what could go wrong?

Sad Bachmannite Party Clown Bradlee Dean Invites Children To Commit Arson, For Freedom

Make sure to use your 20-year-old promo fotos forever!
Wonkette fan favorite Bradlee Dean is back at it with his tireless campaign to save the youths. Why do we need Michele Bachmann BFF Bradlee Dean more than ever? Because freedom needs brush fires, duh:

Need for the Program: It is ever more urgent to use the internet to get our message out, since this is where people hang out, especially the young. Think of how many people we can reach! It does not take an overwhelming majority to reform society. It only takes an irate tireless minority setting brush fires of freedom everywhere!

Yes, the walking talking drumming preaching hairweave is here to start his very own children’s crusade. We know all young Wonketeers will be rushing to join up, so let’s look at the requirements to enlist, shall we?

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What Are the Qualifications? You must be a practicing Christian, at least 13 years old, have a Facebook page, and be able to help You Can Run, International on a volunteer basis, from wherever you can get an internet connection. You must have a minimum computer know-how, such as how to copy and paste a “URL,” or website address, into a Facebook post

Yr Wonkette Jr. has the facebooks and, despite being youthful, is indeed at least 13 years old. Signing up now! Join me, won’t you? Once we’ve enlisted, we get to “make Facebook posts and put in links from other websites” with a goal of getting “hundreds, or thousands of posts per month.”

So basically you will save freedom by spamming your Facebook friends with Bible verses and becoming, at a very young age, that weird uncle who sends emails that have been forwarded approximately eleventy-hundred times. Sounds super fun!

Perhaps Mr. Dean can also use his army of children to fundraise for his legal debts to well-known homosexual agitator Rachel Maddow. Hahahaha. Who are we kidding? Bradlee Dean has no intention of paying anything because the judge is biased and loves teh geyz more than Bradlee Dean:

The affidavit also includes some remarks from Dean himself, including this: “It became clear to me that the judge, Joan Zeldon, harbored an extra-judicial bias and prejudice against me and YCR stemming from our conservative Christian advocacy against the so-called gay and lesbian political agenda, which is based in part on teaching young children in public and private schools that homosexuality is ‘normal’ societal behavior. …

Young Wonketeers, if you’re not yet ready to join up with Bradleeeeee, consider instead joining yr Wonkette Jr. in the new Wonk Social Media Slaves Extravaganza! No bottom age limit here, so enroll your children in this opportunity of a lifetime! Tons of facebooking for no monies and no awards but hey, IRATE MINORITY BRUSH FIRES OF FREEDOM.

[Bradlee Dean Info]

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159 comments

    1. Callyson

      I'll settle for starting with the purple WTF thing he is holding in that photo. My eyes still hurt…

  1. OzoneTom

    Did he already blow through that $50 million he was going to collect in his lawsuit against Rachel Maddow?

  2. Pookums

    Good christ. Just when I think I've got it bad living with some of the knuckleheads here in Wisconsin, our friends in Minnesota turn the crazyknob to motherfucking 11.

    1. Terry

      I have a theory that it gets so frickin cold up there in the winter that they're all stuck indoors too much and go batshit crazy.

  3. EatsBabyDingos

    I'll trade Bradlee Dean for one Bradley Manning and throw in four used Lou Sarahs and a sack of dandelion seeds. Fair trade?

    1. malsperanza

      It is his sonic screwdriver. He points it at a 13 year old Christian youth and shouts "Expecto Pederastum!" and then

  4. MissTaken

    You must have a minimum computer know-how, such as how to copy and paste a “URL,” or website address, into a Facebook post

    What's a Facebook? I guess I'm not qualified.

  5. LibertyLover

    "It is ever more urgent to use the internet to get our message out, since this is where people hang out, especially the young. Think of how many people we can reach!"

    If only you guys would post it to you Facebook Pages! But NO! You're NOT gonna do it, are you? If not, you should just Get off the Freakin' Internet! I do all of this work for you, teaching myself to use a computer for a year and all….

    1. skoalrebel

      We burned a minority once. [spit] He was pretty irate about it, too. But it was for freedom. [spit] So, yeah.

    2. Callyson

      I read that as "IRATE MINORITY BUSH FIRES OF FREEDOM" and thought it would be a great title for a porno…

  6. EatsBabyDingos

    I bet the hair is glued into the asshat he's wearing. This makes it easy for him to get into his superhero costume as Joe the Plumber.

  7. snowpointsecret

    It does not take an overwhelming majority to reform society. It only takes an irate tireless minority setting brush fires of freedom everywhere!

    I'm not sure that's what they call it in Colorado…

  8. CapeClod

    Wow! Using the internet and Facebook to spread your message! Why hasn't anyone thought of that before?

  9. CthuNHu

    Bradlee Dean is a genius. Never before has anyone conceived of using the internet in this extraordinarily innovative way. His irate minority will surely convert the huddled ignorant masses with their ceaseless proselytizing. Possibly at some stage they will expand the operation to include blimps.

      1. Weedlord BonerHitler

        Oh, you just *know* there's gonna be kiddie porn on his computer surfacing in 5 … 4 … 3 … in between loud cries of "I done bin hacked by them evil, Satan-loving, Jesus-hating LIBRULZ." You just *know* it.

  10. skoalrebel

    Damn straight! [spit!] I hang out on the internet, and I can tell you that it's the best way to get the message out, yo! [spit] Without YouTube, my life would have been a pointless drunken slobber-sodden wreck. [spit] But my internet presence has made me the success I am today. Thank You, Jesus, for inventing the internet and giving it to your followers!

    1. Mumbletypeg

      When I give thanks this year and every year for the wonkettz, without which my life would be something approaching a pointless, drunken slobber-sodden wreck, I inevitably mention you SkoalRebel along with Aunt Wonkette's cranberry business as stars in this snark-site's crown~

          1. HistoriCat

            OK, who told??

            The little one is enjoying Kindergarten so far (although she has already mastered the nuances of "it's not fair" that she has to go to school when her younger brother gets to stay home) – she's made friends even! I am starting to feel very old.

          2. Weedlord BonerHitler

            Aww! So teh kyoot! And what a brave little feline she is! It just goes downhill from here, you know that, right? Got to see my little princess very briefly while she was in town. The kid's always had an overactive social calendar, but this is ridiculous. I'm lucky if I see her once a year.

  11. snowpointsecret

    As probably the youngest here, I want it to be known that I don't qualify for this anyway.

    …No seriously, I don't have a Facebook because I can't think of anything I'd honestly do with one. I figure nobody cares about me having scrambled eggs for breakfast or the like.

    Lack of Christianity, also, too.

    1. BadKitty904

      As one of the youngers (23 yrs old), I'm with you, Snow. I don't have an FB account and never will, mostly because a.) I see most everyone I know every week (small town); b.) when I brush my teeth, etc., is nobody's damned bidness…

      Benghazi! Also, too.

      1. HistoriCat

        Facebook is just how we keep up with our out of town relatives and high school acquaintances without the bother of personal contact. You damn kids need to stop with the texting and the sexting and who knows what.

        And get off my lawn!

    2. FeloniousMonk

      Of course people need to know if you have scrambled eggs! How else are they going to scold you if they weren't from free-range hens, or you didn't use a bain-marie?

  12. Lizzietish81

    He reminds me of a magazine cover I saw years ago saying about the new Christian Rock Youth with a bunch of young, fresh white kids, one of whom was throwing up the devil horns.

  13. Callyson

    It does not take an overwhelming majority to reform society. It only takes an irate tireless minority setting brush fires of freedom everywhere!

    Meh, Margaret Mead said it earlier and better.

  14. MUHAMMED_PBUH

    "'I've often seen a cat without a grin,' thought Alice: 'but a grin without a cat! It's the most curious thing I ever saw in my life!'”

  15. Biel_ze_Bubba

    To be fair, if the internet actually needed more right-wing idiocy, Bradlee Dean would be just the man for the job.

  16. Lizzietish81

    So, if I understand this correctly…this brain trust thinks that America can be "saved" by a bunch of teenagers spamming facebook with their mad copy and paste skills?

    1. T3rbo

      Uh, yeah. Satan hates it when you repost pictures of jesus on facebook for your friends to sneer at/ignore. Hates it.

  17. Goonemeritus

    I am over thirteen but I am an out of practice Christen with no Facebook account, can I still set fires?

  18. asterixaverni

    When I was 13 I committed arson for Free! And Anarchy! And the bong lit up some dried leaves… but still, didn't need no dadgum intarwebs for arson.

    Fucking stupid kids.

  19. sullivanst

    It was only a matter of time before the RWNJ agenda collapsed into simply "burn the motherfucker down".

  20. cousinitt

    "Now Gideon had seventy sons, his own offspring, for he had many wives. His concubine who was in Shechem also bore him a son, and he named him Abimelech." Now there's a role model. Damn, what is with all these xtianists with wanting all these wimmins?

    Abi would go on to murder all his bros save one. Anger management was not his forte. Thus far, compared to Gideon's bastard son, this Bradlee dude is just a piker. His parents wouldn't be named Brad and Lee, would they? Disturbed minds want to know.

  21. Detesticle

    "The rube, the rube, the rube is on fire — we don't need no water, let the Republicans burn. Burn, motherfuckers, burn."

  22. snowpointsecret

    “It became clear to me that the judge, Joan Zeldon, harbored an extra-judicial bias and prejudice against me and YCR stemming from our conservative Christian advocacy against the so-called gay and lesbian political agenda, which is based in part on teaching young children in public and private schools that homosexuality is ‘normal’ societal behavior."

    An extra-judicial bias for giving people who have a physical attraction to the same gender that they were born with equal rights to straight couples? Man, if that's what bias counts as now I want more of it.

  23. SayItWithWookies

    What Are the Qualifications? You must be a practicing Christian, at least 13 years old, have a Facebook page, and be able to help You Can Run, International on a volunteer basis, from wherever you can get an internet connection.

    And you must also be willing to travel to Canada to be in movie or two.

  24. EatsBabyDingos

    One of a set of triplets, Bradlee was less well known than his handsomer brothers, Ugglee and Homelee.

  25. Joshua Norton

    You must be a practicing Christian

    I've seen their types of so-called "Christians" and they need all the practice they can get since they're really not any good at it.

    1. rickmaci

      "I like your Christ, I do not like your Christians. Your Christians are so unlike your Christ." Gandhi

  26. YouBetcha

    These gosh darned kids and their newfangled technologies. What is this "Internet" of which you speak? It sounds satanic. I will pray for you.

  27. Defeatably_Joe

    What Are the Qualifications? You must be a practicing Christian, at least 13 years old, have a Facebook page, and be able to help You Can Run, International on a volunteer basis, from wherever you can get an internet connection. You must have a minimum computer know-how, such as how to copy and paste a “URL,” or website address, into a Facebook post

    Reblogging, for Jebus.

    1. wondering where i am

      Barry Bamz! That is why we are hearing about all of this youth outreach from the Republicans. See, there was this little thing called an election, and some dewy eyed youth stopped checking their Facebook pages long enough to vote! Because they got free stuff, like, um, stickers.

  28. therealtinlizzy

    My take away is that the possible ends-of-the-line for the hard-rockin rock-out-with-your-cock-out types are limited primarily to a) Axl Rose or b) Bradlee Dean. Choose your choice.

  29. Eve8Apples

    "It only takes an irate tireless minority setting brush fires of freedom everywhere!"

    Can we call this political movement "Arson for Assholes?"

  30. Oblios_Cap

    So basically you will save freedom by spamming your Facebook friends with Bible verses

    My idiot stepson does that now. He's on the dole, too. I only go on the FaceBooks once every couple of months anymore.

  31. Joshua Norton

    stemming from our conservative Christian advocacy

    Ever notice how you can replace the word "Christian" with the word "bigot" in anything they say and not change the meaning one bit?

  32. Chet Kincaid_

    With just a few brushfires, our nation can be turned into a raging conflagration of flaming righteous destruction, ruled over by He who fell to earth from Heaven!! Oh wait.

  33. CrunchyKnee

    Yep, because everyone knows that the kids identify with a balding douchebag with a perv stocking cap who plays christian "rock."

  34. glamourdammerung

    Maybe he is not as stupid as he seems. After all, putting children up to harassing his enemies is going to save him quite a bit of money in legal fees alone.

  35. T3rbo

    Oh man this is so good: I am listening to the bradlee dean sons of freedom dipshit radio program, this just in:

    THERE WERE MORE THAN TWO SHOOTERS IN COLUMBINE!!!!!

  36. Terry

    Has anyone asked him who or what he considers a "Christian"? Do Catholics count? What about Mormons? What about people who go to services only for marrying and burying, perhaps the occasional holiday if it's not too inconvenient? Do his "Christians" have to live according to any of the things they profess or is it a-ok to do whatever the heck they want as long as they're not caught?

  37. SubhumanVarmint

    My nine month old is already signing up to join Wonkette, Jr! In between naps, bottles and shitty diapers, anyway…

  38. SuspectedDemocrat

    You know who else encouraged young followers to— Aw forget it. When they make it that easy it takes all the fun out of it.

  39. Jennyjen798

    Wow. The more I look at this guy (and the more he talks about random bible right wing bullshit), the more I'm convinced that he's related to me. On my mother's, aka the crazy white people, side. =/

  40. Negropolis

    Wait, wais a "so-called" lesbian or gay? Don't they believe these people exist? If not, why are they always talking about them?

Comments are closed.