Well this is much better! Tampa nonsense queen Jill Kelley and her evil twin visited the White House three times this year, an administration official told AP. Obviously, this means President Barack Obama has been boning both of them, in the SitRoom, while eating popcorn and laughing while watching Christopher Stevens die. He did this because he is a murderer, obviously, but also probably to throw people off the scent of his Muslim homosexual marriage.
An Obama administration official says a Tampa Bay socialite whose emails triggered the eventual downfall of CIA director David Petraeus visited the White House three times this year with her sister, twice eating in the Executive Mansion mess.
The official says that Jill Kelley, who initiated an investigation that ultimately unveiled Petraeus’ extramarital affair, and her sister had two “courtesy” meals at the White House mess as guests of a mid-level White House aide. Kelley and her family also received a White House tour. The visits occurred during the past three months.
The number of visits (three) means that Kelley and her sister are now official White House spokespeople, just like Hilary Rosen, and the Obama administration owns everything (thousands of pages of emails, plus “diplomatic inviolability”) they have ever said.
[AP]
{ 295 comments }
All we need now is a blue dress
By the looks of these two, there would be no spillage!
Reminds me of a song from "White Christmas"
Sisters, sisters
There were never such devoted sisters,
Never had to have a chaperone, No sir,
I'm there to keep my eye on her
Caring, sharing
Every little thing that we are wearing
When a certain gentleman arrived from Rome
She wore the dress, and I stayed home
From Shorty Long – cut down in his prime at the tender age of 29:
"Devil With The Blue Dress On"
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QmdH5hAhs_8
That would be a Tripp.
K-Street Kardashians
lol
Yeah, they do kind of have a certain Kardashian charm.
Well, except for the "charm" part.
"The tits are just the right size."
Ahh, I was too slow…and obvious.
And critics accused Andrew Jackson of letting the rabble overrun the White House.
Well, obviously, if there's any rabble-overrunning to be done, the Blah will do it better.
Oh no … those poor women. WHAT DID OBAMA DO TO THEIR NECKS?!?
I dunno, but I hope he'll teach me…
I guess he gave 'em a real tonsil scraping.
THAT'S MY PRESIDENT! YOU DON'T TALK ABOUT MY PRESIDENT THAT WAY!
Are you arguing with yourself? (takes bets on who's winning)
Every single posed photo of them, they're tilting their heads like that. Some photographer must have told them as some point that it is flattering.
They actually are half-owl.
Or half-assed
Half-chewed Reese's peanut butter cup snorted into my nose. HURTS
I doubt they are half-assed. They look as if they may have the Kardashian curse, or blessing, depending on your perspective.
I wanna see them do the 'trout-mouth' or whatever those Facey-booky kids are calling it these days.
Cat bottom
We used to call it "duck's bum" in my yoof.
FuckDuck faceMoose lips
Um … that's the *other* lips, dear.
Cameltoe…
Trout pout.
Obviously their heads are too heavy for their necks–holding them upright is simply not possible.
You might ask a hangman.
They have water in their ears – you can tell they've crashed into one of those Florida canals cause their flotation devices have been inflated! BTW… which one is Jill, cause I wanna fuck the other one??!!11!
Left.
No, wait. Right.
Wait. Which way are you facing?
Forward!! HAHAHAHAHA, GET IT? FORWARD! YOU KNOW LIKE ON MSNBC – NOT LEFT, NOT RIGHT, BUT FORWAR….. oh forget it!
It was fun to watch, tho.
Turn them upside down and they're all the same. Inside out as well, too.
If you look closely, you can see the Presidential Headboard imprinted on the part….
It's due to the gravitational pull of Marco's ears.
Brains too heavy on one side….
More likely lacking brains entirely on the topside.
Comment of the Thread.
How quaint. When I was a child these people were called "groupies." and Carmine Appice molested them with mudsharks.
Simpler times…
What about Warren Cuccurullo? Nobody ever thinks about Warren Cuccurullo.
Kinda young, kinda WOW!
Kinda hip, kinda now!
The Edgewater Inn is a long way from Florida…
back then they made plaster of paris penises of their conquests and called them art. good times!
again with the head tilts?
Makes you look more "interesting", too
In a drunken, deformed sorta way.
Where "interesting" means "intellectually vacant but potentially willing."
Which, for appallingly vast numbers of us menfolk, qualifies as "highly interesting."
For easier access?
"Courtesy" meals? Do I even want to know what was on the menu?
Abortions?
They have people there that are very courtesy, and never mind trying to satisfy you, the custiments.
A double pleasure's waitin' for you.
Expressed mathematically:
It's not who you know, but who you blow x 2
The nekkid car wash babes also too.
Give THANKS!!!!!!!!!!!!
It's a little known fact that Obama had a nekkid car wash installed in the White House solely for Biden's Corvette.
'Corvette'? Is that code?
Woo-woo, baby, won'tchu rev ma engines. I'm sure there's lots of pretty ladies who'd be happy to nekky-wash Joe Biden's Corvette.
Welcome to GOP Diznee's newest comedy conspiracy theory: The Petraeus Trap starring the Kelley sisters.
That's the one where they go camping in Afghanistan and make that Patreus biographer chick come along without a mosquito net, right?…
These two have got to be driving the Kardashians nuts!
More like a two-inch putt.
0_o
DW, did y'all ever get any rain out there? How are the birds & other critters doing?
"The Executive Mansion Mess" is going to be the title of my first political thriller.
OYR:
Sounds like one of Christopher Buckley's books…
In the White House 3 whole times?? That's nearly Jeff Gannon-level of access.
Blast from the past.
"Fame-whores Visit Famous Building" – this is news?
And what did those sisters and the aide have at their meal?
A sandwich, what else?
In Tampa, we call it a Cuban Sandwich.
Who else would like to check out the twins on those twins? Let he who is without sin send the first e-mail.
Needs a silicone detector.
I'm guessing not.
Now then, I'm sure they have fantastic personalititties….
A peach of a pair!
A once proud nation…tilts it's head in shame.
Rubio and the twins. And the twins.
I was thinking the same thing. That's an awful lot of sweater meat to have showing in front of a senator.
It's OK, we're pretty sure he's Republican; he won't even notice it.
Sweater meat? LOL
Sweater Puppies, with cute brown noses that get bigger when it's cold.
Not if there's a camera nearby, he won't.
In the Mess, with a lead fork.
I heard they've spent several hours down in the old record archive earlier, choosing four of the very best, and those magnificant hits are about to be given an airing for the General's delight. They'll soon have them swinging along to the music.
Their heads are so full of rocks they can't even hold them up straight.
Let's call them "Cleavage" and "Lipstick" just for lolz.
Which is witch, tho?
W. Pleasure and W. Funn
Two great tastes that taste great together!
Just your boring, everyday tri-lateral negotiations.
Barack Obama's new Chief Of Staff–Jack Tripper.
Mitch McConnell tried to block the nomination but finally relented after they convinced him that Jack was a ghey and totally wouldn't bang hot chicks like these trollops in the Lincoln bedroom.
Goddamit! He's hogging all the white poon now????
When I voted for a blah guy, it was so *I* could get some!
That's it…I'm voting for Romney!
I'm pretty sure, Romney is hogging all of Egg's …. you really want some of that action?
No, not at all, that's why I'd vote for him
I did vote for him, electorily anyway.
*tilts his head… down*
Doublemint scum?
Seriously. See a fucking chiropractor about your neck already.
That's what I'm screaming. I don't know whether to tilt my monitor to the left or right. UNIFORMITY, please, ppl
They look like the Alice series robots that Kirk shorted out with logic.
I don't get this reference and I am OK with that.
Ahhh, Mudd's Women. Good times.
You're right! Although I can't help wondering if they're supposed to be identical twins, in which case one of them had an awful lot of surgery.
Can I get diplomatic inviolability from having to see any more pictures of these bobbleheads?
Needs Moar Birth of a Nation.
Congrats on that first paragraph, Rebecca! I need to go recover from it now.
It IS good! The Wonkette team can get by just fine, doing hilarious 'shorters' of material from WND and Fox.
Keep it up, wingnut grifter-scribes! People are depending on you!
I never would have guessed Vincent D'Onofrio and his brother would make such convincing drag queens.
Not even Diplomatic Immunity can save you from Socialite Neck Tilt Disorder.
It looks like their hair is glued to the dude's shoulders.
I'm assuming their knees are calloused, too.
I can almost hear the giggles…
MissTaken:
You've started to give Barb a run for the money!
What would you do if you had a million dollars, Marco?
"Dos chicas al mismo tiempo!"
Chicks dig money.
Well, not all chicks.
Kinda chicks that'd double up on a dude like Marco do.
I ain't saying they's gold diggers,
But they ain't messing with no broke Senate figures.
In Florida, they call it a "Massage mah twat".
God dammit, what is the deal with this tilted head nonsense? Is this the new duck-face? Are their necks broken? Is this a congenital defect? Seriously, pretty people should cut this shit out.
These women should, too.
No man would blame him for not passing up twins. It’s a well-known get out of jail excuse that all men have agreed to.
Perhaps I’ve said too much.
Twin guys and a gal were a solid lineup from a female point-of-view, er, cough, cough, at least that's what a friend of mine said about a 1970's adventure I, er, SHE had.
Pics or ……
I second that motion.
If your relentless social climbing only gets you some sexts from wizened old killbots and lunch with a mid-level White house aide, ur doing it wrong.
You are forgetting that honorary Korean diplomat stuff. Now THAT's when you've really arrived.
You need to watch MASH reruns to see the value of that
One of the girls can dress really slutty so you know what the other girl looks like naked too.
I need a comprehensive set of Venn diagrams toi figure this whole thing out.
It's more of a pictures on cork board with color coded yarn connecting the playas.
See example: http://rfwordpress.s3.amazonaws.com/uploads/Crime…
I think a comprehensive set of Venn diagrams are nearly visible in this picture, if you know what I mean. And I think you do.
They intersect in area S, for sleaze.
Those girlies are short. I mean, I'm talking Tom Cruise short.
I was surprised when I saw a pic of Petraeus and Broadwell together that she is taller than him. And I don't recall her being particularly tall.
Maybe that's why I'm nuts over them? Exactly how many millions would I need to have both of them go up on me?
Sounds like the only one not getting any in this scandal is Holly Petraeus. We should all be grateful.
ZOMG, I can understand the general's strategy on that one.
Damn, those are pretty nice. I'll take two, please.
They come in twos. It's hard to choose.
Either way you lose. Need moar booze, tooze.
Y'awl are fucking CRAZY if you can't see the crazy radiating off those two. Srsly. I look at them and all my alarm bells go off. Wouldn't hit it unless I could *guarantee* no witnesses, i.e., the whole rest of the world was dead and gone.
Executive Mansion mess. Mmm…that sounds hot.
How did these girls evade the dreaded Scoliosis screening in the 5th grade?
"I did not share classified information with that woman!"
If they would straighten out their necks I'd consider hitting them.
Maybe their necks are only straight when they are horizontal.
I'm trying to come up with an Asian lesbian theme/meme without sounding either racist or sexist, but of course I've failed at both.
If you hit them, you'd probly straighten out their necks.
Boobies!
Does the weight of their tits pull their heads to the side?
their necks are made of macaroni.
Ricky Ricardo and TWO Loosies.
I believe you are mistaking the second one. That's Ethyl.
two “courtesy” meals at the White House mess
Usually that means a sammich and a cookie in a box.
Oh I bet they got something in their box.
I'm guessing "some things"…
Gotta admit that I enjoy the casabas on those two raven-haired cuties…
Wonkette is where I always go for soft porn.
Probably more silicon than flesh, but those are some luscious melons, all right.
Somebody made a mess in the executive mansion.
I went on a White House tour, too. I can haz reality show? (Come on–you know it's coming!)
I've never seen Marco look so happy.
Do they know that you make snarky comments here?
Even his combover is hard.
dunno about the WH mess, but looking at Rubio's Kelley Twin sammich, I'll have what he's having.
Doesn't that make Rubio the other white meat?
He's a pig, all right.
And here I thought the cuban sandwich had pickles on it.
Pickles is Laura Bush's nickname, so gawd I hope not!
Trust you to remember! (Hugs Teh Biffster)
Comb over here and take a picture with Marco!
Their pose just screams "OMGOMG A CAMERA! TAKEMYPICTUREFIRST"
Comment deleted by the user because some other astute Wonketteer made the same dang observation. *shakes fist at said Wonketteer*
And who could *possibly* blame you?
Just another couple of socialist Agenda 21 queens snarfing up free stuff at the White House. Takers. Obama is using them as chips in the Grand Bargain, and Marco Pollo Rubio is on board with that.
Are these women getting posture lessons from hens?
wtf is it with all this head cocking for photos?
The second word of your phrase says it all.
You say "head cocking" like it's a bad thing but I remember it as being fun in Jr. High.
Gee lunch in the building next door. Well obviously close enough for Obama to work his voodoo sex charm on some girls.
Okay, first off – where did they come up with the name Kelley?
One of them (the one on the left as you look at the pic) is married to oncological surgeon Shawn Kelley. The other's name is Khawam, not Kelley. In the interest of accuracy, they should be referred to as the Khawam twins, not the Kelley twins, but Americans seem to have difficulty with not-white names.
Thanks…..Ka Wham!….sorry….
Cheeky!
Khawam would have been changed to Kelley at Ellis Island, anyway.
For reasons I can't quite explain that has me LOL with an itch/cramp in the heart.
It's funny because I only said it slightly tongue-in-cheek. In all honesty, it would have been changed to something like that. Maybe even Collum.
Twinghazi Libel!!!!
Oh Brillinate.
Who's the lady on the right? I mean, in the photo.
Natalie Khawam, attorney-at-law and certifiable nutbag.
Cuddly little swamp reptiles aren't they. That gator in the middle looks like he will be showing them back to his hole in the swamp.
Are they going to do something with that hole in his back, like buttseks?
They certainly could open their own topless car wash, couldn't they?
I remember the delicate surgery to get those two siamese twins unseparated at the head. It's sad that their father waited until they turned 21 to have the operation done, especially since he figured it would keep them out of trouble.
True fact…the head tilt is a non verbal signal of subordination to whoever you are talking to.
Tilted downwards, certainly, but I'm not sure about tilted to one side. I heard that Paris Hilton started the tilt-to-the-side business, so her eyes didn't look as odd.
Depends how far downwards they can tilt.
This was actually started by 90210's Shannen Doherty because her eyes don't match the horizon. Perhaps she received some excessive forceps work pulling her out of her mother's vahjayjay?
Also, the head tilt is a non-verbal signal of confusion. See, e.g., dogs.
Chickens, cats. They have about as much brain as any of the three, so it's a fair cop.
They only seem to pose that way if there are men in the pic.
And that is related to my theory how??? Hmmmm? Only around men?
A more important question: Who let Rubio in the White House?
Hmmm. Good question. He was prolly clinging to the bottom of a potted plant or something…
You. Are. So. Fucking. BAD. If they find me kacked from larfing I'm pointing to you.
He was on a tour, just to see if he'd like it….he got a hot box lunch…
Is that what they are calling that these days? You youngs are so funny.
He just walked in with the kitchen help, he blended easily.
Vince Foster didn't commit suicide – he was smothered!
I guess every administration has a Jeff Gannon …plus or minus four identical titays.
We don't *know* they're identical, Pinche.
ALT-ALT-TXT for Marco Rubio: "I'm in it to TWIN it!"
Ouch. That one stung a bit.
I'll be outraged if I find out one of these hussies piloted a drone attack on an American citizen.
They're Lebanese Christians. Much more likely to target Arabs.
Headline next week in Gallup Independent "Local Social Security Office Welcomes Former White House Aide as Assistant Manager"
I'm concerned. They really do have something wrong with their heads, don't they?
"Put your head on my shoulder.
Whisper in my ear.
Baaaabeeey…
Words I want to hear…"
I wonder if they are Geminis?
As a Gemini, I take offense at this.
Moi aussi.
You just know that Rubio likes to be spanked.
There's gotta be an official White House nip-slip photo for HuffPo.
Needz moar side boob.
Well, it was only a matter of time…
Imagine if you were walking down the street and everyone had their head tilted like that.
Assume Tampa street
We now know the answer to the question, "Where da white wimmins at?"
Twin horny hotties + lots of boobage + no wedding rings = Big Trouble in D.C.
One of those two is currently married to an unfortunate schlub, and the other is divorced from her ex-husband, a noted Bush toady and former official.
I 've already photoshopped all my family photos so now my kids heads are all tilted too.
Thank you Tampa sluts!
I think I'm gonna' start tilting in my upcoming holiday photos! Why not. I may start tilting like that all day long.
Management is going to start worrying.
try the "Bernie lean"
Honestly, what with slaughtering US ambassadors, building FEMA death camps, and boning tart-packs, when does Bamz have time to run the freekin' country???
That is a nice set of twins there. Those two women look a lot alike, too.
I'm starting to think that this is more than just 2 sisters… Judging from the amount of shit these power-groupies have stirred up, I'm pretty sure what we are dealing with here is a clone army. They will not be satisfied until every single person in Washington D.C. texts them a topless picture.
"General Betrayus, years ago you served my father in the clone wars…"
Apparently not just every "single" person.
Seriously, what the fuck is wrong with the sisters' necks. I haven't seen one picture of them with their necks straight. Are their heads filled with cement?
They are Republicans…
Remember when the White House used to have a gay prostitute visit under a fake name and how that was not a big deal because the president was not a black Democrat?
The Kelley twin bimbos did what Al Qaeda and the Taliban could not, bring down two U.S. Generals.
What's up with their crooked necks? Do they have birth defects?
OK, which twin is the mental one? Because crazy sex is hawt…
As the current data shows, BOTH are mental. Twins + both crazy = Penthouse forum here I come/cum.
Both, hon. Both.
Hey, how ya doing? I was out of town for awhile, getting a life. Missed ya…
Doing OK, Biffster! Happy to hear you're getting a life. Were pretty ladies with red hair and lots of bouncy-bouncy involved? Soon as my back's 100%, I'm getting a sex life, or so I've been promised. It's hard to have one when your back seizes up, dammit.
No red hair, but lots of bouncy-bouncy, or bunga-bunga, whatever the kids are calling it these days. Take my advice–don't wait until you're 100%, it might never happen!
Which one is the bobblehead? [Hint: it's a trick question]
Haha, thanks!
Well, those crooked necks aren't from bumping their heads against a glass ceiling, that's a fact.
More likely bumping the headboard at a No-tell Motel.
What's wrong with their necks?
In my day we had groupies. I don't recall any of them that were attracted to military officers.
Darling, there's always been women (and men) who just get the juices spurting at the sight of a uniform. See, e.g., Jane Austen.
They weren't attracted to me either. In case anyone was wondering.
This is all too obviously a ruse to deflect the media's attention from Sylvester Stallone breaking up with Brigitte Nielsen. Lap it up sheeple!
Who?
Perhaps my dentist needs to get some more recent magazines.
Just glad to see you're doing OK, dude. If his office hasn't floated away, I could send him some back issues of Science News.
Well, I may be just an Old Redneck, but I gotta tell you — them's some FINE ta-ta's — I wouldn't kick either one of them out of the back of my truck!!!
At least not for eating crackers in the truck bed, sez the cracker
Did their parents do something to their necks as children to make them easier to tell apart? "Jill is the one whose neck bends to the left", Natalie is the one whose neck bends to the right."
The Kelley SIsters??? which one is Veronica and which one is Velma???? And all that General's Jizz i mean Jazz.
what is wrong with their heads? they're always tilted. brains too big? doubtful. maybe really weak necks.
Maybe they only have half a brain relegating them to half-wit status?
This isn't anything like the good old days when "Jeff Gannon" used to visit…
Your flag pin won't get you into Boob Heaven anymore.
Diplomatically inviolable? They might be violable if you ask diplomatically.
I can see Rubio offering them a position on his staff.
I think those fine young ladies took it a bit too seriously when someone told them to Get Bent.
The Torticollis twins. Whoever the fuck EVER told them that was a good look?
Will Farrel -Chris Cattan libel!!1!!
Is it really Rubio in the middle, not a cardboard cutout?
And the difference would be?
I'm no Rubio fan but that facial expression says, "There is no way I am not going to regret this photo!"
Bangin' Jill Kelley, eh? I think I saw that movie.
BTW, someone needs to tell the twins that a head tilt with a more shallow angle is more photogenetic.
They was visiting the WH because that romney fellow asked them to measure for new curtains and such.
btw, head tilt is hawt!! totally fappable!!!
What is up with the way they pose in photographs? With the cocked heads- I think they are Siamese twins separated at birth
Shit! Is it too late to change my vote?
SMARTIES!
Hahaha, those are called something else here, dear.
Um…how would *I* know? ;0P
HAHAHA! Clue: Moose lips are a lot larger than girlface ducklips.
Ass is ALWAYS a blessing. Most men just won't say so in public.
That is fucking GREAT! Terrific, dood. I r teh happy for you! Hopefully this will lead to lots MORE bunga-bunga. (Hugs the Biffster) Congratubilations.
I gotta wait till the spasms stop at least, dammit. But I'm getting *plenty* of incentive to get back into the old bunga-bunga!
Thanks, it IS pretty great. I've known her around 30 years, seen her go through a lot of shit, and she deserves a man like me. She's who I've been going to see in California, and why I'll be moving back there.Get better, I'm sure someone there needs you to!
That makes me so fucking happy for you. I've been waiting a long time for you to find a someone special to be happy with. Looks like you did, and it sounds like you might deserve a loving person like her too.
I *am* getting better! We're actually going to try a short hike this weekend, if we get a little letup in this rain. Welcome back to CA, Biffster! Tell your sweet lady hello from me.
Obligatory Wonkette mention of buttsecks…
Get a room you two, too.
I have many friends whose parents arrived from Eastern Europe and their names were changed into something unrecognizable. I don't understand why this stuff happens. (Hugs you) Thanks for making me lol, the hell with the itch.
Comments on this entry are closed.