what am I doing here? I don't belong hereDid you know that in many states there are judicial elections? And that those judicial elections are a pathway for really exceptional conspiracy-driven wingnuts, rather than your garden-variety wingnut, to ascend to positions of power? And it is almost impossible to get rid of them once they are elected? You do now!! Democracy, California-style, has given us soon-to-be Judge Gary G. Kreep of San Diego.

There is no doubt that yr Wonkette Junior is aware of the delightful aptness of Mr. Kreep’s moniker. Even more delightful: Mr. Kreep’s opponent in his titanic election struggle was a gentleman named Mr. Garland Peed. But, San Diegoaneans, why elect the qualified when you can elect the crazy? USA! USA! It is your god-given right to ignore this guy:

For nearly 30 years, Peed has been a capable prosecutor. Everybody who’s worked with him likes him. He racked up every serious endorsement imaginable, from DA Bonnie Dumanis to Sheriff Bill Gore, from the San Diego police and county deputies unions to the judge whose seat he would have filled.

Why choose likable or competent for your judge-type-person when instead you can have Kreep, who has sought to rid the world of homosexuals, abortioneers, messicans, Barack Obama, Hilary Clinton, and Teddy Kennedy. Mr. Kreep might seem like a veritable titan of intolerance, but Mr. Kreep is just being targeted by those meddling gays:

Kreep paints himself as a victim, saying he received death threats and that the city assigned six police officers to protect him at [San Diego Human Rights Commission] meetings. He also claims that, during the meetings, he was “bombarded with used condoms and pus and blood soaked cotton balls” flung by his opponents.

Everybody knows that all the gayz do is save up their precious bodily fluids to fling at the righteous. Of course the gayz, being lying liarpants, disagree with this stone cold truth:

“If this was true, it would’ve been on every TV station,” says Nicole Murray-Ramirez, a gay activist who spoke against Kreep during public comment in 1992 and later served as HRC chairperson from 2006 to 2011. “That’s impossible. If that incident happened, I would know and I would’ve condemned it… That didn’t happen. He’s obviously lying.”

“Nobody threw any junk like that at him,” says Duane Shinnick, a former deputy district attorney who’d been appointed to the commission by Mayor O’Connor.

“He’s full of shit,” Rossi says. “Excuse my French; I’m almost 83. Nobody ever threw condoms or bloody cotton balls at him. Not even one. He may have felt we wanted to choke him a time or two, but we wouldn’t have done something that drastic.”

“Horseshit,” Klumpp says. “What nonsense. That is insanity… But I have no doubt he has convinced himself that it happened.”

Wonketeers, yr Wonkette Junior asks you: who are you gonna believe? Several swearing homosexuals and their brainwashed collaborator friends or this handsome devil?

Enjoy your new judge, San Diego!! Not condoms, nor pus (how do you collect pus?) nor blood-soaked cotton balls (?!) stopped this freedom train. If you’re a homosexual abortion-having messican Democrat living in San Diego now, you can take comfort in the fact that while Kreep will no doubt live up to his name, at least you didn’t follow Cook County’s lead and elect an outright criminal as your judge:

Soon after being charged with misdemeanor battery, a panel of supervising judges barred her from entering the county’s courthouses without a police escort. But neither that, nor the fact that numerous bar associations have recommended since 2000 that voters toss Brim from the bench, kept her from narrowly retaining her seat Tuesday.

Advantage, Chicago.

[San Diego City Beat]

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  • EatsBabyDingos

    Definitely looks like another New York D.A who let his pornstache go bad.

  • Has anyone seen Kreep's stapler?

    • Could Milton Kreep be Ron Swanson's mentally challenged older brother? The blood-soaked cotton balls thicken!

    • dr_giraud

      I could set the courthouse on fire.

  • snowpointsecret

    His moustache fits his last name quite nicely.

  • Barbara_

    (how do you collect pus?)
    Boil it? No, that's how you make holy water or some shit like that. Now I am going to think of boils all day. Thanks, Gary Kreep!

    • memzilla

      Mounting a Get-Out-The-Pus drive would be one way to collect it. Hell, I'm thinking of setting up a collection stand outside the Loisaida clinic; I'd mail him the results via the pustal service (sorry).

      • You wouldn't express it to him?

      • kittensdontlie

        What do we want? Pus!
        When do we want it? Now!

    • Lance Boyle came in third.

  • Kreep and Peed. A vaudeville act in the making.

    • PubOption

      Krapt and Peed would be better.

      • Clearly, you've never been as drunk as I am.

        I mean, have been.

    • eggsacklywright

      Frick and Frack will skate on this one.

    • Aren't they the Blah guys with the Comedy Central show?

  • memzilla

    Needs moar — and better aimed — used condoms and pus and blood soaked cotton balls.

  • BadKitty904

    The freakish need of GOP-types to somehow see themselves as martyrs is beyond belief. Wishful thinking, Kreep?

    • Esteev

      There's reason to be defensive when everyone calls you a Kreep for no reason.

    • Terry

      It's their go-to response when shown to be wrong and/or crazy over and over and over again.

  • snowpointsecret

    On the plus side, Kreep did not have a panty-related issue. I'm sure that's why he won.

    • not that Dewey

      while on the pus side…

    • What you did there? I see. You made a crack.

  • eggsacklywright

    Mission Kreep is always a bad thing.

    • thatsitfortheother1

      And Peed is generally a good thing.

      • BadKitty904

        Context. It's all about *CONTEXT*…

  • memzilla

    For the 1,756th time: Your move, Arizona.

  • Oblios_Cap

    “Nobody threw any junk like that at him,”

    He probably wishes someone would dangle some junk in front of him, though….

    • BadKitty904

      He certainly looks the type. Note the artfully placed curl over the forehead…

  • Not_So_Much

    All this time I thought the term "pussbucket" was just a colloquialism.

  • AlterNewt

    Always carry a towel.

    • Botlrokit

      Don't panic.

    • Or in his case, a trowel. That bullshit don't shovel itself.

    • thatsitfortheother1

      Paula Broadwell dating tip #1.

    • Re-election slogan: " Judge Gary Kreep – One Hoopy Frood"

  • Estproph
    • Zombie Frank Sinatra sends hiz up thumbz…

  • In all fairness, Judge Brim had been declared legally insane at the time of the incident.

    • BadKitty904

      Oh, well, in THAT case…

  • Aha — the "Black Friday Kreep," unmasked at last~

  • Who takes the time to differentiate the various body fluids being tossed at them? Sounds like someone has a touch of OCD!

    • BadKitty904

      As well as a remarkably vivid (and desperately sick) imagination.

  • eggsacklywright

    I hope news of his hobby of torturing kittens in blenders doesn't leak out.

  • Loch_Nessosaur

    He also claims that, during the meetings, he was “bombarded with used condoms and pus and blood soaked cotton balls” flung by his opponents.

    Was there any santorum?

    • hollywooddood

      I don't know. It just sounds like a typical Saturday night to me.

  • BZ1

    Garry Kreep, now come on, this is Onion, right?? OK, maybe now, not as snarky, when I've seen what he looks like. You couldn't get a more wild-eyed fanatic.

    • But clearly not a fan of the American flag fag? He gets caught wide stancing in 3, 2, 1…

  • banana_bread

    You guys really surprised at Chicago? We also re-elected a dude who was thrown out of the state legislature for corruption and now cannot be thrown out again. And Jesse Jackson Jr, who did zero campaigning and has been AWOL for six months.

    Chicago REALLY LIKES incumbents, what can I say.

    • nobody can compete with cook county in the dicey, questionable or corrupt category.

      shouldn't even try really.

  • Goonemeritus

    I doubt even Catfish Hunter could manage to throw a cotton ball more than a few feet.

    • Esteev

      They're perfectly weighted with a touch of blood of your enemies.

  • EnnuiThereYet?

    San Diego – come for the sun soaked beaches, stay for the cum soaked cotton balls.

  • PsycWench

    Michael Steele pulled off that "pelted Oreos at me" story so much better.

  • Botlrokit

    Peed, Kreep, Balls.

    Sorry, I just can't focus on the story. I'm too juvenile.

    Also, Philip Seymour Hoffman libel!

  • Dude's a living Pus Christ.

    • Esteev

      Even Jesus think Kreep is aptly named.

  • ttommyunger

    Sorry, if the only choice was between Peed and Kreep, I would fucking MOVE!

    • BadKitty904

      I know, right?

      • ttommyunger

        Fer sure!

    • snowpointsecret

      In a local race we had a juvenile court winner named Kuntz. That can't end well.

    • New a WAC in the Army with a last name of Parts. Three guesses on her rank.

      • ttommyunger

        And praying desperately for a promotion.Sent from the Field, not in Garrison.

      • thatsitfortheother1

        There's a Major Bover joke in here somewhere.

      • Now if I just knew how to spell …aggggggg…..

        • bobbert

          You mean "Know if I just new how to spell"?

  • Dudleydidwrong

    E-mission Kreep is even worse.

  • The mere fact that he was kneeling in front of any number of gay men, and they didn't throw it so much as fire it at him….and that it wasn't pus…

  • snowpointsecret

    He also claims that, during the meetings, he was “bombarded with used condoms and pus and blood soaked cotton balls” flung by his opponents.

    See, it's obvious his opponents don't go to Wonkette. If they did, they'd have done it with votes and he never would have won.

  • Biel_ze_Bubba

    It will be interesting to see how long anyone this sleazy can remain on the bench in California.

    • BadKitty904

      Why is there an Ewok in the photo?

      • Silly. That's Dr Zaius, the lawgiver.

  • smellypossum

    Is that Kreep's photo from the California sex offender registry?

  • docterry6973

    How do you collect pus? Wonkette, Jr, you dont know the fun you've been missing!

  • thatsitfortheother1

    Don't know about you folks but I generally keep a little pus on hand, just for occasions like this.

    • This is why I still have pimples.

      • thatsitfortheother1

        When life gives you lemmons…

        • Esteev


  • DaSandman

    So don't stand there on the street naked with a bib on and your mouth open. Have some class man, you're a judge now!

  • “Horseshit,” Klumpp says.

    And Eddie Murphy was so on a comeback before this…

  • Dudleydidwrong

    Didn't Carl Sandburg write about him?

    THE Kreep creeps in
    on little cat feet.

    It sits looking
    over harbor and city
    on silent haunches
    and then moves on.

    Maybe he'll keep on creepin' down to rent boy city, to the south. Creep, Kreep!

    • PubOption

      I suspect that this Kreep will not be silent.

  • Was it the teevee commercials? Gotta be the teevee commercials.

    I think the best plan for the Democrats is to give away free DVRs — no one would ever watch a commercial again.

  • Sparky

    Kinda looks like Arpaio's younger, dapper, barely- closeted brother.

    • PsycWench

      with a 70's porn-star mustache.

      • Sparky

        And a foppish pompadour.

    • And the same obsession with pink underwear.

  • Sounds like more of a wish list than a complaint.

  • Somewhere an appellate court judge is shaking their head and sighing.

  • Sadly, using the Twinkie defense against thrown condoms and cotton balls will be harder with the, eh, coming shortage.

  • kittensdontlie

    Chicago Democrats re-elected a legally insane judge rather than a sane Republican. Can't say I can blame them.

    • BadKitty904

      I'd say they're one up.

      • kittensdontlie

        Sanity is in the eye of the beholder.

  • docterry6973

    Just a guess, but I bet he was listed first on the ballot.

    PA elects judges, and you cannot imagine a more pathetic collection of party hacks and grifters.

    • Biel_ze_Bubba

      We "elect" them in NY as well, but party hacks (from both parties) ensure that there are always exactly n candidates on the ballot for us to "choose" from, for the n available seats.

      • There was definitely a Judge on my ballot this year who was running for as the Democratic, Republican, and Working Families Candidate. I kinda wondered what was up with that, since the other ones were all running unopposed.

    • Local PA races can be fun; I remember back in college, there was a school board election in our district, one of our econ profs was the incumbent, and being an very blunt economist (albeit a rather liberal Keynsian), not always well-loved by our education students.

      So naturally, his opponent picked up this fact, and ran as the Green Party's candidate. And, oh yeah: she was also the Republican and actually about as much of a winger as you could find in the Philly suburbs. Good news, a plurality of the students at my school were moderately discerning, even though we definitely loved our third-party protest-votes (and just protests in general, constantly, for any reason) at Atheist Liberal College.

  • BigSkullF*ckingDog

    I think this guy has some kind of fucked up medical waste kink. Look for him in the dumpster behind the hospital, sniffing the old bedpans.

    • thatsitfortheother1

      Or just down on the Jersey shore.

    • Dildeaux


  • DixvilleCrotch

    Those gays and their bodily fluids, getting them all over all of us, and at quite inappropriate times like in committee meetings.

    Did they finish on his face?

  • freakishlywrong

    Had to run an errand and came back to this post with "69" comments. Isn't it ironic?

  • HateMachine

    "Garland Peed"

    I just bet he did.

  • notgross

    I think "several swearing homosexuals" was considered as lyrics when they were writing "The 12 Days of Christmas."

    • thatsitfortheother1

      Eleven pols a'pusing.

      • tessiee


        • And a cartridge in a Glock 9.

          • Vecchiojohn

            Six gays a-cussin'?

          • thatsitfortheother1

            Four pederasts…

  • James Michael Curley

    This is why CA is and always will be the bush league in politics. If this was in NJ all we would have thrown was the election.

  • That's one impressive James T. Kirk cowlick, lumpy boulder of a jawline and fashion-forward button-down-collar-over-askew tie. Not to mention the stewing-in-the-warmth-of-his-refarted-breakfast smug satisfaction.

  • Come here a minute

    Judge Kreep is so so fucking special Radiohead wrote a song about him.

    • I was going to say "Radiohead sued this guy to make him stop using their music at his campaign events," but what you said was good too.

  • widestanceromance

    No one would cast their pearls before this swine, no matter how much he paid them.

  • Schmegeg

    Try as you might, thrown cotton balls don't go more than two feet.

  • southernboyman

    Shoulda kept his real Polish name, Kreepskowski.

  • well this should go well.

  • bombarded with used condoms and pus and blood soaked cotton balls

    In his dreams.

  • No Santorum?

  • This taking Michael Steele's Oreo Cookie bombardment to a whole nother level.

  • GoodDogThor

    "Kreep", really? This is a new Zach Galifianakis movie, right?

    • GoodDogThor

      Also starring DA Bonnie Dumbass and Sheriff Bill 'Al' Gore. With Duane Shinnick and a Klumpp, must be a collaboration with Eddie Murphy.

  • barto

    A feel a Messican rent-boy episode involving a certain judge coming on.

  • Biff

    Won't someone please blingee this Kreep, with used condoms and blood-soaked cotton balls shooped in?

  • Dildeaux

    Its a special ability to be able to decern the difference between thrown cum and pus. A skill much advanced of my own.

  • fawkedifiknow

    To paraphrase the late Senator Roman Hruska, "Even the 'tarded need representation on the bench."

    Anybody who would elect someone this unqualified deserves the result.

  • Steverino247

    And here's the special part: Kreep used those lies (or self-delusions) to raise funds for his important work.

    Not going to go into details, but I've run up against this guy before. He's not that smart and doesn't know shit about the Constitution.

  • Kreep and Peed?

    These guys were running for a judgeship and they don't know you petition the court to have your name changed?

  • Bukko Canukko

    This whole democracy, let-the-people-choose thing is way overrated. They empower too many fools. Let's select judges by having a blind person throw darts at papers with lawyers' names printed on them. As good a way as any to avoid picking Kreeps. For that matter, let's select Mumblers of Congrifts by darts/blind man/phone book page…

  • dancesw_cougars

    Soon to be known as the "teflon judge" because the used condoms don't stick to him.

  • jello_mold

    Ugh, one thing you can really count on from the teabaggers is their oversharing of some truly bizarre sex fantasies.

  • larrykat

    Kreep was probably confusing it with that time Paul Ryan was finishing his two hour 50-something marathon and some queers at the end of the race threw bloody cotton-pus balls at him.

  • woodwakr

    He's certainly lying; throwing an object at someone is prosecutable as assault, and if it had happened in front of law enforcement, they'd have arrested somebody.

  • MrsConclusion

    Kreep, Peed, plus Brim. Who's writing the news? Thackeray?

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