today in capitalism

A Children’s Treasury of CEOs Throwing Very Grown-Up Tantrums Over Obamacare

A CEO, ready and able to screw the pooch at any timeIf we were the CEO of a multi-billion dollar company, we would happily make ten cents less per unit in order to make sure that our employees have health care coverage. This would be DOUBLY true if we were the CEO of a multi-billion dollar company in the food industry, given that we would not want our employees coming to work sick and touching all the food with their germ-infested hands and then giving the germ-infested food to our customers. But this attitude is probably why we are not the CEO of a multi-billion dollar company, because duh you don’t get rich by giving away ten cents so that your employees can get chemotherapy when they have cancer.

Here is a lesson on capitalism and profitability courtesy four companies that refuse — REFUSE — to make sure that their employees are not handling your food with their tubercular hands. Unless of course, someone is willing to pay the price. They have standards, you see! And principles! And those principles say that by God, they aren’t going to adjust profits or prices by ten cents per unit so that their employees can get health care.

Papa John’s Pizza

John Schnatter, founder of Papa John’s pizza, is LIVID and he is NOT GOING TO TAKE IT ANYMORE. You want his employees to have health care coverage? Well FINE, he’ll GIVE them health care coverage but it will cost you do-gooder liberals ten cents more per pizza, does that make you HAPPY? Actually, it might make you happy. We at Wonkette have concluded that we will pay ten cents more per pizza if it will ensure that the person making it is able to see a doctor when he gets sick. And we wonder why this didn’t happen sooner, if all it took was ten cents more per pizza to get employee health care coverage. Is that really all it costs? Ten cents per pizza? If so, then maybe the CEO of Papa John’s should have done this a long time ago. But again, this attitude is why we are not the CEO of a multi-billion dollar pizza company.

Olive Garden / Red Lobster

The CEO of this company is a real ball buster, and he is NOT going to make YOU pay ten cents more for a plate of noodles, no way Jose. That is a solution for pussies. This CEO is just going to cut back on employees’ hours so that they work 29 hours per week instead of 30, exempting them from health care coverage mandate. So the next time you go to Olive Garden or the Red Lobster, rest assured that your server is not going to have health care coverage. There, does that make you feel better?

Hurricane Grill and Wings, and also some Denny’s and Dairy Queen Franchises

John Metz is nobody’s fool, so John Metz, CEO and owner of Hurricane Grill and Wings as well as some Denny’s and Dairy Queen franchises, is going to pass the cost of Obamacare onto the employees AND the customer. “If I leave the prices the same, but, say on the menu that there is a five-percent surcharge for Obamacare, customers have two choices. They can either pay it, and tip 15 or 20 percent, or if they really feel so inclined, they can reduce the amount of tip they give to the server, who is the primary beneficiary of Obamacare,” Metz told The Huffington Post. Metz is a WINNER, you guys, and WINNERS do not pay for the health care coverage costs of others. They make you, the customer pay for it (SUCKER) and if you don’t want to, then YOU get to be a winner and make the waitress pay for it.

Applebee’s

Obamacare is going to cost Applebee’s “some millions of dollars” according to CEO Zane Tankel. Will these “some millions of dollars” be an increase in costs per year? Per month? Per restaurant? We don’t know, and it’s not important. What IS important is that Applebee’s will not be able to build more restaurants, or create more low-wage go-nowhere jobs, THANKS OBAMA. The solution to these costs is for the CEO to take a hit on his $9.6 million dollar per year salary lay off employees.

About the author

Kris E. Benson writes about politics for Wonkette and is pursuing a doctorate in philosophy. This will come in handy for when they finally open that philosophy factory in the next town over. @Kris_E_Benson

View all articles by Kris E. Benson

Comments

Hey there, Wonkeputians! Shypixel here to remind you to remember our Commenting Rules For Radicals, Enjoy!

  • Crank_Tango

    Well, some millions of dollars is better than all of em, katie.

  • OzoneTom

    Nothing more appetizing than knowing that the employees handling your food have no health care!

    • http://simplyleftbehind.blogspot.com/ actor212

      Guess I'll be eating home a lot. At least supermarket workers in NYC have a union.

    • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com Weedlord BonerHitler

      It's one reason I'm *very* picky about where I eat and *very* rarely eat out. Srsly, if you could see what goes on in some commercial kitchens — like reusing frying oil dozens of times when it's rancid, or leaving mussels soaking in their own piss in a fridge — you wouldn't eat out either.

  • lefty74

    Who gives a fuck if a shitty $10.00 pizza costs another dime. The guy is a skid mark.

    • http://www.wonkette.com smokefilledroommate

      Isn't that one of the available toppings?

      • LibertyLover

        Not exactly one of the toppings. More like an essential ingredient I would say….

      • anniegetyerfun

        In Germany, yes. In Japan, it's usually tentacles.

    • Lot_49

      The correct term is "circle of death."

    • Toomush_Infer

      Wait – he's the one giving away 2 million pizzas during NFL season, right – and writing it off as advertising on his taxes….if he was really smart, he'd find a way to advertise all the health care he's providing, and how healthy his workers are….and write that off instead…

      • http://www.boskolives.wordpress.com boskolives

        If you knew how few pennies it cost to make one pizza, you'd understand why he makes such a huge profit / salary, and that those give-a-ways are near meaningless to the bottom line of his company. Sort of like how Microsoft gave copies of Windows to the schools in L.A. and deducted the full street cost, even though it was peanuts for them to make extra copies on DVD's.

      • http://www.southsidejohnny.com/ Jukesgrrl

        Papa J. might be "giving away" pizzas but he had to hire Peyton Manning to convince the public to take him up on the offer. (That's how bad it tastes.) I find it hard to believe the Great Peyton volunteered to do that for no pay. Y'all know Peyton Manning, the football tosser who has figured out how to be a GOP darling in spite of being a union member. And Peyton's not the only one. I hear that Drew Brees is also quite the franchise king. Which crushes me since I used to like Breesus.

        • BerkeleyBear

          Among other things, Peyton got ownership of a bunch of Denver area Papa John's. He may be a hokey pitchman, but he ain't a dummy.

          Oh, and PM is actually a pretty decent cat (and so is Brees). Manning gave his name and a huge amount of time/money to a children's hospital in Indy, and kept supporting it even after he was let go by the Colts. He helped organize truckloads of relief supplies after Katrina from the Indy area (he's basically from New Orleans) and he's done a lot of other lower profile good works. Is it a calculated marketing effort? At least in part. Is it decidedly apolitical so he can keep selling as much crap as possible? Absolutely. But I've seen no indication he'd actually support fucking over people on healthcare – if anything, he's pretty compassionate for a child of privilege with hundreds of millions of dollars.

    • http://simplyleftbehind.blogspot.com/ actor212

      You know what would be really cool to pull here? Every single county that has union refuse collection that services these restraurants should just stop picking up. Don't clean their sidewalks, don't sweep their gutters and start sending sanitation inspectors around, ohhhhhhhhhhhhhhh, daily…

      • SorosBot

        But since those are government workers it would probably be illegal for them to refuse to service certain businesses.

        • http://simplyleftbehind.blogspot.com/ actor212

          Rule book slowdown.

          Whoops! We can't pick up your trash because some of it isn't properly bagged!

      • BerkeleyBear

        Who still has union workers collecting garbage? I'm serious – I haven't lived in a town with municipal run waste service in years.

        But some work to rule slowdowns are in order – and probably about all you'd get at a Denny's in the first place.

        • http://www.wonkette.com Pres.Beeblebrox

          Philly and NYC come to mind…

    • BadKitty904

      I've never bought a Poppa John's pizza. And now I never will.

      • anniegetyerfun

        You have missed nothing, unless you are on a life journey to taste terrible pizza.

    • Humberto_Echo

      A dime may not be much to you, young man, but 17 and a half of them with buy me a half pint of Relska Vodka.

  • nounverb911

    Don't forget today's Twinkiepocolypse too, also.

    • http://wonkette.com/ weejee

      Fortunately, the pull date on existent Twinkies is 2312.

      • http://www.boskolives.wordpress.com boskolives

        Wrong, they have no expiration date, there's nothing even vaguely related to a perishable food item in a twinkie. I learned this years ago while doing a video interview with the creator of them, they were originally thought of as the perfect fallout shelter emergency supply. He said that as long as you don't break the vapor barrier (what we call the wrapper) they will last, eh, forever. Also.

        • http://simplyleftbehind.blogspot.com/ actor212

          And yet, the recommended shelf life is only 25 days

          • BerkeleyBear

            That's just when they stop tasting "fresh." They still are as "edible" as ever.

            At the same time, I have seen some that didn't age very well. It wasn't pretty.

        • SorosBot

          Well that's not quite true; I mean even twinkies must succumb to proton decay, so they can only last another 10^34 years or so.

          • http://www.boskolives.wordpress.com boskolives

            Or entropy also, but in either case we would long be blowing dust farts before whoever our descendants are that could open one and find that it's gone bad. Or since some think they're bad from the start, maybe more correctly, gone worse, too.

          • bobbert

            Wait. I thought you were a lawyer.

          • http://www.boskolives.wordpress.com boskolives

            Overruled and yet somehow sustained

    • SorosBot

      "We're gonna shut the company down rather than negotiate with the union!' Fuck our nation's businesses are run by a bunch of screeching babies. And these are the people who think they're better than the rest of us?

      • CommieLibunatic

        I think the operative word here is "babies," which I'll remind you aren't known for thinking outside of themselves.

      • Lascauxcaveman

        Apart from the lost jobs, is it any tragedy that a company that sells only diabetus-in-cellophane goes out of business?

        I'd say it's a health care win, overall.

        • SorosBot

          Except that the executives gave themselves huge raises right before declaring bankruptcy, and will be selling off the remains of the company for further profit while the former employees get jack shit; so it's a win for the bad guys yet again.

        • malsperanza

          Hostess Brands owes the employee pension fund $944 million and is going to use bankruptcy to stiff all the retired workers who depend on those pensions. Classic vulture capitalism.

    • Lot_49

      What wouldn't I give for two of those dark "chocolate" cupcakes with "creme" filling, dark -flavor icing and a little sqiqqle of white sugar running right down the diameter of each one.

      • MOG2410

        Oh yeah, baby.

      • http://simplyleftbehind.blogspot.com/ actor212

        I like the orange ones better but yea.

        • An_Outhouse

          racist!

      • http://wonkette.com/ starfanglednut

        I must confess to an extreme fondness for the yellow ones with chocolate frosting. I ate a pack of them every day while I was quitting smoking.

      • bobbert

        Um, nothing?

  • CrunchyKnee

    Such great food providers as well, also too. To paraphrase the late great Don Martin, "BLEEECHHHHH!

    • http://simplyleftbehind.blogspot.com/ actor212

      Y'know….it's almost like this was some sort of conspiracy…doesn't Mooshell have some "healthy eating" initiative?

    • NellCote71

      Exactly. I avoided those places in the past; I would rather go hungry. Funny how this works. Purveyors of really bad, empty-calorie, fast food go wah-wah over a health-care plan, largely out of control because of the very food they purvey.

  • FlipFlopFuck

    My Twinkies have a disease.

    • http://www.wonkette.com smokefilledroommate

      is it capitalism?

      • http://wonkette.com/ starfanglednut

        There ain't no cure.

    • AddHomonym

      And there is only one prescription…

      • Swampgas_Man

        More cowbell?

        • AddHomonym

          You bet your gold-plated diaper!

    • BornInATrailer

      Who is Twinkie the Kid?

    • LibertyLover

      There is a cream for that.

      • tessiee

        Well, technically, it's a creme.

    • CommieLibunatic

      I think the last time I saw somebody actually eat one of those was on an episode of fucking Man vs. Wild. I guess Grylls keeps one as a source of emergency calories, but he had Will Ferrell as a guest, who scarfed the thing down within minutes of landing in a frozen Swedish wasteland.

      • BornInATrailer

        And then Bear washed it down with a swig of his own pee. That's right, washed down what someone else ate. Because any excuse is a good excuse for Bear to drink his own urine.

    • Negropolis

      Yes, a delicious disease. Mmmm…..

  • Steverino247

    it would seem that a rash of health department complaints nationwide might get someone's attention?

    • NellCote71

      I like your way of thinking. But one would probably have to show a receipt that one actually ate at one of these places.

  • notanncoulter

    it's only fair – we hurt their feelings so they hurt their workers.

  • snowpointsecret

    Alternate title: A Children's Treasury Of Places Not To Spend Your Money.

    • BlueStateLibel

      Add Home Depot to the list, the CEO was a big Rmoney supporter.

      • http://simplyleftbehind.blogspot.com/ actor212

        Has he threatened to lay anyone off, tho? We can't hold it against him who he supports. These are folks who are hurting innocent people out of greed.

    • HRH_Maddie

      And the Domino's guys is a bible thumping lunatic. What is it with pizza magnates that makes them so nuts? (I'm including Herman Cain in the list as well)

      • http://simplyleftbehind.blogspot.com/ actor212

        Ah, you read my Twitter feed this morning :-)

        • HRH_Maddie

          Ahahaha! That's really funny. I don't do Twitter, but if in the future you could just add me as a co-sign on your tweets that'd be great!

          • http://wonkette.com/ starfanglednut

            Gah. I hate fuckin twitter with the heat of a thousand suns.

      • Negropolis

        Little Caesars, also headquartered in Michigan (in downtown Detroit, no less), is run by a family of Democrats(ish); in fact, their daughter was a potential candiate for governor in 2010. They also own the Tigers and Red Wings.

      • malsperanza

        Well, there's Ian's Pizza in WI, which is thrilled that Papa John's is hiking its prices, as they already pay for health insurance for their workers, silly people, don't they know how capitalism works? http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2012/11/15/papa-joh

    • Lascauxcaveman

      I doubt all the employees at my favorite mom 'n' pop Thai place are 100% covered by health insurance, but being the COO of a *really* small business myself, I can sympathize.

      • HistoriCat

        *Real* small business owners make sure that their stock options and other executive perks are covered regardless of the company's financial health. You are obviously doing it wrong.

    • An_Outhouse

      never have and don't plan to now.

  • HarryButtle

    How can I effectively boycott these places if I never eat at any of them anyway?

    • Cleopatriot

      That's my problem too.

    • CommieLibunatic

      Word. Half of those places serve nothing but kiloton calorie-bombs that I can't even touch.

    • MaxNeanderthal

      Take the piss out of his name. Who the fuck calls themselves Zane Tankel? An Austrian porn star?

      • Esteev

        His butler calls Mr Tankel "Zany Cankles".

      • malsperanza

        Like so many in the GOP, he was written by Dr. Seuss. His other names are Reince Priebus, Newt GIngrich, and Renesmee Cullen.

    • elviouslyqueer

      Is what I'm saying. Eat local, kids. And tell "Papa John" to go fuck himself with a running, rusty chainsaw.

      • valgal2342

        Papa lives in my town, yes his pizza sucks but luckily we lots of other pizza choices. And oh, do I know some stories about the Papa…….he's naughty and stupid. OK here's one: Several years ago, one of his mistresses decided he was jerk and broke it off. Papa left many angry, threatening, idiot voice messages on her message machine of which she kept. D'oh! One call to her ex-boyfriend, an attorney, and viola! $$$$$$$ win!
        Also too, have seen him myself haunting a GAP store checking out the younger ladies. That grossed me out. His neighbor's don't like him either. One older lady who had been there many years got tired of his yelling tantrums about the smell of her horses wafting onto his property and his insistence on buying her property so she moved the horse shit pile to the corner of her property where it would do the most good in pissing him off! So yeah, we tell him to fuck off a lot around here.

    • SorosBot

      Same here; the only times I've been to any national chain sit-down restaurant have been when co-workers insisted on one. And they are all universally shit.

      • Butch_Wagstaff

        One of my favorite spots in the neighborhood here recently closed. I had gotten to know the owner since I moved to this part of town in 2007. He told me the reason he had to close is because the overall trend here is that people are preferring the chains. Which is something I don't understand because the food is SO much better at non-chains here & the prices are practically the same. Ugh.

    • notanncoulter

      only use the rest rooms…
      and i would NEVER suggest leaving an upper decker there… NEVER!
      on second thought, that's actually awful to the workers there and you should not do that.

    • http://simplyleftbehind.blogspot.com/ actor212

      OK, here's how you can help:

      1) Go to the bar nearest any of these places, within walking distance.

      2) Get stinking drunk and order the greasiest nastiest food the gin mill serves. Swill will be fine.

      3) Stagger out.

      4) Walk over to the restaurant you're boycotting anyway.

      5) Throw up right in front of the door.

      6) Stagger away.

      • Esteev

        That's good for everybody.

        • http://simplyleftbehind.blogspot.com/ actor212

          The beauty is, the workers will only have to hose down the sidewalk, but it will make other real customers sick either as they walk in or walk out, and you know how someone throwing up triggers a vomit reaction in other people? ;-)

          • Esteev

            Apparently, I cannot say "pull the tri66er" (without votes!) even if it has to do with vomiting.

            This IntenseDebate bot means business.

          • http://simplyleftbehind.blogspot.com/ actor212

            Yes. For some reason, I get a pass on this now. I can also say retard.

          • emmelemm

            Your p is very, very large.

          • NellCote71

            Oh, yes, so big, so very big, oh, oh.

      • HarryButtle

        I knew a Wonketteer would step up with a viable solution…

      • tessiee

        Or as I like to call it, "Wednesday".

    • BadKitty904

      By reminding your friends, co-workers, etc., not to eat there, either, and why. These guys are greedy, selfish douches and the sooner they're ID as such, the better for us all.

  • FlyOverGirl

    Charge more for pizza so people eat less = solve America's obesity problem. Consequently, health care costs less so that rat bastard can buy it for his employees. Win-win.

    • MOG2410

      I wouldn't eat that pizza with your mouth. ugh.

    • An_Outhouse

      you fly over people have too much sense.

  • southernboyman

    Damn those pesky employees, always wanting something. Just come into work and shut up, OK?

  • nounverb911

    Seriously, I have never eaten in any of these restaurants and never will.

  • PhilippePetain

    Hopefully workers at the guillotine factory will be getting more hours soon.

    • One_who_wanders

      Time to gear up the sabot factories as well.

  • Goonemeritus

    We just rolled out our 2013 corporate plan, smallest increase in ten years and additional services added for the ladies. I guess the moral of the story is if you weren’t a prick to your employees before the healthcare law then Obamacare is no big deal.

    • MOG2410

      Just another way to show that they are REEL AMURICANS. Being thrown off of my healthcare when I turn 65, it was supposed to be part of our compensation – not an entitelment, so retroactive paycut I guess. On to Medicare I go. Great way to help the country, brought to you by the guy making $5mil a year and getting top shelf healthcare for life.

      • HistoriCat

        Fuckers who make high end six figure salaries get really butthurt about $20 co-pays. Executives are the biggest bunch of babies out there. I loathe them.

        • MOG2410

          Yup, spent years watching them at Board meetings, demanding certain types of diet soda, complaining about the wine at dinner, listening to them plan for the next round of "rightsizing", even the good ones eventually drink the KoolAid.

  • veence69

    These swine are slowly marching towards that inevitable cliff. I'll be there to help. Jabbing them in their backs with a pitchfork.

    • Not_Mother

      Thee and me.

      • http://www.boskolives.wordpress.com boskolives

        I'll light the torches and make grumbling noises in the background

  • http://lostintarnation.blogspot.com/ SayItWithWookies

    Wait — we get affordable healthcare AND we don't have to eat at Papa John's, Denny's, Applebee's or Olive Garden? This Obamacare thing is getting better every day.

    • gullywompr

      Health benefits we didn't anticipate! Bonus!

    • Toomush_Infer

      Now if there was only some way I could talk my ward out of Little Ceasars…..

    • http://wonkette.com/ starfanglednut

      I must be hopelessly urban. I have never eaten in any of those places. Boston has a ban on trans fats in restaurants. Maybe that's why there aren't any of those places here.

      • emmelemm

        Hopelessly Urban – a badge of honor.

        Here in urban-land, there are just too many GOOD places to eat.

      • http://lostintarnation.blogspot.com/ SayItWithWookies

        Lucky you — my colleagues at previous jobs liked it if we all dined out on occasions, and would ask for suggestions — but they wouldn't eat at the falafel place, the vegetarian place, the Vietnamese place or the sushi place, so a local Mexican restaurant was about as exotic as it got.

    • OneYieldRegular

      What's more, not eating at those places will undoubtedly improve one's health, so health care costs go down.

  • BornInATrailer

    I understand the coverage expense hits businesses like restaurants harder because of the lower margin/higher headcount aspect. But I also love how this also reinforces that good ol' American "we don't manufacture anything anymore (except fat people)" feeling. All shitty chain restaurants.

    USA! USA! USA!

  • SheriffRoscoe

    Denny's, Red Lobster….Olive Garden? These are all my favorite places to take dates out to eat. What the FUCK am I gonna do?

    • Geminisunmars

      Date a lot, do you?

      • MaxNeanderthal

        After he's taken them to these aforementioned emporia, maybe not so much…

      • ChapterUndVerse

        Date a lot less, mebbe? Obtain a better class of date on the savings? It costs almost as much money to eat badly as to eat well.

    • MissTaken

      There's a Chik Fil A in Walnut Creek now. I know you just love Chik Fil A

      • glasspusher

        Awesome! As if Walnut Creek couldn't get more banal. Great, I can boycott them from a shorter distance now.

    • http://simplyleftbehind.blogspot.com/ actor212

      Roofies. And Jack Daniels.

      • Esteev

        SHHHHH! Trade secrets!!!1!

    • tessiee

      Start selecting a better class of dates?

  • PsycWench

    The Applebees near me doesn't seem to have employees. At least I hardly ever see them. Hard to see how it will cost millions.

  • snowpointsecret

    Hey, how's that Chick-Fil-A place doing these days?

    • Guppy

      They reached a deal with HRC to stop funneling corporate money to hate groups. Don't know about insurance coverage for employees, thoug…

      • glamourdammerung

        Actually, I think they went back on it. Unless they agreed to stop doing that nonsense again.

        • Guppy

          Gah, you're right. They're still fried in peanut oil and hate.

      • http://simplyleftbehind.blogspot.com/ actor212

        IIRC, they're pretty good about their employees.

  • HRH_Maddie

    The secret ingredient in Red Lobster's amazing Cheddar Bay Biscuits is spite.

    • emmelemm

      The secret ingredient in Red Lobster's amazing Cheddar Bay Biscuits is spit e.

      Fixeded.

      • HRH_Maddie

        I don't even mind. They are *that* good.

    • Geminisunmars

      Is that the root of the word spittle?

  • Respitetini

    As long as there's no class warfare involved, right?

    • Cicada

      *bitter laugh*

  • Jus_Wonderin

    I will pay the Obama surcharge and tip the waiter. That way, maybe I won't get a side of spit in my HungerBuster.

    • BornInATrailer

      And even if you get spit, with Obamacare for your server, that spit might even be hepatitis free!

      • Jus_Wonderin

        Ah, I didn't think of that. You sir/madame are a sharp one!

    • SorosBot

      As I said in an earlier thread, I just hope this shitbrain eats at his own restaurant and gets copious extra servings of Special Sauce from the staff.

  • Callyson

    “If I leave the prices the same, but, say on the menu that there is a five-percent surcharge for Obamacare, customers have two choices. They can either pay it, and tip 15 or 20 percent, or if they really feel so inclined, they can reduce the amount of tip they give to the server, who is the primary beneficiary of Obamacare”

    Option three: they can stay the fuck away and go to restaurants whose owners don't begrudge their employees' access to health care…

    /asshole

    • http://wonkette.com/ outragedcitizen

      This is a lot like a hostage situation. No matter whether we boycott or continue to go to these places, the employees are the ones that get hurt the most.

      • emmelemm

        Sad and true.

      • Guppy

        The employees are fucked either way, but if you boycott you also fuck over the management.

        • bobbert

          Really, this is one of those easy boycotts. I'd have to go to one of the places first in order to boycott it.

    • joshleefolsom

      Option 4: flaming shitbags

    • BadKitty904

      FFS

  • PubOption

    Stiff your server because of Obamacare! What happens if the behavior this CEO is encouraging causes his workers' pay to fall below the minimum wage? Would he then have to increase their base rate?

  • WallStreetGekko

    Are you really posting a picture of a cigar right after a posting about sex in the White House? Well played.

  • Hammiepants

    Good to to know I won't have to boycott any of these dumps, since I'd rather have a hemorrhoidectomy without anesthesia than "dine" there.

    Also, you know what this whole election has been illustrative of? The amount of totally butthurt sore loserdom these douchecopters have shown. They honestly believed the election was theirs by like divine right of kings or something. It is hilarious to watch.

    • An_Outhouse

      this is what happens when we don't let them secede.

  • mustangsavvy

    Perfect, that'll be a list of places I will not patronise with my business since their idiot CEOs can't handle making slightly less so that the people that work for them SO THAT they can make the billions, can have healthcare. Assholes.

  • BornInATrailer

    Also:

    When you're here, you're family (unless you're here because this is where you work)

    • HogeyeGrex

      Then, you're the well-beaten, red-headed stepchild.

    • Esteev

      Sadly, this is kinda how my family acts…

      • OneYieldRegular

        Sorry to hear it. "When you're here, you're family" has always struck me as likely to be far too true for me to ever set foot in an Olive Garden.

        • tessiee

          "I don't like Olive Garden. They treat me like I'm family." — Sheldon Cooper

    • tessiee

      A helpful tip for those who have escaped this kind of situation so far:

      When a workplace, any workplace, uses the word "family", run fast and run far.

      The way that plays out in practice is that no matter how old you are, no matter how experienced you are, no matter how skilled you are, management does not consider you an adult professional. They consider you a child — their child — they consider themselves your parents (this is especially infuriating when they're half your age), and they consider whatever they give you at the end of the pay period your allowance, not compensation that you earned by doing work.

      Obviously, most of us aren't in a position to be picky, but I'd a lot rather address management as "Sir" and "Ma'am" then find out when layoffs are announced that I wasn't really family after all.

      • emmelemm

        In my experience, the workplace where "we're all family" just means that you don't have actual contracts guaranteeing you certain things; you're just supposed to believe that "we'll take care of you – after all, we're family!"

        U G H

  • Callyson

    Applebee’s will not be able to build more restaurants

    So, they'll stop proliferating like rabbits? Score another win for Obamacare!

    • memzilla

      Well, Obamacare was supposed to fight diabeetus — I just didn't think of the unintended bonus effect, too.

  • PsycWench

    I can honestly say that I have never walked out of a Denny's after a meal and thought "Wow, that was pretty good".

    • HarryButtle

      No, usually it's, "Wonder if I'm gonna make it home before I foul my trousers."

    • BornInATrailer

      I find the starting thought is "Where else am I gonna go at 3am?" and the parting thought is "That was so not worth it."

      • HistoriCat

        With a side helping of "I should have remembered from last time."

      • http://simplyleftbehind.blogspot.com/ actor212

        White Castle? Don't have?

        • glasspusher

          Not out here in Cali. Rats with Hats!

      • BadKitty904

        Krystal's, for a bag o' sliders!

      • bobbert

        And the occasional "Fucking Christ, I'd forgotten how weird that place was at 3AM".

    • HELisforHEL

      I only ate there twice and experienced something too disgusting to mention even here.

      • BornInATrailer

        Cook-tease.

      • http://www.wonkette.com smokefilledroommate

        More disgusting than diarrhea?

    • BigSkullF*ckingDog

      I have. Although I have never been to Denny's when it wasn't 3AM and I have always been completely wasted.

    • tessiee

      "Nobody GOES to Denny's. You just sort of END UP at Denny's." — somebody or other

  • memzilla

    First up against the wall, when the revolution comes.

    • BenGleck

      Yes, few people realize the comfort to be found in "adding people to the list".

  • CrunchyKnee

    There's plenty of prime real estate in Galt's Gultch for these bonerless wonderkids to open their franchises in. Get going, boys!

  • http://intensedebate.com/people/mrblifil mrblifil

    Perhaps they'd like to all take turns sucking my ballz.

    • tessiee

      Of course I heard that in Eric Cartman's voice.

  • memzilla

    Of course, all of this is good news for the CEO of Ebola N' Plague, Inc.

  • Dr. Matt

    The only thing I really gained from this article is:

    Shit Restaurants = Republican owners

    • CommieLibunatic

      I guess it's not really surprising. It's been said a million times on this post already, but it's funny how these are places we never patronized in the first place.

      • BadKitty904

        Until *now*, that's been because the food is god-awful.

    • glamourdammerung

      Shit Restaurants = Republican owners

      When the bottom line is the only thing that a business focuses on, the service and food tend to be pretty awful.

      • SorosBot

        Who could have expected that if you treat your employees like shit, they just might do a half-assed job?

        • glamourdammerung

          It is a mystery!

        • tessiee

          As one of my friends used to say, "You pay peanuts, you get monkeys".

  • sharethegrief

    Just this once I want to believe there's a hell. And karma is in a hurry.

  • http://facethesuncastnoshadow.wordpress.com/ Mumbletypeg

    "Want some germs with that?" — Healthcare-deprived "restaurant" worker

  • SnarkOff

    Mmm, this is making me hungry for Olive Garden's grilled beef medallions drizzled with balsamic glaze, served over fettuccine tossed with spinach and gorgonzola-alfredo sauce with a garden-fresh salad and free unlimited breadsticks. Who's in?

    • CommieLibunatic

      Sorry, I usually try to stretch my calories over the course of the day, not nuke them with a single Mushroom-Cloud Garlic Gut-Fucker Combo Plate.

    • Veritas78

      Only if the waiter spits on it first!

  • http://www.marionstein.net Ground Zero Mostel

    There's nothing whinier than a whiny CEO of a shit-food chain.

    • tessiee

      Or possibly Donald Trump.

  • http://www.wonkette.com smokefilledroommate

    Gettin' screwed in the neighborhood.

    • Esteev

      For the employee hater in you.

  • edgydrifter

    First you see your employees as valued revenue contributors.
    Then you see them as productive cost centers.
    Then you begrudgingly see them as necessary but inconvenient money holes.
    Then you hate them.
    Then you become a CEO.

    • HELisforHEL

      This is brilliant.

    • TootsStansbury

      This is a thing of beauty.

    • ChapterUndVerse

      Then you go on Undercover Boss and get caught, stuffed into a turkey frier, and emerge as the special.

      And no one notices.

  • ProgressiveInga

    Corporate pizza is yummy!

  • HogeyeGrex

    Fuck these whiny sacks of shit and their modest fucking proposals.
    Any excuse to fuck over anybody is their motto. So, "Fuck me? No. Fuck you!"

    I'll happily pay ten cents more per fucking pizza, but let me tell you, it sure as fuck won't be at that asshole's shitty pizza joint.

    Also, look at all of these places. They're all the low end of mediocrity. They embody the penny pinching, whittle away the margins 'til the core is gone mentality that these fuckwit CEOs are so fond of. Probably why I haven't eaten in any of these places for years, and don't see myself doing so any time soon.

    Sorry for the snarklessness, but damn.

  • RelicOven

    Well at least I'll only feel bad about ordering Papa John's because I'm too lazy to cook.

    • Geminisunmars

      Isn't that the pizza that you buy raw, and have to cook anyway? Fuck that shit.

      • http://www.wonkette.com smokefilledroommate

        That's Papa Murphy's. Fuck Papa John and the Schnatter he rode in on.

        • Geminisunmars

          Shows how much I order pizza.

  • Blueb4sinrise

    Reposted because I'm a lazy moocher without healthcare; and because the comment is a vector for a particularly virulent strain of flu.

    It's Michelle O. pulling the strings to shut down all the crappy restaurants and poison snack factories. If they were real Americans, they would stay in business and LOWER prices to thwart the Food Hitler.

  • gullywompr

    So what, I only eat hobo beans.

    • Esteev

      My new bindle was stolen. :(

  • Callyson

    Had to go to an Applebee’s once, when I was driving cross country and had to eat someplace close to the freeway. Next time, I'm planning ahead even if I have to pack a cooler with several days' provisions…

    • Jus_Wonderin

      When I get hungry on the highway, I just pick up a hitchhiker. Sure, they are mostly lean meat and grizzle but I don't even have to get off the road.

      • http://simplyleftbehind.blogspot.com/ actor212

        I find it easier to run them over first. They don't put up much of a struggle, but you have to learn how to eat around the tire.

    • sarjo

      Don't forget the diapers!

    • OneYieldRegular

      I had the same experience. I was forced to take shelter in one during a tornado. More than 10 years later I still can't get the taste out of my mouth.

  • myykuul

    But I already avoid those establishments because their food is not edible! NOW I have to avoid them on PRINCIPLE, too? Sigh. It never ends, does it?

    • tessiee

      Well, you COULD just not eat there because the food is slop, and TELL everybody you're boycotting those places on principle. I mean, nobody can prove that's not your motivation, can they?

  • One_who_wanders

    I've eaten at Olive Garden once or twice – it sorta looks like Italian food but the taste is somehow cleverly removed.

    • Monsieur_Grumpe

      Yeah, I know, how do they do that?

      • http://simplyleftbehind.blogspot.com/ actor212

        Tasty Wheat. It's all Tasty Wheat.

    • http://lostintarnation.blogspot.com/ SayItWithWookies

      I like to tell people that the only thing authentic about the Olive Garden is the service. Which might sound disparaging to the waitstaff, but it's clearly some sort of policy since the service is equally slow at every Olive Garden I've ever eaten at.

      • http://simplyleftbehind.blogspot.com/ actor212

        Wait, my favorite Italian restaurants all treat me like gold.

        • http://lostintarnation.blogspot.com/ SayItWithWookies

          My favorite Italian restaurant serves delicious food and cheap wine, but it's like eating in someone's crowded kitchen. They take no reservations, are too slammed to be nice to anyone, but as I said — the food is delicious and tremendously garlicky, and they serve bread with oil & balsamic vinegar as appetizers and when I lived a block away they used to let me camp out between lunch and dinner if I bought an extra bottle of wine.

          • http://simplyleftbehind.blogspot.com/ actor212

            Oh yea, family style places have the worst service but the food nearly always makes up for it. There's only one family style Italian place I know that I can't say that about, Testa's in Lexington, MA, but it's Lexington, MA so I expect bad food.

          • http://wonkette.com/ starfanglednut

            Transcendentalists libel!

    • tessiee

      Olive Garden's blasphemy against the FSM must not go unpunished!
      Anathema marinara!

    • tessiee

      So you didn't care for the Baloney Alfredo?

    • BenGleck

      Right?

  • Lucidamente1

    Too bad Herman Cain isn't still with Godfather's Pizza. You know what he'd say, right?

    • elviouslyqueer

      999? Wait, no. Where da white wimmens at?

    • http://www.wonkette.com smokefilledroommate

      Awwww, shucky ducky!

    • HogeyeGrex

      "You want this job, right?"

      • BadKitty904

        Ew!

  • http://wonkette.com/ outragedcitizen

    This makes me want to puke and not just from the crappy food.

  • SoBeach

    You have to hope that someone they love looks these CEOs in the eye and says "Shame on you."

    • HogeyeGrex

      Assuming capacity for love not in evidence.

    • http://www.wonkette.com smokefilledroommate

      More like, "Daddy, you're going to give me that sweet sixteen bash at the Palms and get me the Ferrari like you promised, right?"

  • HELisforHEL

    I hate them. I hate them all.
    Fucking CEOs like this really need a visit from Karma, who is apparently off on some long-ass vacation because I haven't heard about The Dick Cheney shuffling off this mortal coil yet.

    Unless Karma tried with the heart thing, and it didn't kill him (I know, I know, WITH VOTES).

    • http://wonkette.com/ starfanglednut

      Speaking of dick Cheney , where the hell has he been? I have not heard a single craven, whiny peep out of him about the election.

  • ChrisM2011

    Whew! All these places are horrible so I won't miss a thing.

  • SexySmurf

    customers have two choices. They can either pay it, and tip 15 or 20 percent, or if they really feel so inclined, they can reduce the amount of tip they give to the server, who is the primary beneficiary of Obamacare

    Option 3: eat at another Denny's. Option 4: eat at IHOP. Option 5: eat your breakfast out of your toilet.

    Option 5 sounds the most appetizing.

    • tessiee

      [raises hand hesitantly]
      I… sort of like IHOP.

  • SorosBot

    "and tip 15 or 20 percent"

    Only fifteen percent? Besides being a douche this asshead must have cheapskate customers.

    • BadKitty904

      Wtf? I'm a college student and I've never tipped less than 20% in my life!!!

    • BenGleck

      The California average tip has been 8% for 40 years.

  • SheriffRoscoe

    These are all places that promise to put the most crap in your gut for the lowest price. I think we will all cry bitter tears over this. But seriously, sorry for the peeps that have to go there to "earn a living."

  • http://www.wonkette.com smokefilledroommate

    Olive Garden–Taste the Pain!

  • BoroPrimorac

    My local, indie pizzeria is awesome. Papa John can go choke on a dick for all I care.

    • BadKitty904

      Same deal here – local family, moved here from Brooklyn – I went to high school with their kids. GREAT food, reasonable prices, incredible service (or their Mom yells at 'em)…

      • BoroPrimorac

        That sounds just like my local joint. The guy who runs it is the type that sponsors the local little league and will cut a kid a break on a slice if he's a buck short. Oh, and their pizzas are incredibly good. He also serves Peroni in the bottle and stays open past midnight.

        • BadKitty904

          Good deal! Like my bf says:

          "Any restaurant where you can hear people singing in the kitchen is prolly gonna be a pretty good joint."

          • http://wonkette.com/ starfanglednut

            :)

    • shelwood46

      I live in NJ, so chain pizzerias barely have a toehold here. Even the smallest town has 4-5 independent pizzerias, while you have to really search to find a national pizza restaurant. It's awesome.

      My volunteer fire company gets pizza for everybody once a week when we meet. One week, one of the junior members said he'd gotten a job at a Papa Johns a couple towns over and offered to donate the pizza (no doubt because his boss hoped we'd order from them weekly, since we drop $200 each time). It was so awful that when a couple months later he offered again, this time just at a discount, he got a unanimous NO. We're back to rotating among our local pie places.

  • gullywompr

    Does this mean we can hope for the return of good local establishments? Me like-y.

    • SorosBot

      Return? They never went away; you just have to avoid the hellish malls plaguing the landscape to avoid these festering chains.

      • emmelemm

        In fairness, that usually means living in a city, and not everyone can or will live in a city.

        (But I agree.)

  • BornInATrailer

    Yeah, but now when the server brings you your can, the still-attached top will have been pre-licked due to reduced Obamacare tips.

  • Cicada

    Fun Fact: These rich yahoos already get away with paying less than minimum wage to their employees who receive tips in most of the country.

    The Federal tipped wage minimum is $2.13/hour, a rate that is used in many, many states. So these CEO fuckers have already been passing on the cost of their employee salaries on to the consumer for years. Now they make a fuss because they have to contribute something towards keeping their underpaid staff healthy?

    Fuck them. Fuck them with spiky dildos made of syphilis and pain.

    • http://www.southsidejohnny.com/ Jukesgrrl

      Also, most of them don't offer sick days to their employees, so we are eating food touched by people who should have taken a day off to stay in bed with aspirin and chicken soup.

  • One_Man_Band

    Never ate at any of these shitholes, except when my (right wing Republican, of course) brother gave me a gift card for Applebees, so I used it. Mistake.

    • An_Outhouse

      give it away to homeless person. the smellier the better. win-win.

  • http://wonkette.com/ weejee

    Goya once did a painting of Repelican CEOs enjoying lunch at the GOP K-Street Kafeteria.

    • BadKitty904

      Ha!!!

    • GeneralLerong

      I'm not even gonna look, because I know, just know, that it's gonna be Saturn devouring his son.

      How 'bout this Goya instead:

      K Street Luncheon

      • tessiee

        Two Goyas = Goyim?

  • synykyl

    I hope the employees of those restaurant chains will take the hint and organize. Revenge is a dish best served by a union member ;-)

  • http://ifthethunderdontgetya.blogspot.com/ ifthethunderdontgetya

    =>Papa John's Obamacare Price Hike Cheered By Ian's Pizza In Wisconsin

    Papa John's CEO John Schnatter’s recent statement that the Affordable Care Act will force the pizza chain to raise prices came as good news to Nick Martin.

    Martin, a part owner of Ian’s Pizza, a pizza shop with four locations in Wisconsin, said his business has offered full heath care coverage to its 50 full-time employees for years, making it all the more difficult to compete with national chains like Papa John's that pay workers low wages without health benefits.

    "This may level the playing field for us,” Martin said of the Papa John's price hike. “If they have to pay for benefits, and that pushes their prices up closer to ours, it will justify what we’ve been paying for and what we’ve been fighting to do the past few years.” <=

    link two

    Ian's karma ran over Papa John's dogma.
    ~

    • emmelemm

      I'd like to shake that guy's hand, honestly.

    • Geminisunmars

      I'd like to buy that guy's pizza. If I ever go to Wisc I'll look him up. Nevertheless, yay Nick Martin.

      eta: I wonder if we should call the restaurant before we patronize them, and see what their pay scale and benefits package is. If they get a few (hundred) calls like that, maybe they would provide like Nick does.

      • DahBoner

        I like the Ian's on North in Milwaukee. There are 3 universities in the area, and customers vote for their fav pizza so Mac n Cheese pizza is the most popular.

        But the best is their salads- custom made with your choice of ingredients for under 4or 5 dollars….

    • Esteev

      This is good news for the makers of Prilosec OTC.

    • natl_[redacted]_cmdr

      Ian's is awesome. I had many a free slice from there during the uprising. Some Wonketteers donated moneez so that we moochin' protesters could eat for free. Thanks again, Wonketteers!

  • MissTaken

    This is nice. I was crossing my fingers that my Seaside Shrimp Trio would include a side of influenza as well as cocktail sauce. Thank you Red Lobster!

  • Lot_49

    As you enjoy these fine dining establishments, remember what Anthony Bourdain says: there's no reason to think the kitchen is any cleaner than the men's room.

    • HogeyeGrex

      And possibly for the same reasons.

    • OneYieldRegular

      I would very much like to see Anthony Boudain turned loose on these cynical, profiteering dimwits. That is TV I'd pay to watch.

  • LibertyLover

    It is always so appetizing to mix politics with "mealtime"….

  • TootsStansbury

    Isn't it getting to be time to give these fuckers something to cry about?

  • BigSkullF*ckingDog

    Is it just me or does the food service industry seem to attract total bastards. See Chick fil A also, too.

    • MissTaken

      Yup, especially when they see themselves as an 'industry' versus a restaurant.

      • Biff

        I can't believe they opened a store around the corner from my sister-in-law in Walnut Creek…

    • SorosBot

      But many of them call you a "guest" instead of a customer, which makes them like family!

  • Beowoof

    To agree with others, most of those places blow (and not in the good way) and I wouldn't never eat their food. Most of the people who do eat in those establishments like deep fried HFCS over a bed of pork fat and flour biscuits;.

    • MissTaken

      deep fried HFCS over a bed of pork fat and flour biscuits;.

      Stop, you're making me hungry!

  • Monsieur_Grumpe

    My Dog! That’s basically a who’s who list of shitty food.

  • Monsieur_Grumpe

    I like Papa Urpy's because I can fix it before I cook it.

  • Wile E. Quixote

    And if enough Americans stop eating at Applebee's, Red Lobster, The Olive Garden and Denny's and start eating decent food instead our obesity rates will drop and so will our health care costs.

  • sarjo

    A las Barricadas!!!

    • BenGleck

      YEAH! What ever he said.

  • Wile E. Quixote

    I guess there aren't any liberal CEOs out there. If I were the CEO of a multi-billion dollar company I'd issue a directive to my employees stating that the company would not reimburse any travel expenses related to dining at Applebee's, Denny's, Red Lobster, The Olive Garden, etc.

    • ChickTract_Fil_A

      When on the road, these would be the places I'd end up eating at. But since I have the keys to the rent a car, I have six more 6 hostages for 'The Savvy Vegetarian'.

    • tessiee

      Also, if you were the CEO of a multi-billion dollar company, you'd hire all your fellow wonketeers… [hopefully, with Bambi eyes] right?

  • Beowoof

    Right down the street from Papa Johns in Rochester is the most excellent pizza in Rochester. So U of R students, drive south on W.Henrietta Road, past Papa Johns, and head over to Brandani's and enjoy some real pizza, from a real baker, from the real country of Italy. I recommend the white garlic pizza with sausage, black olives and onions. Add a bottle of red wine of your choice and enjoy. (By the way from days as a UB student, Bocce on Bailey in Buffalo is also pretty damn good).

    • glasspusher

      What about RIT students?

      • Beowoof

        Turn right on Jefferson go about a mile, turn left on W. Henrietta, go north about a mile and a half, on the left in front of Movies 10 and enjoy.

  • snowpointsecret

    Are they going to have an appreciation day for every single one of these? I take it the wingnut obesity rate will soon be 100%, causing the entire south to sink into the ocean. It's the lost city of Atlanta.

    • MissTaken

      And the heart attack rate will skyrocket that day. But it's okay, their patrons will get healthcare thanks to Obamacare.

    • tessiee

      "It's the lost city of Atlanta."

      Futurama already did that:
      http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=N9oefCnD7uk

  • snowpointsecret

    I feel wrong, I've been to all these places multiple times and I'm like the only one here to do so.

    I've been going to local ones more recently though, I swear!

    • BadKitty904

      Every journey starts with the first steps… :0)

    • SoBeach

      Applebees : never
      Red Lobster : never
      Papa Johns : never
      Olive Garden : okay, once in a while. Sue me. The kids love it.

    • bobbert

      My mother in law really liked both Red Lob and Olive Garden (despite the fact that she had enough money to eat bloody anywhere). Despite this, she was in many ways an admirable woman. After my wife died, when my kids were small, we would meet her at one or the other a couple times a month (and, dog help me, at Red Robin, which she also liked for no discernible reason). I found that it was possible to get a tolerable small salad and pasta-based meal (or side-dish) at OG, but every Red Lobster just sucked.

      Anyhow, for the last six or seven years I've happily avoided AOTK. I believe I did eat in a Denny's three or four years ago (due to the 24-hour effect). Never been in a Papa John's.

      EDIT: To be completely honest, I have patronized the Applebee's in Sonora a few times, but only to drink. They have SN Pale Ale on tap and lotsa TVs.

  • MissTaken

    OT, but exceedingly important:
    I clicked the clicky to the Color My Boobs Coloring Book at Amazon and there is only 1 copy left in stock. Yes, only 1 copy. Buy now or forever hold your non-colored-in-boobs peace.

    • SorosBot

      Mmmmm boobies.

    • HogeyeGrex

      Isn't this a thread about boobs anyway?

      • http://wonkette.com/ starfanglednut

        Every thread on wonkette is about boobies. Unless its about buttsecks, of course.

    • http://www.wonkette.com smokefilledroommate

      There's a Big Coloring Book of Vaginas, if that helps.

      • ChickTract_Fil_A

        Haz confused over Kindle Edition.. Does crayon come off the display?

        • http://www.wonkette.com smokefilledroommate

          What I'd like to know is why it's priced at 11.95 new and 207.95 used.

          • HogeyeGrex

            Oh my.

            Maybe the used is scratch-n-sniff?

  • cognachas4paws

    I know I live near a city with THE best pizza ever (Chicago!) and might be considered biased in my assessment, but I don't think what they're selling over at "Papa John's" can be called pizza by any stretch of the imagination.

    • spareme

      I make my own Chicago style pizza's. I make my own NY style pizza's. I make all my own damn pizza's, along with my own damn Cheddar Bay biscuits (with wheat), and my own damn pasta, and I fry my own damn eggs too. Fuck these people, they can't cook anyway. Though I would be hanging at Gino's if I still lived in Chicago.

    • tessiee

      All four of my grandparents emigrated from Italy.
      My mother makes pizza by, first, going out into the back yard and picking tomatoes.
      I guaran-goddamn-tee you that nothing at Papa John's can be called pizza by any stretch of my imagination.

    • http://www.wonkette.com smokefilledroommate

      I'm lucky to have Pizzeria Bianco in Phoenix, so I'm good.

      • DahBoner

        Do they still refuse to do carry-out?

        • http://www.wonkette.com smokefilledroommate

          Still no take-out, dine in only :( but it seems we always get enough that there is extra to take home.

  • BigSkullF*ckingDog

    I worked at a pizza place all through school and if that had been my permanent career, I too would be a miserable bastard.

    • tessiee

      I've never worked at a pizzeria, and I'm *still* a miserable bastard.

    • glasspusher

      I worked KFC for two months in high school, quit 'cause they were working me to near midnight on school nights. I got very lucky, the photo place that I bought stuff at realized my skills and hired me there a month later. I worked there until I was out of undergrad. Darkroom, weddings, studio.

      Everyone should have one shit job to appreciate the good ones.

    • http://www.wonkette.com smokefilledroommate

      I had a short stint as a delivery driver for Domino's eons ago. The 'company' Chevette they gave me to use as a delivery vehicle had little/no brakes– I had to drive 35 mph everywhere. There was a mouse in the kitchen & when I asked the manager why the fuck there was a mouse running around the kitchen, he gave me its name (I forget now) and told me it had been there since 1982. There was a guy they called Rain Man (they said he was autistic but I think he was just slightly mentally disabled) that wasn't very good at washing dishes, so I took it upon myself to assist, and on my very first day the assistant manager tore off his name tag, threw it on the floor, said "Fuck this shit, I quit" and left.
      It was awesome!

  • sundaytrucker

    So on top of the heaping servings of heart disease and diabetes they'll now be serving typhoid?

    • Anne_Athema

      You betcha! E.Coli O157:H7, also, too.

  • http://www.boskolives.wordpress.com boskolives

    Funny how first impressions can be right on the money, even if it's only a dime. When I saw the founder of Papa John’s Pizza, John Schnatter, in a commercial there might as well have been blinking text under his face that spelled "Douche Bag".

    • tessiee

      Same as like with Paul Ryan, also too.

  • LibertyLover

    Now I know why this Papa John guy felt it necessary to build a moat around his castle.

    • http://www.southsidejohnny.com/ Jukesgrrl

      I think he'll be getting a car elevator soon, too. Apparently he has 22 automobiles of various types stabled at his castle. Here are some photos of his pile: http://www.celebritynetworth.com/articles/celebri

      • LibertyLover

        I totally see why he can't afford health care for his employees. It's all so simple, really.

  • smellypossum

    I kinda wish I was a regular at one of these "restaurants" so they could somehow feel the impact of my boycott.

    But I can't bring myself to eat the shit they serve. And I hate the requirements to call everyone "guys" and wear the required pieces of flair.

    (Excuse me, I believe you have my stapler…)

    • http://www.southsidejohnny.com/ Jukesgrrl

      Keep checking. There are a ton of restaurant owners who have joined this movement and there's bound to be one you get take-out from. My favorite sandwich place used to be Jimmy John's until I found out he's a scum-sucker who makes Papa John look like an egalitarian.

    • tessiee

      You know who ELSE made people wear pieces of flair?

      • bobbert

        No, but after a couple of drinks I could go for a nice piece of flair about now.

  • Geminisunmars

    I just can't keep the Papas straight.

    • glasspusher

      Who's your Daddy?

      • Geminisunmars

        Not John, that's for sher

  • JustPixelz

    When gas prices go up or cost of high-fructose corn syrup rises, these guys say it's how the free market works and incorporate those expenses into their pricing. And when health insurance costs went up faster than inflation for the past 200 years, they didn't grandstand about cutting their employees' tips. But when Comrade Obama leads health insurance reform, it's time to screw their employees.

    As I'm sure someone already noted, Jon Stewart suggested if these assholes had backed single-payer, they wouldn't have to be, well, assholes today.

    Finally, there are millions of restaurants. These guys should think of them as "the competition". When I don't like a restaurant for any reason, I take them "off the list" and never go back. These brands are off the list.

    • gullywompr

      Well, gas prices = Obama, and high-fructose corn syrup prices = methanol = Obama also too. And now pizza. That bastard.

      • glasspusher

        "ethanol"

  • mormos

    Or I can just start spending my money at places not owned by douchebags.

    • BadKitty904

      A Sensible Policy for a Happier America.

  • Fox n Fiends

    And this is why they're always telling us to SUPPORT SMALL BUSINESSES

  • Toomush_Infer

    These guys should just all do a corporate merger, and call it "Whiners"….then they could sit around in their board room all day and whine…

  • StillGoinGreen

    Umm, I hate to break it to ya, but all businesses pass cost increases on to their customers, if they can. The only thing shitty here is the fact that they are too stupid to just do it quietly. As for Papa Johns… their pizza sucks.

    • http://www.southsidejohnny.com/ Jukesgrrl

      I'm not saying they shouldn't pass on their costs (unless have personal net worth over $500 million, which encompasses most on Wonkette's list). I'm just saying they shouldn't be paying employees $2.13 cents an hour and then TELLING customers to short the tips they leave.

  • Guppy

    Papa John's already cost me 10¢ for that text spam they sent me…

  • MonkeyMotion

    Smart move: treat employees — the ones who serve your "food" to the public — like shit. That's really gonna work out for ya.

    Hard to believe, but maybe Mittens wasn't the dumbest Republican around.

  • fartknocker

    Olive Garden is owned by Darden Restaurants, who also owns Red Lobster.
    http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Olive_Garden

    So my strategy is to avoid any chain under the Darden umbrella since they are surely treating every employee like shit.
    http://www.darden.com/

    Fuck em…

    • glamourdammerung

      They get a ton of complaints about labor practices. They are also Republican backers.

      This is the part where you pretend to be surprised.

  • LibrarianX

    First Twinkies and now this? Bubba gonna need some new stretch clothes cuz nothin' gonna fit.

    • BadKitty904

      Hey, we've always got our Moon Pies…

  • http://for-the-turnstiles.blogspot.com 4TheTurnstiles
  • TribecaMike

    Wouldn't it be cheaper (and infinitely tastier) to just fly every customer to Da Ettore in Naples?

  • finallyhappy

    I wish I could boycott these places but I don't eat at any of them now.

  • Guppy

    They can either pay it, and tip 15 or 20 percent, or if they really feel so inclined, they can reduce the amount of tip they give to the server

    That sounds an awful lot like "management skimming off of workers' tips," which most state AG's frown heavily upon.

  • Esteev

    A buddy of mine worked at an Applebee's for a long time. I'd go in there for the two-fer drink specials but after he explained how the food is "prepared" I stayed away from the eats.

  • http://twitter.com/iburl iburl

    The plastic surgery disaster on Papa John's face proves that capitalism is a doomed system.

  • Slapwow

    John Metz's official portrait looks like it was specifically taken to fill the entry "Douchenozzel" at Getty Image Archive.

    • tessiee

      Poetry, dear Sir or Madam.
      Sheer fuckin' poetry.

      • Slapwow

        Thanks. I was among the early adopters back in the dawn of WONKETTE comments, but my account ran fallow for years due to various jerbs that didn't facilitate ready access.

        Truth be told my own remarks usually can't compete with the hilarious & laser-sharp snark around here anyway, so mostly I've just been "upfisting" like mad… Ew, that sounds awful, maybe I should say I have "enhanced everybody's p levels?" No that's somehow just as bad… See what I mean? Gotta learn to quit while I'm ahead…!

  • http://twitter.com/iburl iburl

    Here's a coupon for Papa John's if you still insist on eating there… http://www.newscorpse.com/Pix/Misc/papa-john.jpg

  • barto

    Ten cents here, ten cents there, pretty soon you're talkin' like a quarter. You go, Mr. CEO man!

  • not that Dewey

    Has the CEO of Fuddrucker's weighed in on this yet?

    • tessiee

      I heard he likes money.

  • BadKitty904

    a.) Do none of these companies have stock-holders? Might they be less than happy with their CEO's suicidally stupid posturing in the press?;
    b.) The economy will not be depressed forever – treat your employees like shit now and see what happens when other jobs starting opening up.

    • http://www.southsidejohnny.com/ Jukesgrrl

      Some of these fools, John Metz for instance, aren't even from the home office. They are merely franchisees with many outlets. And, yes, their home offices ARE furious with them for deluging the brand with bad publicity.

  • GoodDogThor

    Oh, good, a list of restaurants that I don't (and shan't patronize).
    Especially Papa John's. I wouldn't eat that shit if it cost 100% less.
    Seriously, its like a hot circle of garbage – Kevin Malone, Dunder-Mifflin Scranton

  • http://www.wonkette.com smokefilledroommate

    This just about says it all.

  • lochnessmonster

    Well I never heard of that wings place and don't know what Pappa Johns sells but is certainly NOT pizza…the rest of them haven't been to in years cuz its just not good food and mostly bread.

  • mustangsavvy

    I've got it Wonkers! With Twinkies, Ho-Ho's and whatever else Hostess makes that is all sugar and no nutrients, now out of circulation plus less Applebee's, Red Lobster AND Papa John's Pizza……I think Bamz just solved the obesity and diabetus epidemic in America AND provided access to health care for more people! Like…wow dude….he's kinda awesome, yes?

    • tessiee

      My magic 8 ball tells me that some right wing ass marmot is posting this on facebook right now…
      except he's not kidding…
      and he's pissed-off about it.

  • ChickTract_Fil_A

    Finally. A condensed list places I'm going to boycott. Sort of like an anti-Michilin Guide.

    • http://www.southsidejohnny.com/ Jukesgrrl

      That's just the top tier. Along with Chik-Fil-A, don't forget to also boycott Wendy's (supports a host of anti-choice organizations), Jimmy John's (billionaire owner is a Sheriff Joe Arpaio supporter and big game hunter with a fleet of private jets), and Urban Outfitters, Anthropologie, and Free People (whose owner is an anti-gay loon who donates to Rick Santorum, is currently in a lawsuit with the Navajo Nation, and rips off his designs from Etsy artists).

  • rickmaci

    An enterprising investigative journalist would probably be able to report that all of the CEO's mentioned receive health care benefits from medical insurance paid for by their respective corporate employers.

  • Naked_Bunny

    So this is how the free market fixes problems like healthcare.

  • TribecaMike

    Papa John's for horses and it's not for men,
    Doctor said it kill you, but he didn’t say when

    — Traditional blues song

  • An_Outhouse

    your turn Cracker Barrel.

    • http://www.southsidejohnny.com/ Jukesgrrl

      Cracker Barrel was founded in Tennessee by a man who was an employee of Shell Oil (!), but he sold out years ago to Kraft Foods. As a publicly traded company, they've steered far away from obvious tea-havior (for instance, Kraft was one of the first to abandon ALEC when the kitchen got hot). So feel free to suck down that corn bread.

  • BadKitty904

    OT, but a cheery bit o' news for our Yankee friends:

    A federal appeals court ruled that Michigan's ban on affirmative action, enacted by voters in 2006, is unconstitutional. In an 8-7 decision, the U.S. Circuit Court of Appeals for the Sixth Circuit struck down the amendment to the state's constitution, known as Proposal 2, on the grounds that it creates unfair barriers to minority participation in the political process.

  • OneYieldRegular

    You'll never catch me dead in one of those restaurants. No wait – I mean – if you catch me in one of those restaurants I'll be dead.

  • TribecaMike

    The scene in Spielberg's Amistad where the slaves are thrown overboard while chained together keeps coming to mind.

  • docterry6973

    If they take the paper towels, soap and hot water from the employee washroom, could they save ten cents per unit? Because I would love to save another ten cents.

  • Humberto_Echo

    Olive Garden is good. A clean well lighted place to drink cheap wine and read A Rose For Emily. I am sad.

  • Anne_Athema

    Time to start making calls to your local health department about those pesky restaurant rats, flies, open wounds seen on servers' and kitchen workers hands … ( slowly walks away whistling, hands clasped behind back) .

  • miss_grundy

    It would be wonderful to boycott these companies but then the hourly employees would suffer because they would have their hours cut or would be laid off. I guess the only thing left to do would be to corral these rat bastards and beat the heck out of them (without votes, Editrix!) and teach them a lesson in noblesse oblige. How much money is fracking enough for these people? You own a house with a moat that has its own golf course and other sporting accoutrements and you still don't have enough?

    I'm really tired of these people since most of them are Republicans. Obviously, they have learned nothing. How can we teach them a lesson? A really hard lesson.

  • spareme

    Hey, no problem, maybe Sarah Palin and her daughter will go to work making pizza's at Papa Johns, along with all the other idiots out there who will want a job that doesn't pay, without any benefits, for AMERICA. Cuz thats the kind of personnel these CEO's will be able to attract. Karma – its a bitch, ya know.

    • tessiee

      They tried it, but got fired.
      Sarah kept tossing her belly, because it's the same color and texture as the pizza dough.

  • Humberto_Echo

    Twinkapocalypse. Another circuit party?

  • TailgunnerJoe

    If I were born with the last name Tankle and my parents played a cruel lifelong joke on me by naming me Zane, the only way I could get back at society would be to become moderately wealthy through ownership of multiple casual dining franchises named with a dorky middle-America name like Applebee's and then deny the employees health coverage.

  • http://www.wonkette.com smokefilledroommate

    'Papa Douche' has a nice ring to it..

    • TribecaMike

      Yeasty.

  • http://www.southsidejohnny.com/ Jukesgrrl

    This charming Child's Treasury neglects to mention one other very vocal anti-Obamacare restaurant owner. James Liautaud, maker of the otherwise quite tasty Jimmy John's sandwich, has a net worth of $1.5 billion, owns a fleet of private jets, and moved his headquarters to Florida when Illinois (where he lives) raised its business tax. But the worst is yet to come. Here is how good ole boy Jimmy John amuses himself when he's not torturing his part-time employees: http://www.bilerico.com/2012/05/more_than_one_rea

    • tessiee

      What a cowardly, worthless piece of shit he is.

    • shelwood46

      He is, in fact, the dude Romney was talking about when he told college students to just borrow $20,000 from their parents. Friend of Mitt's= 'nuff said.

    • bobbert

      We don't seem to have Jimmy John's here in the foothills, so I'll have wait to boycott the asshole.

      I don't have to click the linkie. It's the elephant, right?

      • http://www.southsidejohnny.com/ Jukesgrrl

        And the leopard.Truly immoral.

  • PawPawNegroBlowtorch

    Applebee's is the recognized industry leader in the all-important field of adding actual, literal shit to the prepackaged microwave food served in its restaurants. Obamacare poses a clear and present danger to the ready availability of actual, literal shitburgers in our great nation, and thus constitutes a serious thread to national security.

  • Sassomatic

    Any prick who would reduce their tip by 5% based on this crap doesn't tip to begin with, so nothing lost.

  • HouseOfTheBlueLights

    I don't get it. By one client's calculations, Obamacare is going to SAVE them about $20,000, meaning they'll be able to cover all existing employees and ADD a covered part time position. So these guys are just greedy shits who don't want to have to give up the extra car elevator. Is that about right?

    • tessiee

      Well, that, and they don't want to do something that the blah Preznit is "making" them do, even if it saved them a million dollars.

      • http://www.southsidejohnny.com/ Jukesgrrl

        Also, does the fact that a goodly portion of fast food workers can be covered under their parents' insurance until they are 26 every figure into these convoluted calculations? I know that many people of my decrepit age are being forced to work in fast food, but it stills seems like the majority of the employees are student-age.

        • Biff

          Most kids, if they're working at a fast-food joint, don't have parents with insurance anyway. Just sayin'.

          • http://www.southsidejohnny.com/ Jukesgrrl

            Not true in my family's case.

  • ChickTract_Fil_A

    And hoping Peyton Manning starts screaming,' PULL THE COMMERCIAL! PULL THE COMMERCIAL! http://sports.yahoo.com/blogs/nfl-shutdown-corner

    • http://www.southsidejohnny.com/ Jukesgrrl

      Now that I know about Drew Brees and his unholy pact with the loathsome Jimmy John, I guess now I have to google the names of all the sports people I like with the words "fast food franchises" attached. And start to boycott them as well as their investment portfolios. So far the only I thing I have against Aaron Rodgers is that his girlfriend is name "Destiny." Don't tell me if you know anything worse.

  • http://www.southsidejohnny.com/ Jukesgrrl

    Oh, and let's not forget Whole Foods. That's another brand of crazee altogether. Founder and CEO John Mackey is an Ayn Rand adherent who vocally questions climate science while suggesting that people who eat his "whole" foods and practice the many brands of new age-y spiritualism he engages in (what would Ayn think about that?) won't NEED that nasty Obamacare. Another Fun Fackt: he's married to a Sufi, but has been accused of cheating on her multiple times.

  • christianmuslin

    This is Obama's plan to expand the Democratic party and to increase the strength of organized labor that will now target these barely edible shit stands: organize to keep your jobs and receive affordable health care. More Obama gifts Mr Romney! More states should enact laws to require restaurants to list the health content, or lack thereof, of the various food items they serve, also, too!

  • anniegetyerfun

    The Red Lobster link is broken, so is it no longer true that the CEO is a giant asshole?

  • tessiee

    OT, but I just realized the troll who used to call himself (or herself?) "One Term Barry" must be royally pissed-off right about now.
    Hee hee hee.

  • ChicagoLory

    " This would be DOUBLY true if we were the CEO of a multi-billion dollar company in the food industry, given that we would not want our employees coming to work sick and touching all the food with their germ-infested hands and then giving the germ-infested food to our customers."
    Finally! A blogger who identifies cause and effect!

  • tessiee

    It's been a good many years since I worked in a restaurant — thank god — but at least then, restaurant owners were not required to pay waitstaff minimum wage.

    The rule at that time was that if the total amount of your wages and tips in a pay period, divided by the number of hours you worked, came out to less than minimum wage, you were allowed to file a complaint with the Wage and Hour Bureau.

    Anyone who is conversant in labor law, please feel free to fact-check me on this, but the fact that these asscopters aren't even required to pay their waitstaff minimum wage makes them even more disgusting.

    • TribecaMike

      Haven't worked in a restaurant in many decades, but that's how I remember it and believe that's how (like The Dude) it still abides, plus the waitfolks also contribute a portion of their tips to the busboy(s). With that arrangement, it's beyond ridiculous that restaurants are exempt from minimum wage laws. Add to that the fact that most of the big chains are owned by filthy rich hedge funds and banks, there's absolutely no excuse for it.

    • BenGleck

      Not in California. Min wge + tips.

  • tessiee

    Do the car wash babes at least get Obamacare for their mammograms?

    • emmelemm

      No, the owner just does breast exams hissownself. To save money.

  • ChicagoLory

    I hope not! I actually like AND patronize Fuddrucker's (Though my son becoming a vegetarian means we eat there a lot less anyway.)

    The other places — never eat there. And we have great local pizza places here on the South Side.

  • JohnnyBrooklyn

    If I understand their position correctly . . .

    One, Republican CEOs oppose single payer healthcare because they want companies to deliver healthcare to their employees. Two, they don't want to provide healthcare to their employees.

    Is it me?

    • tessiee

      No, Johnny Brooklyn, it ain't youse.

  • LibrarianX

    An employer of a tipped employee is only required to pay $2.13 per hour in direct wages if that amount combined with the tips received at least equals the federal minimum wage.

  • http://yunoletmehavecoolwebnameblogspot.blogspot.com/ Jennyjen798

    I kind of want to stand outside one of these shitty Denny's and give their servers money just because. "Here, go get yourself some Obamacare." They get their money and the CEO/owner gets nothing but maybe some flaming sacks of poop on his door step.

  • http://sciencekick.blogspot.com valthemus

    Place your bets: Will the creator of "Tom the Dancing Bug" be able to generate enough Lucky Ducky cartoons based on these CEO hissy-fits to become as rich as they are?

  • http://howtosavetheworld.ca/ BZ1

    Pleeze make a list of all the places not to shop at!

  • Schmegeg

    Papa John's Pizza is dreck. Anyone that eats this is going to seriously need health care STAT.

  • phillipmarlowe2terry

    So, will these bozos itemize everything they sell, so I know how much of the pizza cost is really going to pay for John Schnatter's addictions?

  • IsyFleur

    Gosh, if I ever did go to such ghastly eateries, I would definitely boycott every last one of them!

  • Negropolis

    Off to the FEMA camps with the whole damned, lousy lot of 'em, I say. No one has lost any.

  • Negropolis

    I honestly don't get why folks don't point out, more often, the successful billionar-dollar companies headquartered in high-tax nations all across the globe. You'd swear listening to this propoganda that not only do we have the highest tax-rates on the globe, but that they are at an all-time high.

    Hell, if this economic system we are in is American socialism as they like to say, then give me American communism, Mr. President.

  • Negropolis

    Hell, they could plug their budget holes by making those damned lay-about rats that live in their kitchens pay room and board.

  • schvitzatura

    DineEquity, Applebee's parent corp, is already having to do damage control for mouthy Tankel:

    "It's certainly our hope that our guests recognize and realize that Mr. Tankel's views are not representative of the broader Applebee's brand," said Dan Smith, a spokesman for DineEquity. Smith said the company has received a torrent of customer feedback on Tankel's comments and noted that individual franchise owners do not speak for all of Applebee's.

    Don't let this hullabaloo stop you from going to Crapplebee's, folks. So make sure you stop by your nearest friendly location and order a delicious item from their new "Spirited Cuisine" menu (it's OK Mitt & co-religionists, the alcohol is volatile and cooks away):

    “We obsessed over combining wine, bourbon and beer with top ingredients to create craveable dishes that are approachable for our guests,” said Applebee’s Executive Chef Michael Slavin. “Just a touch goes a long way in delivering the unique, well-balanced flavors of Applebee’s new Spirited Cuisine menu.”

    Ugh. If the DineEquity and Applebee's franchisees could stop obsessing over not providing health care for their hard-working servers and make a product that is not some highly processed commissary pre-pack POS, they might be able to avert disaster (theirs, not ours).

  • http://hong-kong-actresses.blogspot.com/ Chow Yun Flat

    I have been in an Olive Garden once which was more than enough–it was pretty unavoidable. We were there early –well before noon–and the server asked if we would like to start with a bottle of wine which I thought was interesting. Disgusting food, great service and the servers may now qualify for health insurance which is a nice thing.

  • DahBoner

    And this has been another edition of Mean People Suck

  • BenGleck

    Where the douche meets the bag!

  • BenGleck

    I'll pay ten bucks, but if you charge me $10.10 I'll secede from the union!

  • BenGleck

    I ate at an Olive Garden for like the first time in ten years. They've clearly increased profits at the expense of taste. They are now using low quality on everything.

  • BenGleck

    Sure, be cheap with your employees. Then the next time your candidate is giving a private fundraiser no desperate employees will secretly record what they say for vengence.

  • glasspusher

    when I was a poor college student I would go to Olive Garden with the Love of my Life. Even then we called it Olive Garbage. Haven't seen her, or been there, in years…

    • BenGleck

      Don't bother. First time in 10-12 years. They've managed to take all of the taste out of the food.

      • glasspusher

        Wow, thanks for the warning. There is one near where I work and I was considering it, for old time's sake. If what little taste is gone, and she's gone, who am I trying to kid? Let memories be memories.

  • ttommyunger

    In the immortal words of Bre're Rabbit: "Oh, please, don't throw me in the brier-patch!". Fuck all these Diabetes, obesity-inducing outfits selling soon-to-be turds at inflated prices.

  • BenGleck

    I love making snark on cheap CEO's.

  • http://dandalionsworld.blogspot.com/ dandalion

    Well we can make this easy for the CEO… by not being a customer of theirs… go somewhere local and support a business that is taking care of their employees… Some times these CEO's and people alike forget that these 'low employees' are their front line and the true face of their company..

  • catholic4condom

    A lot of these places are sit-down resturaunts. We should organize a "flash mob" type thingamabob where there are groups to fill all the tables plus four or five groups. Order the cheapest thing on the menu, tip the servers up front and stay for from 1 to 1 1/2 hours then leave and go back and wait to be seated again. If higher paying customers come and see a really long slow line they will go elsewhere.

  • ethicsandesthetics

    Nationalize all these assholes' companies and then turn them over to the employees, funneling the profits back to them. Evict the parasitic CEO's from their obscene castle-mansions and turn them into hospitals, daycares, schools and homeless shelters.

  • janemp

    FInally, a restaurant we can boycot. We never went to Chick-fil-(can't spell this) so our boycot made no difference. But we will not go to Olive Garden or Red Lobster.

  • lesrocket

    I am so sick of these multimillionaires complaining about the little it really costs them and how they have to stiff their workers to pay for their insurance. Yet they won't sacrifice a small pittance of their HUGE income to support the people that make them their millions. Cheap-ass bastards.