AND TWINS!  1:57 pm November 16, 2012

Barack Obama Was Probably Banging Jill Kelley Obviously, Except For How He Is Gay

by Rebecca Schoenkopf

Just picture Obummer there, and all of them nakedWell this is much better! Tampa nonsense queen Jill Kelley and her evil twin visited the White House three times this year, an administration official told AP. Obviously, this means President Barack Obama has been boning both of them, in the SitRoom, while eating popcorn and laughing while watching Christopher Stevens die. He did this because he is a murderer, obviously, but also probably to throw people off the scent of his Muslim homosexual marriage.

An Obama administration official says a Tampa Bay socialite whose emails triggered the eventual downfall of CIA director David Petraeus visited the White House three times this year with her sister, twice eating in the Executive Mansion mess.

The official says that Jill Kelley, who initiated an investigation that ultimately unveiled Petraeus’ extramarital affair, and her sister had two “courtesy” meals at the White House mess as guests of a mid-level White House aide. Kelley and her family also received a White House tour. The visits occurred during the past three months.

The number of visits (three) means that Kelley and her sister are now official White House spokespeople, just like Hilary Rosen, and the Obama administration owns everything (thousands of pages of emails, plus “diplomatic inviolability”) they have ever said.

[AP]

 
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{ 295 comments }

Tom November 16, 2012 at 2:00 pm

All we need now is a blue dress

StillGoinGreen November 16, 2012 at 3:13 pm

By the looks of these two, there would be no spillage!

LibertyLover November 16, 2012 at 4:27 pm

Reminds me of a song from "White Christmas"

Sisters, sisters
There were never such devoted sisters,
Never had to have a chaperone, No sir,
I'm there to keep my eye on her
Caring, sharing
Every little thing that we are wearing
When a certain gentleman arrived from Rome
She wore the dress, and I stayed home

Tundra Grifter November 16, 2012 at 6:21 pm

From Shorty Long – cut down in his prime at the tender age of 29:

"Devil With The Blue Dress On"
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QmdH5hAhs_8

glasspusher November 16, 2012 at 6:25 pm

That would be a Tripp.

tbogg November 16, 2012 at 2:00 pm

K-Street Kardashians

weejee November 16, 2012 at 2:02 pm

lol

flipdraw November 16, 2012 at 2:13 pm

Yeah, they do kind of have a certain Kardashian charm.

BadKitty904 November 16, 2012 at 2:57 pm

Well, except for the "charm" part.

Lascauxcaveman November 16, 2012 at 2:14 pm

"The tits are just the right size."

DerrickWildcat November 16, 2012 at 2:17 pm

Ahh, I was too slow…and obvious.

dr_giraud November 16, 2012 at 2:01 pm

And critics accused Andrew Jackson of letting the rabble overrun the White House.

Weedlord BonerHitler November 16, 2012 at 3:40 pm

Well, obviously, if there's any rabble-overrunning to be done, the Blah will do it better.

DrunkIrishman November 16, 2012 at 2:02 pm

Oh no … those poor women. WHAT DID OBAMA DO TO THEIR NECKS?!?

actor212 November 16, 2012 at 2:08 pm

I dunno, but I hope he'll teach me…

DrunkIrishman November 16, 2012 at 2:11 pm

I guess he gave 'em a real tonsil scraping.

DrunkIrishman November 16, 2012 at 2:11 pm

THAT'S MY PRESIDENT! YOU DON'T TALK ABOUT MY PRESIDENT THAT WAY!

Weedlord BonerHitler November 16, 2012 at 3:42 pm

Are you arguing with yourself? (takes bets on who's winning)

Terry November 16, 2012 at 2:10 pm

Every single posed photo of them, they're tilting their heads like that. Some photographer must have told them as some point that it is flattering.

DrunkIrishman November 16, 2012 at 2:12 pm

They actually are half-owl.

actor212 November 16, 2012 at 2:19 pm

Or half-assed

Botlrokit November 16, 2012 at 2:41 pm

Half-chewed Reese's peanut butter cup snorted into my nose. HURTS

NellCote71 November 16, 2012 at 4:53 pm

I doubt they are half-assed. They look as if they may have the Kardashian curse, or blessing, depending on your perspective.

Lascauxcaveman November 16, 2012 at 2:16 pm

I wanna see them do the 'trout-mouth' or whatever those Facey-booky kids are calling it these days.

Redgyal November 16, 2012 at 2:29 pm

Cat bottom

Weedlord BonerHitler November 16, 2012 at 5:41 pm

We used to call it "duck's bum" in my yoof.

Botlrokit November 16, 2012 at 2:42 pm

FuckDuck face

BadKitty904 November 16, 2012 at 2:58 pm

Moose lips

Weedlord BonerHitler November 16, 2012 at 3:43 pm

Um … that's the *other* lips, dear.

SavageDrummer November 17, 2012 at 12:48 am

Cameltoe…

Anne_Athema November 16, 2012 at 7:01 pm

Trout pout.

mbatch November 16, 2012 at 2:20 pm

Obviously their heads are too heavy for their necks–holding them upright is simply not possible.

weejee November 16, 2012 at 2:25 pm

You might ask a hangman.

StillGoinGreen November 16, 2012 at 2:39 pm

They have water in their ears – you can tell they've crashed into one of those Florida canals cause their flotation devices have been inflated! BTW… which one is Jill, cause I wanna fuck the other one??!!11!

actor212 November 16, 2012 at 2:49 pm

Left.

No, wait. Right.

Wait. Which way are you facing?

StillGoinGreen November 16, 2012 at 2:55 pm

Forward!! HAHAHAHAHA, GET IT? FORWARD! YOU KNOW LIKE ON MSNBC – NOT LEFT, NOT RIGHT, BUT FORWAR….. oh forget it!

Weedlord BonerHitler November 16, 2012 at 3:43 pm

It was fun to watch, tho.

boskolives November 16, 2012 at 9:14 pm

Turn them upside down and they're all the same. Inside out as well, too.

ph7 November 16, 2012 at 2:39 pm

If you look closely, you can see the Presidential Headboard imprinted on the part….

Crank_Tango November 16, 2012 at 3:01 pm

It's due to the gravitational pull of Marco's ears.

LibertyLover November 16, 2012 at 4:28 pm

Brains too heavy on one side….

Anne_Athema November 16, 2012 at 7:03 pm

More likely lacking brains entirely on the topside.

Negropolis November 17, 2012 at 1:21 am

Comment of the Thread.

GlowneyHouse November 16, 2012 at 2:03 pm

How quaint. When I was a child these people were called "groupies." and Carmine Appice molested them with mudsharks.

Simpler times…

CrunchyKnee November 16, 2012 at 2:42 pm

What about Warren Cuccurullo? Nobody ever thinks about Warren Cuccurullo.

doloras November 16, 2012 at 3:12 pm

Kinda young, kinda WOW!

boskolives November 17, 2012 at 8:13 am

Kinda hip, kinda now!

Steverino247 November 16, 2012 at 3:53 pm

The Edgewater Inn is a long way from Florida…

An_Outhouse November 16, 2012 at 5:14 pm

back then they made plaster of paris penises of their conquests and called them art. good times!

sundaytrucker November 16, 2012 at 2:03 pm

again with the head tilts?

Terry November 16, 2012 at 2:11 pm

Makes you look more "interesting", too

BadKitty904 November 16, 2012 at 2:59 pm

In a drunken, deformed sorta way.

CthuNHu November 16, 2012 at 4:52 pm

Where "interesting" means "intellectually vacant but potentially willing."

Which, for appallingly vast numbers of us menfolk, qualifies as "highly interesting."

Negropolis November 17, 2012 at 1:22 am

For easier access?

Callyson November 16, 2012 at 2:04 pm

"Courtesy" meals? Do I even want to know what was on the menu?

VodkaGoGo November 16, 2012 at 2:12 pm

Abortions?

glasspusher November 16, 2012 at 6:53 pm

They have people there that are very courtesy, and never mind trying to satisfy you, the custiments.

SorosBot November 16, 2012 at 2:04 pm

A double pleasure's waitin' for you.

boskolives November 16, 2012 at 9:16 pm

Expressed mathematically:
It's not who you know, but who you blow x 2

Blueb4sinrise November 16, 2012 at 2:04 pm

The nekkid car wash babes also too.
Give THANKS!!!!!!!!!!!!

MissTaken November 16, 2012 at 2:28 pm

It's a little known fact that Obama had a nekkid car wash installed in the White House solely for Biden's Corvette.

Blueb4sinrise November 16, 2012 at 2:44 pm

'Corvette'? Is that code?

Weedlord BonerHitler November 16, 2012 at 3:50 pm

Woo-woo, baby, won'tchu rev ma engines. I'm sure there's lots of pretty ladies who'd be happy to nekky-wash Joe Biden's Corvette.

ManchuCandidate November 16, 2012 at 2:04 pm

Welcome to GOP Diznee's newest comedy conspiracy theory: The Petraeus Trap starring the Kelley sisters.

Toomush_Infer November 16, 2012 at 2:30 pm

That's the one where they go camping in Afghanistan and make that Patreus biographer chick come along without a mosquito net, right?…

DerrickWildcat November 16, 2012 at 2:05 pm

These two have got to be driving the Kardashians nuts!

NellCote71 November 16, 2012 at 4:55 pm

More like a two-inch putt.

Weedlord BonerHitler November 16, 2012 at 5:45 pm

0_o

corthylio November 16, 2012 at 11:28 pm

DW, did y'all ever get any rain out there? How are the birds & other critters doing?

OneYieldRegular November 16, 2012 at 2:05 pm

"The Executive Mansion Mess" is going to be the title of my first political thriller.

Tundra Grifter November 16, 2012 at 6:24 pm

OYR:

Sounds like one of Christopher Buckley's books…

MissTaken November 16, 2012 at 2:05 pm

In the White House 3 whole times?? That's nearly Jeff Gannon-level of access.

YouBetcha November 16, 2012 at 2:56 pm

Blast from the past.

BadKitty904 November 16, 2012 at 3:00 pm

"Fame-whores Visit Famous Building" – this is news?

gullywompr November 16, 2012 at 2:05 pm

And what did those sisters and the aide have at their meal?

A sandwich, what else?

Loch_Nessosaur November 16, 2012 at 2:13 pm

In Tampa, we call it a Cuban Sandwich.

MiniMencken November 16, 2012 at 2:06 pm

Who else would like to check out the twins on those twins? Let he who is without sin send the first e-mail.

PubOption November 16, 2012 at 2:34 pm

Needs a silicone detector.

Tundra Grifter November 16, 2012 at 6:24 pm

I'm guessing not.

MaxNeanderthal November 16, 2012 at 4:24 pm

Now then, I'm sure they have fantastic personalititties….

Tundra Grifter November 16, 2012 at 6:24 pm

A peach of a pair!

AlterNewt November 16, 2012 at 2:06 pm

A once proud nation…tilts it's head in shame.

Loch_Nessosaur November 16, 2012 at 2:06 pm

Rubio and the twins. And the twins.

HRH_Maddie November 16, 2012 at 2:09 pm

I was thinking the same thing. That's an awful lot of sweater meat to have showing in front of a senator.

Lascauxcaveman November 16, 2012 at 2:18 pm

It's OK, we're pretty sure he's Republican; he won't even notice it.

emmelemm November 16, 2012 at 2:40 pm

Sweater meat? LOL

boskolives November 16, 2012 at 9:18 pm

Sweater Puppies, with cute brown noses that get bigger when it's cold.

BadKitty904 November 16, 2012 at 3:01 pm

Not if there's a camera nearby, he won't.

bikerlaureate November 16, 2012 at 2:23 pm

In the Mess, with a lead fork.

MaxNeanderthal November 16, 2012 at 4:35 pm

I heard they've spent several hours down in the old record archive earlier, choosing four of the very best, and those magnificant hits are about to be given an airing for the General's delight. They'll soon have them swinging along to the music.

HRH_Maddie November 16, 2012 at 2:06 pm

Their heads are so full of rocks they can't even hold them up straight.

Sharkey November 16, 2012 at 2:07 pm

Let's call them "Cleavage" and "Lipstick" just for lolz.

Weedlord BonerHitler November 16, 2012 at 3:52 pm

Which is witch, tho?

Spurning Beer November 16, 2012 at 7:05 pm

W. Pleasure and W. Funn

Sharkey November 16, 2012 at 8:45 pm

Two great tastes that taste great together!

EnnuiThereYet? November 16, 2012 at 2:07 pm

Just your boring, everyday tri-lateral negotiations.

johnnymeatworth November 16, 2012 at 2:07 pm

Barack Obama's new Chief Of Staff–Jack Tripper.

HarryButtle November 16, 2012 at 4:20 pm

Mitch McConnell tried to block the nomination but finally relented after they convinced him that Jack was a ghey and totally wouldn't bang hot chicks like these trollops in the Lincoln bedroom.

actor212 November 16, 2012 at 2:07 pm

Goddamit! He's hogging all the white poon now????

When I voted for a blah guy, it was so *I* could get some!

That's it…I'm voting for Romney!

LibertyLover November 16, 2012 at 2:41 pm

I'm pretty sure, Romney is hogging all of Egg's …. you really want some of that action?

actor212 November 16, 2012 at 2:47 pm

No, not at all, that's why I'd vote for him

StillGoinGreen November 16, 2012 at 3:31 pm

I did vote for him, electorily anyway.

*tilts his head… down*

hagajim November 16, 2012 at 2:08 pm

Doublemint scum?

BigSkullF*ckingDog November 16, 2012 at 2:08 pm

Seriously. See a fucking chiropractor about your neck already.

Botlrokit November 16, 2012 at 2:13 pm

That's what I'm screaming. I don't know whether to tilt my monitor to the left or right. UNIFORMITY, please, ppl

Jus_Wonderin November 16, 2012 at 2:39 pm

They look like the Alice series robots that Kirk shorted out with logic.

BigSkullF*ckingDog November 16, 2012 at 3:02 pm

I don't get this reference and I am OK with that.

HELisforHEL November 16, 2012 at 3:37 pm

Ahhh, Mudd's Women. Good times.

Weedlord BonerHitler November 16, 2012 at 3:54 pm

You're right! Although I can't help wondering if they're supposed to be identical twins, in which case one of them had an awful lot of surgery.

Abernathy November 16, 2012 at 2:16 pm

Can I get diplomatic inviolability from having to see any more pictures of these bobbleheads?

Respitetini November 16, 2012 at 2:10 pm

Needs Moar Birth of a Nation.

slithytoves November 16, 2012 at 2:10 pm

Congrats on that first paragraph, Rebecca! I need to go recover from it now.

meepmeep09 November 16, 2012 at 5:48 pm

It IS good! The Wonkette team can get by just fine, doing hilarious 'shorters' of material from WND and Fox.
Keep it up, wingnut grifter-scribes! People are depending on you!

VodkaGoGo November 16, 2012 at 2:11 pm

I never would have guessed Vincent D'Onofrio and his brother would make such convincing drag queens.

MissTaken November 16, 2012 at 2:12 pm

Not even Diplomatic Immunity can save you from Socialite Neck Tilt Disorder.

SorosBot November 16, 2012 at 2:19 pm

It looks like their hair is glued to the dude's shoulders.

BadKitty904 November 16, 2012 at 3:03 pm

I'm assuming their knees are calloused, too.

Esteev November 16, 2012 at 5:06 pm

I can almost hear the giggles…

Tundra Grifter November 16, 2012 at 6:26 pm

MissTaken:

You've started to give Barb a run for the money!

ChillBill November 16, 2012 at 2:12 pm

What would you do if you had a million dollars, Marco?
"Dos chicas al mismo tiempo!"

FakaktaSouth November 16, 2012 at 3:09 pm

Chicks dig money.
Well, not all chicks.
Kinda chicks that'd double up on a dude like Marco do.

I ain't saying they's gold diggers,
But they ain't messing with no broke Senate figures.

Mittaplasia November 16, 2012 at 3:11 pm

In Florida, they call it a "Massage mah twat".

Botlrokit November 16, 2012 at 2:12 pm

God dammit, what is the deal with this tilted head nonsense? Is this the new duck-face? Are their necks broken? Is this a congenital defect? Seriously, pretty people should cut this shit out.

Preferred Customer November 16, 2012 at 5:41 pm

These women should, too.

Goonemeritus November 16, 2012 at 2:12 pm

No man would blame him for not passing up twins. It’s a well-known get out of jail excuse that all men have agreed to.

Perhaps I’ve said too much.

Mittaplasia November 16, 2012 at 3:16 pm

Twin guys and a gal were a solid lineup from a female point-of-view, er, cough, cough, at least that's what a friend of mine said about a 1970's adventure I, er, SHE had.

Toomush_Infer November 16, 2012 at 4:12 pm

Pics or ……

Weedlord BonerHitler November 16, 2012 at 4:29 pm

I second that motion.

Abernathy November 16, 2012 at 2:14 pm

If your relentless social climbing only gets you some sexts from wizened old killbots and lunch with a mid-level White house aide, ur doing it wrong.

glesslib November 16, 2012 at 11:18 pm

You are forgetting that honorary Korean diplomat stuff. Now THAT's when you've really arrived.

boskolives November 17, 2012 at 8:21 am

You need to watch MASH reruns to see the value of that

DerrickWildcat November 16, 2012 at 2:14 pm

One of the girls can dress really slutty so you know what the other girl looks like naked too.

e_z November 16, 2012 at 2:14 pm

I need a comprehensive set of Venn diagrams toi figure this whole thing out.

Pithaughn November 16, 2012 at 3:06 pm

It's more of a pictures on cork board with color coded yarn connecting the playas.
See example: http://rfwordpress.s3.amazonaws.com/uploads/Crime

Preferred Customer November 16, 2012 at 5:42 pm

I think a comprehensive set of Venn diagrams are nearly visible in this picture, if you know what I mean. And I think you do.

glesslib November 16, 2012 at 11:20 pm

They intersect in area S, for sleaze.

ProgressiveInga November 16, 2012 at 2:14 pm

Those girlies are short. I mean, I'm talking Tom Cruise short.

shelwood46 November 16, 2012 at 8:54 pm

I was surprised when I saw a pic of Petraeus and Broadwell together that she is taller than him. And I don't recall her being particularly tall.

boskolives November 17, 2012 at 8:23 am

Maybe that's why I'm nuts over them? Exactly how many millions would I need to have both of them go up on me?

magic_titty November 16, 2012 at 2:15 pm

Sounds like the only one not getting any in this scandal is Holly Petraeus. We should all be grateful.

FlipFlopFuck November 16, 2012 at 2:19 pm

ZOMG, I can understand the general's strategy on that one.

Lascauxcaveman November 16, 2012 at 2:15 pm

Damn, those are pretty nice. I'll take two, please.

jodyleek November 16, 2012 at 3:02 pm

They come in twos. It's hard to choose.

boskolives November 17, 2012 at 8:24 am

Either way you lose. Need moar booze, tooze.

Weedlord BonerHitler November 16, 2012 at 3:58 pm

Y'awl are fucking CRAZY if you can't see the crazy radiating off those two. Srsly. I look at them and all my alarm bells go off. Wouldn't hit it unless I could *guarantee* no witnesses, i.e., the whole rest of the world was dead and gone.

mrblifil November 16, 2012 at 2:15 pm

Executive Mansion mess. Mmm…that sounds hot.

JadedPreppy November 16, 2012 at 2:17 pm

How did these girls evade the dreaded Scoliosis screening in the 5th grade?

FlipFlopFuck November 16, 2012 at 2:18 pm

"I did not share classified information with that woman!"

ProgressiveInga November 16, 2012 at 2:19 pm

If they would straighten out their necks I'd consider hitting them.

LibertyLover November 16, 2012 at 2:43 pm

Maybe their necks are only straight when they are horizontal.

Biff November 16, 2012 at 5:28 pm

I'm trying to come up with an Asian lesbian theme/meme without sounding either racist or sexist, but of course I've failed at both.

Weedlord BonerHitler November 16, 2012 at 5:42 pm

If you hit them, you'd probly straighten out their necks.

Misty Malarky November 16, 2012 at 2:21 pm

Boobies!

Trannysurprise November 16, 2012 at 2:21 pm

Does the weight of their tits pull their heads to the side?

An_Outhouse November 16, 2012 at 5:07 pm

their necks are made of macaroni.

Aridzona November 16, 2012 at 2:21 pm

Ricky Ricardo and TWO Loosies.

glesslib November 16, 2012 at 11:21 pm

I believe you are mistaking the second one. That's Ethyl.

Joshua Norton November 16, 2012 at 2:24 pm

two “courtesy” meals at the White House mess

Usually that means a sammich and a cookie in a box.

MissTaken November 16, 2012 at 2:26 pm

Oh I bet they got something in their box.

BadKitty904 November 16, 2012 at 3:05 pm

I'm guessing "some things"…

proudgrampa November 16, 2012 at 2:24 pm

Gotta admit that I enjoy the casabas on those two raven-haired cuties…

Wonkette is where I always go for soft porn.

Weedlord BonerHitler November 16, 2012 at 4:01 pm

Probably more silicon than flesh, but those are some luscious melons, all right.

BigSkullF*ckingDog November 16, 2012 at 2:24 pm

Somebody made a mess in the executive mansion.

Texan_Bulldog November 16, 2012 at 2:24 pm

I went on a White House tour, too. I can haz reality show? (Come on–you know it's coming!)

I've never seen Marco look so happy.

LibertyLover November 16, 2012 at 2:33 pm

Do they know that you make snarky comments here?

BadKitty904 November 16, 2012 at 3:06 pm

Even his combover is hard.

JustPixelz November 16, 2012 at 2:25 pm

dunno about the WH mess, but looking at Rubio's Kelley Twin sammich, I'll have what he's having.

LibertyLover November 16, 2012 at 2:32 pm

Doesn't that make Rubio the other white meat?

Weedlord BonerHitler November 16, 2012 at 4:02 pm

He's a pig, all right.

Crank_Tango November 16, 2012 at 2:34 pm

And here I thought the cuban sandwich had pickles on it.

Biff November 16, 2012 at 5:31 pm

Pickles is Laura Bush's nickname, so gawd I hope not!

Weedlord BonerHitler November 16, 2012 at 5:42 pm

Trust you to remember! (Hugs Teh Biffster)

Exhausted66 November 16, 2012 at 2:26 pm

Comb over here and take a picture with Marco!

Botlrokit November 16, 2012 at 2:26 pm

Their pose just screams "OMGOMG A CAMERA! TAKEMYPICTUREFIRST"

LibertyLover November 16, 2012 at 2:27 pm

Comment deleted by the user because some other astute Wonketteer made the same dang observation. *shakes fist at said Wonketteer*

Weedlord BonerHitler November 16, 2012 at 4:06 pm

And who could *possibly* blame you?

owhatever November 16, 2012 at 2:27 pm

Just another couple of socialist Agenda 21 queens snarfing up free stuff at the White House. Takers. Obama is using them as chips in the Grand Bargain, and Marco Pollo Rubio is on board with that.

sati_demise November 16, 2012 at 2:29 pm

Are these women getting posture lessons from hens?
wtf is it with all this head cocking for photos?

OneDollarJuana November 16, 2012 at 2:46 pm

The second word of your phrase says it all.

boskolives November 17, 2012 at 8:29 am

You say "head cocking" like it's a bad thing but I remember it as being fun in Jr. High.

Beowoof November 16, 2012 at 2:32 pm

Gee lunch in the building next door. Well obviously close enough for Obama to work his voodoo sex charm on some girls.

Toomush_Infer November 16, 2012 at 2:33 pm

Okay, first off – where did they come up with the name Kelley?

Weedlord BonerHitler November 16, 2012 at 4:08 pm

One of them (the one on the left as you look at the pic) is married to oncological surgeon Shawn Kelley. The other's name is Khawam, not Kelley. In the interest of accuracy, they should be referred to as the Khawam twins, not the Kelley twins, but Americans seem to have difficulty with not-white names.

Toomush_Infer November 16, 2012 at 4:15 pm

Thanks…..Ka Wham!….sorry….

Weedlord BonerHitler November 16, 2012 at 4:29 pm

Cheeky!

Negropolis November 17, 2012 at 1:39 am

Khawam would have been changed to Kelley at Ellis Island, anyway.

Weedlord BonerHitler November 17, 2012 at 1:58 am

For reasons I can't quite explain that has me LOL with an itch/cramp in the heart.

Negropolis November 17, 2012 at 9:54 pm

It's funny because I only said it slightly tongue-in-cheek. In all honesty, it would have been changed to something like that. Maybe even Collum.

Crank_Tango November 16, 2012 at 2:34 pm

Twinghazi Libel!!!!

rickmaci November 16, 2012 at 3:03 pm

Oh Brillinate.

jaytingle November 16, 2012 at 2:34 pm

Who's the lady on the right? I mean, in the photo.

Weedlord BonerHitler November 16, 2012 at 4:09 pm

Natalie Khawam, attorney-at-law and certifiable nutbag.

Beowoof November 16, 2012 at 2:34 pm

Cuddly little swamp reptiles aren't they. That gator in the middle looks like he will be showing them back to his hole in the swamp.

boskolives November 17, 2012 at 8:33 am

Are they going to do something with that hole in his back, like buttseks?

LibertyLover November 16, 2012 at 2:34 pm

They certainly could open their own topless car wash, couldn't they?

SayItWithWookies November 16, 2012 at 2:34 pm

I remember the delicate surgery to get those two siamese twins unseparated at the head. It's sad that their father waited until they turned 21 to have the operation done, especially since he figured it would keep them out of trouble.

Redgyal November 16, 2012 at 2:35 pm

True fact…the head tilt is a non verbal signal of subordination to whoever you are talking to.

PubOption November 16, 2012 at 2:38 pm

Tilted downwards, certainly, but I'm not sure about tilted to one side. I heard that Paris Hilton started the tilt-to-the-side business, so her eyes didn't look as odd.

Blueb4sinrise November 16, 2012 at 2:46 pm

Depends how far downwards they can tilt.

boskolives November 17, 2012 at 8:38 am

This was actually started by 90210's Shannen Doherty because her eyes don't match the horizon. Perhaps she received some excessive forceps work pulling her out of her mother's vahjayjay?

Disassembly November 16, 2012 at 2:42 pm

Also, the head tilt is a non-verbal signal of confusion. See, e.g., dogs.

Weedlord BonerHitler November 16, 2012 at 4:10 pm

Chickens, cats. They have about as much brain as any of the three, so it's a fair cop.

rickmaci November 16, 2012 at 3:03 pm

They only seem to pose that way if there are men in the pic.

Redgyal November 16, 2012 at 3:08 pm

And that is related to my theory how??? Hmmmm? Only around men?

LibertyLover November 16, 2012 at 2:36 pm

A more important question: Who let Rubio in the White House?

BadKitty904 November 16, 2012 at 3:09 pm

Hmmm. Good question. He was prolly clinging to the bottom of a potted plant or something…

Weedlord BonerHitler November 16, 2012 at 4:13 pm

You. Are. So. Fucking. BAD. If they find me kacked from larfing I'm pointing to you.

Toomush_Infer November 16, 2012 at 4:16 pm

He was on a tour, just to see if he'd like it….he got a hot box lunch…

LibertyLover November 16, 2012 at 4:24 pm

Is that what they are calling that these days? You youngs are so funny.

boskolives November 17, 2012 at 8:39 am

He just walked in with the kitchen help, he blended easily.

ph7 November 16, 2012 at 2:36 pm

Vince Foster didn't commit suicide – he was smothered!

ElPinche November 16, 2012 at 2:38 pm

I guess every administration has a Jeff Gannon …plus or minus four identical titays.

Weedlord BonerHitler November 16, 2012 at 4:13 pm

We don't *know* they're identical, Pinche.

Mumbletypeg November 16, 2012 at 2:39 pm

ALT-ALT-TXT for Marco Rubio: "I'm in it to TWIN it!"

LibertyLover November 16, 2012 at 2:58 pm

Ouch. That one stung a bit.

iburl November 16, 2012 at 2:40 pm

I'll be outraged if I find out one of these hussies piloted a drone attack on an American citizen.

Weedlord BonerHitler November 16, 2012 at 4:14 pm

They're Lebanese Christians. Much more likely to target Arabs.

GeorgiaBurning November 16, 2012 at 2:41 pm

Headline next week in Gallup Independent "Local Social Security Office Welcomes Former White House Aide as Assistant Manager"

jello_mold November 16, 2012 at 2:42 pm

I'm concerned. They really do have something wrong with their heads, don't they?

LibertyLover November 16, 2012 at 2:48 pm

"Put your head on my shoulder.
Whisper in my ear.
Baaaabeeey…
Words I want to hear…"

LibertyLover November 16, 2012 at 2:49 pm

I wonder if they are Geminis?

emmelemm November 16, 2012 at 3:00 pm

As a Gemini, I take offense at this.

viennawoods13 November 16, 2012 at 6:23 pm

Moi aussi.

LibrarianX November 16, 2012 at 2:52 pm

You just know that Rubio likes to be spanked.

southernboyman November 16, 2012 at 2:58 pm

There's gotta be an official White House nip-slip photo for HuffPo.

rickmaci November 16, 2012 at 3:01 pm

Needz moar side boob.

Hammiepants November 16, 2012 at 3:01 pm

Well, it was only a matter of time…

BlueStateLibel November 16, 2012 at 3:01 pm

Imagine if you were walking down the street and everyone had their head tilted like that.

boskolives November 17, 2012 at 8:41 am

Assume Tampa street

Eve8Apples November 16, 2012 at 3:07 pm

We now know the answer to the question, "Where da white wimmins at?"

rickmaci November 16, 2012 at 3:09 pm

Twin horny hotties + lots of boobage + no wedding rings = Big Trouble in D.C.

Weedlord BonerHitler November 16, 2012 at 4:16 pm

One of those two is currently married to an unfortunate schlub, and the other is divorced from her ex-husband, a noted Bush toady and former official.

rocktonsam November 16, 2012 at 3:10 pm

I 've already photoshopped all my family photos so now my kids heads are all tilted too.

Thank you Tampa sluts!

Dumbedup November 16, 2012 at 3:43 pm

I think I'm gonna' start tilting in my upcoming holiday photos! Why not. I may start tilting like that all day long.

Weedlord BonerHitler November 16, 2012 at 4:17 pm

Management is going to start worrying.

GeorgiaBurning November 16, 2012 at 5:55 pm

try the "Bernie lean"

BadKitty904 November 16, 2012 at 3:11 pm

Honestly, what with slaughtering US ambassadors, building FEMA death camps, and boning tart-packs, when does Bamz have time to run the freekin' country???

fawkedifiknow November 16, 2012 at 3:16 pm

That is a nice set of twins there. Those two women look a lot alike, too.

iburl November 16, 2012 at 3:20 pm

I'm starting to think that this is more than just 2 sisters… Judging from the amount of shit these power-groupies have stirred up, I'm pretty sure what we are dealing with here is a clone army. They will not be satisfied until every single person in Washington D.C. texts them a topless picture.

BadKitty904 November 16, 2012 at 3:30 pm

"General Betrayus, years ago you served my father in the clone wars…"

boskolives November 17, 2012 at 8:44 am

Apparently not just every "single" person.

outragedcitizen November 16, 2012 at 3:29 pm

Seriously, what the fuck is wrong with the sisters' necks. I haven't seen one picture of them with their necks straight. Are their heads filled with cement?

iburl November 16, 2012 at 5:23 pm

They are Republicans…

glamourdammerung November 16, 2012 at 3:37 pm

Remember when the White House used to have a gay prostitute visit under a fake name and how that was not a big deal because the president was not a black Democrat?

Eve8Apples November 16, 2012 at 3:46 pm

The Kelley twin bimbos did what Al Qaeda and the Taliban could not, bring down two U.S. Generals.

Dr. Matt November 16, 2012 at 3:52 pm

What's up with their crooked necks? Do they have birth defects?

Biff November 16, 2012 at 3:52 pm

OK, which twin is the mental one? Because crazy sex is hawt…

Dr. Matt November 16, 2012 at 4:04 pm

As the current data shows, BOTH are mental. Twins + both crazy = Penthouse forum here I come/cum.

Weedlord BonerHitler November 16, 2012 at 4:18 pm

Both, hon. Both.

Biff November 16, 2012 at 5:16 pm

Hey, how ya doing? I was out of town for awhile, getting a life. Missed ya…

Weedlord BonerHitler November 16, 2012 at 5:44 pm

Doing OK, Biffster! Happy to hear you're getting a life. Were pretty ladies with red hair and lots of bouncy-bouncy involved? Soon as my back's 100%, I'm getting a sex life, or so I've been promised. It's hard to have one when your back seizes up, dammit.

Biff November 16, 2012 at 9:33 pm

No red hair, but lots of bouncy-bouncy, or bunga-bunga, whatever the kids are calling it these days. Take my advice–don't wait until you're 100%, it might never happen!

TribecaMike November 16, 2012 at 3:55 pm

Which one is the bobblehead? [Hint: it's a trick question]

HRH_Maddie November 16, 2012 at 3:58 pm

Haha, thanks!

Steverino247 November 16, 2012 at 3:58 pm

Well, those crooked necks aren't from bumping their heads against a glass ceiling, that's a fact.

boskolives November 17, 2012 at 8:48 am

More likely bumping the headboard at a No-tell Motel.

Cleopatriot November 16, 2012 at 4:04 pm

What's wrong with their necks?

fishwharf November 16, 2012 at 4:05 pm

In my day we had groupies. I don't recall any of them that were attracted to military officers.

Weedlord BonerHitler November 16, 2012 at 4:31 pm

Darling, there's always been women (and men) who just get the juices spurting at the sight of a uniform. See, e.g., Jane Austen.

docterry6973 November 16, 2012 at 6:21 pm

They weren't attracted to me either. In case anyone was wondering.

TribecaMike November 16, 2012 at 4:15 pm

This is all too obviously a ruse to deflect the media's attention from Sylvester Stallone breaking up with Brigitte Nielsen. Lap it up sheeple!

Weedlord BonerHitler November 16, 2012 at 4:29 pm

Who?

TribecaMike November 16, 2012 at 4:40 pm

Perhaps my dentist needs to get some more recent magazines.

Weedlord BonerHitler November 16, 2012 at 5:47 pm

Just glad to see you're doing OK, dude. If his office hasn't floated away, I could send him some back issues of Science News.

OldRedneck November 16, 2012 at 4:20 pm

Well, I may be just an Old Redneck, but I gotta tell you — them's some FINE ta-ta's — I wouldn't kick either one of them out of the back of my truck!!!

boskolives November 17, 2012 at 8:50 am

At least not for eating crackers in the truck bed, sez the cracker

Wile E. Quixote November 16, 2012 at 4:34 pm

Did their parents do something to their necks as children to make them easier to tell apart? "Jill is the one whose neck bends to the left", Natalie is the one whose neck bends to the right."

PlanetWingNut November 16, 2012 at 4:38 pm

The Kelley SIsters??? which one is Veronica and which one is Velma???? And all that General's Jizz i mean Jazz.

An_Outhouse November 16, 2012 at 5:05 pm

what is wrong with their heads? they're always tilted. brains too big? doubtful. maybe really weak necks.

LibertyLover November 16, 2012 at 5:37 pm

Maybe they only have half a brain relegating them to half-wit status?

DahBoner November 16, 2012 at 5:43 pm

This isn't anything like the good old days when "Jeff Gannon" used to visit…

TribecaMike November 16, 2012 at 6:05 pm

Your flag pin won't get you into Boob Heaven anymore.

docterry6973 November 16, 2012 at 6:24 pm

Diplomatically inviolable? They might be violable if you ask diplomatically.

pdiddycornchips November 16, 2012 at 6:27 pm

I can see Rubio offering them a position on his staff.

Tundra Grifter November 16, 2012 at 6:46 pm

I think those fine young ladies took it a bit too seriously when someone told them to Get Bent.

Anne_Athema November 16, 2012 at 7:06 pm

The Torticollis twins. Whoever the fuck EVER told them that was a good look?

rocktonsam November 16, 2012 at 8:23 pm

Will Farrel -Chris Cattan libel!!1!!

BZ1 November 16, 2012 at 9:04 pm

Is it really Rubio in the middle, not a cardboard cutout?

boskolives November 17, 2012 at 8:51 am

And the difference would be?

AddHomonym November 16, 2012 at 9:42 pm

I'm no Rubio fan but that facial expression says, "There is no way I am not going to regret this photo!"

Negropolis November 17, 2012 at 1:15 am

Bangin' Jill Kelley, eh? I think I saw that movie.

BTW, someone needs to tell the twins that a head tilt with a more shallow angle is more photogenetic.

Preacher_Griz November 17, 2012 at 7:36 am

They was visiting the WH because that romney fellow asked them to measure for new curtains and such.

btw, head tilt is hawt!! totally fappable!!!

blogmomme November 17, 2012 at 8:18 am

What is up with the way they pose in photographs? With the cocked heads- I think they are Siamese twins separated at birth

ttommyunger November 17, 2012 at 11:50 am

Shit! Is it too late to change my vote?

DrunkIrishman November 16, 2012 at 2:46 pm

SMARTIES!

Weedlord BonerHitler November 16, 2012 at 3:42 pm

Hahaha, those are called something else here, dear.

BadKitty904 November 16, 2012 at 4:30 pm

Um…how would *I* know? ;0P

Weedlord BonerHitler November 16, 2012 at 5:38 pm

HAHAHA! Clue: Moose lips are a lot larger than girlface ducklips.

Weedlord BonerHitler November 16, 2012 at 5:40 pm

Ass is ALWAYS a blessing. Most men just won't say so in public.

Weedlord BonerHitler November 16, 2012 at 9:53 pm

That is fucking GREAT! Terrific, dood. I r teh happy for you! Hopefully this will lead to lots MORE bunga-bunga. (Hugs the Biffster) Congratubilations.

I gotta wait till the spasms stop at least, dammit. But I'm getting *plenty* of incentive to get back into the old bunga-bunga!

Biff November 17, 2012 at 12:31 am

Thanks, it IS pretty great. I've known her around 30 years, seen her go through a lot of shit, and she deserves a man like me. She's who I've been going to see in California, and why I'll be moving back there.Get better, I'm sure someone there needs you to!

Weedlord BonerHitler November 17, 2012 at 12:40 am

That makes me so fucking happy for you. I've been waiting a long time for you to find a someone special to be happy with. Looks like you did, and it sounds like you might deserve a loving person like her too.

I *am* getting better! We're actually going to try a short hike this weekend, if we get a little letup in this rain. Welcome back to CA, Biffster! Tell your sweet lady hello from me.

SavageDrummer November 17, 2012 at 12:48 am

Obligatory Wonkette mention of buttsecks…

boskolives November 17, 2012 at 8:47 am

Get a room you two, too.

Weedlord BonerHitler November 17, 2012 at 10:06 pm

I have many friends whose parents arrived from Eastern Europe and their names were changed into something unrecognizable. I don't understand why this stuff happens. (Hugs you) Thanks for making me lol, the hell with the itch.

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