All Over But the Shouting

Panty Prosecutor Wins, Evolution-Dumper Loses: Your Lesser Candidate Wrap-Up!

Oh, look! You can see his little hands!It occurred to us that we have not followed up on some very important electoral news: Namely, the fate of several candidates who nobody had ever heard of until they briefly shone in the “weird news” column, and then disappeared from view. What happened to those wackos with all their wackiness? Let it never be said that Your Wonkette doesn’t follow up!

  • First off, in the only Big Election News this post will cover, there’s good news from the insanely long vote count in Arizona: the AP has finally called the race for the 2nd Congressional district for Ron Barber, the former aide to Gabrielle Giffords who had finished out her term. Barber had a 1,402-vote lead over Republican Martha McSally as of Friday evening, albeit with several thousand provisional ballots still waiting to be counted, although “An Associated Press analysis determined Barber’s lead could not be overcome.” Congrats to Rep. Barber, who we hope will enjoy the three or four months he has before some wingnut announces their intention to drive over him with a Jeep (with votes).
  • A Timed History of Briefs In Hocking County, Ohio, Democrat Laina Fetherolf won a second term as Prosecuting Attorney, overcoming a challenge by Jason Sarvar, who reportedly spread a scurrilous rumor about Ms. Fetherolf going commando in the courtroom after a judge admonished her for wearing dark panties that showed through a light dress. (The story’s punch line is that she supposedly left, went to a restroom, then placed the panties before the judge and announced “Problem solved.”) Frankly, we’d like to think she’d have won by a landslide if the story were true; as it is, she edged out Sarver by a microfiber-sheer 150 votes.
  • In another undergarment-related race, NJ Sen. Robert Menendez won reelection despite not paying his Dominican hookers. Son, we are disappoint. This really sets an unfortunate precedent for possible future senatorial hooker-stiffing.
  • Shop Early for Raptor Xmas!Things didn’t turn out very well for Kansas School Board candidate Jack Wu, who campaigned on $5 and a promise to save school budgets by eliminating the teaching of evolution, because those books just prepare students “to be liars, crooks, thieves, murderers, and perverts.” Wu may have hoped to win solely on the basis of party identification and voter apathy — simply having an “R” next to his name in a conservative district was supposed to put him over the top. Wu was handily defeated by Democrat Carolyn Campbell, who made an issue of Wu’s association with the Westboro Baptist Church and managed to get people to pay attention to a state school board election for once.
  • Elsewhere in Kansas, voters in Wichita decided to keep keep their precious bodily fluids free of fluoridated water for the third time since the matter was first put to a vote in 1964. Way to go, John Birch Society!
  • Rhineland DashMaryland Rep. Roscoe Bartlett (R-Godwin), who attempted to go all Tea Party by suggesting that maybe student loans were just the first step on the road to another Holocaust, lost to Democrat John Delaney. The 86 year old Bartlett, who had been in the House since 1992, will, like Todd Akin, be leaving behind a place on the House Committee on Science, Space, and Technology. We can hardly wait to see who joins science expert Paul Broun, who eked out a win (despite 4000 write-in votes for “Charles Darwin”), on that august body!
  • Citizens of Tennessee can sleep soundly, safe in the knowledge that State Rep. Kelly Keisling (R-FEMA Camp), handily won reelection. Mr. Keisling was the vigilant guardian of freedom who emailed his constituents to warn that Barack Obama might fake his own assassination so he could cancel the 2012 elections and hold on to power forever. As it turns out, the Kenyan Usurper managed to steal the election anyway, as did Mr. Keisling.
  • Left: Gollum Right: Quist Not Shown: Quake

  • Finally, in Minnesota, Allen Quist, the Gollum lookalike bathhouse spy, and evolution debunker who Michele Bachmann praised for his “intellectual firepower,” somehow lost his bid for the House to Democrat Tim Walz by 15 points. Quist’s website attributes the loss to a superior get-out-the-vote effort and a lack of promised funding from the National Republican Campaign Committee, rather than to interference by Satan or teh gheys, so we’ll give Quist credit for one moment of sanity, though perhaps it came a bit too late to do him any good.
  • Check out Wonkette on Facebook and Twitter, and, if you’d like to demand a recount, Doktor Zoom is on Twitter too. He doesn’t care whether your chads are hanging, dimpled or pregnant!

About the author

Doktor Zoom Is the pseudonym of Marty Kelley, who lives in Boise, Idaho. He acquired his nym from a fan of Silver-Age comics after being differently punctual to too many meetings. He is not a medical doctor, although he has a real PhD (in Rhetoric and Composition).

View all articles by Doktor Zoom
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    1. boskolives

      "Quist’s website attributes the loss to a superior get-out-the-vote effort and a lack of promised funding from the National Republican Campaign Committee"

      Yet another reason to be grateful to Karl Rove, who with just those two pudgy hands of his diverted the mighty money flow from hundreds of candidates, only to piss it away on the world class fail that is / was / always will be Mitt the Merciless. Amen too.

          1. Weedlord BonerHitler

            Wow,you guys are REAL sickos.

            It was two ladies in yoga class discussing kombucha. Apparently, the starter culture is called a "mother." Or, sometimes, a "baby." In this case, both.

            There, aren't you disappointed, you filthy-minded perverts?

          2. Mojopo

            Not disappointed at all. I stopped reading after "…two ladies in yoga class," and took care of the rest myself.

          3. FeloniousMonk

            As a literal-minded, plodding dullard I'm relieved to have a straightforward, logical explanation. Wearing my sicko's hat, I still want to know what fruit flies have to do with funways. Are bananas involved?

          4. Weedlord BonerHitler

            I'm fairly literal-minded, too, so I feel your pain, or whatever it is you're feeling. Lookit, whenever funways are mentioned, isn't it a fair guess that bananas are involved? Not to mention mothers and babbies also too?

            Frankly when I heard that I thought I was listening to spies talking, but the partner pointed out that spies would have sounded far more innocuous. All this talk about mothers, babies, bananas, and kombucha is making me hungry.

          1. C_R_Eature

            This is the first I've seen of your New Post-Election Magnificent Avatar. I Highly approve.

            You should know, though, that I've signed your new name to a lot of stupid/bizarre/awful petitions all over the web.

          2. Weedlord BonerHitler


            I have another one, in case you get tired of this one. It's even *better!*

            Is it time to come up with a new name yet, tho? I'm very attached to this one, even though I've only officially had it for a week or two.

  1. Maman

    Whee! But in the Bad News Department Allen West (R-WTFlorida) has won a partial recounted even though the state has certified his loss.

  2. rocktonsam

    I could have said teh Wonkette never followed up, once, may be twice.

    Wait, I never said that ever.

    carry on

    1. bobbert

      That was a nice apres-election mint.

      Unfortunately, Darrel Pissah and Dana Roaringfucker are still with us.

      Also, I hadn't noticed that Pete Stark got ousted by another Dem. Probably time, I guess. Makes me feel old, but what doesn't?

      1. HogeyeGrex

        Bilbray is toast too, though. So there's that.

        Unfortunately, it really won't be a just world until Issa is shivering under a freeway ramp roasting rats.

        1. boskolives

          I believe that "Issa" is Lebanese for "He who sucks donkey dicks", or perhaps it's just a random collection of vowels and consonants, I got nothing here.

        2. NeonVincent

          Or in prison. Ever read up on all of the allegations of criminal behavior involving his business? You should. As it is, he has a criminal record in Michigan because of a misdemeanor gun charge. Makes all the noise he made over Fast and Furious all the more ironic.

          1. HogeyeGrex

            Oh, I'm fairly well aware that he's a felonious cockchancre. Prison, however, is far too good for him. Three squares and shelter from the elements. Bah.

            Under a bridge. Roasting rats that he had to catch using his toes for bait.

  3. rocktonsam

    in a follow up, the repubs in Scott Walker's Wisconsin took control back in the senate and house.


      1. rocktonsam

        not sure about that my friend.
        we did re-elect The President and there is Tammy Baldwin also, so there is hope and change.

    1. Jukesgrrl

      How voters choose Barack Obama as their president and Tammy Baldwin as their U.S. Senator, then at the same time cast votes for Republican representatives to their state house never ceases to amaze me. I lived in Pennsylvania when voters there chose Bill Clinton and Rick Santorum simultaneously, so it doesn't surprise me, it just fucks with my head. I know some of it can be explained by insane gerrymandering, but not all.

      1. rocktonsam

        If they hadn't redistrict Waukasha Co, Ryan would have to get a real job.

        but if Illinois hadn't redistrict we'd still have Joe Walsh and the 3 other teabaggers to kick around, there gone.

      2. Negropolis

        Little bit of redistricting and a whole lot of stupid, is what. I know, I live in Michigan, a state that routinely and heavily elects national dems and senators, but can't seem to be consistent in electing state dems. A lot of its has to do with idiot Dems only voting the top of the ticket…you know, because.

    2. BerkeleyBear

      Has a whole lot to do with rural legislative districts that don't reflect population density for whatever reason. Oregon has 2 Dem Senators, and 4 out of 5 Congresscritters are Dems, yet the House was split right down the line and the Senate only had a 1 vote Dem majority going into 2012. The House is now Dem, but only by a couple seats.

      It took Illinois until 2000 to go blue in the state Senate despite having a Dem assembly for decades, and Cali has only know gotten enough Dem seats to stop being held hostage by the Republican rump on tax issues. State legislatures are quirky and borderline undemocratic in a lot of places – and far less well understood than the should be, given their power over redistricting, Medicaid other social services, and the constant push by the GOP to give them more and more power.

      1. Negropolis

        In our last state senate election here in Michigan, the Republicans won 52% of the vote against the 48% won by Democrats…they netted over 68% of the seats.

        Now, I know they were modeled after the U.S. Senate, but this is just ridiculous given that they have long sense been forced to follow population. Now, some of this has simply to do with the difference between where Democrats tend to live and where Republicans, do, but this gerrymandering has gotten out of control.

        1. bobbert

          You know, I was a little nervous about the referendum to have redistricting handled by a Citizens' Commission here in Cali, although I did vote for it. Apparently, under the bad old approach, the Dems were giving up too much gerrymander to the Reps, in order to absolutely secure the D seats (and get agreement from the Rs).

          So far, I like this a lot. I just have to remember that we may not always win the competitive seats.

  4. SexySmurf

    Also, that DA in New York who used to do the porn won, despite the fact that the having any kind of sex other than missionary position with the lights out disqualifies a person from holding public office.

    1. shelwood46

      Ah, but he categorically denied the porn thing until after he won, when the accuser came up with video proof and he finally said, yeah, I was lying before, I did do porn.

      1. Mahousu

        It was the '70s. He should have just said he didn't remember, what with all the cocaine and so on. Everyone would understand.

  5. JustPixelz

    Now I support Tennessee seceding. Texas too. Also all the states with over 50% obesity rate. (They are conveniently colored red on all those maps I noticed after the election.)

    1. HogeyeGrex

      So, if we let them secede, they lose their American citizenship, and can be treated as third-world serfs after we annex the land for "National Security" reasons. Right?

    2. MosesInvests

      Uh, all of the major cities in Tejas went blue-Austin, Houston, Dallas, San Antonio and El Paso-as did the entire Rio Grande Valley. We could be a swing state by next election-pinche gringos are already a minority here-or if not by 2014, then 2020. So no secession, thanks very much. I don't want to live in the !#%#% Confederacy.

      1. BerkeleyBear

        Tell ya what – we let the GOP have "reservations" like we gave the natives wherever they have a majority. Then we fence them in, remove 90 percent or more of the economy (ie Federal services and property), and let them try and do whatever they can pull off without major Federal subsidies. And if the demographics shift/they sell to Dems? The land is automatically annexed, again borrowing from our own precedent. I give it 2 years tops before there's no more autonomous zones.

  6. snowpointsecret

    To be fair, 150 votes in Hocking County is probably a quite decent margin.

    I'm guessing Dok found that picture for research purposes?

    1. Kate_fate

      Again: ARE YOU SERIOUS. There is zero evidence that flouride, a toxic waste, prevents cavities. You really get your news from MSM around here?

  7. Callyson

    State Rep. Kelly Keisling…was the vigilant guardian of freedom who emailed his constituents to warn that Barack Obama might fake his own assassination so he could cancel the 2012 elections and hold on to power forever.

    Coming up with an excuse to postpone an election…why does that idea sound familiar? Oh yeah:

    Officials discuss how to delay Election Day
    Talks stem from recent fears of terror attack timed to vote
    Monday, July 12, 2004
    WASHINGTON (CNN) — U.S. officials have discussed the idea of postponing Election Day in the event of a terrorist attack on or about that day, a Homeland Security Department spokesman said Sunday.

    /FFS yet again

    1. Butch_Wagstaff

      Love Sponge's radio show was in the Richmond market for awhile. He was getting his ass kicked in ratings by, of all things, Elliot In the Morning.

    2. Jukesgrrl

      I'm with the commenter who wrote, "More and more I am hoping that the Mayan predicton of Dec 21st is correct. If the director of the CIA has to ask a bimbo to prevent an international incident to be perpatrated by a 'shock jock' we need to go."

  8. LibrarianX

    Sneaking? Sneaking? Fat Hobbit is always so polite. Smeagol shows them secret ways that nobody else could find, and they say "sneak!" Sneak? Very nice friend. Oh, yes, my precious. Very nice, very nice.

  9. YouBetcha

    I'm with you, Jack Wu. The very existence of the people of Kansas makes me suspect there is no evolution either. Darwin was clearly wrong.

  10. memzilla

    Fortunately, Ol' Crazy Eyes One-L Michele is still in the House, so the Wonkette Snark Continuum can go on… with votes!

  11. TribecaMike

    What's so goldurned incredible about Mr. Limpet anyway? Sure he turns into a dolphin, but he's still a mammal.

    1. tessiee

      I once had to do some paperwork for a company named Roscoe that did financial advising. It made me picture a short, cigar-smoking guy with lots of hair all over his back shoulders, wearing a wife beater and saying, "Yeah, your investments didn't do so good at the dog track".

  12. christianmuslin

    The 'Witch a titians' who opposed flouridation of their water for the third time since 1964, may, surprisingly, be the same people who oppose Obamacare with the requirement that their employer provide health care coverage. I thought god gave man the ability to reason. Maybe next time he will remember to give them the ability to use it as well.

      1. MiniMencken

        Thank you for the link, Herr Doktor Professor von Zoom! I wonder if Mac Davis wants to consider rewriting the last three stanzas of "Texas In My Rear View Mirror."

    1. Vecchiojohn

      He also "[c]onducts mental competency hearings and other mental health related duties prescribed by law,"

      The jokes just write themselves.

      1. ButthurtWingers2012

        Sadly it makes sense because it's Texas….here's how to get this loon to rule that you're a loon: accepts evolution as a fact (I fucking hate the "believes in" metric…science is not a belief system…people who accept science need to stop putting on the same stage as religion), check!…does not think Dubya was sent by god to protect us from black muslins…check, check! does not believe in the sky wizard…oh you better fucking believe that's a check! and finally, votes Democratic?!?! It's lobotomy time fer yew, babi killar! check, check, check! And so forth…

  13. Goonemeritus

    The very best thing about the Tea Party is they can't moderate their views. We won't have to worry about them focus grouping the crap out of their message and showing up in another two years in sheep clothing. I know they will be around for a while but even the Republican machine will treat them with scorn in two years.

    1. BoroPrimorac

      They can treat them with scorn all they want, but it's those crazy fuckers who show up to vote in primaries.

      1. gullywompr

        I think the GOP is too scared to scorn them, believing that they need all the votes they can get right now. As bad as they are at math, they won't be able to grok the calculation that the only way to really get more votes is to kick those crazies to the curb. The GOP is the leopard that can't change it's spots.

        1. BerkeleyBear

          If the GOP could do math, the "Moral Majority" movement wouldn't have dominated their messaging throughout the Reagan years. Although in Ronaldus Maximus' semi-defense, at least he used those nuts rather than letting them run him. Hence all the tax increases. Boehner isn't bright enough to figure out how to co-opt them effectively.

    2. ButthurtWingers2012

      Yuh huh they do too focus group their views…why do you think militia members suddenly vanish for a few hours and then later in the day the latest teabagger candidate has a new Obama conspirmacy? It gets really interesting when the Venn diagram overlaps militia members, civil war re-enactors, KKKlansmen and the conservative citizens council (same thing)…this happens often in the South, actually and the resulting crazy is often delicious…Arizona has all the above and adds in the John Birch Society.

      1. glasspusher

        Wonder if there were any write in names, like Shelley Sekula-Gibbs' race? It would have been tough to top ol' Dracula C*nt

    1. Doktor Zoom

      We regret the omission.

      (Thank goodness I wrote this post during the day, or it would have been an nocturnal omission)

      1. glasspusher

        If, as per the abovementioned article, she hadn't missed her one scheduled debate, she surely passed on her chance to earn Wonkette Political Gold.

    1. docterry6973

      Really? What did I say? Apart from the odd preposition my one sentence included:

      A synonym for an unwise person that rhymes with 'tool'
      A synonym for a dishonest person that rhymes with 'beef'
      A synonym for aluminum foil
      A synonym for chapeau
      The same word for people of impaired judgment that appears in the original post.

      I think the deleting algorithm needs to be tweaked.

  14. NeonVincent

    Here's one for you. L. Brooks Patterson, the Executive of Oakland County, Michigan, was re-elected even though he was in a coma for 17 days after a car crash in August and didn't return to work until Halloween, when he was rolled into a meeting in a wheelchair. The news didn't come out until a week before the election. He still won in a walk, er, roll, and it wasn't even a sympathy vote. To add insult to injury, he was ticketed for not wearing a seat belt.

    1. BerkeleyBear

      See you a coma and raise you a plea bargain and substance abuse pu pu platter – Jesse Jackson Jr. got 63 percent of the vote despite spending more time at the Mayo Clinic than DC or his district in the last 6 months and the breaking story he was actively negotiating a plea involving his stepping down for corruption.

      1. Negropolis

        L. Brooks Patterson is something of a drunk driving afficianado, enough so that in his most recent accident, he was blood tested even though he wasn't even driving, but they thought he may have been drinking with his driver in the car. lol

        But he can't quite complete with a plea bargain for corruption. He's never been caught.

  15. editor

    "Things didn’t turn out very well for Kansas School Board candidate Jack Wu, who campaigned on $5 and a promise to save school budgets by eliminating the teaching of evolution, because those books just prepare students “to be liars, crooks, thieves, murderers, and perverts.”

    i know have mentioned this before, but repetition never hurt anyone (see: teletubbies). this very same jack wu majored in computer science at the (public) university where i am employed. there is some serious poe suspicion here.

  16. ttommyunger

    OT: the election has been over for a week and the shrill anti-Obama shit on my fb is still at a fever pitch, complete with Barry in Nazi regalia, including the mustache. Hate must provide a high I've missed out on.

    1. James Michael Curley

      I'm not having that problem on my Facebook page. Then again I have only 'freinded' my wife, son and the two cats. Since the cats are both black they are a lot more tolerant of Obama.

      1. ttommyunger

        My two are “Tuxedo Blacks” so they think they are upper-class. They would have voted R'Money so I kept them inside on the 6th.

    2. Vecchiojohn

      True story. Outside of a post office I drive by every day, before the election, some asshole set up a table with an Obama-as-Hitler picture. In these situations, I always ask myself, What would Jesus do? So I rolled the window and yelled fuck you as loud as I could.

      1. ttommyunger

        Ha! Also true. While demonstrating roadside against the war with Vet for Peace a few years ago a young guy in a pick-up rolled by and greeted me out the window by name. I smiled widely and waved at him wondering who he was. Guy nex to me said softly: “kind of out-dated, calling you a commie”. One of the little-known benefits of hearing loss.Sent from the Field, not in Garrison.

      2. DemmeFatale

        At Union Square, in San Francisco, I saw one of these tables set up.
        I curiously checked out the local news that night, because I hoped to see a story about what had to be a very unhappy ending.
        But they must've decided to let him live.
        No story on the news.

  17. NYNYNYjr

    A Dem got old Gabby Gifferd's seat. I assume the Repub must have been some guy with swastikas carved all over his face.

    1. Jukesgrrl

      Ah, no it was a flag-waving woman. Air Force Afghanistan veteran Martha McSally who dedicated 7.5 years of her life to fighting the Pentagon in court over their orders that she cover her head when she left base to go in Muslim areas where people were offended by her Western ways.

      In all the advertisements we in the district were subjected to during a long election season, we never once heard a peep about her actual positions on any issue. She made Rmoney look like a man of unshakeable beliefs with creative policy solutions. Instead we had endless scenes of her hiking our beautiful mountains with her golden retriever following, while a sonorous voice-over droned on about her integrity, her grit, her general mavericky-ness, and how she was going to bring great solutions to our terrible lives. And then the voice would shout, "She SUED Secretary of Defense Donald Rumsfeld!" Which was supposed to make her seem bi-partisan, I guess. They failed to mention that the suit was never settled.

      Still, people managed to find out that her campaign was being funded by pretty much the same mystery-special interests that bankrolled teabagger Jesse Kelly in the previous elections. She might have won except that a lot of Latino-Americans registered to vote for the first time, and prevailed in having their votes counted in spite of opposition. I guess they don't favor golden retrievers.

      She still might, however, contest the final result if the count is ever finished. Don't put it past her … she's a woman of HIGH ETHICAL STANDARDS!

  18. weejee

    Dok you have outdone yourself with today's photo collage. You've blessed our retinas with dead rat USAs, Nazi Bronies, Jebus playing Alley Oop and riding a dinosaur, Golem, classic legal briefs, and some obscure Rethug douchenoodle (who seems ever so pleased with himself for having gone one hour without going pee pee). And somehow it really, really works. This could be Pulitzer-level ya know. What's the cut-off date to submit the nomination?

    1. Dudleydidwrong

      Way to go, Alabama! Good job! Still in the running for the bottom, are you? You've got competition, of course–lots of it. But with judges like good ol' Roy, you are a top candidate for a win (along with Mississippi, Louisiana, Texas, South Carolina, most of Florida, etc. My apologies to the residents if I left your state out. )

    2. Biff

      I heard on some commie left-wing radio talk show about a 10 Commandments plaque in front of a courthouse in Kansas, complete with misspellings. AL definitely has competition.

          1. glasspusher

            Therein is the problem. I was looking at this on my ipad, and onswipe sucks such moist moose meat that I turn it off and miss that.Quisp and Quake. I had to think hard to get the second one. Maybe not getting the alt text made this one more fun.

  19. Mojopo

    I'm trying to decide which photo is better for me during this season of gastronomic indulgences – a dead rat in a dirty toilet, or the tampon earrings? Choices, choices…

  20. Negropolis

    Dok, let's be honest, Wu didn't lose because he was too crazy for Kansas. Wu lost because he was an Asian from California in Kansas.

  21. Negropolis

    BTW, there was a big winner here in Michigan, election night. Republican Speaker of the House, Jase Bolger, narrowly won re-election, despite being under investigation for election fraud. His Republican colleagues – who've obviously lost their damned minds – proceeded to re-elect the guy speaker. Did I mention the guy is under investigation for election fraud? They are going to regret this big time.

    And supposed moderate governor, Rick Snyder, put his own integrity on the line to back the guy days before the election…because why? He was the only candidate the guv backed. He's going to feel stupid when they indict Bolger's sorry ass. He's already admitted to the allegations, but says that he was nearly be unethical and not criminal. lol

    1. tessiee

      "He's going to feel stupid when they indict Bolger's sorry ass."

      Serves him right for being a governor named Rick.

      1. glasspusher

        You are on my ass like a pair of Fruit of the Looms tonight! Getting all my musical references! I salute you!

  22. malsperanza

    And then there's Jesse Jackson Jr., who has been in the Mayo Clinic since June and didn't campaign, and was reelected with 63%. I think the reasoning is that if he had resigned before the election, the machine hacks would have chosen a new candidate, and we all remember how well that worked out last time *coffRolandBurriscoff* whereas if he resigns now (due not to medical problems, but to some federal thing about campaign funds blahblah vague hints no actual indictments, whatever), there will be a whole new election (no, the position can't be filled by appointment), with actual choices for the lucky voters of his district. Maybe Bill Ayers will run. Hey, a girl can dream.

  23. bobbert

    Taking this as the nearest current thing to a weekend thread, I haz anecdote (this will not be news to those of you who regularly watch teevee).

    I spent Friday night in a hotel in San Jose, because my younger kid had a surprise appendectomy on Thursday night and I'm a doting father. Anyhow, at various times last night and this morning, I was in the hotel, and bored, and channel-surfing (I don't have TV in real life).

    So I got saw quite a bit of coverage of Gaza on CNN and MSNBC, and some discussion of the "fiscal shit", and a lot of local news about the Bay Area storm, and some weird pictures from Daly City, where a water main broke a few days ago and buried a neighborhood in mud, and stuff like that.

    Every single time I clicked through Fox (and this was four or five distinct shows), they were talking about Benghazi. Every fucking time. I believe that if the other networks were live covering the second coming of Christ, Fox would be talking about Benghazi.

    As I said, this is probably old stuff for many of you, but for someone who doesn't normally watch TV — wow.

    1. glasspusher

      Wow! You must be some parent! I never got a surprise appendectomy! He must have been thrilled!

      Srsly, hope he's doing fine.

        1. not that Dewey

          That used to be true of c-sections, too. Soon, rich suburbanites will be scheduling their appendectomies so that they don't occur at inconvenient times.

          "Got $100k, and don't want to blow it on a chicken house?"

    2. Negropolis

      I know I shouldn't be, but I'm always surprised when I go in a doctor's office or restaurant, or anywhere else for that matter, and see Fox News set on the TV. CNN is the station you're supposed to have on in the background for inoffensive background noise in a public setting.

    3. Isyaignert

      I hope your son is doing well. My appendix blew up when I was six, which was a very long time ago, and it's a freekin' miracle I'm here pestering you nice people.

      Benghazi is all the 'cons havet to work with. Before that it was the birther crapfest and before that the Rev. Wrightcrapfest. I feel sorry for them…., wait, ….no I don't.

    4. Isyaignert

      Last time hubby and I went to Disneyland, we stayed at a very nice hotel in Orange County, except that the TV in our room would automatically reset to Fux News no matter where you left it when it was turned it off. Also, too, the TV in the breakfast room was tuned to Fux. I wrote a complaint letter to management, which I'm sure did nothing whatsoever.

    5. Doktor Zoom

      Nice piece in The Economist about why it doesn't even make sense to talk about a "cover up" in this case:

      the underlying accusation about Benghazi is that the Obama administration deliberately mischaracterised the terrorist attack there as having grown out of a spontaneous demonstration because that would be less politically damaging. Such a cover-up would have made no sense because the attack would not have been less politically damaging had it grown out of a spontaneous demonstration. The attack on the Benghazi compound would not have been any less politically difficult for the administration if it had grown out of a riot, nor would any normal voter have expected it to be less politically damaging, nor would any normal campaign strategist have expected any normal voter to have expected it to be less politically damaging.

      1. Negropolis

        Yes. And this actually cuts to what I see as the only legitimate issue, and that's if you know that it's going to be politically damaging, anyway, why tie yourself in knots to characterize it as something else?

        I think most people have come to grips, now, with the fact that terrorists attacks can occur,anywhere, and that they are even more likely against American targets or interests outside of our borders where it's harder to defend against them. My disppointment outside of the attack is that the dicking around in the media, afterwards, by the administration gives the idiots even more to talk about.

      2. not that Dewey

        Even Rush Limbaugh — RUSH FUCKING LIMBAUGH — was bemoaning this whole 'cover-up' nonsense. He thinks the conspiracy types are being ridiculous.

    6. James Michael Curley

      I don't watch Fox News and the local versions also.
      So thanks for your sacrifice. If after a couple hours of watching Fox News your thoughts turn destructive remember there is always 1-800-BrainDrain for counseling through your crises.

      Best of health to your son. Though often touted as 'routine' that surgical procedure needs proper post op care, including strict adherence to medications, diet and stress and strains for a week or so.

        1. Wile E. Quixote

          Here's a primer:

          Megyn Kelly is the blonde cunty one.
          Gretchen Carlson is the other blonde cunty one.
          Steve Doocy is the cunty one who's a guy.
          Bill O'Reilly is the cunty one who looks like an the back side of an old guy's ball sack.
          Sean Hannity is the cunty one who looks like he just pinched off a load in his pants, and is enjoying the sensation.

          Hope this helps.

    1. BadKitty904

      The billionaire right-wingers funding the GOP know that an ignorant populace is an easily controlled populace.

  24. VodkaGoGo

    Maryland Rep. Roscoe Bartlett, is that the guy who groped his granddaughter on a campaign commercial a few years back? Not even kidding, she was sitting on his lap and he had his hand on her chest and she was clearly just a little to old for that. There were noticable boobies coming in, is what I'm saying. Am I the only one who remembers that, or was that someone else?

    Edit: I was wrong, it was Saxby Chambliss brought to you by Jim Newell. Also too, link fixed.

  25. LadyWisdom

    You forgot Randall Terry's (yes, THAT Randall Terry) run for congress opposing Democrat Alcee Hastings. Congressman Hastings did not need to worry about this challenge, he represents his voters superbly. But Randall Terry got a bit of publicity so he was, I'm sure, happy enough.

  26. Negropolis

    Brooks Patterson's political days are numbered, regardless. He admitted that maybe in another cycle or two, Dems will own all county-wide offices. As you are aware, they took over all but the exec and sheriff's spot, this election. Oakland is already blue at the presidential level. It's crazy how quickly things have changed even in just the last ten years.

    As for Macomb…they're just weird. I mean, they elect Democrats, too, but they also elect some of the craziest people in the state regardless of party.

    1. VodkaGoGo

      I can't say I really have anything against Patterson. He's a biznified republican type but I can't recall anything particularly ideological about him and Oakland county mostly seems to have its shit together. I'd certainly vote for him over Snyder in a primary, if he were ever to run.

      1. VodkaGoGo

        I can't say I really have anything against Patterson. He's a biznified republican type but I can't recall anything particularly ideological about him and Oakland county mostly seems to have its shit together. Granted, I live downtown and don't have a car so Oakland county might as well be Neptune for all I know about it.

        1. Negropolis

          Patterson got his start in Metro Detroit taking a very public role in opposition to busing. He was the racial counterweight to Coleman Young, and played the role in the region until relatively recently, and I'm talking the mid 00's. His last subtle play to fear where back in the last decade when the region was on the cusp of getting regional rapid transit and he opposed it because he said it'd bring "undesirables" to the county. Everybody got what that meant, and it's still an opinion held by many in the county rearing it's ugly head most recently when Troy's mayor tried to cancel the transit center (a reason she was recalled) with her supporters citing those people down the line possibly being able to visit their grand, virgin city.

          He's kind of rehabilitated his image, particularly for the younger folks outside the city that don't remember his political beginnings. But that guy gave as good as he got in the racial politics of Metro Detroit.

          1. VodkaGoGo

            Ha, I had no idea about any of that. That all sounds a lot more like the Metro Detroit race-baiting politics I'm accustomed too.

    1. James Michael Curley

      Actually, approximately 55 degrees Fahrenheit being the constant temperature of dirt at about six feet under.

    1. BadKitty904

      Not on Fox, you don't.

      They've given up any pretext of being a "news" channel – it's "All Propaganda, All the Time"

  27. BadKitty904

    As I've mentioned:

    a.) Per Fox, if you don't have a real scandal, you fake a false one (such as "Benghazi");
    b.) Which political party cut funding for US embassy security? Hint: it *wasn't* the Dems.

  28. Misty Malarky

    I was tickeld pink when Georgia's John Barrow, who was our congressman before getting jerrymandered into some very deep red territory, managed to handily win reelection against whatever mouth-breathing Tea Party doofus the Republicans ran.

    Barrow even managed to look sexy cockin' his shotgun one-handed in his ads.

  29. TRW Observer

    Jason Sarvar's fake story about Laina Fetherolf (panty-less prosecutor) makes her sound absolutely awesome.

  30. lulzmonger


    The Tea Party: the GOP's Astroturf-filled life-jacket … where "Astroturf" = "lead."

    Surely nobody could've predicted that these doughty advocates of pre-medieval civic hijinx & Colonial Cosplay would become a political liability!

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