Oh cool, Anonymous (we think it is Anonymous?) says Karl Rove was gonna vote fraud all the Machines, and that’s why he was so flabbergasted and refused to believe it when Fox called Ohio for Bamz, but they stopped him from stealing all the Machines by jamming up ORCA, because it was not actually a GOTV system but a “steal the vote” system, but they stopped him, we are pretty sure that is what the following letter, which we guess is from Anonymous probably, says. Seems legit! But here is our question! If Anonymous hacked ORCA and caused it to explode miserably on Election Day, how could Anonymous ever prove that ORCA was actually a vote-thieving program? If they hacked in, couldn’t they have planted code to make it look like Rove was gonna fraud the election? (Not that we believe for a second that Rove wasn’t trying to fraud the election, we are just saying, it seems like “logic.”)

Oh, and is that Assange they’re talking about at the end? We assume that is Assange. We never did pay attention like we should have.


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  • BadKitty904

    Riiiiiight. Next on the Anonymous agenda: TPing the GOP HQ

    • This Anonymous prefers flaming bags of poo on their stoop.

      • eggsacklywright

        And their stoopid.

    • tonytyner

      Wish they'd write a book with specifics and name names.

  • eggsacklywright

    I love conspiracy theories because they 'splain stuff.

    • BadKitty904

      It *will* be pretty funny watching the Tinfoil-Hat Brigade freek the hell out over this…

      • Terry

        It'll be funnier to see the establishment GOP'ers freakout. I hope that little 105 mention they dropped in the message means something and that Rove's coders crapped themselves.

    • MacRaith

      The thing is, most conspiracy theories are unbelievable because they require superhuman competence on the part of the people executing the conspiracy. But this conspiracy was so incompetently executed that it might actually be real.

      • Geminisunmars

        Which conspiracy? Anonymous's or Rove's?

      • serjjj

        "most conspiracy theories are unbelievable because they require superhuman competence on the part of the people executing the conspiracy"

        Hmm you mean like when we were told that 19 random Arabs with no experience in flying planes hijacked 4 aircraft armed only with boxcutters and spent the morning of 9/11/01 eluding the most sophisticated air defense system in the world after training for this right under the noses of our massive domestic police and intelligence system without arousing a whit of suspicion? Yeah I see what you mean.

        • Kate_fate

          Thank you for having a brain that hasn't been washed by the non-liberal liberal press who have convinced these good people that there is nothing more shameful than to think two or more people agreeing to do wrong (aka a conspiracy) can only possibly be believed by crazy people. Incredibly, isn't it?

    • HouseOfTheBlueLights

      In Fancy language, as is wont.

  • I will continue to not pay attention right along with you, Becca!

    • I'm not going to be so quick. Even if this is an Internet trolling, it will create all kinds of panic amongst the orcs. It should be fun to watch them stumble around looking for the leaks.

      • UW8316154

        Exactly, because a guilty conscience will always respond with panic to accusations, trolled or otherwise.

        • Expect Tagg Romney to suddenly be called to missionary work in Africa.

  • Toomush_Infer

    The great part is me imagining that Karl Rove takes this seriously….

    • BadKitty904

      "Curses! Foiled again!"

      • corthylio

        Tin foiled again?

    • Shouldn't Megyn go ask the computer guys about this?

    • HempDogbane

      And as if Karl doesn't know how to fail all by himself.

  • freakishlywrong

    "ORCA" is an appropriate name for anything associated with Karl Rove.

    • I will now use "Orca" to replace my previous term for all things Rove, i.e. "bloated shit filled walking waterbed", in all my correspondence forthright, too.

      • thatsitfortheother1

        W had his nickname just about right.

    • Negropolis

      I'm partial to PIG Rove, myself, kind of like Colbert's Ham Rove (RIP).

    • SorosBot

      It's worse than a bad acronym; the Obama campaign's get-out-the-vote software was called Project Narwhal, and in nature the orca is the only predator (besides some humans) of adult narwhals. See how clever they were being? Oh, and Narwhal actually kicked ORCA's ass.

    • MosesInvests

      ORC would be better.

      • viennawoods13

        The age of man is over. The time of the Orc has come!

    • Lascauxcaveman

      As a representative of the Pacific Northwest, where the noble Orca plies our clean, cold waters, under the watchful gaze of towering, snowcapped peaks, I ask of you, please don't denigrate this beautiful and majestic creature by associating it with a thing so vile as Karl Rove.

      Isn't the there a toad, a hyena or warthog you can pick on somewhere?

    • sullivanst

      Not really. Orcas are smart, powerful, lithe, and mostly black. Karl Rove has only ever been one of these, but he is powerful no longer.

  • I though Nate Silver had done this.

    • freakishlywrong

      Nah, it was the new guy; Ships of Gold.

      • He's got a dreamy name. When is his album coming out?

    • Terry

      Nate Silver pointed out with math that the Emperor had no clothes on.

      • AlterNewt

        Perhaps the Emperor could open a car wash.

    • HouseOfTheBlueLights

      I thought WE did it. With votes.

  • lefty74

    Rove fancies himself as Limbaugh's Dominican Tween.

    • There but for Oxytocin go I…

      • Dimitrios_M

        And there but for Oxytocin, 400 pounds or pressurized blubber, an ego the size of Jupiter, and 5,253 days without a crap go I.

    • Dumbedup

      Actually, you know who Rove looks like? I'll give you two hints: "you sure do have a purty' mouth" and "squeal piggy". Right? Looks just like that male rape victim who is rescued (but too late) by Burt Reynolds.

  • eggsacklywright

    If Anonymous can do that, what are they waiting for with Fox? I still think installing a laugh track to their programming would be a good deed.

    • They could cut in bits of Stephen Fry's sex tapes!

    • Fox News laughtrack? That, sir or madame, is GENIUS. Is your real name "Ships Of Gold"?

      • eggsacklywright

        Most kind. Just seemed logical. My rill name is Manny DiPresso.

        • It reminds me of that scene from "Natural Born Killers" when they kill her parents – awful violence and ignorance are unfolding to a laugh track.

        • EatFrankRich

          The attorney who plays a lawyer on TV? Or the TV actor who became an attorney?

    • Terry

      Fox may hire slightly better programmers than did Rove.

  • This would explain a great many things about why the GOPers were so delusional.

    I dunno, I'm just going to sit in my Faraday cage and adjust my tinfoil hat.

    • Dudleydidwrong

      Faraday cage, huh? Take the next step. I spend eight hours each day sitting in my Orgone Accumulator Box getting my sexual batteries recharged while being protected from rancid rovian Faux Snooze waves. Wilhelm Reich himself checks on me every day at noon.

      • I have one of those, two. Stall three in the office men's room.

      • eggsacklywright

        Great Wilhelm's Ghost!

    • Jimmyone

      You have a Faraday cage??? All I have is a broken down colander and a garage with locks on the doors…

    • orthorim

      I don't know whether the claim is true or not but would I put this into the realm of possibility? Most certainly.

      There have been questions about the process of voting – mysterious downtimes, computer equipment that's so laughably and primitively insecure that it's just flabbergasting, and narrow victories in swing states. Bush stole the first election from Gore (the second one, he did apparently not have to steal)

      What I find strange is that these questions exist. If one were to design a system to count votes, would one not make absolutely SURE that all parties, and in fact all interested parties, could get real time access to everything that has happened, a system which logs everything and anything such that its impossible to cheat? Why are the systems designed in a way they are ridiculously easy to manipulate?

      And calling votes on election night – that's also really problematic. If Rove really did rig up some severs – and DNS switching would just be so easy to do – then all questions about it would quickly get swallowed by disbelief – for one only "sore losers" would call for a recount; and secondly if Americans can't trust in the system of the election, everything is lost – it cannot be true what must not be true. This would protect any would be fraudsters from having their plot uncovered post-election.

      Imagine an election like the one in 2000 took place, one party was declared winner, speeches were given, and entire large political apparatuses were set into gear for the change in presidency – and three weeks later an FBI investigation found that results in some swing states were rigged but the original result could not be restored.

      That is something that must not happen, and therefore such an FBI investigation will never be started. It cannot happen because it must not happen.

  • Loch_Nessosaur

    Don't believe any of it but anything that pours salt into the wounds of Karl Rove is fine by me.

    • bikerlaureate

      It hasn't really been proven yet that his phylum has nerve receptors.

      • corthylio

        More experiments are needed.

  • Yesterday was 'Tweeted-to Pieces Thursday'… I'll admit I'm more comfortable with "Hacked-to-Pieces Friday".

  • Respitetini

    I'll buy it, but I'm admittedly a little nutty that way. As much as I think defacing a homepage on a useless Government website (e.g. is itself useless, that these kids are looking out gives me hope for humanity.

    • UnionSpies

      I don't know if I believe it but I think it would be cool if it were true. Either way, I'm impressed by the political engagement of our youth.

      • Dimitrios_M

        Provided it is a youth, and not some forty-year-old failed dot-com former- millionaire-only-on-paper living in his mother's basement and lashing out at everyone more successful than he is. (Which includes his mother's paperboy.)

        Or what is even scarier, a Tea Patriot with enough computer literacy to make an (admittedly lame) video and post it on YouTube.

        • UnionSpies

          Good point. Or Julian Assange.Sent via BlackBerry by AT&T

    • orthorim

      +1 whether or not Anonymous actually has stopped voting fraud, what I do believe 100% is that they (A) were watching Rove and (B) are simply much better than anybody Rove could hire at what they do.

      I've met some people that move in these circles and they were pretty amazing individually. It's like a religion to them, it is an absolute belief of doing the right thing. The size and scale of the system they're up against makes them stronger.

  • SavageDrummer


  • Carmina Burana does an end zone dance and spikes the turf with votes.

    • I thought she wore a fruit basket on her head and danced salsa?

    • Oh fortuna's sake, It was way past time for Rove to be well hung, with votes also

      • for Rove to be hung

        / fixed, likely not so much well hung

    • CrankyLttlCamperette

      This seems like the right place to leave this.

  • Ooooh, will they blow up Parliament (pronounced "Par-lee-ament") too?

    • BadKitty904

      Guy Fawkes, Guy Fawkes,
      'Twas his intent,
      To blow up King and Parliament

      • Guppy

        He was in the Sex Pistols?

        • BadKitty904

          Originally, but he left to form his own group, The Velvet Revolution, an anarcho-syndicalist punk-polka band…

          • UW8316154

            Then some of the vowels in Velvet Revolution went on strike, the group shut down operation entirely, and re-emerged as Velvet Revolver.

  • EatsBabyDingos

    Anonymous is Oliver Stone.

    • Oliver Stone can be anagrammed to VIOLENT SORE! WAKE UP, SHEEPLE!

      • Weird wordplay.. I read that and thought "Oliver Reed."
        Would that this were possible..

    • sewollef

      Oh heck, I can't make up my mind. I want to believe it, but I think I'll wait for the Ken Burns Documentary.

  • Pragmatist2

    Let's not be picky. I am entirely happy with the fantasy that Anonymous hacked ORCA which was a vote stealing machine. Truth be damned, I can get off on that for a long time.

    • Terry

      Especially in that this is likely to upset or annoy a wide range of GOP insiders.

    • PhilippePetain

      Yeah, it's a fun little fantasy to believe that it could be true, right? Especially with his reaction on Tuesday night. Oh well. I honestly do like their little mythos they're trying to build, and the throwback vocabulary. I know I shouldn't but I do.

  • glasspusher

    Considering Roves Crossroads GPS' record this past cycle, it looks like this hack was perfectly capable of sabotaging himself.

    • Terry

      Crossroads GPS was fully successful in fleecing old rich guys and putting the money in Rove's pocket. The rest is just details.

      • glasspusher

        Indeed. The next step is to fleece them and give it to the opposition, rather than a back hole.

  • The truly great move would have been to flip the votes that were to be rerouted, doubling Bamz's slam dance on the Robme crime family.

    • Woodshedding

      They didn't need to cheat for obama. That's the point.

      • Kate_fate

        Anonymous brings down the criminals. They don't do so by making the honest folk into criminals.

  • This might be true.

  • SorosBot

    Sure, I trust a group of assholish kids obsessed with hentai tentacle rape porn to safeguard democracy.

    • I trust them before I trust a corrupt bunch of old white geezers who have mortgages and mistresses. At least Anonymous don't give a shit.

      • Terry

        …and is in it for the lulz rather than money.

    • eggsacklywright

      Bukake with machine votes.

    • Negropolis

      Hey, sometimes, you go with the guardians of democracy you have, and not the ones you wish you had. Just sayin'. They are doing a helluva better job at it than SOPA Congress.

      • corthylio


    • UW8316154

      You say that like hentai tentacle rape porn is a *bad* thing.

      • YouFail4eva

        You can take my hentai tentacle rape porn when you pry it from my cold, dead, extremely slimy hands.

    • LibrarianX

      So, who do we trust to oversee and protect our election process? DIEBOLD?

    • Mojopo

      We know that some of Anonymous are scary tentacle rape fans, but the greater majority of them are not. Some of them steal credit card numbers, and others do not. Most don't. As in any organization, there is a cache of crazies – demonstrably insane, really – who do not represent the majority but can certainly seem like it when the crazies are the only ones getting attention. Regarding what they can and cannot do (by choice or by ability), I respect the fact that any proclamations made by Anonymous are usually on behalf of the greater good. They seem to agree with plenty of rational people about the evils that plague our society. For whatever it is worth, I find them encouraging and hopeful. The non-criminals seem to have a personal, moral obligation to give a shit. I am so glad for their input.

      That said – Orca was a piece of malfunctioning garbage lorded over by boobs and incompetents. The Republican brand of sinister geek behavior is evil without genius. They're mentally lazy, delusional and arrogant as hell. They get away with much, but they're failing. These people are so dazzled by their abilities and echo chamber opinions that they keep missing the big picture. Narcissists. They are their own undoing.

    • MissTaken

      Yup, those fuckers posted my personal info after BART shut down the cell phones. I'm just a rider and really didn't need my real name out on the interwebs because BART fucked up.

      • Mojopo

        Holy crap, that's terrible! So slimey.

      • SorosBot

        Yeah, it totally makes sense to punish regular riders for the perceived crimes of the transit agency. Totally.

        Grr angrier now.

        • Mojopo

          Imma go ahead and pin this bullshit on the Paultardian wing of Anony.

    • Pithaughn

      Speaking as a white hat cracker, what the grey hat and black hat crackers do is a form of digital evolution. As in nature the competition for resources is ongoing and never stops, so it is on the internet, except the resource that is up for grabs is access. The beneficial result for ordinary citizens is that firewalls are getting more and more secure, thus protecting data from bad actors. Even with all the breachs in access, the vast majority are not achieved with technical skill but with social skill, tricking someone to divulge passwords or other secrets. In this particular case, there may be a white knight on the inside of the ORCA operation that just did not want to see us slide completely into fascism.

    • mormos

      if we can't trust a group of assholish kids obsessed with hentai tentacle rape porn, then who can we trust?

    • orthorim

      those asshole kids – yep, they're the good guys here.

      the bad guys look like Rove, Cheney, Romney, etc.

    • avedon

      Do you trust them less than people who are paid millions of dollars to destroy our democracy?

  • BadKitty904

    Has Velvet Revolution's first album been released yet?

    • Guppy

      I'm torn between making a reference to Velvet Revolver and to Velvet Underground

      • eggsacklywright

        Maybe that's what Nico meant by All Tomorrow's Parties.

        • corthylio

          But the GOP is definitely yesterday's party?

          • eggsacklywright

            Quite so.

    • Turns out, they're part of Occupy, I think.

  • rocktonsam

    Turdblossom would know a hack when he sees one probably.

  • This kinda does make sense. As I was getting out the vote in PA, my better-half was in New York convinced "the die was cast" and Rove & Company were planning to Steal the Vote. We either believe they are deluded fools who just didn't see the blacks or the browns OR we believe that they their evil plan to steal it (in a few key counties) was ruined. Both are plausible explanations.

    • Guppy
    • Redgyal

      Or they saw the blacks and browns and realized that their only chance was to steal the vote.

  • Schmannnity

    Please send a bouquet of Turdblossoms as condolences.

  • editor

    i dunno. making claims is a lot of fun, but they tend to be more convincing when backed up by evidence, rather than a silly mask. still, it will be fun to see rove's response to this. or trump's.

    • UW8316154

      We need to find out how this affects Sarah Palin before coming to conclusions.

      • corthylio


    • Isyaignert

      We saw Rove's response when on Fux News when he refused to believe that Ohio went for Obama after he rigged the vote (just like he did in 2000 an d 2004).

      • Kate_fate

        And wasn't it COMPLETELY obvious at the time that the REASON for his meltdown was, he thought he'd made SURE there was no way Obama could take the state? How could people miss that?

  • PubOption

    Their message is too verbose, the teabaggers will never understand it.

    • HouseOfTheBlueLights

      That is part of the plan.


      actually it strongly reminds me of the "Ye Olde Founding Fathers' Der Sturmer" language that tea partiers and sovereign citizens like to use

    • OneYieldRegular

      In addition, if they'd referred to "a series of tubes" instead of "tunnels" it would have been more plausible.

  • smellypossum

    "Pleased we were to see…" WTF? Anonymous is actually Yoda?

    Listen I do to voices in my head.

    • Guppy

      When script kiddies pretend to be English majors…

      • PhilippePetain

        I kind of imagine them writing this and laughing about how silly it sounds. They are computer geeks after all. Talking to each other in silly voices in public is the norm. If not, they're pretty ridiculous.

        • Guppy

          They are pretentious and self-important before they are silly. More than a few of them masturbate to Atlas Shrugged, after all.

    • Redgyal

      Or maybe English as a second language using the wrong google translate tool.

    • The0ldMoloko

      Sounds more like a Nigerian prince who needs to move his money to the United States and will gladly share his fortune with you. All he needs your bank account number!

  • HRH_Maddie

    That would explain why Ham Rove seemed so certain Romney could still pull it out in Ohio…

    • bikerlaureate

      That was a bizarre reaction…

      Anonymous didn't plant anything to implicate Rove because that pusbag is apparently immune and untouchable, able to flip off Congress when he's subpoenaed and such.

    • tootstots

      It explains a lot! He was totally freaked when they called Ohio. Frankly, I was just sure he was going to screw the pooch somehow and he was too. I'm sure the people writing code for Rove were easy to find and track. How would Karl know the difference, why would he even think someone was watching him. He's always acted with impunity.

  • Baba_NinjaCat12

    Velveeta cheeze, mmm!!!

    • The Cheese That Would Not Die

      (that's a *real* obscure reference, so if you got it, Schmai-Gunug to you with your beer)

  • freakishlywrong

    Look Rethugs are always up to something, and stealing elections is not above them. I think their smugness about winning though came from the typical wingnut overreach of trying to deny people the vote. And then whitey saw all the browns in line and got scared and went home and turned on Faux.

    • Kate_fate

      yeah, it would never have occurred to them that they might take advantage of the fact that THEY were supplying the voting machines. mm-hmm.

  • Aridzona

    It appears the Illuminati has ceded world control to a bunch of hackers — with purple prose.

  • smellypossum

    Not that I agree with what Yoda is prattling on about, but it would help to 'splain Rove's short on-air bitch fit re: calling Ohio on election night…

    • He kept touching his right lapel and saying "What a beautiful evening for lovers", and yet his Red Team wasn't flipping the Ohio precincts. Why? Why had they failed him before Fox News, of all media outlets, called Ohio for the Usurper? Shenanigans! Interference! Sedition!! The Makers had paid good money for this election, and yet the product was not acceptable.

  • Mahousu

    This letter shows all the technical sophistication of your typical CSI episode.


  • LibertyLover

    I would like to think that there is an organization that is out there that is actually interested in protecting the interests of the voters and not those of the corporations. I also would like to believe that Rove will someday share a 8 by 10 foot prison cell with a large man named Bruno that will teach Rove a few things (with votes!).

    Sadly, I am not that naive. But I can dream, can't I?

  • cognachas4paws

    I'm a bit upset that they called this thing ORCA. Orcas are highly intelligent creatures who work together for the betterment of the entire pod (community) they belong to. That is definitely NOT a GOP principle.

    • freakishlywrong

      They're also known as "killer whales". Coincidence? I think not.

      • e_z

        Orca was the name of Quint's boat in "Jaws". It also sank as the credits rolled.

  • LibrarianX

    The geek shall inherit the earth

  • TribecaMike

    Peeping, peeping, peeping Tom.
    Everybody cry out for peeping Tom.

    — Toots & The Maytals

  • HRH_Maddie

    And I'm responsible for Obama winning PA. No need to thank me.

    • BadKitty904

      Nevertheless, thank you, Maddie. It was a dirty job, but somebody had to do it.

  • DixvilleCrotch

    Needz moar cheezy drama

    • HouseOfTheBlueLights


  • neiltheblaze

    I like it. I don't give a shit if it's true or not as long as it flips out the Freepers.

  • Guppy

    All I got out of that was that Karl Rove and American Crossroads will force Mitt Romney's signature at Runnymede.

    • TribecaMike

      If that doesn't kick-start Ragnarok nothing will.

  • Negropolis

    This gives a whole new meaning to "Free Willy."

    Today and always, all your bases are belong to us.

    • SorosBot

      Considering that the theme song keeps saying "Hold me, kiss me and love me" and was sung by Michael Jackson, for a movie starring a little boy, I always found that extremely creepy.

  • Bezoar

    I dunno….there's a certain plausibility here….and, thinking the fix was in (remember 'The Sting") could account for Karl's befuddled outrage and incredulity…
    Maybe we should ask Mythbusters to look into it.

    • HistoriCat

      And then they blow up Rove a voting machine at the end!

  • LetUsBray

    Okay, but even if Turdblossom had a diabolical plan to steal Ohio (beyond the obvious making it a massive pain in the ass to exercise the right to vote) and it succeeded, wouldn't the prez still have won by 80 electoral votes?

    • Yes, but you couldn't know that before this plan would be put in place, given how "tight" they were calling the race all along. In the end, Rove should have just kept his mouth shut. Certainly, if this is just a troll, Anonymous bit into that confusion hard and exploited it, and if it's not, Rove just gave them a reason to gloat.

    • By how gobsmacked Rove was acting after Ohio was called, he really must have been sure that the deal had been signed, sealed, and delivered, and that there must have been some temporary glitch that soon would be resolved so Mitt-face would get those votes.

      • sewollef

        Look here…. can we be absolutely certain, beyond a shadow of a doubt, that Jason Bourne wasn't involved in this?

        I mean, he was a programmed killer, right.

        Geddit yet? Killer = Killer Whale = ORCA.

  • VodkaGoGo

    "it's like Superman 3"

    • HistoriCat

      Just don't confused about the decimal point.

    • Guppy

      The only redeeming part of the entire story was the black man?

  • eggsacklywright

    Karl's Orca coudn't shut that whole thing down. He tried to money-rape the election.

  • BZ1

    Nah, Orca beached itself.

    • Orca bleached itself, or just its asshole? That would also be Rove, by the way, too.

  • Negropolis

    Now, watch Paula Broadwell go in and fuck the brains out of Anonymous (Ono them, if you will) and compromise all their future plans. She's the new Mosh Girl.

    • Guppy

      I don't care how tightly-wound she is, a woman like that would not bed pasty, unwashed, orange-fingered nerds no matter what the reward.

      • Negropolis

        pasty, unwashed, orange-fingered nerds

        She made the beast with two backs with Peaches, didn't she?

        • Guppy

          We have documented proof of Peaches going running every once in a while. Anonymous gets winded climbing the stairs out of their moms' basement.

          • Negropolis

            You know, before I'd posted my last comment, I was going to make a point that running doesn't mean you're not a nerd. Peaches is an awkward-looking man. Period. And no amount of long-distance running and no amount of shoulder stars changes that.

            I'm not saying she's a gold-digger, but she ain't messin' with…

          • eggsacklywright

            She's a military power-groupie.

          • Guppy

            It may not mean he's not a nerd, but it does mean he has a chance of keeping up with her in bed.

          • bobbert

            My kids were listening to that for six months before I finally heard the non-airplay version and it made sense.

  • Dudleydidwrong

    Being somewhat paranoid I tend to want to accept what Anonymous is announcing. The question: which is greater, my paranoia or asshole Rove's scheming asshole desire to make sure Rmoney won?

    • sewollef

      I'm with you Dud.

    • harleymae

      Paranoia?There is no doubt Rove and his ilk are plotting against the people of the USA.The only question is the veracity of this statement.As much as I wish it wasn't possible,I do believe it to be an infinitely plausible possibility.

  • Wadisay

    My little scheme to assinate the Archduke Ferdinand certainly paid big dividends.

  • ElPinche

    Wait a second! I thought it was the freeloader brown moochers like me who stole the election?!

    • BadKitty904


      • ElPinche

        The Velveeta Revolution has begun !!!

        • MosesInvests

          Begun, the Velveeta Revolution has.

  • Negropolis

    OT: Oh, hell, Hostess has died. :(

    • UW8316154

      Way to go, Bakers Union. Nice way to stand your ground and stand up for the workers.

      Instead of an 8% pay cut for your 5,000 members, there is a 100% pay cut for all 18,500 employees.

      • YouFail4eva

        Yes, because obviously when a Union does not agree to a pay cut, the Executives just shut the entire company down. Face it, whether they agreed to the cuts or not, Hostess was going to die. The Execs never made a good faith effort to negotiate. They just wanted an excuse to kill the brand.

      • shelwood46

        It had nothing to do with the executives giving themselves 80%+ pay raises and enormous golden parachutes, or the mismanagement during their multiple bankruptcies or the huge debt load they assumed when taken over by venture capitalists (AKA Bained). Nope, it was all the union getting upset just because they stopped paying all pensions (for non-management) and demanded an 8% paycut and 30% benefit cut. Damned unions.

        ps Tastykakes rule.

    • ElPinche

      I heard. I'm quite verklempt although I haven't had one of those spongy tubes of preservatives in years.

    • Blueb4sinrise

      It's Michelle O. pulling the strings to shut down all the crappy restaurants and poison snack factories. If they were real Americans, they would stay in business and LOWER prices to thwart the Food Hitler.

    • BadKitty904

      On the plus side, their products have a shelf-life of approx. 1,200 years, so you should be all set for a while.

    • BigSkullF*ckingDog

      Oh No! Now who will I not buy my chemical laden, apocalypse proof baked goods from?

    • Monsieur_Grumpe

      Maybe now we can find out what Wonder Bread is made of.

      • people.

      • BigSkullF*ckingDog

        My older brother once told me Hostess Snowballs were made from dead unicorns.

        • At least he didn't tell you that Ho-Ho's were made from dead prostitutes.

    • Isyaignert

      Twinkies are a victim of corporate raiders. The group that owns Hostess has no experience or interest in running a bakery. The company was merely a means to rob a pension plan and load up an otherwise profitable company with debt. Fukkers.

  • Negropolis

    It was Anonymous, on the internets, with a server.

    • Steverino247

      What gave you the first Clue?

    • Geminisunmars

      I thought it was all Chutes and Ladders.

    • woolmyn

      As I Scrabble for a reply, I have to concede you have the Monopoly on comments. I won't Risk embarrassing myself.

    • Gleem McShineys

      Uno, it seems legit, because Karl Rove was not Sorry for his reaction on teevee.

      (Still available for terrible punmanship: Mousetrap, Operation, and Boggle!)

  • TribecaMike

    See what happens when you forget your safe word, kids?

  • Blueb4sinrise

    Is it the FBI or CIA that will send hawt photos to Anonymous?

  • Negropolis

    Needz more lesbian Natalie Portman and torture porn.

    • BigSkullF*ckingDog

      Doesn't everything?

  • BadKitty904

    Isn't that letter from the script of an old Vincent Price flick?

    • Well, thanks. Yet another film, I couldn't help but note, Price and Charles Bronson have been in together!

    • TribecaMike

      "The threat of invincible power!"

  • ElPinche

    105 passwords were tried to penetrate the Great Oz (obviously a plug for Sam Raimi's next film? ):


  • BigSkullF*ckingDog

    Why is that guy dressed up like the killer from those Scream movies? Halloween is over.

  • TribecaMike

    Grifted? More like drifted.

  • Negropolis

    OT: Oh, shit. CNN is reporting that rockets are falling just short of Jerusalem.

    • BadKitty904

      "Air-raid sirens in Jerusalem" = not good.

    • HouseOfTheBlueLights

      Can we just let them obliterate each other this time?

  • ChrisM2011

    Hacking Orca? Didn't Richard Harris already do this?

  • Monsieur_Grumpe

    Actually I hacked into the Anonymous hack and had it turn every other vote for Ron Paul into a vote for The Lizard People. I don’t think anyone noticed.

  • Normally I'd've stopped reading right at "Pleased we were," since pseudo-medieval linguistic pomposity is really just too annoying to put up with. But for the sake of news I kept reading until I hit "you put your faith in we." That was enough. Disgusted me were with inability of they to dredge up some proper pronoun usage.

    • BadKitty904

      I just figured Google Translate was screwing with 'em…

    • Woodshedding

      They do that on purpose. Every heard of Guy Fawkes? It's just part of the way they stay anonymous.

  • christianmuslin

    Have they considered that a realistic platform and a non-lying scumbag candidate might have worked too? Oh yeah, republican party!

  • ttommyunger

    Convinced, I am, that this was written by Yoda; and if he's on our side, Karl is so fucked!

  • BlueStateLibel

    It would have been really cool if they had set off Mitt Rmoney's fireworks over Boston Harbor while he was giving his concession speech – still can't believe the jerk was going to set them off if he had won.

  • An Ohio journo I know lives in Rove's butthole. And he was spewing Rovian spew hours before the Rove freakout. It made me think something's rotten in the Buckeye State, but who knows. Here's some of the spew:

    "ANALYSIS OHIO: Be very careful of these public polls showing the president leading by more than a point. I see the data. But my gut is telling me something different. Obama won Ohio in 2008 by only 4.6 percent of the vote, under some of the best circumstances for Democrats. Enthusiasm was way down for McCain at the end of the eight Bush years. Obama won with about 260,000 votes out of more than 5.7 million cast. Let's look at the Romney strategy: Flip Hamilton County from blue to red. I believe he'll do that tonight. Increase the rural conservative turnout. I believe he'll do that tonight. Outperform McCain in the urban areas, especially Columbus. I believe he'll do that tonight. Outperform McCain in the coal counties. He'll do that too. Early votes also have Romney way above the McCain level, and Obama down in his key counties from 2008. These are all the ingredients for a very close election. And if the enthusiasm gap for Obama, especially among younger voters which I have reported throughout the year, still exists, there is no way he can repeat his margin of 2008. In addition, Republicans swept every statewide office in the midterm of 2010. True, SB 5 was repealed with 61% of the vote in 2011. But on that same ballot, 68% of Ohioans voted against Obamacare. My sense is the frustration and anger with the president is still very real in Ohio. It would not surprise me at all, when all the votes are counted, that Mitt Romney carries the Buckeye State."

    • BadKitty904

      What is with these people and "listening to their gut"? Have they never heard of Rolaids???

      • e_z

        They listen to their gut and then they pull their conclusions out of their asses.

        Quod erat demonstrandum.

  • bureaucrap

    I'm willing to buy the premise, but it raises more questions than it answers. Anonymous, if you're listening: tell us how they planned to do it. Was it through the famous "Romney Inc." electronic voting machines? by creating false reports to Ohio Secretary of State? Or by the old fashioned method of having a good friend that WAS the Republican Secretary of State?

    • bureaucrap

      And for God's sake, please have someone in your group taking a writing class. Enough with the metaphors already!

  • Eve8Apples

    Could Anonymous please use its superhacking powers to gain access to Rove's Super PAC monies and make it disappear?

  • Lot_49

    It's easy to see why their plot was successful. The hid behind a password protected firewall. Sheer unhackable genius!

  • Crank_Tango

    Awesome, except for making it look like Rove was gonna steal the vote, the teatards are just gonna believe anonymous stole it for Barry. Thanks, guys.

  • Too bad they couldn't hack into Mitt's CPU….

    • BadKitty904

      "This device will self-destruct on November 6th. All personnel have four more years to reach minimum safe distance."

  • johnnymeatworth

    Maybe next they''ll take credit for canceling the Romney staff's credit cards on election night….

    • Geminisunmars

      That was a bonus.

  • GoodDogThor

    Hey, let's be careful snarking on Anonymous… We don't want the Great Wonk blinking out of existence.

    Although I'm sure the servers are all backed up. Right, Trix?

    • sewollef

      Er, yeah…. snarking bad things about those guys is generally not considered a smart move. Although their known exploits tend to expose weaknesses in establishment websites, they have been known to not all sing from the same hymn book…. and attack for no damn good reason.

      I think Anonymous are all super terrific chaps personally.

    • nealrauhauser

      Ya know, they did blink Robert Stacy McCain out of existence earlier. That made me smile …

    • Negropolis


  • Kid_Charlemagne

    This can't be true. There's no siren on Matt Sludge's site.

    • BadKitty904


  • This is Mitt after being hacked:

  • BadKitty904
    • HouseOfTheBlueLights

      Meanwhile, if they've got half the brain I hope they do, the Dems are leaving the presidential operations in place to start taking back house seats, and adding to the total in the Senate.

    • Monsieur_Grumpe


  • T3rbo

    A bunch of rich corporate types tried to steal the election with software, but they were thwarted by anonymous hackers who installed a firewall? Pictures or GTFO

  • Anonymous make my penis larger both in girth and in length. Next time you attempt sex, I recommend you try Anonymous.

  • I approve of this message.

  • Blueb4sinrise

    So Peaches talked to Congress about Benghazi .
    Whaddaya think he said?

  • fitley

    I thought it odd but Rove was obviously trying to buy time on election night with his nonsense reasons for why he thought Ohio was going to go for Romney. Nate Silver had already shown it was not going to happen, yet there was Rove all flustered and confused about what was / was not happening.

    • HouseOfTheBlueLights

      He had all the SuperPac money riding on 45 Red, was the problem.

      • CrankyLttlCamperette

        But…you ALWAYS bet on black!!!


  • DahBoner

    Yeah, I heard the head of ORCA was a big blowhard…

  • jolpaj

    Anonymous is the WEAVER from Perdido Street Station

  • GeorgiaBurning

    Hmm.. ugly, fat, on all the TV channels threatening world stability. Rove does fit the profile of a James Bond movie villain. But where are the gorgeous women?

  • Tommmcatt_Again

    Remember, Remember the 6th of November!
    The turdblossom treason and plot!

    … Seriously though, how long until Newsmax turns finds out about this and turns it into the way Obama "stole" the election?

  • Mojopo

    This whole deal aligns with my fantasy daydream. In it, Anonymous pulled an Ocean's Eleven style job by recoding the software patches Husted authorized in OH, completely unaware that he had approved the installation of a program that destroyed Rove's malware and recovered the real vote, while protecting it on the 6th.

  • Ducksworthy

    I'll send money to Anonymous if they'll post Clarence Thomas's porn collection on line. But only if its free.

  • Meh, I think ORCA was probably just as half-assed as the rest of Romney's campaign, which is why it failed, and also that it's getting too much credit for his loss, but I tend to be skeptical of conspiracy theories anyway.

    • sewollef

      Just because your skeptical of conspiracy theories doesn't mean they're not out to get you.

  • sati_demise

    What does Bill Gates say about this?

    Maybe Apple should be making some voting machines from now on.

  • deleted8125113

    I'm just throwing this out there, but dressing up and talking like a cartoon supervillain maybe isn't the best way to convince people that you have any kind of substantive point to make.

    Sure, it may seem like a good way to get attention. Ultimately though, you're trying to out-supervillain Karl Rove. You are not Doctor Doom in that scenario, you are Stilt-Man.

  • SuspectedDemocrat

    That's nothing. For the past year I've been irradiating conservative districts with voter apathy rays from my secret underground lair inside a volcano. And Superstorm Sandy? Obama wants you to think it's his weather machine, but really it was the biggest combined effort of Hollywood special effects teams in history. You're welcome, America.

    • sewollef

      Hmm…. that 'special effects' 60ft tree that landed on my house begs to differ…..

      • SuspectedDemocrat

        It was a stunt tree.

  • The real story is that Anonymous was behind the selection of Xi Jinping as new General Secretary of the Chinese Communist Party.

  • emberglance

    So that's what Karl meant when he said Obama had succeeded by suppressing the vote!

  • Troglodeity

    Unfortunately, Anonymous screwed up by making those fake Maine voters black.

  • 69WideStance

    This Fox News article reports that Rove couldn't make his computer access county polling data on election night.… Rove was finally able to get in just as Fox called Ohio for Romney.

  • SuspectedDemocrat

    "I'm anonymous and I'm behind everything, everything you do, it's because I decided you were going to do it. Haw haw haw — Mom! We're out of cheetos!"

  • LibertyLover

    I do like A's opening and closing music… shows a real "Carmina Burana flair."

  • nealrauhauser

    The Scribd referenced is mine. There is a URL in the description that leads to my blog which has a post about the backstory. About two weeks before the election I was made aware that something was going to happen right as the polls closed on the east coast and they pretty much called it as it happened.

    I am working on getting a picture of the envelope the letter came in …

  • glamourdammerung

    If this was true, it would make a lot more sense to give the evidence to multiple authorities (not necessarily all American ones).

  • TribecaMike

    I'll believe it when it appears in triplicate.

  • CommieDad

    I can buy that ORCA was trashed by hackers. A simple DDOS would have done it. I am not so sure about ORCA being a secret vote rigging machine.

    • barkway

      An ORCA worker spilled the beans to Breitbart site about the failures, and just what ORCA was intended to do (assuming he tells the truth, of course) but looks to me like it had nothing to do with vote-rigging ala tampering with vote machines, and more to do with suppression, and GOTV so I don't see how this hack did what it claims to have done since according to the ORCA squealer on Breitbart, it was the failures of the ORCA programmers that made it crash:

  • jello_mold

    ORCA? You're gonna need a bigger vote.

  • knuck1es

    Bless their hearts, but their announcements sound like they were written by a 14 year old pretending to be Doctor Evil.

  • Isyaignert

    I don't care if Humpty Dumpty is behind the exposing of KKKarl Rove and his evil cabal, what/whoever it is – kudos!!

  • barkway

    Nonsense. They may have interfered with ORCA and prevented GOP thugs from challenging voters but there was no technical link between voting machines & ORCA.

  • harleymae

    I personally find the very possibility of such guardianship reassuring.There are most certainly far too many possible ways to use our computer dependence against us.As long as these fine folks are on the side of humanity(and police their ranks for provocatuers,the weak link in loose knit organizations)This humble hominid approves.

  • archie1954

    I hope they really do send the information to Mr. Assange. I want that criminal Rove to inhabit a cell for the next twenty years.

  • Happy to hear shit about Rove, but yeah, that's a little odd for evidence.

  • Woodshedding

    Wow. How can people not realize that Anonymous could EASILY do what they're claiming?

  • Woodshedding

    Rove's machine rigging was done by a well-known hacking technique called Man-in-the-middle, wherein a new bit of software kicks in and changes the program. In the 2004 election, the Ohio system "went down" for a moment and when it came back up, suddenly Kerry's 4.2% lead was flipflopped in Bush's favor. This year, the Ohio system "went down" at precisely the same time. But I'm sure that's just coincidence because conspiracies never happen, and there aren't actually any people who are skillful enough programmers to detect and change other programmers' work.

  • Woodshedding

    I'm a retired programmer. Trust me, it ain't rocket science and even if it is, there are MANY rocket scientists out there. Wake up Wonketeers. You have swallowed the propaganda known as "conspiracies never happen and it's life-threateningly important to ridicule anyone who says they do." People like Rove just love people like you.

  • Kate_fate

    Either there are many GOP trolls commenting here, or most Wonketeers seriously need to uninstall their virus software, since they're so sure no one could POSSIBLY modify another party's software from a remote location.

    Some seem to believe there aren't any hackers because of the obviously fake ones we see on TV and in movies, who get into a classified database in less time than it takes most of us to remember our OWN passwords.

    It's unbelievable that with all the vote-stealing scams we heard about ad nauseum leading up to the election, you guys just can't believe they'd also use computer programming to do their evil! Just because the machines were provided by a member of the Romney family, why in the world would we think they'd use that opportunity in their favor?

    And Wonkmomma, I love you dearly but/and hope you ever get another offer to break an important story.

  • Kate_fate

    From A computer expert named Spoonamore writes:

    During the evening and early morning on the 2004 General Election in Ohio, on my own computer I was watching the results of incoming counties and precincts. I believed there was a more than likely chance County Tabulators had been programmed to manipulate votes…. As early results showed Kerry ahead, I noticed a trend in a very few counties (I believe I noted 8 counties on election night) that at about 11 p.m. suddenly began reporting radically different ratios of Kerry to Bush votes. All in favor of Mr. Bush. This sudden rate of change… resembled a fraud technique called an Intelligent Man In the Middle, or KingPin Attack. This type of attack requires a computer to be inserted into the communications flow of an IT system…

    Other experts found additional data indicating Bush's increase in votes from these counties, and Kerry's decrease in votes… When information about the SmartTech IT routing switch became public… I again stated that we now have confirmation of a KingPin, or Intelligent Man in the Middle position had been created… The SmartTech system was set up precisely as a KingPin computer used in criminal acts against banking or credit card processes and had the needed level of access to both county tabulators and Secretary of States computers to allow whoever was running SmartTech's computers to decide the output of the county tabulators under its control… The SmartTech computer would as the results of the evening proceeded be able to know how many votes Bush needed to steal from Kerry, and flip enough votes on the desired county tabulators to reverse the outcome of the election…

    The aborted testimony of Michael Connell

    The SmartTech system that Spoonamore referred to was operated by Michael Connell – “Karl Rove’s IT guru”. Two days after Spoonamore’s affadavit, attorneys filed a motion to compel testimony of Connell regarding his knowledge of the workings of the GOP computer systems. On October 31 a federal judge ordered Connell to submit to a deposition on possible election manipulation. Connell gave the deposition on November 4, providing as little information as possible, but eventually he was forced to admit that “he brought Triad and SmartTech into the Ohio election game”.

    When it became apparent that Connell would testify in the case, Connell was warned not to fly his plane. Cliff Arnebeck, the Ohio lawyer who brought the suit and subpoenaed Connell, warned the U.S. Justice Department that Connell’s life might be in danger, and requested witness protection. Connell never did get to testify. On December 19, shortly before he was due to testify, he died in a plane crash, presumably caused by his plane running out of gas."

    In case it's news, one of the absolute-most-stressed teachings in flight school is you NEVER LET YOURSELF GET LOW ON GASOLINE.

    I think one would need a tinfoil hat to NOT take Anon's claims seriously.

  • berkeleyfarm

    I dunno. I'm an IT operations pro and based on what I heard about the architecture and rollout for that project, it was pretty much going to be a Fail Whale all by its owneo.

  • faceshaker

    I note the commercial media tends to refuse to respond when Anonymous makes such announcements. When Anonymous announced a few months ago that they had managed to obtain copies of Romney's tax returns, it was mentioned on MSNBC, but no follow-ups. When Anonymous got into hot water with the Zetas, however, it was all over the news because "everyone knows" the Zetas are the bad guys.

    Now this. Media silence. We need evidence.

  • chestermarx

    Actually we had the same scenario happen in Detroit. Kwame Kilpatrick was losing against Freman Hendrixs, power went out in a couple of precincts, and minutes later, when the power returned, Kwame was leading.

  • dacktyl

    Thank you, Anonymous!

  • solrobins6

    Seriously anon, you were way better when you were doing things that were entertaining, not rabble rabbling about causes and elections and this and that. I want more lulz

  • opednews

    I don't buy that they got into the ORCA network and saw proof that Rove did something illegal and are choosing to sit on it rather than send copies to NYT, Wapo, AP, Reuters and Wikileaks.

    Also, if we believe they got control of the network, who is to say they didn't alter the totals themselves or fudge the whole story? People love entertaining the idea though, so far – almost 70K views here and 23K interested via Opednews so far.

    The story was mentioned on Thom Hartmann this afternoon, where I spoke about a parallel incident that really did happen in 2004 when Ken Blackwell secretly gave access to the IT specialists running the Bush campaign. The actual contract and testimony was just unsealed in 2011:

    Can you believe Ken Blackwell is allowed to have a blog at Huffington Post when he still refuses to discuss this contract?

    Hartmann reminded us that Smarttech, the same IT firm, was hosting the official White House email correspondence during the lead up to the Iraq War which all went "missing" in violation of the Presidential Records Act. That right there was enough to charge Rove, but Obama, Pelosi and John Conyers wussed out…gus wynn

  • LibertyLover

    If this is true, then Democracy and the citizens of the USA owe Anonymous a great big Thank You! But what of the future? How do we protect the votes of the future? I wish that whatever evidence there is that Rove was doing this is presented to the authorities so that the vote can be protected in it's fullest.

  • metamarcisf

    Melville has never seemed more relevant.

  • babo

    I Thank You Anonymous I wish you can hack in to news media to tell the Americans about hillary clinton they need to wake up her supporters are sheep,Thank you again and please staay safe and GOD Bless you

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