BLOWVEMBER  12:00 pm November 19, 2012

Anti-Gay Christian Lawyer Lady Spread Gospel, Teen Girl’s Legs With (Alleged) Cross-Border Child Porn

by Rebecca Schoenkopf

Mojo Pedo? OH NO!It has been at least a week since someone involved in an anti-gay Christian group was found with a hooker’s penis in his bottom or (allegedly) diddling a child, and a week is five years in Blowvember-time. Luckily, Lisa Biron, a New Hampshire lawyer associated with the “Alliance Defending Freedom,” has gotten herself into a doozy of drugs and weapons and taking teenage girls across international borders, the better to star them in child pron! But wait! Is that even illegal?

Lisa Biron was arrested for taking a teenage girl to Canada, inducing her to do sex to someone, and then persuading her to let it be filmed. (ALLEGEDLY.) She also had a fuckton of ecstasy and pot and coke and weapons, or something, and tried to get people to lie to police about the case, and threatened to flee to Cuba, and is an all-around Wonkette SUPERSTAR. But is she just any old drug-sniffing, weapon-brandishing, child-porn maker? Of course not, don’t be ridiculose!

Biron is associated with the Alliance Defending Freedom, a group of lawyers who, according to their website, are committed to keeping “the door open for the spread of the Gospel” by advocating for “religious liberty, the sanctity of life, and marriage and family.” In Concord, she worked with the ADF in defending a Pentecostal Church on Mountain Road in its tax fight against the city.

She recently served on the board of directors at Mount Zion Christian Schools in Manchester, according to the school’s headmaster.

On Biron’s Facebook page, which was taken down in recent weeks, she had listed the Bible as her favorite book.

Lisa Biron, thank you for your service.

[ConcordMonitor, via Towleroad]

 

Hola wonkerados.

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{ 119 comments }

barto November 19, 2012 at 12:04 pm

But wait, it gets better…

Oh no, sorry, hard to top that one.

weejee November 19, 2012 at 12:07 pm

You said hard, tee hee…

Guppy November 19, 2012 at 1:05 pm

The film could be directed by Roman Polanski.

emmelemm November 19, 2012 at 2:19 pm

Nice… that's a total KO.

Karma_Suture November 19, 2012 at 11:29 pm

Haha.. old joke: What goes into 13 twice?

nounverb911 November 19, 2012 at 12:04 pm

She who protests the loudest….

poorgradstudent November 19, 2012 at 12:05 pm

If you gotta be a hypocrite, you should go big.

ShreditorsDesk November 19, 2012 at 12:22 pm

and longer and harder!

Weedlord BonerHitler November 19, 2012 at 1:10 pm

Looks like she took your advice.

gullywompr November 19, 2012 at 12:05 pm

Yep, and she did it all while awaiting trial on previous child porn charges. As for her whole Christian thing, clearly she is just a lying liberal infiltrator. Evil is everywhere.

Maman November 19, 2012 at 12:15 pm

Who says women aren't breaking through the glass ceiling?

BadKitty904 November 19, 2012 at 12:05 pm

Three words – Fundie Family Values.

actor212 November 19, 2012 at 12:05 pm

Was Lisa Biron also in Deep Throat II?

Biff November 19, 2012 at 2:07 pm

Good lard, exactly as I pictured her. Eye bleach, please!

Maman November 19, 2012 at 12:05 pm

The Canadians don't mind teenage porn. But guns and cigarettes crossing the border makes them peevish.

shelwood46 November 19, 2012 at 1:27 pm

And Kinder Eggs.

kittensdontlie November 19, 2012 at 4:23 pm

Whatever is done in the privacy of our own country is legal, but crossing borders, no.

EatsBabyDingos November 19, 2012 at 12:06 pm

Well, the Mann act only applies to menn.

Maman November 19, 2012 at 12:07 pm

And state boundaries… and I think that is small s "state"

Goonemeritus November 19, 2012 at 12:07 pm

“She had listed the Bible as her favorite book. “

Yes hers has all the naughty bits are underlined.

freakishlywrong November 19, 2012 at 12:20 pm

All that "begattin" goin' on..

actor212 November 19, 2012 at 12:07 pm

Lisa Biron was arrested for taking a teenage girl to Canada, inducing her to do sex to someone, and then persuading her to let it be filmed.

OMG! STEVEN KING WAS RIGHT!

horsedreamer_1 November 19, 2012 at 8:26 pm

The writer, or the congressman?

SayItWithWookies November 19, 2012 at 12:07 pm

Leave the nice lady alone — she was just testing whether she could register to vote illegally in Canada.

Pat_Pending November 19, 2012 at 12:07 pm

Is this more of that 'hide in plain sight' strategy that seems to work so well for the family values folks?

freakishlywrong November 19, 2012 at 12:09 pm

George Orwell has nothing on the "Newspeak" of the modern right wing hypocrite.

BadKitty904 November 19, 2012 at 12:09 pm

And y'all thought "Twin Peaks" was fiction…

Chet Kincaid_ November 19, 2012 at 1:57 pm

You're saying she's the Log Lady?

Crank_Tango November 19, 2012 at 12:09 pm

If smuggling teenagers up to canada city with a shitload of E, weed, blow, booze, and guns, and maybe some firecrackers, just to make porn is wrong, I don't wanna be right!

Also, poutine.

GoodDogThor November 19, 2012 at 1:25 pm

is that a euphemism for something?

RedneckMuslin November 19, 2012 at 12:09 pm

"committed to keeping “the door open for the spread of the Gospel"

The spread of teenage Gospel is hawt!

ManchuCandidate November 19, 2012 at 12:10 pm

Hey Wingnut preverts. When Jeebus said "Let the little children come to me." He didn't mean "come into, come onto" them or have them do onto you as you have done onto others (aka "The Golden, um, Rule.")

SexySmurf November 19, 2012 at 12:11 pm

she had listed the Bible as her favorite book.

Her second favorite book? Color my Boobs!

GoodDogThor November 19, 2012 at 1:26 pm

apparently she meant the LDS Bible, whatever the fuck they call it…

HRH_Maddie November 19, 2012 at 12:11 pm

At what point do we stop being surprised by the hypocrisy?

SayItWithWookies November 19, 2012 at 12:13 pm

Corollary: At what point do the fundamentalists start being surprised by it?

weejee November 19, 2012 at 12:11 pm

Perhaps Biron haz a confused over the second C word in suffer the little children to come unto me?

Mumbletypeg November 19, 2012 at 12:20 pm

I have to say, Little Children could've been a much more interesting movie had they cast PedoBear, especially during that pool scene!

SuspectedDemocrat November 19, 2012 at 12:11 pm

Outside, Biron ducked her head below the backseat window of a white vehicle as it was driven away from the courthouse.

OJ LIBEL!!11!!

edgydrifter November 19, 2012 at 12:12 pm

She's the Chuck Yeager of the "do as I say, not as I do" behavior envelope.

ChillBill November 19, 2012 at 12:13 pm

You know who else goes to Canada for illegal sexy time?

nounverb911 November 19, 2012 at 12:15 pm

Rafalca?

Dr. Matt November 19, 2012 at 12:16 pm

Sarah Palin? Ted Nugent? Trump?

freakishlywrong November 19, 2012 at 12:22 pm

Gross.

ChillBill November 19, 2012 at 12:23 pm

Worst threesome ever.

Dashboard Buddha November 19, 2012 at 6:43 pm

No kidding…and trump can't play bass for shit.

Maman November 19, 2012 at 12:17 pm

Everyone?

ChillBill November 19, 2012 at 12:22 pm

Anyone who's ever dated Brisket?

actor212 November 19, 2012 at 12:24 pm

Well, they've crossed into Canada for the free clinics, that's for sure

gurukalehuru November 19, 2012 at 1:30 pm

Smokey the Bear?

natl_[redacted]_cmdr November 19, 2012 at 3:26 pm

I have a girlfriend in Canada. I met her over the summer, honest. You wouldn't know her. Her name is, um, Anada? Shut up, she's real!

Dashboard Buddha November 19, 2012 at 6:43 pm

Eliot Spitzer? I heard that what happens in Moose Jaw, stays in Moose Jaw.

Oblios_Cap November 19, 2012 at 12:14 pm

keeping “the door open for the spread of the Gospel”

So that's what the kids are calling it these days?

skoalrebel November 19, 2012 at 12:14 pm

Jesus does say "Suffer little children, and forbid them not, to come unto me: for of such is the kingdom of heaven." [spit] So, kiddie porn is totally Biblical, y'all. In fact, the Greek text is better translated as "forbid them not, to come all over me." [spit!]

Ryy November 19, 2012 at 12:15 pm

Didnt Jesus drive hookers to Canada back in the day? Mormons.. hello? Isnt that part of it?

Blueb4sinrise November 19, 2012 at 12:15 pm

LEEEEEEEEEEEESSSSSSSSSAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[oops, wrong Lisa]

Dr. Matt November 19, 2012 at 12:16 pm

We can blame her behavior on Progressive Secularism or Secular Progressives (I'll have to consult O'Reilly on the proper term). Clearly it's causing all the problems in this country….including hurricanes, flat tires, sad kittens, and gritty toilet paper.

Blueb4sinrise November 19, 2012 at 12:23 pm

I blame Justin Bieber.

wondering where i am November 19, 2012 at 12:45 pm

So does the New York Times: http://opinionator.blogs.nytimes.com/2012/11/17/h

DaSandman November 19, 2012 at 12:16 pm

Can't a god fearin' Christian girl have a hobby?

Lizzietish81 November 19, 2012 at 12:16 pm

So, how many abortions has she had?

ph7 November 19, 2012 at 12:17 pm

Bring a lawyer, coke and underage honey
The shit has hit the fan!

BadKitty904 November 19, 2012 at 12:23 pm

All that's left for her is to run on a GOP ticket for Congress.

Aridzona November 19, 2012 at 12:32 pm

You owe Warren Zevon an apology.

GoodDogThor November 19, 2012 at 1:29 pm

Turn those speakers up full-blast and play it all night long

OneDollarJuana November 19, 2012 at 12:17 pm

Is it true that in socialist Canada, the government pays for your kiddie porn?

ChillBill November 19, 2012 at 12:19 pm

That would explain all the Wingnuts threatening to move up there lately.

docterry6973 November 19, 2012 at 1:17 pm

Yes, but you need to fill out a 15-page form to get it.

Lionel[redacted]Esq November 19, 2012 at 1:54 pm

Plus they give them free health care and birth control.

Let's just say, you don't want to see the Canadian version of Sesame Street.

ShreditorsDesk November 19, 2012 at 12:19 pm

Oh baby, I feel closer to Jesus already!

smashedinhat November 19, 2012 at 12:19 pm

I don't condone any of this except for the drugs.

Nostrildamus November 19, 2012 at 12:20 pm

Give her a break. It was God's will.

BadKitty904 November 19, 2012 at 12:26 pm

Maybe Bobby Jindal, the GOP's "Barney Fife," should exorcise her.

Oblios_Cap November 19, 2012 at 12:22 pm

When this persecution of fine, upstanding, god-fearing christians end?

ChillBill November 19, 2012 at 12:30 pm

And the War on Christmas hasn't even begun yet.

M. Bouffant November 19, 2012 at 4:52 pm

Think you're mocking? Comment #1 at the Concord Monitor:

I find it hard to believe that the left in this country have any integrity or genuineness when it comes to the problem of sexual abuse. They dont want to solve the problem, which is a human problem, they want to gather up a mob, in true democrat fashion, and burn churches down. Their true colors always show.

ph7 November 19, 2012 at 12:24 pm

This could have been avoided if she was legally dropped off at the swingset afterwards.

Lascauxcaveman November 19, 2012 at 12:26 pm

And no pix of this adventurous, border crossing, Christian lady lawyer?

How are we male Wonketteers supposed to make our usual boneheaded "Still, I'd hit that" type of comments?

BadKitty904 November 19, 2012 at 12:29 pm

Remember, you asked for it: http://ct.fra.bz/ol/fz/sw/i55/2/11/18/frabz-Lisa-

Lizzietish81 November 19, 2012 at 12:32 pm

Omg, she's even butcher than I am!

gurukalehuru November 19, 2012 at 1:34 pm

Not HER. What's the kid look like.

DCBloom November 19, 2012 at 12:34 pm

There's a linky up top, but really, you don't want to hit that……

PsycWench November 19, 2012 at 12:49 pm

As the parent of a teenage girl, I would definitely hit that. With a two-by-four. No votes involved.

TootsStansbury November 19, 2012 at 12:28 pm

Well as long as it isn't GAY under age sex.

sati_demise November 19, 2012 at 12:28 pm

Clearly this is the result of gay marriage. No doubt.
Petraeus and now lawyers!
This nation is doomed.

BadKitty904 November 19, 2012 at 12:29 pm

Benghazi!

NorthStarSpanx November 19, 2012 at 12:30 pm

Well, as long as she wasn't transporting these underage girls across borders to get an abortion, the Right shouldn't have a problem with this.

VA_Dreaming November 19, 2012 at 1:58 pm

That depends. Was she using birth control? And did the boss have to pay for the birth control?

snowpointsecret November 19, 2012 at 12:31 pm

Wow, they're REALLY desperate to prove themselves right, they'll even commit the crimes they say liberals do to prove liberals do these things!

Wait, what?

ChapterUndVerse November 19, 2012 at 1:04 pm

They're setting up for the "both sides do it" argument, as soon as James O'Keefe can get a crew together and hire body doubles.

rmjagg November 19, 2012 at 12:32 pm

I've seen a pic of her – the only way you'd want to hit it is with a car

Pragmatist2 November 19, 2012 at 12:32 pm

It ACTUALLY does GET BETTER!
She got her law degree from – drumbeat – where else? Regent University! Pat Robertson U! I think she may be out of the running for Alumna of the Year
But maybe not.

Aridzona November 19, 2012 at 12:34 pm

Given that internet service is slow and television reception spotty in the northeast provinces, you have to find something to do with your time.

sewollef November 19, 2012 at 12:35 pm

Religious fundamentalists….. I've shit 'em!

ttommyunger November 19, 2012 at 12:45 pm

Praise The Lord and pass the needle!

qwerty42 November 19, 2012 at 12:49 pm

For freedom! Or sex, drugs and rock and roll.

MadBrahms November 19, 2012 at 12:50 pm

Biron sent a text to a friend saying she might flee to Cuba because she had “nothing left.”.

Oh sure, it's all "defending freedoms" until the shit hits the fan, and then it's "Viva el socialismo!"

"Alliance Defending Freedom" is a grammar disaster, also too. Not even "Alliance for the Defense of Freedom"? Come on.

Lizzietish81 November 19, 2012 at 12:57 pm

Rush keeps threatening to run to Costa Rica if Obamacare isn't repealed.

Which really just proves that he knows his listeners are complete idiots.

Ground Zero Mostel November 19, 2012 at 12:53 pm

Flee to Cuba? That's a great idea. Save the taxpayers here some money and send her someplace where child porn and drugs are definitely illegal.

Barrelhse November 19, 2012 at 1:01 pm

A child-sniffing, drug-addled Christian with guns. Aren't they all?

MadBrahms November 19, 2012 at 1:03 pm

Wouldn't the world be more entertaining if they were? I mean, terrifying, obviously. But entertaining.

Respitetini November 19, 2012 at 1:08 pm

Holy shit, Wonkette! I'd think you guys made her up, but sadly, this is where the closeted Right has been trending towards for years now.

smellypossum November 19, 2012 at 1:32 pm

Wasn't this the plot from a SouthPark episode?

Lizzietish81 November 19, 2012 at 1:46 pm

I think you mean its redundant.

Troglodeity November 19, 2012 at 1:54 pm

Favorite Book: The Bible
Favorite Movie: The Devil in Miss Jones

jello_mold November 19, 2012 at 1:54 pm

oooooooooooops! thanks!

VA_Dreaming November 19, 2012 at 1:56 pm

I read a story earlier today about a young man in Oklahoma who had some beer and caused an accident which killed a friend. He was charged with manslaughter and part of his probation includes attending church every week. This article shows more evidence of why that is a stupid idea. Even though the majority of religious people are sincere in their beliefs and try to follow them, church going does not prevent bad people from doing stupid, immoral, and often illegal things. Worst example: Dennis Rader (aka the BTK killer) was a deacon of his church.

rickmaci November 19, 2012 at 2:01 pm

I am sure that somewhere in Fundiestan they are trying to convince each other this is all Obama's fault, the re election made her do it.

jaytingle November 19, 2012 at 2:01 pm

What makes her believe that she would be accepted in Cuba?

VA_Dreaming November 19, 2012 at 2:04 pm

She would offer to share the film with government officials.

BZ1 November 19, 2012 at 2:01 pm

Well of course they would list the Bible as a favorite, full of all that he "knew" and she "knew" each other stuff …

Biff November 19, 2012 at 3:04 pm

I "know", right?

TribecaMike November 19, 2012 at 3:21 pm

A disappointingly small number of folks defending her in the comments below the Concord Monitor article, though this one from "SCO" helps make up for the dearth:

"I find it hard to believe that the left in this country have any integrity or genuineness when it comes to the problem of sexual abuse. They dont want to solve the problem, which is a human problem, they want to gather up a mob, in true democrat fashion, and burn churches down. Their true colors always show."

I wish, SCO!

finallyhappy November 19, 2012 at 4:52 pm

I am hoping to find a single publication(besides wonkette) where the online commenters do not include a significant number of really stupid right wingers. I have not found one yet- WSJ, NYT included

M. Bouffant November 19, 2012 at 4:56 pm

Oh, you beat me to it, you bastid!!

M. Bouffant November 19, 2012 at 4:43 pm

Sweet Blood of Jesus!

imissopus November 19, 2012 at 5:34 pm

That picture is now my favorite picture ever. I may print it out and hang it over my desk.

Dashboard Buddha November 19, 2012 at 6:41 pm

Wow…it seems like only yesterday I was making a joke about a porn lawyer. Oh, wait…

horsedreamer_1 November 19, 2012 at 8:28 pm

The accompanying photo is capital A amazing.

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