BLOWVEMBER  2:04 pm November 18, 2012

New York D.A. Busted Starring In Nudie Lewdie Dix Flix

by Wonkette Jr.

You find this very difficult to fap toIn the criminal justice system, the people are represented by two separate but equally important groups: the cops who investigate crimes, and the district attorneys who star in Deep Throat Part II: The Bonening.

A district attorney in upstate New York has admitted that he acted in pornographic movies in the 1970s then lied when questioned about it during his second campaign.

Mark Suben, the DA in Cortland County near Syracuse since 2008, held a news conference Friday to say he had lied about his past in the days before this year’s election.

“Recently materials have been circulated alleging that I was involved in the adult film industry about 40 years ago in New York. Those allegations are true,” he said. “I was an actor in adult films for a short period in the early 70s. I was also an actor in other venues including off Broadway, soap operas and commercial advertisements.”

Can we really judge this fellow? Truly, who among us hasn’t appeared in a porn film at some point in their lives? And sure, these films were made in the privacy of someone’s home and that they were meant for private viewing and –sorry, what’s that, Josh Marshall?

Actually, not just any porn actor, but one with a pretty gloried pedigree. He seems to have appeared in Deep Throat Part II in addition to Bedroom Bedlam and something called Devil’s Due. The film’s all seem to be from the first half of the 1970s. The plot of Devil’s Due is described thus by IMDb: “A young girl fleeing an abusive home life arrives in New York City and becomes involved in a satanic cult. She conspires with the cult leader’s two lesbian assistants to take over the coven.” Interesting.

But do we have video? OF COURSE we have video!

Look! It even includes Dramatic Gopher! That’s how you know this is a serious issue!

Suben performed under the name Gus Thomas in other lusty-busties flicks as Lecher and The Love Witch. Links SFW.

Suben has issued the boilerplate “bad judgment” apology, in which he admitted to other such heinous crimes as acting in soap operas and commercials.

He will not resign, according to his spokesman, Aimee Milks.

[NBC / TPM]

 

Hola wonkerados.

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{ 171 comments }

Serolf_Divad November 18, 2012 at 2:12 pm

My first instinct is that we should give the benefit of the doubt to any straight man who beats the odds and manages to make a living in porn.

glasspusher November 18, 2012 at 2:14 pm

To do otherwise would be a job killer.

LocalGirlMakesGoo November 18, 2012 at 3:48 pm

I have no snark for this. I live in Cortland County and have worked with Mark in the past. He's a very good DA.

Lot_49 November 18, 2012 at 6:45 pm

As long as he didn't send five or six emails to an FBI agent's married girlfriend, he should come out of it okay.

LocalGirlMakesGoo November 18, 2012 at 7:02 pm

I think it would make a great tourist attraction. Commit a crime in Cortland and face the pornstar D.A.

redarmyzombie November 18, 2012 at 9:06 pm

Only if I can show up in costume.

Wile E. Quixote November 19, 2012 at 1:33 am

He should have his own fucking reality show. Seriously, what's the big deal? Is he a good D.A?

LionHeartSoyDog November 19, 2012 at 1:39 am

"…straight man who beats the odds…"
Is that a euphemism for gay-bashing?

glasspusher November 18, 2012 at 2:12 pm

Wow. What is revealed in that top picture is all I ever want to see!

glasspusher November 18, 2012 at 2:13 pm

Apparently, looks aren't everything, even in porn! I can (and will not!) imagine how his technique makes up for it!

BerkeleyBear November 18, 2012 at 2:23 pm

Two words for you: Ron Jeremy. Guys in porn in the 70s and 80s weren't there to look good, but either because they had a freakish wang, were so schlubby looking the wretches going to the porn theater could see themselves in the fantasies, or both.

glasspusher November 18, 2012 at 2:29 pm

I am not ashamed of my ignorance of porn. My imagination does me just fine ;)

Fuck Toad November 18, 2012 at 9:34 pm

Ron Jeremy also wasn't nearly as gross then as he is now. He was actually pretty svelte in his early career, and not even super-duper hairy (and hairier dudes were in, anyway).

But yes, it was mostly his enormous prick that got him work.

tessiee November 18, 2012 at 10:57 pm

Bad Luck Brian, for those of you who aren't familiar with him, is an internet meme that starts with good (or at least neutral) news and then gives you the really bad news, e.g., "Orders a Coca-Cola… Gets Pepsi" (ya get it, because Pepsi sucks).

There's a Bad Luck Brian meme that goes something like:
"Wins Date with Porn Star
`
`
`
Ron Jeremy"

Hera Sent Me November 18, 2012 at 3:08 pm

Being able to get hard on cue and stay hard until the scene is filmed are basically the only requirements for a male porn star.

Hence the nearly ubiquitous presence of the troll-like Ron Jeremy in the porno of the 1980's and 1990's.

viennawoods13 November 18, 2012 at 3:41 pm

I still remember fondly Ron Jeremy on SexTV discussing the ethics of the use of Viagra by porn stars. Not surprisingly, he wa sagainst it.

glasspusher November 18, 2012 at 4:50 pm

All I know about porn I learned from watching Boogie Nights.

viennawoods13 November 18, 2012 at 7:57 pm

I am going to assume that is was a reference to a prescription erectile dysfunction drug which has banished my comment to the netherworld. What I said, however, was I have fond memories of Ron Jeremy on SexTV discussing the ethics of porn stars using such drugs. Needless to say, he was against it.

BadKitty904 November 18, 2012 at 4:51 pm

Str8 porn is apparently a *VERY* different world, indeed. Who knew?

starfanglednut November 18, 2012 at 5:53 pm

From what I've seen, it's pretty gross. I prefer teh gay porn, where the participants are often gentle to one another. It feels less exploitative.

bobbert November 18, 2012 at 6:08 pm

The relevant phrase here is "forty years ago". Those of us who were nominally adults forty years ago tend not to be too judgmental about our contemporaries' current looks.

PsycWench November 18, 2012 at 6:12 pm

It's all about the mustache.

DrunkIrishman November 19, 2012 at 2:22 am

I remember coming across one of my dad's old porno videos from the 70s (he owned, not made, Jesus Christ, people). I was in awe of the bushiness of the women. Holy Fuck! When I was a kid, growing up in the 90s, all the nudie magazines, the girls were either shaved or trimmed. So, when I actually saw video … from an era long before … I wondered if a ferret or something had got lost up the girl's vag.

not that Dewey November 18, 2012 at 2:14 pm

40 years is a long time to leave one's moustache style unchanged.

Serolf_Divad November 18, 2012 at 2:18 pm

The porn 'stache is a memento from his acting days.

WhatTheHeck November 18, 2012 at 2:52 pm

Those were his salad days.

Angry_Marmot November 18, 2012 at 3:29 pm

Are you suggesting we toss him?

Geminisunmars November 18, 2012 at 3:43 pm

That's not all he was eating.

kittensdontlie November 18, 2012 at 3:22 pm

It's not the size of the man that makes the porn, it's the size of the porn 'stache that makes the man.

ProgressiveInga November 18, 2012 at 4:00 pm

David Axelrod approves this comment.

BadKitty904 November 18, 2012 at 4:52 pm

And what was his 'stache's porn name?

Negropolis November 18, 2012 at 10:29 pm

Nookie Duster.

Dildeaux November 19, 2012 at 8:41 am

Brock Phillups

TribecaMike November 19, 2012 at 12:02 pm

Randy?

zwoits November 18, 2012 at 9:37 pm

tell that to my dad…

Fred_Wertham_Jr November 18, 2012 at 2:15 pm

Dick or GTFO.

kittensdontlie November 18, 2012 at 2:18 pm

If Dems want my vote, a porno resume is an absolute necessity.

Misty Malarky November 18, 2012 at 2:21 pm

A dramatic reminder that the man's appearance was NOT important in early porn.

Serolf_Divad November 18, 2012 at 2:21 pm

A young girl fleeing an abusive home life arrives in New York City and becomes involved in a satanic cult. She conspires with the cult leader’s two lesbian assistants to take over the coven.”

I remember watching that show when it was called "Three's Company."

not that Dewey November 18, 2012 at 7:02 pm

"The Facts of Life"

LesBontemps November 18, 2012 at 9:11 pm

Nah, that was the premise for "Full House."

shelwood46 November 18, 2012 at 9:59 pm

"Golden Girls"?

ManchuCandidate November 18, 2012 at 2:24 pm

Hey, the guy was a pizza delivery guy. If a female customer wanted some extra sausage then who was he to deny it?

AngryBlakGuy November 18, 2012 at 4:18 pm

…lol, cue the cheesy music!

BadKitty904 November 18, 2012 at 4:54 pm

Bow-chicka-wow-wow!

Dashboard Buddha November 18, 2012 at 5:27 pm

Ohhh…what about a porn lawyer? "Hello…thank you hiring the long short-arm of the law".

Barbara_ November 18, 2012 at 2:28 pm

"Truly, who among us hasn’t appeared in a porn film at some point in their lives?"

Check the closing credits for "Lawrence of a Labia" to see if my name appears.
Yeah, like anyone has ever seen the end of a porn.

WhatTheHeck November 18, 2012 at 3:00 pm

Aren’t the ‘climax’ and the ‘end’ the same thing? Or does one come before the other?

Sparky November 18, 2012 at 4:50 pm

In response to your second question: Yes ( I see what you did there).

secanonymous November 18, 2012 at 3:09 pm

"Yeah, like anyone has ever seen the end of a porn."

If it was less than 2 minutes, then yes, I have.

VodkaGoGo November 18, 2012 at 3:12 pm

I usually only watch for 2 minutes 31 seconds but that's only because I know the equipment really well. I'm in the union.

natl_[redacted]_cmdr November 18, 2012 at 3:52 pm

Porns have closing credits?

FeloniousMonk November 18, 2012 at 7:20 pm

Wasn't Ben Ghazi in that?

Wile E. Quixote November 19, 2012 at 1:28 am

I have, my God, I can't count the number of times I've shot huge, arcing ropes of jism all over the room in a paroxysm of pleasure when the key grip credit finally rolls. Isn't that what porn's all about? I thought that all of the fucking and sucking was just there to get you aroused for the credits. Am I doin it rong?

Boojum November 19, 2012 at 8:13 am

Key grip. Heh heh heh.

ttommyunger November 19, 2012 at 10:18 am

So, I'm not alone…..Nice!

CrunchyKnee November 18, 2012 at 2:30 pm

Of course this is Obama's fault – UNPEACH!!!11111!!!

BadKitty904 November 18, 2012 at 4:55 pm

"Benghazi!" Also. Too.

Come here a minute November 18, 2012 at 2:33 pm

Next stop, Director of Central Intelligence!

ManchuCandidate November 18, 2012 at 3:56 pm

Is that a Walther PPK or are you just happy to see me?

BlueStateLibel November 18, 2012 at 2:35 pm

Is this a great country or what!

secanonymous November 18, 2012 at 2:36 pm

I always wondered what happened to porn stars once the dickie-do sets in.

NYNYNYjr November 18, 2012 at 2:37 pm

OMG- I had to check– you weren't joking about his spokesperson's name. A classic. Aimee Milks. Photo of Aimee Milks? Or Milking?

Geminisunmars November 18, 2012 at 3:47 pm

That is a lovely porn name.

LotsOfRats November 18, 2012 at 4:23 pm

His assistant DA is named Dick Powers. (Or should be.)

Negropolis November 18, 2012 at 10:32 pm

His bodyman is He Hung-Lo.

Come here a minute November 18, 2012 at 2:38 pm

"You may remember me from the classic 70's commercials 'I Can't Believe I Ate the Whole Thing' and 'That's Italian!'"

boskolives November 18, 2012 at 11:58 pm

Or the gay porn I did using the name Ben Dover.

Callyson November 18, 2012 at 2:40 pm

If you watch that video, I recommend hitting the mute button. Worst. Music. Ever.

BadKitty904 November 18, 2012 at 4:56 pm

You may be the first person ever, Cally, to actually listen to it. ;0)

VodkaGoGo November 18, 2012 at 2:58 pm

Oooh, a new Wonkette jr. I hope it turns out to be a chick, for a mommy blog this place is a bit of a sausage party. This of course matters because I live in an alternate universe where it is totally plausable that I could meet and hookup with a Wonkette lady writer.

shelwood46 November 18, 2012 at 10:03 pm

Watched a little too much of the DA's ouevre today, eh?

VodkaGoGo November 19, 2012 at 11:04 am

That's everyday.

PubOption November 18, 2012 at 2:58 pm

Needs more Boehner?

PhilippePetain November 18, 2012 at 3:05 pm

New campaign slogan:

"Mark Suben has the balls to take on New York's toughest criminals."

cybermoe November 18, 2012 at 3:10 pm

Throatiness.

SexySmurf November 18, 2012 at 3:11 pm

It even includes Dramatic Gopher!

He's called the Dramatic Chipmunk. He's actually a prairie dog but changed his name in case he ever runs for political office.

Troubledog November 18, 2012 at 3:12 pm

Here's to you, Mister District Attorney Who Was Formerly A Pornstar. None of us were ever a pornstar. And none of us ever got a law degree after being a pornstar, instead of turning into a junkie or a homeless, um, junkie. So here's to you, even though you look like a cop now, at one time, you were hot enough to get paid to have sex, as a man, which is very much hotter than most men.

Just sayin. You're a Real American Hero.

SnarkOff November 18, 2012 at 5:39 pm

This is why America is great.

Troubledog November 18, 2012 at 9:29 pm

He's like a Baby Berlusconi.

tessiee November 18, 2012 at 8:51 pm

"None of us were ever a pornstar."

None of us were ever even a porn supporting player.

Serolf_Divad November 18, 2012 at 9:18 pm

Fluff girl?

shelwood46 November 18, 2012 at 10:06 pm

Have we verified this? Because we do have some actors in these parts.

HeadsIWin November 18, 2012 at 3:15 pm

At about eleven minutes into the video (no, i didn't watch the whole thing- who watches an entire porn?) he tells the girl scout selling cookies at his door he wants a free sample and then, if that isn't bad enough, says he wants to taste her pie. But the real crime is his body hair.

Pithaughn November 18, 2012 at 3:16 pm

This is great news! I have refrained from seeking public office because I thought my tawdry acting / performing history would discredit me in the eyes of the voters.

BadKitty904 November 18, 2012 at 4:58 pm

Like Reagan?

LibrarianX November 18, 2012 at 3:24 pm

Dirk Diggler has not aged well.

LibertyLover November 18, 2012 at 3:35 pm

So it's true what they say that Politics is like Hollywood except only for ugly people.

tessiee November 18, 2012 at 11:07 pm

I thought that was standup comedy.

Joshua Norton November 18, 2012 at 3:37 pm

Could the human body actually survive the amount of alcohol that you'd need to consume to look at that picture and think "Hawt sex!!"?

LibertyLover November 18, 2012 at 3:37 pm

Mark Does New York doesn't have the same ring to is as Debbie does Dallas.

natl_[redacted]_cmdr November 18, 2012 at 3:42 pm

Ewwww the kiss at the end of that video! Why did I watch all the way to the end? Brain bleach and new eyeballs please!

SavageDrummer November 18, 2012 at 3:44 pm

I have zero issue with someone who used to be in porn movies getting a job later in life, even if that job later in life is an elected position. Heh, position.

Dashboard Buddha November 18, 2012 at 3:57 pm

As long as he's not prosecuting missionaries.

BadKitty904 November 18, 2012 at 5:00 pm

It's not like the American public isn't used to being screwed by those in elected positions, sooo…

corthylio November 18, 2012 at 5:07 pm

Word.

Chow Yun Flat November 18, 2012 at 9:51 pm

Erected position?

tessiee November 18, 2012 at 11:08 pm

Is that joke racist?
Oh, wait, you have an Asian name, so I guess it's OK.

Beowoof November 18, 2012 at 3:45 pm

So the prosecutor in Cortland is a big dick and has a big dick. It would be the latter that makes the story unusual.

Joshua Norton November 18, 2012 at 3:49 pm

He appeard in a dozen films? I understand in the porn industry that's considered a slow week.

Dashboard Buddha November 18, 2012 at 3:55 pm

"commercial advertisements"

Oh, you despicable slut!

bikerlaureate November 18, 2012 at 3:59 pm

"A few weeks ago, when asked, I denied this to members of the press," Suben said. "I regret that and I apologize for it. I was shocked and embarrassed to be confronted with this so many years later. I was embarrassed for my family and friends who have stood by me. I also denied my actions to my family, my friends and my staff."

Odd, but this article neglects to mention why anyone should trust him ever again.

bobbert November 18, 2012 at 6:12 pm

Perhaps he's been forgiven by Jeebus.

Negropolis November 18, 2012 at 10:37 pm

Well, to be serious, just because people lie about things they think might be personally embarrassing doesn't mean that they lie about everything else. Now, had he lied about past embezzlement of something other breach of the public trust, I'd be worried. Lying because porn is still so heavily stigmatized in America? Not so much.

Wile E. Quixote November 19, 2012 at 1:43 am

Did he lie about his performance in office? No, he lied about something in his past which is irrelevant to his current career. Hey, if we're going to be all purist about it let's just exile Bill and Hilary Clinton to outer Mongolia while we're at since Bill lied to us about Monica Lewinsky and Hilary is guilty by association.

Mittens Howell, III November 18, 2012 at 4:04 pm

… and he's not a General?

poorgradstudent November 18, 2012 at 4:20 pm

Oh come on, Deep Throat II was really more of a comedy (a really bad one!) with some porn spliced in, rather than the other way around. Besides, it was the '70s; porn was mainstream for a few years, so who didn't act in it! (Not entirely joking here…).

BadKitty904 November 18, 2012 at 5:01 pm

Is there something you'd like to tell us, PGS?

poorgradstudent November 18, 2012 at 5:04 pm

Haha, well, I can't say I wouldn't have acted in porn back then, but I did have the handicap of not existing during that trend.

However, I'm not ashamed to admit that I have seen Deep Throat II, which, given how terrible it is, should be even more shameful than starring in porn.

deanbooth November 18, 2012 at 9:28 pm

In the early 80s, the future Mrs. deanbooth and I went to a theater to see Marilyn Chambers in Insatiable with 3 other friend couples! I now find this totally bizarre.

AngryBlakGuy November 18, 2012 at 4:20 pm

…as a heterosexual male; I declare this a WIN!!!! This goes beyond party affiliations and political beliefs!

mavenmaven November 18, 2012 at 4:28 pm

Whether we like it or not, the 70s were so long ago that those styles are cool again with kids.

MiniMencken November 18, 2012 at 4:31 pm

"He was young and needed the money." How cum no one has written that yet?

tessiee November 18, 2012 at 11:10 pm

"How cum"

Misspelling or best/worst pun ever?

MiniMencken November 18, 2012 at 4:32 pm

PS: I hear his fluffer was Ivana Trump. Pass it on.

ttommyunger November 19, 2012 at 10:20 am

I hear it was Donald Trump, pass it on….

Tundra Grifter November 18, 2012 at 5:03 pm

If politicians had to resign for being bad actors, there would be a heckofa lot of vacant positions.

An_Outhouse November 18, 2012 at 5:06 pm

The plot of Devil’s Due…

that's the problem right there. too much plot.

BadKitty904 November 18, 2012 at 5:06 pm

Wilford Brimley: The Porn Years

tessiee November 18, 2012 at 8:55 pm

"It's the right thing to do, and a new way to do it."

Tundra Grifter November 18, 2012 at 5:07 pm

I just took another look at the top photo. I did not know Ron Jeremy went to law school.

coolhandnuke November 18, 2012 at 5:17 pm

"I can't define pornography, but I know it when I act in it."
–John Oliver Wendell Holmes

BZ1 November 18, 2012 at 5:18 pm

Mark kept the trademark porn star moustache as a nice reminder of his previous uplifting career.

poorgradstudent November 18, 2012 at 5:31 pm

Also, too, if you want to see Deep Throat II without actually seeing it, here's a riffing/review.

ElPinche November 19, 2012 at 12:50 am

Well, Suben should still pay for being in a movie with "fucking pie fight."

harumpa November 18, 2012 at 5:48 pm

I thought I recognized this guy from somewhere!

Noah_Hegemon November 18, 2012 at 5:58 pm

Boy was I confused. I thought it said BORN star. Like Drew Barrymore or something.

Thedongsofwar November 18, 2012 at 6:04 pm

Did he ever play a D.A in any of his films?

Guppy November 18, 2012 at 9:15 pm

Yes, but "DA" stood for something else.

MosesInvests November 18, 2012 at 6:06 pm

From "L.A. Law" back in the day:
"Safe sex? This was the Seventies-safe sex meant not doing it while you were driving a car!"

decentcitizen November 18, 2012 at 6:11 pm

Many of the DA's I knew had the ethics of a porn star.

Lazy Media November 18, 2012 at 6:15 pm

Yeah. I'm not seeing a post here. Dude used to do porn 40 years ago. And? Is he a mighty anti-porn crusader?

shelwood46 November 18, 2012 at 10:10 pm

Yeah, I think this is trumped by the recent revelation that the Director of Highway Safety in MA has been in seven (7!) car accidents.

NellCote71 November 19, 2012 at 12:27 am

And the fact that the director of the CIA uses the same email security measures as your run-of-the-mill al Qaida operative at an Internet cafe in Baghdad.

actor212 November 19, 2012 at 8:44 am

He's being tight-lipped about his record

Toomush_Infer November 18, 2012 at 6:39 pm

70's porn is the best porn….just sayin'….

Wile E. Quixote November 19, 2012 at 1:46 am

Yeah, I'm still waiting to see that Nazi, lesbian biker flick that Jan Brewer made in 1973. Lots of 70's bush.

Barrelhse November 18, 2012 at 6:40 pm

There are a lot of bad actors in law-enforcement.

Franknflower November 18, 2012 at 6:58 pm

Show us hte Ding Dong. (Too soon?)

Tommmcatt_Again November 18, 2012 at 7:16 pm

I've never been in a porn film, but several of the guys I slept with in the 90's were.

Life is good.

Guppy November 18, 2012 at 7:20 pm

There is no greater sin in American politics than having a sex life more interesting than your constituents'.

horsedreamer_1 November 18, 2012 at 7:21 pm

Jim Breuer sees the potential for a return — to the big screen — of Wong & Owens: Ex-Porn Stars.

tessiee November 18, 2012 at 8:57 pm

Better that than a Goatboy movie.

DahBoner November 18, 2012 at 7:56 pm

Don't Feed the Dramatic Gopher.

Barrelhse November 18, 2012 at 9:00 pm

Everybody's favorite character in this story has to be Aimee Milks.
And with that name, I'll bet $10,000 that he met her in "the industry".

boskolives November 19, 2012 at 12:05 am

Aimee Milks is called his "Spokesman", so I guess she had an addadictomi?

tessiee November 18, 2012 at 9:02 pm

So, did the Dramatic Gopher show beaver, or what?

JadedPreppy November 18, 2012 at 9:59 pm

I showed this to my 78-year-old Mother and she said "This is a nice diversion from General Penetratus starring in Four Star Genitals". She would comment herself, but she can barely handle AOL email.

Monsieur_Grumpe November 18, 2012 at 10:02 pm

Porn star, DA, what is the difference?
Meh.

Negropolis November 18, 2012 at 10:08 pm

Do. Not. Want.

unclejeems November 18, 2012 at 10:29 pm

He used to make a living with his dick. Now he can't even see it when he looks down. (Shudder.)

Negropolis November 18, 2012 at 10:39 pm

He was just doing this to get himself through college, right?

Truly, the Most Interesting Man in the World. Stay horny, my friends.

tessiee November 18, 2012 at 10:50 pm

"Fine! THAT'S JUST FINE!! I didn't want to be in your stupid movie for jerks in the first place! Oh, and by the way, Mark? You have cellulite on your ass, and I wouldn't be in an orgy with you if you begged me! BEGGED ME!" [step step step step SLAM! *blares music*] — Dramatic Gopher

"Fine… That's just fine… No, really, I'll be OK. [sniffles, dabs eyes with handkerchief] Go, go off with your friends, have your fun. Make your little movie. [presses back of hand to forehead] I'll just sit here… all alone… in the dark… until the Pope calls." — Melodramatic Gopher

Ground Zero Mostel November 18, 2012 at 11:07 pm

Oh for fuck's sake. It was the seventies. If you weren't in a porno, you were probably smoking weed with the choom gang, or sniffing coke off a call girl's tit, or something.

AlterNewt November 18, 2012 at 11:40 pm

"He will not resign, according to his spokesman, Aimee Milks. "

Yes. Of course.

cousinitt November 19, 2012 at 12:34 am

So, lemme see here. Judging by the looks of this guy and his short, but one may fairly say turgid oeuvre, and that he has still managed to attain the trusted position of district attorney…

…well, does that mean we are to expect the San Fernando Valley's own Hedgehog to make a run for Governor of California about any day now? I mean, they elected a dim but handsome actor, a body-building freak, and a zen master (twice). Who better to run California and perhaps even mainstream America than the seminal porn star of our time? At least Ron (no the handsome one) has balls. And the thing is we've ALL seen them. True, I had to wash my eyes out with bleach the first time I saw them dangle in midair above an equally hirsute maiden faire, but still, truth in advertising and all that, eh?

Me, if I'm in Cali, and thank the FSM I'm NOT, I'm voting Hedgehog: A Hole Different Governator.

ElPinche November 19, 2012 at 12:39 am

It's always the Wilford Brimley lookin ones.

AddHomonym November 19, 2012 at 12:54 am

143 comments and not one person has asked: is he a teabagger or what????

Wile E. Quixote November 19, 2012 at 1:35 am

What's the fucking problem? This guy is fucking awesome! He was a porn star and went to law school and became a district attorney. What a fucking stud! I hope he doesn't resign, in fact I hope that he gets his own reality show called "Pornstar D.A." which would be about delivering justice in upstate New York.

Wile E. Quixote November 19, 2012 at 1:39 am

Hypothetically speaking, because of course I don't condone such behavior, this video would be really awesome to watch if you had first done a couple of solid bong hits and had a really stiff Moscow Mule made with raspberry ginger ale. Hypothetically speaking of course, because that kind of thing isn't legal in Washington state until December 6th.

editor November 19, 2012 at 1:43 am

oh sweet jesus. i do not wish to to cast any aspersions on anyone for whatever job they may have held (was a stripper myself for a bit), but, yikes. i am trying to date here. i am trying to find an acceptable man. this is not helping at all. guess i'm back to being a cat lady.

Wile E. Quixote November 19, 2012 at 1:51 am

Wait, you're trying to date here, on Wonkette? Is this where you do it? Shit! I've been trying to do it on LinkedIn, but the only responses I get to my profile is from recruiters looking for programmers, which would be great, except I'm not a programmer, I'm a systems engineer/administrator, backup bitch and occasional unwilling DBA.

editor November 19, 2012 at 1:59 am

oh, yeah, sorry. didn't mean "here" as on wonkette. just meant here as in this lifetime. (immigrant typing.)

Wile E. Quixote November 19, 2012 at 2:06 am

No apology necessary. Dating here would be totally OK, us Wonketeers make a good catch.

HistoriCat November 19, 2012 at 10:21 am

Just wait until Rebecca gets that Wonkette personals up (heh) and running – it's going to be the 70s all over again. Just maybe with better fashion sense.

Wile E. Quixote November 19, 2012 at 1:47 am

Excuse me, but this is not what I had in mind when I told the Editrix that Wonkette needed more 70's bush.

Dildeaux November 19, 2012 at 8:37 am

Off Broadway? Dild demands head on platter. Oops. Dild made pun.

actor212 November 19, 2012 at 8:43 am

Wait….this is the guy who beat me out for the role in Lecher??!?!?!?!?!?

Beach_Bubba_Tex November 19, 2012 at 8:56 am

IMDb reviews porn? That's dedication to the craft, man.

MrsConclusion November 19, 2012 at 9:50 am

The "but" in that intro has always driven me crazy. It should be "separate AND equally important groups". Then again, go be surprised that a Wonkette item about a DA/porn actor would include a problematic "but."

ttommyunger November 19, 2012 at 10:39 am

" Aimee Milks."? I'll bet she does….

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