let them eat quiche

This $100,000 Chicken Coop Will Win You A ‘First Place’ Against ‘The Wall’ When ‘The Revolution’ ‘Comes’

Add to Flipboard Magazine.

have any of you ever actually seen a chicken?It’s that time of year again! Time for the Neiman Marcus Fantasy Christmas Book of Charming Gifts for the guy at Papa Johns! Can you stand the excitement? Neither can we! But while there are plenty of stupid ways to blow the greasy wads of cash that have turned you from human being to Donald Trump, only one really stands out for its gobsmacking lack of humanity and empathy and realization that there are units we call “people” who roam the earth, the kind that says FUCK THEM, YOU MADE IT! Let us find out what it is, together! (Hint: It is a $100,000 chicken coop, like it says in the headline, and also that picture.)

The broody room
Here is the “broody room,” whence you shall collect your chickens’ fresh gifts to you, their lord and lady, while you are playing “Marie Antoinette among the milkmaids.” The Rembrandt (we believe? It is ever so long since our Art Criticking days) does not come with the coop, but rather you have to buy your own chicken coop Rembrandt. GYP! (Saying “gyp” is racist, but come on, have you ever met a Gypsy? Damn.)

chicken versailles 2
Is that the chicken coop chandelier, in the library? Yessirree Donald! But what about all the people who don’t live as well as your chickens, and we are not talking about sub-Saharan African people not living as well as your chickens, but, like, AMERICANS not living as well as your chickens? Do not worry, they have Obamaphones.


Oooh, look, fuzzy tiny baby chicks! Aw! Everybody loves fuzzy tiny baby chicks! Now nobody can blame you for buying a $100,000 chicken Versailles while people still don’t have power from Hurricane Sandy! We are powerless against baby chicks! MORE REMBRANDTS FOR THE BABY CHICKS!

If you wanted to buy us this trailer full of Bulleit, however, that would be something else entirely. Or you could head over to the Wonkette Bazaar. Soon it will have underwear and cups.

[NeimanMarcus]

About the author

Rebecca is the editor and publisher of Wonkette. She is the author of Commie Girl in the O.C., a collection of her OC Weekly columns, and the former editor of LA CityBeat. Go visit her Commie Girl Collective, and follow her on the Twitter!

View all articles by Rebecca Schoenkopf

Comments

Hey there, Wonkeputians! Shypixel here to remind you to remember our Commenting Rules For Radicals, Enjoy!

  • glasspusher

    A chicken coop that costs more than a lot of folks' houses in this country? Shit is fucked up and bullshit.

    • ChapterUndVerse

      I can see the police report now: Le Petit Trianon accidentally run over by Bulleit Trailer. Gives whole new meaning to the notion of trailer trash, no?

    • HateMachine

      I know it costs more than mine.

    • kittensdontlie

      We will be hoarding honey when our domestic bees go on strike for better living conditions.

      • http://www.vinoverve.com Maman

        They can't strike… we are killing them with mobile phone radiation waves.

        • kittensdontlie

          I am going to call my congressperson about this.

  • glasspusher

    A hundred grand? That ain't chicken feed.

    • gullywompr

      It's outrageous. I wouldn't pay more than forty thousand for it.

      • glasspusher

        You're a man of principle.

  • gullywompr

    The one percent I say the one percent is about as sharp as a bag of wet mice.

    • glasspusher

      I hope they listen when you're talkin' to them, boy.

      • http://facethesuncastnoshadow.wordpress.com/ Mumbletypeg

        "Now pay attention! I'm not talkin' just to hear mah head roar!"

        • Vecchiojohn

          He's a nice, I say he's a nice boy but he ain't too bright.

          • http://facethesuncastnoshadow.wordpress.com/ Mumbletypeg

            I say, son, you cover about as much as a flapper's skirt in a high wind!

      • BadKitty904

        "Pay *attention*, boy! I'm cuttin', but you ain't bleedin'! (That boy's about as sharp as a bowlin' ball)"

        • glasspusher

          Man, I love this. My old man did a great Foghorn Leghorn. Had the deep bass voice for it. Too bad he died so long ago, never had a chance to share it with any of his grandkids. Now I haz a sad.

          • BadKitty904

            Aww. *pets GP*

          • tessiee

            Any video of Sen. Howell Heflin would be an acceptable substitute for a Foghorn Leghorn cartoon.

    • Monsieur_Grumpe

      Foghorn Leghorn quote!
      Win.

  • Barbara_

    No thanks, I like my chicken in a bucket.

    • Terry

      Or marinated on a spit over charcoal in a lovely little Peruvian carry out.

      • Dr_Zoidberg

        Elitist. Roadkill is the true 'Murrican way.

        • Mittaplasia

          "Manifold Destiny" has a number of Kill 'em & Grill 'em recipes; their poodles and noodles is the best!

    • BadKitty904

      Or in yellow rice. mmmmmmm…

  • scorpy1

    For every Heritage Hen Mini Farm purchase, NM will donate $3,000 to The American Livestock Breeds Conservancy

    Egregious, and socially conscious! Even if it is chicken society.

    • gullywompr

      Won't somebody think of the rare endangered chicken breeds?

    • BerkeleyBear

      Hell the Bulleitt trailer comes with a 5 times more generous gift (and to AIDS research no less). That 3k is, I dare say, chicken feed.

    • http://www.boskolives.wordpress.com boskolives

      sp/ fixed: EGGregious!

    • NYNYNYjr

      ANd what does the fuckin ALBC do with that money? I mean its not fuckin amnesty international! They are buying fuckin gold tiaras for their chickens and shit. And rembrants.

  • ttommyunger

    I, for one, welcome our new chickenshit overlords.

    • eggsacklywright

      Is there a right-wing for the chickenhawks?

      • ttommyunger

        Nope! Safe Room.Sent from the Field, not in Garrison.

    • LibertyLover

      Chikenshit or chicken salad?

      • ttommyunger

        One thing for sure. At 100K it ain't chicken feed.Sent from the Field, not in Garrison.

  • spareme

    I am sure my fav dead art history professor is rolling in his grave right now. Also, this is making my hangover hurt.

    • http://facethesuncastnoshadow.wordpress.com/ Mumbletypeg

      Well he'll be grateful to have missed this, too.

      • spareme

        I agree. Think I'll take a couple more aspirin.

        • http://facethesuncastnoshadow.wordpress.com/ Mumbletypeg

          Maybe your instructor and my favorite art prof (d. 10/2011, RIP) are reading this now from wherever they are and wondering when it gets to the part about "crosshatching"~

          • spareme

            Ah. You clearly know your art. My father used this technique beautifully. Thanks for reminding me.

  • glasspusher

    This certainly ups the ante for Rafalca's new stable!

    • YasserArraFeck

      Excellent idea! Is chicken feed tax-deductable? And if not, why not?!

  • Mittens Howell, III

    I hope Asian bird flu isn't covered by Obamacare.

  • http://www.marionstein.net Ground Zero Mostel

    Are we not all chickens? Some chickens may live better than others, but in the end when you stop making the eggs they kill you and eat you. Perfect gift for our overlords.

    • Pithaughn

      So you're saying "today we are all stewing hens"?

      • http://www.boskolives.wordpress.com boskolives

        Or, Cocks and layers?

      • ChapterUndVerse

        The well-wattled wealthy want one in every pot, as long as the pot's from Housewares and they don't actually have to touch either the chicken or the pot.

  • AlterNewt

    Oh…you…shouldn't have…

    • BadKitty904

      No. Seriously. You shouldn't have.

    • Toomush_Infer

      Take it back -chickens are so yesterday…

    • kittensdontlie

      And unless the hens can lay Hostess Sno-Balls, I am not interested.

    • Negropolis

      Seriously. Take that shit back. I will not be a party to such rank vulgarity. Get out. GET THE HELL OUT!

  • Mittens Howell, III

    1% wealthy beyond measure, 99% fuckwit.

  • Mittens Howell, III

    See the hole where the butterfly used to be? He got nuked when he demanded a living wage.

  • http://for-the-turnstiles.blogspot.com 4TheTurnstiles

    So… maybe they didn't get the memo?
    http://newleftreview.org/II/26/mike-davis-planet-

    watch yourselves, 1%

  • Mahousu

    The $100,000 chicken coop is nothing. Here is a really disgusting (and pointless) way of blowing vast quantities of cash.

    • glasspusher

      At least chicken shit can be used as fertilizer.

      • Dogless_Heathen

        So can Karl Rove.

        • glasspusher

          Yeah. He's chickenshit enough.

    • http://www.boskolives.wordpress.com boskolives

      Another way would be to fund "Romney 2016" ®™©, just ask Sheldon Adelson or those Koch Sucker Bros also.

      • HogeyeGrex

        Or backing "Atlas Shrugged Part III"?

    • HouseOfTheBlueLights

      "Fiscal cliff" and "taxmageddon" complete with scare quotes. You'd think with all that money, they could also afford some originality.

      • NorthStarSpanx

        Or hiring Sarah Palin for one of her $100,000 speeches ($15,000 discount for West Coast appearances.)

  • Mittens Howell, III

    Uh oh, does Papa John realize he filled his coop with Mongolian Plotting Bantams?

    • eggsacklywright

      Wait a minute, I thought co-ops were all communistical? What are these richies doing with communistical stuff?

    • HogeyeGrex

      Those Mongolians are sneaky, huh?

  • glasspusher

    In the Animal Farm, all animals are equal, but some are…WTF??!?!

    • Dr_Zoidberg

      4 legs good, 2 legs and 2 wings better.

      • JustPixelz

        2 legs, 2 wings and a breast is best … with cole slaw and dipping sauce.

        • glasspusher

          I'm in the mood for a little dark meat. Wait, what?

        • Biff

          I prefer my breasts in pairs, also.

      • eggsacklywright

        Chicken boobs por moi, seafoodplate.

      • HogeyeGrex
    • http://www.boskolives.wordpress.com boskolives

      Extra Crispy rules the roost, always has, always will, too.

      • glasspusher

        How much time do you have to hear how I fucked up a batch of extra crispy when I worked at KFC 31 years ago?One of these days, I'm going to do an animated short based on that episode.Fact: I still go to KFC a few times a year, so it isn't that bad…

        • gullywompr

          What happened, did you add only ten herbs and spices?

          • glasspusher

            Hah. Let's see if I can say this in less than 250 words- it's a finely honed story at this point.EC is done differently than original. EC involves marinating the chicken in a seasoned salt solution in a stainless steel cement mixer for 15 minutes. The waterlogged chicken is then thrown into plain flour, where it makes gobs of dough. This is pressure fried as usual.What I did was put in, by accident, about 10x more seasoned salt than I should have, and let it marinate 2x longer than I should have. When I opened it up, the only way I knew these misshapen blobs were chicken parts is that I was the one who put them in there.I cooked 'em up anyway, 16 year old idiot that I was. We ended up giving back about $200 to customers that night, when they complained their EC chicken was too salty :PThat's it, minus some more funny details. You will be invited to the opening night of the animated short when I finish it!

  • An_Outhouse

    The one percent are farmers? who knew?

    • gullywompr

      Everybody needs a hobby.

    • Toomush_Infer

      Writeoffs…

      • HogeyeGrex

        Dependents.

    • Negropolis

      Their migrant workers.

  • http://wonkette.com ManchuCandidate

    Goes to show that trickle down is chickenshit.

    • eggsacklywright

      Golden goose-eggs. That's zeroes, son.

  • http://www.toastcat.com Fred_Wertham_Jr

    We have a roving gang of feral turkeys in our neighborhood. They would fuck those Richie Rich chickens up and wreck their mansion.

    • glasspusher

      Indeed. We have plenty of wild turkeys up in the East Bay Hills as well. The toms will take on cars when it's mating season!

      "As god is my witness, I thought turkeys could fly"- Arthur Carlson

      Our turkeys do!

      • http://www.toastcat.com Fred_Wertham_Jr

        I'm over in Martinez so this must be a regional problem that THEY DON'T WANT US TO KNOW ABOUT.

        Our turkeys knocked over a guy on a motorcycle.

        • glasspusher

          I live on Skyline in Oakland, and frankly, the joyriders on motorcycles on the weekends are by far the bigger nuisance. Noisy and rude. Send your turkeys over!

          "It ain't cool bein' no jive turkey this close to Thanksgiving"- guy in jail to Eddie Murphy in Trading Places.

          • Biff

            Elitist!

          • glasspusher

            Hi Biff! I'm sure you're one of the good motorcycle guys. No joke, a few years back, a guy on a motorcycle was speeding on my winding road, crossed over the line, hit a guy on a bicycle and killed him. The motorcycle guy's dad was on the Oakland Police Dept. The motorcycle was dismantled within 24 hours and the guy was only charged with speeding.

            I'm sorry, but the vast majority of motorcyclists on the weekend here are indeed jerks. There are some good ones and I have friends who are responsible as well, but for crissake, it's a 25mph residential area…

          • Biff

            My comment had nothing to do with bikes or bikers, it was tongue in cheek about you living on Skyline in Oakberg…

          • glasspusher

            Hey man,
            No worries. As fate had it, I was on your page this morning and read your post about being discriminated against at Waffle House, of all places(!!!) and found out you were a biker in the process. Would never want to offend a guy who helped fight back the Brazilian Onslaught! You're welcome to come to our place for Thanksgiving. kkkk.

          • Biff

            Ah, yer a good egg…

          • http://wonkette.com/ starfanglednut

            People who kill cyclists almost never face any consequences, even if their dads aren't cops. It's a never ending source of resentment for me.

    • mbatch

      I used to hang out in a South Texas neighborhood full of feral peacocks. Not sure they'd take out chickens, but they tended to cause traffic jams regularly.

      • BadKitty904

        They'll also fuck up the (lower half of the) paint job on your vehicle. As well as screech 24/7 – it's like living in a damn Tarzan movie…

        • BerkeleyBear

          Ahh, peacock goo poop – the gift that you can never get rid of.

    • tessiee

      "We have a roving gang of feral turkeys in our neighborhood."

      If this isn't a "Far Side" cartoon, it oughtta be.

  • http://facethesuncastnoshadow.wordpress.com/ Mumbletypeg

    "O Brothel Where Art Thou??" — Canine "Love Palace" clientele, Brazil*

    *h/t BB4sinrise, wonkville

  • snowpointsecret

    So this is where Chick-Fil-A gets its ingredients. The upscale furnishings indoctrinate the chickens with the hate the company is so known for.

    • bikerlaureate

      Mmmmmmm. You can just taste the contempt..

  • Mittens Howell, III

    He has plans to install a cock elevator.

    • Stevola

      Gotta get it up some way…

  • JustPixelz

    If I were a rich man….
    I'd fill my yard with chicks and turkeys and geese and ducks
    For the town to see and hear.
    Squawking just as noisily as they can.
    With each loud "cheep" "swaqwk" "honk" "quack"
    Would land like a trumpet on the ear,
    As if to say "Here lives a wealthy man."

    • AlterNewt

      There would be one long staircase just going up,
      And one even longer coming down,
      And one more leading nowhere, just for show.

      • eggsacklywright

        A stairway to heathen.

        • http://www.boskolives.wordpress.com boskolives

          Use a stairway instead of box cars, it's the cheapest way to get them chickens into the ovens.

  • BarackMyWorld
    • Dr_Zoidberg

      Sweet! I hadn't seen that picture – thanks!

    • snowpointsecret

      That is basically the personification of :/

      • emmelemm

        Ha! You're right. (Makes the little emoticon cuter.)

    • BadKitty904

      Whatever else one may think of him, this president does the bestest photo ops EVAR!

  • Mittens Howell, III

    Real House Hens of What The Fuck?

    • LibertyLover

      Shouldn't that be What the Cluck?

      • viennawoods13

        Brings a whole new meaning to keep fucking that chicken.

  • JustPixelz

    For all it's wretched excess, $100K for a chicken coop is more useful than a donation to Karl Rove's super loser PAC.

  • snowpointsecret

    OT but still worth it: http://24.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_mdl6w6PeO41qbfb

    Basically this whole Obamacare crying in a nutshell.

    • GeneralLerong

      Oh, I dunno about the OT – lotsa fat ruffled hens and capons shitting and squawking and clucking.

      And I enjoyed briefly contemplating the end of most chickens – the decapitation cone.

      • eggsacklywright

        It's the REAL cone of silence, Chief.

      • http://www.boskolives.wordpress.com boskolives

        Decapitated, with votes this time too.

  • OneDollarJuana

    Now you can fuck that chicken in a nice room, for a change.

    • glasspusher

      The 1% don't like it when you call it bestiality. It's sex with something they love.

    • http://www.boskolives.wordpress.com boskolives

      For how much change? Maybe it's a dime for a young chick to give you a cheep-around, or you just choke your chicken yourself for a nickel?

  • Loch_Nessosaur

    What are they going to do when they find out the chickens are just going to shit all over their $100,000 house?

    • WhatTheHeck

      You obviously didn’t notice the poulet bidet in the poop coop out back.

    • eggsacklywright

      Choke 'em, probably.

    • gullywompr

      Manuel will clean it up.

    • rmjagg

      adult chicken diapers

    • Negropolis

      Duh, they'll just buy another one.

  • gullywompr

    Gonna have to try me some of that Bulleit, even though I have my doubts about a whiskey that comes from Indiana. But my mom's family is in Southern Indiana, which as I remember is really just Northern Kentucky, so maybe it will be OK.

    • http://facethesuncastnoshadow.wordpress.com/ Mumbletypeg

      You won't be disappointed.

      • gullywompr

        I'm not above drinking the local 'shine from this part of Virginia, so I'm sure I won't.

        • BadKitty904

          Speaking of a lil' tot of the oh-be-joyful:
          http://www.miamiherald.com/2012/11/17/3101794/moo

          • gullywompr

            Harumph! A county in Georgia dares to call itself "moonshine capital of the world"? Them's fightin' words, young buck.

          • BadKitty904

            Hey, I was just sayin'!

            I'm a Florida boy – we've always prided ourselves on smuggling rum. Psht, I ain't studyin' no Georgia…

          • gullywompr

            Well all right then. Back in college, we drove Shooting Creek Road many a time to get us our likker. The local advice always was, if'n ya don't want a hide full o' buckshot, don't stop your car to take a piss, just keep driving.

          • gullywompr

            PS, I love the hillbilly tradition of double negatives, or even triple negatives, or more. Best I ever heard was from a West Virginia woman who was caught by the FBI selling her newborn baby. In her own defense, she said: "I ain't never done nuthin' ain't nobody else ain't never done." Seven negatives in one sentence, awesome.

          • BadKitty904

            This whole thread has done flung a cravin' on me. Chicken for supper tonight!

          • emmelemm

            That's awesome.

          • gullywompr

            I had seen this on TV, so I tried to find a clip of her saying it, unsuccessfully. But I did find that selling one's baby was only a misdemeanor in WV prior to this case (due to the national publicity, it was subsequently declared a felony), so the woman, Lena Peek, then aged 26, only did a year in jail. She is now serving a life sentence, however, because at age 40 she murdered the blind woman across the street in a robbery, to support her meth habit.

            I also came across several other stories of parents in WV since that time that have tried to sell their babbies and gotten caught. The more things change…

          • bobbert

            I love a good heartwarming story.

  • Mittens Howell, III

    I'm guessing this adds about 2 1/2 cents to the cost of a shitty pizza.

  • Stevola

    " whence you shall collect your chickens’ fresh gifts to you, their lord and lady, "

    Yeah, these people will ENTER A CHICKEN-SHIT FILLED COOP and gather their own eggs.

    • glasspusher

      If you're rich enough to afford a coop like this, you're rich enough to hire someone to take care of it for you, while screwing them and your other employees on health care.

      – from the owner's manual

      • Stevola

        If they have to provide health care, they'll have to cut back on the chicken Rembrandts.

        • Biff

          I guess you really can't (or shouldn't, anyway) pay the help less than minimum wage, right?

      • corthylio

        The owner's manual also had this helpful tip:

        "The gardener will be delighted with this fresh source of chicken manure!"

        • glasspusher

          Nice.

  • WhatTheHeck

    Another Neiman Marcus Christmas cock up.

  • Schmannnity

    I am hoping someone will get me the Cabela Donald Trump sausage maker.

    • Monsieur_Grumpe

      Does it come with some Donald Trump?

      • Schmannnity

        Chunks are separate. You have to be careful to remove the bristles on the head.

      • eggsacklywright

        Wild bore sausage?

  • JustPixelz

    Bunch of mooching chickens. They're takers, not makers. Although they do lay the occasional egg (just like Mitt! — rimshot!).

    Pay attention kids. This is how tax cuts help the job creators.

  • http://wonkette.com/ weejee

    Keep fucking that chicken Neiman Marcus.

    • HarryButtle

      We have a story about excessive wealth, amazing stupidity, and chickens…how was this not the first post on the board?

      • http://wonkette.com/ weejee

        I was stunned when I posted and checked twice to make sure it hadn't yet been played.

    • Nostrildamus

      Too bad Wonkette didn't show the room with the mirrored ceilings and waterbed.

      • tessiee

        For Herman Cain's chickens.

  • eggsacklywright

    The Donald's would be painted gold, the better to contain his road-apple reds.

    And, ahem, this would be eggsacklywrong.

  • http://theplannersdreamgonewrong.blogspot.com jtinks

    The Bulleit trailer, yes. But on which Mormon planet is 8 cases of whiskey considered "a year's supply"?

    • BerkeleyBear

      If you read the fine print enough to get the 8 cases, you know it is based on FDA numbers, which have about as much meaning as saying the mean of my wealth and Mitt Romney's is about 100 million bucks.

    • Biel_ze_Bubba

      Among rich pricks who throw boozy parties for their rich prick friends, the only reason that 8 cases of bourbon last a year is because of all the vodka and gin.

  • glasspusher

    Does such a place induce them to lay Fabergé Eggs?

    • kittensdontlie

      Isn't it enough that they paint Rembrandt-like watercolors?!

      • glasspusher

        I honestly don't know. Nobody ever asked me that before!

  • JustPixelz

    Wonkette store: "Soon it will have underwear and cups."

    Who's modeling this time?

    • glasspusher

      What cup sizes are the underwear?

    • http://facethesuncastnoshadow.wordpress.com/ Mumbletypeg

      A Wonkette™ coffee mug arriving with name-branded panties stuffed inside sounds like winning packaging/ consolidated merchandising, in a Martha Stewart® sort of way~

    • gullywompr

      Funny you should mention it, I'm wearing my Wonkette t-shirt this very minute, lazing around on a Saturday. I highly recommend that you buy one, because it's comfortable, soft, and really accentuates the flat, rock hard abs you could bounce a quarter off of..

      • Toomush_Infer

        How is it with a side of flab, pasty whites and beer gut?….because I'm really thinking of one…

        • gullywompr

          Even better.

    • Native_of_SL_UT

      Hopefully Wonkette will give a man in need a little help and have Anthony Weiner model the underwear.
      And will the cups come with a jockstrap to hold them in?

  • docterry6973

    With a little searching our homeless veterans can get free refrigerator cartons and hobo beans, so I guess this is OK.

  • biraweeyaz

    OT but I passed the CA bar exam last night! Add another commie liberal west coast lawyer to the list!

    • docterry6973

      Pass the bar exam, sure, but can you do this?

      <pats tummy and rubs head>

      Seriously, congrats.

      • glasspusher

        Awesome. Congrats. The fun has only just started for you.

    • http://www.marionstein.net Ground Zero Mostel

      congrats! now go out there and do some pro bono.

      • http://www.boskolives.wordpress.com boskolives

        Just don't do a Sonny Bono, ski's are for kids with nothing to lose.

    • BadKitty904

      Good deal! Now, SUE the right-wing bastards!!!

    • Vecchiojohn

      9th circuit rulz, dude.

    • Geminisunmars

      Congrats!! Stay strong.

    • Toomush_Infer

      Which bar do you go to?…I've always preferred the Wooden Nickel, where I first passed my exam in 1967…no big deal back then, just your basic driver's license check….seriously, congrats!

      • bobbert

        What, in Mill Valley?

    • Biff

      "The first thing we do, let's kill all the lawyers"

      //W. Shakespeare

      • tessiee

        Fun* fact:
        In context, lawyers were more like the keepers of law and order, and the line was spoken by a villainous character; so the gist of it was effectively having a bad guy saying, "First thing we do, let's kill all the cops".
        `
        `
        *the sort of thing that English majors consider "fun", anyway.

    • corthylio

      Mazel tov!

      Even if you do mean that you won your local pub's trivia night…

  • VodkaGoGo

    Hey, those chickens create jobs! They deserve better housing than the moochers who clean up after them. Why does Wonkette hate the chicken job creators?!

    • docterry6973

      I like job creation and retail demand, yet this still makes me feel all stabby.

      Dear NM,

      Please google 'French Revolution', without the quotes.

      Sincerely,
      Docterry

    • BadKitty904

      On the contrary, I LOVE the chicken job creators! Especially deep-fried.

      Or did you mean the hens?

      • VodkaGoGo

        Frank Costanza: Let me understand, you got the hen, the chicken and the rooster. The rooster goes with the chicken. So, who's having sex with the hen? 

        George Costanza: Why don't we talk about it another time. 

        Frank Costanza: But you see my point here? You only hear of a hen, a rooster and a chicken. Something's missing! 

        Mrs. Ross: Something's missing all right. 

        Mr. Ross: They're all chickens. The rooster has sex with all of them.

        Frank Costanza: That's perverse. 

      • http://www.boskolives.wordpress.com boskolives

        mmmmm, original recipe…..

  • BadKitty904

    Speaking as someone who's not only seen chickens, but helped clean chicken coops (believe me, not by choice), Needless Markup's chicken château is gonna stink like a GOP fundraiser after about a week.

  • Monsieur_Grumpe

    Chicken class warfare?
    This could get messy.

  • http://wonkette.com/ weejee

    Does the NM coop duh ville have padded ceilings so the darling birds won't fly-up and break their little necks as sometimes happens when they are startled in moar pedestrian quarters?

    • glasspusher

      Coop Duh Ville. I like it. What's the difference between a sorority girl and a Cadillac?

      • gullywompr

        Mm hmm. Or the difference between a sorority girl and a toilet?

        • glasspusher

          I hadn't heard that one- I could think of a couple of correct answers.Also:What's a sorority girl say right before she falls asleep?What's a sorority girl do when she wakes up in the morning?

  • christianmuslin

    Are the carpenters and painters union workers or will they get fired when their boss has to offer them health insurance?

  • Guppy

    And in the dining room, they're serving the chickens BSE-laced cow shit.

    • glasspusher

      In the end, aren't we all mad?

  • VodkaGoGo

    The real travesty here is the property taxes a real American would have to pay on that luxury chicken coop. It's almost enough to make an entrepreneur say "it's just not worth the hassle owning a gold-plated chicken coop. I'm moving all my chickens to the Caymens." See what you've done pinkos? Now all our most productive chickens are just going to take their eggs somewhere else AND IT'S ALL YOUR FAULT.

    • Biff

      I know! I recently built a 96 sqft shed, to get below the 100 sqft taxation limits. As it turns out they go by total footprint, so the roof eaves count against the 100 sqft. As always, I'm fucked.

  • owhatever

    Word has it the chickens are upside down on their mortgage.

    • Geminisunmars

      I thought it was the bats.

      • http://www.boskolives.wordpress.com boskolives

        Australian chickens, obvs

  • BadKitty904

    I want to see a pic of the pigeons, in little maid's outfits, that wait on these plutocratic pullets…

    • eggsacklywright

      Sexy beasts.

      • bikerlaureate

        Rrrrrrrowr.

    • Toomush_Infer

      That's chicken shack, available only in Nevada….

  • TootsStansbury

    That catalogue needs more safe rooms, armored cars, body guard services, etc.

  • Misty Malarky

    I don't like the way there are brown eggs mixed in with the white ones.

    • BadKitty904

      They look kinda…furrin'…

    • glasspusher

      The brown ones are the helper eggs. Duh.

      • LibertyLover

        I thought the brown ones were the lazy ones?

        • glasspusher

          Same thing, I suppose.

    • kittensdontlie

      If those brown eggs hatch, be prepared for a lifetime of dependency.

      • HogeyeGrex

        Anchor eggs.

    • natl_[redacted]_cmdr

      You may not like it, but desEGGregation is the rule of the coop.

  • http://www.boskolives.wordpress.com boskolives

    See, I told you that nice legs and breasts will get you out of Tampa!

  • rickmaci

    Must be something for RepublEggcons.

  • BadKitty904

    The 1%-ers are sure working mighty damn hard to up the start time for "le déluge"…

  • sullivanst

    I'm rather amused that while two on-site consultations from the founder of Heritage Hen Farm, plus the construction of raised beds are included in the $100,000, delivery is not.

    • glasspusher

      yeah, really: "That comes to $100,000, not including parts and labor"

      "what does it include?"

      "Everything, except parts and labor!"

      • HogeyeGrex

        Some assembly required

  • TootsStansbury

    Hey Wonkette! You should do a Holiday Catalogue in the Bazaar for the 99% rabble. You could have pitchforks, torches, knitting needles, guillotines, all sorts of nice things!

    • BadKitty904

      Don't forget the tumbrils and pikes!

  • Biff

    My chickens lay only Fabergé eggs, and this has nothing to do with Ann rMoney.

  • AlterNewt

    Ostentation is the new extravagance.

  • Toomush_Infer

    You're looking at this all wrong – first, some 99%ers had to make the damn thing, then – do you know how dusty chickens are?!!! – Maria will spend up to 29 1/2 hours weekly (part time) out there, just to keep it clean… if that ain't job creation, you can have my pizza!

  • imobannon

    Let them eat chicken.

  • natl_[redacted]_cmdr

    Why did the chicken cross the road?

    To burn down a $100,000 chicken coop [w/ votes].

    • gullywompr

      I dream of a world where a chicken can cross the road without someone questioning it's motives.

      • http://www.southsidejohnny.com/ Jukesgrrl

        Don't tell me … those chickens also lie in the gutter but look up at the stars.

  • glasspusher

    I have a co-worker who has chickens in his backyard and often brings in eggs for us. I'll show this to him, but I think he'll agree the price has too many goose eggs in it.

  • glasspusher

    Man, I bet egg salad from such a chicken coop would taste great on Wonder Bread, but I can forget about that now (shakes fist)!

  • YasserArraFeck

    'Murrica's chickens really are coming home to roost!!! (Thank you, Reverend Wright). Now, they'll have somewhere to rest their asses.

  • http://www.boskolives.wordpress.com boskolives

    Conspicuous consumption always has a price, in this case it's $100,000, plus parts and labor, also.

    • sullivanst

      And, when the revolution comes, the price of the bullet will be charged to the estate.

    • Veritas78

      And someone overpaid, again. It looks like maybe $7k if you're good with your hands and have the right tools.

  • natl_[redacted]_cmdr

    Why did the chicken cross the road?

    So it could take a shit on a Neiman Marcus catalog.

    • BadKitty904

      To avoid "personal responsibility".

  • natl_[redacted]_cmdr

    Why did Mitt Romney cross the road?

    So he could lay Egg.

    • BadKitty904

      Ew.

      • natl_[redacted]_cmdr

        Why did BadKitty cross the road?

        To get the hell away from these awful jokes.

  • Barrelhse

    It better have a fucking car elevator.

    • Biff

      Everyone knows chickens have tractors, not cars.

  • natl_[redacted]_cmdr

    I don't know about the rest of you, but this post has really put me in a fowl mood.

    • Blueb4sinrise

      I'm a bit peckish.

      • natl_[redacted]_cmdr

        It really ruffles my feathers.

        • kittensdontlie

          I have lived in a couple of converted chicken houses with fine art on the walls, and never felt cooped up.

  • SpiderCrab

    Needs an elevator. Ask Mitt.

  • mavenmaven

    The walls of these would be more likely be decorated with McNaughtons and Kinkades.

  • AlterNewt

    Are you referring to the screaming, squawking, parrot gangs that rove the greater L.A. area?

    • Mittaplasia

      No, this is another gang who cruise around in helicopters, our L. A. Sheriff's Dept.

      • AlterNewt

        Ah, yes.

  • glasspusher

    Just an OT note to thank everyone who's upfisted me to 100p! I am honored!

    • bikerlaureate

      Suckup.

      • glasspusher

        Your point being? ;)

        • bikerlaureate

          Well, it's not like I'm insanely jealous of having inferior pee.

          Carry on.

          • glasspusher

            I think the term around here is p-ness, so any time mine gets bigger…I play the guitar, so I don't suffer from pianist envy.

  • natl_[redacted]_cmdr

    Why did the Wonketteers cross the road?

    To get to the B&B. [Booze & Buttsechs]

  • fartknocker

    Rebecca, I won't purchase you a fancy airstream filled with Bulleit bourbon. However, I will purchase you as many Bulleits neat you desire AND bar food when you come to Austin for a drinky thing.

    If you were here this weekend you could watch about 100K South Americans, Asian and Middle Eastern folks who have really good health care and nice clothes spending money like drunken sailors over our little Formula 1 race in Austin. They are nice people and I must say I was smitten by some ladies from Brazil with bolt-on breasts.

    • Biff

      kkkkkk

      Seriously, awesome track. Watching the qualifying now, can't wait for the race tomorrow!

  • Misty Malarky

    I bet it still smells like chicken shit.

    Uh . . . with votes.

  • not that Dewey

    If you're really into chickens, and would like to make a statement, $100k would finance 5,000 of these, which would offset starving and provide economic stability to untold numbers of people. Fuck you, Needless Markup fucks.

  • anniegetyerfun

    Dude, what do people have against quiche? It's an egg pie (with ham!), and I love it.

    • Biff

      Everyone loves a quickie!

  • natl_[redacted]_cmdr

    The sign above the back door of the chicken coop reads: "Eggzit Only."

    ETA: I know you're out there. I can hear you groaning.

  • sundaytrucker

    You know if you people spent less time bitching about this and more time dreaming up ridiculous shit for the wealthy to buy, we would have more income equality.

    • Misty Malarky

      How importing foreign Guinea hens to act as nannies – and to sit on the rich chickens' eggs?

      • tessiee

        Please, *Italian-American* hens!

  • karlamarx

    because the chicken is my own personal totem and i love them i present to you . . .
    http://grist.org/food/out-of-the-cage-and-onto-th

  • LibrarianX

    Aren't we at war with Christmas?

    • docterry6973

      Well, we can give each other small bars of steel as a sign of our solidarity with the workers. Communism with a human face, and all.

    • glasspusher

      Not until this coming Friday. I'm old fashioned.

    • Negropolis

      We have always been at war with Easter…

  • karlamarx
  • natl_[redacted]_cmdr

    Egg would never set foot in such a cheap shack.

    • corthylio

      A claw, on the other hand…

  • MrsConclusion

    *One-year supply of Bulleit Bourbon and Bulleit Rye not to exceed four cases of each, based on FDA average consumption.

    Because we don't want to encourage an irresponsible indulgence in excess. That's why we HAVE an FDA. If eight cases of booze isn't enough for your $150,000, then kindly take your custom elsewhere.

    • Biel_ze_Bubba

      FDA telling rich fucks how much free bourbon they can have? Just more of that damned gubbmint interference with our freedumbs!!!

  • unclejeems

    That ad is uber-offhensive. Someone should contact Neiman Marcus and ask them to pullet. Cocksuckers. You could comb the Web for days, pecking away at one site after another, and you'd find that no one but a few rich people in Rhode Island read the thing.

    Damned rich people, always crowing about their trips through Italy. Many of them spend their winters there, where they rent the old doge's house within the sound of the legendary fog horn in the bay off Leghorn, west of Florence.

    But let's not get upset by a few poultry ads like this. After all, the rich wingnuts lost the election. They'll be all cooped up over the next in their local Chik-fil-a establishments for the next four years, preening their ruffled feathers, and clucking about their bad luck.

    • Mojopo

      The yolks in this one kept coming. Nice work!

    • BadKitty904

      Kranky kitty!

      • tessiee

        *skritches behind kitteh ears*

    • natl_[redacted]_cmdr

      You're clucking-a right!

    • LibertyLover

      I hope you didn't strain your pun-ny bone. Nice job.

    • corthylio

      Needz moar upfists!

      *Trying to egg you on…

    • glasspusher

      Confront the anger! Well played.

  • JadedPreppy

    I'm more offended that it actually says "Delivery NOT included." Nice.

  • HouseOfTheBlueLights

    Are these people aware of the volume of shit that your average chicken produces? We're talking MOUNTAINS of shit, and it will be on every surface, including the ceiling, as chickens are also acrobats with a god-driven mandate to put shit on every available spot.

    • LibertyLover

      Well.That's just fowl.

    • Mojopo

      If anyone wants a better idea about the volume of shit, and the mess, try this: Give yourself diarrhea. Pull down your pants, stick out your ass and spin in place. Spatter the walls, knock objets d'art off coffee tables, drown the hamster in a ball that your kids lost track of yesterday and now you know.

    • tessiee

      "Nothing in the animal kingdom shits like a chicken":
      http://www.cracked.com/blog/6-things-no-one-tells

  • BadKitty904
  • corthylio

    Where are all the FOWL PUNZ?!!1!

    • glasspusher

      With seats so close, one could at least expect a few fowl tips?

    • natl_[redacted]_cmdr

      Oh, for cluck's sake, we're fried!

      • corthylio

        Too much Bulleit?

        • natl_[redacted]_cmdr

          Too many pullets!

          • corthylio

            That's not a mullet, it's a comb-over!

          • glasspusher

            These eggs are looking for a few good albumen? I know, I know, it's a stretch…

          • corthylio

            Not to worry- it went over easy…

          • glasspusher

            It's your little red wagon, and you've gotta pullet.

  • glasspusher

    Today we are all rich oviraptors.

  • natl_[redacted]_cmdr

    Those chicks are pretty cute. Fowl temptresses! Get thee to a hennery!

    • corthylio

      Oh, For Cluck's Sake!

    • Negropolis

      Good enough snark to shake a speare at.

  • glasspusher

    Are female revolutions able to come more than once in a night?

  • cousinitt

    I hear the Army Surplus Store is one-upping Neiman with their Kelley Twins gift offer.

  • corthylio

    So who is the Fox guarding this de-luxe henhouse? Rupert Murdoch?

  • HogeyeGrex

    Am I the only one who wants to buy the Annie walk on and give it to the ugliest, smelliest, most loudly insane bum I can find?

    • Blueb4sinrise

      Sorry, no can do. Have prior commitments.

      • HogeyeGrex

        MOM!?!?!?!!?

  • http://www.vinoverve.com Maman

    Holy Hellz, this makes the coop that I covet from Williams-Sonoma look down right utilitarian.

  • SheriffRoscoe

    Now I understand the reluctance on their part to redistribute the wealth. Those chickens aren't going to pamper themselves!

  • christianmuslin

    I see gender discrimination!
    What equal quarters does NM have for us men?
    cock a doodle do

  • http://citizenfuturist.wordpress.com/ RufusTFirefly

    They are just begging for a revolution.

    Really egging us on. >ducking<

  • Biff

    I nominate this post for a Pullet-zer Prize. Or Pullet Surprise.

  • Nostrildamus

    Not realistic. My 3 chickens cover their "broody room" so deep in chicken shit you'd think Donald Trump was living there.

  • http://www.southsidejohnny.com/ Jukesgrrl

    For some reason, the adaptation of Camille by Charles Ludlam and the Ridiculous Theatrical Company just popped into my head. What a lovely memory. Must have been our Editrix's line about playing Marie Antoinette among the milkmaids.

  • Biel_ze_Bubba

    Maybe now the damned chickens will stop squawking about Rafalca's $250,000 luxury stall.

  • tessiee

    Wouldn't the chickens be traumatized by the dinner plates hanging up on the walls?

  • tessiee

    "Soon it will have underwear and cups"

    Cups *are* underwear, they're part of a bra… also part of guy underpants, I think.

  • catholic4condom

    So you gotta be able to shell out 100 G before you can eat poultry products that wasn't produced in the 1.3 chickens per square foot density by the 10'000s? Of course I could make those with a $200 band saw, $500 worth of plywood, and $300 more for someone to copy Gainesboroughs in minuature. 9 hour of work @ $11,000/hour. That's good pay for carpentry.

  • Negropolis

    Editrix, why do you hate job creators and freedumb?

    This thing is incomplete without an Egg elevator. Just sayin'.

  • Nowisallthereis

    Know what's best about this? That chicken coop MIGHT have cost upwards of $5,000 to build. Somebody is walking away with $95,000 of some dumb fucktard richguy's polo muneez.

  • James Michael Curley

    As broker for the seller I am ethically restricted in what I can divulge, but I believe they will take $98,900 if you offer by Friday COB.

  • http://hong-kong-actresses.blogspot.com/ Chow Yun Flat

    Or you could head over to the Wonkette Bazaar. Soon it will have underwear and cups.

    I hope it has underwear with cups. That overflow.

  • TribecaMike

    If you think this is decadent, you should see his $5,000,000 chicken church.

  • Negropolis

    Is the housing market yet strong enough to absorb such inventory when it inevitably hits the market?

  • lulzmonger

    Something something coming home to roost, something something something the other side, something something so keep right on fuckin' it.