting the reversing of traditional gender roles.

There’s nothing snarky to say here, really. Dude wants women to be at home, raising his children, with their delicate manhoods. He just said that, with his typey-fingers, and we are upset.

Don’t worry, though — Parlato has an explanation. He posted it on the newspaper’s website (which appears to have been made around the same time as his ideas on gender):

One of the problems with Calleri’s writing, and probably the main reason his movie reviews were hardly read, is that he lacks the fundamentals in sound thinking or logic.

OK, so that isn’t really a defense of anything. Do you regret saying that stuff, that mean, oppressive stuff?

For the record, if I knew Calleri was going to publish my off-the-record and, in parts, tongue-in-cheek email, I would have added capital letters and a couple of commas, but I wouldn’t have changed what I wrote.

Whoa. Really?

In fact I might have made the language even stronger.

OH COME ON FRANK.

I might remind the reader that the email does not say I would not consider reviews of films where men and women are both shown in an inspiring light. I am simply not interested in films that demean men, or men of a particular race.

White! He means white!

I did not say that women should have lesser courage or true, inner strength than a man. I merely said I do not have an interest in seeing men depicted as weaker, dumber, more cowardly or lower than women. In other words, no male bashing. And, consequently, no female bashing.

Is there a Pulitzer for fucked-up logic in the news? It looks like the Reporter just put itself in strong contention — Men should always be stronger than women, because women should not be bashed. Make a spot on the shelf!

He then goes on to tell a women to “consider not thinking of herself as a victim,” a guy to “consider a sex change,” and suggesting people who disagree with him “may have a deep-seated daddy issue.”

But yes, we are the ones who are the wrong sexes, with issues. [Romenesko]

 

Hola wonkerados.

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Also, if you are a new commenter, your comment may never appear. This is probably because we hate you.

{ 216 comments }

Callyson November 20, 2012 at 3:44 pm

when my boys were young i would never have allowed them to go to such a film for i believe it would injure their developing manhood

This guy thinks a film has the power to castrate someone? Jesus, the wingnuts just get dumber and dumber…

actor212 November 20, 2012 at 3:55 pm

I know I cross my legs anytime I see Adam Sandler on the screen

CommieLibunatic November 20, 2012 at 4:19 pm

Somebody probably shouldn't tell him about Teeth, then.

Redhead November 20, 2012 at 4:52 pm

Yeah, if I had boys I would NEVER let them go to the movies either. Much better to have them participate in MANLY things, like football – especially at those nice intensive programs like the one that fellow used to run, what's his name? Sandusky? Making sure all those boys could grow up to be nice manly men. Yeah, they'd be MUCH safer there.

Mojopo November 20, 2012 at 7:41 pm

In Niagara County, they've got all kinds! You know why? Love Canal. I'm from Niagara County, so…

I'm going to go right ahead and call Frank a giant meatball, because it's an educated guess, and he's an douchebag. Obvs.

SmutBoffin November 20, 2012 at 3:45 pm

Today, we are all "cum eunuchs".

Esteev November 20, 2012 at 4:02 pm

Can eunuchs do that? Science has gone too far.

Gleem McShineys November 20, 2012 at 5:23 pm

I think there might be some "cum hyenas" around here, as well.

BaldarTFlagass November 20, 2012 at 3:45 pm

"cum eunuchs."

Huh???

gullywompr November 20, 2012 at 3:55 pm

Unpossible.

sewollef November 20, 2012 at 4:27 pm

Imlikely. Also.

Blueb4sinrise November 20, 2012 at 4:24 pm

[okay, if no one else will....]
Band name?

Loch_Nessosaur November 20, 2012 at 3:46 pm

Parlato just wants to get banged by Captain America. Like the way it was done back in the 1950's.

starfanglednut November 20, 2012 at 3:46 pm

Imma rush off and watch that movie right now.

Low_Budget_Dave November 21, 2012 at 4:56 am

Good point. In the old Grimm version, Snow White had the personality of a plant. (In fact, the Price fell in love with her while she was in her "dead" period, in a glass coffin.)

If they turned Snow White into Jane Eyre, or at least Katniss, then I am one NetFlix away from a new favorite movie.

ManchuCandidate November 20, 2012 at 3:46 pm

Parlato is Grumpy in Italian?

red_kira November 20, 2012 at 4:45 pm

I think maybe it is 'sexist' in Italian.

Kinda makes me want an ice cream cone, though… so can it be all bad?

Callyson November 20, 2012 at 3:46 pm

i am not interested in supporting the reversing of traditional gender roles.

If any women work for this newspaper, I hope they get their hands on the salary distribution and the number of a good lawyer.

/asshole

CthuNHu November 20, 2012 at 5:06 pm

i am not interested in supporting the reversing of traditional gender roles.

Mrs. Parlato haz a sad.

NellCote71 November 20, 2012 at 9:58 pm

Me, too. I would contribute to a fund, in fact, now that Obama no longer seems interested in emailing me several times a day.

Biel_ze_Bubba November 20, 2012 at 11:45 pm

From the article, it sounds like the women are long gone … unless this Parlato goon likes to keep a secretary.

BaldarTFlagass November 20, 2012 at 3:47 pm

"I merely said I do not have an interest in seeing men depicted as weaker, dumber, more cowardly or lower than women."

Guess you don't watch any television sitcoms or advertisements, Frank.

Geminisunmars November 20, 2012 at 4:23 pm

Weaker, dumber, harder works for me.

Tommy1733 November 20, 2012 at 4:34 pm

Or read Wonkette, where all the men are weak and dumb and the women crack the whips, literally.

Defeatably_Joe November 20, 2012 at 4:52 pm

To be fair, the oafish everyman Beta-male is totally THE male sitcom character archetype, from the Honeymooners, through the Flintstones, to Homer Simpson. Of course, the entire POINT of that stock character is that it's a way to play to male anxieties about their own self-image (because some element of comedy is always rooted in discomfort or anxiety), not to mention that that it helps play into equally common male fantasy of a "mothering" spouse. So those tropes really only exist BECAUSE those things are totally completely written and directed with a male audience in mind.

Yeah, I was a Psych undergrad, why do you ask?

SoBeach November 20, 2012 at 5:14 pm

Works for the stories, but what about the commercials? In the commercials nearly every man is helplessly stupid and needs a woman to tell him what to buy and remind him to breathe. I've always just assumed that women are the audience for those…

Lascauxcaveman November 20, 2012 at 6:43 pm

The ads where the man is an incompetent oaf are mostly the ones selling stuff to the ladies. All the other ones, he's the Old Spice Guy or some sports star, or the guy with the nice truck, except in cases where there's the split: the beta male is presented as the hapless foil to Alpha male, with the suggestion that Alpha male is the user of the product being sold.

Yeah, I was an advertising undergrad, why do you ask?

Defeatably_Joe November 20, 2012 at 11:22 pm

Apparently the original Old Spice Guy was actually intended, for realzies, to be marketed to women?

It mostly just seemed to be marketed at young people with Internet-induced ADD.

ChapterUndVerse November 23, 2012 at 6:11 pm

Or participate in marriage, office work in general, or Big 8 (7, 6, 5, 4…) Accountacy in particular.

memzilla November 20, 2012 at 3:47 pm

Frank Parlato, the 1920s called, the New York Herald Tribune wants you back.

OzoneTom November 20, 2012 at 3:48 pm

There are going to be women with testiculos in the Senate.

Callyson November 20, 2012 at 3:48 pm

He then goes on to tell a women to “consider not thinking of herself as a victim,” a guy to “consider a sex change,” and suggesting people who disagree with him “may have a deep-seated daddy issue.”

Oh, for fuck's sake.

(Thought I might be able to go one day without the FFS tag, but I guess not…)

Goonemeritus November 20, 2012 at 3:48 pm

Hey journalists know only too well where this feminism will lead. Look at Newsweek, 50 years ago they capitulated to a bunch of skirts that wanted to write and now look at them they are shuttering their print edition.

asterixaverni November 20, 2012 at 3:48 pm

i believe in manliness.

Punctuation must cum from the devil.

Oblios_Cap November 20, 2012 at 3:52 pm

Commas are the Devil's splooge!

actor212 November 20, 2012 at 3:58 pm

I thought those were colons.

Oblios_Cap November 20, 2012 at 3:48 pm

damn. he must be a real fan of e.e. cummings.

widestanceromance November 20, 2012 at 3:53 pm

or he does not have a spare hand to reach shift

Lascauxcaveman November 20, 2012 at 4:10 pm

Or perhaps archy the cockroach has been reincarnated as an asshole?

Come here a minute November 20, 2012 at 3:49 pm

And now our Editrix Rebecca will get this fine gentleman, Mr. Parlato, a sammich.

actor212 November 20, 2012 at 3:56 pm

Men have two emotional states: horny or hungry.

So if he doesn't have an erection, make him a sandwich.

Esteev November 20, 2012 at 4:03 pm

You should write a book. Keep droppin' dat knowledge!

actor212 November 20, 2012 at 4:08 pm

*sipping herbal tea quietly*

Huh?

Esteev November 20, 2012 at 4:13 pm

I really hope you are*** hungry right now.

EDIT: I meant ARE… phew…

Chet Kincaid_ November 20, 2012 at 4:10 pm

Steve Harvey, is that you?! http://www.barnesandnoble.com/w/act-like-a-lady-t

actor212 November 20, 2012 at 4:23 pm

Rank amateur. He's only been divorced twice.

NellCote71 November 20, 2012 at 10:02 pm

Ain't that the truth. No. 1 reason I am single. Well, that and I am a bitch.

Botlrokit November 20, 2012 at 4:15 pm

A baloney sandwich, made of pig dicks.

docterry6973 November 20, 2012 at 6:17 pm

For some reason I would think long and hard before I asked our Editrix to go make me a sammich. Just sayin'.

PopeEdgardo November 20, 2012 at 7:55 pm

Long and hard. Heh heh. Heh heh.

Negropolis November 20, 2012 at 11:21 pm

Hopefully, it's a shit sammich, 'cause that's the only thing he deserves.

FlipFlopFuck November 20, 2012 at 3:49 pm

Get in the kitchen and start making me some turkey!!1!

NorthStarSpanx November 20, 2012 at 3:49 pm

Oh come on!

We all know the W's of journalism, What, When, Where and Why Should We Report It If We Find It Morally Objectionable?

Esteev November 20, 2012 at 4:18 pm

#5 = Women?!

Lionel[redacted]Esq November 20, 2012 at 3:50 pm

Girls will be boys and boys will be girls
It's a mixed up muddled up shook up world except for Lola
Lo-lo-lo-lo Lola

Kid_Charlemagne November 20, 2012 at 3:50 pm

What's his stand on "Peanuts"? Lucy is always pulling the football away from good ol' Charlie Brown.

Geminisunmars November 20, 2012 at 4:28 pm

The decline of manhood started when "Peanuts" began to be published. Also coincided with dogs getting smarter.

Negropolis November 20, 2012 at 11:22 pm

Obviously, Lucy is a spiteful bitch and Charlie should grow a pair and smack some sense into her. Duh.

skoalrebel November 20, 2012 at 3:50 pm

Y'know, American film has gone downhill since D W Griffith's Birth of a Nation. So, the guy has a point. [spit!] My own YouTube film career was inspired by Griffith's oeuvre, but I've always focused on more personal, intimate storylines. [spit!] The short vignettes are nice, but now I'm thinking that a full-length feature may be the way to go. Freedom!

jtinks November 20, 2012 at 4:17 pm

"Oeuvre"? That sounds furrin! GET 'IM, BOYS!

Lascauxcaveman November 20, 2012 at 6:48 pm

It's ok, because Rebs pronounces it "OH-vur."

Dudleydidwrong November 20, 2012 at 4:23 pm

Lillian Gish was sort of hawt in Griffith's film, and she was also kind of strong-willed, too. I guess that Parlato won't review this film for his puppy-training and bird cage-lining paper.

bobbert November 20, 2012 at 10:01 pm

Your persona is starting to slip.

gullywompr November 20, 2012 at 3:51 pm

Dude musta hated Wizard of Oz. Two females, fighting over shoes, three sniveling male sidekicks, and a male power figure who's power was completely stripped away… Total chick flick.

memzilla November 20, 2012 at 3:55 pm

"Deranged teenager flees home and murders the first person she meets. She teams up with three outcasts and continues her murder spree."

– film review, Wizard of Oz

gullywompr November 20, 2012 at 3:58 pm

I thought that was Hanna.

Lascauxcaveman November 20, 2012 at 6:49 pm

Now, that one would have been great as a musical.

Negropolis November 20, 2012 at 11:24 pm

Manslaughter libel! She didn't know that she was going to kill either witch!

actor212 November 20, 2012 at 3:51 pm

Wow. The NF Reporter actually has a crack political reporting staff and they're generally pretty liberal. This is a bit of a shock.

True story: The Niagra Falls Reporter was founded by Mike Hudson. Really astute American music fans will remember Mike Hudson from one of the seminal…heh!…punk bands, the Pagans.

ETA: He chimed in at the SunTimes piece:

Mike Hudson | November 20, 2012 3:43 AM | Reply
GUY WHO STARTED NIAGARA FALLS REPORTER CHIMES IN

I'm sitting in front of the fireplace in the bedroom of the house I bought on Mulholland near the intersection of Old Topanga Canyon Road with the money I made from selling the Reporter to Frank Parlato and laughing my ass off. My mutt chihuahua Rowena is looking at me funny.

I just got out of rehab 20 days ago, needed, I think, after having spent 14 years in Niagara Falls founding and editing the Reporter. The AA meeting tonight — in the Jeffrey Katzenberg Building at the Motion Picture Home down the street — was full of strong women and strong men and I was just glad to be there.

As for Mike Calleri and Frank Parlato, I think we're going to be hearing from them again.

And I don't mean a post card.

elviouslyqueer November 20, 2012 at 3:51 pm

Wow. Hurt pussy is extremely pussyhurt.

weejee November 20, 2012 at 4:02 pm

Because of no butthurt?

HistoriCat November 20, 2012 at 4:30 pm

I have tasted sweet, sweet pussy – Parlato is no pussy.

LibertyLover November 20, 2012 at 3:51 pm

So nice to know that Frank will soon be by to kill that spider in the bathtub.

Botlrokit November 20, 2012 at 4:17 pm

And his reward is to make him a fuck sandwich.

memzilla November 20, 2012 at 3:51 pm

i believe in manliness.

Hey Frank: if that's true, then why are you writing whiny self-absorbed 30,000 word crybaby girly-letters instead of punching the bejeebus out of who you're mad at?

editor November 20, 2012 at 10:25 pm

"i believe in manliness."

and i believe i can fly. point: just because you claim to believe something doesn't make it so.

Esteev November 20, 2012 at 3:51 pm

I assume this newspaperman isn't a fan of The Bird Cage.

Disassembly November 20, 2012 at 3:52 pm

dammit, capital letters are hard.

smokefilledroommate November 20, 2012 at 4:04 pm

i know, right?

Esteev November 20, 2012 at 4:05 pm

LOWER-CASE ONES ARE NO PICNIC EITHER!

PopeEdgardo November 20, 2012 at 7:58 pm

especially if yr typing one-handed

BaldarTFlagass November 20, 2012 at 3:52 pm

"i believe in manliness."

Frank, is this email a precursor to your coming out? It's okay, it gets better!

smokefilledroommate November 20, 2012 at 3:52 pm

Sounds like someone needs to Parlato his way from publishing into the right-wing blogosphere.

NellCote71 November 20, 2012 at 10:06 pm

I wondered when someone was going to pick up on the "parlato" part.

Lionel[redacted]Esq November 20, 2012 at 3:53 pm

Thank God someone is finally standing up for Men and all the discrimination we face.

bikerlaureate November 20, 2012 at 4:33 pm

He sees through the dastardly untruth that females can be smarter or more assertive than males – indeed, that they can be equivalent to men. Huzzah!

NellCote71 November 20, 2012 at 10:09 pm

I know. The last of the persecuted minorities. Those slave ships weren't just up to your Carnival Cruise standards were they? And relocation camps just don't have the amenities of a Club Med. The terroir, the terroir.

Defeatably_Joe November 20, 2012 at 3:53 pm

promoting as natural the weakling, hyena -like men, cum eunuchs.

So, one mild point in this guy's favor is that he decided to use one hell of an apt animal-kingdom-related simile, given that male hyenas totally actually are immasculated by female hyenas' giant lady-cocks.

On the other hand, I just accidentally disproved his entire bluh bluh bluh inverted gender roles are UNNATURAL thesis just now, so in the balance, I think he comes out behind.

weejee November 20, 2012 at 4:05 pm

I think Frankie is suffering from banana slug envy.

Defeatably_Joe November 20, 2012 at 4:08 pm

Aren't banana slugs the ones that are hermaphroditic, and also cannibalistic, and sometimes have trouble deciding which impulse they'd rather act on?

Yeah, I'm going to say that maybe nobody should envy the banana slug.

weejee November 20, 2012 at 4:17 pm

But hey, they get lots of invitations to enjoy mugs of beer and margaritas.

Chet Kincaid_ November 20, 2012 at 4:32 pm

I would have thought the lady hyenas would emasculate by gathering together and laughing at male hyenas' erections.

NellCote71 November 20, 2012 at 10:10 pm

I know I do.

calliecallie November 20, 2012 at 4:35 pm

he comes out behind…I see what you did there.

Guppy November 20, 2012 at 5:36 pm

OK, where's C_R_Eature with the cuttlefish commentary on your link?

elviouslyqueer November 20, 2012 at 3:53 pm

Um, Frank? A little Ben-Gay and a Z-pack or three will clear that seeping moral turpitude right up.

You're welcome in advance.

EQ

kittensdontlie November 20, 2012 at 3:54 pm

♫She's a lumberjack, and she's okay.
She sleeps all night and she works all day.
She cuts down trees. She wears high heels,
Suspendies, and a bra.
She wishes to be a girlie
Just like her dear mama. ♫ ♪

Chet Kincaid_ November 20, 2012 at 3:55 pm

Degenerate Power Women and the Cum Eunuchs toured together in '77, but then everyone in both bands died of Hep-C and smack overdoses.

Lascauxcaveman November 20, 2012 at 4:13 pm

Oh, yeah, I saw them at the Moore Ballroom on that tour. I remember impressive amounts of pus.

FlownOver November 20, 2012 at 4:30 pm

Fortunately they live on, in the animated Saturday morning cartoon.

EnnuiThereYet? November 20, 2012 at 9:01 pm

I loved Degenerate Power Women on Unplugged.

VodkaGoGo November 20, 2012 at 3:55 pm

Is dick envy a thing guys can have for strong women? This guy seems awfully preoccupied with stunted manhood.

actor212 November 20, 2012 at 3:58 pm

It would explain the lack of capital letters.

NellCote71 November 20, 2012 at 10:12 pm

Ooohhhh. Lit Crit 101.

SorosBot November 20, 2012 at 3:56 pm

So I guess he can't even watch Aliens, one of the greatest action movies of all time.

actor212 November 20, 2012 at 4:25 pm

Bill Paxton's the only pussy in that movie.

Esteev November 20, 2012 at 4:44 pm

FRED HAISE LIBEL

louiszwu November 24, 2012 at 12:02 pm

Oh, yeah. That little head tilt that Sigourney Weaver does, right before flaming the Queen's eggs, was hot.

not that Dewey November 20, 2012 at 3:56 pm

Just wait until he finds out about The Little Mermaid

Botlrokit November 20, 2012 at 4:02 pm

…or Beauty & The Beast. Bestial, independent women who read?! Pah! Enough of your lies!

Esteev November 20, 2012 at 4:14 pm

You mean the one about the woman who only loved the ugly guy when she found out he was rich?

Defeatably_Joe November 20, 2012 at 4:05 pm

That's the one where Ariel (which is totally a boy's name) sells her soul to grow a vagina, right?

Yeah, he might have had a problem with that one, come to think of it.

not that Dewey November 20, 2012 at 4:09 pm

which is totally a boy's name

SYLVIA PLATH LIBEL

Defeatably_Joe November 20, 2012 at 4:11 pm
Defeatably_Joe November 20, 2012 at 4:11 pm

Also, I have some sort of reaction to having Sylvia Plath as a BLOOD LIBEL reference, but I can't quite put words to what that reaction is…

not that Dewey November 21, 2012 at 7:54 am

Nevermind. It will come to you. Wait, do I smell gas? Did you leave the oven on?

Lascauxcaveman November 20, 2012 at 4:14 pm

He'd bust a vein if you made him watch Mulan.

CommieLibunatic November 20, 2012 at 4:34 pm

Or Legend of Korra, while we're in the quasi-Chinese neighborhood. Who needs to send sons when you have daughters like those?

edgydrifter November 20, 2012 at 3:56 pm

Frank Paralto hasn't approved of any movie since The Birth of a Nation, though he thought Boxing Helena had a few good scenes.

BaldarTFlagass November 20, 2012 at 3:56 pm

Guess he won't be reviewing the BluRay release of "Thelma and Louise."

gullywompr November 20, 2012 at 3:56 pm

The War on Men must cease.

JustPixelz November 20, 2012 at 4:05 pm

We are powerless before wymyn's superior abstinence skills.

Lascauxcaveman November 20, 2012 at 6:54 pm

Oh, that kind of war?

Shit, I surrender, ladies.

PopeEdgardo November 20, 2012 at 8:01 pm

Yeah. Girls are mean!

LibertyLover November 20, 2012 at 3:57 pm

"Just move past the idea that believing in this brand of “manliness” also appears to mean believing in the subservience of women."

Let me get this straight… he wants women to be subservient to men, but not consider herself a victim that she cannot have self determination. Got it.

weejee November 20, 2012 at 4:10 pm

Two steps behind except in a mine field, where it is 10 steps ahead.

♪♫ Hey Mr. Taliban
Go play with your banana ♫♪

Botlrokit November 20, 2012 at 4:21 pm

This is one of the reasons why I want my daughter to take at least one feminine studies class before graduating.

jello_mold November 20, 2012 at 3:57 pm

Whoa, wonder what WonderDude does when he has a real problem, like when he breaks a shoelace.

Antispandex November 20, 2012 at 3:57 pm

Niagara Falls ! Slowly I turned, step by step…

Blueb4sinrise November 20, 2012 at 3:58 pm

I'll bet Jesus' General actually wrote that .

Joshua Norton November 20, 2012 at 3:58 pm

Dude wants women to be at home, raising his children, with their delicate manhoods.

How do you think it's escaped their notice that todays cost-of-living requires that both parents work to just make ends meet?

If they could reset the world's economy back to a time when a family of 4 could live comfortably on Dad's $5,200 annual income, I may listen.

BoroPrimorac November 20, 2012 at 4:35 pm

But, but the free enterprise system has pulled more people out of poverty than any other economic system ever invented.

SorosBot November 20, 2012 at 3:59 pm

"If you care to write reviews where men act like good strong men and have a heroic inspiring influence on young people to build up their character (if there are such movies being made)"

Movies where strong manly men are the heroes? Yeah, they hardly make those any more, that only describes like 90% of the films made today.

MissTaken November 20, 2012 at 4:09 pm

What about Iron-Woman and Countess America? Huh?

Grokenstein November 20, 2012 at 7:54 pm

Yeeeah, but there's women in those films that can take care of themselves, so bewwwwwww.

He's looking for stuff like Mel Gibson's "The Patriot," where wimmens and childrens are helpless rape-and-murder fodder, serving their Greater Purpose, in which their horrible deaths give Mel the Rage Points he needs to Power Up and beat the Top Boss.

BoroPrimorac November 20, 2012 at 4:38 pm

I bet Frank Parlato has seen "300" more than twenty times.

An_Outhouse November 20, 2012 at 5:29 pm

Lincoln is soooo effeminate.

actor212 November 20, 2012 at 3:59 pm

Today, we are all hyena-like men

Lascauxcaveman November 20, 2012 at 3:59 pm

.

Sounds like mr newspaper editor man is on his.

Mumbletypeg November 20, 2012 at 4:00 pm

Does this guy have any daughters he didn't already force his wife to abort or something?
For that matter — who would want to breed with someone with as much loathing for the opposite sex as Mr. Parlato seems to have .

not that Dewey November 20, 2012 at 4:05 pm
MissTaken November 20, 2012 at 4:01 pm

snow white and the huntsman is trash. moral garbage. a lot of fuzzy feminist thinking and pandering to creepy hollywood mores produced by metrosexual imbeciles.

Damn, even the sparkly vampire isn't this pissed at K-Stew for fucking her director.

Defeatably_Joe November 20, 2012 at 4:03 pm

Right, but sparkly metrosexual vampires are PART OF THE PROBLEM.

Also, too.

SorosBot November 20, 2012 at 4:08 pm

He took her back because it was TRUE LOVE, and it was just a coincidence that it was just before the final movie premiered because there's no way they would pretend to be a couple again on the studio's orders to promote the film or anything.

Wadisay November 20, 2012 at 4:01 pm

My guess is Frank Parlato hasn't had sex (other than with himself) in a very, very long time.

Abernathy November 20, 2012 at 4:02 pm

Hey Parlato, I got something that will injure your manhood right here.

LibrarianX November 20, 2012 at 4:02 pm

I guess we can forget about any quiche recipes.

JustPixelz November 20, 2012 at 4:03 pm

Mr. Paralto may not like this, but I've learned (the hard way) that the six little words every woman wants to hear are "yes dear, whatever you say dear".

Tommmcatt_Again November 20, 2012 at 4:04 pm

The best way to have people question your manliness is to publish essays stating how much you believe in it.

Also, too, "cum eunuchs". Somebody get Lindsay Graham on the phone.

Crank_Tango November 20, 2012 at 4:05 pm

Hey dickhead, if your manliness is threatened by strong women, movies, black presidents, etc., YOU'RE NOT A REAL MAN.

FlownOver November 20, 2012 at 4:33 pm

TODD RUNDGREN LIBEL!

SayItWithWookies November 20, 2012 at 4:05 pm

If you care to write reviews where men act like good strong men and have a heroic inspiring influence on young people to build up their character (if there are such movies being made) i will be glad to publish these.

Mr. Parlato should be thanked for his various candors* on this important and pressing issue, as well as admired for his wordiness — Koko, as I recall, had a vocabulary of only about 120 words, so either the primates they're working with are getting better or their teaching techniques are.

*and yes, candor does have a plural form, which makes it seven letters long, apropos of nothing.

Mumbletypeg November 20, 2012 at 4:22 pm

"candors"

You got away with that one at Scrabble by the skin of your teeths~

SayItWithWookies November 20, 2012 at 4:39 pm

Best way to start off the game — with unanimous uproar over my grammatical flim-flammery.

Dudleydidwrong November 20, 2012 at 4:38 pm

And if the NF paper hires an infinite number of Kokos and buys an infinite number of word processors they might someday turn out an opinion piece worth reading.

zedbot November 20, 2012 at 4:05 pm

Go make me a sammich, Dinks.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Planet_Earth_(TV_pil

Botlrokit November 20, 2012 at 4:05 pm

If he's that afraid, he should keep his kids from watching The Ten Commandments. Moses goes up a mountain to get directions, and comes back with a "honey do" list.

Jus_Wonderin November 20, 2012 at 4:06 pm

I might respectfully inquire. What the fuck crawled up your fuckin' ass?

SorosBot November 20, 2012 at 4:07 pm

So just how small is this man's dick anyway?

BigSkullF*ckingDog November 20, 2012 at 4:14 pm

I'm a microbiologist and I can't even find it.

Crank_Tango November 20, 2012 at 4:47 pm

All of it, katie?

Doktor Zoom November 20, 2012 at 4:08 pm

Fuck. MRA's are buying newsapers now?

MadBrahms November 20, 2012 at 8:09 pm

How did they escape our careful efforts to confine them to Reddit? Foiled.

Abernathy November 20, 2012 at 4:09 pm

"if there are such movies being made"

Um, seriously? You have trouble finding misogynist movies? Lemme recommend a thousand or two.

DerrickWildcat November 20, 2012 at 4:09 pm

Kristen Stewart is in that movie.

An_Outhouse November 20, 2012 at 5:31 pm

I saw it. Is she the one with the boobs? or was she the witch?

Aridzona November 20, 2012 at 6:53 pm

She was acting like Stewart Kristen though. That's the problem.

Lionel[redacted]Esq November 20, 2012 at 7:11 pm

Wait. She can act?

vulpes82 November 20, 2012 at 4:09 pm

Apparently, the height of manliness involves a complete lack of capitalization. Thankfully, I'm a godless heathen sodomite sissy who can type!

BaldarTFlagass November 20, 2012 at 4:10 pm

It would be very ironic if one of his sons were to come out of the closet. And then go trans.

BigSkullF*ckingDog November 20, 2012 at 4:13 pm

These poor white men just don't know what to do now that they are not in charge. Except whine and shit their pants. They seem to have that down.

LesBontemps November 20, 2012 at 4:13 pm

And then he stormed off, shouting, "Great Caesar's ghost!"

CarnyTrash November 20, 2012 at 4:13 pm

I guess that means Mr. Parlato won't be publishing those reviews of pegging videos I sent him.

BloviateMe November 20, 2012 at 4:13 pm

He HATED Thelma & Louise, until the happy ending.

rickmaci November 20, 2012 at 4:14 pm

"I merely said I do not have an interest in seeing men depicted as weaker, dumber, more cowardly or lower than women."

I wonder what the asshat has to say about that whole Adam and Eve arc in Genesis?

Dudleydidwrong November 20, 2012 at 4:43 pm

And Adam responded, "Fuck you, Eve! I ain't eatin' that goddamn apple." And he grabbed Eve's long, blonde hair and dragged her off to the nearest dinosaur transit stop so they could quickly get home where she made him a sammich.

SayItWithWookies November 20, 2012 at 4:15 pm

If I remember one of those manly-man movies correctly, the only professions for a real man would be rock star, fighter pilot or president of the United States. I don't see newspaper editor in that list, and I'm sure Mr. Parlato would respect the opinion of all-American masculine icon Tom Cruise. So what's his damn excuse?

Cheburashka64 November 20, 2012 at 4:17 pm

You know what movie isn't a threat to his manliness? Spartacus.

Q_R_DeNameland November 20, 2012 at 4:17 pm

Oh I get it — it's the dwarfs he is objecting to. You know, they all live together in a little house, sing in a chorus, etc.

Mahousu November 20, 2012 at 4:17 pm

From what I can recall of the movie, it mostly seemed to consist of Kristen Stewart standing around looking vaguely bored. Is that the inherently masculine role being usurped?

CommieLibunatic November 20, 2012 at 4:17 pm

For the record, if I knew Calleri was going to publish my off-the-record and, in parts, tongue-in-cheek email, I would have added capital letters and a couple of commas, but I wouldn’t have changed what I wrote.

Internet tip for Mr. Parlato: Unless a giant stone dog is about to eat your face, or you're an eagle, take the fucking time to type properly.

SorosBot November 20, 2012 at 4:23 pm

This guy makes J. Jonah Jameson look like a good and fair editor and publisher.

Yellerdawg November 20, 2012 at 4:26 pm

Good to see that the old-fashioned gritty, drunk-by-9:00 a.m., blacked-out-before- lunch type of masculine newspaper man still exists.

joobajooba November 20, 2012 at 4:28 pm

Nice comment on Romenesko from "Fran (real name?!) Fried" "
I'm looking at the thumbnails that accompany your post. When did Vladimir Putin buy an American newspaper? …"

MonkeyMotion November 20, 2012 at 4:35 pm

I just hate when women play the victim card.

Wait a minute…

mustangsavvy November 20, 2012 at 4:40 pm

I love men who are so manly that their manliness must be protected at all times from….everything. That might easily overcome their manliness and render them….heaven forbid…gay. Or, worse: a woman.

Geez. What a dickhead.

outragedcitizen November 20, 2012 at 4:49 pm

Did this guy just get transported from the 1950s?

Hell, I'm a 66 years old man and I love seeing women kicking the living crap out of bad guys!

Also, wow, racist much?

HouseOfTheBlueLights November 20, 2012 at 4:56 pm

It has to be said– you know who else had a delicate manhood?

natl_[redacted]_cmdr November 20, 2012 at 5:14 pm

"I merely said I do not have an interest in seeing men depicted as weaker, dumber, more cowardly or lower than women."

Better get rid of all of your fucking mirrors then, Frank.

An_Outhouse November 20, 2012 at 5:28 pm

I just rented Snow White and the Huntsman last weekend. I also just got an early Xmas present in the form of a recliner. Apparently the recliner comes with an OFF switch that works on me. I thought the dwarves kicked ass then I fell asleep. Maybe the witch's spell was too authentic. What does that say about women? or me? I have a headache.

TribecaMike November 20, 2012 at 5:29 pm

You would think an old newspaperman could easily find an editor. What a windbag.

An_Outhouse November 20, 2012 at 5:29 pm

James Bond is a lesbian?

Baconzgood November 20, 2012 at 5:33 pm

I agree with this chap. Seriously, what kinda Snow White remake doesn't have the dwarfs anal gang bang her. Dudes, Prince Charming didn't even blow his wad all over her fact!

REMAKE FAIL!!!!

bobbert November 20, 2012 at 10:17 pm

Ah, there must be a half dozen Snow White parody pornos.

I want to see somebody do the Neil Gaiman version.

Guppy November 20, 2012 at 5:39 pm

Was anybody else fervently hoping this was Niagara Falls, ON instead of Niagara Falls, NY?

TRW Observer November 20, 2012 at 5:41 pm

To sum up, he is against movies depicting men in a negative light, and also against movies depicting women in a negative light. So… no movies with negative characters in them, then?

docterry6973 November 20, 2012 at 6:19 pm

i believe in manliness.

But evidently not in Freud.

Nostrildamus November 20, 2012 at 6:56 pm

Cum Eunuch Libel !!!

barto November 20, 2012 at 7:20 pm

I find strong women sexy. Does that make me gay? Probably, since obviously they're just women trying to be men! QED

clblabin November 20, 2012 at 7:34 pm

Haha, "cum eunuch."

Beowoof November 20, 2012 at 7:37 pm

You realize this is Carl Paladino country and Frank sounds like a Carl supporter.

marinmaven November 20, 2012 at 7:47 pm

Dear Frank,
Your dinner is in the freezer.
Kisses,
Maven

Grokenstein November 20, 2012 at 7:49 pm

Well, this helps explain the Pony Haters.

I mean, I already knew it was all about insecurity and malformed weenises, but it's very unusual for someone to openly admit to same.

ttommyunger November 20, 2012 at 7:54 pm

This manly-man better enjoy it while he can: that mail-order bride he bought from the Phillipines is going to learn of the little-known domestic benefits of anti-freeze one day soon and it will lights out, muthafucka.

decentcitizen November 20, 2012 at 7:57 pm

Apparently, it's unmanly to capitalize. Who knew?

MadBrahms November 20, 2012 at 8:19 pm

I always would have guessed that lower case would be more unmanly. Why talk like a sissy when you can yell and demonstrate to the world just how in-command of your massive cock you are?

MadBrahms November 20, 2012 at 8:12 pm

A huge round of applause to Parlato from those of us who teach on gender / masculinity for providing an example for the ages of male insecurity. Brava! I mean Bravo! O! Don't lose sleep over it, Frankie.

Lazy Media November 20, 2012 at 8:52 pm

Capitalize, you sonofabitch! It's not that goddam hard!

Barrelhse November 20, 2012 at 9:41 pm

Fucking guy types like 'Archy and Mehitabel.'

BZ1 November 20, 2012 at 10:31 pm

Parlato also seems to have an aversion to grammar, punctuation and the like.

Negropolis November 20, 2012 at 11:18 pm

And, he's going to get fired when, again?

Negropolis November 20, 2012 at 11:37 pm

BTW, I love how he goes from just insulting women and claiming male victimization, and then in his "apology" can't help himself by then narrowing it even smaller to white men. Not exactly a surprise, but we know people like this coming and going. That entire email is a case study of modern American "conservatism."

solrobins6 November 21, 2012 at 12:52 am

My only response to this is incredulous grunting. Like uhhuhuhuuhahaa? guhfughgugh!

And so on. Even as I type this, I cannot stop doing it.

Buffalopundit November 21, 2012 at 7:08 am

If you want some more background on Mr. Parlato's thoughts about manliness and manmaking, click here: http://blogs.artvoice.com/avdaily/2012/11/19/niag

Stevola November 21, 2012 at 8:24 am

On the other hand, Metrosexual Imbeciles would be a great band name

redarmyzombie November 21, 2012 at 3:13 am

You have no, no idea how true that last statement is…

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