blowvember

Anti-Gay Christian Lawyer Lady Spread Gospel, Teen Girl’s Legs With (Alleged) Cross-Border Child Porn

Mojo Pedo? OH NO!It has been at least a week since someone involved in an anti-gay Christian group was found with a hooker’s penis in his bottom or (allegedly) diddling a child, and a week is five years in Blowvember-time. Luckily, Lisa Biron, a New Hampshire lawyer associated with the “Alliance Defending Freedom,” has gotten herself into a doozy of drugs and weapons and taking teenage girls across international borders, the better to star them in child pron! But wait! Is that even illegal?

Lisa Biron was arrested for taking a teenage girl to Canada, inducing her to do sex to someone, and then persuading her to let it be filmed. (ALLEGEDLY.) She also had a fuckton of ecstasy and pot and coke and weapons, or something, and tried to get people to lie to police about the case, and threatened to flee to Cuba, and is an all-around Wonkette SUPERSTAR. But is she just any old drug-sniffing, weapon-brandishing, child-porn maker? Of course not, don’t be ridiculose!

Biron is associated with the Alliance Defending Freedom, a group of lawyers who, according to their website, are committed to keeping “the door open for the spread of the Gospel” by advocating for “religious liberty, the sanctity of life, and marriage and family.” In Concord, she worked with the ADF in defending a Pentecostal Church on Mountain Road in its tax fight against the city.

She recently served on the board of directors at Mount Zion Christian Schools in Manchester, according to the school’s headmaster.

On Biron’s Facebook page, which was taken down in recent weeks, she had listed the Bible as her favorite book.

Lisa Biron, thank you for your service.

[ConcordMonitor, via Towleroad]

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  • barto

    But wait, it gets better…

    Oh no, sorry, hard to top that one.

    • http://wonkette.com/ weejee

      You said hard, tee hee…

    • Guppy

      The film could be directed by Roman Polanski.

      • emmelemm

        Nice… that's a total KO.

      • Karma_Suture

        Haha.. old joke: What goes into 13 twice?

  • nounverb911

    She who protests the loudest….

  • poorgradstudent

    If you gotta be a hypocrite, you should go big.

    • ShreditorsDesk

      and longer and harder!

    • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com Weedlord BonerHitler

      Looks like she took your advice.

  • gullywompr

    Yep, and she did it all while awaiting trial on previous child porn charges. As for her whole Christian thing, clearly she is just a lying liberal infiltrator. Evil is everywhere.

    • http://www.vinoverve.com Maman

      Who says women aren't breaking through the glass ceiling?

  • BadKitty904

    Three words – Fundie Family Values.

  • http://simplyleftbehind.blogspot.com/ actor212

    Was Lisa Biron also in Deep Throat II?

    • Biff

      Good lard, exactly as I pictured her. Eye bleach, please!

  • http://www.vinoverve.com Maman

    The Canadians don't mind teenage porn. But guns and cigarettes crossing the border makes them peevish.

    • shelwood46

      And Kinder Eggs.

    • kittensdontlie

      Whatever is done in the privacy of our own country is legal, but crossing borders, no.

  • EatsBabyDingos

    Well, the Mann act only applies to menn.

    • http://www.vinoverve.com Maman

      And state boundaries… and I think that is small s "state"

  • Goonemeritus

    “She had listed the Bible as her favorite book. “

    Yes hers has all the naughty bits are underlined.

    • freakishlywrong

      All that "begattin" goin' on..

  • http://simplyleftbehind.blogspot.com/ actor212

    Lisa Biron was arrested for taking a teenage girl to Canada, inducing her to do sex to someone, and then persuading her to let it be filmed.

    OMG! STEVEN KING WAS RIGHT!

    • horsedreamer_1

      The writer, or the congressman?

  • http://lostintarnation.blogspot.com/ SayItWithWookies

    Leave the nice lady alone — she was just testing whether she could register to vote illegally in Canada.

  • Pat_Pending

    Is this more of that 'hide in plain sight' strategy that seems to work so well for the family values folks?

  • freakishlywrong

    George Orwell has nothing on the "Newspeak" of the modern right wing hypocrite.

  • BadKitty904

    And y'all thought "Twin Peaks" was fiction…

    • http://loljazzcatz.blogspot.com/2012/06/introducing-bad-note-millstones-of-jazz.html Chet Kincaid_

      You're saying she's the Log Lady?

  • Crank_Tango

    If smuggling teenagers up to canada city with a shitload of E, weed, blow, booze, and guns, and maybe some firecrackers, just to make porn is wrong, I don't wanna be right!

    Also, poutine.

    • GoodDogThor

      is that a euphemism for something?

  • RedneckMuslin

    "committed to keeping “the door open for the spread of the Gospel"

    The spread of teenage Gospel is hawt!

  • http://www.wonkette.com ManchuCandidate

    Hey Wingnut preverts. When Jeebus said "Let the little children come to me." He didn't mean "come into, come onto" them or have them do onto you as you have done onto others (aka "The Golden, um, Rule.")

  • SexySmurf

    she had listed the Bible as her favorite book.

    Her second favorite book? Color my Boobs!

    • GoodDogThor

      apparently she meant the LDS Bible, whatever the fuck they call it…

  • HRH_Maddie

    At what point do we stop being surprised by the hypocrisy?

    • http://lostintarnation.blogspot.com/ SayItWithWookies

      Corollary: At what point do the fundamentalists start being surprised by it?

  • http://wonkette.com/ weejee

    Perhaps Biron haz a confused over the second C word in suffer the little children to come unto me?

    • http://facethesuncastnoshadow.wordpress.com/ Mumbletypeg

      I have to say, Little Children could've been a much more interesting movie had they cast PedoBear, especially during that pool scene!

  • SuspectedDemocrat

    Outside, Biron ducked her head below the backseat window of a white vehicle as it was driven away from the courthouse.

    OJ LIBEL!!11!!

  • edgydrifter

    She's the Chuck Yeager of the "do as I say, not as I do" behavior envelope.

  • http://www.wonkette.com ChillBill

    You know who else goes to Canada for illegal sexy time?

    • nounverb911

      Rafalca?

    • Dr. Matt

      Sarah Palin? Ted Nugent? Trump?

      • freakishlywrong

        Gross.

      • http://www.wonkette.com ChillBill

        Worst threesome ever.

        • Dashboard Buddha

          No kidding…and trump can't play bass for shit.

    • http://www.vinoverve.com Maman

      Everyone?

    • http://www.wonkette.com ChillBill

      Anyone who's ever dated Brisket?

      • http://simplyleftbehind.blogspot.com/ actor212

        Well, they've crossed into Canada for the free clinics, that's for sure

    • http://www.gurukalehuru.wordpress.com gurukalehuru

      Smokey the Bear?

    • natl_[redacted]_cmdr

      I have a girlfriend in Canada. I met her over the summer, honest. You wouldn't know her. Her name is, um, Anada? Shut up, she's real!

    • Dashboard Buddha

      Eliot Spitzer? I heard that what happens in Moose Jaw, stays in Moose Jaw.

  • Oblios_Cap

    keeping “the door open for the spread of the Gospel”

    So that's what the kids are calling it these days?

  • skoalrebel

    Jesus does say "Suffer little children, and forbid them not, to come unto me: for of such is the kingdom of heaven." [spit] So, kiddie porn is totally Biblical, y'all. In fact, the Greek text is better translated as "forbid them not, to come all over me." [spit!]

  • Ryy

    Didnt Jesus drive hookers to Canada back in the day? Mormons.. hello? Isnt that part of it?

  • Blueb4sinrise

    LEEEEEEEEEEEESSSSSSSSSAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

    [oops, wrong Lisa]

  • Dr. Matt

    We can blame her behavior on Progressive Secularism or Secular Progressives (I'll have to consult O'Reilly on the proper term). Clearly it's causing all the problems in this country….including hurricanes, flat tires, sad kittens, and gritty toilet paper.

  • DaSandman

    Can't a god fearin' Christian girl have a hobby?

  • Lizzietish81

    So, how many abortions has she had?

  • ph7

    Bring a lawyer, coke and underage honey
    The shit has hit the fan!

    • BadKitty904

      All that's left for her is to run on a GOP ticket for Congress.

    • Aridzona

      You owe Warren Zevon an apology.

    • GoodDogThor

      Turn those speakers up full-blast and play it all night long

  • OneDollarJuana

    Is it true that in socialist Canada, the government pays for your kiddie porn?

    • http://www.wonkette.com ChillBill

      That would explain all the Wingnuts threatening to move up there lately.

    • docterry6973

      Yes, but you need to fill out a 15-page form to get it.

    • http://www.wonkette.com Lionel[redacted]Esq

      Plus they give them free health care and birth control.

      Let's just say, you don't want to see the Canadian version of Sesame Street.

  • ShreditorsDesk

    Oh baby, I feel closer to Jesus already!

  • smashedinhat

    I don't condone any of this except for the drugs.

  • Nostrildamus

    Give her a break. It was God's will.

    • BadKitty904

      Maybe Bobby Jindal, the GOP's "Barney Fife," should exorcise her.

  • Oblios_Cap

    When this persecution of fine, upstanding, god-fearing christians end?

    • http://www.wonkette.com ChillBill

      And the War on Christmas hasn't even begun yet.

    • http://mbouffant.blogspot.com M. Bouffant

      Think you're mocking? Comment #1 at the Concord Monitor:

      I find it hard to believe that the left in this country have any integrity or genuineness when it comes to the problem of sexual abuse. They dont want to solve the problem, which is a human problem, they want to gather up a mob, in true democrat fashion, and burn churches down. Their true colors always show.

  • ph7

    This could have been avoided if she was legally dropped off at the swingset afterwards.

  • Lascauxcaveman

    And no pix of this adventurous, border crossing, Christian lady lawyer?

    How are we male Wonketteers supposed to make our usual boneheaded "Still, I'd hit that" type of comments?

    • BadKitty904
      • Lizzietish81

        Omg, she's even butcher than I am!

      • http://www.gurukalehuru.wordpress.com gurukalehuru

        Not HER. What's the kid look like.

    • DCBloom

      There's a linky up top, but really, you don't want to hit that……

    • PsycWench

      As the parent of a teenage girl, I would definitely hit that. With a two-by-four. No votes involved.

  • TootsStansbury

    Well as long as it isn't GAY under age sex.

  • sati_demise

    Clearly this is the result of gay marriage. No doubt.
    Petraeus and now lawyers!
    This nation is doomed.

    • BadKitty904

      Benghazi!

  • NorthStarSpanx

    Well, as long as she wasn't transporting these underage girls across borders to get an abortion, the Right shouldn't have a problem with this.

    • http://wonkette.com/ VA_Dreaming

      That depends. Was she using birth control? And did the boss have to pay for the birth control?

  • snowpointsecret

    Wow, they're REALLY desperate to prove themselves right, they'll even commit the crimes they say liberals do to prove liberals do these things!

    Wait, what?

    • ChapterUndVerse

      They're setting up for the "both sides do it" argument, as soon as James O'Keefe can get a crew together and hire body doubles.

  • rmjagg

    I've seen a pic of her – the only way you'd want to hit it is with a car

  • Pragmatist2

    It ACTUALLY does GET BETTER!
    She got her law degree from – drumbeat – where else? Regent University! Pat Robertson U! I think she may be out of the running for Alumna of the Year
    But maybe not.

  • Aridzona

    Given that internet service is slow and television reception spotty in the northeast provinces, you have to find something to do with your time.

  • sewollef

    Religious fundamentalists….. I've shit 'em!

  • ttommyunger

    Praise The Lord and pass the needle!

  • qwerty42

    For freedom! Or sex, drugs and rock and roll.

  • MadBrahms

    Biron sent a text to a friend saying she might flee to Cuba because she had “nothing left.”.

    Oh sure, it's all "defending freedoms" until the shit hits the fan, and then it's "Viva el socialismo!"

    "Alliance Defending Freedom" is a grammar disaster, also too. Not even "Alliance for the Defense of Freedom"? Come on.

    • Lizzietish81

      Rush keeps threatening to run to Costa Rica if Obamacare isn't repealed.

      Which really just proves that he knows his listeners are complete idiots.

  • http://www.marionstein.net Ground Zero Mostel

    Flee to Cuba? That's a great idea. Save the taxpayers here some money and send her someplace where child porn and drugs are definitely illegal.

  • Barrelhse

    A child-sniffing, drug-addled Christian with guns. Aren't they all?

    • MadBrahms

      Wouldn't the world be more entertaining if they were? I mean, terrifying, obviously. But entertaining.

  • Respitetini

    Holy shit, Wonkette! I'd think you guys made her up, but sadly, this is where the closeted Right has been trending towards for years now.

  • smellypossum

    Wasn't this the plot from a SouthPark episode?

  • Lizzietish81

    I think you mean its redundant.

  • Troglodeity

    Favorite Book: The Bible
    Favorite Movie: The Devil in Miss Jones

  • jello_mold

    oooooooooooops! thanks!

  • http://wonkette.com/ VA_Dreaming

    I read a story earlier today about a young man in Oklahoma who had some beer and caused an accident which killed a friend. He was charged with manslaughter and part of his probation includes attending church every week. This article shows more evidence of why that is a stupid idea. Even though the majority of religious people are sincere in their beliefs and try to follow them, church going does not prevent bad people from doing stupid, immoral, and often illegal things. Worst example: Dennis Rader (aka the BTK killer) was a deacon of his church.

  • rickmaci

    I am sure that somewhere in Fundiestan they are trying to convince each other this is all Obama's fault, the re election made her do it.

  • jaytingle

    What makes her believe that she would be accepted in Cuba?

    • http://wonkette.com/ VA_Dreaming

      She would offer to share the film with government officials.

  • http://howtosavetheworld.ca/ BZ1

    Well of course they would list the Bible as a favorite, full of all that he "knew" and she "knew" each other stuff …

    • Biff

      I "know", right?

  • TribecaMike

    A disappointingly small number of folks defending her in the comments below the Concord Monitor article, though this one from "SCO" helps make up for the dearth:

    "I find it hard to believe that the left in this country have any integrity or genuineness when it comes to the problem of sexual abuse. They dont want to solve the problem, which is a human problem, they want to gather up a mob, in true democrat fashion, and burn churches down. Their true colors always show."

    I wish, SCO!

    • finallyhappy

      I am hoping to find a single publication(besides wonkette) where the online commenters do not include a significant number of really stupid right wingers. I have not found one yet- WSJ, NYT included

    • http://mbouffant.blogspot.com M. Bouffant

      Oh, you beat me to it, you bastid!!

  • http://mbouffant.blogspot.com M. Bouffant

    Sweet Blood of Jesus!

  • http://whatisawatthedevolution.blogspot.com imissopus

    That picture is now my favorite picture ever. I may print it out and hang it over my desk.

  • Dashboard Buddha

    Wow…it seems like only yesterday I was making a joke about a porn lawyer. Oh, wait…

  • horsedreamer_1

    The accompanying photo is capital A amazing.