what could go wrong?

Sad Bachmannite Party Clown Bradlee Dean Invites Children To Commit Arson, For Freedom

Make sure to use your 20-year-old promo fotos forever!
Wonkette fan favorite Bradlee Dean is back at it with his tireless campaign to save the youths. Why do we need Michele Bachmann BFF Bradlee Dean more than ever? Because freedom needs brush fires, duh:

Need for the Program: It is ever more urgent to use the internet to get our message out, since this is where people hang out, especially the young. Think of how many people we can reach! It does not take an overwhelming majority to reform society. It only takes an irate tireless minority setting brush fires of freedom everywhere!

Yes, the walking talking drumming preaching hairweave is here to start his very own children’s crusade. We know all young Wonketeers will be rushing to join up, so let’s look at the requirements to enlist, shall we?

What Are the Qualifications? You must be a practicing Christian, at least 13 years old, have a Facebook page, and be able to help You Can Run, International on a volunteer basis, from wherever you can get an internet connection. You must have a minimum computer know-how, such as how to copy and paste a “URL,” or website address, into a Facebook post

Yr Wonkette Jr. has the facebooks and, despite being youthful, is indeed at least 13 years old. Signing up now! Join me, won’t you? Once we’ve enlisted, we get to “make Facebook posts and put in links from other websites” with a goal of getting “hundreds, or thousands of posts per month.”

So basically you will save freedom by spamming your Facebook friends with Bible verses and becoming, at a very young age, that weird uncle who sends emails that have been forwarded approximately eleventy-hundred times. Sounds super fun!

Perhaps Mr. Dean can also use his army of children to fundraise for his legal debts to well-known homosexual agitator Rachel Maddow. Hahahaha. Who are we kidding? Bradlee Dean has no intention of paying anything because the judge is biased and loves teh geyz more than Bradlee Dean:

The affidavit also includes some remarks from Dean himself, including this: “It became clear to me that the judge, Joan Zeldon, harbored an extra-judicial bias and prejudice against me and YCR stemming from our conservative Christian advocacy against the so-called gay and lesbian political agenda, which is based in part on teaching young children in public and private schools that homosexuality is ‘normal’ societal behavior. …

Young Wonketeers, if you’re not yet ready to join up with Bradleeeeee, consider instead joining yr Wonkette Jr. in the new Wonk Social Media Slaves Extravaganza! No bottom age limit here, so enroll your children in this opportunity of a lifetime! Tons of facebooking for no monies and no awards but hey, IRATE MINORITY BRUSH FIRES OF FREEDOM.

[Bradlee Dean Info]

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  • http://simplyleftbehind.blogspot.com/ actor212

    Can we start with his hair?

    Oh. Wait…

    • Tommy1733

      Give him a Romney-trim.

    • Callyson

      I'll settle for starting with the purple WTF thing he is holding in that photo. My eyes still hurt…

    • therealtinlizzy

      no – can we start with his name? cuz wtf man. WWJD? Not name his kid Bradleeeeeeeeeee.

  • OzoneTom

    Did he already blow through that $50 million he was going to collect in his lawsuit against Rachel Maddow?

  • nounverb911

    Is Bradlee Dean is Marcus's new boyfriend? Won't Miss Lindsey be jealous?

    • Come here a minute

      New?

  • Pookums

    Good christ. Just when I think I've got it bad living with some of the knuckleheads here in Wisconsin, our friends in Minnesota turn the crazyknob to motherfucking 11.

    • Terry

      I have a theory that it gets so frickin cold up there in the winter that they're all stuck indoors too much and go batshit crazy.

  • EatsBabyDingos

    I'll trade Bradlee Dean for one Bradley Manning and throw in four used Lou Sarahs and a sack of dandelion seeds. Fair trade?

    • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com Weedlord BonerHitler

      This sounds like another of those "my mother has fruit flies" lines.

    • Nothingisamiss

      Fair trade, but I bet he's not organically grown.

  • Jus_Wonderin

    Is that his finger or a pink wand?

    • Pookums

      Stop making fun of Marcus Bachman's manhood.

      • Jus_Wonderin

        Seems too (can I use the word?) erect…for MB.

    • http://wonkette.com/ starfanglednut

      AOTK

    • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com Weedlord BonerHitler

      Hey, J_W. I kinda figured it was his dick, but it probly ain't that big, is it?

    • malsperanza

      It is his sonic screwdriver. He points it at a 13 year old Christian youth and shouts "Expecto Pederastum!" and then

  • Come here a minute

    Wow just like Moses brush fire! Moses would click "like" on just about anything.

    • CapeClod

      He also posts what he had for lunch everyday. That guy is so annoying.

      • http://wonkette.com/ starfanglednut

        Yeah. Red Sea this, burning bush that. Guy never shuts up.

        • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com Weedlord BonerHitler

          You'd post about it too, if you'd just had a burning bush.

          • http://wonkette.com/ starfanglednut

            Oh, but I have. Crab shampoo took care of it though.

          • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com Weedlord BonerHitler

            Suddenly, I yearn for crab …

  • snowpointsecret

    Wait, I thought the liberals were the ones with indoctrination mills?

    • BadKitty904

      Apparently Paedobear is a neo-con?

      • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com Weedlord BonerHitler

        Ooh, a young'un who can spell!

  • MissTaken

    You must have a minimum computer know-how, such as how to copy and paste a “URL,” or website address, into a Facebook post

    What's a Facebook? I guess I'm not qualified.

  • LibertyLover

    "It is ever more urgent to use the internet to get our message out, since this is where people hang out, especially the young. Think of how many people we can reach!"

    If only you guys would post it to you Facebook Pages! But NO! You're NOT gonna do it, are you? If not, you should just Get off the Freakin' Internet! I do all of this work for you, teaching myself to use a computer for a year and all….

    • DCBloom

      Needs moar gin and cigarettes

      • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com Weedlord BonerHitler

        Also, too, teh Swearz.

  • http://simplyleftbehind.blogspot.com/ actor212

    IRATE MINORITY BRUSH FIRES OF FREEDOM

    I am so naming my steampunk world music band that….

    • skoalrebel

      We burned a minority once. [spit] He was pretty irate about it, too. But it was for freedom. [spit] So, yeah.

      • http://simplyleftbehind.blogspot.com/ actor212

        Yes, but was it a brush fire or bush fire?

    • Callyson

      I read that as "IRATE MINORITY BUSH FIRES OF FREEDOM" and thought it would be a great title for a porno…

      • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com Weedlord BonerHitler

        I gotta stop hangin' round these heah po-lit-tickle sites. I read it as "Irate Minority, Bush Fires Freedom."

    • http://wonkette.com/ weejee

      Do you have your guitars as of yet actor?

      • http://simplyleftbehind.blogspot.com/ actor212

        Needs moar coal-engines.

      • sullivanst

        The strat-shaped one (on the left) looks pretty close to being a Trussart, except that he normally does tele-shaped.

      • bobbert

        Ha! Remade git-fiddles.

    • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com Weedlord BonerHitler

      tl;dr

    • MaxNeanderthal

      I rate freedom fry's bush? I fry freedom's bush? A minor's bush is a rat's free dormitry?

  • EatsBabyDingos

    I bet the hair is glued into the asshat he's wearing. This makes it easy for him to get into his superhero costume as Joe the Plumber.

  • snowpointsecret

    It does not take an overwhelming majority to reform society. It only takes an irate tireless minority setting brush fires of freedom everywhere!

    I'm not sure that's what they call it in Colorado…

  • http://www.wonkette.com ManchuCandidate

    Given a choice between Xtian or Dick Pills and "Lovely Russian Women who Want to MARRY YOU!" spam, I'd rather have the mail order bride and dick pill spam.

    • Stevola

      Somehow, they go together…

  • CapeClod

    Wow! Using the internet and Facebook to spread your message! Why hasn't anyone thought of that before?

    • T3rbo

      and the facebook page is down…

    • malsperanza

      I hear the Romney folks are looking into that for 2016.

    • bobbert

      It's a Festivus miracle! Oh, wait..

  • http://simplyleftbehind.blogspot.com/ actor212

    You know how you used to fall asleep cramming for finals at the kitchen table?

    • Beowoof

      I facebooked on Accounting Theory more than once.

  • CthuNHu

    Bradlee Dean is a genius. Never before has anyone conceived of using the internet in this extraordinarily innovative way. His irate minority will surely convert the huddled ignorant masses with their ceaseless proselytizing. Possibly at some stage they will expand the operation to include blimps.

  • SorosBot

    So this douche is trolling for 13-year-olds on Facebook? Figures.

    • BadKitty904

      Precisely my thought. This is NOT going to end well.

      • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com Weedlord BonerHitler

        Oh, you just *know* there's gonna be kiddie porn on his computer surfacing in 5 … 4 … 3 … in between loud cries of "I done bin hacked by them evil, Satan-loving, Jesus-hating LIBRULZ." You just *know* it.

    • mull_man

      No bottom age limit here

      Proof of pederasty

  • MissTaken

    Joan Zeldon, harbored an extra-judicial bias

    Judges makin' judgements is extra double plus bad.

  • http://www.wonkette.com Lionel[redacted]Esq

    Good to know that Conservatives plan to remain divorced from reality for at least another four more years.

  • skoalrebel

    Damn straight! [spit!] I hang out on the internet, and I can tell you that it's the best way to get the message out, yo! [spit] Without YouTube, my life would have been a pointless drunken slobber-sodden wreck. [spit] But my internet presence has made me the success I am today. Thank You, Jesus, for inventing the internet and giving it to your followers!

    • http://facethesuncastnoshadow.wordpress.com/ Mumbletypeg

      When I give thanks this year and every year for the wonkettz, without which my life would be something approaching a pointless, drunken slobber-sodden wreck, I inevitably mention you SkoalRebel along with Aunt Wonkette's cranberry business as stars in this snark-site's crown~

      • HistoriCat

        Oh damn – that reminds, I need to get to the liquor store.

        • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com Weedlord BonerHitler

          Somewhere on teh InterNetz I discovered a rumour that a certain HistoriKitten is beginning school? My sympathies to the little one, and a kitten-cat-filled TG to you.

          • HistoriCat

            OK, who told??

            The little one is enjoying Kindergarten so far (although she has already mastered the nuances of "it's not fair" that she has to go to school when her younger brother gets to stay home) – she's made friends even! I am starting to feel very old.

          • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com Weedlord BonerHitler

            Aww! So teh kyoot! And what a brave little feline she is! It just goes downhill from here, you know that, right? Got to see my little princess very briefly while she was in town. The kid's always had an overactive social calendar, but this is ridiculous. I'm lucky if I see her once a year.

      • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com Weedlord BonerHitler

        (Hugs you) Happy TG, Mumblety! And alla youse miscreants, too!

    • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com Weedlord BonerHitler

      That spelling was way too good to pass muster, young man.

  • snowpointsecret

    As probably the youngest here, I want it to be known that I don't qualify for this anyway.

    …No seriously, I don't have a Facebook because I can't think of anything I'd honestly do with one. I figure nobody cares about me having scrambled eggs for breakfast or the like.

    Lack of Christianity, also, too.

    • BadKitty904

      As one of the youngers (23 yrs old), I'm with you, Snow. I don't have an FB account and never will, mostly because a.) I see most everyone I know every week (small town); b.) when I brush my teeth, etc., is nobody's damned bidness…

      Benghazi! Also, too.

      • HistoriCat

        Facebook is just how we keep up with our out of town relatives and high school acquaintances without the bother of personal contact. You damn kids need to stop with the texting and the sexting and who knows what.

        And get off my lawn!

    • FeloniousMonk

      Of course people need to know if you have scrambled eggs! How else are they going to scold you if they weren't from free-range hens, or you didn't use a bain-marie?

  • Lizzietish81

    He reminds me of a magazine cover I saw years ago saying about the new Christian Rock Youth with a bunch of young, fresh white kids, one of whom was throwing up the devil horns.

  • Callyson

    It does not take an overwhelming majority to reform society. It only takes an irate tireless minority setting brush fires of freedom everywhere!

    Meh, Margaret Mead said it earlier and better.

  • Wadisay

    Still, this is better than Haley Barbour's proctological exams of freedom.

    • malsperanza

      Nah, nothing beats the GOP giving themselves a thorough ass-fucking, for hygienic purposes.

  • MUHAMMED_PBUH

    "'I've often seen a cat without a grin,' thought Alice: 'but a grin without a cat! It's the most curious thing I ever saw in my life!'”

  • snowpointsecret

    The Penn State is strong in this one.

  • PhilippePetain

    Well, if you're not burnin' up the charts…

  • Beowoof

    Burning this guys instruments would be a good place to start.

  • Crank_Tango

    Axl Rose sure has fallen apart, huh.

  • Biel_ze_Bubba

    To be fair, if the internet actually needed more right-wing idiocy, Bradlee Dean would be just the man for the job.

  • SmutBoffin

    Is he dating that crazee Election 2012 lady, maybe?

    LEARN TO USE THE FUCKING INTERNET

    • SnarkOff

      …you namby-pamby pussies.

    • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com Weedlord BonerHitler

      I say that to everybody now.

      OK, everybody who is still *speaking* to me.

  • gullywompr

    So, how does if feel to be the new irate tireless minority? Not so great, is it?

  • Lizzietish81

    So, if I understand this correctly…this brain trust thinks that America can be "saved" by a bunch of teenagers spamming facebook with their mad copy and paste skills?

    • T3rbo

      Uh, yeah. Satan hates it when you repost pictures of jesus on facebook for your friends to sneer at/ignore. Hates it.

      • PsycWench

        "Click" if you hate Satan. Keep scrolling if you think Satan is cool.

        • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com Weedlord BonerHitler

          Actually, these days, it's "Favorite if you hate Satan. RT if you LOVE him."

          More polarized, you unnerstand.

  • Goonemeritus

    I am over thirteen but I am an out of practice Christen with no Facebook account, can I still set fires?

    • T3rbo

      Yes, because freedom.

  • T3rbo

    How would this guy know if I were a practicing Christian or not? Oh, right: brushfires of freedom
    Edit: also, because the angels all have laptops and can totally see you

    • sullivanst

      Special levitating laptops, apparently.

  • asterixaverni

    When I was 13 I committed arson for Free! And Anarchy! And the bong lit up some dried leaves… but still, didn't need no dadgum intarwebs for arson.

    Fucking stupid kids.

  • sullivanst

    It was only a matter of time before the RWNJ agenda collapsed into simply "burn the motherfucker down".

  • cousinitt

    "Now Gideon had seventy sons, his own offspring, for he had many wives. His concubine who was in Shechem also bore him a son, and he named him Abimelech." Now there's a role model. Damn, what is with all these xtianists with wanting all these wimmins?

    Abi would go on to murder all his bros save one. Anger management was not his forte. Thus far, compared to Gideon's bastard son, this Bradlee dude is just a piker. His parents wouldn't be named Brad and Lee, would they? Disturbed minds want to know.

  • Abernathy

    "Tons of facebooking for no monies"

    At those rates, I can't afford not to

  • Detesticle

    "The rube, the rube, the rube is on fire — we don't need no water, let the Republicans burn. Burn, motherfuckers, burn."

  • Blueb4sinrise

    I think that LouSarah will sign-up.

  • snowpointsecret

    “It became clear to me that the judge, Joan Zeldon, harbored an extra-judicial bias and prejudice against me and YCR stemming from our conservative Christian advocacy against the so-called gay and lesbian political agenda, which is based in part on teaching young children in public and private schools that homosexuality is ‘normal’ societal behavior."

    An extra-judicial bias for giving people who have a physical attraction to the same gender that they were born with equal rights to straight couples? Man, if that's what bias counts as now I want more of it.

  • http://lostintarnation.blogspot.com/ SayItWithWookies

    What Are the Qualifications? You must be a practicing Christian, at least 13 years old, have a Facebook page, and be able to help You Can Run, International on a volunteer basis, from wherever you can get an internet connection.

    And you must also be willing to travel to Canada to be in movie or two.

    • sundaytrucker

      Dammit…beat me to it.

  • EatsBabyDingos

    One of a set of triplets, Bradlee was less well known than his handsomer brothers, Ugglee and Homelee.

  • http://www.notfrisco.com/colmatales/norton/proclaim.html#declaration Joshua Norton

    You must be a practicing Christian

    I've seen their types of so-called "Christians" and they need all the practice they can get since they're really not any good at it.

    • rickmaci

      "I like your Christ, I do not like your Christians. Your Christians are so unlike your Christ." Gandhi

  • YouBetcha

    These gosh darned kids and their newfangled technologies. What is this "Internet" of which you speak? It sounds satanic. I will pray for you.

    • SorosBot

      It's a series of tubes.

      • PopeEdgardo

        Tubes for rubes.

  • http://dismalpseudoscientist.wordpress.com Defeatably_Joe

    What Are the Qualifications? You must be a practicing Christian, at least 13 years old, have a Facebook page, and be able to help You Can Run, International on a volunteer basis, from wherever you can get an internet connection. You must have a minimum computer know-how, such as how to copy and paste a “URL,” or website address, into a Facebook post

    Reblogging, for Jebus.

    • Negropolis

      Don't retreat; reblog!

  • Goonemeritus

    Is it just me or has David Cassidy career taken kind of a dark turn.

  • DahBoner

    Onward Christian Mullets!

    • Terry

      Pious in the front, a party in the back

  • keepwalkin

    Why is he pointing a purple Aneros at me?

  • jodyleek

    Ya know who else recruited a bunch of youth for his movement?

    • http://www.notfrisco.com/colmatales/norton/proclaim.html#declaration Joshua Norton

      The pope?

    • snowpointsecret

      Joe Paterno?

    • T3rbo

      are we talking about pooping?

    • SorosBot

      The Ayatollah Khomeini?

    • Lizzietish81

      Willie Wonka?

    • Fare la Volpe

      H. R. Pufnstuf?

    • CthuNHu

      Michael Jackson?

    • BadKitty904

      Captain Kangaroo?

    • gullywompr

      Lisa Biron?

    • wondering where i am

      Barry Bamz! That is why we are hearing about all of this youth outreach from the Republicans. See, there was this little thing called an election, and some dewy eyed youth stopped checking their Facebook pages long enough to vote! Because they got free stuff, like, um, stickers.

    • HistoriCat
  • therealtinlizzy

    My take away is that the possible ends-of-the-line for the hard-rockin rock-out-with-your-cock-out types are limited primarily to a) Axl Rose or b) Bradlee Dean. Choose your choice.

  • Eve8Apples

    "It only takes an irate tireless minority setting brush fires of freedom everywhere!"

    Can we call this political movement "Arson for Assholes?"

  • T3rbo

    The Bradlee Dean sons of liberty talk show, though, is pretty good:
    Obama was mysteriously re-elected (hahahahah)
    Obama's middle name is HUSSEIN
    Hitler, Stalin, etc., gun control
    No talk about freedom fires yet…

    (I won't embed the link, the show is garbage and bullshit) http://www.gcnlive.com/mediaPlayers/odPlayer.php?…

  • Oblios_Cap

    So basically you will save freedom by spamming your Facebook friends with Bible verses

    My idiot stepson does that now. He's on the dole, too. I only go on the FaceBooks once every couple of months anymore.

  • http://www.notfrisco.com/colmatales/norton/proclaim.html#declaration Joshua Norton

    stemming from our conservative Christian advocacy

    Ever notice how you can replace the word "Christian" with the word "bigot" in anything they say and not change the meaning one bit?

  • http://loljazzcatz.blogspot.com/2012/06/introducing-bad-note-millstones-of-jazz.html Chet Kincaid_

    With just a few brushfires, our nation can be turned into a raging conflagration of flaming righteous destruction, ruled over by He who fell to earth from Heaven!! Oh wait.

    • T3rbo

      yeah, waterguns full of freedom holywater or something else makes more sense? Burning crosses?

    • bobbert

      Luci in the Sky.

      • Negropolis

        With whorediamonds.

  • http://Wonkette.com MLHencken

    Looks like we broke his Facebook page already.

    Scratch that. You have to be a special friend to view their stupidity.

  • CrunchyKnee

    Yep, because everyone knows that the kids identify with a balding douchebag with a perv stocking cap who plays christian "rock."

  • southernboyman

    Faceprick for this douche…

  • http://loljazzcatz.blogspot.com/2012/06/introducing-bad-note-millstones-of-jazz.html Chet Kincaid_

    Is Facebook MySpace yet?

    • http://www.notfrisco.com/colmatales/norton/proclaim.html#declaration Joshua Norton

      I understand if Facebook share prices drop low enough they automatically convert to My Space stock.

  • glamourdammerung

    Maybe he is not as stupid as he seems. After all, putting children up to harassing his enemies is going to save him quite a bit of money in legal fees alone.

  • Dildeaux

    Dild throws pus and bloody cotton balls at Deans image.

  • T3rbo

    Oh man this is so good: I am listening to the bradlee dean sons of freedom dipshit radio program, this just in:

    THERE WERE MORE THAN TWO SHOOTERS IN COLUMBINE!!!!!

    • http://wonkette.com/ starfanglednut

      One of them was Obama, no doubt.

  • http://simplyleftbehind.blogspot.com/ actor212

    Well, there's some sad things known to meeeeeee
    But they ain't too much sadder'n
    The tears of a Deeeeeeean…….

  • Terry

    Has anyone asked him who or what he considers a "Christian"? Do Catholics count? What about Mormons? What about people who go to services only for marrying and burying, perhaps the occasional holiday if it's not too inconvenient? Do his "Christians" have to live according to any of the things they profess or is it a-ok to do whatever the heck they want as long as they're not caught?

  • SubhumanVarmint

    My nine month old is already signing up to join Wonkette, Jr! In between naps, bottles and shitty diapers, anyway…

  • barto

    Old Bradlee loves him some 13-year-olds!

  • http://wonkette.com/ starfanglednut

    "irate tireless minority setting brush fires "

    starfanglednut libel!

  • sundaytrucker

    How long before "as seen on Dateline" follows this guy's name?

    • Negropolis

      "Mr. Deen, why don't you have a seat?"

  • ttommyunger

    Not much bush on a thirteen year old. Pretty puny fire, if you ask me; plus, that's got to hurt.

  • littlebigdaddy

    Yup, the interwebz is Where It's At! All those cool young people and their twerps.

  • An_Outhouse

    i finally got good at Christian. I don't need to practice any more.

  • shelwood46

    Do not tell him about Twitter.

  • SuspectedDemocrat

    You know who else encouraged young followers to— Aw forget it. When they make it that easy it takes all the fun out of it.

  • http://yunoletmehavecoolwebnameblogspot.blogspot.com/ Jennyjen798

    Wow. The more I look at this guy (and the more he talks about random bible right wing bullshit), the more I'm convinced that he's related to me. On my mother's, aka the crazy white people, side. =/

  • http://howtosavetheworld.ca/ BZ1

    What pray tell is extra-judicial bias? something on the side?

  • Negropolis

    Wait, wais a "so-called" lesbian or gay? Don't they believe these people exist? If not, why are they always talking about them?