class-war trump-style

Trump’s Vegas Restaurant Gains Popularity Among Bacterial Culture Community

i'm a fancy boyIt’s been roughly twenty minutes since our boy Donald Q. Worthington Trump has been in the news, so here’s some background in case you’re unfamiliar with the underreported saga of everyone’s favorite honey-tinted quaff:

The Donald is a massively successful businessman who owns pretty much everything you could imagine owning. Trump is also a popular dissident against a government so radically Socialist it prevents people from being free and owning things. He mastered the art of smelling Kenyans in the late ’90s atop a mountain in Nepal, huddled around a stack of King magazines while sniffing sample patches of sandalwood cologne. Since then he’s achieved enlightenment, reaching the level of MASTER BIRTHER. And he would have been President too, if it weren’t for those meddling kids and their stupid dog.

So what’s The Donald up to now? Sticking it to the LIBRIL FASCISTS by ignoring those pesky and oppressive laws that require restaurants to serve people safe food, that’s what! Sure, the Trump International Hotel in Las Vegas had its steakhouse shut down temporarily after logging 51 health code violations during a regular inspection, but can you prove they weren’t planted by the Obama cartel? Besides, we’re positive it’s still the best place on The Strip to mumble about government takeovers with a mouth full of moldy yogurt. Five stars for that, right?

While ready-to-eat food can be stored for up to seven days, inspectors at DJT reported finding the old caviar and yogurt, duck that dated back to June, veal stock and tomato sauce that was almost two weeks old, and expired peanut dressing and black bean chili.

Inspectors found no measures to destroy parasites in undercooked halibut and salmon, and noted that raw tuna was being improperly thawed. Icicles were found in a faulty freezer.

NOT THE CAVIAR! Why is Donald Trump class-warring like that??!?1!

Maybe the food could be a little more, well, fresh, but these issues wouldn’t exist if ObamaCare hadn’t violently murdered half the restaurant’s staff in their sleep. Why, before ObamaCare you could hire twenty people just to check expiration dates in your restaurant – that shit is hard, and without dedicated staff to give labels a cursory glance and throw out outdated material, we’ll likely all be stuffing our faces with expired meat and tainted dairy any day now. No restaurant is safe –- if a TRUMP establishment isn’t immune, you have to expect a thousand years of Obamacare darkness at your local Denny’s and Applebee’s to begin at any moment.

Luckily, the restaurant was able to restore its “A” grade and resume operation within a few hours, so Trump can continue to focus on the Kenyan spotting and calculated pouting that will pave the way for his White House run in 20LOL.

[HuffPo]

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  • Tequila Mockingbird

    If there be a God, Trump's restaurants will go the way of Guy Fieri's in Times Square.

    • Crank_Tango

      I don't recommend the Donkey Sauce at either establishment.

      • malsperanza

        Gotta love the squid rings, though. Who doesn't love a squid ring?

    • http://dismalpseudoscientist.wordpress.com Defeatably_Joe

      History's Greatest Monster.

    • sullivanst

      The Times review of Fieri's venture will probably drive more customers there to see if it really is that bad (it probably isn't) than an enthusiastic endorsement would have.

      Weeks old veal stock, on the other hand, is not much of a draw.

      • http://simplyleftbehind.blogspot.com/ actor212

        Oh come on! It's aged veal!

        • bobbert

          Vealthuselah!

    • BigSkullF*ckingDog

      Every fat midwestern tourist in manhattan will go there just to get back at the elitist liberal media. And they will think its the best meal they've ever had because they don't know any better.

      • glamourdammerung

        Every fat midwestern tourist in manhattan will go there just to get back at the elitist liberal media. And they will think its the best meal they've ever had because they don't know any better.

        Why do you hate diarhe…er, Freedom Squirts?

    • CapeClod

      How's the grilled crow in Trumps place?

  • SorosBot

    Trump's also been wearing expired hair for over two decades.

    • coolhandnuke

      Piss colored cotton candy, named after Trump's coif, is a kids menu favorite at his Vegas restaurant.

    • Boojum

      I've seen that same "hair" insulating my basement.

      • glasspusher

        Polyisocyanurate LIBEL!

        • memzilla

          Unlike debt issued by Trumpistan, polyisocyanurate has a high bond strength.

          • glasspusher

            Well played. Also, unlike Trump, it eventually stops foaming!

          • memzilla

            "Nice retort," he said to the chemist.

          • http://www.boskolives.wordpress.com boskolives

            Laboratory Libel, me thinks

    • malsperanza

      But I didn't realize he was also serving it as a gourmet treat. With cheese.

  • HRH_Maddie

    You probably deserve food poisoning from eating rancid beans if you spend money in a Trump establishment.

    • T3rbo

      Not only do you deserve it, poor people CANNOT GET the type of food poisoning that you can. Think about the food poisoning that someone like mitt romney could get-rancid unicorn meat, white tiger soup that is 14 days old….

      • HRH_Maddie

        It's true. I'm sure if Romney even drank milk that was on-the-turn he'd end up in the hospital. Weak stomach and such.

      • Negropolis

        The food poisoning; It'll be UGE!

      • not that Dewey

        People should get only as much food poisoning as they can afford.

    • Lascauxcaveman

      I don't know about deserving food poisoning, but if

      a) you ever catch me in Las Vegas

      and

      b) I'm within a 1000-ft radius of Yoghurt

      please shoot me.

    • BoatOfVelociraptors

      Trump serves up the greatest, gassiest meals in the world!

  • Fairtackle

    The best Kitchen Nightmares ever.

    • Tequila Mockingbird
      • http://wonkette.com/ weejee

        But the Donald is serving lamb chancres not shanks. Still with the mint jelly?

      • natl_[redacted]_cmdr

        "Fuck off will you please, yeah?" At least he was polite about it. I mean, he did say "please."

  • T3rbo

    I only went to Vegas once, and it seemed like a big horrible shopping mall where you can waste money on gambling and whores and be a big dumb fat ugly american. Is the Trump Hotel and Bacteria Farm a part of something like this? Do they let you actually piss on homeless people there in the restaurant while eating your old expired elitist nouveau rich person food? Hopefully so

    • MissTaken

      Notice the complete lack of the word 'casino' in Trump International Hotel in Las Vegas. Trump can't even open a casino in Vegas. Not sure about the whores, but you can't even waste money on gambling at his big horrible shopping mall. What an idiot.

      • T3rbo

        How unfortunate. Does the TRUMPPLEX at least have bum fights?

      • http://www.wonkette.com Lionel[redacted]Esq

        Trump has problems opening whores in Vegas too. They have some standards.

        • MissTaken

          Unlike Trump, whores in Vegas take measures to destroy parasites.

          • AznMom420

            Unlike trump, whores in vegas have a union.

          • Chichikovovich

            What was it Dorothy Parker said about prostitutes and bacteria?
            "You can lead a horticulture…."

    • Crank_Tango

      Money spent on whores is never wasted.

      • T3rbo

        unless that whore is karl rove….

        OT: Moombathon

        • Crank_Tango

          turdblossom is the ultimate GFE–he will tell you anything you want to hear, for a price…oh yeah, sure we're gonna win Ohio, lemme get the Fix in… oh yeah…

    • Callyson

      it seemed like a big horrible shopping mall where you can waste money on gambling and whores and be a big dumb fat ugly american.

      In other words, it's just like Wall Street.

      • SorosBot

        I read a book (and saw a movie based on it) about Las Vegas once, and apparently it's full of fat ugly Americans who morph into lizard people if you stare at them too long.

        • memzilla

          DR. HUNTER S. THOMPSON LIBEL ENCOMIUM!!!

    • FeloniousMonk

      The first time I lose I drink whiskey, second time I lose I drink gin. Third time I lose I eat tainted caviar, 'cause I know I'm goin' to win. Good place for a $1000 wedding, though.

      • DahBoner

        $1000 Wedding

        Great punk band name! And why so much?

        • FeloniousMonk

          It's another Gram Parsons song. Music for crying into your beer.

    • SoBeach

      it seemed like a big horrible shopping mall where you can waste money on gambling and whores and be a big dumb fat ugly american.

      I've got a crush now.

    • IceCreamEmpress

      You haven't been to Las Vegas recently, then, because it is wall to wall Chinese tourists. It's kind of lovely, really, to see Chinese tourists bellowing slowly and patiently in Chinese at people who only speak English or Spanish or Kreyol.

      I'm kind of digging the twilight of the Amurrican century. Fortunately I'll probably be dead before we get to the Spain phase of the lost empire cycle.

      • T3rbo

        The only time I was in Vegas was to escort some Chinese business-persons around for the SEMA show. The big cheese got a gucci wallet and said "Oh, yes." A million times to the help, and we ate at Denny's every day. I assumed that the gentlemen would want to go to the strip clubs, but fortunately, the most fluent of them told me he didn't like to ride the bus, he liked having his own personal car (his words). Ironically, I put that one on a Greyhound bus to California to visit relatives-ever seen the greyhound station in Vegas? It looks like a mad max movie.

  • HRH_Maddie

    Bacteria is about the only culture you'll get from any Trump encounter.

    • NellCote71

      Wish I could give you more upfists for that one.

    • PopeEdgardo

      "When I hear the word Trump, I reach for my gun" – Hermann Goring

    • Aquarianne17

      And he most likely charges extra for it.

  • http://www.southsidejohnny.com/ Jukesgrrl

    He knows he's going to have to pay higher taxes in the future, so he's hoarding food.

    • http://dismalpseudoscientist.wordpress.com Defeatably_Joe

      The gov'mint is going to come for all of his gold, because instead of keeping his Ameros in commemorative Goldline medallions, he instead decided to store it in giant letters that spell out his name, which he fashioned to the sides of all of his buildings.

      Such a classic money-management mistake!

      • http://www.southsidejohnny.com/ Jukesgrrl

        With a special spotlight to make it shine more.

        • http://dismalpseudoscientist.wordpress.com Defeatably_Joe

          You can never have too many spotlights! Have enough of them, and they practically earn back the money you spend on them!

          Only, make sure to use actual halogen bulbs that get so hot you could double as a stove for your rancid food, and none of those namby-pamby CFL bulbs: Real Americans can tell the difference.

          • BoatOfVelociraptors

            Screw that noise. Give me LEDs and lasers. Perhaps even an arc lamp. Filaments are for pussies!

      • sati_demise

        All his money is 'leveraged'. he has a pocket full of debt!

    • PsycWench

      Isn't it about time he traded in the current wife? That can get expensive too.

      • http://www.southsidejohnny.com/ Jukesgrrl

        The current Eastern European Hawt Wife is earning her keep.She's hawking a line of faux-expensive watches on one of the home shopping networks.You, too, can look like someone with an account in the Cayman Islands.

  • sati_demise

    Donald Trumps 15 minutes of fame expired decades ago.

    • SuspectedDemocrat

      More proof he pays no attention to expiration dates. (see also: hairpiece, roadkill)

  • OkieDokieDog

    I'm surprised that The Donald didn't give that old caviar to the poors. I'm sure he could have gotten a huge tax deduction.

    • Mojopo

      How do you know when caviar is spoiled? Does it taste like marshmallows?

      • bobbert

        It morphs into tiny belugas?

    • tessiee

      a huge YOOOOGE tax deduction.

    • Gayer_Than_Thou

      I'm sure expired caviar was part of the $5 million that Trump was going to donate to charity in exchange for Obama's elementary school report cards, or whatever it was. No wonder he was in such a hurry to get the deal done! He had a walk-in fridge full of caviar past the sell-by date that he needed to unload.

  • nounverb911

    Watch Donald make the bacteria go bankrupt.

  • http://www.boskolives.wordpress.com boskolives

    In closing, my final argument for retroactive abortions is, was, and always will be Mr. Donald Trump. Thank you. Please tip over the waiter on your way out. I'll be here until I can retire or die, which ever comes first.

    • bobbert

      Don't try the veal.

      • http://www.boskolives.wordpress.com boskolives

        You'll notice that I left that out of the Borscht Belt Comedian closer. I'll never try the veal from a restaurant owned by a heel.

  • Grokenstein

    "Luckily, the restaurant was able to restore its 'A' grade and resume operation within a few hours…"

    WHAT

    • natl_[redacted]_cmdr

      Yeah, shouldn't they be on some sort of probation for a while? Maybe they could make sure they keep things clean for at least a week or something.

    • Callyson

      Seriously–there was a place here that lost its 'A' grade, and it was shut for a week.

      (throwing up in my mouth a little…)

    • http://sciencekick.blogspot.com valthemus

      Is that how long it takes to bribe a health inspector? I suppose it takes longer when they go for hookers instead of cash.

  • http://www.notfrisco.com/colmatales/norton/proclaim.html#declaration Joshua Norton

    Considering that caviar should be consumed within 3 -4 days, 6 months might be considered pushing it a wee bit.

    • T3rbo

      pesant

    • http://www.boskolives.wordpress.com boskolives

      At 6 months you don't have to push caviar, it can walk out on its own power

  • http://facethesuncastnoshadow.wordpress.com/ Mumbletypeg

    Wake me when the inspectors uncover a method for "safely thawing" Trump's sense of humor~

  • SuspectedDemocrat

    That would explain Trump's updated menu:

    "Thanks to Obamacare, I have nothing but rancid food to feed my customers. Please deduct the cost of food poisoning from your server's tip."

  • Not_So_Much

    Your explosive diarrhea will be hyoooooj! The biggest you've evah seen!

    • AngryBlakGuy

      …one time I walked into a gas station restroom and saw shyt on the ceiling, now I know what happened!

  • http://theplannersdreamgonewrong.blogspot.com jtinks

    i would pay many ameros to watch gordon ramsay scream at trump about food safety.

    • Callyson

      Jamie Oliver or GTFO.

    • LibertyLover

      Damn, and All I have is my Walmart scrip to spend.

  • natl_[redacted]_cmdr

    Trump's reaction: "I'd like to congratulate the Southern Nevada Health District on having the brains to visit such a classy restaurant as the DJT. They are very lucky to have visited my classy place and I know how proud they are to have been here. They will never forget the experience as long as they live because of all the class."

  • AlterNewt

    Trump / Mold Spores 2016!!

    • YouBetcha

      You never want the VP on the ticket to have a better personality than you. Political suicide.

      • tessiee

        Fine, Mold Spores/Palin.

        • AlterNewt

          Very astute.

        • Gayer_Than_Thou

          Technically, I think the candidates for president and vice president have to be two different people.

  • e_z

    If those commie unions had not shut down the Twinkie factory the Don could have his Mezicans rip open a few packs, wipe the place down and zip zap through the magic of Twinkie preservatives everything would be jake again.

    • finallyhappy

      Yahoo says Hostess is negotiating- maybe if the employees work for a box of twinkies or something

    • PopeEdgardo

      Absolutely. Biblical science has shown that Twinkies have a way of shutting that whole bacteria thing down.

  • http://www.wonkette.com ManchuCandidate

    It was all part of giving people the Full Donald experience: feeling bloated and gassy while randomly spewing shit.

  • Mojopo

    Maybe spend less time on birth certificate watermarks, and more on expiration dates for the food.

  • http://www.notfrisco.com/colmatales/norton/proclaim.html#declaration Joshua Norton

    Luckily, the restaurant was able to restore its “A” grade and resume operation within a few hours

    They just wiped down the microwave and changed the name to "Olive Garden".

    • http://www.wonkette.com/ slowhansolo

      Hey, my jerkwater burg just got an Olive Garden, well, yesterday. I'll not have you mock the sensibilities of those who wouldn't know anyway…

  • VodkaGoGo

    Is food poisoning another one of Trump's huge surprises?

  • cybermoe

    Spend the $5M you were gonna donate on cleaning up you own best-before-date messes Trump.

  • Mojopo

    Imagine the tourists from Oklahoma, wearing their ankle socks and fanny packs, when the inspectors shut it down mid-meal.

    • tessiee

      On the Sabbeth.

    • docterry6973

      I like fanny packs.

      • Mojopo

        I think you're sweet.

  • http://dismalpseudoscientist.wordpress.com Defeatably_Joe

    I'm not surprised; Trump was already an anti-vaxer, and with the right-wing's war on climate science, evolution and geology, it kinda makes sense that the next thing they'd go after would be the Germ Theory of Disease (it's JUST A THEORY!!!1)

    • sullivanst

      He's just doing his anti-vaxer part, exposing any kids in his restaurant to diseases so they can build up antibodies without needing to be vaccinated. It's just a profiteering version of a measles party.

      • http://simplyleftbehind.blogspot.com/ actor212

        Which is really weird because, well, I've met Trump. He refuses to shake hands with anyone and has a flunky carry around a bottle of hand-santizer at all times. Whenever he touches anything, he wipes his hands down.

        One of the most bizarre things I've ever seen. Also, he never drinks, and I almost told my boss to never trust anyone who doesn't even toast with a glass of wine until I remembered he doesn't drink either.

        Something about NY real estate does that. Neither Helmsley drank, either, if I recall.

    • MissTaken

      WHERE in the BIBLE does JEESUS say rancid caviar make you sick?1! TEACH the CONTROVERSY!

      • emmelemm

        Uh, actually wasn't the part in the Bible about not eating shellfish (yes I know caviar are not shellfish) really a health proscription?

        • MissTaken

          What are you, a MUSLIN KENYAN?! Trump is CLASSY and so is his rancid CAVIAR!1!

          But yes, health concerns due to lack of refrigeration were the real reason behind no shellfish.

          • emmelemm

            Well, then the Bible does say that rancid caviar will make you sick. :)

      • SorosBot

        Rancid caviar makes you sick because it's unclean, NOT because of any so-called germs! Really, we're supposed to believe there are tiny living things when they're so small we can't even see them? Stupid scientists think we're so foolish to believe something exists when they've never seen them with their naked eye! No it's because of the anger of god and the angels!

        • bobbert

          How many bacteria can dance on the head of a pin?

          • http://www.boskolives.wordpress.com boskolives

            In Trump's case, it's more like how many can dance on a pin head.

      • http://dismalpseudoscientist.wordpress.com Defeatably_Joe

        Exactly!
        Or perhaps
        Or maybe it's

        Remember, I'm not a physician, man, and I can tell you what Aristotle said, and I can tell you what books on Dianetics say, but that's really a debate for philosophers to have. And whether disease is caused by demonic possession, or by misaligned humors, or a dysfunctional body thetan, we'll never know; it's one of the great mysteries.

  • Come here a minute

    It's no surprise from a guy who's been wearing a dead thing on his head for decades.

  • Aridzona

    When the local food bank turns down your leftovers, you know there's a problem.

    • sati_demise

      that actually happened here with a Walmart donation. just sayin'

  • Crank_Tango

    That bacteria is just jealous and ugly, and possibly a lesbian.

    • http://wonkette.com/ starfanglednut

      Yeah, I saw a couple of them wearing flannel shirts and riding home on a motorcycle.

  • Close_Read

    I hope no droppings from that thing on Trump's head fell into the Socialist burgers.

  • http://www.wonkette.com Lionel[redacted]Esq

    Perhaps, because of Obamacare, Trump was just trying to grow his own Penicillin.

  • JimmyPete

    Trump is a rent a name, like Twinkies, and about as nourishing. Anyone who get's taken in by Trump's name on cheaply built overpriced condo's, bad ties made by slaves, roach infested casinos and now unsanitary steak houses, deserve what they get.

  • Callyson

    Inspectors found no measures to destroy parasites

    Well, of course not–The Donald isn't suicidal, you know.

    • CthuNHu

      Professional courtesy.

  • MissTaken

    Classy caviar comes with e coli.

    • tessiee

      Yeah, but if you look under a microscope, the little e coli are wearing tiny top hats and monocles, and their flagella have one pinky up.

  • http://www.wonkette.com Lionel[redacted]Esq

    It is all starting to make sense. A strange species of space bacteria descends upon the Earth. For millions of years, it lies dormant, waiting for the right host to come along. Then, one day, it finds a host with so little brain matter, it can fill his entire head. The bacteria takes off in its new habitat, living so well that it starts to send tendrils through the skull, looking for more empty heads to grow in….,

    But, that is too slow. How can it spread itself quicker? Use the host to open up a bad restaurant where foolish people will eat whatever you put out in front of them, just because the host has been on television. As long as the living conditions in the kitchen are kept just right, nothing can stop it.

    If you can find a better explanation of Trump or Guy Fieri, I would like to hear it.

    • emmelemm
      • viennawoods13

        I still remember leaving the movie theatre and going across the road to the shopping mall, and looking around at the all the pod people.

    • BlueStateLibel

      Damn, that would make an excellent plot for a Stephen King horror novel.

    • cousinitt

      Get me Michael Crichton and someone alert the Wildfire team, stat!

      • glasspusher

        Well, you'll have to dig him up first…

        • http://www.wonkette.com Lionel[redacted]Esq

          Hasn't stopped Breitbart yet.

    • PopeEdgardo

      Applying Occam's hair-clippers, I'd say in-breeding is a likelier explanation. But hey, man, I'm not a scientist.

    • http://wonkette.com/ Sharkey

      Urp.

      That didn't taste right.

    • Negropolis

      BRILLIANT snark. Bloody fuckin' brilliant.

  • cousinitt

    Garçon! Yes, I'll start with the oysters rockefeller et staph, followed by the salad coli niçoise, a bottle of your '03 Chateau Latour Martillac Bordeaux, and for the main course, your trumproast à la donalde, well-done, and for dessert, the listeria-infused cheescake, with the salmonella topping.

    • tessiee

      *yells over shoulder to kitchen*
      One Tuesday Special!

    • docterry6973

      Hmmm. Some good eatin' right there.

    • Sparky

      Can I interest Monsieur in an after dinner mint?
      Fuck off, I'm full.
      But Monsieur, it 's just a wafer thin mint…

    • http://www.boskolives.wordpress.com boskolives

      Would you like a side of flies with that?

    • Dudleydidwrong

      "And bring some shit for my fly" http://www.myspace.com/bkliban/photos/186753#%7B%

  • Antispandex

    I thought the old saying was, "You get what you pay for". Donny, apparently, hasn't that opinion when it comes to cuisine. Or, he just like his caviar and duck…aged?

  • Rotundo_

    How does a restaurant get its "A" rating back in mere hours? Flush twice?

    • http://simplyleftbehind.blogspot.com/ actor212

      Flush, yes…with cash!

  • http://simplyleftbehind.blogspot.com/ actor212

    old caviar and yogurt

    And to think a sturgeon died giving birth for this.

    • http://www.wonkette.com Lionel[redacted]Esq

      Trump?

      • http://simplyleftbehind.blogspot.com/ actor212

        Thats an insult to a throwback prehistoric fish.

  • BlueStateLibel

    Another shitty restaurant run by an obnoxious vulgarian is shitty, who would have thought?

  • JustPixelz

    ."..reaching the level of MASTER BIRTHER".

    I studied baiting.

  • coolhandnuke

    Trump has progressed from demanding birf certificates to creating barf certificates.

  • AznMom420

    It's not the 99% Lactobacillus, but the 1% Trumpylococus that'll kill you.

  • ChickTract_Fil_A

    Trump now has 2 regulators he's gonna close down on Day One of his presidency: 1.) That pesky Nevada Gaming Commission for snooping around the crap tables, and 2.) That pesky Nevada Health Commission for snooping around the tables of crap.

    • Beowoof

      How about a pesky bankruptcy judge asking question on how Donald did this.

  • mosjef

    Waiter, there's orange hair in my soup.

  • Troglodeity

    Love the Scooby Doo reference. Appropriate, too, since Trump's establishments serve glorified dog food.

  • snowpointsecret

    Is this even a question? Of course I'd go to Guy Fieri's place before Donald Trump's. Just think about it. It's Donald Trump. You get your steak with a side of wingnuts, and those don't exactly go through the system very well.

  • LibertyLover

    Regulations and laws to protect the consumer. Who can explain them?

    • Beowoof

      Well regulating to protect the public, what do you mean, screw em just get their money.

    • corthylio

      The expiration dates come and they go. Nobody can explain it.

    • Negropolis

      Well, you see, when a president loves his FDA very much…

  • Monsieur_Grumpe

    Trump should get into a business that better suits him like trash hauling, professional clown or village idiot.

    • AznMom420

      Wouldn't it be awkward when he's too lazy to haul himself to the dump and just ends up in his neighbor's pool?

    • LibertyLover

      Wait. Isn't he paid to be that now with his "reality" TV show?

  • LibertyLover

    Salt. You can preserve just about everything with enough salt.

  • Beowoof

    This is the secret Trump bankrupt a casino business plan. How can you expect those outside of his rarefied position to understand it.

    • tessiee

      "How can you expect those outside of his rarefied position to understand it."

      I don't even understand how you can post a comment with the c-word in it without incurring the wrath of the banhammer, much less rarefied stuff.

  • ChickTract_Fil_A

    I live down on the poor side of The Strip (i.e. anywhere in Vegas but The Strip). Trump Tower is one God-fugly, 80's-looking P.O.S. with all the gold-plating and cheesiness you'd expect. Why am I not surprised by all of this?

    • bobbert

      That's a clown building, bro.

    • Negropolis

      I don't know. The west, northwest and southwest sides are pretty nice. You go anywhere north or east of the Strip and it goes from "shitty" all the way up to "decent".

    • rebeccavegas

      It's tacky, but still better than the Excalibur.

  • corthylio

    Expired caviar? Darling, how gauche!

  • Beowoof

    Wow put Trump and b@nk rupt in the same sentence and approval is needed.

    • Sparky

      Were you put in moderation? Because I am getting fucked over home-made medicine jokes.

      • Beowoof

        I didn't get any messages telling me I am in moderation. Although, occasionally I have been known to push the envelope until it breaks into confetti.

    • http://www.boskolives.wordpress.com boskolives

      A Trump prison sentence would probably be o.k., and to read about a long one for him would be far better than o.k.

  • Sparky

    Why is my comment being deleted by the administrator????? While I had no profanity ( when did that ever matter), I didn't know that homeopathy & medical humor was verboten.
    Can someone help?

  • TootsStansbury

    Bwahaahahahahaahaa! Stupid Donald Trump, what an idiot.

  • Veritas78

    Is there a PeopleOfTrumpRestaurants website? I would love to see who's ordering caviar there. (Apparently, not very often.)

  • Mojopo

    IM IN YER BLACK BEAN CHILI PUTTIN CURSES ON YER CILANTROS

    • PubOption

      Just how long have you been there?

    • snowpointsecret

      This comment still makes far more sense than anything Donald Trump has ever said.

    • Negropolis

      Those aren't black beans…

  • poorgradstudent

    Sounds like the type of place Libertarians should be required to eat at! It's the restaurant equivalent of Somalia.

    • http://wonkette.com/ starfanglednut

      The new republican paradise: Salmonalia.

    • glamourdammerung

      Sounds like the type of place Libertarians should be required to eat at! It's the restaurant equivalent of Somalia.

      I annoyed one a few years back with my suggestion of the "It's Probably ____" line of fine pharmaceutical products. "It's Probably Your Heart Pills", etc.

  • tessiee

    Short-fingered vulgarian.

    • Veritas78

      Still applies, still funny after all these years.

  • http://ifthethunderdontgetya.blogspot.com/ ifthethunderdontgetya

    Heck, this picture is good for this post, too.
    http://www.peopleofwalmart.com/50279
    ~

    • http://wonkette.com/ starfanglednut

      That's just sad.

  • LibrarianX

    Coming soon: Trump Petri Dish!

  • LibrarianX

    This is just going to make him shouty.

  • Mojopo
    • Mojopo

      There, I posted something. I wish I had more time to be scathing. Hopefully you can do better.

      • Veritas78

        You got in all the fine points!

    • http://Wonkette.com DemmeFatale

      I love the pretentious douche that wrote the first review, for example:
      "Don't get me started on tipping which is just a way to degrade the working class to the status of plebs but I digress."

      • viennawoods13

        Piped in perfume in the lobby? Crosses Trump International off places to visit

        • vtxmcrider

          It is intended to camouflage the smell of mold and bacteria.

  • Biel_ze_Bubba

    They sent inspectors into the kitchen … and you won't believe what they found!

    • http://www.boskolives.wordpress.com boskolives

      Jimmy Hoffa?

  • glasspusher

    Trump's pizza oven: you're wood-fired!

  • FeloniousMonk

    Junior, your proofreader just called. She wants to know if "quaff" should have been "quiff" or "queef". She says either would work.

  • Dashboard Buddha

    It was my brief stint working in a kitchen many years ago that taught me how to turn down the gain on my personal cleanliness anxieties.

  • docterry6973

    I hope the hobo beans are fresh, because that is all I could afford at the Trump Palace O' Grub.

  • Sparky

    So it's a simple medical term that's getting me deleted by the admin. Tisk, tisk.

    I-n-t-e-r-t-r-i-g-o

    In Donald's defense, the caviar & yogurt melange was a simple h-o-m-e-o-p-a-t-h-i-c cure for his m-o-o-b i-n-t-e-r-t-r-i-g-o.

    Add that to your automated dictionary, administrators.

    • bobbert

      It's the t-r-i-g

      • Sparky

        Oh, darling supportive Bobert, it is apparently FUCKING everything.

  • MosesInvests

    Completely OT-as of today, I'm single for the first time in 18 years. Not sure if I'm happy, sad or indifferent. On that note, where the hell are the Wonkette Personals?

    • sati_demise

      learn to love living alone and you will have to fight off the babes. true!

    • Mojopo

      Awwww. Moses, I hope this works out OK for you.

    • emmelemm

      You're probably a little of all three at once. Hang in there.

      {obligatory picture of kitten hanging on a tree branch}

    • http://www.boskolives.wordpress.com boskolives

      Sorry, the Personal pages got stuck together and had to be destroyed, also.

      • MosesInvests

        Heh.

    • tessiee

      Dude(ette), I feel your pain.
      Went right from a boyfriend to a husband, then to being single for the first time since I was 20. The first night alone in the new apartment was… a bit challenging.
      Also, there's nothing quite like competing with folks half your age for dates as well as jobs.
      Luckily for me, I like to read, so an evening spent with a good book (or even a halfway decent one) is better than an evening spent with company that makes you wish for a cyanide pill; one of many advantages to being a nerd.
      *shrug*
      Try to think of it as an adventure.

      • Mojopo

        Your p's are well deserved, tessiee.

      • http://www.boskolives.wordpress.com boskolives

        As you get older, you begin each day by thinking "Ah, the adventure begins", then you do a mental checklist / inventory before getting out of bed to find what parts are not going to work very well or will hurt when you start to move them.
        Still, considering the alternative, every day above ground is a good day.

    • Blueb4sinrise

      When I'm happy, sad or indifferent, my go to guy is Louis Jordan.
      Here in 1966 [!!!!] on "The !!!! Beat", performing the tearful, sad, melancholy, wistful, sighing ….
      'Ram-Bunk-Shush'
      http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_v8HqcyCsDU&fe

      • tessiee

        Early in the morning, and I ain't got nothin' but the blues.

    • LibertyLover

      In most things, taking it one day at a time seems to work the best. If you are a female, the Ben and Jerry's and chocolate only goes so far. Seek out the things that give you pleasure or used to give you pleasure but you forgot. Slowly rebuild. Peace be with you on your journey.

      • http://www.boskolives.wordpress.com boskolives

        It's Chunky Monkey or die, with votes of course.

    • http://yunoletmehavecoolwebnameblogspot.blogspot.com/ Jennyjen798

      Dating sucks ass. It was so much easier when you're young and stupid and have an excuse for being so young and fucking stupid. Now, it's just meeeeeh.

  • http://my.execpc.com/~artkm/rabbit_hole.html MilwaukeeKent

    Oh, it's the steakhouse. I saw the headline and was worried it might be the fine Italian ristorante Ecoli! I'm sure that place is still OK.

    • Sparky

      Bravo from GB.

  • BigSkullF*ckingDog

    The small government wingnutz won't be satisfied until we are all projectile vomiting and shedding our rotten intestinal lining every time we eat.

    I'm eating a salad right now. Hope I don't die.

  • tessiee

    If that ol' boy had axed Memaw, she'd'a done tole him the onliest time to eat deer is durin' deer season. Do NOT eat the deer you done hit with your truck; even iffen it looks OK, it ain't.

  • http://inappropriatejobpostings.blogspot.com/ fuflans

    speaking of birthers, huffpo shows me that orly taitz has got quite fat.

    • IceCreamEmpress

      Fat, drunk, and stupid is a hell of a way to go through life. She'd been staving off the trifecta until now!

    • docterry6973

      Oh no, I might be Orly Taitz!

    • HistoriCat

      Does this mean that she is no longer "hotter, wetter, tighter…"?

  • Negropolis

    Hmmm And here I was thinking that Donald Trump was a virus.

    BTW, Vegas food inspectors do not play. You have that many buffets in a city, and you sure as hell don't want the bad press of a mass poisoning in your hotel-casino.

  • http://howtosavetheworld.ca/ BZ1

    Inspectors found no measures to destroy parasites, now, who are they talking about, hint, hint?

  • Negropolis

    If the health violations are legitimate, the health inspectors have a way of shutting the whole thing down.

  • ttommyunger

    Flourishing bacterial growth? Trump didn't earn the title: "Amoeba Dick the Bug-Fucker" for nothing.

  • Negropolis

    Totally OT, but Michigan is getting gay married, y'all! Bring the Faygo and Better Maid. In MSU's annual State of the State Poll, same-sex marriage is now supported by 56% of voters and opposed by 39%.

    • http://www.boskolives.wordpress.com boskolives

      It's Vernors or Die, dammit. Well, o.k., maybe Old Fashioned Root Beer if you can sing "♪ Which way did he go, which way did he go ♪ …", or Rock & Rye if you're desperate….

    • docterry6973

      Michigan is going to marry Ohio?

      • Negropolis

        Like hell we are. We're getting married to Ontario, since Canada is America's gay brother, after all.

  • tessiee

    Donald Trump is SO dumb…
    [How dumb is he?]
    He lost money running a topless car wash.

  • http://www.wonkette.com/ slowhansolo

    Well, you know, OK. I haven't been spending enough personal time with my asshole anyway.

  • Negropolis

    OT: Why is Soledad O'Brien interviewing Jeb Bush, Jr? And why did Jeb the Lesser just describe America's X factor as "America's secret sauce?" Bless their hearts. The Bush family is like a science experiment gone horribly wrong.

  • http://intensedebate.com/people/mrblifil mrblifil

    I had wine from 20LOL. It was a very good year.

  • Misty Malarky

    When do we get to see Gordon Ramsay throwing up in Trump's kitchen?

  • vtxmcrider

    I thought "moldy yogurt" referred to a Trump orgasm.