It’s that time of year again! Time for the Neiman Marcus Fantasy Christmas Book of Charming Gifts for the guy at Papa Johns! Can you stand the excitement? Neither can we! But while there are plenty of stupid ways to blow the greasy wads of cash that have turned you from human being to Donald Trump, only one really stands out for its gobsmacking lack of humanity and empathy and realization that there are units we call “people” who roam the earth, the kind that says FUCK THEM, YOU MADE IT! Let us find out what it is, together! (Hint: It is a $100,000 chicken coop, like it says in the headline, and also that picture.)
Here is the “broody room,” whence you shall collect your chickens’ fresh gifts to you, their lord and lady, while you are playing “Marie Antoinette among the milkmaids.” The Rembrandt (we believe? It is ever so long since our Art Criticking days) does not come with the coop, but rather you have to buy your own chicken coop Rembrandt. GYP! (Saying “gyp” is racist, but come on, have you ever met a Gypsy? Damn.)
Is that the chicken coop chandelier, in the library? Yessirree Donald! But what about all the people who don’t live as well as your chickens, and we are not talking about sub-Saharan African people not living as well as your chickens, but, like, AMERICANS not living as well as your chickens? Do not worry, they have Obamaphones.
Oooh, look, fuzzy tiny baby chicks! Aw! Everybody loves fuzzy tiny baby chicks! Now nobody can blame you for buying a $100,000 chicken Versailles while people still don’t have power from Hurricane Sandy! We are powerless against baby chicks! MORE REMBRANDTS FOR THE BABY CHICKS!
If you wanted to buy us this trailer full of Bulleit, however, that would be something else entirely. Or you could head over to the Wonkette Bazaar. Soon it will have underwear and cups.
{ 334 comments }
A chicken coop that costs more than a lot of folks' houses in this country? Shit is fucked up and bullshit.
I can see the police report now: Le Petit Trianon accidentally run over by Bulleit Trailer. Gives whole new meaning to the notion of trailer trash, no?
I know it costs more than mine.
We will be hoarding honey when our domestic bees go on strike for better living conditions.
They can't strike… we are killing them with mobile phone radiation waves.
I am going to call my congressperson about this.
A hundred grand? That ain't chicken feed.
It's outrageous. I wouldn't pay more than forty thousand for it.
You're a man of principle.
The one percent I say the one percent is about as sharp as a bag of wet mice.
I hope they listen when you're talkin' to them, boy.
"Now pay attention! I'm not talkin' just to hear mah head roar!"
He's a nice, I say he's a nice boy but he ain't too bright.
I say, son, you cover about as much as a flapper's skirt in a high wind!
"Pay *attention*, boy! I'm cuttin', but you ain't bleedin'! (That boy's about as sharp as a bowlin' ball)"
Man, I love this. My old man did a great Foghorn Leghorn. Had the deep bass voice for it. Too bad he died so long ago, never had a chance to share it with any of his grandkids. Now I haz a sad.
Aww. *pets GP*
Any video of Sen. Howell Heflin would be an acceptable substitute for a Foghorn Leghorn cartoon.
Foghorn Leghorn quote!
Win.
No thanks, I like my chicken in a bucket.
Or marinated on a spit over charcoal in a lovely little Peruvian carry out.
Elitist. Roadkill is the true 'Murrican way.
"Manifold Destiny" has a number of Kill 'em & Grill 'em recipes; their poodles and noodles is the best!
Or in yellow rice. mmmmmmm…
For every Heritage Hen Mini Farm purchase, NM will donate $3,000 to The American Livestock Breeds Conservancy
Egregious, and socially conscious! Even if it is chicken society.
Won't somebody think of the rare endangered chicken breeds?
Hell the Bulleitt trailer comes with a 5 times more generous gift (and to AIDS research no less). That 3k is, I dare say, chicken feed.
sp/ fixed: EGGregious!
ANd what does the fuckin ALBC do with that money? I mean its not fuckin amnesty international! They are buying fuckin gold tiaras for their chickens and shit. And rembrants.
I, for one, welcome our new chickenshit overlords.
Is there a right-wing for the chickenhawks?
Nope! Safe Room.Sent from the Field, not in Garrison.
Chikenshit or chicken salad?
One thing for sure. At 100K it ain't chicken feed.Sent from the Field, not in Garrison.
I am sure my fav dead art history professor is rolling in his grave right now. Also, this is making my hangover hurt.
Well he'll be grateful to have missed this, too.
I agree. Think I'll take a couple more aspirin.
Maybe your instructor and my favorite art prof (d. 10/2011, RIP) are reading this now from wherever they are and wondering when it gets to the part about "crosshatching"~
Ah. You clearly know your art. My father used this technique beautifully. Thanks for reminding me.
This certainly ups the ante for Rafalca's new stable!
Excellent idea! Is chicken feed tax-deductable? And if not, why not?!
I hope Asian bird flu isn't covered by Obamacare.
Are we not all chickens? Some chickens may live better than others, but in the end when you stop making the eggs they kill you and eat you. Perfect gift for our overlords.
So you're saying "today we are all stewing hens"?
Or, Cocks and layers?
The well-wattled wealthy want one in every pot, as long as the pot's from Housewares and they don't actually have to touch either the chicken or the pot.
Oh…you…shouldn't have…
No. Seriously. You shouldn't have.
Take it back -chickens are so yesterday…
And unless the hens can lay Hostess Sno-Balls, I am not interested.
Seriously. Take that shit back. I will not be a party to such rank vulgarity. Get out. GET THE HELL OUT!
1% wealthy beyond measure, 99% fuckwit.
See the hole where the butterfly used to be? He got nuked when he demanded a living wage.
So… maybe they didn't get the memo?
http://newleftreview.org/II/26/mike-davis-planet-…
watch yourselves, 1%
The $100,000 chicken coop is nothing. Here is a really disgusting (and pointless) way of blowing vast quantities of cash.
At least chicken shit can be used as fertilizer.
So can Karl Rove.
Yeah. He's chickenshit enough.
Another way would be to fund "Romney 2016" ®™©, just ask Sheldon Adelson or those Koch Sucker Bros also.
Or backing "Atlas Shrugged Part III"?
"Fiscal cliff" and "taxmageddon" complete with scare quotes. You'd think with all that money, they could also afford some originality.
Or hiring Sarah Palin for one of her $100,000 speeches ($15,000 discount for West Coast appearances.)
Uh oh, does Papa John realize he filled his coop with Mongolian Plotting Bantams?
Wait a minute, I thought co-ops were all communistical? What are these richies doing with communistical stuff?
Those Mongolians are sneaky, huh?
In the Animal Farm, all animals are equal, but some are…WTF??!?!
4 legs good, 2 legs and 2 wings better.
2 legs, 2 wings and a breast is best … with cole slaw and dipping sauce.
I'm in the mood for a little dark meat. Wait, what?
I prefer my breasts in pairs, also.
Chicken boobs por moi, seafoodplate.
OT, but just for you.
Extra Crispy rules the roost, always has, always will, too.
How much time do you have to hear how I fucked up a batch of extra crispy when I worked at KFC 31 years ago?One of these days, I'm going to do an animated short based on that episode.Fact: I still go to KFC a few times a year, so it isn't that bad…
What happened, did you add only ten herbs and spices?
Hah. Let's see if I can say this in less than 250 words- it's a finely honed story at this point.EC is done differently than original. EC involves marinating the chicken in a seasoned salt solution in a stainless steel cement mixer for 15 minutes. The waterlogged chicken is then thrown into plain flour, where it makes gobs of dough. This is pressure fried as usual.What I did was put in, by accident, about 10x more seasoned salt than I should have, and let it marinate 2x longer than I should have. When I opened it up, the only way I knew these misshapen blobs were chicken parts is that I was the one who put them in there.I cooked 'em up anyway, 16 year old idiot that I was. We ended up giving back about $200 to customers that night, when they complained their EC chicken was too salty :PThat's it, minus some more funny details. You will be invited to the opening night of the animated short when I finish it!
The one percent are farmers? who knew?
Everybody needs a hobby.
Writeoffs…
Dependents.
Their migrant workers.
Goes to show that trickle down is chickenshit.
Golden goose-eggs. That's zeroes, son.
We have a roving gang of feral turkeys in our neighborhood. They would fuck those Richie Rich chickens up and wreck their mansion.
Indeed. We have plenty of wild turkeys up in the East Bay Hills as well. The toms will take on cars when it's mating season!
"As god is my witness, I thought turkeys could fly"- Arthur Carlson
Our turkeys do!
I'm over in Martinez so this must be a regional problem that THEY DON'T WANT US TO KNOW ABOUT.
Our turkeys knocked over a guy on a motorcycle.
I live on Skyline in Oakland, and frankly, the joyriders on motorcycles on the weekends are by far the bigger nuisance. Noisy and rude. Send your turkeys over!
"It ain't cool bein' no jive turkey this close to Thanksgiving"- guy in jail to Eddie Murphy in Trading Places.
Elitist!
I used to hang out in a South Texas neighborhood full of feral peacocks. Not sure they'd take out chickens, but they tended to cause traffic jams regularly.
They'll also fuck up the (lower half of the) paint job on your vehicle. As well as screech 24/7 – it's like living in a damn Tarzan movie…
Ahh, peacock goo poop – the gift that you can never get rid of.
"We have a roving gang of feral turkeys in our neighborhood."
If this isn't a "Far Side" cartoon, it oughtta be.
"O Brothel Where Art Thou??" — Canine "Love Palace" clientele, Brazil*
*h/t BB4sinrise, wonkville
So this is where Chick-Fil-A gets its ingredients. The upscale furnishings indoctrinate the chickens with the hate the company is so known for.
Mmmmmmm. You can just taste the contempt..
He has plans to install a cock elevator.
Gotta get it up some way…
If I were a rich man….
I'd fill my yard with chicks and turkeys and geese and ducks
For the town to see and hear.
Squawking just as noisily as they can.
With each loud "cheep" "swaqwk" "honk" "quack"
Would land like a trumpet on the ear,
As if to say "Here lives a wealthy man."
There would be one long staircase just going up,
And one even longer coming down,
And one more leading nowhere, just for show.
A stairway to heathen.
Use a stairway instead of box cars, it's the cheapest way to get them chickens into the ovens.
Not impressed.
Sweet! I hadn't seen that picture – thanks!
That is basically the personification of :/
Ha! You're right. (Makes the little emoticon cuter.)
Whatever else one may think of him, this president does the bestest photo ops EVAR!
Real House Hens of What The Fuck?
Shouldn't that be What the Cluck?
Brings a whole new meaning to keep fucking that chicken.
For all it's wretched excess, $100K for a chicken coop is more useful than a donation to Karl Rove's
superloser PAC.OT but still worth it: http://24.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_mdl6w6PeO41qbfb…
Basically this whole Obamacare crying in a nutshell.
Oh, I dunno about the OT – lotsa fat ruffled hens and capons shitting and squawking and clucking.
And I enjoyed briefly contemplating the end of most chickens – the decapitation cone.
It's the REAL cone of silence, Chief.
Decapitated, with votes this time too.
Now you can fuck that chicken in a nice room, for a change.
The 1% don't like it when you call it bestiality. It's sex with something they love.
For how much change? Maybe it's a dime for a young chick to give you a cheep-around, or you just choke your chicken yourself for a nickel?
What are they going to do when they find out the chickens are just going to shit all over their $100,000 house?
You obviously didn’t notice the poulet bidet in the poop coop out back.
Choke 'em, probably.
Manuel will clean it up.
adult chicken diapers
Yea, but these are only for the one percenter chickens.
Oh for fuck's sake!
Duh, they'll just buy another one.
Gonna have to try me some of that Bulleit, even though I have my doubts about a whiskey that comes from Indiana. But my mom's family is in Southern Indiana, which as I remember is really just Northern Kentucky, so maybe it will be OK.
You won't be disappointed.
I'm not above drinking the local 'shine from this part of Virginia, so I'm sure I won't.
Speaking of a lil' tot of the oh-be-joyful:
http://www.miamiherald.com/2012/11/17/3101794/moo…
Harumph! A county in Georgia dares to call itself "moonshine capital of the world"? Them's fightin' words, young buck.
I'm guessing this adds about 2 1/2 cents to the cost of a shitty pizza.
" whence you shall collect your chickens’ fresh gifts to you, their lord and lady, "
Yeah, these people will ENTER A CHICKEN-SHIT FILLED COOP and gather their own eggs.
If you're rich enough to afford a coop like this, you're rich enough to hire someone to take care of it for you, while screwing them and your other employees on health care.
- from the owner's manual
If they have to provide health care, they'll have to cut back on the chicken Rembrandts.
I guess you really can't (or shouldn't, anyway) pay the help less than minimum wage, right?
The owner's manual also had this helpful tip:
"The gardener will be delighted with this fresh source of chicken manure!"
Nice.
Another Neiman Marcus Christmas cock up.
I am hoping someone will get me the Cabela Donald Trump sausage maker.
Does it come with some Donald Trump?
Chunks are separate. You have to be careful to remove the bristles on the head.
Wild bore sausage?
Bunch of mooching chickens. They're takers, not makers. Although they do lay the occasional egg (just like Mitt! — rimshot!).
Pay attention kids. This is how tax cuts help the job creators.
Keep fucking that chicken Neiman Marcus.
We have a story about excessive wealth, amazing stupidity, and chickens…how was this not the first post on the board?
I was stunned when I posted and checked twice to make sure it hadn't yet been played.
Too bad Wonkette didn't show the room with the mirrored ceilings and waterbed.
For Herman Cain's chickens.
The Donald's would be painted gold, the better to contain his road-apple reds.
And, ahem, this would be eggsacklywrong.
The Bulleit trailer, yes. But on which Mormon planet is 8 cases of whiskey considered "a year's supply"?
If you read the fine print enough to get the 8 cases, you know it is based on FDA numbers, which have about as much meaning as saying the mean of my wealth and Mitt Romney's is about 100 million bucks.
Among rich pricks who throw boozy parties for their rich prick friends, the only reason that 8 cases of bourbon last a year is because of all the vodka and gin.
Does such a place induce them to lay Fabergé Eggs?
Isn't it enough that they paint Rembrandt-like watercolors?!
I honestly don't know. Nobody ever asked me that before!
Wonkette store: "Soon it will have underwear and cups."
Who's modeling this time?
What cup sizes are the underwear?
A Wonkette™ coffee mug arriving with name-branded panties stuffed inside sounds like winning packaging/ consolidated merchandising, in a Martha Stewart® sort of way~
Funny you should mention it, I'm wearing my Wonkette t-shirt this very minute, lazing around on a Saturday. I highly recommend that you buy one, because it's comfortable, soft, and really accentuates the flat, rock hard abs you could bounce a quarter off of..
How is it with a side of flab, pasty whites and beer gut?….because I'm really thinking of one…
Even better.
Hopefully Wonkette will give a man in need a little help and have Anthony Weiner model the underwear.
And will the cups come with a jockstrap to hold them in?
With a little searching our homeless veterans can get free refrigerator cartons and hobo beans, so I guess this is OK.
OT but I passed the CA bar exam last night! Add another commie liberal west coast lawyer to the list!
Pass the bar exam, sure, but can you do this?
<pats tummy and rubs head>
Seriously, congrats.
Awesome. Congrats. The fun has only just started for you.
congrats! now go out there and do some pro bono.
Just don't do a Sonny Bono, ski's are for kids with nothing to lose.
Good deal! Now, SUE the right-wing bastards!!!
9th circuit rulz, dude.
Congrats!! Stay strong.
Which bar do you go to?…I've always preferred the Wooden Nickel, where I first passed my exam in 1967…no big deal back then, just your basic driver's license check….seriously, congrats!
What, in Mill Valley?
"The first thing we do, let's kill all the lawyers"
//W. Shakespeare
Fun* fact:
In context, lawyers were more like the keepers of law and order, and the line was spoken by a villainous character; so the gist of it was effectively having a bad guy saying, "First thing we do, let's kill all the cops".
`
`
*the sort of thing that English majors consider "fun", anyway.
Mazel tov!
Even if you do mean that you won your local pub's trivia night…
Hey, those chickens create jobs! They deserve better housing than the moochers who clean up after them. Why does Wonkette hate the chicken job creators?!
I like job creation and retail demand, yet this still makes me feel all stabby.
Dear NM,
Please google 'French Revolution', without the quotes.
Sincerely,
Docterry
On the contrary, I LOVE the chicken job creators! Especially deep-fried.
Or did you mean the hens?
Frank Costanza: Let me understand, you got the hen, the chicken and the rooster. The rooster goes with the chicken. So, who's having sex with the hen?
George Costanza: Why don't we talk about it another time.
Frank Costanza: But you see my point here? You only hear of a hen, a rooster and a chicken. Something's missing!
Mrs. Ross: Something's missing all right.
Mr. Ross: They're all chickens. The rooster has sex with all of them.
Frank Costanza: That's perverse.
mmmmm, original recipe…..
Speaking as someone who's not only seen chickens, but helped clean chicken coops (believe me, not by choice), Needless Markup's chicken château is gonna stink like a GOP fundraiser after about a week.
Chicken class warfare?
This could get messy.
Does the NM coop duh ville have padded ceilings so the darling birds won't fly-up and break their little necks as sometimes happens when they are startled in moar pedestrian quarters?
Coop Duh Ville. I like it. What's the difference between a sorority girl and a Cadillac?
Mm hmm. Or the difference between a sorority girl and a toilet?
I hadn't heard that one- I could think of a couple of correct answers.Also:What's a sorority girl say right before she falls asleep?What's a sorority girl do when she wakes up in the morning?
Are the carpenters and painters union workers or will they get fired when their boss has to offer them health insurance?
And in the dining room, they're serving the chickens BSE-laced cow shit.
In the end, aren't we all mad?
The real travesty here is the property taxes a real American would have to pay on that luxury chicken coop. It's almost enough to make an entrepreneur say "it's just not worth the hassle owning a gold-plated chicken coop. I'm moving all my chickens to the Caymens." See what you've done pinkos? Now all our most productive chickens are just going to take their eggs somewhere else AND IT'S ALL YOUR FAULT.
I know! I recently built a 96 sqft shed, to get below the 100 sqft taxation limits. As it turns out they go by total footprint, so the roof eaves count against the 100 sqft. As always, I'm fucked.
Word has it the chickens are upside down on their mortgage.
I thought it was the bats.
Australian chickens, obvs
I want to see a pic of the pigeons, in little maid's outfits, that wait on these plutocratic pullets…
Sexy beasts.
Rrrrrrrowr.
That's chicken shack, available only in Nevada….
That catalogue needs more safe rooms, armored cars, body guard services, etc.
I don't like the way there are brown eggs mixed in with the white ones.
They look kinda…furrin'…
The brown ones are the helper eggs. Duh.
I thought the brown ones were the lazy ones?
Same thing, I suppose.
If those brown eggs hatch, be prepared for a lifetime of dependency.
Anchor eggs.
You may not like it, but desEGGregation is the rule of the coop.
See, I told you that nice legs and breasts will get you out of Tampa!
Must be something for RepublEggcons.
The 1%-ers are sure working mighty damn hard to up the start time for "le déluge"…
I'm rather amused that while two on-site consultations from the founder of Heritage Hen Farm, plus the construction of raised beds are included in the $100,000, delivery is not.
yeah, really: "That comes to $100,000, not including parts and labor"
"what does it include?"
"Everything, except parts and labor!"
Some assembly required
Hey Wonkette! You should do a Holiday Catalogue in the Bazaar for the 99% rabble. You could have pitchforks, torches, knitting needles, guillotines, all sorts of nice things!
Don't forget the tumbrils and pikes!
My chickens lay only Fabergé eggs, and this has nothing to do with Ann rMoney.
Ostentation is the new extravagance.
You're looking at this all wrong – first, some 99%ers had to make the damn thing, then – do you know how dusty chickens are?!!! – Maria will spend up to 29 1/2 hours weekly (part time) out there, just to keep it clean… if that ain't job creation, you can have my pizza!
Let them eat chicken.
Why did the chicken cross the road?
To burn down a $100,000 chicken coop [w/ votes].
I dream of a world where a chicken can cross the road without someone questioning it's motives.
Don't tell me … those chickens also lie in the gutter but look up at the stars.
I have a co-worker who has chickens in his backyard and often brings in eggs for us. I'll show this to him, but I think he'll agree the price has too many goose eggs in it.
Man, I bet egg salad from such a chicken coop would taste great on Wonder Bread, but I can forget about that now (shakes fist)!
'Murrica's chickens really are coming home to roost!!! (Thank you, Reverend Wright). Now, they'll have somewhere to rest their asses.
Conspicuous consumption always has a price, in this case it's $100,000, plus parts and labor, also.
And, when the revolution comes, the price of the bullet will be charged to the estate.
And someone overpaid, again. It looks like maybe $7k if you're good with your hands and have the right tools.
Why did the chicken cross the road?
So it could take a shit on a Neiman Marcus catalog.
To avoid "personal responsibility".
Why did Mitt Romney cross the road?
So he could lay Egg.
Ew.
Why did BadKitty cross the road?
To get the hell away from these awful jokes.
It better have a fucking car elevator.
Everyone knows chickens have tractors, not cars.
I don't know about the rest of you, but this post has really put me in a fowl mood.
I'm a bit peckish.
It really ruffles my feathers.
I have lived in a couple of converted chicken houses with fine art on the walls, and never felt cooped up.
Needs an elevator. Ask Mitt.
The walls of these would be more likely be decorated with McNaughtons and Kinkades.
Are you referring to the screaming, squawking, parrot gangs that rove the greater L.A. area?
No, this is another gang who cruise around in helicopters, our L. A. Sheriff's Dept.
Ah, yes.
Just an OT note to thank everyone who's upfisted me to 100p! I am honored!
Suckup.
Your point being? ;)
Well, it's not like I'm insanely jealous of having inferior pee.
Carry on.
I think the term around here is p-ness, so any time mine gets bigger…I play the guitar, so I don't suffer from pianist envy.
Why did the Wonketteers cross the road?
To get to the B&B. [Booze & Buttsechs]
Rebecca, I won't purchase you a fancy airstream filled with Bulleit bourbon. However, I will purchase you as many Bulleits neat you desire AND bar food when you come to Austin for a drinky thing.
If you were here this weekend you could watch about 100K South Americans, Asian and Middle Eastern folks who have really good health care and nice clothes spending money like drunken sailors over our little Formula 1 race in Austin. They are nice people and I must say I was smitten by some ladies from Brazil with bolt-on breasts.
kkkkkk
Seriously, awesome track. Watching the qualifying now, can't wait for the race tomorrow!
I bet it still smells like chicken shit.
Uh . . . with votes.
If you're really into chickens, and would like to make a statement, $100k would finance 5,000 of these, which would offset starving and provide economic stability to untold numbers of people. Fuck you, Needless Markup fucks.
Dude, what do people have against quiche? It's an egg pie (with ham!), and I love it.
Everyone loves a quickie!
The sign above the back door of the chicken coop reads: "Eggzit Only."
ETA: I know you're out there. I can hear you groaning.
You know if you people spent less time bitching about this and more time dreaming up ridiculous shit for the wealthy to buy, we would have more income equality.
How importing foreign Guinea hens to act as nannies – and to sit on the rich chickens' eggs?
Please, *Italian-American* hens!
because the chicken is my own personal totem and i love them i present to you . . .
http://grist.org/food/out-of-the-cage-and-onto-th…
Aren't we at war with Christmas?
Well, we can give each other small bars of steel as a sign of our solidarity with the workers. Communism with a human face, and all.
Not until this coming Friday. I'm old fashioned.
We have always been at war with Easter…
and this . . .
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=enwU5jIXSlU
Egg would never set foot in such a cheap shack.
A claw, on the other hand…
*One-year supply of Bulleit Bourbon and Bulleit Rye not to exceed four cases of each, based on FDA average consumption.
Because we don't want to encourage an irresponsible indulgence in excess. That's why we HAVE an FDA. If eight cases of booze isn't enough for your $150,000, then kindly take your custom elsewhere.
FDA telling rich fucks how much free bourbon they can have? Just more of that damned gubbmint interference with our freedumbs!!!
That ad is uber-offhensive. Someone should contact Neiman Marcus and ask them to pullet. Cocksuckers. You could comb the Web for days, pecking away at one site after another, and you'd find that no one but a few rich people in Rhode Island read the thing.
Damned rich people, always crowing about their trips through Italy. Many of them spend their winters there, where they rent the old doge's house within the sound of the legendary fog horn in the bay off Leghorn, west of Florence.
But let's not get upset by a few poultry ads like this. After all, the rich wingnuts lost the election. They'll be all cooped up over the next in their local Chik-fil-a establishments for the next four years, preening their ruffled feathers, and clucking about their bad luck.
The yolks in this one kept coming. Nice work!
Kranky kitty!
*skritches behind kitteh ears*
You're clucking-a right!
I hope you didn't strain your pun-ny bone. Nice job.
Needz moar upfists!
*Trying to egg you on…
Confront the anger! Well played.
I'm more offended that it actually says "Delivery NOT included." Nice.
Are these people aware of the volume of shit that your average chicken produces? We're talking MOUNTAINS of shit, and it will be on every surface, including the ceiling, as chickens are also acrobats with a god-driven mandate to put shit on every available spot.
Well.That's just fowl.
If anyone wants a better idea about the volume of shit, and the mess, try this: Give yourself diarrhea. Pull down your pants, stick out your ass and spin in place. Spatter the walls, knock objets d'art off coffee tables, drown the hamster in a ball that your kids lost track of yesterday and now you know.
"Nothing in the animal kingdom shits like a chicken":
http://www.cracked.com/blog/6-things-no-one-tells…
What he said.
http://thechive.files.wordpress.com/2012/11/funny…
Where are all the FOWL PUNZ?!!1!
With seats so close, one could at least expect a few fowl tips?
Oh, for cluck's sake, we're fried!
Too much Bulleit?
Too many pullets!
That's not a mullet, it's a comb-over!
It's your little red wagon, and you've gotta pullet.
Today we are all rich oviraptors.
Those chicks are pretty cute. Fowl temptresses! Get thee to a hennery!
Oh, For Cluck's Sake!
Good enough snark to shake a speare at.
Are female revolutions able to come more than once in a night?
I hear the Army Surplus Store is one-upping Neiman with their Kelley Twins gift offer.
So who is the Fox guarding this de-luxe henhouse? Rupert Murdoch?
Am I the only one who wants to buy the Annie walk on and give it to the ugliest, smelliest, most loudly insane bum I can find?
Sorry, no can do. Have prior commitments.
MOM!?!?!?!!?
Holy Hellz, this makes the coop that I covet from Williams-Sonoma look down right utilitarian.
Now I understand the reluctance on their part to redistribute the wealth. Those chickens aren't going to pamper themselves!
I see gender discrimination!
What equal quarters does NM have for us men?
cock a doodle do
They are just begging for a revolution.
Really egging us on. >ducking<
I nominate this post for a Pullet-zer Prize. Or Pullet Surprise.
Not realistic. My 3 chickens cover their "broody room" so deep in chicken shit you'd think Donald Trump was living there.
For some reason, the adaptation of Camille by Charles Ludlam and the Ridiculous Theatrical Company just popped into my head. What a lovely memory. Must have been our Editrix's line about playing Marie Antoinette among the milkmaids.
Maybe now the damned chickens will stop squawking about Rafalca's $250,000 luxury stall.
Wouldn't the chickens be traumatized by the dinner plates hanging up on the walls?
"Soon it will have underwear and cups"
Cups *are* underwear, they're part of a bra… also part of guy underpants, I think.
So you gotta be able to shell out 100 G before you can eat poultry products that wasn't produced in the 1.3 chickens per square foot density by the 10'000s? Of course I could make those with a $200 band saw, $500 worth of plywood, and $300 more for someone to copy Gainesboroughs in minuature. 9 hour of work @ $11,000/hour. That's good pay for carpentry.
Editrix, why do you hate job creators and freedumb?
This thing is incomplete without an Egg elevator. Just sayin'.
Know what's best about this? That chicken coop MIGHT have cost upwards of $5,000 to build. Somebody is walking away with $95,000 of some dumb fucktard richguy's polo muneez.
As broker for the seller I am ethically restricted in what I can divulge, but I believe they will take $98,900 if you offer by Friday COB.
Or you could head over to the Wonkette Bazaar. Soon it will have underwear and cups.
I hope it has underwear with cups. That overflow.
If you think this is decadent, you should see his $5,000,000 chicken church.
Is the housing market yet strong enough to absorb such inventory when it inevitably hits the market?
Something something coming home to roost, something something something the other side, something something so keep right on fuckin' it.
Hey, I was just sayin'!
I'm a Florida boy – we've always prided ourselves on smuggling rum. Psht, I ain't studyin' no Georgia…
Well all right then. Back in college, we drove Shooting Creek Road many a time to get us our likker. The local advice always was, if'n ya don't want a hide full o' buckshot, don't stop your car to take a piss, just keep driving.
PS, I love the hillbilly tradition of double negatives, or even triple negatives, or more. Best I ever heard was from a West Virginia woman who was caught by the FBI selling her newborn baby. In her own defense, she said: "I ain't never done nuthin' ain't nobody else ain't never done." Seven negatives in one sentence, awesome.
This whole thread has done flung a cravin' on me. Chicken for supper tonight!
That's awesome.
Hi Biff! I'm sure you're one of the good motorcycle guys. No joke, a few years back, a guy on a motorcycle was speeding on my winding road, crossed over the line, hit a guy on a bicycle and killed him. The motorcycle guy's dad was on the Oakland Police Dept. The motorcycle was dismantled within 24 hours and the guy was only charged with speeding.
I'm sorry, but the vast majority of motorcyclists on the weekend here are indeed jerks. There are some good ones and I have friends who are responsible as well, but for crissake, it's a 25mph residential area…
My comment had nothing to do with bikes or bikers, it was tongue in cheek about you living on Skyline in Oakberg…
People who kill cyclists almost never face any consequences, even if their dads aren't cops. It's a never ending source of resentment for me.
Hey man,
No worries. As fate had it, I was on your page this morning and read your post about being discriminated against at Waffle House, of all places(!!!) and found out you were a biker in the process. Would never want to offend a guy who helped fight back the Brazilian Onslaught! You're welcome to come to our place for Thanksgiving. kkkk.
Ah, yer a good egg…
These eggs are looking for a few good albumen? I know, I know, it's a stretch…
I had seen this on TV, so I tried to find a clip of her saying it, unsuccessfully. But I did find that selling one's baby was only a misdemeanor in WV prior to this case (due to the national publicity, it was subsequently declared a felony), so the woman, Lena Peek, then aged 26, only did a year in jail. She is now serving a life sentence, however, because at age 40 she murdered the blind woman across the street in a robbery, to support her meth habit.
I also came across several other stories of parents in WV since that time that have tried to sell their babbies and gotten caught. The more things change…
Not to worry- it went over easy…
I love a good heartwarming story.
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