New York D.A. Busted Starring In Nudie Lewdie Dix Flix

  blowvember

You find this very difficult to fap toIn the criminal justice system, the people are represented by two separate but equally important groups: the cops who investigate crimes, and the district attorneys who star in Deep Throat Part II: The Bonening.

A district attorney in upstate New York has admitted that he acted in pornographic movies in the 1970s then lied when questioned about it during his second campaign.

Mark Suben, the DA in Cortland County near Syracuse since 2008, held a news conference Friday to say he had lied about his past in the days before this year’s election.

“Recently materials have been circulated alleging that I was involved in the adult film industry about 40 years ago in New York. Those allegations are true,” he said. “I was an actor in adult films for a short period in the early 70s. I was also an actor in other venues including off Broadway, soap operas and commercial advertisements.”

Can we really judge this fellow? Truly, who among us hasn’t appeared in a porn film at some point in their lives? And sure, these films were made in the privacy of someone’s home and that they were meant for private viewing and –sorry, what’s that, Josh Marshall?

Actually, not just any porn actor, but one with a pretty gloried pedigree. He seems to have appeared in Deep Throat Part II in addition to Bedroom Bedlam and something called Devil’s Due. The film’s all seem to be from the first half of the 1970s. The plot of Devil’s Due is described thus by IMDb: “A young girl fleeing an abusive home life arrives in New York City and becomes involved in a satanic cult. She conspires with the cult leader’s two lesbian assistants to take over the coven.” Interesting.

But do we have video? OF COURSE we have video!

Look! It even includes Dramatic Gopher! That’s how you know this is a serious issue!

Suben performed under the name Gus Thomas in other lusty-busties flicks as Lecher and The Love Witch. Links SFW.

Suben has issued the boilerplate “bad judgment” apology, in which he admitted to other such heinous crimes as acting in soap operas and commercials.

He will not resign, according to his spokesman, Aimee Milks.

[NBC / TPM]

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171 comments

  1. Serolf_Divad

    My first instinct is that we should give the benefit of the doubt to any straight man who beats the odds and manages to make a living in porn.

    1. LocalGirlMakesGoo

      I have no snark for this. I live in Cortland County and have worked with Mark in the past. He's a very good DA.

      1. Lot_49

        As long as he didn't send five or six emails to an FBI agent's married girlfriend, he should come out of it okay.

        1. LocalGirlMakesGoo

          I think it would make a great tourist attraction. Commit a crime in Cortland and face the pornstar D.A.

          1. Wile E. Quixote

            He should have his own fucking reality show. Seriously, what's the big deal? Is he a good D.A?

  2. glasspusher

    Apparently, looks aren't everything, even in porn! I can (and will not!) imagine how his technique makes up for it!

    1. BerkeleyBear

      Two words for you: Ron Jeremy. Guys in porn in the 70s and 80s weren't there to look good, but either because they had a freakish wang, were so schlubby looking the wretches going to the porn theater could see themselves in the fantasies, or both.

      1. Fuck Toad

        Ron Jeremy also wasn't nearly as gross then as he is now. He was actually pretty svelte in his early career, and not even super-duper hairy (and hairier dudes were in, anyway).

        But yes, it was mostly his enormous prick that got him work.

      2. tessiee

        Bad Luck Brian, for those of you who aren't familiar with him, is an internet meme that starts with good (or at least neutral) news and then gives you the really bad news, e.g., "Orders a Coca-Cola… Gets Pepsi" (ya get it, because Pepsi sucks).

        There's a Bad Luck Brian meme that goes something like:
        "Wins Date with Porn Star
        `
        `
        `
        Ron Jeremy"

    2. Hera Sent Me

      Being able to get hard on cue and stay hard until the scene is filmed are basically the only requirements for a male porn star.

      Hence the nearly ubiquitous presence of the troll-like Ron Jeremy in the porno of the 1980's and 1990's.

      1. viennawoods13

        I still remember fondly Ron Jeremy on SexTV discussing the ethics of the use of Viagra by porn stars. Not surprisingly, he wa sagainst it.

      2. viennawoods13

        I am going to assume that is was a reference to a prescription erectile dysfunction drug which has banished my comment to the netherworld. What I said, however, was I have fond memories of Ron Jeremy on SexTV discussing the ethics of porn stars using such drugs. Needless to say, he was against it.

    3. bobbert

      The relevant phrase here is "forty years ago". Those of us who were nominally adults forty years ago tend not to be too judgmental about our contemporaries' current looks.

    4. DrunkIrishman

      I remember coming across one of my dad's old porno videos from the 70s (he owned, not made, Jesus Christ, people). I was in awe of the bushiness of the women. Holy Fuck! When I was a kid, growing up in the 90s, all the nudie magazines, the girls were either shaved or trimmed. So, when I actually saw video … from an era long before … I wondered if a ferret or something had got lost up the girl's vag.

      1. kittensdontlie

        It's not the size of the man that makes the porn, it's the size of the porn 'stache that makes the man.

  3. Serolf_Divad

    A young girl fleeing an abusive home life arrives in New York City and becomes involved in a satanic cult. She conspires with the cult leader’s two lesbian assistants to take over the coven.”

    I remember watching that show when it was called "Three's Company."

  4. Barbara_

    "Truly, who among us hasn’t appeared in a porn film at some point in their lives?"

    Check the closing credits for "Lawrence of a Labia" to see if my name appears.
    Yeah, like anyone has ever seen the end of a porn.

    1. secanonymous

      "Yeah, like anyone has ever seen the end of a porn."

      If it was less than 2 minutes, then yes, I have.

    2. VodkaGoGo

      I usually only watch for 2 minutes 31 seconds but that's only because I know the equipment really well. I'm in the union.

    3. Wile E. Quixote

      I have, my God, I can't count the number of times I've shot huge, arcing ropes of jism all over the room in a paroxysm of pleasure when the key grip credit finally rolls. Isn't that what porn's all about? I thought that all of the fucking and sucking was just there to get you aroused for the credits. Am I doin it rong?

  5. NYNYNYjr

    OMG- I had to check– you weren't joking about his spokesperson's name. A classic. Aimee Milks. Photo of Aimee Milks? Or Milking?

  6. Come here a minute

    "You may remember me from the classic 70's commercials 'I Can't Believe I Ate the Whole Thing' and 'That's Italian!'"

  7. VodkaGoGo

    Oooh, a new Wonkette jr. I hope it turns out to be a chick, for a mommy blog this place is a bit of a sausage party. This of course matters because I live in an alternate universe where it is totally plausable that I could meet and hookup with a Wonkette lady writer.

  8. SexySmurf

    It even includes Dramatic Gopher!

    He's called the Dramatic Chipmunk. He's actually a prairie dog but changed his name in case he ever runs for political office.

  9. Troubledog

    Here's to you, Mister District Attorney Who Was Formerly A Pornstar. None of us were ever a pornstar. And none of us ever got a law degree after being a pornstar, instead of turning into a junkie or a homeless, um, junkie. So here's to you, even though you look like a cop now, at one time, you were hot enough to get paid to have sex, as a man, which is very much hotter than most men.

    Just sayin. You're a Real American Hero.

  10. HeadsIWin

    At about eleven minutes into the video (no, i didn't watch the whole thing- who watches an entire porn?) he tells the girl scout selling cookies at his door he wants a free sample and then, if that isn't bad enough, says he wants to taste her pie. But the real crime is his body hair.

  11. Pithaughn

    This is great news! I have refrained from seeking public office because I thought my tawdry acting / performing history would discredit me in the eyes of the voters.

  12. natl_[redacted]_cmdr

    Ewwww the kiss at the end of that video! Why did I watch all the way to the end? Brain bleach and new eyeballs please!

  13. SavageDrummer

    I have zero issue with someone who used to be in porn movies getting a job later in life, even if that job later in life is an elected position. Heh, position.

    1. BadKitty904

      It's not like the American public isn't used to being screwed by those in elected positions, sooo…

  14. Beowoof

    So the prosecutor in Cortland is a big dick and has a big dick. It would be the latter that makes the story unusual.

  15. bikerlaureate

    "A few weeks ago, when asked, I denied this to members of the press," Suben said. "I regret that and I apologize for it. I was shocked and embarrassed to be confronted with this so many years later. I was embarrassed for my family and friends who have stood by me. I also denied my actions to my family, my friends and my staff."

    Odd, but this article neglects to mention why anyone should trust him ever again.

    1. Negropolis

      Well, to be serious, just because people lie about things they think might be personally embarrassing doesn't mean that they lie about everything else. Now, had he lied about past embezzlement of something other breach of the public trust, I'd be worried. Lying because porn is still so heavily stigmatized in America? Not so much.

    2. Wile E. Quixote

      Did he lie about his performance in office? No, he lied about something in his past which is irrelevant to his current career. Hey, if we're going to be all purist about it let's just exile Bill and Hilary Clinton to outer Mongolia while we're at since Bill lied to us about Monica Lewinsky and Hilary is guilty by association.

  16. poorgradstudent

    Oh come on, Deep Throat II was really more of a comedy (a really bad one!) with some porn spliced in, rather than the other way around. Besides, it was the '70s; porn was mainstream for a few years, so who didn't act in it! (Not entirely joking here…).

      1. poorgradstudent

        Haha, well, I can't say I wouldn't have acted in porn back then, but I did have the handicap of not existing during that trend.

        However, I'm not ashamed to admit that I have seen Deep Throat II, which, given how terrible it is, should be even more shameful than starring in porn.

    1. deanbooth

      In the early 80s, the future Mrs. deanbooth and I went to a theater to see Marilyn Chambers in Insatiable with 3 other friend couples! I now find this totally bizarre.

  17. AngryBlakGuy

    …as a heterosexual male; I declare this a WIN!!!! This goes beyond party affiliations and political beliefs!

  18. Tundra Grifter

    If politicians had to resign for being bad actors, there would be a heckofa lot of vacant positions.

  19. MosesInvests

    From "L.A. Law" back in the day:
    "Safe sex? This was the Seventies-safe sex meant not doing it while you were driving a car!"

  20. Lazy Media

    Yeah. I'm not seeing a post here. Dude used to do porn 40 years ago. And? Is he a mighty anti-porn crusader?

    1. shelwood46

      Yeah, I think this is trumped by the recent revelation that the Director of Highway Safety in MA has been in seven (7!) car accidents.

      1. NellCote71

        And the fact that the director of the CIA uses the same email security measures as your run-of-the-mill al Qaida operative at an Internet cafe in Baghdad.

    1. Wile E. Quixote

      Yeah, I'm still waiting to see that Nazi, lesbian biker flick that Jan Brewer made in 1973. Lots of 70's bush.

  21. Tommmcatt_Again

    I've never been in a porn film, but several of the guys I slept with in the 90's were.

    Life is good.

  22. Guppy

    There is no greater sin in American politics than having a sex life more interesting than your constituents'.

  23. horsedreamer_1

    Jim Breuer sees the potential for a return — to the big screen — of Wong & Owens: Ex-Porn Stars.

  24. Barrelhse

    Everybody's favorite character in this story has to be Aimee Milks.
    And with that name, I'll bet $10,000 that he met her in "the industry".

  25. JadedPreppy

    I showed this to my 78-year-old Mother and she said "This is a nice diversion from General Penetratus starring in Four Star Genitals". She would comment herself, but she can barely handle AOL email.

  26. Negropolis

    He was just doing this to get himself through college, right?

    Truly, the Most Interesting Man in the World. Stay horny, my friends.

  27. tessiee

    "Fine! THAT'S JUST FINE!! I didn't want to be in your stupid movie for jerks in the first place! Oh, and by the way, Mark? You have cellulite on your ass, and I wouldn't be in an orgy with you if you begged me! BEGGED ME!" [step step step step SLAM! *blares music*] — Dramatic Gopher

    "Fine… That's just fine… No, really, I'll be OK. [sniffles, dabs eyes with handkerchief] Go, go off with your friends, have your fun. Make your little movie. [presses back of hand to forehead] I'll just sit here… all alone… in the dark… until the Pope calls." — Melodramatic Gopher

  28. cousinitt

    So, lemme see here. Judging by the looks of this guy and his short, but one may fairly say turgid oeuvre, and that he has still managed to attain the trusted position of district attorney…

    …well, does that mean we are to expect the San Fernando Valley's own Hedgehog to make a run for Governor of California about any day now? I mean, they elected a dim but handsome actor, a body-building freak, and a zen master (twice). Who better to run California and perhaps even mainstream America than the seminal porn star of our time? At least Ron (no the handsome one) has balls. And the thing is we've ALL seen them. True, I had to wash my eyes out with bleach the first time I saw them dangle in midair above an equally hirsute maiden faire, but still, truth in advertising and all that, eh?

    Me, if I'm in Cali, and thank the FSM I'm NOT, I'm voting Hedgehog: A Hole Different Governator.

  29. Wile E. Quixote

    What's the fucking problem? This guy is fucking awesome! He was a porn star and went to law school and became a district attorney. What a fucking stud! I hope he doesn't resign, in fact I hope that he gets his own reality show called "Pornstar D.A." which would be about delivering justice in upstate New York.

  30. Wile E. Quixote

    Hypothetically speaking, because of course I don't condone such behavior, this video would be really awesome to watch if you had first done a couple of solid bong hits and had a really stiff Moscow Mule made with raspberry ginger ale. Hypothetically speaking of course, because that kind of thing isn't legal in Washington state until December 6th.

  31. editor

    oh sweet jesus. i do not wish to to cast any aspersions on anyone for whatever job they may have held (was a stripper myself for a bit), but, yikes. i am trying to date here. i am trying to find an acceptable man. this is not helping at all. guess i'm back to being a cat lady.

    1. Wile E. Quixote

      Wait, you're trying to date here, on Wonkette? Is this where you do it? Shit! I've been trying to do it on LinkedIn, but the only responses I get to my profile is from recruiters looking for programmers, which would be great, except I'm not a programmer, I'm a systems engineer/administrator, backup bitch and occasional unwilling DBA.

      1. editor

        oh, yeah, sorry. didn't mean "here" as on wonkette. just meant here as in this lifetime. (immigrant typing.)

          1. HistoriCat

            Just wait until Rebecca gets that Wonkette personals up (heh) and running – it's going to be the 70s all over again. Just maybe with better fashion sense.

  32. Wile E. Quixote

    Excuse me, but this is not what I had in mind when I told the Editrix that Wonkette needed more 70's bush.

  33. MrsConclusion

    The "but" in that intro has always driven me crazy. It should be "separate AND equally important groups". Then again, go be surprised that a Wonkette item about a DA/porn actor would include a problematic "but."

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